#mostly for my own adhd brain so i remember what is next

[artisiumstudios]

hi i just read your brain dead au fic!!! i wanted to know if you have any tips on researching that kind of thing, ive been wanting to write something similar for a long time but ive always been too afraid to come off as insensitive or even ableist bc i dont experience cognitive impairment myself. obviously you dont need to share if its super personal but id appreciate some tips on where i could find more info tysm!!!!

Hello! Im glad youre enjoying it!

Here some tips that I think could help:

personal experience can come a long way. I will say this part of the reason I am able to write what I write is due mostly because I myself have some disabilities or know someone who has them. For example I have ADHD and autism, depression (what a surprise said no one) anxiety and not to mention I probably do have a learning disability (that I refuse to get checked out because I have no money, my insurance is ass, and I live in America so I don't need another target on my back) but thankfully theyre all managable. to an extent. ish. sort of. But that's besides the point, anyways, I also have a lot of health issues too, my biggest example is my bad knee! So thankfully because of that, for my brain dead au i don't need to research as much about physical therapy since ive already had some experience from when I took some! Now thats me, unfortunetly I also know of people who have been in severe car/motorcycle accidents. Ive seen how much one accident can range in when it comes to damage. For example my uncle (my mothers husband who ive now grown apart from ever since he voted for the stale cheeto puff) was in a motorcycle accident I want to say 10 years ago? But it was bad since he fell of a bridge going 45 mph, which resulted in him having almost every bone in his body broken, like the mans was a walking mummy by that point, and having missing teeth. But surprisingly enough he not only survived by retained little to no severe damage on his body. He has no scars, no body aches (apart from the ones that come with age) he has no memory or physical problems, nothing. It's like he never was in the accident at all. Of course he now has fake teeth but thats about it. On the other end, i've had an uncle who was riding his own vehicle and just swerved and hit a wall going around 30-40 mph, him on the other hand had only two broken arms but ended up being paralyzed from the neck down and is only semi conscious at times. his accident was around 1 year or so ago. Now more recently and what i consider the middle ground, one of my cousins from my dad's side got into an accident too where he broke his arm, fractured a rib, and retained a brain injury. This was about a month ago, now for him he's able to move, although he is still in a lot of pain, and he's having memory problems as well as hearing problems. Also because of how bad off they are he's unable to go back to the doctor for another diagnosis and treatment. But yeah, a lot of severe injuries in my family. And these are just some of the more sharable ones surprisingly enough. but anyways, onto the next tip!

THE LIBRARY, not only are you supporting the library by going and checking out books and using their resources, as well as building community, but also you can learn a lot about almost every subject you want! And remember there isn't just physical books, but they have online/audio books too that can help immensely!

if you go to a college or university, they usually have a database of factual peer reviewed scholarly information. I go to this cute and absolutely AMAZING community college that has one of these and all i need to do is go the library homepage, go to the database, look at what topic i need to look at (in this case for me i'd have to go put in health and nursing) then click on one of the bases , for example Gale Interactive Human Anatomy which shows me interactive 3D models of human anatomy and a full in depth explanation of what i need and thats it!

usually for the most part just remember that intentions do matter and coming to the realization that a lot of things are just a spectrum, meaning that a lot of diagnosis (like autism or brain damage) could mean different things to different people and depending on their background can affect a lot of their daily aspects in a lot of different ways. Example: im mexican born in america, for me it WAS possible to get physical therapy but only my parents have been in the usa long enough to have been able to provide for me while i was getting them first time around (funfact bout me i should be getting PT again but since i cant afford it... and my MRI cost me half of what I had in my bank account, I won't be able to go again) but unfortunately for my cousin who i mentioned before, him and his family aren't too well off, so he wasn't even able to start PT, not to mention that he kinda lives in a dangerous part of Guanajuato so our family doesn't want him out of the house too much right now.

Keep a notebook or doc or something with all the information you find and label it! Highlight the parts you want to include and go into depth about what you want! Like how a certain disability/disorder/injury can come to be, the symptoms, how to treat it, what can happen if not treated, ect.

Anways, these are some of the tips i have when it comes to researching, i'm sure theres more but yeah thats all i got for now! also if you're not in college/uni you are always welcomed to message me about the topic you want and I can find information for you!

[the-raging-tempest]

📻 one for Lariel 🌩️

📻 one of your choice from Hope is Agony ❤️

📻 one for Anton (must get to know this mysterious creature) 👀

Oh Dujour this is a big one. I had much fun. I hope you're ready. 💕💕

_

For Lariel from her main playlist.

Stonewall Stone Fence - Gregory and the Hawk

I've always loved this vocalist. In some ways Meredith has a lot of the qualities I imagine in Lariel's own voice. That kind of breathy yet melancholic tone. Winding and almost trembling.

The song itself I see as Lariel's very private nature. She is a hard person to really get to know. She holds these big powers, that often feel bigger than herself. Barely constrained to her psyhical form.

Her elemental air bloodline from a jaathoom shuyookh giving her some powers of wishcraft, dreams, and prophecy. Her other bloodline of being fey touched by a naiad queen. Where her otherworldly beauty, grace, and haunting luring voice comes from.

She has such an ethereal connection to places she isn't from, but also to the natural world around her. But it gives her a sometimes inhuman perspective of other people. I see her as very much always looking at people through a pane of glass, where as she feels the elements, the trees, the plants, and animals. Lariel also sees herself a secret keeper. Not just her own, but all others who share theirs with her.

-

For Zrise and Siavash from our Hope is Agony playlist.

Repent! - From Indian Lakes

So this choice took me the longest. I landed on this one just because I'm very attached to this band. The sound they have has changed over the years but this is from the album I feel in love with. Band at got me through some of the worst moments.

To me this song is about a heavy guilt. About finding forgiveness of oneself and ones mistakes in loving someone else. To me they both hold onto their mistakes and see themselves as disappointments but in seeing the other some of that is transformed. There's a kind of grief that comes with change. For Zrise in particular I see him as reconnecting with the parts of himself he has denied. Things he sees and admires in Siavash that he had kind of killed within himself.

Anyway sorry I emo kid once so…

_

For Anton from his playlist.

Toreador del Amor - Tuxedomoon

"This is what his brain sounds like when he's thinking to me"

Here I will mostly just quote my partner because oh boy did he think about Anton and music a lot. But it's a little scatterbrained. His adhd is worse than mine. But this goes for most of the songs on Anton's playlist as he constructs them differently than I do.

For Anton's playlist he did not pick any of the songs for their words. Because Anton kind of sees the voice in music as just another instrument. Words are just noise.

"Anton is a guy I thought of while watching the TV show Succession. I thought 'wow this all looks so exhausting. What if there was a guy who just didn't get it so much he circles back around to cutting through the bullshit.'"

In Anton's perspective everyone in 'society' is pretending to serve some higher purpose or have some big motivation, when he sees everyone as justifying a base desire.

Also, he doesn't trust people. He sees them as so wrapped up in things that ultimately don't matter. Anything that's a societal construct, and not just a need of the body, is something he doesn't trust others to understand about themselves.

He's the type to prefer seeing people openly angry, rather than pretending to be happy. But that said, he also sees others as too dependent on the opinions of others.

"He'd listen to jazz like a podcast."

I can't remember how it came up. But just some Anton thoughts about tavern music. As a guy who travels a lot as a mercenary. Social music is like furniture. Like a clock. It is the marker of one moment to the next. The passage of time.

Because to Anton music is something you do naked for selfish reasons by the light of the moon. So more social atmospheric types don't really matter to him. He doesn't value audience size.

Some Azuki quotes that made me cry laugh. This is all said with affection. As my partner is actually a guitar player. Who has done performances etc.

"Playing unwanted music feels like a really indirect way of accomplishing something" "You can just lie to them directly" "Why are you being a theater kid you could be a stripper"

[imagine-your-nonhuman-fo]

I wonder what a Salarian would think while dealing with a human with adhd

Stuff written here is mostly from my own experiences with adhd which are mixed with my other mental fuckery going on so take my ramblings with a gain of salt and the knowledge I may be mixing up what's making my brain do what and just putting it under adhd

Anyway Salarian's are fast, they talk fast and move fast, most humans probably have a hard time keeping up especially when they start talking really fast, or it might confuse the human on how the conversation shifted into something completely different. But this human isn't...? To the Salarian's surprise, they aren't put off in anyway about how fast the Salarian is, in fact they keep a good pace with them and can handle jumping topics relatively easily, in fact the human might even prefer being around Salarian's because of how fast everything is and how it might be easier for Salarian's understand how human got to point x from z in a few moments

But the human's memory, oh boy, that's worse than the advantage human's they forgot where they put their water bottle five minutes ago, and sometimes the human gets visibly distressed by this, actively upset for how bad their memory is in a way Salarian's haven't seen before, most human's chalk it up to old age or just forgetting but this human is about to start crying because they forgot where they put their space keys, which is made even odder by sometimes the human just doesn't react to forgetting things??? They're just like "If I forgot then I forgor 💀" and move on

But than strangely on the other hand they remember the exact conversation the two had three years ago, what led to the conversation, and what the Salarian was wearing, they remember things seemingly at random with clarity Salarians haven't come to expect from humans

Or sometimes the human gets just so absorbed in researching things, Salarian was going on about their work? Well human didn't really know what they were talking about so, after they start researching it themselves because it sounded neat, and the next time the Salarian sees them the human has just been surrounded by different datapads and spend the last 5 hours reading about said topic, this information will never come up again in the human's everyday life

Or the time blindness, Salarian has noted "it's been 6.3 hours since you've last eaten, human", and human is just like "what? It was just 2pm?"

Anyways Salarian x adhd human is my fav new dynamic

[neurospicy-diaries]

Dear diary,

today I'm better but mostly because life doesn't stop for anyone depression, especially if that one has plans and obligations.

As soon as I was done writing to you the writing board remembered me that, TODAY, I had my first meeting with the ADHD support group, so I put on dinner, showered fast and properly dried my hair (because I wanted to avoid to rewashed the the next afternoon only to have curls) and then went to bed at 1.40AM. Not one of my best days, I have to be honest.

But today I woke up and, despite my brain attempts at procrastination, I went.

I shouldn't have been surprise that being thrown into a group of ADHDers (many not also autistic) would caused me to shut down, which started happening even before entering the building because a few of them were outside waiting and already friendly chatting. In total we are 10 plus the therapist. The moment she proposed to the new three entry to introduce ourselves I completely shut down.

But since it's a neurodivergent group I just declared that I was autistic, that that was too much and I was in shutdown, so I was able to calm myself without exiting the room or crying. In ten minutes I was ready to communicate, but not by voice, so I used the notebook and they were very nice and read my things out loud. In half an hour I positioned my self on the chair in my own way and I was talking.

I was also able to express a couple of hard things, like the fact that I don't like my ADHD at all and that turning 40 was... hard.

I'm the oldest, by the way, even the therapist is younger than me.

In some way I think it gives me an advantage, being older, because I already developed many ways to manage (the healthy ones I mean) but in a couple of occasions I expressed myself leveraging on my age.

I probably should stop this, especially in telling people how hard the 35 and 40 are as turning points (the second oldest is 33, everyone else is below 30, we even have a 21). But it is true that aging is impacting our concentration and energies and yes, they will find more friends in the next years and everything will be better (which, apparently, trying to fix people is an ADHD main trait so I don't think people will be offended much, since they probably do it too).

By the end of the session I was quite chatty but autism had mixed feelings. ADHD was happy to be among peers (some of them are even happy to be ADHDer but, as A. - the therapist - said, it depends of what kind of person you are: if you like chaos, to party and spontaneity, then of course you like your ADHD, but if you like peace and quite like me, of course you don't like it).

Anyway, it was... something, but it's already clear that the ADD ones are the ones ready to connect immediately because us AU/ADD scattered toward our own way as soon as we exited the door.

And I did some deeds too! (I have to write them now because I will not have time tonight).

I bought two pairs of leggins, one that I hope will make me resist winter and one better suited for late spring

I collected my amazon package at the pick up point

I rinsed cycled yesterday laundry and put it on the rack (finding a marseille scented laundry fresher was a life saver)

I washed the sweaters too (actually, one is on the radiator to fast dry because I'm not sure I want to wear a dress tonight)

I grocery shopped

I put the clean dishes in the cupboard

I was able to have lunch

I reminded the pub owner that my party will be there tonight

I asked my sister to bring a spatula for the dessert because I'm not sure the pub is equipped for soft desert.

I already put on my contacts and now I will start to put on the eye pencil because it will take a while before they will stop watering.

At least I was able to put myself together.

Shoulder still not ok xD but whatever, lots of friends tonight!

[seafoamchild]

december 19th

it's chilly and dark. two days until solstice and then the days will finally start getting longer. the other day it was sunny and i went to the park to stand there and absorb sunlight, like a plant.

i stopped taking lexapro. i'm not totally sure why to be honest, i just felt like it was time. i felt brain zaps for a couple days, like little electric currents inside my head. and i felt weirdly dissociated as if i were on a different plane of existence. it was incredibly odd. but i feel better now and i hope i don't get super depressed or something. i still have mood swings and intense irritability, which i hate so much. i have a lot of anger in me, i think. i get frustrated with myself so easily. like how i can never seem to leave the house on time and how i always forget something, and how i'm so disorganized and chaotic and clumsy. i want to get an ADHD diagnosis just for validation, but it seems like doing so is a cumbersome process. and honestly what good will it do? this is how i am and i have to try and make the best of it.

i can't stop thinking about what i'm gonna do next. i don't love where i'm at, but i think i need to start looking at it differently. instead of "you're failing because you're bartending at a stupid restaurant" i think maybe i need to remember that i'm supporting myself, and i'm meeting quite a lot of interesting people at my job. people who want to help me - whether it's through career advice or giving me generous tips. one of the regulars got me a $100 gift card to an italian restaurant. i think that's pretty special. although it's true that i'm sick of working weekends and holidays and not getting PTO and never knowing how much money i'm gonna make, i still have so much going for me in my day-to-day. i've made friends through bumble BFF - like actual friends who want to catch up and do stuff together. i always pictured "networking" as some kind of business casual conference room event full of insufferable social climbers and finance bros and other people who have never worked in retail or service in their life trying to upsell their personal brand - but networking has turned about to be making connections in general with friends, coworkers, customers, neighbors, and the like. and new york city is amazing because everyone seems to be willing to connect. people want to help you out with their own personal insight. i've never lived anywhere like this, where it seems like there's a real sense of solidarity in the air. people know living here can be tough, and strangers are willing to help you out. and it's much more "neighborhood-y" than other cities, i think, because it's walkable and people don't just get in their cars to drive everywhere. they walk past the same places, go to the same delis, run into the same people.

i think i'm exactly where i need to be. new york city is so much more my speed than milwaukee ever was, but i did feel my first pang of homesickness yesterday. i think it's because the holidays are coming up. but it was just that, a pang. nothing lasting. i know this is where i should be now, and there are many very good reasons why i left wisconsin. i still think about all the places i want to go - mostly wilderness-adjacent places out west - but i try to remind myself that i don't need to do it all right now, and planning trips is a big way i distract myself from the present moment, so i need to resist the urge for a little while, at least.

look how far i've come though. i'm proud of myself for creating a life that suits me. so many people never do. all the relationships i've gone through and set aside to get to this point. i think about sam, who i thought was so mature because he was three years older than me, but he was really just insecure and needed physical validation to the point that he was willing to break my trust to get it (from an ex, no less!). i think about luke, who was so attractive to me - not just physically, but something about his coldness, his "mysterious-ness", his inner world of deep thoughts, his appreciation for nature and the outdoors. he intrigued me endlessly in so many ways, but at the end of the day he was an immature, kind of douchey, socially inept dude whose good looks prevented him from developing a magnetic personality or a good sense of humor. he did tell me once, with a hint of jealousy i think, that i was a very powerful person. meaning that i make things happen and i draw people in. i took that to heart. and to be honest, i do feel powerful sometimes when i reflect on all that i've done.

i feel bad for taking out a lot of my frustration lately on T. it comes out of nowhere sometimes. i feel so bad for snapping at him. i don't quite understand what makes me so mad but i think i'm mostly mad at myself. there's always something to figure out.

[endeesguide]

Endee's Guide to Action Planning, Part 1

The Hook: If you struggle to keep track of your progress on goals, if you know you get a lot done but it rarely feels like you have, if you have lofty goals that fill you with anxiety just thinking about all the steps… action planning may be for you. This post is about background and definitions.

Endee's Writing Action Plan

��� create fb page

□ write first post

□ record ideas on action planning

□ type up first draft of new post

□ create meme/image

□ post first post about action planning

□ share with friends on fb

Above is a list of action items I completed to create this post you're reading right now. These are examples of what I've been putting on my weekly action plans.

Background: My partner and I both are neurodivergent, which means that our brains don't process information the same as most. We're wired differently. While my diagnoses of ASD and ADHD came later in life, my partner has known since grade school of his ADHD. Lately we've both been home as I work from home and he is between jobs. I love to organize, and he'd forget his head if it wasn't attached, so we started this weekly check-in on Friday evenings. We discuss our goals, how we did on our last action plan, and come up with a list of tasks to work on for next week.

We just finished our first week, and are currently in week two. It's only been a week and I want to share what we've learned. This is something that has a lot of aspects and caveats. Different people find different things motivating. So while I'm mostly going to be discussing my experience, I will also try to share other's experiences where I can.

The Basics: Action Planning is a process mostly associated with business, but can be effectively applied to your personal life. While you can probably do this by yourself, most people will probably find it more effective to have someone or a group to hold you accountable.

The basic components of an action plan are:

□ Goal

□ Measurable Objective

□ Target Date

□ Accountable Parties

Goals can be short-term or long-term. Short-term goals are tasks that may be simple or urgent, while long-term goals usually involve multiple steps and probably multiple days of effort. We started off this experiment by creating a list of our own short-term and long-term goals. Then broke down some of the long-term goals into smaller steps, or measurable objectives.

Measurable Objectives are your goals in action. What does working toward your goal look like? What's the first step? Second and third step? If you can't measure it, you'll struggle to achieve it. How will you know when it's done? These are the kind of questions to ponder when you assign yourself tasks.

Target Date can be different for each task if you want, for us we've focused on a week at a time. The most important thing to remember is, accountability shouldn't result in shame. If you do this to yourself, you may have some self-care goals to address. If you feel your partner is causing this emotion, have a conversation about that, or find a new partner. The accountability should be about checking in, assessing progress, identifying barriers, adjusting expectations, and encouraging. If you haven't gotten everything on your list done, then discuss the reasons why and change the date as needed.

Accountable Parties in personal action planning generally are just going to be yourself, but as my partner and I have been working on this, we've come up with tasks we want to do together, so it may help to acknowledge that or create a shared plan.

Take Away: What we are doing is basically a weekly to-do list, but by committing to our weekly check-ins, it gives us both a social aspect; someone who will ask "how did you do this week?" And as simple as that sounds, it has made a huge difference in how successful I've been at knocking off postponable tasks. At the very least it's a way to track my progress on different goals, and just seeing my own progress on goals, having a place to document my successes, has been really motivating for me.

Endee's new action item:

□ write & share part 2 next week

[elderemorune]

My Dad

I've been deep in my feelings since the week before Christmas. A lot of it's been because of my dad. He came to visit us here in Seattle because we didn't feel safe making the trip to where the rest of our blood family lives, bringing with him a wagonload of gifts and trauma. There was a lot about that visit that I wish had gone differently.

I wish my dad wasn't so stuck in his ideas. He's spent his entire life generally being right about things, and when I was a kid, there was simply no proving him wrong, even if your logic was flawless. He's grown a lot since then, and now is much more willing to accept being incorrect on occasion.

And that actually brings me to what I wanted to talk about in this post.

I love my dad. I'm tired of saying things like "I wouldn't wish him on anyone". He's not a bad person, he just hasn't always been the best.

Who hasn't been there though? He has his own traumas, his own spoonfed ideals that are impossible to fight without a ton of support. I've said before, he's the bastard child of US royalty (still won't say whose), and that's so much generational trauma, you can hardly expect a couple of years of therapy and some meds to magically change the heuristics in his brain.

And with it came money, yes. My dad's always been weird about money. One of my most vivd memories from childhood was a Christmas where, as a young child with ADHD, I peeked at the presents. It's a time honored tradition, according to the cartoons, and I was just so curious I couldn't contain myself. I remember him throwing his wallet at me and telling me I could get my own gifts next year.

As a (mostly) grown up, I get it NOW. I understand that he was disappointed that he didn't get to see me be surprised, that I'd ruined his enjoyment of the holiday. Back then, he didn't know how to communicate that, he just had the example set by those that came before him.

It's taken a lot of time, but I've forgiven him for this. After all, I've done the same. Maybe not exactly, but when I couldn't figure out how to talk to people, all I could do was get angry. Before I got into therapy, I spent a lot of time being mad and hurting people. Because that's what hurt people do, right?

What brought this up is that show I've talked about, Dad of Light. In this scene, Indy and Maidy are fighting a boss, and Maidy wants to give up. Indy tries to convince him to keep playing by reminding him that in Real Life, there are no game overs as long as you don't give up. That sure, you can quit now, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you're just unsure of yourself, give it one more try.

I know my dad's said something similar to me. Otherwise this wouldn't resonate in my mind the way it did. And it got me thinking about why I wanted to come back to working for him.

I think the real answer is that in a lot of ways, I admire my dad.

His visit left me in my feelings because that admiration sometimes really doesn't mesh with the actual man. I have a hard time understanding his perspective in a lot of things. I'm practically a communist, and he's the most conservative person I know personally.

But even now, in my vague age range I see him setting examples I can't help but follow. One of his friends needed a place to stay, so he and my mom moved him in. They've done this more than once.

I followed suit and now live with my best friend and my wife. For clarification, we all agreed to become roommates here in Seattle because we all wanted out, but still!

Any time someone they care about has needed help, he's offered. And so too do I.

I don't want to say that my dad could be good anymore. I don't want to say "Oh, he's got good parts, you just have to get used to his abrasive personality" (And I'm not really exaggerating, my dad's abrasive as hell. I think it's mostly his tone and his penchant for getting frustrated with spoken communication. I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum, but he's never been tested.)

My dad's intensely creative, and is genuinely one of the best DMs I've ever played D&D with. He's there with peripherals, accents, dice if you need them, and if you need help making your character, well shit he's been playing since AD&D, his knowledge is practically encyclopedic.

He can be really funny! He's got a dry sense of humor from having been raised in a very English household, and he grew up on Monty Python, things like that. It's him whose humor I take after, though I'm significantly more crass.

Don't even get me started on his love of sci-fi. My motherfucking dad is in Star Trek: The Motion Picture. A teenager, this future engineer was but a bright-faced extra looking to Kirk for guidance in the face of VGER. I'd post the pic for proof, but this is the internet, 1: I do what I want and 2: I don't know who's gonna get all fucking weird about it.

I mean, shit. Alien is my favorite movie of all time because it was one of the first ones he and I shared without my mom and sister. That and Event Horizon, which to this day he insists I was scared of, but like, come on. I was 14, I'd seen some shit online, trust me, I wasn't scared. Hell, it's literally just the plot of Doom!

The man loves his animals so deeply that he names his business after the ones he loves most. There was always at least one dog in the house growing up, and I only ever got bit once. It was my fault, I went to hug the poor old bastard and he was not having it since my sister had just sat on his damn tail. Still miss you Reilly.

When I was a child, I believed my dad to be this Paragon, you know? Someone to want to be. It seemed to me like he had everything figured out, and if I followed suit I'd be successful and have a home and a family like his. It took reaching adulthood to see that I don't actually want what he had.

I don't want the long hours, the pressure. I don't want my loved ones to walk on eggshells because I'm always stressed and angry. If I'm to be the one in charge, I want that to happen via mutual respect, not fear.

But just because that's how things were doesn't mean that's how things are anymore. I think that's important. He is making an effort to be a different man. A better one, who's more open. He still gets frustrated because he overestimates the average person's base knowledge of stuff he's been doing since he was 20. His tone still gets condescending when he's trying to teach, to the point that a casual observer might consider it abusive.

I don't mean to say "that's just how he is", because it's not. The tone may be condescending, but it isn't the intent, it's how he was taught. When I was a kid, I couldn't have told him that, but now I'm here, and I can.

I did, too. He apologized, clarified, and promised to try to be better. And really, that's all we can ask of anyone, isn't it?

There can be this paragon in my head, and he can still be a flawed man. Both of these concepts can exist at the same time. I can expect him to improve, and he can still make mistakes on that path.

Anyway, that's enough prattling on from me. Thanks for letting me vent.

[peachypede]

18

24

34

!!!

Ask meme here

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Not really? I’d prefer they not climb on me, unless I’m holding one that specifically a pet OR I find a really cute jumping spider or daddy long legs! I’m mostly just wary about getting bitten by one…I’ve reacted badly to bug bites before so I don’t want to be reckless.

My father on the other hand is terrified of spiders but pretends not to be lol. I once came home to him spraying the entire house, every nook and cranny, because he heard the radio say that it was spider breeding season and that they love hiding in house closets to do so.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

My best subjects in high school were English and Art. My mom has been a highschool English teacher since I was in kindergarten and I went to the highschool she taught at, so I was very familiar already with a lot of the books we were reading because my mom would read them to me. Beowulf, Shakespeare, Frankenstein. Childhood stories to me haha. I can’t wait to read The Hobbit to my own kids when they’re old enough :)) Plus I got her brain so it was easy for me to write essays. I’m an excellent bullshitter and rambler when I need to be.

Art because I’ve always loved drawing! I’m a kinetic learner aka I learn with my hands so drawing helped me study too. It’s funny because one of my math teachers tried to help me learn by using a visual aid, saying “You’re an artist! You should be able to learn visually!” But I really only learn art by drawing things over and over and over until I muscle memorize it.

Worst subject: Math. I was tested when I was a kid for learning disabilities because my brother had some, and they said I had a general math learning disability. (I got diagnosed with adhd at 24 and my whole life suddenly made sense haha.) My brain literally cannot imagine numbers. It’s like aphantasia but with numbers.

Science is a close second worst subject but only because it sometimes had math in it. My senior science teacher was an entomologist though!! Had some tarantulas and other bugs. Made me pay attention more lol. She even discovered a type of wasp so it was really cool.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I…literally cannot remember haha. I haven’t been getting deep enough sleep to dream lately. Last dream I remember was when I was pregnant and it was a pretty sucky nightmare. It actually might have been a sleep paralysis dream? I dreamt there was a man at the foot of my bed that the proceeded to start assaulting me and my husband was still sleeping right next to me despite it all. It felt so real that when I woke up I was still feeling awful. Pregnancy dreams really suck.

[tiikerikani]

An unexpected encounter

What really happened:

Oh no!! I was at the thrift shop just now and someone tapped me on the shoulder and was like HEY I've seen you at Vesterinen gigs! I'm like ?!! I don't immediately know who she is, I assume it's another groupie so I'm like "when's your next gig? Is it Tavastia?" And she's like "no, in Tampere." My brain starts spinning. In February? It’s odd that a Helsinki-area groupie wouldn’t be at Tavastia in 2 weeks. "It's... ah... next Thursday I think?" She starts swiping through her phone. "It's the Pir—" and I'm thinking I don't remember seeing that on the calendar, must be some private thing?? somebody's special I know exactly what she's talking about.

Earlier...

2023.11.30 – Pirhalaiset yhdessä vapaalla (TähtiAreena, Tampere)

So, uh… a friend of a friend's employer had this staff social thing, and she kindly let me have her ticket since it's not her kind of music and (as it turns out) appeared to have other plans anyway. We figured that it's a large enough organization that nobody there knows everybody else, so I could probably stay under the radar as long as nobody tried to socialize with me.

Some people with ADHD are reckless risk-takers; I get my rush from scheming (never in a malicious way) and going unnoticed. (I loved playing pretend ninjas and spies as a kid.) And that's why you're only finding out about this now :)

I noticed that there were a lot of people on the bus who were kind of nicely dressed and some were introducing people to each other. Not at all surprising that about half of the bus was going to the same place.

I'm here on a mission so I didn’t avail myself of the (cash) bar and beelined towards the stage. I covered my hair to try to hide my foreignness a bit since the crowd was overwhelmingly, well, European.

I didn’t want to show up right at the start of the event, which I thought might draw attention to myself. There was already a lot of people and the warmup act/party band was Duo Töyssy & Tervaniemi, who were already playing. I was mostly familiar with the songs they were covering so I could at least fake singing along with the crowd a bit, and there was a part when they did Lady Gaga's Poker Face, which then turned into a Finnish translation of it, then into a medley of some other (Finnish) songs. They even covered a Vesterinen song (albeit an older one — Villihevosia, which is itself a cover — as to not step on their toes). They were certainly very entertaining and good at what they do.

There were then some speeches from the event organizer and organization heads. It was said there were about 300 people there and it was being livestreamed for folks who couldn't make it. I laugh and cheer along with everybody else, I'm getting better at doing this in a natural way to blend in.

Unlike at "normal" public shows, people weren't so glued to the barricade that they sometimes even stepped away so I eventually found my own space there.

I don’t think anybody suspected anything of the weird foreigner screaming all the songs at the front. I couldn't tell if the band noticed me though. I was too occupied taking (bad) pictures to do too much dramatic gesticulating. (Also something about not attracting too much attention.)

The organizers wanted to do a crowd photo with the band after so I tried to face away from the camera then :P

I had considered asking the roadies for the set list (because this was something the Blondes wouldn’t have) but I forgot and I needed to chase down any band member before they disappeared.

Senpai, unable to help himself because he is too damn nice, was trapped giving people selfies. I elbowed my way to that end of the barricade and saw Heini, so I shouted at her and handed her my bag of miniatures. (This was actually ideal because I’d tagged her in my Instagram pic of her figure in progress so she is aware of its existence.) I continued toward the exit and watched Heini dragging Senpai away (”sorry we gotta go, we’re going to Seinäjoki tomorrow”). I caught his eye and waved and he waved and gave his slightly startled look (very familiar to me now). To be honest I’m not sure if the contradiction between the occasion and my presence there crossed his mind…

Maailma palaa

Kohti sydänpeltoja

Ilman mua

Tummilla teillä

Rodeo

Kukaan ei koskaan

Faarao (no intro)

Kolme hyvää vinkkiä

Älä lopu yö

Onnellinen mies

Hetken ikuinen

// Kanto (with seriously long guitar solo)

// Arlandan portailla

[Concert write-up archive and master calendar]

[lorrainestea]

Thanks @hydr0phius for tagging me <33

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 22, working on 23rd :3

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

65 686

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars: The Mandalorian, Ahsoka

The Witcher

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

A Lonely Heart In An Endless Line (126)

Ruins of Mandalore (100)

Aspiration and tears, headache and fears (71)

The Story Ain't Over (69)

Feasting On a Blind Desire (30)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I mostly do, I'm trying to always respond

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Farewell. Definitely Farewell. Poor dude loses his beloved fiancée, mourns her, imagines the life they could have if things were different, her step brother hates him that much he kills him in an unfair duel right on her grave...

Anyways we love angst <3

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have a happy end, I mean, there's already a canon to fuck up my beloved characters' lives✨

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Luckily it hasn't happened yet

9. Do you write smut?

Well... I'm trying, but it goes slowly and I have no idea if I ever publish it

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

At some point in my life I for sure must've written at least one, but I can really remember it now

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not if I am aware? Honestly I don't consider my fics so interesting someone would stole them :D

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes - I translate some of my own fics from my first language to English (all The Witcher fics were originally written in Czech)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

One time - it was fun and I would definitely do it again <3

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This one is so hard, because ever since I can remember I shipped so many characters, but if I must choose one, I will go with Hawkeye Pierce and Margaret Houlihan - I spent my early teens watching MASH and these two did some chemistry in my brain and I'll love them forever

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

My Geralt x Tissaia fic "May It Be". I work on it since December 2021 where I've written 5 chapters, then I had a long break and touched it again last summer when the 3rd season of The Witcher came out. But with Henry leaving and Tissaia's death, there's no way I'll get the spark with S04 again, so...

16. What are your writing strengths?

For sure experiences, starting at a young age with the whole learning process where K discover what is not my cup of tea and what exactly is my style. Also what helps me the most if the mind set that cliches are not a bad thing and I can enjoy them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

When the ADHD enters the chat - I write a sentence, then I think about next sentence, I open my Instagram, I scroll as I think about the sentence, I feel anxious as I don't really write, something else catches my attention, I open Pinterest, then I change the music, I google lyrics to the song and maybe after that I finally write again

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm not a fan of it, but if it fits and there is a translation, I guess I can tolerate it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MASH

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I've only pretended my pride - Morgan Elsbeth x Baylan Skoll fic, I just love writing from Morgan's POV, challenging to understand her character and act like her character, but make her more... Soft? Human? and still be the same baddie she is 💪

Tagging @avantasia-protag-au @sour-cr3am @arthdoesart <3

Writer Asks

I love doing these! They hardly ever come around anymore and I miss these. Thank you @bitchbrisket for sending this my way.

How many works do you have on AO3?

36

What’s your total AO3 word count?

664,309

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly The Worst Witch 2017, but there’s also a couple of Bletchley Circle fics on there, as well as an unpublished Xena and a Rosemary and Thyme wip.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Divine

Into the Great Wide Open

One Thing Leads to Another

Ghost

Winter Song

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to always comment. Comments are a gift and I want to recognize the time someone took tell me they liked my work. Plus, I love talking about writing and stories and all that.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Life has enough angst already, I don’t need to add to it with my fics. I much prefer a happy ending. That said, since I’ve left everyone hanging on Stella Caeli for 6 months (I’m so sorry!) and it’s at a disaster cliffhanger, it would be that. I am almost done with the next installment, though, so hopefully soon it won’t be angsty either.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe Divine? That’s the last part of Hecate’s Summer Playlist. Either that or An Uncertain Spring

Do you get hate on fic?

I haven’t yet.

Do you write smut?

It probably comes as a surprise to most of my readers, but yes. Just not in any of the stuff I’ve written for TWW or posted on AO3

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really, though I do enjoy letting Rosemary and Thyme make a cameo every now and then. I’m not against them, just haven’t done it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but Sparky probably deserves a co-writing credit for all of the work she’s put in to my fics.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This is a toughie. Certainly, Hecate Hardbroom and Pippa Pentangle – or Hecate and Ada Cackle – or Hecate and Julie Hubble. Honorable mentions include Jean McBride and Millie Harcourt, Xena and Gabrielle, Jenny Flint and Madame Vastra, Rosemary and Thyme, Lady Hardcastle and Flo, SuperCorp, Laventon and Cyllene… The list really could go on.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Probably my first fic – a massive crossover with characters from everywhere, a healthy dose of Mary Sue-manship, a bizarre premise that turned out to be not so bizarre when six months or a year after I started it, Galaxy Quest sort of had the main plot point.

What are your writing strengths?

I feel like dialogue is what I do best, followed by plotting.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action sequences. They feel very stilted to me.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sure, write it. I've had bilingual characters.

First fandom you wrote for?

Not counting that first atrocity, Xena and Gabrielle – though technically it’s a Mel & Janice one.

Favourite fic you’ve written?

That is like picking a favorite child, isn’t it? Well, I shan’t be in denial about it. Hecate’s Summer Playlist holds a special place in my heart, closely followed by An Uncertain Spring and All Roads Lead to Home.

If you'd like to play, I'll tag @emiline-northeto @curlywitch14 @hydr0phius @cassiopeiasara and anyone else who'd like to join in.

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[faebaex]

Upcoming Fics:

Riddle Rosehearts x GN!Reader - 500 Follower Valentine's Day Event

Malleus Draconia x Reader - 500 Follower Valentine's Day Event

Rook Hunt x M!Reader - 500 Follower Valentine's Day Event

Adventures of the Gargoyle Studies Club II - Malleus Draconia x GN!Reader

The Girlfriend Experience - Azul Ashengrotto x F!Reader

[bsdndprplplld]

13 IX 2022

my euclidean geometry journey will be over soon and the start of the semester is so close, it's kinda scary

recently I stumbled upon someone's post with a time-lapse video of their study session. I liked it so much that I decided to make mine

this is me learning about the snake lemma and excision

the excision theorem is the hardest one in homology so far btw, I spent about 4 hours on it and I am barely halfway through. I like the idea of the proof tho, it's very intuitive actually: start simple and tangible, then complicate with each step lmao

I realized two things recently. one of them is that deeply studying theorems is important and effective. effective, uh? in what way? in exams we don't need to cite the whole proof, it suffices to say "the assertion follows from the X theorem"

yeah right, but my goal is to be a researcher, not a good test-taker, researchers create their own proofs and what's better than studying how others did it if I am for now unable to produce original content in math?

the second things is that I learned how to pay attention. I know, it sounds crazy, but I've been trying another ✨adhd medication✨ and after a while I realized that paying attention is exhausting, but this is the only way to really learn something new, not just repeat what I already know. it made me see how much energy and effort it takes to make good progress and that it is necessary to invest so much

I am slowly learning to control my attention, which brings a lot of hope, as I believed that I had to rely on random bouts of hyperfocus, before I started treatment. I am becoming more aware or how much I am focusing at the given moment and I'm trying to work on optimizing those levels. for instance, when I'm reading a chapter in a textbook for the first time, it is necessary to remember every single detail, but wanting to do so consumes a lot of energy, because it means paying constant attention. it is ineffective because most likely I will have to repeat the process a few more times before I truly retain everything. being able to actually pay attention at will sure does feel good tho, as if I had a new part of my brain unlocked

I am solving more exercises for algebraic topology, procrastinating my lecture prep lmao. I am supposed to talk about the power of a point and radical axes, I have a week left and I can't force myself to start, because there is so much good stuff to do instead

I have a dream to produce some original results in my bachelor's thesis. it may be very difficult, because I hardly know anything, that's why I'm calling it a dream, not a goal. the plan is to start writing at the end of the semester, submit sometime in june

I spent last week at the seminar on analysis and oh boi, I will have to think twice next time someone asks if I like analysis. the lecturer who taught me at uni had a different approach than the "classic" one. we did a little bit of differential geometry, Lie groups and de Rham cohomology, those are the things I like. meanwhile at the seminar it was mostly about analytic methods of PDEs, the most boring shit I have ever seen

complex analysis will most likely be enjoyable tho, I'm taking the course this semester

for the next few days I need to force myself to prep that damn geometry lecture. other than that I plan to keep solving the AT exercises and maybe learn some more commutative algebra. I wish everyone a pleasant almost-autumn day 🍁

[citrineghost]

Struggling to stay organized because you have ADHD?

Well, I have a fantastic solution for you! There’s this bitchin site called Trello and I’m gonna tell you all about it

This is not sponsored, I just really like organization and Trello is awesome. And, as always, no readmore because this is targeted at ADHD people and y’all ain’t gonna click it

[ID: a picture of a website with many columns/lists. Behind the lists, there is a customized background. To the right is a sidebar showing that you can search Unsplash for backgrounds right from the site. Each column/list has a bunch of ‘cards’ on it. The cards each have a title and color coded label(s) /end ID)

Here’s a picture of my to-do board

There are some things blacked out, mostly just my avatar, name, and some original creative stuff I don’t feel like broadcasting.

So, Trello is broken up into different levels of organization. Let’s start with the most important level: boards.

Boards

A board is what’s pictured above. Think of it like a corkboard where you pin your notes. You can make as many of these as you want. You can title them, invite people to them, automate certain parts of them, and more.

On your board, you can make

Lists

Lists are those columns you can see on my board. You can title each list, click and drag them around to reorder them, set them to automatically label the things on them, and so on.

My lists on my to do board are titled with a time period for when I aim to do something. The time periods are large and vague, which makes them great for my ADHD. I can move things between them as I need, which is also great for my ever shifting brain thoughts. 

But! What makes it great is that whatever I put in the left list, titled Next, I know is what I need to be focusing on at the moment. It makes it easier to ignore what’s to the right of it and let’s me relax knowing I won’t just forget everything I’m not prioritizing.

Lists are used for holding

Cards

(ID: A picture of a small window that opens after clicking on a card. It contains the title, the labels (with their names now visible), and a functioning checklist. There is also a place to type a description, a place to add comments, and a list of buttons on the side for managing the card and its place on the board /end ID)

Each card can be as simple as containing just a title (making it a simple entry on your list), or as complicated as housing photos, descriptions, checklists, labels, and comments. You just click the card and it opens the window shown above.

My card is for a tabletop I’m working on, nicknamed TAP. I have it labeled with all of the things pertaining to what it involves (world building, writing, in progress, spreadsheeting, and art/creative). These color coded labels make it easy to see what kind of cards I’m looking at when looking at the overall board and lists.

As I do things on the checklist, I can mark them off. You can even set it to hide completed items on the checklist.

When I’m done with an item on my to do list, I click and drag the card to the Done list (which is offscreen on the far right). If you don’t want a visible Done list, you can also just archive a card and it will disappear from the board.

You can also set due dates on cards, which will notify you when they’re almost due or when the due date arrives.

Customization

One of my favorite things about Trello is that you can customize the appearance of your boards! My ADHD brain can’t stand looking at the same thing constantly, so it’s great that I can change things up. Each board can have its own design too, so you can match the vibes of the board with the appearance.

You can pick from a bunch of solid colors for your board or you can use the connection Trello has with Unsplash to search and select free stock images provided by photographers.

Other Parts of Organization

Not only do you have boards, lists, and cards, you can also make Workspaces, which are basically categories to sort your boards into. If you use Trello for projects, and have a board for each project, you can sort your boards into a Projects workspace.

There is also a function called Butler, which you can use to automate boards. For example, you can set it to automatically create a card called “Pay Rent” at the start of each month.

On the right, in the same sidebar where you can see the background options, there’s also an activity feed, tracking every time a card is moved, commented on, added, archived, and so on.

Team Work

Not only is Trello great for keeping private boards, you can also invite people to them! That makes it incredible for household management, group projects, or even friend groups who feel like storing plans and personalized memes. You can literally use it for whatever you want and in whatever way you want!

ADHD Applications

So, now let’s get down into the specifics of how this is great for people with ADHD.

You can make as many boards, lists, and cards as you want.

This is a big one for me, because I really struggle with websites that limit how much you can do with one account and force you to make multiples and then juggle multiple logins and so on. Start a new project? Make a new board. Follow your heart. Be free. If you end up giving up on it, just delete it, or store it for later. You can Star the boards you actively use and just use the Star list to access the boards you need, so if you star all your active ones and then ignore the unstarred, failed projects, you can leave them to rot or abandon them until the mood strikes again.

You can organize in a way that works for you.

So many organization applications are made to work one way and that can be really difficult to navigate as someone with ADHD. So many people with ADHD have such specific needs in regards to how they organize that it can be really hard to find something that works. Half the time we end up just scrambling around from application to application, cursing them as we go because one has one thing we like, but it doesn’t have the thing this other one has that we like and nothing ever seems to just work.

Trello makes it possible to personalize how you organize and even change how you organize halfway through. I keep my to do list organized in 4 priority levels with the addition of a Pin list and a Done list. You could also:

Keep a list that works as a calendar, with a card for each entry, organized in order of date

Keep a list of reminders where automated weekly/monthly/yearly responsibilities pop up

Jot down reminders as you think of them

Keep lists of school assignments in the order they’re due

Use descriptions and photo uploads on cards to collect information or resources needed for said assignments

Keep lists of information that’s easy to forget or lose track of on paper like address history, work history, references, contact information, and so on (like I’ve done on my ‘Pin’ list)

Use boards for projects, to keep track of things like resources, due dates, meeting times, sending files between classmates or project partners, and so on

Use boards for planning events like weddings, parties, conferences, school dances, or whatever else you’re into

Collect resources, references, or recreational to-dos (like links to fanfiction you want to read)

Literally anything

You can separate everything onto different boards, making everything visible from the titles of cards, or combine it all into one, with lots of information available on a click

The sky’s the limit

You can automate repeat tasks.

ADHD comes with a lot of forgetfulness when it comes to regular tasks, such as weekly appointments, medication reminders, and a yearly charge for your Nintendo membership. You can put that stuff into your calendar, but that can also be tricky because then you have information spread across multiple platforms.

Just as easily, you can set Butler to make new cards with reminders on them.

There’s probably more but I have ADHD and I forgot

Just think of the possibilities!!

I used to get debilitatingly stressed out because I would have 10 things floating around in my head because I was simultaneously trying not to forget them and also stressing about them and I would make what I call “spaghetti lists” where I would list all the things I’m thinking of, just as a way to calm down and know that I won’t forget them, so that my brain could quiet down.

Since starting this board, I haven’t had to do that once because all of the things I’m afraid of forgetting are already listed, even if they’re on the list titled ‘ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ‘ because idk if they’re ever actually gonna happen.

It can be incredibly stressful to see all of your to do items in one place, but since starting this, I have been less stressed overall, because I now know I can find them all in that one place. Learning to manage and cope with the stress of knowing I have a lot to do is easier than forgetting things and then realizing I’m late on something or things just never happening because I never remember them when I’m in a place where I can work on them.

And when you have everything in one place to reference when you have some executive energy, you can suddenly just start doing things. I have them labeled by type so I can go, “I’m in the mood to draw,” and then check all the dark blue labels for creative projects. It makes everything so much easier.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful to some of you, it’s genuinely been life changing for me

[waitineedaname]

Can’t remember the number but the prompt about hearing a song meant for their crush from their roommate’s room???

7. I have work in the morning and I can’t sleep while you’re making music next door, composing love songs for your secret crush.

Gordon was not a stranger to insomnia. Even before all the bullshit that had been thrown at him in Black Mesa, he’d had his fair share of sleepless nights. Anxiety and ADHD would do that to you. Of course, that had gotten significantly worse after he lived through his worst nightmares. It was easier to deal with these days, though. Time had passed since the Resonance Cascade, and he had spent a long time putting his life back together. Learning coping mechanisms, getting a much lower stress job as a physics professor, reconciling with Benrey, the whole nine yards. The night terrors and insomnia came far less frequently than they had when he was fresh out of the birthday bash at the end of the world. That didn’t mean they stopped coming all together, though.

It was one in the morning, if the glowing numbers on his alarm clock were to be trusted, and he had yet to fall asleep. His mind was racing, and not even in the typical anxiety way; he just couldn’t get it to shut up. It didn’t help that he had a class to teach in the morning. He was begging his brain to let him rest, but instead it decided to fixate on anything thought that passed by, like midterms coming up or the TV shows he loved as a child or all the noise coming from Benrey’s room.

Gordon ran his hands down his face and groaned. Yeah, Benrey deciding to compose music in the middle of the night definitely wasn’t helping his sleep. What the hell was that guy even doing? Fuck it, Gordon decided. He wasn’t getting any sleep anyway. Might as well ask Benrey about their music.

He shuffled down the hall, mumbling curses when he stubbed his toes on the furniture barely visible in the dim moonlight. He paused outside Benrey’s room and listened a moment. Some of the sounds were the tell-tale tones of Sweet Voice, sometimes low and resonant, sometimes sweeping to high flute-like notes. Behind the Sweet Voice beeps was the sound of a piano, played with inexperienced hands but still harmonizing surprisingly well. Occasionally, one of the piano notes would come out sour, a key clearly being missed, and the Sweet Voice would be cut off with a non-melodic noise of annoyance before being picked up again.

Gordon had planned to knock on Benrey’s door, but he couldn’t help but stand there a while longer. The song Benrey was putting together was… really pretty, actually. He didn’t know a damn thing about music, but something about Benrey’s song struck a chord inside his chest.

He suddenly realized how weird it was that he was just standing there outside their door, and he shuffled awkwardly before knocking. The music immediately came to a screeching halt, and the silence that fell over the apartment was momentarily deafening. Then there was the sound of Benrey getting up, and then the door opened a few inches, allowing Benrey to peer out.

“Whuh?” They said, squinting up at him. “Thought you went to bed, man.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Gordon glanced over the top of Benrey’s head and saw a few Sweet Voice orbs still illuminating their otherwise dark room. The bubbles painted the room in a warm orange and pink glow, like an extremely localized sunset. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing,” Benrey said immediately, then thought better of it. “Just making music. Dumb, uh, dumb idiot doesn’t even know music? Only listens to Linking Perk? Pork Links? Not very kosher of you, dude.”

“Shut up,” Gordon said, despite laughing. “Can I listen?”

Benrey visibly hesitated, almost to the point that Gordon considered retracting his request and shuffling back to bed, but they eventually nodded and stepped away from the door so Gordon could follow them into their room.

Gordon had been in Benrey’s room a few times before, usually to grab something they’d forgotten and couldn’t get themself or something, but usually he didn’t intrude. It was their space, and everybody needed their own space. Benrey inviting him into their room in the middle of the night felt like an expression of trust that still baffled Gordon every time he thought about it too much; how had they come this far? Benrey sat down on the small piano bench in front of the keyboard Gordon had bought them when he realized they needed some kind of constructive hobby, and after a beat of consideration, Gordon settled down at the other end of the bench.

“Don’t be a dick, okay?” Benrey warned him. “This is a once in a lifetime concert. I don’t perform for just anybody.”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Gordon put his hands up in surrender. “I’ll keep my comments to a minimum.”

Benrey huffed but apparently deemed that response acceptable. They cleared their throat, put their hands on the keys, and began singing. Gordon was immediately entranced. It started as a low orange note, sustained with a major chord on the piano. Slowly, it was accented with notes of pink and shimmering blue. It sped up, becoming playful, then took on a treacherous minor key peppered with discordant notes, before resolving into a major key that exuded warmth and comfort. All throughout the performance, Gordon was transfixed by the Sweet Voice filling the room, enshrouding him and Benrey in light. The more he watched and listened, the more he thought he might recognize the Sweet Voice colors. There, the orange tone Benrey occasionally sang directly into Gordon’s face by way of greeting, followed by an orange-blue gradient Benrey sang when they were excited to go on an outing with Gordon. The playful pink Gordon learned to associate with Benrey’s laughter, the soft yellow they used when Gordon was too stressed to sleep. The bruised purple color Gordon remembered from bad nights, thankfully distant memories now, and then the gentle lavender of the comfortable mornings that replaced them. Then laced throughout it all, the pink to blue gradient that always embarrassed Benrey and reminded Gordon of the bi flag, hidden under other layers of music as if Gordon wouldn’t notice.

Gordon wasn’t sure how long the song went on, but eventually, it faded into silence as the last few bubbles of light escaped Benrey’s mouth and their fingers stilled on the keys. Gordon didn’t dare say a word, awestruck into silence. Benrey, however, fidgeted and felt the need to speak. “It’s not done,” They said, as if defensive. “It’s still… I gotta make it perfect, you know?”

“I think it’s perfect,” Gordon said, and he meant it. Benrey immediately looked embarrassed and turned their head away to sing that pink to blue string of Sweet Voice. “What is it about?”

“It’s, uh…” Benrey trailed off, rubbing some dust off one of the lower keys. “It’s about… I dunno, life? Living here. With you. And being your friend. And, uh. Yeah. Mostly about you.”

“...Me?” Gordon asked, shocked. Benrey continued to avoid his gaze. “Holy shit. I don’t think anyone’s made a song for me before.”

“Mm. Well, feel grateful. Asshole,” Benrey’s heart wasn’t in the insult for once, clearly deflecting. Gordon smiled and scooted closer on the piano bench, leaning against them affectionately.

“It was beautiful. Thank you, Ben.” Gordon pressed a kiss to their cheek, then stood. “I think I’m gonna go to bed for real now. Good night.”

Benrey had their lips closed tightly, holding back Sweet Voice, and nodded instead of responding verbally. When Gordon closed the door behind him, he could still hear and see the pink to blue Sweet Voice from under the door. He wandered back to bed, soothed and happy, and fell asleep to the sounds of Benrey’s composition drifting down the hall once more.

[ramzawrites]

Ah right sorry! I dont know how but my brain was like 'yes discord is exists in minecraft'- Yes of course I dont mind! You can do whatever you want with the request :) Good im happy to hear that! And Thank you!

Original Request: Could I request a shy and quiet reader forgetting they're on a discord call and starts to sing a song that they are listening to? and whoever is on call with them joins in? maybe with Tommy, Wilbur and some other characters you want to write for :)

Remember to eat and drink water!

Secret Singing - Reader Insert

GN

Pairings: none stated but can be read as Wilbur x Reader

Characters included: Wilbur, Tommy, Jack Manifold

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Wilbur was busy, but not busy enough to help Y/N set up their workspace at their favorite spot! Going off to fulfill his own errands only to come back to a nice and beautiful tune in the air. 

Words count: 2125

Authors Note: Lmao you are valid, I mean after all skype is canon in the dsmp 💔 Skype my abhorred 💔

Also adhd went brrr again, I tried looking over it a ton but there might still be a few mistakes!

“Oh, wow! Need any help with that, Y/N? That’s a lot of wool you got there!” Wilbur was running through L’Manberg to deal with some errands but stopped in his tracks, having to do a double take as he just saw a mountain of blue wool on legs walk towards his direction. Only then did he notice that it was Y/N who was holding on to a basket with the wool in their arms.

With a concentrated expression Y/N turned around a bit so they could look at him. Pieces of loose wool was laying in their hair or was stuck on their flushed face “Oh! Didn’t see you there! And it’s alright! I’m just getting it over to my bench!”

With their bench they meant the wooden bench they set up themself next to a small pond. They loved working close by it hence the bench to make it a bit more comfortable. It was also still a minute or two off and with the way Y/N was already struggling with the basket, Wilbur couldn’t just stand and watch. How could he hope to be a proper president when he didn’t help people who clearly needed it?

He shook his head with a fond smile on his face, stepping closer to grab the basket from them “Nope, let me help you. Not taking no for an answer.”

Y/N let out a few weak protests but ended up just pushing it into his arms, not wanting to accidentally spill the freshly treated wool unto the ground.

“Hey, um, be- bend down a little, Wil.” their voice weak and wavering like usual. Their shyness getting ahold of them again.

Not even thinking about why they asked this of him, he obliged. They then scoped up the top of the soft mountain so Wilbur had actually a chance to look across. He might be tall but that didn’t help when you held something big in your own arms.

With a soft satisfied smile they begun moving again and for a second Wilbur just stared as he readjusted his grip on the surprisingly heavy basket that Y/N probably made themself. Following after them and making sure that no stray pieces of wool would fall off.

“So, what’s all the blue wool for?” he asked.

For some reason this seemed to amuse Y/N “Well, a lot of our clothes use blue wool. The flag as well! I need some blue thread to either stitch some more flags down on clothing or when repairing them. Same for the flags flying about. General stitching. Besides can’t hurt to have some extra, might even sell some!”

In hindsight this made sense. When this whole L’Manberg situation started out Y/N offered to help stitch together their torn clothes. Over time they got really good at it and nowadays they have kind of turned into the resident seamstress.

Wilbur once apologized for pushing them into this profession only for them to vehemently shake their head “No! It’s fine! I- I enjoy it! It, uh, it also gives me something else to do than worry about our existence.”

He couldn’t argue with that. It was something that he lacked. Everything he did was dedicated to this new nation after all and he would lie, and he did, if this didn’t take a bit of a toll on him sometimes.

Once they arrived at the bench, Wilbur softly placed down the wool next to the seating area as Y/N carefully returned the extra wool back on top. They then sat down on the bench while taking out their tools out of their inventory to turn the wool into yarn or thread.

It wasn’t unusual finding them working here, especially when the weather was playing nice. Often enough sitting together with other people in sometimes comfortable silence or happy chatter. Either making thread, stitching or whatever work they had to do and could do outside.

“Thank you, Wilbur! I’m sure you are busy so I won’t keep you longer but you are welcome to join me if you are done with work before me.”

Wilbur picked some of the stray wool off his uniform and sighed, not particularly looking forward to the work “Yeah. I’ll come around if I can. I’m going to meet up with Tommy in a bit so he might join as well, not sure though.”

Y/N nervously chuckled “Yeah, don’t worry. I know.”

They then begun to set up their tools to start working. Not even looking after Wilbur who begun walking off again in a snail’s pace. He really wasn’t looking forward to his work at the moment but alas it was very important.

It took a bit, but he soon arrived at the building he and Tommy set up as something of a headquarter. It was basically just a room covered in maps, scrapped ideas, plans and a few weapon and armor pieces.

Tommy was already waiting inside for him. He looked a bit annoyed with his arms in front of his chest. Before he could complain to him though Wilbur already threw his arm around Tommy and led him to his latest sketched out plan for L’Manburg. Trying to distract him with work.

They were mostly discussing how to ensure the safety of the new nation and how to create a functioning system inside that would ensure that everything inside would move along smoothly.

Hours passed as they schemed and begun setting a few safety measures up or helped the residents of L’Manberg where they could. Jack Manifold later joined them as well. Helping and even offering ideas of his own to incorporate.

“I think that is all we can do for today. I’m getting seriously tired.” Jack sighed, cleaning the dust off his hands on his own clothes.

“You’re going home?” Tommy asked.

Jack crossed his arms, his eyes wandered off to the side behind his mismatched glasses as he thought for a second “Mh, I was hoping we could hang a bit, you know, outside of work. Haven’t done that in a while.”

“Oh! I promised to maybe spend some time with Y/N if they are still at their pond!” Wilbur suddenly exclaimed, remembering the exchange from a few hours ago.

A happy smile appeared on Jack’s face “Let’s go together then! I haven’t seen them in a while, and it’s been even longer that I hung out with them while they worked. It’s always very calming for some reason.” The last part he muttered but Wilbur caught it.

He wasn’t the only one who thought like this. Most of the people in L’Manberg were drawn to them especially in this chaotic time. It was nice having someone like that around.

“Guess I’ll come with you.” Tommy suddenly exclaimed, pulling Wilbur back out of his thoughts.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why not. I need to ask them to look at my coat anyhow.”

With that the group begun moving, it was slowly getting darker, but it was still warm outside, so if they were lucky, Y/N was still out.

They were chatting about what they were planning to do next or in Jack’s and Tommy’s case what they have been up to only for them to get interrupted by a tune that the wind carried over to them.

A bit surprised Wilbur looked at the others, hoping to see if they too hear it and true enough, they seemed to be just as surprised as them. Someone was singing but he has never heard a voice like this.

Frankly, it was beautiful.

The tune was sounding sad and yet the lyrics that accompanied it were hopeful. Wishing for peace in a time of turmoil. Promises of a better time filled with a deep love via the voice.

It was a song that none of them ever have ever heard. An original song perhaps?

But what really surprised them was from what direction the music came from.

It came from the pond. From Y/N’s bench.

Almost as if they were worried to scare away a wild animal, they begun to sneak towards said pond. Staying off the path and taking a wild berth. Hiding behind the trees, trying to avoid that if their hunch were right, that Y/N wouldn’t see them approaching.

Wilbur pressed his index finger against his pursed lips as they got closer, motioning for the others to keep quiet. To which Tommy just rolled his eyes, seeing how this was obvious.

Jack slowly moved around the tree and there he saw it.

Y/N was sitting on the bench, their legs crossed with a piece of fabric in their hands that they seemed to stich another L’Manburg flag into. Slowly moving their head from one side to the next to the rhythm of the song.

Wilbur followed suit, using his superior height to peak his head out above Jack while Tommy crouched down to do the same.

They were still intently staring at their handiwork, pushing the nail and thread into the cloth only to pull it out again. Their mouth turned into a happy little smile as they sang this hopefully hymn.

“Wow, I didn’t think they could sing like that.” Jack whispered, looking up to Wilbur.

He nodded, his eyes continuing to rest on Y/N’s happy expression “Yeah. It’s beautiful.”

“I guess it’s fine.” Tommy just whispered back. Of course, he still had to put on his cool dude persona.

Wilbur flicked Tommy’s head “Just say for once what you really think!” He still made sure to keep his voice down, not having heard enough of the song and Y/N’s voice yet.

Tommy scowled and jumped back so he was standing at his full height again “What do you mean? I say what I think! The hell are you talking about!” He tried to keep his voice down but at the end he got louder which made Wilbur panic and clasp his hand around Tommy’s mouth.

Though Tommy saw this coming and dodged out of the way by ducking, resulting in Wilbur to fall over. Crashing into Tommy and pushing him onto the ground, both of them letting out a startled yell.

The singing immediately stopped.

“Ah! Look what you have done!” Jack whined, helping the two reluctantly up.

“Well, if Tommy would have shut his mouth!”

“You attacked me!”

“I did not! I was trying to shut you up!”

“Guys?” a soft and unsure voice broke through their argument.

All three men slowly turned around to see Y/N clutching the piece of cloth they had been working on close to their chest. Avoiding any eye contact. Their face covered in a deep blush. Chewing on their lower lip.

“Are you okay? I- I heard a thud and- I just- I wanted to make sure-“ they stammered.

Tommy seemed to be confused at that “What? No. You were singing though, right Y/N?” Getting straight to the point apparently.

“Tommy!” Both Jack and Wilbur yelled out in outrage.

Y/N’s eyes widened, and they moved the cloth up to their face. Effectively hiding behind it “No. I- uh. I’m sorry?”

“What are you sorry for? Your voice is amazing! Why haven’t you told us you can sing?” Wilbur stepped closer. His eyes wide as well but in amazement.

Though Y/N seemed to cower down even more the closer he got “Because- Because I can’t. Please just forget about it.”

Wilbur wanted to know more, hear more of their singing but they seemed panicked. Hiding away and trying to clearly get out of the situation and he had to take a step back. Guilt welling up in him.

“I’m sorry. We just heard your song, and it was beautiful. I have never heard this song. I guess we got enamored by it especially since your singing was really amazing.”

Jack put his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder and pushed him back a few steps “Come on let’s drop it. They are clearly uncomfortable. I’m sorry Y/N.” He then begun pulling Wilbur along, grabbing Tommy in the process as well who just yanked his arm away from him stating he could walk good enough on his own.

“Wilbur?”

He immediately turned around again to see the nervous Y/N with a determined expression on their face. The cloth now back down.

“The song! I mean, uh, my parent taught me that song when I was a child. Apparently, they wrote it.”

“It’s a really beautiful one. Your parent must be very talented. If you feel ever more comfortable enough I would love to hear the full song.”

Y/N took a deep breath in “I know how to play it on guitar and keyboard? I could, uh, you know. Teach it to you?”

Wilbur’s smile returned to his face “Sounds like a plan.”

[astriiformes]

Was tagged in a thing by @ostreatus (thank you, friend!)

Favorite colour(s): Deep/dark blues and greens; silvery grey

Currently reading: Most of my reading is school-related right now (although largely chapters, not whole books) but my Darwinism class just started Summer for the Gods: The Scopes Trial and America's Continuing Debate Over Science and Religion which I think is definitely going to be an interesting one. On my own time I’m also reading Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel’s The Sabbath, which as someone with a fairly debilitating amount of ADHD time-blindness/general time angst is uh. Sure hitting me in some places.

Last movie: ....I don’t watch very many movies, so I genuinely can’t remember what the last one was. It might have been Dawn of the Dead at the end of my monsters class last semester? Which is not my usual fare by any means, but I did very much love that class.

Last song I listened to: “Don’t Carry It All” by the Decemberists which. Oof. It’s one that’s in my usual rotation but, again, hitting some places right now. (In part because there are a great number of people carrying things for me right now and I hope they all know how appreciated they are)

Sweet, savory or spicy: Probably sweet if you were going to make me pick just one (of the three, it’s more consistently kinder to all my sensory issues -- with the exception of most fruit -- plus there is almost nothing I love more than a good sweet warm beverage), but with a distinct savory niche, too, as testified to by my love of dishes like ramen and more savory baked goods and gyros.

What I’m currently working on: Wish I had.... a real answer to this. Staying afloat mostly and that IS an answer but also having something else going on is generally good for me, you know? I want to poke at fic again but have just not had the right brain for it. I think the closest I’ve come to working on anything in the last week or so has been doing some preliminary historical fashion research for me and my sister’s Percy and Cassandra costumes (re-working mine; building hers from scratch) and a tiny bit of helping Scribe with the start of a countermelody for a joint filk we want to write. Which is not nothing but!! I am so filled with ideas all the time and wish I had a bit more to show for it. Here’s hoping spring break next week helps a bit with that.

Obviously participating is totally optional but tagging @kidrat, @thesixthstar @times2die, @cormorant-red and @rattusn0rvegicus, if you want in!