#modern all of them but I’ve only drawn thomas

[daveyfvckingjacobs]

oc sketch dump

jacobi and simon at the top, then all just thomas because I am a touch biased

[thethreeirises]

Bound by Darkness: Love, Obsession, and Tragedy in Nosferatu

I know many people have already shared their thoughts on Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu, and you might be tired of hearing about it by now — but I have to talk about it because I absolutely loved it. This surprised me, for I’ve never truly connected with a Robert Eggers film before. I’ve seen The Witch, Northman, and about ten minutes of The Lighthouse, but none of them really resonated with me. Don’t get me wrong — his talent as a filmmaker is undeniable, and his style is impressive — but I just didn’t find those films particularly engaging. Nosferatu, however, completely changed that for me.

The release of Nosferatu immediately captured my attention, largely due to its genre: Gothic Horror Romance. The film draws inspiration from the 1922 cult classic Nosferatu, which itself was an adaptation of Bram Stoker’s iconic novel Dracula. Robert Eggers’ adaptation of this specific genre has not only breathed new life into the story but has also drawn in a fresh demographic — fans of the dark, macabre, and hauntingly erotic allure of Gothic Horror — further expanding his already devoted fan base.

After my sixth viewing of the film (and my friend’s first), we found ourselves agreeing that Nosferatu draws subtle inspiration from Eggers’ earlier works, The Witch and Northman. Like those films, Nosferatu delves into themes of the occult and devil worship while embracing its identity as a period piece, immersing viewers in the lives and struggles of early 18th-century society. What truly elevates the film, though, is the romance! Eggers masterfully pushes the boundaries of what it means to love and the sacrifices one must make for those they hold dear. The sweeping fantasy, the heightened drama, and the gripping suspense all came together to create what I genuinely believe is Eggers’ best film yet.

The first thing I want to delve into is Eggers’ thoughtfully curated cinematography throughout the film. The long takes, rich with substance, were mesmerising. Even in shots where very little seemed to be happening, his execution elevated the storytelling — not just from the audience’s perspective but by intensifying the gripping suspense. While some might find this style of filmmaking tedious or slow, I was completely hooked, sitting on the edge of my seat the entire time.

Eggers is no stranger to this type of filmmaking. His films often use long shots that linger, zooming in at precisely the right moment, only to pull you away just as the tension peaks. It’s a gripping technique, and in an era where modern filmmaking has often veered toward fast cuts to cater to short attention spans, it was refreshing to sit back and enjoy the slower pace. And let me tell you, the payoff was worth it. Those long, intense sequences, paired with hauntingly evocative music, masterfully built up the climaxes within the film. It was as though Eggers was edging me with his brilliant storytelling and filmmaking — teasing and drawing out every moment to its fullest effect.

From there, the dark ambiance was spellbinding. The slow zoom-in on the Count’s castle, coupled with the dream-like transition of Thomas magically standing before the massive door, was stunning. The sharp, razor-like music cut through the silence, only to halt as an eerie gust of wind — almost like an unseen force — creaked open the entrance door to reveal Count Orlok. The moment sent shivers down my spine. It’s a moment that will stay with me forever, a haunting masterclass in tension and atmosphere.

Eggers approached the horror aspects of the film with remarkable taste, steering clear of cheap jump scares used solely to startle the audience. Instead, every moment of brief, intense fright was thoughtfully crafted to enhance the story and deepen the fear surrounding the character. Even in moments where the audience might brace themselves for a predictable jump scare, Eggers subverts expectations, delivering something entirely different — and far more unsettling. This deliberate approach not only heightens the tension but also solidifies Orlok as a truly haunting and unforgettable figure.

As I mentioned earlier, I loved how the film seamlessly incorporated classic Gothic horror tropes into its storytelling. From the isolated and decaying locations to themes of madness and obsession, every element felt perfectly woven into the narrative. And, of course, we can’t overlook the biggest trope of them all: the mysterious and brooding character — Count Orlok.

Portrayed by Bill Skarsgård, Orlok was both unrecognizable and darkly enchanting. Every scene he occupied felt like his shadow consumed the screen, dripping with hunger and decay. I was thoroughly impressed by how Eggers chose to depict him, creating a character that not only stirred the Gothic sensibilities of the story but also caused quite the stir in pop culture.

Sharing the screen with Orlok was Ellen, portrayed by Lily-Rose Depp, whose performance absolutely blew me away. Together, their dynamic added yet another layer of complexity and intrigue. their relationship is a haunting interplay of forbidden desire, manipulation, and fate. It embodies the Gothic trope of a doomed connection where love and death are inextricably linked. Ellen is portrayed as a figure of innocence and purity, yet she possesses an underlying strength and agency that makes her more than a passive victim. Orlok, on the other hand, is a dark, brooding presence — a predator consumed by his hunger yet strangely drawn to Ellen in a way that goes beyond his vampiric instincts. Their dynamic is one of fascination and revulsion, as Ellen becomes both prey and something far more meaningful to Orlok.

Orlok’s obsession with Ellen undeniably transcends his monstrous nature, adding a layer of tragic complexity to his character. His attraction to her is not just driven by his vampiric instincts but by something far deeper — a longing that borders on the eternal, and an understanding that their connection is inescapable. Ellen, in turn, is not merely a passive figure caught in his thrall; she demonstrates a profound awareness of the darkness that surrounds her, and a willingness to confront it despite the cost. As the narrative unfolds, it becomes clear that Ellen is not only grappling with Orlok’s manipulation but also her own internal conflict. Their relationship is not one of simple victimhood and control — it’s a tragic interplay of desire, fate, and the inevitability of death. The chemistry between them is undeniable, a magnetic force that pulls them together despite their differences. They are bound, as Orlok himself states, — a fate that is sealed by their shared connection, woven into the fabric of their existence. Their bond is not just a matter of survival or domination; it is, tragically, a fated love, marked by both darkness and an impossible longing.

There has been an ongoing discourse online suggesting that Ellen is a victim of abuse, both in her past and through Orlok’s manipulative nature. While I partially agree with this interpretation, I believe it oversimplifies the dynamic between them. Yes, Ellen’s past may hint at a history of abuse, it’s also evident that she harbors a darkness within her, a force so strong it metaphorically (and perhaps literally) summons Orlok from his slumber.

Orlok’s manipulative tendencies cannot be denied — he is a creature of power and control — but Ellen is drawn to his presence, even as she recognizes the danger he poses. This gives her agency within the narrative, positioning her not simply as a victim but as a complex character navigating her own inner turmoil and desires. Their relationship is deeply Gothic in its nature, built on a foundation of forbidden desire, tragedy, and an almost predestined connection that blurs the line between love and destruction.

This dynamic shifts significantly after Ellen meets Thomas (Nicholas Hoult), who serves as a symbol of light in her otherwise dark and twisted life. As stated in the film, Thomas made her feel her most “normal,” momentarily quieting the darkness within her and giving her a fleeting sense of peace. However, by the time he entered her life, it was already too late. Ellen had foolishly sworn her passion to Orlok, binding herself to him and leaving her caught between two opposing forces — a spectrum of light and dark.

There’s no denying that Ellen’s darkness exudes from within, consuming any light she might possess. While Thomas eventually grew to understand and accept Ellen’s dark thoughts, he could never truly comprehend her in the way Orlok does. Orlok, embodying the very essence of her inner turmoil, resonates with the parts of Ellen that Thomas could never reach — a connection both unsettling and deeply intimate. Their bond transcends mere understanding; it’s a shared darkness that binds them in a way no one else could.

This duality is one of the film’s most beautiful and poetic elements. To Ellen, her two romantic interests represent a yin-yang dynamic: Thomas embodies light, purity, and hope, while Orlok is the darkness, passion, and decay that consumes her. Yet, rather than these forces simply opposing each other, they coexist within Ellen, driving her toward her ultimate redemption and Orlok’s demise.

One scene I found particularly beautiful was the medium close-up shot of Ellen in her mourning clothes, with a large black bonnet elegantly framing her face, symbolizing grief and finality. As she discusses her destiny with Von Franz (Willem Defoe), there’s a haunting serenity to her demeanor. In that moment, it feels as though she fully accepts the inevitability of her fate, quietly mourning her own impending death with a sense of tragic dignity.

It’s a testament to the power of destiny, passion, and the inescapable pull of fated love. In the end, Ellen’s journey is as tragic as it is profound — a stunning exploration of love, sacrifice, and the interplay between light and shadow. Beautiful and poetic, to say the least.

Wrapping this up, I wanted to highlight one of my favorite scenes in the film, starting with Herr Knock’s (Simon Mcburny) moment when he bites into the flesh of the bodyguard’s neck. Blood splatters across his lips as he screams, “BLOOD IS LIFE,” a line that perfectly encapsulates the film’s overwhelming sense of hunger and craving that must be sated. It’s a visceral, chilling moment that reinforces the darker, primal themes throughout the movie alongside its most iconic line.

Oh, and Eggers is set on doing a Labyrinth remake/ sequel? what do you guys think of this?

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 32: Data Analysis

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share

The next morning I wake up feeling refreshed. I was partially right about the long trip tiring me out. Now that yesterday’s stress is out of the way I can focus on other matters. May’s maids are surprised to see I made the bed myself and keep asking if I want breakfast. I politely decline so they won’t go through any trouble but turns out May already has a meal planned for me.

“What will you do now? Are you sailing back home after one day?” She asks from across the long table.

I chew the delicious French toast. “Originally I was going to visit family in Ireland but now the Shelbys want me to work for them. Officially. No debt, no strings attached. I’d love to. It’s just…”

“That means seeing Thomas more often,” May finishes. “I understand. Sometimes I see him at horse events and it’s incredibly awkward.”

“I think I’ll allow myself to work a full year and then decide what I want with my life. Thomas can’t blame me for being distant because he has his own family to care for now.” I finish my breakfast and rise from the table. “Thank you for having me, May. It would’ve been hard to go back to Birmingham last night, after… all that.”

“Give a ring if you need to talk,” the Charleton widow assures. “Do you need a cab?”

A sneaky smile crosses my face. “I have ideas.”

One bonus from growing up in the city is that you learn to walk. Everywhere. Another bonus is knowing how to hail a cab. Or in this case a wagon. I walk along the gravel road and within ten minutes a farmer comes by driving a horse wagon. I offer a few pounds and he agrees to take me to the edge of Birmingham. At first he’s put off by my more than casual clothes but after I explain myself he starts laughing.

“My my, a real American hitchhiker! Now I’ve seen everything.”

Most of the ride is done in silence, allowing me to observe the breathtaking English countryside. So different from the dirty, noisy streets I left a week ago. I’ll miss my home but this would almost make it worthwhile to stay. If only he wasn’t around.

“Here we are, miss.”

I thank the farmer and pull my trunk off the wagon. Looking across the field I see the sign for Birmingham straight ahead. Back through the muddy streets, the shadowy alleys, the ash-filled sky. The dreadful atmosphere that seems slightly sadder than I remember. Or maybe that’s just me.

By the time I get to Watery Lane it’s past midday. When I reach the Shelby house it’s obvious Finn’s been waiting for me. The second I reach the kitchen he comes straight from his room like a magnet drawn to steel.

“Where were you? I almost phoned Tommy!”

“Relax, relax. I’m no big missing persons case. I just… Needed some time to myself. And you will do good not to mention my absence to Thomas. If I need to bribe you then I will offer a lesson for today.”

Finn’s face melts from worried to suspicious to overjoyed. He drops his book and takes a seat at the kitchen table.

“I’m all ears.”

“Right, right. Just let me put my trunk in my room- Oh no. Finn! Did you know about this?”

The closet is stocked to the brim with new clothes. Clothes for me, because Polly would never wear anything this modern. It reminds me of the clothes from American fashion magazines. Whoever made these did their homework.

“It was Ada’s idea!” Finn shouts down the hall.

A smidgen of guilt enters my thoughts. I really should have talked with her more last night. Hopefully she’ll understand why. I set the trunk down and rejoin Finn in the kitchen. As I search for potential dinner ingredients I also concoct an intriguing topic to discuss.

“Today will be about the use of data. Whether it be for science, arithmancy, or common sense, we use data every day. The proper order of data use is wisdom, knowledge, information, and the data itself.” Score! There’s still some fresh meat in the icebox. “Data is the raw facts and figures, and provides the building blocks to create information. Information, Finn, is data that has been manipulated into something meaningful, which then turns into knowledge.”

He takes this in carefully, proving my point. “So our process of thinking is like calculating math. Only instead of crunching numbers we’re crunching choices.”

“Yes.” Such as the choice I made to stay here. “We use data analytics, which is the science of examining raw data with the purpose of drawing conclusions about that information. Pairing with this, data analysis transforms, summarizes, or models data to allow us to make meaningful conclusions. Now data mining, on the other hand, extracts and analyzes large volumes of data to identify hidden relationships or patterns and predict behaviors from them.”

Finn picks up on something. “So… We could predict people?”

I look up from the cutting board. “Correct. That would be entering the field of behavioral psychology or  sociology. But we can talk about that another time. I’ll let you stew on this. Speaking of stew, that is what I’m making. But I need to grab some oregano leaves. I’ll just be a minute.”

I step out the back door and into the familiar dreary streets. No Peaky Blinders standing guard, no Inspector Campbell sulking about. I can finally walk to the market without looking over my shoulder… Still packing heat, of course. I’m not thick. Now about those herbs-

“There she is!” 

Approaching laughter alerts me to the Shelby brothers walking towards me. 

“John? Arthur? Where have you been?”

“Just had a meeting with Changretta,” Arthur scoffs. “Them Italians are giving us trouble again.”

I roll my eyes and pick out some oregano from the market display. “What is it with you boys and fighting with the Italians?”

“Enough about them. What’s this for?” John snatches the herb. “Making something, eh?”

I hold up my hands. “Okay, you caught me. I’m guilty of making tonight’s supper, if you’ll join us.”

Both brothers look pleased about the invite, especially John.

“You have no idea how good a real meal sounds! Esme’s been too busy with the kids. That and she’s expecting again.”

My eyes widen. “Esme’s pregnant? Congratulations!”

John grunts. “She’s grouchy when she’s pregnant. The kids have been a handful too.”

I take back the oregano and give him a reprimanding look. “Either hire more help or keep it in your pants.”

“Oi! Verena!”

I look to face the voice. Thomas. He’s here. Walking down the street towards me. The way he walks, like a man who cannot be touched. A mountain. I really don’t need this right now!

Despite my internal screaming for him to walk away he gets closer. “Remind me never to trust anyone religious,” he grunts. “Earlier today a priest ordered me around like a fucking dog. I thought you said God works in mysterious ways?” He scoffs and lights a cigarette. “Maybe He can get these Irish folk off me back. Arthur, John. How was Changretta?”

“A fucking moron,” Arthur says. “I don’t think he appreciated our hospitality, did he John?”

John shakes his head. Thomas waves this aside and seems to be thinking about something else.

“Verena. Come with me.”

Before I can utter a word he starts walking back the way he came. Um, what about dinner? I have other things to do than just follow you around, Thomas!

I quickly wave goodbye to his brothers and pant to keep up. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to see Ada and if you’re with me maybe she won’t bite my head off.”

We keep walking and I notice we’re approaching a grand public library. Has the great Thomas Shelby given in to using books? My God, times are crazy. The second we enter everyone scatters to stay out of his path, some with confused stares and others looking downright fearful just to see him here. I follow Thomas upstairs and spot Ada at a bookshelf down the aisle.

“Ada!” Thomas calls.

Is he really this unfamiliar with a library? Keep your voice down!

“Tommy Shelby in a library,” his sister vituperates and looks down from the ladder.

“I need to borrow a book about the Russian Revolution. And, I brought a friend.”

Thomas steps away to reveal me behind him. Ada gasps in surprise and hurries down to give me a hug.

“Verena! We hardly got to chat last night!”

Her friendliness brings a smile to my face. “Hello, Ada. So good to see you!”

“Shh!” Someone hisses from another aisle. Oops.

“Have you got a new wharf at Maida Vale now?” Thomas asks.

Ada scoffs and releases me to climb onto the ladder again. “I’ve got a new wharf everywhere now. Sometimes I see our trucks driving past.”

Thomas plays dumb. “Our trucks?”

“Shelby trucks.” Ada pulls out a book and looks at it skeptically. “Why the interest?”

Good question. How does Russian history play into our business?

Thomas takes a seat at the wooden desk. “Eh, I just want to broaden my mind.”

Ada snickers. “Has Verena been influencing you?”

Thomas’ gaze flickers to where I’m standing and his mouth twitches in the ghost of a smirk. “Very funny. No, this was my idea.”

Ada hops down and plops the book on the desk. “Well, this is a list of the bastards who ran away- Sorry, Verena. I know you’re not one for foul language. And this is written from the point of view of the peoples’ struggle.”

Thomas nods blandly. “Uh-huh.”

I put my hands on my hips. “I thought you weren’t keen on using public resources? You said the library was too common.”

Thomas keeps reading the book. “Changed my mind.”

“There was a Russian at your wedding,” Ada comments. “Mind telling me how he got invited?”

He? So there was more than one Russian at that party. Jesus, Thomas. What kind of people are you dealing with now?

“Sometimes Russian aristocrats get invited to social occasions to add a bit of class.”

“Why are you working with the Russians?” I blurt.

He looks up slowly with a lazy expression. “Why the distrust?”

“Do you trust them?” I bite back.

“Not a chance. But I have orders from Churchill himself. That doesn’t explain your hostility.”

You might be comfortable conversing with your enemies, Thomas, but I for one do not like sleeping with one eye open! Class, indeed! The only Russians my family have dealt with no nothing of the sort!

I take a breath. “A Russian killed my Aunt Eleanor. My Uncle Colon’s late wife. We do not forgive and forget something like that, Thomas.”

“Why was he there?” Ada asks again.

Thomas goes back to reading. “Why do you want to know?”

Ada looks down and keeps her voice casual. “Maybe I liked him, maybe I want to see him again. Would that be possible?”

“No, that will not be possible,” Thomas answers bluntly. “Can I rip this page out?”

Ada and I gape at him. “No! You cannot rip a page out. Property of the people.”

“You should never harm books!” I scold.

Ada’s not finished. “When Arthur took the Russian away he had his killing pistol in his jacket and then Johnny lit a fire in the woods.”

Thomas puts the book back and starts walking away. “You want all the details because you’re bored, Ada.”

“Then why is Verena here too?” Ada taunts as I start trailing after him.

“Thought you’d like to see her,” Thomas calls over his shoulder. “You used to chase rats with a revolver, Ada. Might have a job for you too.”

“Tot ziens, Ada. Thanks for the clothes! Goodbye!” I whisper quickly and hurry down the stairs.

“What was that?” Thomas asks, slightly intrigued.

“A bit of Dutch I’m trying to learn.” When we get outside I raise my voice to a disapproving one. “You made Arthur kill a man. Even though you knew he’s trying to go down a better path.”

“Our family doesn’t have another path. And did I hear right that you’re making something for tonight?”

I want to kick the dirt in spite of his stubbornness! “Yes. Your information is correct. You’re welcome to join if you like.”

“Afraid not. Today is a busy day. I’m going straight home afterwards.”

Oh. I should have known. Of course he wants to have dinner with his proper family. His wife and son. Let it go, Verena. Not everyone has to be around for dinner. You knew things weren’t going to be the same.

“Say hi to everyone for me,” I try to say positively when we reach the Shelby house. “Off to see Changretta, I assume?”

Thomas’ brow furrows. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess. That and your face hasn’t relaxed all day. I figured you have a business meeting.”

Before I close the door he gives a subtle upward nod of his head. “Perceptive, as always.”

That’s rich coming from the man who’s supposed to see through people’s deception but can’t see that I love him. I stomp through the house and through the heavy doors into the office. Apparently all serenity from earlier has been replaced with Polly and John having a kerfuffle.

“…We’ll be handing out Bibles in the fucking bullring with her cousins!” John shouts.

“John, you don’t have to do anything. Lizzie will do it for you,” Polly responds evenly.

“John!” I bark at him. “Did you just mock the good book?”

He ignores me and goes for the front door. “Not now, Steenstra.”

“Yes, now,” I demand and stand in front of him with my arms crossed. “Do not ever talk that way around me again, John. Or any woman for that matter.”

John steps around me anyhow. “Get out of my fucking way.”

The door slams and Polly sits in silence. Wonderful! Now their anger is spreading to me too. Enough of this. I can do something useful and clear out the rubbish bins. I brush past Polly and clear away the trash from all the desks. Some out of Thomas’ office. John’s, Arthur’s. Now all that’s left is Michael’s new office.

“Knock knock. ‘S just me, I’m here for- Oh!”

A pair of wide eyes peeks out at me from behind the desk. Michael himself is slumped in the chair with a face saying there’s nothing wrong. Slowly the eyes rise to reveal the face of a young girl, only a few years younger than me. 

“A new guest, Michael?” I ask and greet the girl with a smile.

“Verena, meet Charlotte Murray.” He pauses for a second and adds: “My new friend.”

Jesus, these Shelbys are all alike. I really hoped Michael would be different. Am I going to have to work here as the only single employee?

I look between the two with a devilish smirk. “Ah, yes. We all need friends. I just need the trash and I will leave you to… get more acquainted.” 

I take the rubbish bin and slip out the door, catching a look of thanks from Michael. Yes, go ahead. I give up trying to tell people what is right. Hell, I myself have lost so much from that. All that time trying to reach the good in Thomas was a waste. It’s time to think for my own security.

@meadows5

[thommi-tomate]

Heiko Vogel (former Bayern academy trainer) on Thomas :

He is absolutely one of the most intelligent players I’ve ever trained

The first time I met him, he was 12, It was before he came to Bayern Munich and he was playing in a youth tournament for his hometown. He was pretty good, so we asked him: ‘Could you imagine coming to us?’ and he said, ‘Yes, of course’.

When he got to the under-15s, I was his coach. It was a very good time, I think, because we were very successful. Our philosophy at Bayern Munich was to play our younger players against older teams. We played with our under-15s in an under-17s league. It was very hard, but I think that was an important concept for us.

We had a lot of brilliant players. Not really fast ones, not players who were amazing athletes, but those who had a good mindset and a very special type of game intelligence

The age difference — and the artificial disadvantages it exposed the young players to — put a premium on that game intelligence; on thinking more quickly, finding better solutions, dealing with physical deficits and, occasionally, older players not averse to roughing up a young Bayern prospect.

To some, Muller is a ferocious player — defined by his will to compete and win. Watching him now, applying himself in the same way that he did before he won everything football had to offer, there is no question that he has, to some extent, remained at the top of the sport by sheer force of will. By luck, too, because he has evaded serious injury and rarely been unavailable.

But he is also a timeless footballer whose qualities are out of step with modern trends. He is not particularly fast or technical and his strength is hardly overwhelming, yet he has so often profited from being first to a loose ball or quickest to anticipate how a passage of play might develop. He does not clip passes around the pitch or play with an obvious subtlety, but managed — at the peak of his career — to be one of the foremost creators in European football.

We would always be limiting touches in training. We would play with one touch, two touches — or with three touches and then with one. It was never the same. Everything would be changing. We would move the goals, too, or play with only one goal, or even three

We would mix up the duels: two vs two, three vs one, two vs three. These are all components that are very important in developing game intelligence — in getting players to be clever. If you don’t have the body to handle the situation, you have to be fit in your mind

One of his greatest strengths is his family. I love his father. For a developing player, it’s very important to have a father like that. He was always supporting him but always in the background. It meant that Thomas had to learn to handle all the situations he encountered for himself. Whether he was playing or not playing — things like that. He knew that his family was always there, but he was alone in those moments.

Then, after each season, his father would have a conversation with one of the coaches or with me. After the season, he’d ask me, ‘What do you think about his development this season? Is it OK? Is it not OK? Can he improve something?’

In that lies the most likely explanation for why Muller has been so important to such a long line of coaches, from Louis van Gaal to Jupp Heynckes, Pep Guardiola to Hansi Flick. On and on, regardless of formation or philosophy, like a footballer impervious to change, happy to live on his wits.

And that adaptability seems to afford him special status. Nobody has anything bad to say about Muller. Rival supporters might envy his medal collection and Bayern Munich’s success inspires plenty of resentment, but little of it is drawn towards him despite being such an obvious symbol of their dominance.

How can that be?

Thomas Müller is Thomas Müller. Sometimes, you see players play a role — you see them perform for the cameras — but Thomas doesn’t do that. He never has. He doesn’t have those insecurities and he is not an actor.

He is what you see, all the time

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

The X-Men Project : Children of the Atom

Uncanny X-Men 1-23 (1963-1966)

Collected in X-Men Epic Collections 1 : Children of the Atom

I’ve started this project a few times, and haven’t gotten too far -- but my main goal was to read through the main canon of X-Men comics chronologically for some time now.  I’m taking a new approach this time - reading them via trade paperback (and sometimes omnibus).  And of course in doing so, I’ve got to start at the beginning - which may be part of the reason this keeps slowing me down from getting too far.  

Because I have to start with Silver Age comics.  

So… long comic book history story short - the Golden Age of comics started in the 30s with the advent of comic adventures and super heroes.  Batman, Superman, Captain America - all larger than life heroes that kids could fall in love with.  And kids did - until the war came and changed things and comics were on the decline for a while and then - bam!  The 60s happened, and both DC and Marvel flourished in brightly colored, campy glory.  

The thing about Silver Age comics, though, is that these stories, while iconic, sure; were written for 8-12-year-old boys growing up in the early sixties.  There’s kind of a simple, standardness to all of them.  And while I won’t argue that modern day superhero comics are the cutting edge of literature or anything, Silver Age comics feel antiquated in a charming albeit somewhat dull way.  

Here’s the thing though - I’ve only read X-Men Silver Age comics.  The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, The Avengers, and even Hulk were regarded in much higher standing.  And while Stan Lee’s idea to have superheroes naturally have powers -- unlike the plethora of humans being bombarded by radiation and getting their powers through increasingly more ridiculous ways - The X-Men were unique among superheroes.  But that didn’t make them all that interesting to read.  In fact - X-Men was the lowest read book for most of its original run.  

So… is it really that bad?  

Let’s break it down! 

The first trade paper I’m covering is part of the Epic Collections series - and covers the first 23 issues of Uncanny X-Men (the original run, which was just X-Men, I don’t think ‘Uncanny’ came until Chris Claremont).  It’s mostly written by Stan Lee (who leaves after issue 19 and is replaced by Roy Thomas) and drawn by the infamous Jack Kirby (who also leaves the book around 19, though other artists were helping with book many issues before).  

I feel like there’s a bit of novelty when you say Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.  But I think there’s a difference between nostalgia and quality.  Stan Lee is… fine as a writer.  I don’t think he does anything that special with the X-Men (while I haven’t read any other Silver Age - I’ve heard his work on other books was much better).  Jack Kirby’s art, though, is classic and clean and is the more interesting aspect to these comics.  

Each of the comics run a little bit in the same way.  We get an introduction (or reintroduction) to our heroes, the rise of some villainous conflict, the first fight in which our heroes lose and the second fight after a regrouping where our heroes win -- or on rare occasions things are postponed until the next issue.  Story arcs weren’t really a thing, neither was characterization.  Most of the comic is action based with the heroes using their powers to fight the bad guy.  And that’s, well, kind of it.  

The X-Men

The original line-up of X-Men might feel a little odd to people who are used to the movies or modern day comics.  Everyone knows that Charles Xavier founded the X-Men and runs a school in New York, but half the cast of the original movie hadn’t even been created yet.  

Charles Xavier - Mutant ability: Telepath and Telekinetic.  In a wheelchair.  The X-Men kind of all look up to him as a father like figure (especially Cyclops who is an orphan).  There are some aspects of his characterization that don’t necessarily hold up well -- such as his uncomfortable admiration of Jean Grey.  He also just has some odd unethical morals -- there are too many of these comics that end with Xavier literally just wiping out the bad guys’ and even civilians’ minds just to end the conflict.  He also had the tendency to fake his own illnesses to teach the X-Men a lesson. 

Scott Summers/Cyclops - The Leader - Mutant ability: shoots lasers out of his eyes.  Cyclops probably has the most distinct characterization right out of the gate.  He’s moody and broody and tormented about his mutation.  He’s interested in Jean Grey right from the start but can never tell her his true feelings.  (This is the closest we get to any kind of human interest drama in these comics - though it’s infrequent and never built upon.)  He takes life and his X-Men-ing very seriously. 

Warren Worthington III/Angel - The Playboy - Mutant Ability: Wings.  He can fly! He’s charming! And… that’s about it.  He’s rich and kind of has a flippant attitude about anything.  But it’s kind of hilarious at how lackluster he is.  He also sorta has eyes for Jean because you can’t have romantic drama without a love triangle. 

Hank McCoy/Beast - The Brainiac - Mutant Ability: Giant limbs and superhuman dexterity.  This was long before Beast was Blue! And it even takes a few issues for him to be defined as the smart one.  You can tell that whoever was writing Beast had a thesaurus next to them, as Beast cannot talk like a normal person.  He and Iceman are (kind of by default) bffs - though that isn’t developed as much in this first batch of issues.  

Bobby Drake/Iceman - The Jokester - Mutant Ability: Can freeze things, including himself.  He’s the youngest of the X-Men, and is always goofing around, never taking anything that seriously.  You can tell he’s supposed to be the comic relief, but I don’t think actual humor was Stan Lee’s strong point.  

Jean Gray/Marvel Girl - The Girl - Mutant Ability: Telekinetics.  Jean’s telepathy really isn’t developed until after the silver age.  Unfortunately, Jean isn’t written much beyond being a love interest for Cyclops and Angel - and checking off the obligatory woman box.  She doesn’t really even get a chance to shine (even though she clearly could be and will be the most powerful of them) -- every time she uses her powers she always grows tired really quickly and has to have one of the men save her.  It’s definitely eye roll-y how stuck in their time these comics are when it comes to gender, but it’s also not egregiously offensive.  

I have to point out that all of the X-Men at this point are supposed to be teenagers.  With the exception of Iceman, none of them really act like teenagers - and they’re all drawn like they’re in their mid-twenties.  It’s a little bit comical at how not good they were depicting teenagers.  

The Villains (worth mentioning) 

Every superhero team has their rogue’s gallery, and while the Silver Age is notable for having some hilariously ridiculous super villains, there are a handful that are worth mentioning, including some that become downright iconic in the X-Men world.  

Magneto - Master of Magnetism.  Long before his tragic WW2 history and his retconned BFF status with Xavier, Magneto was the original X-Men villain who definitely knew how to chew the scenery.  No seriously.  He might be over the top and ridiculous but he has the most distinct personality of any of these original villains, which does make him stand out.   Also, it’s kind of hilarious how much Magneto’s use of ‘magnetism’ breaks the laws of physics.  

Brotherhood of Evil Mutants! - let by Magneto.  Most of these guys are actually going to stick around for the long haul.  We have Toad (who is Magneto’s main lackey) and Mastermind (who will later become part of the Hellfire club) but most importantly Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch -- who, incidentally, were run out of Eastern Europe by an angry mob and rescued by Magneto himself, for whom they feel they owe a debt to.  They spend most of their time feeling torn about their decision until they eventually hop on over to join the Avengers later down the road.  

Namor - who is just hilariously sassy in his one appearance.  Magneto and Xavier astro project themselves to fight over which side he’s on, and he eventually tells both of them to screw off.  

Unus the  Untouchable - he doesn’t really make a big splash or anything, but I’m entertained that Beast was able to make a ray gun that amplifies this guy’s reflection power to the point where he can’t grab food.  Why he isn’t propelled from the Earth is beyond me if his power is pushing objects away from him, but hey, Silver Age Comics at their finest.  

The Stranger - I kind of love this guy and it’s a shame he never makes a reappearance - ever I believe.  He’s an alien checking out Earth and when Magneto annoys him too much, he whisks him away and abandons him on some desolate planet.  He’s also sassy.  

The Juggernaut - whom it’s set up from the beginning - was Xavier’s step brother.  Ngl, I was surprised when I read that.  But he’s as big and dumb as he always is.  

The Government & the Sentinels Project - they’re rather fully formed.  Another thing I was surprised about when I first read it.  

Mimic - Another character who doesn’t really come back all that often.  It’s a dude who can absorb everyone’s power at once.  He’s really kind of an ass about it, too, but he is the first official add on into the X-Men even if he leaves right away.  

Notable Things

Thematically, one of the big things about the X-Men is the fact that they are persecuted for being different.  Their minority status is kind of baked into the premise, and it’s something that’s going to permeate throughout the rest of the series.  It’s most notable when the government and sentinels come into play.  

It’s kind of fun to look at these as a time capsule of the 60s.  Everything has this 60s futuristic feel about it -- with all the ray guns and quirky costumes and reliance on nutty science.  It very much is a product of its time.  

Cerebro is a thing! I thought it came later - but Xavier came up with it very early on.  Kind of funny out of all the bonkers things they come up with in the Silver Age this one makes a lot of sense and sticks around.  

Favorite Issues

Issue #1 - It isn’t that ground breaking or even that memorable.  But it is the first issue and I think it is a pretty decent introduction to the characters.  I also want to note that I think the first X-Men movie was inspired by this first issue.  

Issue #4 - Not a favorite issue, actually, but a notable one.  The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants make their first appearance here.  I’d say the X-Men’s personalities kind of solidify here, too.  

Issue #6 - Namor makes his sassy appearance.  I think this is the issue where I found I could actually tolerate the ridiculousness of the Silver Age.  

Issue #11 - The Stranger appears and it is delightful.  

Issues #12-13 - Not only do we get Juggernaut’s first appearance, we also get a huge chunk of backstory for Xavier.  It’s actually a really tense couple of issues as Xavier tries to explain his path as this unknown entity slowly encroaches on the mansion.  It’s probably my favorite two issues of this particular run.  

Issue #18 - Everyone comes back from the whole sentinel saga that had taken up the previous three issues only to find that Magneto has been hiding out and capturing them all (Along with Angel’s parents).  Iceman is the only one left and has to rescue them all.  It’s kind of a clever concept.  

Least Favorite Issues 

Issue #10 - We get our first introduction to the Savage Land; this weird place in Antarctica that’s like the jungle with dinosaurs in it.  I’ve never been a fan of Savage Land stories as they usually bore me to tears.  

Issues #20-23 - This is just after Stan Lee leaves.  And while Roy Thomas is not doing a terrible job or anything, these villains are just dull and unmemorable, and at this point I want to just get on to the next volume.  

Final Thoughts

Once I get past some of this introductory stuff, I'll be able to make these reviews shorter. I feel like I've read a lot of these issues a hundred times because I haven't made it too far with this project. Glad to be finally moving forward.

Look - these aren't the best X-Men comics out there, but as someone who came into the Silver Age kicking and screaming, there is some charm to be found. But they aren't the comics that I'd normally read for fun.

[its-tea-time-darling]

🐾 4 and 6 for Minewt, 9 and 22 for Thomesa, 16 and 20 for Thomally ? 🐾

hiiii, thanks for the ask anon!

when you see the extent this answer took you'll understand why it took me so long laksdjfklas.

kinda doubt you'll see the answer to it since it's anon so you won't get a notif, and i'm answering only much later, i'm sorry ToT

(lmk if you end up seeing it anyway, that'd make me very happy <3) (maybe you'll think to search my blog for the 'anon ask' and find the answer that way &lt;33)

@ crest if you're wondering why i tagged you, it's for the thomally song (the way i connect it to your tmrss) all the way down the post

@ ias if you‘re wondering the same it‘s bc i recced your wonderful thomesa gift to me)

i’ll put all of this under a read more break bc this must honestly the longest answer to any ask ever lmaoooo

the answer contains minewt, thomesa, thomally and taylor swift talk.

—

Minewt

4) Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’

Minho might feel the need to protect Newt from others, but it’s Newt who has to protect Minho from himself. (Minho wants a lot, he wants it all, and he’ll shy no consequences to his mental or physical health.)

6) Who would beg the other not to leave? Who has to leave to protect the other?

Crying sobbing screaming.

Bookverse minewt ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This is so hard. I mean you already got it. Minho begs Newt to come back to them, but Newt doesn’t want them (want Minho) to see him that way.

(I do have a fic where they go to find him at the Crank Palace and Newt does come with them—but bewarned it does not have a happy ending.)

Thomesa

9) What are their thoughts on having children?

I'll be answering this in another ask where i got the same question, but tl;dr is I think they do want children.

link to VERY cute fic in which they (spoiler) do have a child:

written and gifted to me by @dunne-ias i was SO happy about it you couldn't even imagine anon

22) What reminds each of their partner?

When they have a moment of epiphany, where something just Makes Sense, it will remind them of each other because that’s what happens when they think and talk together.

(the thomesa mind link and what it would mean in a modern world is my own personal drug. i'm so drawn into them knowing and getting each other like nothing and no one else. (exemplified by them again 'not knowing' each other after the swipe, yet still working together perfectly and having instant platonic and romantic chemistry ohmygodijustlovethemsomuch ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh))

Thomally

16) Can they stay up all night just talking?

They might try but let’s be honest those boys are sleepy sleepy so they won’t make it, rip.

(For anyone who cares about Thomas sleeping, there’s this silly, silly project I’ve started "The Great Thomas Sleeping Saga"; it’s literally just a fic about Thomas sleeping asdlkfj. It’s a community project where anyone who wants to can provide snippets of 100 words about Thomas being asleep—reach out if you want to participate <3

20) Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

The Archer by Taylor Swift. easily.

tagging you crest bc you might like the insight @crestfallercanyon

Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that But what if I do

I never grew up It’s getting so old Help me hold on to you

I’ve been the archer I’ve been the prey Who could ever leave me darling,

But who could stay

Dark side, I search for your dark side But what if I’m alright, right, right, right here

I see right through me, I see right through me Can you see right through me?

Who could ever leave me darling, But who could stay Who could stay

You could stay

Combat, I'm ready for combat

so again crest, i tagged you bc i thought you might like to see it, but also because the whole part abt 'i see right through me / can you see right through me' reminds me of that moment in your tmrss gift for me when thomas wonders 'what do you see in me, right now, right this moment', or something along those lines.

i think it's such a quintessential moment, both for thomas wanting gally to know him, wanting to know how gally perceives him, wanting to be someone in gally's eyes, and how i feel that knowing someone is the ultimate form of love. wanting someone to know you is a bit like wanting them to love you (platonically or romantically), isn't it? in my mind at least.

this gains a whole new perspective and understanding for thomas and gally, because they've both done horrendous things, and they've both taken actions that have hurt the other immensely. and for them to then come to a place where they know the other well enough to trust that wasn't what defines them, what to them makes up them as a person?

inject that shit right into my veins.

(when i say 'knowing someone' both in the case of thomas and gally, but also in a wider sense of knowing someone as a form of love, i btw do not mean 'know every fact of what's ever happened in their live', or know the other person's each and every last opinion and feeling on everything. i mean knowing someone well enough that the details don't matter.)

crest i couldn't resist and i went and found the passages i was thinking of. this one earlier on in the fic (i still am IN LOVE with the rhythm of those sentences following each other):

Thomas has no idea what he must look like to Gally. 

He wants to know. 

and then the one i was quoting above:

Thomas wishes that could be another truth: what do you see in me right now? Right this second?

these passages really stuck with me, for the above way too detailed and way too kitch reasons. thank you again for that wonderful fic 🧡

—

PROPS TO ANYONE WHO SCROLLED TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS MONSTER POST AHAHA 🎃

[shinygoku]

tumger, you silly goose! You can't enforce a 10 image per post limit and then assemble an 18 picture post on my behalf only to refuse to post it prop'ly!!

The post below is Edited to allow it to be seen by others, go to the source posts if ya like whatcha see lmao

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I posted 1,893 times in 2021

205 posts created (11%)

1688 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.2 posts.

I added 286 tags in 2021

#writing ref - 76 posts

#art ref - 52 posts

#another aesthetic - 38 posts

#this is ttte - 21 posts

#ttte thomas - 19 posts

#thomas the tank engine - 17 posts

#ref - 17 posts

#laugh rule - 16 posts

#lovely art - 15 posts

#ttte - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#because i had more fun writing and more fun getting feedback with those and the larger project seemingly lost all momentum with me + readers

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I was so inspired by this one picture of a Cat in the late 30′s - whose owner had lovingly written “Our [cat name]” in pen on the photo itself, that I just had to draw a version for a beloved Engine 💙🥺😊

I’m partially copying the expression the cat had, Thomas himself may be midblink or simply not expecting a camera when he looked ahead. I imagine he’d complain about the face he was pulling when he later gets to see the photograph, and yet someone’s kept it, written the captions and put it in a frame...! 😸💖🚂

Flat, colour ver and inspirational Cat below the cut! in original post please click the link!! lol 🐱

47 notes • Posted 2021-11-13 22:18:21 GMT

#4

Redward day!! Redward day with a bit of Fanart for Jobey’s lov-er-ly scene of the two lads~! 💞🚂😸

I had no idea what I wanted to draw for this day, but really didn’t wanna miss it... so while I’m glad I went with the idea, I do wanna revisit this in the future with features like ....rails! and shading and better perspective =w=; Two Engines at an unconventional angle is very tricky ^^;;

This version of their first meeting is yet to be topped and it will always live rent free in my head as the default canon 🥰✨💕

49 notes • Posted 2021-11-09 22:20:05 GMT

#3

Short Stumpy Boy....

My own spin on the world’s most famous Tank Engine! I’ve seen and enjoyed many, many other takes, and lots of those have really cute ideas. Seems to be a fairly even split between his wearing Work Clothes or Formal Attire, so with my take I tried to do something different, maybe a bit more modern and a lot more casual, but hopefully Trendy! ✨

I absolutely wanna do more down the line... I actually had the coloured sketch done as more a concept than Final Product, but I’ve no idea when I’ll be able to draw a neater version so here he is! Featuring a tiny selection of iconic lines and moments ;3c

49 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 21:01:11 GMT

#2

So, ya’ll know about the Isle of Man having a unique native Cat Breed, the Manx? I’m here to propose there’s a similar situation on Sodor, which I call the Small-Eared Sudrian (Suddies or Small-ees as an affectionate nickname)

A breed of Domestic Cat, Suddies are defined by the physical characteristics of small (but still upright and triangular!) ears and long, fluffy tails. Contrasted with the tailless Manx cat, these look much more like a ‘normal’ moggy, but the Suddies have a unique temperament that causes them to be highly tolerant, if not clearly preferring, the hustle and bustle and the steam and smoke of Sodor’s famous Locomotives.

It’s theorised they were brought in to Engine Sheds to keep mice populations in check, though the claims are disputed by those who swear up and down that the cats just appeared one day, drawn instead to the warmth of the Iron Horses.

The Sudrian cat breed favours noisy environments and high temperatures, hence they are more of a pest in the sheds than the actual mice! Indeed, the difficulty in removing a cat from a prime position draped across footplates and shooing them from a Tank Engine’s bunker has been cited as reason for minor delays.

Very hardy and unlikely to be spooked with wheeshing steam or piercing whistles, some Cat Fanciers have despaired at how their Pedigree Queen insists on getting covered in coal dust. It is advised owners comb the cat to help prevent them swallowing soot that settles in their fluffy tails. More recently, health concerns have lead to attempts to keep the cats more distant from the Engines, but the Cats consistently have other ideas.

The cats are generally placid and can often be heard purring. It appears most of the Engines themselves are interested in the Suddies and get moody if the cats are chased away by human workers. A tender engine who refused to be named was most displeased when a cat was wrenched off from curled around his lamp iron and there was a personnel change shortly afterwards. Engines at rest sometimes compete with each other to coax a cat to sit on them to see who can charm more. The record is rumoured to be anywhere from 7 to 13 (in which a mother cat brought her kittens inside a cab), though this is highly disputed among the NWR fleet.

Suddies do have the sense to stay off the tracks and only build up numbers in sheds and smaller stations. The closest any have brought to an incident was the aforementioned upset engine, and another event where a bunker stowaway was only spotted in between stations on the Ffarquhar line, so the cat was kept in the Guard’s Van for the rest of the journey. The Guard in question took the cat with him upon retirement.

53 notes • Posted 2021-08-15 18:37:54 GMT

#1

THIS is the Ultimate Himbo! SON GOKŪ!!

He’s Kind!

He’s Dumb!

And He IS

BEEFY!!

And he’s The Best~! ✨

82 notes • Posted 2021-06-26 16:32:01 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[moosoobi]

Revelation

In the night: Chapter 1

T.Jeffy- Hamilton: the musical

Thomas’s interest in Y/N pulls him into a position he was previously blind to. They say every girl’s another mystery, but definitely not like this. Buckle your seatbelt Tommy, you’re in for a ride

Finally finished the first part of ITN (which is ironic since the moment I wrote this message I still haven’t finished it). I really hope I’m able to bring this story to life the way I want to and I hope y’all enjoy 😔💕. Here’s some stuff to expect:

Told from Thomas’s POV

Modern Au

College talk even though I’m literally in my second year of high school (so please bear with me) 

Ruh roh moments

Sorta weird POV/storytelling (I’m new to writing fics and stuff so this is definitely a learning opportunity) Also excuse my English errors: Though this is my only language, my school system seemed to fail in teaching me how to write

Word count: 6.7k (including separators) 

2 DISCLAIMERS:

TW: itty bitty angst, themes of injury/blood, etc. 

I’m not the best story writer, so after reading this chapter you may have many questions. Please keep in mind that this is one chapter out of (about) 10. Things that you may not understand in this chapter will most likely be explained in future chapters.

-Now Playing: In The Night by The Weeknd-

My God, she’s perfect 

     The way the sunlight reflects off of her glass skin. The sincerity in every word, every letter that she writes with her only pencil. To be that flawless, it’s a mystery to me. She takes a glance at me. Did she feel me staring? I duck down my head in embarrassment. 

“Jefferson, you oughta put that scholarship to good use”

     Professor Washington boomed to the entire class. I hear a fragment of her giggle. Her laugh is soft and naïve. I couldn't help but smile at the sound of her happiness.

     Washington is right, though. It's my first semester after I came back from my student exchange program over in France and I can already feel my sanity slipping. France was a beauty to visit, so many customs and cultures I wish I could be flourished in right now. 

     But there was one thing great about going to school in New York: I get to sit in a classroom with Y/N L/N. 

     I’ve never talked to her formally, at least not yet. She’s always sitting alone, never answers any questions, but Professor Washington makes the class acknowledge her perfect test scores and fascinating interpretations 

     As the bell rings I watch her stand swiftly. Is she in a rush? I can't help but watch as her hair is flung over her shoulder. She stuffs her notebooks and singular pencil into her burgundy-magenta backpack. Hey, at least she has good taste in color. 

I don’t think you understand

     She sits alone everyday during lunch, yet she never looks bothered. Her energy is so compelling to me. A feeling about her that I cannot comprehend, something that feels greater than my existence. I just got to know. 

“Thomas, you gotta work on staring at people less noticeable” James catches my attention by pointing his fork a little too close to my face. 

      I was staring? Again?

     I shake my head to snap back to reality

“The great Thomas Jefferson is interested in someone for longer than 30 seconds. I gonna be honest with you Thom, that’s impressing”

     I hear James laugh as he violently stabs a few pieces of pasta onto his fork. 

     James has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We went to the same middle and high school down in Virginia, and just coincidentally ended up going to the same college in New York. 

     We’re always there for each other. I remember cheering for him at a high school assembly after he won a story writing challenge, he’s such a nerd. Then again, he had to drive me home a couple of times after I failed multiple driving tests.

     Back in high school, James was the Chess Club Champion, a title he always shoved down my throat. It’s no secret why, though. He’s really good at thinking things through, While I on the other hand tend to dive headfirst into the abyss.

“Shut it James” I sarcastically retort, taking a sip of the expensive chocolate milk which my scholarship supposedly pays for 

Hey, can I sit here?

     I talked to her during class. Her voice is angelic: Now, I’m not one to be religious and all, but that voice could get me on my knees praying for forgiveness. My ego couldn’t get me anywhere at all, as if she already knew my tactics, she knew my flirts, and how? I guess it just adds to her mystery.

“C'mon! that one works every time!” I whine

“Don't be so full of yourself Jefferson, I’ve heard them all before” A smile danced across her face

     She did, however, laugh at some of my remarks. It's good to know that she has a sense of humor. My jokes of Professor Washington’s shiny, bald head. The jokes of Professor Washington’s assistant, John Adams, who’s suspiciously absent considering he signed up for this job.

     Heck, I would even make fun of myself if it meant I got to hear that graceful laugh one more time- actually, that might be a little too far.

     Many days of giggling in class came after that day. I can see her starting to open up to my friends and I, like she’s spreading her wings and showing us the greatness that lies behind the social wall that she put up years ago. Even when we got in trouble for a little too much giggling in the back of the class, I sacrificed my own pride so she didn’t have to. Yes, I, Thee Thomas Jefferson, did that. 

---

     Even though I could see the social wall she put up, I knew one day Y/n would fall for my charming pick up lines, or maybe I just happened to have a lucky day:

“Y/N I need some a some help with my math homework” 

     Y/N glances over to me in concern. I fake a scared expression.

“Quick!” I swiftly grab her shoulder and shake her “What’s your phone number?”

     She playfully smacks my arm

---

     Obtaining her number felt like a rite of passage, like I’m important to her, like she wants me in her life. I couldn’t stop smiling that day, and of course James just had to make a comment on it. 

“Thomas, if you keep smiling like that I’m going to start thinking that your sick or something”

      James said as he shut my laptop, tired of waiting for me to pack my things.

“Now that's REAL ironic coming from you, James” 

      I raised an eyebrow as my laugh begins to come up my throat. I take my closed laptop and shove it somewhere into my backpack.

“Okay, leaving for a month in sophomore year just because of a little fever doesn’t make ‘being sick’ as part of my trade mark” 

     James playfully smacked the back of my head. Thankfully, my curls serve as protection, not just to make me sinfully handsome. James and I walk out of the freezing lecture hall and were hit with the crisp-coldness of New York.

     To the right of me I catch a glimpse of that eye catching burgundy-magenta backpack as it’s thrown into the trunk of a shiny, expensive car. My feet keep its motion as my head turns to see Y/N standing at the door of the car. 

“Yo, is that Y/N?” I hear James whisper behind me “and who’s that?” 

     My attention is suddenly drawn to the tall man walking around the car to open her door. His curly hair is pulled into a small bun and the smile he had on his face broke apart the stubble on his jaw. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. 

“I’m just as clueless as you are”

     Keeping my glance on Y/N and the man, I watch as the man opens the door for her. My stomach turns as I watch Y/N smile back at him as she sits in the car. 

     For a split second, I swear I saw her shoot a soft glance at me. My feet almost stop in their tracks before I feel James’ hand yank me onto another pathway. 

“I’m all for you being head over heels, but we’re gonna be late to our study session with Angie” 

     Reality starts to set back into my head. 

“Right, lets dip.” 

---

“So little Tommy is Infatuated with this woman?”

     Angie’s eyes are piercing, and her luscious hair frames her face in a saintly manner. She slips off her baby pink coat to ease into her library seat. Her eyebrow raises as she takes a sip of her steaming coffee

     Of course James wouldn’t shut his mouth, especially around the notorious Angelica Schuyler.

     Angie’s pretty popular here, I find myself wondering why she has so many connections, yet it’s not just any reason(s) why she seems to be in the spotlight.

     1: She’s the oldest Schuyler. Her last name definitely got her places, not like I’m one to talk. Everyone seems to know her, not just at school, but all around New York City, and with her 5,000 Instagram followers, her first name’s starting to catch up with her last name in popularity

     2: Angie’s Daddy has money money. And that’s no secret when she decides to walk around campus with her designer handbags and shoes. I tend to think she always gets what she wants, but I know deep down, she’s never gonna be satisfied. Maybe it’s just a side effect of growing up with a silver spoon in your mouth

     And finally,

     3: Miss Schuyler here is Bold. She’s never afraid to put both me and James in our place. It’s almost as if she can’t be touched by anyone’s thoughts of her, then again the gossip in NYC is terribly insidious. With such grace and respect, Angelica is not afraid to throw your opinion into the ground.

“Yeah I swear, Jefferson would’ve gotten run over if I didn’t pull him onto the pathway” James attempted to tone down his laugh so the librarian wouldn’t stab him with those old, sharp eyes

“She-...”

For the first time, I didn’t know how to recoil

 “..Just caught me off guard.”. In an attempt to change the topic, I flipped through the pages of his textbook. 

Angelica and James shared an astonished glance at Thomas before looking at each other. I could hear James shrug and flipping open his textbook. I lift my head as I hear Angelica dig through her bag

“Alright let’s get started” Angie claps her hands together with determination

—-

     It’s been 2 hours of studying in the ghostly library. Unfortunately, I can’t avoid the talk forever.

“Hey Thomas, why don’t you invite her to our next study session?”

     Angelica smirked as she rudely shut my laptop. I desperately imagine the day where both James and Angelica leave me alone. I angrily glare up at her, but she has a good idea

“Actually, that’s not to bad of an idea” I ponder for a moment before retrieving my phone from my pocket

Thomas: Hey Y/N, u free this week?

     Hmm. Is this okay? Nah it’s too straight forward. I sigh as I deleted and retyped the message

Thomas: Greetings Ms. L/N, this is Mr. Jefferson from class. Would you delight me by partaking in a study session? 

What the heck Jefferson? I began to get frustrated from this nonsense. It’s just a text, why am I getting so anal over it?

Thomas: Hey Y/N, ds@insdas/19z7dnesdc-

     Angelica, who was watching me the entire time, snatched the phone from my hands. I attempted to protest, yet Angelica Schuyler knows how to hold her ground.

“Angie wh-” 

“I’ll do you a favor, Jefferson.” She said sternly. There was no way I was getting that phone back, heck, I would be lucky if I got it back in one piece

“Aaaaand sent!” I heard her squeal 

     Angelica suddenly tossed the phone to me and I fumbled it between my hands before I held it stably. I check to see the text that Angelica sent from my phone

Thomas: Hey this is Thomas from class, wanna come study with us at the library sometime?

Oh. It was that easy.

“Thanks Angie”

I shove my phone back in my pocket. Part of me was excited to have an excuse to text Y/N, yet I do wonder how awkward it would be if she rejected the offer. I mean, she already has the perfect grades, why would she need the extra help?

I start to rethink my decision.

—-

     It wasn’t until 11 pm at night until I got a reply from Y/N. Beforehand, I arrived at my apartment around 8 pm. As soon as my door shut, the room was filled with growls indicating my current problem: hunger. That could only be solved with one solution: microwavable mac and cheese. 

     My phone dinged while I was laying motionless on my bed. My apartment was right next to the street, and all I could hear was the busy streets of New York City.

     My eyes opened as I turned to my charging phone. 

Y/N: yeah I’m down :) just send a time and place and I’ll be on my way

     I was filled with joy, so much that I couldn’t wait another second to reply. 

Thomas: Alright, we meet at the library after our class. Can you make it? 

     Seeing the three dots jump melodically made my stomach feel as if two fairies were dancing throughout my body. Any second now, any second. ding!

Y/N: sounds good!

     I guess it’s settled, I get to hang out with the puzzling Y/N L/N, and maybe I’ll get to learn a bit more about her. But just because it’s a study session doesn’t mean I can’t show her what a southern gentleman looks like, and for the first time, I’m so excited to study

---

     James, Y/N, and I walk out of professor Washington’s class, laughing our asses off over some stupid joke. Everyone around us appears to be annoyed, especially with having to sit through almost two hours of my friends and I laughing in the back of the class, but it’s not like I care.

     Once we’re hit by the bitter cold of New York, my eyes are immediately drawn to that expensive car. So familiar and so faint in head, the memory of Y/N smiling as she hopped into his car replays in my brain.

“I’ll be back guys”

     Y/N excuses herself from the group before lightly jogging to the car. Her hair was graceful in the wind, and her burgundy-magenta backpack didn’t seem to weigh her down at all. For a split second, my brain acknowledges that mysterious man in the driver’s seat. There was a moment of awkward eye contact with him, his cold eyes pierced through me before my attention was drawn back to Y/N. She fixes her hair and jacket.

That was cute.

What?

     James and I watch Y/N before turning to each other. I suggest to James that we wait for her, show a little southern hospitality. Even though Y/N seems to be fond of this man, he gives off a mysterious vibe similar to Y/N’s, but I do not want to unravel that mystery at all.

     Seeing him throw a smirk at Y/N causes discomfort in my stomach. 

     Y/N comes prancing back to us, an embarrassed smile on her face. Behind her, that shiny, expensive car begins to drive away.

“My bad, I forgot to tell my roommate that I would be out late”

“That’s your roommate?” James asks, attempting to hide his curiosity and shock

“and he takes you home after class?” I interrupt briefly

Y/N nervously laughs before nodding “something like that, he just..”

     That pause was a little too long

“..doesn’t like me out of the house too late so he volunteers to drive me home all the time”

     I shrug it off before jumping at the feeling of James’ warm hands pulling Y/N and I to the direction of the library. Y/N and I look at him with confusion

“What? Angie doesn’t like when we’re late, remember?” James says, practically dragging us to the Library

—-

“Nice to meet you”

     Angelica and Y/N got along pretty well. I can tell Angie was happy to finally have a girl to hangout with rather than having to deal with me and James only. She’s already starting to resemble a sisterly figure to Y/N, then again, growing up with two sisters must’ve prepared Angie for this moment.

     I don’t hear much about the other Schuylers, but I am familiar with them. Angelica is the oldest, as we know. Her first sister, Eliza Sch- I’m pretty sure she got married, is the nicest person you’ll meet. Whoever won her surely must be worthy, because we all know people like me wouldn’t get anywhere near Eliza thanks to her older sister. Her youngest sister, Margarita Peggy Schuyler, is just like Angelica.

     Stubborn. As. Fuck.

     I’m confident that Angelica has taught her that philosophy since she was born. Anyway, Peggy is currently living her dreams in Southern California. Not sure what she does, but I’m sure she’s financially stable, she is a Schuyler after all.

     All of us struggle to not annoy the librarian, let alone the entire library. I watch as Y/N opens up, just a little more, to Angelica, James, and I.

     Hours pass as we clown around in the library. From actually completing class work to a small drawing competition between James and I, I was certainly having a good time, and so was everyone else.

     It was pleasing to see Y/N more laid back rather than how she acts in class. In front of Professor Washington she’s so ‘put together’ and organized, but surrounded by her friends she’s such an amazing person, her range in professionalism and humor is astounding.

     I can’t seem to ignore the fact that Angelica notices the way I look at Y/N. It’s definitely not in my strong suit to be ‘low key’, I’m known for dramatic entrances and stealing the spotlight. She smiles when I make eye contact with her, and I’m pretty sure it’s just her way of annoying me, but I can’t help the way I look at Y/N. She really is an angel sent down from heaven, disguised as a college student, and I’m just lucky enough to be her friend.

     I’m blind to her flaws. When I see her, I feel like a tourist glancing at the Mona Lisa, memorizing every curve of her face, the way her hair falls around her shoulders, and the way the library lighting reflects off of her glowing skin.

     What felt like a sledgehammer breaking a slab of fragile glass, I see Y/N’s phone light up. Even across the table I can read the word “Lafayette” off of her phone. I can’t lie, it surely sounds familiar.

     When she finally noticed her phone flash on, I feel her ease turn into worry, and it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by James, Angie, and I. She starts to pack away her books

“My bad guys, I really gotta go”

     Y/N said notably panicking. Her phone flashes once again, yet the only thing that seems to catch my eyes is the bold “7:30” spread across the top of her phone.

“Are you okay by yourself?” I asked, trying my best not to pry into her business

“Yeah, my roommates here to pick me up, I don’t want to make him wait” she tried to play it off, but I’m learning to see right through her

“Alright, see you next time Y/N” I shrug it off

     She sends my friends and I a quick smile before replying

“for sure”

     Angelica and James got back to work without saying a word, and I could tell they were waiting until she was gone to start teasing me. I eased back into my chair before flipping the pages of my notebook

     I watched as she shoved open the library door and disappeared into the darkness. She’s such a mystery, when I feel like she’s opening up, she just shuts the door and we’re back at square one. Though I do claim to love a good challenge, Y/N L/N, I will never understand you.

—-

     And that’s when it started. It wasn’t just one time where 7:30 was Y/N magic number, oh no, it was oddly consistent. I’m convinced that Y/N is some variation of Cinderella; her polite attitude and the beautiful little things she does without acknowledging it all vanish when the clock strikes 8:00, but that’s just one of many theories made by James.

     Another study session with James and Angelica, and Y/N’s flashing screen still compelled Y/N to leave the library without a trace. On some occasions we don’t even notice her escape, we just turn to see her seat empty and feel the faint wind from outside as the library door slowly closes.

     One day Angie bought us all tickets to see the preview to the newest, scariest movie I’ve ever watched. I was accompanied by Y/N, James, and Angie, yet their presences made it worse. Halfway through the bucket of popcorn and the movie, Y/N suddenly stood up and left after saying those 5 words. Before she left, I felt the warmth of her hands leave the place on my arm.

I never knew how addicting her warmth would be until it was already gone.

“Sorry guys, I gotta go” The weak smile on her face instantly resonated feelings of sympathy and understanding.

     From then on, Y/N and I grew closer as friends. We’d fool around at a local park before heading to campus, obviously sparking a few observations and remarks from James. I’d invite her to fancy dinners, or maybe even a small festival down the road from my apartment, yet her response would always be proven false at the moment she’d leave me and my thoughts at 7:30.

     But that hasn’t stopped me from attempting to hang out with her. Even on the days I wouldn’t have class with her we’d go out and get ice cream, study at the park, I guess you can say we’ve gone on a few ‘dates’ since our initial study session.

     Whenever we’re apart, I can feel every second expanding to its maximum capacity of time. I wouldn’t see her for a day and it will already feel like years since I’ve seen her. The days I do see her, time seems to maneuver a little too fast. When I recall hanging out with Y/N, all I can imagine is the feeling of floating above the clouds every time she and I made physical contact. Like a rock being dropped into still water, ever touch ripples throughout my body, sending shivers down my spine.

Truly incredible.

—-

     She doesn’t like to talk about her personal life, and I find that quite odd. I’m usually one to continue rambling every detail of every trait of mine, yet I find myself yearning to learn more about her. 

     We text every now and then when we’re outside of class, a little more to be considered ‘just friends’. There’s always a story which unravels just a little more of Y/N’s past, and she’s left me on my own to connect the dots. I must say, she’s definitely an interesting gal, but I know there’s more to discover. 

     She’s a native New Yorker, born and raised, surviving by splitting an intense rent with her mysterious room mate. Y/N doesn’t talk much of her family, other than faint memories of her mother single handedly raising her and her little brother, who I’m fairly unaware of.

     Going into college undecided, Y/N describes her want to learn more about herself before she’s able to make any life determining choices. I’ve noticed that her schedule seems like a labyrinth avoiding life problems and obstacles, so perhaps being placed in the same class coincidentally was just fate playing its part.

     Y/N loves to explain her dream for workless weekends, moments in the week where she just gets to sit back, close her eyes, and breathe a little. With finals starting to appear from thin air, I can’t blame her for a dream so far from reality.

     Even with the knowledge I hold of her, something never seems to change: her disappearances at 7:30.

It’s always that damn 7:30.

     7:30--the cliffhanger your favorite show leaves you desiring for more

     the end of a fun night of laughter and glee, wishing it lasted just a little longer 

     the off-set energy in a room when those around you know something you don’t. 

     As days, weeks, and months pass since my first text proposal to hang out at the library, Y/N and I become a little closer than just friends. It’s been obvious, especially to James and Angie, that Y/N is more than capable of holding my attention.

     Though James is worried that Y/N will just become ‘another girl’ to me, concerning my tomcat nature in the past, he can see the potential I see in her. I find myself wishing I did spend more time with her, maybe I just need to make a better effort.

     I’ll prove James and Angie wrong. 

     Filled with determination and confidence, in the midst of my silent room, I whip out my phone and direct my attention towards forming a text message for Y/N

Thomas: let’s get coffee sometime?

     Jefferson charm, don’t fail me now.

---

     Before I knew it, Y/N and I were feasting on exotic cheeses and aged wine in my New York apartment. I hit play on a random romcom which helps to fill the emptiness in my apartment and ironically the thin space between Y/N and I. 

     I have no idea how to make my move. Though I’m not aware of my competition, I imagine if Y/N could attract someone of My caliber, I should be well aware of the things she’s capable of. Originally I planned to court her-- I know, I know, I’m a man of tradition--yet after James caught on to my recognizable frustration, He suggested I go for it. 

     This is surprising on multiple occasions, especially since James possesses the ‘brains’ between the both of us. Being the chess club champion, ‘talk’ won’t aid you when you're struggling in a chess match. Just like how he meticulously plays chess, he examines my situation and provides his Virginian insight, or so he prefers to call it, and they always proceed the way his scheme describes. 

     I’ve adhered his advice to my life ever since we were kids, and when I didn’t, he’d simply reply with: 

“I told you so” 

     His smug smirk accompanied with a finger pointing to his temple would soon transform from clever to annoying. 

     I feel a vibration come from my pocket. Well, of course it’s not Y/N texting so must I really answer it? I pull out my phone despite my doubts and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

James: 👍

Speak of the Devil.

     But enough about James. I understand that both Y/N and I are mature college students, yet I still fear the disruption in our friendship I can provoke just by making my move. I’ve gotten this far; If she wasn’t interesting I’m sure she would’ve rejected me sooner. 

     She’s different, she’s unique, something about her that I just can’t place, but also something missing. Anyway, this is probably my best chance at shooting my shot at Y/N, and it’s too late now to back down. 

     As my lips part in an attempt to speak and make a move, Y/N’s motionless phone (currently laying undisturbed on my coffee table) suddenly brightens with the most obnoxious ringtone I’ve ever heard. The words “It’s 7:30!” flash on her screen, almost as if it was warning her rather than reminding her. 

“Y/N—” my eyes follow her body as she swiftly stands up

“I gotta g—” I watch as she attempts to grab her purse, yet her body is limited when I firmly grab her arm. She looks back to me with tiredness in her eyes.

     Part of me thought maybe, just maybe, Cinderella here wouldn’t have a curfew. That I somehow would be the exemption to this consistent confusion . But you can only daydream so far into the day until you’re pulled back into your reality

     Her entire demeanor seems like it was reconstructed after her alarm went off. Moments ago she was just enjoying tasty cheese and cheesy movies, and the worst part is, I have no idea why.

“Let me speak, darlin’”

     I stand up to avoid the way her eyes look down on me. I can’t stand that pitiful glare; she looks at me as if I’m a child incapable of understanding her situation, but she’s too stubborn to let me know. I’d be wise to use this time to make a move on different circumstances.

“Now, you’re always leaving at seven thirty..”

     Her sigh is almost enough to interrupt me

“..why’s that? Talk to me.”

     I maintain my eye contact before it’s abruptly broken. She looks everywhere but my eyes, and I wonder where in my apartment she would find an excuse, yet still manages to dodge the question.

“..you wouldn’t understand..” she scoffs almost intentionally, honestly scratching a part of my ego. I hate to admit she’s right, I really don’t understand what’s going on.

     I cock my head to the side. Where’s this coming from?

“Darlin’, I’m sure I’m a very understanding person—”

“—I need to leave”

     I could tell by the look of her face that she wasn’t trying to argue, but it’s inevitable.

“Why can’t you just tell me?..” I put my hands up as a sign of defeat, but I’m not giving up yet. “We’ve been friends for a while and you’re always leavin’ at seven—”

“I know! I know..” she removes my hand from her arm, clearly refusing to look up at me.

“Let’s just say..I got a job..?”

     Oh. That’s what this is all about? A job? She couldn’t spare at least an explanation for a part time gig?

“See? That wasn’t so hard”

“It’s..really embarrassing..” The glance she takes around the room makes me wonder if she’s really telling the truth. it’s not really my place to speculate, there’s no going back from this.

“It’s alright, it’s just a job after all” I claim, trying to get this conversation back on track

“This is exactly what I meant but ‘you wouldn’t understand’”

Huh?

“You don’t know what it feels like to have your life rely on minimum wage—” she sounds like she’s holding something back.

“Y/N wher—”

“A-and here you are makin’ me late for work” her eyes appear on the verge of crying.

“darlin’ look..”

“God, you’ve never had to work for anything in your life!”

Silence.

     Both of us refuse to speak. Y/N phone, still on the table, chimes again. “7:35” it said on its bright screen.

“Is that really how you feel?..” I take a step back to give her space. She still refuses to look at me.

     There’s no way she’d cause all this chaos just because of a job. And even if she believes I’ve piggy backed off of my name for my entire life, why would it matter to her?

“I..I should leave” before I could process what just happened, she swiftly tosses her phone into her bag and heads for the door.

“Y’know, I had a nice time..” was all I heard before the harsh shutting of my apartment door.

     And that was the end of it.

     My first thought after the door shut wasn’t to whip out my phone and attempt to text her, it certainly wasn’t to call James and inform him of his miscalculation, but instead to attend to the matter at hand. This cheese and wine won’t clean itself.

     And the night continued normally, as if nothing had ever taken place. I couldn’t help but microwave another cup of Mac and cheese to cope with what Y/N said. Nothin’ like a good meal to divert your attention away from your problems. But even a good cup of cheese and pasta can’t stop me from thinking’: 

Is that all I am to her?

A southern snob incapable of functioning without their father’s last name?

     After an introspective shower, and a few episodes of a random Netflix show, I’m finally alone with my thoughts and feelings. I lie in darkness, tussling and turning at every occasion, unable to extract her words from my mind. 

     If there’s someone whose opinion I care about the most, it’s Y/N L/N. I consider texting her at this very moment, yet I’m sure that I’m the last person she wants to talk to. The weight of my actions falls heavily onto my shoulders every minute, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Give her space, Jefferson, and maybe you’ll be able to fix this tragedy. 

---

Knock! Knock! Knock!

     The knocks on my apartment door were enough to jerk my body back to consciousness. Sadly pulled from the warmth of my dreams, I’m hit with the cold, noisy reality of an average night here in New York.

Can my day get any worse?

     Coming straight from the depths of slumber, I take a few minutes to process reality. Maybe the knocks were in my head. Did I dream about someone knocking on my door? Perhaps it’s

The sun’s still not up yet, why am I?

     Groggily sitting up, I decide to check the time, yet it takes me multiple attempts to grab my phone in the dark before I catch a sight of the time.

2 am?!

     Who is so out of their minds so show up to my apartment at this time? Who do I know that would show up at this time?

James is too sensible for that,

Angie would never waste her time on me, for whatever reason,

And Y/N—

well.

I don’t know our circumstances right now.

     I debate whether or not I should answer the door. Perhaps it’s just rock that happened to hit the door of my apartment, and even if it is a person, I’m not aware of anyone so mad to show up in the middle of the night. it’s not worth my time.  

...

...

Knock! Knock! Knock!

     So much for ‘Not worth my time’. A groan is all my body can respond with while I gradually stand from the comfort of my bed. I grab the nearest shirt, which was draped over my desk chair, and scramble to put it on. Passing my cramped kitchen, my hands subconsciously flip on the nearest light switches, while my eyes struggle to comprehend the sudden light. 

     Before I reach the door, I couldn’t help but attempt to fix my hair. Just because someone happens to show up outside unannounced doesn’t mean I can’t present my best rendition of a southern gentleman. 

     And finally, through my fatigue and irritation, I’m finally urged to grab the doorknob and twist it open in one motion. 

“Uh, it’s two a.m. so I hope--” 

     I nervously scratch the back of my head, attempting to add spice to this awkward encounter. It wasn’t until my eyes caught sight of the blood dripping down her glass skin and the meeting of our eyes did I have any words

“Y/N?!?”  

     Her cold, pale, and hurt body would’ve hit the concrete floor if I had answered the door any later.

--- 

     And there she layed half colorless on my bed. Her smile was full of embarrassment and gratitude as I sat beside her, tending to the evident cuts and Injured areas of her body. “I hope I’m being a great house guest” she joked, causing her to laugh, yet hurting herself in the process. 

“Hey, Hey, Take it easy..” Y/N’s presence usually fills me with carefreeness, or perhaps stability, but for the first time I can’t help but react seriously. Her demeanor changed as she saw my retaliation to her joke. 

“I guess…” she looked down to her fragile body, a sigh released, seeming to be an attempt to calm down. “...I owe you an explanation for earlier. And especially for showing up at your place at 2 in the damn morning. ” 

     Thomas’ hands, full of wipes and hydrogen peroxide soaked cotton balls, froze in their tracks before he looked up at her, eager to listen and visibly confused. Y/N visibly winced as the cotton balls stuck to her cuts for longer than they should’ve, yet with Thomas’ reflexes at their all-time-max, he pulled them away with a worried expression.

“Explanation? You said you got a job, and I’m sorry for not respecting it..” I continued to clean her up, consensually of course, how could I call myself a gentleman if I were to act upon improper motives? 

“Again..” I utter quietly “..I didn’t know you felt that way, and I’m ashamed you feel that way” 

     I attach an ivory-colored band aid to her glass skin, careful not to damage it any further. I look up to her watching, pitiful eyes. “You were saying?” I reciprocate the attention to her, awaiting a so-called answer to come out of her mouth 

“I didn’t know where else to run to..” she attempted to sit up, lifting her weight off of my satin-covered sheets, yet quickly stopped when being hit with a wave of pain from her right shoulder 

     Though my first thought would’ve been ‘Damn it, my darn sheets are ruined’, it was quickly drawn to Y/N and her current problem 

“Y’know, I think an apology and explanation can wait, Y/N. you need a little sleep, it’s already three in the mornin’ for god’s sake” a small laugh erupts from her

    I sent her an assuring smile, trying to remind her that everything is always going to be okay in a Jefferson household. And surprisingly I received a smile in return, a smile of trust and security that I’ve never felt so glad to see. Of course, I wish I could’ve seen that smile under different circumstances, but I’ll work with what I got. 

     I stood from my beautiful satin sheets and reached for a hoodie on my swivel chair. (everything but your closet is a closet, change my mind) I braced for a cold night on my apartment couch while Y/N enjoys the warmth of my bed, but Y/N had other plans. 

“Wait- Thomas.” She said firmly 

     I turned tiredly to her direction, my arm already extended for the door, yet frozen in place as I awaited a response 

“Can you just..” she scoot herself over, as much as possible with her frail body “..hold me?” She watches me anxiously 

“I mean— you don’t have to b—” I didn’t hesitate at all to gently slide under the sheets of the bed. As soon as I turn to her direction, I can’t help but feel scared to touch her in fear of hurting her; my hands don’t know where to reside. “Where do I..” I’m truly perplexed 

     She giggled at my confusion and shyly grabbed my hand “I’m not so fragile you know” 

     She brought my hand up to the side of her head, and all I could process was the texture of the bandages under my fingertips. I don’t know what's going on, but I couldn’t just leave her out there. 

“..Right..” I wait for her eyes to close before I can even think about closing mine, and soon the texture of the bandages seem to melt onto my fingertips as I’m finally able to return to my slumber. 

“See you in the mornin’..” 

---

     I didn’t wake up until I felt the sun rays kissing my back through my so-called ‘blackout curtains’. Such a scam. The room seemed a little too quiet; I gently turned onto my other side just to find an empty bed. I consider the possibility of last night’s encounter with Y/N was all just some messed up dream, but when I saw the faint stains of blood on my sheets, I knew I was far from dreaming. 

     My body doesn’t want to move, and I’m stuck sitting up in my bed for another ten minutes. What the heck is going on? One minute she yells at me, then next thing I know she’s outside my apartment at 2 am. 

And that explanation. 

     I guess I was such a fool to think she wouldn’t continue to run away from this matter. My thoughts are interrupted by my buzzing phone. I know for sure that it’s not Y/N hittin up my phone right about now. 

James: Let’s try that new coffee place a few blocks from your apartment? 

     He really read my mind, or maybe it’s a response made from calculating my failure yesterday. But a distraction sounds tremendous. 

Thomas: bet. 

     I throw on a cleaner, more professional jacket, if such a thing exists, and swiftly get my feet out the door. Everything seems the same, as if nothing had taken place last night. The world still spins and I’m expected to spin with it. 

I don’t think I’m anywhere near capable of unraveling your mystery. 

Y/N L/N, I will never understand you.

[redtriangle]

Patriotrooper

All-Americus’ Alpha Beams has an alternative third effect which is turning normal people into cold obedient soldiers of his. Only those strong minds can resist the transformation. His first batch of victims were his loyal supporters, militia, and ultranationalistic “patriots” when he was still Ronald T. Rump; willingly accepted to be transformed like how Hawkmoth akumatized his victims. Or in another word: “Patriotized.” Although All-Americus’ Patriotroopers behave like a mindless swarm like any other minions created by Akumatized Villains, Patriotroopers can think independent and creatively when it comes to combat. Each one is a powerful fighter, more skillful among the first batch whom were originally militia or soldiers before their transformation. Not the weak, dumb, or clumsy minions as most minions are depicted. Standard equipment. - Each Patriotrooper are equipped with a partially-armored exoskeleton or exo-suit giving them enhanced strength, durability, and stamina. - A jetpack is also built onto the exosuit giving them flight and speed. - The four-eyed goggles on their helmets allows them to have a wider peripheral vision, able to see almost their back of their bodies. In addition, with night vision, infrared/heat vision, and some telescopic vision to zoom in. - Every Patriotrooper is armed with a rifle and pistol that mainly shoots concussive rounds that explode on impact. Strong enough to take out or gravelly hurt a superhero. Armed few grenades of various kind and other smaller weapons they were given. All Patriotroopers look the same though few appear slight differently by their uniforms, armors, gadgets, and weapons. Even without weapons or exosuit, a single Patriotrooper is a force to be reckon with. Artist’s Note: “Patriot” + “trooper” = “Patriotrooper.” I’ve seen minion-type bad guys in Miraculous Ladybug and others but I don’t want to make some cliche weak plain cannon-hodders. Though Patriotroopers are disposable cannon-fodders but more powerful and intimidating. In a way, the Patriotroopers are more like elite soldiers. Ideas based off from: - Real-Life:   - Modern American Militias and their use of skulls, including from Punisher and Call of Duty: Ghost   - Stahlhelm-style helmet, originally German design which is widely in the world, used in military, police, and biker groups   - SWAT armor   - The four-eyed night vision goggles used in military   - Gun based off of a longer-barreled AR-15 rifle; AR-15 is one of the most iconic gun in America - Parademons, Darkseid’s minions, from DC Comics - Stormtroopers from Star Wars - Commando Zombies from Doom 3 - Soldier enemies from Wolfenstein - Cobra Troopers from G.I. Joe - Exo-Suit inspired by Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare which I once played - The letter “A” is found throughout the exosuit and parts of the rifle Miraculous Ladybug made by Thomas Astruc & Zagtoon Drawn by (me)

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

May you give some tips on how to write about mid-nineteenth century and early twentieth century ?? Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks if there is an answer or not xd 😅 greetings and take good care :) :D

Okay, so I only really know about AMERICAN mid-nineteenth and early 20th century history, so I hope that’s what you mean!!

How to Write About The Mid-Nineteenth/ Early Twentieth Century America

This post will encompass 1850-1920 in America only. A lot of things happened during this period, so I’m going to try to outline it as best I can! This post is gonna be a long one, so I put all of the specifics under the cut:

Overview:

The Industrial Revolution hits. We begin this era with horse-drawn carriages and end with planes, tanks, and cars.

Expansion west, “Manifest Destiny”

The Civil War ends slavery in the United States

The Gilded Age marks an era of unbridled capitalism and robber barons, while the Progressive Era following it marks an age of activism and human rights.

13th Amendment in 1865 abolishes slavery, 14th and 15th Amendments in 1868 and 1870 gives Black people the right to vote, 19th Amendment in 1920 gives women the right to vote.

World War I marks a major advancement in technology and global affairs, sets the stage for the second world war that will come later.

The Roaring 20s provides a façade of success to precede the gigantic stock market crash of 1929.

I���ve copied and pasted a lot of this information directly from America’s Best History and added tidbits of my own as well!

1. The 1850s

Presidents:

Zachary Taylor (1849-1850)

Millard Fillmore (1850-1853)

Franklin Pierce (1853-1857)

James Buchanan (1857-1861)

Important Events:

- Peak point of tension between North and the South, primarily over which states will be admitted as free states or slave states.

- The Compromise of 1850 admits California as the 31st state, without slavery, and adds Utah and New Mexico as territories with no decision on the topic. The Fugitive Slave Law is strengthened under the Compromise, which also ended the slave trade in the District of Columbia.

-1854 - The Republican Party is founded, in opposition to the Kansas-Nebraska Act. (Note: This form of “Republican” is essentially modern-day Democrats. The parties switched platforms later.)

-The Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854 allows the issue of slavery to be decided by a vote of settlers. This established the territories of Kansas and Nebraska and would breed much of the rancor that culminated in the actions of the next years of "Bleeding Kansas."

2. The 1860s

Presidents:

James Buchanan (1857-1861)

Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865)

Andrew Johnson (1865-1869)

Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877)

Important Events:

-1860- The Pony Express begins. Overland mail between Sacramento, California and St. Joseph's, Missouri is carried over the Oregon Trail for eighteen months by this series of riders on horseback, then rendered obsolete when the transcontinental telegraph is completed.

- 1860 - South Carolina is the first southern state to secede from the Union in response to the election of Abraham Lincoln as President.

-The Homestead Act of 1862 is approved, granting family farms of 160 acres to settlers, many of which were carved from Indian territories. This promotes expansion West, and eventually led to the establishment of the state university systems.

- The Civil War 1861 – 1865

Overview: Union won due to their advanced railroad system and industrialization that provided them with clothing and other supplies. South is ransacked by General Sherman, brings about era of Reconstruction. Slavery is abolished, but former slaves are not immediately emancipated.

People to know:

Abe Lincoln (President of the Union)

Ulysses S. Grant (Union General, future President)

William Sherman (Union General)

Jefferson Davis (President of the Confederacy)

Robert E. Lee (Confederate General)

Stonewall Jackson (Confederate General)

 Important Events/Battles:

Fort Sumter 1861- A fort in Charleston, South Carolina harbor is bombarded by Confederate forces after the U.S. Army commander failed to evacuate, thus triggering a declaration of war.

Battle of Bull Run 1861- First official battle in Manassas, Virginia. Confederates emerge victorious as picnicking (yes, you read that right. People were picnicking and using the battle as entertainment) onlookers watch on in horror; realization that this war won’t be resolved quickly or easily.

Emancipation Proclamation is issued by Abraham Lincoln on September 22, 1862 stated that all slaves in places of rebellion against the Federal Government would be free.

Battle of Shiloh 1862- Victory of Union over Confederacy. Led by Ulysses S. Grant.

Battle of Antietam 1862- Bloodiest day of the war in Sharpsburg, Maryland. 

Gettysburg 1863- Considered the turning point of the war. The furthest Southern incursion into the North, where the Union beats back the attacking Confederate troops. A few weeks after the war, Lincoln issues the Gettysburg Address (“Four score and seven years ago…”).

The South Surrenders on April 2nd, 1865

- April 9th, 1865 - Abe Lincoln is assassinated at Ford Theatre by John Wilkes Booth. Andrew Johnson takes his place, and he does not keep up Reconstruction and withdrew all troops from the South so they could be left to their own devices. This is said to be the reason for segregation.

- 1866 -The KKK is formed  to prevent Black people from voting. Things such as poll taxes, grandfather clauses, and literacy tests are implemented by states to also discourage Black people from voting as well.

-  1867 -Alaska is purchased from Russia for $7.2 million dollars, approximately two cents per acre, by signing the Treaty of Cession of Russian America to the United States.

- 1869- The final golden spike of the transcontinental railroad is driven into the ground, marking the junction of the Central Pacific and Union Pacific Railroads. This act, as much as any other, would signal the marked increase in the settlement of the west.

3. The 1870s

Presidents:

Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877)

Rutherford B. Hayes (1877-1881)

Important Events:          

-The Gilded Age begins. Characterized by gross materialism and blatant political corruption that gave rise to important novels of social and political criticism.

-1870 - Standard Oil Company is incorporated by John D. Rockefeller.

-1870 - The first African-American to be sworn into office in the United States Congress, Hiram Rhodes Revels, a Republican from Mississippi takes his place in the United States Senate.

- 1870 - The 15th Amendment is ratified. It gave the right to vote to Black Americans. Race would officially no longer be a ban to voting rights, though it continues to be an issue in Southern states.

- 1871 - The great fire of Chicago starts. The fire burned 1.2 million acres of land, destroyed 17,450 buildings, killed 250 people, and left 90,000 homeless.

- 1876 - The Battle of Little Big Horn occurs when Lt. Colonel George Custer and his 7th U.S. Cavalry engage the Oceti Sakowin and Cheyenne Indians on the bluffs above the Little Big Horn River. All 264 members of the 7th Cavalry and Custer perish in the battle, the most complete rout in American military history.

- 1877 - Crazy Horse surrenders to the United States Army in Nebraska. His people had been weakened by cold and hunger.

- 1878 - The first commercial telephone exchange is opened.

- 1878 - Thomas Edison patents the cylinder phonograph and the Edison Electric Company begins operation

4. The 1880s

Presidents:

James A. Garfield (1881-1881)

Chester A. Arthur (1881-1885)

Grover Cleveland (1885-1889)

Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)

Important Events:

- 1881 - Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell form the Oriental Telephone Company.

-1882 - The Standard Oil Company trust of John D. Rockefeller is formed when Rockefeller places all of his oil holdings inside it.

- 1883 - The Pendleton Civil Service Reform Act is passed by Congress, overhauling federal civil service and establishing the U.S. Civil Service agency.

- 1884 - The Federation of Organized Trades and Labor Unions in the U.S.A. call for an eight-hour workday.

- 1885 - The Statue of Liberty arrives for the first time in New York harbor.

- 1886 - The Haymarket riot and bombing occurs in Chicago three days after the start of a general strike in the United States that pushed for an eight-hour workday.

- 1887 - Congress passes the Interstate Commerce Act to regulate and control the monopolies of the railroad industry.

- 1888 - The prototype for the commercial phonograph is completed by Thomas A. Edison

- 1888 - The Washington Monument officially opens to the general public.

5. The 1890s

Presidents:

Benjamin Harrison (1889-1893)

Grover Cleveland (1893-1897)

William McKinley (1897-1901)

Important Events:

- The rise of Imperialism.

- 1890 - The Battle of Wounded Knee, South Dakota, occurs in the last major battle between United States troops and Native Americans. Hundreds of native men, women, and children are slain.

- 1892 - Ellis Island, in New York Harbor, opens as the main east coast immigration center, and would remain the initial debarkation point for European immigrants into the United States until its closure in 1954. More than 12 million immigrants would be processed on the island during those years.

- 1892- Nativist sentiments rise with the immigration of Southern and Eastern Europeans flooding into the country. Italian, Polish, Russian, and other immigrants face significant discrimination.

- 1895 - The first professional football game is played in Latrobe, Pennsylvania.

- 1896 - Plessy vs Ferguson decision by the Supreme Court states that racial segregation is approved under the "separate but equal" doctrine. This paves the way for Jim Crow laws in the South.

- 1896 - The first modern Olympic Games is held in Athens, Greece.

- 1896 - Gold is discovered near Dawson, Canada, setting up the Klondike Gold Rush

- 1897 - The era of the subway begins when the first underground public transportation in North America opens in Boston, Massachusetts. 

-1897- The Progressive Era begins

- 1898 – The Spanish- American War begins. It lasts one year and ends in U.S. victory. It was triggered by United States battleship Maine exploding and sinking under unknown causes in Havana Harbor, Cuba, killing two hundred and sixteen seamen. 

- 1898 - The United States annexes the independent republic of Hawaii.

- 1899 - The Open Door Policy with China is declared by Secretary of State John Hay

9. The 1900s

Presidents:

William McKinley (1897-1901)

Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909)

William Howard Taft (1909-1913)

Important Events:

- 1901 - The American League of Major League Baseball is formed.

- 1902 - The first movie theatre in the United States opens in Los Angeles, California.

- 1902 - Cuba gains independence from the United States.

- 1903 - Inventors Wilbur and Orville Wright succeed in the first sustained and manned plane flight.

- 1906 - The Pure Food and Drug Act and the Meat Inspection Act is passed due to the efforts of “muckrakers” that worked to expose corruption. “The Jungle” by Upton Sinclair, which described the horrible conditions in the meatpacking industry, helped sponsor outrage that would get these laws passed.

- 1908 - The first passenger flight on a plane occurs when Wilbur Wright escorts Charles W. Furnas in the Wright Flyer III at Huffman Prairie Flying Field in Dayton, Ohio.

- 1908- The first production Model T is built at the Ford plant in Detroit, Michigan.

10. The 1910s

Presidents:

William Howard Taft (1909-1913)

Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)

Important Events:

- 1911 - Standard Oil is declared a monopoly by the United States Supreme Court and ordered dissolved under the powers of the Sherman Antitrust Act.

- 1913 - The first moving assembly line is introduced and adopted for mass production by the Ford Motor Company, allowing automobile construction time to decrease by almost 10 hours per vehicle.

- 1915 – The first telephone conversation is conducted by Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas A. Watson between New York and San Francisco.

- 1915 - The British ship Lusitania is sunk by a German U-boat submarine, causing 128 American passengers to be lost. Germany, although it warned of the pending crises to passengers, issued an apology to the United States and promised payments.

- 1918 - The influenza epidemic Spanish flu spans the globe, killing over twenty million worldwide and five hundred and forty-eight thousand people in the United States.

- World War I 1917-1918

Overview: After three years spent remaining neutral, the United States joins World War I. The U.S. made its major contributions in terms of supplies, raw material, and money, and its joining into the war helped to turn the tides against the Germans and Ottomans.

People to know:

Woodrow Wilson (President)

John J. Pershing (General)

Important Events/Battles

The United States declares war on Germany in 1917 after the Zimmermann Telegram is given to the United States by Britain on February 24, showing the offer by Germany to give Mexico back the southwest United States if they would declare war on the United States.

June 26th, 1917 - The first troops from the United States arrive in Europe to assist European allies in World War I. Troops engaged in World War I would include conscript soldiers authorized by the passage of the Conscription Act, the Selective Services Act, on May 18, 1917. General John Pershing would be placed in command of the American Expeditionary Forces during the campaign.

1918 - The United States military forces has over one million troops in Europe fighting in World War I.

May 28, 1918- United States forces are victorious in the Battle of Cantigny, the first independent American operation.

September 26, 1918- Allied forces begin the attack at Meusse-Argonne, the final offensive of the war.

November 11, 1918 - Hostilities in World War I begin to end with the Austria-Hungary alliance for armistice with the allies on November 3. Armistice Day with Germany occurs when the Allies and the German nation sign an agreement in Compiegne, France. Woodrow Wilson would become the first U.S. President to travel to Europe while in office when he sails to attend the Paris Peace Conference on December 4.

1919 - The Treaty of Versailles is signed, ending World War I.

- 1919- The 18th Amendment is passed, bringing about the era of Prohibition

11. The 1920s

Presidents:

Woodrow Wilson (1913-1921)

Warren G. Harding (1921-1923)

Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929)

Herbert Hoover (1929-1933)

Important events:

-1920 - The League of Nations is established with the ratification of the Treaty of Versailles, ending the hostilities of the first World War. In a final vote, the United States Senate again votes against joining the League.

- 1920 - Women are given the right to vote when the 19th Amendment to the United States constitution grants universal women's suffrage.

- 1920 - The National Football League is formed

- 1921 - A national quota system on the number of incoming immigrants is established by the United States Congress in the Emergency Quota Act, curbing legal immigration.

- 1923 - The first sound on film motion picture Phonofilm is shown in the Rivoli Theatre in New York City by Lee de Forest.

- 1924 - The Indian Citizenship Act granted all Native Americans citizenship that had been born within the territory of the United States.

- 1925 - Nellie Tayloe Ross is inaugurated as the first woman governor of the United States in Wyoming.

- 1925 - Radiovision is born. The precursor to television is demonstrated by Charles Francis Jenkins when he transmits a 10 minute film of synchronized pictures and sound for five miles from Anacostia to Washington, D.C. to representatives of the United States government.

- 1928 - The first appearance of Mickey and Minnie Mouse on film occurs with the release of the animated short film, Plane Crazy.

- 1928 - Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly over the Atlantic Ocean.

- 1929 - Postwar prosperity ends in the 1929 Stock Market crash. The plummeting stock prices led to losses between 1929 and 1931 of an estimated $50 billion and started the worst American depression in the nation's history.

Hope this helped, and happy writing!!!!!

[altair-native]

My Top 10 Albums of 2020

Now that the longest and craziest year in history is finally over, I figured now would be a good time to reflect and look back at some positive things from 2020. Despite concerts and tours being cancelled, and many bands and artists postponing albums due to not being able to promote them, there was a lot of really fantastic music released this year. Here are some of my favorites!

Honorable Mention: Money Money 2020 Part II by The Network

Green Day members Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, and Tré Cool (plus some friends) brought back an old side project from 2003 this year called The Network. This album is a follow up to their debut album Money Money 2020, and was a huge surprise. I wasn’t sure where to put it on my top 10 list, but I still wanted to talk about it because it ended up being much better than the actual Green Day record we got this year. They experiment with lots of different sounds on this album, and while some of them are definitely meant to be satire, there are some seriously great songs on here that give me hope that future Green Day albums could be much better.

Favorite Song: Fentanyl

Now, on to the top 10:

#10 Last Room by waveform*

The first of many surprise additions to the list, Last Room is a really great album stocked full of songs that are all pretty short, but each stands out on its own. waveform* is really good at making songs that capture the listener’s attention. This is definitely a band that I want to hear more of, and I’m excited to dive deeper into their discography this year! 

Favorite Song: Miner’s Lullaby

   #9 Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams

After years of being in Paramore, Hayley Williams has finally released her first solo album! Paramore’s 2017 album After Laughter experimented with lots of different sounds, and was also a very personal record lyrically, so it’s no surprise that Hayley took a similar approach here. These songs are a way for her to open up about her life and branch out more and she succeeds on this record. Even if you’re not a fan of Paramore I highly recommend checking this one out.

Favorite Song: Why We Ever

   #8 Some Still Morning by Handsome Ghost

I’ve already talked a bit about this album (it was even my first review on this blog!) but I feel like the more I’ve listened to it, the more I’ve started to love the songs that first stuck out to me. I still feel like some of the songs sound a bit too similar, but when the duo branch out and try new things on this record, it’s some of their best work.

Favorite Song: Christmas In Jersey

   #7 Healer by Grouplove

Something that has always been true about Grouplove’s music is that it is insanely catchy, and this holds true with their newest record Healer. I’ve liked a lot of their music before, but for some reason this album connected with me on a way that their other music hasn’t. I feel like this album came out at the perfect time for me, because it has a lot of themes about growing up and dealing with the crazy world we live in. If you’ve never listened to Grouplove and want to check them out, I think that Healer is definitely a good starting place.

Favorite Song: Hail to the Queen

   #6 Folklore by Taylor Swift 

I’ve had a history of really disliking Taylor Swift’s music, especially her earlier albums. I guess for those it was due to overexposure, but with some of her more recent albums (especially 2013′s Red) I actually found there were certain songs I actually liked. Her albums as a whole, however, have always felt bogged down by their singles which often don’t sound like they fit with the rest of the album. When I heard she had announced an album coming out that night, I was very curious. After listening to it, Folklore fixed every issue I’ve had with her previous albums, and I love how she’s shifted her lyrics to focus on telling stories. I didn’t expect a Taylor Swift album to end up on my top 10 list for any year, but 2020 was definitely full of surprises!

Favorite Song: Seven

  #5 Possession by Joywave

I had discovered Joywave one day on YouTube by accident, and immediately wanted to hear more from them. Their songs are always so unique and creative, and after seeing them open up for Bastille in October 2019, I got really excited for their third album. They have incredible energy on stage, and that energy is reflected perfectly in their music, especially on this album. It was one of my most anticipated records of 2020, and it seriously lived up to the hype.

Favorite Song: Half Your Age

   #4 Figure by Into It. Over It

Yet another accidental discovery, Figure blew me away the first time I listened to it. I was immediately drawn in from the first track, and each song delivers something truly special. I had to listen to this album all the way through multiple times to really take it all in. I planned on doing a full review of it here, but felt I needed to look into the lyrics and the meanings behind the songs a little more to fully understand it. Now, Into It. Over It has been on repeat for a good chunk of the past couple months.  Evan Thomas Weiss is an incredible songwriter and really talented musician, and I seriously recommend checking out his music.

Favorite Song: Brushstrokes

   #3 Leave What’s Lost Behind by Colony House

Colony House are a band that I discovered a few years ago, and their first two albums quickly became favorites of mine.Their intriguing instrumentals along with Caleb Chapman’s powerful vocals make their music really fun to listen to, and like Joywave they put on a fantastic show even when they’re just the opening act. I had been looking forward to the follow up to 2017′s Only The Lonely, and this record definitely lived up to my expectations, even if I prefer the latter album a little more. There are definitely some incredible songs here, a few of which are among the best in Colony House’s discography.

Favorite Song: The Hope Inside

#2 Zeros by Declan McKenna

For whatever reason, I didn’t listen to this album when it first came out, but when I did eventually get around to listening to it I fell in love. Declan McKenna has always been a really great songwriter, but this album in particular shows just how talented the 22 year old singer is. Blending sounds from different eras of rock along with some more modern production, Zeros is an absolute masterpiece of an album.

Favorite Song: Twice Your Size

   #1 Dreamland by COIN

Even though Zeros got really close to taking the number one spot, my personal favorite of the year is still COIN’s third album Dreamland (not to be confused with the Glass Animals album of the same name also from 2020). COIN is a band that just keeps on getting better, and even after losing a member back in 2018, they’ve still managed to grow and improve their sound. Dreamland takes everything I’ve loved about COIN’s music and adds to it. If you haven’t listened to this album and are a fan of indie pop bands like Flor, Smallpools and Young the Giant, then you should definitely give this album a listen!

Favorite Song: Nobody’s Baby

   Thank you for checking out my list of my favorite albums from this past year! I’d love to know what you guys think and if we have any of the same albums on our list :)

[buzzdixonwriter]

TROTS AND BONNIE Review

Trigger Warning: This will review a work that often addresses human sexuality, emotional / physical / sexual abuse, and adolescents’ views on same.  Be advised.

. . . 

When I was growing up in the 1950s and early 1960s, two old comic strips that remained popular were J. R. Williams’ Out Our Way and Gene Ahern’s Our Boarding House, both started in the 1920s and, from their daily panels and Sunday pages, never moving out of that decade.  My favorite cartoons on local kid shows were Fleischer Brothers Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons, many of which took place in urban / suburban settings heavily reflective of 1920s and 1930s America.

So when I first encountered Shary Flenniken’s Trots And Bonnie I instantly recognized the flavor and style of the strips.

The content, on the other hand, came straight out of her underground comix pedigree, with the refreshing point of view of the female gaze instead of the admittedly too often misogynistic male cartoonists of the milieu.

Flenniken is one of the best artists and writers to come from the underground era, displaying a confident early mastery of the form (don’t listen to her protestations she really wasn’t good at the start of her career; she clearly ranked among the finest of the underground comix artists).

But the sweet and innocent look of Trots And Bonnie belies the frank and frequently shocking honesty of Flenniken’s work.  

As cartoonist Emily Flake notes in her introduction, “that’s the terrible power of children, the monstrous innocence that makes them capable of anything, a state of being we fatuously describe as ‘pure.’”

Innocence is not synonymous with purity in the world of Trots And Bonnie because the cast lack the moral and cultural filters we acquire as adults.  They are reporting on reality as they see it, and as with all children (and the elderly, and drunks) there’s nothing to stop them from commenting on the foibles of hypocrisy of humanity, nor is there a single iota of shame to hold back their expression.

And when you add the impact of puberty to that mix, holy &#@%, you have no room left for pretense or propriety.

Hold on to your hats, folks, ‘cuz it’s gonna be one helluva ride.

One helluva ride…and a hilarious one, too.

If modern audiences can get past the admittedly often shocking visuals and situations, they’ll find some of the most brilliant coming-of-age comedy ever penned.

The truth is always an absolute defense, and Trots And Bonnie dishes it out lavishly.  Brava to Shary Flenniken for having the courage (or honesty, of lack of filter; take your pick) to pen it, to the original underground comix and National Lampoon to publish it, and to new York Review Comics to bring almost all of it back (Flenniken herself opted to withhold a few strips that she feels might be construed now as hurtful or insulting).

Flenniken is the daughter of a military family, growing up in a variety of climes and places before her father retired in the Seattle area.

She reached adolescence and young adulthood during the hippie era, and the earliest strips cast a fond eye back on that time.

An original member of the infamous Air Pirates crew, she and fellow underground comix artists gained immediate recognition skewering Disney icons.  Air Pirates Funnies and Paul Kassner’s The Realist generated no small amount of tsuris for the House of Mouse in the late 1960s / early 1970s but The Realist, true to its name, possessed to good sense to adhere to the unofficial so-called “one-time fair use parody” rule while the Air Pirates pressed their luck with Air Pirates Funnies #2, resulting in the Disney legal department descending on them like an anvil dropped from orbit.

Crawling away from the wreckage, Flenniken kept contributing to a number of underground venues, creating the first Trots and Bonnie strip for the 1971 underground comix Merton Of The Movement. 

Trots and Bonnie (soon joined by Pepsi, a beguilingly sweet looking elfin-like child with the heart of Germaine Greer, the reproductive organs of Karen Finley, and the mouth of an interstate trucker) popped up in several single page strips and short stories until NatLamp recruited Flenniken in 1972 to be a regular contributor and (briefly) an editor.

NatLamp proved to be the perfect venue for Flenniken and her characters because the magazine possessed the economic mojo and suicidal “Who gives a &#@%?” attitude to publish Trots And Bonnie while at the same time providing a perfect audience of proto-incels who desperately needed some consciousness raising, especially if said consciousness raising arrived in the form of a kick in the groin.

Trots And Bonnie’s tenure at NatLamp lasted slightly more than two decades, but a big hunk of that era saw the Reagan culture wars raging, not to mention much of the country becoming obsessed with a literal modern day witch hunt in the infamous Satanic panic (an apt subject for Flenniken’s characters, but one she wisely avoided, thus following the old military adage, “Never draw fire on your own position.”).

The already edgy material in both NatLamp in general and Trots And Bonnie in particular threatened to be perceived as too edgy by law enforcement, legislators, and judicial authorities who seemed either unwilling or incapable of distinguishing between photographs and video of actual sexual assaults and rapes committed against real children as opposed to crudely drawn Xerox copied mini-comics made by outsider artists with audiences that might possibly number in the dozens.

Flenniken’s willingness to honestly recall the turbulent emotions of early adolescence resulted in stories and strips where prepubescent kids engage in activities and discussions that would be acutely problematic if done today.  Again, the utter lack of self-consciousness in Flenniken’s characters swerves her work away from the low grade smut ground out by many of her male contemporaries and flung open a window on how adolescent females perceived the world around them.

The stories are wildly transgressive, and like all transgressive art can only be understood in the context of their time and mores.  Flenniken’s art carries a sweetness that leavens out the most horrendous situations (she gets astonishing comedic mileage off a story about a woman raped by a police officer, never once blaming or exploiting the victim but lambasting the culture and mindset that makes such a crime possible).

The fact these stories are told from a vibrant feminist / sex positive point of view makes them relevant to this day, and Flenniken’s ability to draw both truth and humor from dysfunctional families, emotional abuse, and drug use keeps them from being one-note exercises.

Most importantly, Flenniken comes across as strongly pro-child, even while honestly depicting her own characters’ failings and misconceptions.

She always brings a genuine emotional connection with her characters as adolescents, neither glorifying nor patronizing them.

One of the most notorious Trots And Bonnie strips finds Bonnie looking at herself in a mirror, fantasizing she’s famous actresses of the past.*  

At the hands and brush of Norman Rockwell, this theme tries for poignant but lands in schmaltz, looking down on an anxious child studying her reflection in a mirror; in far too many bad novels by sub-par male writers, it’s borderline (and often not-so-borderline) pornography.

At the touch of Flenniken’s deft pen, it’s honest and sweet and shockingly frank but it never depicts Bonnie as a figment of the male imagination but as a character and personality all her own.

Flenniken has not done any new Trots And Bonnie strips since the last ones published in NatLamp in 1993.

To be honest, I think that’s a good thing.

The characters are of their particular time and cultural gestalt, it may not be possible to recapture that lightning in a new bottle, and rather than diminish the old, perhaps it best remains a perfect artefact of its era.

Mark Twain tried repeatedly but could never transport Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn out of antebellum Hannibal, and to use an example more contemporary to Flenniken’s work, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers resolutely thwart all efforts to move them out of San Francisco during the Summer of Love.

You can’t go home again, as Thomas Wolfe famously observed, but that only applies if you’ve successfully left home.  At a certain point, if you haven’t moved beyond your old confines, you never will.

Flenniken’s honest frankness could have turned into a big crosshair on her back during the cultural wars, but to paraphrase John Lennon, life happened while she was making comix.

She married twice, divorced once, widowed the second time.  While she never completely withdrew from professional illustration, she no longer sought out the high profile gigs.

Trots And Bonnie from New York Review Comics is the first extensive English language compilation of her strips and stories, a very handsomely produced volume designed by Norman Hathaway.

The strips are meticulously presented, making it possible to enjoy Flenniken’s fine line work and exquisite character depictions in greater detail than every before.  It’s a genuine delight, sure to thrill old time fans of the original strip and quite likely to win a new generation of admirers.

But brace yourselves, noobs, this ain’t your grandma’s Betty Boop…

© Buzz Dixon

 *  It should be noted that for all its apparent revolutionary newness, the counterculture of the 1960s and 1970s, the crucible that forged Flenniken’s point of view, also enthusiastically embraced the past.  W. C. Fields and the Marx Brothers became cultural icons to a new generation, Betty Boop regained her old popularity, old movies were rediscovered and reimagined, African-American spirituals and blues sprang from new voices, obscure books and novels from earlier decades and centuries became the new cultural touchstones.

I’ve posted elsewhere on how the boomer generation enjoyed a unique conflation of new technology and old media to produce a brand new synthesis; there has been nothing like it since even with astonishing advances in technology.  When old media is rediscovered and reinterpreted in this era, it too often tends to be in the form of irony, which mocks that which it cannot understand.

Give those old hippies their due -- they got the &#@%ing point!

[bangtan-madi]

Top Albums of 2020

I was tagged by the amazing @joonni to list my top nine twelve albums of 2020! This was honestly so hard, but so fun. I love any tags to do with music xD (Your music taste was amazing btw! Sorry I went a little crazy and did a few extra lol.) Thanks lovie 💓

I went with the albums that I loved as whole (aka I loved most, if not all, of the songs) and listened to the most this year. Some choices have deeper meanings, while others were just flat-out enjoyable. I also stuck with albums that came out this year only, but I wasn’t sure if that was inherently part of the challenge. I wasn’t too picky on the criteria, just went with the ones that made up the score for my 2020. All albums have Spotify links incase something catches your eye! (Apologies for my extra-ness; I added recommendations from each album and a brief...ish explanation as to why it made the list.)

Also, they’re in no particular order, because this was difficult enough...

Map of the Soul: 7 by BTS

Explanation — This album was my first comeback as part of the BTS Army. There are so many tracks that I adore, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so excited for music. It breathed life into my Spotify, it was the album I listened to the most this year, and Black Swan was my most listened song. The differing music genres that they played with, all the way from orchestral to trap to hip hop and synth pop, left me more and more excited as the songs progressed. If there was a #1 on this list, it would be MOTS:7.

Highlights — Interlude: Shadow, Black Swan, ON, We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

Zero: Fever Part.1 by Ateez

Explanation — This was the soundtrack to my summer. I hadn’t heard much from Ateez, but what I had heard, I wasn’t a huge fan of? Maybe I hadn’t been grabbed yet, but oh boy. Zero: Fever definitely did that. Every track is such high energy and memorable, so it was so hard to pick favorites! I’ll always think back on this one for summer, and will be transported back to plenty of sunset commutes.

Highlights — Fever, Thanxx, One Day At A Time

The Dream Chapter: Eternity by Tomorrow x Together

Explanation — Until this mini album, I had only listened to TXT in passing. I liked their stuff, but I feel like this is where they really found their stride. TDC:E caught me totally off-guard, in the best way possible. To me at least, this one is a work of art. Each of the six tracks is so entrancing, and so different from each other while still working together as a cohesive story. And don’t even get me started on the MVs! This is an album that I listen to for feels and fun, which to me, TXT are just brilliant at. 

Highlights — Fairy of Shampoo, Maze in the Mirror, Eternally

Dystopia: The Tree of Language by Dreamcatcher

Explanation — It took me forever to find a girl group that I could really stan, like hardcore. This comeback for Dreamcatcher was when I realized they were it for me. This album in particular is so diverse. Their voices are both haunting and beautiful, and the way they interweave rock/alternative elements into their music has always turned my ear. They are so different from so many other girl groups out there, from the sound to their stage presence to their aesthetic. I will never stop talking about them, and this album really shows the best of their work thus far.

Highlights — Red Sun, Sahara, Paradise

BE by BTS

Explanation — How could BE not be on this list? What a perfect end to a shitty year. There’s something so comforting yet uplifting about this one, and I will happily admit I cried when I first heard Blue & Grey. Who am I kidding, I still do. There’s only one other artist I have listed on here with two albums, so BTS is in good company. What more is there to say other than BE was the warm hug we all needed.

Highlights — Life Goes On, Blue & Grey, Dis-ease, Stay

Heng:garae by Seventeen

Explanation — This is another group that I hadn’t listened to much before this album. I was so surprised and excited. Every song that passed, I found myself smiling more. Their voices are astoundingly beautiful, and the songs are sickeningly catchy. Another album that I go to just to have fun. It’s one of my favorites to just put on when a day is good, but doesn’t Seventeen make it a little better regardless?

Highlights — Fearless, Kidult, I Wish, Together

The Untamed by various

Explanation — If you’ve seen the Chinese drama The Untamed, then you know exactly why this is on there. This album is a collection of songs that are themes for the characters in the show, most of which are sung by the actors themselves. Let me tell you; I don’t know a lick of Mandarin, but these are some of the most stunning songs I’ve ever heard. It’s one of the things that drew me to the drama to begin with; everything, including the music, is breathtaking. The classical Chinese sound plays so well with the character’s stories and singer’s vocals. They tell stories all on their own and give the drama so much depth. Even if you’re not a fan of the show or webtoon it’s based on, give this one a listen. You won’t be disappointed!

Highlights — [Wen Qing] woodland, [Wen Ning] Chi Ni, [Lan Xichen] Bu You, [Jiang Yanli & Jin Zixuan] Yong Ge, [Interlude] Yi Nan Ping, [Nie Minghao & Nie Huaisang] Qing He Ju

Humanity (Chapters I & II) by Thomas Bergersen

Explanation — If you know anything about me, you know how important orchestral music is to me. It’s been a huge part of my music journey ever since I was in middle school. Thomas Bergersen has been my favorite composer for years; the way he integrates the classical with the modern is just...there are no words. These two albums cannot be listed separately; they’re part of a seven-part project titled Humanity. Chapters I & II came out in 2020, and honestly, I have no words. The way he tells a story through almost entirely lyric-less work is just immaculate. I’ve never felt more powerful, emotional, or inspired than when listening to these two. I cried when I first heard Your Imagination and Materialize. No matter how I am feeling, whether I need inspiration or hope or just some peace of mind, I go here. I’ve never felt more healed than when listening to his work. If you take a chance to listen to anything on this list, PLEASE. Give these a try. 

Highlights — We Are One, Wings, Humanity, Your Imagination, Materialize, Innocence, The Stars Are Coming Home

Brightest Blue by Ellie Goulding

Explanation — I don’t listen to a ton of western music that isn’t orchestral or lofi, but I used to adore Ellie Goulding. Halcyon was my entire teen-hood. When I saw she came out with a new album this year, I gave it a listen for sentimentality reasons. And boy, I still love her. Her voice is both angelic and haunting, and her sound is so unique. The messages given in these songs are powerful, potent, a tad bit bittersweet, and especially valid for young women navigating adult life. Also the instrumentals backing her vocals are often big and grand and symphonic, filled with piano and violin. That’s enough to get me to listen. And to top it all off, the collabs she has on this album are so fitting for each track, it’s absolutely beautiful.

Highlights — Start, Cyan, Ode To Myself, Woman, Flux, Overture, Slow Grenade, Hate Me

Beneath Your Waves by Sleepy Fish

Explanation — If there’s one kind of music that shuts off the little anxiety bug in my brain and gets me to work, one that isn’t as intense as orchestral music and that doesn’t put me into sensory overload like orchestral sometimes does, it’s lofi. And Sleepy Fish does it so freakin’ well. This album that came out this year is one of my most often repeated over and over. When I’m struggling with sensory issues at work, I put this one repeat and my mind just...goes...quiet. It’s like medicine. And the tunes are so catchy and sweet. I’m instantly transported to someplace magical, some seaside city straight out of a Ghibli film, and far away from the things that are troubling me. Then I can finally get some work done, get to sleep, or just quiet my mind. If you struggle with sensory issues or anxiety like I do, give this album a shot. Also, the album titled My Room Becomes The Sea from 2019 is excellent.

Highlights — Velocities, Sunbreak, Swimming, Nights Like These, Winter Winter

WOOPS! by Woodz

Explanation — Another mini album that is just a blast to listen to, but it also has such a soft side that hits me in the feels. I don’t see a lot of people talking about Woodz, but you all should give him a listen. He’s so talented, and his voice on this one is just *chef’s kiss* everything. The mixing is also impeccable and pairs so well with his vocals.

Highlights — Bump Bump, On my own, Sweater, Tide

D-2 by Agust D

Explanation — I mean, we all knew this one was gonna be dope. Yoongi did not disappoint. This mixtape is so different from most of the stuff I listen to, but I absolutely adored it. The truth and rhythm and pure talent in each and every verse stuns me still. I find myself especially drawn to this one when I’m frustrated (not exclusively, but often, ‘cause 2020.) Both his truth and sound give me a safe place to feel that frustration and anxiety and vent/work through it. I don’t know what it is about Yoongi, but to me, all of his work is like a comforting friend going, “Hey, you’re totally valid and okay for feeling this way...but it sucks, doesn’t it?” 

Highlights — Daechwita, People, Dear my friend

Now, I’ll tag these lovely people! Only if you wanna :)

@kooala​ @cultleaderyoongi​ @yoontopia​ @hobicomeholla29​ @helenazbmrskai​ @moon-write​ @dreamcatcherjiah​ @ditttiii​

[mcmansionhell]

The Brutalism Post, Part One: Introduction

This is part one of a five-part post about Brutalism. 

University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth campus by Paul Rudolph. Photo via Library of Congress

No style of architecture so passionately divides even the most good-natured and level-headed people as Brutalism. The discourse surrounding Brutalism being “good” or “bad” is fierce and polemical. The “for” crowd lobbies on both aesthetic grounds – posting pictures of incredible and obscure structures and saying “I mean LOOK at this” – as well as political ones, citing in particular, how Brutalism was used to house thousands of people during the postwar period. 

On the other hand, the “against” crowd brings up the failed urbanism of Le Corbusier that gave us the freeways and slum clearance that split and displaced entire swaths of city fabric, proclaiming that only architects or architecture enthusiasts like Brutalism, and that this is a testament to how out of touch they are with everyday people. “If you had to live or work in these buildings,” they say, “you’d feel differently.” 

Unité d'Habitation by Le Corbusier. Photo by Thomas Nemeskeri, via Flickr (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) 

I’ve been a spectator to this debate since I first lurked in the Skyscraper City forums as a high school freshman, ten years ago, when Brutalism itself sparked the interest in architecture that brings me here today. I have, as they say, heard both sides, and when asked to pick one, my response is unsatisfying. Though my personal aesthetic tastes fall on the side of “Brutalism is good,” I think the actual answer is  it’s deeply, deeply complicated. 

Still, what is it about Brutalism that makes it so divisive? Why does a short-lived substyle of modern architecture elicit such vehement passion in so many people? What does it even mean for a style of architecture to be “good” or “bad”? You can see why I’m drawn to finally sitting down and penning this series, which has been simmering at the back of my mind since I started McMansion Hell three years ago. (By the way, Happy Birthday to this blog!!!) 

Brutalism has a special way of inspiring us to ask big and difficult questions about architecture. “Is Brutalism good?” is really a question of “is any kind of architecture good?” - is architecture itself good? And what do we mean by good? Are we talking about mere aesthetic merits? Or is it more whether or not a given work of architecture satisfies the purpose for which it was built? Can architecture be morally good? Is there a right or wrong way to make, or interpret, a building? 

Ferrier Estate, a now-demolished social housing complex in South London. Photo by Tim Slessor via Flickr (CC BY-NC 2.0)  

I have bad news for you: the answers to all of these questions are complicated, nuanced, and unsatisfying. In today’s polemical and deeply divided world of woke and cancelled, nuance has gotten a bad rap, having been frequently misused by those acting in bad faith to create blurred lines in situations where answers to questions of morality are, in reality, crystal clear. This is not my intention here. 

For centuries, the philosophical discipline of aesthetics has tried in vain to articulate some kind of clearly defined standard by which we can delineate whether or not a work of art is good, bad, moral or amoral. Architecture makes this even more complicated because unlike literature, painting, music, or art, we have to live, work, and exist in architecture. Not only does the question of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist exist in architecture, so to do questions of whether or not we can separate the building from the politics, from the culture, from the time period, from the urbanism, from the socioeconomic system, from the entire contents of everyday life in which it exists. 

Orange County Government Center, Perspective Drawing, by Paul Rudolph. Photo via the Library of Congress.

Existential questions aside, there are other reasons to write about Brutalism. First, while we’ve been hemming and hawing about it online, we��ve lost priceless examples of the style to either demolition or cannibalistic renovation, including Paul Rudolph’s elegant Orange County Government Center, Bertrand Goldberg’s dynamic Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago, and the iconic Trinity Square, Gateshead complex, famous for the role it played in the movie Get Carter. My hope is that by bringing up the nuances of Brutalism before a broad and diverse audience, other buildings on the chopping block might be spared. 

On an even broader note, I think Brutalism is worth writing about simply because a lot of people are rightly confused as to what it even is.  The common practice of identifying Brutalism by the presence of a material - reinforced concrete - too broadly defines a style that belongs to a specific era and architectural praxis. There are so many buildings and styles called Brutalist that are not Brutalist that I’ve devoted the first two installments of this series to the subject “What Brutalism Is Not,” followed, of course, by “What is Brutalism?” The goal is that these two essays will be educational and interesting (with the added bonus of providing the reader with an arsenal of information that will make them as insufferable at dinner parties as I am.)

The third part in this series is devoted to the people of Brutalism - the architects, politicians, planners, writers, and philosophers, who signed their names to an architectural movement that spanned the globe. Finally, the last installment gathers all this information together and answers the question we’ve all been waiting for: is Brutalism good? 

The Kyoto International Conference Center, designed by Sachio Otani. Photo by Chris Guy, via Flickr. (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) 

This is a series on Brutalism, but Brutalism itself demands a level of inquiry that goes beyond defining a style. Really, this is a series about architecture, and its relationship to the world in which it exists. Architects, as workers, artists, and ideologues, may dream up a building on paper and, with the help of laborers, erect it in the material world, but this is only the first part of the story. The rest is written by us, the people who interact with architecture as shelter; as monetary, cultural, and political capital; as labor; as an art; and, most broadly, as that which makes up the backdrop of our beautiful, complicated human lives. 

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2019 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

[letterboxd]

Found Family.

Riders of Justice writer-director Anders Thomas Jensen opens up to Aaron Yap about grimly funny fairy-tales, woke teenagers and creating an accidental Christmas movie with hunky muse, Mads Mikkelsen.

“Genres, that’s just a sales tool really. That’s to give people, show people, ‘are we having sushi or are we having Italian?’ Sometimes I like it when you don’t know what you’re getting.” —Anders Thomas Jensen

It’s stupidly easy to sell writer-director Anders Thomas Jensen’s new film Riders of Justice on its thirsty pulp appeal alone. Who can resist the promise of Danish acting force Mads Mikkelsen finally getting a decent John Wick-ish vehicle of his own, stoically meting out anguished, bloody vengeance to a cadre of underworld thugs? Certainly not, among many Letterboxd members, Harlequinade, who was moved to write this ode:

“MikkelGod sporting a bushy beard MikkelGod wearing a military uniform MikkelGod wearing a suit MikkelGod having this whole silverfox daddy thing going on MikkelGod killing a man with his big beautiful bare hands MIKKELGOD 🤗🙏🏻😍”

But to dismiss Riders of Justice as another entry in the seemingly endless slew of action-revenge pics would also be to undersell its other layers. Much more than Wick, your average Liam Neeson thriller-of-the-month, or even the recent avenging-dad flick, Nobody, Riders positions itself in a more emotionally and psychologically rewarding space, one perhaps closer to its tonally fluid South Korean counterparts. “What lingers,” Douglas Davidson writes, “are the questions Anders presents and the strange hopefulness that flickers upon the credits roll, burning like the embers of a dying fire in the darkness of night.”

It’s of a piece with all of Jensen’s directorial work thus far. A prolific screenwriter who’s penned everything from soulful early Susanne Bier heartbreakers to the recently misfiring The Dark Tower adaptation, Jensen, as a director, has found a sharply honed groove in the form of grimly funny, genre-defying modern fairy-tales populated by oddball characters forced to contend with the chaos of the inscrutable cosmos around them.

Causality plays an even more pronounced role in Riders. The film’s unlikely heroes—hard-bitten special forces soldier Markus Hensen (Mikkelsen) and a trio of bumbling data wizards (Lars Brygmann and Jensen regulars Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Nicolas Bro)—are drawn together to take down a vicious biker gang, but also preoccupied with processing the hows and whys of grief and trauma, and of course, the value of revenge.

Amid the terse blasts of gunfire, the film foregrounds scenes of connection and healing between its characters, an assortment of progressive teens and bumbling middle-aged men whose unusual found-family dynamic recalls Jensen’s previous dark, offbeat comedies like Adam’s Apples and Men and Chicken. As More_Baddass writes, the film gifts us some “Christmastime therapy of an unorthodox family”.

Over Zoom, we spoke about whether it’s possible to make Mikkelsen less handsome, why Denmark won’t be getting a sci-fi blockbuster anytime soon, and the time that Jensen and a friend tried to break the Guinness World Record for movie-watching.

‘Riders of Justice’ cast members Lars Brygmann, Andrea Heick Gadeberg, Mads Mikkelsen, Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Nicolas Bro.

Riders of Justice is one of your more action-packed films. Did you watch any other action flicks, or were there any specific movies that inspired you while you were designing and creating the action in this film? Anders Thomas Jensen: It’s funny, because it’s always subconscious. I never look for inspiration directly because for me, that would be weird to do because then you’re just copying. Definitely in the back of my mind, there’s a lot of action movies and a lot of revenge movies that I’ve seen in the past that will work their way in there. The process for me is very, how do you say, unconscious? What’s it called?

Intuitive? Intuitive, that’s the word. Thank you. First of all, a revenge movie is not easy, but it always has a strong lead and it has a strong will, which is obviously really good if you want to do a script that moves forward. Hamlet is a revenge story, right? I love Once Upon a Time in the West. I love that. The Searchers. The Sting, I guess, is also a revenge movie. Also, there’s so much identification in people who are wronged.

Wish fulfilment. Yeah that too. It’s one of the obviously basic human feelings. Revenge, love. There are these emotions that you’ll do dramas based on long after we were here.

I understand that you took a break from directing for a while and you were spending time raising your family. I’ve noticed, with Men & Chicken and Riders of Justice there’s a lot of attention paid to parenthood, and the role of the parent. Was that intentionally woven into these narratives and something you were thinking of? Yeah. I don’t do it on purpose, but I can definitely see that every movie I ever made I’m very much a part of it. So the whole father story is part of my life in this movie. I have a teenage daughter who I sometimes feel like … I don’t at all have the emotional tools that she and her friends have. This new woke generation that I’m aware of; every single feeling and the environment and everything. I was brought up in a different way. So that’s quite personal in the story, the whole ‘father who has to learn how to communicate through feelings when he’s not very good at it’.

Mads Mikkelsen and Andrea Heick Gadeberg in a scene from ‘Riders of Justice’.

Would you consider Riders of Justice a Christmas movie? Well, it’s so funny because I didn’t see it at all before one of my editors said. No, I wouldn’t because I didn’t pay attention to it at all. The only reason it ends on Christmas is because that’s the perfect coming together of a family. I needed it in the end, but it could have been Easter, but it wasn’t. Perhaps it is a Christmas movie now because it does have Christmas in it.

What was the first film that made you want to be a filmmaker? There are several, but I think the first time I had was Lawrence of Arabia. I saw that when I was very little, when I perhaps shouldn’t have seen it. But when I was around ten, I got a bootleg copy of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. VCRs were a brand new thing and we got a VCR. I saw that film every day for half a year and I still know every line in it. It’s not getting out of my head. I love that film and I think from there on, I knew that I wanted to do films.

As a screenwriter, do you have any other screenwriters that you respect and admire? I have many. Billy Wilder is one of my favorites. Also, Ingmar Bergman, the Coen Brothers, Robert Towne, but many others also. There are a lot of good screenwriters.

I can see elements of those writers coming through your work, especially the first three. You’re really good at blending elements from different genres and putting strange characters together. Are there any other genres you want to explore that you haven’t yet? Well, it’s funny because every time I open up a new streaming service, I look for sci-fi movies first. I’m part of the Academy and when I get the screeners, I’m always checking for sci-fi. I have a love for sci-fi, but unfortunately I’m born in a country where doing a sci-fi film would just be insane. It’s never been done. If you have a really big budget, you have five to six million here. So it’s just something that won’t happen. But of course, you could get ambitious and write a sci-fi movie and hope you could do it somewhere else. I hope one day [to] do a good sci-fi movie, or at least something within that genre because it is a favorite.

But I also have to say, basically, I love all genres. Perhaps not rom-com that much, but I really like Westerns. I like war movies, revenge movies, dramas. I love to mix genres. Every time I do a movie, I get this from the distributors: “What are we going to call it?” Because it is this mix of genres. Genres, that’s just a sales tool really. That’s to give people, show people, “are we having sushi or are we having Italian?” So people don’t get confused. But I think sometimes I like it when you don’t know what you’re getting. That’s also what I love about the Coen Brothers and other directors that play with genres, is that I never know where it’s going.

‘Riders of Justice’ writer-director Anders Thomas Jensen.

Let’s talk a little about Danish cinema. You have your Lars von Trier, you have your Vinterberg and Susanne Bier. Is there an older Danish film that you would recommend that people should see? I actually thought about it and it’s going to sound arrogant, but I couldn’t find one. Not when I compare to what else is out there of American, French, Italian, British, German, Russian and Asian. No, there isn’t. Of course there’s Carl Dreyer. He’s an icon in early, early cinema. That’s the obvious thing to say, but no. For me, Danish cinema starts in the ’90s. Also, I haven’t watched many Danish movies before that, because there aren’t that many. Some people will hate me for saying this, but that’s how I feel.

Are there any recent Danish films or filmmakers that you can recommend? This year I saw a film called Shorta, which was great. It was made by two directors with no budget, about two cops venturing into this Muslim part of Copenhagen where there’s a riot. That was really a promising debut. Also, I really like the idea they had. They made a lot of great stuff visually and for almost no money.

What are your movie-watching habits? You said when you turn on a streaming service, you look out for sci-fi movies. Do you have any other weird behaviors? It’s crazy, but if I really like a movie, I see it many times. I also see it many times where I do not look at it. I hear it. I will just lie with my back to it and just hear the movie. Actually, if the movie is really good, it also works without the picture.

I think that’s [as] weird as it gets, otherwise I’m pretty much normal. I used to binge-watch. Actually, I tried to get into a Guinness Book of Record with a friend when I was fifteen, where, for five days continuously, we watched movies. I can’t remember if it was 107 movies. We watched movies and we had a video store sponsor us. We were lying in an all-night video store, and just saw films until we collapsed. That’s the craziest thing I’ve done, but we never got into the book because there are people that are better at not sleeping, so somebody else beat the record by far.

Do you have a list, or a record of what you watched? No, but there was a journalist that asked us what number afterwards. He asked me, “What film was the film number? 47, 46?” I remember him being very impressed that I could differentiate them.

It would have made a great Letterboxd list. Preserve it for eternity. The funny thing is years after I would actually see a film, and I would get an hour into it and I would go, “Oh, I’ve seen this one.” It was because when I saw the last 30 films, I was unconscious.

I need to ask about Mads Mikkelsen because he’s massive with our community. You’ve worked with him for quite a long time now, so you’ve got a pretty solid working relationship. Having just watched a number of your films in a short period of time, it was impressive that you found that range in him that maybe other filmmakers haven’t tapped into. Is there a type of role that you want to see him in that he hasn’t had a chance to play yet? Yes. There are many roles, but I don’t know. I could put a job description or a feeling on it, but it’s much more complicated with Mads, I think. We have this common thing that we love exploring people who lie to themselves, whether it’s comedy or drama. People who are not being honest with themselves and people who have this screwed up self-image, which in all the films we’ve done together, his character has. There are many other characters I would love to explore with Mads.

His looks are quite specific in each film. He just looks like a different person each time, which is great. You just want to see how he is going to look in the next one. His wife is like that too. She’s always excited and she was so happy this time because he wasn’t ugly. Normally he doesn’t look very well, like in The Green Butchers. Because he’s so handsome, so I try to do him not so handsome.

Riders is the hunkiest he’s been in your films, I guess. Definitely. The competition isn’t tough, though. You’re up against a guy who masturbates and a guy with a bad receding hairline. But it is by far his most hunky.

Related content

Softspacedad’s annotated rundown of 46 Mads Mikkelsen films, and ‘Mads Mikkelsen movies ranked based on how good of a father he is’

‘Mads Mikkelsen is filled with rage and has only one eye’, a list by King

Onebear’s lists of all Danish movies released within each cinematic year since 2009

Anders’ list of films by Danish directors or in the Danish language

Leyner’s list of Danish films nominated for the Academy Award for Best International Film

Mikkel’s list of Danish Christmas films

Follow Aaron on Letterboxd

‘Riders of Justice’ is screening now in select US theaters and available on demand. Images courtesy of Magnet Releasing.

[cynicalrainbows]

Poetry & Prose

In which Cathy suffers with Guilt and Jane discovers poetry.

The poems mentioned in this fic are (in order of mention Her Kind by Anne Sexton, an extract from Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, On A Train by Wendy Cope, The Dormouse and The Doctor by A A Milne and The Past by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.) Wendy Cope is absolutely recommended if you’re not a fan of poetry in general- her poems are very simple, and all the more effective for that simplicity. The dormouse poem I recommend if you wish to have your heart torn into shreds- yes, it’s technically a children’s poem but even thinking about the absolutely tragic plight of the sad dormouse still makes me tear up to this day. Literally no other piece of poetry has ever affected me so deeply so I’ve just projected that onto Cathy.

In regards to the brief mention of Thomas and Elizabeth….I do sometimes think the case gets examined in a slightly….I don’t want to say unfair way but a way that applies modern understandings of things and modern expectations to a time that was wildly different. Specifically, during a time when it was entirely legal to beat your wife and divorce for women was not an option, what else would you do in a similar situation, other than sending the victim away?

Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy this fic!

*

‘I have gone out, a poss- poss-’

‘Possessed.’

‘Possessed witch, h- haunting the black air, braver at night, dreaming evil, I have done my hitch-’

She pauses.

‘What does it mean?’

‘Hm?

‘What does done my hitch mean?’

She thinks of horses- All hitched up; I’ll just hitch up the cart, words she’d only overheard in her first life since the tending of horses with none of her concern back then, and words she’d heard not at all in her second, since no one seemed to ride much nowadays. And getting hitched, hitched up- Anne had told her that it meant ‘marriage’ nowadays. 

Neither meaning seems to fit here though.

Cathy takes the book and scans the line herself, her brow creasing, which makes her feel vindicated. Cathy is never, ever patronising on purpose, and she can tell that she takes especial care never to reply to a question as if the answer is obvious (even when it is) but even so, it pleases her when Cathy has to actually consider her answer before she gives it.

‘Mmmm… A spell, I think. Or a period of time.’

She sounds disinterested, lacklustre, even though this is usually the sort of question Cathy enjoys: usually, they’d debate it back and forth until they’d come up with an answer between them.

Now though, Cathy answers like she just wants to get on.

‘I have done my hitch over the plain houses, light by light-’

She’s reading slowly to make sure she doesn’t stumble but it’s alright- it’s one of the reasons that she enjoys reading poetry, because it’s one of the rare, precious times when reading quickly doesn’t matter. In fact speed (as Cathy has told her over and over) is actually a bad thing, especially if you’re reading a poem that’s unfamiliar.

‘It just means that you have to read it again because you’ve missed the meaning. Much better to read slowly so you can absorb it.’

And they do absorb it- it’s become their thing. Cathy’s the only queen with an unending appetite for poetry; she’s the only queen who reads slowly as a matter of course (she likes to focus on that rather than on the fact that she’s the only queen who needs to practise reading aloud) and so in this, they’re well matched.

Reading the poetry slowly doesn’t make her feel humiliated in the way that reading prose slowly does, and being able to argue over the meaning of whatever they’re reading- over the word choice and the subject and the feel of it- after she’s finished is her reward. It stops her feeling like a child because although Cathy is undoubtedly the better reader, they’re equals when it comes to interpretation, and that’s another reason she enjoys it.

Not that she’d taken Cathy seriously when she’d first suggested it.

(‘Practise makes all the difference, you know.’

She was sitting in the windowseat of the bedroom she shared with Catalina, back in the first house, hot-eyed and burning with embarrassment and steadfastly trying to ignore Cathy’s presence next to her.

‘It needn’t even be for long.’

She’d had to fight to keep her voice even.

‘There’s no point. I’m no good at it, I’m no good at any of it.’

‘True.’ Cathy’s bluntness sometimes makes her laugh- then it had made her want to cry. ‘But you don’t have to be. You can get better at it, but only if you actually work at it.’

‘I am working at it.’

‘I know- and it’s good you’re going to classes, I’m glad Anna suggested them but….you need to practise at home too.’

‘I do.’

‘With someone else it’ll be more effective. I can help with the hard bits.’

‘Cathy. I know you mean well. But I don’t want you to feel like you need to- to teach me like I’m a child.’

Cathy had shrugged. ‘That’s ok, I understand. Would it help if we didn’t think of it as teaching though? Because honestly I don’t want to think of it as teaching either. Too much pressure and I’d worry I wasn’t doing it right and-’

‘What would you call it then?’

‘How about….two friends who just happen to get together sometimes to read together?’

Jane had shaken her head. ‘You wouldn’t enjoy the sort of books I’m reading.’

‘I wasn’t thinking of books.’ Cathy held up the slim volume in her hand. ‘I was thinking of this. Poetry is MEANT to be read aloud but it’s too weird just doing it on my own.’

‘I’m not really into poetry.’

‘Why not?’

The idea had stumped her a bit, she’d never had to defend herself like this before. ‘I’m just not. I can’t understand it.’

‘No one’s meant to understand it, not the first time anyway. That’s part of the fun of it.’

‘And I read too slowly anyway, you’d be just as bored.’

‘Poetry is meant to be read slowly.’

‘Mmm. Yes. Sure.’

‘No, really! Listen-’

Cathy flipped the book open. ‘I’m looking for something short….ok, this’ll do-’ She’d sat up a little straighter and began to read quickly, flatly, as if she was reading from the newspaper, an account of something: ‘You tell me to lie down, cause my opinions make me less beautiful-’

The first line interested her but she had been distracted too because even she could tell that there’s something wrong about how Cathy was doing it- she’d felt rushed.

‘Do it again.’

‘Why?’

‘You were too quick-’

‘No.’

‘Oh.’ She’d felt deflated- had Cathy just been trying to prove her point because now she’d felt tricked and cheated- but then Cathy had put the book into her own hands, open on the page.

‘You read it.’

She’d tried to push it away.

‘I don’t want to.’

‘Don’t you want to hear it again?’

‘Yes-’ And she did. Something about it had struck her in a deep inside place: My opinions make me less beautiful. A memory teased her until she grabbed at it: Henry’s cold, closed up face when she’d screwed up her courage and begged for mercy for Robert Aske and the Pilgrimage of Grace. She’d been less beautiful to him that day, she was sure.

‘So read it. I’ll help if you get stuck on a word. And there’s only us here, no one else is listening.’

Still, she hesitated.

‘It’ll sound better when you read it, I promise you. Just give it a try. Please.’

It’s the please that did it, because she’s never able to say no to people when they use it. Even when she should. (Henry had said please when he’d asked for her hand- the first and last time he’d ever used it with her. She should have said no.)

‘Ok.’

‘You tell me to quiet down-’

It turned out actually to not be too hard to read, she’d only hesitated briefly over ‘tongue’. And oddly enough, she’d found that Cathy was right. It did sound better, somehow- perhaps because she was reading so slowly that she had time to take in each word, like bricks being added to a wall, one by one, each making the whole a little more complete.

‘-difficult to forget but not easy for the mind to follow.’

She’d closed the book on the last word and seen Cathy beaming at her. ‘You see? You see?’

Reluctantly, she’d nodded- but she hadn’t been able help a smile twitching the corners of her own lips too. ‘I see.’)

She hadn’t taken Cathy seriously when Cathy had told her that maybe she could like poetry, because she’d believed she couldn’t- she associated with confusion, with trouble. (They had said that Anne had had poems dedicated to her at Court, so many that it had caused a stir and then more than a stir. She hadn’t been able to trust poetry after she’d heard that.)

The poems Cathy has her read aren’t like that though- they have easy, simple words and some of them aren’t about anything much but they manage to make her feel things in a way that she’d never imagined printed words would be able to do.

There’s one that Cathy shows her, about riding in a train, that makes her want to cry for the soft simplicity of it, of  how it reminds her of the peaceful feeling of watching the scenery as Kitty sleeping against her shoulder when they have to travel for an interview. It surprises her- she didn’t think that poetry could be that easy.

But now Cathy doesn’t look as if she finds it easy. She just looks tired.

‘-my ribs crack where your wheels wind-’ She reads on. It occurs to her that on a normal day, she’d be more focused on the words, about how they remind her of how she’d writhed and strained so hard giving birth that it had felt as if her own ribs were splintering in her chest- but now she’s more preoccupied with Cathy’s wan, drawn face.

‘A woman like that is not ashamed to die. I have been her kind.’

It’s only as she finishes that she realises Cathy’s eyes are glistening with tears- and although it’s not as if she’s never seen Cathy cry over a poem before, this doesn’t feel like last time.

(She’d thought Cathy had been joking.

‘How can this be the saddest poem in the world?’

Cathy had blinked at her, brushing at her eyes. ‘Because it IS. Doesn’t it make YOU feeling like crying?’

‘Not...really.’ She had wondered if there was some hidden meaning to it that had affected Cathy so, but she wasn’t sure how there COULD be. ‘It’s a children’s poem.’

‘That doesn’t mean it isn’t TRAGIC!’ Cathy looked genuinely sad. ‘Jane, the dormouse has to live FOREVER in the wrong sort of flowerbed, just because the doctor wouldn’t listen to what he actually wanted!’

Jane had shrugged. ‘Yes but- Cathy, love, it’s a children’s poem. It’s not meant to make you get this upset.’

‘Ugh, you sound just like Catalina.’ Cathy had picked up her copy of When We Were Very Young and left the room in a huff.)

This isn’t the same though- because rather than trying to explain herself, Cathy just looks wearily resigned.

‘Are you alright love?’

‘Fine.’ Cathy blinks a couple of times but the tears spill over, rather than disappearing like she’d obviously hoped they would.

‘No you’re not.’ 

Cathy sniffs and doesn’t respond; Jane edges closer and wraps an arm around her shoulders, hoping that she won’t pull away.

‘What’s the matter?’

‘It’s nothing, it’s silly.’

‘More silly than crying because a dormouse had to sleep in a bed of daffodils?’

Despite the tears still sliding down her cheeks, Cathy gives a short laugh. ‘They were chrysanthemums, actually. And yes.’

‘Well then’ She tightens her hold and Cathy rests her head against her shoulder. ‘Now you really do need to tell me love, because I’m fascinated.’

‘That's the thing. It really is nothing. I just feel really-’ Cathy searches for the word.’ You know like the opposite of rose tinted glasses?’

‘Yes.’

‘Like that. Just- tired and flat and pointless. And I don’t know why. The poem was just the last straw- it reminded me of, of how much I ruined by dying when I did….how many things could have been fixed if I hadn’t-’ Cathy’s face crumples and Jane feels it like an ache. ‘I’m sorry, I said it was stupid.’

‘Cathy love, no, no, no. Oh you poor thing-’ Cathy leans into her, sniffing and Jane rocks her gently back and forth. ‘It isn’t stupid in the slightest but that doesn’t mean it’s true-’ She isn’t quite sure where she should start. ‘You can’t blame yourself for dying, that isn’t fair.’

‘But if I hadn’t-’

‘But you couldn’t help it- and goodness, even if you had-’ Jane pulls back enough to cup Cathy’s damp cheek. ‘If you had been able to control it...I hate to say it, but there’s so, so many other things that could have gone wrong, even if you had been alive to see them.’

Cathy shakes her head. ‘I left Mary all alone- you know, some historians think she could even have died of neglect because they can’t be sure she ended up somewhere safe? And Jane- she had to go back to that awful house, those terrible people, because she couldn’t be part of my household without a proper chaperone, she might not have died if I’d been there to oversee things….I never had a chance to explain to Elizabeth, I always meant for her to know that I only sent her away to keep her safe and I meant to be explain one day when we were together but I never saw her again, there wasn’t TIME….and Edward and Mary might have reconciled, perhaps they wouldn’t have been so opposed, I made them all a family when I was alive and then when I was gone, it just fell apart….’ Cathy breaks off, sobbing too hard to speak and Jane shakes her head.

‘Oh Cathy. Oh love. It’s alright, let it out.’  She waits until the tears have slowed a bit before passing over a handful of tissues.

‘Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. Now. Can I say what I think?’

Cathy nods, dabbing her swollen eyes.

‘Cathy. You are a wonderful, intelligent, kind, caring young woman and we are all love you and count ourselves very, very lucky to know you and have you with us, ok?’

Another tentative nod.

‘But love, you are not God. You’re not magic. You cannot possibly think that you would be able to have solved all of those problems, all of those issues, if you’d been alive. Honestly, even if you had a hundred years to try, I don’t think you’d have managed.’

Cathy looks wrong-footed. ‘But all of it- when I was alive, things were alright, they weren’t-’

‘Were they? Were they really alright? Or was it just that the problems didn’t exist yet?’

‘Well-’

‘Love, you did a wonderful job bringing the family together. But that’s so much easier when the children are- well, children. Do you see how much harder it would have been when they were adults? Edward was….seven, when you met him?’

‘Six.’ Cathy blows her nose.

‘See? He was a child. And Mary was a young woman but- well, with her father alive, even with a definite King in place….well, it would have been madness for her to double down with her beliefs the way she did. It was different when you were gone.’

‘Yes. When I was gone-’

‘No.’ She shakes her head decisively. ‘When you were gone, I said. Not because you were gone.’

Cathy contemplates for a moment and Jane pulls her closer, so that Cathy can lean against her comfortably. ‘Think love, for a minute. Did everything go to plan when you were alive? Did everything go just how you tried to make it turn out?’

Reluctantly Cathy shakes her head. ‘No. Hardly ever.’

‘So.’ Jane presses a kiss to the top of her head. ‘What makes you think it would have been any different if you’d lived longer?’ She pauses. ‘You need to let go of the blame. You need to stop torturing yourself with thinking how things could have been different- trust me, it’ll be easier when you do.’

She can see by Cathy’s expression that she understands what she means.

‘You make it sound so easy.’

‘Oh it won’t be. It isn’t. It’s always hard.’ She can say it lightly but honestly, it’s something that she doesn’t even think she’ll stop struggling with. ‘But you’ve taken the first couple of steps today….so that’s a start at least.’

‘I suppose.’ She’d be more bothered by the non-committal response if it wasn’t for the fact that she can tell by Cathy’s expression that she is actually thinking about it- only passingly now, perhaps, but later, when her tears have dried, tomorrow or the day after, she will think on it again, think about it seriously and examine the idea, and turn it over and over in her mind until she’s made peace with it.

She knows how Cathy does things after all, which is why she doesn’t push it too hard. She might not be able to read well but she knows about people.

Nestled up against her, Cathy looks even wearier and more wrung out than before but it doesn’t worry her so much as it did when she first noticed it. She smooths Cathy’s hair away from her damp face and smiles when she hums in response.

They sit in silence for a minute or two, and Jane imagines dust settling around them after a storm, normalcy returning slowly. She isn’t planning on going back to the poetry- she imaginges Cathy has probably had enough of it for one day, and then she remembers something and jerks up, dislodging Cathy from her arms and making her squeak in surprise.

‘Jane?’

‘Sorry, sorry- I just- I remembered something, something I meant to show you and I thought...it might help. You, I mean.’

Cathy looks slightly skeptical, and then she shrugs. ‘Ok. What is it?’

‘I’ll fetch it. Get comfortable while I look though because it might take a minute.’

She waits until Cathy has re-arranged the pillows and lain down properly on the the bedspread, half smiling despite herself.

‘I’m curious now-’

‘I knew you would be. Just- Oh!’ She unearths the book from under her bed, where she remembers putting it for ‘safe-keeping’ and climbs back onto the bed with it. 

And begins to read.

‘I fling the past behind me, like a robe, worn threadbare at the seams, and out of date…’

Cathy curls back up into her side again and she smiles. ‘I have outgrown it. Where- where-’

‘Wherefore.’ Cathy’s voice is quiet; she goes on.

‘Wherefore should I weep and dwell upon its beauty-’

As she reads, she feels the tension leaving the girl next to her as she sinks into the cadence of the words.

‘-starred with gems made out of ch-ch-’

‘Chrystalled-’ Cathy’s voice is nearly a whisper now, but she can still hear it.

‘Chrystalled tears. My new robe shall be richer than the old.’ She finishes, flushed with the glow of hearing how much more confident her voice is than when they’d begun these sessions, all those months ago.

‘That’s you, Cathy. And all of us.’ She leans closer to the curly hair- Cathy’s face is buried in Jane’s cardigan but she knows she is still listening. ‘All of us, stronger than we were. You can put the past down, you don’t have to carry it with you, if it’s hurting.’

Cathy gives a tremulous nod, her face still buried and Jane kisses the top of her head..

She isn’t concerned, they can talk about it more later.

For now, she’s happy to wait until then.