#might make more thoughts if I think them
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Pikmin 4 verdict: Ok this is gonna be the best game in the series isn't it
Stray thoughts below:
SPOILERS FOR THE PIKMIN 4 DEMO BELOW
The caves are... actually interesting and well designed?? no more half-assed roguelike random cave attempts (sorry pik2 fans but that game's caves just cannot compete IMO)
That being said... I'm a bit disappointed so far that we're only seeing the same styles of caves as Pik2. They do look gorgeous though, mind you.
Industrial Maze was such a cool cave, simply by virtue of actually having a proper puzzle it's already my favourite cave in the series not named Submerged Castle.
Oatchi my beloved!!! he actually works way better with the game flow than I expected when I first saw him in the trailer. He doesn't feel too overpowered; he's basically an upgradable super pikmin but he doesn't ever particularly feel like he truly outshines the actual Pikmin. (Maybe he could if he gets all the upgrades but
YOU CAN FUCKIN MOVE BASES I'M FSBGFJKSHSAJKDLHS I WAS PRAYING TO THE GODS WE'D GET AN OPENWORLD PIKMIN GAME WITH MULTIPLE BASES AND IF THIS IS AS CLOSE AS WE GET I'M FINE WITH IT
The 20 pikmin in the overworld thing might feel super limiting after being used to squads of 100 piks in the previous games... But honestly I think it's a very inspired design choice! It makes it so the early game stuff can still wreck your shit if you're not careful. You can't just easily roll up with a squad of 100 piks on day 3 and destroy everything in your path. It allows for your in-game character to become progressively more powerful which I think is more satisfying in the long run
I love how you don't just automatically get the onion upon finding new Pikmin types. Makes them feel more precious. Basically: the wild pikmin mechanic is really neat! And it could allow for the return of Purple/Whites without feeling too unbalanced.
"Olimar is the fuckin leaf boy" basically confirmed. Question is: what's with Moss? My current theory is parasite pikmin are involved.
And speaking of... the wild pikmin mechanic means we could possibly get overworld bulbmin if they add them... if this happens, I imagine the entire fandom will go nuclear (in a good way)
If you look through the controls, the Form Line controls basically confirms that you will obtain some form of SWARMING as an upgrade!!! C-STICK FANS REJOICE (The text mentions cardinal directions only but I feel like the odds are high that you will be able to actually swarm your crew with this mechanic. I'd say 70-30 odds of it being true. Don't quote me on that. But if true, then fuck yeah)
Honeywisp is back 🥹
Collecting raw material is so much fun, and
I feel like this game is really leaning on fan service, but also manages to balance it with new things to make it feel fresh!
Someone said it felt like all 3 previous games mashed together and yeah I absolutely get that feeling
Very disappointed that they only have the co-op star bits thing. This game in genuine co-op would rule.
So far the music of the game doesn't quite strike me quite as strongly as the themes from the previous games. Hopefully this will change with time.
Is this game like... an alternate timeline to Pikmin 1? Moss was definitely NOT in Pikmin 1, and the story segment seems to hint that Olimar met Moss during that first crash... Giving the "bad ending" theorists more food IMO.......
This game really, really drags out the wait between Y/N landing on the planet and the first Pikmin huh. It felt a bit too much that you went through the first cave before even getting a single pikmin IMO.
I really like the crew in this game!! They're fun, though they do talk a lot and I could see that bothering some ppl.
Honestly I was super disappointed when I thought there were only 6 crewmates to find in the entire game... but then I found the first castaway and I was back to being excited
I like that you have a little base to meet ppl and discuss tasks!
One of the castaways I saved wrote notes on the Treasures I collected. This implies that we will probably get a biologist who will make notes on the creatures 👀
TL;DR: July 21st can't get here fast enough. The 2 hours or so I've played of this game is already my GOTY and it could genuinely challenge for GOAT (game of all time) if it sticks the landing with the rest of the game.
#pikmin 4#pikmin 4 spoilers#might make more thoughts if I think them#anyway HYPE MODE ENGAGED#I will be normal (lie) for the next 4 weeks (absolutely not I am going feral)
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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So god created us in his image, right? And that’s cool and all but what if it turns out god, like, hates his own image??? What then????
#Yeah okay#I don’t even like this as much anymore#But whatever#He makes me insaneeeeer#literally nuts#Bg text is just a snippet from paradise lost because I thought it would look neat and like. Idk biblical symbolism ig#Whateverrrrrrr#How do you think he feels abt humans having red blood. Like.#Okay I know that with Jack he was really big on it#Like excited#But Jack was just some other guy who happened to have red blood#He created us and he created us wrong#And it just so happens we also have his fucked up awful mutant blood color?#Yeah okay sure#It’s gotta feel like one last slap in the face in the cosmic joke that is his existence#It is inescapable!!! You flow through their very being!!! You are a cancerous presence that has invaded their very veins!!!!#You are the force that keeps them alive as well as the thing that kills them in the end!#Does this make any sense actually. Let me know#Anyway yeah that’s all#Byeeeee#i might draw more Erivris later but idkkkkkkk#My ipad is getting replaced soon so I won’t have to steal my brother’s to draw anymore#So hopefully more art then#okayyyy bye 4real this time#homestuck#homestuck fanart#karkat vantas#homestuck karkat#art#digital art
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Trustworthy people with everything under control.
#Tsv#tsv fanart#the silt verses fanart#the silt verses#sister carpenter#brother faulkner#james hayward#paige duplass#I saw some chibiesque drawings in passing while looking for a picture in my folders and I thought well. I guess that’s what I wanna do toda#I’m actually literally going insane that I can’t find Faulkner and Paige. I can’t draw them. Losing my marbles.#I want James to look similar to this but something’s still missing. He’s definitely east asian to me though.#I might make him chubbier because that is hot and no one can stop me.#I stand by my Carpenter though she’s been clear in my head since day one. Woman of all time.#I keep drawing Paige in suits because of her Office Job but I think she’s more a cardigan woman to me. Much to think about.
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For curiosity's sake...
#marvel#deadpool and wolverine#x-men#venom#deadpool#poolverine#cherik#symbrock#poll#movies#reblog to reach more voters#poll is a result of me having thoughts while walking and realizing i legit don't know the answer#i am usually not a marvel person and i dun really go here but curiosity is what it is#and each of these have had their Gayness spotlights on Tumblr dot com#please vote based on gayness of movie#not just which movie u like better/which ship is more established etc#actually u know what after making this poll#i think personally it might be D&W for me#the reason is because all of them are pretty gay BUT#with regards to a ''gayness to other stuff like plot'' ratio#D&W tilts the furthest gay#the others are gay but also have a decent amount of other stuff happening that is unrelated to the gay#for D&W i feel like the whole thing was an excuse for D and W to be gay and there was very little other plot#or rather the plot's sole purpose was to give D and W reasons to have very gay scenes together? am i making sense#anyway that need not be your criteria for 'gayness' since that was not specified in the poll#not meant to bias the votes but this is my current thinking#i made the vote and voted all pretty gay
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i'm sorry i had to-
#communicating with the fandom through shitposts hoping i get the thoughts about these two across#i might mm create more like draw or write or make headcanons but for now i'm curious what the main posters here think of them#i lowkey stand by the headcanon that muir hallucinating innes n like him being his emotional anchor amidst the infection is like#his way of confession or expressing any sort of feeling#up to everyones interpretation#but it's gutwrenching either way#still wakes the deep#swtd spoilers#muir swtd#innes swtd
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me when im forest for the trees idk i dont watch chonny jash
alt saturated one below v
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also time on ibis cos god this took almost 40 hours
#bro i hate fences when drawn from a different angle#backgrounds will be the death of me#i started this in November im just slow#also it took like 37 & a half hours too so#this one just took awhile#BUT i think outta all the screenshot redraws ive done it looks the best since i actually took more time & thought into them#fif & cbc i didnt focus as much on aaaand i might redo them or make more touches to em#also making this made me figure out the last symbol on the shirt so im proud of my brain for being smart lmao#chonny jash#cj tfftt#cj the forest for the trees#-atlas art-
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I honestly just wanted one single plot step that I could not predict given the 10 year wait. More behind the cut, I talk about Emet too, and I'm comparing his writing favorably to Solas' writing and why it worked better for me personally, but I am just talking about the writing skill that went into the games and not the dudes themselves, I love them both dearly of course. idk this is a mess and I am not going to edit it for clarity
For me, the game was a series of me saying
"ok I knew that. cool."
"oh yeah, I knew that. I guess it's good that the larger fandom knows about that now."
"nice, but yeah I already knew that too"
"that was something we've been talking about a lot for years"
"this thing they are acting like is a huge enormous reveal that the characters could not possibly have deduced through simply thinking about it in depth over the 10 years... the fans easily figured out by thinking about it in depth 10 years ago. So you would think his girlfriend would be able to figure it out more easily than we did. Like, why couldn't the game have been like 'oh lavellan already figured that out a while ago' it would have cost them nothing"
"this is something I've been thinking about for years, and now that it's being revealed, the companions' reactions to it are very irritating and jarring and unnecessary and I really dislike the experience I'm having right now, in this, the hour of my greatest triumph"
"this thing that is happening on my screen right now is something that I wrote an essay about 2 years ago describing how it would be a letdown if it happened without the correct setup"
"this way that they're characterizing Solas makes him less likable and less interesting than I have been finding him for all these years, and I have had people tell me 'no, he's simpler than you think' for years but I guess I was wrong, he really is simpler than I thought, so that fucking sucks. I wish I could take that information out of my brain."
"this thing is a retcon of information I have been thinking about for 10 years, and so I don't know how to follow along with this new direction, and I'm not sure if I even want to because it's not particularly interesting anyway"
"aw that was sweet"
"why is it like, so very impossible to have an honest back-and-forth with my favorite character about the dilemma that was most interesting to me about the previous game"
and then, as soon as, like, the other fans had caught up to the Solas lore that was really obvious from the other games, the game was.... over without anything surprising happening, or introducing a new element or plot point or perspective, or a real true twist (or two, or three) for those of us who have thought about it too hard for too long. It was very simple and easy, much, much, much, much easier than I was imagining. It all felt sort of like that Nicholson quote:
The thing was, the whole story was so interesting to think about because in 10 years, I couldn't figure out a good solution to it!!!!! It's why I was never able to write post-game fanfic about it. So I was stoked to find out some reveal we never knew about, some new information, in maybe a SERIES of steps of new information, that made the situation more complicated but also something that could be navigated by everyone involved. I know it was asking for a lot, but they had TEN YEARS, and they seemingly had set up the things they did in DAI on purpose, so surely they had some idea of a complex and satisfying narrative that would reconcile everyone.
The reason why I was expecting this is because FFXIV did a very similar story arc, which was started AND concluded WITHIN those 10 years (so it took the FFXIV team far less time to deliver as well). And the conclusion to the story in FFXIV did what I was expecting Dragon Age to do. So I thought, "holy shit, if this is the FFXIV version of this plot, how much more complicated is DA4 going to be!?!?" The DA devs also PLAYED FFXIV so they were completely aware, several years ago, of a satisfying story ending that was pretty darn similar.
People are probably going to think "oh, well Chelsea was disappointed because she spent too much time building it up in her head" but that's exactly it - I actually speculated and thought about FFXIV's story IN DEPTH NONSTOP for a year+ before its ending came out, and the ending absolutely blew me away. FFXIV Endwalker managed to introduce information and new story elements that I was not able to figure out in the YEAR I spent speculating on the ending of FFXIV's story. It took a complicated situation and revealed several several more facets to it that I was not able to predict, but were very interesting and thematically compelling, and took us all to surprising and climactic places that we could not have predicted.
Endwalker ("end" is in the title on purpose) too, was written to be THE ULTIMATE SATISFYING ENDING for a very long-running story in the exactly way that Veilguard SHOULD HAVE for Dragon Age, so while this complexity is being explored, FFXIV also gave catharsis to many different plot threads that have been built up through the previous expansions, until finally it ends with a bang. The story is desperately good to me, I loved it, it gave me closure for Dragon Age long before Veilguard was even revealed, and going back and looking at its story has made this whole thing far less painful for me.
So, I actually did not have a picture in my mind for how things SHOULD go. I just had the thought "I hope it's complicated and there are points of view or facts that we haven't before been exposed to, and the situation is resolved respectfully for Solas, not making him look like a fucking idiot (lol, the only thing I asked for). I don't even care what happens to Solas and Lavellan, I just need the story to be complicated and interesting to think about. Please, god, don't let it be "solas is wrong and he just needs to be convinced" because that's like the simplest story you could tell with this setup"
(btw they managed to tell Emet-Selch's story without making him seem like he's being an idiot on purpose or can never get anything right, and in fact the more the story goes on, the more you think of him as smart and capable and cool, so it is possible to write.... I wasn't asking for the entire moon)
And I played it and... yeah. Most of the story beats were more simple than I wanted them to be, a lot of them didn't make sense in my heart given the writing from Inquisition. (This is another essay, but if Solas' thematic story arc was always about him needing to let go of regrets, why was his personal quest the way it was? After that quest, doesn't he end up regretting not doing more....? Why did he never really talk about regret during Inquisition? If he was so trapped by regret, why was he able to do so many actions? It doesn't mesh well to me. The whole regret thing was very quarter-baked to me, I don't even like thinking about it.) His story never seemed like one that was as simple as being about one man's regrets, but then, I guess, it was always just about one man's regrets.
Emet-Selch's personal storyline (and the way it interacts with and affects the larger story) is very similar but much more cohesive and satisfying to me. It would be difficult to explain why without the aforementioned 5-hour essay. Emet-Selch's story IS about grief and anguish on a world-shaping scale in a similar way that Solas' was apparently always about letting go of regret, but Emet's story was also very pointedly and beautifully about that one theme for the entirety of his story from every tiny detail, from beginning to end - meanwhile, it seemed to me that they tried to introduce 'regret' as the main thrust of Solas' story only in the short story with the Regret demon onward.
From Inquisition just by itself, the closest I personally could get to a story theme for Solas was his inability to trust others hurting him and the world, but his trusting others in DA4 wasn't really addressed to my satisfaction. He is never required to trust anyone before the ending, he never opens up or makes himself vulnerable at all. People find out information about him, he never really dynamically opens himself. So the personal story I thought he had was never addressed at all, while a new one about regret was introduced that never made a ton of sense to me. And I don't think this is just because of my expectations - my reaction to FFXIV proves that I am able to meet good writing where it goes in surprising directions, as long as it's interesting and thoughtful and clear.
And I think this might be part of what people felt was off about the ending - Solas is sort of uninvolved in the revelations that are about him, and doesn't do much to be part of his own ending. Part of what I loved about Solas in Inquisition is that he is not controlled by you in any way, and so he feels like his own person with a very strong sense of character.
Anyway, Emet-Selch, in a very comparable and arguably more extreme plot position, is very involved in the revelations about himself, he always feels like a very strong character who cannot be affected by the player, and the whole situation is handled with deft emotion and care and delicacy. The story is comparatively very uninterested in litigating Emet-Selch or putting him on trial - the story allows you to simply feel the way that you feel in an organic way, and Emet's story spends that energy instead actually exploring his thematic material about grief and legacy, and the larger story theme of existentialism instead, in a way that is very refreshing and interesting. I've seen a lot of western stories tie themselves in knots over "redemption" and frankly it's almost never been interesting at all. Who cares about any of that. lol
(Now, I guess this is a matter of preference, because some people really like being able to shape a character's story, but idk I rewatched the ending of FFXIV and even though there wasn't a choice with Emet, because it isn't a branching story, his story felt more satisfying to me, maybe because there isn't a patronizing choice to be made for him. He is who he is, and he fulfills a very beautiful narrative role and purpose that no other character could in the story.)
I don't know how this could have been improved to me and still allowed players to choose Solas' ending for him, but I can actually think of a few different methods, none of which involve Rook condescendingly and patronizingly lecturing Solas as if Solas had never thought about a single aspect of this horrible situation he's in before that very moment that Rook lectures him lmfao.
All this to say... idk I'm writing this and I am not going back to edit it so it's stream-of-consciousness. But yeah
I just wanted the story to be complicated on a few more levels than I could have predicted. I genuinely don't care what happened, but I thought of a few twists like the Veil coming down and yeah, I was expecting A Single Twist or reveal to happen. In a Dragon Age game.
I wanted Solas to seem cool and capable and noble and smart, and actually feel like he was as old and experienced as he is.
I wanted a clear theme I could sink my teeth into
Like notice I didn't even say anything about Solavellan. Like I never in 100 years thought they were getting a happy ending where they were both alive in bodies, and I like that we got that, but I would honestly trade it for a more complicated story. To me, if a story is sad you can always write fanfic, but if a story isn't COMPLICATED, that's a much more urgent issue.
These 3 things DA4 didn't give me in a way that satisfied me but FFXIV did. anyway idk the way my hyperfixations work, I completely switch to a new subject so talking about Dragon Age is actually hard for me right now.
#DA4 critical#Dragon Age#FF14#meandering and I don't know what I'm talking about here idk#it's hard to be more clear without getting out very specific examples and I'm not ready to do that yet - I would need to map out the plots#like there are direct 1-to-1 comparisons and for a couple of them Dragon Age is more interesting (mostly stuff in Trespasser) but#like most of them... most of them are better or more successful or more impactful in FFXIV#I think the thing that kills me most is Emet-Selch comes out of FF14 looking capable and wise and thoughtful and Solas does not and#that actually kills me inside... solas is literally a spirit of wisdom#I might need to make that video to explain#anyway FFXIV proves that I CAN be very happy and satisfied with a story even after waiting more than a year and hard speculating about it#so the problem is not my raised expectations - the problem is the lack of complexity
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Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱
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@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now
#epic the musical#own art#epic the vengeance saga#epic poseidon#epic odysseus#get in the water#Look at him he's still so ✨extra✨#cw suggestive#cw nudity#at least i guess kinda?? nothing is technically visible but#guys i cant be the only one to whom this song has very VERY strikingly h*rny undertones#it's not just steven's suddenly quite sultry voice either#just think about how this is essentially “get into the water - which I control entirely - with me :)”#poseidon's trying to make him submit himself to him it's another power game#but this time it's so much more intimate#i mean the whole of get in the hundred strike is about brutal intimacy so i shouldnt be surprised ig#me omw to ruin this song for y'all forever i guess#just if you think about the implications what killing him in this way—drowning him—might entail before he would actually die#complete control and envelopment ... you have imaginations guys#use them to follow this train of thought further in this direction and you will realize#my guy could literally just impale him with his trident or sth#but nope—“drown. Get into my domain. Get into (an extension of) me. Submit your whole being to me. let me envelope you wholly."#or “grant me a moment of total control over you before i end your life just in the way that I imagine and see fit”#this is made so much funnier by the fact that poseidon completely fails to make odysseus submit in any way#and ends up submitting himself#yes i am doing 600 strike doodles next i shall have fun#i guess i should tag this even though this is genuinely not ship art just a part of the power game and poseidon's general h*rniness#odyseidon#poseidon x odysseus#odysseus x poseidon
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Alright, so this is basically...an art dump for all the pics i drew when i was trying to draft the ending i wanted my Odile looping Au 'Like a Wheel Ever Turning' which...is not even SLIGHTLY how this fic is going to end now, but while figuring that out i still like draw all this and had to do SOMETHING with it.
So figured I'd post it and be like 'hey! fun Odile looping act 5 boss fight vibes not connected to anything else!' since like...that basic IS what they are at this point lol.
The one cool idea i loved that i think is now FIRMLY ditched is the act 5 boss fight starts when Odile uses wish craft to splinter herself into two halves.
The 'old/current' her that is meant to be her coldly logical side, and a younger 'copy' version, which is meant to be the childish irrational side...that is what's stopping her just shutting down the time loop because she can't figure out how to be happy with her friends leaving.
I mean, if you murder the part of you that WANTS the wish to come true, that's basically a 'get out of time loop free card' right? Right! Totally sound logic!
Yes the 'young' version of her firmly believes that she's real, and also also got memories going up to about age 21, and also that she ought to be in Ka Bue not HERE among these french weirdos.
Also yes again, a 'young' Odile is EXACTLY as unhinged about this as you'd expect a 21 year old to be upon finding out that apparently the 'real' her think murdering her is the correct solution to this problem!
The shift of the fight was meant to have the inverse 'colors' shift from one version to the other by the end, wrapping up with the point where the 'original' Odile is forced to have a heart to heart with the personification of her perceived 'worst' qualities.
Pretty sure the vibes for this ending was a lot more focused on the resolution of having deeply complex feeling about EXPRESSING emotion directly to other people. That along with a side helping of how isolating it is to be perceived as a 'real' adult such that you can't be weak enough to ask anyone for help. Because really if you can't even be that then why are you any different then when you were irritating mess of a youth?
Not saying any of that isn't still present in the story, but like...there is a LOT of other stuff going on, and those themes are now linked into many other ones too, and that's not even TOUCHING on how Loop's been...somewhat complicating my redrafting lol.
...Also I might have drawn/plotted this version before i knew about two-hats lol. THAT also is a factor.
Anyway! Still liked all of these enough to want to do SOMETHING with them, and figured this worked, so i could like map out my thoughts on them, even if i never got to write this.
#isat#in stars and time#isat odile#odile looping au#I might have written out like...way too many edgy and utterly disjointed notes for this fight too?#but none of THAT compelled enough for me to want to try and even reread it lol#drew all of this in fever state of creativity back in like september i think?#kept having the thought of 'oh i'll make SOME of it work in the main story'#HA no i didn't - that was the denial and wishful thinking talking#Like there was even a version where the 'young' odile had to do the whole final loop with the group#and that's what forced Loop to join them - to keep her alive no matter the 'other' her's attempts to kill her#while 'old' odile took the place of the king during that final run#'young' odile was DEEPLY weird at the rest of the group for the record - while they were also weirded out + low key endeared#Also before the even knew who the 'final battle' was against young odile HAD loudly declared she was willing to die for 'you weirdos' soooo#Ah to be young unhinged and realised people CAN love you despite that...and that apparently this is reason to commit a murder to AVOID#...if i had a nickle for everytime i wrote a odile looping au where she tried to murder herself#i'd have two nickles#which isn't a lot but ect ect#this one is WAY more serious with it tho lol#my art#like a wheel ever turning au
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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wahtever I like emmie and gogo I want to talk about them.
after emmet gets to hisui ingo is verrry cheerful due to the amount of affection he recives from emmet
ingo's been basically trained out of initiating physical contact from being a part of pearl clan for so long, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like it, just that he forgets he's allowed to do so when theres someone he can do so with, so everytime emmet touches him he practially melts. emmet is latched onto ingo half the time so that's really often. something something he grew up with one million affection and then didn't realize he was missing it until he got it back. now he doesn't like being apart from his brother for too long. because it's warm and cozy to be hugged.
#spenxer lou art#thubms up. I like emmie and gogo soooo much PLATONIC AFFECTIOON SAVE ME#PLATON IC PHYSICAL AFFECTION SAVE ME#Emmet gives Ingo kisses sometimes because it'sgreat and Ingo lights the fuck up. I think the first few times he didn't know how to react#and got overwhelemed with how swag it was. I think Emmet sometimes still randomly gives him a kiss and he just starts staring with eyes#whatever. I want to go to bed. no more thoughts#submas#subway bosses#pokemon submas#blankship dni#THUMBS DOWN. blankshipping go away. I don't like it#submas emmet#subway boss emmet#subway master emmet#subway master ingo#subway boss ingo#submas ingo#warden ingo#btw that last one of emmie. ermmm scratches head#guy who yaps sometimes but cannot fucking speak hisuian well. so he just is speaking everything so fucked or in galarian.#aka bitches don't understand. I lik ehim#guy who doesn't know enough sinnohan to get by and has too much autism + brain damage + time difference to successfully converse in galaria#I really like emmie. I like him a lot#I like them a lot. gogo emmie save me.#okay I'm going to bed goodnight#also you might notice I’m drawing more messily. thats for my own sake. I’m trying to make sure drawing stays fun#easier on me. it’s much more fun. makes me able to actually draw things and I like that
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progress is incremental bUT ITS PROGRESSING
#Kastor#myart#myocs#i love both gremlin faces so he might change between them sometimes#though preferring the masked version more often#no idea how the clothing situation is gonna go#aLSO hI I THINK MY ACNE MEDS HAVE BEEN AFFECTING MY DEPRESSION MORE THAN I PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT#IM ALMOST AT THE END OF MY TREATMENT AND IM JAZZED FOR IT TO FINALLY BE OVER#HOPEFULLY I'LL FEEL MORE MOTIVATED TO DRAW#AND COMPLETE THAT ONE COMMISSION#hmmmmmm i need to make that weakpoint blend in better
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Some past fiddlestan? (Like Ford just went through the portal. He gone now. Past. Yk?)
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The mystery misery yaoi
#the angst potential is so juicy#I understand why it might not be everyone's cup of tea but I like the idea of them being so 'toxic' for each other (after the portal#incident. if they met before I think they'd be pretty healthy and wholesome)#like. Fidds is already kinda losing it because of the memory gun and Stan is grieving. they're not in a mental state for a relationship#Stan would hit him with his car by accident and then try to gaslight him that 'no that never happened you're imagining things'#and Fidds would be pretending that Stan is actually Ford or trying to use the memory gun on Stan to make him believe he IS Ford#or. my favorite yet. the one I have as 'canon' in my head. they end up in a messy relationship but Fidds thinks Stan is Ford#and in tge end Stan can't keep pretending and he ends things or something#there's also the more 'happy' versions. where Fidds is still sane enough to help Stan work on the portal. I'll make some fanart of it#at least of Fiddleford tending to his burn wound or something. for now take this little doodle (I thought it was funny but what do I know)#ask#not anon#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddlestan#young fiddleford#young stan pines#young stanley pines#art#fanart#traditional art#misery yaoi#ignore all that it's late I'm tired I don't know what I'm writing
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She came up with a new activity
#snake#snakes#Hognose#hognoses#pets#In her defense I also didn't realize the reason she couldn't move it at the end was because her tail was no longer under the basket#So instead of sliding over her it just bumped into her and was stuck#to her credit she did listen to me and follow my directions! But neither of us realized the problem.#ah it was cute while she did it#she was going a bit before I started recording#she comes up with silly fun activities#i should let her play with the hammock again#it's funny when she found it she'd gesture to me with her head when she wanted me to lift it and put it down#and it was like a weird elevator parachute game#i think she might have been extra delighted she was able to communicate her wants to me and I did them#We both got practice with that the other day when we played climbing ball#I misunderstood a few times#she is much more patient and less easily frustrated than her sister#she was asking for climbing ball and I thought she was asking for kisses#i did eventually figure out what she actually wanted#i suppose it helps she likes kisses too#when i say kisses I'm not putting my lips on her#I let her flick her tongue at the tip of my nose and make little kiss sounds at her#she either understands this is affection or otherwise likes it#Because she will often go to my nose and I'll give her kisses like this#I don't kiss her because the bacteria and stuff in my human mouth could be dangerous for her#I know reptiles and such can also have salmonella#But I'm really not worried about that part tbh as I keep my girls pretty clean#They are princesses#And know it
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happy new years 2025! it's been nearly a whole year since I started posting about fluffyriceshipping here, and my art has changed a lot since then! what better way to start the new year than with some sweet potatoes with their partners 🍠🌅
#kagarts#champion lance#lance pokemon#trainer riley#stat trainer riley#dragonite#lucario#dratini#pokemon hgss#pokemon dppt#fluffyriceshipping#🐉🍚🌊#trying a light noise filter + watermark with my fish! better precautions for the future...hopefully!#happy one year of fluffyrice! i think about these guys a lot ever since i posted about them so long ago#and a lot has changed since then! i want to properly compile my thoughts with a visual novel or neocities shrine for them#they're also part of why i'm learning how to use ren'py. these two are making me LEARN how to CODE things because i'm Insane.#on an actual art level though holy hell. i'm understanding colors somewhat. i can draw multiple characters in one scene#art goals this year: try out adopts(?) or merch (??); do more studies; show my original stuff (???); maybe draw some creatures#might put up a interest check for merch to make if anyone is interested? i'll need actual advice for international shipping costs though#i Am still trying to find a job admittedly (which is. not necessarily a fun addition) but i want to make building a portfolio fun somehow#year for trying out new things though! i'll show my site eventually once i get riley's shrine down if people haven't already found it bfdhf
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