#meta — shadowhunters

[carelessflower]

On Testing and Qualifying Magnus Lightwood-Bane's Sugar Daddy Behaviors - An Analysis

Multiple arguments have been made against the current High Warlock of Brooklyn, superficially regarding whether this gentleman's reputation as the current Consul of the Clave's sugar daddy is underappreciated or exaggerated. This study aims to dissect the argument with the support of textual evidence throughout the couple's appearances in the series

Paying for their first date

Taking care of the bill like a gentleman. From this instance, one can assume he takes his gentlemanly courting ritual very seriously, as he also reached for the meal cheques in other occassions

Conjuring and pelping to pick fine clothes for Alec

On their famous Europe vacation, it is shown Magnus has a habit of magicking tuxedoes, suits, and well-made sweaters for Alec. Now, if he could upgrade that GAP scarf to a Burberry one, it would be much appreciated

Gentleman behavior

Even though his boyfriend is supernaturally strong with biceps to bite for days and hunts bloodthirsty demons for a living, Magnus would still rather pay someone to carry the heavy luggage than his darling

Luxurious accommodation only

There has been a previously published study on the expenses for all these places here, so this article will be repeating the same key points:

one night at Istanbul Grand Suite on the Orient Express: $26,000

suite in Belmond Hotel Cipriani: $1,056

suite in Palazzo Manfredi, Rome: $729

It is understandably relatable when one pulls Alec Lightwood and wants to do everything in their power to woo him. For Magnus, it apparently includes never letting Alec stay in any place less than five stars

Letting Alec drive the Maserati

It costs around $10,860 to rent a red Maserati 3500 GT Vignale Spider for one day. Therefore, it speaks volumes to Magnus's affection for his boyfriend that Alec almost crashes them and the expensive car off a cliff is just a "tiny accident". It is also very likely he buys this type of car later, seeing his husband's fascination with them

Living together in Brooklyn

Months into the relationship Alec has already possessed a literal key to Magnus's home and proceeds to move in after weeks of getting back together. For other poor souls who are looking for a 3-bedroom brownstone in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, the rent would be estimated at around $5000 per month. For the Consul, it certainly would involve a different type of payment method

Alec's magically money-full pocket

The consul carrying energy bars in his duffle bag instead of using the 15000$ in his pocket guarantees the funniest mental images one could possibly imagine

Enchanting Izzy's whip for Alec's birthday

Knowing Alec's top wish is to keep his family safe, Magnus chooses to tip his boyfriend's sister's whip in a prized potion to help her on the battlefield. Loving someone to the point you want to protect what else they love

Assisting shadowhunter without payment

This element may prove to be the strongest supporter of Magnus's claim as THE sugar daddy of the shadowhunter chronicles universe title, seeing how he used to overcharge shadowhunter on their business (deservingly so), and now he is willing to do all kinds of crazy shenanigans without an ounce of money. Whoever's in charge of the Clave's budget better send Alec the biggest, freshest, most expensive fruit basket

Final note

In conclusion, this research paper does not provide a definitive answer to the argument but encourages readers to draw their own perspectives. Nevertheless, it is a great possibility that in his report, the consul stated he used 10-20 dollars each week while he was traveling across the world, going to Japan when he craved sushi and staying in the finest places, all thanks to his generous husband

tag list: @magnus-the-maqnificent @literallytypogod @hoezier-than-thou @sociallyineptbibliophile @queenlilith43

@khaleesiofalicante @wandererbyheart @raziyekroos @onetimetwotimesthreetimess @alexandergideonslightwood @andrwminward

@noah-herondale-lightwood @elettralightwood @dustandducks @deliciousdetectivestranger @delightfullyterrible

@letsgofortacos

@kita-no @thelightofthebane @secrettryst @goldendreams3 @cityofdownwardspirals

@stupidfuckindinosaur

@i-have-not-slept @rinadragomir @potato-jem @kasper-tag @cam-ryt

@banesapothecary

[lord-montgomery]

hating on or condemning simon because he "cheated" has always felt like just such a clear misread of the situation to me. i'm not gonna say he didn't fuck up but he also didn't ..cheat. if isabelle could date multiple people at once why couldn't he? he was just matching the energy isabelle brought to the table. and honestly i think it was his right to do so, maybe not with maia, but no one told him that was a rule.

and as he noticed things were getting more serious he did have instincts knocking at his heart telling him he needed to break it off with one of them. he just put it off too long. the reason we're given for this is that he didnt want to hurt either of them, and while i'm sure that's true, i don't think that's the whole story. because lbr by cofa the choice was clear. but that choice would also be an admittance that he wants isabelle more than she wants him. and he's been through that before. he's been the guy always prioritzing someone who has other priorities. and he can't be that again.

when everything does come to a head, both girls do get upset, but maia forgives him so much faster than isabelle does. and i think it's izzy's reaction that a lot of people base their perception of this situation on. but the thing is.. simon didn't know about izzy's cheating-based trauma. or that what he did would get mixed up in that. and ik i've said this before but her reaction also had a hell of a lot to do with anger at herself for letting simon have that kind of affect on her, rather than the simple facts of his actions. she went into self-preservation mode.

i just don't think the severity of his misdemeanor can be measured by the black and white metric of dating two people = cheating and cheating = unforgivable. even if it cut izzy deeper than expected.

[heronchildlove]

I'm thinking about how Matthew's perfectionism has always gotten in the way of all his hobbies. He tells James in Nothing but Shadows that he can't draw, can't write prose or poetry, can't compose or do anything like that, and, even without counting the fact that he is literally 13 and shouldn't expect to be good at those things anyway, you just know he probably only tried each of those things once or twice before giving up because he wasn't immediately good at them so for him that meant he had failed and couldn't be good ever and he was only good to watch the arts he loved from afar (spectate).

The only hobby he ever had was baking and only because no one else knew. Since it wasn't something anyone expected of him, he could do it in secret with no pressure, and allow Cook to teach him slowly because he was just "helping" her.

And then he lost it too by accidentally poisioning his mom and being too traumatised to ever do it again

[faejilly]

i find it kinda silly that warlocks have marks but nephilim don’t, considering the fact that angle blood is potent as fuck

Thus the eternal popularity of wing!fic/wing!art, yes? 💘

On the one hand, this could just be because angels and demons are opposing forces, one cancelling out the other, diametrically opposed on a metaphysical/magical level, so their powers manifest in different ways in their children.

(They're mostly all rather absurdly beautiful after all. Maybe that's their angel mark? *snickers*)

On the other hand, in a slightly more jilly likes making up magic lore point... maybe nephilim aren't half-angel in at all the same way warlocks are half-demon?

And this got long and rambly, so:

It is canon that the children of nephilim are always nephilim... which isn't how inheritance works, generally speaking.

If nephilim were half-angel/half-human in a biological sense, then shadowhunters would presumably be sterile, a combination of two barely compatible bloodlines just like warlocks.

But they can have children. Perhaps that's just something about angelic bloodlines, a power aimed more at life than the demonic bloodlines that seem more like death? (If that was it though, one wonders why would demons be able to have half-human children at all?)

If it was somehow just inheritance, even hand-wavey magical inheritance, nephilim should, one would think, be getting less and less angelic over time, no matter how carefully the Clave tries to manage their family lines.

(And losing the Mortal Cup really would be a death knell for the world, because the nephilim would in fact die out no matter how many children they tried to have, and then the demons would win. It might take awhile, depending on how frequent one thinks incursions are, and how many nephilim there were before the uprising, but still. There is no balance, just inevitable defeat.)

But modern shadowhunters are still capable of killing demons, can still use adamas and runes, can still (however reprehensible this is) overpower and subjugate the down world.

They continue to have angelic power no matter how removed they are from their founders.

They also continue to have angelic powers even when infected/attack by demonic ones. You literally can't take the angel out of a nephilim.

Otherwise Jonathan Morgenstern wouldn't have been able to bear runes, Tessa wouldn't have been able to have children in the books, Luke wouldn't have been a shadowhunter again after his lycanthropy was cured in the TV show. (Deruned shadowhunters wouldn't explicitly be so tempting to demons once they lose their protections.) Which does at first sound like they're still half-angel under the demonic corruption...

BUT!

Fallen angels also still have angelic power, despite being 100% demon.

Magnus' ability to interact with adamas/shadowhunter tools makes that explicit: he's partially angelic even as a half-demon/half-human warlock.

Which is too many halves if nephilim abilities came from being half-angel!

Perhaps, angelic power literally can't be broken down, regardless of anything else happening around it or containing it... instead, angelic grace is simply eternal. Immutable, irresistible, unavoidable... once seen it is never ever forgotten.

Thus purging the angelic core works against Lilith without also making the Institute defenseless, the so-called Herondale birthmark never fades. (Does this mean Clary and her bloodline will also be marked somehow, in a way we have yet to see defined in canon, Ithuriel's grace made manifest on them forever?)

If we follow that logic through the aforementioned Tessa/Jonathan/Luke (perhaps even Max Trueblood and any other deruned shadowhunters who go on to live mundane lives) maybe nephilim are actually still just human. They have children, they live, they grow old, they die.

Perhaps nephilim are forever touched by angelic grace, but never actually part of it?

(Is this in fact part of what makes angels different than demons? They will not corrupt or twist humanity into something other, but they will grant a gift. One that is inhuman, amoral, one that burns cold and eternal and is necessary, perhaps, but not kind. Is this their true problem with Clary's use of runes in the TV show, that she is twisting humanity into something else, that she is corrupting them by combining angelic and demonic and human in a way that is anathema and dangerous to angelic grace? Angels do not interfere with humanity, except to try and prevent demons from interfering with humanity. Thus never stopping Valentine, or interfering with the Clave no matter how ruthless they became. Their sins were still human sins, not demonic ones.)

Maybe nephilim are not inherently immune to demonic influence, to possession or bearing demonic children. The gift of grace allows them to access angelic power, lets them use it to actively protect themselves, much like they're trained to fight and use runes and forge adamas etc. but they are still just human.

This makes Valentine's ability to 'create' a demon that can sneak into the Institute and possess shadowhunters (can kill Jocelyn and poison Izzy) much more palatable. He's not creating something that can bypass nephilim nature. He just found a way past the tools they use to protect themselves.

SO!

Back to my meta on your actual original comment.

Perhaps nephilim do not have marks in the way that warlocks do because they're not half angel.

They're infected like werewolves or vampires, just with a more difficult transmission, only possible through children rather than blood or violence. (And isn't that actually the first thing that does make sense as an angelic trait? Family and bonds and love and life, not death, as the only way to succeed, as the only way to continue.)

They have symptoms of angelic grace, a magical counter to demonic corruption: fortitude and beauty and the ability to use angelic tools. They're the opposing force to vampire speed and seduction and fangs, to werewolf strength and pack and transformation.

This is why they can't do magic like warlocks and seelies, even if they are supernatural. This is why they're still mortal. They're still just human however hard they try to pretend otherwise.

At some level, this is probably part of why the Clave despises werewolves and vampires even more than fae and warlocks. They're all too similar, too clearly an illustration of there but for the grace of angels...

Literally.

[thelostgirl21]

I think one of the reasons why I absolutely adore Magnus and Alec's first time together is because, as Magnus once said, Alec is just so... innocent.

I know that fans are often equating him sort of pouncing on Magnus to passionately kiss him (as soon as he learned they had the apartment to themselves), and later eagerly pushing him towards the bedroom while starting to unbutton his shirt, as him being anything but "innocent".

But, to me, having the confidence to express his desires, going after what he wants, and taking charge of a situation - even one filled with some unknowns - is not something indicating a lack of innocence on Alec's part.

Part of it likely comes from his own temperament. Like Izzy said, he has a tendency to overthink things.

He can make brash and impulsive decisions, at times, in an effort to quickly fix issues causing him a great deal of emotional distress, true. But otherwise, he usually tries to look at a situation through as many angles as he can, collect data from a number of different sources, ask for other people's input, etc., before reaching a conclusion.

Once he does commit to a given course of action, however, he fully commits!

Not blindly (i.e. the feedback he receives from his environment will make him change course if he notices something's wrong and he's no longer sure that he's doing the right thing), but with an impressive amount of drive, willpower, and determination.

What makes him such a formidable leader, IMHO, is that he's got the strength of his convictions, while said convictions remain flexible and adaptable in light of any newly acquired information.

Whenever he realizes he's made a mistake, he's able to own it, figure out / explain why he made that mistake, learn from it, and work on solutions to prevent making those same mistakes again.

And it is a really, really good thing. Because, driven as he is, if he was remotely dogmatic in his beliefs or unable to cope with the idea of being wrong, he'd truly be dangerous - crushing anything and anyone in his path to reach his objectives.

But the point is that Alec is someone that typically tries to measure the potential impact of his actions before he reaches a decision.

And, since all of his concerns have been dealt with before - during the "overthinking phase" - there's often no longer any need for him to hesitate or hold back while acting on it.

In this very instance, it was rather clear that becoming sexually intimate with Magnus was something that he'd had the chance to think long and hard (no pun intended) about.

Since - given he'd already been with approximately 17 000 lovers before - the likeliness of Magnus being comfortable having sex with him was rather high.

From Alec's P.O.V., I'm guessing that the only one "reasonably holding them back" from being sexually intimate with each other, technically, was Alec himself.

I have a feeling that he already knew that, deep down, he felt ready to have sex with Magnus when he went to ask Izzy for advice.

He just needed to be sure that his lack of experience wasn't making him overlook any important variables before fully "going for it".

For example: Is there anything that Izzy wished she'd have known before she had sex for the first time that she didn't? Anything specific he should be made aware of? Anything he (or Magnus) could regret?

And she basically lets him know that - since Magnus and him genuinely care about each other - it's going to be fine.

If the thought of having sex with Magnus is something that Alec wants, if it makes him happy, then the best thing for him to do is to stop worrying!

She's making it rather clear that her own experience with sexual intimacy is - thankfully - not something she regrets, and there's no reason why Alec might regret it, either.

If it is something that he does yearn for, and since he's with someone that genuinely cares about his well-being and safety, then the only thing that might ruin this for Alec is Alec himself worrying about what could go wrong.

So, Alec pouncing on Magnus - going right after what he wants and what makes him happy with pure abandon once he's sure of his decision - to me, is extremely typical of the way Alec behaves in general.

But, most importantly, I see it as a sign of complete trust in his partner.

He's comfortable enough initiating the physical intimacy and openly expressing what he wants, regardless of his own inexperience, because he trusts Magnus to guide him through the process.

As it turns out, however, Alec had overlooked some variables - namely Magnus' own fears and insecurities. And this is where Alec displays traits that really show how innocent he is, too.

He sees Magnus as someone that loves him unconditionally, and that couldn't possibly seek to hurt or take advantage of him.

Alec is in love with him, he feels loved by him, and he's got no tangible awareness, apparently, that there is a significant power imbalance between them that Magnus (thankfully) remains very aware and respectfully mindful of.

I say "thankfully", because the fact that Magnus worries about taking advantage of any situation with Alec is a good sign that Alec's trust in him isn't being misplaced.

I believe that Magnus is fully aware that, his whole life, Alec has been conditioned to meet the expectations of those he loves and depends on to feel safe.

And, while they eventually did see the errors of their ways, his parents did use how they expressed or withheld love and approval towards their children as motivational tools to get them to act certain ways, and make certain choices.

Alec was even willing to go as far as marry Lydia because he felt responsible for fixing his parent's mistakes and restoring his family's honor.

He has a tendency to readily sacrifice his own wants and needs for those he loves - to put himself second.

And Magnus knows that he's always been very honest with him regarding his past sex life history.

From appreciative "name dropping" (Michelangelo was "excellent in bed", Casanova was "brazen"...) to him having been with "men, women, seelies, warlocks, vampires... a djin or two" (about 17 000 of them!), he's made it rather clear that sex is something he enjoys indulging in every now and then.

So, it wouldn't be far fetched for Magnus to worry that Alec would have interpreted his openness about sex in general as being something that he would absolutely need to have in a relationship in order to continue being interested in his partner.

It makes sense that Magnus would be concerned that he may have unwittingly offered Alec the impression that, if he took too long before being able to "give him what he needs" to be happy or feel fulfilled in their relationship, then he might decide that being with a 20-something inexperienced virgin Shadowhunter wasn't worth it, and/or go seek "his pleasure" elsewhere.

I mean, from what I understand, Magnus himself has often been made to feel like what he had to offer was either too much, or not enough, too. He even apologetically told Alec in the beginning of their relationship "I know I'm a lot to get used to".

So, his own ability to clearly express where he stands and what he wants or needs - and have his partner understand it - has been something that he's been made to feel very insecure about.

And the last thing he wishes to do, I believe, is hurt Alec or take advantage of him; to have Alec feel like he should be sexually active with him based on any wrongly interpreted signal that Magnus might have been unwittingly sending him simply by being open and honest about his past.

And if you do force yourself to have sex with someone without truly wanting it - for fear that you might be losing them if you don't - there's a very high likeliness of your own body responding to the sexual act as some form of aggression.

Sadly, once your brain starts making associations between the feeling that some of your personal boundaries having been violated and the person you were with when that feeling occurred, you may instinctively start withdrawing from them and be uncomfortable being generally intimate with them.

So, Magnus being instinctively cautious, and refusing to immediately take Alec's eagerness to be sexually intimate with him at face value makes sense and is extremely reassuring in its own way.

Alec also display some measure of innocence in the way he responds to Magnus attempt at slowing him down, too.

It goes from this sort of still somewhat eager open confusion where he's just verbally clarifying what he wants (Okay... I thought pouncing on your significant other once you've made sure the way is clear might convey "I want us to sleep together! Let's do this! I'm ready!"... Did I miss something? Damnit, Izzy, I swear if I learn there's some sort of mating ritual you're supposed to go through first, and you never thought to tell me, I'll be so pissed!)...

...to extremely focused on Magnus when he starts expressing his own concerns with Alec's wish for them to become sexually intimate together so soon into the relationship.

Alec's not just listening to his words, but appears to be actively looking for clues in Magnus' gaze and in his behavior to help him figure out what's happening, and what he might have been missing in all of his prior "overthinking".

While Alec doesn't seem to fully "get it" (apparently totally unaware that having sex with someone before you are fully ready might put a strain on a relationship, and/or just how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of the way Alec is so openly offering himself to them), he does appear to get that Magnus is scared that he is making the decision to please him, rather than because he truly wants to.

So, to me, having Alec clearly tell him "You have nothing to worry about, I want this", right before confidently pushing Magnus towards the bedroom while starting to unbutton his shirt, doesn't translate as a lack of innocence on his part, either.

I see it more as Alec's way of reassuring Magnus that he is genuinely ready for them to be sexually intimate together. It's him trying to make Magnus feel that he's doing this for himself, first and foremost.

It's Alec wordlessly saying "I may be inexperienced, but I don't see why being inexperienced should make me apprehensive about being sexually intimate with you. I trust you, I believe I'm making the right choice for myself, and I need you to trust me, too."

Alec's innocence also shines through in the way he initiates making love with Magnus like someone that's never been hurt in love before.

In the way he doesn't seem to have any specific expectations besides sharing something that's supposedly wonderful and fun with Magnus.

His guards are completely down, and he's just this happy, giggling, fumbling mess feeling his way around and trying to figure out the steps as he goes...

When Magnus teasingly remarks "that was graceful" (referring to how they both lost their balance several times while making their way to the bed - trying to remove pieces of clothing at the same time - to finally clumsily topple together on top of said bed), Alec gets in on the humor by happily replying "Shadowhunter" while gesturing to himself, then passionately dives right back in all the kissing and groping.

It doesn't seem to occur to him - not even for a second - that some sexual partners have a tendency to take sex very "seriously", and are unable to keep their concentration when the other person is constantly giggling and laughing or even *gasp* joking.

He's not acting like he's scared of messing anything up by not knowing what he's doing, either.

He's not worried about the possibility of Magnus gossiping about having slept with a Shadowhunter, while mocking his lack of experience or "technique" with fellow Warlocks.

There isn't the slightest notion in his mind that any of this could be about Magnus' wishing to add a Shadowhunter on his already impressive list of "sexual conquests".

Until Magnus interrupts them again, there's not a single tiny bit of concern being expressed by Alec about his ability to "offer a good sexual performance", and/or "living up to his partner's expectations", either.

He's just this happy, carefree, loving partner having the time of his life, exploring something new and wonderful in his relationship with the man he loves - something that he never believed he could ever have for himself - and staying in the moment.

He's (rightly) assuming that, because Magnus saw him when it seemed no one else did, told him that being "different" was a good thing, has since been able to set up clear boundaries with him and hold him accountable in the relationship without targeting his ego, and has never tried to make him feel like he's not "good enough" for him, there's no reason why Magnus should expect him to offer anything other than himself.

There's no use for Alec to attempt to pretend he's this amazing lover when he's never been in the position of being a lover before, and Magnus has clearly told him that "he doesn't care how many people he hasn't been with" already.

Magnus makes Alec feel safe, unconditionally loved, supported, and gives him confidence.

Generally speaking, in virtually any context, he uses his own power and experience to empower Alec and help him reach his own potential, rather than seek to dominate him and make him feel small.

He's someone that Alec feels comfortable being emotionally and physically "naked" with.

I remember that the first time I heard and watched the way Alec proudly answered "Shadowhunter" - then immediately grabbed Magnus to kiss him some more (barely giving him any time to process the comment) - I was just totally overwhelmed with "feels"!

Alec is just so blissfully happy and adorably confident and way too pure for this world in this moment! And it's such a delight to watch Magnus positively respond to him and savor those moments with him.

Being innocent, in a sexual context, is not something that I personally see as turning 3 shades of red and starting to giggle nervously because someone said the word "penis" out loud, or freezing at the thought of seeing or touching a bit of skin.

I mean, seeing how comfortable Jace was with Alec walking in on him while he was in the middle of foreplay with a member of his "book club", I'm guessing that it's not the first time something like that has happened between them.

Alec himself appeared to be more irritated with Jace's blatant lack of shame or sense of interpersonal boundaries, rather than traumatized over what he saw was about to happen.

And then, there's Isabelle that, if I remembered correctly, complained about how she was constantly talking to Alec about her love/sex life, while he kept everything to himself.

So, there's no question that Alec knows what sex is, and likely sees sexual activity as something natural that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Being in his early twenties, you would sort of expect him to be surrounded by openly sexually active people and understand what's usually "going on" in a bedroom, not to mention having been given plenty of time to explore his own body.

Thus, what makes him innocent, in the context of a romantic and sexual relationship, to me, really is how he approaches lovemaking with such an open and trusting heart, while laughing, stumbling, trying to connect with his partner and focusing on them being happy together without any hint of concern or fear of being hurt in the process.

And Magnus offers Alec a safe space to be himself and fully enjoy the moment they are sharing by letting Alec set the pace and following his lead. He's stumbling, giggling, and allowing himself to be blissfully happy right alongside him, approaching the whole experience as something new and exciting.

And it is. Each partner you share a bed with is unique, and you will need to find your own shared rhythm with them.

Magnus, however, could easily have ignored all of this and spontaneously taken the role of "the experienced mentor" that will teach the "newbie" everything he knows about sex, including the "best, most pleasurable way to do it"! But he didn't.

And if you're laughing at the statement I just gave, you'd be surprised with how many partners I've had, in my teenage and adult years, that approached sex as some sort of competitive sport, boasting at their own skills and experience, and immediately tried to "take you under their wing" to "teach you all of their trade secrets" as soon as they learned that they were the most experienced out of the two.

Thankfully, my very first experience was with a guy one year younger than myself, that had only had one sexual partner before me, and who was just the sweetest, most attentive partner any virgin could have asked for.

He made the whole experience be about me being comfortable with what was happening and about us being and figuring things out together; and that was exactly what I needed at the time. He never made me feel like there was any rush for us to get anywhere specific together.

Sadly, not everyone is as fortunate. Some experienced partners appear to care way more about showcasing their skills and being praised for "giving you a good time", rather than achieving any sense of partnership.

I really believe, however, that the most experienced partner's role should always be to put themselves at the least experienced partner's level at first, so that they can then build something together from there.

Perhaps the least experienced one will be delighted to have the most experienced partner "show off" what they can do and teach them new things!

But the point simply is that it should be a choice they make, and not something that's being imposed on them from the get go on the assumption that "my job is to show you a good time and teach you stuff".

Immediately taking charge without first confirming that this is something the other wants or needs is the best way to damage the least experienced partner's confidence, make them feel like what they have to offer you with their current level of skills and knowledge isn't enough, and make them become overly fearful of taking initiative and just experimenting with different things in the bedroom.

And this is true whether the person you are with is someone you care about, love, and wish to develop a relationship with, or someone you just met at a bar and may never see again in your life.

Even if the goal of the sexual encounter isn't to build a more in depth relationship, the moment you are spending together is an intimate act where you are supposed to be partners. It's a moment where you need to make sure that you both (or all, should you be more than two) get something out of it, and feel like you are contributing to what's happening.

I have friends involved in BDSM - some of them enjoying the occasional company of a complete stranger as they feel it adds something exciting to the experience.

Anyone with a healthy approach to BDSM would tell you how important it is for any dominant/submissive dynamic to be consensual and include limits that all partners have discussed and agreed upon.

There's nothing wrong with the more experienced partner taking the lead in any sexual context, but they always need to make sure that this is what the other(s) want. Trust and communication are key - including paying attention to the non-verbal.

Thankfully, in this context Magnus handles Alec's innocence and inexperience absolutely beautifully, and is more than willing to make the moment about Alec and about the two of them.

Actually, Magnus is so skilled at matching Alec's own rhythm and sharing the experience with him, that he instinctively finds himself letting his own barriers down.

Apparently, Alec makes love with such an open heart and soul - hiding no part of himself in the process - that Magnus can't maintain his own glamour to hide any part of himself from Alec, either.

And, just like that, the power dynamic is changed!

In the Shadow World, Shadowhunters consider themselves the superior race since they share blood with the angels.

They are warriors of light imbued with Heavenly powers that proudly display their runes for anyone (except Mundanes, obviously) to see!

But the Downworlders - that share blood with demons - are taught to hide their "shameful demonic heritage" and are expected to constantly fight against their "demonic nature" that makes them "naturally more prone" to violence, decadence, evil actions, and so forth.

Warlocks may be the most powerful species of the Shadow World, they also are the literal children of demons - hybrids that can't even have their own children and who are carrying a physical mark that reflects their demonic parentage.

Some Shadowhunters apparently used to take those marks as trophies (it's pretty clear that Circle members still do), and it seems to be one of the ways that Shadowhunters sometimes use to confirm the identity of a warlock.

Later, we also learn that Magnus has been vulnerable to Asmodeus' influence as a child because he was the only other person he'd ever met with "eyes like his".

Magnus' eyes are tied to a lot of shame, early rejection (including his mother killing herself and abandoning him, when he was nine, when she finally realized what her son's cat eyes meant), and overall bad memories.

I think that the only times, until then, that we'd seen Magnus with his glamour down on the show was when he was trying to drive people away / intimidate them / remind them of how powerful and potentially dangerous he (or a spell he is performing) is.

It's when he wants people to remember that he's also "part monster", that they would do well not to get on his bad side, or make sure that someone requiring his services understands the type of forces they are dealing with.

Jocelyn Fairchild knocking at his door to get Clary's memories removed, those Circle members in the club, the one Magnus was fighting in his apartment...

They are all people that Magnus wanted to send some form of warning to, whether the warning was hostile, or not.

And suddenly, those "monster eyes" are on full display for Alec to see in a context where he wishes to make Alec feel safe and avoid anything that could ever drive him away.

Thanks to him having lost control over his glamour, Alec is now concerned that he's done something wrong...

And, although Magnus is quick to reassure Alec that his current reaction has nothing to do with something he did - or with him not wanting to share this intimate moment with him - he's still avoiding Alec's gaze, seemingly withdrawing from him, and offering no coherent or clear explanation as to why.

But, try as he might, Magnus can't bring the glamour back on, so he's essentially got two choices...

He can either trust that Alec won't leave once he sees his warlock mark, and that he'll be able to accept that it is a part of him that he can't always control (apparently).

That, should Alec find his eyes' appearance unsettling, they'll find ways to manage the situation until Magnus becomes better at maintaining his glamour around Alec while the two of them are being intimate with each other. Maybe get creative with the use of blindfolds?

Or he can continue to let Alec worry over what's happening while stubbornly keeping his eyes closed and refusing to look at him until he gets the glamour back on, thus maintaining a certain form of "barrier" between them.

Magnus thus chooses to take the risk of allowing himself to be vulnerable with Alec once again - allowing him to see him without any glamour - so he'll understand that his reaction wasn't caused by anything Alec did.

Or actually, maybe it was caused by something Alec did; just not by something Alec did wrong.

And I also love the way that Alec's expression doesn't change right away once Magnus finds the courage to turn around.

I love that Alec briefly continues to just look at him like he's still trying to figure out what's wrong with Magnus now that he's FINALLY able to look in his eyes - steadily searching for the answer there like he did earlier.

I like to think that Alec sort of initially just mentally went: "Okay, that's good, I've managed to get him to look at me. Now, I just need to convince him that it's okay for him to tell me what he meant by "los - OH!"

That the moment he realizes the eyes he's been looking into have changed color and appearance, he breaks into that slightly amused smile (mostly amused at himself for having been too focused on trying to read the emotions written there to immediately notice the change); relieved to know that Magnus and him will be okay.

Because, just like Madzie's gills looked incredibly cool, Magnus' cat eyes are absolutely gorgeous, and Alec knows he's just falling in love with his boyfriend's eyes all over again, gladly getting lost in their depth.

Alec can only hope that Magnus will believe him when he tells him that they are beautiful, that he's beautiful... That it will help relieve some of the pain, fears, and concerns he sees reflected in them...

Meanwhile, Magnus watches Alec go from being a concerned, confused, and inquisitive puppy; to a relieved, mesmerized, and adoring one in a matter of seconds!

Next thing he knows, there's a warm, gentle hand against his cheek; and a pair of open, steady, loving hazel eyes staring right back into his own, tenderly anchoring him there while Alec is calling his cat eyes beautiful, telling him that he's beautiful - all of him - with all the love and sincerity he can muster.

Magnus can allow himself to relax, lovingly reach up to caress the hand resting on his cheek while lazily blinking back at him in wonder.

His cat eyes - that Magnus had usually used to inspire respect and fear, to remind people of his powers and appear more intimidating - aren't driving him away.

For some reason, they appear to be drawing Alec in instead, inspiring him to move even closer to him rather than farther apart. And perhaps - just perhaps - if Alec can love them and see beauty in them, he might be able to learn to love and fully own that part of himself, too.

One of the things that fascinate me about Alec is that, once he found out that his parents and the Clave had lied to him his whole life about their involvement in the Circle, it's like he made the conscious decision to bring all of his perceptions of the Downworld back to factory reset.

He was able to recognize that all of the prejudices he'd ever had about warlocks, vampires, and other Downworlders weren't based on facts, and that there was no actual evidence that Downworlders were better or worse people just for having demon blood.

Instinctively, we fear what we don't know or don't understand - what we haven't been familiarized with when we were young. We perceive what isn't "like us" or "a part of our usual environment" as potential threats.

ROBERT: [Magnus]'s reputation precedes him. And even for a warlock, he’s a bit of a lothario. Alec, there’s so much that you don’t know about him.

ALEC: Well, then I plan to get to know him.

Alec's not denying that there are tons of things he doesn't know nor understand about Magnus, simply stating that he's not going to let that lack of knowledge make him treat Magnus as inherently "bad" or dangerous because of it.

He's going to take the time to get to know him - seek to better understand him - and he'll adapt his opinion of him based on what he sees, learns, finds, and experiences, rather than the opinion of people that have never bothered spending time with him, nor made any efforts to get to know him for who he is rather than what he could potentially do "as a warlock".

Better yet, he's going to start exploring the rest of the Downworld and getting to know their people as if he was experiencing their world and taking a look at them for the very first time, too.

When it comes to Magnus and the Downworld, Alec is choosing to leave himself open and trusting in the face of the unknown, rather than risking to unfairly treat them as threats to keep himself and fellow Shadowhunters "safe" from things they don't understand, yet are too fearful to go explore.

And, unlike Aldertree, he's wise enough to avoid treating anecdotal bad experiences, no matter how tragic or terrible they may be, as facts that can be generalized to all of the Downworld.

Just because the breaks of your car have malfunctioned and caused a crash doesn't mean that every car you'll climb in is ill-fated to have malfunctioning breaks and crash.

Alec is obviously not "innocent" all the way through. He grew up in a world of politics and is perfectly aware of the mind games and power plays that can and often occur there.

He was also emotionally and psychologically abused by parents that used his feelings to get what they wanted out of him (they may have thought they were doing it to protect their children from their past and the Clave, their behavior with their children was still controlling and abusive, even putting Jace, Isabelle, and Alec in the roles of the golden, invisible, and scapegoat child, respectively).

And that's sort of the point. Now that Alec has snapped out of it, he's very perceptive and typically good at noticing and identifying patterns of emotional manipulation, and/or when someone's motivations and goals go against the welfare of those they are supposed to be protecting.

And treating Downworlders as people also means avoiding to fall into the trap of idealizing them by believing that none of them ever would abuse their powers, among others.

Alec may have decided to start trusting and valuing Downworlders with an open heart, and utterly be refusing to see them as a threats based on their reputation and everything he doesn't know about them, but he still allows himself to have an opinion of each individual he meets.

Be they Shadowhunters, Downworlders, or Mundanes, if the individual's actions and motives appear to be self-serving, and/or threatens to bring harm to others, he won't trust nor support them.

But Magnus himself is the one that helped him realize that the way he'd been raised was wrong, and "snap out" of the manipulation and abuse he'd been the victim of. He's the one that inspired him to start questioning the "truths" he'd been blindly taught by the Clave, and to follow what he knew in his heart was right.

Magnus is the one that, while holding Alec accountable for his actions and letting him know when he didn't approve of his behavior, never tried to minimize what Alec was going through nor pretend that he was wrong for feeling the way he did.

In some ways, Alec is far from being innocent, but in others, he truly is.

He's never been in romantic relationship nor had sex with anyone before, he gets upset over the poor tunas being described as "fatty" on the menu of a sushi restaurant, he grew up being pretty sheltered from everything that exists outside of the Shadow World...

And, with Magnus, he doesn't need to pretend that he knows more than he does, nor hide any of that innocence from him, because he knows that he won't be judged for it, mocked about it or, especially, taken advantage of because of it.

He can afford to let his guards down and embrace that side of him that is filled with innocence and wonder because Magnus respects, values, and nurtures it.

What Magnus receives, in return, is the love and acceptation of someone that refuses to let other people's opinions or even blood connections dictate how he should see the world and others, takes the time to truly look at him, and openly tell him what he sees.

Alec doesn't care what warlocks marks are "supposed to mean" according to the Clave. Madzie's gills are cool-looking, so why shouldn't he compliment her on them?

Magnus' eyes are beautiful and he loves them, so why pretend otherwise?

"There is nothing ugly about you."

"I don't care who your parents are. I care who you are."

"You are the furthest thing from a greater demon."

After all, Alec's parents used to be Circle members, and he's the furthest thing from being Circle member, too.

All I can hope is that telling Magnus out loud that he shouldn't carry the burden nor shame of his parents' actions, or the fact that someone took advantage of him at his most vulnerable to try to turn him into someone he's not, is helping Alec truly internalize the fact that his family's crimes and mistakes aren't his to fix, and the way he'd treated or behaved with Downworlders before he realized how wrong his parents and the Clave were isn't something he should feel guilty about, either.

Take steps to make up for his mistakes and show proper responsibility for Downworlders who are under his people's protection, yes. Acknowledge what he did wrong and why it was wrong, absolutely.

But it doesn't make him a terrible person nor puts him at fault. He still deserves to be loved, cherished, put first, and be reminded of how beautiful he is, too.

I think what makes Malec such a beloved pairing is the amount of love and acceptance they have for each other, and their willingness to emotionally empathize despite their very different backgrounds and experiences.

Relationships do take efforts, but it is important not to overlook the type of efforts they require.

Relationships aren't about making the effort to change the other person to better suit yourself, nor to change yourself to become what the other person wants.

Because, while healthy relationships do, indeed, inspire people to change and (hopefully) become better; they do so by "unlocking" parts of ourselves that we didn't dare acknowledge, explore, develop, and/or express until then.

They do so by offering a supportive, loving, and safe environment for certain aspects of our personalities to hatch, take root, and/or grow.

But those are changes that come from within.

You can offer a romantic partner opportunities for change as much as you want, if they do not feel like they have anything to gain by embracing them (or worse, if their goal is to dominate and control the relationship), nothing good will come of it.

Those efforts, instead, are about learning to know and understand each other, finding the right balance between your partner's needs and your own, leaving your ego at the door while trying to resolve conflicts, admitting to being wrong when you are, showing appreciation and respect towards your partner for taking responsibility for their mistakes when it turns out that you are right, and seeking to come out of any conflict or difficult situation with the two of you having gained or learned something out of it, and with your partnership having ideally grown stronger from the experience.

Those efforts are about being willing to pool resources together to support and make each other stronger. They are about finding how to make your respective differences work in such a way that they complement each other, and accept that there are aspects of your lives where you'll need to agree to disagree.

Relationships take efforts, but they require healthy efforts.

And some of those efforts, thankfully, turn out to be more rewarding than anything else.

Because, while Magnus does have to make the effort of being mindful that he's Alec first romantic and sexual relationship, and he does have to make the effort of giving him space to explore, take risks, and set the pace for the both of them, he seems to be enjoying every single second of it.

Since Alec grew up in such a very sheltered environment, there are tons of things in the Mundane world - and even just life in general - that he's yet to have tasted, touched, seen, heard and experienced.

By loving him - by emotionally connecting with Alec - he gets the chance to re-experience many of the things he loves with him for the first time, too.

I have absolutely no trouble imagining Magnus bringing Alec to his favorite restaurants not so much for the food itself, but to drink in the sight of Alec tasting it and listening to him commenting on it - regardless of whether he ends up enjoying the same foods he does or not.

When they walk hand-in-hand in the streets of a foreign city, Alec is likely to pay attention to things that Magnus himself may never have noticed before, and appreciate details that he may have grown to take for granted over time, or stopped noticing after a while.

And, after having grown up with parents that - in Alec's own words - have drilled into him that he was never good enough, Alec has met someone that finds delight and joy in almost everything he does, and who treats him like he's the best thing that has ever happened to him in hundred of years!

Somehow, their respective needs and wants work together in a very beautiful and organic way.

They are different and they do come from different worlds, but their core values, personalities, ability to derive genuine happiness from their partner's own experience of it, and their desire to treat their relationship as a true partnership makes it work and allows them to overcome challenges together.

Magnus offered Alec a world he never thought he'd ever be allowed to have and experience.

Alec offered Magnus the key to opening his heart and fully emotionally connecting with all the wonders and joys of their world.

Magnus' powers is the magic he was born with, but Alec's love and innocence is the magic he chose to bring home with him and keep safe.

[purplebass]

I was thinking about the relationship between Alastair and Paris. Paris was the city where he and Thomas met again after the Academy, but it also is the city where Alastair was born. I want to believe that he likes Paris because it is a place where he feels like he belongs because, after all, his life began in that place. He moved from country to country his whole life, and along he brought his cultures: he is Persian, but he is also British. For the sole fact that he was born in Paris, he may feel like he also belongs there. Paris is also, after all, the city where he and Thomas met again. In many ways, it represents the city where their relationship was given a second chance. Paris is the city where intellectuals often retreated and also an "escapist" city. Thomas and Alastair find each other there by chance and use Paris to get to know each other better and they do it by enjoying each other's company with books, with art, with cinema. What they create in Paris stays when they get back to London, and we see how they seem to have formed a friendship there - a friendship that began in Paris. So, Paris, you see, it's a meaningful place to Alastair

[buffyspeak]

i mean i know people were upset that alec didn’t say anything like “hey don’t do that” when magnus said he would die if it meant getting jace back and that magnus didn’t contradict alec when he said he was nothing without jace and like. i get it but i think it also speaks to them understanding each other more deeply, which also maybe speaks to them finding some common ground after their fights. alec knows what it’s like to feel the weight of responsibility and guilt so much that you’ll do anything to make it right, even risking yourself. and he knows there’s probably not much he can do to dissuade magnus. magnus in turn knows what jace means to alec and that even though alec is a complete whole person on his own, the fact remains that a) alec himself doesn’t necessarily feel that way and b) on some level alec will be a fundamentally changed person if they can’t save jace and/or if he dies. because he knows the depth of grief intimately and he knows how wrapped up in each other’s identities parabatai get.

[belle-keys]

On this week's episode of E!’s Botched: James Herondale's character (Meta)

We've now reached my meta piece on our Angel-Demon Boy Extraordinaire, James Herondale! (Not to be confused with just Angel Boy Extraordinaire, Jace Herondale).

I adore James’ character so much. He's such a sweet, comfortable, and noble main character that you absolutely can't help respect, admire, and sympathize with him in the main trilogy. James, in Chain of Thorns, is on the Jem-tier of sympathetic and lovable. That being said, I have some criticisms of the way his character arc played out in Chain of Thorns especially that I'd like to pick apart... because I can. Moreover, I have a, uh, wee problem with the way I could literally hear Cassie fiddling around with the levers and gears of the narrative as far as James is concerned in The Last Hours (which starts mainly by the end of Chain of Iron and going into Chain of Thorns but was there from the beginning). If you’re super not-in-the-mood to read any criticisms of James (even one where I’ll be blaming only the narrative and not James in any capacity at all), then feel free to not read this.

Powers Begone

James and Lucie lose their demonic powers at the very end of the story. There is no opportunity for growth in the future regarding James and Lucie's demonic heritage. James will no longer be able to use the runed gun that only he can use. This is boring insomuch as it forces the reader to acknowledge James' and Lucie's powers and their inherited darkness as something that was created for the purpose of existing as an obstacle to overcome, rather than as a portion of themselves to come to coexist with. It's not necessarily bad writing but it's just extremely cookie-cutter writing, especially as it makes the central conflict in the story something that will bear no real power in the future and nor will it have a legacy– it has no weight. If the narrative has created these demonic powers to be something that can be detached from the characters with no caveats, then James and Lucie have only managed to be victims of these powers in the story before they shed them. The Belial powers that they've inherited are like raindrops on a windscreen. Rainfall is an obstacle to driving, it's a nuisance, and it can even make you get into a car accident. But at the end of the day, once your windshield wiper is working, you can brush the raindrops away. The narrative brushes away James and Lucie's powers at the end of the story, which is fine, but it also brushes away any and all of the consequences this power should have. The narrative has wiped away any of the long-term effects of the emotional, psychological, and physical consequences or legacy that their powers could have. This isn't a plea for James and Lucie to be destroyed by their powers, but rather, I feel like this complete loss of power and "moving on", which is part of why I find the Epilogue to be so weak, sanitizes James and Lucie's line from being tinged and stained with their inheritance. And while I reiterate that this is not categorically bad writing, it’s just kinda boring to me. James' arc ends exactly where it started, but without the poetry of a "come full circle" storyline. My issue is that James' character does a complete 360 (and not a 180) in a... lame way. Considering this demonic power is what raised Jesse from the dead (a really good thing!) and was the catalyst for the creation of the gracelet too, the disappearance of it makes for, yeah, a very sweet story. And a sweet story is just never as poignant as a bittersweet story. But this last sentence is just me projecting. Maybe. Moving on.

(N.B. But another reason I didn’t think the Epilogue was good, despite it being so warm and pure amd enjoyable for me, is because we damn well know that Cassie is good at writing bittersweet endings. Your main character living with demonic poison in his veins as a mute monk for 150 years before he can finally be with the love of his life and without having forced her to choose only one of the two men she’s ever loved is peak bittersweet writing. Your other main character sacrificing his literal memory to a Demon Prince to get his close friends out of a literal Hell realm and then slowly becoming empowered after that trauma and regaining his memory is peak bittersweet writing.)

You Can’t Spell Herondale Without Hero

James’ goodness is as good as it is bad in the context of the story, and I attribute this paradox to the fact that he’s a Herondale. There’s a Herondale legacy to protect, after all, with his character, and as a result, the story is simultaneously enriched and hindered by James’ parentage and characterization. I'd even argue that said characterization is the direct result of having said parentage, which isn't a bad thing at all. But, what I have an issue with is the way James' characterization feels, you guessed it, entirely sanitized. No, I'm not saying here that there was an Original Dark James that got lost in the wind or cut from the drafts (I mean, yes, I do absolutely think that, yes, but I'm not gonna try to tear apart his character on that basis, because it'd be mean, but it's also pure speculation, and I have no desire to pick apart the Secret Dark Original Ending anyway).

The narrative spends a lot of time protecting James, his heroism, and his nobility, and its choice method of protecting James has been to strip James of his agency. James spends the whole of The Last Hours experiencing things happen to him, but not really doing things. He gets possessed by Belial, he gets blackmailed by Belial, he gets the gracelet put on him by Grace, he gets stabbed by Cortana, he had his wife run away to Paris before he could stop her… I could go on. He spends the entire series being hurt and manipulated by other people and entities because he’s just so good and loving, and he spends little of his time actually making choices that can permanently affect others, for better or for worse. Because James spends the majority of the trilogy literally not having much free will at all (gracelet followed by possession back to back), the story essentially bulletproofs him from having to be anything but a noble, good hero who simply can’t help but just have Hell and Earth constantly hurtling toward him. This goodness also hinders the story as well because James is simply too good, too noble, too innocent to be anything else but a victim by virtue of his treatment by the narrative. The way his goodness is preyed on constantly and the way he is just mainly reactive to the whole situation is quite… bland. And moreover, the other characters spin around him like he’s the sun, which, as I noted in a previous ask, makes for weak character development as you can’t fricking blow up the sun. He’s fixed in his own orbit as actions in the form of comets bounce off him. Nothing that happens and that has a negative legacy for the other characters actually manages to touch James as he becomes an increasingly passive actor in a story that is fundamentally founded on him. On top of James being, quite obviously, the perfect gentleman and husband and also being obscenely rich, fortunate, and privileged, it feels like he was robbed of the opportunity to be anything less than ideal by the way the narrative puppeteered him.

We know James Herondale always felt like he was “not cursed, but damned” and was “destined to walk among thorns and flowers”. The setup for The Last Hours in the prequel short stories was dark, and we all know Cassie was about to end off this series in a very sinister way. I won’t ramble on about that last point too much, but I do wonder if James was originally supposed to be characterized with way more darkness within him (at least, more than the amount of darkness that I'm expecting), which would lend to a very interesting contrast between his idyllic family and upbringing and whatever “damnation” he felt lived within his soul. I also wonder if simply not characterizing James like this was Cassie’s way of making sure that she didn’t taint Will and Tessa’s legacy directly and didn’t undo Wessa’s Happily Ever After. Regardless, the narrative coddles James (and Lucie, and Cordelia) and strips him of any complexity or dubiousness when, in my opinion, the foundation was laid for something exactly like that.

(N.B. Jem is kind of like this too... ish. It doesn’t really bother me, as Jem was supposed to be a foil for Will but also because Jem simply never got everything his wanted, and definitely not when he wanted it.)

Concluding Thoughts

Now let’s get something straight: As a romantic lead, James Herondale is excellent. I thought his enduring love for Cordelia and the way he exemplified the idea that goodness can literally break apart the forces of Hell was amazing as a core theme in the story, and I am so fond of my annotations for all his scenes with Cordelia, because I can barely think of anyone who deserves that kind of love and joy by the Epilogue of ChoT. But the way Cassie wrote James implies a character that is so pure, innocent, and well loved, that all he can be is the hurt prince, a target because of these very qualities, someone who sometimes does things like shoot a gun… a gun that he literally gives up by the end of the story anyway. James is warm, kind, brilliant, strong and big on loyalty. But… what did James Henry Morgan Herondale really do in The Last Hours besides serve whatever purpose the book absolutely needed him to, be beautiful, and destroy at least one (1) doorknob on a certain warm, passionate night?

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi not a prompt, but i love your writing soo soo much! I wanted to know what are your headcanons for malec and the SH universe in general. Also have you read the books?

oooh okay so i loved this ask and here we go. it's a bit long jsyk

Oh wow, okay. My headcanons for malec. This might get a bit long and it’s not going to look pretty so please bear with me because I don’t have the time to make it look nice though I’ll do that eventually.

So first things, individually.

I think alec is autistic and demi-sexual and I pretty much write that into my fics. I also am pretty hardcore in the belief that malec are soulmates and that’s often written into my work/implied/referenced oh, and he’s a slytherin

Magnus I headcanon as adhd and a ravenclaw because while he’s ambitious, his interest in knowledge and learning and inventing (he created the portal and worked with a shadowhunter to do it) is one of his biggest traits and also, you can’t tell me that one of the signs of an adhd warlock wouldn’t be them just tossing things into the void because object permanence and realizing three centuries later that was one of their favorite cups and they miss it. Or even ‘oops, that’s where that spell book went. Got distracted’. (saeth   adhd and let me tell you if they had magic. This would be them. Half the things in the house would be tossed into the void BECAUSE THEY DO THAT WITHOUT MAGIC and I am projecting lol) anyway ravenclaw because I feel like magnus just really loves learning and knowing things tbh. Team immortal is there no matter how dark magnus is and they support him through everything unless they’re dead and I don’t normally write that they’re both gone, if even one of them is.

I don’t think I could write a universe where Alec hated Magnus, not after meeting him. There’s something about Magnus that calls to Alec instinctively, in a primal way and Alec is kind of helpless to resist it and more than that, he usually doesn’t want to. It takes more effort for him to ignore and avoid magnus, than it does to give in. The same for magnus, though he tries better to hide it.

Magnus is the more wary of the two tbh, once alec falls he falls. Once he takes that first step and kisses magnus, there is no turning back for alec and that’s pretty overwhelming for him. Also this is just the way alec is wired and how he loves. He’d rather make sacrifices and cut out other things than lose magnus and he often struggles with what he wants and what he feels he needs to do. Because alec is used to sacrificing what he wants and loves so a part of him probably always feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to keep magnus. Which is why its so important that he’s kept, because the choice is out of his hands and he no longer has to battle against himself and the brainwashing that was beat into him.

Letting magnus keep him is probably the most selfish thing Alec ever does and it’s also the best thing for himself.

In my fics where they’re already established relationship, i often skipped the parts where magnus has lowered his guard enough to let alec in and fully let himself love him. Like magnus is already gone before alec ever kisses him in canon but he’s in denial and trying to protect himself. They fall near the same time but they’re both in denial for different reasons.

In soulmate au’s and fics like Elysium’s Tears, there are often outside factors that let Alec slip past Magnus’ boundary guard. In the fics that there aren’t those factors, Magnus normally finds a way to bind alec to him and keep him. Because magnus is too protective of his own heart to let alec in when there is a risk he could leave.

And alec is, as I mentioned. Very happy to be kept.

In most of my fics, alec stays on as hoti and tbh, magnus adores his competent shadowhunter but he’d much rather someone else deal with the drudgery and alec just supervise them. Which is why magnus is very invested in mirai’s health in a lot of my fics.

I write competent shadowhunters and warlocks btw.

Who use common sense because they’re militaristic but they’re not soldiers. They’re hunters and they need to have instincts and be able to think for themselves when their leader is unavailable and they are tracking prey or being tracked.

And I write warlocks as if they, you know, actually live in a world that had a genocide happen 20 years ago. Wary, battle worn and with a lot of defensive magic and jewelry. Because that shit doesn’t fade, especially when you’re already long lived and weary.

I write malec as Dom/Magnus and Sub/Alec because that’s my headcanon and I don’t plan on changing that. That’s just how my thoughts of their dynamic works and even when it’s not explicit, it’s how I tend to write things. I don’t want to get into it because it often gets gross, but I’ll say I don’t think dom = top or sub = bottom. Its just sex and scenes and the enjoyment they derive from it and how I end up writing is often based on what kind of intimacy I’m trying to convey.

Excerpt from ‘an extension of you’s notes on ao3:

also i will not write my characters being transphobic (unless it's a rare occasion i want to write asshole about to get curb stomped and crushed and even then that’s rare because i normally don’t want to write about it). Alec has had a lot of conversations about genitalia and gender with magnus and it took a while but he figured it out because honestly, alec had never given it much thought before. if a guy had been giving birth, alec would have still been just as horrified by the vaginal fluid. the same way he was horrified to be propositioned by a woman, even if she had a cock. it just, his brain does not compute. cat is pleasantly surprised btw, because of how rampant all the prejudice-phobias are in shadowhunter culture.

alec is demi-sexual coded in a lot of my fics because i headcanon that and i am also repulsed by genital and birthing fluids.

alec: my boyfriend is my boyfriend regardless of whats in his pants. and if i end up not liking it we'll just do other things for as long as he wants, because it's his body and he gets what he desires in his pants.

magnus: i desire you in my pants

alec: magnus this is supposed to be serious

magnus: im always serious about wanting you

— end excerpt –

I headcanon that alec loves strawberries and raspberries and has terrible eating habits because of how he was raised and trained. And that magnus wants to pamper alec in every way he can with decadence. Alec likes the fruitier/tart drinks and avoids gin and vermouth and he loves champagne and once he gets used to the burn, whiskey. Beer is a hit or miss and he’s not fond of ipas.

Magnus doesn’t necessarily change alec’s style, but he does change his wardrobe. Switching it out for softer clothing and nicer textures, more protective features. Sometimes alec feels adventurous and he’s always allowed to browse magnus’ closet but magnus doesn’t push him unless they’re going out and alec’s exasperatedly fine with magnus coordinating their outfits. He’s hopelessly endeared by it actually.

Alec likes watching magnus enjoy himself and magnus enjoys alec watching him and they both are winning but they both think it’s for the wrong thing. Alec thinks magnus enjoys the shopping and magnus thinks alec likes watching him try on things. Which I mean is a perk, for alec, but not the draw.

There is just a lot of mutual adoration from the two tbh. Alec is touch starved and Magnus is hungry to touch and be touched and alec is shocked that he’s allowed to touch and delighted by it.

And appreciated. Alec isn’t used to being appreciated and magnus is very appreciative and in the same turn, magnus isn’t used to being worshiped and alec worships him

Magnus loves confident alec btw, he just also likes turning confident alec into a blushing mess because alec is: heart eyes motherfucker

I think the reason I sometimes say I write soft/dark and soft/horror is because there’s never really a universe where alec isn’t mesmerized by magnus and magnus isn’t entranced in return. So there’s always this element of longing/wonder between them, even in the darker of verses. It’s really hard to not have those parts when it’s just so intrinsic to them and it’s why even in something like kiss with a fist, I’ve been told the ending is very soft.

Also I have not read the books, but saeth has and so they tell me information from it when I need it and I do incorporate small details that they share.

and alec will always end up immortal in my verses even if it's not stated.

Putting this on here with a link since I don’t want to overload the page:

okay so yeah, i hope you like this insight?

<3 lumine

[di-daynamic]

But the Symbolism. . . (II)

This isn't exactly a continuation, more just me ranting about how amazing and perceptive Jace is.

Firstly, to add onto the previous post, another significant thing Jace gave someone was the toy soldier he gave Max. I'm fairly certain it was a relic from his own abusive childhood with Valentine, and he gave it to Max, his younger brother who - while his family certainly had its own troubles - had a happy and fairly idyllic childhood.

And Max died holding it. That's how much it meant to him.

Pretty sure I don't need to elaborate on that.

In City of Heavenly Fire, in Edom, when Simon feels the burst of pain in his chest from when Raphael was killed, Jace knew what it was instantly.

“Raphael,” Jace said finally, in a flat voice. “He’s your sire, the one whose blood made you a vampire.”

But he didn't tell. He kept it all to himself, instantly changing the subject and pretending the cause for Simon's discomfort was something else.

He knew that at this stage, Alec and Clary would absolutely fall to pieces if they thought Magnus and/or Luke and Jocelyn were dead.

And Jace cared for Magnus, if not for his own sake (though they were absolutely friends at this point) then for Alec's. We know he sought comfort from and confided in Luke in the past.

He kept this knowledge to himself. How much agony do you think this must have caused him? Keeping such a vital thing to himself - that the people they sought to rescue could already be dead. He mustn't even have known they were alive until he got there and Sebastian mentioned they would pay for that.

And sure, maybe it was a tad unfair to the others, but I'm not focusing on that right now. Jace's need to protect the people he loves, even at the cost of their own independence, is so obvious in every action he takes, in the tiniest details spread across the books. I love this.

“Clary,” Jace said, a warning in his voice.

Jace wants to stop Clary from giving too much information about his family to Mark, in the tunnels below Faerie to Edom. Why?

Because:

"—My family? Do they know—” “What’s happened to you? A little. And no, they’re not all right.” His eyes closed.

Jace knows the pain of knowing the people you care about, the people you love, are hurt because of you, and yet even knowing that you can't do anything about it.

Jace empathizes with Mark. Clary even thinks it:

Jace didn’t answer her; he looked stunned. She wondered if Mark, brittle and orphaned and alone, reminded him somehow of himself.

Jace was brusque at the beginning, demanding to know about Mark's time with the Fair Folk, but as soon as he realizes the torture and imprisonment and hopelessness of his family being somewhere he could no longer go Mark'd gone through he became sympathetic. He gave him a witchlight, one he'd always had, the symbolism which I talked about in Part I.

It was Mark's 'I'd rather die' that spurred him on. I think that also reminded him of himself, his impassioned speech to Clary as he went back under Sebastian's control.

“They took you because you have faerie blood, but also because you have Shadowhunter blood. They want to punish the Nephilim,” Jace said, his gaze intent. “Show them what a Shadowhunter is made of; show them you aren’t afraid. You can live through this.”

Mark wanted to feel and be useful. Jace gave him a purpose, something to do. Mark saved Idris and all the Shadowhunters there. A lot more would've died if the precautions against Faeries hadn't been put in place.

Jace was a war tactician and a friend at the same time: he gave Mark hope, was kind to him, and even then ruthlessly used his sense of being lost and the same kindness to make him do something for the war effort.

I can't stress how much I love this dichotomy, and how much it reminds me of Julian (also reading City of Lost Souls Julian - the troublemaking wax melting kid, knowing how much he goes through and how much pain is waiting for him, is just awful).

I could wax poetic about how awesome Jace was in the Blackthorns' interrogation. He wasn't as outwardly biased towards them as Magnus and Clary, but he was unequivocally on their side. His arguments were the ones that convinced Robert.

He agreed with Robert at first (and God, I love Julian's thought process about him):

“He has a point.” Jace smiled at Julian and Emma, and the smile was like gold melted over steel. You could see how the softness was a disguise, and how what lay under it had won Jace the title of best Shadowhunter of his generation.

But then, immediately next switched it around. You can see the way it changes Robert. For Jace, it became personal, and if it was personal for him - he would have done the same - it would be so for Robert, his adoptive father. He goes from stern to exasperated, more willing to be pliant.

He's the one who finally convinces Robert to let Julian speak. The final masterstroke. Robert complies immediately, despite reluctance. I doubt Jace planned how the entire thing went down, but this was a clear show of his loyalty and his brilliance. We see how Jace's strategizing mind works. He remains unreadable throughout, even to Julian - master liar and manipulator.

And when he spoke to Mark later on. He tries to put Mark at ease - doesn't succeed fully, of course, but it does sort of work. He reminds him of the witchlight. And of course, he's understood that Julian is the one running the Institute. I'm guessing it's half the official correspondence he gets from running the New York Institute, and half listening to Julian spinning his tale and helping him out there, but still. He guessed something which not even Emma, the love of Julian's life knew about him. It's kind of ridiculously OP, but also really amazing.

In Lord of Shadows, when he first met Kit, Jace knew exactly what to say. We, as readers, know that Jace would love meeting his blood family and as Alec put it, wanted Kit to like him, but to KIt, he seemed simultaneously someone impressive, and someone he wanted to be far away from.

And this:

-- "You’re fifteen years old. You might think you want to die, but trust me—you don’t.”

Am I the only one whose heart is breaking from the PARALLELS? And the certainty with which Jace says it? Jace-Death-Wish-The-SIze-of-Brooklyn-Lightwood-Herondale? This is as cathartic as seeing Jace finally calling Valentine abusive in The Lost Book of the White.

The 'Herondales Can't Resist a Challenge' thing is definitely part of the reason Kit decides to stay at the Institute. There's also, of course, Ty and Livvy and revenge.

Kit felt a sudden tightness through his body. Talking to Jace earlier had eased some of the anxiety he’d felt ever since his father had died. Jace had made everything seem like maybe it would be easy. That they were still in a world where you could give things chances and see how they worked out.

(The 'I didn't hear anything' at the kids' spying antics?? Jace totally did stuff like that with Alec and Izzy when he was younger).

(Also, like he's not the one who convinced Robert to listen to Julian and then present the testimony without involving the kids. This is canon to me.)

Clary leaves Jace alone in the room with Mark, when they're asking him for advice on Faerie. Playing on his prior connection to the Blackthorn. And Jace gets Mark to cooperate within a minute, revealing some information, but not all of it.

Also, the thing with the Herondale ring. Jace got it from Clary, who got it from Tessa, right when he was beginning to accept that he was a Herondale and took the name. To me, his giving it to Kit - and through Clary no less - was an expression of hope that Kit would be able to find the home and family and love and identity he had. And maybe a subconscious subtle manipulation on the fact that Kit never knew his mother and would therefore be vulnerable to Clary, whom everyone - from Emma to Julian - seems to regard as maternal.

And the way he intimidates Kit into not selling it just cracks me up.

(I love him making sure Emma and Julian have Magnus and Alec's numbers in case they run into trouble. He absolutely recognizes the 'chaos follows me around' tendency he has in them. And that he and Clary asked Magnus to help them. I could talk about that for days.)

Just - the way Jace's sarcasm, his charm, his ability to get people to talk and manipulate them, sweet-talking, humour, superhuman fighting abilities, kindness, emotional sensitivity and perception all meld together is genuinely breathtaking. I get why some people don't like his character - but I love him.

[mirrorofliterature]

@stealingfromwoolworths added a nice addition specifically about alec light wood as a reply (I'm reblogging my response and not directly replying because Tumblr does not let me tag people in replies), also picked up on in @myulalie's reblog.

Here's the reply for context:

What annoys me SO MUCH is that as an autistic person I relate to Alec soo much in his current form 😭 I would love to read an “autistic Alec lightwood” fic but he’s just infantilised all the way to hell it annoys the goddamn living fuck out of me. But that might be because in my mind he already is autistic and you don’t need to change his whole personality to make him autistic lmao. If I were to right an autistic Alec fic I’d just focus on the things that are already present that make him seem as autistic.

Exactly this! This is why I hate the trend of diversity for the sheer sake of diversity - it leads to shallow, inauthentic and often harmful representation of real marginalised people, all for the sake of 'woke points'. The best representation of Autistic Alec Lughtwood I've read has to come from @echo-bleu because they do exactly that: they make Alec explicitly autistic without making him not-Alec.

I've also written a short fic before where Alec is autistic (not the focus of the story), and I hope I did this well: I wrote Alec autistic accidentally because it makes sense characterwise, and I do genuinely like the Alec is autistic headcanon... just not its execution.

The fic of mine was a little Alec & Izzy piece, and i cannot stop loving you.

After a few appointments with a mundane psychiatrist, he had come away with a new diagnosis: autism.

Apparently, Alec’s tendency to prefer structure and order and dislike change was due to how his brain was wired, not because he was a stick in the mud. Funny that! Would have been really helpful to have had some positive, productive tools to navigate his childhood, instead of cold rebukes and a mile thick mask. But with the diagnosis had come an immense, almost overwhelming sense of relief. The realisation that it feels like everyone is speaking a completely different language because they are.

Quietly, slowly, with his family, he is learning how to allow himself to fidget. 

(To stim, but it is a new, strange-sounding word that he refuses to re-impose over a lifetime of suppressed leg shaking and finger rubbing.)

Thankfully, no one dares question why the Inquisitor has dozens of idle drawings in his notes from endless Clave Meetings.

Anyway. Autistic Alec Lightwood is a headcanon that makes sense if you read his character right.

for me, the issue with most autism representation applied posthumously by fans is that it is fundamentally 'this character but autistic' instead of 'this character is autistic'. this stems from the fact that many people have a very flawed understanding of what autism is, perpetuated by poor mainstream representation: that autism is something that can be cleaved from a person, instead of a neurodevelopmental disorder which presents with great diversity in a wide range of people their whole lives.

my issue is that people treat autism as if it is a layer that can be tacked on and just as easily tacked off. writing good autistic representation is not easy - like it is for virtually any marginalised group. but ppl need to remember: an autistic person is always autistic. there is no off switch. their brains are wired fundamentally differently from neurotypical people and it may appear different in different situations, but it never goes away.

often when people headcanon a character as autistic, they woobify the character and strip them of their defining characteristics. this is insulting and denies the humanity of autistic people, because it helps perpetuate the idea that you can separate the person and their autism. you cannot. they're intertwined. it also helps perpetuate the idea that autistic people are inherently immature, which they are not.

so when building an autistic character, think: what canonical behaviours are autistic coded? how can I give this character an autistic explanation? how can I weave in authentic autistic representation whilst not sacrificing what makes this character themselves?

anyway. the problem is that people work backwards and not forwards, that they have a shallow understanding of a marginalised group they're trying to represent. replace autism with any other neurodivergence and it's the same issue.

tl;dr: I'm tired of widespread lacklustre and often harmful representation of autistic people in fandom. fandom is not mainstream media, sure, but you should still treat real disorders with care in your writing. if you write autistic characters like perpetual children - fine, do what you want. I'm not here to police you. but I am disappointed.

do better. stop slapping disabilities like autism on characters for diversity and woke points. it's exhausting.

[carelessflower]

do you think the reason alec was so frustrated and acted irrationally when magnus dodged or refused to tell him anything about his past or more about him is because it reminded alec of how his parents would treat him. close, there’s a special bond there for sure, but he was always in the dark, depending on any scraps they feel pity enough for him. needed to not ask question, to go out of the line, to simply act like everything was fine. and because magnus was nothing like maryse and robert, didn’t reprimand alec for his irritation, his anger, alec wanted to push and push, to see how far the limit stretch, until everything was out of his control

[faejilly]

so I wanted to riff off of @alexanderlightweight's response to the Alec/Bow/Quiver/summoning meta post by @ralfstrashcan that I reblogged recently, but also I didn't want it to get lost in an increasingly long reblog chain, so I'm gonna quote and start over here:

100%

my headcanon is that it's alec's shadowhunter ability like clary's rune ability and apparently the herondale ghost talking ability(??)

if we really want to take it a step further. we can even talk about how izzy has specially made weapons that have to be super tricky to use which means weapons ability

but that's just my brain. which made that one scene where alec goes back to the institute make no sense, to retrieve his bow because literally every other time he doesn't need to (they just wanted to give clace the training moment and set up the whole hodge thing)

1: I also think Alec's 'have to go get a bow' is just an excuse, but he's using it to a) get away from Jace behaving incomprehensibly & Clary being So Very Clary, AND b) to cover their tracks now that he's realized just HOW comprehensively his siblings are going to go off the rails in the next day or so. (And on a narrative level I really like the scene with Hodge so I'm glad it exists. 😅)

2: I headcanon that part of the reason Alec (& to a lesser extent but still noticeably so, Izzy) can get away with pushing so many Clave/Nephilim boundaries without actually getting deruned despite their parents being on Thin Fucking Ice™️ with well, everyone, is that they have inherited both Family Traits and that's valuable enough (especially after all the losses during and after the Uprising) that the Clave really really doesn't want to get rid of them.

(Similarly, there's some hope that Jace and/or his expected children might show signs of the Wayland traits coming to life again as they've died out otherwise. Obviously that goes a bit sideways once they finally pick up on How Very Herondale he is, but luckily he's Herondale so that's still a benefit.)

Truebloods: very literally truth-tellers. Variations on their skills include the ability to recognize lies, off the charts charisma when they are invoking what they believe to be the truth, and an ability to make the most awkward truths palatable to audiences that normally wouldn't want to engage with them. They were traditionally the guardians of the Soul Sword whenever it left the City of Bones, but that honor faded away over the years as the Council with the Consul/Inquisitor as heads centralized power in their own hands.

Izzy can be seen doing this during her trial, because even when her personal behavior has included digs & microaggressions against Downworlders, she believes that they as a people can and should do better and her speech clearly works in-universe because of that resonance of truth.

(She even occasionally manages the sincere/heart-felt clunky dialogue that works despite being clunky that Alec's so good at, and poor Jace doesn't, despite his best attempts, because for all he's a Lightwood in every other way that matters, he's not actually part Trueblood.)

Maryse has several hints of Alec's same blunt (inexplicably successful) sincerity once she lets herself stop hiding behind Politics & Expectations. When she's upset with Izzy about spending time with the Seelie in s1, she has a line that always felt very self-recriminating to me; (I'm paraphrasing here since I'm too lazy to pull up the script or episode): 'never trust a people who can't lie, they'll find more imaginative ways to stab you in the back'. She knows this about the Seelie because it's what she's always done.

(Alec's shock at his parents being in the Circle can't be because it's against their politics as they've never really tried to behave better. Perhaps it's because it never occurred to him that they could lie that well. Especially his mother, since he has a much better relationship with her than Robert.)

This means that Maryse buying into Valentine's rhetoric was invaluable to him, because she could back him up and help make sure people would fall for it, because she was a Trueblood. Equally, when she turns, that is part of why the Clave lets them back in. Her vow to now toe the party line is completely believable, because she promised on her children... who are also Truebloods.

This also means that their bloodline is one that would not always be popular since they can call out power when it's behaving badly; thus the apparent decline of Trueblood standing in the way that the show refuses to ever really acknowledge it in the present day timeline, and instead talks about Lightwood honor.

(But countered in the way The Clave doesn't move directly against Alec Lightwood, HotI, despite gay and living with a Downworlder, despite how much clear disdain he has for so many of them and their policies. They aren't willing to risk what a Trueblood could do if pushed into active rebellion.)

Lightwoods have a much more palatable martial gift. Their affinity for the adamas in their weapons means they can bond with them, sometimes strongly enough to summon them, manipulate them in the field, adapt them and rune them and enhance them in ways most Shadowhunters can't. (We never see anyone doing anything resembling Alec runing his arrows in s1 after all. What if most of them can't?)

As shown by Izzy in s3 as Weapon's Master, in Alec's ability to beat his parabatai (the supposed best fighter of a generation) when they're sparring with weapons even if he loses once they get to hand-to-hand, Izzy's unique skill with a whip, Alec fighting with everything he gets his hands on, from seraph blades to his signature bow to actual arrows for stabbing. (As seen in everything in ralf's original meta post and delightful fic.)

There's even something in the fact that Izzy was interested in joining the Iron Sisters (which while prestigious also involves even more sacrifice from a people who have to sacrifice a lot already and are thus vital enough that they let Cleophas join despite her past because they needed her) and yet Izzy stayed active duty -- and presumably eventually marriageable.

(I frequently wonder if part of why she chose to make herself as unpalatable as possible for a traditional/political match was a lingering bit of awareness that that was what The Clave most wanted from her, regardless of who she wanted to be.)

ALSO! There has to be a reason that Robert Lightwood was valuable enough to keep even when they got rid of Maryse, a reason the show reiterates Lightwood honor over and over again, a reason he & Maryse got to be co-Heads of an Institute (even if the general fanon that they were more constrained than most Proper Heads does fit what little we see), and we never actually see Robert fighting or sparring, but we are repeatedly told that his children are the best of the best.

But it's seldom mentioned as a compliment, is it? More like an expectation. They're Lightwoods, they have to be the best with their weapons, or what is the point of them? It's just another weight added to Alec's so-called crown, another expectation Izzy has to both flaunt and fight against every day so she can have at least a little bit of herself left to hold onto.

(The one thing Jace is good at, the one bit of the monster his father built that helps; he's as good with a blade as a Lightwood. It's the only thing that gives him hope for redemption, the only thing that gives him enough conviction to ask Alec to be his parabatai and protect his soul from himself.)

[all-this-panic-still-no-disco]

we’re all making page-long metas about the meaning of ‘the last shadowhunter’ like we aren’t going to get clowned on when the book comes out and the title is referenced once like queen of air and darkness.

[purplebass]

The Last Hours may divide the TSC fandom a lot, but I still think that it manages to come full circle at the end. The closing scenes of CoT happen at Hyde Park, where everyone is gathered for a picnic. This is nothing new, since the TLH gang also has a picnic in Regent's Park in chapter 4 of Chain of Gold. The main difference is that in the CoG, the park is the place where the equilibrium is broken by the demons' attack while in CoT the equilibrium is restored and the characters who survived are moving on with their life. It isn't unusual for an author to end the story where it began. TLH has a tie-back ending, which means that the plot is brought back to where it started and the reader often has a sense of déjà-vu because some events often repeat themselves in a different way (Barbara being attacked at the party in chapter 3 of CoG and Alex being kidnapped at the Christmas party in chapter 20 of CoT are also examples of this kind of tie-back storytelling). The ending of CoT is set in the summer of 1904. Summer is the season of maturity, and it's the moment when flowers and trees are at their peak. And it is also set in a park, which is the symbol of renewal and new beginnings. This ending is a nod to the beginning of the series too, because Cordelia and Alastair arrive in London at the end of summer in 1903 (for them, that was also a new beginning). You may either love or loathe TLH, but I don't think the plot is completely all over the place in terms of structure

[buffyspeak]

the thing is, alec’s response to magnus in 3.16 isn’t BAD, it’s just not what magnus wants or needs to hear answered. at least, not the full extent of it. alec’s unconditional love for him being laid out could never be a bad thing i don’t think, but he’s only really hearing one thing magnus is saying (which is essentially that alec fell in love with the high warlock of brooklyn and couldn’t possibly like him like this now) and his response to that is filled with genuine (and necessary! bc it is one part of the conversation they’re having) care as he tries to dissuade magnus from thinking it matters to him.

... but that’s uncomfortable for magnus, because it matters to HIM, and it matters a little bit that it doesn’t matter to alec. and this part is harder for magnus to put into words, harder for alec to understand in a way i’m sure magnus knows. bc it harkens back to the communication issues they were having in 3.05-3.06! and it’s that like. magic is a fundamental part of who magnus is, he doesn’t like or even know who he is without it, being without it feels BAD and unnatural, plain and simple. so for alec to stand there and list off the reasons he loves magnus (rather desperately, bc he’s getting panicked, as ya do) is NICE, but it kinda misses the point, or at least a very huge part of the point, of what magnus is trying to say. which is that he doesn’t feel like himself without magic, and i think it makes magnus more uncomfortable than he’d care to admit that alec doesn’t get or see that, that he implies (sort of unknowingly? it’s complex) that he doesn’t care about that. but of course, what alec means isn’t that he doesn’t care about how magnus feels - it’s that how magnus feels doesn’t change how alec feels about him!