#my dude is high-key seeing the future but his life is too weird for him to put the puzzle pieces together

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

At one point Wally kept getting 'nightmares' of crazy potential futures. They were seriously freaking him out because most of them were bleak and apocalyptic.

He was especially freaked out by how detailed and real they felt. But he wrote them off as stress dreams because they were just too crazy to be true.

I mean, come on. Barry Allen actually being alive in the speedforce and returning to be the Flash? Clearly, that wasn't happening.

... Yeah.

At one point Wally dreamt of an alien creature before he had actually encountered it in real life and he used the knowledge he had gained in his 'dream' to understand the alien in the present.

And you know what this storyline should have ended with? Wally realizing that he was seeing various potential futures. You know what didn't happen? That.

The storyline ended with Wally chalking it up to stress and deciding to take more time off with his family.

Because he's a dumbass. A lovable dumbass but a dumbass nonetheless.

[monstersflashlight]

Hello! I love all of your stories. I binged them today lol your stories give me a ton of inspiration. I'd love to see your take on a minotaur x fem!reader in a college dorm shower room setting with the minotaur being in heat hehe. Or a vampire x fem!reader where the Vampire killed a mailman and delivers a "special package" in his place (reader ordered a sex toy? Maybe? Lol)

Hi! Sorry for the delay of this answer, adult life sucks real bad. I love both of your ideas, so I’m writing one now and the other one I save for a soon-ish future, hope you don’t mind me “stealing” it. So, hope you enjoy this and thanks for your kind words. It means a lot! <3

Special delivery

Vampire x fem!reader || sex toys, vampire compulsion, dub-con || tw: stalking, blood, murder

You are in the middle of cleaning the house when the doorbell rings. “One sec!” You ran to the door not worrying too much about your looks. It’s probably just the mailman. He’s an old dude who likes to look at your cat more than he likes to look at you, anyway. Which very valid, because your cat is a precious baby who deserves to be looked at.

But today it’s not your usual mailman. “Uh, hi? Where’s Ed?” You ask as you inevitably stare at the newcomer. He’s so fucking tall, build like a fucking mountain, too. You lament your choice of ratty shirt and ugly leggings as soon as you open the door. He’s fucking handsome, and you look like a rag. His hand is extended in your direction and a big box is being pushed into your hands.

“He won’t be able to make deliveries anytime soon.” The wording of that statement seems weird to you, but you don’t pay too much attention as you take the package. It’s probably just your new toy.

“How come?” You ask, not really caring but knowing it’s the polite thing to say.

“He’s… feeling a bit dry.” He chuckles at his own words and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. A weird feeling creeping up your spine. You are about to close the door when he stops you. “Could you… Could you offer me a glass of water? I’m thirsty and forgot my bottle.” He explains. Your eyes met his, and you feel something inside of you twist and switch, like when a key unlocks a door. It’s the weirdest feeling you’ve ever experienced, but it fills you with a sense of calm so deep you feel high on it. Not even weed got you so tranquil and relaxed.

“Yeah, sure, come on in.” You say as he sighs and enters, smiling like a madman. You walk to the kitchen slowly, your extremities heavy. His heavy footsteps following close behind you, a bit too close. You think you hear him sniffing the air, but that couldn’t be. Everything smells like cleaning products, or at least you hope so.

“So what did you order?” He asks behind you. You realize the package is still in your hands.

“Oh, this. Just a new sex toy.” You answer, not really sure why you tell him the truth or why does he even care. But you feel compelled to tell him the truth. He chuckles at your answer and you think he says something along the lines of something has to fill that little human pussy, but you aren’t sure. You offer him a glass of water and he drinks it slowly, his eyes traveling down your body, your skin on fire. You start fanning yourself, too hot. What is happening to you?

“You are such a pretty human.” He tells you next, setting the glass down and approaching you. You stand there, frozen in place. His eyes are so deep, so compelling.

“Open the package, princess. Let’s see what you order to fill your precious cunt.” He tells you. You follow his instructions, showing him the bright purple tentacle dildo you ordered a couple days ago.

“Look at that… Someone has a pervy side. Do you want to fuck a monster, princess?” He asks, voice deep. He steps into your personal space, his chest pressed to yours. You crank your neck up to look at his eyes, breathing hard. He’s smiling, and there’s something about his smile that doesn’t feel right, but you can’t pinpoint what it is.

“What?” You ask, your brain spinning, completely confused. What did he say? What were you talking about? You feel dizzy, like your body is too hot and your skin is too tight.

“I’ve been observing you, princess. You always dance around when you clean. And you always wear almost nothing around your house. Your nipples are always visible under your clothes and it drives me insane.” He says as he takes your shirt off, exposing your bare tits to his hungry eyes. You should be scandalized to have a stranger staring at your tits, but you are just grateful for the cold air hitting your scolding skin. “I wanted to do this for so long.” He says as he launches at you and closes his hot mouth over your nipple, making you groan.

Your panties are instantly wet. You don’t know what’s happening to you, but his mouth feels so good. You grab a fistful of his hair and pull his head against your torso harder, making him chuckle and bite you lightly. You groan, arching your back, trying to get him even closer. “I need… I need…” You try to say, but your brain is empty, you can just feel his presence and your lust, your body completely out of control.

“I know, princess. I know.” He picks you up and sets you down on the counter, opening your legs wide as he rips your leggings and your panties, a big hole right over your pussy. The cold air feels great against your burning center. You whine. “I’m so thirsty… I need to drink. Would you let me, princess? Would you let me drink from you?” You look up at him, confused about what he’s asking, didn’t you give him water just a few moments ago? But then your brain snaps into place, and you register what is wrong with his face. His fangs are way too big, his eyes way too bright.

“What are you?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“You know what I am, princess.” He whispers against your neck, his fangs pressing intensely against your jugular, not breaking the skin just yet.

“A vampire.” You whisper. A flash of Twilight crosses your mind, making you giggle as he looks at you expectantly. You move your neck to the side, giving him more space to suck on your neck. You don’t know why, but you want him to do it. To feed from you. “Bite me, please.” You beg.

He doesn’t wait any longer. He sinks his fangs into your neck and sucks hard. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but the sudden wave of pleasure wasn’t it. It crashes over you like a tidal wave and makes your pussy gush, forming a pool of juices under your ass. His fingers find your clit next, rubbing it as if he could read your thoughts. You move your hips against his hand, as he keeps pulling the blood out of you.

And then, there’s something pressing inside of you. You can’t look down to see what it its, but when it starts to breach into you, you realize it’s textured. He grabbed your new dildo and he’s going to fuck you with it as he drinks off you. Good lord, you shouldn’t be getting hot, you should be scared and frightened, but you are so horny you want to climb him like a tree. You need to cum like you need air.

“More, please.” You plead. And he gives it to you. He starts a punishing pace fucking you with the dildo. Your pussy so wet it makes filthy sounds against your gaping hole. He keeps fucking the dildo into you as you rapidly ascend into what feels like a storm building inside of you. And then it hits. The biggest orgasm you’ve ever felt crashes over you and makes you black out for a second, just to come back and still be coming. The pleasure is so big you trash against his arms, he holds you tighter, sucking more blood. The sensations are too much, too raw, and you love it.

You don’t feel when he retracts his fangs from your neck, but his tongue is hot and wet against the punctures and the dildo in your pussy is rapidly replaced by a very hard dick. He pushes into you in one hard thrust, grabbing your hips and manhandling you until you are suspended in the air. His arms are your only supports as he fucks your body onto his dick, hard and fast, forcing screams out of you every time he hits your G-spot. You feel weightless, wave after wave of pleasure hitting your body and leaving you limp against his hold.

You come again around his dick, taking him with you. The feel of his seed inside of you makes your insides twist with a new wave of arousal. You grab his hair and kiss him roughly, tasting your blood on his lips. He keeps fucking you until you’ve come so many times you can’t count, and when he gets his second orgasm, he fucks his cum right into you again, overflowing your used hole.

You are exhausted, almost falling asleep against him when he says: “Well, now I don’t feel that bad about killing your mailman.” He chuckles against your hair, kissing your head tenderly, his dick still nested deep inside of you.

“You what?!”

[mikeys-bike-slut]

Untitled Part 7

Warnings: pure Draken fluff <3

Previous parts

***

"Hey Angel,

Due to your injury you'll be laid off of your gang duties for a few days. Draken will be looking after you, I gave him my spare keys. He'll be over after our meeting with Valhalla. Please rest I want you back by my side as soon as possible.

Your nuisance.

P.s: thank you for last night ❤"

I smiled to myself as I read the note then I pinned it above my bed next to the small note Draken left me the last time he was over. I smiled at the notes then I look at the third note which was a quick cat sketch from Baji and the words "smile bitch" scribbled next to it. I let out a small sigh really wanting to message him, to see if he is even still alive but I know it's probably not a good idea so I just slump back down on my bed and just stare at the floor, that is until I hear keys rustling in my front door. Thought it's probably Draken I stay high alert and grab my bat and hide behind the wall in the corridor.

I hear heavy boots hitting the floor, confirming one thing; it's more than likely not an intruder as I doubt they'd be respectful enough to take their shoes off. I mean who goes breaking in in their socks? I peak out from behind the wall and I feel myself relax as I spot Draken's black and white shirt. Seriously what's with this dude and monochrome geometric stuff? 

"Hey Kenny" I greet him with a smile and he just forces one on his face as he gives me a small wave, I can tell, something was wrong. "What's up Kenny boy?" I try to keep it light hearted but as he stays quiet I start to get a very uneasy feeling. "Ryuguji?" 

"Mikey is a fucking idiot..." he says clenching his fist and I notice the bruise under his eye. Did they fight again? 

"I mean we know that" I chuckle then sigh. "Alright, what has he done this time?" 

"He made a deal with Valhalla..." he says and my stomach drops. 

"Oh god...what did he do?" I sigh then wrap my arms around Draken's arm and walk to the sofa with him but as I start walking he just picks me up then walks over to the sofa then sits down with me in his lap and just sits there caressing my waist in silence. "Ken... what's going on?" 

"Valhalla said if they won Mikey can keep Toman if he hands you over..." he says shaking his head and I start to get a weird feeling and gently nudge him to continue. "He is so damn arrogant and sure of victory that he agreed..." he says in a serious tone then looks up at me. 

"He agreed...?" I ask almost shocked. I always knew Mikey was cocky but he usually didn't put other's people life at line. "We must win then, right?" but he just stays quiet. 

"I thought so too until we had the meeting, I've seen their men... Not enough they double in numbers but they're also older than us and pretty strong, I'm not gonna lie, us winning has a thin chance even with the Invincible Mikey on our side... after losing Baji too, we're weakened and no way we gonna put you in front line-" but I cut him off.

"I'm going to fight. I am one of the founding members of Toman and I am tired of not doing anything. We're not talking about some petty gang fight but the future of Toman. I am going. Like it or not" I say in a serious tone. 

Draken just growls then sighs as he looks at me. "You're one stubborn bitch, you know that?" he says then pulls me on his chest and hugs me tight. "I won't let anything happen to you. The captains and I all agreed we will not hand you over and get you out of the country"

"No" I cut him off once again in a very serious tone. "We're Toman and we honour our words, if we lose I have no choice but to obey and join Valhalla but I tell you this, if we going to lose I will beat up Mikey myself"

"I'll help you with that..." he growls then sigh. "Anyway, after the meeting we had a big fight when we got back to the shrine, punch here a kick there and I just left before I beaten him to a pulp" 

I sigh and shake my head as I caress his cheek. "It will be fine, I promise" I smile softly. We have Baji as our inside man, no way Baji would really betray us. We're gonna win. I know. 

"You're always too optimistic" he sighs and pats my leg. 

"Well someone needs to be with you assholes charging into fights without thinking" I chuckle that cause him to finally smile and let out a small chuckle too. 

"Mikey was right, you really are our heart" he smiles and caresses my cheek then rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. We stay like that for a couple of minutes then he pulls away, enough to look at me. "How is your leg?" 

"It's better, how's my girl?" I cock a brow as I look at him but the sudden change in his mood tells me, not good. 

"I'm sorry" he shakes his head. "Though it wasn't a big crash the tree damaged her enough that even I can't fix it. I'm sorry Angel"

"Oh..." that's all I say as I look down. I feel like my whole world crumble around me. I had that bike for over ten years, Shini fixed it up specifically for me and I never rode anything else but her. 

"I'm sorry" Ken repeats himself quietly and I just fake a laugh. 

"It's just a bike, right?" I force a chuckle. "Just a bike..." I keep the force chuckle but seconds later in turns into crying as I cling onto him burying my face in his shoulders and just sob. That was it. I couldn't hold it any longer, all that built up pain I carried the past few days reached its tipping point. 

Draken just held me tight against him and let me just sob until I could no longer make a sound, just clung to him silently as tears were falling from my eyes. Once my tears dried up I just sat in his lap curled up to him just sitting there in silence. I didn't know what to say, my brain couldn't focus on idle conversation and he knew this; he just held me and silently comforted me and in that moment that's all I needed; being safe in the arms of someone I trust with all my life. 

"How about a date?" he suddenly speaks up and I give him a surprised look. "Hey! Don't give me that look like I never asked you" he rolls his eyes then smiles. "Mikey had you the past couple of days so it's my time to have you" 

"He did kind of expropriated me" I chuckle then bite my lip. "But Kenny... come on. I look like shit" I frown. "Plus I need to rest apparently" I roll my eyes. 

"First of all, you never look shit, second, who said we had to go anywhere?" a grin appears on his face. "We can put on a movie and I can cook something for you, then I can camper you more, do your hair, paint your nails, whatever my princess would like" he smiles softly and for the first time in ages I actually starts blushing. 

"Can I just marry you already, Ken?" I chuckle then I grab his face and give him a big smooch which makes him let out a small laugh.

"Yes, but let's keep it a secret from Mikey or he'll throw a tantrum" he winks at me earning a chuckle. "Alright, you pick a movie and I see what you have at home" he smiles then gently lifts me out of his lap and putting me on the couch. 

Draken kept his word and after looking at my resources he decided from what limited things I had to make some yakisoba. Surprisingly he is a very good cook and the yakisoba was delicious. After we ate he did the dishes then looted through my very limited nail polish collection and picked out yellow, god knows why. 

"Ken, is that the best you found?" I chuckle as I pick up the nail polish and look at it. 

"Not like you have a big collection" he frowns. "You want a different colour, princess?" 

I shake my head. "Yellow's good" I smile then I take my socks off and place my legs in his lap. 

After he put on the toe separators -with a great struggle- he started painting my toenails and I couldn't help but just smile as I watched him. The way he stuck the tip of tongue out focusing on being as clean and even as possible was just too cute. I can't help but take a picture, then he just flips me off with a chuckle. 

Draken was the ace in the hole of Toman, after Mikey he was the second strongest, everyone knew to stay put when he was around. He was the level headed vice commander, always by Mikey's side, being his voice of reason. A strong, charismatic man, but when we were alone he let his guard down and shown me a whole different side  of him. He spoke softly and became extremely gentle. He has a very big heart and he was not afraid to show that to me, I seen a side of Draken that no one else did, maybe that's why I fell in love with him... as well.

When it comes to Mikey and Draken I could never be able to chose, I love both of them. Each of them for their own qualities and I wouldn't be able to exist without either of them. Ever since we started this... whatever this is what we have going on, -friends with benefits, I guess?- I decided no matter what I won't catch feelings... I didn't know how hard it would be trying not to fall for either for them but it happened, when I realized I swore I won't ever confess, our friendship worth so much more than my feelings. I am scared of losing either of them, also don't want anything to stand between them. It would all just lead to unnecessary conflicts and stress and no one needs that. We're happy the way we are and that's all that matters. Still. I often wonder how the future will be? 

Letting them go will be extremely hard. 

"Ang? Angel? Stinkface?" suddenly Draken's voice dragged me out of my thoughts. 

"Hmm? Sorry I wasn't listening" I gave him a forced smile and he saw right straight through me. 

"What's on your mind, princess? You know you can tell me anything" he says in a changed tone; it's a soft and reassuring tone and I just sigh. I want to tell him, I really do... but I can't. 

"Promise me we won't ever lose contact" I say in a more serious tone as I look at him and utter confusion appears on his face.

"Maya.. what's going on?" his voice is serious and worried as he leans closer.

I shake my head and sigh. "Nothing, I'm sorry" I chuckle embarrassed. "I just hope this will never end"

"This?" he cocks a brow then somehow he figures it out. "Us?" I can't bring myself to answer so I just nod. He carefully puts my leg down and pulls me closer to him. "If it's up to me it won't. I'm sure one day you'll find someone or settle down with Mikey, who knows. All I know as for now, I'd like to keep you as mine as I can" he says as he caresses my cheek. "You're so much more than just a whore to me. I love you. You probably don't feel the same way, and I feel fucking dumb to even say it but-" he says with an awkward chuckle but I just up his face and give him a soft kiss. 

"I do" that's all I say and he gives a look of shock and I can't help but starts laughing. "Is it really that shocking?" I chuckle.

"Yes? I think... I  don't know" he chuckles and I can see it on his face he is still trying to process all of this. "I honestly thought you'd love Mikey" he admits and his cheek starts to turn pink. 

"Also do" I say with a chuckle and his face goes back to confusion.

"I am confused" he admits and I just shake my head. 

"I love both of you. Like LOVE love, you" I say then caress his cheek. "If I could, I just happily  would live the rest of my life with you two" I admit with a bittersweet chuckle. "How selfish of me..." 

"It's not selfish" he smiles then caresses my cheek. "But let's this kept between us, okay? And let it not change whatever it is we have,  alright? I don't know how Mikey would react, we all know how possessive he is and it could lead to a big conflict because I doubt he would care how anyone feels when he already looks at you as his" Draken sighs and shakes his head. 

"I was thinking the same. Things are perfect just the way they are and I want to keep it that way" I say as I look at him then a grin appears on his face.

"So you love me, huh?" he grins then nudges me.

"Give me a sec, I think I changed my mind" I playfully frown and he just gives me an offended look then playfully tackles me onto the sofa with a laugh then gives me a long kiss. 

"What do you want Ryuguji?" I chuckle into his lips before pecking them softly. 

"To spend the rest of my life with you, princess" he whispers into my lips then gives me another kiss, but letting this one linger. I close my eyes and just lean into his kiss and getting lost in the moment for a few seconds.

"What if we really would spend our life together?" I ask curiously as I look at him with a smile. 

"Definitely have at least two rugrats running around" he grins then moves himself beside me and wrap his arms around me. "Let's see, I'd have my own bike shop, our son would always be helping me, while our girl would always be with mommy. She'd be a very fierce little thing, and hot headed" he adds with a grin then chuckles. 

"And our son would be VERY stubborn" I wink at him then he chuckles tickles my sides making me let out a squeak. "Do you think you really could control two spawns? Our spawns?" I cock a brow and laugh. 

"You're forgetting I spend everyday with Mikey..." he says and I just break out in a laughter and he joins too. "He'd kill me hearing me say this" he laughs. 

"Not like you're wrong" I chuckle and shake my head. "So if we'd have kids that means you married me?" I bite my lip.

"Of course" he grins. "Mitsuya would be designing and making your dress and you'd look like a queen. I'd stand there, looking at you mesmerised trying to figure out how the fuck did I get so luck to score such a babe" he winks at me then kisses my forehead. 

"You'll look so handsome in a suit. I'd be wondering if I'm dreaming to have such an amazing... and hot guy wanting to marry me" I giggle softly. 

"We'd be one hot couple" he shows me an another grin then lets out a soft sigh and closes his eyes. "I'd marry you in a heart beat" he says softly then slowly opens his eyes and turns towards me. He takes my chin between his thumb and index finger and lifts my head gently then presses a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you" he he whispers as he rests his forehead against mine and just looks into my eyes. 

"I love you too" I reply softly and allow myself to get lost in his obsidian eyes and for a moment, everything cease to exist.

No Toman.

No war. 

Just... him.

[volturialice]

so i saw a post on tumblr a few days ago about how jasper would handle the loving a human situation so much worse than edward. because, you know, we are talking about jasper-vampirey-totally-traumatized-ex-war-machine-and-an-empath. and i've been thinking about the vampire jasper x human alice thing. considering that, for any reason, he doesn't want/won't kill her, how do you think it would proceed?

I’d be interested to read that post! I actually disagree that he would handle things "worse" than edward, although that's a low bar. I think there are a couple key factors at work with vampire jasper/human alice.

[longass meta under the cut]

1) jasper's terrible control

let's face it, this dude cannot stop snackin on human blood. there's no such thing as cute one-on-one meadow time with him—if you're a delicious blood-filled human and you go into the woods alone with jasper, you ain't coming out alive. and if you're his singer? forget it, you're dead the second you walk over the threshold and so is the rest of your biology class.

there was always some suspension of disbelief involved in buying into the idea that edward was able to get near enough to kiss bella etc in the first place. smeyer tried to have her cake and eat it too with the whole "I could snap and kill you at any second...but let's make out" stuff. she justifies it in-universe by first giving edward Super Control and then having him claim he's simply incapable of hurting bella now after the whole believing she's dead thing in NM, and therefore his Super Control is even better. but ngl, that second part always struck me as pretty lazy writing (“the Power of Love did it!”)

so when people write vamp jasper/human alice, that's something to take into consideration. I personally think the best way to solve jasper's control issues is to make human!alice's blood smell actively bad to him, either because of medication she's on or for some supernatural reason (a reverse-singer? why not.) I went with option A in Perihelion, because it's easy to put Crazy Asylum Girl™ on some good ol' fashioned Brain Drugs.

and even then, I think jasper would still struggle a lot with control. there would be close calls. there would be times he insisted on having conversations in public, or not getting too physical too fast. times he would irish goodbye mid-makeout in order to go drain fifteen deer. from a narrative standpoint, it's a very fun conflict with a lot of potential for drama and comedy.

(especially since alice has far less patience than bella and is constantly trying to speed things up and skip ahead in her relationships lmao)

2) jasper's attitude toward humans

like you said with the traumatized war machine thing, he's much further removed from human experience than edward, who is actively trying to reclaim his humanity at every turn. jasper doesn’t see being human as a morally superior or aspirational state. he was conditioned for 80 years to devalue any life, and to view humans as Food, Not Friends. we get a glimpse in MS of the way he still struggles with that. so to suddenly be in love with someone whose humanity you struggle to recognize would lead to some wild cognitive dissonance. he might end up taking the same She's Not Like Other Humans view as edward.

he’s also a far less...teenage-y character than edward (bella in book 1: “the two older guys looked like they could be teachers”) who is used to adult levels of responsibility and agency, so that’s another big obstacle to falling in love with a human high school kid.

I think the one respect in which jasper and edward react the same is their horror at falling in love with a human, albeit for different reasons (edward: oh god, I'm a monster stealing this pure angel's future and putting her in danger!) (jasper: oh god, I'm attracted to my food source! a puny adolescent mayfly! what is wrong with me?) a pre-alice jasper has zero romantic ideas about One True Loves or whatever (consider how his last relationship went), so it would take him longer to come around to the idea that it's even worth it to try dating a human.

what I take away from this whole thing is that alice would definitely have to be the pursuer, at least at the start of the relationship. jasper’s not gonna go out of his way to get to know her, which is usually step 1 of falling in love. sure, her gift might intrigue him, but she’s the one who would have to go the extra mile to communicate with him. he’s giving her nothing.

3) jasper’s attitude toward vampirism

this one is really the kicker for me, because, as I touched on above, jasper sees nothing special or remotely useful about being human. to him, being a vampire is everything—it makes you safe, it makes you powerful, it makes you live forever. souls? souls are a fake thing the Church came up with to frighten the sheeple into compliance. humans have nothing to lose and everything to gain from becoming vampires.

so accordingly, once he accepted that he was in love with human!alice, jasper would want that girl bitten asap. every second she stays human is a second she’s in danger. another thing jasper has in common with edward is paranoia and overprotectiveness, which in his case is even more justified due to his violent background. the difference is that jasper is extremely practical and solution-oriented, and the obvious solution is “turn alice into a vampire,” not “hide in her bedroom and kill every spider.”

this can lead to its own interesting conflicts, of course. maybe human!alice doesn’t want to be a vampire, or isn’t ready, or lives under the thumb of abusive parents. maybe she gets institutionalized and goes missing. she’s vain enough that maybe she refuses to be changed until her bad haircut grows out, or she gets the chance to be drunk in las vegas at least once, or she gets just a little taller (“pleeeease I know I’m totally gonna hit five feet if we just wait one more year!”) jasper usually respects her agency, but this is one situation in which I can see him way overstepping and going so far as to change her without her consent (though he would probably need to enlist help from someone other than carlisle.)

in conclusion

so is jasper “worse” at dating a human? maybe, but he also doesn’t let her stay human for long, which in my book means he’s already handling things waaaaayyyy better than edward. there are no weird marriage ultimatums or “let’s try to have sex while i’m still human” bargains with jasper. no ghosting for six months and leaving alice unprotected. no soul-related arguments whatsoever.

how I think things would proceed

I mean, it totally depends on all the other factors I listed! I know that feels like a cop-out answer, but there are sooo many ways to execute vampire!jasper/human!alice (or vice versa, though that’s a somewhat different ball game.) for a long time I avoided writing the dynamic myself because it felt like other people had done it better, but then I completely caved and ended up with Perihelion. that story is definitely on the back burner, but any time I’m inspired and think of some specific thing I think would happen with vamp!jasper/human!alice, that’s where I’m gonna put it!

[darkstarnight02]

Why the Akuma Class Doesn’t Trusts Lila Rossi

Nino

This dude is a loyal friend

Like, he’s also a loyal boyfriend, so it’s hard when his girlfriend is siding with Lila

But he’s the one who’s like

“Dudes, we’ve known Mari for years there’s no way she would do the stuff this new girl we’ve known for five minutes says she did.”

He and Kim and Mari were besties since preschool, I think we all know that.  

Adrien

I hate it when people say he tries to defend her with the high road crap

When he sees her hurting people, especially Marinette

Because lets be honest, he cares about her alot

He’s less forgiven

Like do y’all remember the “BeCaUsE We’Re FrIeNdS, aReN’t We?”

So he’s not going to try and make her life miserable

But he is going to try to get her to stop

Chloé

Let’s be honest, she never liked Lila in the first place.  

So Imma give y’all bonus “how she figured out everyone’s identities”

So once she became friends with Marinette

Cause they formed a “we hate Lie-la” alliance

(tho since Mari’s still friends with the others its kinda awkward)

Chloe’s pretty smart.  

Like, she totally could have figured it out before they became friends

But she would never have believed back then that Mari-trash was Ladybug, her idol (and lesbian awakening, lesbihonest)

But now that she’s friends with her, it’s way too obvious

And she definitely already knew about Adrien because these guys are besties

And, dudes, she never had a crush on him, she was just an overprotective best friend

And a very touchy one

To her, it’s all pretty obvious.  

She thinks that its just whatever magic thats blinding everyone of the obvious, its immune to (like low-key Rachel Dare here)

But Sabine, Tom, and Jagged probably know to because they’re all Kings and Queens.  

So Chloe figures everyone out pretty quickly.  

Sabrina

She trust Chloe more than anyone.  

But I’m not just gonna use that because its kinda boring.  

Tho Chloe is her bi crush so that definitely helps secure loyalties

Its only when Marinette becomes MDC that she realizes

and yes, Sabrina probably knows because Chloe and she also recognizes the designs from some stuff she has in her own closet.  

So anyway, she realizes Mari is MDC and she’s some famous designer and Lila is not

And Mari also knows Jagged and Clara and a whole bunch of other famous people

And she never brags about it but there’s proof that she knows them

while Lila always brags about it but she’s never been mentioned and no one knows her.  

Alya

I hate it when people say she totally sides with Lila.  

This girl knows that her bestie never lies(or at least thinks)

and some things with Lila don’t add up.  

Like she doesn’t check directly if what Lila says is true

But she’ll be doing research for something else and see’s that it contradicts something that Lila said.  

So she’ll do more research and try to figure more stuff out

And she’s like holy f*ck nothing Lila says is true.

Or, alternatively, for those of you who have watched season 4

She immediately realizes Lila’s a liar right after Marinette tells her she’s Ladybug.  

Marinette

No explanation needed.  

Mylène

Mylene notices when Lila insults one of her classmates one day.  

Even if its subtle, or just piping on the edge of her blaming Marinette for something, she notices it.  

And a good person wouldn’t say something like that,  

Like Chloe, they all expect something like that from

No one every really liked Chloe in the first place

And Mari never says anything rude

Sure, she gets angry at Chloe and Lila sometimes, and she tries to prove what they say is wrong, but she never directly attacks someone.  

I don’t know who Lila was being a bitch to this time, but it cost her a follower.  

Alix

This girl is probably one of the most Gen Z kids in the Akuma Class, which is pretty sad because they’re all supposed to be Gen Z. 

She can smell bullcrap from a mile away

Not to mention the little hints older Bunnyx drops whenever she visits.  

With the mix of her being the future miraculous holder of time and being the daughter of a historian, she’s very aware of history and timelines and cause and effects and chain reactions

So when Marinette starts ‘acting up’ she tries to find when her personality switched over

And even if she seems more like a background character, this aro/ace queen always seems to know your secrets. 

So even before she knew Lila was a phony, she knew that Mari was MDC and that Jagged Stone was Juleka and Luka’s dad

So she definitely figured some stuff out that way

Honestly, next to Chloe, Alix was probably one of the first people to figgure out Mari’s identity.  

She’s a detective to rival batman

Ivan

I think Lila would make some sort of rift between him and Mylene.  

He loves her so much and it would be so hard

And mari and her friends would help him out

and he would see the truth

They wouldn’t like break up or anything

But he can just tell immediately when someone’s being a bad person.  

Kim

Probably something similar to Nino

But I think it’d be a bit more like he’s totally a die-hard fan of some of Marinette’s connections or some of Marinette’s work itself

And when he puts the pieces together its like everything makes sense in the world.  

He really feels super stupid afterwards.  

Ondine probably slaps him for not trusting his childhood best friend before some bitchy new girl.  

Max

This is the smartest dude in class

He made a f*cking robot with emotions you can’t tell me he doesn’t figure Lila out.  

A part of me believes that in the first episode with Lila when they were all waiting on her hand and foot they were probably aware that she was kind of delusional, but were giving into it the way you give into the tales of a six year old.  

Like ‘yeah, okay sweetie.  Sure’.  

I mean, at least that’s why Max went along with the napkin thing, because there’s no other excuse for that whole incident.  

Nathaniel

I don’t totally know how he figured her out, but I love the idea of her saying that she can introduce him to the creator of the Ladybug Comics.  

They actually sit next to each other in class, so he definitely is more aware of her weird behavior than others.

And since he’s an artist he’s very observant, always noticing things like her facial expressions and what seems more exaggerated than real.  

And we all know how kwami-damned done Nathaniel is with the class, so he probably knew all along.  

Not to mention that since the rest of the school is less submissive to Lila’s lies, Marc probably pointed it out to him at some point.  

There’s also the idea that since Nathaniel is pretty much never mentioned anymore, the class forgets about him and he ends up having to spend some time with Marinette and the other outcasts

In which he realizes that they are actually good people.  

Honestly, Nathaniel probably knew all along but he’s just not a drama queen about it so Lila never bothered him.  

Rose

Girls besties with Prince Ali, one of the key components of Lila’s lies

She definitely does not want to believe that someone is capable of so much evil, and she definitely gets Akumatized when she figures it out

She goes through a lot of denial but is eventually convinced.  

Juleka

Her dad is Jagged Stone, also another key component of Lila’s lies.  

After becoming Tigris Pourpre, the holder of the tiger miraculous (that’s canon in the future), she gets a little bit more invested in cat culture

And omfg I just realized that both of our models are kittens and I just wanna DIE because that’s so cute.  

And honestly now that I’m thinking about it if she was a celebrity she would totally take after Jagged and have an emotional support tiger like Princess Jasmine. 

ANYWAY, I’m kinda getting off topic here.  

So she asks Jagged about his cat, and he’s like 

“wtf I’ve never had a cat why would I have a cat I have FANG my CROCODILE”

And she’s like but your cat...

And he’s like “Jules, darling, I wrote a song about how I replaced my family with a guitar and I have three instagrams for Fang, why would I have a feline animal?”

And she’s just like

....

And honestly she probably already knew some sh*t was up before that

Because Luka obviously, despite only having met Lila, like, once, probably, dislikes Lila severely

And also Juleka is more of an observer than a do-er so she probably saw that some stuff was up.  

[staytiny-present]

Ateez Coraline!au

DUDE I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL WHICH MEANS I CAN WRITE MORE YAYYYY!

anyway, this is meant to be a little headcanon thing for a series i’ve been planning that is, obviously, based on the movie coraline. it’ll be a reader insert for you to enjoy as well :) this is basically a “ateez as characters in coraline,” but my plan is to still make them unique to the story. i hope you like this!

warnings: this does not match at all swearing, angsty situations, borderline crack (you’ll see), i think i make one sex joke, allusions to depression - PLEASE take caution when you read yunho’s part. i don’t think i go into any specifics, but his gets serious that i just want you to be aware

Reader’s backstory: you’ve lived with your grandmother who owns the pink palace apartments since you were a teenager so you can help her out as she gets older. the pink palace isn’t the most well-known, but it’s gotten a pretty negative rap since the disappearance of your best friend in high school. it’s hard living there still, but you know your grandma needs the support. you know nearly all of the ins and outs of the place, and all of the tenants adore both you and your grandma

Wooyoung and Yeosang ~ Spink and Forcible

tell me i’m wrong

that’s right you can’t

they’ve been friends for years and bicker and tease each other like they’re married and still love and support each other? yeah

wooyoung and yeosang are childhood friends

they mostly did dance in high school but they were also in theater, and they were kinda well known for being The Best™

they were recruited to join a lot of teams and a lot of colleges wanted them because they were just??? amazing??? how tf??

so yeah they earned a lot of recognition in high school that honestly got them really famous from when they were 16 onward

it’s been a few years since then and so the hype around them has definitely died down but we’ll get to that

they are currently still working on stuff in regards to dancing and acting

they’re technically in college too, but they do online classes so they can stay at home and work on their shows

wooyoung is the idealist while yeosang is the realist

like i said, they act like an old married couple always bickering and fighting but they really do love each other

ride or die best friends dude

it’s just that they say they’ll do certain things or are planning things soon and it just… doesn’t happen

that’s mostly idealist woo talking before yeosang can reign him in

so for years it’s been a lot of empty promises of new work that many people just stopped expecting things from them

and because of that they’ve past their peak and are basically just in limbo before they are actually able to make/perform their next show or something like that 

they rent the basement apartment of the pink palace, and they’ve technically lived in there the longest actually

growing up, both of their families lived there so that was how they met and became the best of friends :)

they didn’t want to leave either but they had to for a couple years

but at least they stayed together :)

their families moved back when the boys were about a year into high school just because the old woman who owns the place is a gem and the city had a great school for them to go to

while they were living there though a boy around their age went missing, and it basically convinced their families that they should move out

wooyoung and yeosang were very adamant about staying, so their families told them you’re either moving away with us or finding a way to pay for the apartment yourselves

so the next day wooyoung and yeosang went out and found themselves some jobs so that they could

it upset their parents sure, but they were also kinda proud that they took so much initiative about this - they knew they would succeed in life

it also factored into why grandma let them stay because she knew the same thing

the sweet woman even said she would help them out from time to time :(

then cue the next 3-4 years where woo and yeo are making a bunch of money with their dances teams and performing in shows 

they’ve gotten a good amount of money over the years that they’ve been able to renovate the basement so that it’s really nice

now they have posters of their “golden years” (as wooyoung says) from high school and their first years of college all around their place

they have a dog and have been seriously considering getting more because he’s getting kind of old :( 

they don’t really get out much bc they are constantly trying to plan and work on their shows, but it’s fine because there’s nothing really close to the pink palace :/ the closest city where they went to school is quite the commute

but because of all this - the empty promises, the lack of activity, the radio silence - no one really takes them seriously anymore, and really people just stopped believing in them

it’s a major factor in their motivation and work ethic, but they try their hardest not to let it deter them from what they want to do in life

Mingi, San, and Jongho ~ The Amazing Bobinsky

trust me here ok?

mingi, san, and jongho start their own circus right out of high school

hear me out

the boys all went to high school together, but jongho is a year younger than them so they all graduated at different times

however they had a lot of classes together because they didn’t really care much about school and it reflected on their academics

so they were put in a lot of lower classes together that they all did well in, they just didn’t care about school

their circus started out as a joke honestly

it was probably edgy teen jongho who was like “ugh i hate school i should just drop out and join the circus”

and it became a running joke between them like haha yeah let’s join the circus, who would we all be tho?

mingi and san were both very adamant that jongho would be the strongman what with all his fruit breaking endeavors and the buff buff arms dude

san did martial arts and liked dancing and was very flexible so he was like ayy i’ll be the acrobat

it took them a while to decide what mingi would be because they were like “huh well what about the lion tamer?” “you know how much of a fraidy cat he is?” “ok well what about a trapeze artist?” “he’s a great dancer and flexible sure, but would he ever be able to have that kind of coordination?” “ok fine then what about a clown?” “fuck you guys”

they chose sword swallower mostly because like??? how does it work?? idk mingi should find out 

and yeah for a while it was a running joke between all of them like yeah we’re gonna drop out of school and join the circus lol

but then come mingi and san’s senior year and they were like… hang on

could… could we actually do this? it sounds fun as hell

it went as far as them all researching circuses in their spare time and income and how to go about joining one

and it ended with them not wanting to live the lifestyle of a traveling circus 

sure it sounded cool as fuck, but while they were somewhat willing to live with those conditions, they weren’t willing enough

so the next best thing for them would be to start their own circus

of course, how do you tell your parents that what you want to be when you grow up is a circus performer?

the answer: you don’t 

whenever they were asked things likes “oh what do you want to do in college?” they all just kinda passed it off as they didn’t know, but in reality they didn’t really have any desire to go to college

you don’t need a degree to start a circus, so they didn’t really want to

once mingi and san graduated, they immediately started looking for affordable apartments where they could do their thing - start their circus

in all honesty they started looking before they graduated too, partially since they would be moving out after hs but also because they just felt better about not living with their parents 

they had seen the pink palace in the newspaper a lot with a vacant attic apartment, and basically since they found out about it they were sold on it

a weird place in the middle of nowhere run by a woman who doesn’t mind housing younger people? perfect

they actually met her before they graduated so they could see about renting the apartment sooner or later

grandma all but told them it was there’s once she met the boys, and she understands that when they are finally able to start living there they will be pretty tight on money, so she doesn’t even make them pay the down payment - she does that herself and holds the apartment for them

because let’s face it: the pink palace isn’t very big,, it already has a good amount of people living there,,, how many people are actually gonna consider moving to the middle of nowhere to actually live there?

plus she likes these three boys, so she wants to help them as much as she can

so yeah once mingi and san graduate, they are basically ready to move into the pink palace

but this is technically after that boy went missing and after the case turned cold, so grandma doesn’t want to rent to anyone new

but she already assured the boys that the attic was theirs, and she’s not about to break that promise

so before giving the boys the keys she gives them the lowdown of what’s been going on and what will happen in the future

they know the boy went missing, but she explains to them all that happened and that it gives the pink palace a bad rap (even though she hardly cares about that), so she wouldn’t normally be doing something like this but they will be the last people she lets rent from her

and they don’t completely understand because they have no idea what this has been doing to the poor old woman, but they understand enough and are grateful for her that she’s still letting them live there

they decide then that it would be better for jongho to start living with them now even before he’s graduated just so it’s less of a change for grandma in the future

which jongho is totally okay with because he honestly would rather live with them anyway

but uh yeah mingi, san, and jongho are the last ones to start renting at the pink palace for a long while

they split rent three ways so that it’s less burdensome on them, and they all have jobs so that they can afford it

mingi and san work full time while jongho has a part time job while he finishes school

but full time they are all preparing and planning their circus!!

takes a lot of throat training for mingi 😏 since he is literally putting swords down his throat, and he started this basically right when they decided their circus was going to be real

san and jongho have advantages because they already have some skill in their areas, but that doesn’t mean they don’t train

san still takes martial arts and dance, and he’s even signed up for gymnastics to help him with his flexibility

jongho basically spends all of his spare times working out (mostly lifting weights) so that he can really be strong

but also jongho has a thing for rats/mice and is like “hey,, why don’t we use them for something so that it’s not just us?”

and the boys lowkey are like wtf dude why but then again who are they to shut down his ideas when they are literally starting a circus?

so they’re like fine but that’s on you to decide how to do that and to plan the act

jongho: yessss ratssss

also jongho: NO they’re not RATS they’re MICE these are MICE THANK YOU

this is the “jumping mice” aspect of the coraline movie with bobinsky just fyi

a lot of jongho’s time in school is spent in the science and psychology departments talking to teachers about animals (specifically rats/mice) and how to train and work with them

the teachers are all kinda like… what? but also they are just happy that jongho is interested in something enough to come to the teachers and ask questions and apply himself

lmao it’s not for school tho

so he learns a lot of this information at school and honestly this might be the only thing he learns at school because soon enough he’s graduating with a bunch of knowledge on how to work with and train animals

once out of high school he starts working full time too so that money and rent is even easier

all of their extra money that isn’t toward rent and bills and groceries go to their circus

they hardly ever buy new clothes unless it’s something for their circus

also the boys had to go to grandma to ask if they could house mice in their apartment, and while it was a hard no (unless they were trained and wouldn’t cause trouble), jongho still smuggled them in

grandma knows about it too (bc she knows everything that goes on for the most part lmao) but she doesn’t say anything because they don’t cause trouble and she likes the boys

the day one of them gets loose and starts terrorizing and infesting the pink palace is the day she intervenes and tells them to get rid of them

but jongho is actually really good at training the mice so it’s fine

my point surrounding all of this is to say that mingi, san, and jongho are in the long and arduous stage of their lives and their circus of planning and preparing everything

they only make so much money and have so many resources that setting up their circus and doing everything to prepare is going to take a long time before they can actually open and show people what they’ve been working on

they’ve been doing it for a few years now and they’ve still hardly made a dent

they have to train and perfect their acts sure, but they also have to do all of the logistical stuff like advertising, selling tickets, finding venues, paying for safety and legal stuff, etc.

and these boys are only in their early 20s, so it’s gonna take a while before they can actually open their circus

but they are determined and passionate, so if this is what they have to do then they will happily do it

Yunho ~ The Ghost Children

oh god this is gonna start getting serious i’m sorry

in case you can’t tell, yunho is the boy that goes missing from the pink palace

he and his family lived in the pink palace from when he was pretty young until he was in high school

he was also really good friends with wooyoung and yeosang because they were all the same age

however he was... not happy

he always worked his ass off dancing because that’s what he wanted to do, but it meant his grades in school tanked

this would obviously be worrying to some parents, and his gave him an ultimatum

either get your grades up and start taking school seriously, or you’re not going to be allowed to continue your dance lessons

the answer was clear to yunho, so he told his dance teacher that he would be taking a break for a bit so he can focus on school

everything was fine until he realized his parents had zero intentions of letting him go back anyway

he didn’t understand,, his grades were getting better so why couldn’t he go back?

to put it plainly, his parents said this:

“what kind of career could you make out of dance? you’ll never succeed”

it was crushing

it was then that yunho realized that his own parents didn’t care about what he wanted and was passionate about

he didn’t think they ever would either, so he just sort of... stopped believing in them

it wasn’t all bad because he had his closest friends and grandma (who treated him like her own grandson)

but he had some pretty bad days that made the happy and energetic boy almost completely unrecognizable

he would look at wooyoung and yeosang and see how successful they were despite still being in school

he would see how their talent was rightfully recognized and sought after

and he would get down on himself, thinking how he wanted the same thing but fearing no one would see him

that’s why he worked hard at everything he did, why his motivation plummeted, and why he nearly wore himself out before even graduating

but one day he started acting strange

everyone noticed how a switch seemed to flip in him

that excited glimmer was back in his eyes, and no one knew why

don’t get me wrong, everyone was so happy to see the smiley yunho was back, but everyone wanted to know what happened

but he hardly made any sense when he told them

he supposedly found a place in the pink palace where he could do what he wanted, but whenever he tried showing anyone he couldn’t? the door was bricked up

everyone started thinking he made it up, that the stress was finally getting to him and he dreamt up a place like this so he wouldn’t lose his mind

that glimmer was gone again, and he stopped trying to talk to people

in fact, he closed himself off from everyone 

the day he went missing was the scariest day for everyone in the pink palace

everyone was devastated, but it completely changed his parents

grandma advised them to move out while the police investigated, but they refused despite how hard it was

but after a year the case became cold

no one could find yunho nor could anyone figure out what happened to him

he just disappeared without a trace

his parents still tried to stay though because they needed to find out what happened to their son

but they couldn’t. no one could

it wasn’t long before they too found it best that they move out of the pink palace

it was just too painful

that was the last time grandma ever rented to anyone new, so the apartment became completely vacant for years

even after they left, no one was able to figure out what happened to yunho

Seonghwa ~ The Black Cat

geomeun goyangi nero nero nero

uhhhh yeah seonghwa’s a cat lmao

he’s not owned by anyone and doesn’t have a collar or anything

he’s a stray that has been around for a while

he showed up pretty soon after yunho started distancing himself from people, but not soon enough for people to think that he’s an omen or something

and he’s not exactly

idk really how to explain it so i won’t lmao

he just sort of became the pink palace’s cat???

grandma takes responsibility for him though and makes sure he’s fed and has a place to rest and play if he ever feels like it

which is nice and all but he doesn’t?? do any of those things?

he comes and goes a lot sure,,, no one really knows where he goes but they know he’ll be back

but when he hangs out around the pink palace? he just... wanders?

it’s hard to explain but it’s almost like he is surveying the domain, like he’s searching for something wrong

he’s a weird cat

not only that though, but he doesn’t eat? or sleep? at all???

at least no one ever sees him sleeping or eating

he’s always getting into shit tho, like he’s always there when you don’t want him to be

there have been many times wooyoung has kicked him out of the apartment because the dogs hate him

mingi and san also try to keep him out because of jongho and his rats mice, but honestly jongho is pretty cool with him

because he doesn’t do anything to the mice? he literally just sits there and watches with wide and curious eyes

sure jongho worries about hwa one day stealing one of his mice for grandma to see so that she can make him get rid of them or kick them out but that’s not going to happen right?

hwa is chill tho, so jongho is chill

the cat would follow yunho around a lot, and a lot of times they were seen curled up together

yunho would be taking a nap the poor boy but hwa wouldn’t

he would just be there to comfort him :(

honestly he liked yunho and his best friend the most and everyone could tell jongho was a close second tho

they all came to start calling him mars instead of The Cat™ since they didn’t know his name

they still call him The Cat™ when he pisses them off but i digress

despite how fucking weird he is though, everyone at the pink palace basically loves him

he’s just Their Cat™ ok?

sure he might be annoying and shifty, or he might be haunted, or he might even be immortal

he’s a really weird cat dude

but he’s part of the family,, they gotta love him

Hongjoong ~ Coraline

curtesy of inception era hongjoong 

so joong is our main man here

at first he had no relation to the pink palace whatsoever,, he had never even heard of it

he lived with a friend in a fairly large city before and it was fine and all but WOW was it expensive

and it was honestly very stifling to hongjoong,,, he couldn’t really do everything he wanted to do there

he found the pink palace by accident

he was searching up affordable apartments to live in places that have good weather and conditions for gardening

let me explain though

hongjoong is in his downward stretch of college for a journalism degree, but he’s taking online classes with his move so that he can focus on that and working

he wants to work in gardening and writing, but he also really just wants to make stuff

his realistic plan is to work in journalism and write for like a gardening magazine or journal while gardening as a “side project” or something (like coraline’s parents do)

did somebody say florist joong? because i did

the dream job though would be to work in song writing or fashion or something artistic like that

he likes painting and making/customizing clothes so he would like to be able to make a career out of that

his goal is to eventually make his own business or store where he makes and sells affordable and sustainable clothes and accessories

he’s going for a degree in journalism with a minor in business, but he has been struggling with both so he has been debating dropping business

arguably it would be better for him to stick with business but most people in his life have told him he’s better in journalism and so he keeps at that mostly 

he feels unfulfilled - he wants to plant a garden, he wants to make and alter clothes customly, he wants to make music

but he isn’t able to do any of that because what are the odds any of that ends up working as a career? 

it might work for a little while but in the future he would technically be a small business, and maintaining a small business is difficult

at least with writing and working for a magazine/journal is stable

however it’s not what he’s most passionate about, thus he finds it hard to have motivation to work

he feels like a zombie going through his days the same as the last, just trying to get through school before he gets a 9-5 job that he’ll hate within a year (if that) doing something he doesn’t want to do

but hey, that’s adult life, isn’t it? 

he doesn’t like to complain and feels guilty when he is ungrateful for his circumstances because he knows plenty of people (his parents included) that went down this route who ended up fine, which means he will too

the one person who always told him to go after what he wanted was his mom even though she technically “settled” in life

holy shit did i digress

but yeah in his search for an affordable place to live with good weather, there wasn’t a lot 

but he also wanted a drastic change from what he was used to, and that was the pink palace

it was practically in the middle of nowhere, and the pictures (while pretty dull) showed potential for a great garden

it was perfect

however

it was a hard no from grandma when he called about possibly renting, so he wasn’t expecting her to call him back at all

grandma didn’t want to risk anything because of what happened with yunho

but with some convincing, she realized that she couldn’t keep holding on

while what happened was horrible, there was nothing that could be done as sad as it was

so she called hongjoong back about when the best time to come look at the pink palace would be

and the rest is history

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Whoo boy, been a little bit. I can’t really say much besides IRL sucks, so. Back to something that doesn’t suck, which is BNHA. This chapter is dedicated to the good bean Tenya, especially his little smile which forced me to change my pfp on discord because I just couldn’t.

I was kinda planning on doing arc summaries between sections, but honestly, the BNHA wiki already has those, so if you don’t want to go back and read through all the posts I’ve done for the pre-USJ chapters, just head over there and do a skim of the summaries there, I guess?

[No. 12 - Yeah, Just Do Your Best, Iida!]

I just love how his hand gestures are actual effective tools against enemies, I cannot even. Also, a good and friendly reminder that carbonated drinks stall his engines! I have never seen that used in fanfic, whether for crack or whump purposes… a shame.

We head right into the next morning from that battle training, with the kids being held up by the media as they ask about All Might. Izuku is a bundle of nerves as he awkwardly excuses himself to the nurse’s office, Ochako is a darling who describes All Might as super muscly, and Tenya goes into a whole ass speech with a lot of fancy language to explain the honor of being at UA and learning under All Might. 

(Honestly, I find it hard to determine whether this is genuinely earnest or if he’s picked up media warding skills from his parents and older brother. It’s probably genuine, but I just love the idea behind low-key troll master Tenya who learned from the best, aka his older brother.)

Katsuki, unfortunately, is still known as ‘the kid from the sludge incident’, which I mean. I am so fucking baffled at how long the media in this have held onto that 'sludge incident' thing, like, you'd think they'd have moved on to other things by now and don't really think about it much.

It’s the same with the general public (as seen in chapter 3), like, yes, I too would have a fucking complex and anger issues if all anyone thought about in relation to me wasn't my high grades or my skill in combat or anything, but that one time a year ago where I was almost suffocated to death while the people who were supposed to save my life did fucking nothing. I mean, Katsuki has always had a complex, but This Didn't Help.

Moving on, we see the media wondering who the fuck this messy looking dude waving them off is, while Aizawa just. Fucking shoos them like they’re dogs or kids or something. His words seem like a vague attempt at being polite about shooing them, but with the hand gesture, well. Basically comes off more as a chastisement. 

...honestly, this feels so weird that no one knew about it even though the kids who got in got a message from All Might saying he’d be teaching there. The only thing I and the others can assume is that there was an NDA on him teaching until it was announced to the newspapers on the first day of classes. Which would explain why it didn’t hit the news until said day…

Whatever, it’s weird, let’s just move on.

One of the reporters steps forward, asking/demanding a chance to speak to All Might about his sudden shift to teaching, only for the guy behind her to try and call out a warning - just a touch too late, as the sensors over the gate react, causing the daunting hunk of metal serving as a gate to slam closed right in front of her. Gonna guess she’s new to the reporting scene. The guy explains that the UA barrier locks down if someone without a school ID approaches the gate, and that supposedly there are more sensors throughout the campus.

The panel gives us a diagram of the three ‘levels’ of sensors - the gate/wall around the school, the walkway to the school, and the school itself. Which I think correlates to the security levels that come up later, since it’s a ‘level three’ breach, which means the school was broken into. Was it… always that fucking simple and I just totally glossed over that detail until now? orz

While the newsfolk complain about not getting comments from UA, we get to see the back of a ~mysterious figure~ who definitely isn’t the primary antagonist of the entire series. God, you can see his individual neck vertebrae.

Horrifying.

We transition to 1a’s homeroom, with Aizawa going over the battle training as well as their grades / evaluations. Aizawa calls out Katsuki and tells him to grow up and stop wasting his talent, which Katsuki grudgingly accepts. Izuku jolts at being called out next over his broken arm, and accepts the chastisement of learning to control his quirk, because trying isn’t going to cut it. Aizawa does soften the blow, however, by repeating that Izuku has potential, assuming he overcomes that issue.

With that done, Aizawa ‘Plus Extra™’ Shouta gets the whole class tense by drawing out the next class announcement. While I think it’s a translation error, the whole class sweating as they wonder whether it’s another brutal pop quiz is hella funny. (I’m guessing it was meant to be ‘test’ which would reference to the quirk assessment as well as the battle training, but ah well.) The whole class sighs in relief as one as Aizawa finally reveals that their task for the morning is to choose a class president - a normal, school-like thing in comparison to the past two days.

Pretty much the entire class has their hands raised to volunteer for the position, with Katsuki being particularly aggressive about it (as per the norm). Even Izuku has his hand shyly lifted up from the desk, while his narration notes that the position in normal schools entails mundane tasks, but in UA’s hero course means leading the group - a position suited for a top hero in the making.

Tenya calls for them all to quiet down, drawing attention as he goes on to explain how leading people is a task of heavy responsibility, but that ambition is not equal to ability. He is so intense it’s hilarious as he explains how the office demands the trust of its constituents, and that if it’s to be a democracy, then he puts forward the motion that they choose their leader through election.

Seriously this is just so fucking hilarious, I love this boy so much. And I love whoever it is that calls out that this is a classroom, not congress. 

Tsuyu points out that the class hasn’t known each other long enough to build trust, and Kirishima notes that everyone will vote for themselves. Tenya points out that that is precisely the reason that anyone who gets multiple votes will be the best suited for the job. He then checks with Aizawa if this is allowable, which the teacher agrees to so long as it’s quick. And a quick transition, we reveal the winners-

Izuku with three votes, and Momo with two.

Everyone else, it seems, still has one vote, which was their own (as predicted). Izuku is shook. Katsuki is shaking in anger as he demands to know who the hell voted for Deku. Ochako is whistling and looking away, thinking that she’d better not let Katsuki find out.

(Also of note is that Sero is already approaching Katsuki and making a joke here about it being obvious Katsuki wasn’t one of Izuku’s votes, and then seemingly laughing a bit when Katsuki’s temper turns on him?

Hard to say for sure, but it seems Sero is the first of Katsuki’s future friend group to approach him and get away with poking at his temper. Which I feel is something very much overlooked by the fandom in favor of Kirishima for fairly obvious reasons.)

Tenya, meanwhile, is in a funk as he notes he has no votes, and that that is the harsh reality of office. Momo is concerned as she notes that zero votes meant he voted fro someone else, while Sato points out that Tenya was the one to suggest the election, so what did he seriously want? Izuku and Momo go to the front of the class - Izuku a nervous wreck while Momo’s just exasperated with the situation. Aizawa confirms their positions as he gets out of his sleeping bag, and the class talk a bout about the suitability of the chosen pair while Tenya continues to sulk in his seat.

With that, the first half of the chapter is done, so I’ll call it here. I can certainly say I learned a thing or two today, and I hope y’all did as well!

[aesudan-kholin]

If Kaladin had actually given Elhokar hero lessons, how do you think those sessions would have gone?

so... i made a post recently about how i understand (i know lots of things, but not understand) literally nothing about them whatsoever. so answering this ask isnt going to keep in line with what i usually do of only saying something if im confident in it and reasonably sure it wont change later. AKA me from the future might not agree with what i think and say now. so just putting that out there.

so the thing about this is it probably never could have happened. elhokar was desperate, and in his desperation, whether this idea of kaladin teaching him was something that he had been stewing on for weeks to months, or something he thought of while drunk (i imagine it would be the former, though he probably didn't think about it in specific, accomplishable ways), he finally worked up the courage with the help of some alcohol to ask kaladin to do this completely un fleshed out plan of figuring out how to make elhokar not be a shit king. now, this was doomed to fail for a few reasons.

number one: elhokar had a very very good chance of legitimately being incapable of being a good king.

maybe he could have ended up (with some guidance) as a good leader at some smaller scale, like a small town, but even that is debatable. kaladin instinctively knows things, and while i definitely think he had a negative bias against elhokar and his King Skillz in that moment due their relationship being at a low point, his instinct saying 'yeah thats never gonna happen' was probably completely correct.

number two: kaladin probably would not agree to it.

2a. in that moment where he did ask, kaladin thought he was being weird as hell and was so fucking confused. he didn't know at all where this was coming from, because he is blind to how other people view him a lot of the time, and by extension how elhokar had been idolizing him. they probably hadn't seen much of each other ever since elhokar tried to execute him and throw him in jail. from kaladin's perspective, elhokar tried to kill him, then is coming to him like he has all the secrets to life, which is very baffling to him. unrelated sidenote i need to rewrite this stupid coppermind article on elhokar i did not write it but i want to fix some shit in here. so kaladin in that situation is like WTF????? in his head but out loud he's like 'um.. i dont know if thats possible for you' which is a rejection. i don't know if he would have said the same words if he was at a relative high point in his opinion of elhokar rather than potentially the lowest point that he got in wor that he was in that chapter (thinking about it the chapter where he was in prison might have been the lowest but this is a low point is what im saying), but thats probably an opinion he would have kept throughout the bumpy road of whatever tf their relationship is.

2b. kaladin has shit to do, man. dude was working double triple shifts in words of radiance, got into urithiru and was like the only windrunner, and was training overtime to train some windrunners to have some squires ready for the expedition to kholinar. after he got back he was made a highmarshall and we dont see too much in the ob-row timeskip but he wasnt getting much sleep either, and he probably had a lot of shit to do when he was awake, battles aside. when would he have had the time to even begin to think about lesson plans for this goal that in his head is sort of unachievable, let alone find time for actually talking to elhokar about shit.

so like even if elhokar did ask at a point where kaladin felt less like he was absolute crap and more like [??????? but more positive than the absolute crap thing], kaladin would still have been like dude what. and kaladin also would have been like dude i do not have the time. even in an elhokar lives au (because the first time kaladin would have potentially had any time whatsoever for that is post-kholinar), shallan would probably be the radiant he was interacting more due to lightweaver reasons. and elhokar has a great deal of respect for shallan as well, certainly not as much as he has for kaladin, but he does value shallan's skill and opinion, and shallan would not only be a lot more willing to give elhokar some support and advice, they would be working closer together anyway because of their shared order. he wouldn't be getting this nebulous "secret to life" stuff that he wanted to get from the guy who survived a highstorm, almost single handedly saved an army, beat shardbearers with nothing but a spear, and fell into the chasms only to crawl back out again even after a highstorm, but, and my future self might disagree on this, but he might have just been looking for advice on how to live his life.

but, all of that aside. lets say that kaladin for some reason decided that it was personally important to him to train elhokar to not be a shit leader, that he potentially thought it was not a lost cause, and if he did then he cared enough to try anyway. postponing kholinar (which he would have the power to do in this case, since elhokar would be listening to whatever he said*) might have given him more time for that after that request, or else he might have had to think about it and agree post-kholinar, which would involve an elhokar lives au, which i dont want to deal with all the implications so im going to say in this scenario he accepted after elhokar asked in wor 80, or maybe directly after urithiru was discovered (aka later that night) with a promise to start teaching him right after he got back from hearthstone. god i feel like alternate history hub. the later that night thing would have been more likely because that is after his whole 180 about elhokar. that way, the weird intense commitment to help elhokar be a better leader was baked in to all the other weird dramatic shifts about how he thought about elhokar.

what i think kaladin would do?

possibility 1: he would have elhokar start small. i think he would have elhokar teach a single person to do something. he would get a new recruit, and tell elhokar to teach him to be a soldier. maybe the new recruit is one of lopens cousins who saw elhokar blackout drunk and being pushed around by lopens mom to eat his food, so he's not intimidated by him. the new guy not being intimidated is key, because he can't just do what elhokar says because he's the king. after the day, kaladin talks to the new recruit then elhokar, seeing what went right and wrong, then tells elhokar what changes to make. if somehow everything went right with that, kaladin would next give him a group of 5 to lead in some way, and if that worked, a group of 50.

possibility 2: a job shadow. either kaladin job shadowing elhokar, watching all his fuck ups happen in real time, and constantly whispering advice which is offputting to the people elhokar is meeting with but its funny. the issue here comes with kaladin not knowing a lot of political theory. as good of a leader as kaladin is (which is insanely), elhokar is more well versed in political theory (as an example think of the time kaladin was like 'why is beating sadeas in a duel going to wreck him its literally just a duel' there would be a lot of situations in elhokar's work as a king that kaladin would probably be similarly confused on), even if he doesn't apply it well. either that, or elhokar job shadowing kaladin, watching kaladin train the windrunners, and breaking to explain some things to elhokar every once in a while, which elhokar would theoretically learn from. the issue here of course comes with how both of these guys both have sort of incredibly important jobs that they could probably only carve out a few hours at most for something like that. unless elhokar abdicated.

abdication.... no i shouldn't go into all of this this should be a separate 2000 word post. but abdication could come into play and is related to that *asterisk earlier.

i can not think of a third possibility, although there probably is one. i would think that possibility 1 would be more likely in my opinion.

some meme possibilities i came up with:

- kaladin lets elhokar borrow syl and elhokar wears a hat and syl is in the hat pulling bits of his hair like ratatouille and basically operating elhokar and she makes him be an ideal windrunner whenever she feels like he's fucking up

- kaladin presides over the document signing meetings and whenever elhokar is about to sign a document he thinks isn't good he slaps the pen out of his hand and has a disapproving glare. elhokar has to do the walk of shame across the room to get the pen everytime this happens

- training montage with "Gonna Fly Now" in the background where there is no dialogue and it just shows elhokar visibly failing and he tries to lift a rock with a piece of paper on it that says "kingly responsibility" and fails and kaladin shakes his head, then there's a training montage of idk him learning the spear or training other bridgemen or other kaladin-y things and wearing a bandana for no reason then by the end of the montage he successfully lifts the kingly responsibility rock

- they just completely switch jobs for a while while elhokar gets his shit together. all hail king kaladin

(+ my first thoughts)

[dogcopter]

Jane is Lore 2020

Ok, here’s the round up of the ghost part of the situation with @keepbeachcitysafe​ and @keepbeachcityweird​.

Theory: Ronaldo’s girlfriend Jane is the key to figuring out Rose Quartz is not gone, largely via a constellation of background clues. If that sounds ridiculous, I understand. I’m Ronaldo. Actually I’m not Ronaldo, but hopefully I’ll have a post about him too soon. I hope we can all have fun together tho

This post is very, very long and involves a lot of images. It will be confusing at first, but please entertain the thought and keep reading, and I hope it clicks into place. I may need to update it later. 

Three sections for supporting evidence:

1. Restaurant Wars, Jane, KBCW/KBCS blogs’ interaction & contents

2. Astral projection/ghosts/fusions

3. Dogcopter secrets

Restaurant Wars Saga & Jane’s appearances

So Ronaldo has a blog at @keepbeachcityweird​ - he also published a book based on his blog called Keep Beach City Weird: You Can’t Hide the Truth!!!, which is available for purchase.

On April 23, 2014, Lion 2: The Movie airs. Jane appears for the first time working the ticket booth at the movie theater and sees Lion and the kids fight a killer robot. Dogcopter 3 is playing at the theater.

April 23, 2014, Ronaldo at Keep Beach City Weird also posts about seeing Dogcopter 3 at the movie theater, where the parking lot is a mess, presumably from Steven, Connie and Lion’s robot training fight.

He mentions “First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.”, but that’s less relevant to this particular post. The important thing is that he, like Connie, follows Dogcopter, who’s also associated with Jane. (We’ll get to Dogcopter’s appearances in SU in the last part of this once the context is established) 

Ronaldo’s posts in general document specific events and details in his home Beach City, but that’s another post entirely.

Exactly a year later, Ronaldo on April 23, 2015 posted about receiving a mysterious letter, which might be from Jane because (beneath a great deal of smudging) it appears to call Ronaldo the CUTEST GUY EVER! (This isn’t crucial or anything, just noting it as one of our first Jane points).

I GOT A LETTER TODAY!!!  But for some reason it was all wet and I can’t even tell what it says.  Is it a love letter?  Is it a death threat?  Please tell me!  I need to know if I should lock my doors or open my heart!

Jane also appears in Beach City Drift. After Beach City Drift, keepbeachcitysafe posts an episode reaction blog, on July 22 2016, and takes special notice of Jane.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm. So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

(Kevin’s Himitsu X12 is his car, in the middle there. We’ll come back to this and what KBCS means in a second.)

July 25 2016, Restaurant Wars airs, the third of Jane’s four appearances in SU. In this ep, Jane comes a long way to return Ronaldo’s Koala Princess DVDs, and catches Ronaldo with Kiki and is upset. 

KBCS posts another episode reaction blog, pays attention to Jane again, and says they plan to message Ronaldo.

Ronaldo says he can’t do it because of his girlfriend. Ooo, he has a girlfriend, that’s pretty cool, you just know whats gonna happen next.

Ok so, Ronaldo’s, GIRLFRIEND, (imagine me saying that in slow motion) showed up at the worst possible moment.

Everything was back to normal. Except poor Ronaldo, I should sent him a letter to cheer him up. Seen ya next week.

Almost immediately the KBCS and KBCW blogs play out a little interaction online:

Ronaldo goes through some stuff.

No post today.  If anyone needs me I’ll be at Brooding Hill… where I’ll be CRYING. I usually cry at Crying Canyon, but it’s closed right because of some flash flood warnings.  

Then Ronaldo posts KBCS’s letter.

Note how KBCW caps this message so the name is clearly visible? It’s referring to Ronaldo’s bio:

It’s not very cheering...but things work out shortly thereafter. Jane likes one of Ronaldo’s posts and all seems well.

I think it’s going to work out you guys.  Thanks for all your support.

After this, Ronaldo doesn’t post again until Rocknaldo several months later, and one last time after publishing his book. 

That’s April 18 2017. The KBCW tumblr is never updated again. KBCS’s final post is not long after, Jul 4, 2017.

Finally, Jane makes a cameo alongside Ronaldo in the very last scene of Steven Universe Future, “The Future.”

Koala Princess, Astral Projection and Psychic Ghosts

So some interesting patterns come up when you connect the two blogs, the clues associated with Jane, and some understanding of Steven’s powers. Let’s revisit Keep Beach City Weird, a Ronaldo’s primary blog, and Keep Beach City Safe, which contains mysteries too big for this simple Dogcopter/Jane-hime lore post.

Keep Beach City Weird - Ran from September 2013 to April 2017, with a lot of posts made in October 2015 and July 2016.

Keep Beach City Safe - Ran from June 2015 to July 2017, with most posts in 2016 of course.

Let’s look at a timeline of posts. I’m going to call out things that we’ll connect to the Jane lore at the end.

Keep Beach City Weird: Ronaldo’s blog

Nov 1, 2013, days before Steven Universe first airs: KBCW’s first post is all about Astral Projection.

Astral Projection!  The ability to travel outside your physical body and into other planes of existence!

I began to feel lightheaded and before I knew it, I was floating above my body.  Amazing!  I walked out onto the boardwalk in my new ASTRAL FORM, and you know what the weird thing was?  Nobody even said hello to me.  I was COMPLETELY INVISIBLE!  I mean, usually nobody really notices me, but this was a different kind of not being noticed.  This was not being noticed on another plane of existence - so I didn’t feel bad about it.Anyway, after being ignored in the arcade and Fish Stew Pizza, I got bored and I went back to the fry shop to re-merge with my body. 

Astral projection is a power Steven demonstrates a number of times, and you’ll see among these posts that certain powers of Steven involving this stuff are called out by the blog. 

Connie: What? Where are you? How are you...? Steven: I’m not sure, but I think it’s a classic psychic ghost type situation. Connie: Ah, of course! So, what’s the plan?

from Reunited

Steven: Oh man. I fell asleep and had this weird dream. I opened the door and Lapis was there, and- Pearl: Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Lapis is fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean. Steven: You’ve never had a dream before, huh? Pearl: Uh, I don’t think so.

from Chille Tid

August 28, 2014, Joking Victim, Ronaldo posts about ghosts. And an arsonist from about 150 years ago.

September 04 2014, Steven and the Stevens, Ronaldo posts about "cross dimensional travelers”

And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  

Not mentioning posts that don’t mention ghosts/astral projection/dimensions in some capacity, but in realtime Ronaldo liveblogs in response to episode events.

Ronaldo also answers some fan asks. On October 31 2014 after Keep Beach City Weird he answers this question about floaters with “BACTERIAL GHOSTS” in all caps, this one about his first encounter with the supernatural (the events shown in Horror Club, which aired February 12, 2015)

Nov 2014, Ronaldo posts twice about Watermelon Stevens and a review of the anime Soul Blaster, “Like every anime, Soul Blaster is about a high school student.  Our hero is a cool dude, with even cooler hair named Kyosuke.  He battles rogue spirits with the help of his Soul Blaster - which happens to be powered by the spirit of his deceased younger brother, Kettaro. “

On December 4, 2014 Ronaldo posts about Koala Princess, who will become important in this post when we get back to Dogcopter and Jane. Koala Princess is repeatedly used as a stand-in for talking about Steven’s journey. In this post Ronaldo says:

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so I just finished the final episode of Koala Princess and I don’t want to get too emotional on you guys but I CAN’T STOP CRYING!  Koala Princess goes on a walkabout and enters dreamtime and finally MEETS HER KOALA MOTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! SLKDJFSDJ:FS

I’ve got so many feels!  These feels are the real deals!  On wheels!  WHAT AM I SAYING?! I’M GOING CRAZY!!!

Lion 3: Straight to Video aired on the same day as Ronaldo’s post. In this episode Steven meets Dogcopter in a dream, and then sees his mother Rose Quartz for the first time - she speaks to him via a VHS tape.

After Alone Together, Ronaldo posts about Stevonnie, who is a fusion. He also gets stuck under a fridge for a bit after Future Vision in January 2015.

And I want TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THIS FRIDGE!

He posts like five times about it in the same day because he’s freaking out.

And also I want my body to be shot into space with a print version of my blog so an alien civilization can find me reconstruct my body and worship me.

On February 19 2015 after Winter Forecast, he posts about using time travel to fix bad decisions:

Sometimes I think about all the bad decisions I’ve made and how they’ve affected my life, and I wish I could go back in time and change them.  But unless I can find a way to break into the Pentagon and steal a time bike, I’m just stuck with having regrets.  

After Political Power Ronaldo claims glowsticks are filled with ghost blood.

Anyway, then stuff happens. 

January 4 2016, after The Answer, Ronaldo posts about seeing Dogcopter 4 and shares the poster for it.

One interesting thing about the poster is that if you invert it and mess with the contrast a bit, a strange diagram appears on the left. A true mystery.

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Coming back to Dogcopter in a minute, but these are relevant details.

Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.

On Jan 5, Steven’s Birthday, Ronaldo posts about celebrating his birthday on a different date every year.

Every year, I celebrate my birthday on a completely different day.  Why?  To keep my birthdate a SECRET so that no clandestine government agencies can steal my identity!

July 2016, the saga with Jane and KBCS above happens. When he’s sad about Jane breaking up with him, the same day Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service comes out (in which Steven astral projects into Kiki’s dream), he listens to sad music.

Ugh, I wish I had some sad music to listen to at work.  All I have is a playlist of video game soundtracks and some EVP recordings of ghost hauntings.  I guess ghosts are sad.  I’ll just listen to those.

But if you’re feeling happy, I do suggest listening to the “Go-Go Gorilla Go-Go Kart Racing” soundtrack.  Some solid 16-bit J-reggae.

This post may partly be a reference to the Sadie Killer song G-G-G-Ghost, which is performed in The Big Show and wouldn’t air for a bit, but is also astral projection related.

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. Can't you see that I exist? And I don't need an exorcist To let me out Look at me and I'll appear Why can't you see that I'm right here? That I'm right here? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. I'm calling you from the other side

Once Ronaldo has gone through grief and anger, he resorts to begging her to come back. This post is from July 28, the day Alone at Sea aired in which Jasper begs Lapis to return.

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. I was only pretending to date Kiki to defend my family’s honor, just as the Kanga-ronin did in Season 1, Episode 3!

Here is another Koala Princess reference. There are a couple SU references in the episode numbers in this post.

The events of Season 5, Episode 13 of KP was not what it seemed: for Steven Universe, this is Your Mother and Mine, in which Garnet tells a story told to her by Rose Quartz. It later turns out to be a false origin story to cover the truth that Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond.

Kanga-ronin pretended at something to defend family honor in Season 1, Episode 3, which in SU is Cheeseburger Backpack - where Steven buys a novelty backpack so he can carry things on missions to be useful for the gems, fails his first mission and pretends he’s fine. The events of this ep are later referenced in The Test.

Finally, Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle is a reference to Stevonnie’s vision in Jungle Moon, which is Stevonnie’s first interaction with Pink Diamond via a memory dream. In this dream, all was not as it seemed either.

Then the KBCW blog doesn’t post until Feb 2017, after Rocknaldo. A couple ghost and dream-y quotes from here:

In my searches for THE TRUTH, I’ve done a lot of listening.  I’ve listened to haunted houses to hear ghosts from other dimensions.  I’ve listened to radio signals from the cosmos for signs of alien life.

I’ve also learned that HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP.  I didn’t sleep for 48 hours and I PASSED OUT FOR DAYS.

Ronaldo’s final post is an ad for his book, which comes out during a hiatus, and he references Koala Princess again: 

I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!  

Now let’s look at Keep Beach City Safe.

Keep Beach City Safe: [???]’s blog

For KBCS, I’m only going to skim to address ghost/astral projection related content that comes back to the business with Jane, Dogcopter, Koala Princess and Rose. The rest of this blog is a little too big for right now. 

It’s interesting that KBCS seems to have mostly flown under the radar, but between the Jane arc and a couple other things I believe it to be legit. Suffice to say I’m treating it as real and you will see why in a minute.

For KBCS I’ll mostly mention which episode a post is associated with, but not the date like with Ronaldo’s.

KBCS’s reaction blog to Nightmare Hospital includes a couple relevant lines:

Where was the Gem M.? I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around! It was mom!

Don’t tell me It’s on the other side of the hall corner. That would mean it saw mo- Connie’s mom!

KBCS posts a blog between Too Far and The Answer, in which they review a number of events. (They post another blog about fusions in which they describe Garnet and Stevonnie’s components as well)

During the movie the TV just shut down and they were being chased around by a “ghost”. It was actually a gem stuck inside the house, making the house seem like it was possessed.

They also get pretty excited about Steven’s birthday.

Only a few more minutes until Steven’s Birthday!

Eeeeh! Only a few mins left until midnight. We finally get to learn about Garnet’s past! Are guys happy, I know I am. I can’t even express how happy I feel, but I’ll try. And I will not act crazy while doing it, Imma keep it cool. So it’s like Peace and Love had a son, and his name was Steven! Then Steven fused with Connie, who was the daughter of Happiness. And they formed Stevonnie, who was made of everything right within the universe!

On Steven’s Birthday they also post about the Dogcopter 4 movie.

I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

This clearly references Ronaldo’s post about Dogcopter having nine lives, but KBCS is a little more considerate about spoilers.

In KBCS’s “It Could’ve Been Great” post, they’re still talking about Steven’s birthday. There’s a promo image attached as well.

To start things off I just wanted to say: I did see Steven turn into a baby? And I would also like to say: DID YOU SEE STEVEN TURN INTO A BABY!?!?

So, by now your probably wondering what the second image is aren’t you? We clearly it’s a pic of Rose holding a cupcake candle.

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party. Happy Birthday from all of us at KBCS. Hope you like it.

Future Vision reference. (Some of this is less relevant to the Jane thing but I’m pulling quotes that are related to fusion and stuff in the hopes it gets clearer)

This reminds me of the time that Garnet gave Stevens her future vision. I don’t know what happens exactly, but I think you see what’s going to happen in the future hence the name future vision. Being able to see into the future would be awesome, yet terrified at same time.

There’s a great post about Pie Day - in fact, KBCS posts about Pie Day a few times. They call out Pearl, too, which reminds me of a certain prolific fandom video editor’s handle.

You know who else knows about Pi. Pearl, but also Peridot.

Pearl Doesn’t Like Pie. Happy Pie Day!

This is not a good photo of Pear let’s see if we can find a better one. Now that’s better.

Sorry for the tangent. Let’s talk koalas now.

KBCS posts about The New Lars. They have thoughts about Steven’s ability to hop into other bodies, namely the question of whether Rose could do this as well.

Steven is worried that Lars isn’t being truthful about his feelings. So through his dreams, Steven jumps into Lar’s body, and trys to make his life better. But he only makes things worse.

Steven somehow possessed Lars’s body through his dreams. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again, we have a word for it now: Dream Possession. But he can also enter dreams.

He did it with Lapis, the Watermelon Stevens, and now Lars. That’s one gem, one sentient plant, and one human. Well with lapis he was merely communicating with her. This, new power, is seems to activates itself whenever Steven wants to help someone, but can’t because something getting in the way. Could this be a power passed down from Rose, or is this a power he himself posses?

#koala vs sloth

in The New Lars, koalas come up twice. Koalas in SU are associated with Steven’s astral projection powers. Remember how Koala Princess met her mother in the dreamscape? 

Steven: For your consideration...The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "Hanging Around Doing Nothing" mammals!?

Steven in Lars’ body: Whatcha doing? Hanging out? Buck: Yeah. Steven: That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like koalas or sloths? Uh, I'm asking for Steven.

Steven: Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a koala and a sloth.

From The New Lars. Steven references koalas three times.

KBCS gets to Beach City Drift. They take notice of Jane and of Kevin’s car.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm.

So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

So while we’re back on the subject of Jane, here’s something interesting about Dogcopter and the Himitsu X12. They both show up in advertisements together in the background of Empire City.

Mr Greg

Same Old World

This is what KBCS is talking about - Dogcopter has a secret.

For Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, KBCS has more to say about dreams.

She has a nightmare and Steven, coincidentally, falls asleep after eating and enters Kiki’s dream. Now Steven The Dream Warrior, must help Kiki battle her dream, and finally end this nightmare once and for all.

Steven, who for some reason keeps going into people’s dreams, goes into Kiki’s dream.

Steven fought for about week, and he’s was tired by day four. And we know from experience that a sleepless Steven, is a cranky Steven.

This is the same power Steven used in Chille Tid. and look who showed up again?

After Monster Reunion airs, KBCS posts a liveblog and includes a far-fetched accusation that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond.

Think about it! A Diamond should have access to all gem controlled tech, right. And if Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond, which she is, then she should be able to too, right. And Steven has Rose’s gem. So now Steven can access gem tech. And one more thing to prove this theory once and for all.

But there’s one thing that doesn’t add up. Rose Quartz… is a Quartz. How could she be a Diamond?????? Maybe I’m wrong, she could have been just working along side Pink Diamond. Maybe this just a crackpot theory about the impossible. I don’t think gems can turn into different gems? who knows, I guess we’ll find out sooner or later. 

When KBCS gets to Crack the Whip, they take note of Lion and tag him thrice:

Crack the Whip! Is it just me or is that foreshadowing?

Oh, did I mention that Lion was there. He was just there, when Connie opened the door, he walked up and just started hanging. It was so cool! It was like, Just Lion Things 2! So the snack break, that takes the whole day, ends at the beach, where the idea originally began.

Amethyst faces off Jasper, gem to gem, while Steven and Connie, and don’t forget Lion, fight the corrupted gem.

Lion was keeping the Gem Monster busy while all of this was happening. I was so stunned when Steven and Connie fused, without doing a fusion dance! How well they worked, together, they rode on Lion, and defeated Jasper, and poofed the Gem Monster all at the same time!!!

#just lion things 2 #lion fights #lion still fights

There’s also a weird Google Slides slideshow connected to the KBCS account, which includes this image featuring Lion, Tiny Floating Whale, (and Connie and Greg) and the word TRUE with Steven’s affirmative!

More Koala Princess

Two more Koala Princess references - although only one is immediately relevant - 

In Gemcation, Ronaldo keeps texting Steven about Koala Princess. Steven’s lockscreen is a selfie with him and Lion.

Also, as a sidenote, Koala Princess is implicated in sneople trolls on anime message boards.

Dogcopter

These are just the Dogcopter appearances (Thanks to SU wiki as well as my brain) Dogcopter fights robots in at least one timeline, and the book is allegedly really long. Bold Dogcopters are the pink dogcopter, everything else is an ad or grey.

Lars and the Cool Kids - Poster

Lion 2 - The movie they all go see.

Lion 3 - Gives Steven advice.

Chille Tid  - Shows Steven how to find Lapis. Meows. (Dogcopter’s parents are cats.)

Same Old World & Mr. Greg - Advertisement

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service - flies Steven away.

In Dreams and Growing Pains (Note this is grey Dogcopter) - Flies away in Stefan’s nightmare, proposes to Drew the driver (or at least offers them something) in the Dogcopter 6 Till Death Do Us Bark I Now Pronounce You Man and Woof trailer.

Snow Day - Pupcopter, a spinoff for babies.

And for Steven’s Birthday - Connie points out a Dogcopter constellation.

Astral Projection

Another quick summary. I’ve written a lot on this psychic ghost stuff so check my blog if you want the tags, idrc. Summary of astral projection powers Steven has shown:

Leaving his body (Reunited, Escapism)

Possessing other bodies (New Lars, Escapism, SWI)

Traveling to others’ dreams (Kiki’s Pizza, Chille Tid)

Interacting with fusion components within the fusion’s mind (Chille Tid, Mindful)

Regarding KBCS’s question of whether Rose could have done this, it doesn’t seem impossible - and as of Fragments and Homeworld Bound, we know that Gems don’t die when they are killed. (Lol.) That is, the personality/soul can appear in the same gem if it’s shattered and repaired. And Steven’s mom’s gem is perfectly intact, inside him. 

Literally what is the point of all this

So after KBCS and KBCW spent so long talking about astral projection, ghosts, dreams, fusions, etc etc. they never actually got to the point - just pointed us in the direction of a bunch of clues that 

Rose Quartz isn’t gone.

Obviously. She’s in his gem in him, like Lapis and the mirror, or the lighthouse gem. She uses astral projection to help Steven in his dreams as well as see him in Rose’s room, like other fusions speak in the mindscape. (There’s a lot more to this but this is enough to ask anyone to wrap their head around atm) 

She also interacts with him through other bodies, the same way Steven takes over Lars’ body, or the Watermelon Stevens. 

Remember this?

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party.

Who came to Steven’s birthday in which Connie points out that Dogcopter constellation?

Who gave Steven advice when he wished he could talk to his mom?

Who showed Steven where to find the tape?

Who else could have asked Steven, “What do you want” in Susan Egan’s voice? 

(Why did they choose to hire Susan Egan to voice a cameo in Under the Knife in the first few seconds of Fusion Cuisine, where she says “It’s my son!” while Lion is onscreen)

Or reassured him that Rose’s tape was telling him the truth?

Who first brought him to Pink Diamond’s moon base?

Who knew where Rose’s armory was and how to train with it? (Note the giant penny)

Who showed Steven the location of Pink’s fallen palanquin?

Who found Rose’s lost scabbard?

and knew where Pearl would run to when she’s upset?

Who (reluctantly) brought Steven to the landfill and Pink Diamond’s ship?

Who showed him how to find Malachite?

Twice?

Who showed him how Pink Diamond tried to stop the Earth’s colonization, and who to ask for the truth?

Who tried to entertain him on Mask Island when he was trapped on Homeworld?

And then rescued him from the open sea?

Who showed Stevonnie the password to Yellow Diamond’s moon base?

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. 

So yeah Rose is Lion 2020. Thanks for reading this extremely long nonsense.

Also thanks to @babybeetlebongos​ for both mindscape lore and fixing Ronaldo’s cheek in the banner image, lol. I made a Twitter thread about this as well (and the more in depth Lion and astral projection theory threads are quoted at the top, if you need them. the #mindscape deeplore 2020 tag/tags on this post have stuff too.)

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Lies

In the chaos of.....all of November....totally forgot I meant to relisten to this episode sooner! Which is odd because Series 2 is definitely one of the high points of Gallifrey for me (apparently listening to everything slowly collapse into the civil war is super engaging and interesting? idk Series 2 just does a lot of solid character work and storytelling and good narrative progression to the “ahhh everything is very bad” finale...and I’m not sure how to feel about this, given *gestures at the world these days*). But anyways, now for some thoughts on the series opener:

Fun fact: From the TV show alone, Romana I was my favorite. (This had something to do with her having more character growth in season 16 than season 17, since her early days on the TARDIS involve the “wait my academic success does not necessarily translate to the real world” realization and learning about worlds and people different from her own and growing from High-Achieving Student to Adventurer in her own right. Also I loved the grudgingly-working-together to actual-friends arc with her and the Doctor. I was a bit less interested in her character when she was just going around being a capable adventurer, although I did become invested in Romana II in her last episodes, as she quietly grapples with the issue of what she wants to do next in life and eventually chooses to go off on her own. Also to be fair, I appreciate the fun times of Season 17 a lot more now because Romana being happy and having a good time traveling around the universe? What a concept.) 

All this to say: me on my first listen of Gallifrey was very excited about Romana I being in this episode. And even though it’s not quite as much of a !!!!! thing for me these days (the Gallifrey audios have long since solidified Romana II as my favorite), I do love the (sort of) multi-Romana interaction that happens in this one.

Brax essentially going “yeah the education system is supposed to be shitty and take an emotional toll on you” sir.

“I am not xenophobic” — Oh yeah, this scene is Narvin at his most unlikeable. “I’m not being bigoted, I’m just trying to protect Gallifrey, the fact that I assume that people who aren’t from here inherently can’t be trusted, and also go on about how they’re too loud and disruptive and don’t belong is definitely not a bigoted worldview nope.” Yikes. Very glad he’s going to see the error of his ways. 

The Narvin and Darkel rant session does actually do a good job at explaining what’s been happening and establishing the primary conflict of the series while not feeling like it exists solely to be an info dump to catch up the listener. Like, it’s definitely a setup scene, but it is an interesting setup scene. 

“But she is my President, and it’s my job to ensure that she gets what she wants and needs, efficiently and without question. Well, too many questions anyway.” Okay this moment and Darkel and Wynter’s conversation later about Narvin’s weakness (“Loyalty. An unswerving loyalty to his office and his precious CIA. And above all, loyalty to his president.” “He despises President Romana!” “Oh yes, of course. But it’s the position, not the person, he places that trust in.”) are really setting up some key Narvin Character Theses that we’re going to see play out this series (and also that the narrative is going to push in really interesting ways later on..... “position not the person”.....just you wait....) 

Darkel and Narvin being indignant that Romana changed the law is just....hilarious in a kind of horrifying way? Oh no, the President worked with the legislative body to actually get a law passed. The horror.

“She has a temper. And a very long memory.” This is definitely about the CIA trying to overthrow her in Neverland but uhhh also it’s about Etra Prime and the Powers That Be on Gallifrey never making a serious effort to save her (at least from her perspective). 

Yeah Darkel as antagonist is a bit abrupt (not that I particularly mind, she’s a good enough “love to hate” character that her not being set up as an antagonist from Series 1 doesn’t really bother me). But yeah, not sure what was going on behind the scenes, but it doesn’t seem like in Series 1 the plan was for her to be the primary Series 2-3 antagonist.  

Darkel to Narvin: “You will let me know when you’ve decided.” Ooh yeah, this moment is quite a good setup of Narvin’s arc throughout this series — he has to decide where his loyalties truly lie. 

Wynter is really interesting as far as character dynamics go, because he breaks the whole “Romana and Leela are the youngest people in the room” vibe — and it is just really interesting to see Romana interacting with this quite young Time Lord and specifically compare/contrasting it to how she interacts with young Time Lords in the later series when she’s older and a bit more emotionally mature and has more of the “mentor figure” vibes. (There isn’t really a conclusion to this thought, it’s more of a “huh, I’m thinking about this now” thing.)

“It’s been seven weeks, Andred. It’s hardly a lifetime.” Romana: please you have not been in a cell for that long, calm down.

“I thought you two were friends.” “A president of the High Council of Gallifrey cannot allow herself the luxury of friends.” Ahhhh, where it begins!! I’m extremely weak for the arc of Romana opening herself up to friendship and love, what of it. 

Honestly, Andred’s politics have always been very confusing to me? And it probably doesn’t help that the show is all “he’s fully Andred now” but also “he lived as Torvald a long time and that’s still influencing him.” Like both of those things can be true, but it’s a bit unclear what Andred’s true priorities and motivations really are right then — and honestly, it just comes off like his primarily desire is to be useful to someone, and be granted some form of autonomy/power/respect in return (aka he doesn’t have any real clear principles that are motivating him). Also complaining about Romana opening Gallifrey up to aliens is such a bad look dude. 

Romana to Andred: “I control your future. I control whether you have one.” Umm???? The foreshadowing?????

Andred, no. Andred, the free time pun was too much.

“I wish I had databanks. With a flick of a switch I could turn myself off, become unaware of all that has happened.” Leela ahhhhhhhhhh. (The desire to give Leela all the hugs and emotional support is very very high throughout these next couple seasons especially.....her mental health is in such a rough place ahhhh.) 

Andred regenerated “nearly six months ago” and it’s been six and a half (or seven, depending on which character is speaking) weeks since A Blind Eye, which took place an unspecified amount of time after The Inquiry, which took place two weeks after Square One...(don’t mind me, just taking some notes on the timeline math...) 

I believe a couple times in the Gallifrey audios, they reference the position of “Vice President,” which is very weird because that doesn’t seem to be a position that exists?? Chancellor is definitely seen as the #2 spot?? Idk what’s going on here. 

“You are appreciated, highly regarded, and were I to lose you I would be...disappointed.” Romana, you started strong and then you got a bit emotionally repressed there. 

“Torvald was a fool, but he was my fool.” .....I am not saying anything.....I will not be commenting on the Narvin and Andred scene......I just.......you know. There are some fics you cannot unread. 

Romana does really trust Brax here, doesn’t she. And she really doesn’t trust easily post-Etra Prime, so this is a big deal — making it all the rougher when she (in the short term) finds out he meddled with her memories and (in the long term) has to deal with him doing things like temporarily betraying her for the greater good of protecting her while not explaining at all what’s really going on. 

Okay, yes the whole pearl-clutching about Romana changing the laws is kinda silly and horrifying in a “how dysfunctional is your society if passing one (1) law is drastic change??” way, but also the flip side of this, aka “we thought these things were entrenched as norms in our society and would not change and then here comes along one president who’s trying to undo all of these things and threaten the whole system”.....y’all that hits differently now in the month November in the year 2020. In the Gallifrey audios the context is different — they are for sure overreacting to Romana’s very mild idea of “perhaps....we could change some things about society” but the way they talk about her political changes in the episode — feels a bit too close to home!

Romana’s voice right when she sees Leela....she missed her.....

Pandora being the “first female president” is a very weird and very unnecessary bit of misogyny? Ah yes, we must specify that this ancient president of Gallifrey who was wildly power-hungry and cruel and went too far and almost ruined everything Gallifrey had built was a woman?? Why was that bit of dialogue needed?? Tbh early Gallifrey does have a problem in general with characters played by women tending to be power-hungry....which is partly down to the fact that they have so so few women in the cast in general, it’s Romana, Leela, and Villains, mostly. (The lack of women in the supporting cast in early Gallifrey is going to be an ongoing complaint.) 

“You should not be afraid of your feelings, K9.” / “Yes, thank you, if we can move on from the emotional support group session.” Pffffff

I do choose to ignore the implication that Romana returned to Gallifrey and became President because of the subconscious influence of Pandora/the Imperiatrix Imprimatur nudging her towards power. Tbh it’s simply not interesting to me to have such a pivotal character choice reduced to genetic/subconscious manipulation. Yes, Romana ended her TV run insisting she didn’t want to go back to Gallifrey (and even staying in another universe to avoid it), and yes, it creates this initial emotional dissonance suddenly jumping to stories where she’s President of Gallifrey. But I already did the headcanon work before I jumped into Big Finish to make it work for me, I didn’t need this weirdness.

Elaborating on this a bit more: There is something interesting to me about a person who left home and slowly ended up rejecting the narrow worldview she grew up with, cutting herself free from the place she was born — and then eventually choosing to return because she genuinely wanted to make that messed-up world better and believed she could. And it also creates a really interesting contrast with the Doctor: two Time Lords who came to realize that Gallifrey was pretty terrible actually, and one of them kept running away from it and rejecting Time Lord society, and the other came back and said maybe I can change things. Because both are understandable and complicated reactions to have to a messed-up home world, and there are different ways of trying to do good. And regardless of how her choices turned out, I always liked the idea that it was Romana’s own choice that brought her to Gallifrey again, and I don’t think Pandora needed to be shoehorned in to explain her actions.  

Okay, I want to hear the follow up where Leela insists Romana tell the whole Key to Time story after hearing all of these random out of context bits and pieces. 

Why does Brax admit to breaking the Laws of Time? The fact that he’s in contact with his past/future selves isn’t actually relevant to what he needs to tell Narvin? He literally could have just said that he hypnotized Romana, without mentioning that it was his future self who did it? (Also, it’s implied in this one that he pushes for Romana to use the mind wipe on Narvin because he wants the memory of that reveal erased, but somehow that’s the one thing that Narvin keeps because he uses that information against Brax later? Aka: how did Narvin remember that Brax told him this?)  

And final thought: general internal monologue during this episode is just: Pandora arc Pandora arc Pandora arc here we go!! Because the Lies through Warfare run is really one of the more interesting bits of Gallifrey for me (Imperiatrix specifically ranks very high on my favorite episodes list), and I’m excited to be re-listening to/thinking about/hearing other people talk about these episodes!

Next Episode Reaction: Spirit

Previous Episode Reaction: A Blind Eye

[canadian-riddler]

Hi Indy! I know Arkhamverse Riddler is definitely your specialty. Do you happen to have a rough ranking of Riddlers that you like from most to least? And which do you think is the most definitive version of the character?

I THINK that’s what my blog description says, anyway

Yes, at all times I have a rough ranking floating around in the back of my mind.  It is going to be very long so I will answer the last question first.

For most definitive version of Riddler I’m going to have to go with BTAS.  No recurring villain really had a distinct personality from their original (1940s) version, and while I am not knocking Frank Gorshin the 1966 Riddler absolutely was a bit Joker-y.  Most importantly (if I am not mistaken, which I could be), BTAS gave Riddler what became his most important trait: his intelligence.  Before that he was mostly an average weirdo who wore a green suit (sometimes) and liked riddles and sometimes built puzzle traps.  After BTAS, though, the Riddler’s intelligence became the driving force of his character.  Batman ‘66 saved Riddler from obscurity, but BTAS made him both relevant and future-proof.  Will we ever see a Riddler of average intelligence who doesn’t specialise in computer programming/engineering ever again?  I doubt it, and that’s because of BTAS. 

Onto the list.  It does not include EVERY Riddler ever because I have not read every Riddler story ever, but it should cover most of them (or at least the ones you’ve probably heard of).

1. Anything Paul Dini wrote.  This actually covers a few different Riddlers, which would be the first two Arkhamverse games, the most notable PI Riddler stuff, and of course the Riddler from BTAS.  Paul Dini can write the Riddler as both being a bad person and sympathetic at the same time, which is actually harder to pull off than it sounds.  AND he does it without using backstory as a crutch, which really is hard.

2.  Jeph Loeb/Jim Lee’s Riddler from Hush.  He only actually appears for two issues, but it’s one of the best Riddler stories merely because it allows him to do all the things Riddler SHOULD be able to do, but can’t because then there would be no Batman comics because he would have ended them.  619C is also, in my opinion, the best Riddler cover of all time.

3. Jim Carrey’s Riddler from Batman Forever.  Why would I put him this high on the list, you ask?  Because some writers forget that the Riddler is half just in it to have a good time and he doesn’t really care about how other people perceive him.  This man is living his best life and he’s doing it in glittery spandex and a light-up jacket.  Is he over the top?  At the time, no, not really.  At the time Riddler kinda just acted like that.  And he should be able to do so, in my opinion. 

4. Current Riddler (James Tynion IV).  While this Riddler has some issues with consistency (though this probably has to do with being shuffled from a main comic story into a Catwoman story), he returns to being almost self-cripplingly paranoid and absolutely losing it when he’s bested, which I think are important traits for Riddler to have.  I’m also actually really amused that they gave him the Batman Forever hair.

5. Batman ‘66.  While it did likely rescue Riddler from pending obscurity - he actually never appeared in a Batman comic before 1965, and before that was featured in only two issues of Detective Comics - and he definitely checks the ‘charming’ and ‘having fun’ boxes, there isn’t a whole lot differentiating him from the Joker he’s playing alongside.  If you watch the Batman ‘66 movie they’re almost the exact same character, just one likes jokes and the other likes riddles. 

6. Hush Returns and its aftermath.  This stuff is weird and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense because it mostly involves Riddler running away from Hush and retcons certain things from Hush, most importantly the part where Riddler got everyone to work together because he gave them what they wanted.  Hush Returns (which also contradicts itself during the story) for some reason has everyone angry at Riddler for tricking them and it ends with him getting the shit beat out of him and puts him into a coma for a year, which leads into him getting total amnesia and becoming a PI.  That’s the reason it’s so high on the list.  The story is weird and makes no sense at all for any of the other characters in it either but it gave us a reason for PI Riddler and that makes it matter.  Sort of.

7. Brave and the Bold/The Batman Riddler.  I’m putting them both together mostly because BatB Riddler features in I think only one episode and he deserves a mention because he’s adorable.  TB Riddler was an interesting experiment into a Riddler that, for whatever reason, never really came into himself as a person and instead sort of enacts revenge for his existence on life.  If I remember correctly he’s also pretty low-key about his intelligence, which is another interesting character choice.  I respect the things they went for but this Riddler overall gives me the impression of a person who always says no when invited to something but gets upset when people stop asking which, while definitely something the Riddler would do, isn’t really my preferred take.

8. Snyder Riddler (New 52).  The problem I have with this Riddler is that I have no idea what his motivation even is.  I was told a long time ago that a backstory for him WAS written but didn’t make it into Zero Year because the story was already too long, which is... not a great look for a professional storyteller.  And because we don’t know anything about this Riddler, this story consists of a dude who wears green to impress women (which he never shows any interest in), gets the mob to work for him... somehow... and decides to spend a YEAR watching the people in Gotham die because... I’m not sure?  If it amused him, sure, I could understand that.  But he just seems super bored during the entirety of the story.  He doesn’t even seem particularly excited when Batman actually shows up in front of him.  Beyond Zero Year his appearances are, to my knowledge, limited mostly to two issues in Batman Eternal, where he’s hiding, three issues of The Flash, where he speedruns Zero Year and is undone by the Flash villains teaming up against him (which I don’t know enough about Flash villains to comment on), and Scarecrow 23.2, where he for some unexplained reason seems to look up to Scarecrow.  And then there’s Detective Comics: Future’s End, which is just the worst thing ever.  Snyder didn’t write all of these stories, but they are based on his Riddler.

9. Gotham Riddler.  I didn’t watch past season 3 so I can’t comment on too much after that, but the arc with Mad Grey Dawn and ‘I knew that you knew that I knew’ was some of the greatest Riddler stuff we had gotten in years and if they had just kept on with that they would have had one of the greatest Riddlers of all time. 

10. Jeph Loeb/Tim Sale Riddler.  Full disclaimer I haven’t read Catwoman: When in Rome, but I have read The Long Halloween and Dark Victory.  The reason I don’t like this Riddler is because he actually bears no resemblance to him.  He’s a literal moron who just stumbles around incompetently for the duration of his relevance to the plot.  It’s like they decided to make an ironic Riddler who is actually stupid and also for the first time in his life does not have the ability to locate a tailor.  I don’t actually understand the point of this Riddler’s existence.  He isn’t even really Riddler, he’s just some sort of vaguely Riddler-coloured person.

[queensdivas]

Hidden Blade Chapter 1

Y’all I’ve been to excited for this because I loved this movie with a passion. (Nothing beats Bohrap btw but damn 6 Underground was awesome not just because of Ben. Though he really made the movie even better.) If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters please hmu! 

Please enjoy and I’ll see you guys in the next chapter or one of my updates. I’m on a train ride to London from Edinburgh so it’s about five hours. I plan on getting a crap done this ride so you might be seeing multiple updates! 

Enjoy! 

Next Chapter

Masterlist

Governments should always be in fear of who they govern over..those who are being governed should never be living in fear of who they are ruled over. Yet we live in a world where those in power abuse it badly so they can live the lavish life of the vices, greed, lust, and even the gluttony of having everything at their feet. Those who suffer under those sadly are living in a society in fear, hate, and uncertainty of whether they’ll be okay by the end of the day. 

That’s where I come in. 

You have to start somewhere small in order to cause a chain reaction. That lovely snowball effect. I start small by cutting off the suppliers resources, such as their plants, dirty shacks, and even the old warehouses. Once the resources are extinguished, I then move up to those in high up positions in order to really cause the rolling to begin. 

Yet I was given an opportunity to do a little more good with a lot less strings attached. Who doesn’t love a little more freedom. But what I was offered was complete freedom and who wouldn’t want complete freedom. 

You ever played the Assassins Creed games? I like to consider myself a walking version of that except no magical abilities, no special creed, or even a long line of ancestors that are meant to look similar and only the first three or four games nailed the similarities. Not the point. For those of you who’ve never heard of those games, imagine someone who's able to scale an entire flat building, stand on top of a metal cross, and even have some really cool equipment to help get the job done. We’ll be getting to those a little later. 

My name is eight. The Assassin. 

What’s the difference between a Hitman and Assassin you ask? One gets paid to do any form of killing for money, the other one does it for either political or religious reasons in this world of ours. But you both kill people? True. Never declared myself a saint anyhow in this world so shush! Story time! 

I pulled up to one of the abandoned planes to turn off my 4runner and climb out. Love the whole abandoned airfield look for the hideout. Really gives that fast and furious sort of vibe. How many movies are in the series anyhow? 

A ram truck came pulling up next to my 4runner as I began grabbing all my junk to hopefully store somewhere that was a little more secure than my new apartment here in California. Keeping a bunch of ropes, weapons, and my vast amount of foreign fruit would get me busted and I certainly love my Nectarine! 

“Glad to know I wasn’t the only one brought into this little adventure.” He appeared in front of me as I swung my duffle bag right on my shoulder. I closed the door as I turned to see him all dressed in american/military gear. An American soldier? Real power move.  

“Glad to see we got ourselves a soldier. Eight.” I held my hand out to him as he shook it. 

“Seven. At Least according to that dude.” He pointed as one came out of a tiny airplane and smiled. 

“Weird to see you not looking like a GAP model.” He showed up at my apartment in Israel looking like he walked out of Sunday church for some god knows reason. At first I thought he was apart of Jehovah's witness but as you can see we’re about to kill some mother fuckers.

“Ah really funny. Come meet the rest of us oh so lovely fellow campers.” We walked into the base as a women with blonde hair was reading a map while another woman was reading what looked like some sort of medical book. 

“Ladies this is seven and eight our newest batch of newbies. The one reading the map is two and in the cap is five. Not sure where the other two are but I imagine they’ll be showing up sometime soon.” I gave them a small wave as I put my bag on the ground next to the large table. 

“Look who finally showed up. Four this is seven and eight our eyes from the sky.” He tossed his hoodie down on the table as he gave us a small smile. The last member came into the room which is what I’m assuming was three. 

“There’s this trick that we all do to get through our day. We take a box and into that box, we place all the horrors of the world, all the wrongs humans do to one another. And then we close the box and pretend it doesn’t exist. Only some of us spend too much time inside the box. We’ve lost our ability to pretend. We know there’s too much unfinished business in this messed up world. Our job as ghosts is to do the dirty work the living can’t or won’t. And we do it from here. This is our haunted house. It’s a lot like the Batcave, except it’s nothing like the Batcave. Seven, eight. You’re dead. You’re gonna be restricted to cities that you’ve never visited before. People that you’ve never met. All of course your fellow ghost, none of whom you’ll know by name, only number, for safety, and so no one gets too close.” I mean. All we need is a butler, some random child to say “geez guys” and I think we would be set. 

“So basically what we’re doing is a sense of a justice league but with no moral codes?” Asking as One nodded. 

“Yes. Except Wonder Women uses guns and Batman is okay with killing people.” I..okay that works. 

“Each one of us has our own little gifts we bring to the table and now that we’ve required you two, we now officially have a set team.” 

“We’re like the A-Team but on steroids except Mr. T is this guy.” The Spainard commented as everyone just stared him down. 

“In your vast dreams.” One commented.

“Will we be required to wear matching rings?” Asking which made I believe his name is four chuckle a little. 

“Funny. Alright c’mon I wanna show you two something.” We all followed him into another room where a wall covered with nine pieces of paper with a single roman numerals on each one. 

“This is our target hitboard. These nine fuckers have been placing too much shit inside the box. So now they answer to us. Target number one: this prick. The Dictator of Turgistan Roach Alimov.” I walked over to his photo and began studying the guy. Radiates small dick energy already from all the work I’ve done over there, kind of like Kim Jong-Un except he doesn’t flaunt his money. 

“God I’m really craving french fries. Can we finish this over at Luckies?” I believe he’s three asked the group as I began walking past the other eight pieces of paper as I lightly saw their faces. Efrain Gracian. He runs the largest drug cartel in Mexico and has been killing a shit ton of innocent people in their villages. Oh my god they put Kim Jon-Un on their target list hell yeah. 

“So we plan on just killing all these pricks because they keep shitting on their countries and the rest of the world?” Leaning against the wall facing them as one nodded. 

“I say we finish this thing at Luckies. I’m really feeling a shitty beer to set the mood of introductions.” One began walking out of the fort as everyone else followed except for me as I looked at the wall again. Figured there would be less on the board in all honesty. 

~~~

I slipped into the booth with myself facing the middle of the window and the inside of the restaurant, seven sitting to my left while four was on my right. To think that I’m now officially dead and I cut all my ties off when I left home so no funeral. Bet they thought I was already dead anyhow so this works nicely. 

“So what do you bring to the table?” I was asked as I tossed my car keys on the table. 

“The soundless steps of a killer is what I bring to the table. You guys make a shit ton of noise if I think I know who you are. I’m assuming you guys we’re the one destroying Florence?” His eyes widened a little which makes my assumption correct cause these fuckers really had fun in Florence. 

“Florence was an absolute disaster.” He stopped talking as the waiter came to the group. 

“A round of Heineken for everyone. Then whatever else they want.” I ordered as everyone smiled a little as they began ordering their preferred drinks. 

“Figured you’d be a good match since you graciously just bought us all drinks. So if you’re a soundless killer, who have you eliminated?” You can thank the new democracy in South Sudan, and ending an entire sex trafficking operation in Chad. Both we’re super difficult to achieve but damn I did an awesome job. Both were run by major cunts obviously and took months of planning to even get close to them. 

“Who do you think got rid of the cunt from South Sudan?” Seven looked over at me then leaned across the table. 

“You killed Zafir Bahri?” Seven asked as I nodded. 

“Yup. Yet it was one of my most difficult assassinations since I had to make a break for it in the countryside. Kind of stuck out like a sore thumb till I made it to a reservation station.” The waitress came with the first round of beers. Four took a big gulp of his beer then sighed. 

“Alright if we’re going to show off what our past selves have done. I got the chance to steal a 5.0 carat ruby necklace that had two smaller diamonds that were about 4.2 carats that was about 100,000 dollars worth.” Yet he’s sitting here in an American restaurant drinking some shitty beer and eating high heart attack food? Sounds about right. 

“And here you are in America drinking Heineken and about to eat a very greasy double cheeseburger. Cheers” I grabbed my bottle as he did for us to clink our bottles together. Four seems super chill actually and now I’m kind of curious how he pulled off that heist. 

“So. What’s the absolute best thing about being dead? I mean you don’t have to pay taxes anymore.” Seven asked the entire group as they all had an inner conversation with themselves about the best part of being deceased. 

“No more dmv lines, no more shopping for Christmas.” Christmas has always been stressful for my old life and I didn’t even celebrate it!

“Or backstabbing girlfriends.” Raising my eyebrow at four. Damn someone broke his little heart. I’d play the worlds saddest song on the tiniest violin but not sure if he would get the reference. 

“They should make an “Out of office” reply for dead people. Sorry I’m away from the planet right now. I’m fucking dead.” That’s a bit much but if it makes her feel better about being dead then let her do her own thing. 

“No more tax, no more criminal records, no more getting arrested by the pigs just for being naked and or just the usual stuff. You know, being naked, getting drunk. Casual stuff.” How is being naked casual? Since when is being naked considered casual in any standard? 

“Umm. How is being naked any form of being casual?” He took a drink of his beer as he licked his lips.

“Ya know. Just walking around naked on your balcony or even on your front porch. It’s a casual thing.” I..I still don’t see that as a casual thing. Around the house yes because oversized t-shirt and underwear is always a comfy.

“Is that like when Jersey people say it’s a jersey thing?” Before he could answer One chuckled a little. 

“Guys. You’re all wrong. The best thing about being dead is the freedom. I mean, we’re all gonna die. May as well do it while we’re alive, right? When you’re young, you lock yourself into all of these bad decisions. Marriages, mortgages, and all that kind of stuff. But you die. It’s all escaped. Poof! Gone! From that point forward, all that matters is what you choose. The point is that we should bring seven and eight behind the curtain. You wanna hand me those over there?” Three handed him a bunch of plastic cups as leaned a little more forward on the table. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see him quickly glancing away back at the demonstration. Guess he’s kind of cute, not exactly sure how getting involved with people on the team is viewed. Rather avoid the whole situation. 

“Alright here. A little deminsation, no technology. So this is how to stage a coup in three not so easy steps. Alright you got a country, Turgistan right? These are the people, nice people, going about, doing their thing. Then you got the four generals, cuatro cunts, very bad guys. But there’s one worse guy. That’s the piece of shit dictator, right there at the top.” Sounds about right. That was basically the entire set up in South Sudan. 

“Don’t forget his brother.” Brother? Oh yeah, the guy has a brother that basically has been isolated or off the face of the earth at this point. Gotta love it when Governments hide those wanting a better world, or hiding sick pedophiles when they fake suicides so they don’t go to prison or end up being executed. 

“Democracy loving brother.” So we’ve got a shitty dictator and a loving democratic. Of freakin’ course!

“He’s the key. So we’re gonna hit the four generals. They’re gonna lead us to the brother.” 

“You kill top Generals, you fuck the dictators day.” Three shoved a few French fries in his mouth. 

“Can confirm.” I took a big gulp of my beer as I leaned back against the booth.

“Second thing we're gonna do is free the brother. And the last thing we’re gonna do is we’re gonna say goodbye to piece of shit dictator and hello to democracy loving brother.”

“It all goes down in four months, El Dia de los Muertos, The Day of the Dead.” Kinky.

“Oh that’s it?” Seven and I looked at each other for the both of us to nod in approval of the plan. 

“Um well that’s pretty simple ya know. The cups.” I took a drink of my beer as I began mentally seeing the whole plan in my head. 

“Wonderful presentation.” We’re gonna die aren’t we?

“So we’re all gonna die?” At this point I say that’s a hard yes. 

“Not me.” What confidence she has because there’s something about her that just kind of scares the shit out of me. Must be something federal in her former life.

“She’s not, we all are. Painfully.” Peachy. Real fucking peachy. But hey I’m already technically dead so this works out perfectly in the end. Just when my body shows up at someones house or is found floating on the coast, going to be quite a headache trying to figure out since I’m already dead. 

Maybe I should be more optimistic with this new life. Could be worse. I could be stuck in a work camp in Siberia. Maybe we just see where this goes and if it doesn’t end well I just disappear into the unknown. Sounds like an absolute plan! 

Taglist:

@bonafiderocketqueen @filmslutt @imjustboredso @intoanothermind @4lendow-norris @wickedholland 

@takemetoneverland420 @art-flirt @intoanothermind @raylan-c

[profitinaecho]

Echo Appreciation Day 2: A Missing Scene

Liz had asked Max to keep Diego entertained while she was at work for a few hours- with the promise of doing a certain sex act that was usually off limits if he helped her. He definitely would have helped her anyway, but that was definitely a bonus. Walking into the Wild Pony flanked by Diego, Max pauses when he sees Kyle sitting by himself cradling a whiskey at the bartop.

“What are the odds…” Max mumbles to himself, going over to his friend and clapping him on the back. “What’s up man? Have you met Diego?”

“The ex fiance?” Kyle’s brown eyes bug out comically, before remembering his manners and holding his hand out to Diego. “Nice to meet you.”

Diego shakes the shorter latino man's hands, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “You were her first boyfriend, Kyle.”

“That’s me.” Kyle affirms, realizing they are standing in size order- Diego, to Max then himself. “Do yall want to join me or would that be weird?”

“Not any weirder than us hanging out to begin with.” Max shrugs. He is secure in his relationship with Liz. He knows she loves him, but do all her exes have to have eight pack abs and be so damn attractive? The only thing they all seem to have in common is dark hair and dark eyes. Otherwise the three of them are so different- just like the role they played in Liz’s life story.

“What on earth would we have to talk about?” Diego smirks playfully, plopping down to the right of Kyle, while Max takes the seat on Kyle’s other side on the bar top. He is truly a mountain of a man and if Max were into that sort of thing, he could see where Diego would be the epitome of male perfection. It only makes him slightly insecure. Really.

Coming around the corner from the staff room, Maria sees Liz’s past and future relationships all sitting in a row and pauses a moment in surprise. Composing herself, she brings over a bottle of tequila. “You guys look like you could use this. Don’t worry, tequila is keto” Maria comments, setting down the entire bottle of wells tequila and three shot glasses in front of them. She is just glad that Michael isn’t here right now because he would be giving his big brother hell.

After they each take a shot of the cheap but cooled tequila, Diego asks, “Do you think she actually loved you or just thought it was what was expected of her?”

Kyle sputters on the shot he just took then coughs. Liz Ortecho puts him in more weird situations than anyone on earth- and she wasn’t even one of the aliens. “Uh. We were only together in high school. I think she enjoyed the protection and popularity of being with me because I played football and she got to wear my letter jacket. She just did it because it was safe. I was the training wheels before she started her life. Good thing too, because it would have been awkward if we had gotten married then found out I was her sister’s half brother.” Kyle shakes his head then takes the lime Max offers him to chase his shot.

Kyle pours himself another shot and takes it, while Max claps him on the back comfortingly. They both know that if Max had ever been brave enough to make a move in high school, Kyle would have been out of the picture. Kyle was just the one brave enough to make a move and had always felt comfortable to her. Rosa and her father had never liked him though- first because he was a douche in high school, and then because Arturo knew Max was the one for his youngest daughter. Max and Diego both follow with a second shot of their own. It’s been over a decade and Max isn’t bitter any more, but it is always weird seeing someone you know has touched your girlfriend. Kyle was her first, but Max will be her last. They are her past loves and he is her forever.

“You guys aren’t technically related. Liz checked your DNA.” Max hiccups. He’s always been a lightweight and two shots of tequila in a short period of time almost has him at his limit.

“She probably checked all of our DNA to see if we were genetically compatible to have children with.” Diego pipes up. He takes another shot, then smiles dreamily. “She always came up with the most genius experiments. Things no one would ever think of, with far reaching implications. She was determined to get a Nobel Prize.”

“She still will someday.” Max says proudly. He just hopes it isn’t using alien DNA that gets her there. He doesn’t need that kind of exposure for himself and his family.

Kyle pours them all another shot and jubilantly exclaims, “Cheers!” Standing up wobbly on the bottom rungs of his bar stool, Kyle reaches across the bar to grab 3 limes for them. “Woo!” He exclaims, popping a lime in his mouth to suck on and handing the other two men one as well.

“Liz always put the lab over everything. Me. Sex. Feelings. To this day, I don’t know if she said yes because she was sleep deprived and the ring was shiny or if she actually loved me.” Diego sighs dramatically, pouring himself another shot. Max is losing track of what shot number they are on and knows he needs to slow down if he is going to be driving. Based on the number of limes in front of each of them, he will probably be calling an uber.

“Really? We have quickies before she leaves usually.” Max tries not to be smug that he finally has something Diego doesn’t have- Liz’s love and attention. Maria gasps on the other side of the bar as she walks by. Max’s tongue is starting to get loose and as one of Liz’s best friends, it is Maria’s job to rein him in. “Shhhh! Liz can’t know we’re talking about her. She’s scary when she’s mad.”

“Hey, Max? Can I see your keys?” Maria asks innocently, taking the set of keys he offers her with the little cowboy alien on them. She will see how drunk they are when they are done but is prepared to call all three of them an Uber- or Liz.

Maria pulls out her phone and quickly texts Liz.

Maria: You might want to come get your boys.

Liz: Max and Diego? Why? Is Max doing karaoke again?

Maria: Nope. Worse.

Maria snaps a photo of all three men with empty shot glasses in front of them and an almost empty bottle of tequila. Max is leaning on Kyle to stay up and Diego is red eyed and crying. She quickly sends it to Liz.

Liz: OMG. I can leave in 30 if you keep them distracted. Why is Kyle there too? All they have in common is me.

Maria: He was here first trying to find a liquor with no carbs. On it, girl.

“We would have been married by now, you know.” Diego sniffs, wiping a tear from his eye. “I don’t know why I’m crying. She was just so perfect.”

“She’s not perfect. She has flaws. It’s a facade to make her feel worthy of love. But I love her anyway, easily.” Max stares off dreamily thinking about his first kiss with Liz.

“Dude. I’ve heard this story already.” Kyle rolls his eyes. “The sunlight was perfect and you laid it all out and she kissed you.”

While the men are distracted, Maria refills their tequila bottle with water. “Shots?” She asks, refilling all their glasses with water.

“This tequila tastes funny.” Diego sniffs it, then shrugs and takes the shot of water.

“I bought Liz a ring! It’s on hold at the jewelry store until I manage to get her ring size without waking her up.” Max blurts out, gesturing with his finger how he tries to tie something on her finger.

“She’s a size 5 aaaaaand one half.” Diego informs him helpfully.

“Thanks dude!” Max pulls out his phone and tries to text something under the bartop. Forgetting how to spell, he gives up and drops his head on Kyle’s shoulder. He feels sleepy.

————————-

At Liz’s voice, Max picks his head up off Kyle’s shoulder and beams at her. “Babe! I was jus tinking about you an you’re here!”

Liz shakes her head. “I sure am. Did you boys have fun talking about me?”

“She knows!” Diego looks around wide eyed. “How does she always know?”

Kyle hiccups, blinking at Liz. “She’s psychic.”

“‘Member what we all talked about? Shhhhh” Max puts his fingers to his lips and nods conspiratorially at his girlfriend's exes.

“Maria is the psychic. I just can’t imagine you men would have anything else in common to talk about.” Liz is trying to stay firm, but all three of them are a mess and she will definitely never forget the way they look right now. She is a little nervous about what they talked about but knows Max loves her unconditionally and isn’t too concerned. “Nobody is going to puke right? I’ll drop y’all off at home. Come on.”

“Their home, not ours right?” Max asks worriedly. He’s just gotten used to the idea of hanging with her past, he isn’t sure he can handle them in his house yet.

“Yes, babe.” Liz reassures him.

“And I get shotgun.” Max takes off for Liz’s car, bumping into a table on his way out and then slamming into the door.

Shaking her head, Liz rounds up the other two men and follows him. Nobody better puke in her car.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Roman Sionis

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Birds of Prey is a fun, silly movie. So you’d expect a fun, silly villain for such a film, right? Well, we sort of get that… but this is an R-rated fun, silly movie, so the villain is going to cuss a lot and peel people’s faces off and be a raging psychopathic manchild. Roman Sionis, everybody!

Good old Roman Sionis, known to comic fans as Black Mask (he isn’t ever called that by anyone except Harley during his introduction, and he doesn’t even wear his mask until the end), is just an absolute raging lunatic. He gets mad at the drop of a hat, is creepily posessive of Dinah Lance, has a very close relationship with his murderous second-in-command Zsasz, and is just generally unpleasant to every single person who crosses his path.

But that’s par for the course for Roman Sionis, who is never really EVER portrayed as a charming, likable guy. The real question here is, is he an entertaining villain? Well he’s played by Ewan McGregor, what do YOU think?

Motivation/Goals: Roman is a relatively simple villain, but I think this works in his favor. You see, a big issue with Harley’s previous outing, Suicide Squad, is that the mission was way too high stakes despite the cast featuring a group of people who didn’t really have any powers beyond “fighting really good.” or “has weapon skills.” You’re telling me you’re gonna put Harley Quinn, Deadshot, and Captain Boomerang up against Enchantress and her army of ancient Aztec super-zombies? WHAT? Here, we have a street-level threat much more suited to Harley’s capabilities: Roman is just a very powerful gangster, and his goal in this movie is the simple “get this diamond that was stolen back to me so I can make fat stacks of cash.” That’s really all their needs to be here, a simple MacGuffin to drive along the plot to its various setpieces.

Performance: I love Ewan McGregor, so, really, he didn’t have to do much with the role of Roman Sionis to make him great. Still, this man went above and beyond despite having comparatively little screentime to Harley. Roman seems incapable of going a single sentence without cursing up a storm and is the epitome of a psychopathic manchild, tormenting people for the slightest of reasons. He forces a woman to strip and dance on one of his tables because she was laughing too loud when he was upset, and decides not to spare a girl’s life because she had a gross snot bubble on her face from sobbing while he had his crony Zsasz peel off her parents’ faces. As funny and hammy as he gets, the dude is a stone-cold ruthless bastard who has no line he won’t cross to get what he wants.

Final Fate: Cass hides a grenade on him and steals the ring, and then Harley kicks him off the pier while he panics. Before he even hits the water, BOOM! Never would I have expected to laugh out loud at the sight of Ewan McGregor being blown into bits, but this movie was just full of surprises.

Best Scene: I think that the honor has to go to his establishing character moment with Zsasz, as they cut off the faces of a family who crossed Roman, and then when Roman decides to spare the daughter, he notices snot on her face, says “Ew” like a petulant child, and has Zsasz cut her face off anyway. It’s a great way to establish that Roman is an awful human being no matter how you slice it, and firmly establishes that while, yes, he is a misogynist villain in a female-led blockbuster, his misogyny is just a tiny facet of how unabashedly terrible Roman is.

Final Thoughts & Score: So, this is gonna sound weird, but… Roman kinda reminded me of Justin Hammer. Hammer is a villain who I have greatly warmed to over time (mostly thanks to Nando V Movies on YouTube), to the point where I think he’s actually pretty funny but is held back from true greatness by the sloppy nature of Iron Man 2. The film was big, bloated, and didn’t know what to do with itself. And this film is KIND OF like that… but it knows what to do with Roman.

The movie has an undercurrent of female empowerment, so why not make the villain emblematic of things women have to overcome? Roman is creepy, misogynistic, and even a bit racist especially with his condescending actions towards Dinah. And he even throws a fit when she “betrays” him and decides to murder her. But the movie is smart so as to not make this hamfisted; the movie makes it entirely clear that even if you take away his misogynistic elements, Roman Sionis is just an utterly disgusting human being. Everything about him is just so hilariously vulgar and repulsive, but the way he’s performed helps lighten it and help keep him within the tone of the movie. He’s just dark enough and just hammy enough to work.

My big issues with Roman are mostly due to his utilization and the wasted potential, which is a problem that really hits a lot of stuff in Birds of Prey. He is great every time he’s onscreen, but his screentime is fairly limited, and then he dies at the end which robs him of any chance of coming back in the future as an antagonist. He actually functions great as a more grounded threat rather than some larger-than-life end of the world threat, but the fact he dies horribly – before even having his mask burned onto his face, even! - just kind of feels like a waste of a character. To be fair, Black Mask is not the best or most interesting Batman villain crime lord; we have the Penguin for that. But when you cast  someone like Ewan McGregor and he’s clearly having a blast, it’s hard not to feel at least slightly bitter when he gets hilariously gibbed at the end.

Still, I can’t let Justin Hammer’s sacrifice go in vain; he walked so Roman could run, and Roman ran so that perhaps someday Hammer could sprint. Roman gets a nice, fat 8/10, which he definitely earns with the heaping helpings of ham he brings to the table, though he is held back at least a little by the wasted potential of his character.

But hey, if you want to talk about wasted potential…

Psycho Analysis: Victor Zsasz

I really like Victor Zsasz in this film. I really do. The angle they went with, the implied homosexuality, the actor… it’s all good stuff that helps make a disturbing character like Zsasz easier to swallow. But he gets hit with wasted potential harder than even Roman does.

Motivation/Goals: He’s Roman’s right-hand man, so basically his motivation is to do whatever Roman wants him to do. However, there is a bit of an implied thing between his boss and him; Zsasz seems undeniably irritated with the attention he lavishes on Dinah, and is very hands-on and affectionate with his boss. A lot of his later actions in the film and his cruelty towards Dinah does seem to stem from some place of anger towards her for taking Roman’s attention away from him.

Performance: I have to say, Chris Messina does a stellar job at portraying Zsasz as creepy and obsessive, and certainly showcases the fanatical loyalty he has towards Roman, making him something of a dark mirror to Harley’s former relationship with the Joker. I also appreciate that, despite not going with Zsasz’s original psychotic serial killer angle, they still made him a bloodthirsty psycho with a sort of nihilistic edge to him. Frankly, this might be the best possible take on a live-action Zsasz without things getting intensely uncomfortable.

Final Fate: This is probably the worst element of Zsasz: his death. Right before the climax he gets shot out of the blue by Huntress and then Harley just repeatedly stabs him with the arrow. And I have to make it clear here – Zsasz barely got to do anything. He never really poses any sort of physical threats to the heroines, never gets into a fight, and is never mentioned again after his death despite being very close to Roman (to the point where the two may have been lovers).

Final Thoughts & Score: As far as henchmen go, Zsasz is pretty solid conceptually. He’s established early on as a psychopathic enforcer of Roman’s gang, he has an eerie air to him, and he has a lot of elements from the comics you rarely see on Zsasz in other media, such as being blonde. Messina does a fantastic job at making the character seem like a competent killer in the employ of Roman.

But the key word is “seem,” because Zsasz frankly never lives up to his hype. Despite being introduced peeling the faces off of a family, he is just never utilized to his fullest extent. He’s kind of just there in a lot of scenes, and while he isn’t unmemorable or anything he never really does anything that makes him into a worthwhile addition to the franchise. He’s honestly just a glorified mook with a few interesting gimmicks to help set him apart.

I’ve gotta give him a 6/10. While he’s definitely a step above average, he’s really not anything amazing, mostly because the movie refuses to allow him to reach his full potential. He doesn’t have any great quotes, his most memorable scene really serves more to establish Roman than anything, and he is dumped and quickly forgotten right before the climax. He would easily be a 7 or 8 if the story treated him with a little more weight or respect, but he just ends up underwhelming despite having so much going for him, and it’s frankly a bit depressing. It’s just a very sad state of affairs for the character, especially when he managed to be more intimidating in the Arkham games despite the fact that he posed even less of a physical threat than he does here.

Well, while we’re here, let’s go over THAT Zsasz briefly.

Portrayed in the games by Danny Jacobs (who you may know as Sacha Baron Cohen's stand in on The Penguins of Madagascar. Yes, Zsasz and King Julien had the same voice actor.), Zsasz is never really a major antagonist and is, in all honesty, a pretty weak fighter; you can always take him down in one punch. The thing with Zsasz in the games, though, is that it’s always tricky to get to him, because he usually has hostages of some kind. In Arkham Asylum, he appears twice, and you need to use stealth to take him out before he kills his hostages. In City, he gets a much longer sidequest where he requires you to pick up ringing telephones and then glide to another one across the city within a time limit. Once you’ve listened to all of his messages, Batman finds out where his lair is, sneaks through it, and whoops his ass.

I certainly can’t say he’s the best villain in either game he appears in, but he’s definitely scary. His messages and game over screens are really freaky and unnerving, and the Riddler even requires you to find some of Zsasz’s work as parts of riddles… and by “work” I am of course referring to corpses posed in life-like positions. There’s also the horrifying little tidbit that in City, Zsasz actually does kill one of his hostages and there’s nothing that can be done about it; if you switch to detective mode in his lair, you can see a corpse at the bottom of the water in the room.

I think how creepy and intense he is really helps make him stand out among the more colorful characters in those games like Joker, Clayface, and Riddler, so I think giving him a nice 8/10 for his appearances is well-earned. I feel like Birds of Prey could have learned a few lessons from this portrayal; if they wanted to make him more creepy than physically intimidating, that could have worked well and it would have made his anti-climactic defeat a bit more plausible. Instead, they kind of tried this middle ground where he’s creepy enough and intimidating enough physically that it just feels like a letdown when he’s offed.

Oh yeah, did you know he appeared in Batman Begins? He had a brief cameo and didn’t do anything significant and looked like this:

Pretty sure he’d get a low score if he wasn’t just a quick little reference.

[ellaintrigue]

Be so. So. Careful

Over the span of my early adult life I started to build a controversial reputation. Not that anyone knows who I am, but in general, across the local area, friends of my parents, and family know of me. My ex brought chaos throughout my life with his gradual decline from mental illness and my refusal to censor my body or feminist beliefs has led to harsh judgment. And you can't listen to the gossipers, but it's there.

I suppose some think that a "fat" "whore" in a bikini with a crazy past may have low self-esteem, but it is the opposite. I feel pretty good about myself and don't want to meet anyone that could ever hurt me again. I love my body and love my scars and when a woman with stretch marks or a big tummy poses in a bikini, I love her too. It's 2020, let's love one another instead of judging pasts and shaming women.

Now, while we should not be hung up on the past, I've had a long healing process. And although many of us try our best, skeletons in the closet sometimes come back to life. This post is going to offend some people but it's been brewing in my mind for over a month now.

What may seem like it is none of my business, is, when brought into my life. I've been a victim and that's on those that chose to hurt me, but all victims know this: we must do what we can to protect ourselves in the future.

I'm an alcoholic. I function but I drink. I pay for my habit and stay out of people's way. While drinking is obviously bad, I have never hurt anyone else with my habit. My ex, on top of having untreated mental illness, had a problem. He would go months without drinking then go on days long benders, causing property damage, getting into fights, and getting arrested, building up fines. In the end he stole $800 in silver coins that I had, my last asset left after I lost my life savings to medical bills. I was at work that night. He had broken in my house, grabbing the coins, and my truck keys. He stole my truck, took it to the gas station, and bought a bunch of Natty Daddys, giving the cashier 4 solid silver coins for each beer. $800 for tallboys that cost just over $1 each at the time. My ex told me he thought the large mint coins were "quarters."

A year after I left my ex, a cousin recommended a painter to my mother, for my house. I do not own my house. I have nothing, I lost everything to medical bills and my ex stole the rest. I own my car and truck, that's it. So thank God for mom who is kind enough to let me stay here and I pay the costs that I can. Thank her for painting the house and getting new siding.

But the first painter was a flop. You can't judge on people's pasts, and people's looks... but sometimes you can... I fought my ex for 2 years after leaving him, he became a violent stalker. So I requested for the painter to call me before stopping by my house because I was easily spooked. But unexpectedly, I looked out my window to see a pickup truck in my yard. So I went outside and saw a scraggly man in the yard, on the phone. "Excuse me! Who are you??" I asked. He glared at me, yelled he was the painter, then walked away. It was not a good first impression.

Finally he talked to me briefly, canning his attitude for a moment. He was thin and gaunt with a cigarette shaking in his hand. His face had a grey hue and his eyes were sunken. He rasped out some details then left. He was in his 50's but looked almost 70. And he never came back, he just walked away with mom's $3,000. Mom thought he was licensed and reliable since family had recommended him. I said over and over before that happened, though: I did not like the way the motherfucker looked.

Court ensued and mom won. But before the trial, the guy approached my mom trying to talk things over, which made me scared. He knew I was alone at my house at the time, what if he wanted revenge? What if he burned the fucking house down? We had looked at his record after he stole: drug charges, assault, DUIs, abuse of a minor, multiple domestic violence charges, malicious destruction of property, theft, and stealing from homeowners using his business aka being paid and not doing his work. The guy was a drug addict.

Now, I'm not saying all druggies and drunks are nasty pieces of shit... but, do I need them in my life? I am sorry, but no, it is not my preference. My childhood friend passed in 2017 from opiates after years of addiction and hurting people with it. A round faced smiling child had turned into a criminal that relied on drugs and didn't care how she got them. At any time I can close my eyes and bring up her last photo in my thoughts. Her once beautiful green eyes, dull and sunk into her face, mere weeks before she overdosed at home.

My last ex was boring in this aspect, his vices were cigs and soda. He did not drink or do drugs, not even pot. I liked that about him. I'm fine with weed but he had his shit together and worked, despite a criminal past.

Past... disregard it only when you can. And my ex worked multiple jobs and worked his way up. Often when a man gets out of jail or prison he ends up doing various manual labor jobs but I notice basic retail and fast food positions are common. Also things like yard work, dishwashing, etc. You have to get what you can get and report it to whomever concerned. It must be rough to start over like that. Clearly my wacko ex never made it but that's how the stats go.

While only close to mom, dad, and Erin, I love and respect extended family, who are kind to me, including cousins on my dad's side. Well, everyone thinks I'm a short little fatty, which, yeah, I am. But I'm cocky and talk to whoever so I'm guilty of going after men that could have been models. And it's fine to laugh at me over that, I laugh at myself. However I don't date much or talk about it anymore so I was surprised when my cousin mentioned this guy she went to high school with and kept pushing me to talk to him. At first I didn't view it as a dating thing since I'm not attracted to anyone over 40 and said he could add me if he needed a friend but he never did. A month later she was still bringing him up and asked me why I hadn't contacted him. And I just said, hey, I'm not desperate for a man, don't need the "help" but thank you.

But, it triggered me. While I’m rarely insecure, I went into defense mode when I saw the guy on FaceBook. He was 45 but looked 55, sunken eyes, no teeth, and just a miserable looking face. I don't go around calling people ugly. But it was the same gaunt druggie look as the painter that ripped off my mom. He posted weird rants and yelled at people in his comments over petty things. I showed his picture to my friends and the rest of my family and my soft mannered, intelligent Norwegian philosopher friend of many years even took one look at the guy and said, "he looks like a neo-Nazi child molester." Another friend, that had been in jail, said, "stay the fuck away from him, he's bad news."

So while wondering if it was my "slutty" bikini pictures or the fact I had dated my crazy ex that made me so qualified to take on this dude in my cousin's eyes, I did searches on him and it showed he had a criminal record. I wasn't going to pay to read into it but I now knew, between his profile and public records that he was a recovering addict, had a record, and worked as a grocery store stocker which is a perfectly fine job, but again, one of the low paying basic jobs someone fresh out of the pen might get.

Since I'm a passive-aggressive psycho I confronted my cousin with all this. And she just says she knew the guy in high school and that he drank sometimes. She knew nothing of drugs, a record, or him missing teeth. And I wish that dude would open his damn mouth wider because in the one pic where I can see, it's just a drooping black hole. He was trying to be sexy in that photo and in the comments under his shirtless body with cheesy tribal tattoos he does the shrugging man-emote and says "I'm going through my slut phase, mkay?" Now my ex had no teeth and that was fine by me but he wasn't drugged out either and had a nice pink face. But what if I didn't check into this guy? What if I didn't think? What if I decided he was cute and let him into my life and got abused and ripped off again? Sure, people can rebuild and bounce back but it's still extremely common to relapse and hurt people all over again.

...Be careful... be so careful...

Mid-way through 2017, a lawyer emailed me a picture of the unfortunate painter so I could identify him and I honestly couldn't say it was the man. A picture several years old featured a smiling man with bright eyes and a flesh colored face. The man in my yard that day looked like a frozen corpse.

Past is past and looks are looks but when you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas.

Be careful who you associate with, and who you introduce to people.

[kunderdogs]

KNK As Brothers

First time doing something like this and I had a fun time writing it! My siblings are close but not by much lol 

Jihun: The Best Friend

He’s your number one guy, no matter what

The type to be there, no questions asked

Always takes your side if you’re fighting with your parents

Will make sure you’re safe whenever you go out

Offering to pick you up and take you there

Waits up for your call so he can drive you to make sure you’re safe

Your very first friend

As children, you two rarely ever played with anyone else at the playground

You two rarely fight - you’re too similar

Doesn’t mind if you want to put make-up on him

Just don’t post it without his approval - needs you to have one with his good side at the least

Wants to screen everyone of your boyfriends/partners before he can approve of them

They have to meet certain criteria before they’re approved

If he sees you crying, he’ll comfort you immediately and want to know what’s wrong and how he can help

Will buy you a bunch of food to help you feel better

Cuddles like when you were children

No concept of personal space

Will barge into your room and flop on your bed when you’re laying down

Wants to have deep talks about anything

Confides in you the most

You’re first one he tells good news to

HUGS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!

The kind of hugs that lift you up and spin you around

Gives you his old clothes/things 

Sneaks you some spending money when you need it, even if your parents tell him not to since you always use it on snacks

Joking around with you like your one of his friends

Includes you in most of his plans and includes himself in yours

Especially if you’re going to get a pedicure, he’s like “I’M DOWN!!!”

Wants to do face masks with you and watch rom-coms since his friends don’t like that

Tells every single one of his girlfriends that you come before them and they find it cute until he ditches them on a date when you call him crying about your boyfriend

When you move out, he makes sure to make him a copy of your key and interrogates the security at your apartment building about every little detail. “Are those cameras in the elevator operational? How many break-ins have you had in the last two years?”

Will drag you to the gym with him when you stay too long on the couch

Complains about your driving even though you’re a better driver than he is

Buys you random things that remind him of you - like a stuffed lizard because it’s your favorite color

Seoham: The Gentle Protector

You can do no wrong to him

You’re perfect - it’s that simple

Almost fatherly in a sense

Wants only the best for you

Encourages you to do your best in school/work and pursue your dreams

Supports you 110% all the time

Will correct you if you need guidance but he does it lovingly

Takes you out on “sibling dates” when you were younger so you have high expectations of your future s/o

Probably won’t approve of anyone you bring home because no one can be good enough for their little sib

Looks intimidating but will pout and whine if you don’t want to talk about your problems with him

Doesn’t have good advice but he’s a great listener

Tells you men are terrible and encourages you not to date forever

Tries to have the birds and bees talk with you when you’re nine

Will panic when you get your period because he has no idea how to handle this new development so your parents are like “She’s the same person...just don’t be weird about it.”

Helps you play pranks on your other family members

Eventually you two have a prank war between you two

You thought you won until he replaced the sugar with salt one day when you were planning to make a cake for your friend

You were PISSED but had to acknowledge defeat at that point

He has a paper crown that says ‘KING OF PRANKS’

Gets you the oddest Christmas presents - like tire caps that are pink and sparkly

And a cereal dispenser - which you love but why the fuck would he get you that

Takes you to award shows so you get the chance to dress up

Whines that you’re too pretty and now he’ll have to shoo away all the guys from trying to hit on you

Glares at anyone who looks at you for too long

If you don’t do good in school, he’ll be very disappointed and blame himself

Tells you stop wearing his clothes if you’re gonna get make-up on the collars

Buys matching sibling shirts for you guys

Always smiling when you call/text/face time him

Wants to do holiday cards with you in those stupid onesies, even though you’re 28 years old

“You’re never too old for family pictures!!” “You’re 30 and wearing a Snoopy onesie...”

On your birthday, he’ll send you gifts at your school/work like big balloons or a flower arrangement

Brags about you to his friends even if they’ve known you for years

VERY affectionate

Will probably cry if you deny him a hug

Crying at your graduations

Cries when you get engaged

Crying the loudest when you get married like even more so than your parents

“You’ll always be my little sister.”

Dongwon: Overprotective

As your older brother, he feels the weight of the responsibility

You guys weren’t that close growing up since you’re girl

Didn’t know how to relate to you tbh

Asks your oldest brother for advice to be closer to you

Tries to be there for you but he gets distracted by his own life

Doesn’t let anyone bad mouth you EVER

Will stand up to anyone for you, even your own family

Has gotten into fights over some guy at school making an inappropriate comment about your skirt

Is so overprotective because he doesn’t want you to end up going down the wrong path

Goes about it the wrong way, let’s be real lol

If you try to sneak out, he’s on yo ass & will drag you back home

Will embarrass you in front of your friends and “your lil boyfriend”

“Who is this guy?” “Your BOYFRIEND? Hell no. Wait for me in the car.”

Lectures you about being responsible and focusing on school in order to be successful in life

You guys argue all the time when you’re teenagers/college age honestly

He’s so hardheaded and he doesn’t understand why you don’t see he’s doing this out of love

It takes your older brother to break it up and separate you two before you hurt each other feelings

Even though you do argue, he’s the first to make up. He can’t stay upset with you and it breaks his heart to see you crying because of something he said

He’ll buy your favorite food and apologize, wrapping you in his arms and kissing your head

You two get closer as you get older and you mature under both your brothers guidance

Thinks there’s no one in this world that deserves you so he won’t approve of anyone. You could bring home the nicest, kindest, sweetest guy and Dongwon would be like “Hm...I don’t like his vibe.”

HATES when you go out with your friends and will force his friends to come with him so he can keep an eye on you

Glares at anyone who tries to make a move on you, effectively keeping all potential suitors away from you

Is satisfied with himself when he grabs the drink some guy bought for you and downs it

Yep, he’s the one that will follow you on your first date and sit in the back of the restaurant with a hoodie and sunglasses on but you immediately spot him and sigh

Why is he like this

When he gets older, he will shower you in gifts to “make up” for him being an ass when you were younger

It makes you feel a little guilty but he got you a new macbook so you keep your mouth shut for the most part

Your relationship improves as you get older because he is more mature

Inseong: The “Twin”

Since you two are the youngest in the family, you guys are dotted on

But since you’re the baby, you get everything

He’s jealous of you when you two are children

He wants all the attention on him but then you were born

Asks your mom to return you when you were 3

Your oldest sister is the mediator but she goes thru puberty and you’re kind of on your own

Since you and Inseong are so close in age, you go to school together

He doesn’t speak to you much in school, you revolve in two different circles but he keeps an eye out for you 

Instead of him protecting you, you protect him and stand up for him since he’s too shy to say anything

He appreciates it a lot even if he doesn’t say much about it

One day a girl in his grade was making fun of how he laughs and she didn’t see you near by

So when you confronted her, it turned physical very fast and you were pulled off of her and sent to the principal’s office since you punched her first

Inseong heard about what happened and was worried about you but you were sent home before he could get to the office 

When he gets home, he’s relieved that you’re not hurt but he’s upset that you got into a fight for him. “You shouldn’t fight for me.”

“You’re my brother. I’d fight the whole school if they said something bad about you.”

He’s so touched, he’s crying in your arms now

You’re like wtf dude get a grip but just smile and tell him to be with you when you have to tell your parents what happened

After that you guys are inseparable - like twins

ALWAYS taking pictures of you and selfies with you two

Demands you take “candid” pictures of him. “Is it really a candid if you ask for it though?” “Just take it Y/N!”

He’s very cuddly with you and loves resting on you cause you’re tiny

Will buy you just about anything if you act cute to him

Complains when you steal his clothes & hoodies but doesn’t really care

He gives in to every suggestion you have

Mostly goes along with your bad ideas

Has to have you looking good in public because “you’re a reflection of me!”

Will be nervous if he brings a girl over to meet you and your older sister because he wants you two to approve of her and he knows how blunt you two are

Doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend because he doesn’t want you to “forget” about him

Pouts when you tell him you’re dating someone

HYPE man to the max

Will be bawling at your wedding then will sing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston but has to stop since he’s crying again

Asks to live with you after you get married because he misses you

You think he’s joking cause he laughed it off but he’s serious

He now lives 10 min walking distance from you

Heejun: The Bad Influence

Since y’all were so close in age, your parents made you do everything he did

If he played soccer, so did you

When he wanted to learn the guitar, you had to as well

You wanted to take dance classes? They signed him up too

Unfortunately for you, he was a boy wonder and excelled in literally everything, even the things you “forced” him to do

He’s always getting you in trouble though

In school or at home

Somehow manages to run and hide whenever someone is scolding you

One time, for a senior prank, he and his friends pulled the old ‘water bucket over the door’ trick on the dean and you somehow took the fall even though you were in class at the time

But it’s okay since you find him and beat him with whatever is in reach (backpack, math book, frying pan, your mother’s heels)

Always promises to make up for your suffering somehow

He’s still your favorite family member though

You two sneak out all the time

Some times to hang out with all your friends

Or he’ll drag you to a party

Heejun won’t let you drink underage though, HELL NO

Each time he sees you’ve some how managed to get another red solo cup, he’ll snatch it from you

Tries to set you up with his most responsible friend because he doesn’t trust none of the others honestly

Teasing the hell out of you for anything

“WooOOOOWW straight A’s? Your nerd is showing~”

Always screaming and making random noises that make you jump

Gets drunk one night when he’s in college and face times you at 3am to tell you that men are trash and don’t date anyone like him

Runs to you every time he has girl problems

He taught you how to hot wire a car and when you asked how he knew how to, he said “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Play wrestles you when you least expect it

Like you’re just walking in your house and you’re tackled from the side and put in a headlock with him screaming “TAP OUT! TAP NOW!”

When he finds out you were crying over a boy, he’ll throw on a hoodie and call his boys, “We ride at dawn, bitches. We’ve got to hurt some people.”

Literally will beat your ex’s ass for cheating on you and will play innocent when you question him, even though his knuckles are red and bruised. “Hm? Oh, this? I...fell. Yeah, that’s what happened.”

Pouts when you won’t come to his band’s performance 

Literally will whine and bitch about how you don’t love him if you don’t come and watch him play for the millionth time

Is always showing you physical affection of some kind - arm over your shoulders, ruffling your hair, nudging you, kicking you softly when he wants your attention

Will toss ice on you if you don’t wake up when he wants you to

Is basically a little shit

Demands you name your first kid after him if you wanted kids

Is very offended when you have a girl and don’t name it Heejun

But he’s the best uncle honestly - so sweet and loving. 

Completely different than how he treated you

Your daughter is his princess and he’ll deadass fight you if you tried to take her home after he spent the day with her.

“So you think you can just come back into our lives after all this time?”

“Give me back my kid. I was at work.”