#midnights analysis

[shedidntevenswear]

the way the songs joe has helped write are always the piano (him, presumably) playing a simple melody and taylor singing the words directly to that melody rather than big built out accompaniment is so cute. like what a musically romantic way of symbolizing the sweetness of finding a person you are simply on the same page as. very “fit my poem like a perfect rhyme” of them.

[grandtheftaristotle]

The Hidden Narrative of Midnights

Heyyyyyyy

So in honour of the TS11 announcement (!!!!!) and Midnights winning AOTY (!!!!!!!!) I'm posting this essay I accidentally wrote months ago after relistening to You're Losing Me and finally figuring out how Midnights works as an album

I was SUPER thrown by this album when it first came out and how different it was from the way it was marketed, but after Joever and YLM I think I get it now.

So, below the cut, here's how I make sense of Midnights, the order of the songs, and how it was presented to us.

Enjoy, and I'm sorry.

Okay so I finally listened to You’re Losing Me again and now I’m thinking about it in the wider context of the album

Cause we agree that it kinda redefines the whole thing right? Reframes the album not just as her reminiscing on nights she was up late and for what reasons, but reminiscing specifically about memories that could help her decide whether to stay or move on. She described this love as being golden like daylight on Lover; it makes sense that nighttime is when she has to grapple with the notion of ending it.

So we start with Lavender Haze, which as a title track genuinely makes me insane when I think about the amount of parallels it has to You’re Losing Me. The way it reframes her SO’s quiet demeanour as something positive (“you don’t ever say too much / and you don’t really read into my melancholia”), rather than the nail in the coffin it ultimately was (“do something babe, say something / choose something babe, risk something”), the references to marriage and how inconsequential it is (“I wouldn’t marry me either”), “you don’t really read into my melancholia” vs “how can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying”, “I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say” vs “a pathological people pleaser”. I could go on.

Next we go to Maroon, which has her thinking back on another breakup that had a significant emotional impact on her (“and I wake with your memory over me / that’s a real fucking legacy to leave”) (I’m also thinking about that in two different ways; their memory as a legacy they left behind [“a real fucking legacy to leave”] and leaving AS a legacy [“a real fucking legacy, to leave”] - the last one could tie into the central conflict). The way the song trails off at the end is kinda like her thoughts trailing off; she doesn’t really come to a conclusion about the whole thing, it’s just a memory. A real fucking legacy to leave, to leave.

Her next thought is “it’s me! Hi! I’m the problem! It’s me!” Anti Hero’s pretty self explanatory; she’s thinking that maybe she’s the problem here; overreacting about the whole thing, trying to get ahead of him leaving her, up late and stressed now that her depression’s taking over. I interpret ‘all the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room’ as referring to the people in the memories she sings about; people she’s broken up with, old friends, even old versions of herself. Did she leave them, or did they leave her? Either way it was probably her fault, she decides.

From there she looks back on when she first fell for her partner; they both fell at the same time, and it was magical, like snow on the beach. Not only was it magical and beautiful, like it was destined to happen, but it shows they were both on the same page. So why can’t they be now?

You’re On Your Own, Kid. This might be one of her heaviest songs, with one of the most stark revelations - “like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss”. This whole time she was hoping that the right love, the right person, would save her and make her feel complete. She thought she found that person, but they haven’t made her feel complete, and now she’s thinking of ending it. Just like the person at the beginning of the song - “I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me”. But they didn’t, and now her current partner doesn’t seem to either. “You’re on your own, kid / you always have been” - that line ends up being comforting. You’ve always been on your own, and you’ve made it here anyway. There’s no reason why you can’t still go far.

Speaking of going far, Midnight Rain kinda plays off the ideas set up in YOYOK in how it refers to a relationship from her youth; before she became famous. She talks about how “he wanted a bride, I was making my own name”; paralleling her reluctance to get married in Lavender Haze and the ultimate revelation that her current partner doesn’t seem to want it. This is kinda where we start to question if she really doesn’t want to get married, or if she’s trying to convince herself she doesn’t. Personally I think it’s a mix of both; around the time Lavender Haze takes place, she was perfectly content to be unmarried and just stay ‘in that lavender haze’, as it were. In the honeymoon phase. I also think that, whether she wanted it or not, the constant speculation was grating on her and made the topic unpleasant. That said, at some point she likely wanted to take things that extra step, but her SO was either very reluctant or very nonchalant about it, leading us here. She looks back on when someone did want to marry her (eventually), but she backed out on them to focus on her career. This might be a case of thinking ‘I chose my career over a relationship; am I simply doing it again?’

Question is similar to Maroon in that it’s looking back on a past relationship for some hint of what to do here. All the questions she wanted to ask her ex (or maybe did), some of which she wants to ask her current partner (“did you wish you put up more of a fight?”) Also thinking of “does it feel like everything’s just second best after that meteor strike”. Very “I promise that you’ll never find another like me” coded. Convincing herself that if the break up did happen, her partner would never find someone better. I will defend ME! with my dying breath.

Now for Vigilante Shit. This one is significantly harder to nail down than all the others; it feels a bit out of place within the narrative and more like a tease for Rep TV. That said I do want to touch on two things: “I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends” aka “I am a confident badass and I will ultimately do what is best for me” and “picture my thick as thieves with your ex wife”. Marriage themes once again, this time with a divorce. Interesting. 

With newfound confidence, she lets herself bejewelled. Once again, this is pretty self explanatory. She can still make the whole place shimmer, even if she doesn’t have a man. But that said, she still wants him in her life. “Familiarity breeds contempt / don’t put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart”. This song isn’t just saying ‘I’m incredible’, it’s saying ‘I’m incredible and I want others to notice, especially this one person’.

(I will take this moment to acknowledge that, yes, Taylor has said this song is about her return to pop music rather than a relationship. However, since I’m looking at these songs through the specific lens of her making a decision about her relationship, I’m reinterpreting it. I realize that this wasn’t the original intention of the song, but I’m setting that aside for the sake of the narrative.)

These last several songs have clearly showed Taylor leaning more toward ‘break up’, with Bejewelled having more of a middle ground perspective. That song now acts as a bridge into the last four songs of the standard edition, which all have her thinking more about the positive aspects of the relationship, all the reasons she wants to save it. We start with Labyrinth, which details the anxiety she felt at the beginning of the relationship and how this person helped her through it (“you would break your back to make me break a smile”). All the effort they put in then, something they clearly aren’t doing now. Another notable line is “I’ll be getting over you my whole life” which connects to “you might just have dealt the final blow” in You’re Losing Me; she feels she may never recover from the potential break up.

Next up we have Karma, which has similar mixed messages to Bejewelled. On one hand, we have the assertion that karma is her boyfriend, a god, the breeze in her hair on the weekend, a relaxing thought, a cat purring in her lap cause it loves her, and she and karma vibe like that. It suggests that if she has karma, she doesn’t need anything else, because it does everything that others can’t. Karma will always be there for her and act in her favour because she always does the right thing, so no matter what decision she makes it will be on her side. But then in the bridge we have her saying “karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me”. A quick reminder that karma brought this person into her life, so perhaps they were the right thing all along. If her partner came along at just the right time and has been there for her since, then ending it might not be the right decision.

And now, Sweet Nothing. Ohhhhhhhh dear god Sweet Nothing. First of all, within the narrative. Throughout the album there has been talk of people wanting things from Taylor, be it career related or life related. “I have this dream my daughter in law kills me for the money” “all they keep asking me if if I’m gonna be your bride” “life is emotionally abusive” “I hosted parties and starved my body” (the entirety of YOYOK actually) “he wanted a bride, I was making my own name” “you know how much I hate that everyone expects me to bounce back just like that” and so on. But this song details a relationship where the person doesn’t necessarily want anything from her. It’s all nice and quiet and completely peaceful. And then you remember what she said earlier in Midnight Rain - “he wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain” and the themes in both YOYOK and Bejewelled about wanting to be noticed, and then when you hear You’re Losing Me you’re hit with “do something babe, say something”. And you realize ‘oh shit, maybe that quiet life isn’t entirely what she wants here’. And our hypothetical version of Taylor, who’s thinking about all this in the middle of the night while deciding whether or not to end the relationship, realizes ‘oh shit maybe that quiet life isn’t entirely what I want here’. But she doesn’t come to that conclusion til later, cause right now she’s just caught up in the thrill of being with someone who, for once, doesn’t want anything from her. Only later on will she discover that she might want him to want something from her. 

We finish off the standard edition with Mastermind, which has similar themes to Snow on the Beach, with these two people being on the exact same page at the start of their relationship. Taylor thought she was manipulating everything behind the scenes, because she’s always in control of the situation. And as far as the media’s concerned, she tricks men into dating her just so she can write songs about it later, so she might as well lean into that, right? Except, turns out her partner knew what she was doing the entire time and was totally fine with it. So not only can he read her like a book, but he wants the same thing she does. There’s no need to be concerned about their relationship, cause they’ve always been on the same page. Additionally, there’s a theme of control at play here that leads into the next song; she felt fully in control at the start of their relationship, since she thought she was masterminding the whole thing. But now, she’s losing that control.

Which leads us into Hits Different, the first bonus track. I was debating for a while whether I wanted this before or after the 3am tracks, but I think it fits best here, mainly because of how it aligns with Mastermind. While that song was about her being in control, this song is about her spiralling out of control. I heard someone say it sounds like the Blank Space girl fell in love for the first time and I CANNOT stop thinking about that because it’s SO accurate. Especially with the lines about “switching out these Kens” and “skipping town like an asshole outlaw”. Much like with Mastermind, it seems to lean more into that satirical ‘man-eater’ image she toyed with in Blank Space, in that it sounds like someone who has never had their heart broken before and is having a full blown CRISIS about it. And while that’s not the kind of person Taylor is, it does show just how much this is affecting her; that the prospect of this breakup is hitting her harder than any she’s previously had. 

Now onto the 3am tracks. The Great War is pretty self explanatory; same vibe as Snow on the Beach and Labyrinth of “we did it then, why can’t we do it now?” The one thing I will touch on is the lines at the end of the bridge - “that was the night I nearly lost you / I really thought I lost you”. Calls back to Maroon (“and I lost you”), and parallels You’re Losing Me. She was able to step back and examine the situation and realize she was losing him, but he’s unable to do the same while he’s losing her.

Bigger Than The Whole Sky as a song has a couple of popular interpretations; one that it’s about a miscarriage, and one that’s it’s about the loss of who Taylor was before JM. I’m partial to the first reading, but the second one works best with this narrative (and was more likely Taylor’s intent in my opinion). The idea that this relationship fucked her up so bad that she’s actively mourning who she was before it is honestly devastating, and it makes sense that she would worry about the same thing happening if she leaves her current partner, since they’ve been together for so long. It’s possible that this song is also mourning the life she will never have with him if they ultimately break up, which I could go further with but I think it’s best if I leave it there. 

Paris is another song that becomes a lot sadder when you view it from this angle. Specifically, the line “I want to brainwash you into loving me forever”; when you consider just how much she wants for the relationship to work and the degree to which she’s trying to convince herself it’ll be okay, the desperation in this line becomes exceedingly obvious. I also really love how it just trails off at the end. Given how energetic most of this song is, a traditional pop ‘quiet chorus LOUD CHORUS’ ending would make the most sense. And we do get that quiet chorus, but no loud one to follow it up. The way she carefully improvs and repeats the lines at the end makes it sound like she’s biding time waiting for the music to jump back in again, but it never does. She’s waiting for that spark of magic to return, but it doesn’t. Instead the mid tempo vibe continues into…

High Infidelity! Finally after all these years we get some answers about the Calcium situation! With the end of Paris, it’s like she was actively trying to avoid revisiting this memory, but it came back all the same. And if I can be real for a second here, this is, in my opinion, one of the best songs she’s ever written. But anyway, this song tells us about the last time she was in a relationship headed for marriage, but in this case she very much did not want it to happen. She also explains how she cheated on her partner, either literally or emotionally, and how this new person ‘brought her back to life’. This song does two things; it describes a relationship where leaving was the best option because her partner didn’t take the time to notice or know her (“I’d pay if you’d just know me” is VERY You’re Losing Me coded), and explains how another person made her feel special and alive again while she was being stifled. If we assume her current partner was ‘the other person’, then this song also holds the mixed messages of Bejewelled and Karma. He brought her out of this stifling relationship; there’s no way he brought her into another one. He knew what that was like for her, he’d never act that way even accidentally, right?

It’s official: there’s been a glitch. This song is fascinating to me because a glitch is typically a negative thing, but here it’s being framed as a positive. Very ‘I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this’ coded. But at the same time, some glitches only exist for a short time before getting resolved, like a blip. So this song can be viewed in a few ways; their relationship started because of a glitch, their current problems are because of a glitch (the way he’s acting now conflicting with how their relationship started), or their relationship IS the glitch, and it’s slowly getting resolved, meaning it will be ending soon. While the first one is definitively what the song is about, the last two could show the headspace she’s in while looking back on it. That’s what I mean with all the songs really; what they’re about doesn’t change, but by examining their order we can eke out a thought process that caused her to look back on these memories.

And now we get to Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. Easily one of the most harrowing songs in Taylor’s discography, with its anger, desperation, and overwhelming aura of regret. Oddly enough, I have a hard time placing this relative to the other songs; I feel like it’s where my ‘thought process’ theory gets a little shaky. Unlike the other songs, where I could work certain parts into the current situation, it’s very hard to do that with this song because I feel like it almost downplays what it’s really about. The closest I came to this issue previously was with Bigger Than The Whole Sky; because I hear that song and think of a miscarriage, it was hard to separate it from that interpretation in my mind. But I’d argue it’s more difficult with WCS, because we know definitively what it’s about, while we don’t know for sure what BTTWS is about. These two songs are already connected; the alternative theory for BTTWS is that it’s her saying goodbye to the person she was before the relationship. But even then, it’s still a theory. 

My only real idea for how WCS connects to the timeline is that it’s her thinking back on a relationship that fundamentally changed her. The things she says in the song makes it clear that this relationship has haunted her for years after it happened, and that maybe it affects her perception of love now. It’s a memory she felt she had to go back to in order to make a decision about her current one, but she doesn’t come away with any real conclusions about it, except for the fact that it still bothers her to this day. Unlike her current one, she didn’t get anything good out of that relationship, nothing that makes her glad she went through it. I’m thinking about an interview she gave during the 1989 era, about how she came to realize that just because a relationship wasn’t built to last doesn’t mean it wasn’t special while it was there. It’s something I think she’s come to embrace in recent years and songs; the idea that you can appreciate the good times you had with a person even if it didn’t end well. But in WCS, there’s none of that. There was nothing good, no good memories, nothing salvageable in that relationship. Just a wound that won’t close, lost girlhood, stained glass windows in her mind.

…well that was a bit of a ramble.

So we’ll assume that WCS is her looking back on a relationship that deeply affected her, and that it’s more a byproduct of looking back on all these memories. She was bound to end up there eventually the deeper she went into her thought process; at the very bottom, she found the cathedral where it all went wrong.

And now, the last track before our grand finale. Dear Reader.

You know, I try really hard to not read too far into Taylor’s songs. Especially since folkmore, I do my best not to assume everything she writes matches up exactly with what’s going on in her life. But man, the first time I heard Dear Reader, I got this sinking feeling that everything with Joe wasn’t what it seemed.

Just that bridge. It breaks my heart a little every time I hear it, and it really drives home the point that we truly never really know what’s going on in her life. “You wouldn’t take my word for it if you knew who was talking / if you knew where I was walking / to a house not a home all alone cause nobody’s there”. Listening to all the love songs on this album, we never would’ve known something was wrong. She’s built a career off of being so open about her life in her music, but there are some things she’s just not ready to share She seems to think no one would listen to her thoughts on love if we knew her relationship was on the rocks. “You should find another guiding light / but I shine so bright”. Despite all this, she’ll never stop writing music and sharing certain parts of her life with us. Not her whole life, but what she’s ready for us to hear.

That’s why You’re Losing Me didn’t come out right away. She wasn’t ready for us to hear it in 2022, but she was in 2023, after the news broke. I find it interesting how Dear Reader is kinda saying ‘you don’t really know my life and you don’t know everything I’m going through’ and You’re Losing Me follows it up by showing us why. 

You’re Losing Me parallels nearly every song on Midnights. Some of them are admittedly stretches, and I don’t have time to list them all here, but here are some examples:

“You say I don’t understand and I say I know you don’t” / “Saw the wide smirk on your face, you knew the entire time”

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes” / “Ask me why so many fade but I’m still here”

“Stop, you’re losing me” / “Oh no, I’m falling in love”

“How can you say you love someone you can’t tell has died?” / “There’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough”

“All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier” / “Soldier down on that icy ground looked up at me with honour and truth”

“I’m the best thing at this party” / “When I walk in the room I can still make the whole place shimmer”

“A pathological people pleaser” / “Argumentative antithetical dream girl”

“Who only wanted you to see her” / “I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me”

“Do something babe, say something” / “I find myself running home to your sweet nothing”

“Lose something babe, risk something” / “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain”

“I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.” It’s the culmination of the whole night. The moment she looks at the clock and sees it’s 7am. Time to face the reality and make the decision she’s been building to all this time.

I feel kinda bad making this analysis, because it feels like I’m trying to make the album sad so I’ll care about it more. But the fact is that this becomes a stronger body of work (at least for me) with this throughline. It makes the boppier songs make more sense for an album that’s supposed to be so melancholic. I was so confused when I heard songs like Bejewelled and Karma for the first time cause the way she presented the album to us made it sound a LOT darker than some of these songs. But when you look at it like this, that she’s grappling with such a big decision and that’s her reason for revisiting these more upbeat memories, it all starts to come together, and the darker presentation makes more sense.

Not all these songs need to be sad. Taylor isn’t always sad. Her music doesn’t need to be sad for me to like it. It’s just the vibes of the album compared to the sound that threw me off. But when I view it through this lens, I kinda get it now. Midnights is still at the bottom of my album ranking; probably will be for a while. But I have a greater appreciation for it after puzzling out this narrative.

[ethereal-ocean-eyes]

Why Question…? Could be about a Woman (Part 2 of Midnights Lyrics Queer Analysis)

Some people may think that this song does not have any hint of gay in it. I mean, the song starts with the line, “good girl, sad boy” and anyone will immediately think that this song is about a straight couple. I don’t blame them. The first line does give that impression. However, further along, I realised that this song can have a different interpretation. The focus of this analysis is the chorus.

There are two ways to interpret it. The first one where Taylor is asking another person about a specific experience they both shared. She’s asking whether this person is thinking about this the same way she does. It seems as if by asking, Taylor is evoking this person to reminisce on this memory. She includes specific details and moments but she knows the answer to these things already. She ends the chorus with what seems to be a playful and teasing line “it’s just a question”, as if retracting from her act of inquiring.

The second way we can interpret this chorus is that she could be talking to another person and asking them if this experience also happened to them. She is having a conversation with this person but this person is not the one she kissed or had that memory with. Analysing it this way allows for a queer perspective because Taylor is essentially asking someone if they ever had this experience with a woman before.

We can also think about who she’s speaking with. I assume she’s speaking with a man and perhaps they both struggle with being queer. In the line:

“It was one drink after another

Fuckin' politics and gender roles

And you're not sure and I don't know

Got swept away in the gray”

It seems as if being queer is something they’ve talked about before. These lines seem to be self explanatory. Their drunk (or not) conversations seem to revolve around political and social issues, specifically gender roles, in which she concretely states that the other person is unsure about it, and she herself doesn’t know. “Got swept away in the gray” can be interpreted as her not making her mind up about it. Gray here can have different connotations such as sadness, compromise, and perhaps being in the middle where she doesn’t have to immediately pick a side.

Now I said that she might be speaking with a man. How am I convinced of this you ask?

In the line “And what's that that I heard, that you're still with her? That's nice, I'm sure that's what's suitable and right” seems as if it’s hinting to an idea that this man chose to conform to heteronormative values, like dating a woman because it is what’s suitable and right.

I hope this interpretation has opened up a new perspective for you! Feel free to believe anything you want right after.

[zazzander]

Alternative Reading of High Infidelity

I've seen people guessing that High Infidelity by Taylor Swift is about her own cheating, however, I disagree with this take.

I believe this song is written from the male perspective, as Taylor has done in the past. Many have speculated that Taylor used the male POV to cover up the queer-er themes of her previous albums.

Now Midnights has arguably turned the closet into glass, by many accounts with Question...?, Maroon, and other songs. But I'm not here to say whether or not Taylor Swift is queer or not. What I do know is that she is an ally and that she explores queer themes in her songs.

Another running theme with this album is the speaker's anxieties regarding marriage.

In Lavender Haze, "No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me" and "all they keep asking me is if I'm gonna be your bride | The only kinda girl they see is a one night or a wife".

In Midnight Rain, "He wanted a bride, I was making my own name"

And in the Bejewelled music video, the character Taylor plays rejects a marriage proposal from the prince.

I think these two ideas: queerness and marriage combine in this song. In this song, the speaker (the "husband") is gay but he got married to keep himself in the closet. To hide. He believed this was a good idea at the time, but now he's cheating on his wife with a man and she has found it. His marriage is falling apart and he's being forced out of the closet in the process.

In the song we get these lyrics:

Storm coming Good husband Bad omen Dragged my feet right down the aisle

It's possible that the speaker is the "wife" of this relationship. However, the songs themes are far more solid if the person who hesitated at the wedding was the "good husband".

He was the bad omen.

He was the storm coming.

He dragged his feet down the aisle. In his heart, he knew this marriage would end in disaster. It would hurt them all. But he believed he had to go through with it regardless.

The song continues:

At the house lonely Good money I'd pay if you'd just know me Seemed like the right thing at the time

The speaker thought that getting marriage would be the "right thing". In conservative Christian circles, being gay is considered immoral - the "wrong thing".

I'd pay if you'd just know me. What truth does the speaker hide? Why would they pay if it was revealed? Cheating could lead to the marriage ending - yes - but if that cheating was done because he was gay? In a conservative society? It would be more than just money at stake.

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? [...] Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

The speaker says "he" brought them back to life, why? how? We know from this song that the speaker loves their partner - so why does an outsider in the marriage bring them back to life?

With a queer reading, this line is stronger. Being stuck in a comphet marriage has left the "good husband" feeling trapped, dead inside. But allowing himself to be himself? That brought him back from the brink.

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love The slowest way is never loving them enough

In this song, the speaker does love their wife. He married her for a reason. However, he doesn't love her in the way she wants him to - society wants him to. That's why this line hits so hard. Because he feels like he's not enough.

This song draws on the two themes of queerness and marriage in the Midnights album. It's more than just about cheating.

(PS: this song's title also seems to be referring to High Fidelity, the movie, which has a male main character. Of course, in this version, he is not loyal, he doesn't learn how to make her happy. Because he can't. There is not happy ending.)

[sabsleon]

saw this on twitter, here's mine

[astrowayyy]

Ok but the “You don’t live in my part of town but maybe I’ll see you out some weekend” in Glitch and the “I see you every day now” in Maroon sounds like the development of a “we met by chance” relationship into one where they’re both extremely close bc of it, but then in Mastermind it’s confirmed that actually “none of it was accidental” and there was no chance at play at all … AHHH

[thegirlwiththecinderblockgarden]

I kinda feel like “Karma is a cat purring in my lap ‘cause it loves me” is a maybe slightly a reference to Benji - ie. good things coming round to her after someone else’s bad thing which resulted in the situation (in this case ME! music video where she adopted him made with her new label after label drama ). And also like a positive warm happy thing that shows she’s carefree/past the hurt (in line with Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend and sweet like honey).

And then “karma is my boyfriend” and “Karma is the guy on the screen Coming straight home to me“ kinda track with that too, without the destruction of what she had earlier she wouldn’t have this good thing now.

Basically she can re-frame the whole situation as a net positive “Ask me what I earned from all those tears” and shows she’s kinda above it all and a bit smug.

[esotericswiftie]

1. anti-hero, taylor swift / 2, 19. “taylor swift’s ‘sexy baby’ lyric is more than a ‘30 rock’ reference,” sophia june for nylon magazine / 3, 4, 12, 22. taylor swift ages 14-16, photographed by andrew orth / 5, 23. dominique swain age 15, photographed for lolita (1997) / 6, 17. “the fetishization of girlhood,” m.c. easton / 7. lolita (1962), dir. stanley kubrick / 8. 22 (mv), taylor swift / 9. anti-hero (mv), taylor swift / 10, 14, 18. nothing new, taylor swift ft. phoebe bridgers / 11. “2008’s country lolita: taylor swift,” gavin edwards for rolling stone / 13, 21. lolita (1997), dir. adrian lyne / 15. okcupid dating chart: age preferences by gender / 16. all too well (ten minute version), taylor swift / 20. university of pittsburgh 2021-2022 undergraduate catalog / 23. would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, taylor swift

apologies for this ridiculously long megathread, but i found a ton of these photographs of taylor from when before she was famous, around ages 14-16, and ooh boy, did they get me thinking…

sometimes i wonder if she just really lucked out with the mostly desexualized “innocent girl-next-door” persona becoming her brand throughout her early career, because it looks like things could have gone in a very different direction for her in another universe.

like you can literally see taylor being de-aged between her debut and fearless era as her public image cemented…the posing, the makeup, the hair, the clothing…it’s all very deliberate and sinister.

and now, all these years later, no one knows better than taylor herself that the most desirable thing a woman can be is not a woman, but a girl…a sexy baby, if you must.

her heart-shaped sunglasses, nothing new, the ten minute version of all too well, would’ve could’ve should’ve…she knows all about society’s sickness, its simultaneous fetishization and destruction of girlhood. she knows because she’s lived through it.

we don’t often categorize her or think of her as one, but she was a child star, and she barely escaped its curse. just barely. but unlike so many other child stars, unlike dolores haze, she survived with her voice and her pen, and she can see it all now, it was wrong.

[kylieswift31]

Taylor Swift and the Truman show

"Well, for me, there is no difference between a private life and a public life. My life... is my life, is the Truman show."

Tied together with a smile

Taylor is currently at the peak of her career as she's now breaking her own records and reaching a level of fame only seen by the greatest such as the Beatles and Michael Jackson. Yet underneath all that success is a layer of conflict due to the discrepancies between her private and public life. With closer inspection it is clear to see that Taylor has left a trail of breadcrumbs that reveal that she has been queer since the beginning of her career. The ‘love struck and boy crazy’ version we first saw of Taylor was supposed to be a temporary step in her career during the fearless era, but through a series of unfortunate events she has spent the entirety of her career in the closet.

Now with the ending of the rerecords and eras tour in sight, Taylor has begun to reveal the cracks in the facade of her public persona so that we can see who she really is underneath. Her performance of 'delicate' on the eras tour is a visual representation of this process. Throughout the song we slowly see cracks forming in the glass, one at a time until at last there are so many cracks the entire stage shatters into a million tiny little pieces.

But what causes the cracks?

Taylor.

And it’s all inspired by the Truman show…

Daily life

In the mirror

The first time you watch the Truman show, the focus is on Truman and his journey. He lives a normal life in Seahaven with his wife Meryl, has a successful career in finance and spends his free time with his best friend Marlon. There are small cracks in the facade of his picture perfect life from the beginning, but halfway through we reach a turning point as it becomes clear that Truman is also the star of a 24 hour reality TV show that broadcasts his life to the public without his knowledge. Every move he makes is being observed by the outside. And then when you get to the end of the movie you start to realise that not everything you saw was as it seems.

Taylor has several well known Easter eggs that reference the Truman show, but with further investigation we can discover that she also relates to his story on a personal level. In the song 'mirrorball' Taylor explores the theme of wearing a mask that reflects back what the viewer wants or chooses to see. Just like an iceberg, if we stop at the surface level of what we see of Taylor’s personal life, we’ll miss the depth of what lies underneath. Many of her music videos echo Truman's story in a way that leaves her truth hiding in plain sight.

Good neighbours

Truman’s day starts with a moment of quiet reflection as he gazes at himself in the mirror before greeting his neighbours on his way to work. “Good morning! And incase I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night!” His iconic catchphrase is repeated each day. Even though Truman’s the only person in Seahaven who isn’t a paid actor, he’s having the same scripted interactions day after day. His life is centred around acting the part, just like everyone else. The only difference is that he’s wearing a mask to hide how he really feels underneath. Truman's day is very reminiscent of the groundhog day trope to highlight how scripted and repetitive his life has become.

Taylor's life in the public is very similar to Truman's now that she can't go anywhere without being recognised. The once unfiltered teen that was vocal on myspace has become selective and restrained with what she shares online after years of having her life picked apart for all to see. The chasm between Taylor's public and private life has grown to the point where removing the pop star mask will impact her career.

Product placement

The Truman show is sustained through the revenue generated from the products advertised on the show. The first time we meet Truman's wife Meryl is when she's showing him the latest gadget she's picked up from the store on her way home from work. This feels subtle at first, but as more products are mentioned throughout the show it becomes more obvious and the advertising feels more akin to a late night shopping channel. We start to see that everything from the decor, wardrobe and food they eat is for sale. Every aspect of Truman's life has become commodified to generate revenue and to keep the show running.

All the little Easter eggs throughout Taylor's 'lover' music video seem like personalised advertisements now that we’ve seen that they advertise memorabilia on the Truman show in a similar way. However, within her career marketing is an integral facet of Taylor's career. "When you realise the rules of the game you're playing and how it will affect you, you got to look at the board and make your strategy. But at the same time, writing songs has never been a strategic element of my career. But I'm not scared to say that other things in my career, like how to market an album, are strictly strategic."

Hidden in plain sight

It's not obvious at first that Truman and Marlon have found a way to communicate with each other honestly whilst remaining undetected. Truman is often sharing his plans of going to Fiji to get away for a while. However, when he's really planning to leave Truman says "Just between you and me Marlon, I'm going away for a while." This allows the viewer to believe that it's just another wishful thought about going to Fiji, but said in a way that lets Marlon know that he is serious this time. Beer seems to be both another advertisement and a signal to indicate that he's been sent by the director. "It's all true. It's all real. Nothing here is fake. Nothing you see on the show is fake. It's merely controlled." Later on when we're shown that the director is feeding Marlon his lines, it's clear that he has always tried to be as honest as possible with Truman.

Taylor mentions wine frequently through her discography. Perhaps this is to show us that her truth has become so watered down within her lyrics that she lost sight of who she was before. Taylor has changed up pronouns and added hidden meaning to words and phrases mentioned frequently throughout her discography. Through this process she has become incredibly skilled at seamlessly adding connections to multiple muses within a song.

The first crack in the glass

Everything changed

From what we can see, Truman has known from the beginning that he's been the central character within his town to some degree. Truman appears to be fairly content with the life he had created for himself, despite the confinement he felt (he hasn't known any different). This all came to an end when Truman realises that his father is still alive. This changes everything as the first cracks in the facade of his seemingly perfect life become visible.

Intercepted

A very similar experience happens with Taylor in the 'delicate' music video. We can see that this interaction leaves Taylor more aware of those around her. "People often greatly underestimate me on how much I'll inconvenience myself to prove a point…" In her real life there are several events we could attribute to being her motive for change including the sale of her masters (ownership of her first six albums) to investors, a relationship changing or something that affected her reasons for remaining closeted.

Chance of rain

We see Truman sitting at the beach reflecting on how his father drowned when he was a child. As it starts raining he gets up to leave, only to reveal that there's just enough rain to encourage him to get up and go home. We slowly start to see how manufactured these scenarios are. Throughout Truman's week there are planned situations that are designed to test for any changes in his behaviour, like if he's still petrified of the water. These actions reveal just how much pressure they've placed on Truman to prevent him from leaving. It leaves us asking how much free will does he truly have with his choice to stay or go? At this point it feels like the choice has been made for him.

Taylor recreates this rain scene in the 'lavender haze' music video. We see her sitting at the end of the bed with a rain cloud over her head while her lover is asleep. We can infer that Taylor is showing us that she identifies with how isolated Truman was feeling in this moment. Taylor has given up a lot in her personal life for the success of her career, but how much of that was her choice to do so?

Reflecting on the past

Truman goes back home and opens up a trunk full of childhood memories. He's looking at photos of his family while trying to make sense of what he saw with his father still being alive, and the implications of that. This is the beginning of Truman questioning how far those in his life have gone to keep up this lie. If his father is still alive then what else have they lied about?

In the 'cardigan' music video we can see that Taylor is reflecting on her past in a similar way, but this time through playing her piano. Both 'the tortured poets department' album and summation reveal a similar theme of reflection, but with an honest exploration of the agony that comes along with it. "Nostalgia is a mind's trick." This album is a reflection of her career, highlighting the toll it's taken on her personal life along the way.

The one that got away

Love triangles

As Truman pulls out a red cardigan from a plastic bag, we get flashbacks of his high school years. His attention is torn between Sylvia and his current wife, Meryl. During a moment alone with Sylvia they sneak away together, but she appears anxious knowing they don't have much time alone. They share a chaste kiss before Lauren gets dragged away by a man claiming to be her father. She hastily reveals that everything Truman knows about his life is a lie, that it's all done for him and that everyone is watching him. Her father claims that she is just having an episode and reassures Truman by saying that he's taking her to Fiji to receive more help. Sylvia's interaction with Truman is the catalyst for her character being removed from the show. This reveals that even in high school Truman's love interest was planned out for him, despite his attraction to Sylvia.

Taylor wistfully talks about the fictional teenage love triangle during the 'folkmore' set. She describes how James is longing for the one that got away, which seems to contain an element of truth from her past. In 'imgonnagetyouback' she talks about how she won't stop fighting until they're back together again. I tend to lean more museless, with the queer side of Taylor being the one she's fighting for most of all (and with any other muses being secondary to that). If we consider the love triangle from that perspective we can see that the muse she lost was a cherished piece of her history, but the part of herself she lost along the way is the one worth risking everything for to be able to feel whole again.

It's all in the details

Through the development of Sylvia's character we start to see the significance of the colour red. To the viewers at home it is a symbol of heartbreak and loss, and that Truman's attachment to the cardigan is based on his feelings for her. But for Truman we can assume that it is more like a symbol of hope that he might finally be free one day. Other symbols we see her wear include a red seahorse pin (their school mascot) a green bauble bracelet and the 'how's it going to end?' badge. When he reads the badge in the library he quietly admits that he's been wondering that too. This is the earliest insight we witness of Truman not being fulfilled by the life that has been scripted for him.

Many of Taylor's Easter eggs are a reference to the Truman show. These include Sylvia's rose shirt, the eras tour poster, 'karma' door, the song 'how did it end?' and many of her music videos. In the 'lover' music video there's also the bauble earrings, her lover has a seahorse patch on his jacket and the board games are Taylor Swift themed. These all seem like amusing connections until you pick up on the deeper correlations to Truman's story.

Cardigan

After Sylvia left, all Truman is left with is her red cardigan. Sylvia begs Truman to come and find her, but as the flashback ends we find out that Truman didn't follow her to Fiji at the time because his mother got really sick. Instead he settled down and married Meryl, while living with the loss of what could've been with Sylvia. After Truman finishes reminiscing about the past, he slyly reveals that the badge is still pinned onto the cardigan. This reveals that his attachment is not so much to Sylvia now, but to the idea of leaving one day so that he can be free to live his life authentically.

Taylor's song 'cardigan' is one of her most significant references to Truman's story. In the 'cardigan' and 'willow' music video we can see that it is a symbol of the memories she carries from her past and a reminder of what she's left behind along the way. The stars on the cardigan hold a similar sense of hope, just like Truman's pin. "You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleedin' 'cause I knew you." This imagery evokes the pain of carving into skin to emphasise the heaviness that comes with sitting with the memory of what could have been.

The bar

After Truman's flashback scene we get a glimpse of commentary from a bar as they're watching the show. This juxtaposition reveals how watching the Truman show is an ordinary occurrence during their daily lives, just like many of us tune in to watch the eras tour on a grainy live stream. The 'delicate' music video ends with Taylor walking into a very similar bar to meet up with a secret admirer, but it remains unclear which one is sitting there waiting for her.

Cracks in the facade

The one worth fighting for

Once the nostalgic moment is over we see Truman holding a photo frame of his wife Meryl. It seems like a loving gesture at first, until he turns it around and opens it up to reveal that he's been collecting a collage of facial features in an attempt to recreate a portrait of Sylvia from memory. This contrast between the memory and Truman's reality exposes how much he has sacrificed along the way by staying in Seahaven. Holding onto the cardigan, pin and picture of Sylvia is an act of defiance when everything else in his life has been decided for him.

Taylor left everything behind when she left her old label, including the ownership of her first six albums. She was not given the option of buying them back without having to commit to producing another album for each one she earned back. Unfortunately this is something many in the industry have had to endure. With hindsight we now know that Taylor was able to rerecord her past albums with added vault tracks, but at the cost of reliving her past. Taylor's back tattoo in the 'you need to calm down' music video conveys that the memory of her life's work was the only memento from her past that she was able to take with her.

Glitches

As Truman is driving to work again, his car radio starts glitching and he ends up on a channel that contains the directions everyone else is hearing in preparation for his arrival before work. From our point of view all of these mishaps are new, but there would have been flaws like this in the system a lot longer than that. But if Truman has known he was the star of the show from the beginning, what was the point of the movie? To reveal the truth to us, and the viewers at home, slowly over time. And to give us a chance to understand his point of view as we prepare for his departure.

We have seen plenty of glitches like this occurring in Taylor's performances on the eras tour, and many of these have been intentional (such as the screens glitching and swallowing bugs). This draws our attention to the cracks in her pop star facade, revealing glimpses of the person she is underneath. And just like Truman, she's giving us the opportunity to slowly adjust to the changes she plans to make in the lead up of what's to come.

Breaking down

Truman appears to be overwhelmed as he starts to reveal just how much of the town he lives in is choreographed around him. This is the start of Truman escalating his reactions to create more cracks in the facade, in the hopes that more viewers begin to see the challenges he faces living in the spotlight.

This purposeful increase in revealing more of the inner versions of themselves is exactly what Taylor is portraying during the 'delicate'' performance on the eras tour. Slowly allowing us to see them as normal people behind the larger than life character they had become in the spotlight. The way Taylor begins creating the cracks on purpose allows us to understand that what's to come is purposely being exposed.

Life's a stage

Truman attempts to enter an elevator, only to discover that it's fake. This is a big step towards seeing what's behind the magician's curtain the first time you watch the movie. When you watch it again this is the point where you start to discover how complex the set of Seahaven has become over time to keep the show running. Many elements of the town act as rest stops and exit points for the actors away from Truman's view.

Taylor pushes down the walls of the bedroom during the 'lavender haze' music video, revealing that the relationship had always been a facade to begin with. Interestingly, this is the only music video that we see begin after the clock ticks over to midnight. Just like Cinderella returns to her original state at midnight, so too does Taylor. This correlation to Cinderella's story implies that the lavender haze we see hidden beyond the walls of the bedroom is the most honest version of Taylor underneath everything else. Lavender is heavily used as a subtle reference by queer people, especially lesbians. Koi fish can be seen in all of the 'midnights' music videos except for 'karma'. They are well known for swimming against the stream, something many neurodivergent people experience feeling. Koi fish are often associated with the yin and yang symbol and together they symbolise balance, courage and perseverance, much like the song 'you're on your own kid'.

Turn up the heat

Invisible

As he seeks out his best friend Marlon for help, we learn that Truman feels concerned that he is being followed or set up for something. Marlon appears calm until Truman mentions that his father is still alive. It appears that this detail may not have been disclosed to the public. Truman demonstrates that everyone in the store is so preoccupied with fulfilling their roles that they will ignore him at all costs. This is a very unnatural reaction and wouldn't be a new discovery for Truman.

The bodyguards in the 'delicate' music video react in a similar way, just like the guards at Buckingham palace are trained to stay focused and ignore distractions. On an emotional level, this behaviour feels like no one is interested in you unless you're wearing the mask of who they expect you to be. "The actors were hitting their marks." Many neurodivergent people experience this disparity between who they are on the inside and the curated version they present for others to see. This act of reflecting back what the viewer wants to see is often done out of necessity to remain safe, but leaves the inner and truest version of oneself feeling invisible. "I want you to know I'm a mirrorball. I'll show you every version of yourself tonight." Unfortunately, you have to participate in their performance if you want to be seen, but the version you they see isn't who you truly are on the inside.

Just for you

After an evening together, Truman is left alone when Meryl offers to take his mother home. As the TV is playing in the background we hear how the presenter is incredibly specific when describing the next episode of 'show me the way to go home'. "Where we learn that you don't have to leave home to discover what the world's all about. And that no one is poor, who has friends." This is a form of subliminal messaging telling Truman that he's better off staying home, implying that there's no point trying to leave because they will prevent him every step of the way.

In the 'lavender have' music video Taylor is watching a similar weather station, but when she gets closer she pulls the screen apart to reveal that there's nothing but space and koi fish behind it. This likeness to Truman's story presents an intriguing insight into the obstacles and road blocks Taylor has faced as a queer woman throughout her career. The koi fish behind the screen also highlight Taylor's determination to challenge the status quo and how she has been working towards much needed change within the music industry.

I do not

Truman is flipping through a photo album full of photos of his family and life with Meryl. His mother stresses her desire for grandkids while she's still alive. Truman continues to look through the album after they leave. The final straw for their relationship comes when he reveals that Meryl had her fingers crossed when they got married, implying she was never fully committed from the beginning. Looking through the photo albums seems to be a weekly routine when his mother visits, so we can assume this wasn't the first time Truman's noticed this detail, the only difference is that he's pointing it out now because it's the next step in his plan to leave Seahaven.

Many of Taylor's music videos emphasise the facade she has played into of the life society expects her to maintain. This has become more evident than ever with her current relationship with Travis Kelce. They want her to fulfil the 1950's lifestyle as a happily married wife with two children, a house with a white picket fence, to stay home each day as a housewife and to serve her husband when he gets home from a long day at the office. 'The man' music video highlights the disparity between these expectations and the lifestyle men are usually celebrated for, so that we can understand that this isn't the life she wants for herself.

Undressed

After Truman attempts to confront his wife about the photo, he follows her to work in his pyjamas. She works at the hospital and claimed to be doing a leg amputation from the elevator incident, a story they made up to explain what he saw the day before. When he locates her within the hospital the actors are forced to begin the procedure to keep up appearances.

Taylor was wearing a corset with a pattern very similar to Truman's pyjamas underneath her blue dress recently while out with Travis Kelce and his friends. Everyone in the group was wearing matching pant and shirt sets, with Brittany Mahomes in actual pyjamas. This may have been a hint that Taylor's beginning to escalate the cracks in the facade of her pop star persona.

The failed escape

Predictable

Truman is sitting in his car when Meryl gets home from working at the hospital. When she gets in, he locks her in the car and attempts to leave town. "Blocked at every turn. Beautifully synchronised, don't you agree?" This is the point where he's revealing that he knows how predictable everyone around him has been, pointing out that the same three people keep going past on schedule.

Logically if Taylor knew what the roadblocks were before she left her old record label, she would have known how her opponents would retaliate after she left. "Blood's thick but nothing like a payroll." It seems likely that they were planning to sabotage her once she left, with her first album in particular. If they were predictable enough, Taylor could've had time to plan ahead to mitigate the damage done to her career. This could include holding back on releasing certain songs, which has now lead to the rumours of 'lover' vault tracks.

Just like clockwork

Truman begins to drive around the round about over and over again to highlight that he has figured out that the townspeople move around him like clockwork, but again this isn't new information to Truman. The director's attempts to prevent him from leaving are incredibly predictable and they always have been. Truman would have been able to pick up on this pattern when he was still in high school, if not earlier. "When you're young they assume you know nothing." The benefit of them being this predictable is that Truman could foresee their reactions and blindside them when they least expected it.

Taylor uses many clocks throughout her music videos as easter eggs and to draw our attention to time and dates that might be relevant in the future. One element of interest is the concept of routine and the predictability that comes with that. The arena in 'the hunger games catching fire' seems to be inspired by the Truman show as well. Katniss figured out that there are new threats in each segment that changed on the hour, ending with a lightning strike at noon and midnight. This kind of predictability allows one to plan in advance. Three years perhaps?

Planned to fail

After driving around in circles Truman claims that they're headed to Atlantic City, only to find out that the end of their street is blocked up with traffic. He concedes to going back home after all, just to announce suddenly that he has changed his mind. As Truman doubles back and attempts to leave for the second time, he discovers that the traffic jam had magically cleared up after they left. He was accurate in predicting that his plan to leave would be counteracted by some form of intervention. Truman's actions are forcing the director to reveal his hand, only to call his bluff and get further than the director expected him to. And despite her fear, Meryl is still putting on a performance for the camera here too.

It's a possibility that Taylor set up a similar scenario to unfold with the release of her 'lover' album. The contrast between the aesthetic and themes of the 'reputation' and 'lover' albums could have been done on purpose to blur the lines between the two in an attempt to mitigate the damage done from being sabotaged. Underneath the vindictive theme of 'reputation' was the romantic songs her opponents had been anticipating from the 'lover' album.

The bridge

Truman stalls at the bridge due to his fear of water but forces Meryl to drive across while his eyes are closed, willing to do whatever it takes to leave. "We're over the bridge!" he exclaims when they make it across. As Truman continues to escape, they are still faced with roadblock after roadblock. The escape plan eventually fails when the road is blocked because of a leak at the nuclear plant. They thank the officer for his help but when the officer says "you're welcome, Truman" he runs away from the car in a panic, but is quickly captured and returned home again.

Taylor draws attention to the bridges of her songs at the very beginning of the eras tour because they are the most authentic lyrics in all of her discography. She often begins a song with a very optimistic perspective, only to end with the most brutally honest observations of her experiences in hindsight. Taylor has told us that she tells lies. In 'love story' the lie is that she's singing about being in love with Romeo. When the perspective changes during the bridge, she's being honest when she describes being in love with Juliet and wanting to marry her. In 'lavender haze' we hear how stifling it's become to continue hiding her truth. "The only girl they see is a one night or a wife. I find it dizzying, they're bringin' up my history. But you aren't even listening." If we don't listen to what Taylor is saying during the bridges, we are avoiding her truth.

The turning point

What was once lost

When they return home Truman confronts Meryl, but she calls out for help and Marlon arrives with beer. Meryl leaps into his arms crying as he comforts her, but he's looking at Truman when he says "everything's going to be okay, it's all going to be fine." The next scene cuts to Truman and Marlon sitting at the end of an unfinished bridge together as Truman begins to tell Marlon what he's been through. "Maybe I'm losing my mind, but it feels like the whole world revolves around me somehow." Marlon replies by saying "The last thing that I would ever do is lie to you. I mean, think about it Truman. If everybody is in on it... I'd have to be in on it, too." The screen cuts to the director feeding him the lines but we can also see that Marlon has been as honest as he could be within his role on the show. To placate Truman and encourage him to stay, he is reunited with his father who he hasn’t seen for 22 years. Truman seems apprehensive about the reunion, but Marlon encourages him to go along with it.

In the 'willow' music video Taylor enters a glass display case and starts performing for the crowd of an old fashioned circus. As her lover approaches for the first time they reunite through the glass pane but it feels like the glass was intentional to keep them apart, despite their intentions to be together again. This imagery is echoed over and over again throughout Taylor's music videos and the eras tour. We can interpret this as a visual representation of being closeted in plain sight or as a form of protecting something that's delicate. Judging by the way they all end up shattered in the end, they seem to be foretelling what's still to come.

Test run

Truman was never really planning on leaving the first time because he had planned to fail. There are a few benefits of acting in this way. Firstly, we know that Truman had never crossed the bridge before and his attempt forced the director to play his hand by revealing what obstacles were ahead if this was his exit route. Enacting his bigger plan before seeing what was ahead would mean that he's more likely to fail if he crosses the bridge while under prepared for what is on the other side. Secondly, if everyone has assumed that he has failed, they won't see his bigger plan coming if they believe he's feeling defeated. They placated Truman by reuniting him with his father, but that backfired on them when he escaped when they least expected it.

Taylor mentions that "Every bait and switch was a work of art" in 'mastermind'. I wasn't sure if I was using this term correctly when search results were full of business examples and psychologists were linking it with the act of gaslighting, but the type of bait and switch I was intrigued by is akin to a chess move. This type of move is often referred to as the 'queen sacrifice'. By purposely leaving the queen unguarded, your opponent is lured into the trap, only to be met with a devastating counter attack. This, and the element of a trial run before the big reveal, is what lead me to consider that the 'lover' album may have been used as bait for the sale of her masters. If she alluded to coming out straight away to entice the sale that was going to happen anyway, that obstacle wouldn't get in the way of her bigger plan. (It is not my intention to imply that this theory is true, so this is just a hypothetical option in favour of the bigger picture.) If this was a prelude for a bigger plan, it still would have been extremely devastating when it did happen.

The show must go on

This is the turning point in the movie when we begin to see Truman's life from the directors point of view. "An entire human life recorded on an intricate network of hidden cameras, and broadcast live and unedited 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to an audience around the globe." We start to find out how they had to manufacture ways to keep Truman on the island. His father dying played a big part of that, but to the viewers it's just another plot twist in the show they've been watching for entertainment. They have 5,000 cameras around Seahaven now, but started off with just one before he was born and they've been watching Truman's life unfold ever since. "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented." This is the director's response as to why Truman has never left Seahaven or found out about the show. This contradicts everything we've seen from Truman's point of view. Just because he could leave doesn't mean he could leave freely. How much harder does he have to try before the director will let him go? He goes on to explain that with Meryl's decision to leave the show, a new love interest will be introduced and he has hopes for the first on air conception to occur. It's evident that Truman leaving would derail the directors plans for the show going forward.

Taylor has described how writing a song is like sucking the snake venom out of a bite. Expressing herself creates distance between the heaviness of what she's experienced and I believe this is why she sees herself as the narrator (or director) of her discography at times. During the 'folkmore' set on the eras tour she describes herself as the narrator of the teenage love triangle. It's also common for Taylor to be more than one character at once. At the end of 'the man' music video we discover Taylor is the director, and then it's revealed that Taylor was also the male actor that had been wearing a disguise. This implies that Taylor is James in the love triangle and based on the evolution of her speech, we can infer that as the director she chose Betty in the end. This feels like a clue that we should consider that she has been showing us her version of events from different perspectives all along.

The doll house

Everything on the show is for sale, including their wardrobe, food products and dollhouse style versions of the homes they live in. These elements are jarring after seeing the level of animosity Truman was experiencing with each road block he faced. It feels like they've overstepped a boundary by consuming every detail of Truman's life.

In the 'lover' music video, we first see the lover house is within a snow globe and our first shot of Taylor is through the peephole. The couple dancing throughout the house seem to be sharing a romantic moment, but the entire experience feels voyeuristic. No rooms are off limits as we see them in the bathroom swimming inside of a fish bowl. "Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close, forever and ever?" plays at the same time. It feels like we're asking that of her. It becomes uncomfortable to realise how much we want to have access to every detail of her life.

Back to normal

Headquarters

Not only is Seahaven contained within a dome, the director and his control centre is housed within the moon structure. From the interview with the director we can ascertain that he doesn't usually reveal this much behind the scenes, but the return of Truman's father required some damage control.

The vault in the 'I can see you' music video is reminiscent of the moon shaped structure the director worked out of. The connection between these and the overall theme of the music video reminds me of the scene in 'the hunger games mockingjay' where they rescue Peeta from the capitol, only to find out he was trained to attack Katniss. This scene has an eerily similar asylum vibe like the 'fortnight' music video as well.

The mask

The next morning we go back to Truman in the bathroom again, as if he's just started another regular day. He seems cheerful as he's using a bar of soap to draw an alien outline on the mirror, while at the same time implying that he feels alienated in real life. This facade of normalcy he is presenting after his plan had failed is on purpose to lull the director into a false sense of security. If everyone thinks he has given up and believes he is resigned to staying after all, nobody would see his final escape plan coming.

Just like Taylor showed us with the visuals of the delicate performance on the eras tour, the mask is breakable. Now that we know that Taylor is the one breaking down the facade herself, it becomes harmful to refuse to see Taylor for who she really is underneath the pop star persona. And just like with Truman leaving in the end, Taylor has shown us that she's choosing herself now, regardless of the consequences. So we can either choose to join her, or sit back in defiance until she walks away.

Back to work

As Truman returns to the office it becomes more obvious where all of the cameras have been hidden in plain sight. They're everywhere, including inside his pencil sharpener. But the least obvious camera is the one Truman is wearing, his wedding ring. This came from his father, something he purposely gave to Truman as he was supposedly drowning. He never took it off because it was a reminder of what he had lost at such a young age. Truman was able to escape in the end because he took the ring off and left it behind. They had no way of tracking him if he wasn't wearing it. In hindsight we can see that Meryl's necklace also contained a camera that was used frequently.

If all of the moon and black holes references are a codeword for cameras or surveillance in the Truman show, we can consider that Taylor has used them in her music videos in a similar way. 'The man' music video begins with a similar office scene with a man who is charming and magnetic, but the wink at the camera implies that he's also putting on a performance. At the end of a work call Truman mentions that "life is fragile" after he's introduced to his new love interest. Just like Truman's comment, Taylor has used the word delicate to to describe the fine line between the brittle nature of the facade and how easily it could all fall apart, like what occurs during the 'delicate' performance.

This place is mine

After Meryl left, Truman moved down to the basement. This is the only room in the house that contained anything that was truly personal to Truman with his padlocked chest of mementos and remnants of old hobbies. But on top of all this it was also the room with the least amount of cameras, making it the perfect place to hide.

In the 'lover' music video the only space that is personal to Taylor is the attic, and it’s just like Truman's basement as both rooms are typically used for storage. If you look closely you can see a familiar trunk to the side as she's reminiscing over old pictures on a projector. On the eras tour the only real piece of the lover house is the attic seen throughout the 'folkmore' set, the rest was burnt away on screen and ever since the setlist changed it has been falling over instead. This change reveals that it was a facade all along, similar to how we begin to see behind the scenes half way through the Truman show.

The escape route

The map

Truman's desire to travel to Fiji is heavily featured as Truman's motivation for leaving Seahaven. There's evidence of this throughout the basement, including a large map of the island. Was this really his dream destination? No. Talking about going to Fiji encouraged the director to reveal his endeavours to prevent him from leaving. If Truman was constantly being challenged with his fear of the water, he was also being exposed to potential exit routes and obstacles. Truman's desires to go to Fiji was a facade to masquerade his true intentions of plotting his escape without raising suspicions.

One of Taylor's latest songs explores wanting to escape to 'Florida!' and reflects Truman's dreams of moving to Fiji. Another map Taylor has shown us in her music videos is the man wall. It's seen as a road map for her future rerecords with the end goal of coming out as queer, similar to what Elton John did at the peak of his career. Now that we can see that Truman revealed his dreams to travel as a means of testing his opponent, we can begin to understand that Taylor may have used her attempts to come out as queer in a similar way. If Taylor had expressed her intentions to come out of the closet behind the scenes, she would have been reminded of the challenges she would face if she did so. We see a small portion of this scenario play out with political discussions during the 'Miss Americana' documentary.

Behind the curtain

The director is concerned about Truman being asleep in the basement so Marlon is sent to investigate. When he arrives he finds a decoy in the bed and a tape recorder of Truman snoring. As he searches the rest of the basement, he pulls back the map to reveal what's inside the closet. This is the moment everyone discovers that Truman has escaped and that the map of Fiji was a disguise for his master plan all along.

The man wall is the most fundamental Easter egg for many Swifties, with endless theories on how to decode it. But what if the biggest Easter egg of all is actually set up as a trap to draw our attention in, so that we become so focused on it's significance that we don't notice the bigger picture? The subway wall is made up of small square tiles, with Taylor Swift themed posters and the rerecords written with spray paint over the top to mimic graffiti. But if you look even closer still, you will see that there's also a crack down the middle of the man wall map. This suggests that there's something hidden behind it, just like with Truman's map.

The tunnel

When Marlon opens the closet in the basement, we discover that Truman had dug a hole through the ceiling and this is how he escaped. Marlon climbs up the stepladder and we see his head pop out of the hole in the garden. We could assume Truman began digging this hole after Meryl left because we can see he left behind the same multi tool that she advertised in the beginning, but he was in the middle of digging in the same spot when she came home that day. All we had seen was an awkward shot of Truman from behind as he was working in the garden bed. Truman also purposely left patches of grass unmowed so he had an excuse to be frequently working on the old lawn mower in the basement, something that was quickly replaced once Meryl left.

The ending of the 'delicate' music video is what sparked this deep dive into the Truman show. I discovered that the bar Taylor enters is called the gopher, an animal famous for digging holes underground. This unexpected connection to Truman's method of escape was unbelievable after picking up on many of Taylor's hints towards a departure.

The trap door

If Truman had been digging a tunnel in the garden from the beginning, how did he get away with it? He disguised the hole by filling it with balls and rocks in just the right size that were painted to look like garden ornaments. This is echoed in the scene where Truman is telling Marlon about how he wants to go to Fiji. Marlon asks if Fiji is near Florida, so Truman demonstrates with a golf ball to show that it's practically on the other side of the world. The way Truman is describing it implies that the tunnel is hidden on both sides in a place where the cameras can't find it, and all that's left now is to plan his escape route.

Taylor’s version of Truman’s golf ball is the painted nails aligned with the 2 and 8 on the karma coffee cup, pointing to where her journey through the tunnel starts and finishes. Other ball shaped references include the pearl coloured balls floating around Ice Spice in the 'karma' music video, the golden orbs in the 'willow' music video and the tennis balls in 'the man' music video. When Taylor attempts to leave the glass case in the 'willow' music video, she finds it has been boarded up. She tries to find a way out through the glass, only to reveal that she knew that there was a trap door underneath her feet the entire time. We hear the lyrics "I come back stronger than a 90's trend" at the exact same time Taylor goes down the tunnel. And which trend is she referencing? The Truman show, of course.

Leave everything behind

Cut transmission

Once the director had realised that Truman had really escaped, he was left with no choice but to cut transmission on the live broadcast for the first time since the show began. Panic ensues for the viewers who didn't see this coming, meanwhile we see Sylvia watching from home in anticipation. Ratings for the show are at an all time high as everyone at home waits to find out what happened to Truman.

It's interesting that Taylor drew inspiration from this loading screen for the eras tour poster considering it's a reference to the moment Truman escaped. It draws a very clear parallel to his story, implying that what we're watching on the eras tour is the Taylor version of the Truman show.

Lost at sea

It's unclear how long Truman had after he escaped before the search party started. At first it seemed possible that Marlon left the car door open when he arrived for Truman to escape, but it's more likely he was just in too much of a hurry. It' seems 's likely Truman had some time to escape on his bike undetected. His fear of water meant checking the ocean would be the last place they would think to look for him, which is exactly what happened.

This moment after Taylor entered the bar in the 'delicate' music video reveals a sense of clarity just before she opens up her eyes. The ending of Taylor's story is yet to happen, but from what she's said throughout the tour, she's not planning on slowing down anytime soon.

The note

As Truman sails off we see him pull a note out of his pocket. All he took with him was the collage picture of Sylvia. This symbol of hope for his future was the only thing he took with him. "The only thing that's left is the manuscript, one last souvenir from my trip to your shores."

When Taylor left behind her life's work and started over by herself, she carried a picture of the one that mattered most with her when she left as well. If you look close enough at the man wall, you can see a polaroid shaped outline underneath the black karma letters, as if something that was once there had been taken away. Just like Truman's collage picture, this missing piece represents the secret note from the 'delicate' music video. The one piece of evidence that meant something to them, when so much of their lives were full of half truths and lies. And what's on the polaroid picture? Proof that Taylor is queer... "Like a rainbow with all of it's colours."

It's time to go

Almost drowned

Once they locate Truman as he's escaping on the boat, the director utilises his power to create a storm to derail Truman's attempt to escape. When his first attempts to force Truman to turn back fail, he orders the workers in the control room to hit the boat with the largest wave with to intentionally capsize the boat. They object to risking Truman's life, but the director goes ahead anyway. The wave overturns the boat and Truman almost drowns. As the director escalated his attempts to make Truman stay, it became clear that he would rather let Truman die than watch him leave if he refuses to stay. This highlights how unethical the director's attachment to Truman and the show had become over the years.

In the 'cardigan' music video we see Taylor clinging to her piano in the ocean, just like Truman did with his boat. This shows her determination to fight for her future despite the cost. The trap door Taylor escaped out of in the 'willow' music video is just like the exit points under the stage of the eras tour. Taylor's most iconic exit is after the surprise songs when she dives into the stage. Her character then swims against the current just like Truman did and when she reemerges again it's for the beginning of the 'lavender haze' set.

The getaway boat

Despite the director's attempts, Truman recovers from the storm and sails far enough that his boat crashes into the side of the dome wall. Truman managed to escape Seahaven after a lot of planning, but I think he had some help along the way. If Marlon was aiding Truman's escape plans, he would have been a crucial liaison behind the scenes. Throughout the interview with the director we get a glimpse of Sylvia and find out that her home is full of anti the Truman show propaganda. These include pictures of cast members that could be open to joining their side, with Marlon listed as being their best bet. It's possible the protestors worked together to smuggle Truman's father into Seahaven to encourage Truman to leave. One of the posters shows a young Truman in what appears to be a pizza themed clown costume. Pizza is mentioned a few times by the control centre workers and by the security guards of a car garage. This could be the common factor connecting the protestors helping Truman escape, as well as providing an inconspicuous meet up place to swap information that wouldn't draw attention.

Just like Truman had help, Taylor had a team working together in the 'I can see you' music video. This depicts an alternate view of Truman's escape, with a team breaking in from the outside to rescue Taylor from the vault. Many of the guest appearances in Taylor's music videos are representing the other side of Taylor, more so than any particular muse. Many of the scenes featuring Ice Spice in the 'karma' music video also mimic the ending of the Truman show.

The stairs

Truman found the stairs that lead to the door and is so close to leaving behind the only place he's known. All of this is unfolding because Truman reached a point where his own wellbeing was more important than the character he had been portraying for the audience. Sylvia warned him in the beginning that everyone was watching him. This would have confirmed any suspicions Truman already had and lead to a life of being on high alert knowing he was being monitored at all times.

Both the public and private sides of Taylor have experienced the same restrictions over time, forced to keep a large part of her life hidden from others at all times. The scene with the moon and Saturn implies that an alternative ending to Truman's story is in store for Taylor. The moon was the home of the control centre watching over Truman day and night. Capturing the moon and Saturn in the 'karma' music video suggests that both sides of Taylor have worked together to reclaim the role of director, and are now working together to rewrite their story so that they can reunite and move forward together.

Captive

Finally in a last ditch effort to persuade Truman to stay, the director talks to Truman for the first time. It's clear the director has grown attached to Truman to the point that he doesn't see Truman beyond the character he's crafted over the years, but he only sees the public persona of Truman. The director is pleading for Truman to stay, to let the show continue as it is and claims that he knows Truman better than he knows himself. "You've never had a camera in my head!" is the only thing Truman says in defence. This sentence epitomises everything Truman has experienced living in Seahaven. After all, he was wondering when it was going to end when he was still in school. If the director truly knew what was best for Truman, he would have ended the show years ago.

When Truman told the director that you can't see inside my head, we can assume Taylor is trying to say that we can't see inside her heart. During the 'Me!' music video Brendon Urie opens a heart shaped door that reveals what's inside his heart. This implies that the music video revealed what was in Taylor's heart from the beginning. "When it's like, "me-ee-ee," it's like dancers, cats, gay pride, people in country western boots. I start riding a unicorn, like just everything that makes me me." This is how she describes the music video during the 'Miss Americana' documentary. "And for a fortnight there, we were forever." I believe this is a reference to the fourteen songs on her 'debut' album. Her first and potentially most authentic album is full of songs she wrote before she became famous. And then beginning with 'fearless', Taylor actively added in male muses to her songs to camouflage her queer identity. Unfortunately this was also the beginning of the gap between her public and private life growing apart. Looking back we can see that despite the pain this caused, she never lost hope of reuniting them again.

How did it end?

The final bow

The Truman show challenges our perception of how ethical it is to have such unobstructed access to Truman’s life. We’re left questioning if our entertainment was worth the price he was paying by spending his whole life living in the spotlight. He bows for the audience watching at home and ends with one final “Good morning! And incase I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night!” before he turns and walks through the door. The director was left with a look of disgust as he realised Truman had been preforming for the audience all along. Those who had seen the signs watched on with anticipation and those that didn’t were left feeling shocked and confused.

At the end of a theatre performance, the cast will come back on stage one last time to give their final bow of the night as the audience applauds the performance they've just witnessed. We then have to consider that Truman and Taylor's final bow was an acknowledgement of the fact that they had been putting on a performance the entire time. Just like in 'the manuscript', "looking backwards might be the only way to move forward." Going back through Taylor's history and finding the bread crumbs she left along the way will help us understand that the queer version of Taylor had always been there, we just had to know what we were looking for to be able to see it.

The door

As he steps through the door we wait in fervent anticipation to see how Truman's story ends, only to watch as the credits start rolling without an epilogue. This feels frustrating when we had been hoping to see Truman and Sylvia reunite after many years. Instead, this kind of ending is encouraging us to go back to the beginning and reconsider the story through a new lens after learning about how it ended. Each time you rewatch it you can pick up on the deeper layers of the story, seeing more evidence of Truman's discomfort from living an inauthentic life, and how much determination it required to overcome the challenges he faced along the way. Any further explanation would have diluted the magnitude of the moment Truman felt free for the first time in his life. Just being able to walk through the door in the end was the ultimate accomplishment.

The story Taylor has been showing us was never a revelation of her muses, but a slow unravelling of her experience as a famous person who has had very little privacy throughout her life. She's giving us a peak behind the curtain and allowing us to see who she really is beyond the larger than life character we've all built her up to be. And whether we like it or not, she choosing herself now above all else.

The only difference between Taylor and Truman’s story is that Taylor’s not leaving, she’s simply just stepping out of the closet.

Meet me at midnight?

After turning a pumpkin into a carriage and creating a fancy dress to wear, the fairy godmother forewarns Cinderella before she leaves for the ball.

“You must understand, my dear. On the stroke of 12, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before.” 

The same is true for Taylor.

No matter how much she accomplishes in the spotlight, she is always going to be the truest version of herself underneath the layers of her pop star persona.

"Dear reader, will you still want me when I'm nothing new?"

When the clock strikes midnight, are you still going to want Taylor when you can finally see who she really is underneath?

Who she has been all along?

"A pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her."

A tortured poet,

Kylie x

🧡

[ohmerricat]

an essay about Rogue, The Chimes of Midnight, and how i believe all this ties in to the overarching themes of the series EVEN IF the inside-a-tv-show theory proves untrue

“Rogue” named himself after a stock character. he is the archetypal Handsome Rogue because there has to be a Handsome Rogue role in a period drama story set in Austenesque Regency England.

it’s all theatre — smoke and mirrors. just like the war waged against imaginary foes in boom (because there needs to be an Enemy in a wartime story) was theatre; the creation of the Bogeyman in space babies (because there needs to be a Scary Monster in a children’s bedtime story) was theatre; The Woman following Ruby in 73 yards (because there needs to be a Ghost in a folk horror story) was theatre. dot and bubble less so, but it’s wise to note — the dots created the slugs after all. they invented the slugs so that there would be a tangible Creature for the finetimers (and the Doctor) to fear, rather than simply being betrayed by their own technology. because that’s exactly what the false, harmful narratives colonialists tell themselves — stories of taming and conquering a wild Mother Nature and her ferocious beasts — have trained them to expect from the world. the dots were telling a story too, or rather putting on a play.

the penultimate episode of any doctor who series, if not always leading directly into the two-parter finale, will typically begin to tie up loose narrative strands that have stretched across the entire season. at a first impression rogue doesn’t seem to be doing that. but then you take a closer look at the antagonists: creatures that play a role for fun without the slightest regard for those around them. lethal LARPers. cosplayers out to kill. to put it pretentiously, a hyper-realistic theatre of cruelty.

to nobody’s surprise, i’m bringing up my favourite eighth doctor audio drama — the chimes of midnight. edward grove gives every person trapped in the time loop a designated role: the chauffeur, the doctor-detective, the plucky young lady of the house, the lady’s maid, the scullery girl, the housekeeper. they keep playing these roles, over and over, until they begin to forget their original identity, until the part they’re playing takes over their entire sense of self. the servants keep dying over and over because they cannot transcend their roles, because they believe themselves to be “nothing but a scullery maid”. they are reduced to the parts they play in the narrative until they become nothing outside of it, until they become confined to a single location.

the chimes of midnight is set in Edwardian-era England, a time of restrictive, prescriptive class, status and social roles which defined a person’s life and career trajectory — this strict delineation is driven to its logical conclusion and deconstructed under the unnatural conditions of Edward Grove. similarly, rogue is set in a Regency-era mansion — another historical period defined in the popular imagination by its complicated social rules, elegant courtship dynamics, strict class barriers, gossip and elitism. these two doctor who stories don’t have any intentional watsonian connection, but they are deeply linked on a thematic level.

high society is forced theatre. a 24/7 LARP. play your part, put on your costume, don’t interrupt the performance. the audience is waiting. they’re oh so hungry for tragedy.

the biggest part of them all, the most sought-after role, of course, is The Doctor. a standard to live up to. a name to wear like a banner, a pledge, a promise. he has to be like this because this is what he’s like.

the Scullery Maid scrubs the kitchen floor. The Detective searches for clues. the Chauffeur starts up his car. the Duchess hosts a glittering soirée. the Rake hides a secret fling with the Wallflower. the Rogue breaks hearts and broods on the balcony.

and the Doctor? the Doctor dances. “onwards and upwards”. forever in perpetual motion, spinning and spinning and spinning across the stars. never pausing to breathe. never stopping.

p.s.: so, pray tell, what is Ruby Sunday in all this? “The Companion”, of course. smart, funny, sassy, quick-witted, brave, cheeky, curious, self-sacrificial. she almost feels generic because she’s meant to be. she wasn’t born. she was written. an essential part of the story too. circling the Doctor like a satellite forever.

[shedidntevenswear]

Midnight Rain describing that very specific ache and “what if” when you think about someone you used to be so close to and that you thought was going to be in each others’ lives forever, but your lives have just gone in totally different directions and you’re basically strangers now. And you find yourself surprised and a little sad when you realize you haven’t thought about them in a while and they probably haven’t thought of you. Not a turbulent or abrupt ending, but the gradual loss of mutual significance. 

[oswinsdolma]

the bbc merlin writers actually went so hard when they decided "actually no, magic isn't some grotesque perversion of the natural order, it is nature itself" because like. it would have been so easy to write merlin's internal conflict as one between the inherent evil of magic and the good of humanity, to put arthur in the right for his persecution and to turn merlin into some kind of doomed hero within himself, but no. because in the end, magic had very little to do with anything, it was just something that was there. morgana didn't turn evil because she was magic, she did because she was scared and angry and manipulated. merlin doesn't wait for arthur because of the promise of a golden age, at least not really; he does it because he loves arthur and wants him back. in the disiir episode, if it had only ever been about restoring magic to camelot, merlin should have sacrificed arthur in a heartbeat for the promise of magic's legalisation. hell, even mordred didn't kill arthur because of his views on magic, he did so because arthur took away the person he loved. like yeah it's a fantasy show and magic is a massive part of that world, but in the end it was a story about people, and all the hopes and dreams within it are deeply and tragically human, and that's what makes it a good story, what keeps us going apeshit over it even ten years after it ended. in a way, there are two shows in the same way there are two merlins: one about magic, "emrys" and the other about friendship, and like merlin, the audience has to choose which one we should care about most. and every time, we make the same choice as he did: we, however foolishly, choose humanity. we sob at the tragic trajectory and scream as we see destiny gathering traction, but isn't that the point of tragedy?? if we followed logic over emotion, tragedy would never take place, but equally, if we followed logic over emotion, the idea of tragedy itself would become lost to obselescebce. the whole point of the show is to tell us that "no, we can't define things as one or the other, because anything with meaning exists as something more complex, because to give something meaning is to perceive it with a human gaze". magic may be a force of nature, but good and evil are ideas perpetuated by our innate, incurable humanity, and it is here we have a choice. we can't choose our destinies but we can choose from which direction to embrace it, and that's a surprisingly radical, beautiful thing.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

By god do I just need to scream into the ether about the Heart and co. confrontation scene.

First, the tension, incredible. Gemini and Fourth are phenomenal actors. Heart and Li Ming know they are walking in to a very emotionally fraught situation and their hesitation is palpable.

It's scene breakdown time babyyyy! Let's start from the beginning

For a boy who admitted last episode that he has no idea what he is doing, he sure keeps doing things right. He's letting Heart know he's going to talk. Now, granted I don't know what he is saying here precisely if he is just simply saying "I'm going to talk for us/first", "I'll interpret," or if he's saying "I'm going to talk?", I don't think his face moves in any way that would imply a question, but his face is partially obscured. Either way he is at the very least keeping Heart in the know, and at the most asking for Heart's explicit consent to lead this conversation. You can't see it from pictures, but I appreciate the fact that before they cut back to the wide shot, Heart nods, so we as an audience, and Li Ming as the speaker here knows that Heart is okay with the power dynamics at play, with Li Ming talking for both of them.

It's a blink and you'll miss it moment, thankfully I'm obsessed with this scene and therefore have been looping it endlessly, but I feel compelled to point out the way eye contact in this moment goes a long way in conveying how Heart's Mom and Li Ming view Heart. When Heart's mother points to her son she doesn't even look at him. The most she does is cast a downward glance at his bandage, and that's before she even points. And you can argue all you want that she doesn't look at him because she's specifically talking to and addressing Li Ming. But I call bullshit on that because Li Ming is specifically talking to and addressing Heart's mother, and he's looking straight in to Heart's eyes when he refers to and gestures towards Heart. I'm sure that both of these characters believe they love and care about Heart, but of these two characters which one actually recognizes Heart's personhood?

But uh oh! Li Ming stood up for himself and for Heart, and talked back to not just an adult, but a powerful adult. And now she's mentioning past debts, and now there will be more to pay as a result. And Li Ming can only work so much with school and life and everything. He clearly doesn't know what he's getting himself in to, or what he has gotten himself in to. Li Ming and Heart's Mom are both getting angry, tensions are rising, something needs to happen to de-escalate the situation or this might go wrong. Uncle Jim absolutely must intervene (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice). Interesting note: Guess who else doesn't look at their child when making a decision for them. Jim does look at Li Ming directly after this though, but it's to ask him why he did it. It's to place the blame for the accident on Li Ming. "You Li Ming, why did you do it?" "Heart asked me to." "Stop saying that."

Jim is scared, Li Ming is pissed. "He was bored at home" "I said stop!" Jim is used to the way powerful and wealthy people can control and punish the poor. Jim and Li Ming have had conversations before that indicate this very mindset. Jim has mentioned power to Li Ming before and Li Ming's response has always been "what, so we just let them?" "He's a police officer so he can just do anything he wants to us?" to a young adult like Li Ming, this is an absurdity, to an older man like Jim, this is a reality. "he can just do anything he wants to us?" the answer is yes. Which is why Jim is so desperate to get Li Ming to stop talking here. But it just serves as a reminder to Li Ming that Jim thinks he's a child, and that he needs all his battles fought for him. If Li Ming doesn't keep pushing, nothing is going to change (social and political commentary anyone?)

"There you go again," Heart's mother says, and this is Li Ming's initial reaction. This moment of annoyance and anger that this woman who doesn't even know him is once again accusing him of something he didn't do. This woman who is pointing once again to her son without even a glance in his direction "You know that he's mute, so you can say whatever you want?" First of all, even people who are mute have ways to communicate, so it's not like even if he was mute Heart would be helpless. Hell, even if Heart was mute he still has fucking sign language.

The face of a woman who was, in fact, not aware that deaf people dislike being called mute.

GUESS WHO FINALLY LOOKS AT HER SON AFTER THAT!!!! Please please if the writers are kind and merciful, this will be the point in the show where Heart's mother does so deep deep introspection and realizes how much she has fucked up. "He's just deaf," Li Ming says, loudly, and he steps forward, to try to engage Heart's mom in further conversation, in more dialogue. And what does Jim do? Pulls him back, takes him off his even footing "I said stop,"

The face of a man who is very scared for the trouble his nephew might be getting himself in to, and the face of his nephew who is very disappointed that his uncle keeps not only backing down, but forcing him to back down as well. Who keeps asking him, in these small ways to lie instead of tell the truth. To remain quiet, to take the blame, to stick to the status quo.

And then the part I hate (emotionally) begins. Heart asks Li Ming to tell him what they're saying. And I hate it because Heart's parents refusing to learn sign language does not only hurt Heart but it hurts everyone around him, themselves included. But specifically here, it hurts Li Ming, because he has to be the one to look Heart in the face and repeat the words his mother said, knowing that to do so will hurt Heart. Knowing that he has to be the one to hurt Heart.

And this moment is also a great reminder for the audience as well that no one else knowing sign language creates really uncomfortable power dynamics between the person who is able to interpret and the Deaf person. Because Li Ming is hesitant to repeat it. Heart has to repeatedly grab his arm, repeatedly ask Li Ming to tell him what was said. Li Ming has absolute power over Heart right now, to refuse to say it, or to flat out lie. He doesn't, but it also should not be Li Ming's decision whether or not Heart knows, accurately, what was said. Even after we see it in his face that Li Ming agrees to translate, he still hesitates for a few seconds to move, to reach for the notepad, to have to write it down.

And once he writes it down, Li Ming's eyes do not leave Heart. He is honed in on Heart, on Heart's face, on his shoulders, hell even on the back of his head until Heart asks him to translate. And god as much as I hate this moment in the scene for the pain that it causes Li Ming, I hate it even more for the pain that it causes Heart.

He is fucking livid. Rightfully so, because HE'S NOT FUCKING MUTE, HE'S HAD LANGUAGE THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME. He just wants to live his life like everyone else AND HE HAS TO TELL HIS PARENT'S THAT USING SOMEONE ELSE'S VOICE. Because they have refused to use his own. GOD. I'll be surprised if anyone makes it this far down in the post but I just...AHHHH I have no coherent thoughts about this moment, I just....Heart's parents do fucking better. Damn. And the worst part of this scene is yet to come because his Mom tries for like 0.2 seconds, but it looks like she's going to start signing something and Heart just looks SO surprised.

He's so focused on it, he's paying so much attention to it. Is this it? Is this the moment he finds out that his mother has actually been trying? That she has learned and is ready to start using sign language with him? To talk to him, to understand him?

No.

She can't do it. She doesn't know how to. And it's just..it's so easy to see how much hope he had for just a second, how much that one millisecond of effort obliterated all the logic in his head that told him they didn't know it, they didn't care. And how quickly that disappointed anger snaps right back in to place. So Heart starts talking, in sign language, like he has been able to do for years, and he speaks his mind, and his mother still can't understand him. And we see the same dynamic here as with the "mute" comment. Heart's Mom wants Li Ming to translate, Heart wants Li Ming to translate, Li Ming knows how hurt Heart is, and yeah, probably some of his hesitation in voicing what Heart said is because he knows what Heart said will hurt her. But more so because I think it hurts Li Ming to know how much pain Heart is in.

God, poor Heart, literally having to beg to be heard.

"He said you are ashamed of him being deaf,"

His mother shakes her head and says "Heart, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, dear," and therein lies the problem. She doesn't know what to say, she never has. She has never bothered to learn how to communicate with him since he went deaf. She has kept him locked away. And it doesn't matter if she thinks she did that to keep him safe, Heart feels like he's being hidden away. And she doesn't say "No. No I'm not ashamed. I have never been ashamed." she doesn't know what to say. Because she can't say that. She can't deny that, and it just confirmed everything that Heart has known. So he leaves, because that's too much to handle.

Bullshit 'he'll be fine, honey'. Your fucking son just told you that you never bothered to learn sign language in THREE FUCKING YEARS, and stormed away after admitting that he feels like you are ashamed of him, and you think no need to go after him, he'll be fine??? Fuck you. ACAB.

Does this...

look like...

he's fine, to you?

No. I didn't think so.

I don't really feel like I need to say much about this last shot. It stands on its own so strongly. Mirrors reflecting back, Heart and Li Ming only ever being able to see each other, to be seen by each other. Warm light at Heart's back, Li Ming in front of him, sandwiched between warmth in all of that blue, isolating coldness. All that evidence of how much time and the energy Heart has spent learning sign language. I don't know what the post-its say, I don't know that I want to know.

I don't know if they are notes Heart has written to himself when he was learning, and this is just what remains of his effort. Honestly I hope it's that, because if it is what I think it is, general, every day responses that he might have to give in reply to his parents that he can just pull off his wall and return, that is so much fucking worse. Because then its just the evidence of all the effort Heart has put in to communicate with his parents on their level when they have not put in the same effort to communicate on his. Even if it's something cute, even if it's all the notes that he and Li Ming have passed back and forth to each other over the last few months, serving as a reminder that someone cares, you still are left with the heartbreaking shot of two young men, desperate to be understood by their families, only having each other to hold on to, surrounded by reminders that they are the only two people that can understand each other. No matter how hard they try.

[100-yardstare]

I was watching that new King Candy video on YouTube by Randomalistic and it got me thinking a lot about Wreck-It Ralph again, specifically about some background lore of the universe and the entire concept of the code and what it means to be alive in the arcade.

In this scene specifically, we are literally shown that code equals what is going on in the game. In the entire movie, "the code" is referenced like a god. You follow the code, you will be okay. If not, well... that could mean the end to either yourself or your world.

It's interesting to note that by dying outside your game you don't regenerate, yet manipulating the code itself like King Candy did didn't "delete" Vanellope. She was just made a glitch, which seems like a reasonable consequence of trying to delete her code. Perhaps it could explain why she couldn't leave the game Sugar Rush itself because her code was unstable, so the world's natural instruction to preserve her and itself would be to not allow her to leave.

But going beyond rules of the world of Wreck-It Ralph for a second, this is a cool reference to basic programing, which is essentially designing data into a sequence that a computer can interpret and execute. While the characters in Wreck-It Ralph are very much programs, they are also meant to be alive, and so, as this smart guy named Podolsky once said, "[there is a] counterpart for every element of the physical world." I don't remember where I read this part, but there were scientists talking about subatomic theory and how everything existing or anything that has existed is in some sort of quantum blueprint, parallel and expressing you, me, and that dog pissing on your tree outside into existence.

I AM GETTING TO MY POINT NOW

So my theory is that while a character may die and be unable to regenerate if something happens to them while they are outside their game, this doesn't necessarily mean that their code still doesn't exist.

Vanellope's code was attempted to be destroyed by King Candy, but that plot was a failure. He couldn't even modify existing code, like possibly changing the color of the salmon room or redesign Vanellope's kart because that's just what the code dictates. It's there and its permanent.

King Candy being an invader to Sugar Rush makes him not part of the game, and thus even though he was able to create an insert Sugar Rush character for himself to inhabit or essentially a "skin" to wear if you wanna be creepy about it, at the end of the movie he is gone. Dead as a door nail. He has no original code to refer back to because Turbo Time was unplugged, so he doesn't even have a source code that even remembers him as an individual. It's like a second death.

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

to round out tonight's humphris-gamble spiral: the 2.14 exorcism as an almost prophetic play-by-play of 4.21, with both episodes featuring the dean-bobby familial unit bringing a monstrous sam back under control (meg, earlier in 2.14: 'meg? no. not anymore. i'm sam'). and the different parting glances between sam and bobby here. bobby's wary, assessing look in 2.14 vs. the 'what's become of you' face he's making in 4.21. sam's anxious smile in 2.14, seeking reassurance, vs. his look of worn down despair post-panic room in 4.21. a sam who still hopes that his monstrosity might be treated as something external to himself, a demon to be exorcised vs. a sam face-to-face with the barrel of a gun, knowing that he is The Monster in this story (dean in 4.21 later telling him, 'it's what you are').

[agreyrose]

“Taylor Swift doesn’t have any queer themes in her lyrics”

Taylor Swift:

“Oh muse, let’s run away together to a place where I can keep you safe and we can be free to be together away from everybody who would want to keep us apart. A place different and far away from here where everyone hunts us and tears us away from each other because they don’t understand our love. Come with me, muse, to a faraway fantasy land where there is no media, no paparazzi, and the only people who live there are gentle and clever, and they DO understand because they’re like us.”