#more art about it because i have so many thoughts on their complex interactions with gender and identity����😢

[zan0tix]

Assorted homestucks number 72382683

[genderfluid-druid]

finally learning emotional intelligence as an adult in my 30s feels like playing with goddamn tinker toys while i watch other people my age building these beautiful emotional ecosystems out of hand carved mahogany. but the alternative is to continue being glib and dismissive of every emotion i experience for the rest of my life so 👍 pass me that green rod i guess. and do you see any more hubs

[messrsrarchives]

You’re starting to act just like your fascist Reggie—censoring others and trying to dictate what can and cannot be discussed in fandom. Telling people they can’t talk about politics because you, living in a first-world country, can’t handle it? You’re the one using real-world politics to justify a fictional ship with a fascist. Have you thought about how people who are genuinely anti-fascist might also dislike it in fiction? You can’t control fandom. If you want to like fascist characters, then just own it. While fiction might not feel like reality to you, for many, it is reality. Have you considered that the characters and headcanons you enjoy might reflect deeply personal experiences for others? Not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do.

hi feed, this message was brought to you by someone who has clearly never interacted with me ever !

WDYMMM "telling people they can't talk about politics" 😭😭 i fear that's my ENTIRE niche across two social media platforms. i fear my entire thing is politics in a fandom space + the real world. i fear that's literally what i'm known for. what 😖

i was gonna ignore this but i have so many receipts that i thought okay ! finna answer ! why not, let's entertain this <3 (below the cut because it's long)

assuming that this is a response to this post where, after watching elon perform two nazi salutes on stage, i said "hey! maybe you should stop calling people in fandom nazis for reading about a fictional character!"

what i alsooo said on that post is that it's important to discuss politics in literature (see here: doing a masters degree in english literature + politics <3). because absolutely! the DEs are crafted in a way that reflects historic events and absolutely, that's something we can discuss!

what we should also discuss is that whilst art imitiates life and life imitates art, the two do not directly reflect one another - if i read about wizards, i am not a wizard. if i read a crime book, i am not a detective. and if i read fanfic about regulus black? i am not a facist.

in regards to the censorship comment: this here is an entireeee video i made about censorship and puritanical views in fandom spaces and why this is a Bad Thing To Do (though i fear you will disagree with it because i am saying that people can read and write whatever but alas, no censorship here x)

using real world politics to justify a ship? no, not at all. i do not think ships in fandom need to be "justified" because, again, they are fiction. can they be discussed? absolutely! my tiktok is @/messrsrobyn and you will find countless videos where i dissect fandom, characters and ships. again, this is kind of my whole thing <33 nice to meet you <33 but rather for me? that post was made as a building up of (1) the mass of people in fandom during the tiktok ban saying that words have meaning when american writers say british words "wrong", but throw buzzwords around like it's nothing and (2) this is a place for escapism and safety, which is needed now more than ever and whilst discussions about politics are important, this? this ask? this is not a discussion. this is hostility, much like people just commenting "nazi" with nothing else on a jegulus post.

discussions can be had! absolutely! my entire thing is discussions in fandom. but right now i'm trying to discuss this when you have given me nothing to work with but false claims and hostility - see how this doesn't work? but alas, i'll try :)

do people read jegulus and think "wow i love voldemort and the death eaters!!! i agree with what the did here :D" or do they read jegulus and enjoy the complexity that comes with a character like him? do they enjoy how, with a character with such little canon lore, people explore things? or yk what, do they sometimes read him as a muggle where none of this matter because there's do DEs? yeah, because it's fiction. and liking a fictional character does not have repercussions on the real world.

calling someone a facist/nazi only for teading about fictional characters does - it is so incredibly important that we read immoral literature. i'm rambling now but i'm not even talking just about fandom. we NEED books that discuss these topics and we need to explore the characters within them. we NEED politics and immorality and everything like that in books because that is how we learn, understand, and prevent. reading them does make you immoral - see here: queer books being banned in the us for containing "immoral themes" and main characters doing things they deem had and awful alongside INCREDIBLYYYY important books like the handmaids tale, to kill a mockingbird, 1984, fahrenheit 451 etc etc.

we need to read these. we need to engage with them.

but in a fandom space, we also need to acknowledge that these are not real people. these are fictional characters and there's a big difference between engaging with a character because you are justifying their actions, and engaging with a character because you enjoy Exploring their character and Understanding them in as many ways as possible 🙂↕️

but we agree!! whilst fiction may not feel like reality to some people, to many it is! so have we considered that when people come to escape from the real world for a bit, or people have family members lost to past regimes; are about to enter 4 years of another regime or are holding their breath waiting for european elections to see if another far-right populist party gets in, it might sucklk to have this thrown around?

imagine dealing with alllll of that in reality, not knowing what on earth is going to happen tomorrow or what the future holds for you and the people you love, and then being called a facist online because you read about Fictional Character Regulus Black. whilst your life literally crumbles apart because of it. you are now being called the same thing that the man oppressing you and everyone you love is, because you read FanFiction.

and then finally ahem:

"not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do"

if you click here, you will find a tumblr post i made about this exact thing :D about how we can't separate fiction from reality

see here also: a post about the books jkr publishes under the robert galbraith pseudonym and about how we, again, cannot separate fiction from reality.

if you click here you will find my jkr playlist on tiktok which has videos in about how, again, we cannot separate fiction from reality.

what we also can't do, mind you is call someone a facist for reading a fictional character.

there is big difference between "hey! this character has facist undertones if applied irl, we could discuss this!" and "You Are A Facist For Reading It"

instead of coming and ranting to someone who has spoken extensivelyyyy about politics in this fandom space - both with fandom material and with elections, gaza, the uk riots etc etc - and is a huge advocate of dicussions and debates, put this energy into something productive.

like actual facists. real world politics and what you could be doing at a local level to help reduce the harm of Actual Facists that are in power right now. not people taking a break from Actual Facism to read fanfiction.

ta x

(p.s i'm a homeless, chronically-ill, gay, trans man. what privilege do i have in THISSS fandom space of JK ROWLINGSSSSS worlds, to separate reality from fiction? 😭)

[spade-12]

Spade Doodles Showcase Is Here! (100+ followers special!)

- Duration

From January 18 to TBD?? (Deadline for when I stop taking requests not when I stop drawing!)

- Details

To celebrate me reaching 100+ followers, I will be hosting a small event!

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for following & supporting me - regardless of my inactivity - and interacting with my posts ^^. Sometimes I just come off and on again and I’m still surprised when people engage with my blog. I think it’s typical of me to say that I never thought I would ever get to meet so many people that welcome me to this community. Or to have any moots at all. And I know I don’t interact much (which I want to do more, I’m just really bad at socializing >_>), but I’ve meet amazing people, from the art that they make, and to the person they are in general. To whoever’s reading this, thank you, regardless if you follow me or not, I appreciate everyone’s support :)

100 may not be a big number, but it’s still pretty amazing that 100 people (+more) enjoy my blog enough to follow me . I’m glad people like my art, and that I could share it to other people. No words and numbers can express the immense gratitude to have meet you all, and to be able to be in this community. Thank you all for listening to me blabber and thank you for the support ❤️ now on to the real stuff!

-EVENT INFO-

A request event where you can roll on this limited banner featuring my Yuusona and Grim! In this banner you get to roll for their cards, sort of like a gacha! And whatever card you roll on, will be the surprise you will get for your request! 🎉

(inspired by a gacha pulling event by @/the-rini-rush or now @/rinis-reality!)

-How to roll

Leave a comment or an ask, then if I stumble upon your request, I’ll spin a random number generator from 1-8. For example, if I rolled (1) for your request, that means you’ll receive the starsending card, and if the request asks for a drawing of Kalim with yuu, then I(♠️) will draw a fully-rendered piece! As explained below. But if there are any specific requests, it will hopefully be mentioned in the request! Like a specific pose, or idea, etc.

Note-I think I might skip on the dms, because I realized that my gacha has to be a surprise for my rollers, and responding means they’re chosen buttttt, 👀 I want it to be a secret! Orrr maybe it might be too much if it’s dms 😭 idkk But I’ll respond to any comments asking, guess that’s not so secret, but when I will get the drawing done will depend 🙇‍♂️

Rules/How to Join!

Moots & followers can only participate-but I’m always open to new followers!(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

Comment, or submit an ask about your request!

Specify any details you want incorporated, poses, ideas, details, etc.

I may dm personally if I have any questions

Requests are not “limited,” but I will take priority for first come first serve if you ever request twice! Depending if people participate at all hhh><

DOS

Only TWST related (for now?. Unless I’m in the mood..)

Limited to 2 people in a request, depending on complexity, but feel free to add more just in case!

OC/CC, OC/CC, and CC/CC allowed!

Age appropriate (SFW) please nothing suggestive 😭 I can’t draw that…

DONTS

Nothing pro ship, homophobic, or anything with ill intent, I don’t condone that here!

I might not be able to draw certain/complex things because i’m not capable enough … (complex mechas, backgrounds -depends-, furries, anthro 😭)

Additional info (Please read!! ^^)

Occasionally I might do other drawing ideas or participate in other events (just as little breaks in between!)

Drawings may take a while , but I’ll try my best!

I’ll also note they might take longer due to irl stuff, and also I’ve been coming down with the flu these daysss..

Note the drawings example below may not be the exact style you’ll be getting

Also my drawings may suck, so yea, beware!👻👻

Featured Cards ♠️

I was planning to do more refined examples but I grew lazy and I haven’t been doing well, so that adds to the surprise! Sorry everyone 🥹 also some of these are older drawings I never posted-

Hopefully my health gets a bit better!!^^

1.SSR- Starsending

A request style painting, with additional sketches, where it will be rendered, shaded, and most detailed!

2.SSR- White Rabbit Festival

A request collection of sketches, a mixture of color and tiny drawings!

Ex.

3.SSR- Liongarb

A request collection a whole page of doodles (some slightly colored with lots of different pictures!

Ex.

4.SSR- Dorm Uniform

A request special card sr, where you can get a design for a ungroovy and groovy!

5.SSR- Birthday boy

A request special card SSR where you can get a design with a ungroovy and groovy!

Ex.

6.SSR- Birthday Jacket

A request where you can get a special cover based on the official TWST manga! (By Yana’s style) + possible manga panel?

7.SSR - Bloom Broomquet Birthday

A request where you can get a special cover based on the Offical TWST manga! (By Aida Suzuka’s style) + possible manga panel?

8.SSR - Platinum Birthday

A special request where you’ve reached guaranteed! If you get this card, you get to choose which selection of other request listed above you want! This is where I’ll dm the roller and they can select their choice!

Have fun with your pulls! Thank you again!

BUT SERIOUSLY THANK YOU ALL!,! GSHSGD 😭😭😭 YOU GUYS ARE ALL AMAZING!!!!🫶💝❤️❤️💝❤️💝❤️❤️-♠️

-Additional full body ref of design and art-

[pachimation]

redrawing my very first chiscara comic/art i ever did for chscr day!!

old comic under the cut!!

lol a bunch of sappy semi serious stuff below bc i cant help but be a bit genuine about this ship today :’3

i cant possibly put into words how important this silly little ship and its community mean to me haha,,,, this comic was made in 2021 but i didnt really get serious about chscr until late 2022 after a bunch of pretty bad interpersonal stuff happened and i needed an outlet,, COINCIDENTALLY a certain someone was announced to be playable around then and i was already thought chscr was Pretty Neat™️ so i ended up diving headfirst into the ship. it also gave me a good excuse to work on more comics too!! i’d done a pretty big zhongven comic earlier that year in the summer, but in terms of lore there was only so much i could have worked with at the moment.

childe and scaramouche have that perfect combination of silliness and angst and violence that could be explored or expanded in so many ways and i love love love seeing other people’s interpretations of their dynamic and relationship. they’re so complex,,,,they’re narrative foils,,,they’re narrative parallels,,,they’re trans allegories,,,they’re flies in the spiderweb of the games lore,,,they’re my stupid little meow meows,,, they’re just two losers i want to see make out,,,

in a nutshell, they’re everything to me. well, i hope i get that kind of sentiment across in my own comics,,,,

and i cant get started on all the people ive met through chiscara or the way that having something i can call “my thing”, as in, the thing that i like and that i will spend a lot of time and effort (and money, but lets not talk about that) to surround myself with because it makes me smile. its stupid to say, but being a nerd about these two stupid guys who have never had a single canon onscreen interaction in some random game has made me a much happier and confident person that i could have ever imagined back in my freshman year of college,,, when i say i dont know who i’d be if i hadnt gotten into chiscara, i really do mean it lol

i’m actually surprised i’m making it to over a full year of regular-ishly making art, especially for the same game and ship! thats never happened before and my art has improved so much over this past year!! more than anything else, i’m happy! i get to be excited talking about these characters with my friends and i love to see art of them pop up on the tl. i make stickers of them and decorate my phonecase with them and have little figures of them in my room that i look at when im up late at night working on schoolwork. sometimes just the thought of finishing a comic or daydreaming about a scenario or seeing what my mutuals are up to are some of the few things getting me through a tough day.

,,,,so believe me when i say, to both childe and scara and to everyone else as obsessed with these pathic losers as i am, thank you! i’m having a lot of fun!!!

(also i just found out tumblrs copy/paste doesnt work on my ipad??? idk if this ends up legible i may or may not have deleted smth by accident and im not in a mood to proofread haha)

[tagamantra]

realities, maximalism,and the need for big book™️

some gubat banwa design thoughts vomit: since the beginning of its development i've kind of been enraptured with trying to really go for "fiction-first" storytelling because PbtA games really are peak roleplaying for me, but as i wrote and realized that a lot of "fiction first" doesn't work without a proper sort of fictional foundation that everyone agrees on. this is good: this is why there are grounding principles, genre pillars, and other such things in many PbtA games--to guide that.

broken worlds is one of my favs bc of sheer vibes

Gubat Banwa didn't have much in that sense: sure, I use wuxia and xianxia as kind of guideposts, but they're not foundational, they're not pillars of the kind of fiction Gubat Banwa wants to raise up. there wasn't a lot in the sense of genre emulation or in the sense of grounding principles because so much of Gubat Banwa is built on stuff most TTRPG players haven't heard about. hell, it's stuff squirreled away in still being researched academic and anthropological circles, and thanks to the violence of colonialism, even fellow filipinos and seasians don't know about them

this is what brought me back to my ancient hyperfixations, the worlds of Exalted, Glorantha, Artesia, Fading Suns... all of them have these huge tomes of books that existed to put down this vast sprawling fantasy world, right? on top of that are the D&D campaign settings, the Dark Suns and the Eberrons. they were preoccupied in putting down setting, giving ways for people to interact with the world, and making the world alive as much as possible.

one of my main problems with gubat banwa was trying to convey this world that i've seen, glimpsed, dreamed of. this martial fantasy world of rajas and lakans, sailendras and tuns, satariyas and senapatis and panglimas and laksamanas and pandai... its a world that didn't really exist yet, and most references are steeped in either nationalism or lack of resources (slowly changing, now)

i didn't want to fall back into the whole gazeteer tourist kind of shit when it came to writing GB, but it necessitated that the primary guidelines of Gubat Banwa were set down. my approach to it was trying to instill every aspect of the text, from the systems to the fluff text to the way i wrote to the way things were phrased, with the essence of this world i'm trying to put forward. while i wrote GB mainly for me and fellow SEAsian people, economically my main market were those in the first world countries that could afford to buy the book. grokking the book was always going to be severely difficult for someone that didn't have similar cultures, or are uninterested in the complexities of human culture. thus why GB had to be a big book.

in contemporary indie ttrpg spaces (where I mostly float in, though i must admit i pay more attention to SEAsia spaces than the usual US spaces) the common opinion is that big books like Exalted 3e are old hat, or are somewhat inferior to games that can cram their text into short books. i used to be part of that camp--in capitalism, i never have enough time, after all. however, the books that do go big, that have no choice to go big, like Lancer RPG, Runequest, Mage, Exalted are usually the ones that have something really big it needs to tell you, and they might be able to perform the same amount of text-efficient bursting at the seams flavor writing but its still not enough.

thats what happened to GB, which I wanted to be, essentially, a PbtA+4e kind of experience, mechanically speaking. i very soon abandoned those titles when i delved deeper into research, incorporated actual 15th century divination tools in the mechanics, injected everything with Martial Arts flavor as we found our niche

all of this preamble to say that no matter how light i wanted to go with the game, i couldnt go too light or else people won't get it, or i might end up writing 1000 page long tome books explaining every detail of the setting so people get it right. this is why i went heavy on the vibes: its a ttrpg after all. its never gonna be finished.

i couldnt go too light because Gubat Banwa inherently exists on a different reality. think: to many 3 meals a day is the norm and the reality. you have to eat 3 meals a day to function properly. but this might just be a cultural norm of the majority culture, eventually co opted by capitalism to make it so that it can keep selling you things that are "breakfast food" or "dinner food" and whatnot. so its reality to some, while its not reality to others. of course, a lot of this reality-talk pertains mostly to social--there is often a singular shared physical reality we can usually experience*

Gubat Banwa has a different fabric of reality. it inherently has a different flow of things. water doesn't go down because of gravity, but because of the gods that make it move, for example. bad things happen to you because you weren't pious or you didn't do your rituals enough and now your whole community has to suffer. atoms aren't a thing in gb, thermodynamics isn't a real thing. the Laws of Gubat Banwa aren't these physical empirical things but these karmic consequent things

much of the fiction-first movement has a sort of "follow your common sense" mood to it. common sense (something also debatable among philosophers but i dont want to get into that) is mostly however tied to our physical and social realities. but GB is a fantasy world that inherently doesn't center those realities, it centers realities found in myth epics and folk tales and the margins of colonized "civilization", where lightnings can be summoned by oils and you will always get lost in the woods because you don't belong there.

so Gubat Banwa does almost triple duty: it must establish the world, it must establish the intended fiction that arises from that world, and then it must grant ways to enforce that fiction to retain immersion--these three are important to GB's game design because I believe that that game--if it is to not be a settler tourist bonanza--must force the player to contend with it and play with it within its own terms and its own rules. for SEAsians, there's not a lot of friction: we lived these terms and rules forever. don't whistle at night on a thursday, don't eat meat on Good Friday, clap your hands thrice after lighting an incense stick, don't make loud noise in the forests. we're born into that [social] reality

this is why fantasy is so important to me, it allows us to imagine a different reality. the reality (most of us) know right now (i say most of us because the reality in the provinces, the mountains, they're kinda different) is inherently informed by capitalist structures. many people that are angry at capitalist structures cannot fathom a world outside capitalist structures, there are even some leftists and communists that approach leftism and revolution through capitalism, which is inherently destructive (its what leads to reactionaries and liberalism after all). fantasy requires that you imagine something outside of right now. in essence read Ursula K Le Guin

i tweeted out recently that you could pretty easily play 15-16th century Luzon or Visayas with an OSR mechanic setting and William Henry Scott's BARANGAY: SIXTEENTH CENTURY PHILIPPINE CULTURE AND SOCIETY, and I think that's purely because barebones OSR mechanics stuff fits well with the raiding and adventuring that many did in 15-16th century Luzon/Visayas, but a lot of the mechanics wont be comign from OSR, but from Barangay, where you learn about the complicated marriage customs, the debt mechanics, the social classes and stratum...

so thats why GB needs to be a (relatively) big book, and why I can contend that some books need to be big as well--even if their mechanics are relatively easy and dont need more than that, the book, the game, might be trying to relay something even more, might be trying to convey something even more than that. artesia, for example, has its advancements inherently tied to its Tarot Cards, enforcing that the Arcana guides your destiny. runquest has its runes magic, mythras (which is kinda generic) has pretty specific kinds of magic systems that immediately inform the setting. this is why everything is informed by something (this is a common Buddhist principle, dependent arising). even the most generic D&D OSR game will have the trappings of the culture and norms of the one that wrote and worked on it. its written from their reality which might not necessarily be the one others experience. that's what lived experience is, after all

*live in the provinces for a while and you'll doubt this too!

[adhd-fandom-hyperfocus]

Secret Box

Sorry no fancy formatting or anything here. I got sudden inspired to write this from an anon @moodymisty got Tagging @kit-williams because I know Mr. Turbo is her man Warnings: Hints of NSFW stuff at the very end. Sorry if Turbo sounds ooc I haven't written him at all before so be kind. Also, did not proofread this. MINOR DNI

"Oh I don't know, I would be unhappy too if all I had to was tear things down and war. Maybe he wants to something else?"

"What do you mean? He seems quite happy breaking things."

He watched you frown so deeply, "My little bother was like that, everyone thought he like being mad. Just did not know how to convey his feelings, and felt like he had to stay under father's thumb. But he really just wanted to be an artist. I loved his art!"

"I didn't know you had a brother, where is he?"

"Dead. Died angry and lonely because father wanted a soldier."

His furious hearts stopped in his chest. You saw him. You did not realize it, but you did. It scared him, mad him want to rage and break you. It made him want to keep you close. Show you those things he wanted to forget.

***

"What in the Emperor's name is that?"

"Oh one of those puzzle boxes, some call them secret boxes because once you open them you can keep little important secrets in them!" your smile makes his head spin and his stomach lurch.

He wanted you to smile at him like that more. He needed you to talk to him about the silly little boxes.

"Why do you have so many? They seem pointless, we do not have anything to keep in them."

"Oh, I am far too stupid to open them, but I find them beautiful, each one looks different, opens differently, and all so complex, like people!"

***

Weeks he slaved over his workbench, keeping this secret to all, which was made easy when got the small chance to engage with you. Or most commonly, watch you interact with others, needed to make sure you didn't give his secrets away; at least he tried to convince himself of that.

You thought yourself stupid, but you figured him out in a way not even the damn Emperor himself could. What looked so simple was perhaps the most complex of all.

You wanted to see the art he could create that wasn't for war, how his mind could do if allowed to run free. Called his work art, like it was something to also marvel at.

The primarch looked over his newest creation, the small box was intricate in it's design, how he liked things. But it was what was inside that made his chest feel weak, and yet made him powerful all the same. The primarch of iron was feeling himself soften at the heat that had made a permanent home in his lower abdomen.

When he presented the box to you he did not say he made it, refused to. But as he explained his lie, the look you cast at him shocked him. You knew his bluff. Of course you did.

"Well, whoever made this is a true master! I have never seen something to beautiful before, thank you my lord," you smile up at him, letting him keep his pride and secret, "I know you are a busy man, but should you remember who made this could you be so kind to your serf and tell me?"

Prutabo grunted and nodded, "If I feel so inclined. Let me know if and when you open it."

***

Days and weeks pass and you keep him updated with your progress, he makes comments that hint he isn't too interested, after all someone of his genius would have opened it already. You agree, but you won't give up. You determination makes his hearts feel like they are in knots. How happy and joyful you are over his little toy. The fun you find in testing yourself only just to say you did it. The moments of you updating him live inside his dreams, where he is brave enough to hold your hand and smile back.

The crusade had called him away and like always it kept him longer than anyone else. While his brothers got to reap all the glory he was cleanup, or the brunt hammer to break wills. So of course when the Lord of Iron returned everyone scattered. Hid like cowards.

Not you. Even with him exuding even more of his dour demeanor you came running up to him. Puzzle box in hand.

"My Lord! I know you just returned, but I have been waiting for teran weeks for you to return." you were overflowing with excitement; practically vibrating with it.

It was like a disease that spread quickly, because as you spoke his ire cooled. You were happy he was home.

"Make it quick." though he hoped you took as long as you wanted.

"I am about to open the box, and I wanted to open it with you!" you grin up at him coming closer, "Exciting right?"

You...waited for him. Wanted to share in his happiness with...Throne he thought he was going to burst out of his armor and into flames.

"For someone who cannot easily solve things, I suppose. Well, open it." he grumbled, fighting to keep his mask on.

As you moved the last piece into place and opened the lid, a centerpiece rose up, and thereupon it was a metal sculpting of morning glories rising up and in bloom, the spun slowly as music played. And resting inside the main flower was a small ring, designed to look like vines holding a blooming rose the held a pink diamond.

Oh the look upon your face he would have waited lifetimes just to see it. It made this little box the greatest thing he would ever fashion.

"My Lord...I...forgive me, my words are failing." you whisper still marveling at the spinning flowers, "I love morning glories..."

Perturabo nodded, "I am aware. I do listen..." he wanted to know about the ring, wanted you to wear it.

Let everyone know you were his. That you wanted to be his.

Tears well up in your eyes as you so gingerly take the ring. Without needing to ask he gently holds the box so you might place it upon one of your fingers. He watches intently as you try various fingers before putting it upon your ring finger.

"My..."

"Perturabo. You can call me by my name...should you wish to continue to wear that ring." he spoke so very softly for himself.

Thorne, he needed you to keep it on.

"I will, Perturabo," you say his name to see how it rolls off your tongue and it sounds like heaven to him.

When this crusade is over he will fill this place with sounds of your and his children, and he will cast off all this cold machinery for things that truly mattered to him. Being a toy maker in one's spare time wasn't such a foolish notion. He would not die like your brother, and leave you alone.

"Are you sure you want...I mean... I am a serf, people will talk and I do not want to tarnish your name." you whisper to him, eyes fixed on the ring.

"They would be foolish to speak of it where I can hear." was all he offered.

Your small hands slip over his covered in his massive gauntlets, and he was trembling to get this armor off.

"My Lady, if it pleases you," his voice low and he leaned in close so no other could hear, "I wish to remove this armor, if you would wait for me in my chambers..." he couldn't believe he was doing this! Smoothness and words were not his strong points, but for you, he would try, "There is a puzzle I would like to get to know intimately, work with my hands, would you be willing?"

His face burned as he waited what felt like eons for you to reply. Was this all too much too fast? Was he being a fool?

You take the music puzzle box from him and when you pull back you are smiling with cheeks as flushed as his, "I would love that. Now go before your men see you this shade of red and not yelling. I do not want to ruin your reputation." you tease

Perturabo smiled, "You, I will allow to ruin me." he said before tearing off to get this damn armor off.

[soulfulazrael]

Stolas and Stella. Shallow conflict that could be so much more. Conflict of two Hells and torment of the immortal.

So... another post that probably will be another long Yap fest of a weirdo who has only the brainpower to make threads on a cartoon. Eh. Could be worse. My drive to make this post was sparked by this one image (or well... two).

Great... Very subtle... Deserves a medal don't you think? Ah well. Today's subject as you can tell from the image presented here is RELATIONSHIPS! Or rather one set of relationships that has been bothering me and inspired me to do better in my own work based on this show. This disaster that is the Stella/Stolas/Octavia dynamic is one huge problem in my eyes and I will explain that below with some thoughts of mine and why this particular image sparked such vitriol in my peanut brain.

I think the biggest and most noticeable problem that can be seen straight away in this one picture and entire show that... it is just so damn simple. Way too simple and 1 dimensional which this show tries to parade as something meaningful and deep. I mean one look at it and you can see all of the problems. Stella is made into a laughing all evil bastard. Octavia FOR SOME REASON is just angry at Stolas and makes a mean face which makes no sense given how they interact. And Stolas is presented as some tragic, deeply hurt figure when he is in fact the architect of most of his own miseries, but the show seems to believe in that horseshait.

And at first one who only has this picture as any sort of context may say that "It's okay. The wife is obviously an evil capital B, but the daughter in this whole equation adds to the complexity and the feeling of that the dad also screwed up heavily".

Except to anyone who actually watched the show this makes no sense because Octavia has literally NO reason to ever side or ignore her mother's stupid and malicious behavior. It's one thing where you want to include a complex dynamic where the sides are more blurred and another where you make one side so obviously WORSE. Not to mention stupid and seemingly unable to hide any of their douchebaggery.

And it's another issue of the show as a whole where it just cannot for the life of it have complex antagonists and most of them are pretty much the same damn archetype. Both shows do that in fact. Because both HH and HB work in the same way. They all have the same kind of snickering abuser who loves to torment their victim and they are about as smart as average Twitter Blue buyer. I mean can you tell me ANY sort of difference between someone like Val, Stella, Crim or Mammon? Any of them? Besides their designs and people they abuse? You probably have to think it through and I think it goes to show how all of them are so damn similar to each other. To the point where they are all almost exactly the same boring character.

And funny thing is? It didn't have to be this way. And this second image feels like more of an insult for two reasons.

Still not perfect, but it's better somewhat And the reason for that is... it feels like actually a bit subtle. You have less cramming in of how terrible Stella is. Octavia being a more oblivious child and Stolas while caring for her being more absent minded. That creates an interesting dynamic and Stella has some air of mystery to her where she can be taken in many directions.

They just chose the absolute dumbest one. And that's why this image makes me mad. It shows they COULD do better, but choose not to and that this art serves no other purpose than just to say STELLA LE BAD. And they have no other agenda with it. No other way to interpret it because of that second stupid one. It narrows and destroys so much potential. Almost as much as that picture of baby Stella from Circus.

And I think another big issue I kind of mentioned before is this parade of complexity. It wants to put on facade of being complex and having something to say, but it really doesn't. It provides a very simple and dumbed down story with clear good and bad side where one side is cartoonishly evil to the point of being moronic while other one is paraded as a victim to end all victims and they put in a dress of sad crying scenes and the daughter being pissed for no reason at clearly good party because the idiotic plot demands it.

And other big issue... Is that this does not explore ANY interesting ideas. No interesting dynamics. No interesting implications or provides any sort of value to the world or explores anything in this world of HELL. Where you can make the world feel wild and interesting and the ways this world shaped those people. The ways those people are broken. The ways you can expand on this conflict beyond the surface level idiocy.

And I want here to present an example of a story rather similar... that did this right. So right it's almost comedic. I am talking about a story of Bloody Baron from Witcher 3 so for all people who did not play this almost 10 year old game (holy shit W3 came out almost 10 years ago... Can you slow down time?) then I must warn you. For the rest who did play or don't care. Enjoy.

Seems appropriate. Bloody Baron questline is probably one of the most impactful, complex and interesting conflicts I've seen in any game. A story of abuse, trauma and pain in a family of Bloody Baron, his wife Anna and daughter Tamara. amazing writing, great voice acting, great characters all that good stuff. But let me tell you why it's so good.

First off. The characters. They are all very well written and are very believable. Bloody Baron especially is a sad mess of a man. An ex veteran, drunkard and abuser who tries to find his wife and their daughter she took with her when she escaped from him after their recent fight. A fact Geralt is not aware of, one of many he and us by extension are not aware of.

This may already sound rather familiar and stay with me because it gets better. What works so well with character of Bloody Baron is that while he is at first a completely unlikeable person that gets worse over time as you discover more filth in his story, he is also extremely human. He is no caricature and you can tell why he became the way he is and you can tell he is full of great regrets and despite his actions still holds a lot of love for both his daughter and wife. He is someone who did terrible things to his family, someone very rash and very brutal, but he is not a total and complete monster. He watched his own other child die partially as a consequence of his own actions. Lost his family. He lost almost everything besides an army of men that couldn't give less of a shit about him and a home in a dreadful swamp full of monsters. His character greatly explores the mind of someone very broken, someone who lost himself to alcohol and ended up making a ton of terrible mistakes and now tries to atone for them. But we also see in flashbacks that he can be also a caring man as he helped Ciri and little girls she saved. He is no less of a terrible person because of it, but it adds humanity to him.

And other two characters in this do not fall far behind as well. Anna especially is also a very broken shell of a person. And despite what one may think she is also not innocent in all of this as she is someone who first cheated on the Baron after he went out to war. Leaving him for some other man as he was putting his life on the line for them (while also falling to alcoholism as well). And when she was confronted about it and when her lover got slaughtered by Baron she broke and started to try to kill him and herself which started the abuse from Baron who only found this to be a good way to calm her down and Anna herself was a clearly traumatized woman who was now in a cage with the Baron.

And in between all of that was a young, very scared child of both. Tamara who saw only the abuse her mother received and felt like it was all her father's fault for everything breaking apart around them and eventually devoting herself to group of Eternal Flame as a way of handling her situation. She still received lots of love from her father, but could never see him as anything less than a monster.

All of them in this scenario... probably feel oddly familiar. And it's funny because in many ways they ARE like Stolas and Stella and Octavia. But roles are somewhat moved and the conflicts feel far more real. Tamara is not for some reason seeing the abuser as lesser evil seemingly. She sees the abuse, but doesn't know a full story much like Geralt or anyone else. Baron in this case is in many ways like Stella. He is someone who abuses their partner and goes into violent rage when they leave them, but unlike Stella you can tell there is this lingering love for his family that further fuels this abuse and brings more pain to everyone while Anna is a broken mess of a woman who cheated on her husband and paid terrible price for it and kept paying as... she sold her upcoming child to terrible witches. Or rather she wished for it to die and for it sold her soul.

And this I think is what makes this story all the stronger. It's not just the tragedy or realism. It's how it ties into the world of Witcher as a whole where we are introduced to some of the most harrowing set pieces of the game and some of the most disturbing villains in the game who also simply act upon their nature as deal makers with Anna and simply know something about Geralt's own daughter Ciri (who they tried to eat). It expands the world and uses it in a meaningful way and pushes more interesting ideas like the side of Anna caring for children at the swamp that are meant to be devoured by witches. Another Hell that ends either with her complete breakdown or death, but also either suicide of the Baron or redemption as he tries to save her and no longer drink or abuse her. While Tamara no matter what has to also face her own consequences of having to forever be tied to Endless Flame, but also putting faith in her father in the good ending and possibly ending with their relationship beginning to heal.

And all of that feels natural. This kind of story definitely can be told anywhere, this kind of story doesn't need this setting, but it further enriches it. And I think another big part of this story I like is that it doesn't try to paint any side as being in the RIGHT. Because in this kind of situation NO PARTY is in the right... And as someone who did went through similar thing... I respect that. And that is why I cannot accept what HB does. In this situation there are no good guys or bad guys... Just people who keep making mistakes (and don't worry, family may be a bit broken, but I still love both my parents no matter how far one may be).

And it is funny because story of Bloody Baron in many ways is how the whole situation with Octavia and her family SHOULD look like. A very harrowing story where there is no place for good or bad sides. Where you have to choose FOR YOURSELF who is more at fault. And the game leaves that decision to you. It does not tell you what to think. It tells you to think. One of the writers who made that whole story said once "I do not like likeable characters. I like interesting characters". And I think that is also where the writing suffers. It tries to paint one side as "likeable", but because of that it removes so much complexity from the character by excusing all of their awful behavior or painting them as ultimate victim. And do not try to tell me also that because Stella is so easy to hate then they are well written. That's not true. Making hateable character is the easiest thing in the world. Just put everything bad in them and make them not like protagonist and oppose them. That's it. It's lazy.

And that also makes me so mad about HB because they were CLOSE to making something good. Not exactly the same as Bloody Baron, but something of it's own that could also be good.

I personally make a fic called "Song for the Quiet Bird". There I partially explore characters of Stolas and Stella and Octavia and I try to paint the entire situation in a more gray light where each side is not truly in the right. Where both of them are in their own ways broken people. And to do so I also try to use something I wish Viv used which is Immortality of Ars Goetia which could have been a thing, but Viv decided to make Stolas like 30 because then you have cute Stolas and Blitzo arts as kids.

In my version both have lived already for 800 years. They lived already for a long time and there is eternity waiting ahead and both cope in their own ways that were taught to them by the world of Hell to not lose themselves to eternity. Stolas is a selfish hedonist who cares the most about his own pleasures and even though he cares for Octavia it is very easy for him to lose himself in his own desires and pleasures as he mostly cares for himself the most and anything that is extension of him. Meanwhile Stella is a cold, distant and very duty focused character. Someone who while trains Octavia for the longest time does not involve herself too much with her own daughter, barely seeing her as one. Someone entirely focused on the prosperity of the family as a whole, someone who does not believe in value of individuality or personal joy and instead focuses on the good of everything else solely. This good being judged by her and her views that value subjugation and order compared to Stolas's love for chaos and selfish freedom.

In this case both sides are very broken. They both have to live through their own Hells made by their own choices that add to the fact they were born into the world of Hell. Neither one can really truly coexist with each other and both long ago abandoned any hope for true understanding. And in all of that the only real victim and good party you can find is Octavia. A person who suffers because of this clash of ideals and has to cope in her own way with suffering both she and her parents go through. All of them suffering.

That's at least how I write it. Something where you cannot pin to one side being terrible or evil. Just everyone being broken in a terrible world you have to fight with to make something better and both in a way... gave up. Until of course Moxxie comes along there for Stella and his presence helps her develop... but that's another thing.

I also have some quotes below from my fic to show my approach to both Stella and Stolas as characters. First one is Stolas and Octavia having a chat in the most recent chapter.

And here below is a scene between Stella and Moxxie where there is some discussion about theatre plays of Hell and difference between human and hellish ones delving into also her own view of the world (this IS a Stella/Moxxie crackship fic... just a big slowburn). From one of the earlier chapters.

Both I think probably show their own deep flaws and ways of coping with their own realities.

Now I don't say I want my ideas to be in the show, but more complex ones. Ones that are not just this... thing we've been fed for all of Season 2 and partially in Season 1 which could have been taken in a better direction, but it never was and just like one image here ruins another, here season 2 retroactively ruins the 1st one. Stella/Stolas/Octavia dynamic just has potential to be so much more than... whatever HB is now.

Well that was stupidly long and I can't imagine many people getting here, but hey. I wrote it and it's already too long to not post it. To whoever came this far I thank you and hope you will leave your opinion on this manifesto. Hope it was entertaining at least.

[dj-of-the-coven]

So, I've been thinking for a long time about why Beat is the most mischaracterized guy in the main cast of twewy, and last night I finally had a breakthrough. It's not only because he's not as popular as the others (though that's a part of it, and the two kinda feed into each other). It's baked into the game. More specifically, it's built into Neku's perspective as the main character.

Twewy has a lot of complex personalities interacting with each other, and for the most part it does very well at walking the players through their thought processes--obviously done the best with Neku, since we can see many of his thoughts word-for-word, but the other characters get similar treatment too. Joshua gets fleshed out in secret reports as well as his interactions on-screen, and Shiki's story doesn't require a ton of meta-textual explanation since envy is a common experience for teenagers. Beat's the only one of the main cast whose character needs a lot of connected dots to make sense, and the game trains you from the beginning not to look too closely at him because at first you're supposed to be empathizing with Neku.

When Neku starts out being rude to Shiki, the player already gets that he's being a dickhead. Everybody knows somebody like Shiki in real life, and if you don't know her, you probably are her: she's sweet, passionate about her hobbies, and extends her compassion to the people around her with basically no prompting. She has relatable self-image issues. You don't need your hand held to understand that Neku is the one in the wrong. On the other hand, what about Beat? We know that Neku has issues to work out by the time he shows up, but the game takes Neku's side on some of his harsher criticisms. He's not the only one who comments on Beat being "stupid" and impulsive. Most of the characters he interacts with have a line or two making fun of him. The player is generally expected to laugh at him alongside the others--he's nowhere near as easy for the average player to relate to.

The teens playing twewy probably know what it's like to feel better than everybody else, like Neku and Joshua, or worse than everybody else, like Shiki, but I'll bet that most of them don't have the same rebellious spirit that Beat does. Statistically, it's just not that likely that everybody playing the game was a delinquent with shitty parents. I was; some people were, but not everybody. It's a feature of Neku's character arc that the game gets you to see Beat the way that he does originally, just to break down the facade by showing you his compassionate side. Beat couldn't help but save Neku even though it would get in the way of his goals. He's just that kind of guy, and doesn't that mean more than anything his intellect could provide? Beat's character arc helps you understand Neku better by design, because it gets you to see how somebody with a judgy leaning could end up being such an asshole with only a little encouragement. The game presents its players with someone easy to make fun of, goads them into making fun of him, and then shows them why that was wrong.

Unfortunately, while this is really good storytelling, it doesn't make for an easily-digestible character to make art and fics about. The player has to look past what the game (and Neku, Konishi, and Uzuki) thinks about Beat in order to find his depth. I could be talking out of my ass, but honestly I think that this, along with more than a decade of fans getting him wrong in fics, comics, and meme posts is the reason why players of the original game don't tend to appreciate him as much as the other main characters, even though Beat collectively has the most screen time in the series besides Neku. It originates with dickhead teenage Neku himself--the players just didn't learn to look past his initial perception.

[hotasfahrenheit]

my top 10 ql shows of 2024

we're a week into the new year already so i guess i should finally get this list posted 👀👀👀

to make this list, i kept an ongoing note in my phone all year of all the ql shows i watched, and then i sat down a couple days ago (*cough*a week ago*cough) and rearranged them to figure out which ones were my favourites. i didn't have any kind of ranking system going through the year (besides being very sure by the beginning of february what was going to be my absolute favourite of the year- and i was right) so this was all based on the vibes i was feeling about all these shows as i made the list, thinking back on them over the year.

i had JUST finished one of these shows so that's part of why i wanted to let it sit for a few days- make sure my ranking wasn't skewed by the feeling of having finished a show then immediately making the list right after while it was fresher than anything else. a week on, i'm still solid on these. i think. i keep looking at this list and being like "wait, did i really love that show more than this other one? did i? how is that one not in the top 10? wait but the ones above it are also just so good" and if i don't just post a list then i'll never stop fidgeting with it, so here we go!

10 - 4Minutes

was 4Minutes perfect? no, but i enjoyed the twisting layers of narrative and the speculation and discussion around this show so much. there were multiple times i thought i had things about the story figured out, and i kept being close to correct, but it kept finding ways to surprise me anyway.

9 - Love Is A Poison

this show was an unexpected delight in so many ways. it was funny, it was smart, it was wild, it was bonkers, i hope they get to make more of it.

8 - Jack & Joker

the longing, the heists, the shenanigans, the friendships, the everything about this show. it got a lil shaky towards the end but on the whole it was such a fun time, and it's still so incredible and such a triumph that they even got this show made, and i love it forever.

7 - Meet You At The Blossom

ANOTHER TRIUMPH OF A SHOW. so pretty. so splendid. so many long sleeves being waved around. so much nonsense and adventure. a fantastic pairing of characters, a fun side couple, just all around perfection.

6 - Love Sea

does this show get a biased boost in the ranking because i love Fort and Peat so much and even an imperfect show with them in it was going to be something i loved? maybe. possibly. probably. Peat spent the whole time looking expensive and pretty, and Fort spent the whole time looking like he was going to devour him, and they're just so good together. sorry not sorry.

5 - 1000 Years Old

this show gets two gifs, because they're my gifs, and i loved it SO MUCH. definitely a weird little show, but it had so much heart, and the way the story built was incredible, and it was just such a warm, beautiful show about found family and embracing your weirdness and being yourself and also love. all about love. the deepest love, and patience, and being willing to try again no matter how many times it takes. also soup, and so many umbrellas.

4 - My Stand-In

(this gif is from this set i made)

this show. THIS SHOW. the acting, the story, everything about it was absolutely insane and was all-consuming especially towards the ending of it. i love stories with complex, nuanced characters, and i love actors who can make you angry with how good they are at playing terrible people. this show had me shouting in the group chat all the time and it was just such a wild ride. an EXPERIENCE from start to finish.

3 - Love In The Big City

an absolutely stunning work of art. i watched the first two episodes with @poetry-protest-pornography when it first released then we both got busy with life for a bit; i listened to the audiobook at work the last week of December and immediately slammed through the rest of the episodes compulsively. i couldn't stay away. i had to inject it into my being. i'm aware that i interacted with and experienced this story differently than a lot of people i've seen talk about it on here because it didn't resonate with me in all the exact same ways as i am a straight person, and i saw a lot of people talking about how deeply it spoke to them about the queer experience, but the themes of loss and loneliness and searching for purpose and meaning and love were universal enough that this show did a number on my heart and soul and still is echoing in me now.

2 - Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo

another stunning, emotional show. this story had me in its GRIP from the first episode and has still not let me go. it was a rollercoaster and was such a deep tale about forgiveness and finding ways to just live life and how it's never too late for a new beginning. about how sometimes you can't let go of people, and you shouldn't. about being able to find and keep love and joy even through the darkest times and places.

1 - Love For Love's Sake

aslkdfjhalsfkdjhafd obviously. obviously this was my number one. an absolute powerhouse of a story about love and acceptance and being willing to not only help other people take second chances on life, but allowing yourself to as well. about being willing and open to loving and caring for others, and loving and caring for yourself. about taking control of your situation and writing your own future. about love, for love's sake.

THAT'S THE LIST.

everything here is obviously my opinion, if there's a show you're curious about that you loved that you don't see here, comment and i'll tell you where it ended up in my longer list (unless it's something i didn't get to this year!) and let me know how my list compares to your faves!

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Bonus round: honorouble mention - Knock, Knock, Boys!

listen, as much as i loved all the other shows here, i considered making this a top 15 list instead of 10 because i loved this show so much and it didn't feel fair that it wasn't included. it was goofy, it was heartfelt, it was fun the whole way through and i really loved it a whole lot. 15 would have been too many tho, so this just gets an honourable mention at the end instead.

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any gifs in this post that don't have credit under them are ones i made! i don't have the time or energy to make new gifs for every show so i just pulled from things i'd already made and had on my hard drive, or used ones made by others where needed. thanks to the other gif makers whose stuff i used!

[karuvapatta]

buckle up, I'm gonna bitch about Arcane season 2 for a while.

disclaimer: the animation and art direction is absolutely stellar, writing and voice acting is mostly solid, music ranges from good to amazing, sound design is great, and it's a great show overall.

HOWEVER:

There were so many interesting subplots and ideas, but not one of them had enough room to breathe or time to develop organically.

(spoilers under cut)

Caitlyn - I love the subplot about her becoming a fascist dictator and Ambessa's pupil, I really do. But then it sort of fizzled? She faced no repercussions for installing a police state and using chemical weaponry against civilians? The last one got to me especially - her mother built this system claiming that "the people of Undercity deserve to breathe" and Caitlyn then turned it against them. Okay, Vi and Jinx both called her out and it left to her rift with Vi, but... she's still in charge at the end, having seemingly learned no lessons?

Vi - uh, she was there. Sort of. Most of the time. Again, she joined the Enforcers, and it led to SOME conflict, but... is she going back to being an Enforcer? how does she feel about that? Who knows - Vi was mostly there for Cait and Jinx's subplots than her own.

Jinx - her subplot with Sevika and Isha was my second favourite thing about this season. The idea of her becoming a symbol and uniting Zaun is great. That little moment in the prison was awesome. But, ultimately - it didn't amount to much. Her sacrificing her life for Vi (or not, I don't know if she actually dies) didn't hit as much because we already knew she was actively suicidal.

Isha - had the potential to be super annoying, but like I said, I ended up really liking her character. Her death rubbed me the wrong way, however - it was very emotional, but the framing was very strange. Were we supposed to find it inspirational? Tragic but beautiful? Proof that Jinx isn't irredeemable?

Sevika - again: loved her, loved her interactions with Jinx and Isha.

Silco - I found it weird how this season consistently framed him as a good guy. Jinx and Sevika remember him fondly, he was the only thing holding Zaun together, there are cute flashbacks / AU versions of him and Vander being happy... he's a complex character and we love him for it, but let's not forget his many, many crimes.

Singed - kinda weird that he got what he wanted with no repercussions.

Mel - all right, her subplot bothered me perhaps most of all. Mel is a joy every time she's on screen, true, but last season she had been established as a savvy politician and businesswoman, motivated by her mommy issues, and a corrupting presence on Jayce. She pushed for progress at all costs to fulfil her own ambitions and prove something to her mother. That's a great setup! But what we got in s2 is... random superpowers out of nowhere. Mel always had power - she was the richest woman in Pilltover and basically ran its Council - but now instead of confronting her with the potential side-effects of Hextech, the consequences of her ambitions, and the futility of proving herself to her abusive warmongering mother, she just gets... more power. Out of nowhere. And validation from Ambessa. It was just weird.

Jayce and Viktor - easily the most compelling part of this season, and my favourite subplot. And STILL - it felt rushed and incoherent. I thought at first that Viktor would become jealous and resentful because Jayce is everything that he isn't, and I am honestly so glad they didn't take that route. But instead, Viktor gets... brainwashed by the Hexcore I guess? Ascends to a higher plane of existence? His Jesus Days and his cults were fascinating, but I didn't get the philosophy behind them at all. I can see why Viktor would want to shed his physical body for a machine that has none of its weakness, and how he might convince others to follow that path, but instead he chose to brainwash his followers and then assimilate the entire human race? What? There were so, so many potential sources of conflict between himself and Jayce - the Hextech weaponry Jayce built, Pilltover's fascist takeover of the Undercity, Jayce reviving him against his will and not destroying the Hexcore, accidentally poisoning Ekko's tree through their irresponsible use of Hextech... but the conflict we got didn't built on any of that. And I don't understand why.

(But I get you, Jayce/Viktor shippers. You won this round.)

[affectionatecorpse]

Okay as a distraction from my previous post, I'm going to do another analysis. Yay! This time we'll be covering another video game, but this isn't actually a horror like the previous posts, so untense your shoulders. Today I'm going to be talking about Yinu, from No Straight Roads, from the perspective of an ex child prodigy.

No Straight Roads is a vastly underrated game, so I'll give a brief introduction. The game focuses on protagonists Mayday and Zuke, two members of a rock band who go on a mission to take down their oppressive EDM based government, NSR, and reintroduce rock to the city. The plot sounds simple enough, but the layers go incredibly deep, so I highly recommend playing/watching the game for yourself to form your own thoughts about it's complex messages. Obviously, spoilers ahead.

Now NSR is made up of 6 EDM artists who power the city. But one particular artist greatly stands out from the rest. This artist is Yinu.

Yinu is by far the youngest of the artists, for starters, at only 9 years old. She's a child prodigy, and at this young age, she's already won many awards for her music and gained a massive following. But unlike the other artists, Yinu isn't actually an EDM artist. She's a classical artist, who's skills are in piano. Now this usually wouldn't matter, but when she's one of the EDM based leaders, it's immediately a bit odd how she herself isn't an EDM artist.

We'll come back to this. Now, Yinu, as mentioned, is a child prodigy. She was taught from a young age to play piano by her father, and quickly mastered the art. But when her father grew ill and passed away, it was just her and her mother left, with Yinu inheriting his beloved piano. As she continued to play in his honour, her skill began to grow, and so did the attention she received. She quickly became a celebrity, and her mother used this as a distraction from their shared sadness.

By feeding the fans and the attention, Yinu's mother developed an unhealthy coping mechanism. She began to lose sight of what the piano meant to them. And I expect, so did Yinu. It's a very common thing, when your hobby becomes a job, it just loses it's fun, and is no longer a luxury to do. More a necessity. It's never said explicitly, but I interpreted this phenomenon to have a strong effect. Yinu played because it was a job, and what her mother wanted. Her mother became blind to her daughter's struggles, as she never really noticed the fact Yinu didn't want to play for other people, but for herself, and her father's memory. This is shown through her eyes becoming white and cloudy during the battle, while Yinu's stay the same.

I may be projecting. I was actually a child prodigy myself. I had a knack for my writing, and it was my greatest passion. My interactive imagination kept me distracted from the war my parents were fighting against each other. As a kid, I was never really their child. I was a weapon. A way for them to get at each other. I'd trail between houses, passing on messages and information they could use to slander one another, and I was rewarded for doing so by being shoved out the way and left to do what I wanted, while they paid no attention.

I used my imagination, my worlds, my characters, to escape my reality. To keep me company in my depressing solitude. To avoid forgetting them, I began to write them down. This was what got me the attention I so desperately craved. By 10 years old, only a year older than Yinu, I had published my first book in my local town. Finally, my parents were proud of me, so I kept going. I wrote until my hands were sore and fragile with blisters. I wrote until every page of my notebook was fuzzy from correcting my spellings.

It wasn't an escape anymore. It was a necessity. Something I had to do in order to be recognised. It wasn't fun anymore. It was no longer a way out.

As I got older, I began to matter less. I wasn't a smart child anymore. I was just a Person. I wasn't Somebody, I was just... Anybody. I found my parents stopped caring when I lost that spark again, and this time, I didn't get attention when I tried fixing that.

I see my own struggles in Yinu. The song she plays starts simple, and slow. Relaxed and full of passion. She finds herself completely in her element. But when her mother gets involved, her playing becomes more desperate. It gets faster and more tense, as her mother doesn't even consider putting her aside. A parent's normal reaction to her child being physically attacked by two adults would be to take the child away from the situation and make sure they're okay, but Yinu's mother just lifts her up, and tells her to keep playing.

Yinu obliges, and plays more determined than before, like she's terrified of letting her mother down. She constantly assures herself under her breath, and repeatedly mutters reminders to herself to keep her fingers curved as she focuses. In the next phase, Yinu and her mother have been repeatedly hit and injured, yet her mother still doesn't remove Yinu from the situation. Instead of being mad at the attackers for hurting her daughter, she yells at them for ruining her performance, as if that's the more important thing here. She destroys the walls around them, outraged, and orders Yinu to play even harder.

The song gets incredibly intense here, and it's here that you notice the piano fading out. At the start of the song, it was purely piano playing. But by this time, the piano is playing alongside EDM music, at just around the same volume. In the next phase, Yinu is knocked to the ground from a great height, and calls to her mother to catch her. But... she doesn't. She isn't caught, and alongside her piano, she crashes to the ground. Her mother doesn't even notice she's fallen and is hurt. She just completely ignores Yinu's cries, and focuses entirely on the destruction of the concert.

The song is almost completely EDM now. Yinu is out of frame, and it's the mother you're battling at the end. And even as Yinu sits alone on the ground, without looking at her at all, her mother just tells her not to stop playing no matter what. But despite Yinu's continued efforts, the piano barely shines through the techno anymore.

I should also mention the visuals. At the start of the fight, Yinu's mother was completely out of sight. Then, she poked her arm out of the curtain at the back of the stage to lift Yinu's piano out of range, but she remained out of sight. The curtain then gets moved, and she is now fully visible, but still further back in the dark than Yinu. After she rages and destroys the hall, she is very clear and visible, taking up a lot of the battlefield while Yinu is mostly out of frame of the camera. In the final phase, Yinu is no longer there, and her mother has completely taken over the battlefield.

First phase

Final phase

After defeating Yinu's mother, Mayday and Zuke prepare to celebrate their victory. But... they're interrupted. By Yinu, the one everyone involved forgot was part of this battle. She knocks the two off the giant rose they were standing on, and also probably their high horse. She's muddy, injured, roughed up, and still, her mother never asks her if she's okay. She doesn't even praise her for knocking them down by herself. She goes to nearly acknowledge it, saying "Yinu, my dear, you got them!", but that isn't actually praise. It's a mere acknowledgement, which she thinks is enough. And after saying that, she once again orders Yinu to play for her.

To which Yinu completely breaks. She finally loses her patience and just snaps, screaming that she hates them all, while slamming the piano keys in a burst of anger to triple the speed of before. But her outrage is still in beat. She still plays her song for her mother.

When our main characters get back up to her, and recklessly knock down the rose, Yinu plummets near to her death. She clings desperately to her piano, the one thing she has left of her father, but ultimately cannot hang on, and while she's protected from the fall by her mother, the piano is not, smashing into pieces as it hits the ground. And while she solemnly mourns this valuable part of who she is as a person, her mother STILL doesn't acknowledge it. She moves past Yinu and goes straight to yelling at Mayday and Zuke again, ready for another round of fighting without even checking on her daughter.

But Yinu stays strong. For herself, for her father, and for her mother. She feels she's the only one who can. And even when her piano is in pieces, her concert hall is destroyed, her appearance is tattered, and her injuries are stinging, she plays on. She just sits there. And keeps playing the song. Slow, and sad, like she's completely burnt out. But feels she's not allowed to quit, or she'll be letting her mother down.

This is when we cut back to the EDM detail. Because Yinu is not an EDM artist. The EDM, the unbearable fame, the place in government... it's all her mother. The EDM starts when her mother joins, and completely takes over when Yinu is no longer part of the battle. Only at the end does the piano come back, as Yinu steals back her own song from her mother's hands, and plays her classical music her style, with the Rock/EDM metre spiralling out of control, as the music now is neither of those genres. It is 100%, completely authentic, Yinu.

Holy shit. This whole sequence hits hard. From the desperate attempts to please her mother, putting up with the demands to keep playing no matter how hurt or stressed she is, only to break down and immediately get punished for it, and sadly go back to what she was doing before, because her rebellion resulted in her most treasured possession getting destroyed? Yinu is an incredibly tragic character. No child should have to put up with the grief, the pressure, the stress, and the burnout that she feels.

The activity that bonded her and her late father ended up being what ultimately hurts her, all because her mother couldn't process her own grief in her own way, and put her daughter at major risk because it stopped the hurting, instead of actually sitting down and talking with Yinu about the mourning and pain they both feel in their hearts.

I wish I'd had exactly what I want for Yinu. I wish my parents had talked to me about their separation. I wish they had figured out their issues and stopped feeling so angry at each other all the time, so they could live their separate lives in peace. I wish they had kept me out of their hatred for one another. I wish they had treated me like their child. I wish they'd loved me more than they hated each other. But they didn't. And I ended up alone, sadly writing this post, in the same way Yinu ended up sadly playing what's left of her piano in the ruins of her once polished, sparkling concert hall.

https://youtu.be/s1BEh5gZ90k?feature=shared

Here's a link to the song Yinu plays throughout the battle. Take a listen for yourself, and you'll see what I mean by the intensity growing, as the EDM takes over the classical more and more.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

The trend of “we need LGBT friendly media to be clean and free of conflict” is starting to shape up like “I need writers to provide me brainless cozy slop or I will kill myself, and if you encourage me to interact with anything more complex than a Bluey plot I will also kill myself because the world is so mean to LGBT people irl so all media concerning us needs to be nice and kind and worry-free to make up for it because I solely rely on disassociating through fiction to keep me alive”.

Art shouldn’t have to scrub itself of moral quandaries and complex subjects just because some of us are mentally ill and struggling politically. The difference between the lgbt media of yore which often ended in tragedy and that made now, was that back then the thought of gay marriage and civil rights and wider public acceptance of our queer existence was a far-off, almost impossible concept. As time went on, queer people more and more began making art for ourselves that explored the labels of dirtiness, degeneracy, sexual depravity as a “yes, and what of it?”. If anything, the [Abject] label gives us even greater freedom to explore what society truly considers wrong because there is nowhere to dig but down.

Yeah there are people who wish to be seen as normal—Daughters of Bilitis-esque conformists, Republican lesbians and gays— and aren’t interested in exploring the deep rotted psyche of the modern man with queerness as a lens. That’s fine. But a lot of us do, and want to do it while injecting homo-ness into it. Heteronormativity is never going to go away, just as white supremacy is never going to be completely eliminated, so why are we playing this song and dance of trying to make art that appeals to our oppressors or which must ONLY serve as bandaids for our egos.

Relying on fiction to keep you from unspooling when there are so many real life role models past and present you could learn about and internalize.. but you don’t because it’s much easier to sit on the couch and watch a cartoon than to learn. I get it, capitalism chips away at you and demands your energy like a vampire until you can’t handle anything more complex than Blue’s Clues without spiraling into a Doomer fugue, but demanding everyone else operate on your level is presumptuous and entitled. To be human is to have the right to be wrong, trashy, nasty, “problemaaaaaatic”.

I need more trashy queers trying to messily solve messy issues and half-failing at it. DATV is all queerness, no messiness, no true deep-rooted conundrums that make you doubt your own principles or want to discuss it with friends. A world where no one wins but you might potentially do a bit better each time. Maybe. I signed up for that shit and didn’t get it.

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

why even try to get better at art when you'll never be able to do it again after a certain age.

all it does is stress me out and remind me that I'll be trapped in a void eventually.

it doesn't even bring me joy anymore because I'm way behind on art and I'm not as good as most artists my age.

i only do it for fun and for the sake of being edgy but people see it as me genuinely trying to make something good or complex or make a career out of it when that wasn't even a thought in my mind and they give unwanted tips or critiques or backhanded compliments and it just ruins the thing that I did for fun.

i know I'm bad at art I know its simple I know its crappy I know its not detailed its not meant to be I'm not meant to be good at it I just want to use my eyes as much as possible before they're useless.

it already hurts to draw because my eyes are assholes so why is it hurting me mentally.

its not fun anymore.

i don't want to get better at art I don't want to change anything about my art so why are so many people acting like I'm begging for tips or pointing out flaws.

my stupid little drawings aren't meant to be anything more than just stupid little drawings.

everything I like gets ruined for me.

Why can't I just go blind now why does it have to be a slow burn why can't it just be all at once why does it have to hurt

why couldn't it just affect my eyes why is it affecting my mental health.

i don't want to draw anymore I don't want to see anymore I don't like this I just want to draw without feeling ashamed for not being good at it.

i want to be like my character mask ripping out my eyes and just sitting there listening to the world around me and not interacting with it just sitting in a black void hearing the eyes move around you.

I'd normally say sorry for reading this vent but I'm not sorry you chose to read it.

[soapsinthebox]

character ask um sona thouughffs perhappps 😁do soba. Sona :)

Greets Gekko!! and of course, im always happy to talk about my cancelled aunt, she is my pfp after all

Favorite thing about them

Oooh this one is hard... "Favorite" is a little too wide of a definition for this, so ill narrow it down to what hits the hardest for me, and that is most definitely, the "flawed mother" angle they were going for her.

Sona isnt perfect, as much as she wants to claim otherwise, she believes in ideologies that actively put Frisks friends in danger time and time again, and as shown, is even willing to act on them in the imperfect routes, but they still love and see the good in her, because thats what theyve grown up with their whole life, and for someone who has a mom in a pretty similar situation, that hit so fucking hard for me.

Sona... they could never make me hate you Sona...

Least favorite thing about them

I dont really understand the hair motif they were going for, it feels unnecessary, out of place, and compared to all the other powers she could have had in the concept art (Doll powers, omega form, ect) just feels... idk, boring to me? i just feel there was so much more potential for her.

Favorite line

"If you dont have determination, you have to fake it!" lives rent free in my mind. its the perfect way to show off one of her main ideologies, In Sonas mind, theres just simply no thing called weakness or imperfections, and anything that is lacking can be fixed right up like a doll, who cares if itll never be as genuine as the flawed and complex human being that they used to be?

Theres also the iconic "I only take the souls of children if they disobey me!" line, which i like for a lot less complex reasons. just, out of context funny lmao.

BrOTP

The possible relationships she can have with Dalv, and her relations to integrity are both very intriguing to me.

Like, for Dalv theres this whole thing with them that they are both flawed individuals who ran away from their problems in the past, but ended up with completely different outcomes (Dalv was ripped away from society, while Sona actively got herself involved in it) but also like?? for something fluffier, i like to imagine that Dalv is good with kids, and the idea of him running an orphanage with Sona is really cute to me.

And integrity... oughh, its seen both in the no romance endings and the perfect sans route of kc that Sona really cared for integrity (their ending having the most lore, only second to Justice because...well, uty reference, her giving them flowers in that one cg), So the idea of her in a uty scenario (cough cough kcy cough cough) finding out about what they did and their fate is a REALLY interesting angle to consider for me. so many thoughts, oh so many of them.

And then last but certainly not least, theres her and Chara which i feel like i dont talk about NEARLY enough but since this section is getting long, ill just end this off on that kc shouldve had more Sona and Chara interactions.

OTP

... Its Sonaroba, is anyone surprised.

Theyre so interesting and mentally ill and evil i need to put them in a snowglobe and shake them as hard as i can. Like, you have two woman who were both wronged by the world in some capacity, and when proven wrong, are so tunnel visioned that they basically just beg for death. only that one is past that arc and has learned to grow, while the other, despite having the chance time and time again, hasnt. They're two sides of the same coin, they're two different outcomes of the same person they're they're they're-

My incoherent ramblings aside, i also really enjoy Sonanny, they're the doomed old woman yuri ever and i refuse to take any criticism /j like, theres a reason Nanny is the only adult not controlled by Sona right? IM GOING INSANE-

nOTP

... Im actually at a loss for what to put here lol. I mean, i guess theres Sona and Sans, but its just so stupidly evil and toxic that i kinda just, thrive in it now

I guess her and Starlo?? but theyre not compatible anyway so i dont really get why people would even ship it to begin with.

Random headcanon

The hat she has in the concept art right?? i imagine she actually still has that hat somewhere, and wears it on special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays. its just so cute i cant help myself rahhh-

Unpopular opinion

Im actually not that familiar with what the major idea around Sona is since i only really hang out in niche spaces, maybe i should hang around Andrews community more-

But since "Sona isnt just some random racist mom and her character goes so much deeper than that" isn't really a fun answer, im gonna say that i think we (and by we i mean like, the twelve people in the kissy cutie community) Really dont explore her Mexican origins enough. theres so many fun things you can do with it like the original game does-

Song i associate with them

The main two songs i associate with her are Suburbia by Will wood and the tape worms, and ruler of everything by tally hall.

Suburbia in particular feels like her trying to fit herself and eveyone into a "generic" standard, and the ar-15 part in particular feels like Chara speaking to her like "cultures not your friend" and "Culture is more afraid of you then you are of itself", making it a duet between the Siblings?? ouggh can you see the vision.

And ruler of everything... oh ruler of everything my beloved, everything about it fits Sona so well for me, especially the chorus?? Ayaygdgyduhhuh

I actually was story boarding a ruler of everything Sona animatic, i lost interest since school started, so heres the rough beatboards

Favorite picture of them

The little full body Xan cut out lives in my mind rent free, like look at her guys shes so full of bliss and whimsy

Thanks for the ask!! sorry this got a little long lol, i am a yapper at heart

[yanderefarm]

ok so, i'm gonna elaborate, but those are just my personal experience and pov so don't attack me if you disagree, it's non canon anyway

achilles: capricorn

achilles really gives capricorn vibe. extremely loyal, successful career (or at least ambitious and trying), can have pokerface when required, will let their loved ones take the lead. i've met a few that secretly likes cute things too

but also yeah, can be a bit humble in a servile way

ajax: aries

aries are pretty stupid in a way, i know because i am one... also hard denying being gay because that'll make you look 'soft' is 100% something aries would do. plus we tend to act before brain does its thing

like im more logical because i took enough hit from reality to know better, otherwise im just as stupid

noemie: aquarius

aquarius tends to like wacky stuff, but they also want stable relationships, just don't want to be bored that's all. surprisingly innocent

silvan: virgo??? this one im not sure

i thought virgo because virgos wants to be perfect, or wants everything to be perfect. many i've met has incredible talents be it art or something else, but some of them have horrible flaws. personally i've witnessed one throw horrible adult tantrum and honestly it was fucking scary (i was a kid)

BUT! that's female virgos :/ male virgos are pretty chill...and slight coward if i have to be honest but for the most part they're very understanding and calm

ares: cancer

very family oriented/ has a family dream, will do practically anything for their family. gonna be honest i don't know cancers that well, might be coz there's not many around me. but ares gives the vibe

emil: pisces

extremely realistic but hopeless romantic at the same time, don't ask me how it's possible i witnessed it in highschool. down for crazy shit if it's with loved ones. some traits don't match emil but emil grew up in extreme environment so i let that pass

nephite: taurus

down to earth, stubborn, reliable, stuck in their ways. had a friend who loved kpop so much they learnt korean, can definitely see that translate to cult stuff

bunny

hear me out, i dont really blindly trust whatever star sign shit there is online. I'm a science person so i do it the scientific way: I ask people their star signs and compare people with same signs in my head, their behaviours, their attitude, how they respond to certain things, how they interact with me, and i analyze them. it's fun

but then if i ask someone i newly met too early i would make judgements and 1 that's not fun 2 judging by star sign is rude asf and it would affect my interaction with them even subconsciously

same with internet people. so i wait a while before i ask

irl i might dread certain signs but online idgaf

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

-pretty anon

this also does not work with my autism but i love listening to it.

idk how i would rank everything its funny tht ares and i have the same one tho djjehdjdnsn

silvan's is definitely the least accurate bc he's not really a perfectionist as much as he just has anxiety. things wouldn't need to be perfect if he felt safe and comfortable. he also has a secret ego hidden under all his anxiety.

like mmm imagine silvan as an animal who was treated poorly it's whole life. when it first meets humans its very scared and timid, hiding under things, jumpy, etc. silvan is like that, he's very scared of being thrown away, of being hated, of being locked in his lil padded room.

once the animal gets comfortable and safe its real personality shines through.

and silvan's real personality is kind of a brat. he's greedy for attention, he's a crybaby, he's got a bit of a complex about his looks. he literally threw himself at you because he was very confident that he was pretty enough to be a human pet!

if silvan was absolutely certain you would never throw him away (aka in like 100 years from getting him) you could get another pet and he would bully them and then cry and act like the victim. he's a little bit of a prince. he's just also shy.