#i am doing better though i have already talked my feeling out and rationalized what happened but im just very tired

[shir0ch4ns-art]

TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

[sschmendrick]

Maybe I should go back to seeing my therapist, he was a good person, à l'écoute, but maybe I should explain why I stopped seeing him (on top of work load becoming unbearable).

Same with my psychiatrist though I think it'll be harder to see her because of the summer.

[bee-wg]

Year 3:

Now that I think about it, football has been a constant in my life for five years now. I’m not sure if I enjoy football anymore; it used to be about the fun we have passing the ball, now it’s all about the stats or the perfect form. 

I stood up from the bleachers to hand Brad his towel.

“I’m going to leave the team, Brad,” I said.

“What? Where did this come from?” He said frantically.

“Everyone knows I’m still on the team because you’re the team’s captain now,” I said.

“I don’t want to cause tension between you and Coach. There’s nothing I could do wobbling around the field anyway,” I added.

“Dude, you know I started playing football because of you, right?” Brad said.

“Bradley, relax. I’m not dead. You can come over to my house whenever you want.” I said.

“Theo can make you some lemon pudding cakes if you want to come,” hopefully this will calm him.

“Fine. Just so you know, I’m not happy about this,” he said, sounding like a brat.

“Okay, got it. Have fun at the party,” I chuckled.

“I won’t. I’m going to make the DJ play Lana Del Rey,” he said before entering the locker room.

There might be an oversight of me quitting football.

It’s literally the reason why I quit. I don’t know why it never crossed my mind.

How the fuck am I going to lose weight now?

“Maybe I would’ve thought it if the word, “exercise” was anywhere on my to-do list this past year,” the voice from the back of my head said.

Shut up, rational thought. I was just a little too cocky, that’s all.

My mind spins around the paths I could take to shed the fat.

Back to the gym for the bodybuilders to laugh at me jiggling like a puddle of slime on the treadmill.

No. Hard no.

Stop eating whatever Theo puts in front of my face.

Productive, but I’d rather die than miss out on the joy of the world.

Post my weight loss journey edits on social media, reminiscing on my rock-hard abs like a depressed, fat person.

No? No, actually it might just work.

My thumbs got to work. It took me an hour to choose a profile picture that represents me. I could go for a vacation photo by the beach, or the classic black and white moody gym pic. Except, I don’t have a picture of myself on my phone, so I chose the picture of an orange cat eating a banana.

With my camera set up, in my favourite green tank top. I pressed record.

It was an embarrassing experience editing myself, watching my belly sway every time I made a movement. In the end, I closed my eyes and uploaded the video.

“Oh! First comment already.” I said.

“Look at those milkers spilling out the tanks!”

3. Post my weight loss journey edits on social media, reminiscing on my rock-hard abs like a depressed, fat person.

The following weeks consisted of me eating my feelings. At least half of my classes are online this semester. I can be embarrassed in peace.

The pounds kept creeping up with each spoon of ice cream down my throat. In the blink of an eye, I am dangerously close to 300 pounds.

I finally worked up the courage to ask during a normal family dinner.

“Honey, what happened? You’re not eating as fast as usual. Is Theo not cooking enough?” Mom asked.

“No, Mom, I just…I just hope you guys can ease up with your little cooking competitions.”

“Oh honey, you know Theo and I will stop with the food whenever you ask.” Mom tries to reassure me.

“No! Obviously don’t stop the food. It’s just that I’ve been blowing up like a pig and I don’t know what to do about it.” I said.

“I didn’t know you were sad about it. I just want my family to be happy, you look the happiest when you eat,” Mom said

“It wouldn’t have helped when you guys lost for the past two years,” Mom added.

“Well, Dad likes to eat better, and no one eats like him,” I replied. 

“I’m sure my cooking was the reason we won. David is a gym teacher, he walks off the food easily,” Mom said.

“Theo is a professional though, no offence but no one on the planet cooks like him. I’m sure football was the reason we lost,” I said, trying to talk some sense into her.

Theo stares at us with wide eyes.

“Jacob, I’m sure you didn’t mean it,” Mom said with a blank face.

“You know what? Keep doing your competition, this time again next year we’ll see who’s the winner,” I said.

I am clearly a failure at losing weight. The only thing I’m good at is eating. If I’m going to gain weight anyway, I’m going to go all out and win this shit once and for all. Once this is settled, I can get back to normal. Not wanting to disappoint Theo when we lose again was probably the thing holding me back. I can’t wait to eat all the delicious things Theo is- I can’t wait for this to be over.

“Alright, Jay,” she turned to Theo and said.

“Theo, my boy. I’m looking forward to seeing the results next year,” Mom said with a determined smile.

Everyone knows not to mess with Mom when she has that look. Even then, I feel like we could still win. Theo’s food is hypnotic already when I am restrained; imagine what it will do to me when I’m going all out.

“What’s going on again?” Dad asked with cheeks full of pasta.

“Don’t worry baby, you just need to eat a little more next year,” Mom answered.

“Okay, as long as I get my lasagnas,” Dad said.

Later at night, struggling to sleep, I contemplated on the bad decisions I’ve made. This one might take the crown to be the stupidest thing I’ve done. Yet, I don’t regret it.

“You didn’t have to stand up for me,” Theo said.

“It’s the least I can do when you wake up early to prep for my food, or go off on the weekends for groceries when you could’ve been doing anything else,” I explained.

“Thank you so much, Jay. You don’t know how much this means to me. My family wanted me to do anything other than cooking, but you guys have been nothing but supportive,” he said.

I smiled at the ceiling. The gremlin is nicer than I remember.

“Now, I won’t allow you to slack anymore with the amount you’re eating. Not until the competition ends.”

Huh?

Theo had stuck to his word and increased the amount he was cooking. I am now eating the amount of three people in each spread-out meal, still lacking behind Dad’s impressive five person’s amount per meal. So I have been playing catch up with him this entire month.

I realized quickly that I had underestimated the gap between Dad and my appetite. In the last few years, for the most part, I have been eating whatever I want, leaving the rest to Dad. With the exception of eating for the team once a week, I have been slacking. That was quite a hard pill to swallow. I’m 300 pounds, yet not doing a good job as a fatass. How is that possible?

So far I have gained about 23 pounds in the past two months. Normally, I would freak out and have a breakdown in bed because I’ve gained more than my freshman year in two months. Right now with my messed up head, all I can think about is how far I am behind. If we lose this again, it would be once and for all, and I would never let myself live this down. Theo deserves better with how good he’s been treating me.

With my new bulk, the stairs have been an increasing challenge. So, a few weeks ago I moved downstairs to a tiny guest room that was converted to a storage room.

The moment I moved down, I could hear Theo’s voice yelling, “Yes, Finally! Goodbye insomnia,” In my old bedroom. Before, I would’ve yelled for the brat to shut up. Now, with my stomach full. I just wanted a nap in peace.

It took me no time to adjust to the new arrangement. With more time home from all the online classes, I get to be as lazy as I want. Dad has a similar arrangement at home. He retired from being a high school gym teacher and football coach, now he tutors history at home. He also abandoned his hobby of brewing in order to laze on the sofa all day.

On weekdays, Theo would leave an abundance of food for me to consume with a list of how I should eat them to expand my capacity. The weekends are like heaven. From the moment I woke up, Theo would prepare delicious appetizers and pancakes for me. From then on, I would have a constant stream of food flowing into my mouth every thirty minutes. Sometimes, I would move my hands and my mouth would start to chew unconsciously. Alarming, but helpful. 

My belly started to expand outwards on my lap each day as I sat in front of the computer. The arm rest would feel more snug when I move around.

I have now discovered the perks of being a fatass. I can explore things I never had time to do, like the anime Brad has been begging me to watch, games I always wanted to play. Best of all is to experience all of these without moving an inch. These are the things I would definitely look back on with fondness when the competition ends.

***

Today is my rare outing of the month; the bus is late again but I don’t blame them this time. The downpour of rain is gathering at the clogged sewer, creating a puddle. People are supposed to grow out of stepping in puddles when they’re kids. These undeveloped assholes apparently didn’t. Several cars saw the puddle and decided to splash it straight to my face.

It’s fine. It’s all fine. I will feel better later.

I walked a small trail after getting off the bus.

Great. The angels decide to stop peeing from the heavens when I’m about to get inside.

Dad is buying a new SUV, maybe I can drive it next time. It’s too big to sneak off though.

I thought as I skipped through the stone pathway. The usual grass is covered by the water, creating a small pond.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” I said to the door cam.

After pressing the doorbell several times, it replied.

"안녕, fuck boy. Back so soon?" Number Seven said.

“Yeah, yeah. Just open the damn door,” I said, trying to hurry the fucker.

Number Seven’s face appears in front of me.

“You’re soaked! Come on in,” he said.

His house appears to be orderly. Clean. He must’ve had another fatass here not long ago.

“Woah, you look—Wait, let me guess. Another fifteen pounds since last time?” He asked.

“Come on, let’s cut to the chase. I really need it right now,” I urged.

“Hahaha, not even a shower. Desperate much?” He said.

I walked inside his bedroom, dimmed the lights and took off my shirt.

He walked towards me. Grabbing me by the belly hang in one hand, he pulls down my underwear, causing my ass to vibrate.

“Fuuuuck, can you take it out first?” I asked, trying not to moan.

“Sure, you think you’re ready for me today?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” I answered. 

He slid his hand behind, right down my ass crack and slowly pulled the vibrator off. I applied it before leaving home, without accounting for the possibility of the bus delay.

“Mmmmph, fuck,” I groaned.

I’ve been training towards today for a while. In the beginning, I would come to his house and he would suck me off. If I’m feeling experimental, I would suck him off. It stayed like that for about a year and he never complained. Then I asked him for more. He would start fucking me between my moobs or between my ass but never enter. One day, I told him I was ready for him to start fucking me.

Big mistake.

He’s a manwhore for a reason. I didn’t think an 8-inch would be so hard to take. How the girls and twinks take them in porn is beyond me. It was painful when he entered, even when he said he had “loosened my hole” with his fingers. I shouldn’t have believed him, the fucking thing was massive.

After the incident, he gave me small dildos and vibrators to get used to it. We eventually worked our way up the scale until the one he’s holding now. Why did I do all this work to have a men’s dick in my ass? Who knows. I have already accepted that I’ve lost it.

He sucked on my nipple suddenly. The sensation took me by surprise.

“Dude, some warnings please,” I asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Those tits are just so plumped. Your nipples have grown larger than my thumbs now,” he said, about to continue.

“OKAY, I get it. Can you get to work now?” I asked.

My boobs are what everyone thinks about when they see me these days. I’m sick of it.

“Hahahaha, can’t wait to be fucked, my pig?” He said before pushing me down the mattress.

I held my belly to stop it from jiggling. 

He raised one of my legs and opened the bottle of lube with his teeth.

“There’s something by the pillow. Put it in your mouth. It will distract you and dull the initial pain,” Number Seven instructed.

I reached out to grab a—frosted pound cake?

I’ve never seen people doing this in porn, but I’m smart enough to know not everything in porn is real. 

With my mouth full of cake, I spread out my legs, trying to relax so I don’t end up like last time.

He pushed two fingers in, slowly massaging me, then three fingers to stretch my hole. When the frosting melted in my mouth and I finished the chunk of the cake, he signalled me that he was done.

Another piece of the pound cake fills my mouth when he aligns his cock to my hole. He was right, I was fully consumed by the sweetness to notice any discomfort. I quickly swallowed the cake so he could proceed. 

It was unbearably slow as he entered. I don’t understand what all the fuss is about with people bottoming.

He kept asking for reassurance. At this point I just want him to st—

“A-ahhhh oh shiiit!” I moaned.

“Fuuuuuck, what the hell was that?” I screamed.

I must have been too loud and spooked him.

“Are you alright? Sh-should I call an ambulance?” He asked.

“No! Don’t stop, please,” I begged

“Okay, just so you know, I’m not all the way in,” He said.

How? This is already longer than any toys I’ve put in there.

“Gnghhhhh~” I moaned as he thrusts all the way to the bottom.

He kept a steady pace all the way in then almost all the way out, leaving me feeling empty.

“Hurry! Faster,” I asked, almost in tears.

He looked at me with a devious smile and thrust right into the spot.

“Mphn- Yes! Keep going,” I urged.

Every small movement rubbing my G-spot feels like masturbating for hours without release.

He thrusts quicker with more force, causing my belly and moobs to shake violently. 

I try to stabilize my belly with my hand before trying to reach my throbbing cock.

“Help, I-aghh fuck, I need to touch my dick,” I asked.

“Let go of your belly, fat boy. Or I’ll stop,” He said.

Immediately, my belly returned to wobble violently.

“I can’t believe you turned into such a pathetic horny mess in such a short time,” He said.

”Come on, Seven. I just need you to hit that spot. Please, I’ll do anything!” I begged.

He keeps deliberately missing it. I need to be fucked there!

“Keep your hands on your nipples,” he ordered.

The over-sensitive nipples drive my weeping cock into a frenzy.

Fuck, I need to touch my cock right now. If only my fucking belly is not on the way.

“You know, when I first saw you, I thought you were the kind of jock to gain a beer belly in college, and not get fat until you turn thirty,” he said, before ramming straight into my prostate.

“Fuuuuck yeahhh,” I said unintelligently. 

“You are much more of a pig than I realized,” he said, thrusting straight into it again.

“Helll yeahhh,” I said, trying to rob my ass to his dick.

“How do you feel seeing your bubble butt balloons four times the original size?” He asked, followed by another thrust. 

“I fucking love it! I love how it wobbles around whenever I walk!” I said, moving my jiggling ass back to his dick again.

“How do you feel seeing your abs growing before your eyes, knowing you could stop it if you just stop eating?”Another thrust.

“I can’t help it! I love eating too much!” Maybe I am meant to be a fat ass.

“Right answer. Now you’ll get your reward,” he said and sped up, hitting the spot perfectly every time.

I imagine his face to be someone else, someone far from my league.

My cock rubbed against my sensitive underbelly, and I shot out jets of cum for what felt like forever.

As white clouded my vision, a euphoric relief spread over my body, melting me into the mattress.

“You passing out again, fuck boy?” Seven asked.

“No, just enjoying the bliss. I can’t believe so many men in the world are missing out on this,” My hole already feels empty. How am I going to go back from this?

“Aww man, I’m all sticky and shit,” I examined my body, cum shots and rain definitely don’t mix well together. Some of them even got between the fat folds. I swipe my finger in between the fat. “Oof, I stink too.”

Seven looked at me and signed. “You’re somehow still a stupid jock inside.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“I got you the fast food you asked for,” he said.

“Yes!” I rushed to the kitchen.

Ignoring his stupid laugh, I microwaved the burger and fries.

The breeze of the air conditioning reminds me of something.

“Shit, I ran out here naked.”

When I ran back, he had already put my clothes in the dryer, and I got into the shower.

When I got out, Seven brought me an old shirt I left here. It fits me like a glove with half my belly exposed. He stopped laughing when I was about to throw myself on him, then brought out a shirt with the Flash’s symbol on. Probably from another fat ass he fucks. The shirt still looks painted on, revealing the shape of my nipple and the dent of my belly button. At least he’s driving me home.

***

Staying at home has been a life-altering experience. 

The only time I ever move is going out of the bed to the desk, or to the bathroom. All I have to do is sit back, relax, and eat some fried food. 

With more time with myself. I’ve realized how much I dislike all the people in school that only approached me because I was one of the football jocks. I could’ve been anyone. Now, I am me. Not a worry about whether or not I’m muscular enough like other jocks, just a bigger Jay.

Sitting beside me, Dad scratched his belly and released a belch without a care in the world. He has adapted to fat guy mannerisms quickly. I’m catching up too. Today is movie night, usually we have pizzas and beers. We started this when the football season came, he asked to skip it. It was the first time we’ve skipped watching a Super Bowl season. I guess I’m not the only one losing interest in the sport. We decided to watch the Lin-Manuel Miranda Monkey movie instead.

Being on the couch with Dad made me realize I was getting closer to my goal. I can’t wait to see the results.

***

“Hell yeah, my man, you can do it!” Brad said, slapping my shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” I asked

“You said I can come in whenever I like,” he replied.

He’s been breaking into my house for no reason, just to stay on the second floor the entire time doing god knows what.

“I’ve brought some beef jerky here to celebrate,” Brad said.  

The scale has been set up, we’re only waiting on Mom. They’re doing some last minute catch up; mom is using a funnel to pour some milkshake in him. I am not concerned though, sticking to Theo’s strict diet every day has not been easy. I have to eat until my stomach is fully bloated. Every morning, I watch my belly deflate a little less, every evening, it bloats even further. 

“Don’t worry, Jay. We’ve got this,” Theo assured me.

“By the way, what are we doing again?” Brad asked.

Dad came out, looking absolutely massive. With Mom on his side, he stepped on the scale.

The numbers keep going up and don't seem to be stopping.

300-350-392-400-443

Holy shit, Dad gained a hundred and forty pounds this year. 

With more uncertainty, I took my step on the scale.

“Woo-Hoo, Jay man, you got this!” Brad shouted quietly.

I try to look under to see the number, but my belly is too big for me to see the scale.

Theo stepped closer and read. 

“Four Hundred and fifty yes!” Theo cheered.

“I won? Yes, finally!” I said and did a little jump.

The scale made a “Pop” noise.

“Oh! Sorry, Mom. I know this is really expensive.”

“Don’t worry, sweetie. We need to upgrade anyway,” Mom said, then she walked towards Theo.

“Congratulations Theo, you made me pull out every trick in my book. It’s so nice seeing you improve so much in front of my eyes, in terms, you pushed me to improve too,” Mom said, then hugged Theo.

“I can’t believe my boy is bigger than me now. Excellent work, Jay!” Dad said and hugged me, too.

Last time I was bigger than Dad I had sculpted abs, the body I dreamed of. This time, I’m almost three times the size as I was, fully covered with fat. Yet, I feel less empty inside.

“Thank you Dad,” I said, hugging him back. 

After all this time, I finally have a body I like being in. The belly doesn't look so wrong on me anymore.

Chapter 4 ->

[kamisama1kiss]

The ninja reaction to an intense fight between them and their lover??? 😭🙏

The angst is crazy, I will do it since I love my silly lego men and Nya (girl power). PLEASE, I felt as if I kept repeating myself doing this 😔 sorry guys

~~~

{ Ninjago Headcanons } Thier reaction to an intense argument

~Lloyd Garmadon~

His first instinct was to jump into trying to calm the situation, even if he was the who snapped into the argument or not. Even if he is more on the calm side, he could lose his temper if everything continues to go left.

It wouldn't last long, but when it does happens he tries to keep collected but usually ends up walking away if it gets too much for him. (Dont worry, he is only gone for top, maybe 20 minutes)

~Kai Smith

Simply would be shocked in the start, immediately jumps in to trying to find the problem, but some of his anger could get the best of him. There is never a time when he wants to argue, but he just can't handle such conflicts if he happens to already, but more on the moody side of the time being.

He would never raise his voice. Maybe upset, yes? Feeling hurt, maybe? Depends on why you're arguing. But raising his voice or turning physical is something that would NEVER happen.

~Cole Brookstone~

Flinched at first, confused at why you'd be upset, not understand what could have caused it. Taking a deep breath while talking in a gental tone, wishing to not make you further upset. His lover is a main priority in life, which meant he would be very patient.

Even if he didn't agree, he would let you speak out everything to then come with pointers to tell his side.

~Zane Julian~

Lord, someone save him. He does understand responsibility and could tell simply that by your nature, you've been more on edge. When his lover finally spoke up about it all, it came out more aggressive them he could imagine. Simply, he would try to soothe you to calm down.

Talking a more rational approach, giving you a drink and a seat. Even though he was upset, he'd prefer to sort it out and then lash back out.

~Jay Walker~

Not even for a moment did he consider it was him at fault, would argue back without even it register it in his mind. Eventually, having you left only made him pout as when he thought about it for himself, only to actually finally notice how dumb he was being about his reaction.

Would try to find you with a small little gift to hopefully make you happy before talking it out.

~Nya Smith~

She had the same tempor as her brother but more calmer, yet she could get a bit snappy. But as her lover, her first instinct was to find the problem and fix it. She'd definitely had a frown trying to pry its way up as arguing was never her cup of tea, it was definitely hidden though.

No matter what the situation, she wouldn't dare to leave until everything was talked about and figured out.

~~~

I AM BACK!! I am starting to feel better to write again as writers block decided to slowly wither away finally. Hope you enjoy!!♡

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Floyd Leech - Beach Wear Vignette

"'Flying Jellyfish'"

[Uninhabited Island – Sea]

Floyd: WAHOOOO!! GOIN' FOR ANOTHER FLIP!

[waves CRAAASH down]

Floyd: YAAAY! THIS FEELS AWESOME～♪

[waves CRAAASH down]

Jack: That guy's pretty amazing. He's getting better and better at surfing every time I see him.

Azul: Pbbft augh! And here I am doing everything I can to just stand on my board…

Jack: You need to work on your posture. Push your center of gravity in the direction you want to go without overdoing it.

Azul: Your advice is very rational and helpful, Jack-san. Floyd's relies too much on feeling.

Jack: Hm… …It's starting to get dark. We should probably leave the waters.

Azul: Yes, I agree. Floyd! We'll be heading back to the cottage soon!

Floyd: Ehh ～～～ Already?

Azul: It will be difficult to discern anything in the ocean at night. It's far too dangerous for us, especially now that we cannot transform back into our original mer-form.

Floyd: Fiiiine… Tch. I'm not done havin' fun, though. I wonder if there's anything we can do for fun at night around here.

Jack: At night, hm… Well, this is an uninhabited island, so it's pitch black at night. We'd only have the moonlight to do anything by. It'd be pretty impossible to do stuff outside.

Azul: Then, shall we create some kind of simple board games or card games to play inside with?

Floyd: Ehh～ Board games and card games can be done during the day, and we can play them anytime back on campus, too. That's not what I'm talking about…

Floyd: I wanna do somethin' fun that I can only do at night on this island, somethin' that's all bam and wheew and awesome!

Azul: There you go again with trying to describe it irrationally…

Floyd: Hmmm～ …AH! I GOT IT!

Floyd: Hey, hey, Azul. There's something I want you to show me how to do…

[Uninhabited Island – Near Spaceship]

Floyd: Stitch～ you there?

Stitch: ?

Floyd: So hey, can I have some of the leftover parts that you're not usin' to fix up your spaceship with?

Stitch: Ye.

Floyd: Hmm, so I wanna grind up all this metal into dust… Can you do that for me, Stitch?

Stitch: Rock and roll!

[shaka, shaka, shaka, shaka, shaka!!]

Floyd: Woah, awesome! Man, you really can do anything. You reduced a bunch of different parts to dust lickety-split.

Floyd: Mmkay, then it's Dr. Floyd's Experimentation Time～

Floyd: First, I'll start with this powder… Oh, I got green sparks!

Floyd: From this powder, I got red sparks, and this one over here gets me purple.

Floyd: And then using that rotten smellin' mud from the hot springs… I'll put it on this stick I dried… Like this…

Floyd: Aha, it's lookin' good! I'm a genius ♪

Stitch: ???

Floyd: You curious what I'm making, Stitch? This is what we call a "Flying Jellyfish."

Floyd: Uhhh, what did they call 'em on land, again? Oh, right, fireworks! Do you know what fireworks are?

Stitch: Yeah!

Floyd: Oh, are you gonna help me make some fireworks? Thanks～

Floyd: Back when we were kids, me and Jade would go up to the coastline to check 'em out. Ah, and when I say Jade, I'm talking about my brother.

Stitch: Ohana!

Floyd: Hm? Jade's not whatever that is. He's the same moray eel merman like me.

Stitch: ???

Floyd: Didn't I tell you? I'm a merman. Before I came to school, I lived in the ocean my whole life.

Floyd: And like, back in elementary school, we'd sneak up to the surface and watch the fireworks.

Floyd: My pops and mama always told us that it was dangerous for us kids to go by ourselves, so we shouldn't go near it.

Stitch: Grrr, rargh!

Floyd: Hmm? Oh, it's nothing like that. That whole thing where the humans and merfolk were afraid of each other is stuff from a long, long time ago.

Floyd: Folks've been comin' and goin' between the land and sea for a while now, ever since the mermaid princess married that human prince.

Floyd: But the reason why us elvers were told to stay away from the beaches was 'cause of the dangers of high waves or ebbing tides leavin' us stranded on the shore.

Floyd: The adults can somewhat get back on their own, but it's not that easy for the kids, y'know.

Floyd: There'd be a buncha shop all up and down the coast, too.

Floyd: Kinda like how we did the cottage here, they'd set up shops along the shoreline selling food, or accessories, or whatever.

Floyd: My parents own a few stores like that…

Floyd: But like, those were all stores for adult merfolks. They didn't like us kids goin' in by ourselves.

Floyd: So yeah, me 'n Jade would often go hang out near the beaches without tellin' them.

Floyd: 'Cause, I mean, if someone tells you not to do something, doesn't it just make you want to do it more?

Stitch: Yahahahaha!

Floyd: There's a ton of cool things to find around the shoreline… And the flying jellyfish ―the fireworks― were our favorite thing.

Floyd: It's super amazing to watch fireworks from the ocean.

Floyd: The light from the fireworks light up the dark ocean surface, sparkling like stars…

Floyd: It made me feel like I was swimming in the starry night sky.

Floyd: Oh yeah, you're from space, right, Stitch? That's so cool, I'd love to swim in the starry sky for real someday.

Floyd: I remember when I first came on land, there were a ton of things that new to me, like, strange things and weird people…

Floyd: I bet if I went to space, I'd get to see so many more awesome stuff.

Floyd: 'Cause there's a ton of other aliens like you and Gantu out there, right?

Floyd: Maaan. I bet even if I told him that I met an alien on an uninhabited island, Jade'll never believe me.

Floyd: "Your dreams are overflowing with originality, Floyd," he'd probably say.

Floyd: I know! You should come hang with us at Night Raven College someday, Stitch.

Floyd: You should bring your friends next time, too. I wanna see some crazy weird alien dudes. Like…

Floyd: Maybe an evil genius mad scientist that was the one that made you, or maybe a one-eyed federal agent who likes to wear disguises. Got anyone like that?

Stitch: Yahahahaha!

Azul: Floyd, Stitch-san. There you are. It's almost time for dinner.

Floyd: Eh, already? I got so wrapped up that time flew by so fast.

Azul: How did you do in crafting the firewor… Oh, wow! You've put together quite a lot.

Floyd: All the sticks you see bunched over there are the ones that you showed me how to make, and all these disc-lookin' ones'll spin.

Floyd: And this box over here is my own original creation!

Azul: Fireworks that you yourself put together? It won't explode all of a sudden, right…?

Floyd: It'll be fiiine, don't worry. I pumped a bit of magic into it, too.

Azul: Goodness… Once Floyd decides he wants to do something, his focus shoots through the roof.

Azul: I wish he were more like this during work, as well.

Floyd: After all that excitement, now I'm hungry. Azul, Stitch, can you guys help me carry all the fireworks?

Floyd: We can hide them on the beach and surprise the others later.

Stitch: Yeah!

[Uninhabited Island – Cottage]

Lilia: Floyd, Stitch, what's going on? Why are you taking us outside after we all finished eating?

Ace: The further we get from the cottage, the more pitch black it is. Also, why're you makin' me carry this bucket?

Floyd: It's fine, just trust me. Hurry and follow us.

Jack/Riddle/Ace: ???

[Uninhabited Island – Beach]

Floyd: We have arrived～!

Jack: The beach…? No, you better not be thinking of surfing in this darkness.

Floyd: Wrong～ The correct answer is… This!

[Fweeeeeeee…BOOM!]

Everyone: WOOOAH…!

Lilia: What a spectacular fireworks display! Floyd, how did you prepare all this?

Floyd: Me 'n Stitch made them by grinding up the leftover junk parts into powder.

Grim/Ace/Jack: YOU MADE THESE!?

Floyd: Stitch, can you bring out the rest?

Stitch: Ooo!

[thud, thud]

Jack: Woah! All that stuff Stitch just carried out here on his back… Don't tell me those are all fireworks?

Floyd: Yuup～ I wanted to shoot some fireworks on the beach at night, so I spent all my free time today makin' these.

Grim: This is awesome! I bet we can go all night with how many we got here!

Lilia: The long, thin ones are sparklers, I see… But what's this box?

Floyd: That's my original creation.

Floyd: We'll put it over here a little bit away from us, and… Goldfish-chan, give me a light!

Riddle: Don't use people as you would a match, seriously. …Hah!

[Shwaaaaa…!]

Everyone: OOOOHH…!

Floyd: Whaddya think? Isn't it cool with the way it lights up the pitch-black ocean, makin' it all sparkly?

Ace: Floyd-senpai, this is crazy awesome～! You're a genius! Can I try one too?

Floyd: Go ahead. Do as much as you'd like.

Lilia: Ooh! This sparkler's spitting out green sparks. It's just like the Diasomnia colors ♪

Jack: This one's giving off yellow sparks. Amazing, how'd you get different colors?

Riddle: This is my first time playing with fireworks. I just have to hold this end and light the other end, yes?

Azul: We'll often have fireworks placed on top of cakes and parfaits at the Mostro Lounge for celebrations, but…

Azul: It's not a bad change of pace to do it outside like this.

Grim: Nyahaha! I wanna hold one in both hands and set 'em off!

1. I want to try the hand-held fireworks! 2. I want to try the ground fireworks!

[laughing and cheering]

Azul: You were so gung-ho in preparing these, but you haven't touched a single firework at all.

Floyd: Hmm, I just feelin' like watching right now, instead of doin' anything.

Azul: I never took you for one to become so sentimental while watching fireworks.

Azul: Perhaps you're thinking… "If only Jade could see this too?"

Floyd: Huh, why Jade?

Floyd: I mean, I guess I've thought about how he's probably running the Lounge all by himself right now, so when we get back, we're gonna get an earful of complaints, sure.

Floyd: But it's not like I thought anything like, "Wish he was here～"

Floyd: 'Cause I mean, isn't it more fun to do our own thing and then come back with stories to tell?

Floyd: And if we like what we hear, then next time we can go together, and if it sounds boring, then we don't gotta go.

Floyd: It's not like me 'n Jade are the same person, anyway. Like, he just up and got hooked on hiking in the mountains one day and started going off on his own.

Floyd: Doing stuff on our own is way more fun than always doing the same thing together.

Floyd: 'Sides… If we were together all the time 'round the clock, I bet we'd suuuper hate each other’s guts about now.

Floyd: Like, back when we were kids, we'd get into huge fights and beat each other senseless almost every day.

Azul: Your sibling quarrels are really quite dreadful… I was quite shocked the first time I observed it happen.

Floyd: C'mon, we don't fight as much anymore. But that's 'cause we know if we go all out, our lives would be on the line.

Floyd: Eh, but when we do, we still go at it pretty hard.

[multiple fireworks goes off at once]

Riddle: Hey, Stitch! Grim! Don't get so greedy and light all those fireworks at once!

Stitch/Grim: NYAHA～!

Floyd: Ooh, looks like Stitch 'n them are havin' a blast!

Floyd: I think I'm feelin' like joinin' in now ♪

Azul: Heh. “Something fun that can only be done at night on this island, something bam and wheew and awesome”… Right, I see.

Azul: Have you been sated enough with this, Floyd?

Floyd: Eh～? You think I'd be satisfied just doin' this?

Azul: That was foolish of me to ask. I'm certain by tomorrow, you'll be searching for a different stimulus.

Floyd: See, you know me. Wonder what I should do tomorrow?

Floyd: Not every day that we get tossed onto an uninhabited island like this, so.

Floyd: Just so I can make Jade say, "Please take me with you next time" after he hears my stories…

Floyd: I'm gonna play and go wild and do all the stuff I wanna do, and make sure I have so much fun I don't have time to get bored at all ♪

Requested by Anonymous.

[roxyteal]

(Jesus Christ it happened again. Mobile decided to not only publish the draft but also not save any of my edits. Pardon me if you see any appear) (Oct 30: Put context about his sobriety in the beginning, as opposed to in the middle out of nowhere.)

Today I am compelled to talk about Joe 5. It may include things I already mentioned in a different post, but those were in the tags so if any of this seems like not new info, sorry about that.

ANYWAY

Joe 5. Also this gets long so bear with me.

Joe 5 (but you can use either Joe or 5) came from a complete set copy of "Joe`s basics joke game". He was relatively fine as a person, with highs and lows. He's a bit of a snark but it's usually lighthearted. He even realized he had a problem and got clean, though... Alcohol still kinda haunts him as a result.

At some point, he and his entourage found the Webspace. On that day, they were among two others - a copy of Denied's Basics (the 10th apparently), and the 82nd Dave, who was a rogue for some reason.

Things were alright until it was mentioned that there was a pre-existing Joe and company around, and whether or not they'd like to merge with him, and so on. 5 thought that was weird as Hell and said no. But his companions said yes.

This resulted in 5 distancing from them since they're "not my friends anymore", and "I don't even know them anymore". And from then on, he resented the idea of merging, and that damned "Joe 1" for being so Goddamn happy. What's he all smiley about, he thought. The fucker.

But at least he still had his school. His empty, ghost town of a school. He quickly realized he couldn't live alone in that so he started staying in a tiny apartment, which quickly became a mess because of his plummeting self-worth. If only he'd just gone with everyone else, this could've been avoided, he also thought. It's his punishment for going against the grain. Being different. Maybe even "defective". Well shit, let's be defective. Why not.

He would have his code and model changed so that his hair would grow naturally. Somewhere in his reasons for this was needing to feel responsible for something, so he wouldn't completely fall apart. And maybe having it would make him feel better, whether about himself, in general, or both. He recalled that he considered asking his player about it in the past, but never got the nerve. Better late than never, he tried to rationalize. That's what people say to forgive themselves, right?

But the shoulder-length he requested (and wavy to boot, he didn't realize he had that...) spiraled out of control and now reaches his waist. Of course he couldn't keep up the end of the deal he put upon himself. It really needs the trim, but he couldn't be assed to try, and it disgusts him. The only good thing was how it never tangled. Game magic shit or whatever. But regardless of that, he looked like a cryptid, and he felt like one too.

At this point, his only comforts was TV, eating, and sleeping. He didn't need to do the last two obviously, but it gave him something to do, a distraction. When he ate, he could focus on the taste and nothing else. When he slept, he would stop being able to drown in his thoughts, welcomed instead into nothingness. When he watched TV, it numbed him enough to stop caring.

But even in his lowest moments, he refused to give in to his old addiction of... That. Diving back into it would truly mean the end had come. He'd rather be tortured to the brink before he had a sip again. Even now. Especially now.

He rarely ever left the apartment, kept the lights off, curtains to the balcony closed, and didn't allow visitors. He rarely ever left his bed, in fact. Sometimes he'd lie there and daydream about leaving. To where? Who knows. But this place was so painful to live in because everyone else has it great and he's got nothing so it's like... Just leave. But where?

He'd ponder it. Maybe just go out that tunnel and see where the Internet busses take him. Leave it up to fate. Maybe he'll find a nice little NeoCities domain. That whole area's so fuckin' large, there had to be a place where even 5, a worthless piece of shit, could fit right in! Yeah...

But he never gets out of bed. Out of the apartment. To the entrance tunnel. To the bus stop. To NeoCities. He just lies there, thinking about it. And nothing happens.

One day, he realized he was running out of food. The only reason he'd ever leave his trash heap of an apartment. By this point it was a matter of looking presentable enough to go out into that bright, colorful, vapid world crafted by that... Uh, mask man, and his spooky associates. Or keep staring at the dump that is 5's living space and contemplate if he could live without the sensation of eating. He still had his two other trusty vices, is it okay to lose one?

But, fuck. He loved the instant noodles. The frozen meals. The rice cups he could drizzle a little soy onto. And all the other kinds of convenient, packaged stuff. Goddammit.

So, he stepped around the trash, and next he knew, he was out the door. Fine. Fine. Fine! He'll get so much, he'll never have to come out again!

But as soon as he was outside the building, hair almost encasing his torso like a shroud, something shifted. Today's the day he's going to leave. Yeah. He'll get this done, pack up, make a pitstop to Vincent's or whatever pretentious name that supernatural son of a bitch had, flip off the gaudy building, then head straight for the tunnel. If he had time, he might even egg that fucking place!

This is it! God, it'd been so long since he was excited. Genuinely excited. He wanted to hold onto this forever.

Mood improved, he carried on with his mission. He ignored the other shoppers, checking off everything he picked up from his list. It was one of his first lessons here, because how could anyone remember everything they needed? He sure couldn't.

Things were going fine, until... He bumps into someone. Baldina. And she single-handedly became the craziest thing to happen to him.

He barely recalled the conversation, but it led to her hiring him as an assistant at her school, despite his clear lack of qualifications. It seemed that like Mr. Strobe-bow-skis, she too had plenty of people under her thumb, in numerous positions. A whole network of them.

One of which, 5 got to meet while struggling pitifully with the coffee machine, just seconds away from having a breakdown right then and there. This guy called himself, er, "I'm never"? But one word. Okay sure whatever. And in spite of 5's threatening tones and verbiage, Imnever was patient enough to show him how to use the brewer. Even informed him of how Baldina takes her coffee.

So what's Imnever's story? Oh, he teaches art here. He's more of an animator by trade, but this suited him just fine. Huh. Well, still more impressive than anything 5's ever accomplished.

The three of them became friends. He wasn't sure how that was possible, but finally he had a reason to go outside more often, instead of stewing in his own suffering for weeks at a time. In fact, slowly that poor excuse of an apartment turned into something a little more decent. It wasn't super tidy, but if Imnever, Baldina, or both wanted to visit, finally 5 could and would allow it.

It got to a point where, one morning, they surprised him with a present. A motorcycle. Apparently the two had taken his daydreaming musings seriously, about how cool it would be to have one. Also, 5 had forgotten what day it was - his birthday.

He cried. He couldn't possibly accept this. He didn't know how to ride it. He'd ruin it or hurt someone. All the classic, self-depreciating excuses he was told he was using.

But, as Imnever said, what you don't know, you fear. Once you do, you don't. Frankly that sounded confusing, and yet, these types of phrases helped him get this far, so... Just accept the damn thing.

The helmet was really cool, but he had so much hair that it wouldn't be able to fit. At long last, he got the trim he had desperately needed; up to just below the shoulders. But Baldina did it for him. Almost ironic, but at this point, who cares?

He forgot how light his head felt after the excess was cut down. It was a nice feeling.

Once he actually tried to overcome that fear of failure and took the chance to learn something, he was surprisingly quick on the uptake. And before long, he was zooming down streets in that badass chopper of his.

Maybe the Webspace isn't actually so horrible. But, thinking that, he reminisced about that day, where he was so sure he was gonna leave this domain behind and start over somewhere else. He slowed to a stop in front of Infinite School or something like that. Hm...

And he gave that treacherous high-rise building the bird, laughing manically as he drove onward. Of course he was going to stick around nowadays, but it still felt right to do. And boy was it worth it.

Life here had finally looked up for 5. Until, well... The demon showed up. But that's a whole other fuckin' story.

[vamptarot]

Get To Know Your Reader

— ⭑.ᐟ this post will detail information about me and about my journey with tarot, and it is made with an effort to create a bond with my followers that relies on trust.

Hi sweet little darling, thank you for reading this post and being interested in me and my journey. While I do not enjoy talking about myself too much, I never enjoyed being cold towards people I interact with, could possibly friends with or form any sort of connection with.. so with that in mind, I wanted to make a post in which you get to know who is doing your readings for you, with the utmost friendly manner possible.

To start off, you probably must have read my pinned already in which you get to learn that my screen name is Rory, and that I am a 03 liner! What’s not there though, is that I am genderfluid and prefer he/him pronouns, but I really don’t care if you use different ones for me. At the end of the day, no one will die from it.

I love tarot, but I am interested in anything that is spiritual. The world is full of wonderful things, and I want to explore what’s real and what’s not. [Okay, Dipper Pines.]

I, for one, believe in God, Jesus, Mary and so on.. However I am not Christian. It’s not a community I am proud of, neither do I have enough hate in my heart to be called one. Although, I did use to be one, until I have seen parts of the community I will never be proud of. Though, that is a story for another time, as I don’t want to go on a vent about it on this post. I also admire the teachings of buddhism, although I am not one either. As Thich Nhat Hanh once said, ‘you don’t have to convert to buddhism in order to respect it’s teachings. just apply it to whatever you are right now.’, or you know, something like that. It’s what I try to keep myself to, so I can have a peaceful heart.

Aside from that I believe that the only limit to spirituality is the lock that you put on your mind. If you don’t believe in it, why would you experience it? You are the universe, if you don’t believe in it you sure as hell won’t see it.. So therefore, I do my best to be open minded and believe in as much things as possible. I will never miss out, unless I wish to 🙂‍↕️

Unfortunately that mentality has led me to quite a few encounters with spirits, pretty sure demons a few times, but at the end of the day I survived so it was fun.

I believe in all the Gods and Goddesses, manifestation (I am amazing at this btw), clair-gifts, reality jumping/shifting, astral projection, witchcraft and so on.. name it, I probably believe in it.

Although, I was cursed with a rational mind.. for the spiritual, I am too rational.. for the non believers I am too in the clouds. Is there a way to win? Well, as long as I am having fun and living well who cares. That’s sorta my motto.

Anyway, one thing you don’t know yet about me though is that I have the most common sun sign on planet earth, which is Virgo, with the second most common sign on earth having a strong influence on my chart.. which is Leo! So you already know I am meant to be a hard working star, that stays in the sky for millions of years, making people look at it with awe. 🙂‍↕️

Some people call that egoistic, I call it having confidence. My only enemy is my speech disability... BUT HE IS LOSING !!! 🗣️

Jokes aside, I have made this blog for important reasons. Important to me, at least. First and foremost, of course I want to have better finances, save up for important things and feel a bit more free. I want to achieve this through hard work. That is my most selfish reason for it, and it’s not something I feel bad about.. everybody has the right to live, and that includes me!

As for my other reasons, that all has to do with things I dislike about the community and which I want to change. Not everything about it, but make little steps towards a brighter future.

This is where I will vent, as the things I will mention are important to my journey towards creating this blog. I am a pretty passionate speaker, and as you can tell I talk a lot. So if that’s something you don’t enjoy.. well prepare mentally or click of the post beautiful, those probably won’t change about me. I don’t mean this from an ill place of my heart, but don’t you think you have the right to know?

Anyway, one of my main reasons for starting this blog is due to how judgmental some tarot readers are. I am of course, not speaking about those who have boundaries, I believe everybody should have them in a healthy manner.

I am speaking about those tarot readers that belittle you over your differences, that say that you can ask any question because they will answer each one but purposefully delete yours while answering everyone else then lie to your face about it, those who immediately rule you out as a bad person as soon as you speak your mind because they cannot handle anything about this community that’s outside their fantasy bubble, that give you inaccurate readings because they are judgmental of your lifestyle and their mentality effects the result of cards, those who don’t hear you out on your experience and rule it out as something else despite claiming they are open minded, the ones that are fake kind to you but judge the kind of reading you buy… as if you cannot tell that their energy is off.

I know hate is a strong word, but I hate the behaviour of those sort of people. Not the people themselves, I don’t know them, but the behaviour is so displeasing in my eyes. [Personally, I don’t feel sorry for saying this, if the shoe doesn’t fit you, don’t wear it.]

That is why I want to create a blog that is a safe space, a judgement free zone.

To be honest with you my dear, I am not the most open minded on this planet despite being a diverse person. I prefer to dress modestly, hook up culture was never for me and never will be for me, I don’t get the appeal of smoking, vape, drinks or drugs. Matter of fact, if you do drugs, even if it’s “just” weed I will assume that you are going through it. One thing I am never going to do is judge you though. As long as you are not irresponsible with it, it should be fine. Watch out for your health and for those around you.. That’s what I think the key is, having manners. Like sure, you will make mistakes along the way but it won’t stain your heart. Besides, who doesn’t make mistakes? I for sure have made mistakes before, as I am a human. What right do I have to judge you so harshly? None.

I am not God, I am just me.

That is why I never want to become someone that makes you feel unsafe and judged even if I have my own opinions. What’s the point of being a spiritual healer if you, yourself inflict pain on others? It might be small, but pain is pain and everyone carries it within their heart differently. What doesn’t matter to me, could move mountains for you.

That is the reason why I also didn’t start posting here until I have healed from my past hurts. Maybe not for you, but to me my current personality is very bubbly and much different from who I used to be. Which, although makes me a feel a bit unusual, I am glad about! I now have more strength to be kind and accepting of people.

I am aware this doesn’t really sound convincing, and some followers of mine could be anxious of how they are perceived.. Which is valid, but what if you are different from me? So what? There are many people who I love dearly despite them not sharing my beliefs or life style.

Matter of fact, let me tell you about a few examples where I have done readings for people that were majorly different from me.

The very first one is about a friend of mine.. she is someone with very interesting kinks. I will not be writing them out, because it makes my stomach turn and I don’t want you to read that. However, one day she asked me if the person she is in a situationship with is into the same.. gore related stuff as her. You know what? That honestly shocked me, I needed like half an hour to calm down and do her reading, which luckily ended up being ‘a no, but willing to try out other things’ sorta answer. A few months later she told me I ended up being right.. Proud of my intuition, and a few days later I could just accept that some people are into that. Do I get it? Nah, but as long as both parties consent, who cares. [I wanna state no one got hurt during this, they are just kinky mfs 🫡]

Or, let me tell you about another friend of mine who happens to be an online friend! She was going to a concert of an artist she likes and told me she will be giving the guy her number. To be honest with you, I wasn’t clear of her intentions I just knew it wasn’t malicious. Like any person, I reacted out of surprise, ‘okay, yeah, sure’.. because when would you have the time to do that during a concert? But being the kind of friend that I am still did a yes or no reading for her upon her request. To my surprise the lovers fell out with the star.. I was like, that cannot be right.. So I shuffled another three times. The same cards kept on falling out… Which actually made me mad, she thought I was lying! After that, we didn’t speak for a few days. Until the day of the concert! Where she told me she was successful! Now I accused her of lying, lmao. Then she sent me a picture of them hugging as proof, and you know what? I was actually excited for her, like go girl. I do not know if she got to sign an NDA that day or not, but I have enough common sense to finish the story here 🫡 [for my obsessive little princesses and princes that worry that was their celebrity crush.. it wasn’t, this about, is at that time, in his mid 30s white man. for those into that, not the jones brothers bby. my friend is also his age, so don’t worry about it. I do not intend ‘princess’ and ‘prince’ as mocking, they are nicknames I like! I also call my friends these]

I have also done readings about how xyz will die, messages from Gods, past life readings, why is __ acting weird, reading about cults.. lot of diverse things.

Either way, I have strayed away from the point a bit which I don’t want to further do…The point is, I never want to be the sort of person that makes you feel belittled. So even if your reading is not my style, as long as it doesn’t affect your or anybody’s health in a bad manner, I will happily do it. Even if you or other people think it’s weird!

After all I am a weirdo too, lol. I believe we all are in somebody’s eyes. What’s normal for me, can be weird for you and vise versa. That’s why I just decided to be unapologetically myself on this blog! And if you decide to do the same, I am proud of you.

My goal when making readings for people is to let them know they are safe, understood, respected and will get the best that they can get from me.

As in, I will always try to make my readings good and accurate. Since I talk a lot, I will make every reading long by default, and I will never do them when exhausted, stressed or overwhelmed in order to make sure that they actually do resonate. I have a lot of passion for this, so my ultimate goal is to be sincere and hardworking since tarot is something I take seriously.

Since there are people who use AI to do readings, I will work twice as hard to show that it will never be as good as when someone actually cares for the person the reading is for. I know they think nobody notices, but I do. And I will create a better environment for people in the community out of pure spite!

So, even if it will take a while to do that.. take a seat! I will be here, doing my best.

I do sincerely wish that you will find me a refreshing person, and a good reader! Well, I know I am good, I have been doing this since I am 8 years old, practicing it every week! But, if our bond can become stronger through readings that’s always good! I am happy to be reading for any of you.

If you still don’t like me after this.. that’s completely okay! You are not obligated to. Maybe in a few months, or years I won’t like the person I am today either! Maybe my humour will change, or I will find myself egoistic, or perhaps too bubbly and annoying. Who knows! For now, this is the person that I am, and if you don’t like it, that’s okay! I hope you will find a reader that you can connect and click with like it’s meant to be. I think everyone deserves that! 🫶🏻💓

If you have made it this far… are you not exhausted reading this much? Have a drink, and a snack if you want! Take a break if you have been scrolling on tumblr for long. Or don’t, it’s up to you what you do with your time 🫡

Thank you for reading, I sincerely appreciate you from the bottom of my heart with each passing day where the sun rises and falls.

[petrifiedperi-au]

Holy ok ok ok so I just read your dev having trouble with being around Cosmo and Wanda but I bring you a different approach. What if he is mad at them! Trying to shift some of this huge amount of guilt because at least he went to Peri! His own parents left him alone to die. (I can’t remember if you said if they actually knew where he was or not)

Oh lordy oh ok gewze imagine Dev having this moment of realising he has something in common with Peri because he sees his parents as neglecting him. How sad would that make Dev? To realise how much guff he gave Peri cause he thought Peri couldnt relate at all. So he pushed him away but then thinking how wrong he was and how Peri did understand. (Even though we know cosmo and wanda are nothing like Dale and really did love Peri just saw a different priority) but the potent agnst of Dev having a miss understanding of it. Everytime Peri tries to deny it Dev relates. Everytime Cosmo and Wanda gush over Peri makes Dev fume because he sees it as all a show. He thinks he knows how it is behind closed doors. Even if hes actually wrong. It could really help them bond. Until Dev finally sees hes wrong and it’s gonna make a huge rift between them as he blames Peri for pretending to have a bad relationship with his parents. Probably saying it was to “mock” Dev or something.

On another note. Do you think Peri would actually be upset that his parents decided to save fairyworld instead? Maybe rationally he tells himself it was the better choice. That it was what ended up bringing him back. It was what saved all the other fairies who take priority. Hes just one guy. But thats still gonna hurt. Knowing your own parents can and have picked the masses over you. Knowing you arent worth the world to them. Of course he wouldnt actually expect them to choose him but maybe deep down he wanted them to? Idk im loosing it cause I just got off ruff 12hr shift at work lol.

Hope this isnt too off the money for your au I just really enjoy angst

~hollys fairy hell

[AU info here!]

OOOOHHH... THIS IS INTERESTING. WHILE C&W DIDN'T KNOW THAT PERI DIED, DEV BEING ANGRY BECAUSE OF THAT IS... OUGH. I think it DOES check out, actually. Feeling angry that they didn't even KNOW their son died, the blame being shifted to help ease the guilt... IT MAKES SENSE, AND IT'S IN CHARACTER.

He's seen their relationship before, and he knows that they're all such a genuinely happy family, and that makes him feel not ONLY GUILTIER, but MORE FRUSTRATED, MORE ANGRY. Their own son DIED, in front of HIM, and they DON'T EVEN KNOW.

HEAR ME OUT... DEV NOT KNOWING THAT C&W DON'T KNOW UNTIL PERI MENTIONS IT. Him assuming that they ALREADY told their parents, and that's why he was absent for a few days. THE GUILT SHIFTING INTO A MISDIRECTED ANGER ONCE PERI MENTIONS THAT THEY DON'T KNOW AND THAT THEY WANT TO KEEP IT FROM THEM... of COURSE, the guilt is still there, but it blends in with the other feelings and it's a Very Complicated Feeling Soup.

THE MISUNDERSTANDING IDEA IS NEAT... AND IN-CHARACTER. I don't know for SURE how I'd implement it [because my brain is very picky about the things I add, and I am too...], make it go, and ALL those good, delicious, juicy things, BUT BUT it will go on the backburner of thoughts. Specifics would probably just come to me randomly at 2 am like they have been lately gHDLSHSLHD 😭

WITH THE LAST PART... PERI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED SPECIFICALLY. He was DEAD, after all, and SURE, he'd probably find out via things being talked about, BUT, GENERALLY, I DON'T THINK THEY ADDRESS OR THINK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

Hazel's Wish fixed EVERYTHING that happened in the episode, and I talk about how the whole Millio Wishes Thing worked here, actually! I have a vague idea of how things go with Peri after they come back, but I don't have any set in stone ideas yet/there's no established timeline. I think... THEY don't even know at first, they're just confused at the fuzzy gaps in their memory and then, once they get a closer look at themself and the GHOST thing happens [when they're alone] and all that... THEN they put details together and realize they They Fucking Died.

WHICH... PERI DOESN'T UNPACK THAT. NOT MUCH, ANYWAY. The finale ends as usual, with the motorcycles and all that— that's BEFORE he realizes there might be something off. DO YOU GET ME... LIKE...

THE ENDING ESTABLISHES THAT THINGS ARE OK AND NORMAL BUT THEN AFTER THE EPISODE, THEY GO BACK TO THEIR HOUSE/ROOM/C&W'S HOUSE [ALONE] AND THEN THAT IS WHEN HE KIND OF REALIZES HE FEELS OFF AND WEIRD. AND... OUGH. YEAH.

SORRY I'M... GETTING OFF TRACK. I don't think he'd be upset, not in that way, at least, given the circumstances. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IF IT'S JUST WORD SOUP I'M SO SORRY I JUST WOKE UP LIKE AN HOUR AGO. I am throwing words at the wall and hoping they make sense HDJDDGKDDUI 😭

[faksyan]

kazi baby and maybe sunny on the side idk if she has enough in canon for an ask on her own

Oh you know it I want to talk about Kazuhira Miller. Of course I do.

(my favorite Sunny moments are all of mgrec and jomo am I allowed to answer that. Loved her there the writers did such a good job. I wish we were friends.)

First impression

Honestly, I don't think I took that much notice of him in his first appearance? I saw him in pw first, and in the beginning he is just a guy idk. The ending of peace walker and his tapes made me go a bit feral over him though. just a little.

Impression now

I'm in love with his anger issues. He's a scared animal backed into a corner that bites at the hand reaching for him even if it wants to feed and soothe him. I like thinking it gets better with age, but never quite leaves him to some extent, he did think about his revenge on bb for years (even though I think by there end it was less personal and more about. you know. not letting the world explode.)

I really really really like all of Kaz's designs. They're so expressive and tell so much about the mental space he's in. I love how resilient he is throughout all of the shit he deals with and how he passes it on to Dave. What else. There's so much more honesty I talk a bunch about Kaz in other asks, nothing else I haven't mentioned before comes to mind right now.

Favorite moment

Him almost killing himself and bb with a grenade. Showstopping. Brilliant. Never done before. All of first encounter honestly it does so much for him as a character. His tapes where he talks about his childhood too. Every Kaz moment is kind of my favorite I think. I like his lines as Master Miller where he tells Solid he should survive and about cheese fondue and stuff.

Idea for a story

I'm afraid I tie him to Ocelot too much because I love their dynamic. A big fic during the nine year gap where they do a bunch of dumb shit and make Diamond Dogs and kiss is the main one I guess. They go to a casino and beat the shit out of each other one (1) time and beat the shit out of other people many times. So much more bullshit happens but im not getting into that right now. I also have a story with the main focus on Paz in mind, but he's also there a lot, I just want them to be friends.

Unpopular opinion

He can be impulsive but he is a lot more rational than what people often portray/describe him as I think. Also, almost all interpretations of him in v I've seen feel kind of. wrong. Yes, he's traumatized and paranoid, but he is not a *mess*, not in a way he is often viewed. I already said about how I think Kaz's designs are very expressive, and there was this really cool post (don't really know where it's now unfortunately, don't think I reblogged it) about how his facial hair in tpp isn't him giving up on shaving, it's him having a fucking designer stubble that was a rising trend at the time. This, coupled with the fact that he wears so many layers (of also fancy clothes), carries a gun on him at all times, and orders people around as if it were his base (it is) and his soldiers (they are) is exactly the opposite of a man that gave up on his life. It isn't his low point. I headcanon the actual lowest low point in his life being somewhere during bb's coma, and by v he has gotten over it. It was a really long time, and they needed to move on to get things done, so he did. He didn't really need Snake by the time he gets back, I think. Not anymore. It was purely sentimenal by then, plus wanting revenge. And then not even that.

Favorite relationship

Oh would you really make me choose. Ocelhira for all the reasons listed here and so many more. Him and bb for all the baggage they have. Him and V for all the baggage they don't have but think they do because Zero is insane what was that plan. Him and Solid even though they have almost no screentime together. Everyone who ever interacts with him is my favorite relationship because it's Kazuhira Miller. Sorry for being abnormal about him.

Favorite headcanon

Transfem Kaz maybe, but I don't write or think about him with it in mind a lot of the time. Also I think he lost the hand in Ground Zeroes, it makes sense with him bringing up losing limbs and the pain being a reminder of what was taken from him nine years ago in his helicopter speech.

Bonus

Okay, more seriously about Sunny. Everyone always draws her so cheerful and outgoing aka closer to how she's in Rising I assume, that I didn't really expect that she'd be essentially kind of a shut-in in 4. She's a scared anxious child who is also a prodigy, and they are so fucking mean to her there. Made me honestly pretty sad. Though a lot of it might have been the stress everyone was under. I haven't gotten to her in mgr yet, but it makes me happy that things get better for her, like everyone always wanted.

[clare141312]

MHA X READER WITH ATOM EVE´S POWERS

Chapter 3

Warning: Cursing Words: 2k

The first day of school. I’m so excited, but I’m just as nervous as I am excited. This time, I have to try my hardest to fit in and make friends. The uniform feels uncomfortable. The knee-high socks constantly slip down my legs, the skirt feels too short even though I know I have shorts underneath, and the blazer is stiff and restrictive. The red tie around my neck feels like it’s trying to choke me. All these sensations make me fidget with the clothes, as if somehow that’ll make them more comfortable.

I start walking and try to find Class 1-A, stopping to ask for directions from others whenever I get lost. Finally, I reach the classroom. As I open the door and step inside, a girl with pink skin approaches me. “Hey! I’m Mina Ashido. What’s your name? What’s your quirk? You’re really pretty! What kind of skincare do you use?” she says, her words tumbling out quickly and full of energy. Something about her makes me instantly like her and want to keep talking.

“My name is Sayuri Kuramoto. My quirk is called Subatomic Manipulation. It allows me to alter matter and energy at the subatomic level. Thank you, and I use a Dove moisturizing cream,” I reply, matching her enthusiasm. We keep chatting as we walk further into the classroom and find seats. as I sit down, my eyes wander around the room, spotting several good-looking guys. One has spiky red hair, another has bright yellow hair, and there’s one with spiky blonde hair. My gaze stops on a striking figure with red and white split hair, who looks almost godly. Mina and I take our seats next to each other and continue talking.

I then hear a familiar voice and turn to see the glasses boy from the Auditorium yelling at the good-looking guy with blonde hair. "It's the first day and you're already disrespecting this academy by scuffing school property you cretin." the guy insulted. I agree that it is disrespectful, but he should not go around scolding people. But I supress a laugh as I hear the blondes reply "You're kidding me, right? Your old school put a stick up your ass or were you born with it.” "Arhh, Let's start over. I'm Tenya Iida from the Some Private Academy." The boy introduced holding out his hand. "Some, huh, so you must think you're better than me. I'm going to have fun tearing you a new one." The boy threatened. Me and mina watch them interacting as Iida said, "It's him." and everyone plus me turned to the green haired boy from the auditorium and I was confused. As I look at him, I can see the molecules and atoms within his body, including his quirk genes, which seem unusual. His quirk genes look almost overwhelming, as if they’re too much for his body, like they don’t truly belong to him. I notice traces of other DNA mixed within his quirk genes, making them even more peculiar.

I shake my head, refocusing on my conversation with Ashido, when a voice cuts through the room. “If you're just here to make friends then you can pack up your stuff, now." and I leaned forward to see a guy in a yellow sleeping bag on the floor in the doorway, he looked like a caterpillar, "Welcome to U.A.'s hero course." The guy said and then sucked on a yogurt bag and stood to unzip completely, "It took 8 seconds before you all shut up. That's not going to work. Time is precious. Rational students would understand that. Hello, I'm Shota Aizawa your teacher." he informed, and shock washes over me, "Right let's get to it put these on and head outside." Aizawa ordered showing us a jumpsuit.

What a quirk assessment test?" We all asked in Suprise as we stood on the field.

"But orientation we're going to miss it." A brown-haired girl with a bob cut complained.

"If you really want to make the big leagues you can't waste time on pointless ceremonies." Aizawa addressed and everyone was shocked but got more serious, "Here at U.A. we're not tethered to traditions that means that I get to run my class however I see fit. You've been taking standardised tests most of your lives, but you never got to use your quirks in physical exams before. The countries still trying to pretend we're all created equal by not letting those with the most power excel it's not rational. One day the Ministry of Education will learn. Bakugou, you managed to get the most points on the entrance exam. What was your farthest distance throw with a softball when you were in junior high?" Aizawa asked.

"67 metres I think." Bakugo shrugged.

"Right, try doing it with your quirk."

"Anything goes just stay in the circle." Aizawa explained to Bakugo as he stood in the circle painted onto the field holding a ball, "Go on your wasting our time." Aizawa states.

"Alright man you asked for it." Bakugo cautions stretching his arm out and then throwing hard using his quirk to send the ball flying really

"All of you need to know your maximum capabilities it's the most rational way to figuring out your paternal as a pro-hero." Aizawa proffered tablet showing us the distance of Bakugou´s throw 705.2 metres and We all Gaspe.

"Whoa, 705 metres are you kidding me." one of the guys gaped.

"I want to go that looks like fun." Ashido volunteered.

"This is what I'm talking about. Using our quirks as much as we want." Another boy urged.  "So, this looks fun huh? You have three years here to become a hero. You think it's all going to be games and playtime. Idiots, today you'll complete eight physical tests to gauge your potential whoever comes in last has none and will be expelled immediately." Aizawa testified and I start freaking out and trying not laugh. My quirk isn’t about enhancing my physical strength; it’s about bending matter to my will. Then I have an idea. What if I manipulate the atoms in my body to enhance my physical strength, but even if I try to do that. I´m not advanced enough.

"Like I said I get to decide how this class runs understand. If that's a problem, you can head home right now." Aizawa commented and I took a deep breath I can not be expelled. I tried way to hard to get here.

You can't send one of us home. I mean we just got here. Even if it wasn't the first day that isn't fair." The girl with brown hair and bob cut complained.

"Oh, and you think national disasters are or power-hungry villains or catastrophic accidents that wipe out whole cities are. No, the world is full of unfairness. It's a hero's job to try to combat that unfairness. If you want to be a pro, you're gonna to have to push yourself to the brink for the next three years U.A. will throw one terrible hardship after another at you. So go beyond, plus ultra style. Show me it's no mistake that you're here." Aizawa stressed and I nodded readily "Now we're just wasting time by talking. Let the games begin." Aizawa vocalised

The first test is a 50-meter dash. While two of my classmates take their turns, I get introduced to Kyoka Jirou, Momo Yayorozu, Ochaco Uraraka, and Tsuyu Asui, the girls in the class. Now it’s my turn, and dread washes over me as I step up to the starting line. When the starting gun fires, I sprint forward as if my life depends on it. “5.51 seconds!” the robot announces, and I let out a sigh of relief.

Next up is the grip strength test. I take hold of the apparatus, smiling nervously. I can't keep doing this, but maybe, just maybe, I can increase my strength using my quirk. I’ve never tried this before, and if it doesn’t work out, I’m Fucked. I close my eyes and focus intently on my hand. I grip the device tightly, and it beeps. Slowly, I open my eyes to see the result: 67 kg. I'm thrilled! It may be a small improvement, but it's progress, and that’s what counts.

Standing long jump was next and I use my quirk to Strengthen my legs and almost jump across it. The last one was the ball throw and This time I strengthen my whole arm and throw, and it goes up to 300 meters. And then I watched Ochaco throw her ball, and it just never came back down to earth.

“Infinity that's insane how's that possible?" one boy called, and I smiled

"If Midoriya doesn't shape up soon he's the one going home." Iida described.

"Of course he is he's a quirkless loser." Bakugo insulted.

“What gives I was trying to use it just now." Midoriya hummed and I looked at Aizawa, "I erased your quirk the judges for this exam were not rational enough. Someone like you should never be allowed to enrol at this school." Aizawa disclosed the bandages around his neck started flying as well as his hair.

"Wait, you did what to my... Whoa, those goggles. I know you. You can look at someone and cancel out their powers. The eraser hero Eraserhead." Midoriya chimes in and we all started to mutter to each other.

You're not ready you don't have control over your power," Mr. Aizawa warns, "Were you planning to break your again? Counting on someone else to save your useless body."

"No, that's not what I was trying to do!" Midoriya starts to protest, but Mr. Aizawa swiftly captures him with one of his bandages, yanking him toward him. I strain to catch what Mr. Aizawa is saying, but I can only make out the tail end of their exchange.

"I returned your impractical quirk. Take your final throw. Hurry up and get it over with," Aizawa huffs as he walks back over to us.

"I wonder if our teacher gave him some advice," Iida says, concern etched on his face.

"Probably told him to start packing," Bakugo scoffs.

"Smash!" he yells, and the ball shoots off like a rocket, the force of the throw making us all struggle to keep our footing. I stare in shock as I sit down hard on the ground. "Mr. Aizawa, you see I'm still standing!" Midoriya assures, turning to face us with a triumphant grin.

"This kid," Aizawa whispers, disbelief lacing his voice.

“He threw it over 700 metres." Someone admired.

"Nice he's finally showing us his true power." Uraraka proclaimed.

"His finger appears to be broken now. Just like in the exam, his quirk is very odd." Iida chimes in.

"It wasn't a very pretty throw." The navel laser guy announces.

“Hey, Deku you bastard tell me how you did that or your dead.”, Bakugo yells and runs toward Midoriya but before he could do anything Mr Aizawa caught him with his scarf and erased his quirk.

"What? Why the hell is your damn scarf so strong?" Bakugo complains and all I could think about was what an asshole Bakugo was.

"Because it's a capture weapon made out of carbon Fiber and a special metal alloy. STAND DOWN. It would be wise to avoid making me use my quirk so much... It gives me serious dry eye," Aizawa explains.

"Too bad that power is amazing," we all murmur in agreement, and Aizawa finally releases Bakugo from his grip.

"You're wasting my time now. Whoever's next can step up," Aizawa concludes, his tone sharp as he scans the group for the next contestant. "Alright, it’s time to give you your results. I’ve ranked you all from best to worst. You should have a good idea of your standings already. Instead of going over every individual score, I’ll just pull up the entire list," Aizawa states, and the results appear on the screen. I see my name in fourth place. "And just to clarify, no one is going home. That was merely a tactical deception to ensure you all gave it you’re all during the tests," he explains, and a wave of relief washes over us. Everyone erupts into cheers as we stand together on the field once more.

"I'm surprised the rest of you didn't figure that out. Sorry, I guess I probably should have said something." Momo the top spot holder apologises, and we all begin chatting.

I start heading home when Ashido catches up to me, offering to walk with me to the station. I gladly accept, and we chat as we make our way together. After we part ways, I can’t help but reflect on the incredible day I just had despite the initial scare.

[universe-of-peoples]

SPOILERS FOR THE LAST OLYMPIAN

I want to talk about Silena Beauregard.

Silena Beauregard. The girl who loved Beckendorf. The daughter of Aphrodite who revolutionized her cabin (before Drew took it backwards). And the girl who, yes, was the spy.

I’ve seen some people get very negative towards her because of her role as the spy (including my favorite podcaster :/) and while yes, she did a very bad thing, I think the level of judgment towards her and the judgment of her moral character is over-the-top and a little un-empathetic. So I wanted to do a little character study on her and her time as Luke’s spy.

First of all, I will preface this by mentioning that she was a teenager. A literal child. Her brain was still developing and she probably would have made different choices if all of this had happened when she was even just a few years older.

It’s implied that before Luke left CHB, the two of them were close friends. Now if your close friend, who you previously cared about, trusted, and thought of as a rational person, suddenly up and disappears, you’re going to be worried about them. Even if you’ve heard that they did a bad thing. You’re not going to immediately jump to thinking they’re a terrible, irredeemable person. You’re going to wonder what their side of the story is, where their mind is at, and, if you truly believe they have done something wrong, you’re going to want to see if you can bring them back to the light. As someone who’s been hurt by people who I previously knew well and trusted, I know it’s really hard mentally to pivot your brain immediately from “person who I know and trust and am very close with” to “person who hurt me and others and isn’t who I thought they were at all”. Like, your brain just doesn’t emotionally process that immediately even though you know it logically. It takes time.

So she knows that he tried to kill Percy and fled camp. But Luke… that’s her friend. She knows him. There’s a certain amount of emotional denial that someone you know, trust, and care about would do something so horrible. He must be going through something, he must need help to get out of this situation. She’s not just going to give up on her friend. She’s going to want to help him come back to the good side.

So somehow she gets in contact with him. He explains his side of the story, and while she’s not on board with him trying to kill Percy, she sympathizes with his issues with the gods. He’s her friend. She doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him. I hc that the contact bracelet might have started just as a way for them to keep in touch; mortal cell phones are a magnet for monster activity, and while Silena may be safely in camp, she wouldn’t want to endanger Luke (no matter that he’s already working with monsters).

Time goes on, and Silena gives Luke enough information so that he doesn’t die when people at CHB may have a plan to harm him. He’s trying to coax more and more info out of her; Luke is already good at manipulating people, and Kronos is even better. If she just gives them this and that intel, then they can avoid killing the other demigods on CHB’s side if they don’t have to. She can save lives. And Luke is probably sheltering her from the worst of it, too; if she really knew all of the things he was doing, she would be out of there in a heartbeat. When Kronos takes over Luke’s body, he probably takes it a step further by threatening to hurt Luke and the other defected demigods if Silena doesn’t give him information. Maybe not even directly. Maybe he just points out that anyone trying to hurt Kronos would also hurt Luke. She wouldn’t want that, would she?

Then Beckendorf dies.

Silena feels absolutely awful. No, worse than awful. Everyone thinks she’s only upset because her boyfriend died, but it’s more than that. He died because of intel that she gave Kronos. He died because she played along all this time. She let herself get strung along as it slowly got worse and worse.

But here’s the thing. Kronos is still the master manipulator. He would tell her that, well, it was Beckendorf and Percy that blew up the ship. It’s Beckendorf’s own fault that those explosives were in place and went off when they did. That’s not Kronos’s fault! And at the same time, wouldn’t it be so messed up if the rest of the camp learned that she was the spy? She better keep quiet if he doesn’t want to expose her.

So maybe she agrees to keep quiet, to save her own skin, but she thinks that she won’t give him any more intel. This is where it gets a bit more tricky for me: trying to find a reason why she kept spying after Beckendorf’s death. We know that Kronos told Percy that there was a spy, and once the whole camp knew, everyone was ready to tear whoever it was to shreds. Kronos could point out to her that she’s become their enemy. She’s put herself in this situation, and now everyone she knows at camp is out for her blood.

I hc that Silena didn’t actually give him that much intel after Beckendorf’s death, though. Not as much as he said she did. He had eyes and ears everywhere, he could have found his intel other ways. He told Percy about the spy and sensationalized her role in order to make her look bad and turn the camp against her and, in turn, her against the camp. As an incentive to keep her quiet. He thought he could salvage his spy by blackmailing her and turning the camp against her, but her will was stronger than that. So strong in fact, that in the end she died impersonating Clarisse in order to give CHB a fighting chance against Kronos.

Was she perfect? Far from it! But they were at war! And one of her closest friends was manipulating her! I think the quote “if a frog is placed into a pot of boiling water it will immediately try to jump out; but if it’s placed into a pot of cool water that’s gradually heated until boiling, it will stay put and never try to jump out” is a very good metaphor for what happened to Silena. It began with checking up with her friend to see if he’s ok and find out what’s going on, and ended with her committing espionage. If she had had the foresight to know what would become of Luke and her role in the war, she never would have done it. She just got cornered.

That’s not to say that she’s not at fault or not to blame. There were times when she could have come clean and stopped spying, especially at the end. I just think the idea that she’s this terrible irredeemable person, or that her actions are not understandable, is not true at all. I wanted to address it since I’ve been seeing it lately (cough cough The Newest Olympian podcast cough cough).

[jellijellybean]

gotta be sprayed with water like a cat istg because i am thinking. my brain is cooking. now im thinking about fem!kylar and it's TERRIBLE. [mdni]

i swear im normal about her.

warnings: noncon and slight pregnancy mention becuz what else do you expect from her. also was written with an amab body in mind cuz i'm feeling silly

alright alright i have to set the stage here really fast ok. now picture this, you've been seeing kylar for a minute, been having your flings with her now and then. maybe you just start to get a little bored or her.. well, erratic behavior is really starting to get to you, or maybe it's just the whispers and rumors going around at school. whatever, it forces you to distance yourself because yeah.. she can be a bit... much. especially when she whispers about you getting married and living in the woods together, even though you're not thinking that far into the future yet.

her jealousy slowly rises and rises until she finally snaps. i mean, it's really for your own good. you were letting all of those people's words get into your head! you just weren't thinking clearly and that's okay, she's here to help you! she made sure the pills she put in the drink she hands you aren't enough to cause serious damage, enough times over.

when you awake from the drug-induced sleep she's already above you. the sweat dripping down your body, the unnerving warmth surrounding you almost makes the room feel humid. your eyes try to look around, to see what's going on, but they just feel so heavy — your arms and your legs are no better, even your mouth is unbearably dry. but there's something.. something making your legs shake and mouth let out all those embarrassing noises. can feel the way her nails dig into your chest as she moves even faster, biting at your ear when she whines, “we should have a baby” and you can’t say no. not with the way she has her hand covering your mouth, not with the way she's moving — forcing all rational thought from mind. you can faintly hear her whispers about being a mom and how her belly is going to grow. her words fill you with dread. they have you twisting and turning, trying to move away, but it's as if no matter what you do, she's always right there. right there, talking so shamelessly about what you'll name your kids.

a cry leaves your throat, shaking your head and trying to pull away once again. your mind screaming at you to do something to get her off but she clings and holds on tightly, mumbling on and on about how you two deserve to be be a family. about how no one will even think about coming between you two, especially when she'll be right there. how she'll get to wear those cute little dresses, have dinner ready for you, and help.. take care of you just as a good wife should.

you're forced to listen to her breathing getting shallow, forced to lay there when the tingling sensation you get at the base of your spine starts to become too nauseating not to notice. your hands twitch, fingers digging into the rope she's used to bind your arms apart. it's painful. the pleasure making your legs shake and thighs tighten, but you can't say anything, can't move away, can't even think when all you can feel, see, and hear is her. kylar. and her warm body. the way her chest presses against yours when she bites and marks your neck like the artist she is. listen to her moans get drawn out and pitchy the closer she is to tipping over. and feel the way she pulses and gushes over your cock.

god, the laugh that leaves her is almost manic. your chest heaves, your thighs burn, but all you can feel is her hands cupping your face. making you meet her eyes. her face is flushed, her hair sticking to her face and the realization hits you when the ache between your legs grows almost too painful. this isn't the first and it won't be the last. she's kissing you, all teeth and desperation nipping at you lips, forcing you to tip your head back to get some air. but she won't let you. not when she shakily starts to move again, not when the tears threatening to fall past your waterline finally do, not even when, in one last attempt, you bite at her lip.

the coppery taste hits your tongue, but she doesn't stop. instead, letting out a moan before her nails dig into the sides of your face in warning when she starts the cycle all over. you can feel her whisper of, "let's go again... just in c-case." against your face.

ok i'm out of gas, but c'mon y'know what i'm getting at lmao

[f0point5]

no because i totally see the shift in lando!!

i think after japan then qatar with oscar being right there with him as a rookie whilst he was in his fifth year… yeah, a sense of bitterness was noticeable in some instances!

just seems like he’s a bit fed up and it’s rational in some sense. losing out on the sochi win while lewis claims his 100th. he watched daniel get a win in a car he’d been driving for years, compared to daniel’s months. george got his first win, carlos got his then a second with lando right there beside him. then along comes oscar, a rookie, who got settled and was battling for poles/top 5’s and scored his first win (albeit sprint, it’s still a first lando doesn’t have).

all that, with years of zak brown hyping him up and putting him first, it’s easy to see why bitterness would bubble. its come and gone over the years (prevalent, imo, when daniel was initially doing well with mclaren but we know how that went. unfortunately). he’s a first driver with second driver results, it’s why people think he would work with max. enough competition to challenge but not overtake.

he’s a good driver, that’s certain after 2023. whether the bitterness will be gone by bahrain and if performance only betters from last year, we’ll see. it obviously depends how 2024 rolls out and whether the red bull holds the lock out dominance, or whether mclaren/mercedes/ferrari will the walk the walk and do something. mclaren will certainly be a good watch this year, that is if the car doesn’t bottle under last years pressure:/

a teeny part of me feels/wants oscar to get a win before lando but i think that’s the villain in me🫡

I just want to start this off by saying I am a professional hater, so I also want Oscar to get his first win before Lando. I kind of want Oscar to do a Carlos and be the only non RB win next year lol. Just because when I see that “it should have been me” attitude, all I want is for it to NEVER be them. Like, it still tickles me that George has won more recently than Lewis. Oscar being the most recent driver to win, after Danny Ric, would be cinema. And even though I have hope that Lando will let out the hot air eventually, I just need a revenge arc.

Okay onto my Bitter Lando Medium Deep Dive (it’s not a proper deep dive because I could go for hours lol).

I feel like Lando came late to the “best of the rest” party, so he was still kind of processing how unbeatable Max is by the end of the season when everyone else had kind of settled into the groove. Like he spent the first half of the season thinking “if I just had the car I could do what others can’t” (and lbr that’s the angle the media was pushing, that if Lando had the car he would be a challenge for Max) and then he got up there and was like…oh wait no I can’t. He got up there and a) he wasn’t really troubling Max and b) he still had other drivers up there (eg the four car race in Singapore) as well as his rookie teammate to contend with and c) he was still making mistakes under pressure. I think Singapore was a bit of a wake up call for him that Max wasn’t necessarily the fight for him up front, because even without Max he couldn’t win, and then when Max was back, there was no question. I think that took the wind out of his sails. Maybe if he’d been up there since the beginning of the year things would have been different but I think he was waiting for his chance all season and when it came the disappointment hit him hard.

And then there’s Oscar. The rookie who outqualified him in Japan, who wins the sprint in Qatar, whose contract is extended beyond Lando’s. Oscar is already being talked about as WDC potential while Lando keeps getting asked why he can’t win a race. The way Lando takes public opinion to heart, that can’t be easy.

When everyone says the McLaren is the only car that can challenge a red bull, but Lando isn’t challenging Max, I guess he has to wonder if it’s him that’s not good enough.

I understand the bitterness, but at the same time, it comes across as undeserved arrogance. “It should have been pole”…woulda shoulda coulda lando, but you didn’t, did you? So just take it on the chin.

I am not hopeful of McLaren maintaining the performance leap of last year, but if they do, I don’t see things with Lando going back to the way they were. I think the climate is starting to get a bit dicey for that generation of drivers because they’re getting to the crossover stage where it’s either going to happen for them or it’s not. Lando is in an RB era, with a teammate who isn’t likely to be destined to be a second driver, and he’s stuck with him till 2026 now. I don’t see how that pressure gets better unless McLaren goes back to the midfield.

This was a jumbled rant but I could literally talk for days about this because I feel like Lando is the most honest/visible with his emotions about what’s probably in the back of a lot of driver’s heads rn.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! I’m 22 F, fairly certain that I’m an INFJ. I keep seeking role models to mould myself. I want to have some source of inspiration from external sources, I am not just looking for style, I’m looking to emulate their attitude and beliefs as well.

I think this ‘need’ for me has increased after a fallout with an acquaintance who was a close friend of my friend. She used to be very bossy and controlling of my friend and if I want to interact with my friend then I had to be on the other girl’s good books so I tried to be friends with her as well.

Eventually my friend cut ties with her and I too limited my interaction with her. She thought I somehow manipulated my friend to stop talking to her and lashed out at me, calling me a ‘Chameleon’. I didn’t like it but I can’t stop thinking if it was true. I wanted to become independent and bold to be unaffected of what others think of me

Maybe this is my way of overusing Ni to find purpose/ using Fe-Ti to rationalize my behaviours by using the ‘role models’ to set internal structure and avoid hurting? I don’t want to keep looking for role models because it’s exhausting, whenever I like someone, I feel as though I’m unworthy to choose them. How do I stop doing this/searching for motivation?

--------------------

I'm a little surprised you said 22 because your way of thinking still seems a bit adolescent, in terms of ego development. Lagging development isn't abnormal or something to panic about. It's simply a sign that there needs to be some reflection or inquiry about the factors behind it. Addressing those factors is the pathway to getting personal growth going again.

Generally speaking, it's normal and healthy for kids and teens to seek out role models to emulate; it's one of the many learning methods that human beings utilize in the process of growing up into productive members of society. Observing good qualities and impressive achievements in others is a way of getting to know more about oneself and one's own good qualities and capabilities.

We can label ego development as "lagging" when, into adulthood, a person still doesn't really know themselves well enough to have formed a solid sense of self or personal identity. When you have a strong sense of self and a personal identity to express, role models mostly become obsolete except in rare cases where inspiration is needed for further personal growth. One defining characteristic of adulthood is independence, which means there is no need to rely on others to define oneself.

As such, it is indeed appropriate to be asking why you still rely on role models at 22, a time when you should already be independent. In adulthood, reliance on role models can become pathological when it's no longer about learning but more about trying to overcompensate for an unrecognized deficit in one's self. I don't know your history, so I can't give you an explanation. You'll have to reflect on it, but I can give you starter questions for reflection.

Do you have a strong sense of self? Do you have a personal identity, including your own ideas, ideals, beliefs, values, etc, that you want to express out into the world? If not, why not?

Do you understand what it means to "be yourself"? If so, why don't you (instead of trying to be someone else)? If not, then you need to do more to get to know yourself better.

It's not uncommon for this kind of lag in ego development to manifest as "chameleonism" in INFJs. Through immature Fe, many INFJs learn that it is to their advantage to be whatever others want to see in order to get the social acceptance they crave. Unfortunately, this shortcut to validation comes at a big cost of not developing a proper sense of self within. You use the word "unworthy". Low self-worth is one of the major factors behind chameleonism. You might want to read previous posts about it.

[br1ghtestlight]

they're wearing their raincoats so for me this is already a 10/10 episode. love when they wear their raincoats!!

not big bob and tina going on the toddler rides at amusement parks together. LESS THRILL MORE CHILL. truly two autistic peas in a pod <3

big bob is seventy five (at least according to louise) this is important lore. also this means bob's dad is the same age as his gayass old man landlord who flirts with him every other day FJDMDJDKSMS according to my caculations big bob would've been 29ish when he had bob which means he met lily when they were in their early twenties. that also means (assuming that lily was the same age as big bob) lily would have been around 43 when she died although the math doesn't add up 100% if you consider her being born in 1941 because it would mean this episode takes place in 2016 which it doesn't. am i overthinking this one-off line where louise guestimates big bob's age??? yes i am thank you VERY MUCH.

LMAOO NOT THE BIG BOB REPUBLICAN DOOMER ARC OH NOOO

big bob making conversation while spending the day with his very young grandchildren: so have you considered that the world is terrible and people are awful and we should all kill ourselves? thoughts?

(im sure that isn't what bob meant its just funny to imagine big bob depression posting circa 2013 tumblr @ his grandkids all day)

ALSO this implies bob has been talking to big bob more regularly lately which is great. they're working on their relationship. a little bit :)

BIG BOB FOR REAL BEING A QANON TRUTHER EXCUSE ME???? THE FUCK. ohh he's literally a doomer he's watching videos about the upcoming apocolypse and how to ration food. HE'S A CLIMATE CHANGR DOOMER ITS SO OVERR im sorry thats so funny im obsessed w/ him

also our first time ever seeing (what im assuming is) bob's childhood home!! very cute. and he made them cookies

BIG BOB COMING TO VISIT BOB AT HIS RESTAURANT???? HUGE WIN???

why is big bob calling bob randomly to talk about how the world is ending and tigers are going extinct what is GOING on. at least he believes in climate change??

"like he's getting ready to..... leave the party. so he doesn't feel bad about telling everyone how much the party stinks" DONT TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT if there's an episode where big bob dies its over for me. like its done <- there won't be but i would be very very sad IF THERE WAS. to be fair we gotta kill off linda's parents too though

aww they're texting regularly <3 i like how you can ALREADY see how much bob and big bob's relationship has improved since the start of the show where bob Literally thought his dad hated him and that he was a disappointment. see what actual open communication can do for you!! im happy bob has at least one parent he can talk to kinda sorta? HE SHARES HELPFUL TIPS SO THAT BOB CAN SAVE HIS FAMILIES LIFE HES TRYING TO HELPP :(

"and today its just gonna be him. and them. and the giant cloud of darkness that follows him wherever he goes" funnily enough thats also what people say when talking about me :3

GRANDPA HUG!!!!!!!

"pop pop how much cotton candy is TOO MUCH cotton candy" "i dont know. three??"

LMAO FOR SOME REASON THAT REMINDS ME OF THIS FUCKIGN QUOTE. big bob when gene comes out to him as genderfluid like

wharf day with pop-pop!!! wharf day with pop-pop!!!!!

grandpa needs a little bench time. im ALWAYS saying this tbh

"don't get any tattoos that your parents can see" FUN GRANDPA he's definitely a better grandpa than he is a dad bcuz he was not doing this shit w/ bob when he was young i can tell you that much

OMG I LOVE TEDDYS RAINJACKET?? sorry i live in a rainforest its my god given right to comment on people's rainy day fashion. its like my one job

"i need to ask you guys A HUGE favor. can you try to take a good picture of me" teddy u are literally always hot this shouldn't be a problem. you're DRIPPING sex appeal. except this is for a handyman website so maybe less sexy?ANY PICTURE I TRY TO TAKE OF MYSELF I LOOK LIKE A MURDERER FJFMDNFJDKDNDJXHXH

louise shows up whenever she goes and figured out the best way to Cause Problems and i respect that about her. that takes real talent and dedication

one thing about the belcher kids they WILL end up locked inside a fortune telling clam in wonder wharf

he's sooo baby

everything is so okay bob dont even WORRY. big bob is asleep on a bench and the kids are stuck inside a giant clam they've done more dangerous stuff like twice this week already. at least they're inside??

"its fun when your dad shows up to. check on your grandpa"

ITS SO EASY FOR YOU BOB WITH YOUR CHARMING LOVEABLE FACE

do you not trust me with the kids :( noo big bob they literally (kinda) trusted GAYLE with the kids for AN ENTIRE WEEKEND u cant be worse than her at taking care of them. she was making them do some shit that Kids should not be doing. anyone remember the pretty paws

??? why was he just randomly like oohh we should win that gorilla for the kids. he loves them SO MUCH im gonna cry <3 he literally loves them and wants them to be happy. he SPOILS them. he's such a good grandpa and such a terrible dad lmfao

"are we being punished? for being helpful and delightful??"

if i was walking around an amusement park and i heard a robotic fortune telling clam SCREAMING for somebody to help it escape i would get the fuck outta there so fast sorry kids. you might be on your own w/ this one

i dont know why bob is acting like he doesn't lose the kids four times a week MINIMUM those mfs will run off anywhere if given half the chance. they live for the thrill

"we lose 'em and then we find them. that's our thing" ?? what did he mean by this

WHY ARE THEY LOOKING FOR "CUTE" TOOLS this subplot is so funny im kinda obsessed. mechanics for the girlies

HOW DO YOU MAKE A TAPE MEASURER LOOK SCARY........

teddy is scaring the hoes nooo. its okay teddy i would hire you maybe(??) well. yknow

IM A GENTLE PERSON :( teddy i will always be your biggest fan wtf he's literally so sweet. he wouldnt hurt a fly

silly <33

LMAO not louise just lying there and saying help us. help us. help us into the microphone she's so cute and SOOO over this whole situation

TEDDY IS HAPPIEST WHEN HE'S EATING BOB'S BURGERS THATS SO SWEET WTF

he's a good grandpa :(

SOMETIMES YOUR GRANDPA CAN BE A LITTLE DARK ABOUT LIFE AND NEGATIVE. YOU MEAN LIKE YOU LMAOO

if you keep saying stuff like that around your grandkids they're gonna believe you.... and then it might actually come true. so maybe don't say horrible stuff about the future to people who will have to live in that future </3

IM NOT ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE AND THATS **BECAUSE** OF MY GRANDKIDS what if i cry right now. he literally loves them so much he's such a good grandpa!!! wtf Anyone else thinking about amelia right now. the ending

AAWWW THIS EPISODE WAS SO CUTE IM OBSESSED WITH BIG BOB he was such a terrible father but he's the best grandpa and he loves these kids SO MUCH. genuinely. and im so happy that his relationship w/ bob is getting better and that they're on better terms. also the subplot with teddy was adorable i always love teddy and linda subplots. they're BESTIES. maaaybe my favorite episode from this season so far but honestly they've all been so great that there's like five different episodes competing for that spot. and we're still only eight episodes in!!! absolutely everything i wanted from an episode with big bob (even if lily wasn't mentioned. SAD!! oh well there are other episodes) and i loved learning more abt his relationship with his grandkids and that dynamic ^_^ <33

[kolachess]

Star Struck - Explaining the conflict and cultural nuance

Those of you who have seen the Korean BL, Star Struck, probably thought it was a(nother) mediocre school BL. In a year with more and more BLs from South Korea (yay!), it might have been an easy pass.

BUT, if you’re like me, you will have really, really appreciated the refreshingly realistic taste of a friends-to-lovers dynamic, complete with a conflict that is not just over one-sided or mutual dislike of each other for once! (Which is not to say I didn’t love the BLs that had that... they’re all great. But I do think expanding scope is always admirable!)

I realized that part of the reason why what seemed to me a rather thoughtfully constructed set of characters and plot development comes across as plain boring to many others might partially be a cultural nuance issue.

So, here’s my attempt to bridge that gap and give it a little more credit than it got (at least, so far). Of course, that’s not to say I think this drama is perfect... I do think a lot of pacing / editing could have done with some improvement. And at the end of the day... it is a coming of age sort of school drama, so it’s not going to be crazy complex. And I’m also writing this after episode 4, so there will be spoilers through episode 4. 

Disclaimer: I am not Korean, nor did I grow up in South Korea, so I definitely do not have complete authority on this subject matter. However, I feel like a lot of what was happening in Star Struck might have been... unfairly overlooked or otherwise not understood by audiences who are less familiar with Eastern Asian cultural values, so as a Chinese American, I wanted to do my best to add a bit of perspective.

So. What is the root of SHJ (Seo Hanjoo) and JYJ (Jo Yoojae)’s conflict?

Certainly, SHJ’s (seemingly) one-sided crush on JYJ and JYJ’s reactive jealousy is a large part of it, but the other big part is a newfound wealth gap and how that translates into what esteem they hold each other in.

From the get-go, we can tell SHJ is very (self-)conscious about money. He knows how hard his mom has to work, and he feels guilty and early on already tries to justify to himself (and others) that some costs, like the cram school he saved up to attend, are not worth it. He’s too prideful to honestly mention his money troubles to anyone.

Although SHJ doesn’t know JYJ’s rich yet in this scene, JYJ’s financial circumstances still was better off than SHJ’s. But he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea of his best friend paying for him like that. And here’s where I’ll do some cultural breakdown.

In East Asian culture, the collective identity comes first, and the individual comes second. Meaning, people take more pride in what school they graduated from, what company they work for, what their family background is, more so than people in many other cultures. I’m not talking school pride like, ‘I’m proud to be a <insert school mascot>!’ kind of spirit. I mean that everyone in your life, in society, will measure your worth first and foremost (and often only) by the primary institution or family background you came out of. And with SHJ’s sort of background - poor, single-mother - that’s a big stigma. He’s still a rational human being though, so at least he doesn’t blame his poor mother for their circumstance (which some kids do, given all the pressure of society). But that all said, this clearly weighs on him - how his lack of money reflects on him. And if money is viewed at all similarly to how it’s viewed in China... it’s basically a measure of your capabilities and standing in society. The inability to be generous with your money is ‘losing face’ i.e. embarrassing. And so... yeah. It’s a lot of ‘dings’ in SHJ’s social profile. The kid is understandably a bit self-conscious, though he clearly tries to not let it get to him.

Fast forward to when he finds out JYJ is now ‘rich’... Obviously, he’s upset at not being told because they’re supposed to be close friends. However, he’s clearly super self-conscious about being seen as someone who’s that sensitive about money. Notice how he hasn’t actually commented / asked about JYJ ‘moving out’. (Note: I wasn’t 100% sure if this carried the implication that JYJ might be moving away, but the text message made it sound like that? Correct me if I’m wrong.) He immediately assumes JYJ didn’t tell him because he’s pitying him or otherwise worried about how he’d react because of how it involves money. And he hates that. (Which... he’s not totally wrong about. JYJ might not pity him like how SHJ is thinking, but he definitely worries a bit about how SHJ will perceive things, and it becomes this death spiral of misread intentions.)

And of course JYJ starts to comment on SHJ’s family, which just confirms all of JYJ’s worst fears. He suddenly ‘realizes’ that his best friend who he has a crush on actually walks on eggshells around him because of his money situation, which is a blow to his self-esteem, because what does that mean? That there’s a meaningful gap now in their social status and JYJ looks down on him and just never said? That JYJ sees SHJ as too delicate to be able to handle this new reality? (His insecurities and perspectives, not necessarily what JYJ thinks, of course.) 

It’s like having a close friend say something that makes you suddenly wonder if they were actually judging you this whole time, and your mind goes into overdrive analyzing every past interaction you’ve had and reading in between the lines to see if you were actually blind all this time. To SHJ, who is already a bit self-conscious about all of this... it’s a major blow. And although he says he’s only ever felt inconvenienced by his poverty... I’d say he’s being a bit dishonest with himself. Again, he’s clearly not the shameful type to blame his poor mother, but he clearly has trouble admitting his circumstances to even his closest friend.

Meanwhile, for JYJ...

...the guy is clearly struggling too. He obviously cares for SHJ and extremely mindful of his money situation, hence previously wanting to just pay for SHJ at the cafe. However, he also doesn’t want to hurt SHJ’s pride even more, so he ultimately still tosses his pair of perfectly good shoes he no longer wants despite wanting to give it to SHJ.

Once SHJ cools down a bit, and JYJ extends the olive branch, they both apologize to each other and come to an understanding. However, as is with a lot of human emotions... getting over it in the moment does not necessarily mean getting over it for good if you haven’t addressed the inner demons that spawned these bad feelings in the first place. And it’s not long before we see another issue pop up.

At this point, SHJ has had to move into the side house (and hides it from JYJ). He finds the Gucci receipt in the pocket of the jacket JYJ lends him, and JYJ immediately tries to wave it off saying it was pretty much something his mom made him buy.

He’s clearly worried about SHJ feeling bad again. He definitely doesn’t seem to care for the materialistic things as much as his parents seem to, and he even seems a bit embarrassed by it. So when SHJ brings up his big new house, he immediately tries to make light of the situation by joking about how indeed, the one good perk is that he can no longer hear his parents fighting. So that’s clearly another thing that weighs on him. SHJ is seemingly rather sensitive to JYJ’s money situation, but JYJ doesn’t really want anything to do with it at all. And the thing he really wishes could be new and shiny - his family’s relationship - is not something their newfound money could buy. In fact, it’s possible he’s even a little envious of JYJ for having such a caring mom.

Later, when he finds out SHJ has moved into the little side house / shack, he’s understandably upset that his best friend had chosen to hide this from him, that he didn’t see JYJ as understanding enough to be honest with him. He obviously also aches for SHJ’s circumstances. 

Gift-giving is a big part of East Asian culture, but there’s casual gifts between friends, and there’s gifts between everyone else. When you’re gifting gifts to someone less close, you definitely don’t want to go for things too cheap, so people tend to skew for expensive and unnecessary things because it’s part of social gestures and having ‘face’. While well-intentioned, sometimes receiving (and continuing to receive) gifts, especially more expensive ones, can make the receiver feel like they have to reciprocate in kind and continue to stand on ceremony or otherwise have this formal distance between the other person. It’s a big game of chicken sometimes, but some people’s ‘face’ won’t allow them to take a more casual, intimate approach first. This is not the main reason why JYJ gets upset of course, but it is an element.

All that compounded - he’s hurting already on SHJ’s behalf, yet his best friend seemingly doesn’t trust him enough and still tries to save face. And what’s worse, SHJ seems to think JYJ is materialistic and chases expensive things, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth - he dgafs about this kind of stuff. So to have his best friend essentially woefully misunderstand his character, continue to hold him at arm’s length / treat him with non-intimate courtesy, make sacrifices that hurt himself to give JYJ something that makes him seem materialistic and puts even more distance between them due to their economic gap... he’s pretty hurt and furious.

Of course, in reality, while SHJ not telling JYJ might be partly due to his pride, the expensive gift was purely because he was crushing hard. And cue the confession tumbling out.

-

So actually, I feel like there was a wonderful build-up of their tension, oriented not entirely on SHJ’s romantic feelings towards JYJ, but a very real issue between two people compounded by the complexity of romantic feelings.

Although I grew up away from the frontline influence of these sort of social gestures and expectations, it was still a big part of my upbringing. And I feel the agonizing indecisiveness over what to say, how to react, etc. You read intention into every gesture and word, because that’s how Asian culture operations.

I was rather surprised to see people comment that this drama was boring, but upon analysis, I did consider that part of it might be because a lot of this tension goes over the audience’s head if you weren’t brought up in that context. What seems like beautifully nuanced dance of well-intentions-turned-sour might come across as a jumbled mess of ‘being upset over unnecessary secrets’. That, coupled with some abrupt scenes that might not be tied in too smoothly, might have led to a lower evaluation.

Or it’s just my bias for a non-romantic-feelings based tension haha.

-

Anyway... curious what others think!