#mentions of illness

[steddieas-shegoes]

Could you do something like Eddie needing to go to hospital for some minor injury or illness and Steve just having a complete trauma response of oh god last time he was in hospital he nearly died (and wayne being the one to reassure him bc we love uncle wayne in this household)

I must live in the same household as you because I include Wayne in things just to have him be supportive even when it doesn’t make sense to the story 😎

“It’s just a quick trip.”

Wayne was trying to reassure Steve. Trying being the key word.

Eddie was asleep, as he had been for most of the last three days.

His fever was getting higher instead of lower and he hadn’t been able to keep any food down for more than two of the last three days.

His water intake had gone nonexistent, too.

He was pale and sweaty, but visibly shivering anytime Steve looked at him.

It was probably just a really bad flu, but it didn’t help that he’d only been out of the hospital for four months and was still technically recovering from bat bites and nearly bleeding out.

“But what if it’s not?”

Wayne looked at him sadly.

“Son, he just needs some fluids and maybe some better meds than I can get at the drug store without a prescription. He’ll be feeling a bit better within a few hours if we take him.”

“But-“

“Steve. I promise I won’t let nothin’ happen to our boy, okay?”

Steve felt his heart clench at the words.

Sometimes he forgot that Wayne almost lost his only family, his son in all ways but genetics.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“Think you can carry him to the truck?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie woke up twice on the way, trying his best to give Steve a smile, but failing miserably.

When they brought him back to get an IV started, Wayne went with him, but Steve had to wait in the waiting room.

Wayne kept checking in, though, letting him know every 30 minutes how things were going.

He was grateful that Eddie had someone like him.

He was grateful he had someone like him.

Four hours later, Wayne was walking out the double doors with Eddie, who was able to stand, but not support himself.

An improvement is still an improvement, though.

“Eds, feeling a little better?”

“Feel like a million bucks. No need to worry.”

Which is what he said when he woke up after his week-long coma.

Steve burst into tears and Wayne gently smacked Eddie on the head.

“You’re a dumbass.”

“What?!”

“Let’s get you home before Steve ends up havin’ a breakdown in the waiting room.”

Luckily, they made it home before Steve really did break completely down.

But at least this time Eddie was awake and holding his hand, talking to him like nothing was wrong.

[amberjazmyn]

please stay💔

pairing : carlos sainz jr x fem sainz!reader

summary : alessandra sainz, with her older brother, attends the funeral of a family member. the lyrics of 'please stay' by elvis costello illustrating the story.

warnings : death in the family, mentions of a heart attack, crying, funeral and some happy moments in the form of flashbacks

a/n :  so sorry for the sad one-shot for carlos but i really wanted to do this one for another person. i know i originally did this for nicky byrne from westlife and then i did a jensen ackles and taylor zakhar perez version but, i decided to rewrite it for carlos but the westlife "please stay" version will still be used. also, as a disclaimer, the person that has passed away is not a real person in carlos' life and is purely fictionalised!  lyrics will be in bold italics and this will be written in lowercase. if there are any, flashbacks will be written in italics whilst everything else will be written in normal font unless otherwise specified. 

if i got on my knees and i pleaded with you, not to go but to stay in my arms, would you walk out the door, like you did once before?

alessandra sainz's heart was broken as she sat in the front pews whilst her brother carlos sainz jr and her sister, ana sainz, stood at the altar to say their eulogy at the funeral of their family member. alessandra could tell that carlos was shattered, i mean, she saw her brother's entire body start to tremble as he spoke his eulogy for their family member at the funeral. the spot next to her was empty with the newly-widowed husband sitting on the other end of the empty spot, for carlos was sitting in between his youngest sister and their deceased cousin's husband and children. quietly, unlatching her hand from her other sister's, alessandra slid over as quietly and respectfully as she could and squished herself up next to her brother-in-law. immediately, her sister's husband tightly grabbed his younger sister-in-law and held her hand tightly as they watched carlos and ana talk about the family member.

as carlos spoke, thoughts ran through alessandra's mind as she really thought about the lyrics of the song that was softly playing behind carlos' eulogy as a photo slideshow that was playing was what the song was accompanying. what if she had gone on her knees, pleading with her cousin not to go but to stay? what if her cousin hadn't been given her diagnosis so late and decided to get herself checked out earlier when she noticed something may have been wrong? if she had gone to check herself out, would she have not walked out of the door of that hospital like she had done once before, every other day and not died? if she had just stayed in the hospital, would she have had the opportunity to get discharged from the hospital with a clean bill of health? 

focusing back to her brother and sister, she watched as tears filled her brother's eyes as he continued his eulogy

this time, be different. please stay, don't go.

and just like that, carlos burst out into tears and alessandra couldn't handle it anymore. if it wasn't for her cousin-in-law's tight and comforting grip on her hand, the youngest sainz would have up and run out of the madrid church. thankful that she hadn't, both the cousin-in-law and alessandra knew that carlos (and ana) at any moment would be looking up to make eye contact with his younger sister for support and if she wasn't there, it would break carlos' heart even more. so, alessandra didn't leave her seat at the front of the church and waited for the moment that her brother looked up and made eye contact with her.

and when carlos did make eye contact with his youngest sister, his heart ever so slightly warmed at the sight that was his cousin-in-law and sister holding hands and he continued to speak even though his tears were welling up and down his cheeks and his body trembling. knowing he could get through it, not just with their sister, ana, helping him through it but because he could also keep strong eye contact with his youngest sister whilst their other sister took care of their mum and dad.

if i call out your name like a prayer, would you leave me alone with my tears? knowing i need you so, would you still turn and go?

alessandra watched intently as her brother continued to speak despite the heartbreak he was feeling from the song playing in the background. alessandra knew this had knocked her brother for six. he had been in london, england for the british grand prix at silverstone when he was given the call about their cousin, elizabeth's quick deterioration that happened all so fast. thank god the race itself had finished before anything bad had happened to their cousin. her death happening two months before the spanish grand prix was meant to be held and it was still devastating that carlos wasn't able to fully say his final goodbyes to their (the sainz siblings') eldest cousin all because the majority of them were in england for silverstone.

resting her head on her cousin-in-law's shoulder, alessandra closed her eyes as memories of her and her older cousin elizabeth went flying through her mind but, one in particular flashed clearly in alessandra's mind. 

it was like deja vu for elizabeth sainz, her younger cousin was sixteen and in tears about having to leave home for the first time to go to italy on her own. a very similar thing happened when carlos, another one of elizabeth's younger cousins, first left spain so he could really pursue his motorsport dream. when it was carlos, alessandra's older brother leaving, he was in tears because he was worried about something horrible happening to someone he loved whilst he was away in all the different countries racing when their cousin reassured carlos. sitting him down on his bed that if anything like that were to happen, his cousin would let him know and fly over to pick him up and bring him back home with his parents with her. seeming to do the trick in reassuring and comforting one of the cousins, elizabeth tried to say similar words to her youngest cousin because she was identical to her brother in that aspect, her biggest fear is the same thing as her older brother's.

so, elizabeth sainz comforted her younger cousin the same way she comforted her other cousin, "...alessandra, i promise you, if anything bad was to happen at home and you're in italy, you will not be left alone in the dark. i'm going to get on a plane, pick you up and then we'll fly home together, okay? you'll be fine in italy, it's just for a couple of months to see how your ballet dancing is and if they love you, they will ask you to stay for more than just two months, okay?" elizabeth comforted her cousin who was going to be travelling to milan, italy solo because she had been given the opportunity of a lifetime to do a two-month summer intensive with the teatro alla scala

the young alessandra sainz vazquez de castro was an extremely talented ballet dancer, the opposite of her f1 racer older brother carlos sainz vazquez de castro who was the current driver for the scuderia ferrari alongside charles leclerc and was terrified to leave her friends and family back home in madrid, spain. the very same way that her brother carlos was scared when he had to leave when he had first left when he was a similar age. 

listening to her cousin's words, alessandra sniffled and nodded her head which rested on her sister's shoulder, "thanks elizabeth, i love you," kameron mumbled as elizabeth smiled at her younger cousin, wrapping her arms around her cousin and hugged her tightly  

kissing the top of her sister's head, kristy was confident in his next statement, "you'll be wonderful at the teatro alla scala, alessandra. you're a gorgeous dancer, aless and you know exactly what it is they are asking from you. you have nothing to worry about, i'm sure they'll be quite a few girls and boys who are coming in from spain and all around europe and maybe the world as well. you'll make friends easily and you'll look back on this moment and think why on earth you were so scared. come on now love, you'll need to continue to pack as we'll need to leave in the next few minutes otherwise we'll be late and we don't want that," elizabeth stood up, unravelling herself from her cousin as a sly smile curved on alessandra's face as she then spoke up cheekily 

"elizabeth, my flight doesn't leave until eight in the evening, it hasn't even hit lunchtime yet, weirdo!" alessandra quipped as elizabeth laughed, grateful that she got a little bit of a laugh and joke out of her anxious cousin 

"i just wanted to make you smile and see you laugh, corazón darling. but, again, you'll be brilliant in milan and they will love you there. however, i'll say it a second time, you need to continue to pack your bags otherwise we will be late because at this rate, and how empty your suitcase and carry-on are, we won't be leaving on time. if need be, i can ask carlitos to help you, and i'm sure he'll get your spirits higher than i can?" elizabeth questioned towards the end, alessandra appreciating her support and the support of her brother carlos

agreeing to her cousin's statement since she knew she was going to bring in her brother to help her even if she said no, "yeah, you can bring carlos in to help, thanks elizabeth. te amo," alessandra called out as elizabeth left the room to grab the said brunette brother as she smiled hearing her cousin's declaration of love for her 

alessandra then continued to smile and laugh as she and carlos helped her pack for her solo trip to milan. carlos also reiterated the same things that their older cousin had said to comfort alessandra but also added in some cheeky jokes and quips in between to make sure his sister wouldn't start crying all over again. especially after their cousin had done all she could to stop her tears in the first place. after the brother and sister had packed alessandra's large suitcase and her exponentially smaller carry-on bag, they had decided to go back downstairs where the rest of the family was and decided to spend the rest of alessandra's last day all together before having to see the girl off for the next two months. 

as she resurfaced from that memory, alessandra found herself also start smiling through her own silent tears and lifted her head up from her cousin-in-law's shoulder, the in-laws still holding hands as they went back to paying attention to the gorgeous eulogies from carlos and ana and the gorgeous "please stay" song playing in the background.

this time be different, please stay, don't go, please stay

as carlos and ana continued to speak and support their grief-stricken sibling, that was when warmth in alessandra's chest started to build as she started to pay attention to the way her sister huddled around carlos. of course, she had always known that the sainz family were close, she was a part of it, the last sibling of the family but, it was at this moment that she truly understood and took notice of how ana and the rest of her family took care of one another. she then recognised the first time she remembers it happening. when the family had lost one of their beloved pets. the family took immense care of one another. in the same way they were doing in this moment.

as her tears continued down her face, alessandra's smile didn't vanish as she broke eye contact with her brother to acknowledge ana, her sister as well as their other cousin caco who had joined them. smiling over at them, ana especially, she couldn't do anything more to thank them than to just smile and blow them kisses as they supported their brother and cousin.

alessandra was then accompanied suddenly by one of her nieces, who was one of her cousin elizabeth's daughter's. looking up with sweet and soft eyes to her aunty, the little girl wanted to be held by her aunty alessandra so, she relented lovingly. unlatching her grip from her cousin-in-law but still remaining close, alessandra opened her arms, leaned down and carefully and as silently as possible picked up her little niece and rested her on her lap. her head curling in on her chest and awkwardly but somehow comfortably resting on her aunty's shoulder.

i loved you before i even knew your name, and i wanted to give you my heart.

alessandra made sure to hug her niece tightly as ana spoke about elizabeth as carlos and caco listened intently, knowing it would mean even more to carlos now that he was an uncle but an even more important one to his cousin and sister's kids. but, she then saw the version of her cousin loving all of her cousins as she was the oldest, watching them all grow up and come into this world before knowing their names when she found out her uncle carlos and aunty reyes were having each one of their beautiful kids. and she didn't know whether to smile or cry even more at that realisation.

throughout the verse, alessandra kisses and squeezed her cousin's kid tightly as the little girl noticed her uncle carlos on the stage. with a chubby finger pointing outward in the general eyesight of her uncle, the little girl turned to alessandra. nodding her head, alessandra confirmed to her niece that that was indeed her uncle on the stage right there. however, alessandra could tell that the girl knew that this wasn't a regular occurence of seeing uncle carlos talk. she could tell that this ceremony, or whatever it was in her little mind, wasn't an overly happy event. she could hear people weeping, hear people blowing their noses as well as titters of small laughter at times. the little girl then noticed the look on her uncle's face, it was quite red and he was distressed and withdrawn. she also noticed that her uncle was crying and upset. struggling to get through the speech as his body trembled and shook and the little girl watched intently as her baby brain tried to understand what was going on.

but then you came back after leaving me one time, i knew that the heartache would start.

alessandra continued to hold her niece in her lap with her cousin-in-law, the little girl's daddy, close on the other side as the speeches and the song, which seemed to go on forever but yet seemed to go by so quickly, continued. alessandra always said she really adored ana's speaking voice and this very moment of her sister's eulogy mixed with this very verse of the song only just proved it to the youngest sainz. as she wiped away one of her tears, the little girl seemed to notice the sudden movement and gave her aunty a worried look, her eyes moving away from her uncle for a split moment. noticing that the little girl had seemed worried about her aunty, alessandra smiled, giggling quietly and gave her niece a sweet little kiss to her head of hair, smoothing it over and giving her a hug. reassuring the toddler that she was okay and that she had nothing to worry about in her sweet little baby brain.

alessandra even whispered to her niece that she was okay, "i'm alright baby, don't need to worry sweetpea," she whispered as she kissed her niece's head again, looking up back to her brother only to notice that carlos had seen that whole thing happen

even with his face etched out in heartbreak and grief, carlos still found himself smiling at watching his niece and his younger sister interacting at the funeral. noting that the last time he had looked up from focusing on the ground beneath him or ana, his niece hadn't been sitting on her sister's lap but sitting a couple of spots away with her granddad, their brother-in-law's father. 

if i called out your name like a song, that was written for you, you alone. would you still hurt my pride?

alessandra, with her niece in her arms, was in pure peace at a time when she thought she wouldn't find peace ever again as she really listened to the instrumental of the song as she also paid full attention to the words and the meaning of them alongside her sister's eulogy. rubbing her hand up and down the little girl's back, to attempt to get her to fall asleep, alessandra had a thought, wishing she herself could take a nap. since, even though she did have a moment earlier to close her eyes, it wasn't to sleep but to reflect and remember memories more so than to sleep.

alessandra than looked around her. noticing that the other parents who had bought their children were holding onto them tightly. similar to how she was currently tightly holding her niece. and it made her realise that they were now realising just how grateful they were that they hadn't just lost their wife or their husband in the same way that her cousin-in-law and nieces and nephews had. she suddenly thought of what if it happened to ana or carlos and their significant other suddenly died without saying one last goodbye. it broke her heart to even think about the potential reversal of it if it were her brother and sister losing their partner.

thankfully though, alessandra didn't stay in that thought or headspace for too long otherwise it would have made her drop her niece and run on stage to pull her brother and sister in for a hug. which would have resulted in most likely embarrassing them in front of literally the entirety of madrid and milan combined. so, she continued to hug her niece as she started to close her eyes and fall asleep, her dummy in her mouth so she wouldn't cry or make any noise. the fact that the song was slow and quite melancholy also assisted the toddler in falling asleep and keeping her asleep as if it was a crazier or louder song, the little girl would be struggling but with "please stay", the girl was fast asleep in the comforting embrace of her favourite aunty alessandra. 

oh hey, how i cried this time be different, please stay, please stay

more tears welled and streamed down alessandra's cheeks silently as the last few lyrics of the song were being sung alongside the wrapping up of ana's eulogy. wiping them away so they wouldn't drop onto her niece's face and wake her up or make her worry about her aunty again, alessandra smiled tearfully as she switched her attention from her niece back to her brother, sister and cousin as they continued to speak.

all of a sudden, another memory of alessandra came back to her. taking her back to her being sixteen and in milan for her two-month summer intensive at the teatro alla scala, a preistigious ballet school in milan, italy. those last few lyrics really reminded her of a memory with her newfound ballet friends and then her older cousin and brother in the airport yet again.

alessandra had been away in milan for about a month on her own at the teatro alla scala for the summer intensive and, honestly, she had really loved it. she knew she would love it but, because she was sixteen and was travelling alone, her fear and anxiety got the better of her. however, she has met some of the best people ever and is the best of friends with basically every single person at the summer intensive at the teatro alla scala.

however, it was very quickly coming up to the last day of the intensive which meant that she was either going to be going home to pack for a scholarship to dance there or going home with the sadness that it may not be their time to be given the opportunity right at this moment and to return the following year. thankfully, she had her parents and siblings fly over to milan to watch their daughter and sister perform so they could see their special girl in action doing what she did best before they'd all then fly back to madrid together as a family.

after her performance, alessandra waited anxiously on stage to find out whether or not she'd be returning back to the teatro alla scala with a scholarship or if she'd be flying back home to work harder so she could return back the following season.

holding hands with two fellow dancers on each side of her with another one, two steps to the left of her, she looked up as she heard her name being called out, the headmistress speaking in english, "alessandra sainz vazquez de castro, elijah rhodes, arabella perez and mackenzie lewis, could the four of you step forward please," the headmistress at the ballet school called out, the four teenagers, alessandra, elijah, arabella and mackenzie were holding hands so, without letting each other go, the four of them stepped forward

with their families watching in the far back of the auditorium, just hoping that what they were going to hear was positive news, the headmistress spoke up again, filling the silence quickly.

"alessandra, mackenzie, arabella and elijah, with great deliberation and thought, we have come to a decision with the four of you..." the headmistress of the teatro alla scala trailed off which freaked out the four young dancers even more

continuing, the older lady went on, "...elijah and mackenzie, whilst you two are wonderful dancers, we have decided that after quite a lot of thought and deliberation that, unfortunately, we cannot give you two a scholarship and the opportunity to return back to dance with us for this upcoming season. the reason why we have come up to this decision is that we feel as though you two are not ready and because you both are so young, the two of you having just turned fifteen we just know that next year, at sixteen when you guys return back you'll be even better. and i can promise you that you'll get into next year's season because all you guys need is just a little bit more work and just some more confidence and maturity and all that will come with age and more practise. like already mentioned, elijah and mackenzie, you are both already such wonderful dancers but all you need is a little more confidence from the both of you, a bit more technique work and some maturity and you'll be brilliant, i promise. thank you again, to the both of you, for coming over here, it's been an absolute pleasure watching you dance these last two months and it's been amazing to meet you and your families. once again, so sorry that we can't take you with us this season, elijah and mackenzie but, hopefully, we will see you next year and have you for next season here in milan, thank you again," the headmistress, miss raine, smiled empathetically as elijah and mackenzie, who alessandra and arabella, the other dancer, had grown really close with, smiled and took the rejection like absolute champs whereas alessandra's eyes automatically filled with tears as cove comforted the slightly younger girl 

"now, alessandra and arabella. you two gave us an easy decision the moment we first saw you two dance. and because you two are such beautiful dancers, there was no going back and forth about your guys' place here, so, it is with great pleasure and honour that we at the teatro alla scala would love it if we could give the two of you a scholarship and a place here for this upcoming season in milan!" the headmistress smiled brightly as she congratulated the two slightly older dancers, alessandra and arabella, who had been given scholarships and the opportunity to return back to the school for the following season

alessandra couldn't believe it. of course, she knew she was more than an average ballet dancer but, never did she think she was good enough to actually be given the opportunity to spend close towards three years at the teatro alla scala in milan so she could further her dancing abilities. the reason why she did the summer intensive for the last two months was that she wanted to give it a crack and see if ballet was really her true calling. or maybe, like her brother carlos, there was something else that was going to take over alessandra's life in the way f1 took over carlos' life.

alessandra and arabella thanked the headmistress of the teatro alla scala with a curtsey as well as in italian whilst elijah and mackenzie applauded their fellow ballet dancers in pure joy with a curtsey. elijah and mackenzie joyus that their best friends had made the cut for the next three-year season in milan even though they weren't going to be able to join the school until the following year when the two of them, mackenzie and elijah, return back for next year's summer intensive. 

now, the tears really started for alessandra when she had to say goodbye to her new best friends. grateful that mobile phones existed and had for years at this point, she knew she would be able to text, facetime and call her friends, arabella, mackenzie and elijah. but, it was still sad that it wouldn't be until the next month that she'd see arabella again but not know the next time she'd be able to catch up and see mackenzie and elijah since the both of them lived in russia and monaco.

alessandra thankfully finished crying as she waved goodbye to her ballet friends and walked through the airport so she could go back home to madrid. and thankfully, she wouldn't be on the plane alone since she was with her parents, her older siblings and older cousin, carlos, ana, blanca and elizabeth. carlos was holding his sister's hand and comforting her whilst she still cried as the girl waved her final goodbyes to her friends, arabella, mackenzie and elijah. she truly didn't want to go but, she knew she had to so she could prepare to return to the ballet school the next month.

smiling at that memory, looking behind her to see that sitting right behind her were the same three friends that she met and danced with back when they were sixteen, fifteen and seventeen. now that arabella and alessandra would be leaving the school later in the year now that their three years were over with the school, to pay their respects to their best friend's cousin. arabella, mackenzie and elijah had all met elizabeth sainz, as had all their parents and siblings and were absolutely devastated to hear that the woman had passed away so suddenly. for the whole funeral, arabella, the sweet girl, who was just a year older than alessandra, had a soft hand on the grieving girl's back the whole time whilst mackenzie and elijah sat on either side of arabella. at one point in the funeral, just before it started and everyone filed in, elizabeth's husband had offered to move over to let the three best friends sit next to his cousin-in-law but, lovingly, they declined as they knew it was the best thing to let alessandra stay close to her family and the husband agreed, only if they sat directly behind alessandra in the pew behind the family. so, that's what they did. they sat in the pew directly behind the first pew and comforted their friend from behind whilst alessandra would comfort her family at the same time.

please stay, don't go, please stay, don't go

it was coming to the very end of the song and photo slideshow and alessandra was still holding her niece as she continued to sleep whilst arabella, mackenzie and elijah continued to comfort their friend whilst alessandra helped to comfort her cousin-in-law after he had suddenly broken down into tears. for he had managed to actually keep his emotions at bay for majority of the funeral. but only for so long until he finally broke. elizabeth's little boy had noticed and heard his dad cry and wanted to move over to comfort him. this then generated some sweet noises of "awws" and coos as the toddler tried his best to comfort his upset dad. even ana, carlos and caco on stage had noticed the little boy trying to comfort his dad and it honest to god broke their hearts, especially carlos'.

as alessandra scooched closer to her cousin-in-law, trying to keep her niece asleep at the same time, she attempted to help her nephew in comforting his dad. the little boy had thankfully gotten some cuddles from his dad once he had realised what his little boy was trying to do. smiling small, the little boy seemed to smile, his dummy moving a tad bit as a victorious smile grew on the little boy's face at the happiness that he successfully comforted his daddy. however, alessandra continued to comfort her cousin-in-law even though the little boy did initially help the most as the cousins-in-law looked back up to their brother and cousin-in-law as he then brought the microphone up to his mouth for the final time, to utter the last words of the eulogy with the last two words of the song.

as even more tears built in carlos' eyes, he said the very last word of the song,

please stay

and as everyone expected and watched with broken hearts and tears of their own, carlos once again broke down in tears again and before any of the tears could fall, ana and caco rallied around carlos and pulled him in for a tight family group hug. carlos thought he couldn't cry anymore, granted it had only been a week, not even, since the death of their cousin. but, carlos genuinely thought he had cried himself dry but, clearly, he hadn't. so he just cried as his whole body trembled as he felt three of his family hug him as tightly as they physically could. they knew they couldn't fix the grief. but, all they could do was just be there for their older brother and younger cousin and just support him in any way they were physically able to. whether that was hugging him whilst carlos cried, taking care of their family, taking part in the funeral, anything anyone could do, they would do it.

the funeral had wrapped up pretty soon after the "please stay" photo slideshow and the eulogies from ana and carlos which meant that it would give alessandra the chance to actually properly comfort and hug her older brother. he had done such an amazing job during the funeral, especially during his and ana's eulogy, that alessandra wanted to let her older brother know.

alessandra knew that carlos had been under so much stress since, whilst being the oldest of their family but still one of the youngest out of the cousins, he wanted to be the one to help plan the funeral since he wasn't there during the last months of her life and so he could make sure everything would go smoothly. she also knew that carlos needed time to breathe and properly cry. and even though he did cry during the funeral today, it wasn't a proper cry and it was having to be interrupted by his eulogy and the 'please stay' photo slideshow.

so, once alessandra had seen everyone out of the funeral off, letting her friends arabella, mackenzie and elijah know that she'd catch up with them later. she saw carlos sitting down in the front pew that the family had been sitting in earlier. 

walking through the church again and to her brother, alessandra wordlessly slid next to him, leaving some space in between them and spoke up, "you did a brillant job with the eulogy, carlitos. elizabeth would be exceptionally proud of what you just did up there, cariño," alessandra whispered with a small sniffle, her nose only slightly runny from all the tears she had cried earlier as carlos sniffled as well but because he was trying to supress another round of tears 

"thanks, aless. and, that was sweet of you to take care of the little one, i'm sure the cousin-in-law was grateful for that," carlos mumbled with another sniffle as alessandra smiled softly 

"it wasn't a problem carlitos, she wanted to sit with me and her dad needed comfort and because you weren't there, i knew i was the closest person to do it. also, what made you decide to finally get up and speak? elizabeth had been nagging you to say that eulogy for ages," alessandra giggled softly at the end as carlos too laughed with some tears as he nodded his head, still trying to prevent the tears 

"exactly that, aless, elizabeth had been nagging me for ages to say it and, i just decided, if any time was the right time, it would be today at her funeral. as i said beforehand, me and ana had only said it together a couple of times before but, we thought it flowed well so, we decided to do the eulogies together," carlos shrugged, his hand coming under his nose as alessandra smiled with a small head-nod 

"well, i'm glad you guys went up and said it because it was really beautiful. especially with the combination of the photo slideshow and the song..."

"...even with my horrendous shaky, crying mess of a voice?" carlos interrupted as alessandra rolled her eyes and giggled

"yes, carlitos, even with your 'horrendous shaky, crying mess of a voice'. honestly, i think all that emotion in your voice made the eulogy even better. it made it more personal and honestly, even though you did cry, it was still a beautiful eulogy. i don't think i had ever seen elizabeth's kids sit so still hearing you speak until today and i think that's saying something..." alessandra trailed off as she saw the way her brother's face changed, carlos was about to burst out into tears again and properly this time 

so, thinking quickly, in a bid to help comfort her brother, alessandra slid her hand out in the space that was in between the brother and sister and grabbed carlos' hand tightly. however, it didn't comfort carlos at all and it only made the tears even worse. the other hand that alessandra wasn't holding had come up to carlos' face to cover it as he loudly sobbed. then, all alessandra could do was to pull her older brother in for a hug whilst they sat on these empty, uncomfortable, squeaky pews in the now empty madrid church. 

however, to alessandra's shock and heartbreak, as she pulled carlos in for a hug, she only had one arm. since carlos had pulled his hand that was holding alessandra's to his heart as alessandra pulled into the hug. so, it was as though alessandra was helping carlos hold his heart together and if she hadn't cried her eyes out during the funeral service and the song "please stay" alongside the eulogies alessandra would have also burst out into tears alongside her brother.

hugging her brother as tightly as she could, pulling him closer to her so he was sort of laying down, thankful his suit jacket had been taken off, alessandra rested her chin on her brother's brunette birds nest.

as he cried, carlos tried to speak up, "aless…alessandra, duele mucho!aless...alessandra, it hurts so bad!" carlos sobbed as alessandra closed her eyes, only able to nod softly so she didn't hurt carlos' head with her chin, understanding her brother's emotional pain and his grief

"sé que duele carlos, lo sé!" kameron whispered as she continued to hold her brother tightly and as taylor continued to hold his sister's and his clasped hands to his chest tightly i know it hurts carlos, i know!

"elizabeth se ha ido, ya no está aquí para venir a buscarnos…" if anything carlos said during his eulogy broke alessandra's heart, she was wrong, hearing her brother sob out this in a whisper like he was a child was next level heartbreaking elizabeth's gone, she's not here to come get us anymore

"…no, ella no es carlos, lo sé y lo siento mucho," alessandra whispered, her eyes closed as she squeezed her brother even tighter as for the first time, she was having to be the older sibling and comfort the older one instead of the one being comforted no, she isn't carlos, i know and i'm so sorry

thankfully, after a few more minutes together, alessandra had successfully comforted carlos and got his tears to stop. alessandra eventually, once satisfied and okay enough that carlos was okay, she went back over to arabella, mackenzie and elijah and caught up with them since it had been maybe, a few years since she had caught up with them last outside of dance. alessandra then caught up with her parents and sisteres as well as catching up with other family members. then after that, she got some cuddles from her niece and nephew and also got some hugs from friends of elizabeth's before it was time for everyone to part ways and watch as their cousin's coffin was exited from the church where it would briefly stop at the family home.

leaving for one last time, stepping into one of the black cars, alessandra murmured the very last poignant lyric of "please stay" but in spanish as she finally had the chance to close her eyes and get some well-deserved sleep and rest.

"no te vayas por favor quédate," don't go, please stay

fin

this was very sombre to write but i enjoyed it nevertheless. basically, the whole time i was writing this, i was listening to "please stay" so, i suggest you do that whilst reading this as well. i do apologise also if it was a little bit messy but, that's just how it came out and evolved as i was writing it.

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[nightmare-in-the-woods]

I think it's extremely telling that when I woke up feeling dizzy, confused, and with a vv painful headache (I'm fine now I just overheated myself a little in my sleep) my first thought was to text my favorite person and tell him I love him. I only thought to ask my dad for Tylenol after I had texted it lmao.

[sameboot]

Hey man can u not do that

[noodles-and-tea]

Just some more thoughts on that jayvik dbh au

[emotionaleating]

pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning

[deheerkonijn]

PDA at the function. 🍑

[cherry-vanilla-tea]

me after telling myself im clean from $h just to get an 3d

[demaparbat-hp]

Can we please see what Yue looks like in your modern au?

Lovely astrologist in the making 🌕💜

[genderqueerdykes]

had the consult for my gallbladder surgery. the doctor told me i need to "lose 10 - 15 pounds" before they'll perform the surgery on me, and that I would need to wait 2 - 3 months before they would schedule it. i told her i have PCOS which makes it difficult to lose weight. she told me that does happen, and offered to refer me to a bariatric surgeon who is used to bigger bodies who could perform the gallbladder removal instead. i asked her for the referral to them instead

i was very angry at her for this, as 10 - 15 pounds do not make any difference when you are 300 lbs. my weight fluctuates between 280 - 340 lbs depending greatly on what i've eaten, how much i exercise, and so on. this will also vary greatly depending on if the stone is blocking my gallbladder completely or partially- if it's fully blocking the neck of my gallbladder, i cannot get enough digestive juices into my stomach to properly digest my food, so i will begin violently vomiting to get the undigested food out, and to get bile flowing into my stomach again. i begin to lose tons of weight when this happens, and i put it back on during the periods where i can get enough bile in my stomach to properly digest my food.

i can't digest my food properly. eating "healthier" will not change this- i can't digest food at all, period. healthy or unhealthy, i can't digest anything, because a good half of my digestive juices are completely missing from my guts. there is a functional issue with the way my guts work, of course i will lose weight drastically and put it back on at times. of course the issues will be episodic.

both her and the student that was working with me kept assuming that i said that my pain got worse after "high fat" meals. both of them put this in my mouth-

the student did it first. she asked when the pain gets worse and i said sporadically, but sometimes after i eat. she literally asked me "so you said it gets worse after fatty meals, right?"

i got frustrated and said "no, it's really random." i didn't get to tell her that raw leafy vegetables and lightly steamed or cooked vegetables make me vomit. broccoli and cauliflower that aren't heavily cooked, salads, raw vegetables, lightly cooked carrots, applesauce and apples in general are all problem foods.

the doctor then came in and said "it gets worse after high fat meals, right? you said that" and i went, again, "no it just kinda happens."

i don't even eat a high fat diet. i cook at home now for every meal now that i have all the tools i need to do so. i make rice, fish, pasta, and certain vegetables that i can digest like potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, mushrooms, and so on. i eat bread, seeds, nuts, dried fruits, and drink oatmilk. i don't eat land meats, eggs, or dairy. i don't have any of those things. i do eat french fries and fish sticks, but not for every single meal. i don't eat chips because they're too salty and irritate my stomach. i don't eat candy or sweets unless the food bank delivers them to me. i don't eat much sugar other than pancakes and certain fruits

she wouldn't listen to me and went "well when you eat fatty meals, your gallbladder has to contract more and it can cause you a lot of pain." you would not believe how many times she came back to "you need to eat a lower fat diet." "the pain gets worse after you eat a high fat meal, so eat lower fat meals and your pain will go down." "just eat a lower fat diet and it'll help."

i just kind of sighed. there were tears in my eyes. i felt defeated. they made a bunch of assumptions just because i was sitting there, being fat. i was wearing long sleeves due to it being cold and they didn't get to see that i have a lot of muscle in my body mass. quite a lot. i wanted to tell them that i'm on testosterone and physically active when and where possible, and that i frequently lift heavy objects and move, but i never got a chance. i wanted to tell them my BMI isn't what they think it is, but i just didn't bother to try

i despise that people assume that fat people are fat because they eat "unhealthy" foods. i ate high fat foods for a few months while i was homeless because i didn't have the resources to cook every single meal. it affected my liver, i'm dealing with some fatty liver. but my gallbladder has more important issues in the form of the literal stone inside. she would not stop pushing for me to eat lower fat meals. all because i was sitting there, existing, as a fat person. i wish i would've told her i can only eat fish and plant matter

i don't understand how a patient telling you they're vomiting and can't keep down certain foods does not sound like a more pressing issue than an arbitrary number. weight as a number means nothing, it tells you nothing about that person's actual body composition. i have trauma with vomiting and yet i'm going to have to keep doing it anyway despite the fact that it could kill me via dehydration or if i just. can't stop

either way i'm very unhappy with result as i already waited for a month for this consult. now i have to wait for a referral for another surgeon to go through, and to do the consult with them, too. all while being in pain and having GI issues the entire time. just because a surgeon doesn't want to take the time to learn how to operate on fat bodies. i'm tired. what a joke

[samipekoe]

girls when they are besties

[time-woods]

manymanymany doodles of thesefools dumping all these onyour doorstep like a cat leavingyou deadmice

[torchvic]

that one ship dynamic but with levi and mc

(credit to @litriu! here is the original post (lmk if the link doesnt work pls))

[u3pxx]

it's a new year, harrier.

[ghostiiest]

my favorite brothers ever

[oifaaa]

I can not stress enough that the scene where Percy sends Medusas head to the gods is literally what made me fall in love with Percy as a character bc think about it hes just started his first quest, he's in more danger then he's ever been in his whole life, knowing almost every monster and God is currently out to get him personally, and the most important person in his life has been kidnapped by the god of the dead - so what does he do? He chooses to actively makes the situation worse by sending a middle finger right to the gods bc yeah fuck the gods