#mid 60s hell yeah

[existencebringsonlypain]

yoooo it's finally cold enough i have an excuse!!!

[gojocumdumpster]

“Is it bad that, I never made love?”

ft- Baki

Type of story: 🎂

Pre-view: A nerdy virg!n and hoodish!baki…😏

Warnings: no nsfw in this one, flirting and touching

Heyy just got the urge to write yk🌚

You were known for being the “shy”quiet A+ girl, work always turned in on time never failed to impress your teacher you would always make 80-100’s without fail everytime. Whenever your teacher asked the class to take notes or study your always the only one who listens. You had friends but not like those big friend groups just like 5-6 people max.

It was your last period of the day, and boy were you booked. You did little tutorials throughout the day 2 before school, maybe like 2-4 people during your break mid day and 1-2 people after school. Did you charge for it…hell yeah shit ain’t free nowadays. You make about 50-100 on good days but mostly 40-60 on regular days.

“Are you ever gonna lose your virginity?” one of your friends said.

“Uhm…I don’t know yet, I still haven’t decided”you said quietly writing in your notebook. “Girl there’s this cute boy in your his name is like Baki Hanma something like that yall would look cute together and I see the glances he gives to you from across the classroom.” your other friend teasing you, “Shut up! He probably does that to every girl he sees you don’t know that he’s one of the bad kids” shuffling in your backpack for your pink Ipad, you had a online tutoring business so people would go to your instagram clicking the link in your bio (pause) to make bookings to be tutored and see your schedule. You went to your website seeing the requests you had for tomorrow evening you clicked to see who booked and guess who it was. Yeah that’s right the good ole Baki hanma. Your jaw dropped and your friends were concerned rushing to look at your ipad. “Oh hell yeah! Girl this is your chance get you a man’s maybe even lose your virginity!!”.

Embarrassment was covered all over your face as you quickly closed your ipad case and shoved it in your backpack, “The bell rings in 2 minutes i’m just gonna head to class early” rushing out the library little black shoes tapping on the tile. It was the next day you had your pink skirt on with a cute graphic tee and knu skool vans with your braids in 2 cute high ponytails and lipgloss with your bracelets on. It was 3rd period and you had a class with Baki and 1 of your friends. Baki was always into trouble that’s why you didn’t want to fool around with him or be by him but the smell of his dior perfume and his cute fresh outfits everyday with his curly hair (the outfit not the dude) but today you were partnered up with him sense your friend wasn’t there and his other friend was in trouble. You were gonna beat your friends ass when you saw them, baki sat in the back so of course your teacher asked for you to go in the back with him.

You sighed as your made your way back head down, “Don’t be like that Mamas i’m not gon bite” You looked at him with a dirty look sitting down and paying attention to the teacher. The strong smell of his perfume he wore everyday and this baggy designer pants oh boy he was finer than a mf. The teacher gave you guys free time before the bell rang which was in the next 25 minutes so everyone was talking so you packed your stuff up getting ready to move back to your original seat you got up before you got dragged down roughly by your skirt revealing a bit of your hot pink laced panties.

“Hey! What the fuck?!” pulling up your skirt sitting still.

“Where you think ya going?” baki said looking at your pulling up your skirt.

“I’m going back to my fucking seat damn.” getting up once again.

“Hey, sit down.” It was something about the way he said it that made your body automatically sit back down.

“Good.” he scooted your chair closer “why you always tryna run or avoid me everytime you see me?” hooded eyes looking at you “Because your a trouble maker and annoying.” he chuckled at your response “So you saw my request for tutoring after this period right ma?” “Yes I did.” rolling your eyes, “Good. I didn’t know a little nerd like you wore lace panties that’s cute.” “S-shut up baki your so weird”

You got up as the bell rang, “We’re both going to the both place so we might aswell walk together” he said wrapping his arm around your waist. “Get the hell off of me” walking faster as you made your way towards the library. It was empty so you made your way to the back where you normally had your sessions. “You have a fatass ya know that right?!” baki said behind you. You quickly pull your skirt down pulling out a chair to sit in. “Sit down and let’s get this over with.” “Damn ma calm down.” He said pulling a seat right next to you pulling you closer to him once again. “What do you need help with?” looking at him annoyed. “Math homework” Okay let me see. As you were explaining and helping him he would trail his hands on your thighs squeezing the thickness everytime you tried to pull him off you failed so you just dealt with it.

He would look at your plump glossy lips while caressing your thigh his hands would slowly go further right next to your inner thigh hands all up in your skirt if he kept going further he would end up touching your hot core (i forgot the other saying) “It so warm up here ma.” “S-shut up.” As you were almost done he picked you placing you on his lap, “Baki no! Not here and never” you said trying to get up. “If you keep squirming like that your gonna have a bigger problem to fix ma.” you quickly sat still sighing plump ass sitting directly on his groin.

As you were reviewing the stuff you taught him, he would play with your pantie straps (idk😭) twirling them around his finger squeezing your hips. “Well sessions up” You said hopping off. “Already??” he said concerned. “Yes baki already.” Your skirt was rised up revealing your panties and your plump ass you finished putting your stuff up before you left baki gave you a 100 dollar bill. “It was only 20?!” you said confused “Yeah I know but I what wanted to thank you for the tutoring and something else.” He reached behind your gripping the thickness of your ass and pulling your skirt down before walking away. After all of that you got home ate and took your shower your were laying in your bed scrolling on your phone until you got a random text

“Hey mamas”

“Who’s this?”

Who yall think it is?

[leiascully]

The amount of times Mulder and Scully have been spied on, bugged, surveillanced (Trust No 1 / Pine Bluff / Milagro) it had to be inevitable that at least one of their intimate encounters was tapped in on. Can you write something revival time or post where Mulder or Scully are horrified to stumble across proof of one of these invasions of privacy. Either actual tape or third party account

Putting this under a cut because it goes from zero to 60 in 3.5. (AO3)

The footage is slightly grainy, captured by a small camera. Video begins with a view of an empty bedroom. A bed with a wooden frame is the focus of the shot. Also visible are a nightstand, a laundry basket, and the front edge of a dresser; there is a partial view of doors that appear to lead to a closet. A small suitcase rests on the bed. MULDER comes into the room, followed by SCULLY. MULDER sits on the bed. SCULLY opens the suitcase and pulls clothes out of it. MULDER looks into the suitcase. He unzips various compartments and pulls out a device.

M: Hey, Scully, you get a new toothbrush? S: No, I… Mulder, give me that. M: Seems kind of big for a toothbrush honestly, but I know how serious you are about dental hygiene. I’ve seen how assiduously you floss. Hell of a long cord, too. You could walk all the way to the kitchen mid-scrub. S: It’s not a toothbrush. M: Oh. Huh. And that’s comfortable? I didn’t take you for a size queen.

SCULLY takes the device from him. She appears to be blushing.

S: Anybody sleeping with you has to have a predilection for girth. M: Thank you. S: This one isn’t for internal use. There are… attachments.

MULDER digs in the suitcase and comes up with several small blunt objects.

M: A whole handful of fun. What does this one do? S: The bumps are for stimulating the clitoris. The wedge side is for stimulating the labia. Of course they can be used on other parts, but that’s the primary function of that particular attachment. M: Will you show me? S: …yes.

MULDER shifts back on the bed and pats the space in front of him. SCULLY stands between his knees. She slowly unbuttons her blouse while MULDER watches avidly. SCULLY tosses the blouse into a laundry basket along with her trousers. She plugs in the device by the bedside table. MULDER hands her the attachment and she secures it in the device while MULDER takes off his outer shirt and throws it into the laundry basket. SCULLY returns to stand in front of MULDER. Her back is to the camera. MULDER hooks his thumbs into the sides of her underwear and tugs it down. He unhooks her bra and lets it drop to the floor. Neither garment makes it to the laundry basket.

SCULLY, now naked, sits between his knees, leaning against his chest. She positions herself with her legs open. MULDER rests his chin on her shoulder. The viewer understands that MULDER and SCULLY are facing a mirror that sits on top of the dresser.

M: What a view. S: I can tell you appreciate it.

SCULLY powers on the device, holding it with one hand. She runs the tip of the device up and down the inside of her thighs. Her other hand rests on MULDER’S knee. SCULLY sighs with pleasure.

M: Starting slow? S: This isn’t the quickie toy. That one’s in my bedside table. M: But this one was in your suitcase? S: Sometimes I like to take my time, knowing you’re only a wall away.

MULDER groans a little. SCULLY smiles. She continues to stroke the finger-shaped attachment over her thighs.

M: What does it feel like?

SCULLY takes his hand and traces the inside of his wrist with one side of the attachment and then the other.

S: Feel the difference? M: Yeah. I can see how that would be, ah, stimulating. Especially the textured side. S: It’s not a replacement for the traditional organic methods of stimulation, but it’s nice. M: By organic methods, you mean my tongue and my cock. S: That’s exactly what I mean. M: Maybe after this I’ll demonstrate the premise.

SCULLY shivers visibly.

S: I like that idea. M: I thought you would. Any opportunity to test the hypothesis. S: Any opportunity to come with you inside me.

MULDER is the one shivering now.

M: Are you wet? S: See for yourself. Mmm, Mulder. M: That’s a definitive yes. Powerful toy. S: It isn’t just the toy. M: Do you like to watch me touch you, Scully? Do you like to watch me lick my fingers clean because I can’t get enough of you? S: sighing Yes. M: Do you want a taste? S: …yes. M: I like to watch you too. God, Scully, you’re so sexy. Show me how this thing makes you feel. S: The wedge side works best when I use it on my labia like this. A slow up and down, building sensation. Like I said, this isn’t a quickie toy. M: May I?

SCULLY hands MULDER the device. He uses it as directed, teasing her folds. SCULLY moans and leans against him. She takes his free hand and lifts it to her breast. MULDER rubs his thumb over her nipple and squeezes her breast. SCULLY cups her other breast, stroking in tandem.

M: Does it feel good? S: breathlessly Yeah, it feels good. Press it lower, almost pushing into me. Mmm, just like that. M: I want to try the bumpy side. S: Good. Yes. Just like that. Oh, Mulder, keep going. M: Show me how you like it on your clit.

SCULLY wraps her hand around MULDER’S and together they wield the device.

S: Back and forth. Yeah. Ohhh yeah. Oh, hold it there. M: What does this switch do? S: Increases the speed. M: May I? S: Oh. Please. Yes.

SCULLY’S back arches. She is still leaning against MULDER. Their hands caress her breasts. SCULLY lifts her knees to hook her legs over MULDER’S. He spreads his legs wider, splaying Scully’s legs apart. They are both watching in the mirror, almost appearing to look into the camera at times. Despite the quality of the footage, SCULLY appears flushed.

M: Look at you. Fuck, Scully, I’m going to come in my pants. S: panting slightly Don’t you dare. I want you to come inside me. M: groaning God. You’re close, aren’t you? I can tell you’re close. The way you tremble right before you come… I love to feel the way you shake against me. Around me. S: God, Mulder, I’m… right there, please, oh yes! Right there! Oh God, Mulder!

SCULLY shudders in MULDER’S arms. She reaches down and thumbs off the device, letting it fall to the floor with a thump. She turns to MULDER, who is frantically unbuckling his belt and undoing his trousers. His erection is briefly visible as it springs from containment. SCULLY attempts to take off MULDER’S undershirt, but only succeeds in hauling it up under his arms before she gives up and straddles him. MULDER steadies his erect penis with one hand as SCULLY sinks down onto it. The camera is treated to an unobstructed view of SCULLY’S back and buttocks as she rides MULDER, his penis visible as he pumps into her. Any further speech is muffled and nearly incoherent, mostly epithets and affirmations.

SCULLY reaches orgasm again, her head tipping back as MULDER kisses her throat and appears to suck at her breasts. Shortly after, MULDER reaches orgasm, holding SCULLY’S hips as he thrusts up into her. The marks of his fingers are briefly visible on her skin before they both collapse onto the bed, embracing each other, breathing heavily. One of SCULLY’S leg is twined between MULDER’S. He is still wearing his trousers and his undershirt. The footage ends.

“We watched the footage,” Scully says in a grim voice.

“In private, as you suggested,” Mulder adds. “Good suggestion, I might add.”

Scully flicks her eyes at him. “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not sure why anyone would have this.”

Mulder shifts, holding up the thumb drive. “Where did this come from?”

Skinner won’t meet his eyes. “It was recently recovered from a computer we confiscated years ago. The files were heavily encrypted and our technicians were only recently able to access the contents of the hard drive.”

“Whose computer?” Scully’s voice is sharp.

Skinner pushes a piece of paper across his desk. Mulder leans forward to take it, showing it to Scully. The paper is a list of file names. There is one line highlighted.

Users > Krycek > Documents > Paperwork > Receipts > 2000 > Domestic Expenses > Hygiene > Personal > Favorites > ToyTime2.mp4

“Naturally,” Mulder mutters.

“Were there other videos?” Scully demands.

Skinner won’t look at her either. “Some files are still being decrypted, but I believe most were corrupted beyond recovery.”

“Did you watch it?” Mulder asks.

“I was shown a short clip from the beginning of the video to verify its provenance,” Skinner says in a low voice. “Everybody’s clothes were still on.”

“Well, keep us in the loop.” Mulder stands up. He slips the thumb drive in his pocket. “We’ll store this copy, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course,” Skinner says.

Scully glares at him as they leave.

“Should we go re-enact it?” Mulder asks in a low voice, his hand at the small of her back as they proceed down the hall as if they didn’t spend their lunch break watching their younger selves get wild.

“Do you think there’s somewhere in town we can buy an Eroscillator?” Scully asks. “I lost track of that one years ago. It’s a shame, really. It wasn’t cheap. But after six years of waiting for you to put out, I needed something sturdy.”

“I’m sure we can find something suitable,” Mulder promises. Instead of pressing the button for the elevator, he steers her toward the hall that leads to the exit. “I think we deserve some time to process this.”

“Yes, we should get off,” Scully muses. He looks down at her and grins. “Mulder. I’ve always wondered whether Krycek also had a predilection for girth.”

“You two do have more in common than you might like to admit,” Mulder tells her. “I had one or two pieces of evidence to prove it. Too bad all our files burned.”

“Well, at least we’ve got our home video.” She sighs. “I feel like I ought to be more disturbed, but it’s almost nice to have the memories. It’s not like I didn’t know my apartment was bugged.”

“Let’s go make a sequel,” Mulder says, slipping on his sunglasses as they reach the exit.

[yawnderu]

People who hc price as some crusty old technologically illiterate boomer are not only so wrong for that but it’s kinda lame atp. There’s other ways to highlight an age difference without completely disregarding his canon age. For a more fun example I work with people in their late thirties, They’re all tech savvy and intelligent but online culture is just weird to them and they ask me about memes all the time.

(Elder gen z, being 22 but I’m the youngest on the team. Picture a bunch of mid to late thirties blue collar workers standing around in mud borderline begging me to explain what the hell a skibidi toilet is and why their nephews can’t shut up about it. Sometimes I’m at a complete loss too.)

They also ALL simultaneously offer me cigarettes constantly but say « good girl don’t start » when I say no thanks. I don’t get it

I could never date price (he’s hot as fuck but I just couldn’t 😭) but he would probably be my work bestie and go to the shooting range with him

The way you're living my dream bc I love older men

Also saying ''good girl'' HELLO?? We're sucking dick and taking everybody's man. KJNLEFHKJNEFKJNEFBJKHEFJBHK

Yeah I totally get that!! I think a lot of people forget that Price is literally only 37— 37 isn't even old, and people that age don't act like boomers 😭😭

Also people seem to forget he HAS to be good at tech?? He's literally a Captain, he's not gonna have a stroke by using a smartphone. I think a mix of the tiktok girlies making those dumbass headcanons + the fact that Price gets called ''old man'' by multiple people makes others believe he's like 60.

ALSO, Simon is literally only 2 years younger than Price but I never see you guys portraying him like that 🤨JHNEFBHEFHJ

[versipellesh]

𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 // 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

summary: for a series of events has lead you half way across the country searching for a new place to call home, stumbling into Jerusalem's Lot a wolf has found its home

word count: 8305

warnings: Susan and Reader having a fruity interaction that's it guys,, also not beta read,, im not nervous to have one

an: so we begin this journey, this is more of just world building then it is anything. we will fully get into fully in the next chapter. i wanted to give some backstory to the reader but not a whole lot

Your boot tapped rapidly against the polished tile floors of the Greyhound station. Eyes flickering around the space as people went about their business. So many lives were passing by you as you stood in line, so many normal people. Your eyes traced people in seats, their scents all mingling in your nose as you shouldered up the duffle bag that was hanging off your shoulder. You kept your head low as your hands shaking held tightly onto the cash in them. Your palms were sweating and you weren't sure why. Why were you so nervous, this was meant to be a new start for you. Getting your feet under you after the accident but for some reason there was this deep pit in your stomach, something trying to claw its way out of you.

You took in a shaky breath and briefly shook out your hands. You leaned to the side to eye the line that was up to the counter before your eyes glanced at boarding signs. 

Pocatello, ID to Portland, ME – 3 day trip

That seemed about right to you, it got you the hell out of town and far far away from this place. There was no going back home after what happened, no family left to go too. Not after what had happened and finding out what it had caused in you. They were safe this way.

You took a steady breath in as you repeated the words in your head. This we're going to be alright, you were going to be okay. The thought replayed over and over in your head as you shuffled forward with the line. Your family would eventually move on with time, they had thought you died anyways. It maybe made this transition all the bit easier didn't it? Still hurt like hell knowing they had returned home and you had stepped into a world you were still getting your footing in figuring how to navigate it.

The steady chatter of people echoed in your ears as you tilted your head down. You watched as your ribcage rose and fell with each breath. You were alive. It felt good to be alive after all of this. Your eyes flickered down to the white bandaging that peeked out from your jacket, your face twisting into a grimace, the sudden flood of phantom pains in your arm had you recoiling. You could feel the hot, rancid breath. The feeling of teeth sinking deep into supple flesh and the sound of bones cracking under the weight of teeth. The heavy rake of claws embedding themselves into your flesh as you and your attacker tried to almost become one. Your eyes squeezed close as you tried to flush out the memories and center yourself back into the current.

“You alright hun?”

The voice broke you out of your trance, eyes shooting open almost in a startled panic but you remembered where you were. The concerned glance of deep brown eyes looked at you. The soft wrinkled face between small circle framed glasses and the gentle smell that came with the stranger. The smell of flowers, honey and cinnamon flooded your nose as you felt your shoulders almost relax on instinct. The old woman, shy of probably her mid 60’s, the wrinkles on her face told a story of a life well lived. She gave you a feeling of comfort that you had been missing as of recently.

“Y-yeah, sorry I just zoned out.” You stuttered out to the woman.

You watch as a look of washed over the woman’s face. It was the look of a mother who had often known when her children had lied to save face. You felt like you were under a microscope as this woman seemed to have a read on you that you didn’t quite understand. You watched as she seemed to study you and before anything someone behind the lady cleared their throat. Your eyes met with the other person and the tilt of their head and your swiveling on your heels to see that the line had moved and you were next.

You scampered forward juggling your few belongings as you made your way up to the counter. The woman behind the desk was young like you, maybe a few years older than you but you couldn’t be sure. Her jaw moved in a methodical way as she chewed her gum, slightly disinterested eyes stared at you. 

“Where too?” The attendant chirped in a fake cheery tone.

“Portland, Maine. One way.” You said as you placed your money down on the counter.

The attendant stared at you for a moment, you watched as her eyes glossed over you as if apriasing you before she loudly smacked her gum. She took the money off the counter counting it out before taking what was needed from you. You watched as the woman got your ticket, the heavy sound of the machines working before she was slipping the ticket on the counter with the extra change.

“That bus doesn’t leave until late tonight. There’s a diner across the street and we got a lounge.” The attendant said she made a half attempt at motion across the station towards the lounge.

You gave a half nod of your head and small muttered thanks as you collected your money and ticket before moving out of the way. You stepped out of the way, your fingers running over the ticket and the weight of something felt like it had lifted just a little bit. Your fingers ran over the ticket, slightly smearing some of the fresh ink before you looked about. There was still time to blow and the bus didn't leave until later. You could feel exhaustion creeping into your system and maybe it was best to sit down for now and maybe get some sleep. Your boots dragged against the checked tile floors as you made your way over to some of the benches that were posted up against the wall. You stuffed your cash into the pocket of your jacket before folding your ticket and tucking it in your breast pocket. Your duffel bag slipped from your shoulder as you sat down moving about before your arms wrapped around it and head leaned on it. You brought your legs up to your chest and buried your face into the fabric of the bag. You took in a deep breath and let your eyes flutter close as you sought out the sweet reprieve of sleep.

You didn’t wake up until a couple hours later from a restless sleep. It was always that kind of sleep that never felt fulfilling and empty in a way. It was starting to become normal for you at this point, to close your eyes and be filled with a dark, inky void only to wake up feeling just as tired or even more so. As you slowly lifted your head that familial scent from the woman clouded your senses as you sat up. You rubbed your eyes for a moment and yawned before slouching into the bench shifting your duffel bag lazily to sit in your lap.

“You’re new to this, ya?” Her voice asked.

You glanced to the side to see the woman who had sat next to you with her own bags. She had been busy reading next to you and that’s when you realized that she had placed one of her shawls over you when you had been sleeping. It took you a minute to process what she was saying to you through the sleepy fog.

“New to what?” You asked.

“You know. New to this, I can tell. I can smell it on you.” The old woman said as she gently closed her book.

She watched as your eyes narrowed for a second before that flicker of realization hit you like a train. She was one of them and she knew what you were. Your eyes went a bit wide and you remembered that you had to settle down for a moment. You gave a hesitant nod of your head to her answer and slowly pulled the shawl off of your shoulders as you nervously glanced away.

“That obvious?”

“No but I can smell it. The change in you.” She murmured as she looked at you.

Something in you felt like bristling when she said the words she had. You weren’t sure how she knew what had happened to you but it made you uneasy for a moment. No one else besides Lawrence seemed to know what you were and if anyone did they didn’t say anything to you. 

“I’m so sorry honey. You don’t know much about this way of life do you?” She added as she looked at you.

The way the woman looked at you could only be described as maternal. It made you feel safe and protected for the first time in the last month. It was like someone was seeing you for the first time and wasn’t telling you to hit the ground running to hope for the best. You slowly nodded your head again in answer to her, you didn’t want to mutter the words out. It only made your situation more of reality having to confront it like that and you weren’t sure you were ready to confront the beast in the mirror just yet.

“You can call me Helena. I would say I’m like you but not exactly, we are just a bit different but ever the same family under the moon, ya?” She asked you with a gentle smile.

“Yeah.” You found yourself saying to her.

You gave Helena your name and told you what little you wanted to give to her about what had happened. You had watched the expression on her face shift as you told her your story and why you were leaving. She never looked at you with a look of pity or sadness when you told her. She didn’t seem to mourn for what you had been to what you had become but took it as it was. Like it was a simple matter of fact of what had happened. In exchange, Helena had told you that she was born with it, that this is how she had always known life. She told you about her husband and children, how they had grown up and left home as well. That she was on her way back to Maine from a trip to Idaho to see her eldest son and her grandchildren. That’s when you found out you both were going to the same place and when she offered to explain more to you. That she didn’t have all the answers for your particular predicament but she could share wisdom that anyone like you two should know to navigate a world that just laid beneath the surface of what people perceived.

The hours had waned on as you sat next to Helena and talked to past the time. You had gotten up at some point and gotten food for the both of you while you waited. The sun had come and set by the time the bus for you both had been called. You picked up your bag and one of hers, the two of you in tow as you wanted to join the line to board. Helena seemed to take the lead, you trailing after her like a puppy following its mother. The thought made a smile break out on your face, maybe that’s what it was after all. You both got loaded up into the bus taking seats towards the back. You helped her get baggage set up before the two of you got settled in for the long ride across the country.

You settled into your seat next to the window, eyes glancing out the glass as you looked up. The silver beams of the moon shone down and it set something down your spine. You couldn’t tell if it was terror or anticipation. There was war raging inside of you now, the constant of wanting to reject what you had become and others that wanted to embrace what you were. You felt your eyes slowly start to drift shut as your head leaned against the cool window.

The next time you were waking up was when the bus was pulling into a stop to refuel and it was sometime in the afternoon at this point. The bus had mostly been vacant at this point as people took the hour or so to stretch their bodies and get some decent food. Your eyes were blurry from sleep and you stretched your legs out a bit as you shifted in your seat. You saw Helena standing outside smoking. You watched carefully for a moment as the woman stood out there before you were pushing yourself out of your seat and stumbling your way out of the bus. Your boots hit the asphalt as you stepped out. You stretched out a bit more as you took in the warmth of the sun on your skin for a moment. The heat seeped into your skin as you stood there before it seemed to be a bit too much and you shucked off your jacket. “Finally decided to greet the waking world with your presence?” Helena chirped with a raspy laugh.

You couldn’t help the small giggle that had left your throat as you nodded your head and wrapped your jacket over your arm as you had stalked closer to her. You came to stand at her side as you took in the fresh air of Colorado felt like it had opened your lungs up a bit and it was nice.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been sleeping a lot since this.” You told her as you made a motion to the arm that was bandaged up.

Helena looked over as she took a drag of her cigarette, you couldn’t help but find the smell of it intoxicating. It wasn’t like the cigarettes that your grandfather used to smoke, this had a sweet and narcotic aroma to it that you couldn’t help but make your mouth water almost. You were so distracted by the smell that you didn’t notice Helena take your arm in her hands, they were strong and sturdy still yet the skin on them had started to sag. She was covered in freckles and her hands shook slightly as she held your forearm. You didn’t even stop her when she unwrapped your arm and just watched as the bandages fell away. You didn’t freeze like you had before looking at it. You stared at it for a moment as she seemed to take it in before she turned away from it.

“It’s healed well. It’s passable as a dog attack. Here.” Helena said as she held out a cigarette for you to take from her.

“I don’t smoke.” You stated.

“Not your normal type of cigarette, honey. Just trust me on this.” She said as she motioned to it.

You took the hand rolled cigarette from Helena, your fingers gently holding it before you placed it between your lips. You watched as she pulled a lighter and lit the end of it on, you watched as the embers flickered awake. You took in a deep drag. It was a bit reminiscent of the times you had sat around with your friends from school passing a blunt around. You took a deep inhale and the sweet taste filled your mouth and lungs. You pulled the cigarette from your lips and exhaled the smoke as it bellowed from your mouth. You felt your body relax, it felt as if you had gotten a full night's rest and the ache in your body from the last change didn’t seem like it had ever been there to begin with.

“I feel better.” You told her as you took another drag of the cigarette feeling the sweet smoke fill your lungs before you relaxed.

“It’s wolfsbane. Despite what you’ve been told ‘bout stories about us. It doesn't hurt us. Some kind of pain reliever. Never got a thorough explanation on it but it’s good to think about when you are on your own.” Helena told you.

You sat there for a moment as your eyes trained on the cigarette between your lips. Wolfsbane. For some reason you felt like laughing about the circumstances, this kind of stuff should have been poisoning you but again then everything wasn’t as it seems was it. You made a small mental note of that when you got to where you were going. Grow wolfsbane, a pain reliever. Add it to the list of things that Helena had been giving you throughout the trip. She had been giving you more than Lawrence. He had definitely tried to give you what you could but he also didn’t want you around. You remembered his words when you woke up in his cabin.

‘Our kind doesn’t work well with others. We are better off as loners. Leave the pack thing to the wolves.’

You mulled over those words for a moment as you looked at Helena. She had told you there was a slight difference between you and her. She could go freely as what she was, no forced changes or uncontrollable urges at times. What she was came as natural as the wind and rain but you. You weren’t natural even by their standards, you were a slave to the silver moon. You worked on her time and learned to make your life around her different phases. But here with Helena in that moment you thought about the man who had saved you from the monster that changed you. For a moment you considered maybe he was right but the feeling in your chest told you otherwise. You were different but it didn’t mean you had to go alone in this matter either, no matter what you were going to be a pack animal, it was ingrained into your genetic code. Even with it being altered by a virus you could have never fought off but only embraced it.

“C’mon, the bus is getting ready to leave again.” Helena said as she finished up her cigarette before putting it out with her heels.

You gave a nod of your head and took another deep drag before doing the same and tailing after her. You didn’t feel like slipping on your jacket to hide what you were. The hours you had spent in the care of Helena you felt like we're finally getting your footing in things, finally understanding how you were supposed to do things maybe. You made your way back onto the bus as people slowly trickled back in and went to get settled in once again.

The trip was a long one trekking across fifteen states by bus alone. This was a first for you seeing so many places in one go. You and Helena had bonded over the close capacity and in that time you had run into others like you. The others you met were different from Helena, a family woman, these ones seemed a bit more free spirited. They carried a similar scent to Helena, something natural and light. They carried scents that felt natural to where Lawrence had something that felt almost strange and foreign the more you recalled it. These people formed a little group with you and Helena, they were headed to New York. It was something that had made you giggle a little bit. It was odd to think of your kind occupying the city but hey let them do you. It was the first taste of what it was like to have a pack, something you didn’t realize that soothed some part of your soul.

You watched as scenery had passed by your window as the trip had worn on. Your camera had finally found its way out of your bag and for the first time in a while everything felt like it had gone normal again. You had never seen so many people as you had on that Greyhound bus, how some came for a little bit and others for longer like you and Helena. They didn’t seem to mind when you took photos, capturing moments in time of travelers on their way to destinations that you didn’t know where. They were fleeting in your life but it gave you a sense of normalcy that you had once had before it all had happened.

You arrived in Portland, Maine four days after you had left Pocatello. The atmosphere here was different and so was just everything else. It was a bit of whiplash but the steady hand from Helena steadied you as you both had gotten off the bus. You waited with Helena for her husband to pick her up from the station. You felt something break just a little bit as you had walked her out to her husbands truck and helped get her baggage into the truck. It felt like you were saying goodbye to your mother, a part of you whined as you didn’t want to leave. Maybe she said that and that is why she had slipped you the house phone number and address, along with the kind words of my door is always open to you. As you had watched her leave in that truck you didn’t realize that you had started crying, using the sleeve of your jacket to wipe away salty tears before you had turned to stalk back inside.

Through blurry vision of remaining tears you had found yourself at the desk asking for a map. You had looked over the worn map, fingers drifting over the paper as you tried to figure where to go from here now. Your eyes wandered over the names of small towns until your fingers had stopped on one. You traced out the words ‘Jerusalem's Lot’ before you seemed to tap it as you seemed to decide that’s where you were going.

“Hey, can I get a ticket to here?” You asked the attendant over the desk

The middle aged woman on the other end looked from her magazine, one that you were pretty sure was some gossip type of thing. You could see the grays sprouting against her blonde locks that had recently had a perm done on it. You watched as her eyes narrowed behind cat eye glasses as she looked at where you had been pointing at the map. She looked a bit surprised as she looked at the map and then back at you.

“The bus doesn’t head out that far. You are gonna have your thumb your way there.” She told you. The way she said it was a bit odd, like she was judging you for something but you couldn’t be sure. It was probably the way you looked, you hadn’t properly slept in sometime and definitely could use a shower.

“Shit, really?” You asked back. There wasn’t much surprise that you would have to hitchhike the rest of the way.

“Yeah, small little place out that way. The bus isn’t going that far out.” She explained to you. You let out a bit of huff under your breath and nodded your head.

“I could take you halfway and then you’d have to get there the rest of the way.”

Her voice had gotten your attention when she had offered to take you at least half way. It did save you from having to climb into a car with some guy and she didn’t seem that vicious, not like you couldn’t have handled your own with her either.

“Hmm, yeah that would work. Thank you.” You said as you tapped the desk and nodded your head. You folded back up the map and placed it down. You heard her say something in acknowledgement before you had headed to go sit down for a bit before you would be heading out with her.

The lady had kept her promise and had gotten you half way out there before you had gotten out at a gas station. You had waited around for sometime at the place trying to pick up a ride as you milled about at the station. You finally picked up a ride with elderly couple in the back of their pickup as well. Your bag sat between your legs as you leaned back against the bed of the truck. Your hair whipped up in the air as the truck roared down the highway, the smell of summer racing by that made your shoulders drop a bit. The old couple had let you out on the road just outside of Jerusalem’s Lot. You had hopped out and hauled your bag over your shoulder as you started on your way into town.

You could help the small amused laugh as you had past the Welcome to Jerusalem’s Lot sign. The dark wood was slightly faded out in some places to the point the sign more read Salem’s Lot before seemed a bit better condition than one side. It almost felt fitting for you, what would be a town of Salem without something strange going on. It got a rise out of you as you carried on, occasionally snapping pictures as you headed your way in. Not a car had passed by you as you had gotten into town, boots getting off of decaying asphalt to sidewalk as you prowled into town.

As you made your way in, you noted the way people had gone about their days. Some had glanced over at you and you could see the skepticism in their eyes. It was a small town and strangers coming in by foot wasn’t exactly normal. You brushed it off as you walked through the town. You passed a place called Dell’s tucking it away to come by when you had gotten settled into things and took in more as you passed through. You took in the hardwood store, a vacant building that was up for sale and just more things that had come to be known for a small town as well. Nothing seemed out of place and you weren’t sure what else to expect. This was a place placed out of time, people who had probably lived here for generations and never once left the Lot.

You kept on your way until your boots stopped in front of a place. You tilted your head to the side slightly as you read it. ‘Crockett’s Southern Maine Insurance and Realty’. That was definitely a good start. You shifted your bag over your shoulder a bit before you head inside. You pulled the door open and a little bell chimed that made your ears hurt as you slowly let your bag drop to the ground as you hesitantly headed inside. You got the smell of a fake flowery smell that made your nose cringe a bit and followed it a bit deeper into the building before you caught the culprit.

There sat a girl at the receptionist’s desk with a dirty blonde bob. She looked around your age and seemed a bit bored as she was engrossed in a book. You waited there for a moment before she rattled off what sounded like a bored yet overly practiced greeting for her job.

“Welcome to Crockett’s Southern Maine Insurance and Realty.” She said flatly as she flipped the page of her book.

“That sounds a bit forced.” You laughed softly as you looked around for a moment before you looked at her.

Her eyes were gray, one that you didn’t see often with people but they reminded you of the moon. The little streaks of dark colors in them are just like craters in the moon. You shook your head a moment and a small flush to your face as you realized that you had been staring a bit longer then you probably should have but she didn’t seem to notice, still reading that book of hers.

“You could say that. Hey you ain't from around here are you?” She said, the second part coming a bit more lively as she looked up and saw you.

“No, I’m not. Looking to move in.” You told her with a click of your tongue as you stood in the door frame.

“Move in?” She asked with a slightly raised eyebrow as she set her book down and rested her arms on the desk.

“Why is that surprising?” You retorted back to her with an easy smile. The way her eyes shifted down to those sharp canines of yours that glinted a bit before she looked away.

“I don’t know, aint people our age kind of looking to get out of these places?” She pointed it out to you. She definitely had a point about that, people like you and her were more often trying to get out of places like this than moving into them.

“I guess? I like the small town things, uh,” You stuttered out as you tried to figure out the best way to phrase it. Your small pause must have been taken by her as you were trying to get your name which she gave to you.

“Susan. Susan Norton, you can call me Susie.” She said she held out her hand to you.

Your eyes fell to her hand before you reached out to take her hand into yours. Yours was a bit rough then hers and nails a bit longer and definitely not coated in polish like hers. Yours spoke of a wildness that was not always associated with domesticity that seemed to come off of Susan in that moment. Your grip was strong as you shook her hand before you pulled it away as you heard the sound of a chair movie and the sound of dress shoes hitting the carpet. You shifted your weight to the man who was coming out of the office across the way from Susan’s desk.

It was a balding man with salt and gray peppered hair. He wore a dull colored suit, equally dull colored slacks, shirt and then bit too bright of a green tie. His eyes were dark and face wrinkled from the years of aging. There was the faint smell of what you knew as cheap cologne and cheap cigarettes that clung to the man. He gave off this air of what you could only describe as a rat and you weren’t sure as to why but you had to guess ever salesman just had that energy of a leech.

“Susie, I don’t pay you to ya- Oh hello there! I’m Lawrence Crockett and you are?” His voice made you want to recoil, it was baritone but it also felt so tacky. You weren't too pleased the way he had addressed Susan but the way he covered himself as he had addressed you.

“A client I would hope. Looking for a place to stay maybe on the south side of town?” You told him as you folded your arms and looked at the man.

The squirrelly character of a man seemed to share a look with Susan as they both looked at you for a moment. Your eyes met theirs and you could see that they were a bit surprised by the suggestion. There wasn’t a whole lot on that side of town but the woods and the low income side of the town.

“I like my quietness.” You told them firmly as you looked at both of them. You didn’t really care for the look, you wanted to be near the woods and if it came with an unsavory part of town or what they thought of it then so be it. You knew damn well looks were more than what they were.

“Uh, we come on in. Let me take a look at what I got available.” Lawrence cleared his throat and ushered you into his office.

You shared a look with Susan that was something like best of luck with the endeavor. It made you smile a little bit as you went into the small office. You took a seat in the cheap chair across from his desk that creaked under your weight. You watched the realtor shift around his space with eyes that seemed to probably make him a little bit more uneasy then he already was with you. Some people seemed to have that sense with you, something Helena had explained to you as a gift. They had a way of seeing over on the other side. Some had it a bit more clearer than others while some could just place it as there was something off or wrong about you. You had come to notice that was the case with some people. They would just be skittish around you, like some deep part in their head knew you weren’t entirely human anymore.

“Let me see, let me see.” He muttered to himself as he had sat down in his chair and was going over his desk to find the listings for the south side of town. You watched as he had shuffled around through files and you noticed one for a brief moment of an old Victorian house. You tilted your head to the side and read the words. ‘The Marsten House’. It mildly peaked your curiosity for the moment before your heard movement behind you. You watched as Susan had come into the room with the said listings that Mr. Crockett had been looking for it. She gave you a small smile as she set the files down on the desk in front of him and you watched as the man stopped his fruitless search when they had been placed.

“Here Mr. Crockett.” She said to him with a bit of a condescending chirp to her voice that had you stifling a laugh behind a bit of cough that she seemed to catch onto. You watched as Susan left the room before her boss even bothered to thank her for them.

“I’ve got three places out that way. They are all gonna need a little TLC but you seem like the capable type.” Mr. Crockett explained to you as he laid out the files of the house that were up for rent.

You shifted your chair forward closer to the desk so you could get a better look at your possible options that were being presented for you. The houses were all a bit different from each other and out of the three there were two that seemed in less move in condition then one. The one that seemed to be alright. It was in a second empire type structure with a black roof, white paneling and red brick foundation. It was surrounded by the woods and a small road led out to the main one from the brief pictures that were supplied. It was perfect for you, it would work good for what you needed and offered privacy that you wanted.

“I’ll take this one.” You said as you took the file out and placed it on the top of the others. Mr. Crockett looked at you with a look that held skepticism that you probably weren’t capable of handling a place like this yourself.

“Are you sure?” He asked like he was trying to give you a sense of doubt.

“Yup, how much is the down payment?” You told him back firmly. This was going to be the one and you weren’t going to let some realtor change your mind on things.

“Well about $108 on a monthly payment but I also need a security deposit which would be about double that. Should be $322 for the first payment.” He said as he cleared his throat and began to take out the necessary paperwork for you to fill. You had pushed out from your chair for a moment, the sudden action made the man jump a little bit as you had moved out of the room. You could feel Susan’s eye on you as you made your way to your bag and crouched down next to it. You pulled the zipper back and rustled through your clothes before you had pulled out a yellow envelope. You pulled out the stash of cash you had on you and counted out what you needed and what you were going to have left. You made a mental note of needing to get some form of job before your funds ran dry. You had stood back up and made your way back into the office.

“Here. I’ll take the key.” You said as you handed over the money in cash onto the man’s desk. He watched you for a moment as he took in how much you had just put down and that you were asking for the key. He cleared his throat before he motioned to the papers that needed your attention.

“I need you to sign a couple things and I’ll get Suze to take you over there.” He said as you grabbed a pen and went over the papers that he had put out. Some of it had gone over what you needed to do to get the electricity and heating up and going when you got over. You signed your name neatly on the little lines that had been asked of you. Once you were done you were handed two keys on a key ring. You felt the brass against your palm before you looked at the man.

“Isn’t that a bit of inconvenience to her?” You asked him as he rounded his desk and got to walking you out of his office.

“Nah she would be more than happy too. Won’t you Suze?” Mr. Crockett had said, snapping Susan out of her reading again.

“Happy to do what?” She had asked him with a bit of a confused look. You gave her a bit of an apologetic look and shifted uncomfortably for having someone pretty much give you a ride that one party didn’t even really seem to want to do.

“Take our new client to her new home?” Mr. Crockett said as he clapped you on the shoulders. You had to resist the urge to bristle or swivel to shove him off. Sometimes those little territorial traits could be the hardest to control. You took a steady breath as you heard Susan let out some annoyed noise and stood up from her chair, grabbing her purse and keys.

“Yeah, sure.” She said as she rounded her desk and headed for the door.

You shouldered your way out of Mr. Crockett’s grasp and after Susan. You had briefly glanced back at the man but said nothing as you had picked up your bag by the door and stepped outside after Susan. You followed her out to her car, a Chevrolet Vega, that seemed to be in pretty decent condition. You couldn’t help but marvel at it for a moment as you kicked yourself in gear as you quickly made your way across the street. You watched as the dirty blonde got into the driver’s seat and waited for you to climb on in. You didn’t hesitate to climb on to the passenger side and drop your bag on the floor.

The car roared to life as Susan started the engine up of the Vega. You could feel the rumble through your body as the car kicked into gear as Susan got you two on your way to your new home. You rubbed your fingers over the keys that you had been given by the realtor. You watched as the sleepy town rolled on by as Susan drove you through the Lot. You craned your neck as you watched the town dump roll by and the desolate graveyard up the hill just a reach off from the Martsen house that stood like a decrepit scarecrow that overlooked crops. Soon the brief image of the house was cut off as the woods crept their way into few as they had taken a turn towards the south side of town.

The town looked so peaceful in the summer, the hot breeze from outside filtered in through the cracked windows as you two rolled on by. You felt your eyes close for a moment for a moment as you took in a breath and let your head rest against the window. You could feel Susan’s gray eyes on you as she seemed to take you in. You didn’t seem to mind all that much as you felt things start to settle after months of the unknown yet there was this strange little pity that stayed there. A clawing and biting urge of that things weren’t going to stay this way for long but you pushed that off as you felt your eyes slowly close for a moment.

You were jolted awake as you felt Susan’s gentle hand met your shoulder. You startled her making her jump as well as you both nervously laughed off the small interaction as you both shifted in seats. You didn’t met Susan’s eyes for that moment as you tried to figure out the words to say to her as you sat there in her passenger seat. You grabbed a hold of the straps of your duffel bag for a moment.

“You didn’t have to take me. I could have walked it.” You shyly said to her as you brushed some of your hair out of your face as you stretched out from the small brief nap that you had fallen into in her car. You looked over at Susan who had looked over at you before she shifted her gaze away for a moment.

“It’s fine, I need the fresh air. Can’t believe that you picked that one?” Susan had said for a moment before she had looked back up at you. Your eyes met for a moment as you tried to process what she was asking her. She was wondering why you had picked this one and you didn’t want to give her the real reason as to why.

“Why?” You asked back. You watched as Susan seemed to fumble with some explanation to give you onto why she was asking her question. She seemed to realize that you weren’t from here and you weren’t aware of the town’s history.

“It’s got a direct view of the Martsen House. The people who had owned it prior said they could see stuff up there. The lady swore she saw someone staring at her from the window up there.” Susan explained to you as she watched your head work overtime to take in what she was telling you. You knew that small town’s had their stories, the legends that were carried on and passed out to children. Places that people whispered in hushed tones that had teenagers sneaking up to get a feel for the real thing.

“No way.” You muttered out as you met to pop open the car door of the Vega and stepped out. Susan seemed to watch you with a gaze that made you not uncomfortable in your skin but appreciated and made your face heat up.

“Yeah, I guess you got to learn about the Lot.” Susan joked as she watched you grab your bag from the floor of the Vega and hold it for a moment as you held the door ajar for a moment as you carried on the conversation.

“I do.” You told her as you shifted your weight for a moment.

“Here we are through. The Martsen House’s shadow.” Susan joked as she motioned to the house that was now going to be yours to look after. It looked like a shell of something that had lacked some life for awhile. You could make out plastic covering on some of the furniture that sat inside of the house. You couldn’t remember seeing anything about it being furnished but you weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“That’s ominous.” You laughed softly at Susan’s joke about the house that you are about to go into.

“Yeah but hey you don’t feel phased by ominous things.” Susan pointed out that you had nodded your head in agreement.

“Eh, it depends. Again thanks for bringing me here.” You told her for a moment as you brushed it off. You gaze turned back to the house and then to the clearing through the trees. She wasn’t really kidding when she had called it the Martsen House’s shadow. Through that clearing the old house stood on the hill, in direct line of the living room windows. You watched for a moment as you just stared at it and thought about what Susan had told you. You knew well enough now that the supernatural was not simply just stories that were to give someone a good scare or air caution, they always held some truth to them. You couldn’t totally discount that maybe the prior owners of your new home had seen something.

“Anytime. I hope that it suits you well.” Susan said as she broke you out of your thoughts and turned the car back on. You could feel the vibrations of the car through the frame and closed the door with a small thud. You were about to head in when Susan’s voice had stopped you in your tracks.

“Hey, uh, maybe you would like to hang out this Friday. You are new and all, maybe you could use a friend.” Susan asked as she leaned a bit more to the passenger side of the car. You thought about her offer for a moment before you smiled softly at her.

“Need a new face to talk to that doesn’t do town gossip?” You joked.

“God yes please.” Susan laughed back as she nodded her head. You watched as her eyes had crinkled just a bit as she seemed to genuinely laugh but also genuinely happy to have the company of someone new. You couldn’t fault her for that, you felt it too.

“Okay, I’ll see you Friday, Susie.” You told her as you wrapped your knuckle against the frame of the door and backed off so she would have room to get out of the old driveway.

“See you then.” Susan said as she waved you goodbye.

You watched as Susan Norton pulled out of the driveway and down the way back to the main road. You waited until you heard the engine fade out and the sounds of the forest came to life. Something in you stirred, you felt a sudden jolt of energy go through your system as your legs carried you forward. Your boots crunched against dead leaves that had fallen from their place on the looming trees that surrounded the clearing of your new home. The old porch creaked under your weight as you went up it and juggled for the keys in your hand. You slid them into the rusty lock, it took a moment for the lock to shift before it finally gave way. The front door opened with a creak that had you closing your eyes.

“Oil for hinges at the top of the list.” You muttered out as you stepped into the house.

You looked around as you dropped your bag next to you as you kicked the door close with your foot. You looked around at the inside of the house, you could see the dust dance around in the light that shined through the windows. Mr. Crockett was not kidding when he said that it would need some TLC gifted to it. The house hadn’t seen a living person in almost over a year and it showed from all the dust and plastic covered furniture. You let out a sigh as you rested your hands on your hips for a moment as you took it all in before you let out a huff and shucked off your jacket to get started.

You had spent your afternoon getting the house in somewhat of a livable space. It had taken a couple of hours to understand how to get power to the house and accidentally shock yourself once. You had declared the basement the most horror movie thing you had seen and that with it having cellar doors it was probably a good place to make your spot for when the full moon came calling for you. The water heater was a completely different beast itself and you’d have to get someone out there to take care of it, suffering with cold showers was going to have to be managed until you could. Not that you could complain, the upper floor of the house was hotter than hell and that made the main floor and basement the only comfortable spots in the old house for you to be around. You had dragged one of the old mattresses from upstairs down into the living room and pulled the curtains a bit as you had set up.

By the time you had gotten the place into a somewhat livable space you sat out on the porch shirtless in a bra and your jeans. You had since ditched your boots to walk around barefoot for the moment. You sat on the porch steps as you took a drag of some of the wolfsbane cigarettes that Helena had given you and stared up at the sky. The pastel hues of the sky as the sun began to set painted the sky as your eye strained to see the one thing in the sky. There the moon hung, almost spilling over with silver as she stared back down at you, her moon lorne child. You let out a sigh and stretched out a bit before getting up and heading back inside as you could feel the familiar aches bloom in your body.

tags: @rhettmotel @lewmagoo @delopsia

[r3dkn0ts]

I'm somewhat curious because everyone has their own perception of killers in dbd before they came into the realm. Out of all your faves (like Caleb, Tarhos, Billy ect..) do you think any of them are still....well virgins?? Most of them were either too focused on revenge and bloodshed to even think about ass or coochie (lookin right at you slinger also I LOVE UR BLOG SM)

I have other stuff in the drafts I'm working on atm ( do not worry followers! it will be posted! eventually! ) but Man this just. rattled my brain so hard that I had to start writing Immediately

I'm just gonna pick the guys you listed or else I'd be rambling way too much and also idk what the hell to categorize this as so ummmmm just putting it under the cut. I guess these are more like character studies than anything?

SEXUAL HEADCANONS FOR THE DBD KILLERS Featuring Caleb Quinn, Tarhos Kovács, and Max Thompson Jr.

Themes: Smut, smut, and a little bit of fluff at the end. Honestly, what did you expect? Warnings: Mentions of canon-typical violence

The Deathslinger / Caleb Quinn - I'd imagine Caleb is around his mid-to-late 60s ( if you don't think too hard about the time-fuckery that is the Entity's Realm ), so the man definitely has some years under his belt. - When it comes to sex, though, he might've fooled around with one or two folks in his younger days. Like most other cowpoke of his time, he didn't really care what gender he was laying down with. - Yes, I am saying that Caleb is pansexual. All cowboys are at least a little bit gay. I don't make the rules. - He definitely didn't see any action after nearly killing Bayshore and being stuck in a penitentiary for 15 years straight, that's for sure. - Plus, there's no good reason to be horny in a place like that. - That being said, he knows the basics and maybe a trick here or there, so he's not a total buffoon, but he's not a floozy either.

The Knight / Tarhos Kovács - Being taken from his home and put into slavery at such a young age, he didn't exactly have a normal childhood. - Tarhos didn't have the time to be concerned with anything remotely romantic or sexual, constantly going on campaigns with his men and killing everyone that stood in their way. - He would never admit it to anyone, even himself, but this man is so touch-starved and needy that just hugging him would probably give him a boner as stiff as his claymore. - Tarhos tries to ignore sexual urges until they go away, but that doesn't always work, so he might have to rub one out once in a while. He feels guilty about it every time. - Yeah, he's a virgin. No experience at all.

The Hillbilly / Max Thompson Jr. - Oh, this poor boy. We all know his story by now. It's pretty obvious that he never had any physical contact, much less that of a romantic or sexual nature. - Back in his time, television shows weren't nearly as scandalous as nowadays. There was no way of accessing pornographic material unless you got special magazines, which he of course never did. - Going through puberty, he would feel strange and uncomfortable, just trying to ignore the weird feelings he had. It made him want to crawl out of his own skin. - Those habits stuck with him into his adulthood, constantly fighting his own body and trying anything to get the strange feelings to go away. Eventually, he figured out that friction was the easiest method. - You could say he's "innocent", but I prefer "clueless". - If someone were to truly earn his trust and explain to him what erections, masturbation, and sex are, he'd get super flustered and cover his face in shame. - His first time would need to be slow and more of a tutorial than anything else. Dude's probably gonna cum as soon as a hand touches him. Just be patient.

[steamberrystudio]

05/05/2024 Devlog

Hallo everyone! It seems like it's been a while since my last update here which is weird because I have an update from mid-April all typed out in google docs but apparently I never posted. 8D Oops!

Anyway, for those who are not following the weekly updates on Patreon or the monthly updates on Itch...I shall fill you in!

Writing:

I think in my last update, which was back in March, I was editing chapter 6. I am now at the end of chapter 9 and am about to embark upon chapter 10.

But Esh, you may ask. Why is taking so long to edit these chapters? Why, for example, chapter 7 is about 75,000 words (coded). These chapters are...huge.

Ch 6, 7, 8 and 9 together are about 200,000 words of content. 

I've also been proofreading and then formatting each chapter into Renpy as I go so I can get a feel for how long each chapter actually is (by 'formatting into Renpy', I just mean that I'm dumping the writing into Renpy and formatting it properly so the game runs. I'm not coding any assets in. Just dumping the text in. So the word counts I give are the actual final word counts!)

So yeah, it's pretty time consuming! But I am making progress. I think I have about 70% of the script edited at the moment. 

But Chapter 10 is...a really big chapter. So I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get through it. 

���� We'll be finding out though! 

Art:

Since my last update, I've received several new BGs and sketches. The BGs are currently about 60% complete. The artists are making their way through them all slowly but surely.

Other Stuff:

Well...I did release another game as a collaboration with some of my developer friends.

We worked on the game over the course of a couple of months and just managed to get out for Amare Festival!

If you haven't checked A Faerie's Tale out over on Itch.io but are up for something cute, wholesome, funny, and pretty short...please do so!

We think it turned out quite well!

Upcoming Weeks:

Well in the upcoming weeks I'll be focusing on revising Chapter 10. And there's a lot to be done in Chapter 10. 

Asher's path and the "common scenes" have had one edit. I'll have to re-read them to refresh myself on the content so I can properly edit the others. Hopefully I won't have to make too many revisions though.

The remaining character content will have to be fleshed out. This is a really important relationship chapter (which also has steamy scenes in it so there is a lot of smoothing, fixing, and fleshing out that has to happen.)

Additionally, there are some ending sequences that happen in this chapter and while they are functional right now, I really want to expand them and make the endings feel a little better situated into the story and less abrupt. 

Sometimes haven't an abrupt game-over really works with the story but in this case, I feel the endings need a little more build up to feel properly earned and to really be satisfying for players. That means expanding the lead up to those scenes by a fair amount.

So overall, this chapter is probably going to end up as the longest chapter in the game by a pretty significant margin. 

And that means I may be at the revision for the better part of this month. 

And then after Chapter 10, it's just the ending sequences for each character. I'm really looking forward to revising those and fleshing them out properly. 👀

I think I'm about to descend into the lowest depths of editing hell for a few weeks but I'm hoping after that I can slowly start to climb my way back out. 

We'll see how it goes! 

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Stuff about Alfred Pennyworth

Just some facts about our favorite butler, Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennyworth.

-His full name is Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennyworth

-He’s not as old as you probably think. He’s only 20 years older than Bruce, which would make him early 60′s at most currently. He was in his mid 40′s when batman started.

-He owns a shotgun. While Bruce doesn't like guns, Alfred doesn’t have such convictions, and is entirely ready to use it. 

-Former member of MI-5. Essentially, he was special ops, has serious military training and was part of the British counterintelligence agency that combats terrorism and espionage aka he was one of the guys that stopped spies. Some continuities had it where he was MI-6 instead.

-Has killed before. Special ops, remember?

-Former actor. He had a bit of an acting career after he left MI-5. This lasted until his father, Jarvis Pennyworth, requested he serve the Wayne family on his deathbed.

-He has a daughter, Julia Pennyworth, an agent of the Special Reconnaissance Regiment. She briefly took over his duties helping the Batclan, It was a whole thing involving her not respecting him because he went from MI-5 to working as a butler for Bruce Wayne before an Identity reveal. 

- He is also highly respected by those heroes who are aware of his existence, including Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and the original Teen Titans.

-Was romantically involved with Dr. Leslie Thompkins. Not much came from that aside from a few dates, but they dated.

-Proficient in emergency medical techniques, acting, mechanical and computer sciences, on top of being one hell of a butler

- While not as skilled at hand-to-hand combat as Bruce Wayne, Alfred is nearly as resourceful. Batman: Gotham Adventures 16 has him kidnapped, only to readily escape and overcome his captors without even mussing his suit. It is later mentioned that he has overcome 27 kidnapping attempts.

-Reads the Artimis Fowl novels

So yeah, Alfred is the best, he’s a hell of an actor, a resourceful former secret agent that has dated Dr. Thompkins and has a secret agent child with an unnamed woman

Why am I tagging this DP x DC? Simply fertilizing the soil. Not everyone is as familiar with the character, especially with how confusing continuity is. Me rambling on is simply an effort to both educate, and give creators in this crossover more things to work with. Maybe it inspires someone, maybe they use this information just to add a little something. Maybe they think, “huh, that’s interesting” and never have to use it

Also I’m just glad we collectively ignore the fact Alfred is dead in current continuity. If you didn’t know, Alfred is dead after Bane snapped his neck and killed off one of the best characters. So I guess we could tie it in with Danny meeting him as a ghost,

 Alfred haunting wayne manor just to get Bruce to take care of himself 

[luxurysystems]

Irwin before his life of crime in the Vice City AU

"The Destroyer"

[Money Inc. x Vice City Au- 1391 words]

Synopsis: Irwin's life was planned out: work at the same accounting firm in upstate NY for most of his adult life, retire in his mid-60s , enjoy his pension, die quietly and hope to be in St. Peter's book of names when he steps into the afterlife. By joining Mr.B's firm right out of college, he was hoping to get a leg up on the first part of his plan. Little did Irwin know at the time that his boss had other plans for the youngster...

[Little Havana, Vice City, 9 a.m.- Outside of the Printworks factory]

"Shoot him, c'mon kid! We haven't got all day!"

Sitting in Ted's off-white Admiral, Irwin had a moment to take a breather. Listening to Ted chat his mouth off so early in the morning was the catalyst needed to drum up a headache right between Irwin's eyes.

"God, I need to smoke..."

He was still technically working— Ted just happened to step inside to talk with the owner, Earnest Kelly, to iron out some details. You could call "stay inside the car so that it doesn't get jacked" Irwin's portion of the job. Starting to get bored with the talk radio topic that was on, Irwin reached towards the backseat to retrieve his briefcase; there must be something in there that he could review to keep his mind occupied.

Opening up revealed his usual wares:

glasses case

a pack of Marlboros

His favorite zippo lighter- it was quite old, with scratches on the black paint exposing the metal underneath. There were initials engraved near the bottom that read: "D.B"

A Colt M1911 Pistol + extra mags

Packed light today. Well shit, nothing to look over. He sighed, and grabbed the pack of cigarettes intent on repacking them by smacking the top, just to keep his hands busy. Or he could-- no--

The last time he tried to smoke in Ted's car, the blonde man wouldn't shut the hell up about "the smoke ruining the resale value", so Irwin had to threaten to shoot him as a friendly "yeah ok, I got it."

Sinking into his seat, he started to shake the cigarette box, striking it against the palm of his hand....

[ Upstate NY- 1978]

Richard Beyer ran a corner accounting firm that he built from the ground up on his own, according to Irwin. "Mr.B", they called him; few knew or referred to his actual name. He was ruthless, no nonsense- a man who by all accounts earned and demanded respect wherever he went. Mr. B did a damn fine job, as well. He was a complete whiz with numbers, barely needing a calculator when he worked. While staring at a form, he could tell you all of the adjusted amounts as he was handing it back to you. His business was a well-oiled machine free of blemishes, which intimidated the then 20-something Irwin...

The first thing Irwin noticed after accepting the job as Mr.B's assistant was the cloud of smoke that would fog up the room as they worked. Mr.B was THE definition of a chainsmoker.

"Helps me think." The man coughed and smiled through crooked teeth. "I see."

Irwin wasn't a smoker during his time with Mr.B, at least not when he first started. He sure as hell wasn't going to complain to his boss about how he found it difficult to breathe sometimes- Irwin was just happy to have a job. Although, Irwin didn't really like how the smoke would linger in his long, curly hair... He did eventually learn to..."appreciate" the smell as his 1st year work anniversary was creeping up.

One day as the two were working, Mr.B's phone rang -once- then it stopped, prompting the men to look at the phone together. 5 seconds passed and then the phone rang again, -once-, then the same thing happened afterwards- silence. Mr. B's eyes never left the red rotary phone; Irwin noticed this as his eyes traveled from the phone to his boss' face.

The phone rang once more- this time ringing out normally.

"I better take this." Mr. B said in a monotone voice, picking up the receiver. "S-sure, sir."

The phone call was brief. Irwin could only make out a few words: "Dicky", "a job", and strangely, "...Destroyer."

"Starting to get a little too old for this, y'know. But, shit, I'll see what I can do."

Once Mr. B placed the receiver back, Irwin quickly turned his attention over to his papers to make it look like he wasn't trying to eavesdrop on his boss.

"Kid..." He started. "Put that away. It's time I bring you along with me."

Irwin found himself in the woods, miles away from the office, with Mr. B beating the living shit out of some poor guy in a tattered suit. Something about "ratting on someone important, biting the hand that feeds you, you ungrateful shit."

Irwin couldn't believe his eyes- his boss turned this poor guy's face into a bloody pulp with his fists- he never knew his boss was that strong, or that he was a hitman....

Not wanting to get in the way and draw attention to himself, all Irwin could do was stand there, shovel in hand...his palms raw from being ordered to dig a hole fit enough to hide a body.....

"p--please!!" The pitiful man begged, spitting blood as he enunciated words. "I know nothing, honest, I d-didn't snitch on nobody!!"

The man was on his knees practically begging the old accountant for mercy. Mr. B, with a strange finesse, took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew the smoke in the guy's eyes, blinding him....insult to mass injury.

"Those words don't mean nothing to me, pal. It's just business."

With a swift uppercut, Mr. B sent the man flying backwards into the freshly dug dirt hole. The man at this point was incoherently babbling, wailing, making sounds that could only mean death was around the corner...sounds that would haunt Irwin's ears for a long time.

Digging into his back pocket, Mr. B threw Irwin a pistol, which he clumsily caught.

"Alrighty kid, right between the eyes, I know you can do it." "Sir---?? I---I-" Irwin stammered, fully in flight or fight mode. "Shoot him, c'mon kid! We haven't got all day!"

Something possessed Irwin that day he took that man's life. Maybe it was the man's blood that splattered on his face, clothes, his hands...

Irwin watched as the man drew his last breath, his eyes rolling in the back of his head.

What drove him to do it? Was it really the fear of his boss that caused him to pull the trigger? Was Irwin really that predisposed to blindly following orders? Time was a blur; he found himself shoveling dirt, making sure to cover the corpse that was starting to stink. Irwin didn't feel like he was in control of his body-autopilot- his brain refused to register anything except the stench of the dead man's body, making his stomach turn. Mr. B took notice of his protege's change in behavior. He took out another cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it using his signature black zippo lighter that he always took with him.

"Irwin, take it." He said, offering the lit cigarette to the young man. "Out here, it'll help you concentrate, masks the smell, too. Don't make it a habit..."

Without hesitation, Irwin took it and started puffing. The smoke helped obscure the dead man's face long enough for the dirt to fully mask it. One last shovel full of earth and he was gone. Out of sight...

"Good job, kid. You're a natural."

Irwin reminisced on those words and how his 8 years in "the business" was coming up. He wasn't too sure if Mr.B would be proud of who he turned out to be, God bless him...that old bastard, Irwin was certain he'd see him again in Hell.

Maybe he'd share that tidbid with Ted and they'd celebrate at the Malibu later. Maybe. Er-- on second thought, no. Ah fuck it, Irwin could use an old fashioned, what better excuse for the occasional cocktail than this?

"H...Hey are you smoking??" Ted banged on the roof of his car, snapping Irwin back into reality. "Fucker, put that OUT, goddamn it."

Shoot, autopilot seemed to take over again as Irwin didn't register for a moment that he was smoking.

"Sorry." Irwin replied as he put the cigarette out on his tongue, flicking it out the window. "Just really needed it."

Ted started the car and rolled down all of the windows trying to air out the vehicle, blasting the AC to help speed up the process.

"Yeah well, ugh whatever. Listen, we've got some work to do, hope you packed--"

"I always have it on me."

[x]

[quillkiller]

i’ve arivved limo style to invite you in and have a convo about mcg. please do come in. my most esteemed mcg scholar. i have no idea how to spell that

upon reading your most recent fic i was most intrigued by your take on our beloved minerva m. mcgonagall (idk what her middle name is i like m) because you took her in a completely different direction then i did and i am actually fucking obsessed with it. where you see her as more masc leaning im over here in hyperfem-domme-with-a-riding-crop land but i love that both versions of her that we’ve manifested have that same core being that makes her mc-fucking-g. you understand, of course.

and now, we mustdiscuss mcg with a belly button piercing. because idk how old you see her in like “present day” (like in my mcj fic she’s in her mid 60s i think, at least to me but i left it open for interp) but i think miss mcg was absolutely out there on the town (the hamptons boardwalk, circa 1960) looking hot as hell in a skimp bikini and giant audrey hepburn-esque sunglasses and her humongus navel piercing, a minx in the flesh. and its so sad james nor rita couldve been there to admire it.

(ive actually been dying to pick your brain about your mcg since i read your rita fic because she is SO so very. tjere are no words to describe how much i want her. i need to know your every thoufht)

i am enthusiastically and being very suave as i step into this limo of yours. thank you for inviting me im very glad we can have this important meeting

first off. minerva m. mcgonagall sounds so unbelievably sexy. i wholeheartedly agree. i don’t know why margaret entered my brain immediately but minerva margaret mcgonagall has a nice ring to it……. sounds very Esteemed.

and yeah. to me she’s always been the shane masc type dyke standing at the front of riots, having freaky queer friends, never settled down because she has massive commitment issues. her other lesbian friends are married by now but she just never did.. she got her degree and fucked around. in my ritaminerva fic i picture her being between 57-59 and rita as 26-28

however. let me tell you. your femme dom minerva has been on! my! mind! she makes me a little insane. whenever i read your mcj i picture them in a 50s film with butch james and older femme minerva. they’re so unbelievably delicious to me. femdom minerva i want you so bad. and MID SIXTIES…….. ive been wondering and pondering over this. that’s so fucking sexy i need a minute

and yes of course i understand. we’re the minerva understanders with our different takes on her character and i am so deeply obsessed with yours

and yes, to the point being minerva’s belly button piercing. minerva with her hepburn swagger and tight bikinis and just a huge shimmering belly button piercing…… what an absolute Vision. i’m imagining this is a surprise to anyone who would sleep with her now that she’s in her mid sixties. like im picturing james figuring this out and her reaction. i would literally short circuit entirely if i was her.. and just imagining her when she was younger.. turning heads on the beach in her skimpy bikini and loud laugh and the jewels in her navel. i would be Staring.

so for my minerva. she’s in her late 50s and wears waistcoats and patterned suits. she wears a lot of silver jewelry. lots of rings and a modest silver chain around her neck. her hair is short and graying and she wears it in a small bun every day at the university. i think my minerva would’ve impulsively gotten a belly button piercing when she was like 19 and one of her friends did it for her (who works as a piercer today). they were maybe a little high and minerva woke up the next day and just. never took it out. it’s one of those simple belly button piercings. just plain silver piercing. she wears the same one always until she feels she should change it. she has had a few with different colored stones (i dont know if thats what its called..) before. black, green and red. she likes to keep it simple but she doesn’t want to take it out. i feel like she took it out at some point when she turned 30+ something because she felt she was too old for it but then she found a piercing lying around her house when she was around 44 and though ’i should see if it still goes in’ <— literally what i did last year. i hadn’t worn a belly button piercing since i was 17 and then i spontaneously bought one because i was curious and it still went in ahdjfjskf.

however. the body tries to reject piercings right. so i imagine she can’t wear the ’normal’ piercings anymore. they’re too heavy and the skin is too thin (???) now. so……… im very much thinking about her getting one of those belly button rings. she reaches 50 and has been wearing one since she put it back in…… and now she’s attached again. so she buys a belly button ring. and just keeps it. which is a vision that makes me salivate…. minerva i Want you.

im having prophetic visions about rita seeing it for the first time….. and just losing her mind. because to me rita is very heavily femme but she doesn’t really have piercings or tattoos. she has the usual pair of earrings and thats it. she wears big earrings, flashy and elegant. but the professor has atleast 6 piercings in her ears even if she’s only wearing two small silver rings these days. and then rita sees the belly button ring and her immediate impulsive is to get it between her teeth

incidentally. this has also made me consider minerva and tattoos. i think she wouldve gotten a few dumb ones in her youth. maybe even a sleezy tramp stamp that says ’STUD!’ or something….. i’m also having visions of her with one of those 90s dykey tattoos that alice has in the l word

WHICH THE ACTRESS HAS SINCE REMOVED. a travesty to me. either way. the thought of minerva with faded tattoes from her youth…… im having thoughts

either way. please i would love to know your every thought about femme minerva and her belly button piercing. she’s living in my mind and im becoming obsessed with her… femdom minerva in her mid sixties i want you so bad. i want to know everything about her and her youth… what kinds of piercings… how often does she change them… does she match them with her outfits……. or with her underwear…. the way it dangles when she walks i am Weak.

(im so happy you sent this ask because ive been DYING to discuss minerva with you. whenever you post about her or mcj i am stopping everything and Reading……..)

[quitealotofsodapop]

[Jackpotshipping/Ace and Joker are both laughing cus "We're old as hell! It ain't happening!"]

Maybe if they only stick it in the backdoor, eh?

[Cue them learning the term "geriatric pregnancy" and both panicking Hard.]

Why can I picture Starfruit just googling it after Jackpot said the previous statement and just showing the results to them?

[One half of their twins could still be a dumpster baby/hospital freebie thats a doppleganger for their bio one - just for funsies.]

Ooh! Ooh! Thought! There is this comic that makes rounds on tumblr about some fairies replacing a human child with a changeling - but they forgot to take the human child! So, the mom is confused by the second kid and the dad is like 'hey, twins, good job, honey'.

What if that happens? Like, some demons wanted the child of the Great Sage for some nefarious reason and to keep it hidden, they planned to replace the kid, but they fucked up.

And now Jackpot is 30% certain only one had been born, but 70% are like 'hey, free baby' XD

Referencing these posts about Jackpotshipping having more kids + possible destined Eclipse Twins.

Oh gosh, Ace and Joker are just bragging about how unlikely it is for them to have bio kids at their age, meanwhile Starfruit casually starts typing into his phone like;

Starfruit: "Yeah, oldest mortal human parent was 74." Ace, pauses mid-brag: "Excuse me?" Peach: "Lao Tzu's mom was also preggers with him for like 80 years. So she was like mega-old when she had him." Ace: "Excuse me!?" Starfruit: "Yeah and with changes in like nutrition and stuff, people are having their first bio-kid like a lot later than during ancient times. You guys are like... in your 50s or 60s? You're not out of the woods yet dudes." Ace & Joker: *caught between horror at the knowledge + offended that Starfuit thinks they look that old*

[comic that makes rounds on tumblr about some fairies replacing a human child with a changeling - but they forgot to take the human child!]

I remember that comic!

And that def sounds like a scenario Jackpotshipping finds themselves in. Like they're in the post-natal room after having their single kid (surprise miracle baby), look over, and see that there's suddenly two?? Like, when did that happen???

Joker: "I mean... that epidural stuff is wild. Thing 2 coulda slid out when we weren't looking." Ace: "Makes sense. But now I can't tell who arrived first." Joker: "Eh, lets just say they arrived at the same time. No one will question it. If they do; just say shapeshifting." Ace: "Hehe, gross. Welcome to the world Two-Pair!" Joker: "Oh man, Xiaozhēn [their grown-up dumpster "MK]" is in for a shock."

(Meanwhile with the most incompetent demons ever...)

NewGods!Jin: "I 'fink we forgot a huge step of that changeling plan." NewGods!Yin: "Eh. Probably ain't important. Plus they look better as twins." NewGods!Jin: "Too right. Also I can't remember which is the one we left." NewGods!Yin: "Me either."

I'm also reminded of that brief moment in Good Omens, where the Young parents see the accidental extra baby and are like "Yo, is that a twin?" and the nurse doing the antichrist-baby-swap panics like "Uhhh..."

The Jackpotshipping twins also don't know whos the "bonus" of the pair. The spell used to create a perfect copy of the bio baby is really powerful & rare and doesn't wear off like a hair-clone does. No way of knowing who was a freebie unless you ask Buddha himself.

[kinsey3furry300]

I have no ideas what animorph is but I already seen it mentioned on at least 5 different blog which have nothing to do with each other (you being the 5th) what the hell is it???

90s/early 00s young adult sci-fi book series of around 60 short books, published once a month, by K A Applegate.

The books were distributed cheeply by the Scholastic book fair, and could be found in most school libraries thought the Mid 00s.

The plot was 5 normal kids have to stop a secret alien invasion by turning into various animals, and the books were known for starting off with quirky humour and very rapidly decending into utter existential horror with body horror, possession horror, and the ptsd you'd get if you were actually a teen super hero and had to fight an actual war with real stakes aged 13-16, and the fear of never knowing who your real enemy might be. The series ended about a month before 9/11 with a disastrous final battle and a grim warning about how war never really fixes any of the underlying problems between rival nations or peoples, and just destroys good people, so... yeah, ooof.

Due to the content, beloved by horror fans, super hero fans, Sci fi fans, furries (the kids have the power to turn into animals for combat and it gets real weird real fast), and the queer and the trans community, so it turns up on a lot of unrelated blogs.

The audio books are still readily available and are pretty well done, and the cover art of the books was gloriously 90s.

Behold!

There was also a tv show we dont talk about.

The main cast were:

Jake: the leader. There is an evil alien slug living in his brother's head, and this causes issues for him.

Cassie: Jake's crush. The moral center of the books. Also her parents are veterinarians at a zoo, with is very fucking convenient if you need a ready sourse of animals to turn into.

Marco: Jake's best friend, the smart one. Also uses inappropriate humour to cope with trauma (relatable).

Rachel: Jake's cousin. Uses turning into a grizzly bear and committing extreme violence to cope with her trauma (relatable).

Tobias: perminantly turns into a bird to escape his trauma (most relatable) but then has to deal with extreme body and mental dismorphia as a result. Has a star-crossed lovers plot with Rachel. He is my favorite.

Ax: an alien teenager they just adopted and hide in the woods. Is also my favourite. He's a bright blue centar with stalk-eyes and a sythe tail, and he loves Cinabon and warcrimes. Due to his extreme alien mindset, he's been taken as a metaphor for Neurodivergance, but it's unclear if that was the author's original intent.

The books are awesome, and still available as e-books, comics and audio books I'd you want to check them out.

Here is a video essay that does a far better job of explaining:

[maykitz]

please recommend some asmr channels 🙏

ok i'm going to assume you're familiar with the big names like goodnight moon (big favourite), latte, tingting and ppomo. if not...get the hell on youtube.

i almost exclusively listen to female voiced roleplays so that's going to be really obvious here.

one of my favourite channels i've ever found is moonlight cottage asmr. her voice is beautiful, intelligent and a little bit more mature and the french accent just hits. her historical videos are compelling, you can tell they're passion projects and she is quite an actress.

another definite recommend is ALB in whisperland. she has a gentle voice, her soft speaking is so good, and she has a lot of videos where she delicately does things with her beautiful hands, which i like a lot.

some more in no particular order:

-aen ani asmr. i feel like she's so underrated. she mainly does fantasy roleplays in costumes and the channel is still a bit small so you have a good chance of getting a reply or your request being included in a video. it's not like, insanely polished and high production value but i like it.

-asmr mood. speaks russian but many are subtitled in english. oftentimes has fanservice and is one of the few asmrtists (on my list, maybe even in general) who usually presumes the viewer as male. i don't care about it but it means there's no makeup videos (which i find boring). and as i've said before, when the russian language k and t sounds come out in asmr i... no, i shan't say.

-amy kay asmr. pretty much exclusively roleplays and usually has interesting concepts (ie not the 5 millionth makeup and cranial nerve exam). confident and charismatic and is a bit more peppy in the way she speaks rather than the, like, pure bedtime voices.

-eunzel asmr. korean with english subs + english spoken videos. roleplays, also weird and odd triggers. i've rewatched both of her "doctor asking you insanely personal questions" videos many times.

-bluewhisper. first asmr video i ever watched was her (sadly quickly deleted) "rescuing harambe" video which got screenshotted and i think gave her a lot of negative attention because her sense of humour is playing it completely straight and people are obsessed with being smarter than the person being ironic. she does simple roleplays, vlogs, flips through the new burpee seed catalog once a year for her garden and opens pokemon cards.

-seafoam kitten asmr. if you remember the "adorable organ harvester uwu asmr" screenshot going around, that's her. she does weird, cringe-humour roleplays. she also has a slightly risque one where you get indoctrinated into being a "love pet" puppy which i think would do numbers on here.

-myaling asmr. english with korean accent. mostly long roleplays, very sweet voice and puts great effort into having a lot of props, background detail etc. often has cinematic intros which i love. her "aesthetic school outfit styling" has probably my favourite intro scene i've ever seen in asmr.

-callie blossom asmr. she's strikingly beautiful and has a "girl who's secretly obsessed with you" series that is very popular with lesbians for good reason.

-maya winky asmr. silly, fast paced humour asmr. i feel bad not saying more but like just look at her channel lol

-mid mod meridian asmr. american accent. older lady who does 50s, 60s and 70s themed roleplays. not to be like aww sweet grandma but. yeah.

-ella asmr. korean with english subs. a lot of scifi themed videos with special effects, surgery on you and mechanical equipment sounds.

-whispering willow asmr. nice, simple, basic roleplays, usually in the 20-30 min range. i like when videos aren't too long because i usually clock out after 5 minutes anyway.

-african xhosa asmr. criminally underrated. she speaks and has a few videos teaching phrases in xhosa, a south african language with clicks that i've never even heard before. also talks about history and culture often.

-90sfairyasmr. relatively new channel with not too many videos, she mostly flips through y2k/1990s teen magazines so far.

-asmr emiko ffujio. no talking, but has cool slimes and fake cooking.

-gentle whispering asmr. a very big channel, russian accented. i like her voice and soft speaking a lot but her topics tend to bore me a bit. it's generally beauty focused.

-triniti j asmr. american accent. i havent watched a lot of hers because they're usually beauty focused, but for example in the "best friend picks out your smell goods" she gets really close to the mic and chews gum which creates a speaking sound i like a lot. idk how to describe it lol

-pelagea asmr. doesn't upload on youtube anymore but a lot of backlog. mostly more or less fanservicey videos that get a bit unintentionally silly and too much sometimes. i mainly recommend her "100 ways to kiss" video with the lesbian bait thumbnail that got her 13 million views.

now feel free to recommend ME some i don't know yet.

[corpsentry]

hii quick question -- i was scrolling your art tag and saw you moved to a huion at some point? and in your faq you said it broke :( would you recc huion tablets? ive been using a 12-year old wacom pen tablet, but have been wanting to get a screen tablet

so here’s my experience right. i had a wacom intuos pro s, used it for seven years. then i got a huion 1060 something something, i forget but it’s not a screen tablet, used it for a year and quite sparingly. now both times i stopped using them it was because the tablet Died. not the cable cos i tested them with different cables but the tablet itself. now one thing you should know about me is i famously don’t take care of my things especially if they have dangly bits, like dick and balls and cables. i had a bad tendency to shove my tablet in my bag beside my laptop, and to also drop things not intentionally but rather frequently.

under this great and immense pressure, my intuos pro lasted me fully seven years. sure it cost me a fuck shit ton compared to the huion but given that my huion lasted me less than a year, if you do the math i actually get more value per year from the wacom than the huion

now the huion tablet itself was fine. i was just so terrifically and wholly astounded by its quick and efficient demise that i cannot see myself investing in its brand ever again. then and again, if you’re getting a screen tablet that won’t see much travel and/or you are a gentle and careful person, this might not be an issue. i also have never used a screen tablet before, and understand that the price differences are much more drastic for those. but my experience was this: wacom lasted forever, huion kicked the bucket like a dead dog. my friend gave me her wacom intuos S when my huion broke as i was mid project and floundering (thank you R, i love you, marry me). it’s tiny as hell and old software, yeah, but it works like a charm. it’s reliable. it doesn’t glitch out on me the way that the huion admittedly often did, although my guess would be if you buy a more expensive product it may be tighter and have better support available. that being said, i will be sticking to my babygirl intuos s until it dies, probably in 60 years. hope this helps and good luck with tablet shopping bud

[s10127470]

Fant4stic: A Fantastic Failure (Part 1)

As I’m sure many of you are aware, this past Valentines Day, Marvel Studios released a poster promoting their upcoming Fantastic Four film, releasing about a year from now in July of 2025.

This has gotten people cautiously interested.....

Keyword: cautiously.

It's no surprise that the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been on a major decline since Avengers: Endgame.

Largely due to ridiculous quantity of projects they've been pumping out a year.

Plus that fact that a lot of these projects quality-wise have been either mid or just straight up dog-shit.

This has led to the ongoing trend known as Marvel Fatigue.

Not helping any of this is some of the behind-the-scenes stuff that was revealed over the last few years.

From having their projects being helm by people who have little to no knowledge or care for the characters and the source material they're working it.

And we all know how well that turns out....

To more infamously, overworking and underpaying their VFX artists.

And given some of the shit they've had to animate, they NEED to start getting better pay....

Yes.....what you just saw was a real scene from a Marvel movie.

And just to add salt to the wound, in addition to the declining interest, is that these recent Marvel films have not been performing well financially.

Hell, The Marvels (their latest film) ended up being a box office bomb, only grossing $206 million worldwide against production budget of $274.8 million. Not only that, but it now holds the record for being the lowest grossing film in the franchise's history.

So yeah.....

Although the casting is pretty decent, the inclusion of H.E.R.B.I.E. was quite the surprise, and the 60s aesthetic/vibes are pretty cool, people still have their reservations for this film given the MCU's track record lately.

However, one thing everyone does seem to agree on is that this film can't be any worse than their last cinematic outing.....

The Fantastic Four have had, funnily enough, have had four feature-length adaptations.

The very first film adaptation of Marvel's First Family was the legendary 1994 film from Roger Corman.

Although it was completed and ready to release, it famously never got released (which I'll touch a little more on later).

However, copies of the film have been circulating since May 31st, 1994.

Over a decade later, the Fantastic Four would get their technically second but first true feature-length film in the form of the 2005 film, directed by Tim Story, and released by 20th Century Fox on July 8th, 2005.

This film would also get a sequel just two years later with Rise of the Silver Surfer, directed again by Story and released by Fox on June 15th, 2007.

And finally, after almost a decade away from the big screen, the FF would return with their fourth and until the MCU film releases, latest film, the 2015 film, or more commonly known as Fant4stic, as that's how it was abbreviated...

A Fantastic Nightmare:

In August 2009, Fox would announce that they would be rebooting the Fantastic Four film franchise.

The reason why is because although Rise of the Silver Surfer did fairly well, grossing $301 million worldwide against a $120-130 million budget, the total gross was notably lesser than the first movie, which grossed $333.5 million worldwide.

And although there were plans for a third movie and a spin-off film focusing on The Silver Surfer, Fox feared those films could possibly be money sinks and opted to reboot the film franchise as a whole.

For the next three years, not a whole lot of progress was done with the planned reboot, apart from the hiring of producers and writers and the consideration of actors.

But the production of the film really started rolling in July 2012 when Fox hired Josh Trank, who was fresh off his directorial debut, Chronicle, to direct film.

And accompanying him was Jeremy Slater, who was hired to the screenwriter for the film, alongside X-Men: First Class writers Zack Stentz and Ashley Edward Miller.

And this where everything went to shit....

If any of you even know about Fant4stic, you'd probably know that it has one of the most turbulent production histories in the last decade of filmmaking.

Before we start actually looking into the production itself, first we need to look at the reason why it was even made in the first place.

And this point brings me back to the 1994 film.

Both that and this film were created for the exact same reason: copyright hoarding.

In 1983, the other producer of the 1994 film, Bernd Eichinger met with Fantastic Four co-creator and the Marvel legend himself, Stan Lee, in Los Angeles to explore obtaining an option for a movie based on Marvel's First Family. The option was not available until three years later, when Eichinger's production company Constantin Film obtained it for a price the producer called "not enormous" and which has been estimated to be $250,000.

Eichinger's initial plan was to have the movie be a full-on blockbuster directed by Chris Columbus, complete with a cast full of big name celebrities.

But despite some interest from Warner Bros. Pictures and Columbia Pictures, budget concerns precluded any production, and with the option scheduled to expire on December 31, 1992, Constantin asked Marvel for an extension. With none forthcoming, Eichinger planned to retain his option by producing a low-budget Fantastic Four film. In September 1992, he teamed with B-movie specialist Roger Corman, who agreed to produce the film on a $1 million budget, to be released by his distribution company New Horizons Pictures.

But we all know how that ended....

Essentially, the entire of that movie ended up in a one big legal loop-hole that only benefitted Eichinger, leaving dozen of people's lives played with and their hopes and dreams crushed.

And in the case of Fant4stic, it's essentially a tragic case of history repeating itself.

Fox only produced Fant4stic not because they were genuinely interested in doing another film based on The First Family, they only did it to use it as an excuse to latch onto the film rights.

As when the 2010s rolled out, Fox's time with the Fantastic Four were about to come to an end as eventually, their film rights would've been reverted back to Marvel, and to that extension, The Walt Disney Company.

But if they had made another Fantastic Four project pretty soon, they would be able to extend their time with the film rights.

And from what I've heard, it seems like Fox wanted to get this film rolling as quick possible with the approaching deadline to the rights.

That's probably the reason why they hired Trank out of all people that could've directed this film.

Which for a film like this, you would think that Fox would go with a director that's a bit more experienced since remember: upon his hiring as director for the project, Trank was fresh off his very first directorial film.

Though you're probably wondering what I meant when I said everything went to shit upon Trank's hiring, well....

There have been plenty of cases where the productions of films have been absolute chores for one of two reasons.

The director or producers just being infamously difficult to work with, like David O'Russel or Michael Bay.

The studio constantly meddling in the production, like....basically every film studio to ever exist.

But Fant4stic is one of the rare cases where both the studio and the director made the production a living hell.

Starting off with Fox (as funnily enough, they did the least amount of damage to the production), they were guilty of....

Forcing constant rewrites

Giving Trank a much-lower budget than initially promised

Hiring a prominent special effect expert for the film, then firing him and not telling Trank about it

When production finally wrapped on the film, they were so unhappy with the finished product, that they ordered massive reshoots, including the film climax

Upon finishing the reshoots, they locked Trank out of the editing room and finishing the theatrical cut of film without him

As for Trank.....Hoo boy! Where do I even begin?

He was guilty for......

Constantly butting heads with the studio executives

Treating the cast and crew like absolute shit

Not showing up to the set on time

Usually showing up completely hammered

Frequently hiding himself from everyone on set

Constantly getting into fights (verbal and even physical) with the cast and crew

Letting his dogs loose and causing $100,000 worth of damage on the set

Constantly fighting with the screenwriters about what the tone of the film should be like

And writing a now infamous tweet on Twitter just the day before the film's release, only to be instantly deleted the next day

And remember, this was the second film that Trank directed....

I've heard of Hollywood getting to people, but it usually takes a couple of years. But in the case of Trank, it practically happened overnight.

And funnily enough, a lot of this behind-the-scenes drama was revealed to the public even before the movie had an official trailer.

So expectations for this film were not particularly very high....

But now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about the actual movie itself.

The "Story":

Childhood friends Reed Richards and Ben Grimm have worked together on a prototype teleporter since youth, eventually attracting the attention of Professor Franklin Storm, director of the Baxter Foundation, a government-sponsored research institute for young prodigies. Reed is recruited to join them and aid Storm's children, scientist Sue Storm and engineer Johnny Storm, into completing a "Quantum Gate" designed by Storm's protégé Victor Von Doom.

The experiment is successful, and the facility's supervisor, Dr. Allen, plans to send a group from NASA to venture into a parallel dimension known as "Planet Zero". Disappointed at being denied the chance to join the expedition, Reed, Johnny and Victor along with Ben use the Quantum Gate to embark on an unsanctioned voyage to Planet Zero, which they learn is a world filled with otherworldly substances. Victor attempts to touch the green lava-like substance, causing the ground they are standing on to erupt. Reed, Johnny and Ben return to their shuttle just as Sue brings them back to Earth and Victor is seemingly killed after he falls into the collapsing landscape. The Quantum Gate explodes, altering Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben on a genetic level and granting them superhuman abilities beyond their control: Reed can stretch like rubber, Sue can become invisible and generate force fields, Johnny can engulf his entire body in fire and fly, and Ben acquires a rock-like hide which gives him superhuman strength and durability. They are then placed in government custody to be studied and have their abilities tested. Blaming himself for the accident, Reed escapes from the facility and tries to find a cure for their changes.

One year later in 2015, Reed is now a fugitive and has built a suit that helps him control his ability. Hiding in Central America, he is eventually found by the United States military with Sue's help and captured by Ben, who has become a military asset along with Johnny and Sue. Johnny and Sue have been outfitted with specialized suits designed to help them control their abilities. Reed is brought to Area 57, where Dr. Allen conscripts him into rebuilding the Quantum Gate in exchange for giving Reed the resources to find a cure. Arriving in Planet Zero, Dr. Allen's explorers find Victor, who has been fused to his spacesuit and now possesses telekinetic abilities, and bring him back to Earth. Believing that Earth needs to be destroyed to protect his new home world from future invasions, Victor kills the scientists and soldiers in the base, including Dr. Allen and Professor Storm, and returns to Planet Zero using the Quantum Gate, with Ben, Johnny, Reed and Sue in pursuit.

Now dubbing himself "Doom", Victor activates a portal on Planet Zero using the Quantum Gate and begins consuming the landscape of the Earth using a structure he created from the rock formations in Planet Zero. He is confronted by the four and, after a short battle, Ben punches Doom into the portal's energy beam, disintegrating him while Johnny closes the portal. Returning to Earth, the group is rewarded by the US military for their heroics by being given a new base of operations known as "Central City" to study their abilities without government interference. They decide to use their powers to help people and adopt the mantle of the "Fantastic Four".

Yeah, I basically just copied and pasted the premise of this film from Wikipedia.

The reason why is because there really isn't a whole lot to talk about.

The plot is paper thin, and the execution doesn't do it any favors.

In terms of adaptation, this film doesn't really adapt any notable Fantastic Four storylines.

The closest thing to this is that it's a loose adaptation of the first volume/arc of Ultimate Fantastic Four.

You can see this with elements such as.....

The Four themselves being depicted as teenagers/young adults

Reed and Ben being childhood best friends

Franklin Storm actually being a major character whereas in the 616 universe, he's largely irrelevant

The Baxter Building being turned into The Baxter Foundation

The reason for them getting their powers being a teleportation experiment gone wrong

And Doom being involved with the experiment as well and his famous armor being his actual skin instead

However, that's as far as it goes. They don't really bother to adapt the actual story of that arc, which has the team facing off against The Mole Man.

But one of the strangest story choices with this movie is in the case of Planet Zero.

Planet Zero is reportedly suppose to be Fant4stic's version of The Negative Zone.

Why they didn't just call it The Negative Zone, I have no clue.....

But as most of you know, The Negative Zone is famous for being the realm of one of the Fantastic Four's most prominent foes: Annihilus.

And with their version of The Negative Zone, you would think they would probably feature Annihilus in this movie.

But no! He doesn't appear at all nor is he even alluded to. In fact, Planet Zero is depicted as being a lifeless wasteland, with no living organisms in sight.

The Sucky Tone:

In contrast to the previous 3 FF films, this one is far more darker, serious and grounded.

This was because Trank wanted the tone of the movie to be, in his own words, "gritty, serious and as realistic as possible".

And it's safe to that Fox also encouraged this tone as well.

From the early 2000s into the mid-2010s, a good chunk of superhero films relied on taking superheroes and making them darker, gritty and more grounded than they were in their source material and other adaptations.

This can be largely attributed to the X-Men films, which were more serious and grounded than the comics and their other adaptations.

This was done because after the failure of Batman and Robin, comic books movies were briefly seen as cinema poison.

The X-Men films, Daredevil, Elektra, The Dark Knight trilogy, The Amazing Spider-Man duology, and even the first few films of the DC Extended Universe all prided themselves on being more dark, gritter and grounded than their source material and sometimes even predecessors in film.

And while most of these movies are still fondly remembered, I'm gonna have to come out and say this....

I'm not a fan of these films.

Apart from some of these characters just not fitting with a darker and gritty tone, the biggest reason why I don't like these films is because a lot of them reek of this sense of embarrassment and contempt for the source material they're adapting.

Like, some of them are not even being that subtle about it.

I am so glad this was finally made fun of in an actual Marvel project.

And in an age where a lot of producers and directors working on a projects based on long, established properties have been open about either not caring or straight up disliking the properties they're working with, its made many of these films age kinda poorly.

However, there were some superheroes films from the 2000s that didn't fall into this trap.

Undoubtedly the biggest is in the case of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy.

Those films were unabashedly campy, and were obviously made by people who legitimately cared about, understood and loved Spider-Man.

That's why despite of a having a few faults, the films are still talked about in high regards, even after two decades.

And notably more so than the films I just mentioned.

But back to the film itself, to the Fantastic Four having a dark, gritty and grounded tone.

Most people, myself include, would have to say....

Fantastic Four, while having their dark and serious moments here and there, are some of the most light-hearted characters in Marvel.

Trying to make them dark and gritty just feels incredibly tryhard.

And as for being grounded and realistic.

That's completely antithetical to the Fantastic Four.

They're adventurers and explorers. And many of their adventures have taken place in space, other dimensions, and alternate realties. It's one of the core appeals of the team.

And as you would expect, this tone did not do the film any favors.

Fant4stic is so. Fucking. Boring.

It is deathly serious with no sense of levity or humor to be detected.

The music is bland and generic, the color grading is dull as hell, and the performances....

Dear God....the performances.

I think this actually perfectly segways into the biggest and most important part of this post:

The "Characters":

One of the strongest draws of The Fantastic Four is, well, The Fantastic Four themselves.

All of them are very likable, charming, interesting and endearing in their own way.

And does Fant4stic capture anything that made these characters so great?

Let's start off with Reed first.

Reed in the comics and in just about every other medium is a genius, a polymath to exact.

In fact, he's tied with another one of the main characters I'll be talking about soon as being the smartest person in the Marvel Universe.

But besides being intelligent, Reed is also curious, adventurous, charismatic, level-headed, kind, and most importantly of all, passionate.

Reed is passionate about two things:

-His love for his family

-And his love for science and adventure

And while he can be little over-analytical, a little reserved at times, and have a bit of a one-mind track (so much so that he's been headcanon by just about everyone to be autistic), Reed overall is a very kind, caring and compassionate person.

Hell, he (along with the rest of the four) are some of the most morally righteous people in the Marvel Universe alongside Spider-Man and Captain America.

Now let's look at Fant4astic Reed....

Apart from being intelligent, level-headed and maybe curious, has none of the traits I just listed.

He's not adventurous.

He's not shown to be all that kind.

He has all the charisma of a funeral service.

And worst of all, he's not very passionate.

In the comics, Reed loves science and is always down to learn something new.

But the way Reed approaches science in the movie, it feels more like an obligation rather than something he's actually passionate about.

Next we have Sue.

Sue is pretty much the mother figure of the four.

Warm, caring, kind, mindful and responsible.

But she's also incredibly terrifying.

Sue's the most powerful member of the four and has proven to be a force to be reckon with for anyone who cares to hurt her family, especially her children.

Now let's look at Fant4astic Sue....

Well, how do l put this in the kindest way possible?

Yeah. Apart from being introverted, she's also shown to be incredibly sarcastic.

Like, modern animated adult comedy levels of being sarcastic.

And needlessly so.

Apart from still being responsible, Sue shows none of the traits I just listed.

The only character see isn’t needlessly sarcastic to is her and Johnny’s father, Franklin.

This version of the character is the walking definition of a killjoy.

Next we have her brother Johnny.

Johnny is the little brother of the group, since he’s the youngest.

He’s cocky, brash, hotheaded, a bit of a prankster, and kind of a showoff.

But in spite of that, Johnny is also a very kind and loyal individual.

The dude has been show that he’s willing to die for those he deeply cares for.

Now let’s look at Fant4stic Johnny.

Johnny is really the only character who somewhat resembles his original comic counterpart.

But even then, it still feels somewhat subdued.

Plus he has the same issue as Sue with him being needlessly a dick to people.

Like, Johnny had his dickish moments, but wasn't a massive asshole.

And plus, I should probably address the elephant in the room.

As you could probably tell for yourselves, Johnny here is African-American, making him and Sue adopted siblings.

And this would be the very first (and so far only) iterations of the Storm siblings who weren't blood-related.

And in all honesty, I'm not a fan of it.

Having Johnny and Sue not being biologically-related just feels wrong.

That would be like having Mario and Luigi not being related.

Or Goofy and Max.

Or Dante and Vergil.

Sometimes, you can't alter an important familial relationship.

As for why Johnny was made black while Sue wasn't.

Well....

Apparently, the Storm Family were all gonna be black, including Sue. But the higher-ups were not really onboard with Sue being black (I'm not even gonna try to make sense of that). But they were allowed to make Johnny and Franklin black. So thus, Sue ended up being adopted by the Storms.

And I must ask....

Why?

Why did they want to make the entire Storm family black?

I'm guessing it was to give a new fresh take on the characters.

But that's kind of debatable when we get to a point I'll bring up a little later.

And in terms of casting a black Johnny Storm, I don't think Michael B. Jordan was the best choice.

He just doesn't look like how most people would see Johnny as being black.

I think there's two reasons for that.

The hairstyle. Johnny has usually been depicted as having spiky hair. I think if had Michael those upward locs, then I could see him passing for a black Johnny.

The age of the actor. In fact, this applies to all the actors of the four as well. In the film, the four are said to be teenagers, specifically fresh out of high school age. So basically they would be around 17-18 years old. It's hard to see any of them as being around that age range when the actors who played them were, at the time of the film's release, two of them were 28, one of them was 29, and one of them was 32! Did they really just not bother to look for actors who were like college-aged?

Now we come to Ben.

Ben is undoubtedly most people's favorite member of the Fantastic Four.

While gruff, tough and a tad pessimistic and grumpy due to his circumstances, underneath Ben's rocky exterior beats a heart of gold.

He deeply cares for his friends and family and will go out of his way to protect them no matter what.

Now let's look at Fant4astic Ben.

Ben, being only rivaled by the next character we'll be talking about, is the character who barely resembles his original counterpart the most.

First, there's his appearance. Specifically before he became The Thing.

Out of this already not-good cast, Jaime Bell was probably the most miscasted of them all.

For starters, he just doesn't look like Ben Grimm at all.

Like, take a look at this guy and tell me that he looks remotely like the pre-Thing Ben in the comics.

Basically, Jaime suffers from the same problem that Topher Grace had when he played Venom.

He's too short. Ben, even before becoming The Thing, was usually depicted as being pretty tall, 6'0 to be exact. Jaime is 5'7. The dude is literally no taller than me (and I'm 5'8).

He's way too skinny. Once again, even before becoming The Thing, Ben is usually shown to be a pretty muscular-looking guy. He is canonically a skilled brawler (due to him being part of a street gang during his youth) and played on the football team in high school.

Essentially, even before becoming The Thing, Ben looked like a guy who could and can beat your ass.

This Ben looks like the guy who YOU would be beating the ass of!

Then there's his characterization.

This Ben has none of the traits I just mentioned.

Apart from being kind, he's typically portrayed as being soft-spoken and somewhat meek.

Which just don't fit the character of Ben Grimm at all.

But I think the worst part of his characterization is that he doesn't even have a Brooklyn accent!

Yeah! He doesn't have a Brooklyn accent! Despite it being one of the most famous elements of his character.

I'm the guy who think that a character should have their accent intact if they originally had it.

I'm one of the few people who find it kinda annoying that Black Widow doesn't speak with a Russian accent anymore despite speaking with one all-time in her appearances pre-MCU.

And I'm sure that I'm the only guy on the planet who actually wants Magneto to speak with a German accent.

But Ben not speaking with a Brooklyn accent feels both disgraceful and just plain wrong.

But perhaps the worst thing about this version of Ben is with his trademark catchphrase: It's Clobberin' Time!

In this film, they decided to give the catchphrase an origin.

Because we all know that what's the fans were certainly asking for it....

But anyway, in the Fant4stic continuity, It's Clobberin' Time was what Ben's abusive older brother who regularly beat him, would say right before kicking his ass!

Why?

Why was this added?

Who thought this was a good idea?

It adds nothing to this already nothing story.

Having Ben's catchphrase being the result of abuse from his older brother comes off as both incredibly fucked-up and like the rest of this cursed movie, unnecessarily tryhard.

The people who thought that giving this iconic catchphrase a gritty reason for existing need to get repeatedly smacked in the face.

But like I mentioned before, there's only one other character in the movie that rivals Ben in being the biggest spit in the face to their original counterpart.

But I'm gonna save that for next time.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to end this post right here since I'm pretty close to reaching the media post limit.

So this is gonna be a two-parter.

Wasn't the original intent, but hey, you can't win them all.

But tune in next time where I finish looking at this terrible movie.

And beware....I'm not gonna be very kind.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

might be a bit of a boring question but how do you feel about the Mazda b series? and if you have nothing to say about that one then I'd love to hear your thoughts on the tacoma

So thoughtful of you to give me a backup question, but worry not! If I've got nothing to say about a car, I will find it, goddamnit, if it'll take me two months! Which it very nearly did. Sorry. Anyhow! In reverse order of generations:

1. 5th

it would take state-backed effort to get me to care for -hell, care about- this last one, which did not excel in looks nor performance nor, from what I can tell, reliability nor comfort. It feels like it would be a very complex thought experiment to come up with the buyer this would be the best choice for, even in its time. (However, while the enthusiasts' metric of evaluation is competition, the owners' metric is their own expectations, so it is certain and valid and good that millions of owners were chuffed about their purchase and I love that for them and do not whatsoever seek to rain on their parade.)

2. 4th

Neat! Even beyond the spectacular decals, I just love Japanese pickups of this era (the ones yankees call "small pickups" and we call "pickups" because we don't have those useless fuck-off-gargantuan shit yankees love to pretend has any use). So much so that I want two of them. Neither are this (they're the Toyota Hilux and the Nissan D21), but objectively they're all about the same and my preferences are purely based on aesthetic minutiae.

3. 3rd

First I see of it! The front is kind of unfortunate, but it reminds me of the Yugo so it's on my good side. The rear taillights also have a kind of Soviet quality to them, I'm sure there's some -az car with rear lights just like those.

4. 2nd

HELL FUCKING YEAH *checks pronouns* SISTER! I love this thing. Especially the REPU, where PU stands for Pick Up and RE stands for...

Yep :D, this was the time when Mazda was shoving rotaries left and right into applications they were comically unsuited for absolutely no discernible reason, and we're all glad that they did, because Lord knows no one else had the lack of sense to do it.

Yes the ROTARY POWER* on the back of it is factory! *BITCHES

5. 1st

Yeah, this is at the edge of car period that excites me. Not that I think it looks bad or is bad or anything, it just starts to feel too... historic for me to connect to? I guess a Mazda pickup from the early '60s is just not for me.

It seems I guessed wrong.

This Ghibli-esque little thing is the 1959 Mazda K360, being a kei truck with the then maximum of 360cc of engine. It was a popular taxi (taxi!) in Myanmar...

...where it kept being produced until the early '70s, when it got replaced by the other other truck Mazda was making by the early '60s, the B360.

Wow I really was wrong there huh.

These were probably a sort of "Eastern Europe getting Fiat's scraps" kind of deal, since while these were manufactured in Myanmar from '72 to the mid-90s (mid-90s!), by 1972 Japan had already long been getting the B360's replacement i.e. the Mazda Porter, which OOOO0000°°°°°ººººº⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰ my GOOOOOODDDD

OMGOMGOMG THIS IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD

I don't even want to own one of these, I want to cuddle it. I want to protect it.

OMG THIS ONE HAS TINY LITTLE HAYASHIS WITH TINY LITTLE LETTERING ON ITS TINY LITTLE TIRES

*faints* *a feeble, wiggly speech bubble appears from below the table* Tacoma's good btw. Best of segment by miles.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!