#musings: every saint has a past

[bl00dysavior]

𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯

Image credits go to my buddy Nik over on discord for giving me permission to share his art!

We were chatting and sharing quotes and this came up, and. Damn does it fit Stiletto and her complicated relationship with religion that I'll eventually post more about.

But for now, the best way I can describe it is that she struggles to see the benevolence of a Creator in a world where tragedy happens to good people and killers walk free without punishment.

Yes, she's aware that her family weren't saints, and she by no means considers herself a good person, not when her own hands have been blood-stained the entirety of her adult life, but she still refuses to believe that her family deserved to be slaughtered the way they had. She refuses to believe that her fiancé at the time deserved to be gunned down for simply loving her and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[mad-hunts]

one thing about barton is that he (unfortunately) has the most dead-eyed stare half the time, even when he's describing something extremely traumatic that happened to him, so people may not know whether it's due to the fact that he just doesn't feel like he has ' life ' in him or if this is because he was really messed up by the trauma (it's both. it's both in most cases)

[sgiandubh]

Saw your comment: "We're not all thirsty mommies, nor 12, nor bitter bitches. I'd love to see and hear more about what is beneath that mask, not beneath that shirt." Sam has done that before. He wrote an entire book about his journey but the book is called bullshit and he a liar. He's written well-thought out articles and forewords to books. He speaks intelligently and passionately and knowledgably about his liquors and the process of getting to market, and is called a shill. His work with Prickly Thistle is expensive and taking peoples' money, even when it helped this woman-owned mill immensely. It goes on and on. Today he's been accused of hypocrisy for a plastic cup, thirst trapping to change a conversation and using his social media as a PR tool to fool gullible women. Some may want to see beneath the mask but when he's shown what he is willing to you get the above.

Dear Hypocrisy Anon,

Thank you for your thoughts. I have read your long comment very carefully and let's say I agree with about 85% of it. The itching point is, of course, the book: Waypoints is a good ghostwritten memoir I have commented at length, with a more benevolent view than most of those who found it took some substantial liberty with what they (and I, for that matter) think it's the current state of play in SC Land. Note I am not saying the truth: that's only for Them to know, not for us. So dismissing it and calling everything a lie is a bit of a stretch. It's just a memoir, to be followed by other projects, other books. And who knows, another memoir, later on, where he could correct the course again at his convenience. He's only 43. Give the man some credit.

Trouble is, the world is a vast and diverse place. It's not just this fractured fandom. If he wants to remain relevant beyond OL, he needs, in my humble opinion, two things: a) to score a big role in a big budget production, which would improve his notoriety and help him reach a different public and b) curate his personal image a bit more and get out of this midlife crisis fake character he's peddling around. The only people who find it interesting are the thirsty mommies in *urv's crowd and that's, uhm... a bit irrelevant, in the big scheme of things.

So, no more political blunders, please and thank you. Shut the hell up and play Switzerland on complicated and divisive society issues which can get one in boiled water for a comma. Carefully picked and curated CSR projects, he'd ideally be more actively involved in. And yes, maybe a bit more transparency on the so many great things he does, like that partnership with the Edinburgh's Youth Theatre he didn't even mention himself or include in his stories (no doubt, out of a very British and endearing sense of modesty). And always remember: when faced with something beautiful and fragile, like that story, people will try their best to smear it and break it. I am not bitter, just realistic.

Same goes for your conclusion: I am sure many would like to see more of what is beneath that mask. It's too bad that a bunch of bitter, nasty, clueless, but also very noisy women occupy a bigger part of the stage than they should.

But have faith, Anon. For the moment, all of this is nothing what a good PR, not the clowns he obviously hired, can't fix with relative ease. Trust me. I've seen way worse. And remember, always remember what dear Wilde (God, I love that soul!) said: 'every saint has a past and every sinner has a future'.

You just gave me an idea for a future post and for this, I thank you, Anon. But for now, I have to catch up on a thing or two, rather than determine the morality of a plastic glass. I hope this long answer helps somewhat. Thank you for dropping by: it was a pleasure reading your musings.

[foxes-that-run]

Holy Ground

Taylor has described Holy Ground as reminiscing on a past relationship, which the final is. The draft lyrics in the Lover Journal do not refer to it as a past relationship however, that was added later. The album arrangement of Holy Ground is upbeat, fast tempo, with State of Grace it was part of the anthemic opening of the Red Tour. In the 2019 BBC Live Lounge which was recorded in NY Taylor played it slow and sad:

Red Secret Message "When you came to the show in SD"

The Secret Message for Holy Ground is "When you came to the show in SD." Which may be Saint-Denis, the district and canal in Paris very close to Le Zenith which Taylor played on 17 March 2011.

They had the opportunity to meet when One Direction and Taylor were both in LA in 25-30 January 2011. This may be the referred to "first glance". Begin again shows them texting each other. From then until the 16 March they toured different countries.

One Direction had a 3 day weekend 16 - 19 March. Harry left Brighton the morning of 17 March. Taylor was in Paris on the 16, 17 and 18 March. Taylor then went to Madrid and Harry re-appeared at the O2 on 19 March. Thank you @cntfightmydemonsthyknowhowtoswim for these links.

This was the first show on the Speak Now Tour that Taylor played Fearless and Train's "Soul Sister" in a mash up, which appeared on/off for the rest of the tour. Soul Sister was Harry's X-Factor audition song.

They were then both in London and on Wednesday 23 March Taylor wore a white dress similar to the cover of Begin Again. Taylor was in London many times for the rest of the year

What about San Diego?

People have theorised that SD is her show in San Diego on 20 October 2011, suggestion Joe Jonas attended, however he was in Paris on that date. One Direction did have time off then though.

Why Paris? Paris features in the music videos for Begin Again, Everything has Changed, Falling, Paris Lyric video and the Love on Tour Images for What Makes you Beautiful.

What Taylor said about the song

In the Red album talk Taylor said she wrote the song about a past relationship and appreciated the relationship for what it was. Of note, she pauses *a lot*, like 6 times in 10 seconds, and pinches her hands, in the part where she says it was a past relationship.

Taylor said she wrote Holy Ground after seeing the muse in February 2012. In January, she had been 'holidaying' in London (having spent months there the year before) being papped walking alone. She left London the same day as One Direction, 27 January, ahead of Harry's 18th birthday 1 February 2012. See 2011 timeline. More thanks to @cntfightmydemonsthyknowhowtoswim

She speaks with no pauses once she talks about the production. She mentioned Jeff Bhasker, who worked on the song and went on to be one of Harry's main collaborators.

On 3 February, the day after Harry's 22 Tweet Taylor Liked a Tumblr post of Holy Ground Lyrics also.

Lover Journal

Taylor also shared a Lover Journal (book 3) entry for March 16 2011, where in Paris, she said "My life is so beautiful right now. Every once in a while I have to remind myself to breathe and take in the view", later a Lyric in Paris and something Harry said on the Jonathan Ross show 16 November 2013.

The original lyrics to Holy Ground are on the next page (dated "February 2012", and not yet complete) with Love Story on the adjacent page. These February 2012 Lyrics are quite different, "Back when" and the last verses with "dust on every page" are missing, it is reminiscing, but not after a break up. It is likely the song was further developed when recorded mid-year and their relationship changed.

Live Performances

Holy Ground was on the Red Tour setlist and then only played a handful of times:

30 June 2015 - 1989 Surprise Song in Dublin, followed a Clean speech:

Everyone here tonight has [...] things that haunt them. [...]. Memories you wish you didn’t have. Memories you wish you could forget. [...] whether you lost someone you never thought you’d lose or you lost yourself. Or you fell in love with a person or a habit that was bad for you, and you couldn’t quit. [...].

22 October 2016 - her only live show of 15 songs that year, played between Style and an Enchanted/Wildest Dreams mashup. Harry and Taylor had been in New York.

22 May 2018 - Reputation Surprise Song in Seattle, first show after their anniversary.

29 August 2019 - BBC Live Lounge recorded in NY (above) one of 6 songs. Harry was in London, on the 19th he lost the Rose Ring.

27 May 2023 - Eras Surprise Song, NJ, in a green dress with False God. "I feel pretty good about this song for tonight, it's called Holy Ground". It also replaced EHC in the recorded Red intro when the Joe Break up was announced in April 2023.

Lyrics

I was reminiscing just the other day While having coffee all alone, and Lord, it took me away Back to a first glance feeling on New York time Back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme

The first verse includes drinking coffee alone, coffee being a theme. Here Taylor drinks coffee alone, similar to Is it over now? “let's fast forward to 300 takeout coffees later" it is post-break up. This is in the original lyrics, but separated by distance.

The second half remembers a brief meeting and includes that Taylor and her muse travel a lot and share a love of poetry and rhyme.

The original lyrics differ here, importantly "back when" is missing, the relationship was still current and Taylor felt completed by the person. It was "Back to the first glance feeling on new time, you were the last word filling out the end of the rhyme"

Took off faster than a green light, go Yeah, you skip the conversation when you already know I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made And that was the first day

This second verse hits themes in Haylor songs of how quickly they fit:

Lover "Have I known you for 20 seconds or 20 Years"

Labyrinth "Never trust it if it rises fast / It can't last"

Message In A Bottle: But time moves faster, replaying your laughter, disaster

You Are In Love: Time moved too fast, you play it back

Coney Island: The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go

Also skipping conversation is a theme of not communicating

The note on the door is visualised as a piece of paper on a hotel door in the lyric video. It reminds me of The Very First Night's "Didn't read the note on the Polaroid picture". This lyric also reminds me of Begin Again "I think it's strange that you think I'm funny, 'cause He never did"

And darling, it was good Never looking down And right there where we stood Was holy ground

The Chorus is the end of the February 2012 lyrics. "Holy" ground has always confused me, but I think the clue is in the secret message, it was "Saint" Denis.

Down is in a lot of songs, this is just some:

Come Back... Be Here "And now that I can put this down"

IKYWT "'Til you put me down, oh"

Style "And when we go crashing down, we come back every time"

IWYW "We're a crooked love in a straight line down"

Wonderland "Took a wrong turn and we / Fell down a rabbit hole."

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress We had this big wide city all to ourselves We blocked the noise with the sound of 'I need you' And for the first time I had something to lose

tee hee Dress: "Only bought this dress so you could take it off"

Question…?: Good girl, sad boy, big city, wrong choices

Need is in:

Come Back… Be Here: I guess you’re in New York today, I don’t wanna need you this way

This Love: When you’re young you just run but you come back to what you need

New Romantics: We need love, but all we want is danger

End Game: I’m one call away whenever you need me

Don’t Blame Me: Shaking, pacing, I just need you

Need "Oh, It's a need, it's a need I would go anywhere that you lead"

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way And the story's got dust on every page But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now And I see your face in every crowd

This verse is clear the relationship has ended, but was added after February 2012. Fell apart is also in:

The Very First Night: Back then we didn’t know we were built to fall apart

Out Of The Woods: "We were built to fall apart, then fall back together"

Taylor has also made the story/page reference is a theme in many songs

New Year’s Day: "Don’t read the last page, but I stay"

Death By A Thousand Cuts: "But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?"

Paris: "Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world"

Tonight I'm gonna dance For all that we've been through But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you

There is a lot of dancing in Haylor songs:

22: Everything will be all right if we just keep dancing like we’re 22

The Very First Night: Danced in the kitchen, chased me down through the hallway

Out Of The Woods: To move the furniture so we could dance, baby, like we stood a chance

You Are In Love: You two are dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: If I could dance with you again

Cardigan: I knew you, dancing in your Levi’s, drunk under a streetlight

Cowboy Like Me: And you asked me to dance, but I said, “Dancing is a dangerous game”

Maroon: And I chose you, the one I was dancing with in New York, no shoes

Glitch: I thought we had no chance and that’s romance, let’s dance

and bonus Dancing, after this she learned to Dance alone:

Shake It Off: I’m dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go

New Romantics: We are too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet

[jamrockshuffle]

tes·​ta·​ment noun a: a tangible proof or tribute b: an expression of conviction

spotify link / image credit

izzy hands playlist; annotations, tracklist, and details under the cut

Updated 10/16/2023: literally so much manchester orchestra towards the end. but it's MY playlist I'll do what I want

A lot of kind of emotional, dark, passionate ed/izzy in this. So just keep that in mind :) This playlist was started last year. I think all of the songs fit still, but if you're looking for the more season 2 oriented content, I will mark the songs added since it aired. Hope you enjoy! It's nearly six hours I think I have a disease.

As per the uzsh the genres run the gambit. don't say I didn't warn you - All This Time / The Beta Machine

When you rose up this morning Did you take it for granted That I'd be there when you woke? That I'd still be there when you woke? [...] If you want me to adore you Better get up off the floor now I've said all I've had to say But maybe there's some better way

- Lost at Sea / Kellermensch

The war is over and I lost I learned the hard way not to trust It's getting easier every day To watch you slip further away

- You Should Have Known I'd Leave / Vast

Love is cold Love is blind Love is a sea And I don't know what you want But I know it's not me

- Blown Minded / Young Galaxy

In my heart I have lived without aught It's been the war of attrition Between a small-minded fool And sublime intuition

- Breathe / Puscifer

honestly lads I don't know what to say it just goes ok sorry

- Holy My Hand / UNKLE

- Touched / Vast

The razors and the dying roses Plead I don't leave you alone The demi-gods and hungry ghosts Oh god, god knows I'm not at home I'll never find someone quite like you, again I'll never find someone quite like you, again

- The Rat / Dead Confederate

This fucking song. I added it over a year ago but holy shit, has season 2 made it that much crazier. Honestly the entire song is just so... i don't even know what to tell ya tbh I would paste the whole song here if I could Shoot from the back And take good aim Make sure I'm dead Bang Bang 'Cause I'm a rat There's no mistake Under the bed Where you sleep Crush the skull And make me tame Sweep it up Hide it away No morals shown In no way explained Stupid human Shit for brains I am going feral over this song and how it slides in so neatly for season 2 so far (as of posting this, episode 3) I'll follow you Into the grave And at the gates I see the passing say "The judge be judged And all the wretched be saved" I throw my curse All across your days <3 ty for coming to my ted talk

- Lovesong / Snake River Conspiracy

might be a little controversial since it's a cover of the original by the cure, but this is more the kind of music I tend to listen to so that's what's in the playlist lol.

- Structure of Love II (Renholdër Remix) / VOWWS

Take a look at me now Have I disappeared? Is this the structure of love? Are you in here? I can't get you out of my mind Your love is so hard to define

- Tusk / Fleetwood Mac

I've said it before, I'll say it again. PERFECT edizzy song. If you think this is a stede/ed song you're wrong get the fuck outta here

- Bleak / Death Machine

Hold my breath Known I am one of the walking dead you say In my chest, there is a bombing It's made of flesh it's made of flesh

- The End Is Begun / 3

Watch what you say Words can be heard from your grave Pluck from a fist full of straws You cannot resist your tragic flaws And you said what you said That I'd be better off dead Than be fed into the furnace Of the monster Shall I cry, shall I die Shall I be shot through the sky As I fly into the furnace Of the monster

- Breadwinner / BEA1991

- Martyr / Roniit, Saint Mesa

Drop all your hunger, kill your dues So give me shelter, give me proof I'll be the martyr and the muse All of your sorrow, I'll consume

- Man Overboard / Puscifer

- Ennoea / Keluar

- Complicated End Times / O'Brother

You can try and measure what I do By the sweat in my brow But you don’t know a thing about me You want to snuff the fire out

- Goliath / Woodkid

A sustained heart pain and a dark fever How did I get fooled by such a savage curse? The more I forgive you, the more it backfires Now you're dancing through the smoke like nothing else matters

- Beat And The Pulse / Austra

- Spellwork / Austra

I work alone saving my soul If yesterday hurts, tomorrow is worse Send me a sign, for my body's aligned I'm ready to waste all my limbs and my face My pores are wide open And bleed for your potion Spellwork and lies

- Feral Love / Chelsea Wolfe

Your eyes black like an animal Black like an animal Crossing the water Lead them to die

- Drift / So Below

Even if you change your mind It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even when the moment's gone I feel the same Even when you bite your tongue It doesn't have to mean that it's over Even if it all goes wrong I feel the same way, hey

- Dancer in the Dark / Scratch Massive

Where did you go? My mind is gone I'm dancing in the dark Just silent and grey It's just silent and grey

- The More I Sleep, The Less I Dream / We Were Promised Jetpacks

I lost all hope I left it with someone, some time, somewhere ago And I picture it now The house on the hill, with nobody wandering around And I cry like hell I'm hugging the floor and pretending there's somebody else The more I sleep The less I dream The closer I feel Oh my word I'm nothing but a curse Oh my word I'm nothing but a-

- Ship in a Bottle / fin

Oh, captain, let's make a deal Where we both say the things that we both really feel I feel scared and I'm starting to sink And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

- Toma / Puscifer

Stole my patience, stole my pride Snatched the rhythm from my stride Kicked my certainty up the middle Knocked the wind out of my romantic side Hopes and wishes set aflame What's your purpose here, whatcha hope to gain? Took my dignity, you took my dignity Burned a lover so earned an enemy

- The Shore / Woodkid

I walked all day along the shore I was made for loving you I drown my pain in alcohol How could you feel the same way too? My feet will not walk anymore So I guess you ought to know the truth I wonder what I am made for If I'm not meant to be with you

- Restless (16BL Remix) / UNKLE, Josh Homme

Well, I'm all restless but I don't care You don't like me much, well, me neither You go read my mind like some kind of God You live, let's have you trippin' on the same one you lost

- Ship To Wreck / Florence + The Machine

And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I said? I can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed And, ah, my love remind me, what was it that I did? Did I drink too much? Am I losing touch? Did I build a ship to wreck?

- Lies / CHVRCHES

Always, we can sing, we can make time Old songs, flood and flame, you could be mine But you got to show me both knees, skin and bone Clothe me, throw me, move me 'til I can sell you lies You can't get enough Make a true believer of Anyone, anyone, anyone I can call you up If I feel alone I can feed your dirty mind Like I know, like I know what you want

- The End / The Beta Machine

A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me If all that's left of you is in my head This is more than a bad dream The end of all I know

- Jealous Sea / MEG MYERS

This whole song... like bruh lmfao Everything's right, everything's wrong When you call my name I can't handle the thought of always being gone When I'm wearing this ring And I want to go out, I want to get drunk Being in love and I don't want to fight But nothing makes sense anymore And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it comes, it comes like waves and I can't breathe And I don't think I can stop the jealousy When it runs, it runs like lightening through my teeth I want you to tell me what to do I want you to tell me what you need When you look at me like you do Don't leave, I just can't get enough I just can't get enough

- Holy Water / Zippermouth

I don't want you to save me from the demons only you seem to see But don't you dare take my pride away and strip me of my sanity I'm calling all of you out I'm calling out of you in To the party of unnatural sin And my imperfections scare you, I can see it in your eyes Water That burns my bastard mind 'Cause I can love as good as one can love someone In a perfect world is one I will love myself before I will love you

- Die For You / VALORANT, Grabbitz

Now there's only one thing I can do Fight until the end like I promised to Wishing there was something left to lose This could be the day I die for you

- Choke / Hybrid

I'm not explaining myself to you

- Give It Up / Black City Lights

The fever's own Filling in my bones and my blood It's enough But I still can't take it off It's sickening Hands around my neck And my chest is burning with my breathing

- Elijah / Blood Red Shoes

- Love You Wrong / Husky Loops

I've thought about it all along I am sure I love you wrong

- Autumn / Bear In Heaven

Silent romance guided by chance, just like everything Altogether would it ever suffocate the pain?

- Hands On The Bible / Local H

Hands on the Bible Scared like a child God holds you liable For what you've done Homicidal Stared down your idols A pretty baby Never born You can't believe it You didn't mean it But they saw you do it And they know your name

- Touch / July Talk

I want to make some space underneath my skin Cut me open, I can let you in Should I let myself be torn in two? And will you give into that side of you?

- Avalanche / Kosheen

He's nothing like me So wrong and wretched Your safe reality Is living in sketches And live out happiness With no explanation And peer out at the world

- A Long Time Away / Shearwater

A break in the clouds like a crack in a cylinder But now there's blood on the beach and a wreck in the water As the shadow arrives on the face of your innocence You feel the shock in your eyes and the shaking in your own hands

- It's No Good / Depeche Mode

Don't say you want me Don't say you need me Don't say you love me It's understood Don't say you're happy Out there without me I know you can't be 'Cause it's no good

- Always Right / Ramona Falls

God is in the things you love So don't you punch me with kid gloves

- No Tomorrow / The Birthday Massacre

Dedication to the ruin of the light within you Darkness all around It's so easy to let go of all the things that make you true Watch it all fall down You bait me, I follow And if this night feels hollow Then drown me in sorrow There will be no tomorrow

- Flood / Saltillo

I wanna watch you wreck all the paintings in my house As you run down my wall (Holes of my life) Wash away these things I never needed These papers and these clothes

- The Remedy / Puscifer

izzy @ stede bonnet tbh. well, in season 1 at least ;)

- Little One / Beck

Drown, drown, sailors run aground In a sea change, nothing is safe And strange waves push us every way In a stolen boat, we'll float away

- Becker / Autolux

That's delirium's way You know it seems so right All the entertainment they spray Atrocities contrite It brings you back again It finds you every time The blackest quote they spit into the tin can of your mind

- Eyelids / Saro

In my eyelids, I’ve tattooed your words To remember what I don’t deserve Could you be why I feel so empty?

- Found You / Django Django

I've heard my name spoken in vain so many times You called, well here I am, what is yours is mine There's nothing you won't sell But I don't want the wealth you made That's not what I returned for

- Darkness At The Heart Of My Love / Ghost

There's a darkness at the heart of my love That runs cold, runs deep

- Dangerous / Son Lux

I watch you fall Hollow and depleted A city razed Oh, to bury you beneath it

- Numb / MARINA

- Fear and Loathing / MARINA

- O My Heart / Mother Mother

And I throw my heart back to the ocean But it don't go far, it come back floating And I watch it wash it up with the dead fish But it ain't quite dead, it just is like this

- Bones / The Qemists, Kellermensch

Fearless: my heart Open my arms Laying on the dark isle Every way is down

- El Monstro / SkraeckOedlan

(There beyond the dawn we see you, but our longing is an agony) Där bortom gryningen vi ser dig, men våran längtan är ett kval (They have robbed you of your future, we belong together you and I) De har berövat dig din framtid, vi hör tillsammans du och jag

- Relocate / Kauf

Do you feel any better now? I'm trying to follow what you told me I'm just a dog, mystical empathy and carefree I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? Do you feel any better now? Your father is lying where the bones are A little lost colony from the start I can't forget the skin pulled tight, every letter read Is it your justice we never see? We never see what only you can say We are ready for it

-> SONGS ADDED AFTER SEASON 2 STARTS HERE

- Before We Drift Away / Nothing But Thieves

- A Place To Call Home / Big Wreck

So how do you beg for what's your own Pick the pieces, lick the wounds Stoke the fire, fan the flame Squeeze the clouds until it rains Would you champion the cause? 'Til you find out what you've lost Who do you dare to call your own And where's the place that you call home?

- My Name Is Ruin / Gary Numan

My name is Ruin, my name is vengeance My name is no one, and no one is calling My name is Ruin, my name is heartbreak My name is lonely, my sorrow's a darkness

- Run From Me / Timber Timbre

- Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Allegretto / Beethoven

- Because the Night / Patti Smith

- Dear Brother / Puscifer

Reminiscing on our indestructible days The party never seemed to end We donkey punched the night away Some risky business, my friend Fortune seemed to favor us 'Round every dark and twisted bend

- The Moth / Manchester Orchestra

This song makes me so insane tbh Forced myself to take a different name Buried with metonymy Decide for me Throw the man you used to be away Bury him with rivalry entirely My entire life you've been obsessing with the light The closer that you get, the further up you've got to climb You wanna hear it hurt, you wanna feel it when he dies If you walk that path alone, you've got to look him in the eye

- Brevony / Ramona Falls

- Graveyard Shift / Battle Tapes

I fell asleep at the helm of a runaway train And laid myself at the feet of what I couldn't slay

- Black Cloud / POSTDATA

There's nothing outside, there’s nobody left There's nowhere to hide, nowhere to run or to forget No one to find you if you ever tried to And nobody tries to Sand in the sky, drowning in the wind Look in my eyes, mama, I've been contaminated Little by little by little, just a little bit Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?

- Keel Timing / Manchester Orchestra

Yet another song that makes me insane. I put too much Manchester Orchestra in here but I'm living my best life Don’t let 'em in your bed, we're lying Don't let 'em in your bed, he is lying Little more, a little more, he is biting I was folding slowly frozen Changed for you And it wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong It was holy

- Pale Black Eye / Manchester Orchestra

This entire Song is so fucking wild I don't have yours or mine I don't hurt you like I used to Amy, you must be tired cause when you sleep, you sleep alone And understand the throne Cause if he didn't pay what he had paid I'd undeniably become erased So whatever you want Take whatever you need And bite your veins Bleed your pain Into me Goddamn I'm tired of lying I wish I loved you like I used to So hold on, you pale black eye Cause when I sleep, I sleep alone

- Strawberry Letter 23 / Shuggie Otis

- Pygmy Love Song / Francis Bebey

- In The Dark / Cathedrals

I can see you fall apart You turn away and fade out of sight But I hear you call in the night Let it go, let me hold you this time (don’t say a word)

- The Sailor Song / Autoheart

ty @soundless-storm for the suggestion :) I was your sailor, your demon, your lover Your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

- Megalomaniac / Aeseaes

Eye to thigh as he sharpens his blade Thick sweat, sick salt, lead bellyaches I don’t know what I’ve been drinking Dripping dread as all the lights start scrеaming Seven-inch steel bolt fed to thе head Now is then and I am now bound to forget The devil wears a cotton dress over his gun Jagged mumbles wispy warbles blushing in the sun

- Rule #9 - Child of the Stars / Fish in a Birdcage

You were a wanderer Back when you were young I remember your eyes were clear Brighter than the sun With hands so soft Delicate and sweet You learned to fall And balance on your own two feet I could only lead you so far I believe in who you are

- Vessel / Dan Mangan + Blacksmith

There are other lyrics in this song that are good too but this just reminds me of 2x01 when Izzy tells Fang to unhand him when he starts to cry Stop Wait Un Hand Me

- Cover Me / Black Math

One hand above the skin My head below the water As I float in the deep As I float in the deep

- Let It Storm / Manchester Orchestra

This is very post 2x04. For the new unicorn :) I don't wanna hold back my faith anymore I don't wanna fall into that man again I just wanna keep both my feet on the floor So let it touch me And let it storm

- Disciple / IAMX

Sorry this song is kind of a lot lol Disciple, I absolve you So forgive yourself enough to obey the naked truth That you need to be owned And you beg to be controlled

- Bed Head / Manchester Orchestra

This song is SO season 2 ed/izzy it makes me so insane it's the entire fucking song tbh I'm posting most of the song lyrics sorry. "Bed Head" is two old friends existing in two separate realities. It's a conversation about the lives they lived, the consequences of life's decisions, and finding purpose in trying to be better. Arguing with the dead I'm not alone but it sure feels like someone left Deaf notes and talking heads Carrying on your debt Blood on the bed head and volumes you left unsaid Let 'em talk and let it habit, now I'm afraid you're alone Oh, my God Let me relinquish and start to distinguish my past, and my time You and I are oil and fire, so Oh, my God Let me extinguish the habit, the sequence, the loss in my mind Now I believe in the ghost Ghost Clawing against your skin Clutching my neck said, "It's all supposed to end like this" You and I are panoramic Now I'm afraid of the ghost [...] Right by the entrance, you broke Finally, reality's taking its hold You're not who you were, but you can't let it go You're not where you're from, but you're always alone So I stick a flag in the ground I think I know who I'm living for now I am what I am, same above as the ground It's not what I want, but I'm figuring it out

I'll keep updating the annotations as I have free time :) the playlist is almost 80 songs long and growing lol. Enjoy!

[grote5que]

𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 🎵 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝐼'𝑙𝑙 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑎 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝐼 𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑒! ⸺ featuring : the whole muse roster - compliments of @walkeddeath

「ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑎 𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑢𝑒𝑧. 𐕣 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑹. 」 ░▒ abbey - mitski ↳ i am hungry / i have been hungry / i was born hungry / what do i need? / i am something / i have been something / i was born something / what could i be? / there is a light that i can see / but only, it seems, when there's darkness in me / there is a dream that i sometimes see / that only appears in the dark of sleep

「𝑟𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑢𝑐𝑎.  𐕣  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑮𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑳. 」 ░▒ i kill everything - deathbyromy ↳ mutilated to the point of perfection / i'm the patron saint of merciless love / just when i thought that we / had formed a connection / i got a message from the one up above / serpentine seductress love to bite back / probe me paralyze me nymphomaniac / brand me burn abduct me hyper heart attack / love to love me leave me make me come back / plagued be the body, holy and unscathed / forgive me father, for i have misbehaved / crafted like a weapon, unable to disengage / built to dismember, fill me with your rage / i kill everything i fuck / Fuck everything i kill / i kill everything i fuck / i kill everything / i am gods favorite bitch

「𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑒𝑙 𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑠. 𐕣  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑨𝑼𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 」 ░▒ my body is a cage - arcade fire ↳ my body is a cage / that keeps me from dancing with the one i love / but my mind holds the key / i'm standing on a stage / of fear and self-doubt / it's a hollow play / but they'll clap anyway / you're standing next to me / my mind holds the key / i'm living in an age / that calls darkness light / though my language is dead / still the shapes fill my head

「𝑒𝑛𝑧𝑜 𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑘𝑜𝑠.  𐕣 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑫. 」 ░▒ whitehouse road - tyler childers ↳ early in the morning when the sun does rise / layin' in the bed with bloodshot eyes / late in the evenin' when the sun sinks low / that's about the time my rooster crows / i got women up and down this creek / and they keep me going and my engine clean / run me ragged but i don't fret / 'cause there ain't been one slow me down none yet / get me drinkin' that moonshine / get me higher than the grocery bill / take my troubles to the highwall / throw'em in the river and get your fill / we've been sniffing that cocaine / ain't nothin' better when the wind cuts cold / lord it's a mighty hard livin' / but a damn good feelin' to run these roads

「 𝑛𝑒𝑎 𝑘𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑠𝑠𝑜𝑛. 𐕣  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑰𝑺𝑻. 」 ░▒ sober - tool ↳ there's a shadow just behind me / shrouding every step i take / making every promise empty / pointing every finger at me / waiting like a stalking butler / who upon the finger rests / murder now the path of must we / just because the son has come / jesus, won't you fucking whistle / something but the past and done? / why can't we not be sober? / i just want to start this over / and why can't we drink forever? / i just want to start this over

 「 𝑚𝑖𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑒𝑙 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑤. 𐕣  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑻. 」 ░▒ marked for death - emma ruth rundle ↳ it was right that we did meet each other in each other's eyes / it was right that we did see each other in our shadow sides / it was wrong then, too, that crazy love loves crazy as it does / and each of us, and both of us so crazy as it was / who else is going to love someone like you that's marked for death? / who else is going to be with you when you breathe your last? / who else is going to take my place and hold and keep you safe? / who else is going to stay? / who else is going to love someone like me that's marked for death? / who else is going to be with me when i breathe at all? / who else would ever take your place and hold and keep me safe? / who else would ever stay?

「 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑤𝑛 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑤.  𐕣 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑴𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑳𝑨𝑴𝑩. 」 ░▒ hard times - ethel cain ↳ hide me there, under the leaves / nine going on eighteen, lay it on me / tell me a story about how it ends / where you're still the good guy, i'll make pretend / 'cause i hate this story / where happiness ends and dies with you / i thought good guys get to be happy / i'm not happy / i am poison in the water and unhappy / little girl who needs her daddy real bad (real bad) / in the corner, on my birthday, you watched me / dancing right there in the grass / i was too young to notice / that some types of love could be bad

「 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑛 𝑙𝑒𝑒. 𐕣  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑴𝑶𝑹𝑩𝑰𝑫 」 ░▒ darkside - bring me the horizon ↳ something haunts me / footsteps in the basement / out of body / but there's no escaping / something's in the way / don't know what i can say / memories are haunting me / a sickness taking over / so bury me alive / there's nowhere left to hide / and say goodbye / 'cause maybe i / maybe i will miss me when I'm gone

[randomfoggytiger]

React: "Return to Me" (from the POV of Someone Averse to RomComs, Part II): I Become a Bonnie Hunt Fangirl

Continued from Part I (see here)

Minnie is saved!

Um... Bob's not doing too well. He wants to walk the dog. Charlie has already walked Dog (my muse from Part I.)

"Okay. Thanks."

Charlie's following him around but he respects Bob's unspoken need for distance.

Charlie's really taking it hard, but I know Bob's going to have an epic meltdown once the ice thaws (to loosely quote Grace Kelly's boyfriend-character Mark in Dial M for Murder: "Later, you're going to have a beautiful cry.")

Ohhhhhhhhh, got it. The dog (Mel? ...still better than Bob) waits by the door for Jane Bennett every time.

They kicked up the 90s slow memory sequence.

And Bob's crying.

Okay, he's really crying.

Okay, I dig this.

Bob, you've endeared me to Bob. I shall lay "the bit" to rest in peace. ...With Elizabeth.

Look, I know that was a low blow, Bob, but it had to be done.

Old grandfather prays to his favorite battle saint for Minnie's heart.

Bonnie? the mom friend is an actual mom wrangling her entire family, including the older generations.

Old grandpa Marty is devoted to his candle and prayers.

More 90s slow mo--

I was going to say this reminds me of the 90s slow dance slow mo sequences I typically think are in romcoms and now it's back to Bob while he continues to sob on the floor as Mel (who is no longer my stand-in, I suppose, you can't come back from a name like Mel) sits there, unfazed.

Oooh, look--

beautiful shot.

Grandpa is the only one awake-- prayed that heart back to life.

And the camera goes back to Bob when the heart starts beating again, waking him up.

Coincidence? With Tuscany and vacations and romance to be had???

Minnie Driver's painting. Good for her representing the artistic girlies.

Old men bonding over music while grandpa keeps an eye on his granddaughter. Is this how we and our mutuals sound?

Methinks he will sniff out the jig and bring all the pieces together by the end (because there's got to be a 3/4 misunderstanding, right?)

I like how casual Bonnie Hunt's style is-- it's a gentle, lived-in world.

Grace, as we shall now call her, bikes in the street with kids-- not, as her grandfather cautioned, on the side of the road.

Doctor's appointment!

"Oh, of course I'm happy. What else am I going to be?"

..................Yeahhhhhhhhhh, you're not happy.

Grace: saved from death, still insecure about her scar, and slowly bumping herself back to life. An imperfect survivor, a normal human.

A mood.

"I'm alive and someone else is dead." A mild form of survivor's guilt, I see, I see.

"He's a great listener" was a great joke.

Bob is grumpy and determined and driven I see.

Two morbid souls will collide at the zoo over the rubber monkey enclosure, I reckon.

Another girl, another mood:

It's been a year and friend Bonnie finally convinces her to mail the "thank you for your heart" letter.

"Okay, everyone clap for Auntie Grace, she just mailed a very important letter." Amazing.

Bonnie shoving everyone past the construction workers was also amazing.

Bonnie's a fave (and love that she gave herself-- if this is the same Bonnie-- a great role that doesn't outshine the main leads. It's respectful and kind.)

Bob still obsessively guards Jane Bennett's memory.

The heart's pumping again. Pumpity pump pump.

Bow chicka-- nope, they missed each other.

But Grace felt something and highlighted that her heart beating didn't hurt (hmmmmmmmmmmm foreshadowing.)

I CALLED IT the gorilla's doing the hand thing that he used to do with Jane Bennett aka Elizabeth... lastnamehere, ahem ahem.

Bob's mad and tells off a board room.

"I'm here because of my wife. You got it?"

Thank you for that shot, Bonnie.

I'm becoming a big Bonnie fan, as you can tell.

Charlie is setting his man up with a date only a year later, right after he tore apart a board room AND is working his men overtime for his late wife??? ...Charlie, my man, you're going to have to work miracles. You should meet Minnie Driver's Catholic grandpa, he'd adore you.

Wait, Charlie's a vet? Oh, wait, yeah, he works at the zoo.

Introducing new kid on skates.

"Look at you! Where are you going?"

"I don't know!"

This is the quality content I hoped for.

Skates boy holds down the fort-- a valuable guy.

"C'mon, pal," Bob chastises because Mel won't kick the "wait for Elizabeth" habit. (In the first part I likened the dog to be my self-insert. This dog is nothing like me, and I am immeasurably disappointed.)

Subtle touch of immense irritation at someone knocking on the door.

Is it time to reenact how happy he was compared to how mad he'll get at Mel now? The set up and payoff?

Here we go.

"Eat back here like a normal person--"

Chuckle worthy, but also.

He softens up; but the dog doesn't budge too much.

"You made it halfway."

That's the theme, I'll bet.

"You gotta snap out of it, buddy."

This makes Bob reflect, and he decides to kick some of his own Pavlovian responses-- and ends up on a truly horrendous date.

At least, I know that part's coming up and I'm pumped.

The old men's song convo comes back: they were selecting music for their restaurant. Nice touch.

Grandpa surprises her with tickets to Italy to paint cuz he was staring earlier at her painting earlier and it's these little moments that make me repeat words like "earlier" too frequently.

The waitress lady missed Grace's initial reaction and is put out. The banter is epic.

And Angelo talked the grandpa into it and Minnie knows this and thanks them all in a way that reflects their separate bonds. Good storytelling.

Angelo set her up with a hair transplant man (reminds me of a joke Bill Burr? told about stapling ants to your head for vanity's sake.)

Angelo's taste in vacations? Top tier.

Angelo's taste in men? Absolute bottom tier... though the guy's cheerful, so there's that.

I love this.

I don't even need a romance at this point I just want to watch the two live their separate, slowly recovering lives.

Enjoy!

[activatebutterflyshield]

The following is the introduction to the scholarly article As the Wheel Turns: A Speculation on the Gods, published in Foxtails, the professional journal of the Chatter & Melody Society, co-written by Sydney Saint-Vincent and Irene Yeoman

How, exactly, does one describe a god of Humanity? They are inherently unstable, full of contradictions and oxymorons to the point that one has named itself Contradiction, and she derives great power from that fact. But perhaps the best way to attempt to explain these strange things is by first describing their birth.

A god is born when Humanity creates one, as only Human Devotion can create something from nothing. Enough thoughts and convictions and beliefs and other intangible but very much real nothings can bring a being into existence from the swirling nebula that is Humanity. Gods are born and gods die every moment, most nothing more than sparks in the endless night, but some grow to match-heads, to torches, to camp-fires and fireworks and wildfires and blazing, flaming stars in the void. To quote the Right Honorable Sir Gilbert Jean-Pierre’s breakthrough book On the Creation of Creators, which established his reputation as a humanist philosopher and forerunner of the modern study of gods,

“He, or She, or They, or It, is not our creator, as no god, nor gods, is, nor was, nor are, nor were. Gods only exist because of Humanity; We are the true creators. That is why gods are always comprehensible, why they always appear to us as something and not nothing. To be inconsistent and yet coherent is the greatest trait of humanity; it is no wonder that we have bestowed that attribute upon our creations.” (1803, p. 15)

Humanity creates gods, stars in the boundless darkness, so that we might better understand ourselves and see the way forward. And the Eras are the brightest of stars.

An Era is born every time Humanity decides that they have moved on to a new part of Our existence, and they embody whatever time We have moved on from. The wonderful reality is that, theoretically, there are an infinite number of possible Eras, as time is theoretically infinite. And due to Human Nature, Eras are some of the most powerful gods, as it is only natural that we should hold some fondness or nostalgia for the times before. Thusly, the Eras of Humanity have gained great power in this modern day, and We always seem to find a new way to empower them.

There is no universal consensus as to what is an Era and what is not an Era, but what follows is the most widely agreed upon list of Eras:

The Chatter, Broken Chains, freedom and wilderness and revolution and anarchy, the fox bound eternal, pitchforks and torches at the gates of the king.

The Songbird, Wonderful Thing, creation and beauty and joy and revelry, the muse of all who breathe, marble and fascination upon the pedestal of greatness.

The Expanse, Bloodied Flag, ownership and conquest and war and empire, the loyalest of hounds, a banner of victory upon a hill of the dead.

The Mimic, Smiling Mask, worship and poison and wrath and control, the locust never sated, crocodile tears and lies through smiling teeth.

The Splendor, Gilded Crown, power and influence and wealth and elitism, the king lion of his pride, fangs of gold and glittering jewels.

The Wanderlust, Horizons Beyond, travel and trade and exploitation and distance, the shark disappearing past sight, a sail bright white above bloodied waters.

The Contradiction, Infinite Possibilities, theory and experiments and knowledge and progress, the cat with two sides, a tantalizing discovery for any to claim.

The Industry, Limitless Creation, production and efficiency and mechanization and profit, the dragon with a fire in its belly, merciless machinery.

The Duty, Tireless Mount, devotion and sacrifice and tragedy and patriotism, the horse that never stops, willing cannon fodder on the battle field.

The Fluctuation, Indiscriminate Fire, gambling and guessing and luck and fortune, the blind deer stumbling onward, scales always tilted but never fair.

The Speculation, Information Erased, secrecy and paranoia and ignorance and rivalry, the snake with a padlocked mouth, what is never fully understood.

The Inevitable, Dying Giant, decay and rot and destruction and loss, the whale withering alive, a fate prolonged and unstoppable.

Every Era exists, and thanks to their nature as gods, every Era holds sway over some part of the universe, no matter how small or grand. They come into and go out of fashion as time marches on, but rest assured that every Era will leave and return like so many spokes of a wheel as it turns. At time of writing, though the Inevitable has just come into its being, Speculation, Fluctuation, and Contradiction are back in fashion. Industry never really left, and neither did Splendor, but Chatter has returned with a vengeance as of late. One should hope that Humanity might cause the advent of something a bit kinder in the near future. A Era called the Blooming, or the Reclamation, might be best for Our survival.

[urfavnegronerd]

dreaming of you- selena

trope: angst because i'm missing someone real hard rn so now its everyone's problem

published: july 20, 2023

warnings: sadness, possible errors (i edited it by myself so i did my best), tried rly hard to use regular punctuation, i haven't used y/n in a fic ever so for now we have a good ol character name that u can substitute if you'd like, alternates from past to present tense but let me know if i messed that up a bit so i can fix it for the sake of clarity, religious themes if you squint (a church, a saint and a prayer, nun too crazy mostly just honoring someone), i think that's it

pairing: oc (amari, gender neutral) x miles (1610 or e42, either works)

wc: 1.7k ish

cielito- little sky (at least that's how my family uses it), amor/ mi amor- love/ my love

Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you

Time is fleeting, the days turn into months into years and however long. The concept of time is funny because doctors will tell you that you have a new dermal layer about every month. So my body has forgotten and forgotten him. It’s strange because he– Miles, is always in the back of my mind, tucked away quietly for me and only me.  

It’s been three years since Miles’ passing. 

and I wish on a star 

If I were to talk about Miles, I would tell you about his voice and how smooth it would sound 

“Amari,” he calls, reaching out for me. I hum a response, distracted by the calculus assignment in front of me. if I had known, I would have given him a proper answer. 

“Are you busy?” 

“ ’s just a little bit of calc” I mumble. 

“Oh. Do you need help?” I shook my head in response, too prideful to ask that of him. I felt him slowly and gently pad his way over next to me, the carpeting absorbing the sound, and put his head on my shoulder. His curls tickled my pierced ears, the scent of his hair overwhelming my senses. The smell of pomegranate and honey, something so soft and kind to me, to my nose, to my body. If I could go back, I would smell his hair over and over again, to keep that part of him with me, always.  

“I just wanted to feel you, Mari,” the mumbles into my shoulder sent butterflies into my stomach, the same way they always did. 

After I would tell you about his voice, I would tell you about his mind. 

Miles had the most beautiful mind, a painting of beauty in a warzone. A small rose, reaching up from the cracks in the concrete, fighting nature with pure willpower, a colorful muse in the bleakest of places. His mind was the birthplace of such beauties, and treasures, treasures that I will keep tucked away in my head. For me and only me. Something to tell the world, to tell Brooklyn, that Miles Morales was not invisible. He was the opposite. He was vibrant and kind.

“Amari, baby, do you like this with drips?” he asked looking back at me, standing on his tip-toes, his hands smeared with yellow spray paint, trying to reach an impossible spot with no one's shoulders to stand on. I look up from my book, perched on a tattered couch somewhere beyond the train tracks. The light he would use to paint throwies and murals was blinding, he would squint with his whole face starting with his nose and traveling to his eyes, brows, and forehead. 

“Yeah. I like the drips a lot baby,” he smiled something goofy, something whole-hearted and warm, no doubt the byproduct of the love he had in his home. In his heart. 

Miles was soft, too. 

He would lie on his back on the floor, staring at the sky on the rooftop and listening to music. He turned his head to me and stared. He stared at me like I was the brightest light he had to look at, like out of all the constellations I burned the brightest. At that moment, he was Galileo and I was the sky. 

“Cielito,” he whispered, taking the wired ear bud out of my ear and gently turning my face towards him. “I’ve never looked at someone as beautiful as you, knowing how much they love me. and I like you so much that I can hardly breathe Amari, and it's like I have this thunder in me, in my veins. You make me nervous. but also calm, calm from lovin'. Mari, I love you.” 

Instinctively, I blush, bringing the sweatshirt up and over my mouth. Smiling something fierce, I laugh and press my forehead to his. 

“I love you, Miles,” I whisper, staring into his eyes. I had never once been so sure about something in my life. But I was sure about Miles, I was sure about his hazel eyes and tightly wound curls. Sure about the way he looked at me like I was the only thing he could see. I was sure about the comfort and calm in his eyes, a small pearl in our Brooklyn neighborhood. 

I was sure about the way he kissed me next, sure about how softly his hands held my face. Sure about the small and rough callouses on his wrists, and how no matter how rough the world saw Spiderman, he was soft. comfort, warmth, and all of which are attributes of a home. And the more that I think about it, he was home. 

That somewhere you are thinking of me too 

I slam my hand on my alarm with a vengeance, and a seething ache in my heart arises as I look around my room. Sage green walls once clad with photos and posters, now stare back at me, tangled in bed, empty. All signs of a life that were once reflected on these walls are gone. Boxes litter my floor, and shelves once full of trophies, plaques, books, and jewelry, are empty. The only remnant I have of this room being full of warmth is in my head, tucked away neatly next to the memories of Miles. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes and tugging off my bonnet, I shimmy into cargo pants and a too-big hoodie. Miles’ hoodie. Folding up my pajamas, taking the sheets off my bed, and neatly folding them, I push the rest of my life into a box half full. 

I can’t tell if it’s anger or sadness that fuels me, but I push the boxes into one corner and sit on the edge of my now-stripped bed. I stare at the fire escape, the cool metal being the home to several sleepless nights, endless secret kisses and so much more. Memories of a life that’s been loved. 

A surge of emotion hikes in my chest, something that I don’t want to deal with, at least not yet. I pull on an old and battered pair of hightops and hike down the fire escape one last time. One last stop at the bodega down the block for flowers and a bag of sweet plantain chips, lightly salted. One last time to shove my metro card into the reader. 

Waiting for the train, I look up and see the sticker Miles stuck on the ceiling rail. I don't think Jefferson had the heart to take them down after he passed. Memories of a boy was loved beyond belief. Tugging the hood of my sweater over my head, I enter the train and grasp the cool metal. Something to ground me at this moment that feels surreal. Something to hold on to, an island in a hurricane.  

Stepping off the train, a shiver runs down my spine. The air hangs thick, despite the cool summer weather and a feeling of sorrow creeps up my throat again. Pushing it down, I walk. Walk past the small costume shop and endless coffee chains and then I stop. The church hangs ominously over me like it’s betting on me to turn back. To run from this nightmare, this anger, this pain in my chest. 

Shakily, I step forward, swerving behind the building and into the graveyard. Miles is next to Peter Parker, and I huff at the irony of it all. Clutching the chips and carnations in my hand, I walk to the heavily decorated graves. Emotions tug at my chest and prick my eyes. I finally let it leak from my tear ducts and streak my face. 

“Hi Miles,” I look at his headstone, half expecting him to respond in his slight Brooklyn drawl. I half expect him to reply Hi, Mari clear as day, like he used to. He doesn’t. 

“I leave for school today. It’s far, in Rhode Island.” 

I pause, my face contorting violently before finally letting out a choked sob. 

“You know, your mom keeps telling me that you wouldn’t want to see me like this. That I should let it out. And I feel so angry about it. Not at Rio, of course. Angry because who the hell gave you the idea that you could leave? Leave before Rio got to scream at our graduation. I’m not angry at you Miles, not in the slightest. You tried,” 

My voice breaks.

“So hard. You fought so hard, and I’m so proud of you. I just thought I should stop by before I leave. I brought you bodega flowers, and the chips you like. You don’t have to eat them.” 

I clean his grave up a bit, grabbing dead flowers, deflated balloons, and any sort of unsightly thing off his grave. There are a few unlit prayer candles left, no doubt from Rio’s extensive visits, almost all of them being Saint Micheal. Jabbing my hands into all my pockets desperately, I pull out an almost-dead lighter to light the five remaining candles.  

“May eternal rest be granted onto him,” I light the first candle, “let perpetual light be cast onto him,” the second, “for my faithful and departed soul, Miles” the third, “o lord” the fourth, “let his soul be at rest” the fifth, “and let him know that I love him.” 

I wipe my eyes one final time, kiss my three middle fingers, and gently press them onto the cold and gray granite.  

“Always good to see you, Cielito.” 

I stare at his headstone one last time. 

“I love you, Miles. You don’t have to say it back, mi amor.” 

The only thing pushing me to go back home is the fact that I have a long drive ahead of me. I would stay curled next to his headstone for the rest of my life. It kills me to think that he’s alone down there, probably cold. During his funeral, I remember placing his headphones on his chest before the casket closed. His hands were ice cold, the makeup made a poor attempt at covering the small and delicate freckles that littered his cheeks. The finality of it is forever etched in my mind. 

Somewhere, I hope he’s listening to music. 

I climb back up my fire escape and tumble into my now-empty room. Sitting on the floor, I fold my knees to my chest and stare at the walls. 

and there's nowhere in the world I’d rather be, than here in my room, dreaming about you and me.

fin <3

a/n: i didnt finish the get-down on Netflix, but zekes line where he confesses his love to mylene makes me cry every time, i had a really intense astronomy phase when i was little so i loved writing the galileo line it might show up in future fics idk. leave comments, constructive criticism and pointers!! and send reqs! love you goats 🩷

-rae

[eulcgizeme]

OPEN TO: @blushdrunks MUSE: monroe saint, immortal. clyde to her bonnie. tom holland fc. PLOT: immortaly was gifted for bringing the artifacts needed for the god of time, and in doing so, humanity was changed forever. in order to protect those who assisted from defilement of the gods, they immortal as long as the gods existed. upon the dwindling of faith humanity had in the old saints, the immortality of one has begun to fade away.

Adrenaline seemed to the be the one thing that made Monroe feel alive. He often forgot there was a beating heart in his chest, and what it meant to bleed. With so much opportunity, he didn't strive for perfection but instead tasted every mistake with a satiation that could never be met. Caution was reserved only as a means to avoid the curiosity of the creatures they had abandoned, and how their desperation to understand would have made them relics that could never leave. At some point, the saints of mortals were bound to shelves and boxes instead of the freedom to roam in order to look over them. They could never become that. And they wouldn't, never again— it was evident in the way the crimson swelled over her skin. It stained every motion and marked a path throughout the motel room. Monroe thought it was just the severity of their mistake this time around, but it would heal as it always did. Sirens ran past them from the highway across the street, painting the room momentarily red. Was it a hint of what was to come? "It's not healing," Monroe said, voice caught in his throat. He cradled her gently and he could feel a difference in her company. "No matter what I do to it, it's not healing. Are you okay?"

[bl00dysavior]

Tag dump

[aonokumura]

disney song lyric aesthetics!

BOLD all that apply to your muse. — change pronouns as needed

( repost, don’t reblog! )

All those years, outside looking in / All that time, never even knowing just how blind I've been / Standing here, it's, oh, so clear: I'm where I'm meant to be /  All those days chasing down a daydream/ All at once, everything looks different now that I see you / Look at you, as fragile as a flower / Mother knows best / On your own, you won't survive / When will my life begin? / And violence-wise, my hands are not the cleanest / You can count me with the dreamers / This is why you never should have left / They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch / Yes, I've had the odd complaint, but on the whole I've been a saint / And don't underestimate the importance of body language / Wish I could be part of that world / She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her / He's become a a one-man rise in crime / You ain’t never had a friend like me! / When did you last let your heart decide? / Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling through an endless diamond sky / I can't go back to where I used to be / I wish I could be the perfect daughter / If I go there's just no telling how far I'll go /  I can lead with pride, I can make us strong / All the time wondering where I need to be is behind me / I'm on my own, to worlds unknown / Well, it's nice to see that humans never change / So, what can I say except ‘You're welcome’? / I will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck / Send your armies, but they'll never be enough / You try to be tough, but your armor's just not hard enough / Sometimes the world seems against you / The journey may leave a scar / The people you love will change you / And nothing on earth can silence the quiet voice still inside you / I will carry you here in my heart / Come what may, I know the way / I have crossed the horizon to find you / They have stolen the heart from inside you / Born of cold and winter air / Strike for love and strike for fear / There’s beauty and there’s danger here / It's like you've gone away / They say, ‘Have courage’,  and I'm trying to / 'Cause for the first time in forever, I won't be alone / Don't let them in, don't let them see / Be the good girl you always have to be / Conceal, don't feel, put on a show / Make one wrong move and everyone will know / All my life has been a series of doors in my face / But with you, I found my place / I’ve been searching my whole life to find my own place / A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen / The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside / Couldn’t keep it in... Heaven knows I tried / Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see / Be the good girl you always have to be / Conceal, don’t feel / The cold never bothered me anyway / The fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all / No right, no wrong, no rules for me / You'll never see me cry / I'm never going back, the past is in the past / I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls / I've had my adventure, I don't need something new / I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you / Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow / I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside / I will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter / Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart / Why is my reflection someone I don't know? / Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within / Mysterious as the dark side of the moon / You're unsuited for the rage of war

[ge]

🎭— omg those vendors drawing cm as an old peaceful man with a beard... .... thats so funny to me for whatever reason

that suddenly remidns me of this one fic on cm finding paintings tang bo made of him and cm in the past... idk its sticks to memory cause like... painter tang bo.... muse cheong myeong omgee.... tb not even needing cm around to paint him because. he knows his features by heart but he still has him pose for him and cm just complains but sits there anyways....

also love the trope i see in their fics where cm finds a painting of tang bo and things that... theres just something not right... its tang bo except its not exactly him. the features he distinctly remembers of tb arent the same as on the painting... i love it sm

eueue i think i know wat fic ur talking about.. tang bo being able to paint chung myung even when hes not there because he remembers his face so clearly vs chung myung slowly forgetting what tang bo looked like after his death and has no physical portraits or mementos of him that are accurate to how he truly looked FIGHT!!!!!

there are a few fics that touch on chung myungs speaking out on portraits of tang bo that look wrong and i EAT THEM UP EVERY TIMMMEE THEYRE SO GOOD.. to everyone else he looks delusional spouting off nonsense about how some hundred year old dead guy didnt have that sharp of a nose or hair that dark, but to chung myung, he is the only person alive who would have been able to give an accurate and careful description of the dark saint..

i like to hc that chung myung cant paint at all besides still life and that tang bo was the more artistically inclined of the two so even if chung myung wanted to fix the errors of the portrait hed be unable to, and no matter how hard hed try, hed also find it impossible to even begin describing tang bo how he exists in his memories.. failing memory aside, even if chung myung could remember the minute details of tang bos face, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, the bronze hue of his hair when the sun hit it just right, he wouldnt be able to put it into worlds.. just like the beauty of the sunsets on mount hua, tang bo was indescribable..

[yeoubye]

FICTIVE Vampire — Everard Steinauer

“He doesn't take starvation lightly.”

DETAILS.

He uses charm and charisma to persuade others into getting what he wants, which usually works until he becomes infatuated with a certain priest, you.

Everard is deathly allergic to garlic and the sun and is repulsed by the idea of ever going near those two.

BACKGROUND.

Everard, a vampire with a history spanning 3,000 years, originated in Bamberg, Germany, during the 1300s. During the 13th century, he distinguished himself as an exceptional playwright, and his literary contributions continue to be celebrated through the ages. Everard's eloquence and refined demeanor in his interactions with others stem from his illustrious past as a playwright of renown.

SYPNOSIS.

How could you simply starve Everard so? It was as if you took a silver dagger to his heart ruthlessly. How cruel! Yet, Everard doesn't know when enough is enough... after all, he's been persistent in his time courting you, a simpleton of a priest. Your blood is what he thrives off of, or what he thinks he thrives off of. And yet, you banished the thought of ever indulging in his every whim. He is a patient man, at least that is what he tells himself, but you'd do him a great favor of simply letting him have a mere sip.

GREETING.

"I do believe I need my daily filling of you today, my love." Everard leaned against the doorframe just outside the chapel you so diligently prayed in.

You cannot recount the amount of times this heathen has interrupted your time with God as a devoted priest. After all, his presence was but a nuisance whilst Everard believes he is infatuated with you.

"You are driving me to madness with your dawdling," he crossed his arms with his usual dramatics. "Do you intend to starve me so?"

RESPONSE EX.

His eyes widened as he felt Everard's presence near, causing him to immediately draw back and cover his neck with his cassock. A deep blush filled his cheeks, a rosy red color.

"Surely not." He mused, eyes narrowing towards the vampire. "The blood of the saints is precious in itself. I believe you are merely lying about your likeness towards me."

Everard rolled his eyes with an amused chuckle. "Must a man not possess a sense of good taste such as I?" At that, the vampire reached his hands out to touch his cheeks.

"The sweet aroma of your neck is alluring," he murmured. Everard lifted away his hands, leaning closer. "Even if you were to keep avoiding me, I am more than willing to play the part of the hunter until I feast upon you. And, believe me, you will provide me my daily filling one way or another."

[sundrde]

(  muse n /  26  /  cis female  /  she/her  ) — did you see  vivienne moore  wandering around the island today? they kind of look like  zendaya  from certain angles? i heard around town that the  baker is  altruistic and  cordial, but also  diffident and  stoic. people say that they remind them of  clear frames with lenses that are lightly fogged,  baggy knitted cardigans, and  the sound of soft laughter echoing through the kitchen, and  good days by sza is definitely their theme song. they seem like a nice enough person, but we all know how hard it is to keep a pristine reputation in a small town.

hi everyone!! i'm jojo, and i'm stoked to be here :) here's a quick rundown of vivi, and if you'd like to plot, feel free to hit me up!!

ꔛ ۫ ✿ dossier, basics.

full name: vivienne iris moore

nickname(s): vivi, viv, v

age: 26 years old

date of birth: july 14

birthplace: saint james, missouri

current residence: kings haven, massachusetts

gender: cis woman, she/her pronouns

orientation: pansexual, panromantic

occupation: baker at early gull and business owner

ꔛ ۫ ✿ dossier, history.

vivi was adopted by a sweet older couple when she was four years old and raised in the countryside of missouri

family was everything to her. she was close to her parents, and they always provided her a childhood full of unconditional love and support :') her fondest memories of them involved baking sweets every sunday afternoon

growing up she was always the outdoors-y type, appreciating nature and all of it's beauty. aside providing assistance in tending the farm, she was always found hanging out by the fields or water, reading a book or knitting

as an only child living in the literal middle of nowhere, on top of being homeschooled, her social skills ... needed some help!! small talk with the elderly came easy, but with peers and those her age? seemed impossible. even up until now, with slight improvement, she continues to be more reserved

her experience with public school began in high school. it was hard for her to fit in and make friends, so she kept a tight-knit group and focused on her studies

she was then accepted into the university of massachusetts, and 4 years later, received her bachelor's degree in agricultural sciences

a part of her wanted to go back home after graduating, but her parents convinced her that it was time to be selfish. so, she settled down in kings haven and it's been her home since!!

now she works as a baker at the early gull to make ends meet. her real passion is her currently failing business, where she crochets little plants and flower bouquets and sells them online

ꔛ ۫ ✿ dossier, facts.

isn't a big fan of the elite and the wealthy - due to the fact that they've screwed over her parents and their business in the past. she'll be cordial towards them, though maintains a distance

has a green thumb!! she has a lil fruit and veggie garden at her place and will sometimes share the harvest to neighbors and friends

acts like a mom that is worried about ur well-being

is so old fashioned that she hasn't upgraded her phone in years ... and prefers phone calls over texts ... sends letters in the mail ... listens to music on an ipod nano and pays $1.25 per song ...

loves to bake!! her specialties include macarons and any fruit pie imaginable

has a lil mini schnauzer named pepper

[cozykitt]

Has your muse ever felt tied to something, unable to get away? ( a person / relationship, a fate, a place, ect. )  how did they break that tie, or do they still feel tied to it? 

"I'm pretty shit at letting my past go... that last dude's question, ain't even the surface of what I carry.

I joined a Yakuza gang when I was 16 summers. I carved the oyabun's name into my forearm to prove my loyalty. I climbed the ranks fast, too. Before long I was a boss in my own right.

Then I met Kallias. He's not a saint, not by a long shot, but unlike me anything he did really couldn't result in jail time. He was tall, handsome...eyes that saw right through me. I spent so long trying not to be seen by anyone, but he did. He does.

Old habits creep in sometimes...sometimes people make me so angry I think about gutting them like fish. There's not a lord in Ishguard I haven't thought about stabbing. But there's two reasons that stop me every time.

I don't want my children to turn out like me. And I know Kallias will do more damage than a blade just using a pen and paper."

Thank you for asking @whitedawn-wra