#my eurovision rant

[stllts]

I think we all know who the real winner is when the audience screams the most when this singer is on stage, or when they get qualified people cheer the loudest, when everyone is singing along to a language most don't understand, when the crowd interrupts the jury vote to scream the chorus/name of their song, when the public vibrate just cause you got 12 points, when they keep screaming your name and your song during the winners speech even when you didn't won, when people on the backstage commemorate the second place position as if it is the first, when other people on the competition say "this is the actual first place" "I was cheering for you"....

I honest at this point don't know if the juries should say sorry to käärijä for not giving him the points or if they should say sorry to Loreen for the public humiliation they just put her through

[suspiciouslandlady]

I don't know which Sweden it is that you're referring to, but I can reassure you that we love Käärijä as much as any other country (although not as much as you finns ofc), while we are proud of Loreen and her historic win I haven't talked to anyone who wasn't cheering for Käärijä to win by the end of the show, he is the people's winner and that include us as well :3

It is unfortunate to be in a position to rob you of the crazy party your entire country would host if he had won, especially as we do not find this win anywhere near as impactful of a win as the first time Loreen won. But at least this might make him even more of a legend who is beloved by all!

I'm talking about how media in general tends to blend Finland and Sweden together. If something is up in the news about Finland, people outside Nordics often brush it off as "Oh, it's something Swedish related probably" or "Finland and Sweden, they're just two peas in the pod" type of stuff I see a lot.

And it's really frustrating because it feels like you can't mention Finland in any context without adding Sweden into it every single time.

Also, I'm frustrated and annoyed by the fact that Sweden is right now trash-talking Finland a lot in their own media. Calling us a dumb nation and referring to us as "the former eastern part of the kingdom". All because Finnish televoters didn't give points to Sweden. Many times Finland has been left out or gotten just the smallest points from Sweden but we've never really complained about it. In a Facebook group I'm in someone said that the same type of Swedish fb group atm is just bitching and trashing Käärijä completely, saying how he's a disgrace and they'd be so ashamed if he was the one they sent to the competition.

For so many years has Finland been chewed up and humiliated by Sweden but still, we've thought of the whole country as our brothers in arms. Playful rivalry, which is now just turning even more sour than it was before.

It's honestly sad but at the same time, I feel like Finland finally needs to cut the shit. We've been getting bullied by both Sweden and Russia for so long that enough is enough.

Käärijä gave us something that we've been wanting to get from the world.

And that is to be seen as Finland, which in fact isn't the shadow of Sweden.

Finland, who you can talk about without ALWAYS adding Sweden into the same context or sentence. Finland isn't a shadow of anyone.

Finland is a proud independent country that despite being under the control of both Sweden and Russia never lost its own culture.

And never will.

That's what Finnish sisu is.

[anxiouspotatorants]

@stellaluna33​ be careful what you wish for.... Now let’s start off with a far too long list of Eurovision headcanons I have for Gilmore Girls.

While Richard and Emily did technically come across Eurovision (or at least national selection season) in the first half of the 80s (thank you @thatscarletflycatcher​ for that amazing headcanon) Lorelai herself wasn’t introduced to the world’s best singing concert until she met Michel. Michel told Lorelai about that time Celine Dion participated and won for Switzerland, which Lorelai then had to find proof of. Soon enough she catches her first taping of Eurovision (maybe 98 with Dana International) and she’s been obsessed ever since.

Lorelai loves everything at first, but over the years she grows a special kind of love for the truly tacky Eurovision entries. The more glitter and nonsensical english lyrics the better. 

Rory is obviously brought into this in her early teens and bonds with her mom over it. She does love a good tacky entry as well, but what really made Rory come back for the competition every year is all the political gossip and drama that seeps into each year. The voting results announcements is when Rory inches closer to the screen.

It’s not enough for Lorelai to enjoy this by herself with Rory. She shares her opinions with Michel (who hates it), makes a whole themed yearly event of it with Sookie, spreads the gospel of Eurovision to Miss Patty and Babette, and tries at least once to convince Taylor to make Eurovision week an offical town holiday or at least an event. Taylor will not approve of this anti-American nonsense. That is his loss.

Of course Luke is forced to sit through this every single year. And no he does not like it. He gets angry about the hypocrisy of all the “peace and love”-songs sung by artists representing countries that do not have peace and love in their policies, is intimidated by all the glitter, and could really do without the akward hosts. He will admittedly enjoy the odd dad-rock entry that comes every year, but keep it to himself since everyone else roasts them.

Since Michel is the one who introduced everyone to Eurovision (well, he introduced Lorelai who introduced everyone, but it wouldn’t have happened without him) and since he’s the only actual European around, Michel feels very protective and possessive of it. He will let Rory bait him into talking about how he as a Frenchman views other European countries (it gets stereotypical), and he will at the same time tear a hole into anyone who scoffs at ‘ethnic’ or non-English songs. 

Like his uncle, Jess is not a Eurovision fan and would really like to skip watching this, if only to avoid the crowds that Lorelai gathers for the event. He does like it when audience members sneak up on stage or something goes really wrong. Teenage Jess could stay away because of how things were going around that time of year, but adult Jess who visits multiple times a year for Doula and Luke and has to remain on civil terms with Lorelai cannot escape. And yeah, it might bring Rory joy to watch him awkwardly sandwiched between TJ and Luke watching Verka Serduchka scream numbers in German.

Lane loves Eurovision. She loves the showmanship, loves the variety of musical entries, loves being introduced to country-specific genres. When the internet community around Eurovision grows, she starts finding updates (and eventually streams) of the national selections around Europe and starts watching them as well. For Lane, Eurovision-season starts in December the year before.

Paris doesn’t really get Eurovision at first (noting the same hypocricy issue as Luke), but with time she starts to let loose and enjoy the circus for what it is. She tends to change what genre she prefers every couple of years, but she’s a loyal Portugal-supporter and likes pretending to be as above everyone else as Michel simply because she can speak Portuguese.

Dean never really got Eurovision, but would be fine watching it as long as he was spending time with Rory. Logan tried to convince Rory to get tickets with him and just head on over to Europe once for a finale, but to Rory that would be a betrayal against her tradition with Lorelai and the town. Either they all go or none of them go.

Richard and Emily are appalled by how tacky the whole event is, but they will watch it in the privacy of their home because it’s become a guilty pleasure. They tend to prefer French entries when the French aren’t sending songs like “Moustache”.

Lane has tried to get Hep Alien to add at least one Eurovision song to one of their setlists. She tends to try with safe rock songs like “We Could Be The Same” by maNga or “Something Better” by Softengine, but really she would love to do something hilarous and out of the box for their band, like “Secret Combination” or a Johnny Logan song.

Oh, but Jess liked “Viszlat Nyar” by AWS. He didn’t expect something like that to show up on Eurovision. It was nice.

Rory really enjoys that semi-indie music thing that’s been going on in Belgium and the Netherlands lately. Think “City Lights” by Blanche and “De Diepte” by S10.

Michel’s the kind of Eurovision-fan who prefers divas singing ballads or dancing girls with a whole crew on stage. 

Babette and Miss Patty will cheer for any entry with skimpy outfits, particularly shirtless men. “OPA” in 2010 was a moment for everyone: a fun one for the two of them and traumatizing for everyone else.

Miss Patty makes a whole separate drink for Eurovision. It has edible glitter in it.

Nobody in town seems to know what to make of Australia being in the competition. People like Lorelai and Sookie and Liz don’t mind, while people like Taylor find it categorically wrong that a European song contest has a country from the other side of the globe participate. But nobody even jokes about the US joining. Michel has made sure of that.

Lorelai’s all time favourite entry is Ukraine in 2004. Michel’s favourite is Switzerland in 1988 because of course.

Sookie uses Eurovision week as an excuse to experiment with different European cousines. At first she would do dishes from the host country, but nowadays she will occasionally switch to the country she’s rooting the most for that year or a country that hasn’t had a win in ages.

Michel still has access to voting, and when people catch wind of this it becomes a nightmare for him. Everyone wants to use Michel to vote for their favourite entry, but he refuses to do it for free, and refuses to blow up his phone credit for them. Eventually he gives the entire town 10 votes that they can bid on or agree on together, but either way Michel is getting compensation for this.

[trickerys-domain]

Y'all ready for my hilariously candid unpopular UMK ranking!

Obligatory preferace that I'm just an opinionated bitch. This selection is overall really strong and I'm very much excited for the live show. I think a lot of these songs will make or break during the live. I also think there is an odd disparity in the obvious budget and set quiality for the 7 music videos. Almost like they had a different line-up and some songs were last minute replacements.

I also did not factor in whether a song would do well in eurovision at all because frankly rn I do not care.

This ranking will also probably change so like who cares, I'm ready to enjoy a great liveshow full of people who give a shit about their art.

Ok, here we go!

7. Vox Populi - Mikael Gabriel

The general sound of this one is fun and easy. Good filler or backgroud music. Like if it came on in shuffle I probably wouldn't skip it. However, the lyrics are like really bad. Especially in context of the seeming general opinion of this man I am seeing. Also, this man is strategically pandering and a. Its not working, b. No on seems to have noticed. The use of Matti and that obviously käärijä influenced face in the music video smacked me on first watch. He is capitalizing and I'm very curious to see what he does with the live. Not excited, just curious.

6. Dancing with Demons - Cyan Kicks

I liked Hurricane better. There its been said. I do enjoy listening to this but I forget about it a lot. It also took me until basically now to kinda remember what it sounds like. Meanwhile I can still think of the Hurricane chorus 2 years later having not listened to it since UMK 2022. I do think Cyan Kicks has a really good fun sound, I just don't vibe with this song all that much.

Also, this bears no weight on my opinion of either song. But I need to call out the hypocrisy I've been seeing online. I've seen so many people comment that they don't like the amount of autotune Sexmane uses in Mania and then go on to say how much Dancing with Demons showcases Susanna's voice. Like...... there is so much autotune on Dancing with Demons. It will not sound like that live. And that's fine, its clearly an artistic choice that fits with their musical style, like Sexmane. But pls just sit with that for a bit before complaining about the, frankly much less, autotune in a rap song. Tangent rant over.

5. Kuori Moi - Sini Sabotage

This is where my ranking will probably swap a lot. This song is really catchy and I ingeneral like this type of music. I call it chill sex. This is also a very fun unserious song and video played straight, and I appreciate that. I am worried about something with vocals this chill live. They're good vocals, but very intentionally monotone and if the staging isn't engaging it might fall flat. This song is mostly at 5th place because I dont have anything bad to say about it, but it doesn't stand out quite as much as some of the others. I adored her interview tho.

4. Paskana - Sara Siipola

This is a great power ballad while still being upbeat. It doesn't drag. The vocals are great. The music video is great even while being very simple. The lyrics and message are really really good too. This song gets stuck in my head a lot and I think it is, on a technical level, the stongest song this year. I really hope the staging supports the song but with how raw and peeled back the vibe of the song is it will be difficult to make staging that is engaging without being distracting.

3. No Rules! - Windows95Man

Pure unashamed 90s nostalgia schlock. This is very much the type of trashy eurodance I enjoy, so home run for me. I think the staging will be very fun, but maybe too much. Or it will be organized chaos like Portion Boys last year. Speaking of, this is definitely this years silly fan fave that will be well received but probably not win, a la Portion Boys and Teflon Brothers. For being trashy eurodance, I do think it is construced very well. It flows and it actually written well, its bad on purpose and it is successful. Is it the most original or masterful, no. It is very enjoyable and fun and low pressure, yes.

2. MANIA - Sexmane

This one gets stuck in my head the most. Good beat, good flow. I really like the sound of the chorus, including the auto tune. The lyrics hold more than I think comes across initially and you can tell Sexmane really connects with this song the way his voice delivers even in the studio version. This is the song that I'm most excited to see live because I wanna know what kind of staging he pulls out. Side note: I think it's really funny that the brother called Sexmane is less sexual musically than the one just called Isaac.

1. Glow - Jesse Markin

This is just a really phenomenally written and positive song. It is really nice to have some good classic rap at a competition like UMK. The flow is impeccable with his rapping too. There's a lot of American artists who can't write that well in english. The message of this song is really uplifting without feeling hollow because it recognizes you gotta actually work at being in a good place. Jessie is someone who knows exactly who he is as an artist and person and that translates into the song. Also Alpaca!

I think the the songs that have the biggest chance of winning are Paskana, Dancing with Demons, and No Rules!

But truly I have no clue how this will go. This is a very evenly matched line-up both in quality and fan reception. The live perfomances will 100% decide the outcome.

[falling-mellow]

I've seen a couple of people saying that Eurovision 'isn't happening ths year' but that is literally false mate 'cause it is. It is in Sweden and the dates are May 7th, May 9th and May 11th @ the Malmö Arena mate.

[teepussilakana]

YES KÄÄRIJÄ DOING WEIRD SHIT BEHIND THE HOST DOING HER THING he put a ukraine flag heart to his nipple to make a backup dancer laugh 🥺🥺🥺

[tenitchyfingers]

Guess I should just post receipts for every time I donate towards the UNRWA and families trying to get out of Gaza in order to not be called a genocide supporter huh, and I should just not talk about the things that are allowing me to not just kill myself with depression. Because, apparently, according to some people activism means being miserable and borderline suicidal at all times and showing EVERYONE how depressed they are at all times. Because, you know, activism is about performance rather than uhhh *checks note* doing what they can about it ig

[lietpolski]

Other question thoughts on Feliks and Gil as children?

aaa yes!! i think gilbert seemed cool to feliks at first! because whoo, fellow christ enjoyer and he has a fun personality! but then pretty quickly he became pretty annoying, fighting for pieces of feliks' land

but i don't think he disliked him! it was a weird situation where gilbert was a (minor) threat to him, but he still enjoyed his sense of humour and personality! gil liked him too, but he didn't take feliks very seriously. he cockily saw him as an airhead he could beat easily in the long term since he was a warrior and the REAL jesus fanboy in these parts

but they only really became actual enemies after feliks' marriage to tolys. then gilbert's attacks became more insistent and personal, and being married to a serious, level-headed person like tolys meant less time for feliks to joke around with his enemies. and in return gilbert felt a little betrayed !! like damn i thought we both disliked the lithuanians what happened? >:( and he retaliated by attacking the shit out of both of them in typical gil fashion

[lavenderlyncis]

Huh. Really weird how next year is the anniversary of Waterloo. And now eurovision is held in sweden. How strange. Coincidence really. Doesn't leave an aftertaste at all.

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

me and mum were listening to the eurovision playlist and she said “i think all of those countries should just sing in english” and i just about screamed

[lisiprom]

Some random thoughts on esc final:

FINLAND GOT ROBBED HARD

They should go with good old vox populi vox dei and kick out all of these shitty fucking juries.

Jury needs to be abolished 'cause they had constant case of SHIT-FUCKING-TASTE

How the fuck did Poland get so many votes and both Germany and Austria so little? Germany performance was fun as fuck and my girls from Austria deserved better.

Sweden song was boring af and also she sounded and looked like she was going to fall over any second.

Izrael being third is another case of SHIT-FUCKING-TASTE. How the fuck did such a generic song got so many votes?!

So basically: YES I'M MAD

[hollyand-writes]

🙄

Imagine watching Eurovision in 2023 and NOT realising it’s been a huge LGBT+ event for DECADES 👇🏾

[anxiouspotatorants]

You guys have no idea how much restraint I’ve been showing these past years by not making a Eurovision headcanon list for Gilmore Girls.

Really, the Americans among you should be thankful

[femslashspuffy]

One good thing about watching riverdale season 3 for the first time in 2023 is that I can legitimately say.. WHO THE HELL IS EDGAR?

[ashercries23]

i blame @killerqueen-ofwillowgreen for this 🫶

istg if one of us likes something, the other will get into it. our brains are so 🤝. it’s legit wild

[teepussilakana]

so haopy that im not the only finn freaking out over käärijä and eurovision like we are really cheering for our edgy discoteque boy