#mom’s ashes are coming home with us tomorrow

[hiddenstashart]

[mashmouths]

oh "the house that built me" by miranda lambert we're really in it now

[littleprinceabdullah]

"Born into Hope Amidst Destruction: Abdullah's Journey from Gaza"

Hello, I am little prince Abdullah, and I am a six-month-old baby from Gaza. I was born into extremely difficult circumstances amidst war and destruction. Let me tell you my story from the beginning.

Daddy, Mahmoud, is a young dentist, 25 years old. Mom, Abeer, is also a dentist, and they were eagerly awaiting my arrival (their little prince as they called me), dreaming of a bright future for me.

My parents got married and moved into a new home, spending two joyful months there before everything changed drastically on October 7, 2023, when the war in Gaza began. Our home, and the clinic were all destroyed in an instant. They had to flee with only a few clothes, having nowhere else to go. The place that was supposed to be filled with love and laughter turned into rubble and ash.

Mom endured her pregnancy amidst the war, without enough food, water, or medicine. As I grew inside her, I could feel the stress and fear that surrounded us. Mom often went without proper nourishment, sacrificing her own well-being to ensure that I had a chance to come into this world. Every night, she would cradle her belly, whispering prayers and promises of a better life, even as bombs fell around us. She dreamed of holding me in a safe place, free from the horrors of war, where I could grow up surrounded by love and peace.

Despite the chaos, dad and mom clung to the hope that I would be a symbol of a brighter future. They imagined my first smile, my first tooth, my first steps, my first words, and the joy of seeing me grow up in a home filled with laughter. But the reality was far from those dreams. Mom faced countless sleepless nights, worrying if she could bring me safely into a world that seemed determined to tear us apart.

When the time came for me to be born (6th, Apr.2024), there were no hospitals with clean beds, no doctors ready to ensure my safe arrival. My parents faced this moment with courage and a deep, unyielding love, praying that I would be born healthy despite the dire conditions. Each day inside my mom's womb, I felt her love and fear. I heard her heart beat fast when explosions echoed nearby, and I felt her tears when she thought about the uncertain future we faced. She whispered to me that I was her miracle, her reason to keep fighting, and she promised to do everything in her power to give me a life worth living.

Now that I am six months old, my parents continue to face immense challenges. I have spent my first six months of life in a world of uncertainty and hardship. There are days when my parents struggle to find enough food and clean water for us. They do their best to keep me safe and healthy, but the lack of proper medical care and basic necessities makes every day a battle.

My parents' love and determination are unwavering. They look at me with a mix of love and desperation, knowing they are unable to provide the comfort and security every baby deserves. Each day is a struggle for survival, and the joy of my birth is constantly overshadowed by fear and uncertainty. They dream of a world where I can play safely, have a warm bed to sleep in, and grow up healthy and happy. Instead, they face the harsh reality of war, where every moment is filled with anxiety and the haunting thought of what tomorrow might bring. Their only wish is to see me smile, free from the burdens that weigh so heavily on their hearts.

Here is daddy's account telling his own story: @mah99moud

The pressures and burdens on our family continue to grow, so my parents decided to turn to the GoFundMe platform, seeking help from kind-hearted people around the world.

Your generosity can turn our darkest days into a beacon of hope. Please consider helping us rebuild our lives and give me a chance to experience the childhood every child deserves, and help my parents rebuild their lives. Please, help us restore hope for a better tomorrow and give me a chance to grow up in a world where dreams are possible, not destroyed. Every donation, no matter how small, will make a significant difference in our lives.

Thank you for your kindness and generosity.

[dabislittlemouse]

Hello! I just discovered your page and I love your writing style.

I had this idea in my head for while now.

You know how Dabi went and visit Hawks’ mom for information about him? Well, what if he had a lovable little sister who was clueless about who Dabi is. She thought “oh, he is friends with my big brother there is no harm talking with him.”

Dabi flirts with her a good bit and Hawks comes home like “get away from my cute little sister!” But he does it around about way.

tainted angel 🪽 (pt.1)

PART 2 // PART 3// THE COMPLETE MASTERLIST divider by @cafekitsune

ෆ Pairing: DABI X HAWKS’ LITTLE SISTER

ෆ cw: Dabi being a flirt and a pervert, corruption kink, smut and dubcon in the next chapters so this one is mostly safe.

ෆ Before you read further: this is written entirely on Dabi’s POV. There are specific descriptions for Hawks’ sister such as hair color, eye color, skin, wings etc. and she is a female, age 20-21.

ෆ A/N: I love this request so much, it had my writing flowing so naturally and my motivation reached the sky. I hope you like this!

Another boring day of relentlessly hunting down for information. Walking in the empty alleyway, the weather’s getting bitter, clouds darkening the sky as rain is starting to fall, plinking against my black leather jacket. Man, I fucking hate rain. Feels uncomfortable on my skin, not to mention it weakens my quirk. But I have to finish this job. Once I start something today, I never leave it for tomorrow, cause we never know what tomorrow could bring. Unexpected things are not my forte, I prefer to plan my steps way ahead, I look closely at every clue and untangle any information that I see beneficial. Always one step ahead of my enemies, nothing goes away without catching my eye. No matter how small it is.

No matter how fast it is.

Yes, Hawks, the fastest hero out there, too fast for his own good. I chuckle under my breath, rolling my eyes at the thought of the traitorous pro hero. He’s been pretty useful so far, proven himself loyal to the cause. But something doesn’t sit right with me, hence the reason why I’m out there searchin’ for more information. Maybe it’s his sickening hero charm, makes me wanna vomit. Maybe it’s the fake smile he puts on that stupid face, who knows.. a traitor will always be a traitor. If he went as far as to betray the heroes, I won’t be surprised if he turns his back on us villains again.

Though if that happens, he will be incinerated before he even knows it. Burnt to ashes, those red feathers set ablaze by my own scorching flames. My hand itches at the thought of showing him his place, though I gotta stick with the plan and use him for all his worth.

Bzzz.

The sound of my burner phone grabs my attention. Probably one of my men who I’ve sent to stalk and watch over Hawks. Or maybe Twice, wanting to fuck around because he is lonely. Tch, I’m not in the mood either way.

“This better be important..” I rasp under my breath. Lately my patience’s been thin. Don’t know why.

“Sir, we have found something”

It was indeed one of the men I hired. Yeah, about time they finally made themselves useful. I hum in response, letting the man continue.

“The woman we found, she might be related to Hawks. According to the clues we’ve been gathering, it’s highly possible she could be his mother. If not his mother, then for sure someone from his family. We have found her address, all we need is your order so we can break in and get her for you, sir” the man explained.

“Mm there’s no need. I’ll pay the lady a visit myself” I smirk, knowing that she will be more intimidated by my grotesque sight only and start spilling everything. After the men give me her address, I waste no time to go there. Fortunately not too far from where I am right now.

Something weird forms in my chest. Not sure why, but I feel like I’m gonna have fun~

******

The picture I got sent was of a woman who seemed to be in her 40s, pale skin and exhausted eyes, big fluffy light brown hair, almost drained out of life. This is beyond weird, the mother of a pro hero who looked like she had lost her will to live? Ain’t no way. Supposedly the families of pro heroes usually live their best life.

A thought runs through my head and I chuckle. Damn, I should know by now, the families of pro heroes are those who in fact suffer the most.

Memorising the woman’s face and the address, I am now right in front of her house. It’s a small normal house, nothing fancy or special about it whatsoever. The rain has long stopped. I stop in front of her door, before giving it a few slow knocks. Nobody opens the door. I knock once again, if this door isn’t opened soon I’m gonna have to-

“Coming!! Just a second!!” A chirpy voice was heard, footsteps getting faster towards the door. This voice sounded lively, not the voice I could’ve imagined for the woman I’m looking for.

As the door opened, the sight in front of me leaves me speechless. My eyes widen a bit, taking in at person in front of me.

It’s a girl. Not the old woman in picture, this is a young pretty thing. Could be at her twenties, not sure. As she opens the door wider, she fixes her disheveled hair, removing those golden locks off her face while her caramel eyes fixed on mine, blinking in confusion with those pretty lashes. And her pjs, almost too revealing. Freckles cover her cheeks, her skin looks soft. It doesn’t take long for me to notice a pair of angelic white wings behind her.

“Umm hello, how can I help you with?” she asks, her voice meek and shy as she looks up at me under her lashes.

Fuck, it’s like the whole world stopped the moment I laid eyes her pretty face. I need to focus.

“Sorry for the bother, dollface” I manage to bring a friendly smile on my face but my raspy voice always betrays me. “I am looking for Hawks. I’m a friend of his..”

“Oh, Hawks? I’m sorry but my brother is not here at the moment. Maybe he is at his agency, did you check there?” she smiles back.

Before I find myself wondering why she is not scared by my appearance, my mind focuses on that one simple word: brother. She called Hawks her brother, so that means..

“Wait, don’t tell me that guy kept such a pretty thing like you hidden from me? You’re his sister?” I smirk, leaning on the doorstep, still stunned by the fact that the pro hero had a little sister.

“O-Oh yeah, I’m Takami Y/N!” she blushes, and my smirk grows wider knowing that such simple interaction already got me half of the information. That Hawks has a sister, and his last name is Takami.

“He doesn’t prefer to talk much about us in public” she continues. “It’s best for our safety”

Poor naive little thing. Got no clue in the world who I am, thinking I’m a friend. Is this how the hero looks over his family?

“Well well, that guy is full of surprises. You look a lot like him to be honest, that pretty hair of yours and those wings. A real angel aren’t cha?”

Her face is a blushing mess, all she can do is squirm in front of me and smile awkwardly. I came here for other purposes but damn it.. this pretty angel got me fucking hooked already. So petite, so innocent, a ray of sunshine, if I touch her with my destructive bloody hands I could probably defile her.

This thought gives me a sick twisted feeling in my chest, my eyes flaring in excitement.

“I-If you’d like I can invite you over for some tea? I can call my brother to come in the meantime. It’s only me and my mom here” she shyly says, breaking eye contact. I may be delusional, I am not the most handsome motherfucker out there I know, but she is acting like she saw her school crush. But I have to admit, I do have a sort of charm too. Call it villain charm if you will.

“Sure thing”. Making it easier for me princess, but also harder to focus on my main goal when you’re such beautiful distraction.

As my eyes wander around the living room, she hurries to the kitchen to prepare the tea. Enough time for me to find the lady in question. Her room was not hard to find, she was sitting on her bed. Simply entering and closing the door, I reach to her fast, putting a hand on her mouth.

“Don’t make a single sound or I will burn your sweet daughter to ashes” I threaten, showing her the blue flames flickering on my fingers. She nods, sweating and eyes widened in panic.

“Now..” I let her go while she stands there frozen in fear. “I’ll ask you some questions regarding to your son… and you’ll answer honestly. And trust me, I can tell when someone’s lying, so do not test me woman” I say sternly, all she does is whimper.

****

“Hey I thought you left?”

I find the pretty angel sitting on the couch, a confused look on her face.

“Ah m’sorry doll, had to use the bathroom. Also had a little chat with your mother, been a long time since I last saw her..”

It takes a lot for me to not burst into laughter, acting as if I’ve been Keigo’s childhood friend or something.

Keigo. Keigo Takami. This was his full name according to that woman. She didn’t hesitate to give me all the essential information, afraid I’d burn this place down and harm her precious daughter. Apparently that birdbrain’s been taken from the HSPC since a kid, trained to be a professional hero. And most importantly, his dad was a criminal, murdered someone back then.

Tch, the son of a criminal becoming a hero.

And the son of a hero becoming a criminal.

What a world.

I sit down on the couch, almost too close to his sister. My eyes hungrily take on the sight of her soft plush thighs, her chest, her plump lips.

“Tell me more about yourself dollface” I say, totally ignoring the tea and playing with some of her hair. “Y’gonna be a hero like your brother?”

“Ah none of the sort. I’d rather not get myself into heroic stuff” she giggles, and that sound has my jeans tighten uncomfortably. It’s taking everything in me to not pounce on her right here right now, stripping her off everything and making her scream for me. Just imagine the sight her brother would come across to if he suddenly shows up, her little sister all naked and bruised, used for my own sick pleasure..

Such an angelic being, I have the need to fucking break her and shape her however I see fit. A man like me could never be deserving of her.

“You don’t want to be a hero? How come? Wouldn’t you like to save people, princess? To fight against big scary villains who threaten the innocent out there..”

“I don’t think that’s a job for me. I can still help people without being a hero. And I don’t think I’d be strong or brave enough to go against villains, you know?” she says, playing with the hem of her shirt.

“Awn, poor thing, y’scared from villains?” I grin, placing my scarred hand on her knee, feeling her smooth skin. She squirms, probably by the warmth of it. The way she bites her lower lip nervously has my cock throbbing in my pants. Little does she know she’s in the presence of one of the most dangerous villains in Japan.

“Y’think they gonna hurt you? Maybe they will, if they see you so cute and vulnerable out there, they won’t hesitate to hunt ya down”. My firm grip on her knee has her swallowing, nodding silently.

“So I hope your brother protects you enough” I chuckle. “Cause see, if I was a villain? Man, I’d do anything to kidnap you and make you mine”

Her eyes widen, she laughs nervously, thinking this was some joke. Far from it.

“But you’re no villain right? You’re just my brother’s friend?” she murmurs, feeling tense. Her body language is so easy to read.

“Yes baby, I’m only his friend. My appearance might creep ya out but I promise I’m safe”

She seems to calm down a little. Completely unaware of what I could be capable of.

“Your appearance is not creepy by the way” she says. “I’d say it’s more.. unique. In a good way. I’ve never seen someone who looks like you”

I raise my eyebrows. Her words have me taken aback. For the longest time all I’ve gotten were stares filled with fear or disgust, couldn’t blame them. But this was a new thing, I feel something strange in my chest at her comment. Fuck, I don’t like this. I can’t seem to find any good comeback now, not when she’s staring at me so longingly. I’d rather have her scared, calling me an ugly monster, rather than this.

“Cute little thing wants to get on my good side huh? Wanna charm me, get me hooked with those sweet words? Y’need to be careful~” I say teasingly, reaching to grab her chin and have her look at me. I stare at her caramel eyes, wondering how they’d look full of tears.

“N-No it’s just the truth, I’m not lying” she shakes her head. “If I found you scary I wouldn’t have let you come inside”

“Come inside?” I raise an eyebrow. “Y’need to be more specific..or this might get another meaning”

She looks confused, not getting it at first, but the moment she sees the perverse smile on my face, her cheeks flush in embarrassment.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that pervert! I meant come inside my house!”

I let out a laugh, probably the only genuine laugh I had after such a long time. God, she’s so cute and fun to mess with. Such gem that Hawks kept hidden from me. Well, not anymore.

After some time chatting with my angel, the door bursts open. I turn around, smirking at the familiar face.

“Look who decided to show up!” I stand up, opening my arms as if waiting to receive a hug from him. “The winged hero. I was looking for you. I had the pleasure of meeting your family, y’never told me you had a little sister? Such pretty thing you never mentioned her to anyone, I thought we were close friends Keigo..”

The expression on his face is entertaining, he looks beyond shocked. Probably didn’t expect for me to call him by his real name. Or when his sister comes after me, too close, a bright charming smile on her face.

“Welcome home! I invited Dabi inside to wait for you, couldn’t let him out in the pouring rain-”

“Y/N get back in your room. Now” The hero’s voice is stern, serious, and the poor girl’s smile fades off her face. His piercing gaze never leaving mine. I’m not intimidated at the slightest, it’s mostly amusing.

“But Kei-”

“Now” he repeats. As she prepares to turn around and leave, I reach to grab her hand, not letting her go.

“Very overprotective aren’t cha, big brother?” I smirk, bringing his sister closer to me, wrapping my hands around her waist. Hawks looks like he is ready to kill me, anger visible in his golden eyes now that I’m playing around with his little sister, probably his weakest spot that he tried to keep hidden from the world.

“Me and her already clicked. She’s very fun to have around, we chatted a lot when you weren’t here didn’t we angel?” I turn to her, all she does is blush and nod shyly. I tap my fingers around her small waist, making her squirm. It takes everything in me to not dig my fingers on that soft skin and leave bruises. Then I reach for her white wings, and apparently she is very sensitive there. The way those wings flutter and she tries to break free from my grip, whining for me to stop. And all of this in front of her brother.

“Very nice of you to treat my friend this way” Hawks says, seems like he already caught up what’s going on. He’s playing it cool, so I won’t hurt his family. “Dabi, could you come outside now? We have stuff to discuss.”

I do not protest further, there’ll be enough time to stay with my angel now that I already know where she lives and where she studies. My new little toy.

“See ya later, dollface” I pinch her cheek, before sliding my hand across her jawline. My thumb touching her lower lip slightly, and the softest gasp leaves her pretty mouth.

“Bye Dabi..” she whispers, almost hypnotised by my touch. My name rolling off her tongue is the sweetest melody my ears could ever hear.

Can’t wait to come back for you, sweetheart

Tags: @mostlyheinous @dabislittlebeaniebaby @shadowsandshapes @dabihawksluva @mossy-opal @daniidil @holydayaria @syrenkitsune @arinexeisnotworking @cherrykisssess @doumadono @spltbtch @sukunas-bitxh @awalkingshame @bubblegumsblog @highbats69

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 75 (Nearing Delivery and There's a Fancy Cake!)

As with all her pregnancies, Heather worked hard up to her due date. Running Buttercup Pet Clinic meant very little time off and she was always tired, but she was more confident than ever in her team's ability to hold things down when she took some family leave after delivery.

She'd begun making ambrosia treats to sell, giving a few to Conrad so he'd have them when he returned to the lighthouse. But as ever, he was in no hurry to chase down ghosts and death, and it had been months since the Ambrosia Society's last newsletter. With Heather so close to giving birth and Ash about to celebrate his birthday, Conrad was happiest sticking close to home.

The did pay a quick visit to her family in Henford-on-Bagley, where they picked up a death flower from her mother's last batch so they could start growing a bush on their own. "Thank you for this," Heather said when they arrived. "We're too busy with life and work to wait for our plants to grow, and our upstairs hallway isn't big enough for a cherry tree."

"Take as many as you need," said her mother as River handed her a rare, spiky red and black plant. "It'll be winter soon, and you might want to grow the plant outdoors to give it as much natural light as possible."

One evening, Heather returned home to see a woman peering in one of their windows. "Hello?"

Startled, the woman gave a half smile and rushed toward the square. "The paint job is lovely," she called, but in a moment she was gone.

Inside, Heather found Conrad in the living room watching TV. Right away, he could tell something was bothering her. "What is it?"

"There was a woman looking in our kitchen window."

"What are you talking about?" He jumped up to take a look.

"She's gone. I said hello and I was going to ask her what she was doing but she took off and said she liked our paint job. But I swear to you, she was looking into the house."

"What did she look like?"

"Tall, pretty, blonde hair, black shirt, and she had a Selvadoradian accent...I think."

"Maybe it was a tourist who got lost on their way from the creek," he said, trying to calm her anxious nerves. "I don't think there's anything to worry about, but I'll see if anyone's filed a similar report at the station tomorrow."

They were both unnerved but life went on until it was time to celebrate Ash's birthday. Heather and Conrad were planning to host Harvestfest at home later that week, so they decided to forgo a large party.

"I wish I had the energy to throw something bigger for him," Heather lamented. "But with the Landgraabs in Oasis Springs for the long weekend, I'm happy not to hear Nancy moan about how much sugar you get in a piece of cake."

"He'll just be happy to have the cake," Conrad assured her before he stood to bring Ash to the candlelit dessert - a tiered confection Heather had baked to improve her gourmet cooking skill. "He'll have all the time in the world to hang out with his family and friends, and plenty more birthdays."

Heather smiled as her phone rang. (It was her family. Bad timing made plot!) "Hey Mom, are you guys ready to sing Happy Birthday with us?"

"Of course! Where's the birthday boy? How are you feeling?"

"I feel good. Tired, but good. This one kicks way more than Ash or Jett ever did. It's wild! Oh, they're coming downstairs now."

Conrad brought Ash to the kitchen and hoisted him up, and Ash blew out his candles with a big gust from his small lungs. Conrad, Heather, and her family sang and cheered.

Ash was growing up before their eyes. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

Sorry, psych! Short post coming tomorrow, all about Ash but not technically storyline. I put myself on a time crunch to get certain posts out by a certain deadline I set for me, so I'm squeezing in a quick little Ash hype post to give us a taste without making another post too long and splitting it, pushing certain events past when I want them to post. He'll be a kid tomorrow, I promise!

[notmorbid]

damnation spring.

dialogue prompts from damnation spring: a novel by ash davidson.

i've known rocks that talked more than you.

if you don't bet on yourself, nobody else will.

the past isn't a knot you can untie.

don't ever leave the house without a kiss goodbye.

you want some coffee, while you wait?

you gotta take a risk sometime.

i probably should have asked you a long time ago.

the fear is worse than the pain.

are you not attracted to me anymore?

i forgot how good it feels to have a secret.

there are too many ways to die out here.

if you let your mind wander, it could cost you your life.

what the hell kind of five dollar word is that?

i just do what they tell me.

kids are like puppies. it's easier with two.

they'll cut you with one hand and bandage you with the other.

look up 'careful' in the dictionary, and there you are.

keep your damn shirt on.

used to be, people looked out for each other.

one percent's not milk, it's water.

it's too easy to kill an idea by saying it out loud.

half the time, i don't know what i think until i say it out loud.

i never know what to do with my hands.

every day of a marriage is a choice.

you're always playing some kind of angle.

go to school. learn something.

what's the use of dredging all that up again?

when you get to be my age, you don't leave things till tomorrow.

there wasn't anything anybody could have done.

dogs are the best judge of people.

well, aren't you just as bright as a dime?

when was i ever young?

what are you so nervous about?

you never say a bad word about anyone.

people always say the wrong thing, don't they?

you're the one who never called me back.

you knew where i was.

are you going to tell my mom?

women have a way of passing bad news around.

can you walk on my back?

do you ever wonder what your life might have been like?

i figured i had time, you know?

the judge said it was self defense.

i watch out for my people. you know that.

keep it. i've got another copy.

don't be a stranger.

i thought you were up to no good.

it's not like the old days, is it?

you missed a hell of a show.

what are you doing for money?

smoke follows beauty.

my first word was 'son of a bitch'.

you never killed anybody?

the early bird gets his own damn breakfast.

if i shoot myself in the foot, i'll need you to carry me out.

i used up one of my nine lives today.

clean up your own mess, for once.

watch out for potholes. and assholes.

i had a hell of a time finding this place.

keeps the bible salesmen away.

when were you going to tell me?

you were my best friend, once.

a little rest never hurt anybody.

i'm so caught up in my own pain, i can't see anybody else's.

even a nice dog will bite when it's hurt.

you only get one life, sweet pea. live it happy.

look who the cat dragged in.

has your conscience caught up with you?

if you're shooting, shoot. don't make me dance.

you've been distracted for days.

you know something isn't right. what are you doing about it?

you're going to get hurt. you might even get yourself killed.

you're not alone in this.

people don't worry what they can't see.

it's important to do the right thing, even when nobody else is.

sorry doesn't pay the bills.

i judge a man by what he does, not what he says.

a threat? no. that's a promise.

what's wrong with me?

i hope you brought some sunshine.

careful now. some places you go, you can't get back from.

____ can go to hell. and so can you.

what do you gotta do to get some peace and quiet around here? die?

the roads are fucked. it's faster to walk.

what's wrong with you? you just do whatever they tell you?

right or not right, it's done.

would it kill you to just take my side for once?

where else would we go?

it looks worse than it is.

i've still got a few lives left in me.

you're all thinking it, but no one has the guts to ask.

whoever said you can't buy loyalty never spent a day here.

if you're smart, you'll get out of town.

it's okay to wander, as long as we always come home.

even an old dog can learn, if you're patient with him.

why would this time be any different?

what did you wanna be, when you grew up?

you don't have to watch me every minute of the day. i'm okay.

i forgot i was mad at you.

from outside, it looks like a normal house.

i can come stay for a while.

you ready for some help?

please don't hide from me.

i don't want to lose you. i can't lose you, okay?

nothing's wrong. i'm just happy.

not a lot of people are born to do something.

[lunapwrites]

Segment: Like the last one, but different lol

(edit: this is a mostly-duplicate of segment 4 that was posted accidentally but I'm keeping it for reasons.)

Looking back, James thinks some days should come with a warning label. Something to say: maybe stay in bed today. Try again tomorrow.

But that morning, he didn’t suspect a thing. Had no way of knowing.

He met with Lily first: their usual rendezvous point at the old bridge, legs dangling over the edge as they shared the last of his cherry PopTarts, the last of her cigarettes, the story of how the big news had gone over with their parents.

“Could have gone worse,” Lily said, sighing. Pursed her lips to wiggle her septum ring. “Mom cried a lot, Dad left the house, Petunia called me a slut… so, you know, normal Friday night.”

He winced. “If it helps, first thing my mom did was ask when you were moving in.”

Lily huffed out a laugh, flicking ash. “I love your mom. What’d your dad say?”

“Not much, really.” James shrugged. “He was happy for us, though.”

What his dad really had been was quietly disappointed, though he’d still offered to help out while they got their feet under them, offering them both jobs at the office because you can’t support a family on a musician’s salary, Jamie.

Which was currently true, yes, but it didn’t mean he didn’t have PLANS, okay?

Lily nudged him. “When’s the gig?”

“Uh, I think Pete said doors are at six? Sooo…”

“Five, got it.” She stood, brushing off her dark leggings. “Remus isn’t driving again is he?”

James suppressed a shudder; Remus was barely able to fit them and their gear in his beat-up Ford as it was, but adding in his habit of speeding and general disregard for traffic rules… "God, no. Pete's got the van back from his dad. No more TARDIS."

"Thank fuck."

They finished their cigarettes in companionable silence, stubbing the butts out in near unison. Lily held her hand out for his, tucking their discards into an old Altoids case she kept for just this reason, slipped back into the pocket of her hoodie. She stared down at her own body like she could memorize the shape, burn it into her brain.

James took her hand. "You gonna be alright playing tonight?"

"Yeah." She managed a brave smile. "I'll be fine."

She probably would be. Lily was tough like that — tougher than him at any rate.

He was about to ask if she wanted him to help her pack when something behind him caught her attention, green eyes widening in alarm.

She smacked his shoulder. "James, look." Pointed towards the other side of the bridge — or past it, rather, down to the riverbed below. "Do you see that?"

And yeah, he did.

Looking back, he's not sure what made him jump down there. A hunch, maybe. Instinct. But what he was sure of was the fact that when he reached the body that had washed up on the riverbed, legs still floating in the freezing water, that body was still somehow alive.

Lily called for an ambulance, put the dispatcher on speaker so he could walk James through CPR — just keep going till they get there — and he kept time by singing Another One Bites the Dust under his breath. Black humor if he'd ever heard it, protocol or not. He studied the boy's face, deathly pale as it was, framed by half-frozen ringlets of black hair, marred by a hellish bruise on his left cheekbone. A trio of tiny moles curved along his right. Familiar.

The paramedics came, got the boy stripped down and wrapped up in one of those little tinfoil blankets, looking more like a burrito than a maybe-corpse. But he was alive — for now at least. James hoped he'd make it.

The cops hung around, poked around the riverbed. Asked James and Lily for their statements, and no, never seen him before in my life.

It was Lily who voiced the thought nagging at the back of his brain, as he walked her home. "God, he looked just like Sirius, didn't he?"

-

They agreed not to talk about it for now — not because the cops had asked, but because it was bad enough half the band was involved to begin with. No need to freak everyone out over nothing. Because it was nothing. Probably.

Lily packed a few bags and passed them out the window to him, trying to get as much out as they could before her dad came home from work, and he squirreled them away in the spare bedroom across from his. Not because his parents had any puritan ideas about them sleeping in the same bed — no point now, anyway — but rather because he thought she'd like her own space, separate from his.

Pete picked them up at four, Sirius with his feet up on the dash, Remus half hanging out the window behind them like a lanky sheepdog with his stupid shaggy mullet and even stupider mustache that no one — literally no one — could pull off but him. He drummed his hands against the side of the door, grinning.

"Hurry the fuck up, Potter! Things to be, people to do—"

"I'll fucking bite you," James growled, staggering slightly under the weight of half his drum kit. Sirius jumped out of the front seat, coming round to take the cases out of his hands and shouting at Remus to get off his ass and help (which he did, swatting Sirius firmly on the ass as he passed.)

The gig was at some little dive bar in the city — one of those ones that actually had a stage in the back, not like the last time, Pete swore. They’d been stuck in a corner awkwardly for that one, like what the fuck is up Dennys kind of awkward, playing asses to elbows. They couldn’t play like that — Sirius, especially, needed room to breathe.

If you asked any one of them what they played, you’d get a different answer. Sirius would say what if jazz had teeth? Remus would give you about fifteen different subgenres no one’d ever heard of where one would suffice — like, seriously dude, what the fuck is Djent?. Lily would leave it at shit, I dunno, metal I guess. Peter called it progressive if people didn’t know genres, math rock if they did.

James just called it music.

They’d all been band nerds, and later jazz ensemble nerds, and most of them played five or six different instruments except for Remus, who played guitar. And anyone could be forgiven for thinking that made him the weak link of the band somehow — I mean the rest of them could all switch instruments at the drop of a hat, and did sometimes just for shits and giggles. But the truth of it was that they were all just dressing on the sides: Remus was the meat and potatoes. He worshipped at the altar of Tosin Abasi, studied John Petrucci til his fingers fucking bled. Sirius and Lily played guitar; Remus was a guitarist.

This wasn’t to say that they couldn’t keep up, of course. But no one was under any illusions. The crowds they’d been attracting came to watch Sirius and Lily because they played well and they were both insanely hot. But they came to watch Remus to see the face of God.

And sure, Remus could get a bit pretentious about music in general, but he never hogged the stage. Never tried to run away with songs, just kinda grooved in place and let Sirius live out his virtuosic wet dreams in the spotlight, let Lily prove that yes, bass does deserve to be heard, #justiceforjason. They were loud and brash and percussive and strangely symphonic. And James got to accompany them, got to sit there behind his kit and somewhere between the double bass and the high hats would find himself slipping into a rhythm with them as they just fucking jammed. For two hours.

The ride home was quiet, Lily dozing in the front seat with her head against the window. Sirius lay across the backseat, Remus standing in for his pillow, James his footrest. Neither of them minded.

"You've been quiet today," Sirius observed, eyes closed. James still knew it was directed at him.

"Yeah. Long day."

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

James caught Lily's gaze in the mirror. She sighed, leaning back against the headrest.

"I moved in with James today."

"I thought you wanted to get your own place first," Remus asked, frowning.

"I did," she allowed, "but I didn't really feel like growing a whole ass person by myself, so…"

The whole van went dead silent as three sets of eyes snapped to her face, Pete whipping around in his seat to gawk.

"Wait, what—?"

"Dude, eyes on the fucking road!" Remus shouted, kicking the back of the driver seat just in time for the rumble strip to prompt Peter back into the correct lane.

Sirius had taken the opportunity to sit up, pulling himself forward by the backs of both seats. "Hang on, are you really?" he asked her, wide-eyed, gasping as she nodded. He turned to look at James, beaming. "No shit?"

"Yeah," James said, suddenly feeling a bit shy.

Remus shot him a wicked grin. "Swim team captain, huh?"

James kicked him in the leg, earning a sharp jab himself, the two of them continuing to trade blows around a cackling Sirius until Pete let out a sharp whistle.

"Yo!" he snapped. "Keep that shit up and I'll turn this car around."

"We're on a bridge," Lily pointed out, laughing.

"Off the bridge then, I'm not fucking picky."

"Oooh, maybe we'll end up like that kid they fished out of the river earlier," Sirius said, stretching out on his back.

"Nah, he wouldn't kill us," drawled Remus, "right Petey?"

"Debatable."

"He wasn't dead," James muttered, shooting a dark look at his friends.

Sirius scoffed. "Yeah, okay. It was freezing this morning, no fucking way he survived."

No, he did," Lily agreed.

"How do you know?"

"Because James and I found him."

The questions came rapid-fire after that: when and why and what happened and yeah I guess you did have a long day, holy shit — you okay?

He didn't know, truth be told.

But he and Lily took turns telling the story, and James described the boy’s face, the way that, for a moment, he’d thought he’d dragged Sirius out of the river. And Sirius sat up straight at that, something fierce and hungry in his face that James didn’t recognize.

“Three moles along his cheekbone, like this,” he clarified, tracing a small triangle in the exact spot. “You’re sure?”

[mychoombatheroomba]

Don't Let Go

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 36

You get some unexpected support, and you and Leon come to an understanding that neither of you likes.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

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Chapter Index

They had the day off, but the first thing that everyone wanted was answers.

To his credit, Krauser took the time to answer them all as best he could. 

“Why didn’t you warn us?” 

“I didn’t know.”

“Do they have the authority to even do that?” 

“. . . Yes.” 

“What are they so afraid of us blabbing about?” 

“You’ll be learning that in the coming weeks.” 

“Are those assholes really going to be staying?” 

“Yes.”

Leon stood in the back as the rest of the squad learned what he already knew: what they’d suffered for. What some of them were being sent home for. No one was happy with the answers given, but most understood. Leon understood. The reasoning, at least. Not the practice. Not the torture. He would never understand that. 

Nor would he understand the answer to the question Valeria hissed out, one that had been eating away at Leon, too. The one thing he wasn’t reasonably sure of, on Krauser’s end regarding the whole experience. 

“They had our letters,” she said, her foot tapping against the floor beneath where she sat on her bunk. “From months back.” 

Leon watched shadow overtake Krauser’s eyes, that crease between his brows deepening. 

“Hadn’t heard from my mom. Is it because they held those letters from us?” 

Krauser nodded once, his gaze unwavering even if it was full of regret. “Yes.” 

“And you knew?” Valeria pressed, hurt evident in her features. 

Another pause, before Krauser nodded. “Yes. STRATCOM procedure. No communication with the world outside during training.” 

“So any letters we sent home . . .” 

“. . . Were never sent.”

Top-secret shit, even before the bioweapons were brought into play. 

Not that it made the pill any easier to swallow. 

Still, the Major didn’t try to shift the blame off of himself, even as Valeria fixed him in a scalding glare. If looks could kill, Jack Krauser would be a pile of ash on the ground. “That’s bullshit,” Valeria snapped. “Sir.” 

“Watch that tone, Soto,” Krauser met her, steel for steel. Leon had seen the man make soldiers give him fifty push-ups for mouthing off . . . but he’d also seen him allow Leon to speak his mind. He’d seen the Major listen to Leon’s own concerns, even if the Major seemed to like quite literally everyone else better than him. So, even if he barked at Valeria now, Leon wasn’t surprised when a moment later, the Major just gave her an apologetic look. There were a lot of those that he gave that morning, until there were no more questions. 

None that anyone was brave enough to ask, anyway. 

Their personal effects were passed back out to them - the ones that had been abandoned in the Humvees when Reed and Hellman had taken the squad. Three days ago. Three days and a lifetime, it felt like. 

Just like how Raccoon City felt like a lifetime in one night. 

Pain had a way of doing that, didn’t it? Warping the world. A day became forever, forever became attached to the idea of something terrible. A cage with no bars. He wondered how long he and the rest would be stuck in that cage? How long the bruises would take to heal, how often, like last night, someone would hear movement in the barracks and jolt awake, expecting a blow for having fallen asleep . . .

Everyone was still so quiet as they unloaded their freshly returned packs. Hard not to be when Andersen and the other three who had failed were there, not bothering to join in the unpacking. What was the point if they were going to be gone by tomorrow anyway?

As for the rest, the day was theirs to do with as they pleased, and no one had any idea how to spend that free time. 

Not until heavy footfalls against the floor made Leon and those around him - Alenko, Williams and Valeria - look up, and they found the Major standing there, his hands behind his back. He looked at each of them, gaze sweeping from right to left before landing on Leon and hardening. Sharpening. Leon was sure then that he was about to hear a speech about his failure. About how he’d broken and the only reason that he and Valeria were being allowed to stay were because of Krauser’s own intervention. Or maybe that this entire thing was because of a request that Leon made. He could think of no other reason for the loathing in that stare. 

Instead, the Major looked back at the group as a whole. “Heard you had some trouble back at Fort Benning,” he said, and Leon’s brow furrowed. So the conversation wasn’t going to be about the beatings taken in those cells, but rather the one that he and the others had taken in defense of one another. “Got a call from Commander Cortez a few days back. Said you got into a fight. That you put twelve of his men in the hospital. That true?” 

That, too, seemed like a lifetime ago. Alenko was the one to nod and answer Krauser’s question. “Yes, sir.” He frowned as he spoke, the expression tugging at the splotches of blue and purple on his face. 

Krauser nodded once, his face set in stone. 

“Good,” he finally said, and Leon recognized veiled pride in his eyes. “Make sure you don’t end up in the hospital too, next time.” 

It was one of the few orders that Major Krauser had given in his time here that Leon agreed with. 

Of course, when the Major unclasped his hands and tossed what he’d been holding onto the bunk nearest him, Leon felt an entirely different wave of emotion sweep through him. The little radio rolled onto its back as it landed amidst the scratchy blankets, leaving a flash of recognition to cross Williams’ and Alenko’s faces as they saw it. The same radio that had been in Cortez’s office. The same one you’d somehow stolen for them, that you’d all been listening to on the ride home before everything went wrong. 

Krauser was giving it back to them. 

“And don’t make a habit of stealing from your Commanding Officers.” 

Leon might have laughed, under different circumstances. 

Instead, he found himself even more surprised as Krauser went on, this time looking towards Valeria. “Your letters,” he began, “they were from your mother?” Hellman must have told him, then. Or maybe Krauser had read the letters himself, after the fact. Leon hoped that wasn’t the case. He hoped he hadn’t read through Sherry’s letters before Leon even had the chance to. Still, he knew enough about the contents to ask.

Valeria’s mouth twitched down, and she nodded once in response, stiff and all too plainly upset. 

Krauser nodded too, and again Leon saw conflict in the Major’s face. Whatever combat his thoughts were doing, though, it was over quickly. “I’ll do what I can to get you clearance to write home. All of you.” 

That was all Krauser said . . . but just before he turned away, his eyes found Leon again. Fixed on him like crosshairs. The words spoken were all that were said, but Leon could see that Krauser had more to say. Something lurking just beneath the surface, unformed but sharp. Leon only glimpsed it for a moment, but it was there all the same. Leon almost didn’t care if the Major was angry, now though. Because even if he didn’t have a home to write to, really, he could write to Sherry. 

He might be able to tell her he was sorry for not answering her letters. To tell her he was okay, to make sure that she was alright too. 

So, whatever was behind the sharp look that he received now, Leon just met that sharpness with gratitude. He didn’t get much but a moment of that gaze losing its edge. Just a second or two, and then the moment was gone, and so was Major Krauser, moving down the rows of bunks. He hesitated as he neared Andersen, the older soldier sitting on the edge of his bunk, looking shell-shocked. 

Krauser looked down at him, his jaw tensing as he reached out a hand, patting the other man on the shoulder. 

Then, lifting his chin, he left the barracks. 

More silence followed, until at last, Williams spoke up. “Looks like Sarge was right about him being proud,” she muttered, watching as he stepped through the door. 

There was no doubt in Leon’s mind. Jack Krauser was an asshole. He had a sadistic streak. He liked to push people and he would never apologize for doing it. All of that was still true. 

But maybe you’d been right about more than just Krauser being proud of you all. 

“Do you buy it?” Alenko asked, looking over at Leon. “That he didn’t know about Reed and Hellman?” He didn’t sound overly skeptical. Just like he wanted to be sure. That he needed that one last opinion that reinforced his own. 

You had faith in the Major. Leon had criticized you for that, once. 

Now he understood it better. 

“He’s telling the truth,” Leon nodded, and he could have sworn he felt hell freeze over because he was defending Krauser of all people. “You saw how he reacted to . . .” to your injury. Leon had seen it up close and personal. The shock that mutated into rage. Rage enough to make Krauser nearly do something stupid. 

“Yeah,” Alenko conceded, knowing well enough what Leon was referring to. They’d all seen the concern the Major had for you. The regret he’d hidden poorly as he answered the questions today. He had not meant you all to come to harm. Not like that. 

Didn’t change the fact that you were still going to be hospitalized for who-knew-how-long. 

“Never seen him worried like that,” Williams nodded, shaking her head. 

“Never seen Sarge hurting like that either,” Alenko said, and tensed when he felt Valeria’s gaze turn on him. She was still feeling guilty, Leon could see it. Alenko could too, shutting his mouth when he realized he’d just reminded Valeria of what she’d inadvertently caused. 

Because Reed and Hellman had asked about the two of you specifically. That’s what Valeria had said last night, and those words had Leon on edge. That’s what made him worry even now that there was danger, even now that they were all free of those cells. 

You’d told him last night that you couldn’t risk him being there, and you hadn’t known how right you’d been. 

The two of you had been obvious with your care for one another. So, even if she’d given up information about you two being close, Leon didn’t blame Valeria for what happened. Even if it was clear that she blamed herself. 

Maybe that was why, after a moment, she reached for the radio that Krauser had left on the cot in front of her, and stood. “Come on then,” she said to the group, and her voice had more resolve in it than Leon had heard in a long while. 

“Where are you-”

“We weren’t the ones that stole the radio, right? And Sarge is gonna get a lot more use out of it than we are.” 

It was a day for looking past old angers, Leon found. He hadn’t liked Valeria much before the trip to Fort Benning. That had changed steadily while there. Now, though, as she marched off in an effort to try and alleviate your loneliness, whether to lessen her guilt or because she genuinely cared for you, Leon didn’t care. What mattered was the effort. It mattered that someone besides him cared enough to think of that before he could even voice it. 

And Leon, for the first time in the last few days, smiled. He didn’t hesitate as he stood alongside her, following her as she moved towards the door. It didn’t take long before Williams and Alenko were following along, too. 

⧫⧫⧫

As soon as you heard the knock on the door, you steeled yourself. 

You weren’t sure how you were going to tell Leon. Distancing yourself had been the first instinct. You were good at that. It would be easy. Well, not easy, but doable. You’d done it once before, after all. 

It had left you feeling like shit, and it hadn’t solved anything. 

You’d both promised to talk about what you were feeling. It was a promise you regretted now that it made things more difficult, but you wanted to honor it. You owed him that much. So, you’d torn your mind apart all morning trying to put together the right words. 

Krauser knows-

Reed and Hellman will be watching-

We can’t-

All of them seemed like bullshit, even if the concerns Krauser had raised were valid. Real. Just as the happiness that Leon Kennedy brought you was real, too. The most real thing you’d felt in months, besides that old and aching pain that you could never be rid of. Pain that was dulled and, sometimes, forgotten around the man you’d come to care for so much. The man you’d watched grow into a stronger person, inside and out. The man you would take a thousand hits for. 

You couldn’t just let that go. 

So when you heard that knock, you weren’t sure what the hell you were supposed to do because Leon wouldn’t want to end this. Not now. And neither did you. 

The door opened and you found yourself speaking on instinct alone. “You shouldn’t be in here,” you repeated the words from the night before, not looking up from that spot on the floor you’d chosen as yours. 

And then you regretted not looking up as soon as you heard a smoky but strained voice reply. “Nice to see you too.” 

Your head snapped up and you pushed yourself up from bed, thanking the pain meds in your system for allowing the movement. Valeria didn’t wait to be invited in. Neither did any of the three people following her. Alenko and Williams gave you gentle, apologetic smiles as they followed the shorter woman in, and you felt your heart splinter because you’d thought to spend this day alone, like the last time. You thought you’d have to push Leon away the moment he stepped through the door, just for the sake of keeping up appearances. 

Instead, you found yourself looking at your squad mates with wide eyes. 

And when Leon did walk through the door, you felt that splintered heart break apart when he smiled at you. 

“Hey,” he greeted, and you knew this conversation was going to hurt. Both of you. 

But what conversation was it going to shape up to become? 

You didn’t know, and, as you looked at the four visitors in front of you, you decided that maybe you didn’t want to know, either. 

“Hey,” you said. “What are you all-”

“We got the day off,” Valeria answered. “Figured you could use the company.” 

“If you wanted it,” Leon added, giving you an understanding look. 

You’d been alone during your recovery from Finland. Krauser had checked in on you when he could, but he had a life and duties to attend to. The nurses that pitied you had made for shitty companions. Not that you’d wanted anyone, anyway. Solitude. That had been your companion and your shield. You’d thought just Leon had the ability to break down that barricade around you. 

You’d been wrong. 

It wasn’t quite a smile that you gave the group as you nodded, but it was close enough. “Okay.” 

That surprise and that slight smile only grew as Valeria held out her arm and presented you with none other than the little radio you’d stolen from Cortez’s office. “Think you’re missing this, too.” 

You weren’t sure what to think as you took the radio from her. Valeria seldom did anything without cause. What was her reasoning for this? For being, well, downright kind to you? You didn’t know, and, honestly? In that moment, when you had been so sure you’d been condemned to isolation in every possible way, you decided that you didn’t care, either. 

So, you settled the radio between your hands, fighting back the new kind of pain in your chest. One not born of your cracked ribs or the fear that Krauser’s words had instilled in you. 

This pain was sweeter. One you hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, looking from Valeria, to Leon, and then the rest. 

Valeria just shrugged. “You’re no fun when you’re miserable. So pick a station and let’s fucking relax for once.” 

You couldn’t really argue with that, so you flipped switches and dials until you heard a synth beat and vocals you hadn’t heard in so long. A song from another life. 

“. . . there’s no turning back.”

“Even while we sleep . . .”

“Shit,” Alenko smiled wide as he took a seat a ways away from the bed you sat in. “I love this song!”

Williams just nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall. “Least it’s not the Spice Girls,” she mumbled over her split lip before she looked over at the rest of you who, back in the Humvee, had made her sit through one of their songs. It seemed her opinion of them hadn’t improved. “Respectfully, they’re shit.” The near-apology was delivered with a near-smile to match. 

“Well, Williams,” you found yourself saying, even if your words were muted by the ordeal you’d just been through. Still, there was something familiar there. Something you’d rediscovered at Fort Benning, and were glad to find at your fingertips now; humor. That was what ever-so-slightly colored your words as you told Williams, “ respectfully, go fuck yourself.” 

An Army brat like you, Williams just smirked right back. 

“Help me make the-”

“Most of freedom and of pleasure-”

“Nothing ever lasts forever . . .” 

It made it easier, having them there. There weren’t many words, but there didn’t need to be. You all just listened to the song as it played, finding a comfortable state of quiet between each other. Valeria moved to lean against the wall by Williams’ side. Leon . . . you could tell he wanted to move closer to you. You wanted that too. You wanted it to be just the two of you, like in the hospital in Fort Benning, but Krauser’s warning hung over your head. 

“There’s a room where the light won’t find you-”

“Holding hands as the walls come tumbling down-”

“When they do, I’ll be right behind you . . .”

Being alone with him was dangerous, more so now than it ever had been. That didn’t change simply because you wanted his presence or company. Your desire for him wouldn’t be pitied in a court martial. Not if Reed and Hellman were already looking at you like an infected limb that needed to be cut away.

You needed to heal, and Leon needed to finish this training. You both did. You’d just never thought it would be apart. 

“So glad we almost made it . . .”

So . . . you would be alone with him one more time. At least for a while. 

“So sad they had to fade it . . .”

You hoped he would understand that this was for the best, for now. 

The song eventually finished and you looked up to meet his eyes. You’d learned to speak without words to each other, now. So many stolen glances and nights spent side by side, in training or with him pressed up against the wall of the mess hall, you had a language all your own. Insight into each other’s thoughts. And as you looked into those ocean blues, you saw your own thoughts reflected back at you. 

There was a talk to be had, and both of you knew it. 

⧫⧫⧫

The day went on and eventually the others left. Alenko was first, saying he was going to go in search of food. Had to be desperate, to want what the mess hall served, but Leon didn’t begrudge him. The hunger of those three days had left them all empty just as much as the rest of the experience had. 

Williams went next, saying she needed to move, to make up for those days spent in captivity. Valeria didn’t take much convincing when asked to join her.

Leon almost told them to be careful. To not let the agents see them. 

To not end up in the predicament that the two of you were in. 

A situation that became clear and present, once the two of you were left alone, the radio playing on. 

“How are you feeling?” He knew what the answer would be, but he asked anyway.

“They gave me pain meds,” you shrugged as best you could, “so not that bad right now.” 

At least there was that. Even if you shouldn’t have had to be in the infirmary in the first place. “Have they told you how long you’ll be on bed rest?” Leon asked, because he didn’t want to have the other conversation. Not yet. 

The mirth that had been present on your face, however muted, faded. “It was a six week recovery last time. For the bones.” 

“Six?” The number sounded so much worse than what Leon had imagined. He remembered his own long recovery from the gunshot wound he’d suffered in Raccoon City. It had seemed long then, but he hadn’t been kept from anything. It hadn’t stopped him from living his life. Not that he’d done much living after that night anyway. Still, he couldn’t imagine what this was like to you, because it would be six weeks without physical training. Six weeks without sparring, without being able to clear your head in the way Leon knew you would need. Six weeks of what would be hell to you. 

And if you couldn’t train for combat like the rest of them . . . would you be able to graduate with the rest? With him? 

“You need to keep practicing,” you told him, and by the stiffness of your words, Leon could tell that you were thinking of exactly what he was thinking of. It sounded like you were telling him to go on without you. “Train with the others, but ask Krauser to spar too. He’s the best. He’ll kick your ass, but he’ll make you better.”

“You say that like you’re not gonna-”

“I’m not gonna be able to spar with you, Leon. Not for a while. I’m not gonna be there. You can’t let yourself fall behind with me.” 

The words, while well intentioned, were painful to hear aloud. True, but painful because after months of training with you, he couldn’t imagine not being by your side. He didn’t want to have to train for hell on earth and not know that you would be there to face it with him. 

But you were right. 

As unfair as it was, as completely and utterly shitty, you were right. 

“Okay,” he nodded. “But then when you’re better, we’ll catch you back up.” Because he knew you would need it. He knew you’d want it, too. That after so long letting your body heal, you would want nothing more than to throw yourself back into the swing of things. 

The trouble was-

“Leon . . .” you shook your head, and he knew that the conversation he’d dreaded was here. “Krauser knows.” 

Just like that, the color drained from his face. You’d never been one to beat around the bush, but those words were like being doused in ice water.

“About . . .”

“Us.” 

He felt a pit open up in his stomach that threatened to turn him inside-out, and all he could do was sit on the bed beside you. The jaws were closing in. Had that been the cause of that look from Krauser earlier? Had the Major been looking at him with such disdain because of that?

“. . . Fuck.” It was really all he could say. Why even warn you about Reed and Hellman if the game was already over . . .

“He’s not going to report it.” 

. . . or maybe not as over as Leon had thought. 

“What?” he blinked, turning to look at you without bothering to hide his confusion. Major Krauser hadn’t exactly been by the books, as far as Leon knew, but he’d been so adamant about respecting the order of things. This whole mess had happened because he’d not wanted to step outside the bounds of red tape. Why the hell hadn’t he reported fraternization? 

“Said he doesn’t care. But he also said that Reed and Hellman will.” 

Leon nodded, trying to reconcile all the mismatched thoughts and solutions buzzing around his mind. 

“So he’s saying he won’t stop us but if we get found out we’re fucked.” 

You just nodded, the air growing heavier and heavier with each moment. Because Leon knew where this was going, just as much as you did. 

Leon pursed his lips, looking down. “They asked about us during the interrogations,” he finally said. “Reed and Hellman. Valeria told me they were asking.” 

It was your turn to frown, he could see it out of the corner of his eyes. He wouldn’t rat Valeria out, but you deserved to know that the agents were onto you, even if Krauser wouldn’t be the one to confirm it.

Why wouldn’t he confirm it?

“Then they’ll be watching.” 

Leon nodded once, feeling emptiness beginning to set in. “So what do you want to do?” he asked, dreading the answer because he’d heard the distance in your voice last night, and he could hear it even then. He’d heard it once before, after you’d kissed him that first night and tried to convince yourself and him that it was a mistake. 

The difference was that, then, he’d seen that emptiness in your eyes, too. He’d seen you retreating into yourself. 

He knew you well enough now to know that the look that he saw in your eyes didn’t match the attempt at distance in your voice. Because, as you turned your gaze up towards him, Leon could see only conflict. Only you, a casualty of the crossfire between what your mind had to be telling you and what your heart wanted. When you answered, that conflict was all the more apparent. “You know what I want. But we have to be smart about this. Because if Krauser knows - and has for months now - then Reed and Hellman will pick up on it too, and they’re already gunning to cut me for this shit,” you gestured down to your ribs, and Leon swore he heard your voice waver.  

“They wanted me out, too,” Leon admitted, and he watched some fear seep into your expression. “Krauser convinced them to let me stay.” 

And again, Leon found himself wondering why?

“They wanted . . . why?” you asked. Why they’d wanted Leon gone - that’s what you were asking about. 

“Because I broke,” he admitted, his voice hushed. Not ashamed, but overwhelmed by other emotions. “When they were hurting you, I had to get them to stop. So I was going to tell them what they wanted to know. Right before Krauser got there.” 

You looked at him then, silent, your eyes piercing his own. Searching and seeing straight through him, just as you always had. 

You had suffered on account of him. It was the last thing he ever wanted for you, but you’d endured it. You’d taken pain for him, in fights and behind bars, and you’d been taking pain from him for far longer. With your company, with your touch. You’d helped each other learn to walk again. It was what had made him fall in love with you, even if it had been something that happened to him at the end of your knife. 

He loved you. So, he made a decision. 

“Look,” he went on, turning to face you more, feeling something in him building. A resolve or a desperate hope, he wasn’t sure. “I’ll focus on training. I’ll work with Krauser, I’ll . . . I’ll only visit you with the others, if you think it’ll be less suspicious. But I’m not leaving you here by yourself. I’m not letting go of this. I can’t do that. Not if you don’t want to let go, either.” 

He watched you, feeling emotion overtaking him. Bearing down on him, nearly making him shake because it had all been too much. Raccoon City. STRATCOM. All the hurts he’d suffered - that you’d suffered - and the best thing to come from it all had been this. You. 

So, his throat constricting, he hoped that you felt the same way. 

For a moment, he worried, because you were staring at him like he was something you could never have. He saw the regret in your eyes, the tension in your body, like you were bracing for some great pain. It all faded, though, and the corners of your mouth turned up just a bit. The dark of night graying as the sun tried to appear once more. 

It was all the warning he had before your lips were on his, and Leon felt the resolve he’d built up for months, the guard he’d put around himself in that prison, crumble. Emotion and relief flooded him, and his hand shook a bit as he lifted it to your face. It was different from the kisses the two of you had stolen in the shadows. Different than the sweet one he’d given you in the hospital at Fort Benning. This was all longing. Wordless in its declaration. He held you gently, no longer needing to memorize the feel of you but trying to hold on to every detail anyway. 

Because he didn’t know when he’d next get the chance to kiss you. Or hold you. Or be with you the way he wanted. 

But he wasn’t letting go. 

“I don’t want to let go, either,” you told him, your lips against his. “I don’t know when we’ll be able to-”

“Neither do I,” Leon admitted, as the words tore at him. “But . . . we’ll find a way.” 

He had to believe that. 

He had to believe that this wedge being driven between the two of you wouldn’t change what he felt. And to that end, he would watch. He would find moments of safety for the two of you, he would learn to play the spy game if it meant he could steal a few heartbeats with you. He’d wait for those moments, and he’d wait for you. 

However long it took. 

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Index

[maddieladner1999]

Bad Idea Right?

This version is fully in EJ’s POV and is a continuation of after the last one I wrote. I’m going to do Ricky’s POV of this tomorrow. I decided to make it in 2 stories POV so that you can read the whole story here but get the gaps between from Ricky’s POV. I will definitely be doing the conversation with the wildcats and Ricky’s parents as a part of it

After the night with Ricky, EJ was nervous to go to the show. He knows Ricky will tell everyone but he still worries about him. After texting for a few days, EJ FaceTime Ricky one night surprising him.

Ricky: it’s the night before the show

EJ: I know but I wanted to see your face.

Ricky: aw miss me already. It’s only been like a week

EJ: yeah and I had a question for you

Ricky: and what’s that?

EJ: have you told everyone in the drama club about us?

Ricky: yes. Carlos was confused and thinks his gaydar is broken because even though I may have been obvious with my obsession with you, you weren’t as obvious

EJ: ok good. What about your parents?

Ricky: no I haven’t. My dad isn’t always home sometimes he’s out so I guess I forgot about it and that’s not the kind of conversation I wanna have with my mom over phone

EJ: well you should tell your dad soon. I wanna be able to kiss my boyfriend tomorrow night and that may make it a little weird. Or awkward.

Ricky: ok. I will. My moms flying in Tomorrow for the show so I’ll pick her up and we can talk on the car ride from the airport.

EJ: sounds good. Well good night

Ricky: good night.

The next day EJ gets up early to take care of a few things before heading to salt lake. He asked Ashlyn already if he could stay since he isn’t on speaking terms with his father and she of course said yes. She also asked about Ricky. That was a fun conversation. She also asked him about the tree at shallow lake already. It’s one of his errands to do.

*2 days earlier*

EJ: hey ash can I stay over after the play. I don’t wanna drive back late and it’s a long drive.

Ashlyn: of course. But you know I gotta ask. Ricky?

EJ: what about him? He told everyone right?

Ashlyn: yes he did. I’ve never seen Carlos so confused and it had me thinking. You’re my cousin and I didn’t even see it coming having known you forever. Why didn’t you tell me?

EJ: idk. I guess I thought well the boy I like doesn’t like me so what’s the point? Besides after all this time I realized just another thing we have in common.

Ashlyn: what’s that

EJ: I’m bi to ash.

Ashlyn: well I’m glad you’re telling me know I guess. So when did you realize you like Ricky?

EJ: after the screening. I was so mad I thought I’d slap him but I couldn’t. I didn’t know why. After about a week of rehashing the summer in my head I figured it out. I wasn’t jealous of Ricky when he wanted my girlfriends, I just wanted him myself.

Ashlyn: well don’t bottle up next time, you can always come to me.

EJ: I know. I just after everything with my dad I guess I got scared. I got pretty busy with my school, extracurricular activities, and 4 jobs that I kinda forgot about him. But then she shows up and the floodgate opening and everything came back. It hit me so fast I didn’t know what hit me. When he told me he liked me I was shocked I mean there’s no way that Ricky Bowen could have feelings for me. But he did. He called and talked to Gina and they broke up. I made him stay the night because of the weather. I knew he could handle the drive but I couldn’t let him go out there in that weather. I also just wanted him around a bit longer.

Ashlyn: wow. Idk what to say. You really care about him

EJ: more than anyone will ever understand too. I love him ash. He’s my person. I’m tired of getting it wrong but god last night felt so good

Ashlyn: I’m assuming you did more than sleep?

EJ: yeah I didn’t think you needed to hear that part.

Ashlyn: good call. Anyway see you Saturday.

EJ: of course. Bye.

EJ hung up the phone and went back to his homework. He was just taking a break but that call lasted longer than he thought it would.

*Saturday*

After doing a few necessary errands, EJ packed a small bag and was on his way to Salt Lake. It was an hour drive so he had some time in his thoughts. He knew they were doing HSM 3 so he put on the soundtrack. When he gets to Ashlyn’s place he’s immediately greeted by Ashlyn.

Ashlyn: hey you’re earlier than I thought you’d be.

EJ: yeah I couldn’t sleep so I got up early to take care of my errands.

Ashlyn: well I got the guest room ready for you of course.

EJ: good. Thanks for this. I don’t know if I could face my dad right now.

Ashlyn: still not speaking to him?

EJ: no. I try to call but I just can’t find the words. And he never reaches out to me so you know why push.

Ashlyn: well you’ll always have me.

EJ: I know.

Ashlyn: so did you track down the thing?

EJ: yes. He’s coming with it tonight.

Ashlyn: good. I can’t wait to tell Maddox.

EJ: so I guess I’ll see you tonight

Ashlyn: where are you going?

EJ: I know I have 2 hours but I can’t just sit around besides I wanna look perfect for my man

Ashlyn: ok well then see you tonight

EJ goes to get ready. He’s brought a black suit that’s casual enough to not look like he’s going to prom but fancy enough to make him look good. He borrows the iron to get out the wrinkles his bag gave it. After about 20 minutes of making sure it’s perfect he hangs it up and gets in the shower. He spends way too long in there but having lived in a dorm these last few months it’s nice to be able to take a shower without rushing. He brought his toiletries so he’d smell like himself. He knew Ricky liked it. He spends the rest of his time after his shower styling his hair. He hasn’t coifed it in so long he almost forgot how. But finally he gets it to look how he wants and sees it’s almost time to go. He gets dressed and meets his aunt and uncle downstairs. They decide to ride together to the school.

Once EJ arrives he immediately goes to their backstage area. It’s the same as it was for HSM because they’re doing the play in the gym due to something the Quinn chick is doing in the theatre. He walks in announcing his presence in order to wish everyone look and heads for Ricky.

EJ: hello everyone I’ve come to wish you all luck so break a leg. Hi Ricky.

Ricky: hi EJ. You’re here.

EJ: I said I would be. I couldn’t miss your opening night. *EJ kisses Ricky*

Carlos: ok you too have always bickered like an old couple how did I not see it coming?

Seb: because you were blinded by your own love.

Carlos: aww sebby you’re so sweet.

Kourtney: alright lover boy no more kissing. I can’t have you ruining his makeup.

EJ: sorry. I should go find my seat. See you all after the show?

Ricky: I’ll see you during intermission.

EJ: ok then. See you then.

The first act went great. It’s probably the best a show has ever gone for the wildcats in a few years. When intermission came he went to find Ricky. It was easy since they all hang out in the same spot. Ricky drags him out of the room and down the hallway to an empty classroom

Ricky: I told my parents.

EJ: oh yeah and what did they think?

Ricky: they were surprised. But the conversation with my dad gave me some clarity.

EJ: and what might that be?

Ricky: why it never worked out with nini and just couldn’t quite work with Gina. I thought I had to be with them but truthfully I didn’t care until I saw them with you. I loved them yes but not like I should. I thought I wanted to be with you but I really deep down just wanted you. I’m gay.

EJ: wow. Well I’m proud of you for figuring that out.

Ricky: thanks. And hey what about you?

EJ: I’ve known of my feelings for you for a while. I realized though that I did love nini and Gina. I can’t change the past but it’s true. It’s in the past now anyway. I have you now. As for my orientation. It’s bi.

Ricky: well that’s good to know. I don’t have long before I have to get back

EJ: *looks at his watch* you have 5 minutes before you have to though.

Ricky: we’ll let’s not ruin my makeup too bad then

EJ pushes so forcefully into Ricky kissing him he pushes him up against a wall. Ricky starts putting his hands in my hair and I love every second of it. But I took a good while styling it so I stop for a second.

EJ: what are you doing with my hair

Ricky: I hate it like this. It reminds me of the you I used to fight with. I liked it this summer albeit it may have been a little long. I liked it that night in your dorm. It was messy. I like it messy.

EJ: ok then I guess I’ll let you ruin all my hard work to look good for you.

Ricky: well you should’ve known better than to style it like that.

EJ: I wasn’t being sarcastic. Go ahead. As long as I get those last few minutes to kiss you.

Ricky: you better.

EJ starts kissing Ricky again and Ricky gets back to ruining EJ’s hair. After a few minutes EJ tells him it’s time to go back.

Ricky: you should definitely take a good look at your hair. It’s exactly how I like it now. It’s kinda sexy.

EJ: you think I’m sexy?

Ricky: oh yeah. Those chest hairs help too.

EJ: cmon. It’s time for you to get ready for act 2.

When EJ and Ricky arrive at the backstage room everyone is in a frenzy. Maddox ruined the portable soundboard so now they have to use a manual one. Mr. Mazzara can work the manual one but he can’t play coach Bolton if he does so they ask EJ if he will. He finds it weird to do the play as he would be playing his boyfriends dad. He remembers that big red helped out with the soundboard during HSM and knows that he isn’t in the play this year so he has a good idea

EJ: wait big red isn’t in the play. He knows the soundboard he can do it during your coach Bolton scenes.

Mr. Mazzara: oh yeah good idea. Let’s do that.

EJ goes to find big red and lets him know the plan. Big red is happy to help of course and joins him in the gym backstage. They find Mr mazzara and big red gets the low down. EJ decides to find his seat now that his job is done.

After the play ends the wildcat gang goes to the auditorium to support Gina with the announcement. She manages to get the movie to be filmed here in Utah so she can fulfill her senior year here. Once all the reporters leave the gang hangs back for a while just talking. Miss jenn and Mr mazzara have finally realized their feelings and no one knows what to do now.

Big red: so what happens now?

Ricky: I have an idea.

They take the limo left for Gina to the nearest Denny’s in true theatre kid fashion. EJ knows the idea came from nini. Who else would’ve told Ricky. They hadn’t done that since he joined the club. He’s not mad or even jealous cause he knows Ricky is his now. They have the limo drive them back to the school since most of them drove to the school. EJ gets a ride from big red since he didn’t have his car and asks if he’ll drop him off at Ricky’s. He knows Ricky can drive him back to Ashlyn’s after. He has some parents to meet.

EJ knocks on Ricky’s door and it’s answered by Ricky’s dad. Mr. Bowen is surprised to see him and asks if he’s looking for Ricky. EJ says yes and comes inside waiting for me Bowen to return with Ricky. When Ricky shows up he notices that he has changed out of his previous outfit and into pajamas that he kinda wants to steal.

Ricky: what are you doing here?

EJ: I thought I’d come meet you’re parents

Ricky: yeah? That’s pretty quick

EJ: well your mom primarily lives in Chicago so idk when I’ll get another chance for that.

Ricky: that’s true. Let me go get her. Dads on the couch.

EJ moves to the living room and joins mr. Bowen. Ricky comes out with his mom and she’s visibly confused.

Lynne: who is this Ricky?

Ricky: mom, dad, this is EJ my boyfriend

Lynne: oh it’s so nice to meet you! Ricky and I had a nice long car ride chat about you.

Mr. Bowen: it’s nice to meet you son.

EJ realizes he never really knew Ricky’s dad or even met him before.

EJ: your son means a lot to me. It’ll be hard for us with me in college and him here in high school but I’m willing to work. And if he works hard at school next semester and gets in he’ll join me next fall.

Mr. Bowen: well it seems you have got it all planned out.

Lynne: yes. And Ricky I hope you’ll visit me in Chicago next summer. You can bring EJ too.

Ricky: I will after another year of camp at shallow lake.

EJ: you’re going back?

Ricky: yeah. Will you join me?

EJ: of course. And then I’ll come to Chicago with you as well

Ricky: well it looks like our summer plans are made too

Lynne: well I look forward to it then. I’m going to bed. Good night everyone.

Mr. Bowen: I think I’ll go too. Good night.

EJ: good night. Nice to meet you both again

Mr. Bowen and Lynne head in 2 different directions and go to bed. Ricky stays behind.

EJ: well I actually got a ride here from big red so I was wondering if you’d give me a ride to Ashlyn’s

Ricky: of course let me get the keys

Ricky drives EJ to Ashlyn’s and turns off the car for a second

Ricky: so you gonna send me your schedule next semester so I can find out good times to FaceTime?

EJ: of course. I’ll always find time for my baby.

Ricky: I love it when you say that.

EJ: you know I was thinking of growing out my hair again.

Ricky: yeah? But not too long. Honestly it’s already almost at the perfect length.

EJ: well I guess you have an idea already of how I’m going to keep my hair.

Ricky: yep. Well you should get going. I should head back home.

EJ: yeah. Text me when you get home?

Ricky: of course. Love you

Ricky texts him within the next 10 minutes as Ashlyn doesn’t live very far. EJ texts back good night and Ricky follows with the same. EJ is excited to see what happens now.

The end

[foxxdoolz]

Journal (12-10-24)

Long time no see.

My brother's dead.

I'm home and everything's weird. Nobody is taking it well, everyone's crying all the time, but that's the biggest part of it. I got the call on Sunday at like 1 PM, and I was on a flight home at 4. Since then, it has just been a lot of talking and sharing stories. A lot of laughing, which isn't typically what one thinks of when it comes to grieving, but my family's pretty weird.

Sunday night, I was talking to my dad, and he broke down in front of me. "He was so cold." He told me, he was the one who found him. He told me he needed some alone time, I gave it to him, and he went outside and started throwing shit. He broke a glass table. I think it helped. He seems to be doing better now. My parents are at the funeral home right now.

His best friend was the one who called my parents. They were supposed to hangout on Friday night, like they do every week, but my brother said he was feeling sick. Saturday came around and he hadn't heard back from him, texted and called him with no answer, and when Sunday rolled around, he told my parents what was going on and my dad went and checked in on him.

That friend isn't doing so hot. The two of them were practically soulmates. He blames himself. I'm trying my best to help.

I think I'm handling it pretty well. I was a mess on Sunday. God, how many times can someone break down in an airport. When I stepped off the plane and felt the cold Minnesota air, it made it feel all the more real. My sister and my brother and I's friends came to pick me up. I saw my sister, my sister who is no longer a twin, and we sobbed into each other.

His best friend and I hugged, and the first words I said were "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long." And we hugged. His other best friend and I hugged, and I hugged that friends younger sister, who was also my brother's friend.

I wasn't supposed to be home for the holidays, and here I am.

My brother's cats are now my parents' cats. They're acting different from how they usually act, so I looked it up. One of them is super clingy and vocal, and the other is hiding away and has a loss of appetite, which are both signs of them grieving.

The police think something is suspect about it, and we still don't know the cause of death as they're looking into it, but we're all pretty sure there's no foul play involved. My brother never had any enemies. He had a bruise on his face though. His phone was on him, he could have called. He doesn't like going to the doctors.

I haven't slept a lot. Slept maybe an hour that first night. Slept maybe about three this past night. Neighbors keep bringing around food, there's so much food. My dad's been calling us Italian.

It's gonna be like two weeks before we have his Celebration of Life. We're gonna get him cremated, and we're not gonna have a funeral, because we don't know where to lay him to rest yet. Some time in the summer, we're gonna go up North to the cabin and spread some of his ashes there. I don't really believe in any after life things, but he really loved it up there, and I think it would be a really nice place to rest.

We're all gonna go over to his house tomorrow and go through his stuff.

Yesterday they went to his work and cleaned out his locker. My mom saw his boots and hat and broke down, so did our friends, I've been doing a lot of comforting because I relatively taking it better than all of them.

My worst fear about moving away was that someone was going to die and I wasn't going to be able to say goodbye. I never expected it to be my 24 year-old brother.

My dad has a little collection of the belongings that were on him, including his wallet, so I went through it when I had some alone time. It was just his business cards left in there, but at the very bottom was my business card, and it made me cry. And when I looked up I was face to face with a photo of him, and I started to loose it a little. He kept my business card on him. I wonder if he would look at it sometimes and think of me.

Its just been a lot of sitting around and waiting, and everyone's getting kind of antsy. I had expected it to be go go go, but it's not.

But it's been a lot of reminiscing and looking at photos and laughing and being with each other. We're all a little cried out, but it's gonna keep happening.

When I got home from the airport on Sunday, I hugged my mom for a long time, and then I saw my dad walk out, and I saw his eyes get teary. It's the same look on his face when he listens to See You On the Other Side by Ozzy because it reminds him of his mom. I held onto him so hard.

We weren't supposed to lose our brother.

I never said it enough, but I love you. Even when our relationship was shitty and we hated each other, you were always my brother and always will be. I love you.

[thatrandombatgurl]

Venting after the read below

Tw: depression & negative selftalk & suicidal ideation

To lay the background, I live with my mom in a house that has a separate apartment that is connected to the rest of the house & my dad passed away in October.

I’m not currently paying rent on the apartment, but I pay some of the bills, get the groceries for us(started buying them a month ago), pay for the dog poop to get picked up (I have a dog & she has a dog), do the dishes, cook or pay for most of our meals, drive her everywhere, etc. while working a full time job and doing online schooling full time.

Now I’ve always had a weird relationship with my mom bc she is definitely undiagnosed with something. I have anxiety and major depression. & she definitely gave me body image issues as a kid, by making me do weight watchers when i was a preteen. She’s always swapped her emotions on a dime & she always denies saying mean/bad things.

Anyways to the present. For about a month she has been in the anger stage of grief and I am most commonly the victim. For example, I went to a concert a few weeks ago and she kept guilting me about me going starting that morning even though she had encouraged me to go for about a month leading up to it. this ultimately led to me being upset and worried the whole time & having a panic attack, thus ruining this once in a life time thing, which she then talked down to me about how I need to just learn to have fun. I didn’t tell her the full reason for not enjoying it, just that I had a panic attack.

Currently she is out of town for the weekend and I am at the house with the dogs. The issue at where she is at is the wifi isn’t working so she can’t watch tv and I tried to facetime her to help & it didn’t work. Then my brother went over today to fix it and it didn’t work. While my brother was with her, my sister came over for a bit & we ended up cleaning the spice cabinet & pantry bc there was an insane amount of expired stuff. We found stuff that expired in 2010! We have moved 3 times since then. Anyways, we sent her a picture of how nice it looks and she was pretty angry but I figured that she would have gotten over it by now after we explained that it was all expired & it’s been about 6 hours.

Anyways she just texted me about something that I already tried to help with over the phone on Friday, Saturday, & this morning. Then as I’m calling her, she texts saying not to call her. Then when I text saying that I have looked everywhere and cannot find the info that she needs, she resent the thing she needs in all caps. And I know that it was probably just the fact that she is older and her texts almost always come off passive aggressive, but it just hit me really hard & I’ve been crying the past 30 minutes and am just really upset & want to run away or do something bad to myself. Luckily knowing that she won’t be back until late tomorrow so the dogs wouldn’t get taken care of is stopping me from doing bad stuff to myself, but I’m just so done. It just makes me so upset and feel like a failure. Which I already know that I am, I fucking dropped out of college and moved home and barely have any irl friends my age who haven’t moved and I still haven’t gotten my degree and i’m an anxious idiot and I’m messy and I’m overweight and I just can’t do anything right.

She acts like she is the only one allowed to grieve my father. Yes, they were married for 26 years, but I knew him my whole life & we were really close. I miss him so much…it’s his birthday on Friday and we are supposed to go to one of his favorite lakes and spread some ashes and spend a few days there just the 2 of us and I really don’t wanna go now, with her pulling this shit.

Anyways sorry i just needed to get this out there…

[antihcroes]

hey so i know i haven’t really been around the past couple days but … i wanted to pop in real quick & also say that i likely will not online/active until really late tomorrow or saturday. i’m traveling two hours out of state to bury my mom’s ashes (to note she passed in nov, it just took us a while to finally get here). i’m not supposed to be spending the night anywhere or anything so like i will be home i just don’t know when & i don’t know if i’ll even end up getting on at all depending on how the day goes. hoping for saturday though maybe & i will get back to messaging everyone once i’m actually online again because i know i owe a bit of those. anyways so yeah that’s what’s up with me. i’ll talk to you all when i’m actually on again, feel free to leave me things to come back to? i hope you’ve all been doing well & i love you all very much <3 mwah mwah

[fezco-youphoria]

Roses

summary: Fez surprises you with a bouquet of roses.

pairing: Fezco x reader

You’ve just completed all your homework. As you put your textbooks away in your backpack, Fez walks past you on his way to the kitchen.

“Hey baby. You almost done studying?”

“Yep!” you nod, “I just need to do one last thing…”

You grab a pen and pull a piece of paper out of one of your folders. Fez grabs a drink from the refrigerator. After closing the fridge door, he turns around and sees you carefully signing something.

“What’s that?” your boyfriend asks, approaching you at the table.

“I got my report card today and a parent needs to sign it, so I’m forging my mom’s signature,” you explain.

Fez raises his eyebrows, “For real?”

You’re a good student. Faking signatures and lying to teachers are not things that you normally do.

“Yeah, I have to get this back to school tomorrow. My mom is working late tonight and I don’t wanna see my stepdad because I hate him… I think it would just be easier if I signed it myself,” you sigh.

Fez nods, understanding. He knows that you’ve had a difficult home life with your mom and stepdad. It came to a point where it was no longer safe for you to be there. That’s why you live with Fez now.

You finish signing the report card. Fez glances down at it and smiles brightly.

“Damn, shawty! You got straight A’s.”

You blush, unsure what to say. You put the report card back in the folder and pack it in your bag. Then you stand up from the table.

“Baby, come here.”

Your boyfriend immediately pulls you into a hug.

“I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, ma. My girl is a straight up genius,” Fez hypes you up.

“I, uh, I don’t know about that….” you mumble.

Fez pulls away from the hug so he can look you in the eye. He keeps you close.

“Why you always doubting yourself and shit? You got straight A’s. That’s a big fuckin’ deal,” Fez tells you.

“You really think so?” your eyes widen.

“Yeah, I do,” Fez nods, “Baby, we gotta celebrate. Anything you want.”

You scrunch your nose. Fezco is being so sweet and supportive right now. It’s so fucking cute.

“We don’t need to do anything big. Maybe we can order takeout from that Chinese restaurant we like?” you suggest.

“Word. Is that the Chinese place next to the flower shop?”

“Yeah that’s the one! It’s right between the flower store and the pharmacy,” you reply.

“Order everything you want. I’ll go pick it up,” Fez insists.

You smile, “Okay. I’ll get enough food for us and Ash.”

Fez leaves to get the takeout about twenty minutes after you make the order. While he’s gone, you and Ash scroll through the TV channels before landing on The Lost Boys. Unfortunately, it’s near the end of the movie.

“You know we have this on DVD,” Ash points out, “We can put it on and start from the beginning.”

“Oh yeah! Let’s do that when Fez gets back with the food,” you nod.

Just then, you hear the front door open. Fez is home. He walks into the living room carrying bags of takeout in one hand and a bouquet of roses in the other. Your face lights up when you see him.

“Are those for me?” you ask shyly.

“‘Course they for you, shawty,” Fez answers. He went to the flower shop before picking up the takeout.

Fez puts food down on the table and holds out the bouquet to you.

“Congrats on the report card, ma,” your boyfriend says softly.

Your heart melts. You take the flowers and look at them in awe.

“Thanks so much, baby! I love them… and I love you.”

[madaboutmunson]

The Rocker (Part 17 of 17 of Fire)

You feel pressure, and your lungs fill. The scent of roses and iron, that's when you hear them.

"I tried, I did", he sobs, "we were stuck up there. I tried…I tried" Eddie weeps.

"Come 'ere", you hear Eddie's sobs muffle as you hear his uncle's voice.

"No one blames you, lad. You did what you could," you hear your Dad sniffle.

"Come on, my little moonbeam, I know you're in there", you hear as you feel a hard pressure on your chest.

Causing you to rise up from the floor sharply and gasp for air. Your eyes open wide, and the lights are blinding.

You look around hurriedly, "Am I….am I dead?" You say, averting your eyes, trying to check over yourself. You touch your arm and feel the tight bandana.

There are no words in their responses, just crying, and you feel hands on your hands and face.

"Shit…dead meat maybe…don't do that again…fuck", you hear Eddie say, his voice cracking, a squeeze to your hand.

"Moonbeam!!!" Your mom exclaims as you feel her hands over your face, "Oh my sweet baby" you are peppered with rose-scented kisses.

"Tha's my girl!" Your dad booms, full of raw emotion. A hand squeezes on your shoulder.

"You're gonna be alright lil' lady", Wayne says gruffly, "Just gotta get you to the hospital."

You splutter, "You all saved us….thank you."

"Seemed like the right thing to do, seeing as that what you were fixin' to do for us", Wayne drawls, "Besides, I knew all wasn't good in the shire when Eddie left me a two-page letter rather than his usual note on the refrigerator." He lets a small laugh.

"Then this sweet girl called for you, but we told them you weren't home yet, and they got worried and told us about the Larpy tomorrow," your mom says sweetly.

You laugh and immediately start coughing. Eddie helps you sit up. You open your eyes slightly to look at him, "Carla", you say, smiling, "I think she meant Larping."

Tear tracks cut through the ash, dirt and blood on Eddie's face, but his soulful eyes meet yours, and a huge smile spreads across his face, "There she is, still playing detective", he says gently.

You reach for his face and burst into tears, "I'm sorry."

He bends down a little, so his face is level with yours, "What are you talking about?" He says, wiping your tears away, "Hey, everything is ok, alright?"

"I hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't stay with you when you asked." You say sadly

"Well, you know…just don't do it again..alright?" He says, smiling, but his eyes well up again.

He kisses the back of your hand "My Lady. As Pelor is my witness, I will do everything I can, every damn day, to make sure I never see tears fall from your eyes again. Never."

You try to sit up a little taller, "I swear it too…for you… and your eyes. So reabsorb those ones, ok?" You say adamantly. Eddie laughs.

"Whats a Pelor?" Your Dad asks, puzzled

"My Lady detective idiot badass weirdo," Eddie says as he puts his arms around you.

You both smile at one another and suddenly remember the other important people in the room.

As you turn around, you notice the three of them have huddled together and are crying. Your mom with her arms around your Dad and Wayne, "It's ok, my sweets, it's just happy, relieved tears".

Eddie looks down at your left arm and grimaces, "We need to get you to a hospital. That looks gnarly."

"Is it a very metal injury?" You ask, looking at your arm.

"I mean, on the scale of pop to metal, I give it a Heavy Rock?" He says, pretending to give it a severe assessment.

"Are you ok? Did it get you?" You remember that thing hanging off his body as you nearly lost your grip on his arm.

"Yeah, I'm good. It turns your soccer shin pads were quite the asset." He raises his eyebrows and leans into you.

"Are they all gone?" You look concerned at Eddie.

"Yes, all shot up and burned to a crisp." He says reassuringly, "Looked like a pile of jerky, honestly. Which reminds me, I need to ask your Dad where he got a flame thrower. That was epic!"

"On that note, I think we should definitely take some shooting lessons with your Uncle."

Eddie nods enthusiastically, "I think that would be an amazing idea. The shooting range was one of the options on the tape dates, you know."

You laugh and hold your good arm out to Eddie, who helps you up, "I look forward to finding out more of those tape dates." You smile coyly.

"I mean, sure, but I think until your fully better, and until we've dealt with that shit ton of trauma, maybe we just… I dunno…for the sake of healing, obviously…indulge in a great deal of bed rest. I mean, I need rest, and you need rest, so we might as well rest together, right?" He flashes you a knowing smile.

"Right…for so much rest." You say, trying not to laugh.

"So much rest…just…so much," he says, grinning at you.

"You know I wonder if I'll have to have a bed at the hospital?"

Eddie stops in his tracks, looks at you, scoops you up, and runs towards his van. Quickly chucking you in and jumping in himself.

"Hey! Where are ya going? " Wayne shouts over.

"The hospital, of course, it's an emergency!!!! Don't wait up," Eddie grins and fires up the van.

Full fanfic list

[vasethetastemaze35]

New year’s party

PLOT: you that mom friend of the group it don’t bother you but when it comes to fez you and fez has feelings for each other but your scared he thinks the opposite

Y/N POV

You asked Maddy and kat to get you out of your mom clothes in their words so kat throws you a black punk choker halter top with dark purple short skirt with matching black heels. Maddy sits you down on the chair and does your makeup (black lipstick on your bottom lip and whatever eye makeup you think will look good) and hair which it’s in a bun with your bangs covered side of your right eye you checked yourself in a mirror and said “I love you girls but I look like fuck able girl (as you calm down) okay I’m going to do one of three things one fall on my face two get my heart broke or three get fezco to notice me” you and the girls walked into the party as you get a drink you fall on your back then someone catches you and said “whoa ya a’right” you told them yes and thanks for catching you as you look at the person you froze up cause it was fez he said “oh hey Y/N you look fuckin great” as you drink some tequila you talked to some guy named max he was kind of nice he asked me to dance with him so I said “yeah let’s dance” as you looked fezco way he just sitting on the couch talking to rue so you dance against the guy and he puts his hands on your ass then as you turned around then told the guy you be right back as you go to the bathroom

FEZ POV

As I saw Y/N go somewhere the guy she was dancing with came to me and asked if I had any thigh openers like the old man from playboy uses I said “nah man I don’t carry that shit” then the guy said “come on dude I got this nice tight whore but I think she a prune so I need something to make her legs open easy you know what I mean” as I punched the guy cause I thought that was fuck up how Y/N almost got hurt by a asshole so I went to tell Ashtray we leaving when we was driving home. Ashtray said “I’m guessing another guy almost got her hurt and ya scared his ass off” I told him to shut da fuck up we get home and I walked in my room to smoke a blunt and thinking about how fuckin beautiful Y/N so was tonight and day

Y/N POV

It’s 3am you finally get to fez’s house you pounded on the door for few minutes then Faye opened the door and said “hey girly you look so cute was you on a date” as you looked at her and said “is fez home” she looked in the air and said “I think so” you walked by astray you said “hi buddy” as you rub his sleepy head you as you get to fez’s door you open in it and say in your mom voice “fezco O’Neill we no you have some explaining to do cause I’m tired of trying……explain yourself to me right fuckin now” as he gets off his bed then puts his blunt in the ashtray he stares at you and said “m a drug dealer and a businessman who takes care of my family and friends okay Y/N I’m to high for this crap we will talk tomorrow” as he past you to go to the kitchen you follow him and said “no we talking about it now fezco why you scaring guys away from me it was cute at first but now it’s annoying what is wrong with you” ashtray walked in and said “man up and tell her now” fezco and ashtray argues to the point you separate them ashtray in the living and fez in the kitchen you first talk to ashtray we catch up on his schoolwork and the business so he got calm down you kissed ash’s forehead and said “stay here don’t move and don’t yell when I’m talking to your hardheaded brother” he said “yes mom” as breath in and out and walked to fez and sit on the counter in the kitchen you said “fezco  I know your holding something back that you don’t want to say but it’s me your best friend please tell me if you do I will…. tell you why I have not returning your text or calls for a week” as you put your hair down and fez stares at you

flashback to the day you met fezco

Your new to town You moved here with your dad cause your dad started dating Cassie’s mom. So Cassie drove you around town and we stopped by a store we walked in and a guy said “yo cassie what good who the shorty with you” she said “ this is Y/N her dad dating my mom Y/N this is fezco the owner of the store and drug dealer” you smiled and waved at him and said “heya” as you put a energy drink and some chips on the counter he tells you it’s on the house since I’m new to town you smiled at him and said “aw thank you sweet face” he gave you his number just in case you wanted ride or drugs or whatever

Y/N POV

He stare deep in your eyes and said “ the first time I saw you walked in the store I thought you was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen ” as he placed his left hand on your cheek. You lean in to kiss his lips and then you pull away we stare at each other then he kisses you nice and rough as he lifts you up and carry you to the bedroom he shuts the door with his foot he puts you on his bed he looks at you with hunger and lust in his ocean blue eyes we made out with our tongues rubbing against each other then his tongue slides in your mouth you suck his tongue for a second he chuckle then he bites your bottom lip he whispered "i been waiting for this for year now as he takes off his shirt then started lick and kissing your neck and nibbles on her neck as he sucks hickeys on both sides on her neck her nails slowly scratches his back he said "your so damn beautiful ma" as she takes off her clothes but leaves on her lace panties he kissed down to her chest then down to her panties he pulls the panties with his teeth as he spanks your ass hard then you bite your lip and moan. He opens your legs and puts two fingers inside me as i gasped he said "damn ma your sure are wet" as he kisses me when he fingering me then he ate your pussy like it was the best meal he has ever had he lick and suck your clit then same thing with your folds he kissed your thighs then suck your thighs then he turn you on your hands and knees he shaked your ass then he pulled out his huge nice hard on as he teased you with it he puts it inside me you moan into the pillow as he going in and out of you harder and faster and deeper he said " be my gurl" as he slaps your ass you nob fuck yea as he gets closer and closer to finish in you as you grad the sheets and your eyes half way rolling back of your head as he hitting your sweet spot you cum hard then he does the same thing

[thatsarcasticgemini]

Alone time

Ash Lynx x reader

A/n: Banana fish broke me, but writing is my coping mechanism, so...This is an AU where Ash and the reader are married and live in Japan, Ash being a model. Also, Shorter is alive cause I said do ( i would die for him to live tbh). I am so sorry for any mistakes.

     Babysitting is a very challenging task, especially when the kid is a carbon copy of the most intelligent, cheeky and bratty man Eiji had ever met. Isaac Callenreese was giving the man a headache and pills were not fixing it. Sure, he knew what he was getting into and knew how much Ash and Y/N needed a break from parenting, but why on earth did he agree? At least Shorter was there to help him right?

     Wrong! Shorter was like a second kid. Yelling, running, coloring, making a mess and getting little Isaac even more agitated. Just how much energy did the 5 year old have? 

“Shorter, please! You are 30! Your playing days are over. You’re gonna break something and I will yell. I almost had Isaac under control, but then you came along to ruin the peace we had. Isaac come here right now or I’ll call Ash!”

“Jeez, Eiji...you almost sound like a grandpa! I haven’t seen Isaac in about a year. I missed him a lot, you know? Little gremlin did a lot of growing up!” said Shorter, with the same goofy smile he had all those years ago. Isaac was seated on the his lap, looking up at his favourite uncle with a wide grin. Based off the resemblance between him and Ash, Eiji could already sense some sort of comment coming.

“Nuh-uh. I wanna stay right here. Call dad “dad” please. And I love uncle Shorter, he’s taller, funnier and smarter than you, uncle Ji. He was telling me how dad knows how to ride a motocycle! It doesn’t get better than this!”

“Yes it does. If you stay quiet for five more minutes, I can get the rice done and I can tell you how Ash and Y/N..”

“Mom and dad, uncle Ji!”

“How mom and dad met while we eat. Does that sound nice?”

“Dunno, let me ask uncle Shorter too.” The two began whispering to each other while Eiji rolled his eyes. Just one more hour and Ash would be here to pick his spawn up. After a minute, both Shorter and Isaac nodded their heads and went to sit down at the kitche table.

     Once the table was set and the rice was done cooking, Eiji put it is bowls are brought it to the table. They all dug in, but Isaac seemed to be watching Eiji with great intrest, expecting the story he was promised.

“So Ash and Y/N...”

“Mom and dad. Continue uncle Ji.”

“Mom and dad met around 9 years ago. They met here, in Tokyo, and I am proud to announce that I am the one who got them to meet up, since Y/N went to the same highschool as me. We were both on the drama club in my third year. She was about 2 years younger than me, but she was so mature. Anyway, they started dating around three months after they met. The had a really pretty relationship. You dad was so hooked he embarrassed himself in front of her on multiple ocations. They got married two years later, lived together for two more years and then you came along. You were a very loved little boy. I wish I took a picture of the face your dad made when he held you for the first time.”

“Yeah! He teared up, but don’t tell him you know. You had this little puff of blond hair on your head, it was as fluffy as the little kitty we saw this morning, if not fluffier.” Isaac had look in his eyes that Eiji had only seen once before and that was when Ash told him about Dino and his childhood. The tiny blond seemed to be so vulnarable almost like a porcelain figure. 

“What about mom? Was she happy to see me?” There it was. The love Isaac, much like his father, held for her. It was like they would both die if it wasn’t for her love.

“Well of course she was. She really loves you, you know? Your mom loved you even before she had the pleasure of holding you. You have been one of her favourite people ever since she found out you were in her belly. They both love you a lot.”

“Then why am I here? Why wouldn’t they take me with them? Why do they want alone time?” Eiji couldn’t find an answer. He looked at Shorter, who still had that dumb grin.

“Well, Isaac, mom and dad need to rest every once in a while. Since mom got pregnant with your brother or sister, she hasn’t really been able to rest properly, so dad wanted alone time with her to help her rest, but I am sure they will both be so very happy to see you.”

     Just like magic, there was a knock at the door, Eiji went to open it, while Isaac trailed behind him, with his little backpack in hand. The door opened to reveal Ash and the boy jumped in his arms at the speed of light. 

“Wow! Hi bub! I missed you so much. How was today hmm? Did you have fun with uncle Ji and uncle Shorter? Were they nice to you?”

“Mhm, they told me how you and mama met. I miss mama, is she in the car?”

“No bub, she’s at home. She missed you too. Told me we should race all of the cars and get home in under ten minutes. We have cake.” And with that, Isaac was set back on the ground and the little boy dashed to the car. 

“Damn gremlin didn’t even say bye. Here i was thinking we have something special.”

“Hi Shorter! Hi Eiji! I can’t thank you enough for tonight. She really needed it.” 

“It’s ok Ash. He is a little loud and Shorter here is never truly helpful, but it’s our pleasure. Are Y/N and the baby ok?”

“Hm, not really. I mean the baby seems to be fine, but she isn’t. Throws up everything she eats. The doctor said it is because her body is getting used to the pregnancy, but this didn’t happen when we had Isaac. I’m just worried for her.”

“She’s strong. She can take it I’m sure.” Shorter nodded, agreeing with Eiji’s statement. 

“I know Eiji, I’m not worried about that. Truth is she seems happy to be pregnant. She’s beaming all the time, even after she got everything she ate out, and I feel bad. I feel like she’s in pain. Her smile makes me feel even worse.” Shorter laid a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, taking his sunglasses off. 

“Ash...listen to me. Y/N is someone who’s never lied to you about anything. She’s been genuine about everything. She would never fake a smile and she would tell you if she wanted to abort the baby. The fact that she’s smiling and being her bubbly self only means that the pregnacy isn’t that hard on her. Trust me Ash. I see the look in her eyes when the baby is brought up in any conversation. She’ll be fine. You’ll be a bigger family. Loosen up a little.” 

“Thank you Shorter. I owe both of you a drink. I’ll call you. Thank you for babysitting again.” And with that, all three of tehm smiled at each other while Ash picked the tiny shark backpack and went back to the car.

     Once inside, the older blond turned towards the younger one, smiling.

“Ready to see mom, bub?”

“Mhm! Is she feeling better?”

“Yep.”

     The car ride was one of the happy moments Ash wanted to hold onto. The sang together and talked about how Shorter told Isaac about the motorcycle.

“It’s true, you know? I do know how to ride one. When you’re older, I can teach you too.”

“I wanna ride one now. I’ve seen my friends with theirs, I want one too!”

“Those are lame. I’m talking about the real ones. That’s the true fun.”

     Once at home, Ash dropped everything on the floor and went to help his son hung his coat on the wall. The little boy jumped out of his red sneakers and ran down the hall yelling for his mom. 

“In the kitchen baby. I was cutting you a slice of cake.It’s vanilla, since I know you like the chocolate one’s less. Where’s daddy?”

“Right behind you.” said Ash, placing his hands on her hips and swaying her a little. She turned around to give him a kiss on the cheek, but her 5 month bump got in the way, making her pull a frustred face and Ash smile even more. Isaac pushed his dad to the side a little, making grabby hands at his mom. No matter how old he acted, his real age was always given away by his gestures around his mom. 

     Getting his slice of cake, Isaac turned back towards the living room. Eating on the couch was never truly forbidden.

“Mama, tomorrow is Yuri’s birthday. He celebrating it at home, I have the invitation in my drawing notebook. Can I go?”

“Sure you can. we just have to go buy a gift in the morning.”

“A birthday huh? That means a little more alone time for us two.” Y/N hid her face in her husband’s neck, smiling a little. Ash’s finger went to the back of her neck, getting her to look up at him to give her a kiss, but then...

“Gross! He likes cars mama, go brainstorm on that insted of smooching dad in the kitchen!”