#mood: the BPD is winning

[misscammiedawn]

Have said it before and I'll say it again. Tumblr should embrace its blogging roots and just let you put Mood: and Current Music: at the end of a post. It'd massively improve the ecosystem.

[dead-core]

i am being so normal to everyone today despite sleep deprived splitting y'all pls be proud of me

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster B culture is seeing everything as a fight, even when it's not, even when everybody is almost on the same page

.

[sunlit-mess]

Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!

hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible

I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.

Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit

Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!

Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".

> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason

> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.

> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.

Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.

> I always do my best to think and be nice

> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so

> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting

Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.

Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)

Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.

Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.

Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.

What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—

(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)

[cherryechogalaxy]

No one's talking about how incredibly BPD coded Insomniac Harry/Venom is so I will. This is also essentially an essay so be prepared

I would also like to preface this by saying that this is based on my experiences with having BPD and the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5

Peter is 100% Harry's favorite person. I mean look at him. The way that he makes every excuse to be around Peter so much so that he practically begged him to work at his company? The passive-aggressive "So you told MJ, but not your best friend?" when he learned that Peter was Spider-Man? And then insists that he work with him as a superhero to kinda push Miles out of the way? The entire high school flashback scene? Not to mention that Harry held Peter in high regard even before he learned that he was Spider-Man.

Also, remember that the symbiote only emphasizes thoughts and emotions that already exist. So when Harry's probably splitting on Peter about the whole Spider-Man thing, the anger is only amplified by Venom.

Now, before y'all say that "all this only happened after Harry got the symbiote," that is simply false. During the final fight with Venom, Peter says that he "came over every single day after school. Even slept over after [his] mom got sick." While yes, Harry not being able to "see her like that" was a component afterward, that doesn't explain Harry's attachment to Peter beforehand. I would also like to comment that Venom says that Harry's mom "always said" that Peter and Harry "make each other better." This is all theoretical, but she might have noticed that Harry's mood or behaviour might have become more outwardly stable or better when around Peter, which from my experience is something that happens when existing around (or even sometimes thinking about) your FP.

Because, at the moment, Harry can only focus on the rage he has toward Peter, he can only think about the bad things, as evidenced by Venom claiming that Peter was there "Until [he] got sick again," which is objectively not true, but BPD alone can exaggerate thoughts to extremes, and the symbiote on top of it makes it worse. Venom continues, "You abandoned us when we were fighting for our lives," and that it didn't feel like Peter was trying to save them when he was. One of the main symptoms of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment, so much so that the person will take extreme measures to make sure that that doesn't happen, such as leaving before they are hurt, or, in this case, hurting the other person first so abandonment seems justified and therefore hurts less.

In the second phase of the fight, Venom declares: "We know what's best for you! For everyone! We gave you everything you ever wanted." This likely has something to do with BPD affecting one's self-image, which may change from 'the most worthless scum of the Earth' to what I like to call 'I can fight God and win.' As Venom, Harry believes that he now has the power to "heal the world" all by himself, enhancing his temporary superiority complex. Only several lines later, however, Harry's unstable self-image flips from 'knowing best for everyone' to 'being a complete failure,' because Venom states, "We've never been good enough for you... or Dad."

Venom goes on to say that Peter "threw [them] away" and then "replaced [them] with Miles. He poisoned [Peter] against [them] even more." Again, this characterizes Harry's intense fear of abandonment, because 'if Peter spends more time with Miles, then he won't have time for him anymore, and therefore matter to him anymore and he'll be left alone.' (These are thoughts I've had on bad days when my FP spent time with other people)

When Peter tries to fight Venom's claims and says that Harry's his best friend, the exaggeration and impulsive thoughts continue, and he says "Then why don't you trust us?" Again, Harry can only think in the negative at the moment, so he fails to see anything good that Peter is doing for him or the emotions that Peter is feeling.

During the cutscene after the second phase, when Peter says that he's "never gonna heal the world with [Harry]," you can see Venom falter, sighing and looking down before the meteorite catches his attention and distracts him.

At last, during the third phase of the fight, Venom turns his attention to Miles, the person who he sees as having caused Peter to 'turn against him' and spend less time with him. He insists that "[his] future doesn't belong to [Miles]," insinuating that Harry should be the one to have a deep and lasting relationship with Peter, not Miles, even though Miles thinks that he's talking about 'healing the world.'

After the third phase when Venom throws Miles aside and buries him under rubble, he tells him and MJ: "Peter doesn't need you anymore... He has us now." because he thinks that he is all Peter needs, when in reality it's Harry that needs Peter, though he might not realize it.

In the fourth phase, he asserts to Miles: "You took him away from us!" Which is strangely familiar to something I said when my FP started spending time with another person.

Another small thing I would like to note, when flying away after the fourth phase, Venom deliberately throws Miles off him, but not Peter. Also, when Miles is falling down with the meteorite in his hands, Venom focuses his attention on grabbing and eating him rather than retrieving the meteorite.

When Peter finally has Venom pinned to the ground and tries to blast the symbiote away from Harry, he claims that he's done and that he can't fight it, then both Harry and Venom state, "You have to KILL us." BPD is also characterized by suicidal ideations or behaviours, and if Harry telling Peter to kill him isn't suicidal behaviour then I don't know what is.

Finally, when Venom is gone and Peter tells Harry that he loves him, Harry smiles what looks like a genuinely content and satisfied smile, like that was the only thing that Harry wanted or needed to hear before he could let himself fall unconscious.

And if that’s not BPD coded I don’t know what is.

[mewos-laptop]

Thinking abt how ppl will go on and on abt how hot men w/ long hair are, but as soon as they're trans and don't pass they get blamed for being misgendered, and the very same ppl complain abt them being "too feminine".

Also thinking abt how ppl will talk abt how "I'll only date trans men bc men are scary haha, but I TOTALLYYYY see you as a man" and then act like it's a lesbian relationship.

Thinking abt how I have to preface me complaining abt getting misgendered w/ the fact that "yeah I know I don't sound like a boy or look like a boy" for ppl to not fucking point it out themselves.

Why do I have to pass to be able to be accepted as a man in any sense of the fucking word.

And do people think I haven't been trying to pass since I was NINE YEARS OLD ????? I've completely stopped dressing feminine for the most part at this point in my life and my identity is still something I feel people question constantly, something that even my friends I feel don't ACTUALLY see.

Trans people are never fucking able to win. As soon as you don't pass, you're blamed for getting misgendered and told you need to wear "men's clothes" for anyone to see you as a boy, but once you do pass you get fucking ostracized and claimed to be a "dangerous MAN invading trans spaces"

I am fucking begging people to pick a god damn side for their transphobia bc y'all have worse mood swings than *I* do, and I'm a teenager w/ untreated BPD.

But anyways tell me more abt how you're totally supportive of GNC ppl and trans mascs and make sooooo much fanfic abt them and they're your UWU smol beans 😁😁😁😁😁😁 /sarcastic

[sunoficarus]

BPD Culture:

bpd culture is having a breakdown because one of your friends sat next to someone else instead of you

bpd culture is doing anything and everything for someone as long as they say they love you

bpd culture is forever trying to balance being angry at someone during a split while also not wanting to push them away and be alone again

bpd culture is feeling like you have to manipulate the people around you or they’ll never stay otherwise

bpd culture is having so many mood swings all the time that having any remotely stable day is a huge win

BUT

bpd culture is always trying to help the people you love and care about

bpd culture is being there for your loved ones no matter what because you never want them to feel abandoned

bpd culture is loving your friends and FP’s so strongly that you would go through hell and back for them any day

bpd culture is being a part of an incredibly strong community

bpd culture is being demonized in the media all the time and still waking up to fight another day

To everyone out there with BPD, I’m so proud of you all

[thessalian]

Thess vs the Bank Holiday Blues

Currently doing the mental health evaluation and ... well, sometimes you just do everything you possibly can and you're still fucking struggling. Which fucking blows, thank you very much.

I've gone through the checklist. I've eaten. I've hydrated. I slept recently. Technically my "meds for neuropathic pain" are an antidepressant so I can't even say I need meds. As for therapy ... well, been there, done that, developed the coping mechanisms. But mental health-wise? I am struggling to cope at this point.

To be fair, this is largely external factors. This is the realisation that I was very much right about literally nothing changing in this country when we got a Labour government, because now they're saying, "Well, the Tories lied about the massive financial hole they left so we have to scrap all our infrastructure promises, cut the winter fuel allowance, and let the energy companies jack up their prices right at the start of autumn" and it's getting to a point where I wonder if they're just trying to kill the old people so they don't have to pay their state pension.

This is seeing some of the short-sighted bullshit going on in the US in the run-up to their own election. Because I know a whole lot about populist garbage and people making protest votes without thinking about what they're doing, okay? Our general elections here aren't the best example of it, but I have a better one - Brexit. We ended up leaving the EU for a few very simple reasons: a) populist wankers like Johnson and Farage lied through their teeth to win the racist vote; b) some people didn't really want to leave the EU but didn't like how the EU was going about things so voted leave in protest; or c) figured that Leave couldn't actually win and so didn't bother voting. Now, does any of that sound familiar?!? All you have to do is add d) third options that will never win but take the vote away from the sensible choice and you've basically got the US right now. And this country destroyed itself at least partly based on that one stupid badly-planned referendum. The US can't survive another Trump term, I can't actually do anything about the stupids that might allow Trump to take the election, and I have too many people I love in that country to be anything less than terrified. I know that my feelings are valid, I know I can't spend too much emotional energy on something I can't change, but still.

My situation is still not great. It's never going to be, and I know that, just because of circumstance. I guess it's just harder to keep from being depressed about my disability when so much else is weighing me down. I try to keep counting my blessings, because I have a lot of those. Still, no matter how hard you try, some days everything that's wrong seems so big that you're kind of stuck squished. That and probably the Bank Holiday Blues. I mean, I don't work Mondays anyway, but there's a different vibe to the world on Bank Holiday Mondays.

Right. I just need to take my mind off the blues. One of the blessings I can count is that my last therapist was basically the best. She didn't focus on the diagnosis as handed down from the psychs (which was almost definitely a standard "ADHD is often misdiagnosed as BPD in women" thing) and instead looked at my symptoms and my previous coping methods, and helped me hone them into something healthier. Some people would call what I do "avoidance" and "escapism"; I call it "therapeutic hyperfocus". I've done every healthy thing I can to improve my mood, so if the mood's still there, and hyperfocusing on, like, a video game or something keeps me grounded until it blows over, I do that.

Of course, then I have to pick which video game, but I do have a playthrough of BG3 that I am determined to complete, and nothing says "hyperfocus" like "game you've played a few times before but will still hold a couple of surprises because Dice Be Like That". And I deserve some fun after having had to spend most of Saturday in bed because migraine and exhaustion.

[feathers-little-nest]

This is becoming a series, so let's call it Piórko's fav moments

Piórko's fav moments presents: The Beauty's Blade

Ik that it's a very unpopular book but I loved it so idk maybe check out my reactions to the first few chapters to judge if you'd like it? Idk idk

Anyways I really loved this book, the intrigue was so well written, romance was heavily... touch driven? It was mostly expressed through actions, which was super cool. Two MCs are much deeper than the first few chapters show, you don't stop learning new things about them up untill the end :D

w każdym razie do brzegu

my fav moments under the cut (spoilers ofc)

TW: self harm, death

- chapter 1, OH SHE HAS A JADE THUMBRING DID YOU KNOW THAT IT ORIGINATED AS AN ARCHERS- *gets shot*,

- this book uses many smart words guys,

- Yu Shengyan from QQ and this Yu Shengyan have exactly the same name, like the same characters, it'll take some time to getting used to,

- Fu Wanqing is making tier list for the most unworthy of Yu Shengyan people lol,

- she's insanely possessive for someone who has never seen their crush,

- so she's like a fiery red rose, we need to remember that. there's no the beauty's blade's Wiki to save our ass during drawing fanarts,

- chapter 2, lol, Yu Shengyan is just so done,

- damn Fu Wanqing is a quick progresser. she really heard some stories about Yu Shengyan and went I WANT THIS ONE and here she is, on their first meeting, sitting on her lap. iconic,

- Fu Wanqing is a type of person who would bite a glass just to check out how it feels or jump over a bonfire until they fall into it. mood.

- “hersay” girl you DID throw a thousand gold away to win a woman,

- chapter 4, I think previous notes include chapter 3 as well, I'm just good at missing chapters in my notes,

- she uses silk to wipe off blood. fucking. silk. what a bourgeois,

- 👀👀👀

- chapter 5, pretty privilege at its finest huh,

- Zhong brothers' descriptions, important for fanart,

- chapter 6, those chapters are pretty short and I like it,

- A TRANS ICON??, also description of the Third Young Master,

- lol they're progressing quickly. also, is Yu Shengyan starting to show some teeth..?

- chapter 7, well that's some fun family dynamic huh,

- chapter 8, T^T THEY WENT ON A CUTE DATE

- OH MY GOD SHE MADE HER A FLUTE I'M CRYING THAT'S SO CUTE

- chapter 9, oh, interesting, so Yu Shengyan is godlike... now that is giving me ideas

- chapter 10, YU SHENGYAN SMILED!!

- shout-out to Chun Fengxiao for being a bi icon,

- but you couldn't charm Fu Wanqing, this girl fell HARD,

- I swear this translation is some kind of twisted vocabulary test. what the hell is trepidation.

- chapter 11, ok so the guy is wearing changshan. I'm trying to figure out in what clothing I should imagine them in,

- chapter 12, Hu Qing has a big ass scar across her face,

- I think I'll have to draw a map of connections between these people lol,

- PFFF SHE FOUND SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING UNDER HER LAPELS,

- chapter 13, ok the flute is now even cuter,

- I love Yang Wumin, she's just a girl with bpd who likes to beat people,

- chapter 14, uuu we have a beef with gays,

- Third Young Master slays yet again, they use a fan, they have to be my fav now. that's the law.

- chapter 16, ooh, I did not expect Fu Wanqing to be not fond of extravaganza,

- “Warm as jade, with clothes whiter than snow — the Junzi Sword, Shen Shengyi”,

- warm as Jade cold as Jade is there something that is not as Jade? /lh

- oo casanova,

- ok so he's also wearing jade pin-crown,

- chapter 17, I am so confused by the setting, they read Ming books, wear Qing clothing and wear jade pendants. I'm trying to mash it up together in my brain but it's harddd,

- chapter 18, Guo Ju just had an epic entrance, falling for the sky just to dirty Shen Shengyi's robe lol,

- I ship SSYxGJ,

- Guo Ju is so fucking fruity I can't,

- chapter 19, we have another new pal, Zhang Zongyi, an elderly monk in red robes,

- chapter 20, my fav chapter so far!!

- chapter 21, Guo Ju femboy confirmed,

- chapter 22, this awkward moment when you say a ton of nonsense and meet someone who actually replays to it lol; and suddenly you're the shy one,

- chapter 23, another name to remember, Yue Qingtian. So far I remember everyone, I'm getting better at names!

- chapter 24, Guo Ju is really my fav side character now, also I'm curious about that not acting like himself part,

- chapter 25, Yue Qingtan – blue clothes, “cloud-and-water sleeves”, looking like a lady from a rich family, but also a lone wonderer

- I don't think “shes better because she doesn't care about her eeviiiil disciples” is the argument you think it is man XDDD,

- Yang Wumin now wears a veil, noted. could've expected that,

- chapter 27, woah woah this suddenly got serious,

- GUO JU IS ALSO TRANS? T4T ROMANCE? IN MY BAIHE? OMG???

- “Wine… makes people drunk.” such an enlightened quote from Yu Shengyan,

- god Guo Ju is so cute, sitting all night next to the Third Young Master just to make sure that she's safe... even though the tavern is full of the Third Young Master's people... first sunrays falling on her chest is another thing I'd love to paint,

- ok so I think Guo Ju is more leaning into cis woman forced to be a man. still not sure about the Third Young Master tho, what kind of gender fuckery is happening here,

- chapter 29, I can't get over how much their flirting is physical. very often they don't say many loving things but kiss each other, hug, lay on each other, play together... it's all so cute and betrays their emotions in a way words never could,

- SHE FUCKING BIT HER LMFAOO I LOVE YOU FU WANQING

- chapter 30, woah woah Gu Yu got so roasted she turned into a tiny coal piece, that was a bit uncalled for,

- it's so funny to me that they all think that Yu Shengyan is a good person while she only cares for her moral code, not other people,

- LMFAO SHE JUST BULLSHITED WITH CONFIDENCE I LOVE YOU FU WANQING x2 but like true, why would you believe this asshole XDDDD

- chapter 32, well, Yang Wumin has some point about Fu Wanqing, she isn't exactly... an honorable person XD,

- I love this uncaring (chaos) x uncaring (peaceful) energy lol,

- chapter 33, can Yu Shengyan fucking stop destroying books please,

- chapter 35, it might sound dumb and I would usually hate this, but I love that in this book we just get new characters introduced all the time, even now, well over the half mark,

- Liu Zhishang has a rectangular face and bright eyes, noted,

- Guo Lingtian is mostly angry and has thick brows,

- Yang Yifei looks young, wears green and looks like a scholar,

- I can't, Liu Zhishang just heard his kid saying that he wants to marry Yue Qingtian and already treats her like his daughter, that's so damn cute,

- about Yue Qingtian: “She was akin to a plant without roots, having no sense of belonging wherever she went.”,

- chapter 36, ok, I like Wei Xian, the guy is just doing his best and is basically responsible for taking care of the whole Creed bcs ysy isn't interested in it and lkx is not the sharpest tool in the shed,

- chapter 38, so we get Yue Honghua of the Limitless Palace, she hates being called that tho, especially by her sister,

- also she called Third Young Master a Third Sister so is she Yue too? or is it just a title,

- I like that even when dumb things happen in this book, like poisoning of Yu Shengyan, there are exactly the type of dumb things these characters would do,

- chapter 39, and who the fuck is Fu Rong,

- Zhong Li Yu Xiu 钟灵毓秀, I like it,

- chapter 40, OHHH SHES ZHONG'S DAUGHTER LMFAO

- the moral of the story is clearly that the only competent people are women and you know what I can't disagree,

- new name!! the Ghost Doctor is Ye Xueqing, she's also blind btw,

- chapter 41, another new name! Jiang Huailuo, white-haired woman,

- ok I love Ye Xueqing and Jiang Huailuo's dynamic, amazing food for fanfics,

- that honestly read like the last chapter but there's still 9 to go lol,

- chapter 42, HEY WHERE'S MY SEX SCENE, I was in the mood today :( but more seriously, this book was teasing with all this touches and kisses to just skip a sex scene, I am a little bit disappointed,

- I wonder if Fu Hui is getting tired of being played by his daughter all the time lol,

- I love Guo Lintian so much omg he's so fucking sweet,

- chapter 43, ok so face of Yue Honghua is covered in a web of scars left by Yue Qingtian,

- ok I'm still not sure what is Yue Qingtian's part in all of this tho, am I missing something?

- chapter 44, and now we got some Zhang Zongyi, I think this is the last new person in the book tho,

- chapter 45, rip Yang Yifei,

- I love that Liu Wei is trying to get a divorce at a wedding, queen shit,

- chapter 46, bloodstains could also indicate that Fu Wanqing disappeared by herself because she is fucking mental,

- Yu Shengyan carrying Fu Wanqing in a bridal carry, while the latter is wearing torn bridal clothing... another cool thing to draw,

- chapter 47, I get that Fu Wanqing wanted to drive Yang Yifei mad but I'm so sad that she harmed so many people to achieve that, it matches her character but still :< I liked Liu Wei,

- god Yang Yifei also killed Madame Fu, what a shithead,

- ok but Yu Shengyan and Fu Wanqing being cute revenge wives, so adorable,

- chapter 48, ““You once showed me a lot of drawings at Goldmelt Grotto.” Yu Shengyan raised her brows, expression unchanged. “You want to try all of them out, Lady Fu?”” WHAT A QUOTE OMG

- chapter 50, AWWW?? SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DUEL ANYMORE BCS YU SHENGYAN DOESN'T LIKE IT. THIS WOMAN WHO NEVER GAVE UP ANYTHING FOR ANYONE WITHOUT A GRUDGE IS JUST. TRASHING ONE OF HER DEEPEST DREAMS. AWWW!!

- epilogue – how is it an epilogue and not chapter 51? the story isn't complete without this epilogue at all,

- god damn poor Shen Shengyi, this little white lamb, this revelation will so fuck him up lol,

- SHE WAS JUST LYING LMFAO WHY THESE PEOPLE JUST KEEP BELIEVING EVERYONE <- is not better,

- I hope that Guo Lintian didn't fuck up in the past :< I like him,

- Ok I really like this ending :3

- extra: IS GUO LINTIAN'S ONLY CONCLUSION FROM ALL THAT THAT HE WANTS TO RETIRE I really love this man omg,

- the Zhong brothers' arc is also quite wholesome

[aquanova99]

can i ask about the denalis with a mate that struggles with bpd or bipolar? Thanks love

Okay so this is one of the reasons I put the rules back up. I am not the most knowledgeable in this area and I don’t think the end result will be very happy.

A/N: symptoms can include

Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint

Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness

Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism

Tanya

I think Tanya will be fine for awhile

She fell for you when you were more or less hood so she desperately tries to recreate the initial spark you had

But when you blow up at her or are hostile towards one of her sisters it’s almost like you’re filling up an invisible gauge

One day you’re keeping to yourself because you’re having a bad day and when Tanya tries to help you unleash on her and for the first time she blows up on you

She is done being the emotional punching bag. You storm off because you don’t actually like confrontation and you realize you have been rather taking advantage of her kindness

She’s still upset though so unless you show progress or have an actual plan when you’re having a bad day she will walk away. And will probably try to separate anyway for awhile to see how she feels without you around

Kate

Any guilt tripping or threats you make will not work with Kate

Yell at her? She’ll yell back.

Jumping back and forth from thinking she’s perfect to thinking she’s not worthy or she’s cheating will have her walk away

She will win in a fight too but she isnt putting in that effort

Unfairly treat her once and she’s done

She can handle regular arguments and impulsiveness in fact she welcomes it, but she won’t be taken advantage of

Irina

Probably the most patient

In fact I think she won’t ever say anything

But you’ll know she’s had enough because she will get quiet and withdraw from you

So much so that you’ll freak out because you think she doesn’t love you as much and she will just break down in tears

She will say she doesn’t understand what she’s doing wrong and she isn’t doing anything so if you don’t want to drag her down you need to make a conscious effort

Carmen

Is full of love but will fight back everytime

Any aggressiveness will have her two times worse

Can’t do much self harm but she will tell you if you don’t help yourself or try and figure something out to hurt yourself away from her

She won’t have anything on her conscious and she won’t help someone who doesn’t want help or won’t admit to needing help

Eleazar

The most level headed

He’s just seen worse, ya know?

But he will call you out on it and more or less have you figure something out

“You know what you’re doing right?”

Argue back as much as you want but if he doesn’t I’ll tell you exactly what trait you are expressing and will call you out

If you refuse to relent he will leave and give both of you space

He won’t talk to you until you apologize tho

Honestly I don’t know how you’re figuring anything out since you can’t have medicine as vampire so chances are you will end up without your mate after a while but everyone has a different tolerance level and timeline

[bpd-baddie-bracket]

hi i wanna talk about Anakin’s deathly fear of abandonment and intense mood swings. i’ve been going through the Revenge of the Sith novel and marking evidence of him having BPD- these are two pages apart 😵‍💫. he also has bouts of dissociation and depersonalization after acting out; the entire episode is about him not knowing who he is supposed to be. it’s not just about his anger issues, he’s hitting all 9 diagnostic criteria.

anyways this boy is chock-full of BPD and he deserves everything in the entire universe, including winning this competition

[asbestieos]

I was reading up more about bpd and it was like "certain triggers may cause a mood swing" and i was like lol theres no way. well i was in a super good mood bc my coworker hung out for an hour at my place after our shifts ended and a fucking youtube short of a viet mom gardening made me think of my mom and i immediately felt so sick and nauseous. MayoClinic wins today

[sunnymegatron]

Mental Health & Polyamory with Kate Loree - 208

Sex-positive psychotherapist, Kate Loree joins us to talk about managing mental health within polyamory and consensual non-monogamy -- specifically how mood and personality disorders like anxiety, depression, BPD, NPD, etc., can impact these relationships. According to NAMI  one in five American adults experienced mental illness in 2020. When we combine this with consensual non-monogamy (CNM), things can become even more complex. As Kate points out, CNM tends to poke at unresolved attachment injuries more than is typical in monogamous relationships plus polyamory involves more people which means there’s more to navigate. While this conversation is geared toward non-monogamous relationships, the strategies Kate discusses can be adapted to various relationship styles, including kink dynamics and monogamous relationships.

Kate Loree, LMFT Bio

Kate Loree, LMFT, is a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. She is also the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships. 

In addition to her master’s in marriage and family therapy, she also has an MBA and is a registered art therapist (ATR). She is an EDSE-certified sex educator and an EMDR-certified therapist with additional training in the Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM) for the treatment of trauma. She has been practicing psychotherapy since 2003.

Kate is the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships (release date 4/19/22) and cohosts the sex-positive podcast of the same name, Open Deeply, with Sunny Megatron. She’s been featured in Buzzfeed videos and has guested on Playboy Radio and many podcasts, including American Sex, Sluts and Scholars, and Sex Nerd Sandra. She’s written for Good Vibrations, Hollywood Magazine, and is a frequent public speaker.

Episode 208 Helpful Links & Resources

Kate Loree Website: http://kateloree.com

Kate Loree Facebook http://facebook.com/kateloreelmft

Kate Loree Twitter http://twitter.com/kateloreelmft

Kate Loree Instagram http://instagram.com/opendeeplywithkateloree

Kate Loree YouTube https://www.youtube.com/kateloree

Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships book https://www.amazon.com/dp/164742335X/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_ZHACQ8RJHMR2R9HGHBMY

Open Deeply Ep 7 “Overgivers to Change Agents” https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/over-givers-to-change-agents-ep-7/id1554118799?i=1000517722705 

Open Deeply Podcast http://opendeeplypodcast.com

Sunny’s Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb

Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron

American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp

American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex 

Episode 208 Sponsors & Discount Codes

*by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win!

30-day free trial of Dipsea Stories when you use code SUNNY at http://dipseastories.com/sunny

Get 20% off + free shipping at Manscaped.com with code SUNNY http://manscaped.com

Pleasure Podcasts Network https://www.pleasurepodcasts.com/

Sunny’s On-Demand BDSM Classes & Coaching:  https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/

15% off most items from Stockroom https://bit.ly/sunnystockroom15 with code SUNNY

–To support American Sex Podcast/Sunny Megatron & help offset the cost of providing no-charge education: http://patreon.com/americansex 

--More at AmericanSexPodcast.com

  Check out our latest episode!

[ifidiedinadream]

TMI

I have to admitted that my band fantasies, soft and sexual, are what’s keeping me together. I would go insane without them, they sometimes are my only source for comfort and "feeling loved" although I know I’m just imagining shit. And I know it’s kinda childish to day dream 24/7 and read and write ffs about these fantasies and I also know they are other, healthier ways to cope but it doesn’t hurt anyone does it? Only hurts me from time to time when I realise I’ll probably never be loved and cherished like in my fantasies but other than that who am I hurting and why should I stop when reality feels like it’s drowning me and these fantasies keep me afloat?!

honestly i don't see how fantasizing can be unhealthy in any way?

ive been taught that something only starts being pathological when it interferes with your daily life, your job and mood and relationships and whatnot. usually, daydreaming doesn't lead to that. i feel you anon. fantasies keep me afloat, and i'll keep doing it until i feel that real life doesn't give me what i want deep inside, so for a long time still, and i won't let the shame win (the shame that tells me im behind in life and im not acting like an "adult"). literally all im doing is trying not to spiral lol and this works and considering the coping mechanisms i adopted in the past? as a person with bpd?? they all lead me to the hospital one way or another so no thank you i'll stick to fantasizing, i feel like i found my "balance" and im not planning on giving it up any time soon

[empyreanparadisaea]

ooc. I mentioned before Kaveh having BPD but I think I'll expand a bit more. Though I should note I'm not a medical professional, I'm just mentally ill and have symptoms that can cross over with this illness. This isn't to meant to be a guide on how to diagnose someone with that illness and you should go to a mental health professional for more information.

I'm taking this from the criteria cited on mayoclinic. org

An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection

Kaveh imagining Alhaitham being a worst person than what he actually is to keep from hurting himself. It's less with other people, but it's still notable.

2. A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel

Kaveh's clients dropping him when he's unable to compromise on little things (not the major things as I'd imagine he's reasonable to a certain point). Again his relationship with Alhaitham, he thinks of him as an equal while trashing the man who's given a place to stay, a chance to get himself back up.

3. Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all

This is in how he sees himself as worthy of being called Light Of Kshahrewar. The guilt he carries for telling his father to go and try to win the Interdarshan Championship that ultimately broke his family. He wishes he didn't exist so his parents would've lived happier lives together.

4. Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours

None that can be found in canon as far as I'm aware.

5. Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship

Kaveh is impulsive with his money, putting it down for client's projects (like The Palace of Alcazarzaray), spending money for "charities" (bulk buying the keychains that was supposed to feed Sumeru's hungry children) , and his very apparent alcohol usage. Perhaps currently it's not to the point of addiction but it's getting there for sure. And of course self sabotaging his friendship with Alhaitham during his Akademiya days and currently in present day. As I stated above Kaveh refuses to budge on some changes in his projects which makes clients leave him instead of the other way around.

6. Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection

None that I can see in canon.

7. Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety

Canon is weak on this aspect but it's fair to say he does have low control on his emotions (or rather the intensity of them)

8. Ongoing feelings of emptiness

Maybe in his youth when he left Alhaitham or when Kaveh returned from his trip to Fontaine to see his mother remarry but again canon is weak here.

9. Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

One could say his reactions to Alhaitham is a bit inappropriate at times but I don't see him getting physical with him. More snippy and sarcastic than actually fighting him.

Since writing the previous post I feel more inclined to say Kaveh has overlapping symptoms as he doesn't want to die per say. More like "not exist" to not harm others. The criteria for getting the diagnosis is also having 5 out of 9 of the symptoms and Kaveh only ticks (in my very uneducated, humble opinion) 4 of them 100% while the other 5 symptoms are up to your interpretation of his actions.

Regardless he is very hurt, sensitive and a sad young man that I can't help but relate to.

[artreviewer23]

Song of the Day: St Chroma by Tyler the Creator

^ Since I’m very obsessed with music in general, I’m gonna start including a song I’m particularly into on the given days when I write these for funsies!

I’m not sure if this is solely a BPD experience or if it’s like influenced by Autism (I think it is) but there’s this really useful tool I use to get out of particularly bad ruts. A lot of descriptions of BPD include a mood swap to a “God complex”, which is primarily what I’m describing here, and I think it is extremely useful for a lot of things. I experience it as something of a Sisyphean-triumphant-emotion (sounds juvenile I know). It’s like I’ll feel really depressed but when I need to do something important, I’ll suddenly feel a certain happiness or triumph in fighting against my problems, using the idea of freedom to choose to struggle and win against my negative emotions. I am now realizing that describing this feeling accurately is slightly impossible and I probably should have just left it at god complex but there’s definitely some like nuance to describe here at some point in the future probably when I’m better at writing these BUT before I get too off topic I specifically wanted to describe one phenomenon related to this. If I imagine myself doing something and succeeding at it that will actually contribute significantly to me being able to do it or if I imagine myself in a certain scenario I’ll give myself what feels like a bunch of adrenaline and that’ll positively affect my thought process

Ok I think this post sucks but I made myself a deal that whatever I write here I post and I do not second guess myself no matter what and I’ll explain why at some point but not now anyway if you’re reading this SORRY!!! Sorry for wasting your time with MID today but as always

Have a nice day,

artreviewer23