#might be weird for self-inserts that are less OCs but i think it will work!!!

[echoes-lighthouse]

Echo and Toga: The Full Story

Okay, I did a poll for how I should share my selfship stories, and 'text post with illustrations' won the poll, so I'm doing a full four-section post for each of my f/os: Backstory, First Meeting, Getting Together, and Where We're At! They're written to be as understandable as possible for people unfamiliar with the source!

With that said, here's my selfship with Toga! Content warnings for backstory abuse, poly!League of Villains (which has some funky age gaps that aren't commented on here), and canon-typical blood drinking.

Chapter One: Backstories 

Toga and Echo both grew up in a world defined by Quirks: powers that manifest at the age of five or six, when children are usually in Kindergarten. 

Toga’s Quirk was Transform: by drinking someone’s blood, she could transform into them. This Quirk began as a fascination with blood, which disturbed her parents, and they instructed her to stop the behavior. She was obedient and played the dutiful daughter until the age of 15, at which point a classmate was injured around her, and she attacked him to drink his blood. Her parents were horrified and rejected her, at which point Toga left home and became a murderer. 

About a year later, she was recruited to the League of Villains, a group looking for more freedom for villains, and she quickly made personal connections within the team. She is obsessive about love, blood, and looking cute. 

Echo grew up in foster families, was adopted at 12, and their family moved to Japan when they were 14. They ran away the year afterwards, their home life intolerable for multiple reasons: mainly their adoptive father and brother, both of which used their fire quirks to punish Echo. They have a lasting distrust for fire quirk users. Echo’s Quirk is Cat’s Paw, which gives them the ability to transform into a small black and white cat, and also gives them better senses in their ‘human’ form. 

They’ve been on the streets for two years, bouncing in and out of different situations, but tend to spend most of their time as a street cat for the ease of hunting and passing unnoticed. 

Chapter Two: First Meeting 

Echo can’t keep their cat form while sleeping, so they’re always looking for new places to curl up. One day, they find a warehouse full of empty boxes and choose a spot to spend the night. They wake up to Himiko cooing over them, and try to run, but get caught by Dabi while in cat form. 

Turns out the warehouse was a League of Villains meeting location, and the League was a bit confused to find a naked girl sleeping on the floor. They take a few minutes to establish that Echo isn’t a hero agent, and then decide to bring them back to base: their Quirk could be useful, and they’re not keen to have a safehouse compromised. 

Echo ultimately agrees because the League promises them food. 

Once they’re in agreement, Himiko sweeps in and the two of them have an instant connection: a kindred spirit in form and temperament. Echo’s years of hunting have made them well-attuned to blood, and their matching yellow eyes make them look a bit like siblings, whereas they set them both apart from their original families. They’re already bonding on the trip back to base, and they’re besties by the time they get home. 

Chapter Three: Getting Together 

Himiko and Echo share an immediate obsession with each other. After years of unreciprocated affection, having someone who actually liked them back was addictive. While Echo is quite nervous about the other members of the League, that only makes them stick closer to Himiko. The two of them reluctantly split up for the first night, but by the next week, the two of them are sharing a bedroom, unwilling to part ways even for sleeping. 

Echo also gets along quickly with Mr. Compress and Magne. Twice, Spinner, Shigaraki, and Dabi take longer for them to warm up to. They’re nervous around Shigaraki for a long time, aware of his status as the leader and the decision-maker, and they’re very on-edge around Dabi, who is a fire quirk user.

Getting used to Shigaraki is just a matter of time, and eventually Echo and Dabi sit down and have a proper discussion about everything and they end up friends at the end of it, although Dabi will take a little longer to admit it. 

Himiko and Echo getting together basically slams the overall sexual tension in the League through the roof, and eventually everyone figures out their dynamics, with Dabi and Echo forming two different centers of the sexy side of the polycule.

Chapter Four: Where We’re At 

I don’t tend to move this selfship through the BNHA canon, but this selfship starts in the lull between the Forest Training Camp Arc and the Shie Haissaikai arc. I suppose my s/i would probably take part in the Shie Haissaikai part, and saves Magne somehow, but I don’t like doing Big Plots in this selfship, so I don’t want to take it any further than that. 

Anyways, we all live in an apartment together: Twice and Mr. Compress have their own places but spend most of their time with us. Having two people with a civilian persona is useful! The rest of us are kind of recognizable. 

I mostly stay home while the others do villainy stuff: Kurogiri and I work together a lot, but he’s more useful in the field than I am, so I take over a lot of the housework. I’m useful for reconnaissance but not really for fighting. 

When the others are home, we play video games and tease each other and do puzzles and watch TV, all the normal stuff. We do movie marathons and argue about dishes and send Twice out to get ice cream from the corner store at 2am. Me and Himiko are always touching, but the others can come join the cuddle pile. We spend the night in our own room, most times, unless I’m with someone else for the night and then I have to make it up to Toga with a fun date the next day!!! 

Me and Himiko go out clubbing and pick up creepy guys and stab them in alleyways. We order way too many clothes online and have dress up parties and then return them all. We have pillow fights and snowball fights and tickle fights. We joke about running an OnlyFans account for the League. We generally have a lot of fun together!!!!! Every day!! 

[dragonagitator]

One of the more interesting time-travel-related wrinkles I've been thinking about a lot for my House MD isekai fanfic is about how both House and the author self-insert OC will be 45 years old, but House is a Boomer and my OC is a time-travelling Xennial / geriatric Millennial. (While most demographers would place me in Gen X, culturally I've always been much closer to Millennials -- being raised by a software engineer meant I've always had a home computer, and have been on the internet since I was 12 -- and I'll be writing my OC like that too.)

So there's going to be a weird dynamic where they'll have all the usual Boomer/Millennial generation gap issues despite being the exact same age. That's going to be a lot of fun to write (my OC will be introducing the phrase "okay boomer" to the team's toolkit for dealing with House's microaggressions), especially when the slow burn starts heating up.

Boomers were the last generation to be raised with the norms "you HAVE to get married" and "it's normal to hate your spouse" and thus they tend have a lot of really awful beliefs about love, romantic relationships, marriage, etc. that younger generations find super weird and sad. You can track this generational attitude change pretty closely in comedy and television. "I hate my wife" jokes used to be a staple for stand-up comedians, but you almost never hear them anymore because modern audiences don't find them relatable or funny. The "spouses who hate each other" trope used to be incredibly common in sitcoms, but now you usually only see it in dramas where everyone is awful anyway. Even cop shows and other murder mysteries are having fewer and fewer "the spouse did it" culprits.

House's cynicism about love and marriage is pretty typical for his generation. For a guy who prides himself on rejecting social programming, he actually absorbed almost all the standard Boomer norms about marriage except the very last one -- he believes, like most Boomers, that marriage is awful, it is normal to hate your spouse, etc., and his only deviation from the norm is deciding "well then I just won't get married."

My OC pointing out that it's possible to simply... marry someone you actually like... might be the first time he really hears and absorbs something like that coming from someone whom he can't just write off as young, naive, inexperienced, etc. I'm happily married IRL and my OC will have been happily married back in her own timeline, too. (One of the reasons the slow burn will be so slow is that she'll be grieving her husband for a while.) So she actually objectively knows more about it than he does and will not hesitate to rub that in his face.

It won't be enough to completely change his views (the Boomer brainwashing is strong), but he'll be slightly less resentful about it when the two of them have to get married to avoid being forced to testify against each other in court.

(House and my OC are going to commit SO MANY CRIMES, you guys. One of the ways I'm working through the "this kinda feels like cheating" discomfort of being happily married IRL but shipping my author self-insert OC with another man is by making my story a bit of a cautionary tale about what I might get up to without my IRL husband's good influence and constant admonishments of "no murder!" My OC is going to commit AT LEAST three murders in her efforts to change the timeline.)

[wrathkitty]

Also (hey it’s me, anon who’s obsessed with Din), I just have to say how much I love Short Debts and how much of an experience it’s been to read it. I think about getting dropped in the Star Wars universe a lot (almost an embarrassing amount) and your story has scratched a really special, specific itch I didn’t even know was there.

It’s so fun getting to read about an Earth girl in the Star Wars universe (side note: how is this not a more popular trope???), but then to have the story be so incredibly well-written??? It’s so unique and perfect and ugh! It hits just right. You include enough details to show Eleanor’s familiarity with Star Wars, but somehow that never takes us out of the story. Like, we know that Eleanor knows it’s a fake world, but that doesn’t make it less real—to us or to her. You do such a good job of toeing that line, keeping us immersed without shying away from the implications. It feels really effortless on your part, even though I’m sure that it’s not (or maybe it is, you’re super talented so idk).

Also, you’re an incredibly engaging writer so I would have loved Short Debts no matter what, but . . . Eleanor. Oh my god, Eleanor. Holy forking shirtballs, Eleanor! I love when writers give the reader an actual personality and backstory, even if it doesn’t line up with my own (but I’ve also never understood the hate against OC’s so idk maybe I’m just weird). That said, there’s been something so special about getting to read a Star Wars self-insert from the POV of a character I really identify with. I practice family law and have terrible ADHD so… yeah. I remember from an author’s note or something that you’re also an overeducated, underpaid millennial who works with kids (and maybe ND?), so I’m sure that you’ve put a lot of yourself in her (NOT a bad thing—also don’t get what fandom has against self-insert, especially when it’s done well). I’m glad you did—as an overeducated, underpaid millennial, it’s been really fun!

Also, there’s something about Eleanor’s thought process. Not just her background or the situation she’s in, but the way she rationalizes it. She feels real.

I think part of it is how she doesn’t assume anything. Eleanor doesn’t look at her surroundings and think, “this is the world from my television, so that means a, b, c, etc.” She’s more, “this looks like the world from my television” and doesn’t really think she knows something until it’s been confirmed in her new surroundings. Like the GFFA feels more real to her than her own. And something about that just feels sooooo right. I think it’s what gives the story weight.

It’s so weird. A lot of her behaviors are… exactly how I would respond to being dropped in a fictional universe. But somehow I never would have known if you hadn’t written it out first. I’m so curious—How did you know? I feel like you must really understand the human psyche. I always thought my first response to waking up in a fictional world would be something like “oh my god I’m in a TV show,” “give up now, just die,” “is this the afterlife,” “take advantage of insider knowledge,” “try to find a way home,” etc. But no. Actually, no, I wouldn’t do any of that. There might be, like, five seconds of discombobulation as my internal compass reorients, but after that . . . I’d just be.

Like how life is weird now, but we only think about it sometimes and never with much weight. And even if my surroundings looked similar to what I saw on TV, I wouldn’t consider myself to be in a TV show any more than I’d consider myself to be in a google image search while in Paris. There’s a clear, weird line between observer and participant, and I think you knew this intuitively, but somehow I never realized I would never actually question the validity of a world in which I was an active participant . . .

Sorry, I don’t know where I’m going with this! I didn’t mean to spam your inbox! I just really love your writing!! And I wanted to say thank you for putting something awesome out there!!

Also I saw something the other day about how Star Wars works best as a lens for other genres and thought of Short Debts. I think that’s another reason it’s so good. Totally a time travel romance with a Star Wars filter & I am living for it 😂

Good God, keep spamming my inbox! Comments like these are the crack that sustain me and kick the plot gremlins in their stupid faces to get them going again. Getting your comments was the highlight of my weekend.

It makes me so happy to know that you love Eleanor! As terrible as my writer's block is most days, I am incredibly grateful that the three OCs I've written took on a life of their own without me having to plot much out ahead of time.

And, yes, you are remembering correctly -- I'm an overeducated, underpaid millennial who works with kids, and I totally ride the ND rainbow. I like to joke that my mental history is a choose-your-own-adventure through the DSM-V. ADHD is a bitch, and to be able to navigate that while practicing family law -- damn. I'm sending you hugs and high fives and positive energy, but none of the squirrel cliches, because OMFG.

[hetaari]

2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 11, 13, 15, 17, 20, 21,22 and 24 for that writing ask game :)

Fun fact it took me ten thousand years to answer this bc this ask was apparently long enough to crash the app multiple times whilst I was answering it lmao

*cracks knuckles, cracks neck, cracks spine*

2: Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Augh I want to. Hurry to get to the interesting bits of An Unconventional Sort Of Enployment quickly!!! I’m editing the chapters that were already published bc I must’ve gotten so excited to publish them that they came out rushed :/// what I’m looking forward to most is developing relationships! I plan for everything to remain non-romantic bc I’m not good at writing romance lmao but that doesn’t make it any less fulfilling! Developing platonic relationships is actually one of my favorite things to write so I’m really looking forward to it

3: What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

It’s actually a whole fic idea and also it’s vocaloid so maybe you wouldn’t find it very interesting but anyway. It’s like:

Kaito: have you ever wondered what it’s be like to be someone else

Len: ???? Are you depressed again

Kaito: no I was just thinking about it

Len: I can help you with that

So Kaito changes his name (well, barely, it’s only one letter off) and pretends to be a girl but! He’s inadvertently committing identity theft bc the lady he’s pretending to be already exists and is actually related to him but he somehow completely forgot, and all his friends know her but either they actually thought he was her or they also forgot that she exists too

5: What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

(Previously answered) Do ocs count? Madeleine wasn’t supposed to be a self-insert at all but at some point whilst I was drafting I was like “ah fuck that’s me innit” bc I realized her personality was far too similar to mine lol

6: What character do you have the most fun writing?

(Previously answered) Germany. I love making him miserable in particular. Also Japan, the way he speaks is so satisfying, same with Russia

8: Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Generally yes, but—and I don’t mean to come off as someone who doesn’t read books—why is smut in fanfiction often better written than smut in published books? Is it censorship? A stylistic choice? Published smut often feels so weird and cringe in the way it’s written and I don’t understand why…In fact, fanfiction and standard published books really hit different in general, for better or for worse

11: What do you envy in other writers?

I feel a bit like I’ve stagnated. I’m writing the same things over and over again so I see someone else has written something radical I’m like “damn why didn’t I think of that” so I should really try doing something different…and while I know that the worth of written works is not in their length, I see so many writers put so much emphasis on the length of their works and it’s a bit discouraging as someone more used to brevity

13: Do you share your writing online? (Drop a link!) Do you have projects you’ve kept just for yourself?

Yeah lol. My ao3 is here lol. But yeah I’ve been playing around with an original work for a bit actually. Might consider talking about it more. Anything else I’ve kept to myself are just things that I couldn’t finish

15: Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

It depends but mainly titles. Summaries I have the least problems with because if all else fails, I can simply make the summary a phrase that’s connected to the title, but that may become a problem if I don’t have a title lmao. In the case of gore however, that’s when I struggle a bit with tags, like “this isn’t extreme to me, but would other people find it too much?” because if it is extreme, I don’t want to want to have people let their guard down, but if it isn’t extreme, I don’t want to falsely advertise

17: Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Yeah, I believe art looks a bit different depending on the eye of the beholder, no matter how slightly. I don’t think my motivations are very surprising or complicated—they’re pretty much along the lines of “hey you know what would be interesting?”

20: Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Okay first of all I’m sorry for talking about Welcome Back again, it’s my first completed multi chapter work so I’m a bit proud it, like it’s my firstborn child lol.

The way I went about it is actually something I want to repeat—taking a canon moment (in this case, Vene getting kicked out and later being sent back to Germany in a box) and going in a wildly different direction with it. It was supposed to remain a one shot but I suddenly decided to continue it, which is why the transition between the first and second chapter may seem a little odd.

Vene did kind of turn out to be kind of the antagonist though, not that he meant it. But it was a lose-lose situation i think, because he effectively fucked Germany up by telling him he was a country in the first place, but at the same time, it was really fucking weird that Germany would just live his life not knowing about a crucial part of his existence! Not really knowing what else to do, Vene just decided to wipe Germany’s memory just to put him out of his misery. Of course, that may not last forever—even though everyone was sworn to secrecy, somebody is bound to slip up, or Germany may become concerned as to why he hasn’t looked a day past 20 in years (though, knowing how he lived his life before, not once questioning it at all, this is kind of unlikely) but mark his words, Vene would wipe Germany’s memories as many times as he’d have to, even if it does hurt to do so

Also a big fan of how vene and Germany telling each other welcome back for different yet similar reasons—Germany when vene kept showing up at his house after being thrown out, even when he came back quite literally dead; and Vene, even though Germany didn’t technically leave, but he seemed alive again after being put back in the dark about his true nature

21: What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

Probably comics? I might just be saying this since my paragraphs and dialogue don’t tend to be very long most of the time, which would fit well in a comic strip

22: Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

(Previously answered) Occasionally. Some of them still hold up, but others? I Can Tell They’re Old.

24: Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. I’ve gained a wider vocabulary, and just the general way I structure sentences has changed a bit since I started writing seriously again two years ago. They also increased in length somewhat and are just less sloppy in general

[caelumsnuff]

Same POC anon that said they didn’t feel at home here! Thank you for letting me ramble! I think since most of the angrier *speaker* characters have mellowed out over time, I personally find people making any of the speakers MOC cool (I will admit that I did wonder why Damien was often/always Black for people at first, but again his mellowing out over time did help ease that! Oh and I do think people might often make Gavin brown is because Redacted canonically gave him tan skin?? Maybe. Am I trying too hard to give the benefit of the doubt lol? Maybe, maybe lol). I personally don’t think you’re being hypocritical at all tbh!

I do occasionally wonder about listener characters which I totally get is often self-inserts so a lot of them being white I understand ‘cause the fandom is mostly white. I will admit though that Alexis and Darlin’ often drawn as Black women and/or femmes and *usually* only them out of the non-Redacted voiced characters used to make me go hmm. And the art is beautiful and I think it’s better than, you know, never seeing a non-white listener character on my dashboard and no one is obligated to *ever* ever ever draw anyone a specific way aaaand Darlin’ has also done some mellowing out as well. I’m half Black-American and half Korean-American so I’m just hyper aware of the ‘angry Black woman’ stereotype so I think that’s why I wondered why those two “only” (for the most part when it comes to the more consistent fandom headcanon looks) out of all non-Redacted voiced characters? But again, again Darlin’ has mellowed out so I’m just making a fuss.

I meant to talk *less* with this ask (I know you said in another ask not to apologize, but this *is* excessive, I’m sorry), but you brought up the weird racism allegory. And yes tbh! I’m sorry you had to deal with anons being mean when you talked about it. It reminds me of Zootopia where the allegory doesn’t work exactly cause it’s like ‘of course a rabbit might be afraid of a lion. It’s a lion!’ like ‘of course regular empowered people might be wary around demons like they are the most powerful beings walking around them.’ I get though that Redacted probably feels more comfortable with being more explicit about a coming out story like with Damien seeing as Redacted is a queer man and feels more comfortable with allegory instead of being explicit for race since all the characters’ races are *technicallyyyy* up to listeners (technically because sometimesss the ‘this character is white’ vibes pop up lol /lh), he might not know how to go about it (if he ever thought about going about it explicitly which I doubt which no biggie!), and soooooo many fantasy works have used race allegories for a such long long time now (most not the best metaphor wise either lol) that he may just be used to that.

Okay, this was way longer than I meant for it to be. I’m sorry again. Thank you for being such a great person and letting me get this out when you don’t have to. I hope to be brave enough to talk about this on my own tumblr eventually. I hope you have a wonderful day!

I'm shaking you like a soda can for apologizing so much (lighthearted) (silly)

I wish this fandom was welcoming enough for people to talk about this in the open too, but alas this fandom is kinda shit aslkdfasdf (for the most part)

I appreciate that you don't think im being hypocritical. I give the benefit of the doubt for most depictions of all the characters considering theres explanations for most of them. I understand a lot of the characters have mellowed out now, so they also have soothed my squinting a lil bit. I do be "hmmmm"ing at some of them still askjdfasd i cant help it.

I am REALLY happy you mentioned Alexis being depicted as a black woman, because that was the exact depiction that made me genuinely like squint at my screen.

Honestly i never question depictions of the listener characters, considering most of them are either self inserts or OCs to play the part of the listener characters. I do genuinely appreciate all the art in this fandom, a lot of the people here are so talented. It's nice to see diversity amongst all the characters and i still stand by that.

I'll never get over the d(a)emon allegory for several reasons, but in part because theres literally so many other, better allegories that could have been used in this world instead of d(a)emons vs humans its literally so irritating like. daemons vs demons, or empowered vs unempowered , or several other things are right there! ugh its so irritating. Like admittedly it is hard to write a good race allegory into a work that isn't racist somehow, but this man hit like all of the big no-nos with this, which should not be humanly possible if you sat and wrote in your sleep (hyperbole for comedic effect).

ANYWAYS thank you so much for the ask. Again, im happy to know you can let off some steam here, makes me happy tbh. I know i took a little long to answer this (energy), but i hope you have a lovely day as well, anon.

[juicezone]

story 2: unsupervised shopping

obligatory disclaimer: i sometimes write stories for tl and av, most of tl’s stories are themed around hermit craft. i don’t really watch it myself (sometimes etho), but generally write off the vibes of the episodes i have watched with him. characters have potential to be ooc. any similarities to other minecraft original characters are purely coindental. don’t like it, don’t read it.

word count: 3000, characters: tl’s self-insert/minecraft oc, sheepard, xisuma, doc, and impulse. (somewhat of a direct sequel to the first story.) after xisuma comes to check in on how sheepard was feeling, and get a general overview of things, sheepard decides to take care of his to-do list. only thing is, he’s a little bit regressed. surely old enough to take care of his own list, he heads out anyway. besides- he has his shark with him, right? so he’s technically not alone. plus, he can totally act old normal and big. no one will have any idea.

    several days had passed since sheepard had first regressed and been looked after by ren. at first he had felt embarrassed the day after, but ren assured him he was fine and that he didn’t mind at all. sheepard had returned to his farm with the gifted shark and the names of a few other hermits who didn’t mind serving as caregivers for when he regressed again. 

    the when was a gentle but firm suggestion, ren had said. no schedule, but putting it off helped no one and only made it worse.

    he was back to work now, finishing the crop farm he’d started before and was planting the last seed when he heard the distant sound of rockets. sheepard looked up to see a figure growing closer until he was able to pick out enough detail to tell it was the server admin, and he waved.

    to his surprise, xisuma waved back and changed his angle as if aiming to land nearby.

    “just who i was looking for!” the admin said once he’d landed. sheepard blinked and looked behind him before turning back and pointing at himself questionably. xisuma nodded, and added, “just wanted to check up on you, see how you’re doing.”

    ah.

    “oh, uh, yeah. i was kind of a hot mess a few days ago,” sheepard spoke awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, “you want to talk inside?”

    at the nod, sheepard wiped the loose dirt from his hands and led xisuma into his house. the admin took the offered seat and waited patiently while sheepard washed his hands clean and took his own seat at the table.

    “now- you aren’t in trouble, you know that right?” xisuma leaned forward a small amount, “regressing in a new place with new people can be scary, or if it’s your first time regressing. nothing to be ashamed about.”

    “it wasn’t my first time, just uh… just been a while. and new place and people and all that,” sheepard mumbled and xisuma nodded but didn’t add anything else.

    “guess i was nervous you guys’d think i was weird or.. something,” he added. it felt a bit silly now, knowing what he knew about the others.

    “i understand. i’m glad we can support you better now though- we want to, it’s not a problem!” xisuma replied, adding the last part before sheepard could say anything. “we might fight and argue on occasion, our little wars and all that, but we’re all friend and family here. you’re our friend and family too.”

    sheepard didn’t say anything in response, just nodded.

    “now, i do have a few questions for you, if that’s okay? you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want, i won’t press.”

    “uh yeah, go ahead.”

    “do you know how old you usually regress to?”

    “um. around five or six i guess. maybe sometimes around seven or eight, but not usually less than three.”

    “alright- do you need anything for when you do?”

    “ren gave me a shark and a list of others that are caregivers too. and some clothes in a drawer at the- the play house.”

    “mm. okay, i suppose maybe i should rephrase. is there anything you want?” xisuma spoke again, putting emphasis on the word want.

    “i’m fine with whatever we’ve got, or i’m given. i don’t really want to ask for a whole bunch of things,” sheepard replied with a shrug, avoiding looking straight at the admin. xisuma hummed but didn’t press the topic.

    “any preference in who looks after you? you don’t have to pick anyone, but sometimes there are people you want more than others when you’re young.”

“no. i don’t think so, at least. whoever’s available and doesn’t mind.”     a few more questions and xisuma was done. he thanked sheepard for answering what he could, and told him to send a message his way if he wanted or needed anything. with that the admin was off and on his way.

still inside his house, sheepard left the kitchen and wandered to the bedroom and flopped on the bed. he reached for the shark laying on his pillow and squeezed it close to his chest.

    he’d successfully pushed it all down and blocked it out while on the public servers, and to be doing it all over felt as if he was doing it for the first time again, nervous and unsure. he groaned and sat up with the shark.

    as tempting as it was, he couldn’t lay in bed all day, he had jobs to do. reluctantly, sheepard placed the shark down and got up. he made it to the door before he looked back at the bed.

    “i suppose.. it wouldn’t hurt to bring you along,” he spoke out loud to himself and picked up the shark.

    he took the stuffed animal around his base as he worked, carefully tucked between his layered shirts in the front, chatting with it as he went. he showed the shark his farm and pointed out all the different crops before moving to the barn.

    “this is where the animals are going to go! there’s space for cows and chickens and pigs and a horse!” sheepard pointed out each stall to the stuffed shark. “i’m building a sep- a sep- another barn for my sheep!” he added as he left the barn and sat on the steps of his house to decide what to do next.

    it was clear enough to him that he’d regressed a bit, though he didn’t feel as young or fuzzy-headed as before.

    “i’m plen’y old enough to do my to do list for today,” he decided out loud, “i don’t have any mining or anything, just some shopping.”

    that of course, meant going around to the various starter shops set up around spawn, as the main shopping district hadn’t been set up yet. the spot they’d previously picked apparently wouldn’t work as well, and so they were choosing another.

    “i should probably leave you here to keep the farm safe, right?” sheepard spoke to the shark still tucked into his shirt. it stared up at him with large button eyes, and sheepard stared back down at it.

    “you are absolutely right, i should take you with me to watch my back,” sheepard agreed. he adjusted the shark so it was in the back of his shirt instead of the front, the head poking out over his shoulder. it made the neck of the shirt a bit tight, but he’d survive.

    a quick trip through the nether and his first destination was impulse’s i-enchant store to pick up books for his armor and tools. the standard unbreaking, efficiency, mending and protection. the first two were no problem but the other two were in barrels too high for him to reach.

    he was carefully creating a plan to climb the wall and get the books somehow when he heard a door creak behind him, and sheepard turned around to see impulse in the employee’s only doorway, looking amused.

    “i don’t know whether to offer you help reaching a book or help with the shark attacked to your back.” he gestured to the stuffed animal.

    “he’s watching my back,” sheepard informed the other hermit, bothered by the idea that his faithful shark would attack him. he glanced up at the barrels and and pointed to the two he wanted.

    “canya help and grab some of the mending and protection please?” he asked and moved aside to let impulse grab two of each book and exchanged them for the payment.

    “so, who’s running errands with you?” impulse asked, leaning against the wall. sheepard looked a bit confused and impulse added, “you know, chaperone? adult? who’s watching you?””

    “me? i’m watching me. i’m old enough!” sheepard replied with a frown. he resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at impulse when he raised an eyebrow in response, but said nothing else.

    deciding he’d just ignore the other, sheepard put the books away in his travel shulker and took his list out.

    “where are ya goin’ next?” impulse asked as he peered over his shoulder. sheepard shrugged and studied his list. he had the gigapies store, doc’s sand shop, the log store behind keralis’s house, and a question mark for random wandering.

    definitely not gigapies, he thought to himself. if impulse was suspicious, then ren would certainly clock him. he shrugged and offered the list to impulse who looked it over thoughtfully.

    “been to gigapies? ren’s stocking today, i’m sure he’d love to see you.”

    “already went and saw him,” sheepard lied and shifted from foot to foot. impulse looked as if he didn’t quite believe him and sheepard quickly took his list back and excused himself, saying he’d made up his mind. he felt impulse’s eyes on his back until he turned the corner.

    “that was close,” he sighed and reached over his shoulder to pat the shark. he felt a little bad to have lied about gigapies and seeing ren, but he was very able to watch and take care of himself. he wasn’t too young at all, and he wasn’t technically alone because he had his shark.

    “you still don’t got a name but i don’t got any ideas yet,” sheepard said to the shark as he stepped into the sand shop. he set his travel shulker down with a thunk and started shuffling sand into it. once he’d taken as much as he wanted, he started to put diamonds in the chest to pay for what he’d taken, and stopped once he realized he was unsure of how much to pay.

    “...i’ll just put a bunch of diamonds in, just in case.” sheepard decided, splitting his stack and putting it in the chest. finished paying, he turned and bumped into doc, the creeper hybrid steadying him when he stumbled backwards.

    “paying for the future?” doc rumbled as sheepard shot a cross look over his shoulder to his shark for not warning him.

    “don’t wanna figure the maf- the math out.” he answered, correcting himself when his words got sloppy. doc didn’t reply for a few seconds, and sheepard could feel a frown forming. was doc going to pick up where impulse had left off?

    “fair enough,” doc shrugged, “show me how much you got, i’ll figure it out for you.”

    relieved, he opened his shulker and showed what he’d taken and after a few moments doc reached into the sand chest and took a few diamonds and returned them. sheepard placed them back within the travel shulker and started to head out but fond his path blocked by doc’s arm.

    “look. it’s pretty obvious you aren’t as big as you want to seem right now,” doc started and sheepard looked down, frustrated at being caught again. “give me an age check, and then i’ll decide what to do next.”

    “fine,” sheepard grumbled, “i’m no baby or anything, i’m.. i dunno.. seven or eight or something. i’m old enough! and i got my shark so i’m not alone.”

    “well, i still want you to check in with someone later on, no longer than an hour from now. sooner if you finish shopping early or if you start slipping younger, message me if you want.”

    doc’s tone was firm and left no room for argument, and sheepard had no other option but to nod in agreement to the older hermits’ rule. as soon as doc lifted his arm, sheepard escaped outside with his shulker and continued along until he was sure doc couldn’t hear or see him.

    “that’s so unfair!” sheepard complained out loud and kicked a nearby rock. if he was little like the other day, then the hermits could fuss and worry. but he was way older! practically a teenager. he kicked a few more rocks out of his way before remembering to check his list.

    the two shops left were keralis’s log shop and gigapies- aimless wandering was out because of doc’s rule. he was tempted to continue to avoid gigapies and ren and go to the log shop first, but it was all the way across the river and still more walking. gigapies was a lot closer considering he could already see the building sign.

    his stomach growled, making the final choice for him, and sheepard continued along the path towards gigapies.

    he crept up to the entrance and peeked in the door and looked around for ren, not wanting a third person to be fussing over him. ren didn’t seem to around anymore, so he took the opportunity to scamper to the counter and swap diamonds for stacks of pies.

    on his way out he took a pie and broke off pieces to eat as he started the journey across the river and towards keralis’s house, finishing a second one by the time he’d arrived.

    for the last time that day, he placed his travel shulker down and started swapping diamonds for logs. once he’d bought a stack of each log type he stopped and yawned, rubbing his eyes as he picked up the shulker again. he was feeling awfully tired all of a sudden, despite evening being a ways away.

    he sat down in the grass outside the shop to rest a moment and decided to message doc.

    you whisper to docm77: done shopping

    you whisper to docm77: tired

    docm77 whispers to you: who are you checking in with? early bed won’t hurt

    sheepard huffed a sigh as he got up and started his way towards the nearest bridge to cross the river and sent off another message.

    you whisper to docm77: just wanna go bed

    docm77 whispers to you: lol. why don’t you come by my place for the night instead of going all the way back.

    sheepard sent a short “k” in response and started towards doc’s base once he’d crossed the bridge. he was waiting in the doorway of his base, and ushered the regressed hermit inside as he rubbed his eyes.

    “do you need anything before bed? something to eat?” doc asked as he plucked the shark from sheepard’s shirt and handed it over. sheepard clutched it close and shook his head, not wanting to bother with getting his pj’s. doc seemed to have other ideas though, and gestured at sheepard’s clothes.

    “can’t sleep in your day clothes, buddy. why don’t you brush your teeth and get ready while i have someone bring something for you. bathroom’s upstairs, i’ll come up in a few.”

    sheepard made a face and went up the stairs slowly, dragging out the process. he shuffled into the bathroom and placed the shark on the tile floor before turning to the sink and grabbing the toothpaste.

    not bothering to figure out if there was a free toothbrush or not, sheepard just smeared the paste on his finger and sloppily brushed his teeth. once satisfied, he rinsed his mouth out and left the bathroom to wait for doc.

    he heard the sound of rockets and the thump of someone landing outside, as well as doc speaking to someone. a few moments later and the rockets went off again and doc came up the stairs with a familiar pair of purple pajamas and held them out to sheepard.

    he quickly changed and left his clothes in a pile by the door. once sheepard was done, doc led him to the bedroom, where instead of a regular bed, doc had a massive nest made of pillows and blankets. there were a few discarded old hoodies, too worn to use but too loved to toss, and even a few labcoats in the mix. unsure of how to get in, sheepard waited for doc to climb in and the creeper hybrid helped him get in and get settled.

    he wasn’t cuddled right up to doc like he’d been with ren, though he was still easily within arms reach. it was practically perfect, though there was a strange rumbling sound that had started up. it wasn’t unpleasant, but it was strange and sheepard was curious about where it was coming from- he couldn’t see any redstone that might be causing it.

    it almost seemed to be coming from doc.

    “are you makin’ that sound?” sheepard asked, feeling somewhat confused. doc briefly looked surprised and then laughed and motioned for sheepard to come closer.

    he scooted over and cautiously laid his head down on doc’s chest as instructed. the rumbling was coming from doc! he looked up wide-eyed at doc as the sound continued.

    “you… purr?” he whispered, fascinated by this new fact, and doc’s chest shook as he laughed.

    “yeah, creepers purr. just way more common to hear hissing instead, since most creepers aren’t player friendly. now, off to sleep with you.” doc replied and waited for sheepard to get comfortable before tucking a free blanket around him.

    cozy and tired, sheepard reached out to pull his stuffed shark closer to him , and realized he couldn’t feel for it. he patted around his side and sat up straight, frantically searching the nest when it didn’t appear.

    “whoa whoa, what’re you looking for?” doc asked and caught sheepard’s hands before he could continue tearing up the nest.

    “m-my shark’s missing!” sheepard replied, voice wavering. doc made a sound and slowly got up and out of the nest, instructing the younger hermit to stay and wait a moment. sheepard clutched a pillow anxiously as he waited, and a few moments passed before he heard a faint, “aha, there you are,” and doc returned with the lost stuffed shark in hand.

    “here you go, buddy, now lay back down,” doc instructed as he climbed back into the nest.

    content now that he had his shark, sheepard squirmed under the blankets until he was nice and cozy again. he didn’t usually have trouble sleeping, and tonight was proving to be no exception, especially with how tired he was. it only took a few moments for him to close his eyes and be out like a light.

[zu-is-here]

Ok, so...this one might be weird one XD

So yeah, TW about sexual topics

I've been in fandom for a long time, so of course I saw a... Lot of not kid friendly stuff here. Well, some of the best fics on AO3 about Undertale still are the ones with smut in it XD you know, you get in expecting some nice lemon and get some large, really amazing story with it. What can be better???

The problem is, with how much LGBTQ+ were getting bigger those past few... Years(?) I started wondering, if there is maybe some name for it.

Like, it feels different, when you are reading about characters you like, and some random people (real life videos included)

And the worst thing, I think it doesn't match under fictosexualizm, because... Well, it's not attraction to character in this sense? It's not about xReader, when you are supposed to get in role of the guy doing it, but about how those characters interact, this sweet angst you can understand, or just cuddles, or just them doing the thing.

Like, shiping them and them getting together make you riled up? Dunno if I explained it well XD

Maybe there's no name for it. Maybe it's just shiping on higher level. But it got me thinking, cuz... It's hard to tell if it's just me, or others feel similar way. Like, there are people who see themselves in Cross's "skin" or something, so I can see they also enjoyed the story, but can't tell if it's because they made Cross the reader, just liked the story, or also are screaming in their pillow when those two dumbasses talk things out so ship become cannon in story XD

Maybe I got a bit off the topic, well. In short:

Is this weird to get so excited about some fictional characters getting together and making kids, and are there others who feel the same way?

(ps. Why is TUMBLR sexymen voting happening on Twitter??? )

These topics are actually really important, thank you for the ask! ★

A great fic is always the lucky find for the reader, but when it comes to sharing with a wider audience, you realize you can't separate (amazing) safe scenes from (not less amazing) unsafe ones—it comes with it, and that's the paradox :')

But such works are strong in that they raise important—yeah, far from safe yet not always adult—topics to show and to teach something.

(I'm not sure if I understood you correctly after that but here are several options!)

1. If you mean xReader (or Y/n, when you as a character) & Self-insert (when the creator puts themselves/their OCs in), these both are part of the fiction for those who enjoy it╰(*´︶`*)╯

2. If you mean OOC (when a character doesn't act like they should in canon), that's a thin line cause sticking to canon may be hard, especially for those who don't know the character well or want them to act differently (*´∀｀*)

That's where your own experience may take place: many creators put a part of themselves into the characters and create stories based on their real life or dreams. That, actually, is what fiction is also for ☆

3. If you mean getting into the characters & their story while reading it as if you're a part of it, empathize them & worrying about their relationships, that's absolutely fine! ♡

When you're reading, it's hard to be an outside observer—you try on their personalities or endow them with your own traits anyway, and you worry about them as if they were real people, or you lead them through real life difficulties you experienced/are afraid to experience...

(P. S. That's what confused me too! :'D But I guess the reason is that we can't make polls here :')

UPD:

Oh! ☆ Again, there's nothing wrong in enjoying and being happy for the fictional characters you like╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[sybilmarlowe]

Since I joined the One Piece fandom, I was asked different times which character I ship with Doffy the most. Given I'm usually into self insert things, I'd firstly go with "my OC, of course 😛"... But let's talk about what I think of Doffy's most famous ships 😁

DISCLAIMER: all of what follows is TOTALLY my own opinion, don't want to judge anyone who thinks differently than me. OP is a fictional world made of fictional characters and anyone can ship whoever they likes!

So, here's the ships:

Doffy x Viola

Ok, let's start with what many people's don't want to hear: this ship is canon. Yeah. Like it or not, it's a matter of fact.

I honestly like them together, they're a weird couple but somehow they work. I like to imagine how could have been the dynamic between the two of them, and I'm more than sure there was nothing abusive from Doffy's side. I mean, sexually at least. I agree with the fact destroying one's whole life and Country is pretty abusive, but I'm quite sure the feelings between Doffy and Viola have been real for a while. Maybe the concept could sound trivial, but no one chooses who to love and Doffy has many characteristics which may definitely make a person fall for him. Not totally sure HE has ever truly loved her, but I like to think so. After all he does have a weak side and Viola might have been one of the few (even thanks to her powers) who managed to see it and knowing him deeply. This surely strenghtened their bond and it might have finally resulted in love...

My vote is a 8/10

Doffy x Cora

This is incest. I know. And it's indeed problematic and controversial. Irl a thing like this isn't exactly acceptable.

BUT as I told before, OP is pure fiction, so... I have to say quite like them tbh. In my opinion, as long as a relationship is adult and consensual there's nothing deeply wrong in it IN FICTIONAL WORLDS. (I know, there are fanfictions in which their relationship is abusive, but since we’re talking about headcanons here I like to think it’s not). Have you watcher GoT? Cersei and Jamie were one of the best written pairings in the whole series, the same goes for this situation imo, we have all the conditions to make this ship a sensible one.

They’re a realistic couple cause they went through a lot of difficulties together and, even if they chose different paths of life, their bond is very very deep. Their love is a desperate one, like “you’re the only one in this world I can REALLY trust”. This from both sides. The difference is that Cora is a pure person who just want to love and being loved while Doffy... well, he’s not exactly mentally healthy and he’s like “all or nothing”.

A lot of angst and stuff, of course, for this reason my vote is 7/10

Doffy x Crocodile

I’m sure someone out there is going to want my head for what I’m about to write, the DoffyxCroco fandom is huge after all... but... 

I don’t like this ship at all. 

Given one can ship two people with no reason or just because they wear matching colours and look good in fanarts (?) imo DoffyxCrocodile has no sense. They interact, yeah, but nothing about their dialogues or shared scenes makes me thing they could be a good couple. Even that most famous encounter at Marineford which made fanpeople scream... They looked just like contenders who quite disliked eachother, nothing less and nothing more :/ and Doffy saying “I’m jelous!” just gave me the same vibes of a childish sacrastic way to piss off a person, pretty much like the stupid classic “you fight like a girl!”. 

They’re aesthetically beautiful, nothing to say, they’re both among the most handsome characters in OP  and have a similar story, so I’m not saying I don’t understand the reasons of those who ship them... Just... I want ships to be stronger and more credible than this :/

6/10 just because they look good in fanarts XD

Doffy x Luffy 

This is pretty diffused, but..... why. 

I mean... what happened between the two of them which could have made them fall for eachother?? D: Have you ever tried to date a person after trying GearFourthPunch them out of the troposphere? °A° (Also, Luffy could LITERALLY be Doffy’s son. This is weird. Not the weirdest thing, but still.)

Srsly... If you like them together I ask you to tell me which dynamics are there behind this ship. Cause I really can’t see WHERE do you see even a little trace of feelings between the two of them D: 

Sorry D:

3/10 

Doffy x Law

Gods, yes. YES.

This ship HELLA works from every single point of view. Doffy and Law are two of the most (if not THE MOST) well written characters in the whole series. They have a complete and complex background, a deep and multifaceted personality and, above all, an extremely strong bond. 

Ship them or not, they’re literally OBSESSED by eachother for different reasons.

 Law is the ONLY man Doffy considers almost his equal, he thinks he’s like the only person worth being his right hand man and I’m quite sure he’s galvanized by the idea Law is the one who’s gonna sacrifice his life to make him immortal. Like... a great life to complete an even greater one? This is insane. And yet beautiful. 

On the other hand, Law’s thoughts have been completely centred on taking revenge on Doffy for 10 years. Like, he was literally obsessed by that man, consumed by the hate he felt for him which obscured anything else, even his maniacal good sense in the end. 

Turning this all into a tragic and tormented love story is as easy as drinking water. A long-term reciprocal hate mixed with a deep admiration for eachother (even from Law’s side, after all Doffy was the one who thaught him almost... everything?) which slowly turns into something terribly different. Imagine the tension between two arch enemies who have to admit their hate melted into passion... and yet still have this latent feeling of wanting the other’s death.......

Don’t know what’s your opinion about this kind of stories, but for me, the self proclaimed Queen of Angst, in love with the most tragical Theatre and Literature... THIS IS GOOD STUFF. 

10/10 HANDS DOWN.

Doffy x Trebol 

What tHE ACTUAL F***K. 

-10/10 

Doffy x Bellamy

Please, no. 

Alright, I hate Bellamy. He’s exactly the kind of character I find terribly pathetic and incomplete. He barely has a personality of his own, he’s a wild fanboy with nothing original (not like Barto. Barto is the best fanboy ever. All my love goes to Barto.). 

Now, he spent all his 34 years of life trying to... imitate Doffy? And yet he doesn’t even manage to truly understand him. So he’s worse than a fanboy, he’s attracted to the idealization of a man who’s not even half of the things he expects him to be. This is sad. Really sad. And call me a sadist, he deserved being humiliated imo. Maybe this helped him open his eyes and getting a life. Seriously. 

It goes without saying I totally can’t see how a relationship between him and Doffy could work. Doffy despises him, the only kind of plot this thing could have is a quite abusive one :/ and since I deeply dislike abuse.... no. This ship is totally out of question.

0/10

Doffy x Monet

This is another ship which barely touches the canon. I sincerely think the "love" between the two of them is pretty much unilateral. Doffy respects Monet, he deeply appreciates her abilities, intelligence and loyalty, she's clearly among his closest subordinates, but... He doesn't love her in a romantic way. As for Monet, she's totally in love with him, she'd kill and die for him. And in fact that's what she does in the end.

Monet is not among my fav characters, but I still feel quite sorry for how things went for her. She gave her everything away for a helpless, almost obsessive, love.

If something between the two of them really happened for real, I think it was merely physical.

For this reason, tough I have to admit they'd actually look beautiful together, I can't ship them :/

5/10

Doffy x Vergo

Ok, I dislike Vergo. He's quite a flat character imo, don't even like his design 😅 I don't ship him with Doffy for this simple reason, but being honest they could perfectly work as a couple.

Vergo was among Doffy's very first "real friends", he was among those who were considered a family by him and, most importantly, he was the only one around his same age. They literally grew up together, likely supporting each other, and I wouldn't be honest if I said this has no chance to be a good assumptipn for a love story. A quite simple and basic one, if you want, but it's the most realistic kind of bond two people can make.

Still not shipping them, my vote is a honest 7/10.

Guess that's all?

Let me know what do you think about this 😆 do you agree with my votes? Or there are some points you totally disagree with?

Well, anyways. I had fun 😂

[random-thought-depository]

The Sisters of Dorley AU/Glow, Worm crossover OC I made up because I wanted there to be somebody going through vampirization with Stef; this was originally going to be Adam but I think an OC might work better:

Content warning for messed up relationships, weird gender stuff, creepy vampire stuff, mention of murder, nonconsensual/dubiously consensual sex with a huge age gap, and some slightly kinky injury/gore stuff:

Her name is Ruth. She's an example of a type you see at the graduate school: people who were raised very religious and molded into right-wing authoritarian follower personality types, and for whom joining Dorley and then the graduate school was just switching allegiance to new cults.

Ruth's egg self spent the first eighteen years of his life basically totally dominated by his very religious mother (Ruth thinks of her pre-Dorley self as a boy and uses he/him pronouns for him). They had a kind of Carrie/Margaret White dynamic but a lot less stereotypically abusive, it was more like... Ruth's boy self was very introverted, did not make friends easily, was probably super-unpopular and a bullied kid at school, and his mother was basically the only person who was close to him, and he was a very docile and submissive person; he was very close to his mother, he loved her, and he was pretty much putty in her hands.

Ruth's mother was very pro-life, so of course Ruth's boy self was too. While attending St. Almsworthy he joined a campus pro-life activist group, went to a rally, and got in a physical fight with a female counter-protestor. That was what made somebody at Dorley decide he was Dorley material.

Ruth was class of 2019; same class as Fay, the year before Stef's group. Ruth's sponsor was a woman named Pamela. Pamela is from one of Dorley's first graduating classes, she's in her sixties, easily old enough to be Ruth's grandmother (Ruth would have been 19-23ish when she went into the basement).

Ruth and Pamela had a great relationship, in a kind of really messed up way. Ruth isn't a Takes Ideas Seriously type; her boy self was a right-wing religious weirdo because his mother was a right-wing religious weirdo so that was a way he could express his love for her. All Pamela had to do was insert herself into the space in his mind that his mother previously occupied and he 1) basically fell in love with her, 2) was complete putty. Also, Ruth's boy self was basically cis-by-default autismgender, so the force-fem thing was not particularly difficult or traumatizing to her. She threw herself into feminization with something approaching Viky/Stef level enthusiasm, not as a trans thing but as an expression of her love for her sponsor. Ruth's main feeling about the feminization is that she's glad the hormonal changes weakened her sex drive and made her more demisexual (Ruth's mother's version of Christianity was pretty sex negative, Ruth's boy self experienced his normal vanilla heterosexual male sexuality as a moral injury).

Also it helped that Ruth is somebody who tends to get along better with people who are, like, two or three times her age than with her own peer group. She is definitely the kind of neurodivergent person who got called an "old soul" when she was a kid. Part of it is she got a lot of her socialization from her mother, and her mother had her late in life (got pregnant in her forties). Part of it is invisible disabilities; even as a child she had a somatic experience a bit like an old person, she's basically always had low energy and an aching back and joints and stuff; to her other young people tend to seem hyper, hard to keep up with (Pamela and Ruth empathized with aspects of each other's somatic experience, they'd massage each other's aching backs and joints and stuff). Pamela was really good at playing a gentle affectionate substitute mother role for Ruth, and that was pretty much all she needed to do to have Ruth eating out of her hand. So to an extent Ruth and Pamela got along really well not despite their huge age gap but because of it.

Pamela let Ruth choose her own name. Some of the girls in her class gently teased Ruth for choosing a grandma name. Ruth liked the name because she thought it sounded humble, and also because Pamela told her she'd read on a baby name site that in Hebrew it means something like "friend," and Ruth liked that.

Pretty much the only part of the basement experience that was hard for Ruth was the sexuality adjustment sessions. Pamela being old wasn't a problem; Ruth thought Pamela was beautiful; she was tall and slender and had long grey hair that would fall beautifully when she let it down... But it was hard for Ruth (she'd have trouble articulating why in an alexithymia way). The first session Ruth got really overwhelmed and started saying the Hail Mary (the "blessed art thou among women..." prayer) and that made Pamela so uncomfortable she stopped and said she simply wasn't going to do this to somebody who was so clearly having a really bad time. Immediately after that Pamela spent a long time comforting Ruth and telling her they had months, Ruth could take her time. It took about a month from there to get to the point where Ruth could bring herself to complete the act with Pamela. When they got to that point they actually did have some sex that was enjoyable for Ruth; Ruth basically was in love with Pamela at this point and Pamela was gentle and trying pretty hard to make it a mutually pleasurable experience. Pamela is, so far, the only person Ruth has ever had sex with.

Between having a really old sponsor and her own natural inclinations, Ruth is really old-fashioned for Dorley, which means she's the kind of person who will do stuff like deliberately curate her media consumption to be properly "feminine," and avoid movies, games, etc. that she thinks are too male-coded.

Side note: despite being in "the bad old days" Pamela's own basement experience was actually relatively non-abusive; she was trans-adjacent enough that she didn't experience the feminization thing as traumatizing, and she mostly just did whatever her captors wanted her to do, thus they didn't hurt her. More-or-less the only abuse she suffered (aside from, you know, the inherent abusiveness of the whole thing) was as a consequence of showing solidarity with other inmates who fought back more and acting as an advocate for them. Pamela is maybe a somewhat similar personality type to Ruth (though a bit more assertive and principled), which might be one reason they got along really well.

---------

Ruth and Stef got the helicopter ride to the graduate school together. They've been told they're lucky; it's unusual that two graduate school girls get to go through second transition together and support each other. It's happened before, but not many times. In a normal year the graduate school only gets one new girl, or none. It makes the second transition a lonelier experience than the first for most of them. Stef maybe knew what was going to happen going in, but Ruth had no idea about the vampire thing until Elle met her at the graduate school and told her about it.

To prove that the vampire thing wasn't a joke, Elle destroyed a concrete column with her fists, and then stabbed herself in the stomach and made Ruth watch the wound heal. She let Ruth examine the wound while it was healing, even let her to put her fingers inside it and feel around to be sure it was real. She said that didn't hurt her much; her pain thresholds are set at levels appropriate for the resilience of her body. It was a weirdly intimate experience!

Elle told her "When your second transition is finished, you'll be about as strong and resilient as I am." And she'd encouraged Ruth and Stef to ask questions.

Ruth asked, "Will I have a sponsor? Like at Dorley?"

Elle smiled a little and said, "Well, I will be your sire, which is something a little like a sponsor. But I have other duties, and won't be able to give you much intensive attention for a while. We... take a more 'it takes a village' approach here. In one sense you will have no sponsor here, and in another sense everyone here will be your sponsor. There aren't very many of us - Dorley is big compared to our institution! - and everyone here knows who you are, and that you're new. You will receive education and instruction from others according to their specialities and responsibilities, and Headmistress Sylvia will have authority over you on a day to day basis. If you have a question or a concern or a problem or a need, I encourage you to simply go to any of your Sisters. I think you'll find that we are an institution very full of love, where everyone will support you in the way a Sister should. I have tried very hard to make it so, and I think I have succeeded. For anything major, Headmistress Sylvia will be the person you should go to. And I think you may be able to look to Stefanie as a kind of older sister? She seems to have a talent for that role in contexts like this."

Ruth had a concern.

After the second transition... Would she be repelled by crosses? Would she be unable to enter a church? Would the blood and body of Christ offered in communion burn her mouth? Would holy water burn her? Would she be unable to pray? Would she be unable to speak the name of Jesus Christ?

Elle explained how the 'vampires are repelled by crosses' thing works; mostly it doesn't work that way, occasionally in the hands of a special kind of person a symbol like a cross can have the power to harm vampires, but it isn't anything inherent in the cross, it's more like the cross acts as a prosthetic for channeling a sort of psionic attack, or something like that. Annaliese was there, and Elle prompted her to describe her experience in the Russian revolution, when a Soviet soldier had held one of her previous masters off with a Red Star, and driven him to his knees and made him bleed by quoting Marx and Lenin at him.

Elle said, "Sometimes it does happen that a vampire will become repelled by crosses, unable to enter churches, and the like. Older vampires often have that disability. But it's not anything inherent to those things. It's... self-hatred. They've internalized human prejudices about themselves. They've internalized the idea that they're unholy, unclean, inherently bad, inherently deserving of exclusion, that God has stopped loving them. So symbols of God's love hurt them. But there's no reason for that to happen to you." And Elle walked over to where Ruth was sitting, asked permission to put a hand on her shoulder, and when it was granted did so and squeezed a little to make her feel the contact, and said, "Just remember that God loves you."

---------

Elle assumed Stef would be the "older sister" in the relationship, but actually if anything Ruth seems to be coasting through her second transition more smoothly.

Part of it is that being human wasn't painful to Stef in the way it was to Ruth. Ruth physically feels better than she can ever remember feeling in her life! Her back and limbs and joints don't ache anymore! Her stomach doesn't hurt anymore! She has so much energy now! Annaliese told her she wasn't very healthy when she was human; Annaliese could smell that. Is this what normal young people feel like most of the time? It's wonderful!

Ruth gravitates toward socializing a lot with the old girls, the ones who mostly look like twenty-somethings but are actually in their forties, fifties, and sometimes even sixties. And she gets along well with Annaliese. Ruth and Annaliese don't talk very much, but they like to sit together knitting (a hobby and skill Ruth picked up from Pamela), not talking much but passively enjoying each other's proximity, sometimes passing materials and tools to each other while communicating more with gestures than words. Annaliese once told her it reminded her of when she was human; her human self was non-verbal and used to communicate with people by pointing and other gestures.

Ruth talks to Pamela over the phone often. The cover story most of the human Dorley girls have been given is that Ruth has been given normal employment with the human world side of Elle's business, so she's allowed to do that. There's a girl there to act as a minder to make sure Ruth doesn't say anything that might hint at the vampire thing, but she gets to talk to Pamela. Some of the old girls know Pamela, and wish they could still talk to her too. They're not allowed to, because their voices might give away that something strange is happening; they don't sound like the old women they really are, they still have the voices of the young women they were when they did their second transition. That's kind of sad, Ruth sympathizes with them. It makes her kind of glad she didn't make any close friends her own age when she was at Dorley.

The main discomfort Ruth has with the graduate school so far is... they're so free about sex! They do... things with each other that Ruth very firmly has not participated in. It's another point where Ruth relates better to the old girls; they say when they were young there used to be more discretion about that kind of thing in the graduate school, and a lot of them are not fully comfortable with the new way of doing things. Thankfully, everybody is polite and kind and understanding about her not wanting to... do certain things. There are other girls who aren't interested in such things, and everybody's fine with them not being interested. There doesn't seem to be anything like the sexuality adjustment sessions here, which is nice!

The others have been forbidden by Elle and Headmistress Sylvia to tell Ruth this, but... the graduate school does have its own equivalent of that, in a way. You have to participate in a... There's a clinical-sounding term for it, a "type 3 field extraction," but it's a euphemism for killing a human by drinking up their blood. Usually the victim is a wash-out from Dorley. Elle makes everyone do it at least once sooner or later. Most of them are mentally wincing in empathy with how Ruth and Stef are going to react to learning about this. Some of the girls take it in stride. Some even enjoy it, find it cathartic. Some of them even develop a taste for the kill. Elle has uses for those. But they don't think Ruth and Stef are going to be like that. They seem really nice! More like the ones who are horrified when they learn about it, and shiver with revulsion and cry and need comfort after they've done it, and probably are only able to do it because of Elle's brainwashing.

[imagine-loki]

An Intriguing Encounter Trigger Warning - Abuse

TITLE: An Intriguing Encounter CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One-Shot AUTHOR: GiveMeTheLemons ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki wandering around the city and coming across you beating up a bad person in a secluded area. he is immediately intrigued when, even as he stands there in plain sight watching, you simply take a glance at him and continue beating the person up. When you leave, you walk away, and Loki follows you. RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: Loki shadowes Y/N throughout the story, blood, beating up, pinned to a wall, Y/N demonstrates her powers and Loki starts simping, noncon touching, gender-specific slurs, I made this for an OC of a friend’s and I’m editing it to be a self-insert thingy so I’m really sorry if this doesn’t work, bear with me here

Loki wandered aimlessly down the dark alleyway, the shadows of the skyscrapers above cloaking him in comfortable darkness.

The trickster god had found it difficult to fall back asleep after a particularly bad nightmare and decided to take a walk throughout the cool New York City streets. By his best guess, it was about 2 AM, so it was likely there would be no witnesses, and he could easily evade any who came his way. The summer nights were always lovely here, and tonight was no exception. The light pollution unfortunately blotted out most of the stars, but other than that, he would have considered this a perfect night.

Loki’s smooth hand trailed against the tarnished brick wall at his side, dim lights shining from above and lighting the way ahead minimally. The city was normally quite loud, but it was noticeably quieter tonight. There were less cars honking, less people shouting, less music blasting. It calmed him.

Suddenly he stopped. He stood, tall and rigid as a pole, taking in his surroundings. Something wasn’t right. He was unsure of exactly what that something was, but he wasn’t about to let it slide under his radar. He knew when something required his (mostly unwanted) attention.

After listening for a minute, he heard the faintest sound of talking from the alleyway ahead and to his left.

Turning invisible, he decided to eavesdrop on whatever was happening. He carefully made his way to a ledge in the alley and spotted the source of the sound.

Two people were arguing below him, a man and a woman. It seemed rather heated. It was the woman who talked first, or at least, she was the first one who talked that he could make out. “Who the fuck do you think you are, thinking you can just go around feeling people up and someone won’t want to kick your ass? Huh?” She spoke carefully, in a casual tone that was colder than ice. Loki himself shuddered at her tone.

“Look, lady, it ain’t my fault you whores like to dress all skimpy-like, so ya’ really can’t blame me for touchin’ a little,” the man slurred slightly, clearly intoxicated to some degree. Loki saw the woman’s face darken, a glow seemingly entering her eyes.

“It ain’t your fault, huh? It ain’t your fucking fault? Well, this is,” she ground out hatefully before attacking the man full-on.

Loki’s eyes widened as a pole suddenly appeared in the woman’s hand. She slammed the pole down on the man’s head, knocking him to the ground. He heard the man beg for mercy, but his pleas went unnoticed by the woman, who continued beating the shit out of him.

When she was done with the pole, she flicked her hand slightly, and the weapon vanished. Instead, a pair of brass knuckles the same appeared on her fists and she set upon the man again. He feebly attempted to attack her in self-defense, but plates of the same material as the woman’s weapons appeared in mid-air and blocked his swings. Her eyes glowed brightly, her sclera, iris, and pupil all merging into the one hue as she fought, shards of the same color swirling around her and getting caught in her messy hair.

Loki watched the scene with interest, and he had since descended from his vantage point to get a better view. He stood, in the open and completely visible, as the woman stood up to her full height (which, he had to admit, wasn’t much). A long spear appeared in her hand and Loki briefly wondered what exactly she intended to do before she picked the man up by the back of his shirt and pinned him to the wall. Blood streamed down the man’s nose and he trembled as he held his hands in front of his head in surrender.

The woman’s eyes stopped glowing and returned to their original color. The shards of light that had danced around her vanished as she panted loudly with exertion. And then she turned her head to Loki.

He briefly was frozen for a moment like a deer in headlights as she appraised him. He got a better view of her now, her skin, her filthy blouse, her ripped jeans that were all slathered in grime, blood, and who knew what else. She wiped the sweat from her brow with one hand and idly licked the blood off of another. She smiled at him, almost like she knew something, and then turned perfectly around and strutted away without saying a word.

After she vanished from view, the spear pinning the man to the wall ceased to exist, and he fell to the dirty ground in a crumpled heap. Loki paid him no mind as he walked in the direction she had gone, eager to see what she did next.

He caught up with her, but she didn’t notice as she walked back to her apartment complex in upper NYC. After washing up in a nearby club’s bathroom, she found her way home and stepped into the clean building. She nodded a greeting to the receptionist at the desk and hopped into a stylish elevator to her right.

Loki watched, invisible, as she tapped a button on the wall. It seemed she lived in the penthouse.

After a few moments in the elevator, he watched her step out into a lavish hallway. She walked to the end of it, her feet making no sound on the floor. Taking a ring of keys out of her pocket, she slipped one into the doorknob and let herself in.

Loki didn’t really want to intrude on her privacy while in her home, and so he waited on her roof to see if she would visit the balcony connected to her apartment. After some time, his patience was rewarded, and he startled slightly as the door opened beneath him and she stepped outside.

Lowering himself onto the balcony floor soundlessly, he waited for her to turn around and notice him. She was wearing a simple shawl and nightgown as she gazed out onto the bustling city below. Her head tilted to the right, where the Avengers Tower stood tall and proud over all other buildings in the city. It was illuminated grandly, and she could only wonder what sort of austerity was contained within its secretive walls.

She sighed loudly as she took it in. “I bet they’re up there living the good life, saving the universe and drinking cocktails. Meanwhile, the rest of us have to fight the pettier crimes down here like the plebeians we are.”

She blew a short raspberry with her lips as she leaned on the railings, inspecting the dried blood caught beneath her fingers. Yup, just another night. Beating up assholes whenever she got the chance. She wondered idly if they might welcome someone like her into their ranks if they knew the kinds of things she was capable of.

“You aren’t the only one fighting petty crime, darling,” Loki finally spoke up, seeing her tense in surprise. Of course she wasn’t expecting anyone else on her private fucking balcony.

She turned swiftly and threw out a series of glowing knives at him, which he surprisingly only barely managed to dodge. She was quick. The knives landed in the wall where he had just been leaning and he stepped to the side. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.”

“Who in the fresh fruity fuck are you?” The woman demanded, another spear shimmering in her hand.

“You mortals and your incessant need for cursing, I swear…” Loki muttered, but otherwise didn’t answer her question.

“You’re Loki. You’re the fucking mischief god, aren’t you?” She spoke again, seemingly asking herself that question in disbelief.

“What gave it away?” Loki responded, shape shifting to be in his normal, godly garb.

The woman sighed shortly and vanished the spear, apparently deciding that he wasn’t here to hurt her. “So, how’d you like that little fight I put on for ya’?” She asked, smirking.

Of course. She saw him earlier.

“I must admit, you are rather entertaining. Do you have a name, mortal?” He drawled, his golden headpiece sparkling in the city lights.

“You can call me whatever you want, love. And if you’re gonna be here for a while, you might as well come inside.”

“‘Love’?” He repeated.

“Get used to it.”

Without another word, she slammed open the sliding door and walked inside, Loki following shortly after. He chuckled to himself.

She was weird.

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 4 for the first time. Random thoughts.

I never said anything about it before but I love Shadow Weaver's DCAU Batman eyes. They're so expressive.

Episode 1: Okay...I wasn't expecting Catra to do that. I mean, it makes sense. If she has leverage over Hordak then she's basically in charge of the Horde and that's what she's wanted (or at least believes she wants) since episode 1. It's an aspect that made her a good antagonist, that she's not blind to the evil of the Horde, she just doesn't care as long as she herself is secure. Which naturally begs the question, when the rebellion and the princesses are crushed, when the Horde is on top, when Adora is dead, when Catra finally has everything she's ever wanted...will she actually finally be happy? Somehow, I have my doubts.

I definitely feel for Glimmer in this. When you go through as big a loss as she did you need to be able to feel and vent if you're ever going to get through it. It doesn't have to be right away but everyone doing everything in their power to avoid the topic entirely can make you feel like you're going crazy. It'a especially bad for her since it unintentionally makes it feel like everyone is acting like it doesn't matter that Angela is gone when it clearly means everything to Glimmer.

Episode 2: I actually had a potted cactus plant once. Accidentally forgot about it and left it outside for an entire winter. Once the snow was gone the cactus looked like it had melted.

I kind of want to see what an interaction between Double Trouble and Clayface from the Harley Quinn animated series would look like. I'm guess Catra was just testing how good Double Trouble was as a doppelganger because it doesn't seem like she did anything while Adora was being distracted, though I suppose that could be a reveal in a later episode.

Not much to say except that I love how buff Huntara is while still clearly being a woman. Like, women can have a variety of different body types, as this series and Steven Universe show, and Huntara's build isn't just, like, Bow's body with lipstick and ponytail and the animators calling it a day. No, she looks like a freakin' jacked adult woman.

Episode 3: I didn't figure out the Flutterina = Double Trouble twist until a minute before it was revealed, so good job there. Before that I was wondering if Flutterina was some fan's original character where they won some contest where their OC got to be in the show for an episode. She was giving off some weird self-insert vibes. That twist made it all work though. It's honestly not a bad plan. Shapeshifters haven't really been a thing in the series before now so there's no reason to suspect it. Even if they did they'd probably be expecting it by way of magic or technology, while Double Trouble's seems to be a natural ability.

I like that even though Bow is definitely the goofier one of the trio he is still consistently shown as competent. That's never in question. He was very heroic and reassuring to the villagers this episode. I get why those kids idolize him so much.

Catra's having guilt over what she did with the portal and to Entrapta and her response is basically to just double-down. She doesn't know any other way to be. Not going to lie, I am kind of hoping we get another moment in the show where Adora just completely overwhelms Catra with the sheer power of She-Ra. I'm not saying like brutalize her or anything but just something where Catra is made to realize just how powerful Adora is and that she could just destroy Catra if she had a mind to do so.

Episode 4: Well, I was saying I wanted Adora to do it but I guess I don't mind Glimmer being the one to get some good shots in on Catra. Like I predicted, Shadow Weaver's moving in to become her teacher like she was with her father. Honestly I like that that was more Adora's problem than Glimmer using her as bait, which she seemed to get over pretty quick. Yeah, it was kind of a heartless thing to do but it was an understandable tactic and she clearly outright told Adora that she did it and why afterwards, which at least means she's still being honest.

It occurs to me that Glimmer and Catra may be the ones running parallel right now. Both are basically leading their respective sides of the war. They both have lost someone very important to them. And both are trusting someone they probably shouldn't. Both even have outfits that've been updated in the intro. The difference is Glimmer's just trying to deal with a bad situation while Catra's is entirely self-inflicted.

Minor thing but I like Glimmer's new outfit this season. I'm sure this is the intention but it makes her look older and more mature. A little more muscular in some shots too.

Episode 5: Heart of Etheria project. No idea what that is but assumedly whoever's a part of it doesn't like Light Hope and Mara being friends. Sounds like it's very much interested in She-Ra being just a warrior, and perhaps a tool, for the greater good. It does make me wonder though how much Light Hope remember from when she was rebooting. Even if she deleted the Mara memory she could potentially still have the memory of her and Adora watching the Mara memory, as well as Adora asking to be her friend.

Episode 6: Yep. Scorpia; definitely favorite supporting character. There is something kind of funny about her whole "Scorpions are loyal" line when you remember the story about the Frog and the Scorpion, where it stings the frog despite it meaning death for itself as well simply because that is its nature. But finally we're having someone go save Entrapta, and I can only assume at some point Scorpia's going to access the power of the Black Garnet.

The parallels between Catra and Hordak are definitely at their max here with that speech of hers to him. She's basically trying to convince herself that she doesn't need anyone, the timing of which is appropriate since she just drove away Scorpia and now truly doesn't have anyone. Not that I blame Scorpia, obviously. Like Adora before her, however good you believe someone can be and that you can help them, at some point you just have to cut the toxic people out of your life. You have the right to be happy too.

And man, Bow is just the best. He saw something was wrong between Adora and Glimmer and defused the situation like (snap) that, pushing them to talk like any sane person would.

Episode 7: I'm sure it is just because I've seen way too many TV shows and movies (both animated and live action) that don't do it but it is just such a relief to have a show where the characters just TALK and LISTEN to each other. It doesn't solve all their issues but they're at least not being stupid and freakin' petty. It helps the drama feel a lot less forced and contrived.

Episode 8: A little bit of amusement in Bow thinking at first that Glimmer and Adora didn't even notice he was gone despite them coming to his rescue very shortly afterwards, given Catra is only now realizing Scorpia has left and assumedly she did so a while ago. Bow and Sea Hawk hadn't been gone for that long so it's not unreasonable Glimmer and Adora wouldn't be worried about their absence (Bow was literally talking about "me time" when they last saw him), while Catra is only noticing Scorpia's absence now and it was because she wanted something. Like Scorpia said, she's a bad friend.

Kind of ironic given that a lot of Catra's issues are the direct result of Shadow Weaver giving her very little love growing up but it does seem this tough love is probably what'll get through to Catra the best. She might finally stop making bad decisions and lashing out if she's forced to live with the consequences of them, like Adora told her last season.

Glimmer gets a bit of slack from me since she suffered through a huge loss, that being her mother, and then was immediately thrown into being queen right after. It'd be hard for anyone to be 100% on their game and well-adjusted in a situation like that, and I buy that she was on some level resentful of Adora for coming back instead of her mother, even if unintentionally so. What definitely helps is that Glimmer very clearly and immediately regretted what she said to Adora. Like Catra she's lashing out but unlike Catra Glimmer recognizes some of the damage she's doing and knows, at least in this case, that she went too far.

Episode 9: Now that I can see the design in color I definitely prefer Mara's She-Ra with pants to Adora's She-Ra with shorts. Honestly, while the differences are pretty minor, I do think Mara's She-Ra design is overall a lot better than Adora's. Sharper shoulder guards. Bigger cape (especially the cape, I love capes). I don't know, there's just a lot that clicks with it and I wouldn't mind Adora getting a similar outfit later.

Madam Razz definitely had a Yoda feel this episode. I was very much expecting her to start wacking Mara with a stick over the sugar like Yoda did with R2. Though while that was Yoda acting crazy, for Razz it's because she experiences time out of order, and I don't think I've ever seen that concept taken to this extent, or at least done this way before. There are characters like River Song from Doctor Who, Professor Paradox from Ben 10, or even the Reverse-Flash who interact with other characters in time out of order but those characters are still on a linear path from their own perspective, even when travelling through time. Razz is just bouncing around her own timeline, seemingly not even any real reason or cause to it like Subaru from Re:Zero. Clearly she's not just remembering things oddly because her talk about things of the present are heard by people in the past and have an effect. I wonder if maybe the reason why is because Razz was at ground zero of Mara's actions and this is a side-effect of pulling Etheria away from the rest of the universe.

Bringing more Star Wars into this, it basically sounds like the Heart of Etheria project has turned Etheria into a magic Starkiller Base; storing power that'll be unleashed to destroy whole planets. And jeez, I think this was the first time I really felt creeped out by Light Hope when she was talking to Mara.

I'm looking forward to seeing what it means that the First Ones only made the sword and that Etheria made She-Ra. If that's the case, why is only the sword able to bring out the She-Ra form? Is it like MCU Thor's hammer and the weapon was just meant to help him control the power he already had? Or is what we think is She-Ra not actually She-Ra and that form that Adora and Mara take is just a stand-in for the real thing?

Episode 10: It didn't even occur to me until now but Double Trouble's capture is another blow to Catra's circle of "friends" too. They were at least able to make her laugh. One less person for her to talk to and just...really just distract her from her thoughts.

It's a good dilemma this episode presents about what to do with the Heart of Etheria. The safest and probably best option is to just dismantle it, like Adora and Bow want, since it could easily lead to the destruction of the entire planet if it goes off. Not the mention there's so little they know about it and what it was intended for and the one person who can potentially tell them, Light Hope, they were warned not to trust. But it's not hard to understand where Glimmer is coming from in wanting to use that power to fight the Horde. They're already losing the war and now she knows Hordak Prime and his FAR more powerful forces are on the way. Tapping into the Heart is a huge risk but she's not seeing any other paths for the rebels to win. It's a really good dilemma, with good arguments presented from both sides, and I buy this widening the schism between Adora and Glimmer.

Episode 11: I have mixed feelings on King Micah still being alive. On the one hand there's a lot of good potential interactions we can now have with him, primarily between Glimmer and Shadow Weaver, and he is a fun character. But on the other I can't help but wonder if this kind of lessens the impact of what Angela gave up to overcome the false reality. Part of what made it so emotional was that she had to accept the person she loved was dead and not coming back...except now we see that he wasn't dead and now he is coming back. Yeah, their family lost out on years together and that does still carry some emotional weight but I was already also half-expecting Angela to come back later in the series because she's stuck between dimensions, meaning there's a chance she could still be alive. If both Glimmer's parents come back then that really feels like it takes a lot of weight out of her story. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Also, why did the Horde exile him to Beast Island? Why not just kill him?!

Episode 12: So the Horde exiles Micah to Beast Island instead of killing him. The First Ones protect their secrets by sending their bad tech to Beast Island. Does no one know how to just destroy things in this world?

Ohhh, I am so looking forward to next episode. While it's debatable whether Glimmer should be going through with her plan she is at least being smart with how she's going about it. Double Trouble was being paid by Catra to work for the Horde, not out of any sense of loyalty. Glimmer has the resources of Bright Moon at her disposal so it's reasonable she could pay them more to switch sides. Double Trouble was very good at sabotaging even a group as tight-nit as the heroes, so Hordak and Catra are probably easy pickings with all their issues.

Episode 13: ....WELL THAT AIN'T GOOD!

I'll admit, I had a little bit of an unintended laugh. After all we've heard about Horde Prime, like this shadowy all-powerful monster, I wasn't expecting the fabulous flowing dreadlocks and smoothness. Credit where it's due, man has charisma and charm, which goes a long way in helping your big evil world conqueror not be a very flat character, because it's doubtful he's going to have the same kind of sympathetic motivation as Hordak or complexity as Catra to keep him elevated.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Double Trouble kicking at Catra while she's down. Adora and Scorpia were honest but they never wanted to hurt Catra. Not so much with Double Trouble and they just shove reality into her face. Everyone leaves Catra because of Catra. She's the common factor. It's her fault and no one else's. Again, I don't know for certain if Adora and Catra get together at the end (Catra would have a LOT to make amends for regardless) but Double Trouble was definitely implying Catra had feelings for her with the way they put Catra's hand on "Adora's" cheek while talking about how she left her.

I like that we see Glimmer's plan actually working at first. The princesses get a massive power boost and decimate the Horde forces. But the minute it starts going wrong she immediately admits Adora was right and she tries to stop the energy flow. I imagine having her there with Catra was intentional by the writers. Despite some parallels, Glimmer can actually accept her failures and work to try and fix things. Unlike Catra, she didn't blame Adora for things going wrong.

So the sword allows the First Ones to control She-Ra and the energy she'd be absorbing from the planet. Assumedly that means there are at least some parts to She-Ra that have nothing to do with the First Ones and thus maybe Adora can still use some of those powers without the sword.

Season 4 verdict: Yeah, the show keeps getting better, though I will admit last season's finale had me more emotional, but that's a bit of an unfair comparison given everything that happened in that finale vs. this one. This is definitely the series hitting its darkest hour, where it feels like EVERYONE lost. Not just the rebels but the Horde as well. The sword and Light Hope are gone and She-Ra (for now) along with them. Glimmer and Catra are basically prisoners. Hordak's probably going to have his personality stripped away. The Fright Zone is in ruins. The only one who's gained anything is Prime.

Really looking forward to what the final season has in store, especially since there seems to be the implication that Catra just saved Glimmer's life.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o1j5gk/going_in_blind_watching_season_4_for_the_first/

[incorrectbatfam]

I wanna start writing fanfics (mainly birdflash) and I need tips bc it's my first time?

Please run things through a basic grammar and spell checker

Use quotation marks to indicate speech

Paragraph breaks for lines of dialogue, changes in time/place, or switching topics; nobody wants to read a single giant text block

Don’t put author’s notes in the middle, it distracts from the story

Avoid text speak unless the characters are actually texting

If possible, get someone to beta-read for feedback (I’m always happy to if you can’t find anyone else, just DM me)

Put effort into your summary. Don’t say “the summary sucks but the story is better” or “no summary because spoilers”. Your summary is how you hook people, so if readers see you’re not confident in a synopsis or you refuse to tell them what they need to know off the bat, they’re less likely to continue reading

Steer clear of slurs if you don’t know how to properly write them or if your characters aren’t in a position to say it. Fictional ones like “mudblood” don’t count

Similar thing for cussing. Use cuss words only if a) it adds value to the moment or b) if the character is a known potty mouth. Otherwise those words lose the intense effect that they’re supposed to have

Give proper ratings. Don’t rate your fanfic “general audience” if there’s graphic violence or sex or whatever. When in doubt, get a second opinion. Again, I’m open for that too

Please don’t write the entirety of a song’s lyrics in a songfic. Just the important parts will do

If you’re using foreign words, italicize them and leave definitions in the notes below. Translating them as you go seems like a good idea but breaks up the flow of the story

If you don’t know what kissing/sex/etc. is like, look it up or ask somebody (fine, I’ll open my DMs to this one too)

Thesauruses keep things from sounding too repetitive, but it’s still better just to naturally expand your vocabulary

If there’s something non-traditional about the formatting (e.g. thoughts being in italics), indicate that either in the author’s notes or at the beginning before the story starts

If you’re collabing with someone, communication and consent are key

Tag content warnings properly

Find the platform(s) that are right for you and consistently build there—Tumblr, FF.net, LiveJournal, Ao3, Wattpad, whatever

Just based on my experience if you don’t know where to post: 

Wattpad tends to be better for OC or self-insert fanfics. Most writers are beginner-level and the fandoms tend to be really broad, like DC or Harry Potter

Fanfiction.net is…a little dicey. I know they’ve had issues in the past with censorship and stuff. Writing level ranges very greatly and it’s kind of hard to make yourself seen among so many users. They have more fandoms than Wattpad and they’ve also got a basic filtering system in place

LiveJournal is kinda old from my knowledge and I’m not even sure if people actually use it anymore. I know I haven’t ‘cause I’m part of a younger cohort, but hey, I might be wrong and it might be the perfect place for you

Tumblr is better for one-shots or fanfics with accompanying art or music from my experience. There’s a limit of thirty tags per post so you can cover your bases, but probably won’t be able to do specific ones. It’s relatively easy to get seen on Tumblr because their algorithm favors more recent posts in a weird way that I haven’t totally figured out. I’d say the average fanfic writing level in intermediate, but fair warning for gatekeepers, doxxers, etc. But that’s still unlikely unless you post something actually problematic

I think fandom Wiki or something allows people to write fanfics but I’m not sure

Goodreads is largely for published original works or classic stuff like the Iliad so…fanfics won’t fare so well there

Just avoid Reddit and 4chan for your own sake

Ao3 has writers of all levels too, but leans more towards the intermediate to proficient end. There are a lot of fandoms big and small and though there’s some OC/reader-insert content, the vast majority of works stick to canon characters. The tags get as specific as you like and filtering system is great, with places available in nearly every language you write in. There’s a wait period if you want to sign up and it’s also pretty uncensored

And remember: your first work isn’t gonna be too good and that’s okay. Practice makes perfect, and even the best of us always have room to grow!

[themusicplayedherlife]

Some Sugar

Part 3:  you think you can open my heart?

pairing: sugar daddy!steve rogers x reader characters: reader, steve rogers, cassandra jones (oc), selena (oc), others word count: 3k+ warnings: angst, family issues, money problems, cursing, talks of sex summary: family can be pretty wild a/n: sorry this took so long, but shit happened--from car accidents to quarantine to a lack of motivation, and it was just really hard to write anything. I tried, but it was all shitty. Couldn’t even bring myself to finish this chapter, but I managed it, until I realized that part of this chapter wouldn’t fit in to this anymore and needed to be pushed back -insert grimacing emoji- so really this chapter could’ve been posted weeks ago lmfao IM SORRY

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Quiet hums reach your ear as you stare at your phone’s screen, the large sum of money with too many zeroes staring back at you. It hasn’t even been a week yet and you’ve already received your first allowance—first. 

You throw yourself back onto your twin sized bed and the spring mattress squeaks horribly under your weight; you ignore it as your mind drifts to your conversation with Steve a couple of nights ago, your phone still in your hands and resting on your stomach.

“Even if you have a month left, it’s best to pay off the debt now.” As much as you wanted to pay attention to his blabbering, you were a little busy trying to keep your mind from how fast he was driving.

He had started off slow, or as slow as the speed limit allowed, really, until he got wrapped up in your story about your mom’s cancer returning, your sister’s self sacrificing nature (“She takes after you then,” he said with a grin), and your aunt and her subtle threats that were no longer so subtle.

Left hand gripped the seat tightly while your right hand clutched the handle on the roof. Your feet occasionally slammed down on the floor, braking whenever you felt Steve was going too fast for your liking. Wasn’t Captain America all about doing the right thing and following the law? Being safe? Honestly! He was lucky the streets were empty and there weren’t any cops in sight. You could have laughed at the imaginary headline: Captain America and His Sugar Baby Pulled Over For Driving too Fast. “Right,” is all you managed to say. 

“I can probably wire you the money tomorrow and then some,” he said, completely oblivious to your dilemma. You didn’t—and still don’t—know whether that was a good or bad thing. “We should probably figure out how allowance is going to work first, though—hey, are you okay?”

You ripped your gaze from the blur of the world outside, eyes a little wide to find Steve alternating between looking at you and the road. “Can you—can you maybe ease up on the gas a little?”

He blinked, eyes falling to his dashboard and soon the world started blurring less and your body was no longer trying to fight against gravity. You exhaled and let go of the leather seat that you’re sure you’ve scratched up, and he chuckled. “Bad habit,” he admits. “More used to my motorcycle than a car.” Right. Captain America rode a motorcycle.

You leaned back into the seat and your head rolled against the headrest to look at him. “That’d explain it.”

He chuckled, looking at you from the corner of his eye. “I’ll be more careful.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” It’s sarcastic, and you almost feared he’d be mad but he only chuckled in response, blue eyes twinkling with mirth. Huh.

“So, allowance?”

Allowance. Right. That’s a thing. Allow-ance. Why is that such a weird word to you now? “I trust you.” (Selena had advised you a base price of 2,000 per meeting, but you thought—like most of her suggestions—it was ridiculous. “Give yourself some credit,” she had said when you scolded her.) “Whatever you think is right, I’ll accept.”

For a moment he mirrored your frown, until he nodded resolutely and smiled. “I’ll handle it.”

And handle it he did. Not that you’re surprised that Avengers make bank because c’mon they’re heroes! You just didn’t think they’d make that much bank to spare this much money! Tony Stark? Sure. He owned a damn company—or was on the board, you don’t know anymore. But the rest? Not so much.

A familiar ring from your phone pulls you out of your thoughts and you don’t even bother checking who it is, you just accept the call. 

“Mornin’,” Steve’s voice greets you, a smile very much apparent in his voice and your heart does a flip. “I’m downstairs.”

You sit up hastily and in your hurry you almost fall off, eyes darting to the closed bathroom where Esmeralda is showering. “What?” Didn’t he say you were meeting at noon for lunch?

“My meeting got pushed back to this evening, and since you asked for the day off from the restaurant, I thought we’d make the most of the morning.”

“I’ll be down in a moment.” You pause when the doorbell rings. “Please tell me you’re not at my door right now.”

“No, but that might be Peter Parker.” How does he know—Shit. Right. He mentioned knowing the kid from his internship after you told him about your sister. “Just saw him enter the building with his friends.”

“Did he see you?” You really hope not.

“I don’t think so. If he had, the kid would’ve said something.”

You let out a relieved sigh and open the door just as you hear Ned say: “I swear that was Captain America downstairs!”

“What?” He said they didn’t see him!

“Morning,” Peter greets you as MJ rolls her eyes at Ned’s comment.

“I didn’t see anyone,” she says pointedly at him, before greeting you and smiling when you let them in.

You dumbly stare after them.

“It was him!” Ned insists, making a beeline towards the window facing the street and dragging Peter along with him.

MJ turns to you as she moves around the half wall separating the kitchen from the living room, not surprising. “Mind if I grab something to eat?” 

“Sure?” You still don’t know why she bothers asking.

“The windows are tinted, Ned,” Peter hisses. “I can’t see.”

“You got Greek yogurt? Oh. You do. Cool.”

Ned frowns and scratches his head, murmuring, “I swear it was him.”

You sigh, and drop your hand holding your phone without ending the call. “Can you tell Esme I got called into work?”

“Yeah,” Peter says, turning away from the window. “Sure!”

“And tell her to shoot me a text before you guys leave for school.” Peter nods, not really paying attention to you as he joins Michelle in the kitchen, already knowing the drill. “No dirty dishes in the sink.”

The last thing you see is MJ flashing you a thumbs up before you close the door behind you.

As you make your way towards the stairs, you lift your phone back to your ear. “Didn’t see you, huh?”

“I may have poked my head out of the window to say hi to the kid, until I heard them mention you and your sister.”

“Yeah. He usually picks her up, doesn’t like Esmeralda going to and from school alone,” you explain as you search around the street. With a sigh you immediately spot him. “Can’t you drive a least expensive car? You stick out like a sore thumb.”

He chuckles and you hear movement before seeing the driver door about to open. “I could always drive my motor—“

“No, no, no!” You rush towards him. “Do not get out of the car.”

“But—“

“Ned was looking out the window when I left,” you say, your eyes moving to the windows of your apartment, but thankfully don’t see him. “He still might be.”

He sighs, but obliges, the door closing.

“Thank you,” you tell him as you hang up the phone and open the door.

“They're bound to find out,” he says, raising an eyebrow in your direction as you buckle yourself in.

You know, and you tell him as much, “I don’t know how to exactly explain this—“you motion to him and you—“yet.”

He frowns, fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he pulls away from the curb. “We’ll figure it out.”

He takes you to a small restaurant in Brooklyn. Light blue walls and leather seats with white and golden lights—it’s retro, super retro, but cozy. Steve keeps his sunglasses on and the bill of his hat low. It’s ridiculous if he thinks this is really a disguise that works.

The curious host leads you to a table in the back, away from prying eyes—hopefully—after you ask for a booth. He settles into the leather facing the door and you opposite of him, large painting being the only thing you have sight of other than Steve, and yourself if you turn to your left and stare at the mirror covering a third of the wall.

She hands you both menus and leaves after you take a quick scan of the drink menu.

“How effective do you think the sunglasses and hat are?”

“It’s covert,” he defends, playful offense in his voice.

You lean on your crossed arms resting on the table. “You’re literally wearing sunglasses indoors, Steve. That’s weird. And bound to attract attention.”

“Tony does it all the time.” Is he whining?

You snort, staring into the dark lenses, imagining where his eyes are. “Yeah, because he’s the Tony Stark.” He scoffs and you shrug. “He can do things like that and get away with it. Not like he’s actively trying to hide himself either.”

“Okay, I get it. It’s a little ridiculous.”

You grin, amused at the small pout forming on his pink lips. Who knew Captain America was a sulker. It’s cute.

Your assigned waitress comes by and takes your order after placing down your drinks that the hostess marked down for you both. You choose something light—a pesto caprese sandwich—compared to the hearty breakfast Steve orders for himself—a loaded omelet, heavy on the cheese. You smile up at the waitress, but you find that her eyes, although listening to you, are trained on Steve. He seems to notice, too, because he smiles politely before gesturing to you with a small incline of his head.

“How about we share a side of tater tots, sweetheart?”

You blink lazily at the nickname just as the waitress drops her gaze to you as if finally remembering that your voice belongs to an actual body. There’s a tingle that curves down your spine and you know he’s staring at you behind his dark glasses. His shoe nudges yours and his lips curl into a lopsided smirk. 

You recline your cheek against your perched arm and tilt your head further into your palm with a smile. “Anything you want, baby,” you coo and Steve lifts a playful brow in question, your smile only growing wider when he nudges your shoe again.

The waitress squirms and mutters something before scurrying away.

“Baby?”

Sweetheart? you want to shoot back, but instead you remain neutral, reaching for your drink with your free hand. “Better than calling you daddy.”

He straightens, visible skin turning red and you stifle a laugh as he shuffles in his seat. “I—“ You don’t break eye contact, if his eyes are following yours, as you wrap your lips around the paper straw and suck the sweet orange juice to coat your tongue. “You can call me anything you want, sweetheart.”

Interesting. “Even Stevie?”

“Anything,” he reiterates, leaning back into the seat to rest his arm over the backrest and you smile. “As long as I get the same privilege.” 

“It’s a deal, sugarplum.”

He snorts a laugh and you just shrug, trying to hide your smile with pursed lips. 

“Tell me more about your family.”

The question cools you down, smile effectively shrinking into tight lips. 

“Like?” you ask, suddenly finding the painting hanging behind his head much more interesting. It’s a simple painting of the beach, golden, warm colors contrasting with the beautiful cool shades of blue and white used for the ocean. 

“You told me about your mom and sister, even Peter and his aunt, but you didn’t mention your dad—unless,” his voice turns soft, posture relaxing as if to put you at ease, “unless you don’t want to talk about him. I’m sorry—I shouldn’t be—“

“It’s okay,” you interject softly, lifting your head from your palm. “I just don’t know where to start.” He nods and removes his glasses with one hand as he reaches for one of your hands. “Um, my dad… he died in a car accident when I was 13.” You watch his fingers as they intertwine with yours, just like they did at the bar. Steve doesn’t seem like it, but he craves physical affection. Always seemingly touching you by holding your hand. Not that you mind it, it definitely comforted you, but you can’t help but wonder: why. “He was a good man. Smart. Loved us all very much. Loved technology,” you emphasized followed by a small laugh. 

He’d spend hours tinkering with home appliances to try and upgrade them. You loved those moments the most, when you’d sit by him and he’d ask for a tool and you’d hand it to him. He’d tell you what he was doing, explain every step and process and what that change would do. He nurtured your mind, treated it as his equal.

He squeezes gently and you let his warmth cover you. “I’m sorry.”

You shrug. “It’s okay. I’ve gotten over it.” He doesn’t mention the twitch of your fingers or the way your voice falters, he instead lets you change the subject. “I also have a brother that is 3 years older.”

Unlike your sister, you, and your dad, JC has always been more artistic, preferring to follow in your mother’s footsteps in learning how to play instruments and singing. He never understood your fascination with tinkering and creating, shunning your father’s activities when he tried to get all of you to help upgrade the television or stereo or whatever project he brought home from the lab.

He frowns at that, a little confused. You don’t blame him. You didn’t exactly mention him when you talked about Esme and your mom. “Did he move away?”

“Yep,” you pop the p, absentmindedly twirling the straw in your drink. “Moved out as soon as he turned 18. Would see him twice a year at best, but we used to hear from him often. Then after I turned 18 we never heard from him again.” And he made sure you wouldn’t be able to find him, too. Changed his number, deleted all of his social media, cut ties with his friends, and vanished. Not that you were surprised, he hated the struggle you and your family went through after dad died. You had always known he’d leave at some point. 

But you stupidly held onto the hope he wouldn’t leave when you needed him most.

“Oh.” He frowns, trying to think of what to say, maybe even offer to help look for him. But what would that do? That’d just bring him back to the life he wanted to get away from. 

You flex your fingers in his hold, just to readjust your grip on him and hum lowly. “It is what it is.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Sometimes,” you admit, but it somehow feels wrong when you think about the last time you spent with your brother. The hurt he caused when you woke up and he was no longer there in the morning, only a single cupcake with a candle waiting for you on the kitchen counter. “Other times I—I don’t.” His thumb caresses the edge of your palm, barely grazing your wrist and you can’t help but let the negative feelings fade with his gentle touch. “What about you?”

“What about me?” he asks, soft with blue eyes staring into you. He knows you’re changing the subject, but he lets you. You don’t want to talk about JC anymore or even think about him, and it’s for the best.

“What’s your family like?” He looks at you as if you've grown another head and you flush slightly. “I meant your friends, Steve. You’re all like family, right?”

“Oh!” His eyebrows shoot up and he tenses for a moment before relaxing, smile worming its way onto his lip. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, we are. They’re great. A little out there, but they’re good people.”

He tells you all about them; from Tony and Bucky and how the were able to set aside their differences when the world needed it most and how they bonded over their love of science; Natasha and Wanda and their bond as sisters, including the fact that they could most likely rule the world if they tried; Vision and Clint and their strange friendship that was born from trying different food; Sam and Sharon and their newfound relationship that everyone likes teasing; to Thor and Bruce and their bromance born from fighting in a planet a la gladiator style—all of them, telling you things you wouldn’t hear from television or read from articles with interviews. And from the way his eyes light up and his voice lightens, there's no doubt in your mind that he loves his family just as much as you love yours.

Your aunt stares at you with barely disguised distaste before unpleasant eyes move to Steve, who stands close to you still wearing his hat and sunglasses. No matter how many times you told him to stay in the car, he wouldn’t listen. “If she’s willing to send someone to threaten you, who knows what she’s capable of,” he had said, grabbing onto your hand before letting you go to get out of the car.

The check is flat on her desk, but she doesn’t move to pick it up. “How did you get this?”

“Does it matter?”

She tutts, eyes boiling with restrained anger. “I don’t want stolen money.”

That’s rich coming from her. “It’s not.”

“I suggest you take it ma’am,” Steve speaks up, breaking his silence. “And consider the debt paid.”

She tilts her head, eyes taking over Steve properly, like a huntress on the prowl. “And who exactly are you?”

“That’s none of your business,” you answer for him, moving to stand in front of him and effectively cutting her gawking. “Just sign what you need to sign and we’ll be on our way.” And we won’t have to see each other again.

She stares unblinkingly at you before wearing a strained smile. She pulls out a file from behind her and flips it open to the correct page, signing it and stamping it along with the last page before ripping it out—a receipt—and handing it to you. 

You take it from her hands and scan your eyes over it—PAID. A giddiness bubbles in your stomach, but you hide it from her. “I would say it was a pleasure Magdalena, but it never is.” You turn on your heels and Steve is right behind you. “One more thing,” you pause at the door, Steve close enough to press his chest against your back. “Stay away from my family,” you warn before strutting out the door, smile curving your lips when you meet the disgruntled gaze of the man that had threatened you at your work.

He gives you a nod of acknowledgement as he makes his way into your aunt’s office.

“Say hi to Johnny for me,” she suddenly calls out just as he closes the door behind you, but it’s enough to throw you off guard. For your throat to close up and for you to stop in your tracks and for your hand to reach out for the hem of Steve’s jacket, barely caching the smirk she sends your way.

“Sweetheart?” Steve’s voice floats to your ears, warm and soft. “What’s the matter? Who’s Johnny?”

“My brother,” you say through a breath. He couldn't have come—wouldn’t have come back. There’s no way. JC made it perfectly clear he never would. You shake your head. “She must’ve been lying. Trying to get a rise out of me.”

“It worked,” he points out obviously and you sigh as he gently pries your hand from his jacket.

You don’t want to admit it, but… “It did.”

“Come on.” He slips his fingers between yours and tugs you out of the desolate building and back out into the streets of Queens. “Let’s get out of here.”

There’s a bubbling in the pit of your stomach, heart hammering as you glance over your shoulder back at your aunt, the small relief you had felt at getting her off your back tainted by the thought of JC being back, not even Steve’s warmth can ease your worry.

But there’s no way—he wouldn't. There’s nothing left in Queens for him anymore, and there never will be.

next

[discoveringenterprise]

“RYAN WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!” and other shit you might wonder

First off: I am so sorry for disappearing off of the face of the earth oh my god

Second off: I’m going on an indefinite hiatus as of Sundayish. Yes, you read that right, an indefinite hiatus. All the content on the blog will stay for our enjoyment, and I fully authorize use of my gifs anywhere and everywehre

Third off: if you’re struggling rn, shit gets better, PLEASE trust me on this.

TLDR of this post; I got better, so can you, and I’m heading out.

ENT GC: let me know if you want admin. Do what you want with the blog, and if you wanna make a new group chat, please do so since I won’t be around to add people.

How can I contact you/get your contact info before you go? Dallyn and Daphne have my contact info so if you ever need to reach me and I’m gone... yeah. Like I said, I’ll be heading out Sundayish, so I’ll periodically log in here if you wanna talk to me/get my info before I go.

What’s your actual name? That... that’s a long story, too. LMAO. Especially if you know me. DM me for the story if you know me.

Why are you leaving? So, as you guys know, I started college, which is completely and utterly whack. Everything is changed, everything is different and I have friends now? Like, WTF. I’ve been so wrapped up in work it took me forever to get on here after Dallyn texted me “your account got hacked” so... oops. I let everyone into the ent gc (oh my GOD i look back at that and have a love/hate relationship with it!) and let me know if you figure out a way to make admins on it??? I’m confused AF.

I’m going to be focusing off college and staying off Tumblr for a while. It was 2 am technically today and I was reading all my old posts like “jfc I was so depressed???” and now I’m just... not. I made friends, real friends, over the summer. People who understand and get it (and yes some of them are ent stans.)

Why did you disappear in May and why are you leaving again? Shortly put, and I don’t mean to sound mean, I made real friends. Real as in I will physically interact with them in real life (aka college friends). I kind of weaned off Tumblr slowly, and only kept going back for the ent gc (I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH!!!). And it kinda became a drag.

When I came back to Tumblr, it was like late January and early February. I’d just got out of the Instagram rping world and was so tempted to start one here, but I was scared and intimidated, and I’m glad I didn’t. Breaking off rp was the best thing I’d ever done for myself, and the best thing that this toxic girl ever did for me. My shitty mental health had been kinda dependent on this rp, it’s hard to explain, but I was being a jerk and kinda had been since freshman year with projecting my feelings onto my character’s and blurring the lines far too much between me and her. She was (and is!) still hella overpowered, hella perfect, and something that would absolutely never happen in canon.

Honestly, this whole situation was basically the lyrics to the song Clarity ft. Foxes by Zedd. I love that song, go give it a listen.

Point being, I got myself off of that once I realized. The problem had started in January 2017, ran through October 2017, and then took a hiatus until junior year but only started to really manifest itself in February 2019. And honestly, mainly when school started back, in September/October 2019 and lasted until January 4 when she and I had our last fight. (She messaged me again, later- here- and since making that post, we’ve ended things on neutral terms.)

So I came here. Tumblr. I’d been here in 2017 right after the OTHER rp ended, and I think Tumblr became my new outlet then, too. I was a baby in the middle of my freshman year then. And then there I was, coming full circle. As a senior in high school. I read all of my old posts about how I’d never make it, and there I was. I’d made it. The end of HS was in sight.

I straight up vibed through all of May. Now, I was slowly making friends in college already, but it only really took off in April and May, which is when I left. I focused more on those, building those connections. I loved you guys on Tumblr, I still do, but I was definitely going to meet these college friends. And as I pulled my head out of Tumblr, I got a job, an actual paying job , in June- and I was already gone.

As I looked back on my posts last night/this morning I was thinking “oh my GOD what the fuck” because jfc, Tumblr had turned into the place where I vented. And then as I got through the months, I became happier. The pandemic was around, duh, and I didn’t have as much school stressing me out, there wasn’t as much craziness around. I was free, I didn’t have people from high school to deal with, and I got better on my own.

YEAH, I was talking to a college guy. And yeah, that was nice, but it was more of a side thing. He was my friend, and he played me, but I learned to be myself. Learned to love Enterprise wildly and give absolutely no fucks.

And it is oh so nice to give zero fucks. It’s an amazing feeling. I hope everyone gets there someday. And yeah, I’ve had moments where people don’t like me, and moments where I’ve felt down, depressed. That’s not saying life is always perfect 100% of the time.

But what I’m trying to say is: it gets better. And to me, Tumblr was like a crutch. Sometimes you need it to help you stand, but when you think you always need it, and can stand on your own, that’s where the problem is. In May, I became confident enough to let the crutch go. And I’m thankful that I did that.

I still love you guys, everyone reading this post, the people that know me and are going to miss me. It’s not that I hate this website or anything- I just stopped using it as a crutch, you know?

Where can I read this crazy fanfic? DM me, haha. It’s the classic “self-insert but NOT a self-insert” fanfiction originating form a fifth grade idea, reformatted by my depressed fourteen-year-old self. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes, it’s Star Trek.

I also have one for the girl’s relative, too, which IMO is much better. She’s less overpowered, more of a real human being.

So why mention the fanfic and RP? It’s weird; I’ve come full circle. I wanted to be this perfect girl, and then I planned how she’d finish her story (and I’m finishing it. I am, I promise, because she’s a part of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything). As I’ve taken a break from the E/AP-verse (my public nickname for it haha, someone found out here) I’ve realized again, I came full circle.

All I wanted back then was to be happy and I thought a guy would do it. Popularity, a bunch of friends, a “hot body” (btw FUCK BODY SHAMING and you’re all perfect) and all that BS that the media tells you. What really gives you happiness (or at least me)? Confidence. The fact that I know I have friends I can count on here. Yeah, a relationship is nice, but complete yourself before you get into one.

And when I planned my OC’s ending back in February, that’s what she got. She’s married in my head now, to her (and my!) perfect guy, but the important part is that she’s happy, and she’s herself before she got married. Before she got in her relationship.

So, yeah. I think that covers it. In all honesty, if you have more questions, send them to the ask box and I’ll tag them and all this as “ry’s goodbye” and update my nav page. It’s 12:39 AM so please excuse any typos!

Bye, guys. For now, at least.

I love you.

[holyxvi]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

Fill out & repost! This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: Canon / OC / AU / Canon-divergent / Fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. ( I’d say Mateus fans are a ~small~ collective )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO.

Are they underrated? YES / NO. ( I’d say so, many other villains of FF get the limelight a lot, but Mateus isn’t really touched imo )

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

FFII as a game itself doesn’t have a lot of canon for Mateus to really go by, much less for the rest of the cast themselves, but for what is there, I follow it heavily. Game and Novel are my primary sources, DISSIDIA doesn’t really count as it’s only a campy, abridged version of all the characters ( and sometimes even makes the characters things they are not, which unfortunately the fandom follows :/ ).

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

For an empire that was ( according to the novel at least ) mostly forgotten about to the world to spontaneously rise up and bring fourth chaos as it did to a point where the whole planet was at war with it is a impressive feat in itself. Mateus’ actions set a lot of firsts for the series from then on that would either be repeated or called back to in later games ( i.e. Mateus having poisoned the wyverns is akin to Kefka poisoning Doma Castle in VI ). Also the fact that this man literally put up fists with both God and Satan and usurped their places? Like bro, that’s metal as fuck.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

*insert jokes about how he looks like Jareth the Goblin King, how hot Mateus is to a point where it makes people obliged to disclose their weird fantasies, roleplaying him as an absolute mean-girl and missing the point of his character entirely*

...No, I’m not salty, not at all. What gave you that idea? /s

What inspired you to RP your muse?

I’ve been into FF for awhile prior to joining in 2017 due to a friend, and I hadn’t even been in the RP scene since my Cringy Days on Gaia Online back in 2010. I was a total airhead who never even played II and I just liked Mateus’ design until I begun doing my own research and even diving into the game itself.

What keeps your inspiration going?

Mateus has evolved into a coping mechanism I never even knew I needed, but he’s a welcomed one. There’s not a day in hell that I don’t think about him or II itself, and the people who stay around usually encourage me to keep furthering my portrayal and whatnot. :)

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( I think of more HCs than RP replies lmao )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. ( Occansionally )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO. ( head empty its Thinking of Mateus Palamecia Hours )

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. ( I have what the kids call Low Self Esteem )

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

I’d accept it well if it was constructive, not something like “oh u suck” or “why don’t you play your character the way I want you to play him???”.  I’m willing to improve and learn, I’ve been doing it for all this time.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

Maybe too much, sometimes people will hit me with things I never even thought of and that’s when my brain gets really cranking.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

I don’t have to like your HCs and you don’t have to like mine, that’s all I can really say to that. As interesting as the conversation might be as well, I wouldn’t want to know why, I made that mistake once with a duplicate and never again am I doing that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Felicia. There’s more things in this world to worry about than some scrub who hates my BPD/Traumatized portrayal of the Emperor.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

Your choice to have bad taste, not mine lol.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

I make a LOT of errors and sometimes even use the wrong words and don’t see it until later, having ADHD/Asperger brain makes writing a chore sometimes so if you notice something, feel free to point it out.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

Perhaps I am, probably not “oh sweet babu uwu ur so spehscial” easy going, but I like to think I’m nice to a degree if I’m tolerable to all the people that follow me. For all the shit I’ve gone through on here, you’d think I’d be more rough around the edges, but nah. Just some things I’m very skiddish about or avoid entirely.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @xkuja​ bc this looked fun and the police can never catch Me

Tagging: Take it, say I tagged you, call Mateus and me stinky idc.

[laurelsofhighever]

Hey this might be a weird question, but do you have any tips for writing fic w ocs? I have a bunch of ideas for DAI and ME and SWTOR but i feel weird writing my own playable character...

Hey! In my book, there’s no such thing as a weird question. I’ve taken a bit of time to answer because, for me at least, constructing stories around OCs isn’t something that I think about in a deliberate way - the OCs are there, and as I move them through the world, their stories grow up around them. But opportunities for self-examination are always good, so here are some thoughts

The internet likes to make fun of people writing OCs into fanfic, and while some fandoms are better than others, there can be accusations levelled at ‘self-insert’ characters, and that can make it daunting to include OCs as main characters. Whether that’s something that applies to you is something to think about, but my response to that kind of thing is to say all characters are someone’s self-insert, because every character contains facets of their creator’s identity in their beliefs, experiences, and desires, and there’s no shame in adding your own OCs to the mix just because you weren’t paid to create them.

In actually creating a story with OCs, the question is whether you have an OC whose story you want to tell, or if you have a story that needs someone to tell it. That will alter the way the dots are connected, but it creates a starting point.

You don’t have to create an epic saga on your first try, you don’t even have to put OCs front and centre in the narrative. Some people find longfic suits them best, some stick to oneshots, but regardless, there will be an audience for it. 

There are a lot more eloquent posts out there on how to contruct OCs and how to match their motivations with the story you want to tell, but most of that advice is subjective anyway. At the end of the day, writing with OCs and giving them time to shine is a matter of practice like anything else, and the more you do it, the less weird it’ll feel, and the better grasp you’ll have on what methods work best for you.