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#much less depressed and suicidal too
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having tags you used to use for specific posts is honestly so weird to experience bc I do not want to see what the fuck teen me had to say about anything. anything I've said before 2022 does not exist, it's not canon, it never happened.
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pls tell me more about self imposed time loops
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ok so i was planning to write about what i like about self-imposed time loops but it ended up being more like a story? so uhhhh sorry about that lmao
(long-ish post under the cut, check tags for tws.)
(it’s also in second person & i’m not sure if that needs / has a trigger tag? but with the other tws it felt necessary to bring it up)
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How would your family & friends feel if they knew? What would they do with the knowledge that you keep throwing yourself into this loop over and over and over again?
You tried telling them about it before, while you were in the loop. They were horrified.
“Why would you do that to yourself?”
“You’re causing yourself more harm than good, you know.”
They didn’t understand.
You reset the loop minutes later.
They can’t know.
No one can.
Why would you do it? Because it’s worse if you don’t. You’ve seen what happens without the loop. You need the loop. Without it you’re left with tears. Without it you’re left with scars. Without it you’re dead.
Are you happier? Of course not. You still break down. You still feel the cut of the razor on your arms.
But you can just reset.
No one will know.
it’s a lie
you’re just going to hurt yourself more
please stop this
Your friend lost their dog.
No they didn’t, their dog’s been at their house all day.
You got in a car crash.
No you didn’t, you took a different route than usual.
You’re bleeding out.
No you’re n-
What?
No. You’re not.
Why won’t it work?
Why can’t you reset?
No. You’re. Not.
you are
you couldn’t reset this time
you couldn’t reset before
you knew that, didn’t you?
that it was all a lie?
they’ll miss you.
we’ll miss you.
i’m sorry.
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stari-hun · 1 month
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Yk there were probably a few cut scenes in the beginning of orv where Kim Dokja rambled about how yjh’s actions were “ooc” because his interference made him change
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eggmeralda · 4 months
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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daz4i · 1 year
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i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore
#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth#it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression#hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13#which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place#at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since#i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it#even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway#i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly#there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt#i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone#and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry#i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig.#nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating#i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could#wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over#nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that#(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse)#tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐#sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche
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alchemylive · 7 months
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actually not a bit i love talking about suicide i think its so important to talk about suicide
#the experience of suicidality is so packed with shame#and opening up abt suicidal ideation is often so loaded#but if it's already a part of the conversation it's so much easier to talk about on a personal and philosophical level#and i think its wildly disrespectful to people that have killed themselves to treat their death as shameful#talked to my mom tonight abt the time we watched dead poets society for my birthday while my sibling was like....#really in a bad way (as was i but less outwardly)#and my mom has dealt w depression etc for her whole life too#but my dad was sooooo nervous abt the movie he was convinced that if someone said the word suicide within 50 feet of our house#3/4 of our household would kill themselves on the spot#txt#idk i know some people consider it wildly irresponsible to talk like that#to 'condone' or 'encourage' suicide#irt which i have some radical takes#but even from a more moderate perspective the idea that talkinf openly about suicide n dismantling the shame that surrounds it#would somehow be harmful#is clearly a fear response#also suicide 'prevention' is a fucked up framework that removes agency from suicidal people and puts undue responsibility#on the people around them#also: if you are suicidal you are not alone and you are not a bad person for feeling that way#many narratives around suicidality imply that it's selfish or shameful to consider it and that's not true#it's one of the scariest things in the world to know so intimately that you have control over your own life
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arolesbianism · 1 year
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Wendy and Abby fuck me up so bad just like in general but what keeps coming back to haunt me is wondering how long they had to go through it all just them two. How many times did Wendy die, how many times did Abby watch the light fading from the eyes of her twin. How many times was it slow, how many times was it in a split moment, how many times were they together when it happened, how many times did Wendy die completely alone. It's just like god damn no wonder Wendy talks Like That not only did Abby die but poor kid has been forced to become accustomed with death in a much more direct way than even adults are built to handle
#rat rambles#dst#and like if I may read more into these characters than was probably intended#I feel like a lot of abby's in game behavior just clicks once you look at her from a oh this kid has watched her sibling die a Lot#like no wonder shes so protective#also love how abby's constant wandering and twirling also adds up like yeah shes a bored kid with too much energy#but yeah I think ppl tend to not realize just how big a part being stuck in the constant is in regards to hashtag wendy depression moments#although its reasonable since not everyone has read all of this brats dialogue like me <3#dont read all of wendy's dialogue you will feel your brain melting like 5 minutes in#but yeah wendy brings up the whole being stuck in the constant thing a Lot#and wendy is under no illusion that death is an escape in fact he brings up the fact that its not quite a bit too#oh and I think ppl get the flavor of wendy's suicidal thoughts wrong most of the time#hes currently much more in the go to sleep and not wake up flavor than the I want to be with my lost loved one flavor#its less abt wanting to die and more abt wanting to stop being able to be in pain#luckily thing have technically gotten better for the both of them#like ofc theyre still fucked up and traumatized and still Being traumatized but at least theyre not alone#theres some sense of normalcy. wendy has friends now and in theory so does abby.#they can afford to just be kids again. not always unfortunately but much more than before#shit still sucks but at least they have the other survivors now
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highwaydiamonds · 2 years
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As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.
#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't#did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes#did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect#but it looks like it p much is#and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge#i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with#and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely)#but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no#depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean#also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean#so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS.#i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that#he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide#but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning#that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully#partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy#especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean#moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day#because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it#and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals#so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff#thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post#welcome to how shit is around here sometimes
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starwarmth · 2 years
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i have GOT to get diagnosed sooner rather than later, because i’ve tried every other way and instead my functioning is getting worse
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buds-and-baubles · 1 month
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*my life is falling apart around me but i haven't found a method yet to get out of it because i'm a queer disabled adult*
this is fine
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circesoracle · 2 months
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wanting to finish and post the next chapter of Eternity's Embrace vs. knowing that poor engagement would only exacerbate my already critically damaged mental health
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medicinemane · 3 months
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Man, I'm just kind of dazed today
I woke up yesterday around 9am, didn't do much for the day, went to bed... realized it was too hot to fall asleep (cause my window is broken so I can't open it)
So I got up, filled 3 box with papers as I sorted out the magazines and mail
Then I needed to stay up till after 8am so I could go to the post office to return that bowl. Came back and laid down but... you know when your body just feels wired and you really need to sleep but can't? Probably cause it's pumping out hormones to keep me awake to compensate for me being so tired, that's my guess based on how it feels
Anyway, lay down and kind of drift off with a video in the background, but... I think I was just on the verge of sleep but not able to cross over... like dozing at best
Then I hear Bart making noise and look over and he's acting like he's hunting a mouse, and sure enough he was, so he helps me cup it, and then I go take it to a field outside of town to hopefully live a better life... but clearly wasn't sleeping if I'm doing that
And... I'm still up. I think I'm gonna try and take another crack at sleeping... I hope I can do it. Things do at least feel a bit cooler
But yeah, I'm a mess today, gonna be two days worth of dash to look through whenever I get up, and then I can also respond to the couple messages I've got
But oof... hate feeling like this. The non depressed part of me wants to die just because maybe then I could finally rest
#for the record not even feeling that suicidal today; not sure if I'm too tired for it or if I'm just in an ok mood for once#but fuck do I just want to shut off and never have to boot up again; but now and in general#I relate to Bilbo and Frodo talking about being stretched thin... I feel something similar... you know... most of the time#strip the depression aside and I'm tired... and I don't know if any amount of rest will cure it... I don't know if I can truly rest#got a lot of things I want to do; whole lot of skills I want to pick up#but... having to be the parent my whole life; never actually getting a proper break... I'm so tired#my trip to Phoenix was the closest to a break I've gotten; but... there was a set activity in a set time frame#...it still kinda feels like I should have found a way to squeeze more out of it; you know? like as an obligation#not cause I minded how things actually went... but it just felt like I shouldn't have been at the hotel on the couch; should have been out#and then a 3 day window with stressful travel on either side of it... hard to really relax like that#obviously I had a fairly bad breakdown there; one of the few times I was actually at serious risk... not sure if I'd have managed it#don't trust myself to have the nerve to kill myself; but I very much did have a method... if I hadn't had someone to go see the next day#might have just gone ahead with it#but anyway; other than dinner with my friend their friend group and showers... I'm not sure I relaxed there either#I think... I think sleeping was more a maintenance obligation and I sprung up like when I set an alarm#(I so rarely set alarms and almost always wake up a couple minutes before them; it felt like that for 3 days straight)#so... truthfully I don't know if... if I've ever really rested#mhh... no joke; the last time that comes to mind that I didn't feel like I had to be kind of on#was when I was 13 on a school trip; and I'd taken a surf board to the back of the head while being rescued from a rip tide#and so people were worried about me; and I was just kind of laying there relaxing while people played cards and stuff nearby#...mhh... anyway... in less of a mood to say it's a shame I didn't just drown; so I suppose that's something#but... I don't even know what I'm saying; I'm so tired in the lack of sleep sense#and also physically and emotionally or... whatever#well... take care#mm tag so i can find things later
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littlebirdy0301 · 1 year
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guess who’s finally gonna really try so super hard to learn how to drive :)
#I have my permit for the 2nd time & I am DETERMINED this time man#First I had a learners permit in highschool at 17#I was in a god awful place mentally. A combination of suicidal ideation & intrusive thoughts about crashing kinda made me give up learning#Then I got a motorcycle permit to try and drive a motor scooter#But the safety course was like “hey btw most of the danger comes from cars not paying enough attention to you & you can’t do shit about it!#So I got massive anxiety about it and could only drive on small back roads. + motorcycles feel So Much Faster which made the anxiety worse#I ended up letting that permit expire too#Now I’m finally at a point where I’m not super busy and have less car anxiety and WAAAAYYY less depression#My suicidal ideation is gone & my intrusive thoughts don’t affect me nearly as much#And recently I got more free time for a little while so I studied for the class C permit test again & a couple days ago I passed :)#And today I drove a car for the first time in like 5 years & it was ok!#I have like 25 days till classes start & not really much of anything on the schedule until then#So I’m gonna try my best to practice a decent amount this month & hopefully get a behind the wheels lesson in from a good instructor#And hopefully should be comfy enough to drive to & from school with my dad in the car#I have classes 4 days a week so that’ll be guaranteed practice on some bigger roads#There’s also a few ways to get there so I can start w the route that’s 70% small road and work my way up to practice big roads & freeways#Trying my very hardest to beat the Can’t Drive Gay accusations
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wonryllis · 7 months
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daddy issues, my little girl (m) | park jongseong.
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﹙ 🎬 ﹚ ぃ ────𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹,
preview. you had always had daddy issues, for as long as you could remember. so when jay came along with his caring nature, how could you possibly keep your feelings at bay? not to forget, your roses of love have wilted long before you even knew what love meant but jay, he’s here at your doorstep with a watering can. will you be able to refuse?
or where, new neighbor dr jay park is asked to babysit you over the week. ironically the only man you have ever had a crush on. you are so determined to put aside the feelings but jay makes things so much harder. he is way too sweet and caring and you are way too pessimistic and insecure. how is it going to work with you gravitating towards him in inadvertence and jay welcoming your presence with candor radiance? especially with all of your buried issues coming to life more than ever. false hopes and reserved secrets, reluctant truths and feelings that linger deep. he is right there, two doors away to reach. so why is it that love still feels so far?
meet the cast. daddy park jongseong(jay) with his doll fem!reader
genre. neighbour to lovers, age gap (like 7 years), romance, SMUT MDNI!!, comfort angst, fluff, happy ending, doctor(might change that)!jay with his precious girl. jay literally always at his girl's beck and call, he cares about you a lottttt trope. the "i know you can do it, but let me do it for you" trope. kinda ddlg concept idk? he's like your pillar, comfort person and just everything you have ever needed. practically your dream man come to life. subject to additions later on.
word count. 18-19k so far, est around 35k revamp + second installment.
warnings. DARK THEMES: hints of: daddy issues, attachment anxiety, inferiority complex, abandonment issues, depression, childhood emotional neglect, philophobia, insomnia, social anxiety, hints at emotional/psychological abuse, gaslighting, hints at being suicidal, people pleaser syndrome, mommy issues, thantophobia, atelophobia, atychiphobia, pistanthrophobia, avoidant personality disorder, body dysmorphia. more could be added on release and nsfw warnings will be mentioned in full fic.
theme song. daddy issues by the neighborhood and future by red velvet. on the side you can listen to: love letter by bolbbalgan4, adore you by harry styles, pacify her by melanie martinez, cool kids by echosmith, your existence by wonstein, teenage dreams by katy perry ..
RELEASING. TBD, progress ! 57%
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"i’m home!” slipping off your converse, you put the pair inside the shoe cabinet near the entrance and close the wooden door in a sigh before trudging in. the lights in the living room are dimmed, something your parents would never do. it catches you a tad bit off guard but nevertheless you try not to think too much. considering the silence surrounding you they most definitely are out for work and as usual forgot to turn off the lights. with cautious steps you walk futher inside, with all intention to sneak in a pack of chips from the kitchen like a thief even though at this point you’ve practically come to the conclusion you’re home alone, but one can never be too careful.
a cat like shriek leaves you when your eyes land on the back of a figure sitting on the couch, your phone almost slipping through the grasp of your fingers as your eyes widen in shock. startled, your heart more or less stopping in a screeching brake for a split second.
the man visibly flinches at the sound of your voice,“who are you?!-” standing up and turning around to face you,“jay?”
“god y/n, you’re gonna make me deaf,” he complains, face contorting into a tender, teasing expression; a small smile gracing his lips as he walks around the couch and leans against the top of the backrest. you watch as he looks at you, so softly that it makes you wonder, has anyone ever in your entire life looked at you like that? a look radiating such gentleness. maybe not, not until now that is.
“you got home early today, i thought you’d be out for two more hours?” his brows raise in a questioning manner as his gaze shifts to go over the time showing on your living room clock.
“uh, well i was working on a project the last few days but i finished it yesterday so,” you speak unsure if you should even be telling him this instead of asking what he’s doing in here.
“oh okay, that’s good,” taking off his overcoat he walks into the kitchen, folding up his dress shirt’s sleeves on the way,“what do you want for lunch then? do you want to eat takeout? or should i cook you something? you must be hungry,” he takes out a bottle of cold water from the fridge and pours in a glass for you, sliding the cup on the countertop towards you as you approach the space in hesitant and confused steps.
his questions dumbfound you, leaving your brain at a loss, still dazed from his presence before you,“what? why are you asking me that? and what are you doing in my house?” you ask, looking completely clueless when jay turns to look at you expecting it to be some kind of a sarcastic remark. but the lost look in your eyes has him surrendering even if it does turn out to be some joke.
“taking care of you,” jay smiles, straightening his posture in an upright position and moving closer to the counter across which you stand,“technically, babysitting,”
“babysitting? me? but,” it baffles you, is this some prank or are you supposed to know something you don’t? your mind’s mechanical gears slow down, friction arising in between them. you don’t remember anything regarding or relating to the term babysitting. there’s no way he’s serious.. right?
“doll, didn’t your parents tell you they’re gonna be out on a business trip for a week? they asked me to look after you while they’re gone,” what.
yes these past few days when you couldn’t catch a hidden, one-sided glimpse of him in the elevator you did feel weird. and you definitely did subconsciously wish to run across him again, even though you were on a mission to avoid him, but this; this is not what you would’ve liked, this is not what you wanted. this is far from what you can handle, what your messed up self can accept.
“no?” the look on your face has jay almost spilling a laugh, the way your features contort to a whiny crying expression. how cute. he thinks.
“that’s okay, now you know,” trying to imitate you, he scrushes up his nose in a slight pout, reaching out to pat your head twice. and there goes your heart. you never thought you’d like head pats this much, you only remember getting them twice from your father but it felt different. it used to annoy you because he would mess up your hair but the way jay caressed your head it felt you had accomplished something, so gentle and careful yet still close to a ruffle.
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taglist ( open. ) @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @lheebra @boyfhee @defnotfertilizedtoesw @brownsugarbaybee @skylaly @sparklovespink @luvyouchuu @ming-h0e @cha0thicpisces @butterflywonie @kgneptun @haechansbbg @m3chigo @wonsbaer @woncine @eneiyri @siyen @wonyoungsvirus @heesquared @enhafim22 @velvtcherie @ineedsomezzz @simjyunnie @seochangbinnnnnnnnnnn @wonkifangirl @sweetwonieee @luvnicho @fakeuwus @sunpov @notevenheretbh1 @kaykay11sworld @saurxcream @shawnyle @monstaxdirtywonk @wannieepisod @woozixo @sophi-ee @rikiwaify-blog @fluerz @iselltulips @belowbun @yunjinsbbg @enhasnuggles @enhaswirlds @enhastolemyheart @jooniesbears-blog
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bug-slappy · 15 days
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sharing my opinion here about serizawas design inconsistencies over time (spoilers for mp100 ending) i feel like in each new rendition of serizawa weve seen in official art ever since the start of S3 something feels off in a different way with every new merch release
lets start here ⬇ serizawa looks like,, himself. accurate to how hes drawn since his first anime appearance
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⬇⬇⬇ and then slowly,,, things start to look off. his jawline is slowly getting slimmer, his eyes look wider (same with mobs too)
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AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THESE. especially the one on the right my god. who is that
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every new promo art that comes out just feels very careless. I think you could say so for all the characters (mobs giant eyes, reigens waist getting skinnier/pointier features. the PROMO art of dimple that was literally FULLY TRACED OFF OF A TEMU PIRATE HALLOWEEN COSTUME. they all look bad here)
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it just feels a little depressing how little they seem to care anymore, like theyre just trying to pump out merch without bothering to use a character reference.
i notice the changes the most with serizawa. every promo art looks like theyre playing a game of telephone. each version of him is based on the last, instead of his initial design (shown below)
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at the end of S2, when reigen cuts serizawas hair, he still looks like himself. they did a great job of showing "how serizawa would look underneath his moustache and big hair". In S3 it feels like they've lost that mentality completely. like he's no longer based off of his original design, but an entirely new reference of his salary man look. some comparisons between S3 vs S2 and OVA down below
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I find that the line weight in S3 is much heavier and unfocused. but what bothers me most of all is that... Serizawa looks different in nearly every scene... as if they're undecided on what he should look like. the shape of his nose and jaw, his hair all change depending on the episode entirely.
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The art style change for S3 was meant to be "more accurate to the manga", but I find that it had the opposite effect. especially how serizawas and ritsus eye shapes changed. ritsus large pupils and serizawas more almond shaped eyes were more reflective of their manga designs there are plenty of inconsistences in S1 and 2, but they're clearly done with purpose to reflect on ONEs art style (my beloved). I feel like the thinner lines allow more room for detail and extreme facial expressions that truly hold a candle to ONEs insane talent for capturing emotions.
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these ^^^ compared to..
erm.. this.. ⬇
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just felt very underwhelming... and serizawa certainly does mellow out once he starts working at S&S, but that doesn't mean that there's less opportunity for detailed expressions !!
the yokai fight scene was beautifully made i have no qualms.. but the amount of serizawa lore and dialogue in the manga that got cut from the anime just made him look like a cardboard cut out standing behind everyone. lots of funny and interesting moments cut to make room for the moefication of serizawa katsuya..
I feel like there's a lot of important moments that were cut, (reigen "i hope i can become a partner like that" arataka, serizawa "ive had a similar experience myself" katsuya )
or sad, intense scenes that were made lighthearted (the body improvement club trying to help mob, mob and ??? dialogue being cut, reigen removing his shoes in the final arc made to be meant for better grip rather than... his passively suicidal tendencies )
i think the people at bones are very talented dont get me wrong, i just felt like S3 could have been adapted better. this keeps me up at night its like 1am :) anywhosies thank you for listening to my ted talk i love you
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Good things come in small packages Part 2
Part 1 | Part 2
Pairing: Mini Han x fem reader
Synopsis: One year ago you purchased a ‘miniature companion’ named Hannie. He’s the size of a Ken doll but alive and horny. But something unexpected happens on your one year anniversary.
Word count: approx 7.4 k
A/n: SURPRISE!!! I know I said this was being released approx next Monday, but.... I wrote it quicker than I expected. I want to thank you for your patience with this installment. There was a point there where I almost didn't have it in me to write it. But your words of encouragement helped spur me on.
I hope that you enjoy part two of this fic. There's a lot of emotions, sickly sweet moments, and a surprise character features too.
CW below the cut
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C/W: unprotected p in v sex, oral sex, rough sex, angst, brief themes of depression, fear of suicide (just a fleeting thought), size kink?
Previously:
"Hannie?" You whisper, lowering the lamp, letting it drop to the floor.
"Why is everything so small? Wait. Why am I naked? Noona, have you been playing with me in my sleep?" He looks up at you confused and worried. "Noona, why are you looking at me like that?"
His eyes land on his pajamas, torn to shreds next to him. He picks up the scrap of fabric that was his pajama top, and his eyes widen. "Why are my clothes so tiny?"
"Hannie," you take in the man before you, naked and taking up most of the bed. "You're big."
------------
Han just stares at you blankly. Then realization hits him, causing him to spring out of bed and look around the room frantically.
"Hannie?" You say again. "Hannie, look at me." You take a step closer to him and he finally looks at you. It's as though your gaze anchors him and he appears to calm down somewhat. His eyes soften and he looks at you like he's looking at you for the very first time, just as you are with him.
You already know he has an incredible physique. Broad shoulders, slim waist, toned muscles. But standing before you right now he’s breathtaking. But you don't love him for his body. You love him for his heart.
Standing fully naked in front of you, he seems less real than when he was small. How can this be happening? It's impossible. Right?
"Noona?" His eyes drop to where your gaze has fallen. Right on his cock, still semi hard from his morning wood. It's the most delicious thing you've ever seen. So much bigger than you expected too. You can't help but imagine all the things you want to do with it. You have imagined it plenty over the past year. How you want him to fill you up, or make you choke on it. How it tastes. How it feels in your mouth.
"Hey!" he covers himself with his hands. "I'm going through a crisis and you're staring at my dick!" He exasperates. He narrows his eyes. "Oh my God, Noona? You know what this means?" His eyes light up with excitement.
"I do, Han. Trust me, I know. But first we need to figure out what is going on. Why this has happened." You take another step towards him, closing the distance, and with shaking hands you reach out and touch his chest. You feel his heart pounding and it makes your heart beat faster too.
He's real.
"Do you think my wish has finally come true?" he whispers. "I wish it every night before I fall asleep. That I'd wake up and be human sized."
You look up to meet his gaze. His gorgeous big brown eyes. "I wish it every night too. It's just... this doesn’t make any sense.” You pause. “Wait. The manual. Maybe it says something in that?”
Without giving him any warning, you snap into action and disappear into your walk-in wardrobe, returning with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized tee.
"Here. Put these on. I can't be getting distracted." You say and hurry out of the bedroom.
----------
"I thought you said you'd studied the manual?" Han says suspiciously whilst chewing on the scrambled eggs and toast you quickly cooked for him. You were quite happy to forgo your breakfast so you could search for answers, but his stomach rumbled so loudly you couldn’t ignore it.
While he scoffs down his breakfast, and you're still in your pajamas, you pore over the instruction manual spread open on the dining table, looking for any information that might help.
"Well... I kind of only read about how to keep you alive. You know, like how often I needed to feed and water you." you reply casually. Inside, you wish you had read the rest of the information. Maybe you would have had a heads up about this and you could have prepared yourself?
"Do you think I'm going to be like this permanently? Like the first year was a test of your commitment or something? Maybe I could learn guitar? Or cook? Or-"
"Okay. I've got something." You interrupt. "It says here: At twelve months of ownership, your companion will transform into typical human size-"
Han's eyes light up excitedly. "Wait! So this means?"
You hold up your hand to hush him. "There's more." You say. "He will remain in this state for 48 hours, before returning to his original size."
“Oh.” Han’s fork clatters on his plate. You look up at him as his expression changes from excited and hopeful, to absolutely crestfallen and deflated.
"I'm so sorry, Hannie." you whisper. You know how badly he wants to be big. You watch as he swallows a lump in his throat, and without a word, he stands and walks into the kitchen to look out of the window above the sink.
————
Forty eight hours? So It's not permanent? What kind of fucking idiot is he to think he'd ever be able to be a human? He tries to fight back the tears as he looks out of the window.
It's a beautiful, sunny morning, and usually on a day like this he'd climb up onto the windowsill and watch the world. There's a little strip of shops across the street that he especially loves to watch. His favorite is the flower shop. Observing the customers going in and out buying flowers and bouquets for loved ones. They’re such pretty colors too, the flowers. He’d love to be able to buy flowers for you.
A lady about your age works there, and sometimes another man is there too. Han doesn’t see him there often, but knows he’s someone special the way the shop owner and him look at and hold each other. Maybe he travels for work? He's often wondered as he sits on the windowsill.
He's broken from his thoughts when he feels your arms wrap around his waist and you lean against his back. His eyes close softly, and his body relaxes as he savors the feeling of being embraced in this way for the first time.
"Hannie, I know we don't have long, but maybe if we see it as a gift?"
He turns in your arms to face you, and wraps his own arms around you. You feel so good like this. In his arms. Holding so much of you in one go. Feeling your entire body pressed against his. It's better than he ever imagined.
"You're right." He says finally. "We can't waste a minute of this precious time. There's so much I have to do to you." His dick twitches when he sees your cheeks flush. He knows you're not shy, but if you feel anything like he does right now, then you’d have to be trembling on the inside.
His hand slides up to hold your jaw tenderly as he brings his lips close to yours. Sure he's kissed you, parts of your lips - both sets even, and other parts of your skin. But your lips in their entirety? He feels so scared, so nervous. What if he's a shit kisser?
"Stop thinking, Han Jisung." You say and connect your lips to his.
His lips fit yours perfectly and he melts into them with a moan. He kisses you slowly and carefully and a warmth spreads throughout his body. He hardens immediately when he feels your tongue slip into his mouth to find his. Your tongue, the one that’s licked his entire torso in one sweep, is currently inside his mouth. 
He allows his hands to wander lower to cup your ass. He loves your ass and often stares at it when you're doing housework in your tight little exercise shorts. Another moan escapes him when he pulls you even closer against his body. Touching so many parts of you all at once has him feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible. What will it be like when he’s inside you as well? He has to know.
He lowers his hands a little more to lift you up and you wrap your legs around his. Then he’s carrying you - actually carrying you - to your bedroom.
Your room is still filled with the warm sunlight, and Han is glad because he’ll be able to see absolutely everything. He lays you gently on the bed and kisses you deeply, then sits up to kneel between your parted legs.
“I think these need to come off.” He announces, flicking the waistband of your pajama shorts.
You smirk. “You do, huh?”
“Yes. We need to be naked.” He starts tugging off your clothes, then his own.
You look stunning beneath him, and you feel the same way about him. The sunlight hits his honey skin perfectly and you feel a surge of love for the man above you.
This is actually happening, is the thought going through both your heads.
Han gulps as he drinks you in with his eyes. Where to begin? He decides to start with your breasts. Holding them in his hands, massaging them. He loves the pretty noises you’re making as he kneads them. He leans over to take a nipple in his mouth, flicking the tiny pebbled nub that he normally has to stretch his mouth around. It goes straight to his dick and he can’t help but grind his cock against your core. This is too much already. He sits back up between your legs to try and regain his composure. He doesn’t want the first time he has intercourse to be over before it begins. To bide some time, he slowly runs his hands down your stomach and massages the tops of your thighs while his eyes lock onto your pussy. Home.
His favorite thing in the world is to eat you out, and he’s excited to taste you. Firstly, though, he is dying to explore you with his fingers. He drags his thumbs through your folds. “Wet for me as usual, Noona.” He states, glancing up to see your flushed cheeks. He chuckles to himself knowing how flustered he’s making you.
“Hannie…always soaked for you.” You say with a breathlessness to your voice. 
He rubs circles on your clit with his thumb whilst using his other hand to spread you wide. 
“I need your fingers inside me, Hannie.” you wiggle your hips to give him the hint.
“Like this?” He asks innocently as he slips two fingers into you. You moan in relief, making him smirk again.You’re so tight just around his fingers that he can’t imagine how you are going to fit his cock. He partially withdraws his fingers then pushes them back into your warm, wet, cunt. He repeats this a few times, your moans and ‘yes’s urging him to go a little harder, a little deeper. He remembers watching you finger fuck yourself and that there’s a spot inside you that when you stimulate it makes you come. He needs to try it. 
He angles his fingers a little differently and fucks you with his hand. The response is immediate. Your pussy begins to make those lewd, but arousing sounds, that he has heard when you’ve made yourself cum on your dildo. Your back arches off the bed and your thighs start to tremble. He knows the signs of you having an orgasm. He’s made you come so many times. But not like this. He leans over you to slide his tongue into your mouth, capturing the moans from your orgasm while his fingers work you through it until you’ve settled back to earth. Stunning. Erotic. Perfect. That’s what you are to him right now.
Now he can eat you out. Lick up all that arousal leaking from your delectable pussy. He nestles between your legs, his agonizingly hard cock squashed between his stomach and the mattress. He knows it’s leaking all over your quilt.
Firmly holding your thighs apart, he licks a long stripe from your vagina to clit. You taste perfect. He is careful not to go too hard or too rough. When he’s tiny he needs to use all his energy and strength to get you off, but right now even the most delicate of licks or suckles has you whimpering for him.
He spits on your clit and then sucks it off. Then moves lower to slip his tongue inside you. He has to hold you still as another orgasm starts to build for you. He loves making you feel this way.
He needs to make you come again, so he slips a finger into your pussy while he laps at your clit. He feels you come on his face, shaking, quivering, covering him in your juices. Yep. Still his favorite thing to do.
He removes himself from between your legs to hover over you to take you in an urgent kiss, smearing your arousal all over your lips. His dick throbs.
“Hannie,” you pull away from the kiss. “I really need you inside me. I need it so much it hurts.” You look up at him with desperate eyes.
“Me too, Noona.” He gulps. He’s so fucking scared and hopes you don’t notice.
“Are you nervous?” You reach up and stroke his cheek. 
Of course you noticed it. You always know how he feels. He nods. “Yeah. I am actually. I am a virgin you know?” He chuckles awkwardly, like you didn’t know he’d never actually fucked before.
You wrap your arms around the back of his neck and pull him close. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let it slip in. Dicks usually find a way into a pussy.” You whisper in his ear.
He trusts you and grinds the length of his cock against your slipper pussy. It’s already beyond incredible feeling your soft skin against his obscenely hard cock. You both moan equally in pleasure and the frustration of needing more, so he shifts his hips to allow the tip of his cock to prod at you. 
“Yes!” You cry out against his ear. “Fuck…Hannie…need you. It’s so close…” 
All it takes is a slight adjustment of the angle of his hips and he feels the tip slip inside you. 
“Please…hurry.” You sob. “I love you so much, Hannie.”
“I love you too, Noona.” he says with a shaky breath, and then he’s inside you. All the way to the hilt. You both moan in relief. 
“You’re so tight.” he declares, his eyes rolling back into his head. He’s not going to last even a thrust. It’s already too good. But he begins to move anyway, eventually finding a slow, deep rhythm.
He was wrong. This is his most favorite thing to do. Be buried in your pussy, with your arms and legs wrapped around him as you moan his name over and over. Definitely his favorite.
“Faster…please… harder…oh Hannie…fuck.” You claw at his back trying to pull him even deeper. He obliges, picking up the pace, fucking you harder. He kneels between your legs again so he can see all of you. The sight is erotic. Seeing all of you at once, with your legs folded and pushed up high and wide. Your breasts bouncing with every thrust. And the expression on your face as you look down at where you’re connected almost makes him fill you right then and there.
“I’m coming, Hannie… I’m…don’t stop! Come with me. Come inside me!” You’re already trembling beneath him, and there’s no way in hell he’d be able to stop himself coming inside you even if he wanted to. He’s about to burst. Not just his cock, but his heart too. He loves you too much. He takes his thumb back to your clit and focuses on bringing you over the edge. He feels your walls squeeze tight around him like a vice, and it sends him over as well. With a few last shaky thrusts, he releases himself inside of you with a deep moan.
“Noona… Fuck…” he pants and collapses on top of you. “That was the best feeling in the whole world. I don’t know how anyone gets anything done when they could be doing that!” 
—-----------
The day passes far too quickly as you fill the rest of the day with lovemaking, food, drinks, and even more lovemaking. You both don't want to miss a single moment of each other. Night comes too quickly, and despite trying your best to stay awake, sleep eventually takes you both as you lay in his arms.
-----------
The sun streams through the window waking you from your sleep. You feel Han's arm laying heavy across your waist. It wasn't a dream. Your eyes snap open to find him fast asleep, mouth open, and still very much human size.
You watch him until he finally stirs and opens his eyes. "Am I still big? Are we still naked?" He asks sleepily.
You grin in response. "Yes. You're still big. And we’re still naked. " You lean down and kiss his cheek.
"So we can have more sex today?" he adds, rubbing his eyes.
"Anything you want, my love." You say and let your hand wander down to rest on his erect cock. Flicking the sheet off of him, you begin to kiss your way down his body, savoring every inch of his skin, ensuring you remember this moment forever. You pause when you reach his cock, admiring the way it looks. Fucking perfect. Mouthwatering. You waste no time taking him in your hand and bringing your tongue to the underside of his shaft. 
He releases a sharp breath. “Fuck, Noona. Please…are you gonna suck me off? Please suck my cock, Noona.” he begs, lifting his head and looking down at you. You give him a sly look and swirl your tongue around the tip, and he throws his head back down onto the pillow, surrendering to you and your plans.
You take your time teasing him, alternating between kitten licks to the tip, to long languid strokes of your tongue along the shaft. His breathless pants turn to whimpers, then finally a deep, relieving groan as you sink your mouth over him. You take as much of him into your throat as you possibly can, and even though your eyes start to water, you take him even deeper.
“Baby, Noona…This is…your mouth… How can you even breathe right now?” He can barely get the words out. “So good… ngh…s’good.” he squeezes his eyes closed trying his hardest not to thrust into you. His hands thread through your hair and rest on the back of your head. You hope he pushes you down further so you take absolutely everything, and when he does, you feel your cunt tighten and your arousal leaking between your legs. 
Your lips are pressed to his pelvis and he isn’t letting you go. You are finding it hard to breathe, but you don’t care. You want more. You feel him getting close when his cock hardens even more and he starts thrusting into your throat. Yes. This is what you need. 
Han gets noisier as he approaches his climax, then you feel it. The familiar taste of his hot cum hits the back of your throat. He cries out then stills, releasing his hands from your head and relaxing into the bed.
As usual, you swallow every last drop. There is so much more compared to normal, the fluid coating the back of your mouth, then you make your way up to kiss his lips. 
Han grins at you with hooded eyes. “Fuck, Noona! That was so fucking goog.”
“You don’t know how many times I’ve pictured doing that for you, Hannie.” You smile and curl up to his side.
“Noona?” he says, stroking your arm.
“Mmm. Yes my love?” you hum.
“Do you think…after we fuck again, we can go out? There’s something I want to do.”
You turn your head to gaze at him. “Of course. Anything you want, my love.” you say again, but this time with a curious tone.
-----------
"Are you sure I don’t look weird?" Han isn't convinced that the sweatpants and tee you have given him are unisex.
"You're fine, I promise. Just trust me?" You reply, locking your front door.  You take his hand in yours and begin to up your front path. As you reach the sidewalk, he begins to have second thoughts. Sure he's been out of the house with you before. In your handbag, hidden away. Safe. Unseen. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all, he thinks to himself. Maybe he shouldn't have such lofty ideas? But he's not going to have another opportunity to do this. So he has to be brave.
“”What would you like to do, Hannie?” 
“There’s something I’ve thought about doing for a while now. Buy you flowers.” He gestures to the flower shop across from your home. 
Your eyes light up and a smile washes over your features. “I’d absolutely love that!” You squeeze his hand and look up at him. “I love you Hannie.” You say and kiss him on the lips.
“Noona, y-you can’t do that!” He stutters.
“Do what, sweetie?” You tease, and kiss him again. This time a little longer.
He pushes you away gently. “You’re getting me hard.” He whispers sternly and looks around to make sure no one can notice.
“Okay, Han. No public display of affection. Got it.” You pinch his chubby cheek.
The flower shop isn't very big, but it manages to accommodate so many flowers and bouquets that fill every corner and surface. Han takes in the floral scents, and the vibrancy of the colors, and smiles when his eyes land on what he's looking for.
"Can I help you with anything?" the shop owner asks cheerfully.
"Yes, can I please have the bouquet of purple tulips?" he says proudly.
The owner, who's name tag says 'Jules', takes the bouquet back to the counter to ring up the price. "That will be $60."
That's right. He has no money. He closes his eyes for a moment, berating himself. Of course he can't pay. He has no bank account. No identification. He's not a citizen of... anywhere really. He's an alien.
"That's okay, I've got it. He forgot his wallet today." You step in from out of nowhere and take care of paying for the flowers.
Ashamed by his inadequacy, Han steps away from the counter, and busies himself by looking at the corner with some potted houseplants. He quite likes the houseplants you own, often sitting underneath the leaves pretending to be somewhere outdoors. He chuckles to himself at how silly that sounds when movement behind one of the pot plants catches his eye.
Intrigued, he crouches down and ever so slowly nudges one of the plants to the side. His eyes widen and he almost stumbles backward when he sees a little man, the size of a Ken doll, looking up at him.
The same man that he’s seen kissing and holding Jules the shop owner multiple times.
Han blinks, not believing what he is seeing, but when he opens his eyes the little man is gone. Where did he go? Did he imagine it? He starts shifting plant pots around, desperately trying to find him.
"Hannie. I'm done now." you call to him from the shop entrance.
----------
"Hannie, what's wrong?" You ask as you both step outside onto the sidewalk. "Is it about paying for these?" You hold up the tulips.
"No, Noona. It's not that." He turns to look back at the shop.
"Han? You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?" You press your hand to his forehead. Sweaty and warm. Is he getting sick?
"I'm fine. Just... the forty eight hours are coming to an end tonight." He frowns.
You drop your head. You have been trying your best not to think about it. Today was so perfect, spending time with Han like a proper couple. It felt so heartwarming watching him with his big, curious eyes as he interacted with his surroundings.
You take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the flowers. "What made you choose these?" you ask him curiously.
"Well," He starts, as you begin to walk back towards your home. "From what I read on the internet they are a symbol of perfect love." He smiles sheepishly. "It also said that they symbolize rebirth, as well as being known to help us let go of the past and embrace the future with renewed optimism and hope." he adds, proud to have remembered the details he'd read.
"I think that sounds perfect." You smile warmly and kiss him on the cheek.
---------------
Dinner is a quiet affair. The quietest it’s ever been. Usually at dinner time you share your day with each other, listening intently, offering advice or support, or whatever each of you needed that night. Tonight you’re both thinking about the same thing. That your time together like this is coming to an end. Neither of you want to talk about the elephant in the room, so you both stay silent. 
After a while you see Han set his knife and fork on his plate and stand up, walking around to your side of the table. You look up at him and he offers his hand out to you. Wordlessy, you take it and let him lead you to your bedroom.
He’s not gentle as he pushes you down onto the mattress and practically rips your clothes off before climbing on top of you and taking you in a rough, heated kiss. He shoves his tongue past your lips and you thread your fingers through his hair to pull him into an even deeper, even more feral kiss. He pulls away only to remove his own garments, then he forces your legs apart so he can line his cock up to your entrance. 
Without any preparation, or warning, he pushes the entire length of his cock into you in one go. You cry out at the intrusion, but part your legs further. You need him inside you, to consume you.
He’s careless with his thrusts, and his hands grope and squeeze, bruising your flesh. There’s a look of anger and resentment in his eyes. You know it’s not because of you, but at this whole situation. It feels so unfair to have a glimpse of how life could be, and know that it’s never going to be like this again. You love Hannie no matter what. But this feels so good too. Why? Why let you experience this, only to have torn away so quickly?
“Are you gonna remember me like this forever, Noona? How full I make you? How deep inside you I am? How hard I can fuck you?” He growls. “Tell me. Tell me you’ll never forget it. Cos I’m never going to forget how your pussy feels around me. Squeezing me tight. Tell me I’m your favorite. Tell me I feel better than anyone before me.” 
Han’s words are aggressive, and so is the way he’s fucking you. But his voice is full of heartbreak and angst. You want him to give you everything. His sadness, his anger, you want him to take it out on you. 
He thrusts his hips even harder against your body, and his cock slams into your cervix, causing you to cry out his name.
“Hannie!” You choke. He doesn’t slow down or go easy on you. You can barely breathe. 
“Say it… please…Tell me your mine.” he sobs, but he doesn’t slow down.
“I’m yours, Hannie…forever.” you whimper.
He leans down over you, caging you underneath him. “Come for me. Come on my cock.” He growls, his hot breath against your ear. “I wanna feel your pussy choke me one last time.”
It’s too much and you come hard around him, sobbing against his shoulder.
“That’s it…Yes…Fuck! I’m coming too!” He grunts as he thrusts his hips a few more times and empties himself inside you.
You stay like this for a while. Breathless and sweating. Eventually, he lifts his head and looks down on you. “Did I hurt you?” He asks with a concerned expression.
You shake your head. “It was passionate. I needed you to fuck me like that.” You sigh. He closes his eyes softly in relief, then withdraws his softened cock from you. 
Neither of you move to clean up, or even get a drink, or even say another word. You simply lay in the comfort of each other’s arms as though the world was about to end.
---------
You fall asleep first, but Han can't sleep. He doesn't want to sleep. So he watches you sleep instead. He cups your cheek. He needs to burn the image of this into his brain, for tomorrow his hand will barely be able to wrap around your pinky finger. These past forty eight hours were a dream come true, but he’s not sure how he’ll get over it either. 
-------------
You wake to find your bed empty. "Han?" You call out and search the bed, lifting the blankets. Sometimes he ends up tangled in them, but he isn't there.
You hop out of bed, slip on your robe and head out into the kitchen. You find him sitting on the windowsill above the sink. Small as ever. You feel a sadness in your chest and bite your lip as you approach him. "Hannie?" You say softly, leaning your arms on the counter next to the sink so your face is close to him.
"I'm okay Noona." he sighs, but doesn't turn to face you.
"You want me to fix you some breakfast before I go to work?" You ask hopefully, but he shakes his head.
The usual conversation that you have when you get ready for work is replaced with a heavy, awkward silence.
"You know, Hannie, you are perfect to me no matter what. Your personality, your heart - it’s bigger than that of any man in the world.” You say as you turn to leave the kitchen and head out the front door for work.
--------------
Han hasn’t left the windowsill in days. He hasn’t washed, he's barely eaten. The spark you love so much in him has dimmed, and you’re frightened that it won't come back. It's not like you can get him therapy. No one knows about him. No one can know about him.
Every day you leave for work not knowing what you'll find when you return home. What if he’s left? What if he's-" No you won't let yourself even go there.
Those forty eight hours of him being big was not worth it, and if you could take it back and go back to how things were before, you'd do it in a heartbeat. You just want your Hannie back.
--------------
Han knows you love him. But he can't help but feel depressed. He feels worse now than he has ever felt in his entire, albeit short, life. It's like him becoming big was some sick, cruel joke. Like it was to taunt him. To show him how good it could really be, how good it could really feel, to be a human, just to snatch it away from him.
It isn't just depression that's consuming him. It's an obsession with the flower shop and that little man he had seen that day.
For ten days now he’s stared at the shop hoping to catch a glimpse of...something... anything that might give him answers or closure. They know something. He can feel it.
Then finally it happens. Han hurries to a kneeling position, face pressed against the glass to catch a better look.
The man is back. As a human sized man. Han guesses he's seen this man maybe four times over as many months. He stands in the doorway waving to a customer before going back into the shop. It definitely looks like the little guy he saw standing by the pot plant.
You probably imagined it. You were probably over excited from the sex with Noona. Can sex make you hallucinate? Han isn't sure of anything anymore. Except that the miniature man was either imaginary, or, he has the answers Han's looking for.
-------------------
You leave work early and pick up a cheesecake. Han hasn’t eaten in days and you hope his favorite dessert might perk him up a little bit, even if it’s just a sugar rush.
You open your front door kicking your shoes off, and make your way upstairs to your main living area. The house is eerily quiet, even with a depressed Han it's too quiet. Something is off. Something is wrong.
“Hannie?” You call out. No answer. You place the cheesecake box on the counter. He’s not on his windowsill. Maybe he’s asleep somewhere? You check your bedroom next. He isn’t there either. You search every room, calling out his name.
Nothing.
He’s gone. He’s actually gone! Why? Why would he leave? Where would he go? What if he’s hurt? What if he’s - you gulp. You start to panic and begin to check everywhere again. Maybe he fell into a drawer? Maybe he’s stuck somewhere?
Again, nothing.
He really was gone.
—-----------
Han has never ventured out of the house by himself before. Well this month has been full of firsts, he thinks. Why not climb down the stairs and sneak out of a slightly ajar window?
He jumps down from the window sill and tumbles into the garden, surprisingly unscathed. He is on a mission and nothing is going to stop him.
Determination takes over any fear of being eaten by the neighbors cat, or being runover by a car, as he carefully treks across the road to the flower shop.
He hasn't even planned what he’s going to say. What if he's mistaken and the owner faints? What if she kills him? Or kidnaps him? Tortures him? No. He shakes his head. The lady was really nice the other day. People love to go to her shop. It'll be fine.
By the time Han reaches the threshold he is hot, sweaty and very thirsty. He looks up to looming doorway and swallows hard. Here goes nothing.
He slips inside, carefully seeking the cover of a nearby flower pot. The shop looks gigantic compared to last time he was there.
He notices something that he missed the last time. That the entire shop is set up suspiciously accessible for him. Like it was made for someone his size. Strings from buntings and signs dangle in such a way that Han would be able to reach just about any shelf he wished. Some shelves look to have mini rope ladders, and there seems to be plenty of places to hide and watch customers, or your Noona.
He quickly climbs up one of the rope ladders where he can get a better view of the sales counter. Jules is there finishing serving a customer. But where is the man?
Han doesn’t have to wait for long. The man emerges from a back storeroom with a gift bag for the customer.
“Oh Minho! You’re back in town!” The customer exclaims in a high pitch voice. “How was your work trip?” She gives this Minho a kiss on the cheek.
“Adventurous as usual.” He winks at her.
“Well it’s good to see you.” She takes her flowers and gift bag, smiling as she leaves the shop.
“Take care Mrs Maple!” Minho waves after her then turns to Jules. “Finally, I’ve got you alone, kitten.” He smirks and closes the gap between them. “Maybe we could close up for lunch? Head back into the storeroom?” He kisses her neck.
“You’re always so horny, Minho.” She teases. “Don’t think I don’t know you masturbate behind the flower pot while I work.”
Wait! What? Han’s eyes almost pop out of his head and he stumbles knocking an ornamental garden gnome off the shelf.
Jules and Minho’s eyes land on the smashed gnome. Then they lift their gaze, eyes landing straight on Han.
Fuck! He freezes to the spot.
The pair look confused and make their way over to where Han is standing pretending to be gnome himself, and crouch down so they are eye level with him.
“It’s the customer from the other day.” Jules remarks. “He didn’t have any money.” She adds.
Han crosses his arm and pouts.
“He’s the one I told you about. The one that saw me on the shelf.” Minho adds.
“Excuse me?” Han interrupts. “I was hoping you could help me. You see, I live across the street with my Noona. She was the woman I was with when I came in the other day. And…anyway… I sit in the window sill and watch the flower shop. Not in a creepy way.” He is sure to add. “And I’ve seen him…Minho, or whatever your name is,” he points to the man “a few times… Then when I came in, he… he was small.”
“And you were big.” Minhos’s eyes glisten and he rubs his chin deviously. “And now you’re small!”
“Exactly! And I need to know… are you one of those miniature companions like me? And if so, why do you keep getting big? And… and is it the same for all of us? Is it different depending on the batch? Do some of us get big and others don’t?” Han’s out of breath by the time he’s finished.
“What’s your name?” Jules asks kindly.
“Han.” He replies and plops down, crossing his legs.
“Han?” She repeats thoughtfully.
“Do you recognise the name, babe?” Minho enquires.
Jules nods. “Yes. I believe he was also part of the range I purchased you from. The Skz range. I don’t think he was ready yet. How long have you been with your owner?”
“Just on a year.” He replies.
Jules and Minho exchange looks, then turn back to Han.
“Well, Han, buddy,” he says. “I think we might be able to answer your questions.”
—-----------
Eventually, after tearing your house apart in the hopes to find Han and failing, you flop yourself on your couch feeling empty and numb. You don’t even notice that your doorbell is ringing, but then a loud knock on the door makes you almost jump out of your skin.
“Yeah okay, I’m coming!” You call out as you head downstairs. With a sigh, you open the front door to find the woman who owns the flower shop across the street, and a man who you’ve seen a few times around the place, standing there. The woman holds a basket in her hands, and the man holds an amused look on his face.
Great. You’re not in the mood for interaction.
The woman’s eyes widen when she sees your tear streaked face.
“Uh, sorry to bother you. I’m Jules. From the flower shop across the street.” She smiles awkwardly. “And this is my, um, partner, Minho.” She gestures to the man next to her.
You continue to stand there, saying nothing.
Jules coughs, clearing her throat. “We’ve brought your Hannie home.” She declares.
“Noona!” Han’s head pops out of the basket.
Your hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Why do you have my Han?” You choke. Your eyes dart from Jules to Minho, confused and scared. Han is supposed to be a secret. You can’t have outsiders knowing about him.
“I went to them, Noona. They have something to tell you! Can’t you let us inside already?” He whines.
A whining Han is a good sign. You nod and usher them inside.
————-
You’re back on your couch, this time with Jules and Minho on the couch across from you, and your little Hannie on the cushion next to you. You’re relieved he’s back, but also so mad at his reckless behavior. He could’ve gotten himself killed. He and Minho are enjoying a piece of cheesecake, like this is some normal afternoon gathering of friends.
“So you have something to tell me?” You say looking to Jules.
“We do. You see, Han came to us because he saw my miniature companion in the flower shop the day you both came in.” She starts.
Your eyes widen. “You know about them? You’ve got one?”
Jules nods. “Yes. Minho here is my companion.”
“Hi.” He waves.
“He’s your companion?” You arch an eyebrow.
“Yes, he’s got his monthly grown up pants on at the moment, but most of the time he’s small like Han.” She nods her head towards Han.
You shake your head in disbelief. “One minute Han is doll sized, then suddenly out of nowhere he’s big.”
“She really didn’t read the manual, hey Han?” Minho chuckles.
“Then I find out there’s another tiny man running around across the street?” You continue, ignoring Minho’s remark.
“Hey, I’m far from tiny!” Minho turns to you with a deadly glare.
“Calm down sweetie.” Jules pats his thigh. “He’s not really cold and cynical.” She reassures you.
“He’s cocky isn’t he?” You say lightheartedly to Jules but your eyes are firmly on Minho. “You know you were able to read their traits on the website and select accordingly?” You say jokingly.
“That’s why she chose me. For my cock-iness.” Minho leans back into the couch.
“He was the only one who was cat friendly. I have three cats, you see.” Jules playfully punches Minho in the arm.
“Hah! You love my cock-y personality.”
“I do.” Jules admits and leans against him.
The pair are fascinating, but you need to know more. “What did you mean by monthly grown up pants?” You ask.
“Once a month I grow into the size of a human for two days.” Minho shares. “It’s a fault in the Skz manufacturing process.”
“You didn’t receive the recall email from the company?” Jules turns back to you surprised.
You shake your head.
“There was a form in the back of...the manual...that you could send in so you’d receive any important information. Like recalls and such.”
“Noona only read up to the part where it says I can ejaculate.” Han pipes up, his mouth full of food.
“Hannie! Don’t, you’re embarrassing me. Sorry, he hasn’t been socialized.” You say bashfully.
“I think these two will become best friends.” Jules laughs looking at the two men. “Han did say this whole human size situation came as a surprise to you both.”
“I feel so stupid. I didn’t read the whole manual.  I’m such an irresponsible companion owner.” 
“There was a recall on the Skz range because they were only supposed to grow big the once, not once every month. Purchasers were given the option to return the companion if they chose.”
“And she chose to keep me.” Minho adds.
“Would you have sent me back, Noona? If you’d known about the recall?” Han looks up at you with his boba eyes.
“Of course not. I love you. I just wish I’d known all this so we could have been prepared. Looked forward to it, even.”
“It’s okay, Noona. I think it has worked out for the best this way.” He looks at each of you. “I’ve finally got friends!” He says gleefully.
Jules and Minho leave shortly after, to have some alone time before his “grown up pants become too big”.
Han is exhausted from his adventure, and just wants to snuggle up on your chest and watch anime. Neither of you say much. There's no point in being angry at him for venturing out alone, and you're just happy to have him back in one piece.
Neither of you are really watching the anime either. Instead you're both smiling inwardly, imagining what life is going to look like from now on.
—————-
A little update on our y/n and Hannie:
Over the next year, Han and Minho have become inseparable, spending almost as much time with each other as they do with you and Jules.
You’ve introduced Han to your family. He was so nervous at first, but once he realized they approved of him, he was okay.
He learned to play guitar, and even commissioned a guitar maker to make a scaled down working model of an acoustic guitar so he can play whenever he feels like it.
------------
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this little fic. I loved writing it, even though it took me so long to have the energy to put the ideas into words. Thank you so much for reading. Your support encourages me to keep writing.
If you enjoy the more plot driven, lovey dovey fics, I have a few others on my main blog @moonlightndaydreams and I think I will probably cross post this fic as a oneshot over there to keep all my longer Hannie fics together.
Sorsha x.
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