lord-montgomery

[lord-montgomery]

yes, i'm sure it was harder for clary to lose simon after edom, but she also had jace. she had her source of comfort and solace, arms to collapse into. she also had parents who missed simon as well, who understood, who would support her.

isabelle hadn't been raised in an environment that welcomed open and emotional conversations. and what support she was shown, she'd learned not to need. could she go to her mom for comfort after a heartbreak when it had been maryse who'd taught isabelle about a heart's frailty? could she go to her father, who'd incited the pain in the first place? could she go to her brothers, interrupt their newly settled and happy relationships with her own romantic turmoil, when they knew her to be stronger? isabelle had always been the person to grieve alone. it had been simon who'd been the exception, the one space where she'd let herself be vulnerable. and it was simon who was gone. she'd lost not just her boyfriend but the one person she'd feel comfortable curling into and breaking down against in the aftermath.

and how lonely that must have been for her.. the self-isolation, the angry outbursts, the tears soaking her pillow whenever she woke from a dream about him.

but clary understood. she understood what simon meant, understood missing him. and there's no way in my mind they wouldn't have become closer in that between time, that they wouldn't have leaned on each other, that isabelle wouldn't have let herself open up and draw nearer to closest thing she could get to simon. or that their friendship strengthens as a result to something isabelle had never herself known, especially not outside the reaches of her family.

[lord-montgomery]

clary breaking simon's heart so thoroughly prepared him to walk headfirst into the threat of heartbreak that was isabelle lightwood, not cockily but with an awareness of what made such heartbreak worth it, a luxury which isabelle was never allowed. in this essay i will

[lord-montgomery]

imagine i love you / i know becomes such a habit that it expands beyond the reference, their little inside joke. that it becomes an apology after a fight and a forgiveness readily given. becomes an appreciation for arms to break down in and an acknowledgement that they'll always be there. becomes a meaningful look across a room and a smile mouthing the response. becomes a goodbye before battle and a prayer for their safety. becomes a pair of lips barely able to part and a pair of words giving permission to let go.

[lord-montgomery]

once upon a time there was a boy who lost his memories to his future brother-in-law's future father-in-law and was forced to go back to high school without his best friend, during which time he may or may not have had to read julius caesar in class, which may or may not have triggered some buried memories. this is his story.

(i.e. i wrote a fic about simon after edom: 2.7k, rated teen, titled the genius and—)

[lord-montgomery]

the fact that isabelle never got to break up with simon truly haunts me. because i just know how much it must have haunted isabelle.

part of keeping your heart guarded is having a built-in backdoor, an escape hatch in case you let yourself get close enough that the floor crumbling beneath you would send you tumbling if you didn't have a way out. it's something about being able to control the situation, i think. some extension of not letting herself get hurt. a last resort, an "i can always leave."

but then.. she can't. she doesn't get that kind of say in the situation. simon accepts asmodeus's deal and then he's gone. and he's gone. and he's gone. and he's fucking gone. and what's a girl to do with that? how does she leave now. how does she escape these feelings. this was supposed to be on her terms. because at least then it would be manageable. but instead she's left pining?? it's pathetic and tragic and yes simon is different, but it was still new. and she wasn't supposed to miss him this bad. he wasn't supposed to leave her.

and then the months pass just like that, like anger and frustration and helplessness and this overwhelming sense of being trapped. because she didn't break up with him. and she can't get past the first intoxicated kiss with a guy anymore because it all feels like cheating and god if he had just given her the chance to say goodbye. if asmodeus had just let them break the fuck up..

it wouldn't abate, i don't think, the discomfort. not until she brings him back. and it becomes this mission for her, this ideal of him remembering just enough for her to have him in her grasp once more, to reclaim that backdoor that was stolen from her.

and then the evidence of his not-fully-erased memory surfaces and she clings to it. she pulls at the string connecting them, reaching out, trying to start over, to get back to where they were, where they should be. and he bites a bit but not enough. just enough to realize that this isn't working. and then he breaks up with her.

and boy was this so not what she'd planned. how had she become the desperate party? how had she let this consume her to such an extent? she was isabelle fucking lightwood for the angel's sake. how had she let it haunt her, consume her, these feelings, this love for a boy who broke her heart by accident and whom she'd not only given, but sought a second chance with, only for him to do it again. to break her heart, leave her standing, marooned, lost and trapped and stuck. again. on purpose.

she hadn't been able to let him go, so she'd let herself get trapped in a corner. and now she can't. let. go. and it itches. and there's this screaming in her head. and all she wants is to just crawl out of her skin, to turn back time, to fix all of this until there was no simon. or until, at the very least, she could force asmodeus to pause in his cruel plan just long enough to stalk up to her first love and tell him to his face that they were done, that she was done, that she wouldn't wait around, that he'd find a new love and a new life without her.

but she can't do any of that. and so it haunts her. and so it haunts me, even if they did get back together, unnecessary backdoor and all, in the end.

[lord-montgomery]

helloooo just discovered your blog and I'm so glad!!! sizzy has been my favorite TMI ship since I read the books when I was 13 and it's so hard to find fanfiction and blogs dedicated to it because most of the times they're the secondary or tertiary ship!!! sending a lot of love to you for spending so much effort and time curating work about them ❤️

stop this is so sweet <33

honestly it's not so much of a curation as a collection of my own posts with a scattering of others right now 🙈 i initially made this blog as something of a gallery i could return to and sit in the middle of because i just got so tired of using the faulty sizzy tag on my main blog, and because they were such a hot topic that they it felt unfair to crowd out my other interests hehe but i will pin up analyses or fanart or fics etc. if they hit me deep enough. (it would be nice to be able to curate more, but unfortunately, as you said, they are hardly ever offered the dedication that imo they deserve, and honestly the main sizzy tag remains so sparse that it's pretty easy to keep up to date on any posts if you follow it, so reblogging everything feels rather moot.)

but anyway the point is!! this is so sweet of you to say <33 i really have spent so much time and effort on this ship lol so i'm glad it's being appreciated hehe <33 and welcome to the dedicated sizzy insane asylum xoxoxoxox

[lord-montgomery]

thank you

"Lord Montgomery" absolutely iconic

[lord-montgomery]

obsessed with all your sizzy takes

sometimes it pays to be mentally ill about a ship for over a decade <3

[lord-montgomery]

The sizzy drought is very real

we really out here living in selena gomez and the scene's a year without rain music video--before the rain

[lord-montgomery]

any new sizzy thoughts or rambles

so one of my mutuals is reading tmi for the first time, right. they're on cog and just sent a message today, joking fondly about 'isabelle's need to tell everyone she meets that she's kissed simon' whichhh of course sent me on a bit of a sizzy spiral.

now, i can think of two times when izzy somewhat offhandedly mentions to a group that her and simon have kissed--once in the seelie court in coa, and again at the penhallow's house in cog. and idk i just think it's interesting the way she does this, slips it into the conversations, treating it like it's no big deal despite the fact that her bringing it up shows that clearly it was meaningful enough for her to still be thinking about it.

on the one hand, you could say it's just because she likes simon and enjoyed kissing him and can't help the reminders, or you could say it's her territorial tendencies peaking through early (in the case of the mention in cog), but i don't think either of these are quite the case.

we know isabelle is very public when it comes to her promiscuity, with her dating history filled with guys her parents wouldn't approve of, but the thing she keeps bringing up about simon was quite literally only a kiss. one kiss. hardly noteworthy in the grand scheme of things. what it was, though, was private.

as far as we know, izzy's outburst in the seelie court is the first time anyone outside of her or simon learned about the kiss they'd shared. it wouldn't have made sense for simon to mention it to clary when he was (a) actively trying to be with her or (b) dating her. and i think it must have become this sort of.. accidental secret. and it wasn't worth talking about on izzy's side because nothing came of it. but the longer no one talked about it, the more it must have itched.. because what isabelle is used to keeping private and guarded is her heart, not her romantic entanglements. they are two different spheres for her. if the secret grew any more, she might have problems and start accidentally conflating whatever she felt about simon and that kiss with actual feelings, which yeah absolutely not no thank you.. so she takes the chance in the seelie court to make the kiss public knowledge.

when she mentions the kiss in cog, though, it's like stupid random. there's no reason for it in the conversation, nor should there be any internal need for her to put the information out there like there might have been before her comment in the seelie court. BUT. the context we do have is that jace has just called simon unique. hello alarms in izzy's head. unique unique no simon's not unique. in fact he's so not unique that i kissed him, just like i kiss everybody.. *proceeds to blurt out that she kissed him once* all of this, of course, presenting itself because simon is unique, and not just because he's a daylighter. and at least some part of isabelle knows that, which is why she would feel the need to put up immediate defenses, to obviate the distance she's holding him at by keeping him in the more physical romantic entanglements sphere.

[lord-montgomery]

you ever think about the added challenge of dating simon after max..

you guys stop into the comic shop because it's on the way and simon wants to grab something, and you think nothing of it until you notice the title max had brought with him to idris featured on a shelf. and you freeze. simon notices and takes your hand, asks if everything's okay. and there's a piece of you that just wants to sob into his chest, but everything is still so new and you're still so guarded and the thought of breaking down like that makes you mad enough to clear your head and tell him enough of the truth without belying the pain. but when you try to pull your hand away, he tightens his grip for just a moment before letting you go. and you try to pretend that didn't mean nearly as much to you as it did.

and when you think of it.. you're glad simon doesn't wear glasses anymore, because of all the people in the world who wore glasses, you really only knew max. they'll always be associated with him in one way or another, and the reminder would be too constant.. years from now, though, simon will wear them again and all you'll think when you see him is simon, but that doesn't mean there won't still still be moments. you'll come home one day to find that he's fallen asleep on the couch. you won't want to rouse him, so you'll bend down to gently slide the crooked glasses off his face. and the muscle memory will be a flashback to all the times you did this for max. and then you'll wake simon anyway just so he can hold you.

[lord-montgomery]

Trying

Rating: Explicit

Length: 7.8K

Summary: Five years into her marriage, Isabelle finds herself once again asking the question she can't seem to escape from: Is she ready to have kids? It's a risk she doesn't feel she can ignore any longer, and her answer has the potential to change everything.

It’s something of a ritual now—standing naked in front of the mirror as hot water runs cold behind her, watching the last of the pigment fade to reveal the white scar beneath. In a minute, she'll step into the shower, imagine a life with children, and let the water disguise the tears she won't admit are hers.

Read on AO3

[lord-montgomery]

omg i didn't think you'd answer that i'm so sorry

i've missed this blog <3<3 sizzy 4ever but of course no pressure

sizzy 4ever&ever indeed!

honestly my brain has just been pretty shit over the past couple months and i've only just started feeling like i can express myself again.. so hopefully there will be more sizzy posting soon <3 bc i've been missing it too! and knowing i'm not the only one is encouraging so ty <3

[lord-montgomery]

hewwo...

well hello there, anon <3

[lord-montgomery]

Best Sizzy moment in your opinion?

it's the bite scene. it has to be the bite scene.

the thing is.. this is the first truly intimate moment we have between the two of them. up until this point they've both been almost dancing around each other like a whirlpool, slowly moving closer and closer, leaning on each other, protecting each other, etc., but in ways that don't necessarily have to be acknowledged as indicative of just how much they mean to each other, yk?

and if isabelle hadn't gotten drunk the night before. if she hadn't let down her walls enough to invite him over just to sleep, and if that night hadn't set a precedent for this one where they are both sober and awake. if simon hadn't been hungry.. it's just one thing after another that strips the layers between them until it's just simon and isabelle. and the bit of forced vulnerability on simon's part leads izzy to give him pieces of herself as well. admittedly it's babysteps.. but that's still huge for izzy. she doesn't like seeing him like this. doesn't want him to put off prioritizing himself and his needs out of fear.. of himself, of izzy's opinion of him. because she does trust him. she does want him. so she shows him that. and as she does so she reveals, at minimum, the implication of her own insecurities in this situation. and those willing cracks in the facade of fearlessness she clings to are like the flecks of gold simon notices in her not-as-black-as-he-thought eyes.

the fact that the scene starts with the two of them awkwardly trying to fit together and ends with an easily achieved comfort, and that between those two moments sits a conversation dipping into vulnerability and intimacy.. i could hurt you. let me see your face. you're not nothing. nothing about you is ugly. they're a part of you. i trust you. i want to be with you. it scares the hell out of me. you are a heartbreaker. maybe you'll break my heart. ..it says so much. so much about what a shift this night is, even if its intangible, even if the result isn't that obvious. the shift toward ease and simplicity and security is there.

and don't even get me started on the metaphor of simon siphoning the output of isabelle's heart into himself. of izzy letting him. the acknowledgement that this is different than it has ever been before. in so many ways this is just a physical representation of everything they achieved through their conversation. it's izzy saying you need me. let me be here for you. let me let you use me. which is itself a reciprocation of not only the night before, when izzy needed simon and he came just for that reason, but also of moments like that in cog when he comes to her after max, and he lets her use him because it was what she needed. but it's deeper. it's vein-deep. and the pleasure they both get in the act of sharing blood is just proof of how right they are together. of how scary this whole thing is but also how worth it.

[lord-montgomery]

Do you know of any book couples who are similar to Sizzy? Can you recommend me books in which couples with the Sizzy dynamic? I tried searching for those; but couldn't really find what I wanted! Sorry if I bothered you! Thankyou! And, you have a great talent for putting words together! I love all your posts, especially the long ones!

i actually started a legit list of sizzy variants recently but somehow they're mostly from shows?? honestly a shame.. what i have for books are:

rahul and caterina (of princes and promises by sandhya menon) - though more in the ice queen x dweeb side of the spectrum, i'd def say they fall in a similar scope. i'm p sure they were actually the reason i realized how perfect a sizzy fake dating au would be so if that says anything hehe

clark and palmer (the unexpected everything by morgan matson) - another book that had me catching the *history of japan voice* "you could make an au out of this!" bug. at least the last time i reread it lol (i've probably read it like four times.. i love them) and honestly the sizzy similarities might not always be as prominent? but i promise if you love simon you will love clark.

dex and biana (keeper of the lost cities by shannon messenger) - i'm cheating here because while they are definitely a ship. as far as i know.. they still aren't anything canon after the ten books published in this series so far (i'm on book seven rn) but the potential man..

i honestly feel like these aren't even the best examples lol if i think of more i'll lyk <3 and i'd love to hear if anyone else has some variants to add to the list!!

[lord-montgomery]

Any sizzy Halloween headcanons you have

idk why but i just had an image of simon running around dressed as a vampire as a kid laughing and trading candy and then when he goes to bite into the chocolate bar the scene flickers and he's sixteen and biting into maureen.. so i guess i'll start off with the hc that he dressed up a vamp as a kid? bc that image is never leaving me o7

as for sizzy as a Unit..

izzy def would have had a pretty limited understanding of the holiday before hanging out with him and clary (halloween in its most basic form is pretty much every day for someone who can see the shadow world after all)

i do think simon was invited to a party with the band in 07 and i was gonna say shit was too crazy after cofa for him to have bothered going but i can see him mentioning the party in passing to izzy and her being like pls i am in desperate need of a party rn

but then they show up and it's so far from the last party they'd been to together (magnus's). like 20-30 kids packed into an apt in brooklyn and the music is loud and the costumes are so ridiculous

i think the guys probably wanted simon to use his sexy vampire mojo and show everyone up but come on this is a mundane halloween and simon's gonna take the opportunity to not be the daylighter for a bit

in the future him and izzy will definitely do coordinating couple costumes but not in 07 nosiree. simon throws something together from his closet. maybe he'll be a red shirt from star trek that would be funny since he actually can't die despite how many people want him to. izzy on the other hand gets some pointers from clary and decides to go as idk church or smth (clary: you could be a cat? / izzy: omg can i be church) something classic but also clever or personal

they go to the party, drink illicit booze, eat a bunch of candy, forget about sebastian and lilith and camille and everything else, and lose themselves in the teenageness of it all. and izzy decides she loves halloween