#mentions of domestic abuse

[143bc]

[amberjazmyn]

you look(ed) happier 💔🫶

pairing : carlos sainz jr x fem!reader & male oc x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of ed sheeran's "happier" we find out the love story/breakup/re-get-together of carlos sainz jr and valencia perez

warnings :  kinda sad, mentions/actions of domestic relationship abuse (not by carlos), but it does get better, single x carlos, may mention carlos' current girlfriend but she is not with carlos in this fic and some dodgy spanish google translations

a/n : because i still don't have any original ideas, i'm going back to one of my old one-shots that i've done a couple of times before. 

walking down 29th and park, i saw you in another's arms.

carlos sainz jr couldn't help but feel his heart slightly sinking low into his chest as he noticed his now ex-girlfriend from back home in spain, valencia perez, in singapore for the grand prix in another man's arms as carlos went into the paddock, slightly out of the mclaren garage for some fresh air just before the race was going to start. the worst part of this whole thing for carlos, now that his ex had left him, was that she seemed to be following the rest of the formula one season but not just that, she was doing it with her apparent new boyfriend. this meant that it wasn't just valencia coming to watch the races around the different countries, her new boyfriend was also going to be there and was going to have to be introduced to carlos since he and valencia were still close friends, not having the heart or the hate in them to drop contact with each other. carlos never hated valencia after the two of them broke up, no way, he couldn't ever hate his childhood best friend, he was honestly grateful that valencia had still travelled all this way to support him during each grand prix even though she was no longer with carlos. except, the thing that threw him off was the fact he had never imagined or prepared himself to see her do that with another guy.

only a month we've been apart, you look happier.

the thing though, that hurt carlos over anything else was that this new boyfriend made valencia look so much happier, happier than she ever seemed to be when she was with carlos. lando, carlos' teammate from mclaren and closest friend had suddenly noticed why carlos was looking off into the distance, the englishman trying to get the spaniard to come back into the garage - the spaniard whacking lando's hand away, carlos couldn't help but notice something else that he so desperately missed about valencia - her laugh.

once again, carlos' heart almost closed in on his chest as he watched and heard her laugh. he didn't know what to do, i mean, who would know what to do in this situation? lando certainly didn't know, he felt inexplicably guilty and devastated for his best friend. lando was still dating his girlfriend lusia whereas, carlos had his heart broken because unfortunately, valencia and carlos broke up for reasons that, at the time, seemed appropriate and it seemed like the both of them were on the same page at the time. and, all of a sudden, lando watched as his best friend was devastated over the thought of seeing his ex and his best friend cosying up to another man only after what seemed to be a month after carlos and she had broken up.

saw you walk inside a bar, he said something to make you laugh.

there was still an hour before the actual race so, carlos watched as valencia and her new beau strolled over to an open bar in the paddock but, not before the guy made a truly horrendous joke. a joke that carlos knew that if he had said it, valencia would have given him a disappointed face as though she was the embarrassed kid of carlos. but because it was this new man that had said it, it had made valencia laugh out loud. so loud that carlos and lando heard it from across the garage and so did everyone else that was walking past them and everyone else on carlos and lando's side of the garage and paddock. both of them, carlos and lando, saw how happy valencia was and it truly devastated both of them, their shoulders sinking to their regular positions as carlos tried to look away.

"...val, i have a joke for you..." the still unidentified new beau of valencia's asked, valencia smiled, nodding her head as the man continued

"...what would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the rear end?" he asked, his voice already cracking with laughter and he hadn't even finished the joke - carlos almost puking because he hated how close the guy was to valencia

"i dunno, what do you get?" valencia sort of laughed, not like an excited or happy laugh but, the laugh carlos would usually hear when he'd try to tell her a joke so, for a second, carlos did have hope that she wouldn't laugh at the guys joke but, that was until he said the punchline of the joke

"you get a megasoreass!" and just as carlos and lando (shockingly) didn't laugh at the joke, they hoped and prayed valencia wouldn't laugh but, she did, she laughed at the utterly horrendous joke that her date had made

and she laughed wholeheartedly, with her whole body, her head flying backward as her hand rested on the man's chest and her head then moved to lean on it so she could control herself.

"oh, that was a kicker! that was actually really funny!" valencia's voice went high-pitched as her voice broke and her spanish accent came out stronger from her laughing fit, wiping away a tear from her eye as the two then walked into the bar

and it was at that moment that carlos knew he really couldn't stand watching those two anymore, even though he still absolutely adored valencia, he knew it wouldn't do him any good if he continued to focus on her when it was clear she had moved on completely whilst he still was hung up on her.

i saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours yeah, you look happier, you do.

it wasn't rocket science for anyone to see that carlos knew that valencia's smile was twice as wide as the ones she smiled when she was with carlos and it made him feel sick to his stomach. it hurt the spaniard terribly to know that possibly, this new boyfriend of valencia's was everything that carlos wasn't and that he couldn't make her happier as this new man did in comparison. carlos' heart felt like it was being crushed and this pain wasn't just a metaphorical pain, oh no, it was such a physical pain that carlos' face started to scrunch up in pain as he would wince occasionally.

thankfully, it didn't take lando that long to convince carlos that they needed to return back to the garage and away from the doors of the open paddock so that carlos wasn't putting himself through more pain, especially due to the fun that they would be having during their race that was still to occur in the next hour. however, carlos couldn't help but wait until valencia and this new boyfriend had gone further away into the bar before he moved so that he could have one last look at her before the slight possibility of him catching eyes with her tonight during the showcase.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like i do.

despite the slight privacy that carlos and valencia both had about their lives, not really the type to overshare whilst being in the public eye of the formula one fans and the fans of high-end models since valencia was a well-known model, it had become gossip basically the moment that the slight possibility that carlos and valencia had broken up being true was announced. and then, their breakup was announced and like the rumours, it was on the front page of nearly every single gossip site involved with f1 and all the vogue magazines and sites online that carlos and valencia had broken up and that it was "messy" and that there was apparently a cheating scandal involved or something completely dramatic. however, that was the furthest from the actual reality of what actually went down and the reason why the famous couple broke up. they decided, carlos and valencia, because it had gotten so bad that they were going to put out a statement explaining the full truth as to why they were breaking up. deciding a video interview was the best point of call since a written interview can mean words being twisted and misinterpreted to make one person sound better or worse than the other. so, with carlos' manager and valencia's representative, the ex-couple sat down together for their interview in hopes to clear the air about why they decided to break up. 

they hated that everything else that was being spread across the gossip sites and social media was false and decided that it was best for the words to come from the two of them themselves. because, in actuality, the breakup was mutual between the two and it was made clear from the very beginning that if they were going to find someone new, it was okay and that the two of them would and are always the best of friends, no matter what. they both meant the world to each other and there was no way they could remove the other from their life. to them, what they said in their own words was that they were each other's right person but it was the wrong time and, it broke carlos and valencia's hearts to break up with each other despite how mutual it was because of how much they loved and still love each other. the only reason why valencia and carlos broke up was that it seemed like it was the case of they were the right person for each other but, it wasn't the right time and that was why it was so painful for the both of them.

"...hey, carlos, you know that it wasn't either you or valencia's fault as to the reason why you two broke up?" lando spoke softly as he watched, keeping an eye on his still heartbroken friend sulk over watching his ex who was still his best friend, who he still loved dearly, look way happier with the new guy than she ever did with him

"i...i know lando, it just, hurts seeing her look so much happier with someone else..." carlos sniffled solemnly, resting his hands on his chin as lando rubbed his best friend's back

"...it does hurt, carlos, i know that but, don't forget that, sure val has a new man but, she still loves you so much and only wants the best for you. and i think that's why she's flown all the way over here, to sinagpore from spain, to support her best friends as they...we...try to win the race. of course, though, it is really sucky for me, max, charles, daniel and the other drivers to see she's moved on with someone else but, we all have to just look past that and be glad that she's still here.  trust me, from someone who's with the girl who i was best friends with beforehand, it'll get better and, who knows, maybe one day, she'll realise that this happy with this guy isn't the happy she wants and, she'll find her way back to you..." lando smiled softly, trying to convince carlos who just nods his head in response although, it was still quite difficult to believe his best friend

promise that i will not take it personal, baby if you're moving on with someone new.

carlos promised, basically pinky promised, the day that he and valencia broke up, that he wouldn't take it personally and be that arsehole ex-boyfriend if valencia was to find someone new and move on. he knew that valencia was bound to move on quickly anyway so, he made a promise not to take it personally (as did she) and that just because she's moved on quickly, it doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful or faking any of her feelings towards carlos or acting as though it was nothing. because, honestly, valencia was on cloud nine throughout her whole relationship with carlos, it was just honest to god the timing for the both of them always seemed to get in the way of their schedules as a formula one driver and a model, not their chemistry.

"...if there is anything you two would like to say to the other, what is the one thing you'd tell them? valencia, i'll ask you first...this isn't being filmed by the way so it's not going to be aired..." a formula one reporter asked as valencia smiled softly and nodded her head, holding carlos' hand tight - the two of them relaxed knowing whatever they said next wouldn't be included in the aired interview

"...carlos, me prometes algo?" valencia spoke up small in spanish, feeling lowkey embarrassed that she would be repeating the very same thing she had told him when they originally broke up as carlos lifted his head from the floor and nodded his head carlos, do you promise me something?

the two twenty-somethings had already broken up with each other privately but, now, they were having to explain why they were breaking up in an aired interview that wasn't in their native spanish. thankfully though, this personal moment, like the interviewer already mentioned, wasn't being filmed so therefore it wouldn't be included in the aired interview. and they were thankful for that because it was now getting emotional and both of them were teary-eyed and the interviewer felt awful that he had to be the one interviewing them all because of all the rumours that surrounded their break-up. the reason why they broke up wasn't that they weren't in love with each other anymore or because they were never best friends, that's absolutely wrong. they were breaking up because they were young and they were celebrities who were right for each other but started their relationship at the wrong time. that's all it was, they still love each other but, that was the reason why carlos and valencia had broken up, if breaking up now was the thing that could save their special thing and then find it later on then that's what they were going to do because they didn't want to ruin it by continuing to pursue their relationship during this time.

"siempre, val, qué pasa?" carlos sniffled softly as valencia's hand ghosts over carlos' as the formula one reporter felt sick to his stomach, he hated that he had been picked to do this but, he couldn't run now, he had to stay considering the interview wasn't technically finished even though the camera had been turned off always, val, what is it?

"prométeme que si sigo adelante con alguien nuevo no lo tomarás como algo personal ni me odiarás por ello?" valencia only gulped as she kept her eyes looking at carlos, as he nodded his head promise me that if i do move on with someone new, you won't take it personally and hate me for it?

"sí prometo. te amo demasiado para odiarte," carlos choked out in a whisper, more tears building in his eyes as he breathed in, asking valencia a question yes, i promise. i love you too much to hate you.

"puedes prometerme algo?" carlos whispered back, clearing his throat as valencia nodded her head, her hand touching carlos' as they kept eye contact with each other can you promise me something?

"claro, siempre, qué es?" valencia questioned softly, only wishing she and carlos didn't have to do the interview due to the rumours online that twisted their words and truth just for clicks and likes of course, always, what is it?

"soy...bueno, todavía somos mejores amigos? incluso si puedes salir con alguien más después de mí?" it was this question that broke carlos' heart to say as finally, a tear rolls down his cheek as he closes his eyes, valencia breathing deeply so she wouldn't cry her tears as she wipes carlos' tear away am i...well, are we still best friends? even if you may date someone else after me?

smiling softly with a head nod, valencia responded, "por supuesto, seguiremos siendo mejores amigos, carlitos! i've known you my whole life, i could never throw away our entire relationship and friendship just because we dated the right people but at the wrong time. i couldn't ever remove you from my life, you're way too special to me, i can't do that and i will never do that..." valencia paused, going from spanish to then english as she wiped away more of carlos' silent tears as he nodded his head, understanding valencia which made her feel better of course, we're still gonna be best friends, carlitos!

"...even if i do end up dating someone else and if you end up dating someone else, i am always a phone call away or a short drive away if you ever need anything and, i know if i was in a similar situation, you'd be there waiting for me too," valencia smiled and carlos nodded his head as his lip trembled, another single tear slipping down his cheek as he giggled in embarrassment, wiping it away himself

thankfully, the f1 reporter just had to finalise a couple more things with the two before the interview was to be edited and published. and, hopefully, after that it would only be the truth about carlos and valencia's relationship and breakup which was going to be talked about. 

'cause baby you look happier, you do, my friends told me one day, i'll feel it too.

it still seemed impossible for carlos to get it out of his head that valencia seemed to look happier with her new boyfriend after the break-up and honestly, whilst he was proud of her, it still hurt and was a hard thing to just shake off. it honestly did sort of scare carlos that he thought that he was maybe getting replaced and that maybe, he was actually losing his best friend when it was considered that he still didn't know what this new boyfriend was like in relation to knowing about boy-best friends for his girlfriends.

"oi, carlos, we need to get ready, the mechanics are asking for us so, when we see valencia stay calm, okay?" lando announces to carlos, patting his shoulder as the spaniard nods his head

"yes, lando, i understand, i'm not a five-year-old!" carlos, with a sassy attitude, rolls his eyes as he chuckles, making lando smile at the attitude and eye-roll

"i know, carlos, forgive me but, i just don't want you getting hurt, that's all!" lando suddenly went serious as carlos smiled and pulled his best friend in for a hug

"thanks, muppet, i do appreciate it," carlos smiled into his best friend's shoulder and lando smiled too, exhaling slightly as he pats his best friend on the back

"no worries, buddy. i know how much you and valencia loved and still love each other. it is hard when a couple like you two, that are the right couple, break up due to it being the wrong time," lando smiles softly, the two men pulling out of the hug as they started to hear the commotion of the excitement of the upcoming race from their garage

and until then i'll smile to hide the truth, but i know i was happier with you.

all that was left for carlos to do in regards to getting ready for the race was his jumpsuit, however, it seemed as if from the knock at the door, that wasn't going to be happening just yet. with a small sound of acknowledgement that carlos was fully dressed, the door opened to reveal max with a sly smile on his face. confusing carlos, he smiled confusedly at him because the drivers are typically not allowed in each other's team garages before hearing what his fellow and rival teammate had to tell him. 

"carlos, just to let you know, a special someone has decided to come into the mclaren garage and she's got someone with her..." max smiled in the excitement that two of his best friends were going to reunite but, was not so happy that another man was going to be in that equation

"...valencia has come into mclaren?" carlos questions, his voice suddenly small and timid, exactly opposite to the usual loud, boisterous and confident voice that he always had as max smiled empathetically, nodding his head - only knowing what lando had told him from earlier on

"yes, she has and she's honestly so excited to see you so, can i?" max questioned, his head slightly tilted at the door, asking his former torro rosso teammate for permission and carlos smiled as his fingers found their way to his fireproofs 

max nearly jumped in excitement as he rushed over to open carlos' door to let valencia and her new boyfriend in to visit carlos before rushing out himself after one last hug to his old friend before leaving for his red bull garage. the former boyfriend and girlfriend are now just staring at each other in awe. it had felt like nearly years ago that valencia had seen carlos' garage room within the larger mclaren garage at a grand prix when really it was maybe a couple of months, not even? pretty much as soon as they broke up, valencia's new model contract with vogue spain started which meant that she had to part ways with carlos not just in their relationship but also because she was needed back at her modelling agency, that was until she remembered she had vacation days. and, it was during this model show that valencia and her new boyfriend had met, he had come on as a photographer for the model show and honestly, it still felt strange to her that when she introduced her boyfriend to people, she wasn't saying carlos.

"carlos!" valencia finally opened her mouth, carlos' name falling off her tongue effortlessly as if she never stopped saying it, carlos' face lighting up at seeing his best friend, her new boyfriend giving the best friends a strange look that carlos managed to catch from the corner of his eye

"hola, val! cómo estás? te he extrañado mucho!" carlos spoke excitedly, his native spanish effortless, the excitement of valencia finally visiting again starting to soak into the motorsport race driver as he pulls his best friend in for a hug hey, val! how are you, i've missed you so much!

placing her softly back to the ground, valencia responded also in their native spanish, "estoy fantástico, gracias carlos, cómo has estado? ha pasado como, cuánto, un mes desde la última vez que nos vimos y desde que me fui a mi nuevo trabajo como modelo?" the girl asked with a slight laugh in her breath as carlos nodded his head, a small giggle leaving his mouth as well i'm fantastic thanks carlos, how have you been? it's been like, what, a month since we last saw each other and since i left for my new modelling gig?

"sí... vaya, ha pasado un mes, eso es una locura," carlos spoke with a small whisper as he noticed the way valencia tried to grab her boyfriend but wasn't able to as he had suddenly and quietly left carlos' room without a word of acknowledgement of where it was he had left off to yeah...wow, it has been a month, that's crazy

"...ah y, por... por cierto, ese era mi novio, matteo..." valencia tried to smile but, it was obvious that carlos could see through it but decided against the questions for now oh and, by...by the way, that was my boyfriend, matteo

"...bueno, eso es bueno, val. cuánto tiempo llevan juntos ustedes dos, si no les importa que les pregunte?" carlos spoke softly, with hesitation as valencia tilted her head in confusion - was it three weeks or four weeks as it surely hadn't been a month well, that's nice, val. how...how long have you two been together for, if you don't mind me asking?

"uhh...yo...creo que tres semanas? así que no tanto..." valencia shyly smiles as carlos nodded his head, he felt slightly calm knowing that she hadn't moved on straight away otherwise that really would have broken carlos and wrecked him tenfold more uhh...i...i think three weeks? so, not that long

"...oh, está bien, eso es bueno, val. te trata bien, supongo?" carlos questioned as the two of them moved from the door to the couch that resided in carlos' room within the garage where the two of them used to have sex, sleep on together upon other things when valencia suddenly became nervous oh, okay, that's nice, val. he treats you well i'm assuming?

"uh... bueno, sí, supongo que sí. quiero decir, me hace reír mucho, supongo..." valencia stammered, her voice shaky and sounding unsure which confused carlos as earlier, nothing looked as though it was wrong or out of sorts uh...well, yeah i guess he does. i mean, he makes me laugh a lot, i guess

"...adivina? val...está matteo herido--" you guess? val...is matteo hurt--

"--hey sweetcheeks, who's-oh, you're car...christian? val's friend, right? hello, i'm matteo, her boyfriend," matteo suddenly introduced himself out of nowhere, his brash american accent cutting off carlos and calling him by the complete wrong name

although it annoyed him, carlos still smiled curtly with a head nod, noticing basically straight away how uncomfortable valencia was getting but tried to hide it and spoke in english, "hey matteo, yeah, i'm carlos, valencia's best friend. so anyway, are you excited about the race tonight considering you guys flew all the way over here from spain?" carlos questioned, also getting an uncomfortable feeling from matteo as valencia enthusiastically nodded her head whilst matteo just hits her with a dirty look and rolled his eyes at the correction of carlos' name

"very excited, carlitos, you always drive amazingly during the races and, i just couldn't resist flying to singapore to watch the grand prix, especially since you've done so well recently," valencia gushed as she smiled, making carlos smile as he bit his lip at his best friend's excitement to return to a grand prix after breaking up with one of the drivers only a month ago - showing that there was genuinely no bad blood between the f1 grid and the exes

"aw, thanks valencia, i knew you'd say that, but matteo, are you looking forward to it?" carlos smiles at valencia as he then pointed the same question to matteo who just gave a half-hearted nod

"i mean, this was the grand prix that valencia couldn't stop talking about and it makes her happy seeing the race so, might as well enjoy it for myself as well, right?" matteo lazily shrugs as valencia and carlos awkwardly laugh as he then leaves again, valencia and carlos both letting out breaths they hadn't even realised they'd been holding onto

this made valencia feel embarrassed, matteo had promised her he wouldn't act like this at all and it was obvious that carlos could sense the embarrassment as well. the two of them switching back to their native spanish to continue the conversation. 

 "yo...lo siento mucho por matteo, carlitos, él me prometió que no actuaría así para nada. de hecho, me dijo que estaba muy emocionado de ver el gran premio en vivo, así que no sé qué le pasa, lo siento..." valencia trailed off in a dejected voice, rubbing her arms together, a signal that carlos knew all too well that meant valencia was anxious i...i am so sorry about matteo, carlitos, he promised me he wouldn't act like this at all. he actually said to me that he was super excited to see the grand prix live so, i don't know what's gotten into him, i'm sorry

"...no te preocupes, valencia, está totalmente bien. qué tal si vamos a visitar a lando y a los demás conductores? estoy seguro de que los demás están allí con él y estarán muy emocionados de verte de nuevo. además, creo que matteo está preocupado por la gira que acaba de decidir darse a sí mismo y a otra chica..." carlos spoke as they turned to see matteo talking to a girl that had seemingly found her way out of the actual paddock and into the more closed off part and valencia nods her head in agreement don't worry, valencia, it's totally okay. how about we go visit lando and the other drivers? i'm sure the others are in there with him and they'll be so excited to see you again. besides, i think matteo's gotten himself preoccupied with the tour he's just decided to give to himself and another girl

grabbing her hand, carlos and valencia ran over to lando's corner of the mclaren garage, max, daniel, charles and some mclaren mechanics all just relaxing in the englishman's area before it was time for the race. carlos and valencia had reaced the area and everyone's eyes lit up in excitement as they had come to realise valencia's presence. 

"val!" they all screamed at the same time, the girl laughing as they had a group hug, forcing carlos into the hug as well which he reluctantly joined in with a small chuckle at his best friends/teammates/rivals 

"hey, guys! it's so nice to see you all again! i've missed you so much!" valencia said in excitement even though it had only been a month, the month felt longer as she then couldn't help but think that, maybe, carlos' energy about matteo has some truth to it 

"we've missed you too, val! anyway, where's your new boyfriend?" lando questions, pulling out of the group hug as valencia shrugged her shoulders when out of nowhere, matteo popped out from behind valencia

and, obviously, it scared her instead of making her happy and the f1 guys notice and it worries them. matteo, once again, ignores their reactions and introduces himself to the guys. all of the boys shared a displeased look after matteo seemed to just insert himself into the group after scaring his girlfriend.

"hi guys, i'm matteo, valencia's boyfriend, nice to meet you all," it was clear the smile was fake and he hated this, but at the same token, he was smiling because of the way he was forcefully holding valencia down, fear starting to build in her eyes

"hi, matteo," they all responded, slightly shocking matteo, whose expression doesn't change as everyone then comes forward to shake his hand, though none of them even wanted to associate themselves with the guy

since luisa, lando's girlfriend and the other girlfriends of the racers weren't in the room, the only people that needed to introduce themselves were the other four drivers since matteo and carlos had already met prior.

"i'm daniel,"

"i'm charles,"

"i'm lando,"

"and i'm max," they all introduced themselves and matteo just shook his head, pushing valencia forward out of nowhere as he once again departed the room, on his way to find the girl he was speaking to earlier during their little tour

and, matteo didn't even stop to give his girlfriend a single kiss or not even i love you val and that really made carlos and the other four guys raise their eyebrows.

and it obviously rattled valencia but, she tried to hide it, "umm, anyway...how have you guys all been since it has been a month since i last saw you all?" valencia spoke up with a meek smile, trying to defuse the awkward tension

"we've been great thanks, val. we have the wags with us for this grand prix so, it's not just the lads which has been fun. but, the wags have missed you dearly, and truthfully, so have we so, it's nice to see you again, val. but, what about you, how have you been?" daniel spoke up as valencia laughed, her eyes lighting up hearing that the other wags had travelled with them when she started to play with a strand of hair that carlos then placed behind her ear, making her nervous again as the former couple smiled at each other

"that's so great to hear, danny! i'll make sure to look for them in the crowd. and, i've uh, i've been good thanks, i...uh met matteo around four weeks ago in person but we'd been talking for a week before we met but we started dating three weeks ago so, umm, yeah, still quite new and it's been interesting as matteo is quite the guy but umm, it's fun," valencia really wasn't making her new boyfriend sound amazing just like she could do so easily with carlos, especially considering the relationship was so new but it was maybe for that reason as well that valencia was kind of selling her new boyfriend so short

"okay, okay, not that long but, have you guys said the l word to each other yet?" lando then asked as valencia awkwardly laughed again, her eyeline focused on her shoes for a second - carlos recognising that maybe something wasn't right but, like before, didn't push it further

"well, i...i have said it but, matteo, i think is just waiting for the right moment, ya know? maybe he just isn't ready yet as he did have a bad breakup before meeting me so, yeah..." valencia nodded her head with a smile, hoping to convince herself that she had nothing to worry about as the boys also nodded their heads, with some scepticism about matteo

valencia and the boys continued to catch up with one another for a little bit longer before it was signalled that it was coming up to twenty minutes before the red lights were to go out, meaning that valencia had to find matteo to take the two of them to their vip spot. 

"...it was so lovely catching up with you before the race val, but, we do have to go as we're about to get our twenty minute call but, chat after the race, yeah? remember where we always meet?" carlos asked as valencia nodded her head, her first real big smile covering her face

"ditto, carlos, it was lovely seeing you and the guys again. and, of course, i remember where we always meet, your bloody garage! it hasn't been years carlos!" valencia giggles as the both of them hug and go their separate ways - valencia back over to matteo and the vip box and carlos back over to his garage to finish the last few pieces of his race outfit before getting into the car

carlos couldn't help but remember how happy he was with valencia. valencia made carlos so much happier which was what made it tricky for him to understand how someone like matteo made valencia happier than he did. to carlos and his teammates who had heard, it seemed as if matteo was trouble and it worried them sick. worried them to the point where they thought that he might be an abusive boyfriend or if not now, will eventually get to that point.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody need you like i do.

throughout the entire race, carlos couldn't help but worry about valencia and matteo. valencia mainly since it wasn't like he could keep an eye on them whilst he was racing cause that was physically impossible. but, he was glad that he made the decision to have them seated with his parents, carlos sr and reyes so they could keep an eye on them, matteo mainly. and, his parents agreed straight away. it was clear to them that carlos still needs her. carlos still felt like he had so much more to give to valencia, way more than matteo would be able to. especially considering how matteo just looked like he was bad news when you first make eye contact with the guy.

the race was starting to ramp up now since three different drivers had unfortunately DNF'd and carlos was one of them due to a scary-looking crash that had him plough through gravel and into the barrier. he was fine thank god, as watching the crash from the point of view where the sainz family and valencia and matteo were watching made it look worse than it actually was. thankfully, the only thing carlos came out of the crash with was minimal bruising on his body but also a little bit of a bruised ego. 

so, for the rest of the race, he watched the rest of it from the mclaren garage since he DNF'd with less than ten laps left of the race before it would be finished. after the race was finished and he finished his media duties, he straight away went over to his family who were sat with valencia and matteo. because he knew that they'd worry about him especially after seeing him crash out and get a DNF on a race he had such great qualifying results with. 

valencia could see carlos walk over to her, matteo and the sainz family and she was ready for what was to come next. 

carlos, as he walked over, made eye contact with valencia from her spot in the crowd, squashed up next to his mum, reyes. carlos was exhausted, he was upset that he DNF'd and he just needed to be comforted and the only person other than his parents that could do it was valencia. valencia knew that as well as she waited for carlos to get closer so she could open her arms to him. 

as carlos got closer to the arms of his best friend and family, it looked as though carlos was on the verge of tears if valencia looked closely enough and not just from DNF'ing out of the race. and it broke her heart, she hated the amount of pain she and carlos' breakup had on him. even though it was a mutual breakup, that didn't take away the pain that the both of them felt over it ending. valencia just wished she never gave it up with carlos, even though a part of her did love matteo and was glad she was dating him. 

suddenly, out of complete nowhere, valencia started crying when she and carlos finally fell into the long-awaited hug that felt so slow motion. carlos wished he didn't make valencia cry but, at the same token, he was glad it wasn't him that was crying otherwise, he knew how bad that would have made valencia feel. they then moved out of the hug so carlos could hug his parents and so it wouldn't look like too suspicious to the eagle eyes of the f1 onlookers and matteo. she had then gone to turn around to matteo to ask him for a tissue from her bag that he had offered to hold for her but, when she went to ask, he was nowhere to be seen. 

it freaked her out, not knowing where her boyfriend had gone but thankfully, ana, carlos' younger sister was right there to hand her a tissue that was from valencia's bag, valencia took notice that ana was now keeping her bag safe, not matteo. valencia was now back to thinking about whether or not it was a smart idea to bring matteo and maybe thinking whether or not she really did love him or if he actually loved her. or, if he was like carlos and possibly the rest of the f1 grid and the sainz family thought, was just an abuser and a troublemaker.

i know there's others that deserve you but darling i am still in love with you.

it didn't take rocket science to figure out that during the entire race that carlos knew he was focusing too much on valencia whilst still knowing he was still head over heels in love with her. whilst it was obvious to valencia and his teammates, it was shockingly something that every other f1 fan was just skimming over their heads, just assuming that carlos was just getting really emotional because of his DNF with only ten laps of the race left and that was why he was constantly paying more attention to one specific person rather than the rest of his team in ferrari like he usually would be. even though carlos knew that there were others that deserved valencia as he promised her, he still found it difficult to comprehend that she did move on because at the time they made that promise, they were both unaware of how quickly valencia would move on after the breakup. 

it wasn't until watching the media interviews as valencia watched carlos keep eye contact with her throughout the whole interview that it became clear to her that maybe, falling in love with matteo was dangerous. however, she still desperately tried hard to hide the newfound anxiety that arose in her as matteo then rejoined her, reyes, carlos sr, ana and blanca in the paddock and become suddenly possessive of her throughout the rest of the interview. especially considering carlos and the others in the grid could see her super easily and keep track of what was going on even though they were doing interviews and other things after the race before the podium ceremony 

 ♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

but i guess you look happier, you do. my friends told me one day i'll feel it too.

the podium ceremony for the singapore grand prix was now over, max, valterri bottas and lewis hamilton the top three on the podium. which meant that everyone was now leaving the circuit when valencia and matteo rushed back into the paddock to get to the mclaren garage, reyes, carlos sr, ana and blanca leaving moments earlier after getting recognised by literally every single security guard to find their way to carlos' area of the mclaren garage. seeing that her best friend's part of the garage was open, valencia saw her chance, running straight over to carlos in hopes to comfort him more after his loss from the unsuccessful race, adrenaline soaring through her bood. however, whilst valencia was rushing over to carlos' part of the garage, matteo was running after her trying to get her attention. 

"...val, can i please...have a second just to speak to you? it's serious and it can't really wait--"

skidding to a halt, valencia turned around to face her boyfriend, her face red as heavy breaths left her mouth, "--oh, sorry matteo but, i promised carlos i'd see him after the race and media interviews. i'll be very quick, i promise, can i please just catch up with him and his teammates and their partners? we can talk later, i promise!" valencia quickly interjected as, to be honest, she was wanting to speak to carlos and his teammates to get away from matteo who rolled his eyes before quickly noticing the security guard and smiled, nodding his head

"oh, darling, of course, you can! go, have fun with your friends, i'll just be over at the bar across the street to get us some drinks before the end of the night, okay? oh, also, tell carlos that i'm sorry about his DNF and everyone else that they did amazing! i love you, princess!" matteo smiled, giving valencia a kiss making her squeal that he finally told her he loved her - okay, maybe he wasn't so bad after all and she ran like a little kid as she and carlos locked eyes

"thanks, matteo! i love youuu!" valencia squeals out as she then runs over and sees carlos outside of his room, the two of them locking eyes

as some music started playing through the speakers of the circut, carlos and valencia ran over to each other in excitement. valencia jumps as carlos catches her and he spins the both of them around in a circle, something they hadn't done since their split.

"hey..." valencia trailed off, her switch to spanish effortless as she giggled as carlos held her tightly, the both of them slipping back into carlos' room, closing the door so no one, especially matteo would suspect the best friends

"...hola," carlos whispered back before in another short breath, whispered again, "sabes, extraño hacer eso contigo." he whispered again, softly placing valencia back on the ground as she giggled softly, lifting her head up, placing a loose strand of hair behind her ear hi. you know i've missed doing that with you?

"yo también... y, oh dios mío, lamento mucho tu abandono, lo has estado haciendo brillantemente, pero me alegro mucho de que estés bien! ese accidente me asustó muchísimo, me hiciste llorar! oh, también, matteo también me dijo que lamentaba tu abandono y que los demás lo hicieron increíble, así que, sí, bien hecho!" valencia consoled before smiling and hesitating when she mentioned matteo, something she had started to realise that she would do anytime in regards to mentioning him since they met and started dating i have as well...and, oh my god, i am so sorry about your DNF, you had been doing brilliantly but i'm so glad you're okay! that crash scared the living hell out of me, you made me cry! oh, also, matteo told me as well that he was sorry about your DNF and that the others did amazing so, um, yeah, well done!

and, all of this hesitation from valencia made carlos suspicious and think that maybe it was because valencia's scared of matteo but was at the same time so blinded by her love and infatuation for him that she finds her hesitation when she's around him or speaking about him to be normal. seeing this and now after being around, this was also now scaring carlos as much as it was potentially scaring valencia.

"oh, gracias valencia! pero, por favor, estoy bien y perdón por asustarte! me alegra que tú y matteo lo disfrutarais de todos modos. lo que me recuerda, dónde está? pensé que estaría contigo..." carlos asked in confusion but nevertheless was still excited that they were finally alone as valencia just smiled - sort of nervous to go back over knowing that she and matteo were going to have a hard chat because of the way she was acting around carlos and the rest of the grid oh, thank you, valencia! but, please, i'm okay and i'm sorry for scaring you! i'm glad you and matteo enjoyed yourselves nevertheless. which reminds me, where is he? i would've thought he would be with you

"...oh, umm, creo que dejó el circuito para ir al bar al otro lado de la calle a traernos algunas bebidas, así que dijo que me permitían venir y pasar un rato con ustedes, chicos." valencia smiled with excitement that she did get to hang out with her best friends oh, umm, i think he left the circut to go to the bar across the street to get us some drinks so, he said i was allowed to come and hang out with you guys for a little bit

"oh, mmm, está bien, genial! let's go back to lando's side as the rest of the drivers are there right now with our families then if matteo's allowed it," saying that made carlos' skin crawl and stomach churn in an undelightful way, in english and spanish - was matteo becoming obsessive of valencia? oh, umm, okay, cool!

"please, let's do that!" valencia spoke in english with what sounded like a hushed-out voice but carlos tried not to think too deeply about it as once again, just like this friends said, one day, carlos would feel the same joy that valencia's found with matteo and that one day soon, carlos is also going to move on

i could smile to hide the truth but i know i was happier with you.

the night of the circut being open was nearly coming towards its end and since meeting up with carlos, lando, max, daniel, charles and the sainz family, matteo had now returned with a couple of alcoholic drinks that he seemed to sneak into the circut with and had now started to become very touchy with valencia in the most uncomfortable way possible. but, just like carlos had been doing the entire time, valencia was smiling to hide away the truth of how she truly felt. obviously, because he was there, matteo had now joined the group and valencia as they were having their catch up and it was very uncomfortable. not just for carlos and the rest of the f1 gri and family but for valencia as well. mainly because matteo was being blunt, rude and possessive but he was also trying to cover it up and justifying it by saying he was just being protective of his girlfriend.

"...so, christian, you dated valencia for a brief period of time, how long was it?" matteo, once again, called carlos by the wrong name as he asked in a rude tone of voice which noticeably scared valencia, she had never seen matteo be so rude but assumed it was due to the alcohol and because he was curious?

fighting the urge to roll his eyes, carlos sighed, "it's carlos and yes, i did, valencia and i dated for three years..." the spaniard corrected the inebriated man as he smiled a small smile, hoping that his feelings were being hidden away and not so obvious

"...hmm...three years? is...is that what i have to beat baby doll?" matteo slurred as he started to nonconsensually kiss valencia's neck as she nervously gulped, trying to grab his face to get him to stop as everyone watched on with anger and worry

"yes matteo, three years and, i won't lie when i say those three years were bloody fucking fantastic. it was just the timing that killed us so it was the right person wrong time so i have no idea, maybe you and i could get to three years or beat it, matteo. however, we are still yet to get to a month so, be patient darling okay, be patient!" valencia spoke with a slight tone in her voice as she smiled, trying her hardest to act all lovey-dovey around him when she was uncomfortable, especially with the few drinks he was influenced by

"mmmkay babyy..." matteo slurred out again as he started to feel his hands around valencia yet again, the girl laughing uncomfortably, trying to hide the very noticeable fear in her eyes and body language even though she was in love with matteo - nonconsensual touching was still not okay if you were dating the person

"i love you, matteo, i really do but, we don't touch me in this way when we're in public, okay? especially in front of my best friend's and their parents! that's for our bedroom, got it?" the girl spoke through gritted teeth again, slapping matteo's hand away as the man started to sober up and he nodded his head

"okay baby, let's leave then, we can catch up with your friends and ex-boyfriend tomorrow! i still have something i need to tell you, remember?" matteo whispered as valencia nodded her head, whispering back to him asking if she could say just one final goodbye to everyone, nodding his head, matteo released his arms from valencia's waist

matteo then made it out of the paddock and out of the circut to wait by the car. valencia smiled again as she went over to carlos and the rest of the group to say her goodbyes. they all smiled as they hugged and chatted a little more. valencia and carlos were finally in front of each other again and valencia just smiled and went on her tippy toes as she pulled him in for a hug.

"thank you for the great night tonight, carlos. i truly think it was good for matteo and me to fly over here and see one of the races and for him to meet you guys. it seems as if he truly and thoroughly enjoyed it which was nice to hear and, yeah, see you again soon and if not soon, whenever it is you and the family return back to spain..." valencia was about to leave when she paused and turned back around, her body to tired to speak in spanish anymore today

"...i...umm, i know how hard it was for you to see me with matteo and the fact that i have moved on but, i'll always and i mean always love you carlos. those three years we were together were truthfully and honestly the best fucking time ever but, i'm with matteo now and, i am glad you and your family are okay with it..." valencia paused again as carlos nodded his head with a small smile on his face, he truthfully was glad she was happy again even though he did have some slight suspicions about the guy

"...okay, i really have to go now but, i love you loads carlos and, i'll see you around singapore if you don't have too quick of a turn around before the next race but, if not soon, i'll see you back home in spain i'm sure..." valencia blabbed out as she smiled and kissed carlos' cheek, his cheeks flushing a bright pink as he smiled back, his hand slightly grazing his cheek as valencia walked away

"...not a problem, valencia, it was nice seeing you too...i love you more..." carlos trailed off as he grazed his cheek that valencia kissed as he sighed - valencia really was in love with matteo, she really was happy with him

baby, you look happier you do, i knew one day you'd fall for someone new.

one month later, it seemed as if valencia and matteo were still dating... that is, what people who read the online articles and believe everything they see on social media thought that is.

vogue españa

MODEL AND EX-GIRLFRIEND OF FORMULA ONE'S CARLOS SAINZ JR SEEN WITH A NEW MYSTERY MAN

INES LORENZO | EDITOR DECEMBER, 2020

spanish model, valencia perez, the ex-girlfriend of formula one driver carlos sainz jr seen out with a mystery man at her older sister's wedding! it seemed like it was only yesterday that an f1 reporter did a video interview with perez and sainz jr to stop rumours about the reason why the power couple broke up. however, nearly two months later, valencia is already seen out with a new beau.

valencia's older sister, model estella perez got married yesterday (read that article here!) and estella's younger sister, valencia was the maid of honour but, it wasn't that that had reporters taken aback. it was the fact that valencia was seen kissing and sitting rather close to another man. and, who is this new man valencia is dating, may you ask? well, take today as your lucky day because we've got all the gossip.

valencia's new boyfriend is american photographer matteo de la costa. de la costa is well known for photographing runways, models, photoshoots and go-sees but, how did he gain the attention of valencia perez? well, it was said the moment that valencia and carlos broke up that perez had to return back to spain for a modelling runway shoot with vogue spain, after she had spent time with carlos and the other formula one drivers for the grand prix. where she walked the runway when she met de la costa who was photographing the shoot and then, it was said from that moment that valencia and matteo fell in love. 

however, we can't lie and say we don't miss seeing valencia and carlos together because we absolutely do. so, in this article, you can read our list of fifteen things we loved about valencia perez and carlos sainz jr's relationship. although we do miss val and carlos, we also do love val and matteo, here is a gallery of photos of the new couple at estella perez's wedding:

gallery 60+ photos: click here

however though, as most people are aware, not everything that you see in the media and online is real and picture-perfect. recently, matteo and valencia were arguing and fighting like crazy. but it wasn't like valencia had done anything wrong, it was just something that had spiralled out of control after matteo started all the arguments. unfortunately, as carlos and the f1 grid, unfortunately, thought and suspected would happen, matteo was now dangerous and abusive. matteo was so abusive that he would punch walls, merely inches from missing valencia's face each time. the doomed couple were in abu dhabi for the final race of the 2020 season, it was carlos' final race with mclaren before he would make his move to ferrari and valencia would have been damned if matteo forced the both of them to watch the grand prix on their tv in her house in spain. so, they were currently in a hotel in abu dhabi the day before the final race and this is what was happening, they were arguing. 

"...matt...matteo, babe, please...please stop! what...what did i do wrong? just...just tell me and i...i can fix it!" valencia squeals out, curling up against the wall and mere inches from where matteo's hand was close to punching her

"stop talking with and seeing that christian guy! it's him that is causing this trouble! DO YOU NOT SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT YOU WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER?!" matteo suddenly raises his voice which makes valencia mad - how dare he say shit about carlos when carlos hadn't done anything wrong

"matteo cruz de la costa! his name is carlos and he has done nothing wrong. the two of us have been friends since we were children. yes, he's going to look at me in a certain way because we dated for three bloody years and we're best friends but, it means anything but what you think it means because i'm with you and because i love you...not...not him..." valencia hesitates towards the end as fear surges through her but, it was too late, matteo was mad

"NO VALENCIA, YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU NEVER HAVE AND YOU NEVER WILL! YOU HAVE LOVED CARLOS THIS ENTIRE TIME, YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE YOU'D RATHER BE WITH HIM THAN ME!" matteo screams, throwing another punch at the wall, again merely missing valencia by an inch and valencia smiles at the fact he finally got carlos' name right

"FINE! YOU GOT ME MATTEO! I DO LOVE CARLOS AND I STILL DO, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM BECAUSE THE TIMING FOR US WAS NEVER RIGHT AND WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY. WHICH WAS THE REASON WE BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOT BECAUSE WE STOPPED LOVING EACH OTHER! YES, I ADMIT, I TALK ABOUT CARLOS LIKE I'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH HIM BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT BE SEEN WITH YOU! HE ALWAYS TREATED ME RIGHT WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN WE DATED! HE'S THE BEST MAN EVER AND I--"just before valencia could continue or pause to defend herself, matteo went crazy and picked up a glass vase

and, the moment valencia realised that matteo had picked up the glass vase, it was too late. matteo had thrown the glass vase and it had struck valencia in the head, causing her to wobble back, smashing into the wall behind her.

she fell unconscious as she slid from the wall to the ground almost lifelessly, blood pouring from the back of her head. the glass that was on the ground now cutting into her skin, causing even more blood to trickle its way down the unconscious valencia's paling body. matteo didn't even stop to realise what he did wrong and sprinted out of the hotel in abu dhabi just as carlos was walking in for a catch-up between he and valencia that matteo had allowed for the sake of keeping his girlfriend happy - not because he liked carlos.

matteo didn't even react to the fact that he had injured his girlfriend. until he heard the spanish accent that he had so very familiarised from carlos and his eyes widened as the photographer sprinted from the hotel room.

"...matteo? are you alright ma...oh my god, valencia!" carlos jolted back slightly as matteo ran past him, hitting the spaniard on his shoulder with his own, his eyes widening the moment he noticed the scene in front of him

grabbing his phone from his pocket, carlos wasted no second in calling the abu dhabi emergency services for an ambulance and the police, "...no, no, val, valencia! ahh, mierda... vamos, contesta, contesta! por favor, ayúdame!" carlos was hysterical, muttering in spanish as the call operator urged him to switch to english when they finally connected no, no, val, valencia! ahh, crap...come on, pick up, pick up! please help me!

with all the possible information that was obvious from just the scene in front of him, carlos gave it all to the dispatcher in english who then sent out the ambulance and police vehicle with lights and sirens flashing straight to the hotel. thanking the female dispatcher, ending the call since he could hear the sirens coming down the street, carlos threw his phone to the ground. the phone just stopping before it fell into one of the few puddles of blood as he then leant his back against the wall. right where valencia was wedged up against and picked her up, cradling her in his lap.

swaying the both of them lightly from side to side, carlos tried to keep the both of them calm and valencia as awake as possible as the sirens halted sound as did the flashing lights, meaning the paramedics and police had arrived.

"...vamos val, está bien cariño. solo mantén tus bonitos ojos abiertos, soy carlos, estás a salvo..." carlos whispered in a soft, surprisingly calm tone of voice in spanish as valencia suddenly squirmed before calming down from the pain of her injury and the fact that she was safe and it was carlos holding her, matteo nowhere to be found c'mon val, it's okay darling. just keep your pretty eyes open, it's carlos, you're safe

"what..what happened? did...did matteo hit me?" groggy, valencia attempted to ask what had happened in english, spanish seeming too complicated right now, wanting to know if what happened did happen and she wasn't dreaming as carlos gave a small smile

"yeah babe, matteo hit you. that and he threw a glass vase at your head which caused you to fall back into the wall...but it's okay, matteo's gone and i'm here and the paramedics and police are just walking in now with the hotel security and management, okay, you're safe," carlos stayed calm, also speaking in english as valencia nodded her head as best as she could which made carlos relax a little better

immediately, the paramedics went over to check on valencia as carlos stood up and slipped behind them so as not to be in the way. he felt tears well in his eyes as he watched his best friend get prodded and poked and asked so many questions that the poor thing could barely keep up with their questions.

"...valencia, darling, can you please let us help you? my name is amani and this is basma, we're paramedics and we are here to help you and to treat your injuries..." basma, the older female paramedic repeated for a second time to valencia who was slipping between awake and sleep

"...am i okay? where...where's carlos?" valencia panicked, no longer about to see carlos as amani and basma decided that they needed to work quickly and to keep valencia as responsive for as long as they possibly could

"valencia, carlos is still here, he's just talking to the police and hotel management, and yes, you are okay, you've just got a head injury and small non-fatal lacerations scattered across your upper body, arms and legs. your head injury is our biggest concern so, could you please tell us your name and where you currently are in the world, even though we already know it?" basma then asks as valencia blinks, thinking for a moment but it seemed as if nothing was registering in her mind other than carlos

"uh...umm.i..my..." the first and second try she doesn't get it but, by the third try, she manages to mumble her name out

"...val..valencia...my name is valencia, i'm...i'm twenty-four, we're in a hotel in abu dhabi for the formula one grand prix and my...my boyfriend matteo cruz de la costa and i got into an argument and he...he hit me a couple of times after threatening too and then he...he picked up the glass vase and hit my over the head with it as i then fell back, hitting my head again on the wall..." valencia wangles out as the paramedics and carlos, who was teary-eyed, smiled in shock with widened eyes as they listened to valencia remember every single detail of the accident and where they were in the world currently since it wasn't spain

carlos could barely deal with anyone treating valencia with that much disrespect but, it shocked him so much more that it was matteo because he was supposedly in love with her and he trusted matteo to take care of her and he didn't.

"...well done, valencia. thank you for the information..." basma thanked as valencia smiled in return when basma's attention went back to amani

"...amani, i think the only thing we can do is just get valencia into the ambulance and to the hospital, she is back and forth from consciousness even though she does remember her name, where she is and what happened, there's still a chance that something bad could happen..." basma concluded as amani agreed straight away, basma moving forward and picking up valencia in her arms, carrying her bridal style towards to stretcher as they then proceed to wheel her out to the ambulance

carlos then quickly followed after them into the ambulance, obviously his last thought on the glass shards on the floor and the fact he was covered in his ex-girlfriend/best friend's blood, basma closed the back of the ambulance before jumping onto the front seat, flooring down the street to the nearest hospital as amani and carlos sat in the back with valencia.

"...carlos, if there is anyone, could you possibly get into contact with them about valencia's condition and tell them to meet us at the yas marina medical centre, it's the closest one?" amani spoke up as she continued to monitor valencia's vitals

carlos nods his head as he immediately grabs his phone and messages the first person he thinks of; his former torro rosso teammate max verstappen. only because all the drivers were staying in the same hotel, there was no way the other drivers weren't aware of the incident that just happened since it wasn't like it was a small or quiet dispute. it was an entire situation that for sure was meant to draw attention from matteo. 

max

hey, max, could you and the guys meet valencia and me at yas marina medical centre, please?

why, what happened?

carlos, what the fuck happened?

you were only supposed to go and visit valencia and matteo in their hotel room, what did that cock sucker do?

no, valencia isn't okay. and yes, i was only supposed to visit them but, the moment i got there, matteo basically legged it when i then noticed what had happened. i walked in further to see that matteo had hit valencia over the head with a glass vase, she couldn't move out of the way quickly enough. that's what that loud disturbance was. now, i don't exactly know what they were fighting about since i didn't hear it fully, none of us did, but, the police did take statements from those in the rooms next door and across. all i can say is that they were definitely fighting again.

again? jesus christ, how many more times are they going to fight and she's going to keep on going back to him and continue bringing him with her to the races? i feel so awful for her, she doesn't deserve this!

how far away are you guys from the hospital in the ambulance? thankfully, lando, charles and i haven't let for anything yet so we won't take too long and obviously, seb and lewis will be with us as well

the ambulance is like three minutes away, meet me in waiting room three! the hospital will place her in the icu considering it's a head injury

oh, you best be there we'll be there in two! stay safe and, carlos, stay calm, valencia is a strong girl and matteo, the fucker, is going to pay for this!

thank you max, i'll see you and the guys in waiting room three!

max has read carlos' message

carlos now felt less agitated knowing that when he got to the hospital, his teammates and friends were also going to be there as well. knowing he wasn't going to be alone really gave carlos some comfort as he now just had to deal with the thought that the person that he thought loved his best friend and ex-girlfriend would even think to do this to her, not just this once but all the countless other times.

from what carlos saw of matteo and heard of him, he was really kind, funny, enthusiastic, sarcastic, a talented photographer, a bit of a jerk and petty when he purposefully would either mispronounce or call someone by the wrong name and pretty possessive when drunk but overall, he was a great guy. sure, as mentioned, he did make some uncomfortable and inexcusable comments when drunk but, maybe valencia got uncomfortable due to never seeing it before that night when she returned back to singapore for the grand prix. matteo isn't a bad guy, right...right?

♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

a couple of weeks go by since valencia was first brought into the yas marina circuit medical centre by ambulance when she was starting to regain full consciousness again. after many ct scans and x-rays, it had been ruled out that valencia's memory or head injury was not a serious concern anymore, she was moved out from the icu and into a different room on the first floor. all she needed was regular pain medication to stop any internal and external swelling.

the entire time that valencia was confined to her icu room in the hospital, carlos and the rest of the f1 grid family were there also. they never actually wanted to leave due to the heavy risk of matteo coming in and attempting to apologise for what he did so, they never left and the hospital staff allowed it. for a while, especially at the beginning of valencia's time at the hospital, just the mention of matteo's name would make valencia stress out which would then cause trauma to her head injury which was something they were heavily trying to avoid.

valencia was beyond grateful to carlos, max, lando, daniel, lewis, sebastian and the rest of the sainz family for never leaving her bedside and staying in her room with her. she was grateful because it made her feel safe in knowing that her best friends weren't ever leaving her side, no matter who she chose to fall in love with or out of love with. no matter where it happened in the world, whether it was back home in spain or overseas in abu dhabi during the last race of the season. even if she only started to realise it now, in a hospital bed out of the icu that it was the wrong person.

"...carlos..." valencia mumbled, filling out the silence as she had just finished some testing which caused her to be a little drugged and groggy, carlos smiled at hearing his name

"...yeah, what's up, valencia?" carlos responded softly, worried if he spoke in spanish it would confuse her, quickly turning to face her again as he grabbed her hand to hold, making the drowsy girl smile at the connection

"fue...la policía realmente pudo descubrir lo que pasó? por qué peleamos matteo y yo?" valencia questioned in spanish, shocking carlos as they hadn't spoken in spanish since before the accident was...were the police actually able to find out what happened? what did matteo and i actually fight about?

and, since the accident, carlos and the entire group had been quite apprehensive about telling the full story of what matteo did. since for some reason, maybe due to a trauma response, valencia could remember everything else about what happened but the actual fight that led up to her injuries. 

and the reason being was that, a couple of days after being transferred to the hospital, carlos received a phone call from the police that had been dispatched out on his call and told him that they not only had found and apprehended matteo. but his statement of events lined up basically identically to every single one of the witness statements from the surrounding hotel rooms who had heard the two of them fighting. and, now, valencia wanted to be told? this worried everyone but no one was more worried than carlos himself was.

"val...valencia, are you sure you want me to tell you? what he did was horrific..." carlos trailed off in english so everyone else could understand, fighting back his own tears as valencia slowly nodded her head yes

seeing the head nod, carlos breathed in as the others braced themselves as carlos was the only one to be given that phone call with the information from the police.

"...por favor, carlos. i...i wanna know and i'm ready, besides, i deserve to know, don't i?" valencia was certain that she wanted to know and she made it clear, carlos nodded his head as he then held his hand out for his best friend to hold, which she reciprocated straight away please, carlos.

"...okay, umm, just to preface this, this is what i was told by the police and what they were told by him and the witnesses that heard it..." however, it seemed as though carlos no longer needed to tell the story since whatever trauma response was stopping valencia from remembering before was gone and she remembered

her eyes widened as she squeezed carlos hand tighter, "...i...oh my god...i remember what we were fighting over!" she called out, making carlos turn his head up again, in a bit of shock but a little bit glad since that was the one thing the police were a bit iffy about telling him

"what was the fight over?" carlos hummed quietly as the rest of the group all nervously awaited to hear it, not expecting to be told what valencia was about to tell them

valencia never imagined she'd be embarrassed saying this but she was, making eye contact with nicky, "it...the fight was over you, carlos..." the injured girl then turned her head back down to her hands that rested in the hospital sheets as carlos sat in shock, the fight was over him?

"...it...the fight was over me?" carlos could feel his breathing pick up as valencia nodded her head slowly as she continued the story further, remembering other things that carlos had already been told by the police that the rest were hearing for the first time

"mhm, it was because i couldn't stop talking about you to matteo. he...he must have thought i was cheating on him and that we were dating behind his back or something and, he...he told me to stop talking about you as he then started to talk crap about you..." valencia paused as carlos' jaw tensed up as he gulped down some saliva that he was almost about to choke on

the others were listening in pure shock, "...i, of course, defended you, saying you look at me the way you do because you did date me for three years and that we are still best friends, so i didn't take any care at how you looked at me as that's how you have always looked at me, even before we dated. i told matteo i loved him, though it was with hesitation and i think that's what made him even madder as that was when he started to yell, saying that i didn't love him and that i...that i still loved you, carlos..." the drowsy girl trailed off again as she licked her lips as she continued, carlos lightly caressing her hand in comfort with his thumb

"...and, that...what was when i said it. i shouted it actually, telling him that he was correct...i...i do still love you, carlos. i...*sigh* i never stopped loving you, carlos, i seriously didn't. i then explained to matteo that the reason why we broke up was because of the timing of us always being so busy with f1 and modelling jobs and that was what was getting in the way of our relationship. not that we didn't love each other and that i talk about you so much because you are incredible carlos, you truly are!" once again, valencia paused so she could catch her breath and take a swig of water before continuing, carlos remaining engaged and listening, everyone else in silent shock

"i then continued on saying how you always treated me right, not just when we dated but as best friends and, i know i shouldn't have but, it was all i could think to say. and that was what drove him over the edge but i just kept on going and kept on pushing him by saying how much of an amazing person you are when he just couldn't handle it anymore and...and then he picked up the glass vase and he threw it at me...and i didn't realise he had thrown it before it was too late and bam, it hit me right in the back of the head and i just, fell and slid down the wall, the shards of glass underneath me cutting into me..." valencia trailed off, most especially after mentioning that she was still in love with carlos, even after she had convinced herself that she had moved on from her best friend even when she hadn't ever really planned to do that

this had obviously caught carlos breathless as he tried to form a coherent sentence, "...val...valencia, you...still love me?" he stammered out as the drowsy, medically drugged-up girl nodded her head as her lip quivered

"oh my gosh, carlos, yes! matteo broke my heart, maybe even more than my heart actually! carlitos, this wasn't the first fight matteo and i had had! it was maybe at least the tenth or something crazy stupid like that. those photos included in that vogue article were taken ages ago and before estella's wedding which was before we flew over to visit you guys in singapore when i first introduced you to matteo. as soon as estella's wedding finished and you and i started hanging out more frequently when you returned from singapore, we had just hit breaking point, matteo and i. it was always, always matteo accusing me of something, never me accusing him because i trusted and loved him enough to think that he wouldn't hurt me or break my heart. but, i've ended up in the hospital in abu dhabi, day before race day, which is just as worse. i...i am so sorry i never told you or confirmed your guys' suspicions, i...i was just scared, so scared that matteo would hurt me if he found out i was trying to ask you guys for help or for a way out," valencia trailed off, a small single tear escaping from the corner of her eye to her cheek, carlos wiping it away

carlos was also silently crying, he couldn't believe that anyone would ever think of putting someone as sweet and loving as valencia through so much pain and heartache. and in all honesty, he never stopped loving valencia either. of course, the break-up at the time was for the best and maybe this is what was supposed to come out of the breakup but, they both wished that it wasn't having to happen in a hospital room.

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you

carlos and valencia sat in silence with one another just staring at each other, consoling each other and wiping away each other's tears. everyone watching on saw the love and infatuation, the same one they always had for each other, spark all over again as if it never faded. valencia never stopped loving carlos, she was just waiting for the right time so she and carlos could meet back up again at the perfect roadblock and start from where they had left off.

and that's actually what they ended up doing and, it was like love at first sight again for the two of them.

"...i love you, valencia, i never stopped loving you..."

"...i love you too, carlos, i never stopped loving you either!"

six months later

vogue españa

CARLOS SAINZ JR, F1 DRIVER FOR FERRARI AND VALENCIA PEREZ ARE BACK IN LOVE AGAIN! SPOTTED DANCING, KISSING AND LOVING ON EACH OTHER AT SISTER'S WEDDING! 

INES LORENZO | EDITOR JUNE, 2021

do we hear wedding bells? yes, we do but, it wasn't for our favourite power couple but for another sister of one-half of our favourite power couple! okay, we've all been screaming and crying at the news that carlos sainz jr of formula one and valencia perez of our very own vogue españa has gotten back together and dating again. however, these new and exclusive photos and interviews have come from those in attendance at katerina perez's, valencia's other older sister's wedding to her new beau, writer noah vasquez.

katerina is the eldest sister of the perez clan with estella, the other older sister that got married earlier in the year as the second oldest with valencia being the youngest sister of the three girls. and, katerina was the first person our vogue reporters talked to in regard to the rekindling of carlos and valencia's romance and, we're here for the way in which mrs vasquez talks about her littlest sister and sainz jr.

"carlos is fantastic...he is such a sweetheart, such a charmer but he's also such a gentleman and the way he treats valencia, my little angel is the only way in which she deserves to be treated. so, knowing that they're back in their new and improved but still old relationship at my wedding is definitely a dream coming true..." quote by katerina perez vasquez, valencia's older sister

estella perez castello, who was also at her older sister's wedding with her husband, bailey perez castello, also had a super sweet thing to say about her little sister valencia and carlos and, honestly, get those tissues out because it is a tearjerker.

"honestly, there's no one else in the world that i'd want to see my sister with other than carlos sainz jr! they are the best couple in the entire world and i'm not even sugarcoating it. carlos doesn't hurt her, make her uncomfortable or do things to or with her that she is unsure of. he is patient and knows when he's crossed a line. what a guy, i mean, i truthfully think, and this isn't me bashing me or katerina's husbands but, i genuinely think that carlos is the best partner out of the three of them and both bailey and noah agree. and, also, our parents and younger siblings all love carlos. so, i mean, we all i think cried when we were told they first broke up but rejoiced when they got back together after valencia was discharged from the hospital in abu dhabi and fully recovered. i just hope that the next wedding i'm a bridesmaid in that it's valencia and carlos'!" quote by estella perez castello, valencia's other older sister 

katerina and her husband noah vasquez | pic: photography by sofie perez photography

for those who didn't know, before breaking up, valencia and carlos had dated for three years before that, starting their relationship in 2018 to when it ended in january of last year in 2020. however, the two little lovebirds have known each other since they were young cherubs back home in their lovely hometown of madrid, spain. valencia was of course famous before carlos was known in the motorsport world but when carlos did make his debut in formula one, valencia was said to be the first wag (wife and girlfriend). which, she shares with the other girlfriends and wives of the other formula one drivers. 

talking with our vogue españa reporters at katerina's wedding reception during cocktail hour, both valencia and carlos shared with us their joy of getting back together after valencia's last relationship that was abusive and caused her a hospital trip in a completely different country during the last race of the 2020 season. thankfully, both were happy and elated to talk with us so, here is what they had to say.

"...oh, i am absolutely overjoyed to be with carlos in a relationship again. he is truly the best partner in the entire world. he is sweet, he is cheeky, he is loving, he is caring, but most importantly, he is so patient and he understands that i'm still mentally and still in someway physically, recovering from the last relationship that i was in for a couple of months. and it was that relationship that ended with me being in the hospital that i was just discharged from not too long ago back in abu dhabi last december. and carlos' been brilliant the entire time of my recovery, actually, so has his entire family but, yeah, with carlos, getting back into the swing of our relationship was so easy and it just felt like i was going back home again," quote by valencia perez, carlos sainz jr's girlfriend

"...being back with valencia is like she said, going back home again and as cheesy as it sounds, it's seriously the most truthful thing ever! valencia is the best girlfriend in the whole entire world and, i'm just so glad that whilst we did fix some things in our relationship with one of them being that we were the priority, not our jobs as a model and f1 racer. and because of that, it was still the same relationship that we had had for three years before we split up. valencia is genuinely the funniest, sexiest, most talented person i have ever met and honestly, i could cry over her because of how much i love her and how much i am truly happier being with her again," quote by carlos sainz jr, valencia perez's boyfriend

even though we do love valencia and carlos, we also love the newly married couple, mr and mrs noah and katerina vasquez, here is a gallery of photos of the newly married couple and of valencia and carlos at the vasquez's wedding:

gallery 60+ photos: click here

♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, heidiberger, landonorris and 12,000 others

valenciaperez te amo mi sol i love you, my sun

view all comments

carlossainz55 mi sol my sun

valenciaperez carlossainz55 te amo i love you

maxverstappen1 nice selection of photos val but where am i :(

valenciaperez maxverstappen1 i'm sorry maxie, next photo dump i promise! 

heidiberger ok yeah, we get it, you model for vogue now give the rest of the world some of the good looks pls and thanks 

valenciaperez heidiberger oh stop it will you you gorgeous woman?!

landonorris you look gorgeous mama! 

valenciaperez landonorris gracias hijo son

danielricciardo gorgeous lady. carlos is extremely lucky to have you 

valenciaperez danielricciardo thank you danny! and we're both lucky to have each other

sebastianvettel beautiful photos pequeño little

valenciaperez sebastianvettel thank you seb! missing you loads

fanofcarlosandvalencia ok miss vogue espana, i see you 

valenciaperez fanofcarlosandvalencia i see you too darling!

charlesleclerc wait, are you and carlitos married and none of us were told? 

valenciaperez charlesleclerc oh my gosh, no hijo! no, no, no! it was for a cover shoot with a wedding magazine! you would know if carlos and i were engaged before getting married! 

leclerc_pascale you look beautiful valencia 

valenciaperez leclerc_pascale thank you pascale! 

turning off her phone after liking and replying to the comments on her most recent post to instagram, valencia couldn't help the smile that enveloped her face. on her lap, her boyfriend carlos was resting atop, sleeping soundly after coming back from a gym session with his cousin and manager caco. it was during carlos' gym session that valencia had posted those photos and she had never been happier in her life. the couple were back in madrid for three weeks off before they would leave for the austin grand prix at the cota (circut of the americas) race track. but right now, looking at her sleeping boyfriend, valencia could only think about how calm and happy her life had become since breaking up with her ex and getting back together with carlos. her hands combing through his fluffy hair which made the spaniard smile slightly in his sleep, knowing it was his girlfriend's hands. carlos had never been happier either, since he had bagged valencia for the second time but knowing that it would be the last time he'd have to get her back ever again. 

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you and he was waiting there for her and, carlos finally got his girl back safe and sound.

fin

fuuuuck, rewriting this was a lot but, we got there at the end! the ending was shit but i wanted to include the last lyric of the song somewhere and that's where it went. and yes, not only did i have two online vogue articles but i also had an instagram post in the end because why the fuck not! anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot! 

[decay-as-a-life-form]

ok so i am very anti-military but thank you to the soldier who protected us from the high/drunk guy in the tram who spewed some queerphobic shit, saw us in pride-parade gear, came up to us and “mimic” punched a few of us (like,,, fake punching but he was SO close to hitting one of us in the face. guy had some serious mommy issues as well. real quote from him(paraphrased and translated): “my mom never allowed me to celebrate that kind of thing. why are they allowed to celebrate that and i am not?” but also things like “i am not gay, i hit my wife. and my children, too, i’m not gay, i swear.”)

[lolli-says-stuff]

Hello I need help I’m looking for one specific aro coded song and I don’t know any complete lyrics or who sang it or anything anymore I just remember that it was about not being sad about being alone when you see couples or hear couples fight. It could be interpreted as a song about someone who witnessed an abusive relationship but also about being aro. If anybody knows what I’m talking about pls help

[thunderc1an]

red fur.

[stfulara]

all this fiasco around 'it ends with us' has made me lose the love I had for Blake Lively- dude branding a movie abt DV as the romcom of the year is just sick and twisted and promoting your new brand instead of actually taking about the issue what are we 2???? lol they even mean girl-ed Justin Baldoni who actually wants to talk about the real issue here- and there's this deadpool x wolverine x it ends with us drama

the fact that young adults would actually romanticize this shitshow is so disheartening, normalizing domestic violence is NOT OKAY

[blitzwhore]

I'm certain this has been pointed out before, but...

“Lust shouldn't be about force.”

“Oh! No! Never. NEVER that.”

When Stolas said he would never do that to Blitz, he really meant it. After all, he knows intimately well what it's like to be forced.

[furiousgoldfish]

It doesn't matter if they only lift a hand on you once. You still knew they were capable of it from that day on. You knew they could do it again anytime, and with this knowledge, you knew you had to go out of their way to please them, obey them, make sure they never get angry or upset, only to protect yourself from possible violence. It set you up for a life of fear, for the potential that you live in a violent place and your actions alone could change it from temporary peace to violent assault.

Even if they only threatened violence, they were telling you they were capable and willing! They were telling you 'Do as I say, or I will assault you'. You had to face the possibility that you live with people who would cause you pain to force you into actions against your will. You were forced to live in anticipation of violence, change your behaviour to actively try to prevent or avoid it. You had to make it your responsibility to prevent being assaulted in your own home. You had to live wondering when and if they were going to do it, or do it again. Since the moment they did it or threatened it, you were not safe. You lived with people you knew wanted to hurt you.

[mariaiscrafting]

Jack responded, here are some key points:

He stands with Shelby 100%

Although he has his own experiences with abuse, he never experienced anything with Wilbur

He finds it upsetting to see people online speculating about if he had been abused, too

This came as a big shock for him and he likely won't say anything more on the subject in the future

Here's the link to Women's Aid that he provided in chat: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

[oversensitiveandoffputting]

Upon my umpteenth watch, I noticed another thing

We all know Stolas likes his romance books (girl, same), but throughout the first four minutes, he’s not holding it like it’s just another book. He’s holding it like he’s trying to protect it.

Blitz, in the middle of their fight, knocks it to the ground. He’s trying to get the book out of the way while he climbs on the table, sure, but he’s almost making a point, maybe even a subconscious one: you want me more than you want romance.

Stolas just picks the book back up but he clutches it close to his chest for the remainder of their fight.

It doesn’t look expensive. It’s not a first edition. It’s not signed by the author. It’s easily replaced. It’s a hardcover, so it’s not like Blitz damaged it by knocking it off the table. It looks like something I could pick up at Barnes & Noble for $29.99 (and unlike Stolas, if someone was knocking my book around, I’d start giving them head injuries with it. But I’m also not a prince with more money than I could ever spend in ten lifetimes).

And then I started to wonder…

Has Stella ever messed with his books? Has she ever ripped them up or threatened to destroy them or throw them out? Stolas’ two hobbies are reading and gardening. His plants can fight back (good for them) but his books can’t.

Has he ever opened his bedroom door to see his favorite books torn apart? Has he ever tried to throw something away and seen whatever he was reading stuffed down in the trash? Has he ever taken a swim and noticed a waterlogged book at the bottom of the pool?

We’ll likely never know every gory detail of how awful Stella was to him. He was chained to her for 18 years and I’m sure with the drinking, he doesn’t remember a good portion of it. But if she’s willing to rape him and hit him in the face where there’s evidence of her abuse? She’s willing to mess with his stuff. It’s another method of control. Another way to punish him for the crime of existing.

[the-lovely-planet-earth]

I hate how beating up children to the point of drawing blood is still a prevent form of punishment in india and a common experience many people including me have gone though. You're not really teaching anything by doing that. You're only breeding fear and trauma and abusing your power and just causing a cycle of generational abuse and domestic violence. The adult women, all mothers including my own, literally laugh while sharing stories about how they beat up their kids in brutal ways I can't even recount here as a way to 'teach them a lesson'. Beating up kids DOES equal to child abuse and its time to normalize saying that.

[ianthine-ichor]

I had an ask for this story but it was sadly eaten by the Tumblr gods 😔

So for the anon who asked for John Price x Reader who comes to him years later after a bad breakup because they are in danger, this one's for you!

John Price x Reader ~ All I Have is You

Summary: You come running back to John years after a nasty break-up in hopes of finding some help out of a horrible situation.

Word count:: 6.5k

Tw in tags

John's life could never be simple. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many loose ends he pulled together by the skin of his teeth. There always managed to be something he let lay dormant, something he let fall to the wayside just long enough for it to maybe even slip his mind. And damn near every time it did, it came back with a vengeance.

However, of all the things he knew would come back to haunt him, you were what he expected least of all.

He had believed you a long dead part of his life, a piece of himself better numbed in alcohol than thought about. A face he'd spent endless nights trying to forget the smile of, endless partners failing to take your stead. He'd long since conceded to that aspect of himself being buried, hardly remedied by the ‘I love you’ that would fall from whoever had been his most recent escape from the icy cold of his bed.

But then, on a day like any other in this silent little place he'd given up trying to make feel like any sort of home, he'd opened the door to your unmistakable features.

He didn't know what to feel in the years of silence that seemed to pass. His mind and muscles tore themselves apart trying to find what reaction seemed appropriate. A part of himself didn't believe it, a similar part almost reached out to hold you, and another felt infuriated. He wasn't sure if it was because even so close you felt like light years away or if it was because he wanted to slam the door in your face for daring to ever come back. And for a moment, however small, he seriously considered the latter of the two.

But then you spoke. And suddenly whatever amount of spine had led him to the thought melted like butter.

“I need to talk. I know I have no right to ask but…” you paused, your voice softer than he thinks he's ever heard you speak. There might have even been a quiver in it, but he could hardly believe such a sound could come from the person who had once held together his broken pieces like you'd been solving him your entire life.

“I need your help” your chin raises and you meet his gaze, his skin flashing with the familiarity in how your eyes narrowed and your face snarled. It's hard to take your attempt at strength seriously with how feigned of an attempt it was. He says nothing and just the same he watches as you crumble. Your eyes avert, your hands twitch, your body leans away from him.

He hardly recognizes you.

But he steps aside all the same, a nod inviting you in as he keeps his vow of silence. You almost hesitate, but step in soon enough. Like a long lost ritual you kick your shoes off at the door, hanging your jacket and bristling as the light cold leaves your skin. He notes how you don't let him out of your sight but he can't tell why your eyes burn as much as they do.

Eventually he leads you to the kitchen. He wonders if you notice the empty frames. He wonders if you even care to look.

Like some twisted version of an old dream, you take your spot at the table where you used to sit. And before he even realizes what he's doing he's perking coffee, his eyes turning to you.

“Coffee?” He asks, but he isn't even sure why he does. Looking at you would be enough of an answer. You looked like you hadn't slept in months. You nod anyway.

He pretends to forget how you make your coffee. Out of spite? Anger? Frustration? It doesn't matter. He simply couldn't find the energy to put into someone whose presence made his heart find an old pace that left him biting his tongue at the bittersweet taste. Either way you get your coffee and he somehow finds the energy to sit across from you.

“You wanted to speak. Speak” his words come out harsher than he means them yet he doesn't find regret settling in his chest. Only minor annoyance as he watches you almost recoil from him, your drink pulled to your chest. Your eyes seem to search around for a moment, as if the words you needed so badly to speak would simply appear in front of you. He remembers how he used to find it sweet and can only react by biting his tongue harder.

“You haven't changed much” you begin. He can't help the grimace he shows as the annoyance in his chest grows. He catches how you straighten up under it.

“And you have” he answers back. You say nothing for a long moment and he isn't sure if he offended you or not. But he watches as you take a deep breath, your face hardening in a way he doesn't like.

“I know this isn't exactly…great for you. But it isn't for me either-”

“Why’d you leave?” the words slip out of his mouth before they had even been a thought in his head. Yet where he expected a look of anger or annoyance of your own, you only pause. And soon after, your look manages to grow colder.

“Because you didn't love me anymore” you answer back succinctly, calmly. He feels rage bloom in his chest at the words.

“Bullshit” he mutters through gritted teeth. He doesn't catch the sudden grip you hold on your cup and the way you slightly shake. But other than that you don't break.

“I must have phrased that wrong” there's a tone in your voice, an inflection of something horrible on your tongue.

“You did a piss poor job of making me feel like I was anything other than your fucking bed warmer” your words fall like acid on him. They soak through his marrow and into his bloodstream and become him. And his body rejects it just as quickly.

“You knew the type’a job I had when you met me” his voice is low and restrained as he tries to hold himself back

“It had nothing to do with your work-”

“Well what the bloody hell did it have to do with then!?” He stands, his hands slamming on the table as you immediately flinch away.

“Sit-!” You yell almost instinctively, the only thing he catches is the sudden terror in your tone. You take a stilted breath before speaking again.

“Sit down…please” your voice is much calmer but it does a horrible job at hiding the hitch in your voice or how your subtle shaking suddenly isn't so subtle. The strange demeanor stuns him for a moment, long enough for his flash of frustration to cool back to a simmer. There's a horrible feeling that crawls up his spine at your reaction, this gnawing, biting disgust that rips through him in a way he can't quite explain. He listens despite its elusive source or how he hates the way your eyes are locked on his every movement.

A horrible quiet passes that only further smothers the flames that had grown in his chest. You both hardly took any sips of your coffee as you seemed focused on your breathing and he was focused on loosening the sudden tightness of his muscles. Soon enough he spoke again, though he wasn't about to attempt that conversation again, as unsatisfied as he was by your answer.

“Why are you here?” He asks and this time he finds that his voice is weaker than he'd have liked it; betraying the words that he had meant to sting.

Yet despite that, he watches as your breath pauses and your grip tightens. How had you managed to grow even more tense?

“I don't have anyone else left” you answered, your eyes finally missing him, flickering away for what was barely a single moment. In spite of how hard he fought against it the painful beating in his chest left him worried. He tried not to show it. He hoped he hid it well enough for you not to notice.

The silence seemed to get to you. That or his stare had. Either way you continued.

“I just need somewhere to stay. Just a few months. I’ll figure it out by then and be gone. Just long enough to get some cash together” you try to explain and finally he spots something familiar in you. But it is not a part of you he once knew that he sees. No, he spots something else.

“You’re running from something” he interjects at his realization, your movements freezing at his accusation. You don't seem shocked so much as worried. He hated that you would ever even try to hide the fact from him.

“Yeah um…I am- but it's- it's complicated okay? I just need somewhere to stay-”

“Is it someone?” He questioned, your words lips closing into quiet once more. It stings a strange part of his soul that you seemed so unwilling to tell him outright.

“...It doesn't matter” you finally speak and he hides how his fists tighten. He hates that he cares at all. He hates that he can't help it.

Your plea for shelter lingers in the air for moments longer than either of you cared for. You couldn't handle the quiet of that for long.

“I don't have much, but I'll give you what I can. I'll get a job and pay you back I-”

“No” he shut you down immediately. Your face fell, the desperation of your gaze fixed on him.

“You can stay and I don't need your money” he clarifies and despite the lack of smile, your relief is more than visible.

“Thank you. I promise I'll be gone as quickly as I can get everything in order” you try to instill any sort of confidence that you would be of little bother, that he would hardly notice you here at all.

He couldn't help but feel his stomach fall to his feet at the words.

-

The first month you stayed had been…surreal, to say the least. For the most part the two of you did pretty well with avoiding each other. For moments of the day he would even wonder if that had been some weird fever dream. You? At his door? After so long? It all just felt so strange. Stranger yet that the circumstances were all but ideal. He thought about asking further, about pushing for what it was that led you here and why you had even been running in the first place. But he found that his tongue nearly died in his mouth every time he saw you around. It almost didn't feel real.

And despite the cold that still ran up his spine, the emptiness that found refuge in his chest, the blood that sat heavy in his veins; despite it all…

You still felt like home.

Yet you were still so far out of reach. Words seemed like complicated equations, conversations like rocket science. His words never left the way he wanted them to, his tone always the wrong amount of harsh. And with the way your eyes tracked his presence when he was around, almost unwavering from him…it all just felt so hard to explain. Something had changed, of course it had. It had been years since you two had last seen each other and it had hardly ended on good terms. Still, there was something so wrong here. Something in the way you ever so slightly leaned from him, or the way your eyes flickered to the closest door, or how it all seemed so familiar in a way that wasn't like home. In a way that was more like the warzones he'd grown so accustomed to.

And he could just see it, that fight in your eyes. That twitchiness that you had never had around him before. And he couldn't help but wonder why. Why. Why. Why. Why. What were you fighting and why did it almost feel like it was him?

It was horrible, the way that question had finally been answered.

The front door had slammed open, startling him from the dinner he had been making and setting every one of his senses aflame. It slammed shut before he had even made it to the hall and when he had he could hardly bring himself to swallow the scene.

You stood pushing on the door like it would hold damn near the whole world at bay. With how violently you were shaking he almost wished it would. Your hiccups and sniffles filled the air as you tried and failed about a hundred times to turn the lock. Your clothes were disheveled, your jacket gone and your shirt caked in dirt and…

No, no that wasn't…

“Y/n?” He hardly even remembered opening his mouth before your name fell out. Quiet and worried in a way he hadn't meant to show.

When your head snapped to him all of his insides twisted in a sickly mess. Features he remembered days of leaving soft kisses on were now warped by deep bruises and bleeding wounds. Your eyes wide and glossy, your skin a mix of blood and tears. Your breath had hitched as if any movement would turn him against you. He couldn't help but feel worse at the notion. He moves. Just one simple step closer.

And suddenly it's as if a dam breaks. Your murmuring words he can't understand, a panic on your face he hadn't seen in all of the time he's known you. You yell and thrash and he can't tell if you even know what you're doing, he can't tell if you even see him anymore. His body almost acts on instinct as he quickly grabs the nearest cloth near him before making his way to you. He places the cloth in your hand, your body flinching in a way that makes him hesitate a moment before he guides you to cover your bleeding nose.

“You gotta breathe” he mutters, no longer attempting to cover the look of confused worry that covers him. You seem to try, but a bloody nose makes that a little difficult. In the meantime he guides you to the bathroom, sitting you down as he fishes out a medkit. You stop talking altogether at that point, going eerily silent.

And it stays that way as he wipes away the blood and around deeply forming bruises. It stays as he cleans the wounds and makes sure your nose isn't broken. It stays when the peroxide hits your skin and when the bandages cover them. It's a horrible, false silence. A silence so loud his ears ring, though that could have just as well been the adrenaline leaving his veins. For a while he's fine with it, for a while it's better than the terror-filled panic, for a while it's better than the way you stared and twitched and sobbed.

But then you get a look in your eye. A dangerous look. A look he's seen too many times in his line of work. And suddenly the quiet isn't so safe anymore.

“Still with me there?” He asks in an attempt to gain your attention. To his relief your eyes flick to him and nod. He doesn't quite like how quickly they had turned cold again. In fact he's sure he hates it.

“What happened?” He finally asks and watches how the distant look in your eyes dissolves. Your lips quiver as you try desperately to hold onto a calm that wasn't coming. Your hands grip tightly onto a bloodied paper towel in your hands.

“I-” your voice cracks and you clear your throat. Your eyes avoid him like a simple glance would kill you.

“It's complicated I-” the panic in your voice rises again.

“I have to go- John I have to go-”

“Now hold on” his hand lands on yours, your body tensing under his touch. He can't help but feel sickened at the thought of you scared of him.

“Whatever happened, I promise it's safe, alright? No one's getting in here. You're safe. Just…” he pauses for a moment, his eyes showing his hesitation before he, as gently as he's ever done anything in his life, he places your hand to his chest. Your fingers flatten against him, familiar and comforting, as he lets out a deep breath.

“Just breathe” he almost pleads, something he finds himself regretting almost immediately. Yet despite feeling that he was doing a horrible job, it seemed to calm you all the same. Much to his relief you managed a few deep breaths, your hand still pressed on his heartbeat that he forced to slow.

He is surprised, after all of this, to hear a faint laugh fall from your lips. Quiet and saddened yes, but a laugh nonetheless. And he couldn't have felt more ridiculous than at that moment.

“What?” Or perhaps it seems he could, his dumbfoundedness not hidden in the tone of his voice. It isn't hard for you to wipe the smile from your face, if it had even really been a smile at all.

“Nothing I just…I remember when I had to do this for you” your tone is bittersweet.

“I never thought I'd be on the other side” your voice is breathless and strained, a certain feeling behind it he couldn't quite place. He finds himself snickering along as the once painful memory hits him. He would agree. He never imagined someone strong enough to pull him back to reality could ever need him to do the same.

“Yeah…world's got a fucked up way of making circles” he replies and you give a half-hearted attempt at agreement. And it seems that a moment too soon you pull away and he feels almost as if you take his heartbeat with you.

“Yeah…Yeah, it does…” you murmur, a sentiment far too true found in the quiet whisper. There is almost silence until you speak again.

“I'm sorry” the apology falls in a way not meant to ever leave you. The sound was as sorrowful as seeing a bird stripped of its wings. An act against nature, a horrible twisting of what should be.

“I’m sorry” you break again, though this time you don't shatter so much as you crumble. And he knows then that those words aren't for him. That he hated how they sounded coming from you, how they weren't what he wanted, how he could only wish you'd take them back so that he didn't have to feel the hole in his chest trying to carve its way through his skin.

And how useless he felt then, sat in front of your broken state knowing that you had once done the same with him. How utterly and completely he knew that there was nothing he could do to wipe this looming, horrible terror that was held so deep in your eyes he could only see a warped reflection of himself in them.

And he simply couldn't handle it. He felt weak, hopeless, useless. But what was there to do? He had never seen you so truly pained, he had only ever known the other side of this situation.

So he did the only thing he could. He pulled you close, slow and cautious, before the both of you crashed into one another. Hands that had twitched at his mere presence now held him as tightly as the shirt on his back. As if, should you let go, you'd be cast adrift again into the crimson rapids. And he could only hold just as tightly, hoping that if he just held on tight enough that the falling parts of you would stay, that he might save even a single piece from the agony you were lost in a sea of.

You two stayed like that for a long while, hardly caring about that time that passed. At some point, so overtaken by the exhaustion of your endless bouts of tears and the near-death experience you'd just endured, you'd passed out in his arms.

And like some cruel twisting of a memory he held dear, he carried you to bed. He tried not to glance too much at your features, the cuts and bruises sending sickening waves through him, as he laid you down. He took a shaky breath as he covered you in a blanket, taking care to be quiet as he left the room.

In the absence of your presence there was only rage.

A fire unlike any he had felt struck him like lightning, a burning hatred at who could have ever done this to you. His feet moved but his mind was preoccupied with who and why and- god why didn't you just tell him what happened? What could have ever led to this?! What had you done? Who had you upset?

The thoughts plagued his mind as he set up his spot on the couch. Yet when the pillows had been laid and the blanket placed, he could not find it in himself to rest. He could only pace and snarl and burn with such a horrible feeling. How dare they. How dare they. How could anyone do this to you? To his-...

It was only those final words that managed to slow his thoughts, a sinking feeling resting in his chest.

Not his. You were not his. Not for a long while, not anymore…

But there was no hiding the fire in his skin. No denying how deeply he held you, how desperately he wished to never let go again. He could only curse whatever higher power could hear him. Curse them for ever doing this to either of you. Of ever letting him know your name.

It was a horrible pain to want so desperately to have you back, but there was no pain worse than you returning in broken pieces. Worse yet to know that, maybe, had he done things differently, you might not have left his arms to shatter against a world he could have protected you from. To know that he failed.

He lit a cigar with a shaky hand. He knew then that there would be no sleeping tonight.

-

Your eyes were heavy as they opened, protesting against your attempts to wake up. You thought, in your groggy state, that it might be better to never open them again, to give in to what they demanded from you. To close them a final time.

But it was only a passing thought in your utterly exhausted state. A whisper held at the back of your mind just waiting for the moment that it might scream itself into existence. But not today. Not now, at least.

And so you forced them open, a groan halfheartedly falling from your lips as you pushed away the comfort of infinite dark. You managed enough strength to sit up, regretting it almost immediately when a dull pain burned your side. You would have been confused, maybe even a little worried, if not for the returning throbs of the many cuts along your face and arms that swiftly and brutally remind you of yesterday.

So close. You had been so close to the end. You were lucky to have made it out alive. It was honestly a miracle you had.

Cornered, like an animal. You remembered the feeling well. Trapped right where you didn't want to be. It was like he could smell your terror as he bared his wolfish teeth in the warm street light. A wicked smile, one that scorched itself into an unhealthy scar upon you. Never to be forgotten, a thing of nightmares.

You had run as far as you could go, lungs empty and feet sore, your hands covered in the warmth of your own blood as you tried to hold even just a part of yourself together, to manage to escape through the skin of your teeth once more. You had done it before, but a second time was surely a test of fate.

You had been lucky, then, that a bus was passing by. It shouldn't have been there so late so far out of town. But by some higher being or just through the world's sick way of fucking with you it was. You had never been so relieved to be met with headlights in your life; you practically screamed in relief as you waved it down. Your hunter was as scared as a doe in them, slithering off into the shadows like the coward you knew him as. The driver, a woman in her forties, looked horrified at the state of you. But you had brushed off her panic and worry and told her to simply drive. You were thankful the bus was empty. You couldn't have handled anyone else's questions in your utter panic.

You had only been a five-minute drive from salvation, from the home you had long since abandoned, only to return to in your time of need. Five minutes.

He must have known. Someone might have told him or you might have mentioned John in one of your many pain-filled benders. It didn't matter. He knew where you were, and it seemed his patience had only grown thinner. You were sure now that he would not stop with breaking you under his iron grip, but utterly destroying you.

All at once these thoughts hit you, flooding your mind with panic and worry. You're breathing shallowed as your mind falls down this path, stopping only when the end of the memory comes to mind.

John…

You tried to move him from your mind, to rid yourself of the sinking feeling that came when you thought of how quickly he had jumped to help you, even after years of silence and weeks of ignoring each other. You try not to think of his attempts at gentle touch, calloused battle-worn hands not quite built for the kindness he was showing. You remove from your mind how he held your hand to him, how it seemed like no time had passed from when you left with how quickly he knew what would truly calm you. And most of all, you try to remove the feeling of his arms around you, desperate and worried and familiar and home. You try, as little as that means nowadays.

You deduce that sitting in silence isn't the best way to distract you from these things, and so you finally stand from the bed, noting only then that you don't remember falling asleep here. But you let that slip your mind as well. You prefer the static buzz of being busy over thinking too much about any of this. It only made things harder.

So your feet moved without you, intimately familiar with the halls and doors and light switches. After all, it had been your home, once upon a lifetime ago.

You hardly stagger as you make your way to the kitchen, accustomed to the constant lull of pain in the back of your mind. A whisper of its own, and one you realized it better to ignore.

You are close to allowing the static buzz to take over, close to numbing and leaving your brain on autopilot. Close to the preferable numbness. So very close. But upon taking a step into the kitchen, you are met with a sight so twistedly familiar you are shocked back into yourself.

John sat at the table, two plates laid out and coffee poured. A quaint scene, an old one. A memory from a different time, faded and aged and different in ways that leave you sick. Because he didn't stare with the complete adoration of a man in love, nor did his eyes avert, distracted and tired, as they had on the day you had left him here. But instead they tear through you. Locked on you the second you entered. It amazed you how his eyes of crystal blue, so similar to that of a frozen storm, could burn through you so easily.

You think for a moment that this is it. That he's going to kick you out with only a final meal and that you are going to be thrown to the starved wolf you knew lurked just outside. You prepared yourself to plead, to apologize, to ask for any bit of mercy he might show you. After all, you had lost your dignity a long time ago, and it wouldn't be the first time you had begged for your life.

But then, as if the elements of himself collided, the fire in his eyes cooled to a warm glow. Soft and familiar and warm, warm, warm.

You almost wished then that he'd return to his fiery glare.

“Sit, love” It isn't a command as much as a quiet plea, his voice is soft and calm and maybe even worried, a rare combination for him. It's a sound so foreign now that you almost don't trust it. His expression falls further as you hesitate.

“I just wanna talk” he tried to explain, to give you any reason to trust him. It works, though only barely. You take a hesitant seat across from him.

The smell of the food hits your nose and only then do you realize you hadn't eaten last night. The waft of coffee only seems to make things worse as it reminds you of how tired you are.

“We can eat first” you can't tell if it's a question or a statement, but either way you take the opportunity. You were too weak to deny how much you needed this right now. You would regret it later, you were sure, but for right now you would allow yourself this small indulgence.

And so it was quiet, absent the sound of forks hitting plates. Quiet in a way that you weren't sure if you liked or despised. You wondered if it even mattered.

It was a few bites in and halfway through your coffee that he spoke again.

“I saw a butterfly this morning” his words cut the silence in a way that baffles you out of the static once more. Out of your head and your thoughts and the sinking feeling in your chest.

“Oh?” You respond almost too naturally, almost too much like you used to. If it weren't for the heaviness in your voice, you might have even forgotten that this wasn't like it used to be.

“Yeah. Should’ve seen it. It had all your favorite colors” his words are almost light in spite of the tense atmosphere and, despite it all, it manages the smallest smile from you.

“I’m sure it was beautiful” you reply and watch as the look on his face changes. You can't quite read it, a strange softness is all you can take from it. But there never fails to be that lingering sadness there. That worry. That pain you can't quite bring yourself to address. And so you look away, your eyes turned down to your food once more.

The silence that follows threatens to suffocate the two of you, drown you in this horrible replication of better times, and punish you for daring to seek even this small comfort. And so, knowing that there is only one way this will go, he finally asks.

“What happened last night?” You feel your throat tighten almost immediately, not daring to pick up your fork when the weight of that question falls atop you. You find it hard to give him an answer, let alone one that might satisfy him.

“I…It’s…” you struggle and hope that maybe you might just disappear, that maybe all of this was some horrible nightmare you'd wake from. But as seconds passed it became clear it wasn't. Clearer still that you had to give him an answer after what he'd seen.

“It's complicated” you try to explain but you knew the moment the words fell that they wouldn't be enough. You think that maybe he'll be angry at this, that he'll slam the table like he had before and demand a better explanation. But a glance shows that his expression only deepens in its worry.

“Then explain it to me” he pleads once more. It was a rare day he ever pleaded, begged, or even so much as asked for something. Rarer yet that it's genuine. Your mouth goes dry and silence remains. You can't bring yourself to look at him.

“Love-” his hand reached for yours and the contact shocks every nerve in your body. You flinch away from him, regretting it a moment later when his worry turns to pain on his face. He retracts his hand with the most hesitance you've ever seen from him; a man so usually sure of himself.

“I just need to know what's happening. I-...” he falters, another rare sight. He takes a shaky breath.

“I won't hurt you” those words come out stronger than the rest, as truthful as he could have possibly made them. And, despite its softness, it seems to tear apart the very walls you had built to keep you safe.

But safe from what, exactly? When the wolf lays outside, and this place is your final sanctuary, what does that make him? You weren't quite sure, but somehow you knew that whatever this was, it felt…well it felt familiar at least. A devil you knew well enough to find some comfort in the warmth of.

Your head turns away, arms held against you in a pitiful attempt to comfort yourself. You think, for a moment, that you might run from here. That you might leave everything behind in the wake of the words that threaten to leave your tongue.

But he wants the truth. And who are you to deny him it? It couldn't make things much worse than they already are.

“Where do you even want me to start?” You ask him, voice hollow and cold and empty. There was no more of yourself to give than a story. You wondered if the sacrifice would even matter.

“Wherever you need to” he answers back, his shoulders squared: tense. You had half a mind to comfort him, but you doubt it would've helped. So, with a deep breath that does very little to calm your nerves, you finally answer him.

“When I left I didn't want to start over, but I didn't want to see you again either. So I moved a few towns over” you started, your voice detached from yourself, like it came from someone else entirely.

“A few months later I met someone. He had been so kind at first. Loving, attentive. He made me feel like I existed in the world again. Made me feel wanted” your words murmur and a snarl forms, even talking about it makes you sick.

“I was stupid, blinded, didn't pay attention. Didn't care, really…” you pause, your hands indenting into your skin as if to keep you where you sat, as if to stop you from fading from here.

“I married him” your words come out much more mournful than you mean to, your snarl nothing more than a quivered lip now. You had married that monster.

You didn't have to glance at John to know the look on his face. Anger, rage, a twisted form of jealousy. It was a knife to his back, you imagine, that you might have married another man before he had ever put a ring on your finger. But you weren't quite sure you cared anymore. After all, it wasn't you who had been so cold to him those final days you were together.

“I didn't realize who he was until then. He'd always been…rough. Arrogant, quick-tempered, prone to violence. But I guess I just thought that he wouldn't ever treat me like that. That I was different. That he loved me” your words shake and you do your best to pull those broken strings together. To steel yourself. To not be so pathetic.

“I was wrong…” you allow yourself the pain of those three words and in so scar your heart further as you admit it. He had never loved you.

“I tried to get away, I tried to start over again, but he wouldn't let me leave. I can't get a job without him finding me, can't get a place to stay, can't start over. I thought maybe if I came here, maybe if my name wasn't on anything, maybe if I was careful enough then I could figure it out…I was wrong about that too” you curse yourself when tears sting at you. You do your best to hide it, to disappear in front of his own eyes. But there was only so much you could do. Hiding from him had never been your strong suit.

John feels…well he doesn't quite know. A mixture of everything horrible, he thinks. He can't stand how your eyes avoid him as the words fall, how with each passing word he can only find regret. Regret that he hadn't held you closer, that he hadn't kept you safe. And he hates that the consequences don't fall to him, that he wasn't the one burned, that instead he watches you crumble and break and shatter. He had loved you, he had always loved you. That hole in his heart, that void you filled. Ripped from him and torn apart as swiftly as a flower in a stormy ocean. He hardly had the mind to blame you anymore, hardly had the heart to. He could do nothing but blame himself and the cruel creature he could hardly call human. The one who had dared to lay a finger on you. The one he could imagine tearing apart with his bare hands.

There are questions that circle his brain, words that travel from the top of his head and almost meet his tongue. ‘What’s his name?’ ‘Where can I find him?’ ‘How long had this been happening?’ ‘Why hadn't you said something sooner?’

He lets out a shallow breath, his eyes closing in thought for only a short moment before he stands. The sound of the chair startles you into watching him once more. His steps are slow, and deliberate, as they make their way towards you. You lean away for a moment, as you had since you'd gotten here, but it calms as you watch him. His movement is predictable; safe.

And soon, just as slow and just as softly, his hands fall on your face as they had hundreds of times before. Calloused but warm, a softness he only ever found with you. He is gentle along your bruises, careful with them. You can't look from him now, eyes searing through him. But he had nothing to hide, and so he stared back.

“We're gonna figure this out” he speaks to you, words like comforting slashes against your soul in how they tear your emotions from you. Your attempts to hide were all but vain now, tears falling freely and only barely held from a sob. Your breaths shake as your eyes close into the comfort, hands falling onto his as if he might just slip away. He presses a kiss, hesitant yet desperate against the crown of your head.

“He ain't ever hurting you again” his words are a promise as he mumbles them against your skin before placing his head against yours. You make no attempt to pull away, instead finding that a broken smile falls on your lips, one of utter relief. Somehow you find a will to speak.

“I missed you”

-

Potential part two? Maybe? Probably? Definitely?

[torchflies]

*Little blurb about Jake’s terrible childhood and the five siblings he raised on his own. It might become a series 😉*

“Ness Seresin is born on Caddo Lake, split between Texas and Louisiana.

He comes a month too early.

(Or, a brief look into the childhood of Jake Seresin, who wasn't always Jake, and the five kids he raised).”

[pompadorbz]

For those who are not in Philza's public discord server, he shared a statement there:

This is also a reminder to everyone to once again give your full support to Shelby, Niki, and any other victims involved! They are what matter most in these situations!

[hope-ur-ok]

The swiftie mood really has just become "disappointed but not surprised" huh

[ashintheairlikesnow]

I'm suddenly thinking about the trope when characters end up inside their loved one's memories...

If Jake passed through the memories of the sleeping rescues, plus Nat and Kauri, whose would he be most surprised by? Which would most upset him?

Which memory would Kauri be most worried about him stumbling on and watching as if it's happening all over again?

I realise this is a bit convoluted so no worries if you're not feeling it as a question!!

I think Kauri would worry the most about Jake seeing that he genuinely loved Owen, and would have happily stayed his pet forever if Owen hadn't been abusive emotionally and physically, and that even then it wasn't the existence of abuse that made Kauri desperate to escape, but the escalation of it and his realization that Owen was going to kill him one day, no matter how good he was and how well he played the part.

He would be - and often is - ashamed of other people realizing that Kauri had very real stars in his eyes for a while. Owen was sweet and funny and kind compared to the Facility, and Kauri found himself head over heels quickly. It took a while for the occasional tempers to turn into terror. It took far longer for the terror to erode the love.

And, even worse in Kauri's mind, would be Jake realizing Kauri still loved Owen when he ran from him. He escaped Owen with a heart still wholly committed to 'if only' with the same man who nearly choked him to death. Kauri feels a lot of shame about that, even more than he does about his use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate his trauma (and untreated ADHD). He would hate for Jake to see how he really felt.

As for a specific memory... probably any of the times he and Owen were honestly happy. He doesn't think Jake would get it. He would be wrong - Jake, as the adult child of a man who put his mother in the hospital a half-dozen times and put Jake himself in the hospital twice and bruised him badly enough to be kept from school to make it less obvious a dozen times more, completely understands. But I don't think Kauri fully understands that.

Jake would be surprised by how naive Nat was when she took the job at WRU and how little she had understood what she was being employed to market. He would be surprised by kind people were to Kauri, too - how often Kauri was desperate and scared only to have some stranger who could have done him harm choose to be kind instead.

As for others... he would not so much be surprised as seeing Antoni's time with Mr. Davies and the realization that Antoni left the woman behind in his chance for escape and feels unending guilt knowing she almost certainly died because of him... it would make Jake understand him much better.

He would be surprised that Jameson and Nanda were so happy, too. He would never believe that, not really, without seeing it for himself. Jameson doesn't strike him as someone who is ever happy about anything. He would be totally caught off-guard by how soft Jameson could be, before he was ground into the bitterness he wears like armor now.