#mountains and the world in between
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Dark places. // 📸 lost-in-moments
#lost in moments #outerworld #mountains and the world in between
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hm.
#oh... they're in different houses#wally and home are under one roof#the eye is under another...#Well Hey Now. The Fuck Are You Implying#my 'third party' theory is becoming less crackish by the second#the call is coming from inside the house. or is it from next door...?#hey marlo <3 bbg <3 what's your Deal#homebogging#wh speculation#welcome home speculation#*rattling cage bars* THE IMPLICATIONS!!!#are there two houses or three? and by house i mean. well. settings of a sort. i wonder...#there's Our World and then there's Home#so what's between Us? what's the bridge? what's off-set and what's in the spiral/eye pit?#where is the 'beyond the mountains and forests' that sally's monsters come from? what stands between above and below?#three houses.
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Brynn: You are much more silent than usual today-.. are you going to miss me?
Wyatt was going to miss Brynn a great deal, but telling her that seemed harder than it ought to be, so he said naught instead.
Brynn: You are not comfortable being happy?
Wyatt squinted, something Brynn had learnt he tended to do when she was on the right track.
Brynn: Maybe you should not fight yourself.
Wyatt: Maybe you only know I feel that way because you’re the same.
And as she tended to do when he was right, Brynn dodged Wyatt’s comment.
Brynn: Do you think I stay, if you asked me to?
Wyatt: I don’t think you want me to ask that.
Brynn: No, I don’t…
Wyatt: Do you want to stay though..?
Brynn: I not sure it’s a good idea to leave home-.. not for a man I spend only a few weeks with.
Wyatt’s brow creased, though he quickly rearranged his face; she had a point, whether he liked it or not.
Brynn: Does that hurt your feelings?
Wyatt: No…
Brynn hummed and tugged on Wyatt’s hand, forcing him to stop and face her. It was obvious he was lying. He wanted to know whether this was just a holiday fling to her, or something more, but every time he even thought about doing so it felt like someone had rammed cotton wool down his throat. He’d promised himself he’d be more honest, but it wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped…
Wyatt: What exactly would you be leaving behind? I doubt you’ve exactly made anything for yourself there-.. not with Gael’s arm to cling to.
Wyatt instantly regretted being so blunt as Brynn frowned slightly, a flash of sadness darting across her features.
Brynn: That is a cruel thing to say, no?
Wyatt: Maybe-.. though I’ve a feeling I’m right, so I’m not taking it back.
Brynn narrowed her eyes, he was right, of course. She had nothing of her own in San Myshuno. Everything she owned, down to the clothes on her back, had been paid for by Gael. She’d never thought about leaving before, she had everything she ever needed, technically-.. but spending time with someone who wasn’t afraid to interrogate her about such matters finally made her question her innermost protests, rather than burying them.
She didn’t like Gael, she didn’t like his friends or his apartment, she didn’t want him to propose, didn’t want to marry him, didn’t want to carry his children. It wasn’t ever supposed to be permanent; she wanted a life of her own…
Wyatt: Well?
Brynn: I not argue with you on my last day here.
Wyatt: We’re not arguing, are we?
Brynn: Exactly!
Wyatt ran his hand through his hair and sighed, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He needed more. He was desperate to know how she felt before she left, desperate to know how she’d gotten herself into this situation, whether she wanted out or not. He thought she did, but for once, he wasn’t sure of himself.
Wyatt: I just meant-…
He huffed as Brynn leapt on his back with a chuckle, that was the end of that then. He’d never realised until now how socially inept he was with women-.. no, intimacy; but Brynn didn’t seem to mind, maybe she could relate. He was willing to bet she knew what he was struggling with. It almost seemed as though she were goading him into being honest, like he craved to be.
Brynn: Let’s find somewhere nice-.. if you tell me what you meant, maybe I tell you a story.
He shook his head and snorted, amused; that was definitely what she was doing, wasn’t it?
Wyatt had done a lot of terrible things over the years. Amongst countless other felonies he’d taken more than a few lives - some with his bare hands - but no crime he’d committed had ever caused his heart to beat as erratically as it did now. Against his “better��� judgement and despite his pounding chest, he’d held Brynn close and told her how he felt.
He told her how much he’d enjoyed spending time with her, how pleased he’d be if she stayed, and how curious he was about her situation back in San Myshuno. Brynn had softened upon hearing his words, appreciative of his honesty; and in return, she’d told him how she and Gael met…
Brynn hadn’t left Del Sol to begin with, choosing instead to remain employed by Varius, which had eventually been taken over by new management. Never embroiled in Ashton’s more nefarious business ventures, the casino and its franchise hadn’t suffered much, remaining completely operational as a result.
Gael was in town for family and work, hauled to the top floor by some of his rather more enthusiastic associates. Clearly uncomfortable, she’d taken him aside and entertained him in a different manner-.. she’d clocked him eyeing a handsome waiter surreptitiously, felt him recoil from her touch; he might’ve fooled his colleagues, but he hadn’t fooled her. Enjoying an easy night full of free drinks and cheesy jokes, she’d thought nothing of his proposition to attend an upcoming event with him the following weekend.
The event Gael had invited her to was a wedding – his brother’s wedding – and Brynn had suddenly found herself referred to as his girlfriend. She’d thought it quite funny at the time, what an odd man, paying an erotic dancer to pose as one’s partner. The money was good though, and it was much more enjoyable than working in some stuffy club, even one as fancy as Varius.
But as things do, one thing led to another and before Brynn could second guess herself, she’d agreed to move to San Myshuno and stay with Gael permanently. Genesis had seen her arse about Brynn’s newfound source of income, her friends Ace and Robert had moved away, Del Sol was smoggy and garish, held memories she’d rather forget; why wouldn’t she move back to San My? She’d have her own room in a spacious apartment, she wouldn’t have to work, Gael said he’d pay for her to finish school; it seemed like a good idea at the time, like she could have whatever she wanted.
Except she couldn’t. Gael was a controlling - albeit kind - man, terrified of being discovered by his peers. He told her where to go and when, what to wear, what to say, and how to act. He’d take her phone from her if she’d get distracted at one of his precious galas, force her to attend wellness retreats with his colleagues’ insipid girlfriends and wives whilst he and his friends smacked tiny balls with silly sticks, drag her on family vacations to hot countries where she’d get accosted by mosquitoes and prickly heat.
He’d bemoan her lack of enthusiasm when she wasn’t her usual self, but it’d been so many years that Brynn didn’t even know who she was anymore. He’d felt guilty then, promising she could pick their next destination; that it’d be just the two of them, no pretending.
Brynn had never imagined bumping into Wyatt again, but she’d often thought of him, wondering what he’d done after that fateful phone call. She’d almost felt proud of him, in a way-.. it wasn’t easy to turn against your upbringing like that, against your friends, against yourself. She’d given him the benefit of the doubt and he hadn’t taken it for granted, which was more than could be said for a lot of men she’d trusted in the past.
Having landed herself in hot water more times than she could count over the years, Brynn had learnt to be wary of her gut, but she couldn’t deny being drawn to Wyatt; she admired the change in him, despite the fact he seemed unaware of it himself. It was freeing to spend time with someone who didn’t expect her to act a certain way, someone who knew where she’d come from and what she’d been through, yet didn’t appear to judge her poorly for it. He’d done terrible things and so had she; it was nice, being on an even playing field for once.
Brynn had subsequently returned home more disheartened than ever, completely uninterested in her so-called life with Gael. She’d hoped Wyatt would call, hoped she’d get a taste of that freedom in her self-imposed cage, hoped something would magically change. But it hadn’t.
Wyatt: So, you’re not happy anymore?
Brynn: I am very happy here, with you-.. but that scares me.
Wyatt: Why?
Brynn: Because it means I have to confront the fact that I am not happy at home, and that is something I have never done before. I always find someone to take me in, but is always with conditions, I am never free-.. never happy.
Wyatt: Are you safe at least..?
Brynn: It is painfully boring, sharing a home with Gael, but he is not exactly aggressive.
Wyatt scowled; not exactly? That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he ought to strangle-..
Brynn: I not want you to get involved, I think I would like to do something on my own for once.
Wyat: Okay…
Brynn: I put my foot down and leave, even if it means I have nothing. I not want to run to anyone else, including you.
Wyatt: That’s why you don’t want to stay?
Brynn nodded, it would’ve been easier to tell Gael to stuff it and stay here, but that was what she always did; fall into someone else’s hands. Being with Wyatt was different though, it made her want to choose him because she wanted to, because she could, not because she needed to. If that meant she had to throw everything away and strike out on her own first – even though she had no idea how to – then so be it.
Though he was glad to know the truth, Wyatt was less than thrilled with Brynn’s plan; but she craved true freedom, and after everything she’d endured – in part due to his own transgressions – he figured he owed her as much.
Wyatt: I won’t stop you then…
Brynn: This is why I love you-.. you help set me free in the end, like I to you.
Wyatt: You love me?
Brynn: You love me too, no?
Wyatt dipped his head in agreement. He wasn’t sure how it’d happened so quickly, but there wasn’t much point denying it any longer.
Brynn: Say it…
Wyatt: I love you too.
Brynn: Is not so hard, right?
Wyatt scoffed quietly and shook his head.
Wyatt: I don’t know-.. I’m sweating.
Brynn: [laughs] Ew-.. me too though.
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#ts4#sims 4#simblr#ts4 story#sims story#forever in between#fib#wyatt shaw#brynn franz#hnnnnng#lookit them.. telling the truth to each other n talking properly n shit#maybe they've been replaced by aliens 🤷♀️#there's so much to unpack here..#but i think the two most important things are that wyatt actually allowed some real gods honest emotion to come outta his mouth#for the first time in like forever..#and that even if we don't agree with brynn - past future or present - she should get the chance to decide her own fate for once#and he GETS it#;-;#this is why she cried on the mountain.. cos for the first time in forever she felt free#stood on top of the world like that she realised she's the captain.. n even if jumping off the ship is scary#maybe she'll find some land#u kno#maybe even a slightly reformed wyatt too ¯\(°_o)/¯#bwuhh#neway.. u asked for this essay so i hope u enjoyed it 😆
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you ever think about yuga too long and then make an illustration with a highly redesigned version of him. i do. i did. view him.
#legend of zelda#a link between worlds#yuga#yuga albw#yuga a link between worlds#loz yuga#loz#have you ever thought about how yuga probably has a version of the gerudo (yes i know that theres no gerudo in albw consider fuck you)#like they would live in the snowy mountains right. listen to me. shakes you#im normal come closer
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#ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE#as I have probably mentioned before#canada is the human representation of that urge you get when you're young and in a car that's going past a forest or mountains or smt#that one urge to jump out of the window and run away and stay there forever (knowing on a logical level that this would result in you dying)#in my head that's the culmination of canada's perception of his insignificance and natural beauty#as for russia#in my head he oscillates between having the whole world in his hands (or at least half of it)#and having absolutely nothing#just 'i am the greatest' and 'i am so nothing that it physically hurts'#now for america#he's usually on one extreme like russia. but some aspect of the other side is always present#either he believes himself to be the greatest and there's a creeping comprehension in his head that he is in reality a speck of dust#or he believes himself to be unimportant but there's a subconscious understanding that he is not#in either case he always behaves as if he is the most significant and the most invincible#hetalia#aph america#aph russia#aph canada
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Propaganda for shape singer:
shapesinger is a poet among her kind and the first octopus to see eye to eye with a human and idk you gotta read the book to appreciate her
#shapesinger#the mountain in the sea#octoling neo agent 3#splatoon#the mountain in the sea on my to read list btw#but I gotta finish the space between worlds#and also my school book first
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that moment when saga fights against the darkness in her mind place and opens the door to leave and it starts to pan out—showing nothing but stars just like the Night Springs intro before she appears in the dark place’s new york. Traversing the void in between worlds just like her dad. cinema!!
#it’s also creepy. the implication that the dark place is either this other world/entity or something between worlds#it’s huge and nothing but (possibly) was shaped through contact by Zane/alan/artists#I can’t remember exactly the words but that one manuscript with Alan’s scratched out edits#where he called Cauldron lake a black mirror#that just by looking at it you’d know it was ‘too late’#the mountain being the site of a caldera. as casey says the opening to hell#anyways it’s very existential and terrifying#alan wake 2#saga anderson#ahhhghghhhhgghh I can’t stop thinking about the ending of this game#saga being an Anderson and a Door. being a seer and maybe even having the ability to traverse worlds.#door being everywhere and in between. all at once. fascinating#I don’t even know if this is the takeaway for that scene. the resemblance to night springs just intrigues me esp since the door manuscript#shows up right after this
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Have you thought about collabing with the creators of Clangen?
It would be cool? But from what I know, Clangen really tries to stick close to canon, moreso than I do. They wouldn't be looking to add my clan culture expansions or spirituality overhauls.
So like, sure, if they/a mod maker approached me with an idea or request. Otherwise I'm not sure what we'd collaborate about?
#I want to translate the name file into Clanmew at some point#But another large difference between BB and Clangen is ecological accuracy#Which is something I very intentionally set out to fix#Clangen takes place in a bizarro world mix of the us and uk like canon#The United Statedoms of Englerica#And more specifically canon takes place in the... California/Appalachia/Pennines.#Mostly Appalachia but they mentioned a 'Mountain Vole' in DOTC which is from Cali-fucken-Fornia iirc#Unless it was an accident and they meant ALPINE vole or pygmy vole...#Digressing please do not take any of this as a dig or insult about the ecology stuff. I 10000% understand why they don't do what I do#More than anyone in the world I understand why they would not be super obsessed with ecology#There's absolutely no replacement for coyotes in England. And there is no Gar.#So you can't even do The Garfield Joke if you do what I do#I reintroduced boars so there would be some accurate danger that isn't just offleash dogs#I'm proud of the research I do but it is a lot of work! Work they're already doing on coding a workable game.#Bone babble
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...
#bleh. i need half the country to pls stop being on fire. id like to go out and run pls. but its so smokey i can barely see the mountain#i live near :-/ also im just tired and frustrated. its incredible how quickly i vasilate between#things r going well. i should stay in my program and work with cyanos forever. to no no no im not cut out for this. i gotta leave. to yay#let me throw myself head first into consuming every second of my life with working. but only on the things that dont require me to think#which is y im not cut out for this and should be bannished to a world of only doing lab work and following instructions#also i have an screening interview monday for an R0DBT group. so i might b going to control freak classes#assuming i cant convince the lady that im not fit for thr class. which obviously i am bc im my therapist listed the ppl who r#usually put into r0dbt and i was like hm im a lot of those things. but also its 2hrs every week and thats a lot of time. and i feel like im#already on the path away from violently structuring my life specifically bc ive done so much damage#ugh. also i have ridiculously high self standards but i only do anything halfway bc i cant fail if i never try 100%.#so im like a fake control freak. or rather i cant even fully commit to being controlling. im lazy and i dont have the drive.#which almost makes it worse bc im stading at this threshold of control where it destroys me but never actually succeeds in being a perfect#thing. which is def a distorted way to think about it but there u go. ugh. im just tired and my arm hurts too much to draw bc#im older and older everyday. and i dont wanna read papers. i dont wanna grade or work on my presentation. i didn't want to spend 3.5 hrs#doing transfers this morning. and my mom's been dead for 6months and 3 days now. and i still dont kno where ill be a year from now#unrelated
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The nature of time is that (culturally) Christian Euro/Anglo colonial consumers (hereafter white ‘people’) fetishize the idea of being ‘close to nature’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘savage’ and latch on to the idea that there are groups of people in the world who are somehow bestial or who have some kind of special powers from holding animist beliefs/beliefs that acknowledge the body as opposed to the Christian belief that the body is a kind of useless appendage to a person. We see this across decades from the 19thC to today in the racist fetishization of indigenous people across the globe, particularly residents of the Americas, Australasia, and southern/eastern Africa.
White consumers use a warped conception of other cultures to live out the fantasies that the Christian soul/body stuff engenders. You keep getting told that your emotions and physical sensations are the devil’s work? You want to get in touch with those physical sensations, but you don’t want it to interfere with your worldview? Simply project them on to a convenient group of people with slightly different conventions from you. Imagine how cool it would be to be 100% physical sensation (especially those pesky violent and/or sexual urges) and no mental burden, then unleash that in a way that causes millions of deaths worldwide via the dehumanization of entire nations of people just trying to live their lives. White consumers love a Proud Warrior Race Guy.
Flash forward to the 2010s, it’s generally considered impolite to spread the same propaganda that justified the genocide and dispossession of many different groups of people. However white culture hasn’t changed that much and normal human activities still need to be explained away to maintain the veneer of white intellectualism that has been used to justify white violence for years and years. You can’t just stomp around and clap your hands and dance badly, you’ve got to project it somewhere else.
But wait! There’s a community of people considered ‘tribal’ and ‘savage’, considered violent and bestial, who were never colonized! It’s…the Norse. Fetishizing early medieval North Sea raiders can’t be cultural appropriation, see, they’re white! It’s not offensive to replace an entire culture with white (male) ideas of what’s cool if that culture is totally unassociated with colonizer stereotypes and is in fact a culture of colonizers!
And that’s my theory on why there are so many Norse-inspired folk bands/video games/tv shows/memes/literally anything in the 2010s. VSaga not counted because that manga has been running since 2003 and is actually well-researched and comes out of a culture with a similar but distinct tradition of racism. The Euro storytelling tendencies of needing some kind of violent avatar have taken on ye anciente Norseman now that people care a little bit about the gallons of blood used to sketch other ethnic stereotypes. Done and dusted. Except the other side is that the fetishization of early medieval Norse culture is literally just white supremacist 101 and a lot of artists don’t step around that nearly as carefully as they should
#it’s the old saw about rammstein being constantly talked up by American nazis because they can’t speak German and having to write a song#called ‘links 2 3 4’. asscreed/the northman/vikings tv/wardruna/god of war/whatever are fairly harmless cosplay activities#but taken together it’s like. where is the line between condescending cosplay fetishization (not great but whatever) and the sort of#idealization/valorization/historical erasure that plays into white supremacist rhetoric#after all—look at where we get a lot of pop culture viking imagery from: it’s Wagner#kelsey rambles#this is a long bad post about me having Spotify as blocked on my work computer and playing some faun and then letting the radio take away#praying and wikipedia-ing that it doesn’t take me to some dogshit nazi band along the way#which YouTube recs have done repeatedly. it’s a fucking cesspool out there in the metal/neofolk world#I also keep thinking back to Faun (neofolk forerunner) saying explicitly that they use central/south asian melodies and tonalities#the whole medieval folk aesthetic thing is a cobbled-together vibe that was created by 19thC romantics and 20thC fantasy writers#i just feel like there should be more of an…acknowledgement of artifice to ward off the nazis#I like neofolk music. I love vinland saga. I enjoy mountain scenery and stories of sea raiders.#would love to be able to enjoy it without looking over my shoulder all the time
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Der Berg wollte keine Gäste an diesem Herbsttag. Er zieht den Pfad mürrisch in die Länge, wirft mit trockenen Zapfen, lässt wieder und wieder jenen Wind in die aufsteigende Schneise fliegen, der sich als fernes gewaltiges Summen ankündigt, nach und nach die Bäume bis zum letzten Blatt erfasst und schüttelt, Staub und Nadeln in Haare, Gesicht, Augen wirft und sich dann langsam und wispernd in den Steinen verliert. Wolken ballen sich über den Graten, raunen vom Wetterwechsel. Auch heute bleibt die Tür verschlossen, spät im Jahr. Und so packt man Wasserflasche, Kekse und alle anderen Siebensachen und richtet die Schritte wieder talwärts, trotzdem dankbar für die zeitweilige Duldung.
#outerworld #elsewhere #mountains and the world in between #travelling
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Did nobody play Cadence of Hyrule??? I can't even find a decent walkthrough or wiki for it, and I can't remember the last time I had that problem with any game, including niche indies
This game is incredible y'all. No game I've played has felt more like the best parts of pre-3D Zelda, including games intentionally meant to and even the Link's Awakening remake. And it manages to do that while being procedurally generated, too. I've been having a gay old time with it
I get the impression that a lot of people bought Cadence of Hyrule and either didn't try it or didn't get very far, then forgot about it. I and a few of my friends did at least, I don't remember if another bigger game came out right after or what. Anyway, if that's you, give it a try, it's fun. And finish Tears of the Kingdom too, the last boss alone is worth it
#pops talks zelda#this isn't sponsored or anything obviously#just a psa since i'm having fun and want y'all to have fun too especially if you already paid for it#i really hope it gets a sequel somehow#there's a lot of potential left to explore in a zelda game like this#especially the dungeons - there's almost no verticality to them like there is in LttP#just stairs like in Z1#having dynamic procedural interactions between floors with tiles falling out and stuff would be incredible#also more elaborate and multi-room puzzles - and give each dungeon more of a unique puzzle style/mechanic#there's some of that but not enough#making keys scarcer and dungeon-specific like LttP would also help make the spaces feel more interesting#i'm glad that at least one game in the time since Z1 has tried the 'keys as a global resource' design again#i think it was interesting and worth it - but for procedural generation i think it undercuts the design#makes the world feel kinda like a continuous blob rather than distinct dungeons and overworld#which isn't as fun#sorry for rambling i'm crossfaded lol <3#WAIT i'm not done i know no one's reading this anymore but i don't care#i also love that there are distinct multi-screen areas like towns and lake hylia and death mountain and just random stretches of grass#but those areas don't really have a lot of variation between playthroughs if any#have random sections/areas within the multi-screen zones!#have different variations of the same zone of different sizes to swap out between seeds!#have towns and zones and even dungeons that only appear on some playthroughs#there are more than enough locations to reference just in BotW alone!#oh man cadence of hyrule 2 botw edition kinda like what they did with hyrule warriors would be so sick#spike chunsoft hire me i'm single ;)
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some progress pics<3
#ts4#build stuff#☁#magnolia save#it has its own tag now yay#also its slowly morphing into like an extension of moonwood mill/copperdale#sort of like a bridge between the two worlds#it was originally supposed to be on the outskirts of san myshuno so i could play around with more apartments#but i'm not mad about it!#i'm trying to think now if i want to keep the city landscapes#or just keep it all mountainous and woodsy#we'll see#any suggestions would be so appreciated!
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Will never stop being stunned by the number of people who think "experienced hikers" can never get in trouble while hiking ever. A remote trail on a steep mountain in slippery conditions does not suddenly become a paved city street with no obstacles because you have experience. Some shit will always be dangerous no matter how many times you do it.
#also often the danger is the point but that's a whole other thing#there's things in the world more dangerous than people#most of these are completely impersonal with no intention and no action#mountains and rain and cloud cover and sun and salt and sand#freezing cold lakes boiling hot thermals#everything in between#it will kill you and it will not care and all you have to do is step slightly to the left once#and that is how it is
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Everything I read, watched, listened to, or played in October 2024
November 5, 2024 Hello, book nerds! October felt like a long month for me, in a good way. Between multiple concerts and spending a lot of quality time with friends and family, it was an enjoyable and relaxing month. GLINT: Book 2 in the Plated Prisoner series. I’ll be doing a full review when I finish the series, but overall I felt pretty much the same about book 2 as I did for book 1. THE…
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#albert nobbs#babel#book blog#book blogger#book reviewer#chainsaw man#crumb#dead poets society#glint#haute & freddy#howl&039;s moving castle#lola young#monthly overview#outlive#she started it#the death of jane lawrence#the last hour between worlds#the princess and the goblin#the stolen heir#the tiger came to the mountains#x-men
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"I didn't break," she said quietly. His heart cracked at the words. "I didn't tell them anything."
She didn't say it for praise, to boast. But rather to tell him, her consort, of where they stood in this war. What their enemies might know.
"I knew you wouldn't," he managed to say.
"She ... she tried to convince me that this was the bad dream. When Cairn was done with me, or during it, I don't know, she'd try to worm her way into my mind." She glanced around the cave, as if she could see the world beyond it. "She spun fantasies that felt so real..." She bobbed under the surface. Perhaps she'd needed the cooling water of the lake to be able to hear her own voice again; perhaps she needed the distance between them so she could speak these words. She emerged, slicking back her hair with a hand. "They felt like this."
Half of him didn't want to know, but he asked, "What sort of illusions?"
A long pause. "It doesn't matter now."
Too soon to push—if ever.
Then she asked softly, "How long?"
It took the entirety of his three centuries of training to keep the devastation, the agony for her, from his face. "Two months, three days, and seven hours."
Her mouth tightened, either at the length of time, or the fact that he'd counted every single one of those hours apart.
She ran her fingers through her hair, its strands floating around her in the water. Still too long for two months to have passed. "They healed me after each ... session. So that I stopped knowing what had been done and what was in my mind and where the truth lay." Erase her scars, and Maeve stood a better chance at convincing her none of this was real. "But the healers couldn't remember how long my hair was, or Maeve wanted to confuse me further, so they grew it out." Her eyes darkened at the memory of why, perhaps, they had needed to regrow her hair in the first place.
"Do you want me to cut it back to the length it was when I last saw you?" His words were near-guttural.
"No." Ripples shivered around her. "I want it so I can remember."
What had been done to her, what she'd survived and what she had protected.
Even if the woman treading water before him didn't seem to have vengeance on her mind. Not so much as a hint of the burning rage that fueled her.
He didn't blame her. Knew it would take time, time and distance, to heal the internal wounds. If they could ever really heal at all.
But he'd work with her, help in whatever way he could. And if she never returned to who she had been before this, he would not love her any less.
Aelin dunked her head, and when she emerged, she said, "Maeve was about to put a Valg collar around my neck. She left to retrieve it." The scent of her lingering fear drifted toward him, and Rowan lurched a step closer to the water's edge. "It's why I—why I got away. She had me moved to the army camp for safekeeping, and I ..." Her voice stalled, yet she met his stare. Let him read the words she could not say, in that silent way they'd always been able to communicate. Escape wasn't my intention.
"No, Fireheart," he breathed, shaking his head, horror creeping over him. "There ... there was no collar."
She blinked, head angling. "That was a dream, too?"
His heart cracked as he struggled for the words. Made himself voice them. "No—it was real. Or Maeve thought it was. But the collars, the Valg presence ... It was a lie that we crafted. To draw Maeve out, hopefully away from you and Doranelle."
Only the faint lapping of water sounded. "There was no collar?"
Rowan lowered himself to his knees and shook his head. "I—Aelin, if I'd known what she'd do with the knowledge, what you'd decide to do-"
He might have lost her. Not from Maeve or the gods or the Lock, but from his own damned choices. The lie he'd spun.
Aelin drifted beneath the surface again. So deep that when the flare happened, it was little more than a flutter. The light burst from her, rippling across the lake, illumining the stones, the slick ceiling above. A silent eruption. His breathing turned ragged. But she swam toward the surface again, light streaming off her body like tendrils of clouds. It had nearly vanished when she emerged.
"I'm sorry," he managed to say. Again, that angle of the head. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He did, though. He'd added to her terror, her desperation. He'd— "If you had not planted that lie for Maeve, if she had not told me, I don't think we'd be here right now," she said.
He tried to rein in the twisting in his gut, the urge to reach for her, to beg for her forgiveness. Tried and tried.
She only asked, "What of the others?" She didn't know-couldn't know how and why and where they'd all parted ways. So Rowan told her, as succinctly and calmly as he could.
When he finished, Aelin was quiet for long minutes.
She stared out into the blackness, the rippling of her treading water the only sound. Her body had nearly lost that freshly forged glow.
Then she pivoted back toward him. "Maeve said you and the others were in the North. That you'd been spotted by her spies there. Did you plant that deception for her, too?"
He shook his head. "Lysandra has been thorough, it seems."
Aelin's throat bobbed. "I believed her." It sounded like a confession, somehow.
So Rowan found himself saying, "I told you once that even if death separated us, I would rip apart every world until I found you." He gave her a slash of a smile. "Did you really believe this would stop me?'
She pursed her mouth, and at last, those agonizing emotions began to surface in her eyes. "You were supposed to save Terrasen."
"Considering that the sun shines, I'd say Erawan hasn't won yet. So we'll save it together."
He didn't let himself think of the final cost of destroying Erawan. And Aelin seemed in no hurry to discuss it, either, as she said, "You should have gone to Terrasen. It needs you."
"I need you more." He didn't balk from the stark honesty roughening his voice. "And Terrasen will need you, too. Not Lysandra masquerading as you, but you."
A shallow nod. "Maeve raised her army. I doubt it was only to guard me while she was away."
He'd put the thought aside, to consider later. "It might just be to shore up her defenses, should Erawan win across the sea."
"Do you truly think that's what she plans to do with it?"
"No," he admitted. "I don't."
And if Maeve meant to bring that army to Terrasen, to either unite with Erawan or simply be another force battering their kingdom, to strike when they were weakest, they had to hurry. Had to get back. Immediately. His mate's eyes shone with the same understanding and dread.
Aelin's throat bobbed as she whispered, "I'm so tired, Rowan."
His heart strained again. "I know, Fireheart."
He opened his mouth to say more, to coax her onto land so he might at least hold her if words couldn't ease her burden, but that's when he saw it.
A boat, ancient and every inch of it carved, drifted out of the gloom.
"Get back to shore." The boat wasn't drifting—it was being tugged. He could just barely make out two dark forms slithering beneath the surface.
Aelin didn't hesitate, yet her strokes remained steady as she swam for him. She didn’t balk at the hand he extended, and he wrapped his cloak around her while the boat ambled past.
But Aelin turned toward them, hair dripping onto the stone at her bare feet. Half a thought from her could have had her dry, yet she made no move to do so. "We're being hunted."
"We know that," Lorcan shot back, and were it not for the fact that Aelin was currently allowing him to rest a hand upon her shoulder, Rowan would have thrown the male into the lake.
But Aelin's features didn't shift from that graveness, that unruffled calm. "The only way to the sea is through these caves." It was an outrageous claim.
"And I suppose they told you that?" Lorcan's face was hard as granite.
"Watch it," Rowan snarled. Fenrys indeed bared his teeth at the dark-haired warrior, fur bristling. But Aelin said simply, "Yes." Her chin didn't dip an inch. "The land above is crawling with soldiers and spies. Going beneath them is the only way."
Elide stepped forward. "I will go." She cut a cold glance toward Lorcan. "You can take your chances above, if you're so disbelieving." Lorcan's jaw tightened, and a small part of Rowan relished seeing the delicate Lady of Perranth fillet the centuries-hardened warrior with a few words. "Considering the potential pitfalls of the situation is wise."
"We don't have time to consider," Rowan cut in before Elide could voice the retort on her tongue. "We need to keep moving. Gavriel stalked forward to study the moored boat and what seemed to be bundles of supplies on its sturdy planks. "How will we navigate our way, though?"
"We'll be escorted," Aelin answered.
"And if they abandon us?" Lorcan challenged. Aelin leveled unfazed eyes upon him.
"Then you'll have to find a way out, I suppose." A hint-just a spark-of temper belied those calm words. There was nothing else to debate after that.
And they had little to pack. The others gave Aelin privacy to dress by the fire while they inspected the boat, and when his mate emerged again, clad in boots, pants, and various layers beneath her gray surcoat, the sight of her in clothes from Mistward was enough to make his gut clench.
No longer a naked, escaped captive. Yet none of that wickedness, that joy and unchecked wildness illuminated her face.
The rest of their party waited on the boat, seated on the benches built into its high-lipped sides. Fenrys and Elide both sat as seemingly far from Lorcan as they could get, Gavriel a golden, long-suffering buffer between them.
Rowan lingered at the shore's edge, a hand extended for Aelin while she approached. Each of her steps seemed considered—as if she still marveled at being able to move freely. As if still adjusting to her legs without the burden of chains.
"Why?" Lorcan mused aloud, more to himself. "Why go to these lengths for us?"
He got his answer—they all did—a heartbeat later. Aelin halted a few feet away from the boat and Rowan's outstretched hand. She turned back toward the cave itself. The Little Folk peeked from those birch branches, from the rocks, from behind stalagmites. Slowly, deeply, Aelin bowed to them. Rowan could have sworn all those tiny heads lowered in answer.
A pair of bony grayish hands rose above a nearby rock, something glittering held between them, and set the object on the stone.
Rowan went still. A crown of silver and pearl and diamond gleamed there, fashioned into upswept swan's wings
"The Crown of Mab," Gavriel breathed. But Fenrys looked away, toward the looming dark, his tail curling around him.
Aelin staggered a step closer to the crown. "It—it fell into the river."
Rowan didn't want to know how she'd encountered it, why she'd seen it fall into a river. Maeve had kept her sisters' two crowns under constant guard, only bringing them out to be displayed in her throne room on state occasions. In memory of her siblings, she'd intoned. Rowan had sometimes wondered if it was a reminder that she had outlasted them, had kept the throne for herself in the end.
The grayish hand slipped over the rock's edge again and nudged the crown in silent gesture. Take it.
"You want to know why?" Gavriel softly asked Lorcan as Aelin strode for the rock. Nothing but solemn reverence on her face. "Because she is not only Brannon's Heir, but Mab's, too."
A throwback to her great-great-grandmother, Maeve had taunted her. Who had inherited her strength, her immortal lifespan.
Aelin's fingers closed around the crown, lifting it gently. It sparkled like living moonlight between her hands.
My sister Mab's line ran true, Elide claimed Maeve had said on the beach. In every way, it seemed.
But Aelin made no move to don the crown while she approached him once more, her gait steadier this time. Trying not to dwell on the unbearable smoothness of her hand as it wrapped around his, Rowan helped her aboard, then climbed in himself before freeing the ropes tethering them to the shore.
Gavriel went on, awe in every word, "And that makes her their queen, too."
Aelin met Gavriel's gaze, the crown near-glowing in her hands. "Yes," was all she said as the boat sailed into the darkness.
#Chapter 35#Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#Rowaelin chapters#Rowaelin quotes#Rowaelin moments#Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#spoilers in post & tags please no spoilers up to this ch. first read with me cry with me pt. 2 perspective Rowan#That lake water had never seen sunlight had flowed from the dark cold heart of the mountains themselves. — she is the sun and the heart#It would kill even the most hardened of Fae warriors within minutes. Yet there was Aelin swimming as if it were a sun-warmed forest pool.#her faintly glowing body. As if the water had peeled away the skin of the woman and revealed the blazing soul beneath.#But that glow faded with each passing breath she emerged to take dimming further each time she plunged beneath the surface.#internal inferno-or simply because she first wanted to wash away the stain of Cairn? Perhaps both.-She didn’t trust her power on land#The Celaena freedom vibes hurt-Lorcan god on his shoulder-OMG do her&Manon share crowns?#At least she'd begun speaking her eyes clearing a bit. — the glow still barely clinging — the way he just wants her to be ok#You could join me she said at last No heat in her words yet he felt the invitation. — but rather to be WITH her#She did no such thing her arms continuing their sweeping circles in the water. Aelin only stared at him again in that grave cautious way.#real or not real — a god in her own might — as if she could see the world beyond it; worlds; the queen to walk between worlds#Too soon to push—if ever. — he’d hear them when she was ready — if the time never came he’d love her anyways — it’s how they fell#what illusion? night made of dream. or the worst; both.#the way he knows the date with her just like Lyria — him offering to cut her hair — knowing she needs to remember — no fear of lakes anymor#all the Mistward paralells — I didn’t break — I know — I’m tired; ITS ALL THE TROPES#she’s making me think of Annie from HG — THE WAY HE LOVES HER — no rage just trust — everytime he calls her Fireheart#the two of them worrying the other would be upset and feeling guilty while there not — the way Chaol described as a wolf&he just sees as is#he just wants to hold her-how she goes to him-hes just happy to beWher-what if-known-it switched THEIR-she isTHEspark-Lorcan almost-no fued#HeirofMab-shes why-Rowan loves nomatter-on his knees to apologize-had Lys been pretending to be him?blind eels4ladyTHXlilfolk-Gavriel the#longsufferingbuffer-FenrysKNEW-more iron-moon star&Sun2stars-but Aelin never wanted that-she'd give it all-my favoriteCh.RowanSimp4his wif
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