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The Housecat Philosophy - Ep 94
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#the housecat philosophy#artists on tumblr#original art#original comic#webcomic#my sketches#thank you for your patience last week 🙏#anyway it seems most you guys don't like nico much wwww that's fine that's fun#it's not like i'm writing him with the intention of being liked so i'm just enjoying this#ah he's one of my favs actually www but mostly because he's entertaining to write and easy to draw#i don't particularly think of him as a good or bad guy yk#he's just... a guy lol so it's fun to see how he's received
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More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being “emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
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personal relationship chart for my gosho boys au
#gosho boys college au#dcmk#gosho boys#what do i even tag this as......#writing isnt my forte why did it take me this long to solidify their dynamic in my head#i want to draw so much stupid gosho boys comic with overused jokes but alas i am but one person#my art#personal#edit: i need to let you know the main intention for these relationship assignment is to provide the most gag as possible.
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of painkillers and lenience
...hello! 😭 I wrote this way back in April; it's been sitting in my drafts ever since. Chronologically, it takes place shortly following Atypical Occurrence.
I wasn't sure if I was ever going to post this. I suppose it's more a character study than a proper romantic installment :') but it's an exchange I'd been wanting to write for a long time.
you can find everything I've written in this universe here!
—
Summary: Yves comes down with something. His best friend wonders where Vincent is, in all of this.
—
Perhaps it’s merciful that it’s on a Sunday that Yves wakes up with the slightest tickle in his throat.
Yves has an idea what it means. He’s had the flu enough times in his life to know that it comes on quickly. Maybe if he attempts to sleep it off, he’ll have a better time over the next few days.
Or maybe not. He cancels his Sunday plans, goes through his itinerary. There’s a slew of emails he’ll have to send off, a handful of meetings he’ll probably have to reschedule for this coming work week. He’ll need groceries, too, to last him the week—ideally something that won’t take too much effort to make. Resting now seems like it’d be a waste of time. Best to get everything over with before the illness has a chance to properly settle, he thinks.
He really does mean to stop by the grocery store. It’s perhaps just the timing that doesn’t work out as planned. Between figuring out how to reschedule everything that’s coming up with work—figuring out who he can ask if he needs to reallocate any of his assignments to anyone else, rearranging things for clients, and getting all the paperwork in order—all of it takes him nearly two hours. He wanders into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, finds himself having to turn aside to cough, notes the unpleasant sting in his throat when he turns back around.
It’s not terrible yet, but he feels distinctly off. His head feels a little heavy, and everything he does feels strangely—sluggish, maybe. Like he can’t quite manage to be as efficient as usual. Judging by past experience, he’s probably going to crash in a few hours.
He can already feel a headache brewing. Staring at his computer screen probably hasn’t helped with that. If he takes something for it, it’ll probably be at least tolerable when it gets worse.
He opens the medicine cabinet, rifles through the couple bottles and the first aid kit he has stashed in there.
Right. He’s out of Advil.
It’s no matter. Just a quick grocery trip, then—he can grab the rest of his groceries while he’s at it. Yves shuts the bathroom cabinet, grabs his wallet and keys, and makes it all the way to the doorstep outside when the wave of dizziness hits him.
All of a sudden, he feels a little lightheaded. Heat crawls up under his skin, prickling and unpleasant, as if something in him has cranked up the heat generation to the max—but that can’t be right, because he’s shivering inexplicably in the wake of it. He leans his weight back against the wall, squeezes his eyes shut.
Fuck. He probably should have gotten groceries first, before sorting out everything for work. Perhaps going out on his own now would not be the wisest.
He heads back in, locks the door, and—after some thought—calls Mikhail.
Mikhail picks up on the second ring. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Are you busy?” Yves starts, but the words catch on his throat, and he has to stop immediately to muffle a cough into his elbow.
There’s a moment of silence on the other end. “It depends what you’re about to ask me for,” Mikhail says.
Yves swallows. Shuts his eyes. He doesn’t like asking for help, but he doesn’t think he’ll be in any state to be doing this on his own over the next few days. “It’s not that urgent. Just if you have time,” he says.
He can almost feel Mikhail rolling his eyes on the other end. “You’d say that even if you were bleeding out.”
Yves laughs, startled. “I promise I’m not bleeding out. Just—do you think you could run to the store and get me some Advil?”
There’s another, longer pause on the other end. “Any time is fine,” Yves says. A part of him already regrets this. “If you’re busy right now—”
“I’ll be over in a few,” Mikhail says. Then the line goes dead.
—
He doesn’t remember drifting off, but when he wakes, it’s to a knock on the front door.
The knock is just for courtesy, of course. Mikhail is one of a few people whom he’s permitted the privilege—or the burden, perhaps—of having a spare copy of his apartment key.
Yves opens the door anyways.
There, in the windy April weather, Mikhail shuts an umbrella and leaves it dripping at his feet. “You look even worse than you sounded over call,” is the first thing he says.
Yves blinks at him, surprised. “Did I really sound that bad?”
In lieu of answering, Mikhail just looks at him, scrutinizing, the corner of his lip ticking downward. “What is it? An injury? A migraine?” When Yves shakes his head, Mikhail presses forward to pick a stray lint ball off of Yves’s shirt. His hand makes contact with Yves’s shoulder, and he frowns.
Before Yves has a chance to explain, he feels a tickle—not the first, today, and certainly not the last—surface. It’s irritatingly difficult to ignore, more irritating still when he finds himself forced to turn away, to duck into one arm—
“hHehh-!’ hEHh’yyiISCHh-HHEEW!”
The sneeze is rough enough to scrape against his throat. He coughs tightly into his raised arm.
“A cold,” Mikhail says, with a frown. “But usually you don’t take Advil for colds. Wait—don’t tell me this is something worse?”
Yves winces. What is he supposed to say to that? “The Advil was all I needed,” he says. “Thanks for making the trip. I owe you one.”
“No, I’m sure of it now,” Mikhail says. “If it were only a cold, you would’ve driven out to get this yourself.”
“It probably isn’t,” Yves says, neglecting to mention that he knows exactly where he caught this. “Thanks for bringing these. I’ll take the next couple days off. I—”
The next sneeze sneaks up on him. He ducks into his sleeve again, taking another step back.
“hHhEH’iiDzzsCHH-yYew!” The sneeze sends a burst of pain through his temples, and for a moment, he’s glad his face is too deeply buried into his sleeve for Mikhail to see.
“Does Vincent know?” Mikhail asks.
The question catches him off guard. “What?”
“That you’re apparently unwell enough to ask me to pick up Advil for you.”
Yves doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “I told you not to come if you were busy.”
“It’s not a problem,” Mikhail says. “But if you’re sick, shouldn’t he be over here, taking care of you?”
“He’s had a really busy few weeks,” Yves says, which is true, but simultaneously might be true at any point during the year. He clears his throat. “I - coughcough - wouldn’t want him to catch this.”
“So he doesn’t even know,” Mikhail says.
…Perhaps Yves should’ve thought of a more convincing excuse. Mikhail isn’t the type of person to drop an issue after he’s raised it, and Yves had, perhaps, neglected to think about how—for all Mikhail does to appear casually disaffected—he’s one of the most perceptive people Yves has ever met. “He doesn’t have to know.”
“What are you talking about? He’s your partner. I’ll text him,” Mikhail says. It’s then when Yves recalls that Mikhail probably does have Vincent’s contact—exchanged before their trip to France, so that he could text them all to coordinate the rides to and from the airport.
“Wait,” Yves says, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. “Don’t. If you text him, he’ll - snf-! - feel obligated to come.”
Mikhail doesn’t lower his phone. “I’ll just ask him to drop by,” he says. “You can talk to him about it when he gets there.”
But that won’t happen—can’t happen—because Yves knows that if Vincent were to see him like this…
I’d feel terrible if you caught this, he’d said. He’d sounded so upset over it. How can Yves, after all his reassurances last week, admit to him now that he’s faring badly enough to need someone to look after him?
Besides, Vincent probably has enough on his plate already. Yves knows enough to know that in their line of work, taking time off almost always means being swamped with assignments upon return.
“Please don’t ask him anything,” Yves says.
Mikhail looks long and hard at him. He looks as though he’s trying to puzzle something out. “Did you guys get into a fight, or something?”
“No,” Yves says. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then, if you’re on good terms, why are you so resistant to the idea of him coming over?”
Yves squeezes his eyes shut, and then opens them. He can think of a dozen more excuses to field away the questions—that isn’t the hard part. Mikhail has always been good at seeing through his bullshit, but if Yves has to steer this conversation to a close through sheer willpower, he thinks he can do it. But then again—
Maybe it’s fine, he thinks, if Mikhail knows. For better or for worse, Mikhail is his best friend. Yves knows that if he asks him to keep his mouth shut about this, he will.
“Vincent is my coworker,” he says, slowly.
Mikhail’s eyebrows creep up. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Yves says, with a cough. “He is just my coworker. Nothing else.”
The alarm that flashes across Mikhail’s face is unmissable. “You two broke up?”
And there it is—another crossroads, where Yves thinks the easiest course of action would be to reshape the current lie into a simpler one, to keep the trappings of their fake relationship intact. With anyone else, it would be easier, that is.
Yves says, honestly, “We were never together in the first place.”
“But you went with him to France,” Mikhail says, confused. “Not to mention, to Margot’s new year party, and then to Joel and Cherie’s housewarming. Are you telling me—”
“That was all an act,” Yves tells him, and waits for this information to register. “There is nothing between us that’s real. That’s the reason I haven’t called him.”
The recognition settles on Mikhail’s face. Then he laughs, a little disbelieving. “You’re really not dating him? Why would you lie about that?”
“Do you remember Margot’s party?” Yves asks. It seems like the right place to start, after everything. “Erika was there with Brendon. And I was bitter, and—to be honest, jealous—and I wanted to show her I was fine. So I asked Vincent to go with me.”
“That was months ago,” Mikhail says.
“It was easier to just keep up the act, after that.” Yves says. “Easier to have him accompany me once a month than it would have been to stage a proper breakup. But obviously, this is all temporary. I just haven’t figured out when it’s going to end.”
Mikhail is quiet for a moment. Yves looks past him, at the staircase that leads down to the first floor.
“You’ll be fine, then,” he asks. “If you two break it off.”
“Of course,” Yves says. “I know it’s going to happen someday.”
“You won’t be upset at all?”
“What is there to be upset over?”
“From the way you spoke to him, I really thought there was something there,” Mikhail says.
“He is a good liar,” Yves says.
“Maybe so,” Mikhail agrees. “But you are not.”
He says it so calmly, it barely registers as an accusation. But Yves hears it, loud and clear.
“Vincent is attractive,” Yves says. “Anyone with eyes can see that. That’s all there is to it.” it feels wrong, even as he says it. Yves has always known Vincent to be attractive—that much hasn’t changed. But he knows that the feeling in his chest when he sees him at work, in the break room, or at lunch—the unusual ache—is a little more than that.
“Margot’s party was at the end of December,” Mikhail says. “It’s April, now. Margot wouldn’t tell you this, but since I don’t like withholding my feelings from you, I will.”
Yves waits—waits for Mikhail to tell him how all of this has been unduly dishonest, how Mikhail doesn’t appreciate having been lied to.
But Mikhail doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he says: “If you’re still intent on keeping this fake relationship up…” Here, he meets Yves’s eyes, a little sternly. “You should think about who you’re really doing it for.”
It’s only for convenience, Yves wants to say. Now that we’ve set things up already, it’s merely the path of least resistance. But that isn’t quite right, is it?
“Don’t worry about me,” Yves says, trying a smile. “Vincent and I have talked this through already. Whatever happens with our arrangement, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” Mikhail says. He pockets his phone, and then hands Yves the bottle of Advil. “Sorry for the interrogation, then. If you believe it to be fine, I trust you.” Perhaps that’s the worst part of it. Mikhail has never been the type of person to stay quiet about any foreseeable problems, but Yves knows that his agreement now is not a tactical retreat, nor is it an acknowledgment that it’s not worth arguing over something they won’t agree on. Mikhail is dropping the subject because he really trusts him.
Yves just doesn’t know if that trust is justified.
Mikhail turns on his heels, steps delicately past the hinge at the bottom of the doorframe.
Yves clears his throat. “Thanks for stopping by.”
Mikhail nods. “Feel better soon. If you need anything other than Advil, just give me a call.”
Then he’s gone. Yves shuts the front door behind him and wonders just what exactly he’s gotten himself into.
#sneeze fic#snz fic#sneeze kink#snz kink#snzfic#i wrote the majority of this on 4.21.2024 😭 initially with the intention of writing much more#(atypical occurrence part... 3?)#but i think it feels most fitting to just end it here :') that is what i have the stamina for in any case#i feel the need to apologize for how short this is + for the fact that vincent is entirely absent#you can maybe see why i hesitated for almost 7 months before posting it#a couple notes:#mikhail (yves's former college roommate and current best friend) is mentioned in the first installment i ever posted#but he shows up most substantially in foreign home#i am fond of their friendship dynamic... is it obvious? 😭#yvverse#my fic
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save a horse (ride a cowboy)
8pm, Friday. Red dress. Booth near the end of the bar, by the dart board.
She forgot how demanding the text felt, but it had only encouraged her to want to show up even more.
#owo? what's this? baby cho back with a fic?#I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME#just... hidden#yeah the image is just that photo okay f u guys (affectionate)#my fanfic masterlist has been updated with this fic plus one other that i previously did not claim.. should you be interested in That#wow okay so this one is a doozy. lots of tags below so fair warning#it took me quite a while from just having the idea for this to actually putting pen to paper (finger to keyboard?)#thank you poppyfamily for seeing my original vision for this fic#biggest shoutout goes to wrench (two-wrenches). who will also be getting the most real estate in these tags#i started this fic with no intention of a) writing it to completion or b) letting anyone edit it if i did finish it#but wrench. wrench!!! loml wrench#if you peep the end note on the fic you'll see my praise but like. she was there when i sent her my embarrassing first draft which was shit#and then she whipped my ass into shape and fixed my terrible syntax and flow issues#all i'm really saying here is that sometimes it just takes the right editor to make you comfortable with your work#AND give you the confidence to continue writing. and i just think that's beautiful#thanks for reading lol#amangela#smosh rpf#my fics#amanda lehan canto#angela giarratana#smosh
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this very random post is your sign to start looking at the age of historical figures while you study history.
it's something I have always done on my own, but everytime I come across an history book that takes the effort to clarify how old people were when they were making history I am reminded of how impactful it is on my perception of things. Maybe knowing how old these people were makes them feel more real, maybe it just puts things into a different perspective, but it's one of those very simple things that makes me feel a lot of feelings while studying history. So my random advice is look how old that person was when they did whatever they did.
#this is brought to you by me reading about Antonio Pigafetta#he is the author of our main and most famous source of Magellan's circumnavigation of the globe#he was 27 or 28 when he embarked on the ship and started writing one of the most important and famous historical sources of the modern era#wtf do you mean this dude was just a couple of years older than me#being able to somewhat relate to the age of historical figures always makes them feel more real#no way this dude had everything figured out at the time his writing of one of the most important sources of his time was more accident than#intentional#okay i had my daily rant about history now i'll stop#but do this it's an interesting emotional journey while studying a subject that sometimes can feel a bit heavy#historyblr#studyblr#uniblr#studying#history#cris speaks#the---hermit
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part One
For Xiantober Day One: Genius… albeit stretching the prompt so it refers to MXTX and MDZS itself, but at the end of the day it’s still about WWX – so no harm done!
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
The narrative is a very active player in MDZS’ story. How it presents information, what it chooses to show and omit, often reflects important facets of its themes and characters – Nie Huaisang, for instance, is so good at hiding behind his mask that not even the narrative can hold him accountable; the present day’s storyline as a murder mystery and the slow reveal of information about the past both prompt the reader to think critically about the truth of events, when the importance of thinking critically is an important theme; and the dangers not thinking critically (and instead basing conclusions on rumours without much evidence) are shown by tricking unquestioning readers into the very same trap the cultivation world falls into, as the information given by the title, summary and in-universe rumours – which contradicts how we see actually Wei Wuxian act – turns out to be false.
But nowhere do I love this trait more than in its treatment of Wei Wuxian – and, more specifically, in its way of emphasising his agency. We’re not just told how much his active choices define his character, and we’re not just shown this in-universe through his personality, worldview and the events he causes. I’d argue that this aspect goes a step further, and shapes the structure of the out-of-universe narrative as well.
There are two main ways this happens: one, in how the aspects of Wei Wuxian’s life that are shown and hidden directly tell us what’s important about his character (which is good writing but isn’t necessarily tied to this shaping of the narrative), which is what we’ll explore today; and two, how what’s shown and hidden reflects what Wei Wuxian himself prefers to dwell on, resulting in the narrative respecting his own thoughts and feelings on matters (which very much is tied to it). We’ll explore this at a later date.
But as for now – let’s explore my favourite aspect of MDZS.
(Here, narrative agency will be considered the ability of a character to meaningfully influence their events and the story they’re in.)
Tragedy, Circumstance, Choice
If we simply look at Wei Wuxian’s backstory in a vacuum, it seems almost typically tragic. His parents died in circumstances beyond his control, he was left alone as a child with nobody to care for him, he was forced to grow up fending for himself on the streets, he was faced with abuse when he finally was taken in… as with all typical woobies, everything simply happened to him, and none of it was good. It’s just another example of the lack of agency being used for sympathy points, right?
…Except there’s one problem with that idea. We don’t actually see any of this.
It would’ve been easy to start the flashbacks during these times. We’re telling the story of Wei Wuxian in (largely) chronological order, and these are likely important experiences for him! But instead of starting in his street days, or evenat the moment Jiang Fengmian took him in*, we start at the lectures in the Cloud Recesses. That’s not even something mentioned in, and therefore something that’s able to disprove, the rumours at the start of the novel. So why is this the case?
Well, there are multiple reasons – the main one being that MDZS is also Lan Wangji’s (and Wangxian’s) story, and having the flashbacks open with their first meeting is very satisfying. But I want to focus on something else.
This period doesn’t have to be shown, because what happens to Wei Wuxian, especially out of his control, isn’t what’s important about his character.
We’re not even at Lotus Pier here, where Wei Wuxian certainly has more agency than he would’ve had as a young child, but where the harm caused by Madame Yu is still completely out of his control. Here, he has agency! Though there are consequences, he is free to act, and what happens to him is a result of those actions and not of circumstance. Yes, he gets punished more than others who also take those same actions (due to classism); yes, it’s not his choice to be picked on by Lan Qiren in class (yet look how he responds, twisting the situation to his advantage and ending up tricking Lan Qiren into letting him leave, which is what he wanted to do. He is not at all helpless here!); yes, these choices have been influenced by his learned mindset from Madame Yu that punishment is arbitrary and will happen anyway, so you may as well do what you want regardless. But there is cause-and-effect here. It’s not circumstantial tragedy.
Therefore, instead of our first impression of past!Wei Wuxian being that of an unfortunate woobie, it’s of someone who has the freedom, ability and will to choose and act (and that’s after these initial tragic events have taken place). This is compounded by the fact that before we see any of his backstory, we get a similar impression of him in the present day.
If the purpose of his tragic past was to earn him sympathy points, to make us pity him due to how much he was influenced by events out of his control, this would’ve been a terrible way of going about it… and it’s this that betrays the true reason for its existence. Because now, the flashbacks instead show us how little these tragedies define who he is! From the very start, Wei Wuxian isn’t someone defined by circumstances out of his control, but rather by who he is as a person and by what choices he makes in the present day (which is both a mindset in-universe, and a nice little out-of-universe detail that lines up! Because out-of-universe, this means he’s not defined by sympathy points from a backstory, but rather by his great character writing… aka, by who he is as a person and what choices he makes). And this refusal to be defined by tragedy is a conscious choice on his part, too – but we’ll explore that more later.
The important thing is that this idea of Wei Wuxian isn’t because of what exists in his past, it’s because of what parts of his past are shown to us (as well as what he chooses to do, with agency, in the present).
Now, if this relationship between what’s displayed and what’s omitted was just a one-time thing, I might’ve considered it a cool detail or a nice way to establish a character, but not something the narrative is actively focusing on. But it’s a pattern that continues throughout the flashbacks. What, arguably, are the two other most important times in Wei Wuxian’s life where he doesn’t have enough agency to meaningfully influence his circumstances? His three months in the Burial Mounds (before escaping – he managed to assume some control of the circumstances but not enough to substantially reduce his suffering in his time there), and his loss and death during the First Siege. And we’re not shown either of them! We skip to when Wei Wuxian has emerged from the Burial Mounds and is torturing the Wens, or we skip to the present day – both times he has agency once more, because, again, what he’s like without it doesn’t matter enough to be shown.
Furthermore, I’d argue this does actually contrast the other tragic events we see in Wei Wuxian’s later life. Things do go horribly wrong, but it’s either due to choices he knows the consequences of (see: rescuing the Wen Remnants in the first place), or instances where he still has some ability to act in the situation and influence it within the limitations. If he’d had no ability to influence circumstances at Qiongqi path, he would have died in the ambush; if he’d been unable to do that at Nightless City, he would’ve died then, too (of course Lan Wangji helped him escape as well). The attention drawn to him losing control of his actions in both instances is very interesting, but intentional or not, it’s still his actions influencing the plot. And that influence happens to be detrimental. The very ability to act and influence, at a base level, is not taken away (though, of course, that doesn’t make these events any less tragic).
So, so far, the narrative seems to be telling us that the ability to act and choose is key to Wei Wuxian’s character. And it’s doing it through omitting his moments without agency in favour of instead showing us his moments with it.
Let’s see if this is echoed in the text itself before we go further – because even with this pattern, nothing would end up mattering if Wei Wuxian’s agency wasn’t actually that important to the story itself. But thankfully it is, and that first impression we get of Wei Wuxian in the Cloud Recesses turns out to very much be accurate! Though there are defining circumstances out of his control that occur, such as the massacre of Lotus Pier, the majority of the important events of his life are due to his own choices. He didn’t happen to be forced to cease traditional cultivation and solely use guidao, didn’t happen to lose his Golden Core in a fight with Wen Zhuliu or due to some force in the Burial Mounds, it was his own choice to give it and his spiritual powers away. He didn’t tragically happen to get targeted by the cultivation world, it was a result of him acting on his morals and protecting the Wen remnants (a choice which he was fully aware of the implications of). He isn’t a protagonist to whom things simply occur, and that activeness and agency is my favourite thing about him.
That’s not to say that the times Wei Wuxian doesn’t have agency, or feels like he doesn’t have any, don’t exist at all, either – but they are rare enough to have attention directly drawn to them in his internal narration:
Or else what could he do? He could do nothing. He was powerless. Lotus Pier had been destroyed, both Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu were gone, and Jiang Cheng had disappeared as well. He was the only one left, alone, with not even a sword in his hands. He didn’t know anything, he couldn’t do anything! For the first time, he discovered how little his power was. In front of something as large as the QishanWen Sect, it was the same as a mantis trying to stop a chariot. - Chapter 59, EXR translation
(And even in this circumstance, note that he still does force himself to act – to carry on searching for Jiang Cheng, to place his faith in Wen Ning – and does accomplish his goal (albeit with the help of others)! So even in dire situations, he isn’t simply passive. This is actually also the case with his time in the Burial Mounds, almost certainly the First Siege, and even his days on the streets as well (Chapter 20: he did actively fight with dogs to get food despite their danger and his growing fear of them, rather than just waiting and hoping to somehow receive some more). He can’t influence or immediately influence his circumstances, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.)
Overall, although they do influence him, Wei Wuxian is very much who he is in spite of his circumstances, not because of them. We’re shown the importance of his agency both in-universe by the major impacts his choices have on himself and the plot, as well as by narrative presentation – important periods where he lacks the ability to meaningfully influence anything are often mentioned but not directly shown, which suggests that such moments and circumstances aren’t as important to understanding Wei Wuxian’s character as moments where he does have this agency are. And I’d argue this works very well. Depending on the version of the story you consume, you may end up having different interpretations as to how much circumstances were at play nearer the end of his life – but nobody comes out of MDZS thinking about Wei Wuxian, the poor bearer of yet another generically tragic backstory.
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
—
*We are shown this moment in more detail in Chapter 23… but even then, it’s through the framing of Wei Wuxian remembering Jiang Yanli’s narration, not through a flashback proper or even him remembering the experience itself!
#there are three parts to this#part two dwelling on how wwx not dwelling on tragedy is a conscious choice#part three about how that choice and wwx’s preferences are ALSO behind what’s shown and what’s not#i originally wanted to post them all at once but life was very busy and they haven’t been finished yet#and i wanted to release SOMETHING on this day (it is after midnight but i haven’t slept yet and in a lot of timezones it’s not yet)#judging by the current length of it it’s probably better to be posting individual parts anyway…#so here we go#a complete version will br put on ao3 when done#also because i’m not sure where to put it in the meta – i’m aware external circumstances did impact this too#eg mxtx not wanting to write power-up/transformation sequences influencing her not to write wwx’s time in the burial mounds#i’m also aware a lot of this could be writing efficiency and not the deeper meanings i’ll (mostly later) assign to it#ultimately there’s not enough evidence either way to say if this was intentional or not#(i don’t doubt mxtx is an amazing writer but *i* feel i’m overanalysing while writing this which i do tend to do)#but even if it wasn’t it’s still a part of the story#and it still remains one of the things i love it the most#so i WILL explore it (taking the approach of death of the author here – i do believe context is important but i just love this throughline-#-so much)#xiantober#xiantober day 1#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#wwx#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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HI MY BELOVED ANGEL!!! i am sending u mattsun + campfire as well as kisses n hugs <33
SAINTTT hello 🥺 thank you for sending a prompty!! 🥹 idt i've ever written mattsun fully before so this is something new!
help me get back into the writing groove! send me a character + any word and i'll write a short blurb about it!
contains: exes, stranded-y situation, feelings are complicated, some expletives
mattsun + campfire
"i told you we should've brought the spare—"
"yeah, let me go back in time for a sec and do just that."
"asshole."
lesson #1: nothing good ever happens when you're stuck in a car with your ex on the way to somewhere remote.
you blame iwaizumi for this one. who the fuck chooses to spend their birthday weekend in the fucking wilderness?
(okay, you don't actually think it's so bad. to be fair, he did plan this a year ago. and it did sound like a good idea. then. at the time. anywhere with the boys was always guaranteed fun―at least, until you and matsukawa broke up.)
"can you pass me the flashlight?" he points at the backpack behind you. when you hand it over, your fingers brush over his as he takes it away from you.
and you hate it, because―
lesson #2: you should never be alone with your ex when you still have feelings for them.
you'd agreed to take two cars to the camping spot: iwaizumi's with oikawa and hanamaki and matsukawa's with you. there was no way you'd fit in one, and hanamaki ultimately decided to ride with iwaizumi because, "you and mattsun have shit to sort out," he'd said.
with night setting and the two-hour headstart they managed to get ahead of you, the best thing you and matsukawa can do is to set up camp temporarily and wait for them to come back for you come sunrise.
you sigh.
leaves crack underneath your feet as you maneuver around your camping space. the light from matsukawa's flashlight tells you where he is, just a bit deeper in the forestry as he looks for wood to help set up the fire.
you unload the car in the meantime, bringing out some snacks and sleeping bags while waiting.
matsukawa eventually comes back with arms full of wood, and you help in whatever way you can, clearing the space and fetching more twigs when needed.
the entire car ride here had been quiet, so it's not surprising that this entire process has been equally as silent. until―
"did you already pull out your tent?" he asks, half of his body disappearing into the trunk of the car.
"huh?" you go closer, "i only brought out the sleeping bags."
then he sighs, ducking out from the trunk with a hand on his hip, "we only have one tent."
"what?"
"makki must have gotten yours with his when he decided to move cars."
his hand runs through his hair, a habit you know well. it lights up all sorts of weird feelings in your tummy
you don't know how to feel―
"i can sleep in the car."
―but you know that you definitely don't want him to do that. all things considered, you were friends first. and you've both been trying to be friends again since the breakup. you wouldn't want to cause him discomfort like that.
so, with a deep breath, you say, "it's okay, we can just share."
"are you sure?" he stares at you.
you nod.
after setting up the tent, you eat a few energy bars and clean up from the day's events. the campfire provides ample enough heat, but with how fast the flames are burning, you're doubtful it'll last the two of you the entire night.
it’s much later on, past midnight, that your doubts are proven right when you and matsukawa are cramped together in a tent made for one. it started to get cold a few minutes ago, and you've found yourself inching closer and closer to the warmth you’ve gotten used to laying against for the past two years.
he's only pretending to be asleep, you know that much, too. the rise and fall of his chest is hardly there; you can see it, how he's holding his breath being this close to you.
"issei," you whisper.
he opens his eyes, eyelids lifting lazily as he meets your stare. the vibration of his hum reverberates to you.
"it's cold."
for a moment, your stomach drops at the thought that he could ignore you; how it would make perfect sense for him to. you broke up with him after all, and he doesn't owe you anything, much less favors as intimate as this one.
but he closes the already dwindling gap between you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulls you closer. it's near, far too near for exes to be―noses touching and all.
"warmer?" his voice comes out hoarser through the whisper.
you nod, your head shifting up and down—which, truly, is where you ultimately fuck up. you feel it, a little chapped but still pliant against your lips.
in your carelessness, you accidentally brush your lips against his, the sensation alone surprising you enough to inch your head back as you mutter your apologies.
"sorry? really?" he asks, eyes half-lidded still as he chuckles.
his question settles into the small space you're in.
your vision trails from his eyes, down to the slope of his nose, until it lands on his lips again. a little split like you've always known, but still your favorite. still the only lips you want against yours.
when you lean in again, you know you're fucked, because―
lesson #3: the number one rule is that exes shouldn't kiss each other anymore.
#mattsun x reader#matsukawa x reader#hq x reader#shotorus.workbook#WAAAAAH i hope u like this saint !!!#ive never rlly written mattsun in length before so i hope i captured him enough ?????#i feel like he's such a tough balance to write (bc i am not witty at all and i feel like he would be HAHAHA)#anyway !!! some stuff abt the fic: the split was amicable for the most part#but the reason why makki says reader and mattsun have stuff to sort out is because there's like a weird tension~~ that he feels around them#and its kind of like. they bicker? and snap at each other like exes do but also it's just like. why do u care abt what the other does so mu#if you arent together anymore ?? typa thing. its like. they argue but in a way couples normally do if that makes sense#HONESTLY MAKKI WOULDNT HAVE ALSO MINDED STAYING WITH THEM cos he likes to watch HAHA but i think#he joined iwaoi more as a 'ill give u guys time together to fuck it out or wtvr just dont be weird on iwa's bday' typa thing#they were also together for a while! friends first and everything hmmm the reason why reader broke up with him#can be up to you! but my intention was for it to be something fixable and just more fitting for a 'break' typa thing#not necessarily a breakup#also the iwa car went ahead and they have the spare tire so they can go back and help but better in the daylight#i think thats all !!!#i hope you like it !!#ask#rep#saint.🩸#honestly these just keep getting longer hAHAH i should follow my 20 minute cap more#ask rep answered#heartsyougave
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#obviously i am Thrilled with all the buddie goodness we got this ep#but one thing about this whole eddie/chris storyline that is driving me absolutely UP THE WALLS#is that there has just been absolutely Zero realistic communication about any of it from the audience's perspective#we don't hear anything about logistics in the moments where chris is actually leaving#(about how long he'll be gone for/if it's just for the summer/etc etc)#which whatever fine tim wanted it to be dramatic#but still in season 8 we don't know if there's been any discussion with chris OR helena and ramon about when/if he should be coming home#like you can infer if you want that the diaz parents have no intention of giving up chris and this was the plan all along#but tbh even that is largely extrapolation on the fandom's part bc they haven't told us anything!!!!!!#two facetimes and three conversations eddie's had with people that Aren't his parents is not enough!!!!#and i know it's the Eddie Diaz Routine(tm) to jump to the most extreme possible conclusion re him moving back to el paso#but WHY have we gotten no indication at all that he's attempted to talk this out with chris at some point in the last 5 months???????????#the dust settled a long time ago and eddie has Always been so good at talking to chris even when it's a difficult subject#i refuse to believe we're in last resort territory i'm sorry askdfjhsa#i want to write something about it but there's so much to tackle i don't even know where to start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway yes i know i was the one pointing out last week that storylines 8 seasons in are not going to be top notch but that doesn't negate#my frustration aksdjfhsih#tbd
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I heard it was angst time. CW: MC Death. About the level of graphic (gore/violence) description that is in the source material imo. Be cautious and prioritize taking care of yourself if you are unsure, please. ♡
Mhin can’t find you.
When you don't appear at the scheduled time to discuss the headway you’ve each made individually regarding your mutual goal, they walk away from your agreed-upon rendezvous point with an annoyed huff.
When the next night passes and you still don’t show, they become even more incensed.
It’s not until they head to the Wet Wick and Leander asks them if they’ve seen you that they become concerned.
They look everywhere.
Leander places posters on the corner streets alongside his usual advertisements and soon your likeness is plastered across Lowtown. Large letters reading: “REWARD” peer down at Mhin reproachfully at every turn as they fruitlessly go about their own search when they can spare the time during their day to day fight for survival.
Something nags at the back of their mind.
Guilt, they think. Self-loathing. They should have tried to find you that night.
As the days turn into weeks, they give up on Leander’s methods and start asking their own questions.
They do it under the guise of collecting another bounty, but the genuine, thankful relief they get from Leander, the sorrowful look they receive from Kuras–they're know they're wearing a shallow facade at best.
It leaves a raw taste in their mouth to do so, but they even ask Vere, knowing the fleabag has keen senses which they do not.
Their stomach drops when Vere laughs. A harsh, cruel thing that has them brandishing their dagger, keen to gut him like a fish where he stands. He reads their rage easily, assuring them that he’s innocent, that he had nothing to do with your disappearance.
Which is what a Monster would say–but then–
Vere would be at his most honest while gloating, wouldn’t he? If the truth is a twist of the knife.
He tells them to check their own closet for skeletons. Tells them to check for Monsters underneath their own bed.
The adrenaline hits them immediately. They start to sweat and shake and feel nauseous. For their body, the realization is instantaneous. In their mind, it comes more slowly. Like walking through a dream.
They try to reach back in their memory. Try to tug at that nagging thing.
Unspool it until they can determine where the emptiness begins, ends, anything in between.
And then they find it. They don’t remember it, but they find it.
In one of their many hidden shelters. The one closest to your rendezvous point–a small lacuna in the side of a crumbling building, a nest built into the flesh.
Spooling trails of entrails and ruined bandages. Viscera and bones and gore. Scavengers have gotten to you and contaminated the scene but–
The wounds are unmistakable. Familiar to them, by now.
The soft parts of you that have been picked at and eaten.
The sinking feeling in their gut expands. This type of scene doesn’t make Mhin sick anymore but they wish it would. Wish they could retch and rid themself of this emptiness. Wish they could expel the vision of you–
The remains of you, laid out before them.
There’s something almost graceful about your corpse. As if you’ve been drawn out of a fairy tale, your gruesome demise told as a parable for children.
They try to remember transforming. Killing you.
Your last words, if you could make any around the blood gurgling from between your lips like a fountain.
Maybe in the future your fairy tale will have a moral to it. A reason. Your death will be more than senseless, another body added to the pile.
For now Mhin will have to live without that closure.
The grief drips off of them like blood off of black feathers. It can't permeate their defenses, advantages granted to them by an evolution that was not of their own volition. They can already feel their mind warping around their memories of you, dulling them lest they tear themself apart, fall down while climbing up the tower to meet you and dash themselves upon the rocks, sink into the water below and drown beneath the torrent. A younger version of them would chase after the memories, cling to the waning thought of you.
The person they are now lets it happen.
They turn their back, leaving the empty echos behind.
Bad Ending : "Reward"
#i was sick for most of October but I too was thinking about...#Bad End Bingo#aka scary times for my fav and most wonderful time of the year >:3#touchstarved game fanfic#I hope this is :)#touchstarved fanfic#ask to tag#cw: main character death#cw: described gore#it is not my intention to be in the tag too often but I realized that if I just RB with this the read more system for the CW wouldn't work#and I wanted to be safer than sorry#toxintouch writing#BANNERS ARE FOR ANYONE TO USE IF THEY LIKE i just kinda had them for other things IF YA KNOWWW MORE PPL WANNA SHARE THEIR ANGST (✿◕‿◕)#so uhhh my apologies for posting so much is what i'm saying lol#mhin touchstarved#touchstarved mhin
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heartbreaking! one of your favorite artists makes fun of y/n fics!
#never not a whiplash 😀#like i get they're not for everyone ofc but it often feels like reader inserts are such an easy target and it's tiring tbh#treated as something that often doesn't get taken serious in fandom spaces#which you can argue how serious fandom should be to begin with but making fun of someones creation is such a big no for me#just really shows that you're a shitty person imo LOL#there's a difference between bitching to your friends in private (valid thing to do) and doing it in public#with the intention of kicking someone down for something YOU don't like. something YOU can just close the tab on. skill issue#like why don't you indulge in a little maladaptive daydreaming and enjoy the whimsy of the world instead of spreading negativity#this and some of the most lifechanging fics i've ever read were reader inserts#idk. reader inserts ily. you can pry them from my cold dead hands#don't wanna go on a full on rant in the tags i guess i'm just really sad over getting disappointed by someone i admired#gonna hit that block button and show some love to my fav writers instead <3#if you're a y/n writer reading this please know that i love you and everything you do. write your heart out get your freak on just live ok#-`♡´- tulip mail
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curious to know why you like gin so much!
Gin is a teenage girl sage king. She personifies love without ego and is also an ambush predator. She is divine grace if divine grace were an assassin with peach scented lotion. She thinks the urban legend that cherry blossoms are so pretty because they feed on bodies buried beneath them is neat. She chose hell, and transcends it.
Metanarratively, she is the archetypal Mary conceptualized by Ryunosuke Akutagawa in Man of the West:
We sense a bit of Mary in all women. Perhaps in all men, too.... In fact, one could say that we feel a bit of Mary in the fires burning in the hearth or in the vegetables fresh from the field, or in an unglazed pot or solidly built chair. Mary is not the one who is eternally feminine. She is the one who eternally protects us. After all, as the mother of Christ, Mary spent her life traversing the "vale of tears." And yet, she lived with great fortitude. In her life, one finds worldly wisdom, folly, and virtue.
...
[People] have had to take lessons from Mary, more so than Christ, to find the way that leads to peace.
Gin is clever, decisive, perceptive, poised, and impish. She loves her older brother. She likes lace and florals and gourmand scents and play aggression. She reflects rippling, concurrent shades of black, gray, and white (e.g., when her eyes are black, she wears gray, when her eyes are gray, she wears her black hair down like a veil; depending on the context, she is either dressed or masked in white). She's quick to blush.
I like Gin so much because she's Gin.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd gin#i started to also explain how she uses her knife in different scenes to telegraph her intentions and relationships#but then i remembered I have my chinese lesson in like ten minutes#but fun fact: if you know anything about tanto knives and if you watch each scene in which gin has her knife out#you will notice she uses it differently depending on whether she's sincerely threatening someone or not#like you don't even have to know that tanto knives aren't generally slicing/slashing knives#to notice that when she's holding her knife against higuchi's throat in the bathroom scene#she's holding the dull edge to higuchi's skin -- not the sharp edge#contrast it with when she's poised to fight the agency at the hospital and when she's fighting junichiro#you'll see that in each of those scenes she's gripping it like the piercing weapon that it actually is#there are other more nuanced instances of her using her knife to telegraph her intentions#but like. those are the most flagrant ones#anyway#i love gin#i could write on and on and on about how much I love gin and all of the details in her characterization and design#and how she relates bsd to o-gin and man of the west#but i have shit to do unfortunately#so please accept this small snippet. this snapshot.
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I think something that for me really sets aside Jack & Joker from other Thai dramas is its narrative structure. Thai dramas usually have a very simple narrative structure where things just keeps happening without a proper flow - I mean, something happens, it gets resolved, and then something new happen that keeps the story move; you know, all those little problems that aren't really all connected together (like, the main characters get together and then someone new appears that comes in between them; or it turns out that, idk, the family was homophobic all along, or that one of the characters actually had a complicated relationship with their family - things like these that are disconnected).
Maybe it's because Jack and Joker has a pretty solid and complicated plot, but something that I really love about it is the way everything that happens is connected, everything is a direct consequence of the characters' actions. It's like this since the first episode until the last one - the plot is brought forward by the characters' actions, everything they do has consequences on everything and everyone else. Like, Joke seeks Jack's forgiveness, so he wants to steal the ring for him, and he works with Tattoo and Hoy -> Tattoo steals the necklace which causes problems for everyone -> they need to steal the necklace back -> Jack meets Rose again, which causes everything else to happen, etc etc
Everything is connected. And I think it all comes back to one of the series' themes, which is that everything we do has consequence, that even if out intentions are good we can't predict what our actions will cause; that we live in a community and that we cannot think about ourselves only bc every time we do something that can end up influencing someone else's life. that we can't be selfish in a community.
#jack and joker#jack and joker: u steal my heart#jack & joker#jack & joker: u steal my heart!#jack and joker the series#my posts#ive been thinking about this since i forst started watching it#the narrative structure is built so well#everything that happens in connected which means that everything makes sense#and thats so why the foreshadowing works so well#nothing happens in itself#nothing the characters do hasnno consequences#everything happens for a reason and everything can cause problems#this is what joke fails to see for most pf the shows#that everything he does even if he has the best intentions for jack#can cause problems for everyone else#it keeps happening since the first episode#its what happens when he steal Jack's ring from aran and when he steals the ring for boss#and its not only joke of course it goes for everyone else too#this series is so beautifully done in every aspect#and I've been studying a little about the theory of narrative structure for my original writing#so now im noticing so many details about it#anyway if you ever think i might be done talking about j&j then think again bc im most definitely not
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a notepad that slowly got turned into a journal
#ffxiv#haurchefant greystone#geese art#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#back when he was still a summoner he’d go through at least three of these a month#and that only got worse when he had to start beefing up his spells due to the. well the everything#and then THAT got worse when all of a sudden he had to hold onto those letters from his good friend#for. you know. the important information on them. and nothing else#neowwww…. my most important author’s note for this piece isssss#that tear was made after he had finished filling this one up.#my second most important note is any spelling mistakes are uhhhh definitely intentional kiril’s bad at spelling#and it’s not just really hard writing in a fantasy script LOL#heavensward kiril#I GUESS
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🌍 + Unknown ^_^
Send 🌍+ a series and I'll tell you a fact about my self insert!


Songs that make me thing of her:
Exist for Love - Aurora
Under Your Spell - Snow Strippers
Tw: Character threatening noncon (over the phone) and strangulation.
( ☞ ˙ワ˙)☞ As a heads up, all my Self Inserts are named Madison/Maddy, including my Unknown Self Insert. Also, in order to explain my Self Insert I have to talk about Grant, since the two are the opposite of each other when it comes to three things.
Grant is eight years older than the player. So for my Self Ship he's thirty-four years old. Grant has lived a very full life with multiple past relationships, friends, and a successful career.
He used to be in the Army until his Lieutenant made a bad call, resulting in all of Grant's Squad/Friends getting killed. The only survivors were Grant and his Lieutenant, who he drifted apart from after the Army.
Note: That's the Lieutenant's messed up photo from another game.
When Grant left the military, he moved into his parent's old log cabin. Later, he sees the player in town, starts stalking them, and eventually kidnaps them.
Meanwhile, my Unknown Self Insert is a twenty-six year old who has struggled with issues isolating herself (social recluse).
She recently moved to the city/town for a fresh start, sometime before Grant. Unfortunately, the quote, "Wherever you go, you take yourself" reflects her situation. As moving to a new place didn't change anything.
She isn't happy with where her life is at. She feels behind others her age, both career-wise and socially.
Madison works as cashier for a home improvement store (like Home Depot/Lowes/Ace Hardware). She's working at a dead-end retail job until she can figure out something else. Her dream job is being an artist, which feels unattainable since it won’t provide her with financial stability. This has caused her to suffer from art block.
She's unsure what to do to since her future feels bleak.
Before being kidnapped, Madison was an extremely lonely person. She doesn’t have any friends, isn’t close to any of her coworkers, and has felt disconnected from the rest of society for a very long time. She feels like there’s something wrong with her that she can't pinpoint but everyone else sees. That everyone got a manual on how to be human except her.
Madison is extremely insecure. Due to her lack of confidence, she tends to put walls up since she's afraid of rejection and failure. However, she desperately wants to break out of this self-destructive cycle she's in. She's TRYING to change, but is struggling.

Her insecurities about herself, her passions, and future are a HUGE contrast to Grant, who is EXTREMELY confident in himself.
For example, in the game, Grant calls the player under the ruse of receiving a fake number.
He'll call them again and ask, "Hi there. Yea, it's me again. I just had to ask. Why would someone who was hitting it off with someone else turn around and then give them a fake number afterwards?"
The player can later say, "Sometimes it's cause they just don't find the other person all that attractive."
To which Grant responds, "What? No. I'm plenty attractive. Lots of women find me attractive."



Also, insulting Grant doesn't really work as he tends to turn it back onto the player.
Player: "You're a fucking creep! YOU'RE SICK!"
Grant: "Mmmm . . . That I am dear. But only for you."
Player: "Getting off on just my breathing huh? You must be a two pump chump!"
Grant: "Whether I am or not, there's other ways to make you scream. And either way. I'll still be filling you with my hot cum. Wait. . . . right . . . I was suppose to be insulted, wasn't I? I'm sorry dear, let me try again. Oh . . . forsaken me . . . Woe is my manhood."
He chuckles to himself as if he was incredibly funny. I don't find myself laughing though.
Grant: "I do love talking to you sweetheart. But I think it's time now."
However, his confidence isn't like a stereotypical egotistical cocky character, but rather it's something he views as simply a fact. Like yes, he's objectively attractive and hasn't struggled to date.

His confidence is what makes him so terrifying. That he without a doubt believes the player will eventually submit to him.
Grant is so convinced the player will given in, that he can accidentally kill you. Since he believes you'll stop resisting and sleep, if you refuse and try to stay awake he'll accidentally strangle you to death.
It's one of the few endings where you're killed.
There's also two scenes where the player can threaten Grant with a knife. However, Grant doesn't take your threat seriously at all.
Player: "Stay the fuck back!"
He doesn't listen though, instead he starts to walk forward towards me.
Player: "I said-"
Grant: "Yea, I heard you sweetheart. But we both know you don't have what it takes to use that thing. So, why don't you just put it down."
Depending on the player's choice he CAN get stabbed:
The other scene where you threaten him with a knife:
Player: "STAY BACK!"
He lifts his hands slowly but without caution.
Grant: "Sweetheart . . . This is very disappointing of you. Why are you fighting me?"
Player: "Stay back or I'll stab you!"
He lets out a long sigh but continues to slowly walk towards me.
Grant: "You wouldn't stab me my beloved. Now put the knife down."
I find it interesting the way Grant is so confident that you won't stab him that he approaches you without any caution. Technically, Grant does have military experience, which could add to that. However, I'm pretty sure that lore wasn't added until after the game's release. So it's not that Grant believes he can handle you, but that he 100% believes you don't have what it takes to do it. Something he's so confident about that could end with him getting stabbed.
Grant feels very optimistic about the future and is convinced after kidnapping her, that, in his own words: "We're going to be the best couple there ever was."
While Madison felt very grim about her future. When Grant kidnaps her, he takes her away from all her problems and fears. While unintentionally giving her a new fear (him) and a new goal (escaping).
Since she's isolated (and possibly restrained):

She's now no longer dealing with the issues that plagued her for so long. The stress of paying bills and figuring out what career path she wants to follow. One that will both pay well, and she's happy with.
Art that was once the skillset she never felt good enough at now has turned into a creative outlet for the situation.
Also, since Grant kidnapped her, she's not able to interact with anyone outside him. Which also means she is no longer is at risk of facing rejection or judgement from others.
As horrible as the situation with Grant is, it's one of the first times she's ever felt fully accepted. Since she can’t turn to her coping skills by running away or isolating herself after being kidnapped. She’s forced to spend time with him and be vulnerable. It’s very jarring since she has so desperately craved to connect with another human being. Yet it’s happening with the worst person imaginable.
Due to her low self-esteem she has mixed feelings over Grant's obsession with her. She tries to rationalize it in her head, but it just feels so nice to be desired. To be complimented and praised.
Grant: "You're so beautiful. So precious. I knew you were the one for me the moment I saw you. You're perfect. In every way."
Due to not having very high hopes for her future overtime, she subconsciously develops a fear of returning to society. After all, if she escapes and Grant is arrested she'll truly be alone again.
There's this HUGE fear of restarting. Just because you've been kidnapped doesn't mean the world stopped moving. You still lose your apartment and job. Everyone else continued to live their lives and the world you already struggled to feel a part of functioned fine without you.
So, when you so desperately want to be loved and accepted, having someone say that they unconditionally accept you and all they want in return is for you to love them, sounds so enticing.
Grant: "I'm going to take real good care of you. You don't have to work anymore. Or do anything. All you have to do, is love me. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm going to be real good to you."
It doesn't help her and Grant have this natural chemistry. That he also desperately wants the player to reciprocate even though it's super unrealistic they would. To the point you can use it to your advantage in the game.
In one of the routes after Grant breaks through your apartment window, you can scream for help and he'll grab your mouth. He'll then pull you over to the couch and telling you to not do that again. The player afterwards can try to stall for time with the hope that one of their neighbors has called the police after hearing you scream.
Grant: "I have to get you home."
Player: "Can't we just stay here?"
I pat the couch invitingly.
Grant: "Nice try. We both know you don't mean that."
He starts to dig for something out of his pocket.
Player: "But what if I did?"
He pauses before he pulls it out all the way.
Grant: "What if . . . you did?"
He thinks it over for a moment.
Player: "You could . . . come sit with me. Watch some tv . . . talk?"
He eyes dart around the room in contemplation.
(HE'S ACTUALLY CONTEMPLATING ADFN;LAKDJ. She was screaming for help two seconds ago there's no way she actually wants to- BUT WHAT IF?!!!!!!!)
Grant: "Why the change of heart?"
He's not foolish enough to fall for it that easily and the police arrive before you can answer but oH MY GOD.
In the beginning, Madison would occasionally fight against him. However, she quickly stops since she doesn't want to constantly be punished and is scared he's going to accidentally kill her. Instead, she plays the waiting game looking for an opportunity to attempt to escape. Until she just has one moment where a flip switches inside her, wondering what she's even fighting to return to.
A life with Grant she's guaranteed to know what she gets. Meanwhile, life outside is scary and filled with uncertainty. Even though Grant is the thing she should fear most overtime he becomes a source of comfort and the outside world is what scares her.
As long as she stops fighting then everything will be okay :)


Grant: "I know, it's really scary but I'm not going to hurt you unless I have to. Everything's going to be ok."


Grant: "I don't want to hurt you Maddy. That's not what I want."
Player: "Please don't hurt me. Please . . ."
Grant: "Shhh . . . I'm not here to hurt you. I could never hurt you."
He pulls my head backwards and places a kiss on the top of it.
Grant: "There's no need to be scared. See?"
Somehow I just can't agree.
Grant: "Let me make this simple for you Maddy. You don't want to get stabbed. I really don't want to have to stab you. So come quietly and neither one of us have to do something we don't want to. Just cause I don't want to, doesn't mean I won't. You're likely to be easier to handle if you're wounded."
I try to showcase her transition in some of my commissions:
Unaware of the stalking: Drawn by Saccharineheartx

The night of the kidnapping: Drawn by Toxictrashdump
Being held captive at Grant's log cabin: Drawn by Ohmenthamo
Confused about her feelings: Drawn by Eliotlime
I gave Eliotlime creative freedom with what the Mini Maddys would be doing, but asked if they could have mixed emotions. Like one angry, scared, shy/embarassed, and the other lovey/affectionate.
Madison initiating affection: Drawn by Bebbyb00
Acceptance: Drawn by UnusualMuffin-Art
Shown through them being silly and lovey-dovey together.
#(ᵕ—ᴗ—) THIS POST GOT SO LONG I'M A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSED . . .#𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 for asking Toby!!! I lovelovelovelovelove any excuse to talk about them!!!!#One thing I find really sad and tragic about her is that:#She thinks by being with Grant she's escaping everything bad from the outside world.#When in reality she's missing out on all the potential good.#There's a lot more I could add to this post especially regarding the notsfw stuff Grant does and how it affects her.#I'm too shy to write about that in detail though akdfj;alkfna but here's some facts.#She was a virgin before Grant and has never had a real long term relationship before.#The last time she kissed someone she was eighteen.#She's been asked out (by coworkers) since then but always rejects and pushes others away.#She has a hard time believing anyone is actually interested in her or has good intentions.#So Grant being so upfront with his intentions and that he is sick and a creep she weirdly finds reassuring lmao.#SHE'S NOT THE MOST MENTALLY WELL IS THAT OBVIOUS LKFDJKL:SDS:D#Her fate is that she ends up growing old with Grant and they have one kid together.#Their child is 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 loved but has some issues but to be fair look who his parents are.#Basically he's like his Dad but doesn't want to be.#Also she technically has one half hearted escape attempt in the log cabin but I'm saving to reveal that in a future commission.#TakenForGranted#These are the exact choices in the game I imagine for my ship ->#No. + Comfort? + Decline? + Hang up? + Insist? + No . . . + Ignore it? + Look? + Slap his hand away? + Pretend to be asleep? +#Win Mini Game + Fail Mini Game = Ending Sushi Rolled.#Long Text#Long Post
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Well, at least Fukuzawa got his wish granted, I guess.... he's finally inside Fukuchi <3
#bungou stray dogs#bsd spoilers#bsd 120.5#please laugh i know i made myself laugh.... if only to keep from crying lol#the oocification of Fukuzawa will be studied in the history books for years to come#that's not my fukuzawa...... that's his discount twin fucksack#because his dick is so far up the ass of his dead pathetic dumbass crusty ex boyfriend it's not even funny#he is dickriding that fucker HARD#and here i thought the FANDOM woobified fukuchi out the wazoo. but oh my god no fukuzawa himself has them all beat this chapter#man is coco for cocopuffs and babying that grown-ass man like he's 5#it's truly pathetic and depressing to see i'm just beyond words#'you deceived him by keeping quiet the issues that would plague a union of mankind' NO??? LITERALLY ANYONE WITH A BRAIN WOULD KNOW#THAT THAT WOULD NEVER FUCKING WORK???? THAT IT'S THE STUPIDEST MOST NAIVE PLAN AND VIEW OF THE WORLD IMAGINABLE????#WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS A TODDLER INSTEAD OF A GROWN-ASS SOLDIER WITH YEARS OF MILITARY EXPERIENCE#Fyodor feels like the only one at this point that hasn't truly lost the plot in all this...... the only one with a goddamn brain#I HATE THAT I HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT IT FELT SO CATHARTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i hate even more that the series clearly doesn't want us to agree with him and instead believe that fukuzawa is still right#even though he was spouting the most naive braindead bullshit imaginable that early series Fukuzawa would NEVER SAY#WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN BRO??? WHY DO YOU CARE MORE ABOUT DEFENDING THE HONOR OF THAT CRUSTY MF THAN#THE SAFETY OF YOUR KIDS????#WHERE DID ALL YOUR INTELLIGENCE GO#i fucking hated the writing ever since fukuchi's plan/motives were first revealed and it was played completely straight (and gay lol)#but to hear fukuzawa actually come out and defend that ridiculous bs is just.......... again i have no words#it's insane. what happened. what happened to you fukuzawa. all i can do is laugh it's so sad it's so stupid. I WAS CRINGING SO BAD.#and was so glad when he finally died so he finally SHUT THE FUCK UP. i hate it here. i miss when BSD was good so bad man 😭😭😭#it would be one thing if it felt like he's so deep in grief that he's completely deluded himself that fukuchi was right and had pure motive#and wasn't an idiotic piece of shit himself just like fyodor#but nah again it just feels like we're supposed to side with him lmao even though fyodor was exactly right in everything he said#when your villain sounds more intelligent/correct than your hero and that's not an intentional writing choice..... that's not good bros!!!#anyway may your stupidity be purified in the soul of your dead bf fukuzawa 🙏 and we get the true you back
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