#living with abusers

[furiousgoldfish]

It doesn't matter if they only lift a hand on you once. You still knew they were capable of it from that day on. You knew they could do it again anytime, and with this knowledge, you knew you had to go out of their way to please them, obey them, make sure they never get angry or upset, only to protect yourself from possible violence. It set you up for a life of fear, for the potential that you live in a violent place and your actions alone could change it from temporary peace to violent assault.

Even if they only threatened violence, they were telling you they were capable and willing! They were telling you 'Do as I say, or I will assault you'. You had to face the possibility that you live with people who would cause you pain to force you into actions against your will. You were forced to live in anticipation of violence, change your behaviour to actively try to prevent or avoid it. You had to make it your responsibility to prevent being assaulted in your own home. You had to live wondering when and if they were going to do it, or do it again. Since the moment they did it or threatened it, you were not safe. You lived with people you knew wanted to hurt you.

[violetsandshrikes]

I met a girl when I was fresh out of high school in undergrad who frankly, annoyed me quite a bit, but I also had an inkling to continue to be compassionate to her given a few things about her life/background/family

I ran into her two years ago. Last week, her daughter turned 1. This girl, let’s called her “P”, is a really good example of why I never feel comfortable mocking trad wives

Her perfect trad husband, who was a shining young figure in the local religious community, volunteered in all sorts of groups, well loved in his workplace and everything else, beat her up at 1 month post-partum. I reached out to her after seeing her desperately asking for a stroller on a page, confused and slightly concerned knowing both of them came from wealthy backgrounds.

The reality for lots of tradwives living “perfect lives” is this: P was immediately ostracised. All the wealth of her husband and her family meant absolutely nothing if she wasn’t in favour and doing what she was told. Her child and her well-being didn’t matter. P, at 25 years old, was basically deemed an oopsie, and left on her own to figure out how to pay for herself, a baby, find housing, and every other task you can think of.

Having known many of these women (and supported many of these women), another factor most people don’t consider is this: they are intentionally raised to be helpless. When I immediately offered my support to P, she really needed it. This young woman needed to be guided through how to apply for government assistance, how to weigh up rentals and apply for them, how to apply for jobs, how to sign up for childcare. How to sign up for your own power and internet, and how to connect them.

It wasn’t that she was “stupid”, or incapable, or spoiled. While it looks like they’re being sheltered, in reality, these women are practically being held hostage. Sure, they might be allowed to learn things that are expected of them (see: basic cooking, baking, cleaning, child rearing, women’s bible studies, hosting, and so forth) but they are heavily controlled from family life into marriage life, and they are never given the opportunity or the reality of what many of us would consider basic adult tasks.

She’s doing okay now. Her daughter turned 1, is happy and healthy. They live frugally, but they have a roof over their heads and the essentials. I often babysit for her so she can attend counselling, or go to a woman’s support group. She is painfully aware that she has so much to learn about how to live as an adult.

I don’t envy tradwives, but I don’t find any joy in mocking them either. Even when they live the most picturesque lives, they’re also practically living a real life Jenga game. If (and often, when) it comes tumbling down, they’re screwed too, and they often have 0 skills to help themselves or find community (that again, isn’t carefully curated).

[chloesimaginationthings]

The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..

[star-anise]

I really wonder if trauma theorists who say things like "Humans are the only animal that will be in a fright state when physically safe" or "the rest of the animal kingdom doesn't get PTSD" have ever, like

Do you think they've actually ever met an animal?

[apollos-olives]

before october 7th this blog was a meme page btw.

[schizopositivity]

It's so frustrating that I'm only seeing more and more lobotomy jokes. Especially "live, laugh, lobotomy" merch.

You are making fun of the torture of disabled people. People with intellectual disability and severe mental illness brutally had parts of their brain severed or killed. Many people died from this. We can never know the true impact because the people who endured this were not the same after.

We shouldn't be bringing this up in any lighthearted way. This was a tragedy, and we should be showing basic human respect to the victims. I don't think anyone can "reclaim" it and no one should want to. Please treat it with the severity and respect you would to any other mass tragedy from history.

[rainywhispersblog]

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.

[nemosopenletters-blog]

I just want to be important, too.

[its-simply-just-krys]

anonymous ; found on pinterest

[uncanny-tranny]

"Treatment" for addiction that requires you to lock up, confine, coerce, or otherwise strip addicts of their autonomy, it isn't treatment. It is a revenge fantasy that prioritizes your desire for subjugation over the actual betterment of addicts.

[dragonheartstring360]

can’t emphasize enough how when you grew up in a toxic environment, being in the room with someone who’s angry or frustrated - even if it has nothing to do with you - is absolutely terrifying cuz you’ve been 1000% conditioned to assume frustration = all hell is going to break lose and be aimed directly at you

[furiousgoldfish]

I think there's a deep kind of injury we get from spending such a big chunk of our life loving people whoa are abusive. Because we give our love and attention to them, we care not to hurt them, if they seem hurt we try to comfort them and make it better for them, if they need help we offer a hand, we even forget all of our feelings in order to prioritize theirs and try hard to make them happy.

But they do the exact opposite to us. They don't care not to hurt us, if we seem hurt they use it as an advantage to do further damage, if we need comfort they give us disgust, if we need help they humiliate and ridicule and shame us. They prioritize themselves to the point where we don't even exist except as a resource. And we get used to it. To the point where we don't know how any other type of love looks like. To the point where we don't even expect anything else.

And sometimes they go and do something so incredibly cruel to us, it feels like a betrayal. We work hard to protect these people from harm, we light ourselves on fire to keep them warm, we fight for them, we stand on their side. They then go ahead and push us into the worst pain we could possibly experience. It's shocking, disarming, almost unbelievable that anyone could do this, that anyone could be that cruel, and for no good reason at all. Having our love be returned with cruelty damages us permanently. We no longer even expect the same love back when we love someone, we are just hoping they won't turn around and damage us. If we get completely neglected but not actively attacked, we feel grateful!

And if someone later does even a tiny thing that hurts us, we start re-living every past instance where our love was returned with cruelty and the pain of it can crush us. We can't cope with the slightest injustice anymore because it's triggering, it's been so far over our limit we'd rather not have anyone in our life anymore than be betrayed over and over again. It makes us vulnerable and crushed by betrayal so much worse than the average person would feel it. Where we should get mad we feel broken, horrified and helpless.

[hajihiko]

It runs in the family

[welcometogrouchland]

♫ I do what I want/Crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun/I don't need anything from anyone ♫

(ID in Alt) you guys ever think about your own posts and get upset?? Anyway Damian Wayne I love you I'm so sorry your life is like that

[emacrow]

"Danny... you need to go to Frostbite now because something is wrong with your obsession.." by the creator/ema crow pt 1

The hissing began sounding like iron dragging on a chalkboard.

Jazz said, sighing at her half brother who held the 27th child he had in his arms, looking at her like she about to steal his otherworldly possession. She counted how many kids there were in the apartment before finding danny trying to put the kids to sleep.

Go to Gotham collage for space engineering he said, he'll be fine with his Protect/space obsession on being on prescripted medicine from Frostbite because having duel obsessions tend to go haywire in Gotham city and Clockwork warned Danny several times to take them on Time.

Six months in Gotham, and she visited him to see his apartment becoming an enforcement of an apartment full of liminals and children that Danny had rescued and kept in his haunt for 'safety'

Jazz doesn't wanna ask about the girl in the black Bat costume, missing a shoe, half limping/sneaking out the window as she pinches between her eyebrows.

Jazz knew something was up after danny stopped visiting Amity Park two months ago to the point that Tucker and Sam got concerned with the lack of texts responded.

The image of danny looking more like a giant elderitch spider banshee with 6 very long arms, 8 slit eyes spread across his body with a large mid section with sleeping three toddler strapped in over stretched baby sling, a couple kids giggling quietly and peeking their head out of from inside the overgrown long half black molding into silverly mane

At least this is a mild inconvenience than that one and last time watching that holocaust documentary nearly took 3 months and half to control without the constant overprotective, baby and fenton proofing everything in the Amity Park to the point of nearly mauling the undead out of Skulker after a few bad sentences spoken.

"Danny"

More hissing, and silent creeping backwards.

"Danny, you can't keep these children in here, didn't Pandora tell you that over obsessing could lead to imbalance again." Jazz said holding her hands up in a surrender way to show now fenton weapons in her hands.

Jazz had to think because this might take a while with the way Danny was throwing a fit..

How bad was gotham for danny to start kidnapping/rescuing children and babies?

Part 2 link here <-

[lilybug-02]

I will not let my stories die. Only end.