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bountydroid · 1 year ago

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Darlin’

pt 2

Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x f!reader (right now there is nothing romantic, maybe in the future I am undecided.)

Description: After being captured by some cowboys, reader ends up in front of a ghoul and fearing for her life.

Notes: This is awful I apologize in advance. Please let me know what you think. This is just setting it up for the real story.

I sighed as I stumbled behind my captors. I am not even sure how you ended up in this situation. One day I woke up next to my fire surrounded by three cowboys, smiling menacing at me. Next thing I know my hands are tied and I am being forced to follow them everywhere. I heard them talking about a "last bounty" and rolled my eyes. I know their type, there is never really a last bounty.

It was night-time as we made our way to the graveyard, I was so tense you shuffled stiffly behind their leader as he tugged on the rope connecting the two of you.

"He's the best bounty hunter there is." Their leader rambles on. To be honest, I wasn't listening.

"How do we know which grave?" One of his companions asked.

"Well, Slim we look for the fresh one." He responded. "Dom Pedro has our friend dug up once a year. Cuts some pieces off and then puts him right back in the ground."

"That's awful," I mumble.

The four of us stop in front of the graveyard and see a cross with two bags of Rad-X hung above it. "Bingo." Their leader says.

"Shit." Slim replies. "You are telling me the supreme badass we're looking for is a godforsaken mutant?"

"Are you really going to let out a ghoul?" I asked, exasperated by the whole ordeal.

"Have some respec'!" Their leader interrupted. "That is your prospective coworker you's talking about Slim. And our ticket to a big payoff. And you -" He said turning around to me, "You's better keep your mouth shut. Who knows what he does with little girls like you? I imagine we will let him do whatever he likes." He growled.

"I thought you said you knew this guy?" His other companion asked.

"I said I knew of him. My pop worked with him once." He shrugged.

"Your pop?" His companion asked breathlessly. "How long's this asshole been moulderin' in the ground?"

"How do we know he's not feral?" Slim asked, obviously afraid.

"That is why we brought our little friend." Their leader said as he pulled out a cage with a chicken in it from behind his poncho. "A feral ghoul can't abide a chicken. If he goes for her, we kill him."

"Just like that?" I asked dryly. I knew this band of idiots barely stood a chance, and that this was likely where I would die.

"Shut up," Slim said before he grabbed a shovel and started to big. "Should make the bitch dig." He said turning to his friend who just laughed in response.

Some time later they finally had dug up the coffin. It was surrounded by chains, obviously keeping something strong within. I couldn't help the chill that ran up my spine. I looked over at the chicken tied to a stake and couldn't help but wonder, am I bait too? Is that why they brought me here?

The three of them watched with bated breath as they opened the coffin from afar, but I couldn't stand to watch and just kept staring down at the chicken at my feet. Their leader gave the rope tied to the coffin one last tug and it finally swung open.

A ghoul stumbles out of the coffin, groaning and coughing and cracking his bones. He obviously hadn't been let out in a long time. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. If he truly wasn't feral, then there was a person in there.

"Well well well." The ghoul finally spoke. "Why is this an Amish production of The Count of Monte Cristo or… just the weirdest circle jerk i've ever been invited to?"

I couldn't help the snort that escaped my mouth. His attention was then brought to me as I stood mostly hidden behind the leader of the gang.

After a brief silence, the leader started laughing as well, obviously trying to diffuse the tension. "Welcome back. I'm Honcho. Now you don't even know us-"

"No." The ghoul interrupted. "I do not." His gaze then moved down to the chicken. He slowly approached as he licked his lips in anticipation.

The four of us moved back in fear as he picked up the chicken.

"Does that count?" Slim asked. "Should I shoot him?"

"Would you shut the fuck up," Honcho responded. "We-uh, we got a proposition for you." He said as he moved his attention back to the ghoul. "A bounty came down. A huge one. Enough to be a last score for me and whoever's with me. Yeah. Now, somebody made a run from the enclave." He said pulling out a sketch of the bounty and his furry friend.

"Now what makes you think I'd give a good goddamn about that?" The ghoul asked, obviously not interested in the bounty.

It ain't where he's running from I figured you'd be interested in." Honcho said confidently. "It's where he's running to. That witch Moldaver in California. That's where you from ain't it?" He smiled. "Originally I mean."

The ghoul stared him down for a moment. "Now, what the fuck would you know about where I'm from?"

I tried to swallow but my throat was so dry from fear that it was painful. I slowly took a step back from Honcho. I could feel that this was going to go bad quick.

"Well that don't sound like gratitude, do it, boys? Honcho responded with a sour tone in his voice. "How about we put you right back in that hole so Dom Pedro can have his fun with you for the next thirty years?"

The ghoul smirked as he looked between the 3 cowboys, amused with Honcho's confidence. "Well, I'll tell you what boys, whenever somebody says they're doing one last job, that usually means their heart's not in it. Probably never was." He said as he kneeled back down to the chicken. "But for me? Well, I do this shit for the love of the game."

It was barely a second before he had his lasso around Honcho, easily pulling him off his feet and throwing him across the graveyard. I stumbled behind him a couple of feet before the rope he was holding came loose and I fell to the ground. I stayed down and covered my head as I heard gunshots and the two boys falling to the ground. I slowly looked up at the ghoul who was staring down at me with a blank expression before turning his attention back to Honcho.

"You are right, friend, about one thing. This right here? Was your last job." The ghoul said while aiming his gun at the cowboy. "My paycheck wasn't quite what you expected, but, well you know what they say. Us cowpokes.."

"Wait! The girl! I brought her for you! Thought you might be hungry." Honcho mumbled around the rope in his mouth. I was barely able to understand him, but it looked like the ghoul did.

He stopped and turned around to look at me again. I stared back at him in horror, still on my stomach in the mud. "Well, that's no way to treat a lady." He smiled threateningly before turning back to his target, shooting the rope holding up his coffin, and watched as it dragged Honcho into the ground. "Us cowpokes, we take it as it comes." He finished.

Without a word he picked up his bag, threw it over his shoulder, and walked right past me.

I don't know what came over me at that moment, but I knew that I didn't want to be left alone. "Wait!" I said before I even knew what I was doing.

He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around to look at me.

"I'll die out here on my own," I whispered. "I could lead you to the bounty. There is information that the idiots didn't share with you. I could help."

At this, he turned to look at me and crouched in front of my kneeling body. "I know exactly where I am going darlin'." He responded. "I don't need your help."

"But I do!" I said as I gave him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster as I held up my still-bound wrists.

He scoffed before looking up at the sky. "No." He said before getting up and walking away.

#fallout #fallout tv series #cooper Howard #cooper Howard x reader #the ghoul x reader #the ghoul fallout

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minxmut-cafe · 2 months ago

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BEAR WITH ME ??

Pairing : Bear hybrid Namjoon x Ferret hybrid reader

Word count : 10k words.

Authors note : HAHDBDHD HELLO YOU GUYS!! I'm really excited to post this because I had ALOT of fun writing this. I love love LOVED the whole dynamic as well and tbf it's minor self insert because..I too can be a menace. Like I'm not THAT much of a menace but I've had enough complaints to know I am one lololol. I think I'm gonna post more stuff about these two. I've already planned a few more things and some other scenarios and stuff. Like I said I REALLY enjoyed the whole dynamic and i think you guys would as well. ALSO I've had to make 2 parts of this because I keep hitting the word count on the damn post. BE SURE TO LIKE BOTH PARTS And if you have any requests or query my requests and asks are always open. <3

Warning : Smut, Vaginal sex, oral sex (M & F receiving), hybrid sex, mentions of death, mention of heat, feral Namjoon, size kink, spanking, mating press, mentions of various sex positions, reader being a menace, Namjoons a gentle giant, rough sex, cunnilingus, idiots in love, reader is immature, Namjoon is suffering, HUGE size difference (Imagine gyomei and shinobu). Masturbation, Namjoons a boob guy. Titty analysis :)

Synopsis :

"Namjoon spots a Tiny ferret hybrid getting pushed around by a bunch of hyena hybrids and decides to intervene. Little did he know that would lead to a series of interesting, traumatising and hilarious memories, some of which he's convinced were attempted murder attempts."

The quad was bustling. Students milled about, chatting, heading to class, or loitering in the late afternoon sun. It was a typical day—except for the growing commotion near the campus fountain.

A group of hyena hybrids had circled someone.

Laughter, sharp and jeering, cut through the air.

And in the middle of it all stood her—half their size, shoulders squared, and pissed.

“Come on, sweetheart,” one of the hyenas drawled, tail flicking behind him. “We’re just playing.”

Another snickered. “Yeah, don’t be so...uptight.”

She scowled, baring her small, but very sharp teeth. “Say that again.”

“Ooooh.” They mocked her. “She’s got bite.”

A growl rumbled in her throat, but before she could launch herself at them—

A shadow loomed.

Everything stopped.

The hyenas stiffened, their ears flattening as a new presence entered the circle.

He was massive.

Towering over them like a walking monolith, broad shoulders casting a dark silhouette against the sun. His round glasses reflected the light, but his expression was unreadable.

A grizzly bear hybrid.

And not just any bear—one that could easily break them in half if he wanted.

The air shifted.

The hyenas hesitated—then, in a blur of nervous laughter, backed off. “Relax, man. No need to get involved.”

And just like that, they scurried away.

Silence.

Then—

She turned, glaring up at her so-called savior.

“What, you wanna fight too?!”

Namjoon’s eyes widened.

“EH?—NO—WAIT—” He lifted his hands, panicked. “I wasn’t—I didn’t—”

She squinted. Suspicious. “Then what do you want?”

“I just—” He struggled, fumbling for words. “I saw you getting pushed around and thought—”

“I had it handled,” she snapped.

Namjoon blinked.

Then, despite himself, a tiny smile pulled at his lips. “Yeah… I think you did.”

And that was how you met Kim Namjoon.

If anyone on campus had to describe their relationship, they wouldn’t know what to say.

It started with the hyena incident—which, in your opinion, wasn’t even that big of a deal. You had them handled. But then Namjoon had to come in like some big, overgrown hero, and suddenly, y'all were seeing each other everywhere.

Same lecture hall.

Same group projects.

Same spot at the café.

And for some stupid reason, you both always ended up together.

Namjoon, to his credit, was a bean. A giant, shy, soft-spoken bean who somehow made people nervous just by existing. He was taller than most— 7'3 to be exact, broader than all, and had the gentlest voice she’d ever heard. He was polite to everyone, rarely raised his voice, and for some reason, people still thought he was scary.

You , however?

You were half his size, twice the chaos, and nice to exactly one person.

Which meant one thing—

Once you were close enough, you never left him alone.

“Namjoon,” you huffed one afternoon, climbing onto him like a tree.

He blinked, startled, as you hoisted herself onto his back. “Uh—what—?”

“The quad’s packed. Carry me.”

He hesitated. “You have legs?”

“And you have muscles,” you shot back, wrapping her arms around his broad-ass shoulders. “I don’t see the problem.”

Namjoon sighed but adjusted his grip and carried you anyway.

Your classmates barely reacted. At this point, this was normal.

The first time you saw him shirtless, it was completely by accident.

You’d been raiding his fridge, sitting on his counter, happily munching away on his leftover dumplings when he walked in—

Fresh out of the shower.

Shirtless.

With his glasses still on.

Water dripped from his messy curls, his golden skin still damp from the steam. And, most importantly—

His chest.

His pecs.

You froze mid-bite.

Namjoon stopped in his tracks.

Silence.

Then—

“Oh,” you said casually, chewing. “Need help holding those up?”

Namjoon choked.

His entire face turned red. “W-What?!”

You grinned. “Y’know.” you gestured lazily. “Those badonks or if you want the more sophisticated name boobies.”

Namjoon spluttered, immediately grabbing the nearest hoodie and shoving it over his head. “I—THAT’S NOT—”

Too late.

You had already decided.

He was your new favorite toy.

You also had a bad habit of picking arguments you couldn’t win. It was in your nature as a ferret hybrid—small, scrappy, and absolutely lacking in self-preservation.

Namjoon, unfortunately, had a bad habit of ending those arguments in the most unfair way possible.

Lifting you.

It didn’t matter if you were mid-rant, arms flailing dramatically—he’d simply sigh, scoop you up with one arm, and hold you at arm’s length like a misbehaving kitten.

“PUT ME DOWN, YOU TREE!”

“Not until you calm down,” he’d say, voice as gentle as ever.

“I’LL BITE YOU.”

“You always say that, but you never do.”

You bared your teeth. “This time I mean it.”

He just sighed and adjusted his grip, holding you higher like you were some kind of unruly toddler.

It didn’t help that you also had a habit of climbing him in crowded spaces.

“Personal space,” Namjoon warned as you latched onto him like a koala in the cafeteria.

“No.”

“People are staring.”

“Let them. I’m comfy.”

“You’re on my back.”

“Again, comfy.” you huff.

He eventually just gave up and started carrying you without complaint.

Winter was the worst. You hated the cold.

Namjoon, however, was a walking furnace.

You quickly realized that hugging him was like curling up next to a heated blanket, and you took full advantage.

It started subtly—leaning against him during study sessions, pressing up to his side when you were sitting together. Then it escalated to full-on bear hugs at every opportunity.

At first, Namjoon tried to act like he wasn’t affected.

But then came the day you simply plopped onto his lap in the library.

He tensed, ears turning red. “What are you doing?”

“Getting warm,” you said, making yourself comfortable.

“I—you—you can’t just—”

“You’re literally a bear. This is your purpose.”

He spluttered but ultimately let you be. And from that day on, your lap privileges were unofficially granted.

You were a menace. He had accepted that. Truly. But there were moments that made him re-think everything.

Namjoon is trying to have a serious conversation with a professor.

You're behind the professor, making the most outrageous hand gestures.

At first, it’s subtle. A suggestive eyebrow wiggle. A tiny lip bite.

Namjoon notices. Regrets noticing immediately.

Then you gets bolder. You start doing obscene gestures.

Namjoon chokes mid-sentence.

Professor, slightly confused "Are you... alright, Namjoon?"

Namjoon, stiff as a board "Yes. Absolutely. Fine."

He tries to ignore you , but you keep going.

Pretending to sensually lick your fingers. Mimicking very inappropriate things.

Namjoon, mentally thought "Kill me. Just kill me now."

He knows if he calls you out, he will be the one looking guilty.

The second the professor leaves, he just picks you up and carries you away.

Namjoon, exasperated: "What is WRONG with you??"

You on the other hand? wheezing from laughter

"You should’ve seen your face—"

Namjoon, mutters under his breath "I swear I’m gonna kiss you just to shut you up."

And that makes you go quiet. (For once.)

At first, you didn’t notice anything was off.

Study sessions at Namjoon’s place had always been your favorite—his apartment was warm, cozy, and filled with books. He made the best tea, had the fluffiest blankets, and, most importantly, he didn’t mind when you sprawled out on his couch like you owned the place.

But then something changed.

Namjoon got sleepy. Not just normal sleepy—bear hybrid in hibernation mode sleepy.

At first, it was small things. He’d yawn more, stretch like a cat mid-sentence, blink at you drowsily while you ranted about your latest shenanigans. Then it escalated—he’d start dozing off while sitting up, nodding off mid-study session, even mumbling nonsense in his sleep.

And it was driving you insane.

“Namjoon,” you poked his cheek. “Focus.”

He blinked at you slowly. “I am.”

“You’re literally drooling on your book.”

He made a vague grumbling noise and turned his head, pressing his face into the couch cushion.

“Hey!” You shook him. “No sleeping, bear boy.”

“M’not sleeping,” he slurred. “M’listening.”

“You’re hibernating. You cannot just hibernate in the middle of exam season.”

He groaned, dragging a blanket over his head. “Just a little nap.”

You huffed. This wasn’t fair. You were used to a grumpy, flustered Namjoon, a Namjoon who sighed heavily whenever you did something unhinged. But now? Now he was too sleepy to react to your nonsense.

Boring.

So, naturally, you decided to fix it.

You waited until one particularly bad day when Namjoon was practically melting into his couch, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. His glasses were slipping down his nose, his book long forgotten as he blinked sleepily at the wall.

That’s when you struck.

You climbed onto the couch, grabbed his shoulders, and shook him.

“Wake up, you oversized teddy bear!”

Big mistake.

Before you could react, Namjoon made a low, grumbly noise and grabbed you.

“What the—”

You barely had time to squeak before you were yanked into his arms and smushed against his chest.

Panic set in.

“Namjoon.” You wiggled. His grip tightened.

Oh. Oh no.

You were trapped.

The weight of a freaking bear hybrid pressed down on you, limbs wrapped securely around your body. You struggled, but it was like being stuck under a weighted blanket from hell. Warm, cozy, and completely inescapable.

You tried logic. “Namjoon, you can’t just—”

A deep rumble cut you off. Not quite a growl. More like… a purr.

A sleepy, contented bear purr.

Your brain short-circuited. “Did you just purr at me?”

No response. Just another deep, satisfied hum as he nuzzled into your hair.

Oh. You were doomed.

For hours, you were trapped, helpless as Namjoon slept soundly, using you as his personal body pillow. Every attempt to escape was met with an unconscious squeeze, like a giant, affectionate bear reminding you no, you stay here now.

By the time he finally woke up, stretching with a yawn and blinking at you like he was surprised to find you in his arms, you were fuming.

“You absolute menace,” you growled. “I’ve been stuck here for hours.”

Namjoon tilted his head, still half-asleep. Then, with the softest, sleepiest smile, showing off his stupid dimples, he mumbled, “You’re warm.”

Your brain broke.

You didn’t know whether to slap him or melt into a puddle.

So, naturally, you did the only thing that made sense.

You bit him.

He didn’t even react. Too sleepy.

It was official. Namjoon’s hibernation phase was ruining your life.

He had gotten even lazier—falling asleep at random, mumbling nonsense, refusing to wake up no matter how much you poked, prodded, or even bit him. At this point, you were desperate.

So, one fateful morning, you took drastic measures.

You climbed onto his bed, glaring down at the oversized bear hybrid sprawled out like a crime scene. He was dead asleep, mouth slightly open, breathing slow and deep. You poked his cheek. No response.

Fine.

You swung one leg over him and straddled his waist, hands bracing against his broad chest. Then, with all your ferret hybrid determination, you bounced.

“WAKE UP, YOU LAZY—”

You didn’t get to finish.

Because in his drowsy, half-asleep state, Namjoon groaned—deep, low, and utterly sinful.

Then—his hands grabbed your hips.

You froze.

Before you could process it, his fingers tightened, large and warm as he guided you down against him.

Your breath hitched.

Something… hard pressed up between your legs. Not fully hard, but enough.

Then Namjoon—still completely asleep—let out a soft, breathy moan and rolled his hips up into yours.

Your soul left your body.

For a solid three seconds, you sat there, straddling a very large, very strong, very hard bear hybrid who was grinding against you in his sleep.

Then you did the only thing that made sense.

You screamed.

“YOU PERVERTED BEAR!”

With a panicked shriek, you slapped his chest so hard his pec jiggled.

Namjoon’s eyes snapped open.

He blinked at you, still groggy. Then he frowned.

Then he looked down.

The moment realization hit, his entire face exploded into red.

And then—he scrambled.

With an alarmed gasp, Namjoon flung himself back so violently that he nearly fell off the bed. He yanked the blanket up to his chest like a scandalized Victorian lady, clutching it as if it could protect his virtue.

“I—YOU—THIS—” He was stammering, eyes wide, scandalized beyond belief.

You, still red as hell, pointed a shaking finger at him. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” He practically wailed.

“You grabbed me!”

“I WAS ASLEEP!”

“You moaned!”

Namjoon made a horrified noise and buried his face in his hands.

“I’M GOING TO PASS AWAY,” he mumbled, voice muffled with shame. “RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.”

You were still flustered as hell, but seeing this six-foot-plus grizzly bear hybrid cowering behind a blanket like you had violated his innocence was too much.

Slowly, a grin curled onto your lips.

“Ohhh,” you drawled. “I see how it is.”

Namjoon peeked up at you, suspicious. “Don’t.”

“You were enjoying it, huh?”

His ears turned red. “STOP.”

“Does sleepy Namjoon have naughty dreams?”

“PLEASE.”

You smirked, leaning in. “Wanna finish what you started, perverted bear?”

Namjoon squeaked.

A full-grown grizzly bear hybrid. A literal terrifying predator.

And you made him squeak.

You were never letting him live this down.

Namjoon knew he was in for a bad day the moment you sat down across from him at lunch.

You were grinning.

Not just any grin—your shit-eating, up-to-no-good, gremlin grin.

Immediately, he sighed. “No.”

You blinked innocently. “I haven’t said anything yet.”

“I can feel the trouble radiating off of you.”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “So, speaking of yesterday—”

Namjoon groaned. “No.”

“But I was just curious—”

“No.”

You leaned in, propping your chin on your hands. “Okay, but seriously. How big is your dick?”

Namjoon choked on his food.

“What the fuck?!” he coughed.

“Pure curiosity.” You smiled sweetly. “Scientific curiosity, if you will.”

He glared at you, ears burning. “I will snap you in half, you lanky menace.”

“Oh?” You cocked your head. “Because from what I felt yesterday—”

Namjoon dropped his head onto the table with a thud.

“I hate you,” he muttered into his arms.

You giggled, delighted, poking his bicep. “C’mon, you must have a guess. Seven? Eight? Should I be worried for my pelvic bone?”

He let out the most miserable sigh, running a hand down his face. “You do realize I’m a bear hybrid, right?”

“Exactly why I’m asking.” You smirked. “I am a scholar, you know.”

Namjoon groaned again, exhausted, leaning back in his chair. “If you mention my dick one more time—”

You blinked expectantly.

He stared at you, looking so done.

Then, in a moment of pure exasperation, he sighed and muttered, “I’ll bend you over and show you exactly how big it is.”

Silence.

Namjoon froze.

You froze.

He blinked. Then groaned. Loudly.

“I cannot believe I just said that,” he muttered, rubbing his temples.

You were still in shock. Then, slowly, the widest, most devious grin spread across your face.

“Oh?”

“Don’t.”

“Ohhhh?”

Namjoon buried his face in his hands. “I need to leave. I need to walk into the ocean.”

You giggled, absolutely delighted, patting his arm. “Don’t worry, Joon. I promise I won’t tease you anymore.”

Namjoon peeked at you warily. “Do you actually promise?”

You smiled sweetly. “Absolutely not.”

He groaned, glaring at his food like it had personally betrayed him.

You had never had this much fun in your life.

Namjoon had accepted his fate.

You were tiny. You were chaotic. You were a menace to society.

And, apparently, you were also his personal weighted blanket.

Because somewhere along the way, you had decided his lap was your permanent seat.

It wasn’t even something you seemed to think about anymore—you’d just waltz over, plop down onto his thighs, and continue on with your life as if you weren’t making his brain short-circuit every damn time.

And the worst part? Namjoon let you.

Like an idiot.

Right now, you were curled up against him, legs folded, tablet in hand as you scribbled notes. Namjoon was trying to focus on his computer, but it was hard when you kept fidgeting—shifting, adjusting, wiggling against him like you were trying to test the limits of his self-control.

You had no idea what you were doing to him.

Absolutely none.

It didn’t help that you looked unfairly adorable—pouting slightly as you concentrated, lips pursed, occasionally kicking your feet.

Fuck.

His bear instincts were so confused. Because on one hand, he knew you were just being your usual ferret-self, but on the other, something in him kept whispering, Mate?

It didn’t help that sometimes—like right now—you’d look up at him suddenly, big eyes blinking, only to reach up and poke his cheek.

“Joonbug.”

Namjoon swallowed thickly. “Yeah?”

You grinned, leaning in slightly. “Your face is funny when you concentrate.”

He rolled his eyes, forcing himself to focus on his screen. “Thanks, I guess.”

But when he turned back, he realized—your face was so close. If he just—if he leaned in—

Namjoon immediately tensed and looked away.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

And the worst part?

You fell asleep there.

Like a goddamn purring cat.

One second you were awake, the next you were snuggled into his chest, soft little breaths tickling his pecs. Namjoon froze, entire body stiff.

He could feel your warmth.

The soft rise and fall of your chest.

The way your body just—just fit against his.

And then—the final straw.

You shifted slightly, and his gaze accidentally dropped to your shirt.

Or, more specifically, down your ridiculous little Henley.

Namjoon stared.

Not on purpose. Not really. It was just—he was a man. A man with eyes. And you were—

Oh.

He hadn’t really… evaluated before.

Nice.

Good shape.

One slightly bigger. Completely normal

And… a bit bigger than he anticipated.

Hm.

Namjoon blinked, mind blank for a moment. Then—

Wait.

WAIT.

His face exploded into red, eyes snapping forward like he had just witnessed a war crime.

What the fuck was wrong with him?!

He threw himself back into his work, typing aggressively, but it was too late.

Because now, against his will, his brain had a new intrusive thought:

I wonder how they’d feel in my hands?

Namjoon malfunctioned.

He needed to leave. He needed to die.

But mostly?

He needed to get you off his lap.

Before he lost his goddamn mind.

Namjoon refused to acknowledge what had just happened.

Refused.

You were asleep on his lap, blissfully unaware of his horrible, terrible, no-good intrusive thoughts. And yet, despite his best efforts to suppress the chaos in his brain, his traitorous bear instincts decided to betray him.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

His tail, the absolute bastard, started tapping against the floor.

It wasn’t his fault! His tail did that when he was content, or comfortable, or—fuck—when he was embarrassed.

Which meant that right now?

It was practically broadcasting to the entire world that Namjoon was a mess.

And, of course, because the universe hated him, you began to stir.

He immediately froze.

No.

No, no, no—

You let out a sleepy little hum, eyes barely cracking open as you blinked up at him, dazed and soft.

Then, in a tiny, adorable voice—

“You good, Joonie?”

Namjoon short-circuited.

Every cell in his body screamed NO, I AM NOT GOOD, I AM HAVING A CRISIS OVER YOUR TITS.

But externally?

He just choked out, “Yeah.”

You blinked again, staring at him for a moment. Then, much to his horror, your gaze drifted past his shoulder

To his still-thumping tail.

A slow, knowing smirk spread across your face.

“Oh?”

Namjoon’s soul left his body.

“N-no,” he stammered, ears burning.

But you—being the absolute menace that you were—tilted your head.

“Ohhh?”

He panicked. “I—shut up.”

You giggled, snuggling back into his chest. “Your tail’s cute, y’know.”

Namjoon let out the longest sigh of his life.

This was actual suffering.

And you?

You were enjoying every second of it.

And Namjoon?

Namjoon was suffering.

He was suffering, and it was your fault.

Ever since the tail betrayal, he had been on edge, constantly catching himself thinking things he absolutely should not be thinking.

And it only got worse.

Because you kept sitting on his lap.

You kept looking up at him with those wide eyes.

You kept giggling, doing your little gremlin antics, completely oblivious to the war inside his head.

And the worst part?

He liked it.

Namjoon liked having you on his lap.

He liked the way you poked his cheek, teasing him.

He liked when you fidgeted, shifting against his thighs, completely unaware of how much damage you were doing.

So, tonight?

Tonight, as he flopped onto his bed, exhausted, his brain finally snapped.

“Dammit. Fuck.”

But then—

Fuck her.

Fuck… her.

Oh.

Fuck… how would it feel to fuck… her?

Namjoon froze.

His entire body locked up as his brain betrayed him, conjuring up images—images of you under him, gasping, giggling, teasing him even as he—

NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

He let out a strangled groan, flinging an arm over his face in denial.

Then, hesitantly—dread pooling in his stomach—he glanced down.

…Yep.

He was hard.

Namjoon let out the longest, most miserable sigh of his life.

This was actual hell.

And you?

You had no idea.

Namjoon lay there for a long moment, staring at the ceiling like it personally wronged him.

This was your fault.

Absolutely, entirely your fault.

Because if you weren’t such a tiny, chaotic, adorable menace, then maybe—maybe—he wouldn’t be in this situation.

But, no.

No, you had to go and sit in his lap all the time.

You had to poke his cheeks, tease him, giggle like a damn gremlin.

You had to look at him with those big, innocent eyes, completely unaware of the monster you were creating.

And now?

Now, here he was—rock hard, frustrated, and miserable.

Namjoon sighed deeply.

Then, resigned, he reached for the tissues and lotion.

It wasn’t like this was new.

He was a man. He had needs. And if he was going to be suffering anyway, he might as well… deal with it.

So, with a groan, he stripped, settled in, and started his very familiar routine.

…He was not thinking about you.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

But when his eyes fluttered shut, when his hand started moving—

A vision of you flashed through his mind.

Your lips, parted slightly.

Your thighs, spread beneath him.

Your voice, giggling—What’s wrong, Joonie? Cat got your tongue?

Namjoon whined.

This was a problem.

A very big problem.

This was supposed to be quick.

A means to an end.

Just get it over with, clear his head, move on.

But the second his hand wrapped around his cock—his traitorous brain ran wild.

At first, it was just flashes.

Your tits.

Your ass.

The memory of you sitting in his lap, shifting just right–

But then, his mind dove deeper.

The "perverted bear" incident surfaced.

The weight of your body bouncing on top of him, your tiny hands pressing against his chest, your soft little gasp when you felt him—

Namjoon bit his lip, groaning softly.

He should stop.

He should not be thinking about this.

But he didn’t stop.

He couldn’t.

Because then he imagined more.

You, beneath him.

Your legs spread wide.

Your body so tiny compared to his—so soft, so helpless against his weight.

Namjoon’s breath hitched.

Fuck.

A mating press.

The size difference.

The way you’d squirm, overwhelmed, panting, looking up at him with those big, adorable eyes—

"Fuck," he gasped, hips jerking into his hand.

This was so bad.

So, so bad.

But it felt so fucking good.

And the worst part?

He didn’t want to stop.

Not when his mind was already drowning in the thought of you, spread out, filled to the brim—

His.

Completely his.

CONTINUATION OF CHAPTER

#bts smut #bts x reader #park jimin #jimin smut #fluff #namjoon #bts army #bts jin #bts jungkook #fantasy #kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon scenarios #namjoon smut #namjoon x y/n #hybrid #Namjoon sexy

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zaynesdesimc · 2 years ago

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absolutely obsessed with protective dad miguel omg, like if on a mission where a villains being a creep he would be so feral cause THAATS HIS DAUGHTER so joel coded

Hope you like this nonnie<3333 sorry if there’s any typos.

Tw: a creep. Panic attacks and feelings of inadequacy

"You know, of all the super-heroes I've fought, I'm going to enjoy defeating you the most." the villain grins and chokes you harder, his other hand travels down the side of your spidersuit and he pins you against a wall, "I think it's the suit."

"What is wrong with you dude?" you wheeze out.

He only punches you and his hand moves from your throat to your jaw, "Careful, girly. Or I might not be as merciful as I'm being right now."

You huff, "Yeah, sure. Okay.”

You only realise he’s being serious when his eyes turn animalistic and he grips your cheeks so your mouth is slightly open. That’s when you start to thrash around. Kicking everywhere and you manage to snag him in the balls and he doubles over.

You immediately break out into a run and let out a thwip of webs to swing above him.

Unbeknownst to you or the villain, Miguel O’Hara himself is swinging at full speed to that very alleyway because he was eyes on you.

The moment, he saw the villain acting the way he did, he decided one thing.

He was going to make him suffer.

The villain finally got to his feet and let out a breath and a groan.

He heard a sound behind him, from the dark of the alleyway and dared to turn around.

Two red eyes stared into his own.

He disappeared into the darkness as he was pulled in by garnet webs. The only thing that could be heard were shrieks of pain and the sound of bones being broken.

The last thing he heard before he blacked out was a snarl, “You will never touch anyone ever again.”

——————-

You were huddled in a corner of a balcony, hugging your knees as you replayed the memory over and over again. Every breath you took hurt and only quickened with each passing moment.

It’s not that serious you idiot what is wrong with you now he’s probably gotten away and Miguel is going to be pissed

You flinch at the sound of someone landing on the balcony. And you almost let out a sob in relief when you hear Miguel’s voice.

His head whips to where you are and his mask disintegrates. His eyes widen a little and he makes himself a bit smaller and says your name softly.

Your breathing slows a little as he breathes with you. Guiding you and his hand hesitantly brings your own away from where it’s holding your hair tightly.

“You’re okay.” His voice is soft and calm, “I’m here.”

With a hiccup you throw your hands around him, “I’m sorry, I fucked up.”

“Hey.” He pats your back soothingly, “it’s okay. I got him. The mission is over.”

“But you shouldn’t have had to.” Your voice breaks against his shoulder and so does his heart.

“I don’t care.”

“Did you kill him?”

“Almost.”

You pull back to look into his eyes, “sorry.”

“Shut up.never apologise. No one hurts my kid and and gets away with it.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious. Understand?” He cups your cheeks softly, and your face scrunches up as tears form, “oh babygirl.” He breathes out as you start to sob.

“I just.. don’t want to be a burden.” You wheeze out between sobs.

That’s when he understands it’s not just about that asshole.

“You’re not a burden, honey.” He says against your hair as you hug him again.

He shushes you as your sobs only grow.

“Hey. Hey.” He pulls you away gently to look you in the eyes, “look at me. You’re not a burden. You’re a valuable asset to this team and we’re all lucky to have you. If anyone of them even heard what you’re saying right now, they’d be shocked. And then they’d be mad. I know that this feeling won’t go away immediately, but for today, know that none of this is your fault.”

“But he could have gotten away.”

“But he didn’t.” He reassures you.

“I can’t screw up like this, Miguel.”

“You can’t blame yourself. He was being a fucking creep and you ran away. It’s alright. You’re human.” He says your name to make a point. “And that’s okay. Okay?”

You breathe heavily and nod.

“Good. Now? Do you want to takeout? We can watch Star Wars back at home.”

You flash him a small smile, “yes please.”

He smiles and takes your hand, “Come on.”

You hug him once again and shake your head against his shoulder.

“You just wiped your nose on me, didn’t you?”

“No, what are you talking about?”

You know that the suit is a hologram right?”

“So the snot is on your shoulder?”

“I swear to god.”

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #mini miguel<33 #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #atsv #atsv x reader

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pursuitseternal · 9 months ago

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Smut Ask! 🥵🔥

14 with Ascended Astarion x f!Durge 🩸

🎨 by @comfortyart

“Where are your manners?”

Cross-posted as “Reprimand Me:” for “The Rogue You Were”

Ascended Astarion x Reader (f!Durge)

Smut Ask Prompts | Masterlist

CW: Blood, murder, hot Bhaalspawn shit, mouth play, sucking licking oral fixation, Dom Astarion, table sex, a lesson in manners

They had come quickly, a small force cloaked in shadow. Zealous remnants of the cults you had fought so hard to break. Bhaalists and Banites, cloaked in their auras of murder and reeking of death, snuck into your home, into the Palace.

You were preparing for dinner… overseeing the final touches to the latest gala your hallowed halls would host. Thankfully your silver was polished to a shine, the vases so bright, you could see every movement behind you as they crept in from the sewers, from the bowels of the city.

The biggest mistake about ambushing a Bhaalspawn in the dining room is that there are knives… everywhere. You grin, eyeing yourself in the reflection of the large vase, cool fingers curling around a dinner knife as you feel the metal heat and come to life in your hands.

Child of Murder. Bride of the Ascendant. Who would dare come to kill you? Who would dare attempt to threaten you in the seat of your power?

These idiots.

But then again, you enjoy your massacres like you enjoy fucking your Vampire mate.

Feral.

Quick

And bloody.

It's a torrent of blood, a shower of weapons you unleash on the assassins. Their death cries reverberate off the rafters. Their wild attempts to stab you, to take you down miss so magnificently, you smile. But you drink their hostility, bathe in their ire. They all fall preciously at your feet, a meal fit for a king—for the Ascendant and his Consort. By the time you’re through, there is only silence and the faint dripping of your enemies’s gore from the cream walls and gilded chandeliers. The floor is so covered with crimson, your dainty slippers squelch through it as you pull the dinner knives from their lifeless bodies and lick them clean.

The silver is cool on your tongue, the blood so deliciously warm yet. A hungry hum in your throat and you pick up another knife from a corpse and begin to clean that one in the same manner.

A smile turns your face as that warm, deep chuckle that sends shivers to your belly sounds from the door. Astarion leans against the doorpost, arms folded, eyes glinting with hunger. “Well… I was going to say you clean up nicely for dinner, my darling….” He tuts his tongue, chiding you, wagging a long and elegant finger even. “Naughty, naughty, my sweet. Someone needs a reprimand. You’ve made quite the filthy little mess, haven’t you?”

His darkened eyes scan the corpse pile, “And you didn’t even save any of the fun for me, pet. Where are your manners?” Gods, his tone is petulant and pouting, as if the massacre at his feet displeases him. You chuckle, for that growing bulge between his legs tells a decidedly different story.

Fingers lock like a vice around your wrist, pulling your knife-bearing hand to his eager pink tongue. One long, sinuous swipe licks the bloodied blade clean. “Mmm, delicious,” he purrs as he presses on the small of your back, drawing you close until your hips jut together. “When you’re all sullied and destroyed from your rampage, my darling, you know what that does to me…. You know I adore you, terribly.”

You give a low, blood-slicked laugh in your own sated throat. His hungry tongue laps down the hilt of the knife, brushing its warm, wet width over your fingers. He takes the knife from your hand and tosses it, its silver clattering somewhere in the distance. One by one, your filthy fingers are sucked in the warm wet of his mouth. That sinful tongue wriggles as he licks your hand clean, until he presses a smudging kiss on your knuckles, bending low before you in a mocking and elegant bow.

“I'll have to forgive you for being terribly rude, killing them all before I returned, at least you saved us plenty to eat.” Dexterous as ever, he makes quick work of your bodice, freeing your blood-spattered breasts. Warmer than the stick of your enemies on your skin, he turns his skilled tongue to lave your bosom, tracing the remnant spatters of your fight. “Ugh, I have to say, Bhaalist blood is one of my least favorite… acidic and muddy, polluted from bleeding so many others.”

You begin to throw him a pout, your hand gripping in his soft, silver curls as your yank him up, his tongue still hanging, lolling like a dog mid-lick.

“You seem to like my Bhaalist blood well enough… my lord…”

“That is completely different, my sweet,” he flashes you that rakish smirk that instantly floods your belly with searing need. “Yours is a vintage unlike any other… my first, my blood of choice,” he cranes against the hold you have on him to nip the skin of your throat, his breath washing down the hollow of it. “You see, I have manners, my dear. Since you’ve deprived me of the spurting blood of our enemies fresh from the kill, may I sup on all you have to offer?”

His voice is velvet command, a saccharine order that you are more than happy to obey. That murder-denched hand of yours, coated in the crimson spray drags its sticky fingers down the soft column of your neck. “You didn’t even say please…” you tut your tongue, coloring your lips crimson with a brush of fingers over your frown. “What a liar about manners…”

A growl, a bit playful with an edge of irritation, he narrows those ardent eyes at you. His breath down your throat, his lips crushing yours in a consuming kiss, and you are melting in his arms. Deep and husky, his voice rasps in your ear, that single sweet move tickles you: “Please.”

“Of course, my love,” you consent, angling your head for him to feast.

As he bites into your flesh and sucks your essence, you can’t help but ride the wave of bloodlust and victory that burns in your veins. You suck your fingers; messy, lewd pops between your lips make your love chuckle as he feeds. He can hear your tongue lapping on your own flesh, he can sense the satisfaction of the hunt as you consume from the remnants of your enemies.

Nothing could be more arousing than blood on your tongue, feasting on your spoils of battle as his lips suckle your neck. Well, perhaps one thing could enhance the taste of victory.

You draw yourself closer, his arms wrapping tightly around you, crushing you against the hard planes of his body. His breeches are softest buckskin, supple and tight, and your hand wanders up his thigh. Every line and cord of muscle presses into your palm, your touch tracking higher and higher… until you feel his cock jerk into your fingers. Astarion growls approval between his deafening swallows of your blood, and you can think of no better paradise.

It makes you burn… burn for more blood and lust. Urges overwhelm you, drives now incited by being so close to him… to smell his fragrance with every breath and savor the heat of his body through your dress. Your blinding urge is now very different than before; it is a debilitating craving for your Sire, lust for his chiseled, undulating, undead body. Your drive to dream in red with him, to pave your path in the blood of your foes and lick yourselves clean in the aftermath.

And so you both shall…

The bloom of his arousal bursts into your consciousness, your bond quivering with the taste of your own blood on his tongue. You see it as you feel it, the nails of his hands scraping their points up your thighs, the blood-sticky silk of your skirts rucking around your waist… “Precious little Bhaalspawn, hungry for blood,” his voice croons in your ear and floods your mind all at once. Your vision is clouded in red, the crimson of his eyes and the spatters of blood that cover your palace. “Or are you just… hungry?” He bends down to place a kiss on your neck, so gentle and adoring.

A gentle kiss before a rough fuck, you grin.

In a flash, he picks you up and slams your ass down on the dining table. China clatters and whatever elegant appointments had remained untouched from the invasion tumble down. Your body melts into his hard planes as he slots himself between your spreading, welcoming thighs. Hips grind, fingers yank you flush, dug deep into the curve of your ass. Gods, you can feel his cock, fully hard and throbbing with his heartbeat, nudging against your cunt. Swivel after tantalizing swivel, he humps you, dragging the sweet soft press of buckskin and his arousal back and forth over your mound.

“My my,” he croons, “you’re such a mess, all wet and dripping. Why, it’s positively everywhere.” Nails skate over flesh and fabric to where your sexes press together. He rends your small clothes, the silken gusset disintegrating with one forceful tear. And you in your impolite hunger return the favor. You find the latches of his breeches, pulling with all your might as the little brass buttons give way. Little metallic pings bounce on wood and porcelain as they land unseen.

His cock sings free, hard and flushed and demanding. Pre cum drips down your fingers as you stroke him, warm and sticky and almost as satisfying as blood. He bares his fangs in a blissed out smile, your touch eliciting a growl so deep and desirous, you’re sure the china sprawled on the table clatters again. With a roar from his throat, he sheathes himself to the hilt, mouth at your neck and hands clawed in your skin as he fucks you.

“Such improper manners, eating before everyone is served,” he chides you tauntingly as he slams into you again and again. “And look, you’ve got far worse than your elbows on the table,” a nice slap on your ass accompanies that jibe, hard enough to raise your soft flesh in the angry red shape of his hand. “Such unruly behavior for my consort… show me you know better,” he slows his pace, making you feel every inch of his length stretching you out, dragging inside you from leaking tip to deep rooted base. A hand grips at the back of your head, tangled in the blood-caked mess of your hair.

“Want me to fuck you? To seal your victory in blood? To reprimand you for such impolite behavior?” Crimson eyes roam your blushing face, glinting with hunger and alight with approval. Warm, smacking lips brush your ear. “Say please…”

It’s his turn to play the same games, and it makes your lips pout, your hips buck harder to try and coax him deeper. One of your hands splays back behind you, fisting into the table linens, bracing you as you try to grind desperately on anything you can get between your legs

“Ah, ah,” Astarion chides again, yanking back on your hair to make your gaze meet his. “Don’t be rude, pet. I won’t ask you again. Remember your manners…” his mouth travels to that sensitive spot near your ear, shivers and tingles racing down your spine as he rasps, “and say please…”

Moans tumble from your lips, the only sounds louder in the dining room are the clatters of china and silver on the table that shakes beneath you and the slap of his hips against your thighs as he fucks. It takes but a moment for him to drive you right to the edge, to the precipice of pleasure before he thrusts and stills inside you. “I haven’t heard the magic word yet, my darling,” he pants, his voice thick and sticky with blood and hunger.

Your walls flutter on his achingly hard cock, every muscle of your belly clenches with desperate need. Clenching your fangs, you curl your lips in a snarling smile. “Pleassssse.”

“Good girl,” he purrs, the praise instantly washes over you, balm to your bloodlust as he snaps his hips with abandon. The ferocity overwhelms you, your back now splayed on the table, porcelain and silver poke into your spine as he grabs your waist to keep you on the edge. Heat bursts, sticky sweet from inside your belly, a wash of arousal and pleasure as you scream for him.

Hard… deliberate… gasping… he fills you, warmth flooding our insides, painting them white as he pulses against your vice-gripping walls. His silver locks fall into his face with how zealously he’s worked to satisfy his hunger. A shaken breath from his smirking lips is your sweet reward.

And you are his reward, his prize for his exertions, his efforts to teach you your lesson in manners.

His ruinously handsome face twists into that smirk, the one that makes your walls flutter around his cock one more time as he still sits deep inside you. “And now, a polite Consort would say….” he taunts you, voice lilting and playful, a flourish of his wrist as he speaks to coax the words from your throat.

“Th-thank you…”

He gives you that grin—confident, powerful, and oh so full of shit—as he cups your blood-splattered cheek. “You’re quite welcome, my dear.”

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rowarn · 2 years ago

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I’m so happy i found your blog ;___; your soft simon/konig are literally a breath of fresh air like the other anon said😍💕 you write them so well and so tender and caring, they’re literally dream men tbh😮‍💨💕 what are yiur thoughts on how they’d be w a reader whose inexperienced?? both when it comes to intimacy and love in general (im thinking of a feral and skittish cat 🐈‍⬛ who mistrusts every approach and touch and backs away 😭) i always read abiut these men when they’re w a reader who is very sure of her self/sexuality and confidently engages w them (and don’t get me wrong i love reading it regardless!) but what abour when reader has no clue how to act/what to do and is kinda ashamed about it bc she doesn’t want to let her partner down bc she still possesses the v card🥴

(im totally not projecting 😭🙊 btw it’s totally fine if you don’t want to answer this!! wouldn’t want to overwhelm or cross any limits!)

HI MY LOVE IM GLAD UR ENJOYING MY STUFF!!!

hmmm i think both simon and könig wouldn't actually rlly say anything about sex unless you brought it up.

simons very perceptive, he can tell that you're a little shy and skittish about anything too intimate so he keeps his touches pg and simply follows your lead. he lets you guide the pace and he won't bring up getting his dick wet unless you do first.

if he catches on that you may actually want to properly discuss it (even if u don't flat out say it, again he can tell if somethings on your mind <3) then he'll be SO patient and soft with you as he listens. if you're embarrassed or scared, he'll do his best to reassure you that he's not some bumbling idiot who doesn't know how to make it feel good. and he's also not the type to really care about the idea of virginity. doesn't matter to him; he'll guide you and teach you everything snd he'll be so careful and sweet with you, you don't need to worry. he's not great with words but he does his best to get his thoughts across to put you at ease!!

könig wont bring it up bc he's kind of nervous. his thoughts sort of race when he doesn't get a black and white answer so when he notices you're a little skittish about him touching you, he goes thru 400 different reasons why and doesn't want to ask and scare u off by thinking he's some sex obsessed maniac (he's a pro at catastrophizing!!!)

will not ever bring it up avtually, you definitely will have to sit him down and spell out your thoughts to him. he'll noticeable relax in relief when he realizes you're not scared of him you're just....embarrassed?

unlike simon, he is pretty good with words. he blunt and gets straight to the point. he'll tell you that he's...big....everywhere and that he knows how to prep you so it won't hurt and that he would be SO careful if u felt like you were ready. he also assures you that it's nothing to be embarrassed about. contrary to simon, he does understand that some people view their virginity as something special and that if u want he can make it a rlly romantic evening for u!! it's up to u!!! just tell him what u want and he will follow your lead without a single thought <3

overall, simon isn't rlly the type to just jump into bed unless he gets the idea that you CLEARLY want to have sex with him. he's had his fair share of bedmates and he will definitely be able to pick up on any flirting. if he thinks you might not want to have sex, he wont say anything. he's a grown man who doesn't need to get his dick wet (: he's got his hand (yum) <3

and könig is.....könig. he's just happy to be here <3

I HOPE I ANSWERED UR QUESTIONS!!!!!

#ask #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #cod x reader #könig x reader #konig x reader #cod smut #ghost smut #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley smut #simon riley smut #könig smut #konig smut

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happyk44 · 1 year ago

Text

Percy: I don't get it - why would your siblings even want to "manage" us?

Nico: It's not that we ever wanted to deal with you like a person trying to domesticate a bunch of feral dogs. It's more like we had to do it because no one else was capable. Kind of like how my dad doesn't want to have to go Olympus to be mediator whenever your dads start fistfighting each other, but he does it anyway because Hestia is begging and if he doesn't, the world will probably explode and then the Underworld is going to be way busier than it already is and he's already got so much on his plate, he doesn't need more.

Thalia: I think you're exaggerating here, Nico. I can't imagine our siblings have always been at each other's throats to the point we need one of you to step in all the time. I mean, Percy and I worked together just fine during the last Titan war!

Nico: Okay, well, first of all, people who can work together can still want to kill each other. They aren't mutually exclusive. Case in point: both your dads whenever they think my dad is wrong or get mad about the same dumb thing. Also all siblings everywhere in the world. I would know - yesterday I helped Hazel decorate her room at Dad's house, and wanted to strangle her with the string lights because she was making fun of my room because I was making fun of her room.

Nico: Secondly, camp now has a giant crater that definitely wasn't there before, and I had to be called to shadowtravel from California because no one else could get through the storms you made or make either of you listen.

Nico: Also I can and have talked to a lot of our mortal siblings who frequently warned me about this exact scenario and were extremely relieved that neither of you would be living at camp together long-term, so your thoughts and opinions mean nothing to me right now.

Thalia:

Thalia: Fuck off.

Percy: I just want to say that I believe you, and I would never dismiss you or curse you out like she did just now. I think that was very rude of her, and she should be the one who stays tied up, while I am let go.

Nico: I know the fight was your fault, Percy.

Percy: What! I have no idea what you're talking about. I was just being my usual kind, polite self and she blew on me for no reason.

Nico: I can see your soul, Percy, I know you're lying.

Thalia: Ha! Idiot.

Percy: Shut up.

Nico: I need you both to stop talking to each other for the next ten days.

#happy talks pjo #nico di angelo #thalia grace #percy jackson #they're both being bound by shadows and bones so they cant keep fighting

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rubilune · 2 years ago

Text

Cheng Xiaoshi: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?

Lu Guang: Did you just make that up?

Cheng Xiaoshi: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Lu Guang:

Cheng Xiaoshi: A really long fortune cookie.

Lu Guang: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Lu Guang: *waves his finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

Lu Guang after seeing Cheng Xiaoshi die once again:

Cheng Xiaoshi: Why is Qiao Ling making me do the dishes again? You haven’t washed them in a week, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: It’s because I’m Qiao Ling’s favorite.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I hate you.

Lu Guang, also known as a universe destroyer for his 100% platonic bff: Why would you wanna save the galaxy? It's full of idiots anyway.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Because I'm one of the idiots that lives in it!

Lu Guang: Are you sure

Cheng Xiaoshi: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Lu Guang: It was me...

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

This could work either way but I have you know what in mind

Lu Guang: I have an idea.

Qiao Ling: A good idea?

Lu Guang: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Lu Guang after deciding he's not going to be left hoeless

Lu Guang: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you?

Qiao Ling: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Qiao Ling: Only as their rodeo clown.

In my defense all I'll say is that they are so siblings, your honor

Someone irrelevant, to Qiao Ling: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!

Qiao Ling: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*

Lu Guang, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Qiao Ling cute or small.

I support the feral and armed with medical equipment Qiao Ling Agenda

Qiao Ling: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Captain Xiao: Wasn’t Cheng Xiaoshi with you?

Cheng Xiaoshi: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once (several times) and it offends me.

Is the following one in character? No did the idea make me laugh? Yes.

Captain Xiao: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.

Qiao Ling: Hot dog costumes!

Captain Xiao: I’m sorry, what?

Qiao Ling: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Lu Guang, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Lu Guang hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.

Captain Xiao: Are you saying that Lu Guang would rather eat us than hot dogs?

Lu Guang: I do hate hot dogs.

Qiao Ling: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

Cheng Xiaoshi: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Lu Guang: I’m worried about you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Qiao Ling: Strong.

Captain Xiao: Weak.

Lu Guang: An idiot, is what your are.

Lu Guang: And here we see Qiao Ling and Cheng Xiaoshi in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the word "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.

Qiao Ling: Gaelic bread.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Grueling brad.

Qiao Ling: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

Sibling behavior

Qiao Ling: Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Lu Guang: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

He actually does

In my mind Captain Xiao is actually now their parent

Captain Xiao: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.

Captain Xiao: Ask me to kill for you.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...First of all, calm down-

What I will always love about this man is he didn't even know them for more than a couple times and yet he never hesitated on helping them

Cheng Xiaoshi: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Cheng Xiaoshi: And I started thinking.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Cheng Xiaoshi: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Captain Xiao: Are you ok?

He isn't

Lu Guang: We all have our demons.

Lu Guang, grabbing Cheng Xiaoshi: This one’s mine.

And he isn't letting go

Cheng Xiaoshi: I regret nothing!!!

Lu Guang: I regret everything!!!

*insert the same old joke*

Cheng Xiaoshi: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Lu Guang!

Lu Guang: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Lu Guang after the 3rd time travel:

Qiao Ling: You need a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi: I have a hobby!

Qiao Ling: Fawning over Lu Guang isn’t a hobby.

Cheng Xiaoshi after calling Lu Guang handsome for the 100th time

Qiao Ling: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

Here I am again with my feral Qiao Ling agenda. I regret nothing

Cheng Xiaoshi: Lu Guang, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.

Lu Guang: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

I don't even have to repeat the joke do I?

Cheng Xiaoshi, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??

Cheng Xiaoshi, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!

Tbh, I don't think he'd ever get a driving license in the first place, it would be too much of a hazard, but it is nice to dream

Captain Xiao: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?

Qiao Ling: Exercise more!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Set yourself on fire.

Lu Guang: There are two kinds of people.

Captain Xiao: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Captain Xiao: *turns around and helps Cheng Xiaoshi through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Cheng Xiaoshi.

Cheng Xiaoshi: Okay.

*out grocery shopping*

Lu Guang: *takes a free sample twice*

Lu Guang: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

I find that to be a bigger crime than breaking the entire universe tbh. At least in that he hasbhis homosexual tendencies to back him up

Captain Xiao: How do you type so fast?

Cheng Xiaoshi: Anxiety.

Lu Guang: What do I get?

Cheng Xiaoshi: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Lu Guang: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Cheng Xiaoshi: It won't be me.

Lu Guang: I'll get my coat.

The joke will never get old will it? (It has, like 4 jokes ago, but I'm so unfunny I can't think of another one)

Qiao Ling: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!

Cheng Xiaoshi: Ok, Qiao Ling, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Qiao Ling: 1917.

Cheng Xiaoshi: ...You're ready.

I love them a healthy amount

#linkclick #incorrect quotes #Link Click incorrect quotes #link click #qiao ling #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #Captain Xiao #lu guang x cheng xiaoshi #Feral and armed with medical equipment Qiao Ling agenda #link click season 2 spoilers #incorrect link click quotes #shiguang

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chaotickasugaicrows · 9 months ago

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Hello again. Been a bit busy these last few days and our good friend finally got his internet un-banned by the government so ended up a bit distracted.

Anyway, here's a sneak peak for a fic we're working on. It's an AU based on based on the animanga Marimashita! Iruma-kun (summary in pinned post). Some things to know: everyone is a demon except Zenitsu but they're not the canon type demons. Instead, they're more demons that live in a different dimension labeled hell. Also, demons have a feral state (aka wicked phase) that makes them super powerful but out of control (kinda like how Nezuko went a bit crazy in season 2). Training this state is advantageous if dangerous.

My Soul Is Yours

Damnit! Inosuke heaved as he felt his exhaustion weigh down on his aching body. Navigating the destroyed terrain made his legs sore, and protecting himself from the fierce attacks practically reduced his arms to mush. The taste of iron invaded his mouth. It spilled over and the blood made its way down his chin. Fuck. Before him was a terror that no beast could ever hope to replicate. Kamado in his wicked phase was not only a formidable opponent, but a deeply unsettling one.

Sharp pieces of scorched earth cut at his feet, broken weapons laid around him. Shit. The dust began to settle. A quiet ticking in his ear. Eager giggles emanated from his fellow demon. A grin split Tontaro’s face in half. Feral, unfocused eyes turned upward in delight. With flushed cheeks, his classmate reveled in the destruction he created. It was tough to reconcile the creature in front of him with the lovestruck idiot that followed Monitsu everywhere. Inosuke grit his teeth. His limbs screamed at him as he readied himself for another assault.

The fox demon gleefully prepared a torrent of fire. Inosuke tried to steady his breathing as much as he could. He’d gotten so used to his pack brother’s gentle and proper demeanor, he forgot what kinds of demons the Kamado bloodline were. His friend was from the line that governed ‘Virtue’ and ‘Destruction’. The fox lunged forward and disappeared from sight. However, it wasn’t hard to locate the killing intent that prickled his skin uncomfortably. By the time he turned around, he only barely managed to stop a flaming fist from coming in contact with his face. Inosuke let out a pained hiss as the fire burned his arms. He should have known better, should’ve known Kentaro’s wicked phase would turn out like this. Now this knowledge was seared into his mind as the flames had seared his skin.

The ground rippled and cracked at the sheer force of the kitsune’s attack, pushing Inosuke slightly into the dirt. Everything began to dull. Despite the burns, he mustered up enough strength to knock the other demon away. Damn that ball ball old guy and his stupid fucking training! He was breathing hard, but he kept his glare on his opponent, cautious of any movement. He shifted a hand to his hakma, ready to pull a weapon at any moment.

Shit. How long had it been since the session started? How much more would he have to endure before he could finally put a fucking end to this?! All it would take was one word, but that stupid tall ass teacher wouldn’t let him yet! And he would rather die in this dumb fight than give in! He let out an involuntary growl of annoyance. He swore he’d get Hideokojima back for this somehow! Just then, he noticed movement. Before he could blink, the kitsune had disappeared from his sight. Fuck. He better get his shit together or he really will die in this dumb fight.

He whipped a weapon from his pocket. Distantly he noted the wind biting at his new wound. A buyōkiseru. Inosuke tightened his grip. It would have to do. From behind him came the faint sound of shuffling. He pivoted and swung with all his strength. He struggled to remain steady afterward, but it was worth it. Konjoro stood a short distance away, a small scratch on his cheek being the only indication of Inosuke’s effort.

Inosuke planned to attack while the other demon was shocked at being hurt, except, waves of growing agony put those plans on hold for the foreseeable future. Damn it! He dropped to his knees, no longer strong enough to keep himself standing. His chest burned with every breath. His vision began to blur, sound came crashing back in a sudden crescendoing cacophony. The rustling of clothes, gasping, blood dripping, heartbeat, manic laughter, even the ticking of a watch.

Then, finally, the voice he’d been hoping to hear, for a fucking while, cut through it all. “NOW!” With a bloody grin on his face he took a deep breath, enduring the pain it caused, and shouted out that damn safeword. “ZENITSU!”

Gonpachiro snapped out of his wicked phase mid lunge and flailed forward, eventually faceplanting just outside the circle of debris around Inosuke. Although he was glad his pack brother had returned to his regular self, he now knew why the Kamado name was always treated with fear and reverence, and that image would forever alter how he perceived the kitsune. Before he could utter another word, the world became a mess of unfocused colours.

#scripturae noster #welcome to demon school! zenitsu kun #kny #demon slayer #marimashita iruma kun x demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #future ao3 fic #kny fanfic #inosuke hashibira #tanjirou kamado #tanjirō kamado #tanzen fic

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feverdreamsandlucidnightmares · 21 days ago

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i banned myself from posting on tumblr (ik i haven't been entirely successful but an effort was made) until i submit my thesis so here's the shit i wanted to say in my absence (03/29/25 - 04/15/25)

Part 1, Part 2

4/7/25

accidentally bought waterproof mascara which i hate but it does work. sobbed for an hour and it did not budge at all wtf

4/11/25

the way im thinking about kissing someone for science. been thinking about andreil too much. i dont even like kissing, this would not help me write them. at least not emotionally - nothing could lmfao i don't have those feelings so i stay silly and guess and ask my allo friends. but it's been yearssss since i kissed someone. less since someone kissed me but i dont think drunk kisses in bars are going to help me with literally anything

i need someone who will have no feelings for me whatsoever and that will not expect sex to kiss me so that i can figure out blocking for scenes in my fanfiction. wAIT we don't even need to actually kiss i just need someone who is comfortable with gratuitous physical contact/affection and doesn't want to fuck me

instead of working on my thesis (due in 4 days) am thinking about andreil and neil's oblivious ass and the reason we don't have an andrew pov is because it's just him being like i have to kill that idiot every time neil doesn't realize he's being flirted with

andreil + kevin friendship soooo funny to me never die feral angry short bitches as scary dog privilege for anxious asshat who is an entire foot taller than them

genuinely if you think andrew+neil+kevin are not friends i don't know how to talk to you. arguing with me will accomplish nothing btw ALSO jeaneil bestfriendisms. will live and die on that hill. pry it out of my cold dead hands

i love jean moreau. this is known. i could not give a solitary fuck who he dates so long as they're nice to him. so like. jeremy is fine. i love him by proxy bc he's @eleanorpowers 's baby and i love her. this is just how it goes. the only ship i have ever actually felt emotionally invested in is andreil

me, completely exhausted and accomplishing nothing for hours: bitch you have four days. you're in so much debt and you have four more days. finish your fucking thesis. my good bitch. please for the love of fuck

4/12/25

i am actively in this moment filming a timelapse in the hope that it will make me work on my thesis. its working a little. but then also here i am on this fucking hellsite

live laugh lobotomy someone fukcing stab me

trying to LOCK IN but wrote 900 words of my aftg fanfic instead fml

can't imagine hating on kevin as a character. as a person however. oh sweetheart we would be having words

i've said something to this effect before, but i think it really is the killer combination of people pleasing + the insane levels of apathy i feel about my life on a near daily basis that, were i a Fox, would have me going like damn we're doing knives today : / and just sitting there. like unless andrew were actively killing me, which he would have no reason to do bc why would i be in his stabby business, i'd just be like damn maybe don't commit a crime in front of me i've talked to enough cops in my life. Everyone there cares about everything too much. In my head it's like okay i have scholarship to do this one thing. and i have to maintain grades to maintain scholarship. so i go to practice and class and then i go to bed. how do they have time for all this drama. like i remember once when i was using public transit bc who drives anymore anyways and because i walk or take public transit everywhere and someone started talking about stabbing people and i was like damn this is my stop (it wasn't) but like that was the whole interaction. i dont have a response for these people, can't imagine involving myself in their business

4/13/25

wheres that fuckin post thats like will you be a man and watch ponyo with me will you be a fucking man and watch ponyo i need to flood people's dash with it

also. and another thing. thesis kicking my ass. two more days fuckkkkk im writing too much fuck my miserable tamagotchi life and my bitchass tummyache rah

have yet to find a position i can sit in for more than mayyyyybe 20 minutes before Pain or Numb. somehow both tbh. it feels like my legs disconnected at the knee. have you ever been typing and your hands just stop being yours. what the fuck

laptop fan sounds like its fighting for its life

fuck me its cold as hell

the like three? specific vertebrae that crunch and pop horribly all the time are actually a bit concerning like bbg i dont think they're supposed to be like that

4/14/25

locked in too hard and now am over 1000 words over the maximum word limit of my thesis and am still going hahaha oh no

#feverdreamsandlucidnightmares

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aashipping · 1 year ago

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Bad Cramps

This writer is in period amd she's in feral mind state, no beta read so get the fuck off if you don't like this post.

Barok x short chubby reader cause I say so. She has a nickname called Pumpkin.

Platonic Herlock/Reader if you aware that part.

Today's another trial day, the councils are the Reaper of Bailey and the great attorney from East country.

But your body decides to stab your back today.

Curling up in your bed, you don't want to move, don't want to do anything. But you want to hear those familiar voices of your friends.

The waves of sting feeling inside your lower belly and back and everywhere just triggered your unreasonable angry.

Suddenly, you got a new plan.

"Hello, this is Herlock Sholmes." The man said while you can hear the sounds around him.

"Herlock, are you in the Bailey now?"

"You sounds like you're weak or something, Miss Pumpkin. Do you need some help? And yes, I am going to see Mr. Reaper and Mr.Naruhodo's trial today."

You bite down your lip and take a deep breath so that you wouldn't yell at Herlock.

"Wonderful. Can you remain this open so I can listen too? I can't go there but I still want to listen to it. Please Herlock, O the great detective!"

Herlock doesn't say anything, but you can imagine he's raising his eyebrows with a confused and amused face right now.

"As you wish, my lady, but can I get the reason for why you can't come along? And I don't see Heather either."

You clear your throat, "She's with me since I kind of in sick. My back and belly hurt and I am bleeding regularly."

"You what?!"

"Don't be an idiots Herlock, the regular bleeding within women!"

"Oh."

You roll your eyes and turn to the other side.

"Alright, wish you feel better soon, Miss Pumpkin."

"Thanks."

Hearing Barok's voice always brings you peace.

It doesn't matter it's his crashing glass sound, his insults to the jurors, witness or the defence lawyer. You don't mind those harsh words right now.

His deep, rich and smooth voice is what you need at this moment.

You craved for his comfort words.

You craved for his warm touch or even hugs.

Of course, you know this is all your mind and fragil state tricking you. But you don't want to be reasonable for now.

You are bleeding, what would hurt more about dreaming?

To Noruhodo Ryunosuke, it's not his first time to see Lord van Zieks be annoyed and impatience.

But it's his first time to see that prosecutor be that gloomy and aggressive.

So far, Lord van Zieks broke 7 glasses and 2 bottles of wine, and one leg slam in the first three hours.

His death glares are cold enough to freeze the witness and defendant on the spot. Even Asogi and the judge could feel his stormy mood.

"I see Miss Heather isn't come today, does she feel sick or something, Lord van Zieks?"

The prosecutor cross his arms, his eyes are closed. Then he open them with a neutral face.

"Pray forgiveness for the discourtesy of unfocused in this trial, my Lord. I do be bothered by the reason she can't be here. But the true reason got me so impatient with, is the nonsense of my learned friiend."

Everyone could see your unusual aggressive, Lord van Zieks. And how could this be my fault......

"Be careful, Naruhodo. The enemy is awake now, time to bring it to a new possibility and find the truth." Asogi peeks at his lawyer friend and warned him.

"Oh, ugh, right! Thanks, Asogi."

In the break of twenty minutes, Mr.Sholmes sneak into the lounge.

"It's a bad weather today, don't you think, Mr. Naruhodo?" The detective says and smokes his pipe.

"If you mean the prosecutor, then yes it's worse than usual." Naruhodo slumps and has cold sweats.

"Heather isn't here, could that means that Miss Pumpkin is kind of in trouble or something such?" Asogi puts his fingers under his jaws.

"She's uncomfortable today, feels sick. So I let her my ears." Mr.Sholmes snaps his finger and takes out his phone device.

"We're adjourned for twenty minutes now so you can say hi to the boys, Miss Pumpkin."

"...Hello?"

Naruhodo and Susato cheers in excitement.

"Miss Pumpkin! Are you alright? Mr.Sholmes said......"

"Yeah I heard him, just a normal problem, don't worry about it. And you're doing so well so far, guys."

"But Lord van Zieks is so scary today, he's even scarier to Naruhodo-sama! I thought we'll be hung up or something when this trial has its end."

"Don't - Don't say that, Susato-san!"

"He's in that bad mood? Why? The witnesses or the jurors step on the death line or something?"

"I think the answer is more simpler, Miss Pumpkin." Asogi shakes his head.

"He's in the bad mood cycle like a black cat he is? Is that what you're saying about?"

"True but no."

"You confuse me."

When the baliff announced they need to move, you called Naruhodo's name.

"Naruhodo, I think the cake is a lie, you need to review your judicial records."

"The cake? Oh ugh I will, thanks Miss Pumpkin."

"Mr. Disanst, you said that you were going to a bakery, can you tell us why you were going to there?"

"Oh uhm... You know, my wife has a sweet tooth and she craves the sweet when she's in mood or having a bad pain monthly. So I buy her cake when she doesn't feel good."

Some audience in aww and compliant him.

Yet, Naruhodo found that there's no cake on the table in the photo.

And there's a butter knife on the cabinet, with a cup of tea.

"But it's weird, there's no cake in the photo, a butter knife and a cup of tea with a strong drug in it are set behind the door, right on the cabinet. Can you tell me why and who put them there?"

"Who knows? Maybe my wife? And I didn't eat cake with my wife you see. I was in the living room."

Naruhodo slams the table.

"Objection! I am afraid the cake is a lie, Mr.Disanst."

"You didn't in the living room, you were in the bedroom. You drugged your wife to put her into sleep, and you took this chance to strangle Miss Cassandra to death before you stabbed the butter knife into her chest and left your unconscious wife with the body."

"You-You have no evidence! This are all your imagination! Why would I kill Cassandra?"

"It's the letter and the cake, Mr.Disanst. You cheated on your wife with Miss Cassandra. She baked the cake and you poured the drug in the tea. You two were planning to kill your wife, but you accidentally found her secret, her betrayal with a backup plan to blackmail you. So you killed her, set your own wife up, so you could keep playing the victim role."

The case is dismissed, and Lord van Zieks seems to lost in his thoughts.

After the trial, he rushes to a famous bakery nearby the Court.

#barok van zieks x reader

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michaellikesdilfs · 2 years ago

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I hate Derek Goffard

He makes me insufferably upset. OH MY FUCKING GOD. DEREK PLEASE DIE. i hope theres a date given for when derek died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone. everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man. where the fuck is Derek if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt. HES SUCH A PATHETIC MANWHORE UGHHH he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta/torture p*rn fanfics/the hunger games and wanted the irl version just to be edgy ill go ham.

I want to set his motorcycle on fire with him on it so bad. ill punch derek and his sad frail ‘alpha male’ twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final motorcycle he kept on him at all times and I’ll eat it in front of his corpse. I'm going to pulverize him into dust and then snort him.

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point.

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING DEREK GOD DAMN FOOL MOTERCYCLE HUMPING SAND EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING DEREK STOP DEREK I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP HOBBIES WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT. THIS BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME EVEN IF NOT IN THE ROOM. GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said Derek waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

This man has never showered I just know he has penis cheese. He is such a spoiled blond boy I hate him I hate him I hate him he seems like the type to leave all those ‘fragile men reviews’ on the Barbie movie GOD I HATE THAT MANSPLAINING BASTARD. I’m currently curled up in a ball sobbing why does he look like taht stop it Someone make it stop there’s blood everywhere I hate Derek he’s probably the type to think periods are liberal propaganda I hate him I hate him I’m going feral why am I shaking why. IF I GET ONE “didn’t ask” COMMENT IM GOING TO CONSUME MY LIMBS. IM CURRENTLY CHEWING ON MY DRYWALL OUT OF PURE RAGE I just know he watches mlp and has a crush on twilight sparkle and Kins rainbow dash

“I Kin Rainbow dash and Applejack bc I’m awesome and I’m kind and I’m brave and I’m Loyal and… 🤓🤓” -Derek

(this is all a joke btw it’s ok if u like Derek I just have this BURNING hatred for this fictional character. This is mainly a parody post of the JURGEN LITNER rant LMAOO)

#derek goffard #tpof #btd #im going insane #derek tpof #derek the price of flesh

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minxmut-cafe · 2 months ago

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CRUSHED (LITERALLY)

Pairing : Bear hybrid Namjoon x Ferret hybrid reader.

Word count : 430 words.

Warning : none. Just crack and maybe fluffy lol.

Authors note : HELLOW y'all. This is a random Scenerio for our two idiots from Bear with me ?? I too was pancaked by a fat bitch and thought how would a feral ferret react... THIS IS HOW.

Synopsis :

"Namjoon decided to go over to his lovely girl's place only to traumatise her :("

Namjoon sighed as he unlocked her dorm with the spare key she’d recklessly given him.

"Just come in whenever, babe. My doors are always open to you. I trust you with my life."

Yeah. Well. Big mistake.

Because she wasn’t here.

Or at least, he didn’t see her anywhere.

The place was a mess—textbooks, notebooks, and snacks scattered everywhere. And in the middle of the room? A giant mountain of blankets.

Namjoon groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "Where the hell did she go..."

He was tired.

The lecture he had attended was boring as hell, the walk here was too long, and his menace of a girlfriend had vanished when he just wanted to see her.

So, with zero hesitation—

He collapsed onto the pile of blankets.

Full body.

All of his 7’3 bear hybrid weight.

And then—

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Namjoon shot up in absolute terror.

His soul left his body.

The blanket mountain screamed.

THE BLANKET MOUNTAIN. SCREAMED.

"NAMJOON!"

And that was when he realized—

SHE WAS UNDER THERE.

HE HAD JUST BODY-SLAMMED HIS TINY GIRLFRIEND.

Namjoon panicked. "OH MY GOD—BABY??!"

A small, squashed, barely-breathing voice wheezed from under him—

"You...fat...BITCH."

Namjoon yelped and rolled off her so fast he nearly broke his own neck. He scrambled to grab her, lifting her up like a sack of potatoes. "OH SHIT—ARE YOU OKAY? DID I KILL YOU? ARE YOU FLAT?"

She just groaned. Wheezed. Arms limp. Dizzy.

"You...fat...FUCK..." she gasped.

Namjoon, completely distressed, hugged her to his chest. "I’M SORRY—DO YOU NEED CPR?? DO YOU NEED MOUTH-TO-MOUTH? DO YOU NEED ME TO CALL 911??"

She weakly slapped his broad chest. "Put me down... you tree..."

Namjoon sighed in relief, gently setting her back on her feet, still gripping her shoulders. "Baby, I’m sorry, I—"

She suddenly gasped dramatically, clutching his hoodie.

"I saw the light."

Namjoon deadpanned. "Honey—"

"I saw our future children. They called me from the void, Namjoon."

Namjoon sighed, rubbing his temples. "Here we go—"

"They called me Mommy."

"Oh my fucking god."

"They said: Mommy, why is Daddy a fat bitch—"

"I’m leaving."

#kim namjoon #bts smut #fluff #bts fluff #bts x reader #namjoon scenarios #namjoon sexy #namjoonie #joonie #lol #bts scenarios #bts

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acebirdofprey · 2 years ago

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Time to rewatch star wars.

I will be writing down my thoughts as I go along. First up:

I love the classic yellow writing into a shot of a planet, the planet the main character is on.

R2-D2 and C3-PO who doesn't love them.

The Orgianl corriodor secne, I love it.

VADER!!!!!!

Secret message, hell yeah.

Also Princess Leia - how I didn't know I was gay before I have no idea she always was my favourite.

I love how Leia is seen weak at first until towards the middle of the film.

'Fowl stench'

'you are a traitor and part of the rebel allience. TAKE HER AWAY!' One of my favourite lines.

Going sepreate ways, a bad idea.

That's no transport

'Look sir a droid' - dang they are idiots.

LUKE! My tattoine boy!

I love Lukes hair in ANH. He should have kept it how it is. Din wouls have gone feral.

Do you think Owen would remeber 3PO or not. He would have gone 'Fuck not his droid again'.

'I was going to tochie station to pick up some power converters' - and you never will.

R2 is a murder now.

'Help me Obi-wan Kenobi. You're my ownly hope.' - Classic, amazing, beatuiful - That one was directed to leia.

Owen realy be like 'who is this obi-wan? An old drug dealer like your father.' And Luke belived him.

Look at the sun's Luke. That's right look staright into them. I LOVE THAT SHOT.

R2-D2 proffesional of running away into danger.

Luke now is not the time to sleep.

What a powerful man. Waving his arms in the air like he just doesn't care.

I would have triped down that hill.

The origanl Hello There.

'Of course I know him he's me.'

C3-PO is dramatic.

THE CLONE WARS - where you meet your husband Obi-wan. He's probely out shopping right now.

THE LIGHTSABER!!!!!!!!

Luke you idoit don't look at it like that, you may acidently sab your eye out.

It is in everyone Luke. That's what the force is/

Served you mean severd his limbs.

LUKE SHE IS YOUR SISTER!!!!!

Yes go with him Luke don't go home, it will be the begining of a long line of trauma and I don't want that for my sunshine boy.

bye bye senate

Don't make fun of your boss.

MANIPUATION.

NO LUKE DON'T GO HOME.

MY SUNSHINE BOY. MY SWEET PRECIOUS BOY. I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT.

'These are't the driods you're looking for'

CHEWIEE

Gambling is not good for my sunshine boy.

Han shot first.

Yeah R2 watch your language.

Spy's are everywhere.

Jaba in CGI!! I have the special editions on DVD.

Han is in dedt and will be for a while.

BOBA FETT! BOBA FETT! BOBA FETT! BOBA FETT!

Blast them.

What a peice of junk

dramatic music that turns into a melody.

'Recognised your foal stech when I was brought on board' reminds me of hannibal when he insultes Will's colone.

DANTOOINE!!!!!!!

Bail is obvisoly still alive with Fox and Breha as the heads of the allience.

Oldman thinks friend is dead when he is really off planet with wife banging the oldman's husbands brother who is thought to be dead.

I love Han and his sas.

Obi-wan is probely laughing because Han has the force not luck

Classic Jedi traning.

I'm suprised there is no bodies floating around in the space.

'That's no moon.'

Very bad. I would think so.

Didn't you fight in two wars mr 'alternatives to fighting'

FACT: The meinelimun falcon was built not far from where my mum grew up.

That is a slow lift.

Vader is agitaed - it's funny to see the helemet move this his head but nothing else it sort of boops around.

FACT: David Prowse who is the body of darth vader lived a 20 minute drive from where I live.

Well those compartments were convient.

Han and Luke could have been making out down there - just saying.

On star tours when the driod is going through baggage in the queue, it says TK-421 why aren't you at your post.

Wookies they look cuddly but turns out they are dangerous.

Money, money, money - that is all Han can think about.

Do you think Obi-wan had to learn to sow to get the prefect fiting jedi robes?

I think the mouse droids are cute.

My sunshine boy can't see a thing.

'How are you?' - That whole bit is why I love Han in the origianl trilogoy, Luke is still my favourite.

'Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?'

'I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.' - Look at this cinimon role!!!! My sunshine boy has seen to much darkness in the world.

Leia is a badass and I love her.

Trach compactor.

LUKE!!!!

It's not that deep is it.

Tell your number to the world - you may need to change it after.

That Poor trooper who hit his head.

Their not dying.

big walking carpet out of my way

I would have fallen off that, that doesn't mean Obi-wan has skill. I'm just very clumsy.

Luke's hair is perfect again and he just happened to bring his clothes with him.

yes spilt up that's always a great plan.

Of course you conviently have a graplaing hook.

Luke is so sweet throught the whole trilogy but is pure cinimon role in ANH.

The classic lightsaber fight.

He just disapreaed.

Vader is probely like WTF where did he go?

'BEN'

RUN LUKE! RUN MY PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY!

it's like space invaders with the guns.

That small ship can be a big danger.

Thank you Mads Mikkleson for that weakness.

Should be easy if you have the force and grew up on Tattoine.

Why don't the empire just use hyperspace to get to the rebal base?

I think Luke really considered leaving with Han but decided not to becuase he wanted to help everyone.

Leia is like 'the guy we both like is an idiot'

Luke can suddenly understand binary.

Yavin IV is my dream planet to live on, it's green and has loads of history.

RED 5 - it's the best of course.

Luke is like are you sure?

Uncle Kenobi to the rescue.

Here comes vader.

Tarkin is in denial - I would be gatting out of there if I could.

Vader is picking them off quite quickly.

Luke in the trench run on his own.

'Use the force Luke.'

That music is perfection.

I love the whole score of the movie.

R2!!

This is cutting it close Luke.

Han to the rescue!

Ping Pong with Vader's ship.

What a great shot.

And in the nick of time as well.

Luke honey, my sunshine boy, your twink is showing.

The hug between all 3 of them.

R2 will be fine.

Big event.

Luke is in Han's clothes.

I loev the jacket but it is quite big on my boy, it makes him even cuter.

Where is Luke's briad.

R2 is all shinny.

Chewie is probely complaining about not having a medal.

I love this star wars 9/10.

ESB will be the next on.

Let me know if you want to be tagged when I bring these out.

#star wars #a new hope #comentary #it's just the thoughts of a lesbain who has watched star wars more times than she can count #luke is my sunshine boy #star wars: a new hope

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