#minor death warning

[philosophy-of-spring]

Derek Daki commission for @vlad-01

Thanks for your business!🌸

Please do not use without permission!

character belongs to gatobob

[zhuzhee]

baby girl its pipe time!!

[emobatsy]

romulus review: if the first movie didnt have enough explicit sex/pregnancy/birth horror for u go see alien: romulus! in theatres now!

[fuffleton]

Lazy drawing raahhh 😭😭

[sir-fenris]

You thought I was done with that prompt? Ha.

This is yet another short scene inspired by this post of @floral-comet-whump 's whump ask game.

"Agreeing to be your handler was the worst mistake I've ever made..." + living weapon + "... Understood." Under their breath, shaky, "I thought you liked me."

Content: living weapon whumpee, handler carewhumper, reluctant carewhumper, parental carewhumper, dehumanization, minor whumpee (child whumpee), child soldier, child endangering, implied child injuries, implied child possible death, blood. (The child is safe and happy at the end, despite the scary content warning, they were not hurt in scene)

"Agreeing to be your handler was the worst mistake I've ever made..." Handler can't look Whumpee in the eyes.

Not when they're covered in blood. Not when all he sees is a kid covered in blood.

Whumpee was caught by surprise. Handler has always been... kind and understanding of them even when they were bad. Much more than other trainers. "... Understood," they say as firmly as they can.

Under their breath, Handler can hear them shakily add, "I thought you liked me." His heart clenched so hard he could barely breathe. It was such a childish thing to say, wasn't it? They sound more affected by his words than them almost dying.

When Handler turns to see them, his eyes are filled with concern. "Before, I could see you as a weapon. But ever since I've made the terrible choice to be your handler... I just can't," he whispers.

He does like the kid. More than it was safe to get attached to a weapon.

Whumpee raises their head in confused surprise, and all Handler can see is his own children in their eyes. How could he ever treat Whumpee just as a weapon, when they have so many childlike habits, despite never being indulged to act like a child?

It's like their humanity tries to push through everything else to remain with them. Whumpee still cries when people from their side die. Still clings to Handler's arms when someone is being intimidating towards them. Still whines and sulks when they're tired. Still looks back at Handler when they feel insecure.

Handler has raised this kid more than his own kids. How can he pretend this is just a weapon?

"I can't keep sending you out there. But as your handler, I have no choice but to do that," Handler adds. He really should stop speaking, saying those things wouldn't help anyone.

And that is proven immediately.

"But... Did I do bad today?" Whumpee asks. "I'm sorry if I made a mistake-"

"No, kid, you didn't," Handler looks at him, all the blood, and has to look away again. "You did exactly as you were told." Against his better judgment, he adds, "but you shouldn't have been the one to do it."

"... Why...? Weapons have to do it. And I'm a weapon," Whumpee whispers hesitantly.

You're a child, Handler wanted to answer back.

But this talk has already gone too far. He shouldn't be saying those things to a living weapon; it will only bring trouble to both of them.

"Forget it. I'm speaking nonsense, kid. You did well today, let's get you cleaned up and fed, yeah?" With a firm hand on their shoulder, Handler guides Whumpee outside.

He has to ignore how Whumpee clings to his shirt for security and beams with a smile at the rest promise.

That smile doesn't belong on a bloodied weapon.

That blood doesn't belong on a child.

-

(The child got cleaned up with warm water, had a good meal, then got to rest safely in a cozy little room. They're fine, and Handler is caring for them as his own kid <3.)

-

[captainhysunstuff]

A reactionary comic about rereading a fic that I recently recommended that was way darker than I remembered, lol. I still love it for how they pretty much drive each other crazy, but that word choice and the consent issues... *cringes* At least there are valid warnings beforehand, and the first fic was pretty PG. Sorry. *laughs sheepishly*

[kaytrawrites]

QSMP - Tapestries colored by Death

Summary in which a ritual is performed to call forth a Death Being to protect the life weavings of those who have grown close

Notes CW // multiple character deaths (non permanent), multiple ritualistic suicides (non permanent), violence (make sure you rb with the cw tags, at least)

i've been slowly working on this one for a while. this is my non-canon what-if ending of the islanders vs the horrors. enjoy. (I love the crow poem, if you couldn't tell lmao)

---

The waystone in the tree swooshed as a demon stumbled into existence. He clutched a shredded shirt to his side, inhaling through his teeth at the stabbing pain from moving. Across the floor, three figures were deeply asleep, one wrapped around the other two, a scarred, still beautiful wing covering the two completely.

Bad inhaled slowly. “Sorry old friend…” He breathed, and stepped forward, carefully lifting the dark wing of the blond man, folding it back away from the two still eggs. He pulled the quilts higher around the two eggs, pausing for the briefest moments at their warmth.

He shook his head, taking a crumpled sheet and wrapping it around the deeply asleep man. The tall demon lifted the winged blonde, one arm under his knees, the other supporting his torso.

“Sorry little ones. Your papa will come back soon. I will make sure of it.” He whispered, then turned back to the waystone.

He warped away, arriving in a ruined hellscape. “I have him!” Bad called out, beginning to sprint toward a golden glow not far away.

“Bad!” The familiar voice of Foolish called out. The massive shark-totem hurried to escort Bad and his precious cargo to the structure that was almost complete.

Bad carefully set the blonde man down on the central slab of gray stone. 

“I still don’t get why it has to be him.” Tubbo grumbled.

“He is touched by Death in a way that no other islander is, Tubbo.” Bad said. “Everyone ready?” he looked up at the torn group in various stages of injury, who nodded.

Cellbit, Baghera, Tina, Pierre, Maximus, Fit, Foolish, Etoiles, Charlie, Pac, Mike and Tubbo were all gathered around. Bad nodded. “Ok. Cellbit. Can you start us off? I will be last. Tubbo will need to- put down that sword. Phil will be most likely to follow where you point.”

Tubbo huffed, but nodded at Bad’s words.

Cellbit took a breath and straightened. He flipped the machete in his hands around and as a tear slid down his cheek, declared: “ONE for sorrow.” He plunged the blade into his gut. He collapsed on the floor, his life essence spinning out of his body, a small portion breaking off and absorbing into Philza’s sleeping body. The remainder coalesced above the bed nearby, forming into Cellbit once more. He hurried to gather his things from his dead body as Etoiles began to speak.

“TWO for mirth.” He chuckled, bringing up his code touched blade to his throat, slashing it with one quick movement. He crumpled like Cellbit, the same life essence show happening to Etoiles. He too respawned, hurrying to collect his gear and turn to face the lurking nightmares that were clawing to stop the ritual.

“THREE for a wedding.” Fit declared, squeezing Pac’s hand. He held out a titanium band to the dark haired brazilian, who gladly let Fit slip it onto his ring finger. Pac repeated the action, placing an almost identical ring on Fit’s finger. Fit nodded, and Pac blinked away tears, refusing to let any fall, as he took a step back, his Dreadbow appearing in his hand. He pulled back, a shadowy arrow appearing on the string. After a moment the arrow flashed red and Pac released the arrow, point blank at Fit’s head.

A bit of Fit’s life essence flowed to Philza, and he too respawned.

“FOUR for a birth.” Maximus declared. He took a step back away from the group, and his skin shred itself from the inside. Green ones and zeros danced across his flesh, cutting and eating his body, which spat out his life essence. A small bit of it surged toward Philza, the rest returning to Maximus’ reborn body.

“FIVE for silver.” Pierre declared, sloughing off his jacket, exposing his silver, robotic arms. He turned, the firelight catching his metal cheek. He flicked open a hatch on his chest, revealing the only fleshy part of him, his still beating heart. He extended a finger, and stabbed the fleshy organ, his eyes going dark. A bit of life essence joined the globe that was growing above the sleeping avian before Pierre jolted back to life.

“SIX for gold.” Foolish declared, squeezing the totem in his hand, before dropping it to the ground, unholstering his federation issued gun up, pointing it under his chin, squeezing the trigger.

He crumpled, his life essence roiling out of his dead body, a truly monstrous amount. The small amount that joined the growing lump above the comatose form on the altar barely a drop in the ocean of his life. He hurried to collect his things after respawn, joining Cellbit and Etoiles in guarding the ritual against the monsters.

“SEVEN a secret ne’er to be told.” Tina said, reaching up and untying the ribbon around the little cat ear points of her hairstyle, revealing a pair of sawed off stumps of demon horns.

Tina lifted a scythe that all gathered recognized as belonging to Bagi, and with a single movement, beheaded herself. She joined the others after respawn, her slender horns restored, nails lengthened into claws ready to tear the encroaching enemy apart.

“EIGHT for a wish.” Charlie declared, looking down at his code touched arms, thinking back to the little girl he wished so deeply to see again. He let his body dissolve into slime, then finally into nothingness. Upon respawn, the code infection was gone.

“NINE for a kiss.” Pac said, grasping Fit’s hand, leaning forward, deeply kissing the taller Floridian man. Fit enjoyed the moment, then revved his chainsaw and plunged it into Pac’s gut, ripping it to the side. Pac crumpled, and respawned.

“TEN a bird you must not miss~!” Baghera sang, spinning in place. She revved her chainsaw, spinning it in her grasp recklessly. Resulting in her chainsawing off her own head. She scooped up the still growling weapon upon her respawn, turning and brandishing it at the ever closing in monsters.

“ELEVEN for hope.” Mike said, looking down at the little bouquet of sunflowers. He flicked open a little vial, downing the glowing green contents. He collapsed like a puppet with cut strings, respawning after a moment.

Etoiles turned back toward the altar, opening his mouth to speak again.

“TWELVE for health.” Tubbo declared before Etoiles could speak. Etoiles and Bad froze, not daring to speak for fear that it would ruin the ritual.

Tubbo lifted his wrench, and began bashing in his skull. The others could only watch on silently as Tubbo quickly collapsed, his life essence hovering above his body. It was tiny, and became even smaller as a portion joined the almost complete orb above Philza.

Fit scooped up Foolish’s dropped totem, pressing it against Tubbo’s chest. The totem shattered, dragging Tubbo’s small life essence back down into his body. Tubbo gasped as he returned to life.

“THIRTEEN beware of the devil himself.” Bad said, as everyone else backed away. He lifted his hand to his chest, feeling heart thump thump. It felt like his heart was being both stabbed and shattered into multiple pieces. For the first time, he was dying from a broken heart.

His vision went dark as he heard the DOOM of the ritual completing.

The firelight that warded off the encroaching monsters winked out, plunging the clearing into darkness. One by one, the beings gathered lit torches and lanterns to illuminate the space once more.

Fit carefully helped Tubbo stand, everyone else backing away from the altar, allowing the two to face the now standing figure that had been laid on the slab.

Where before the Being’s bird features had been limited to dark wings and slightly clawed fingers, now He was truly an Angelic fusion of Man and Bird.

The only human skin visible was his hands and around his mouth; every inch of his body not covered by his clothing was covered with tiny, dark feathers. His single pair of wings, once quite large, had multiplied thrice, each of the six now spanning double what they once did. His hand flexed and a 

Witnessing The Angel of Death walking upon the earth once more, those who had performed the ritual were thankful that the time for their Tapestries of Life to be bound off had not yet come. But they prepared to follow the being they had called to cut off the Tapestries of those who desired to stop the weaving of their own.

For they were a family, and were prepared to witness the beautiful weaving of this day…

[livestockbird]

Sour Pebbles (Dead Dove Lemongrab Oneshot)

Lemongrab tries dark soda for the first time, causing small pebbles to form inside of him.

·  Genital Torture ·  Mutilation ·  Minor Character Death ·  Hiding Medical Issues ·  Adventure Time References ·  Whump ·  Short One Shot ·  Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

[atonalginger]

Through Plasma and Flames, update #6

Chapter 6, The Crucible, is now live on ao3 and you can find it by clicking here!

Preston and the squad have managed to press into the secured chamber where Slag is testing Jake Finch and end up tested themselves. Warning: minor character death

To start from the beginning you can click here.

A snippet below the cut

“You said we’d be raiding outside the Commonwealth! You said my family would be safe!” Jake Finch yelled up at Slag, a trio of bound and blindfolded settlers knelt on the edge of the catwalk next to the crucible in the center of the room.   

“I said no such thing,” Slag laughed as he looked over the long saber with a hand held flamer rigged to set the blade aflame when the switch was pulled.   

That was the heirloom sword Jake stole to gain entrance to the Ironworks; Preston recognized the blade from the description Mr. Finch gave over the radio. A ridiculous looking thing but apparently it had helped keep the family safe for generations. Likely scared many away on looks alone, Preston realized, and seriously messed up anyone bold enough to get closer.  

“That’s what he does,” Ripshank shouted from next to Dawn, the power armor frame he’d claimed on the ground floor of the Ironworks creaking at his movements, “Slag gives hollow promises and then stabs you in the back.”  

Slag looked at the newcomers with a sadistic delight, a blackened smile with plenty of gaps greeting the Minutemen, “so you’re the ones giving my boys so much trouble. Must think you’re pretty special, huh? Well good news, you’re just in time to see this pathetic sack of shit to prove himself worthy of initiation by killing these wastes of air.”  

Dawn’s voice was calm, impressively so given the circumstances, the Hellfire helmet speaker giving her voice a metallic coldness that gave Preston chills despite the oppressive heat in the small space, “the only waste of air I see in this room is the toothless bloviating fuck up on his self made pedestal.”  

Slag squeezed the handle of the sword and flames raced up the length of the blade, his eyes fixed on Jake, “stop wasting time. And when you’re done with those three kill them as well.”  

“You don’t have to do this, Jake,” Ripshank called out, “your mom is worried sick back at the farm. You can go back to them.”  

“If you don’t kill them I’ll throw you in the fire myself,” Slag pointed the Finch family sword at Jake.  

“I…I don’t have a choice,” Jake stammered at Ripshank, his eyes scanning the cluster of Minutemen, “I know my dad won’t welcome me back and mom won’t ever look at me the same…”

[amberjazmyn]

"i'm still here though, aren't i?"💔🫶

pairing : esteban ocon x fem!ocon reader, platonic f1 grid x fem!ocon reader, mick schumacher x fem!ocon reader

summary : esteban's teenage sister, lottie (collette), had attempted suicide and for the first time since it happened, the brother and sister got into a heated argument in the paddock because lottie refused to talk about it to her brother. this was the argument in which lottie realised just how wrong she was and why it hurt her older brother so much.

warnings : angst, older brother x esteban, fatherless x esteban, fatherless x lottie, failed suicide attempt, teenage sister, crying, yelling

a/n :  this will be an awfully heavy one-shot so, like always, please read with caution or don't read at all. flashbacks to the event of lottie's attempt will be in italics, as will all the other flashbacks and the present time will be in normal font and everything will be in lowercase like all my sad ones have been recently. i love you all and please, stay safe

a/n : like i have already mentioned in the tags, from my knowledge, esteban's dad is still very much alive and he does not have a sister called lottie since esteban is actually an only child. i also had the thought of writing this for mick schumi but then realised it didn't sit right with me so i decided i'd do it for estie but i did make it that lottie is dating mick!

in hindsight, esteban should have known that there was something wrong with his teenage sister, lottie but, he just thought that he was becoming too much of a helicopter brother and turning into their deceased father. i mean, lottie is esteban's youngest sister and one of his two other remaining family members that were alive so, esteban didn't want to constantly get in his sister's way. he wanted her to have some freedom, especially now that she was eighteen, having just turned that age the day before her attempt. however, he should have realised that maybe, he shouldn't have been so far away from his beloved baby sister to the point where she felt like as a last resort to get her older brother's attention that she had to attempt suicide, let alone even think about it for esteban to realise that she still needs her older brother. 

lottie's attempt

it was everything she could have ever wanted. the bathtub was nearly spilling over with water from the bath and the adjacent shower that was sure to run cold in minutes if not seconds. the razor blades, a mix of hers and her brothers, some knives big and small and something resembling an ice pick all rested on a side table that had been brought in, with a large envelope with letters that had been handwritten for every single person in lottie's life from her mum, deceased dad, her brother esteban and her f1 grid best friends all resting in clear view on the side table. she was all still dressed in what she had worn for her birthday dinner the night before, a sweet little white dress that had cut-outs on the side. carefully she stepped into the overflowing bathtub and she began to cut her wrists with one of the few razor blades that she had stolen from her brother's bathroom. lottie had been cutting at her wrists for the past few minutes before she realised she wasn't getting anywhere and she wasn't bleeding as much as she hoped she would. so, that was when she had to bring in the big guns, figuratively.

eighteen-year-old lottie ocon had somehow managed to find an ice pick in her family home and snuck it away into her room when no one was looking. she had grabbed the ice pick, about to stab through one of the major arteries that would have killed her if stabbed in the right place, when the noise of her brother and f1 grid best friends coming home scared her due to the loud front door closing. this then scared lottie, more than she'd ever admit to anyone which caused her to fumble with the ice pick, trying to grab it when it nicked her in the shoulder, causing her to scream and fall back into the bath. the scream obviously made everyone downstairs jump slightly in fear but none more so than esteban. without another second to think, alongside charles, they ran up the stairs and into the bathroom whilst pierre and lando took care of everything downstairs. the two eldest boys ran into esteban's bathroom and what they then saw wasn't something that would easily be erased from their memories. 

"collette louisa rose ocon!" esteban's loud but worried voice called out, reverberating throughout the house as his sister, who had since fainted from the loss of blood and open wounds, lay unresponsive in the bathtub of her older brother's bathroom 

"allez lottie! qu'est-ce que tu t'es fait?!" esteban calls out in french, his accent at its fullest as the two men walk upstairs and straight away, the two of them walk into esteban's bedroom as the majority of the time, he would come home after a long shooting day and either lottie would be asleep cuddled up to his girlfriend, her sister in law, or watching netflix come on lottie! what have you done to yourself?!

however, this time, the tv nor anything else was on to suggest that the scream had come from a tv show or even a youtube video. this obviously sparked the worst fear and unsettling feeling in esteban especially because he knew that flava was with her parents and extended family. the unsettling feeling also capturing charles as the feeling only made them rush into that room that much quicker. once it was realised that none of the downstairs tvs were on so something had to have happened to lottie. it had to be something bad because that scream now could have only come from her.

without even thinking about the fact that his sister could be right in front of the bathroom door about to come out to say it was all a big misunderstanding or that nothing was really wrong, esteban took his chance and kicked in his bathroom door. this then revealed something that was both from his nightmares and only ever seen in the tv and movies that he watched. esteban's entire body almost inwardly collapsed as he tried to think as rationally as he could to get help for his little sister. charles immediately without a second to think, blink or breathe, yanked his phone from his pocked and dialled 112, requesting the closest ambulance whilst esteban attempted to grab his sister's collapsed, wet, bloodied unconscious body out of the bath. which, as you can imagine, ended up being more of a challenge than both men thought. especially when they considered the fact that lottie was fully dressed and the mixture of being completely soaked making her that much heavier to pick up. 

"…estie, les ambulanciers ont été appelés, l'ambulance la plus proche est à trois minutes. est-ce que…as-tu besoin d'un coup de main?" charles calls out, calm and collected as he places his phone to the ground aimlessly to see that esteban was more than struggling to get his younger sister out of the bathtub in his bathroom estie, the paramedics have been called, their closest ambulance is three minutes away. do...do you need a hand? 

"s'il te plaît, charles? je suis tellement confuse, qu'est-ce qu'elle a fait, putain?" esteban mumbled to himself as he tried to figure out what his sister could have even done to herself to draw this amount of blood please charles? i'm so confused, what...what did she fucking do? 

after assisting esteban with removing lottie from the bathtub and to the frenchman's bed, charles had caught onto the things that were resting next to the bathtub and the bathroom sink. he almost choked on his own voice which caught esteban's attention as he looked up from stroking lottie's hair as he sat next to her on his bed. 

"tu vas bien charles? tu as trouvé quelque chose?" esteban spoke up as he tried to attend to his little sister and dry her before the paramedics arrived you alright charles? did you find something?

"estie, il y a un mélange de tes lames de rasoir, ses lames de rasoir, un assortiment de couteaux et… et un pic à glace… elle a trouvé un pic à glace, se poignardant car elle n'était pas satisfaite que ses lames de rasoir et ses couteaux ne soient pas faisant tout ce qu'elle voulait, alors elle a essayé de se poignarder directement…" charles trailed off, really making esteban feel sick estie, there's a mix of your razor blades, her razor blades, an assortment of knives and...and an ice pick...she found an ice pick, stabbing herself since she felt unsatisfied that her razor blades and knives weren't doing as much as she wanted them to so she tried to directly stab herself

"...how...how did she even know what an ice pick is, let alone find one, charles?" esteban stammered out, not even able to be mad or blame anyone as charles just shook his head, not knowing either how...how did she even know what an ice pick is, let alone find one, charles? 

"je..je ne sais pas estie, je…je n'aurais jamais imaginé qu'un membre de ta famille en possède un, alors où l'a-t-elle trouvé?" charles was just as flabbergasted that his best friend's younger sister could have found an ice pick just like how esteban was shocked that his sister could find it i...i don't know estie, i...i would have never imagined anyone in your family owning one so where did she find it? 

"elle était clairement très intelligente et particulière à ce sujet," charles mumbled as esteban nodded his head as the two of them then focused back over to lottie who was still unconscious and unresponsive when esteban realised something she was clearly very smart and particular about it though 

it confused him because it was very obvious that, where her stab wound from the ice pick was, was not where she was clearly intending for it to be. then it clicked in esteban's head, realising what his little sister had tried to do and it made him dizzy, feel sick and choke on his tears. his eyes then followed his sister to the bathroom sink where charles had previously found the ice pick, knives and razor blades and then found an envelope. this moment was when it seemed like it all finally connected and made sense to esteban and it was a connection that seemed to be all too obvious as well. lottie's accident was anything but an accident.

esteban finally realised that she had done this all on purpose because she was trying to commit suicide but, ultimately failed. this all made sense when he thought about the stab wound in lottie's shoulder, she wouldn't have ever stabbed herself in the shoulder if she wanted to kill herself, no one would, she was obviously trying to get her neck or an artery where she would have died instantly. it seemed as if the moment that he and the grid had walked into the house that the door slamming due to the loud winds outside scared lottie, hence the failed stab wound on her part. however, esteban had never been so grateful for the fact he had caught his sister on time, he couldn't lose another family member for the second time in the span of a couple of years, not again. he was also glad when the loud intrusive noises of the ambulance sirens were heard, it meant that his sister had the possibility of being saved. charles also had a moment to breathe as well as what he had seen was also traumatising for him, sure, he wasn't actually lottie's biological brother or family, and neither were the other f1 drivers but, those boys are the closest things to esteban. 

present time

despite being discharged from the hospital for about two months now, lottie was still stuck on the fact that she didn't owe anyone an explanation of what happened so, she refused to talk about what happened and why she did what she did. this was something that the extended f1 grid family understood because it was a boundary for her and, they didn't push it. however, esteban, her brother, did because that's his little sister, of course, he was going to push it because he wanted an answer from his sister. something, anything, just one little thing that could satisfy him enough that he could breathe and go to sleep easier at night without worrying about something else horrible happening to his sister. and go into a race weekend without having to worry about whether or not his sister is okay. however, lottie wasn't ready to provide an answer for her brother just yet and, usually, esteban would 100% understand that but, this time, he couldn't let it go. the last time that happened, he nearly lost his baby sister, his only sibling, and was almost a suicide statistic. that was something he did not want, not at all, not again, especially since their dad was part of the heart attack death statistic. he wasn't wanting to take that chance again only to possibly lose his sister again. 

"...lottie, fille ange, pouvons-nous discuter s'il te plaît?" esteban suddenly asks his sister as she had come into the paddock to watch the race easier, having a chat with her sister-in-law flava and kika, pierre's girlfriend lottie, angel girl, can we have a chat please?

"bien sûr que nous pouvons estie, quoi de neuf?" lottie smiled, saying a quick goodbye to flava and kika before sitting down on the bench next to her brother sure we can estie, what's up?

"je sais que ça fait deux mois que c'est arrivé, l'accident. je comprends que tu refuses de m'en parler et que tu dis toujours que tu ne dois d'explication à personne. ce n'est pas moi qui vous fais délibérément en parler en détail, mais pouvez-vous juste me donner quelque chose… n'importe quoi comme raison pour laquelle vous pensiez que votre vie était si insignifiante que vous avez fait le choix que vous avez fait?" esteban spoke calmly, he wasn't raising his voice, he wasn't making a scene, he was just simply and kindly asking his sister a question that had been eating at his insides for an entire two months i know that it's been two months since it happened, the accident. i understand that you refuse to talk to me about it and that you always say you don't owe anyone an explanation. this is not me purposefully making you talk about it in full detail but, can you just give me something...anything as a reason why you though your life was so insignificant that you made the choice that you did?

lottie, however, didn't hear and process that question the same way. she saw that as her brother invading and attacking her personal space. and, she hated it on the outside even though her insides were just waiting to hear it because she just wanted to be heard but at the same time, she didn't because of how stubborn she is. 

"estie, s'il te plaît, arrête! je ne suis pas prêt à en parler, alors pouvons-nous, s'il vous plaît, ne pas avoir cette conversation, surtout ici?" lottie begged as she gulped, obviously embarrassed over the fact that she was in the paddock of a grand prix and it was being talked about - not because of what she did estie, please, stop! i'm not ready to talk about it so, can we please not have this conversation, especially here?

"lottie, je t'ai donné ton espace et ton temps même si cela me donne mal au ventre chaque jour! peux-tu s'il te plaît juste me donner quelque chose? fais-moi comprendre ta version de l'histoire. est-ce que tu comprends au moins ce que tu as fait?" esteban slightly raises his voice which makes lottie panic slightly because, in all truthfulness, the girl had no real understanding or concept of the consequences her suicide attempt had lottie, i've given you your space and time even though it has made me sick to my stomach every single day! can you please just give me something? make me understanding your sie of the story. do you even understand what you did?

"je comprends ce que j'ai fait et cela m'énerve chaque jour où j'ai échoué. pourquoi penses-tu que j'ai essayé en premier lieu?" now lottie was raising her voice and it was becoming quite clear that at this point, she was not meaning what she was saying - she didn't even realise the words she was even saying, she literally just wanted to one-up her brother i do understand what i did and it annoys me every single day that i failed. why do you think i attempted it in the first place?

"lottie, fille ange, tu ne veux pas dire ça!" esteban was getting more and more agitated, lottie could tell and whilst it broke her heart, it made her want to fight him even more so, she did lottie, angel girl, you don't mean that!

"je le pense vraiment, esteban ! si seulement vous n'étiez pas tous les quatre rentrés à la maison au bon moment et qu'il n'y avait pas autant de vent, le pic à glace ne m'aurait pas entaillé l'épaule. cela m'aurait frappé directement dans l'artère carotide et je serais mort en quelques minutes, voire quelques secondes!" lottie's voice was loud, it was aggressive, it was mean and there was no ounce of regret or remorse for what she said and it hurt everyone that heard it i really do mean it, esteban! if only it wasn't for the fact that all of you boys came home at the exact right time and it wasn't so windy, the ice pick wouldn't have nicked my shoulder. it would've got me straight in the carotid artery and i would have been dead within minutes if not seconds!

lottie was smart, of course, she was! her mum was a stay at home mum but was nevertheless a smart cookie and her dad, when he was still alive was a mechanic before they sold it so they could support esteban's motorsport passion. and of course, esteban was also a very intelligent man. however, sometimes, lottie overshoot herself and make choices that came from only hearing one person's point of view. which is what was happening right now which caused her to be confused and hard-headed. it was very obvious that what lottie was saying right now was nothing remotely close to what she'd usually say, even if it sounded and looked as if she meant it without any regret. right now she'd usually be trying to backtrack or explain herself which would sometimes cause her to breakdown. lottie knew that no matter what, she'd always be given the comfort she needed and the forgiveness even after her suicide attempt and the way she was acting right now.

"collette louisa rose ccon, réalises-tu les dommages du choix que tu as fait il y a deux mois? comprenez-vous la douleur que cela m'a fait subir?" nicky's voice was going up an octave due to his emotions slowly taking over as he stood up collette louisa rose ocon, do you realise the damage from that choice you made two months ago? do you understand the pain it put me through?

"peut-être que oui, et peut-être pas, mais je suis toujours là, n'est-ce pas?" lottie screeched as she also stood up to match her brother whilst esteban stood back in shock as he shook his head maybe i do and maybe i don't but i'm still here though, aren't i?

"oui, tu es là! je suis putain de content que tu sois encore en vie, mais si tu comprends et écoute vraiment ce que je vais dire ensuite, alors tu comprendras vraiment le chagrin, la douleur, l'horreur et l'anxiété dans lesquels tu m'as mis, ainsi que chaque conducteur ce paddock à travers!" esteban paused as lottie locked her jaw as she braced herself for what her brother was going to say next��yes, you are here! i'm fucking glad you're still alive but if you just understand and really listen to what i'm going to say next, then you'll truly understand the grief, pain, horror and anxiety you put me and every single driver in this paddock through!

"collette, non seulement tu as volé un pic à glace à je ne sais même pas où ni qui et tu as attrapé tous les couteaux que tu pouvais trouver, mais tu as aussi brisé tous les rasoirs de ma salle de bain et tu as emmené ce putain de pic à glace dans ce qui était à l'origine ta carotide artère et de vous poignarder dans ma baignoire après avoir réalisé que le simple fait de vous couper n'allait pas vous tuer ni vous satisfaire suffisamment. tu n'as aucune idée à quel point Charles et moi avons été horrifiés quand nous avons entendu ce cri et t'avons vu allongé là, inconscient, dans ma baignoire remplie d'eau ensanglantée…" collette, you not only stole an ice pick from i don't even know where or who and grabbed any knife you could find, but you also broke apart every single razor in my bathroom and took that fucking ice pick to what was originally your carotid artery and stab yourself in my bathtub after you realised that just cutting yourself wasn't going to kill yourself or satisfy you enough. you have no idea how horrified charles and i were when we heard that scream and saw you laying there just unconscious in my bathtub that was filled with bloodied water

"...esteban--"

"--non! collette, tu ne parles pas parce que tu ne sembles pas comprendre la gravité des conséquences de tes actes d'il y a deux mois!" no! collette, you don't get to speak because you don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the consequences of your actions from two months ago!

"vous n'avez aucune idée à quel point pierre et lando ont eu peur lorsqu'ils ont également entendu ce cri venant d'en bas alors qu'ils regardaient charles et moi nous précipiter dans les escaliers pour t'aider, pour être sûrs que tu restes en vie! vous n'avez aucune idée du nombre de larmes que j'ai pleuré dans cet hôpital, du nombre d'heures que j'ai passées éveillées à espérer et à prier tous les dieux auxquels je pouvais penser, en espérant juste que vous vous réveilliez!" you have no clue how scared pierre and lando were when they also heard that scream from downstairs as they watched charles and i rush up those stairs to help you, to make sure you stayed alive! you don't have any clue how many tears i cried at that hospital, how many hours i spent laying awake hoping and praying to any and every god i could think of, just hoping that you would wake up!

"combien de cauchemars ai-je fait dans lesquels je me précipitais dans cette pièce et ne parvenais pas à te sauver? combien d'heures ai-je passé assis dans cette horrible chaise inconfortable, mon corps tout entier étant engourdi parce que je n'avais pas bougé un seul membre de ce siège? la dernière fois que je me suis senti aussi impuissant, c'est quand j'ai dû sauter et sprinter hors de ma putain de voiture de formule 1 après avoir découvert que quelque chose n'allait pas avec papa, puis on m'a dit qu'il s'était effondré au travail et qu'il était mort plus tard, collette." how many nightmates i had about me running into that room and not being able to save you? how many hours i spent sitting in that god-awful comfortable chair, my entire body going numb because i didn't move one single limb off of that seat? the last time i felt this helpless was when i had to jump and sprint out of my fucking formula one car after finding out something was wrong with dad then being told he collapsed at work and then later died, collette

"i am trying, i am trying so fucking hard to take care of you on my own without mum to make sure you are happy. i am so desperately sorry that whatever it was that i did had made you feel this way and that was what you had to do to get my attention. if it was my fault, i will take full responsibility for it but, please, just give me one little piece of anything that will tell me why you thought writing those suicide letters and trying to kill yourself was the right thing to do. just so i can go to sleep and my races without the crippling fear that you'll try to do it again when i'm asleep or in the car and not able to help you causing me to only be left with one less family member. please, i beg you, collette, just talk to me..." esteban's anger trailed away as did his agitated french as he spoke in english as he saw the way his sister's face changed as tears welled in her eyes

this was the first time since it happened that lottie was finally able to comprehend the consequences of her suicide attempt had actually done to everyone. this comprehension of her consequences scared the living crap out of her and now she understood what everyone else was going through. finally, it had sunk into her head that she did try to kill herself with an ice pick that even she couldn't remember where she found it and that she was originally aiming for her carotid artery after the scars on her arm weren't as effective as she thought they would be before resorting to the ice pick. she couldn't even say anything before she let her head tipped to the floor as she started to cry. esteban stepping two steps forward as he held her as her cries got louder, not able to find it within herself to stop crying.

"...i...i am so sorry esteban," she whimpered out in english as her soft, tearful apology broke esteban's heart into millions of tiny pieces as he hugged his sister tightly, grateful that the race wasn't actually going to continue due to the prolonged red flag

"oh, lottie, angel, ssh. it's okay," esteban spoke softly as he hugged his little sister as tightly as he ever had before whilst everyone else just watched on hoping that the both of them would stop their fighting 

"no esteban, it wasn't okay and it'll never be okay. i...i had no reason to even think like that," lottie sobbed out as she hadn't clutched onto her brother's shirt this tight in years 

"you're human, lottie, that's all you need to be told to know that what you were feeling was incredibly valid. in fact, i am so incredibly sorry that i didn't see the signs earlier. i love you so much collette louisa rose ocon, i really do. you are my entire world, you are one of the very last things that dad helped bless me with and if i was to be on this earth without you, i...i really don't know how i'd still be able to breathe every day. you along with mum and my f1 family are my one reason, the only thing in have and need to know that i am allowed to smile and continue on with my life. and that is because lottie, you are my little sister! i love you so incredibly much and whilst you scare me half the time *tearful giggles* i wouldn't want to change anything about you because i can't. all i can do is siply guide you through life like mum and dad and just hope that what i'm doing is right. you are such an intelligent girl that i truly do worry about you but my god, you have no clue how thankful i am that your eyes opened on that day two months ago! i am so beyond thankful that you woke up..." esteban trailed off as lottie managed to calm herself down but remained silent in her brother's embrace, ignoring that most likely this had been filmed by the f1 media and was being aired live as they moved back to sit down

two months ago 

it seemed as though esteban would be waiting an eternity before his little sister would open her eyes and wake up from the coma she had been placed in after her suicide attempt. right at this moment, however, esteban didn't care how long it took as he wouldn't be moving a single muscle until his sister's gorgeous blue eyes opened, which the entire family had inherited, and looked back into his own blue eyes. he didn't care that he was losing sleep, that he was constantly dehydrated from refusing food and drink and all the tears he was crying. he didn't care that his entire body was slowly becoming numb due to staying in the same position day in and day out. the older brother was even refusing to work because he didn't want to miss the moment his sister opened her eyes.  he was adamant that his little sister was going to pull through and recover from her attempt and live another day. esteban just wanted some belief that his little sister wasn't going to die on him, he had already been through that with their father.

he really didn't want to go through it a second time for another year because that year with the loss of not just their dad but so many good friends which were so traumatic that he almost gave up his own life before lottie, still unbeknownst to her, literally saved his life. he never wanted his sweet, precious little sister, his innocent and loving little collete louisa rose to be subjected to such pain, the same one that he had from their dad's death that it never registered in his mind that she was also hurting from their dad's death which he ignored. obviously unintentionally as he'd never intentionally ignore his sister, ever. but this time, he was just so caught up in his own way of taking care of business whilst trying to stay afloat that he, completely forgot that lottie was going through the same exact thing but maybe just that much more because of how young she was when their dad died at seventeen. 

"lottie, angel, i...i am so sorry!" esteban's exhausted, desperate voice apologised, his head resting on his sister's bed as he begged for the little (eighteen-year-old) girl to just open her eyes 

"i'm so sorry that i was so ignorant of your feelings and how much you were missing dad! i...i just got so caught up in everything that i-" 

"-estie?" a soft, delicate but barely audible voice grabbed esteban's attention 

straight away, his head snapped up and the second his faded blue eyes met with his sister's faded blue eyes, he almost choked on his words 

"lottie?" his weak voice whispered as lottie struggled to push herself up against the bed's frame, esteban fully straightened himself out as he was still trying to comprehend what happened 

lottie's vision blurred, as did esteban's, as she tried to figure out in her head where she was when, it did finally click in her head where she was, ignoring what she had done. all she allowed herself to know was that she was in the hospital in monaco.

"lottie!" esteban's voice cracked as lottie moved closer to her brother and he also moved closer as esteban hugged his sister, a hug that had been long overdue 

"i...i am so sorry!" lottie whispered into the hug as all esteban cared about right now was that his sister was awake, knowing that for a while, lottie would be very stubborn, ignorant and pretend it didn't exist so, for her, that's what he did as well 

"no, no, it's okay! don't apologise angel! you're awake, that's all that matters to me!" esteban cooed as a nurse must have realised that lottie had woken up as within a couple of minutes, lottie was having her vitals checked and was taken off of all the extra tubes she was attached to as it was very obvious she was now awake after they had taken her out of the coma the night before 

however, she was having to stay in the hospital for a while in the suicide watch ward just to make sure she was safe enough on her own which, she and esteban understood perfectly. it just meant that by the time she was discharged that she'd have a lot of explaining to do, not just to herself but, also to her f1 grid family. 

lottie's twenty-first birthday

today was the third anniversary of lottie's failed suicide attempt as well as the day after her twenty-first birthday which was a big deal for her and her family. meaning that in another two months' time, it was going to be the "anniversary" of the argument that the brother and sister had about the said suicide attempt. since that day, the two of them, esteban and lottie, had been going to therapy and not once was it regretted. it worked so well that not once did the brother or sister hold back on their feelings and, it truthfully brought the two of them unexplainably closer together. 

however, there was one singular thing that stood out to esteban the most about his sister's attempt those three years ago. it was something she had said at one of the therapy sessions she had invited charles, esteban's teammate and one of her f1 brothers, who had also found her that day three years ago. despite how soul-destroyingly simple it was, it made so much sense and everything clicked in the two men's heads. the mantra that every single person had told her after losing their dad, that it was going to get better and that everything was going to be okay, had been lost so far down into lottie's mind. to the point that she forgot that she had been given permission to not be okay and feel like nothing was going to get better that it had confused her and meddled with her mind. for so long that it felt like nothing was working for her anymore that the only option that she thought was going to help her was to try and kill herself. 

liked by colletteocon, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, francisca.cgomes, flava.barla and 14k others

estebanocon collette louisa rose ocon, my sweet angel. twenty-one years ago yesterday i was given the biggest blessing in the entire world, i was given you, my little sister. whilst you have gone through so much in the last three years, i couldn't have been any prouder of how you've gotten up off the floor and continued on. you inspire me every single day and i know you inspire every single person in our family, both blood-related and extended f1 family. i know i always say this but, you are truly the reason why me and mum are able to wake up every morning and smile. i know we've had it rough, especially with dad's death a few years ago, the losses of other friends and your suicide attempt three years ago today as well as your birthday yesterday. i am so proud of the way you've handled all of these hardships whilst also being so positive at the same time. since the attempt three years ago, you've never once allowed yourself to give up because you want to prove to that scared little eighteen-year-old lottie that you are strong and that you can do everything and anything you put your mind to because you are lottie louisa rose ocon and we never give up, ever! i know mum is proud of you, as am i but, never forget how proud dad is of you. we are so grateful that we were blessed with you as my sister and daughter. i know you had an amazing birthday yesterday but have fun in greece with the girls and your boyfriend and i hope all of your wishes come true. i love you forever and a day lottie, i love you every single day 🤍🤍

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colletteocon aw, estie, you are my favourite person in the entire world! i love you so much and thank you for being such an amazing older brother! i never take you for granted, love you most estie 🤍🤍

estebanocon colletteocon🤍🤍 i'm glad to be your favourite person in the world 

charlesleclerc happy twenty-first lottie lots! have an amazing weekend and drink responsibly 🤍🤍

pierregasly happy birthday lottie! what a sweet birthday message this is esteban! 

francisca.cgomes this is so precious. happy birthday my sweet lottie louisa 🤍🤍

flava.barla happy twenty-first sister-in-law! be safe in greece 🤍🤍

username this was such a sweet post for your sister, esteban! 

liked by estebanocon, mickschumacher, sebastianvettel, maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, flava.barla and 14k others

colletteocon you turn twenty-one, travel to greece and live your mamma mia fantasy with your besties and boyfriend! 📸 mickschumacher 

*

happy twenty-first for yesterday collette louisa rose ocon. it makes me so happy to see you turn twenty-one. three years ago, you weren't even thinking this far ahead or even making nineteenth but, you did. now you're twenty-one and whilst you have been able to drink since you were eighteen, you can now drink in america! you used to be so shy, anxious, depressed, insecure and suicidal and you didn't like having any attention to yourself. now, at twenty-one, you've grown up to be so sassy, gorgeous, confident, loving, courageous, happy and a hilarious young woman who has a smoking hot lad for a boyfriend, even better that he's also an f1 driver, mick, one amazing brother esteban and another entire group of people who you call your family who has seen you grown up as you live your best life and i couldn't be prouder of you.

it's also been a couple of years since dad died, since others we love have died and three years since you thought the entire world would be better without you so you tried to stab yourself in the neck. you ended up fumbling with the ice pick and nicked your shoulder because your older brother and f1 brothers had all come home at the same time, and the mixture of the strong winds and the closing of the door scared you. you were admitted to the hospital for two months but after turning nineteen, twenty and now twenty-one, you are so beyond grateful that you survived the attempt. you don't regret the attempt because both you and esteban promised that after that day, you'd live without regrets, you just wished that you felt confident in talking to esteban or someone else about your emotions and the things that you had happening inside of your brain that could have prevented the suicide attempt. you can't even begin to imagine the thought process that would have been going through esteban and charles' heads but as well as the rest of your best friends heads the second they heard your scream reverberate through the house. just thinking about it makes you nauseous and upsets you, so you don't like to think about it often, but when you do, you always find yourself apologising. no longer to your brother and family but, to yourself for ever feeling that sad that you thought killing yourself was the best option when it's very clear now that, that choice was the worst choice you could have ever tried to make. 

happy twenty-first collette louisa rose ocon. you deserve all the happiness in the world, even if it took a mile run, a deep underwater swim and a struggle to get here, i'm glad you made it safely. i love you forever and a day you gorgeous angel 🤍🤍

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estebanocon i am so proud of you lottie. this post made me cry just so you know. but i love you so much and i hope you, mick and the girls have an amazing time in greece 🤍🤍

colletteocon estebanocon i love you too esteban and i'm also proud of myself! and we are having the best time in greece thank you 🤍🤍

mickschumacher i love you, babe! i am so glad you're still here, you make my world so much brighter every single day 🤍🤍

colletteocon mickschumacher thank you, my love! and you make my world so much brighter every day 🤍🤍

sebastianvettel ain't no way you're twenty-one! happy birthday lottie, i'm glad you're still here with us chickadee 🤍🤍

colletteocon sebastianvettel ain't no way you still love me? thank you uncle seb, i'm glad too 🤍🤍

maxverstappen1 who said you could post this? don't be making me so emotional now! 

colletteocon maxverstappen1 i did? and i'm sorry okay!!!

charlesleclerc uhhh who said you could turn twenty-one? because last time i checked, i thought i banned you from turning another year older?! seriously though, i'm always going to be glad knowing that you're still here 🤍🤍

colletteocon charlesleclerc the circle of life? and thank you charlie, i am as well 🤍🤍

pierregasly happy twenty-first lottie! have fun and be safe in greece! 

colletteocon pierregasly thank you pierre! and i don't think its actually legal for me to have fun without you and the rest of the grid but i'll try ;) 

flava.barla happy twenty-first babe! be safe and don't be too sexy in greece, i know what you and schumi are like together ;)

colletteocon flava.barla flava! how would you know what me and my boyfriend do?! do you stalk us you creepy little snake?! 😂

it's okay to struggle but, it is not okay to stop the fight. one wise man once told me to always keep fighting and you should do the same because it's pretty cool. 

fin

that's a wrap! i have not rewritten this one in a while and i do apologise for putting poor estie bestie through the wringer of my angsty rollarcoaster. next time i write for estie it won't be this sad!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[janeelyakiri]

Chapter 6 is up! And oh look, chapter names!

[alarryrec]

They had never been face to face before now. They’d never touched, skin to skin, until Harry landed a punch to his face, high on his cheekbone.

Louis shoved him off and was pulling his fist back from Harry’s abdomen before he realized his face wasn’t tingling because of the pain.

It pooled out from his cheek, over his face, down his neck and spine. A shiver in the late September night. Heat, sparks - whatever you wanted to fucking call it.

or The Tomlinson and Cox gangs have hated each other for over forty years. Harry Styles, the grandson of Gritty Cox, was freshly back to the city after uni when, on his first night out, he punched the Tomlinson heir in the face. It shouldn’t have mattered, their gangs have done worse to each other. But all it took was one single touch to recognize your soulmate. Louis was adamant that being soulmates changed nothing, not who they were or which family they were loyal to. Or, at least, it shouldn’t have.

13/13 | 72K | E

[thatonecode]

when los campesinos! said “And when the third world war comes it will not be fought on race, we will line up here in two rows, betrayers versus betrayed” and “I assembled former ghosts at a seance. Said I missed ‘em you only have to say it once. What i truly fear, maybe selfishly, when i finally rest someone will summon me” and “We tread it carefully, we feel around in kid gloves. What death will leave behind, death will leave behind love. We will flower again i have surely seen it, we will flower again” and “Two wrists, two wrist watches. Tick-tick-tocking, second hand slightly out of time. A constant subtle reminder, one of us will be gone before bells of the other chime.” and “And I feel like I'm the host of a terrible game show and the guests on today's quiz are celebrities. Wont respond to any clues theyre just cracking jokes for views, but the answers to these questions mean everything.” and “I ask before I go, for you to drop a match down my throat, and smoke the bastard out, or burn him to a crisp. Cause i'm already carrion, been eaten from inside for too long” and “There was more life in the weeds than in the few hundred seats, in rows from transcept to chancel to nave. And when their anger had paused i turned and answered their calls with youre just audience I’m the applause” and “We burnt all the skin from the palms of my hands, with an old zippo lighter and deodorant can. I went to the palmist and asked her to read, no heart line no sun line no life line no need” and “If you were given the option of dying painlessly in peace at 45, but with a lover at your side, after a full and happy life. Is this something that would interest you? Would this interest you at all?” and “In a note I read: “if you should go blind and deaf I’ll cleanse and I’ll cook for you daily, I will take a dry ballpoint pen and trace on your chest all of the conversations that we now have in bed” i dont mean to be selfish, but i think i’d sooner just be dead" and “But if this changed your life did you have one before?” and “We learn over time, that tolerance is more appealing in theory than in practice. I identify my star sign by asking which is least compatible with yours” and “I cannot emphasize enough that my body, is a badly designed poorly put together vessel harbouring these diminishing so called vital organs, i hope my heart goes first I HOPE MY HEART GOES FIRST” and “On your request I compiled a list of my top five resolutions for this year (1!) I declined, cause Ive decided that I (2!) do not believe in the new year anymore (3!) and you must confess that at times like these hopefulness is tantamount hopelessness (4!) and i accept that its time for a change but not in places (5!) like this (5!) with people (5!) like these (5!)” and “And no more conversations about which breakfast club character you'd be. I’d be the one that dies. (no one dies) Well then what’s the point?” and “Doe eyes, you’re kidding yourself” and-

[lu-inlondon]

Chapters: 23/34 Fandom: Tatort Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Leo Hölzer/Adam Schürk, Leo Hölzer/Original Female Character Characters: Leo Hölzer, Adam Schürk, Esther Baumann, Pia Heinrich, Rainer (Tatort Saarbrücken), Caro (Tatort Saarbrücken), Barbara Hölzer, Dr. Henny Wenzel, Roland Schürk, Heide Schürk, Original Characters Additional Tags: lehrer au, Enemies to Lovers, Time Skips, Teen Hörk, First Kiss, Secret Relationship, Toxic Relationship, POV alternate, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical child abuse, mentions of child abuse, Minor Character Death, Grief Summary:

Adam ist für Leo da, wenn er ihn braucht. Und auch wenn Leo es manchmal nicht will.

[notruercolors]

Rise of The Archer: Stranger Things Fanfiction

Abigail Henderson's life had been simple until her sophomore year of high school. Not only is still dealing with the normal scandals of living in a small town in Indiana suddenly the world wasn't as black and white between reality and fantasy. It all started when Will went missing. Nothing in Hawkins has been normal ever since. Abigail is going to have to find a balance between fighting monsters, that should not exist, and her normal life. How will she ever manage to survive this without completely losing herself in the process?

Chapter 1

[surpriserose]

I read minor detail by Adania Shibli last night and christ i cant recommend it enough its horrifying and extremely well written and effective