#mulling over of life

[metanoianmayhem]

Bro, I turn 32 on Thursday. I've had this blog since I was 16. What the hell.

anyways if you're feeling gifty XD https://throne.com/neekaneon if you're a friend I actually exchange addresses with, I has an etsy.

otherwise...iunno.

Historically my birthday goes horribly. I'm talking multiple times with people making sure I cried. Kidney infection. Being ditched for a number of things. Partner being angry other people made plans but did not bother to make plans. My other partner and mom being so very needy to be included that everything I wanted..just didn't happen.

Gonna not go thru the whole list. It's too damn much. Suffice it to say, every year my birthday goes badly. There have been (2) that did not.

I dunno how to feel about any of these. I guess avoidant? My brother's girlfriend asked about my birthday but like.

I don't really feel like spending it with family - my brother and dad made the one before last kind of awful. And mom isn't even on the continent.

I guess this is sort of complaining? I dunno, I'm mulling it over. Maybe I'll see a friend. I guess I could go for a hike? Or a trip somewhere new.

High tea? I got nothin. Anyways. I'm about to be 32. My partner and I hit 5 years in April last. My childhood friends are married, having babies, or both.

My cousins almost all have babies.

Time feels fake as hell. I don't still feel 19, or 20 or whatever, mostly because everything was so frantically miserable and out of control back then. Whatever else, I have my feet firmly planted right now.

I'm not so broke I'm coasting my car everywhere or putting my last 5 in the tank and hoping it works.

Not so badly partnered I'm crying most nights.

I did know what I should be doing though. And I wish I had gotten there sooner.

Also I'm going to try and speedrun school. And maybe write a grad thesis because a few people have been up my butt that I should.

Need to return to research about this.

Happy Monday, y'all.

[salemoleander]

I am BARELY resisting going full red-strings-corkboard on this season. And by barely resisting I mean not resisting at all here is an extremely long list of the events those pins would be marking out.

BigB getting a Task that was a different color than everyone else's. It's not just a randomly assigned Hard Task, bc Scar rerolled for a Hard Task and his was also just a white envelope. It's fundamentally different.

That task taking BigB away from socialization, and seemingly being an incredibly time-consuming and dull request. Of profound disinterest to any watchers.

The phrasing of his Task!!

Dig a big hole. All the way down. At least 3x3. Make it your base if you want.

Everyone else's are direct and formal - the only one with more than one sentence was Skizz's, with the rule clarification of "One attempt only." Bigb's Task is four short abrupt sentences. It is also the only Task to contain extraneous information, 'Make it your base if you want.' The requirements (at least 3x3) feel like an afterthought to mimic the numerical/specific demands of the other tasks.

Evo symbol on the face of the Secret Keeper statue.

The fact that there's a statue at all; the fact that there is a physical representation of what is assigning tasks that everyone must complete, when previously everything was always handled via commands and unseen RNG.

Grian talking to the statue, and (bc of his Actual Role as game organizer) acting as a mediator for the impartial decisions handed down, speaking for it.

Grian making one last bad joke and saying he doesn't know if it counted or not- depends on whether we the audience laughed.

Grian asking for task recommendations from the audience. The watchers are making the tasks. The Watchers are making the tasks.

Again I could be off-base, and I'm not usually even that smitten with bringing in Evo lore. I don't want a Big Bad really...but. It feels like something very unusual and intentional and cool is happening in this series. And I'd guess we'll know if theres something going on once we have more than one data point.

My largely unfounded suspicion is that there is another being (maybe Listeners, maybe something else) trying to reach out to the Players via decoy Tasks, and BigB was the first recipient. Get them alone, make them of disinterest to the watchers, and tell them something we don't get to know.

Because that's the really, really fucking cool part (if my wacky theory is remotely right): We're the bad guys. We're the ones giving out tasks - hell, we're the ones actively brainstorming harder and crueller tasks in Grian's comments!

If they actually made a story where the Players have to keep secrets from us I will be delighted. Bc that is the same genius bullshit that made Evo Watcher lore so fun

[coffinwoodx]

couple of screenshots of kim’s wikipedia page that i felt so deeply in my soul

[balladofthe101st]

a moment of silence for this look on george luz. you are missed and loved

[crayoncat-works]

do not try this at home

please see the full-ver of the image, the brush i use makes smaller images look so crunchy ugh

[ferrouswheel11]

The moment that made Bruce the man he is today was the moment his parents were murdered in the alley. He thinks that that moment for Tim had or will have to do with the deaths of his parents as well, like it was for him, for Dick, for Jason, all children whose lives were changed forever by tragedy. He doesn't realize that that moment for Tim was a decade ago at Haly's Circus.

Bruce thinks that he and his mission are the poison, that prolonged exposure will eventually drag Tim down into the darkness he resides in (or worse, like it did to Jason). He thinks of the child he once was, remembers that he became the Bat so that no other child might be suffer that same loss, that same transformation that he has. He doesn't realize that Tim's path was set from the very first day he can remember.

Tim doesn't know how to be any different. How to be anything other than a boy who deduced Batman's secret identity by accident. A boy whose heroes inspired him to become a detective, to pick up computer skills, to learn to fight. A boy who cared enough about two strangers at the circus to risk his life for them a decade later.

Becoming Robin was just the culmination. Becoming Robin is when everything that made Tim Tim started to make sense. The night in the alley was the night Bruce’s life changed, but that night at the circus was the night Tim’s life began.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Heyya! Not sure if you had posted anything with this but,thoughts on saikitty and kuboyashu dogs relationship?

like the dogs attack everyone that's not part of their family like strangers and even other animals but suddenly saiki appears on his kitty's form and they're like,chill? Or sm 🧐

Also love you hd! :D 💫

i have NEVER thought of this before dude like your brain is ^^

ive posted lots about saiki and kuboyasus dogs but never SAIKITTY and kuboyasus dogs...

oh my GOSH, imagine animals treating saikitty the same way people treat saiki ??? like hes the designated leader of the pack even though he does nothing to indicate that he wants that ?? imagine tiny little saikitty walking around with a bunch of huge pack dogs following behind him, just like how saikis friends act like his bodyguards.. it's obviously kuboyasus big ass dogs, and then some random neighborhood animals..

kubos dogs dont even usually get along with other animals but around saikitty its like they calm down enough to let him lead his pack.. but they still playfight a lot..

saikitty doesnt even MEAN to run into them, but they will literally come running if they think hes around.. and unlike anpu, kubos dogs probably know saikitty and saiki are the same..

[rhodesmusic]

jesus christ impaled on a wednesday i hate hate HATE it when christianity is brought into mathematics. people pushing their agenda by saying shit like "this beautiful mathematical thing proves the existence of GOD" or "GOD made math and we're just discovering it". that is SO fucking rancid for so many reasons and half the time the people that say those kinds of things hold math in a purely qualitative sence in their mind, thinking that because they got a mandelbrot zoom in their reccomended they eat breathe and shit math out their asshole on the spiritual level

no matter how hard our education systems bastardize the subject, compressing their concepts into a pristine meaninglessness to cull the young person's imagination across the land, nor how well their nouns verbs and adjectives describe what we see in the universe, mathematics at it's heart is a form of SELF EXPRESSION. nothing, NOTHING I SAY in this world we live in would be as FUCKING PSYCHOTIC as to suggest us to dwell over how a bunch of IMAGINARY IDEAS relate to one another along patterns and symmetries, other than OURSELVES. we started doing math because it offers a kind of fulfillment unlike any other artform. the difference between mathematics and other arts is that our culture doesn't see it as one.

mathematics is not about facts, or even worse, about "rules", but rather about the IDEAS that went into drawing such conclusions. similarly, the only thing more beautiful than math's polyhedra, infinitely intricate fractal shapes, and other pictures such as the ones abraham and jacob here put in their thumbnails, are the MADE UP IDEAS that constitute them, ideas that we have thought up for no good reason other than we find doing so lovely. wonderful. fulfilling and completing.

if some BRICK LICKER named EZEKIEL went out to an art fair and proclaimed with their righteous ass vocal cords, "all these paintings, all these works of art, all of these were drawn by GOD and HERE'S WHY", they'd rightfully be told to go off and HUFF DICK, but when it's mathematics it passes with nodding heads because our culture doesn't see math as any kind of self-expression, instead as a bunch of statements and sedentary pictures to worship, bend over, and take cock for to achieve some higher level of virtuosity.

"but how can the Mandelbrot set have infinite complexity as you zoom into it, that has to be god right there!!!" perhaps if you ever pondered the distinguishing complex numbers, how recursive processes ballet with its algebraic structure, the geometry unfolding into chaos along an infinitesimal boundary, all things that DON'T ACTUALLY FUCKING EXIST IN OUR WORLD BUT WILL STILL BE THOUGHT OF FOR OUR SAKES, LEST WE LET THE IDEA GO COLD AS WE SHIVER IN THE ABSENCE OF THE WARMTH OF ITS SIMPLE CHARM, then you wouldn't resort to implementing an omnipotent figure in order to fulfill your inclination to have the wonder be explained by anything besides the creativity of humans.

oh, but questioning the words of the bible? now that's sacrilege.

HOLY SHIT.

[bellara-lutare]

this is more personal taste but veilguard is so conflicting for me cause on one hand it's a great game, i like the characters and the combat and even the (sometimes) cringey dialogue, but on the other hand as a nitpicky lore obsessed person it's doing such a shit job at handling pre existing dragon age lore

[justanotherhh]

wonder about early days angel and the way eternity stagnates development in hell. by earth numbers he's older than valentino and probably husk (i am not 100% on the ages they were meant to be when they died but 1940s-1970s is a good long gap regardless), but he feels younger in part because of the voice acting, in part because of whatever vibes have been chosen for the different characters. he's tech-literate, he's culturally up-to-date, he even has an undercurrent of that youthful burnout naivete where you go as hard as you can until you crash without quite believing in the crash (and that's probably because there's no such thing as dying of an overdose in hell, so can the crash ever occur or do you just chase more and more vicious cycles of self-destruction?? forever???)

I wonder what he was doing for the 20-odd years he was in hell before valentino was around, and how that also plays a little into not knowing anything about alastor (or, for that matter, husk later on). whether the average sinner isn't paying attention/able to really conceive of who the overlords are unless they're explicitly making themselves very visible (the vees perhaps being considered somewhat tactless for doing so to the extent that they do?) -- how he got into sexwork, which was pre-valentino from what little I've seen beyond the show, and I'm guessing was not endorsed by his family/was a post-death development probably? I mean, maybe not, we'll see. and whether his being a sexworker was in any way an (outwardly) glamorous glitzy occupation until the porn industry of the 70s came along

what his situation was so that he thought signing with valentino might signal a potential step up in his fortunes, despite possibly having the itch in the back of his head that nothing good could come of it, and how his permanent stagnant "youth" might play into impulsive decision-making and his particular coping mechanisms (as holdovers from his lifetime, but updated to fit different eras)

who was angel when he first came to hell, and who was he when he met valentino, and how much difference was there between those two people?

actually this post was meant to be "I wonder how valentino got a hold of angel, considering you'd think angel might be a little savvy to the cruelty that is hell, and that perhaps val at the beginning played very nice, and genuinely seduced him, and whether all of that was 100% a ploy or not," followed by the real question i had which was "when did val gift angel with fat nuggets, and what was the context? was it part of getting him under his thumb, was it after signing away his soul, was it as an "apology" after treating him badly the first time...?"

but yeah. all of the above plays into it. think angel has perhaps been looking for kindness in hell for a very long time, before valentino was ever in the picture, and the way he treats fat nuggets and sticks with cherri is a sign of who he is when he's not performing long before he turns a corner with the hotel

but mostly this post was inspired by my brain going

fat nuggets

i too would search through the rubble for you. valentino did... one (1) accidentally good thing for angel. that'll do pig

[quokkabum]

i just finished the invisible life of addie larue and idk what to do with my life anymore

[dramaticallytrue]

having big "did anyone try the salad (the quicker fic)? i heard the salad (touching grass) is lovely?" feelings about the tag today

[hereissomething]

well i never thought it would happen but my wife and i now have a multicooker with an air fryer. and we are eating healthy food???

[langfield]

if moses murphy has million number of fans i am one of them . if moses murphy has ten fans i am one of them. if moses murphy have only one fan and that is me . if moses murphy has no fans, that means i am no more on the earth . if world against the moses murphy, i am against the world !!!

[adamwarlock]

Really want to do Adam as Tarot cards at some point but I can't decide if the Magus and the Goddess should be the Hierophant & the High Priestess or the Emperor & The Empress 🤨 or both?

[niuniente]

I found from online flea market an oracle deck which I got myself as it looked nice, was reasonably priced and out of print, too. The seller was an old man, who was getting rid of his spiritual books and oracle decks. We stroke a little chat and he said that he didn’t feel like needing any of them anymore. However, he had saved his Irish nature tarot deck (he speaks Irish) and asked would it be OK if he pulled me two cards from the deck?

I was like “Of course! I would love it!” I got Laoch na clocha (Hero of Stones) and VII of Stones. I’m assuming these are pentacles and Hero of Stones would be Knight of Pentacles (correct me if you know this deck and I’m wrong)

His message to me was “I get the idea that you do a lot of work and good for many people. Such an inexhaustible resource for others around her. However, it feels like there may be more forces around you that take a lot without giving much, if any, in return. Beware of excessive outpouring of your own strength. You are important.”

Oh gosh...! That’s the same message I keep getting myself. Something or someone (or people generally) are draining me and I’m giving a way too much for peanuts I receive back, if anything. I must say I don’t know the exact source for this but perhaps it is the general energy.

That’s one reason why I love your comments and asks after each comic update because it makes me feel that I’m getting at least something in return of the hard work I put into comics.