#miscarriage support

[cheerfullycatholic]

Held in Hope creates and distributes miscarriage kits to support and equip women through first trimester pregnancy loss. Our kits are distributed through OBGYNs, Emergency Departments, Midwife practices, care centers, and we now ship boxes throughout the United States.

[aftertheheavydrinking]

4

December 16, 2023: I entered the testing area of the diagnostic center and was instructed to empty my bladder before the TransV Ultrasound started. Same as the last diagnostic center we went to, taking photos and videos is also not allowed here. Additionally, only patients are permitted inside the Ultrasound Room, leaving my husband and son waiting outside the door which was unsettling. The OB-Sonologist finally inserted the thingymajiggy inside me after the previous condoms burst twice, stating that I’m resisting it. (Tho, I’m not. I’m just tight like that. Chos. Hahaha.)

___

Following the events from my last post, my OB-GYN recommended continuing with my current medication and emphasized the importance of religiously taking Duphaston as it would help with my Subchorionic Hemorrhage. She highlighted the need for me to rest, suggested reducing my intake of sugary foods and liquids, and mentioned scheduling a blood sugar test after a month of fasting. Internally, I sense that my OB-GYN might be downplaying my actual condition, perhaps to shield me from unnecessary stress.

I continued with my daily routine, the difference from my previous pregnancy and this pregnancy is that getting enough sleep is a challenge. My shift begins at 10:00 PM, typically, I wrap up all my tasks by 4:00 AM just to be prepared in case I start feeling sleepy. I inform my agents, take a break, and return by 5:30 to 6:00 AM. I consolidate my lunch and breaks into one, perks of working from home then I end my shift at 7:00 AM with all tasks completed. I'm really proud of myself and my multi-tasking skills.

___

While she’s doing her thing with the thingymajiggy, I shared with her the previous result, which she confirmed—indicating that I indeed have Subchorionic Hemorrhage.However, her next words sent a shiver through my spine, making me want to scream and crumble. “May nadinig ka bang heartbeat sa first ultrasound mo? Kasi wala akong madinig ngayon e. Sana mali ako…” I'm at a loss for words. I can't seem to recall if I heard any heartbeat myself, but suddenly, I remembered the previous results etched into my memory. Meron, 118bpm yata yun e. The doctor adjusted the monitor to face me, displaying my uterus, the supposed location of the hemorrhage, and my baby's placement. “Kung may heartbeat na narerecognize ang machine dapat mag-iiba yung color ng lining sa screen. Pero look oh, tahimik. Wala talaga mommy e.” The only way for me to navigate the situation is to quickly go on defense mode. From an emotionally charged Cancer Woman to being the Dark-Humored Girly that I am. “Doc, check mo ulit, baka bobo lang ‘yan, nakalimutan tumibok.” She looked at me with visible pity and concluded the session with, "Indicate ko nalang lahat dito, then just show it to your OB-GYN, mommy, okay? Okay na po. Balikan mo nalang result maybe after 1-2 hours, mommy.“ I quietly walked out the door and found my husband waiting outside with our only child, my only baby. Searching my eyes, he immediately sensed something was wrong and asked what's going on. I quickly and quietly replied, “Wag dito, dun na sa labas.”

Entering the car, I broke down. I cried and cried and cried some more. My intense and loud crying likely scared my 9-year-old son. He cupped my cheeks, making the sincerest effort to comfort and console me, helping me regain my composure as I held onto his hands. Meanwhile, my other hand received small kisses from my husband. I tried so hard to reiterate what had transpired inside the ultrasound room as clearly and completely as I could. And then we cried some more.

With my side of the family currently out of the country, my husband chose to drive to his parents' place for some much-needed comfort. His sisters and I decided to go out and eat, not fully accepting the reality of the situation. We’re laughing about various unrelated topics, all the while pretending that everything is still okay.

Driving home, tears flowed once again. The weight of my OB-GYN's response to the message I left regarding the result hung heavily in my mind: “Intayin mo na lang duguin ka, bago kita raspahin.” It was a statement I was never prepared to hear or read.

___

More to come.

[acourtofquestions]

"Everything I did was for them, you know." His chest ached. "For your kids?" She studied her hands, the imposing ruby ring on one of her fingers. "I haven't seen them since they were eighteen months old. Not even a picture." But she'd known them on sight today. Had known what grade they'd be in, remembered where the school was on this ship, and run directly there.

[malakkc-poetry]

Diploma Certificate for my poem: Rainbow of Loss

[the-kipsabian]

i truly hope penelope is okay

after the baby announcement at double or nothing (along with few others now), and her instagram post about their miscarriage that very same morning, people have just been tagging her left and right in CONGRATS posts, which is absolutely vile and disgusting cause apparently nobody knows how to read

she deserves so much better. i really, really hope shes doing well

[alostbeautynomore]

Decided I’m going to do something as a memorial for my angel babies. Since there is no grave to visit I think I may get a snow globe (I collect them and they are my favorite) in memory of them. It’s something to be able to look at when I feel sad but also something that I love so I’m hoping that helps. Also called psych and got an appt for Tuesday… battling depression sucks but hopefully an increase in my meds will help. Also I was looking through my old pics and I came across the picture of the sac (yes I know that sounds gross but I was scared when I passed it and wanted to show my dr) and I just realized I can see the shape of my little babe (#2). I feel so nauseous. I wish I saw this before. I think I was so upset I couldn’t even process it all before. But yup that’s hitting my heart hard. Send good vibes bc this girl is going through hell over here

[dear-mahal-ko]

I wish i knew

It hurts knowing I lost you in a short amount of time. I don’t know if ill ever be okay. But i know you are my guiding angel. I think about holding you in my arms. I had a name for you with Gods whisper telling me what to name you. I miss the small talks in the mornings. Mama ❤️

I don’t know how to to be okay right now. It pains me enough to block the pain God has reasons for to take you away from me. I feel like its karma. Looking at the days you would call me Mama and tell me you want something in your sweet voice.

You heartbeat will always live in my heart as I heard it for the last and first time. I will miss you Zion. Mama loves you Zee 🤍

Have arthur take care of you there cuz he knows i would love you as much as I do with the people that I love.

[skywalking-through-life]

Sorry for the unusually real and personal chaplain thoughts, but I need to put this into the ether, because it needs to go somewhere that isn't just inside me: days where I go from sitting with a family in the grief of miscarriage to joyfully celebrating and blessing the arrival of a long-awaited healthy child with a different family (in the span of half an hour) are days where the spiritual and emotional whiplash of my job really smacks me in the face.

[aftertheheavydrinking]

3

December 10, 2023: Looking in the mirror, the weariness of recent days showed on my face, making even simple tasks like getting ready for a bath a bit challenging. I couldn't help but laugh at my reflection, because I look a bit of an effin' homeless hobo. My growing bump, feeling a bit heavy and seemed bigger than expected, is a typical trait from my Poppa's side of the family. Memories of a similar experience with my first baby, JD, made me smile. I miss JD being a baby. He’s so big now.

Despite the restlessness, my dedication to the creature inside me remains strong. I continue to take Duphaston, Pre-Natal Vitamins, and Anmum to ensure that whatever it is inside me remains healthy. I am still adjusting from my new norm of working from home but today felt different; I woke up feeling a little better from getting a good night’s sleep which was a relief from the preceding restless and insomnia driven days then I decided, it’s time for my 1st TransV Ultrasound.

En route to the diagnostic center, a thought crossed my mind: is it safe to ride a motorcycle in my condition? A thought I quickly dismissed. There’s not much of a line there compared to hospitals, I had other preggy tests done first, then came the ultrasound. Excitement built as I prepared to see my baby for the first time, I prepared my phone putting it on record when I noticed a sign saying that taking photo’s and video’s are not allowed. It frustrated me since I remember it being okay during JD’s time. How will I see my baby moving in my tummy when I’m at home, tho?

The Sonoligist already inserted the thingymajiggy inside me when I noticed a sudden change in her face, then came in the question, “Nagsspotting ka ba?” I answered, “No, why? May problema po ba?” My heart raced as I bombarded her with all sorts of questions, but the stupid bitch’s only response was “Pabasa mo nalang sa OB mo, or kung gusto mo dito ka na pacheck-up?” I tried so hard not to punch her in the face, I kept my cool and told her “It’s okay, mabilis naman mag respond and OB-GYN ko sa mga messages ko, salamat.” My husband stared at me, aware that this bitch’s testing of my patience was pushing my pregnant limits. On our way out of the room, a word she uttered to her assistant grabbed my attention; “Subchorionic Hemorrhage”.

My heart races fast because such a big word must mean something really bad. While calmly waiting for the Transvaginal Ultrasound results, the receptionist hands me my other preggy test results, assuring everything is normal except for my elevated blood sugar. Which was ironic, considering my pregnancy cravings revolve around all things mango. Yet, this was the least of my worry, as I've already googled the unfamiliar term voiced by the sonologist.

Despite our initial plans to visit my in-laws, my husband decided to head home, driving his motorcycle obnoxiously slow, somewhat realizing that using the motorcycle today might not have been his best choice. Anxiously, I clutch my stomach, praying that whatever it is inside me is fine.

Praying and hoping that everything will be fine.

—

More to come.

[shir0ch4ns-art]

TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

[plainselfraisingflour]

I just want to share. I'm feeling stressed so here's a warning: this is about trying to conceive and when I have been successful in conceiving.

The story starts with a one night stand that was so good it turned into a three year no strings attached. To put that into perspective: I got oregnant that night because we were both really stupid. That's how good the sex was.

It miscarried fairly quickly.

Next, a few years later when I was with my boyfriend who is now my husband: my mirena FELL OUT (note: do not use a menstrual cup with a mirena), and I got pregnant. Again, miscarriage.

Now, we are actually trying to conceive and in October we did conceive but then it miscarried.

Now I am just so worried about it all. People know we're trying to conceive but I didn't mean to tell them - it just happened because I wasn't drinking wine.

I keep bouncing back and forth between "this week I can have soft cheese but next week I can't have any" and all these other food-related concerns. So much thinking about food. Food is big in my life and it's hard thinking about it in terms of "I can't do that because it's possible that I'm pregnant".... and then I'm not.

This isn't anything too bizarre for a lot of people - difficulty in conceiving is difficult for so many reasons.

I'm worried about it. I'm worried.

My husband doesn't dwell on things like I do - I get that. But he asks questions that I don't know the answer to, so I try to find answers. But he could also try to find these answers. And he forgets what I tell him.

And I get angrier and more stressed.

I need to write this in my diary instead of here.

[northgazaupdates]

EXTREME EMERGENCY! Medical fees preventing emergency hysterectomy!!!

Maha @mahafamily1 needs to have an emergency hysterectomy! She recently had a miscarriage, and if she does not have a hysterectomy NOW, she will die!!

The doctor told her EVERY MINUTE OF DELAY DECREASES HER CHANCE OF SURVIVAL!!! Minute-by-minute, we are losing Maha!!!

Because her recent emergency operation had to be paid on credit, and is not yet paid, Maha now needs to pay the full cost of the hysterectomy up-front before the procedure will be done!!! She urgently URGENTLY requires $2000 USD in order to survive!!!

MAHA IS DYING AS I TYPE THIS!!! I am in tears begging you all, do not let medical bureaucracy take such a beautiful soul!!!!

NEED TO RAISE: €1,922 EUR ($2000 USD)!!!

PROGRESS: €0/€1922

@90-ghost @nabulsi @sayruq @sar-soor @feluka @neptunerings @wellwaterhysteria @buttercuparry @watermotif @rhubarbspring @butchniqabi @butchfeygele @butchfeygela @dykesbat @dykesymmetry @dykeslexic @dykesbat @dykesbian @lesbianmaxevans @frigidwife @diasdelasombra @cuntylouis @awomanofsorts @brutaliakhoa @beserkerjewel @neechees @kibumkim @feminismwecandoit @gazagfmboost @palhelp @dlxxv-vetted-donations @commissions4aid-international @palipunk-blog @irhabiya @iraqiprincess @self-hating-zionist @antizionisttranslations @antizionistprincess @capacity2 @africant

[malakkc-poetry]

Diploma Certificate for my poem: Rainbow of Loss

[alostbeautynomore]

I am not handling the miscarriages well. I feel pathetic for still being heartbroken since finding out I was pregnant with baby #1 and then again with baby #2. I should be moving on since it’s been a while but all I feel is sadness. Like a part of me is gone. Their due dates months were really hard and Baby #1 was conceived in august and it’s now august again and my heart hurts so much. I still catch myself touching my stomach when I get stressed or sad (just like I did when I was pregnant and would talk to babes). It’s like a subconscious move but once I realize it just makes me hurt again. I feel so pathetic for being sad. It was months ago. They were early losses. But Baby #2 was the hardest emotionally and physically. And I just don’t know how to feel better. A doesn’t understand. I can’t blame him. He didn’t have the same attachment as I did since it was my body ya know. But still I feel ashamed to still be struggling. I feel so alone

[methylphenidatedreams]

I had a dream that there was a comic dealing with Wonder Woman’s grief after she suffered a miscarriage

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

vetted campaigns from today. i know i keep saying this, but please please donate if you have the means and share as widely as you can. if you've been feeling helpless, supporting one or multiple of these fundraisers is a simple, easy way to make a meaningful difference. please don't pass it by.

july 14th:

Widow Bashaer, her newborn daughter, her six siblings, and their mother ($8,372/$40,000) - @bshaeromars-blog, @entesarfares2013, verified by @/90-ghost

Mohammed Bardaweel, his wife, and their two little children, one of whom needs surgery (€6,684/€37,000) - @mohbardaweel, verified by @/el-shab-hussein

Munna Tashmali and her five children (this is the third time they've lost their home) (£2,926/£30,000) - @monashamali, verified by @/nabulsi

Ahmed Al-Nabih, his two brothers, and their mother, who needs treatment for diabetes and other chronic conditions (€10,471/€30,000) - @ahmedalnabeeh11, #218 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet

Rajaa, Khaled, and their one-year-old son ($1,403 CAD/$20,000 CAD) - @rajaagaza, @khaleedgaza, verified by @/90-ghost

Aseel Asaad and her family of ten (kr18,842 SEK/kr200,000 SEK) - @aseelooo2, verified by @/90-ghost

Ahmed, Eman, and their two little children (€1,553/€15,000) - @zain-leen1993, @leen-gaza, verified by @/90-ghost

Momen Alostaz and his family of ten, including several children, a newborn, and Momen's chronically ill parents (€13,793/€70,000) - @momen-alostaz, @mo98h, verified by @/nabulsi

Soha Balousha, her husband Hassan Al-Mishaal, and their four children, two of whom are very young ($171/$40,000) - @ahedhassan99, extended family of Mahmoud Balousha (#124 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet)

Mohammed Al Manasra (needs treatment for chronic respiratory illness), his wife, and their three little children (the family has already lost many members) (€24,967/€40,000) - @save-mohamed-family, #192 on @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi's spreadsheet

Helping Khaled Altaban continue his education (£626/£10,000) - @khaledaltaban, verified by @/90-ghost

Reuniting Mervat Abu Aser with her parents and five sisters ($13,871/$70,000) - @sam-aser, #104 on strawberry seeds collective's spreadsheet

Helping Siraj Abudayeh, his wife, and their three young children to rebuild their treasured home ($6,278 CAD/$82,000 CAD) - @siraj2024, #219 on @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein's spreadsheet

Maha Ibrahim, her husband Ahmed Al-Habil, their two little children, one of whom is immune-compromised, and Ahmed's parents (his father is diabetic and needs treatment for ulcers) (kr34,232 NOK/kr1,067,200 NOK) - @mahaibrahim12, @ahmedkhabil, #79 on butterfly effect project's spreadsheet

Mai Balousha, her husband Raed (needs treatment for a back injury and chronic chest problems), and their four children (€394/€52,000) - @nourbader2019, verified by @/90-ghost

Youssef Al-Habeel, his wife, and their little son Majd, who needs treatment for severe respiratory illness (£1,865/£20,000) - @savefamilyyousef, verified by @/90-ghost

Wattan Abu El Aish, her husband Bassel, and their two little children (€4,568/€50,000) - @duhafamily, verified by @/90-ghost

Ramez Hilles and his family of ten, including several children (€1,106/€37,000) - @ramezderar, verified by @/90-ghost

not yet vetted:

Mohammed Ayyad, his wife, and their five children (€11,263/€35,000) - @mohammad1980ayyad, @m430235341

Eman and her family of six ($339 CAD/$70,000 CAD) - @emhema1

Spouses Haneen and Mohammad (Haneen recently suffered her fourth miscarriage) and Mohammad's elderly parents, one of whom is in a wheelchair (€0/€25,000) - @haneenandmohammed

if you interact with one post today, let it be this one. these families cannot wait.