#mental stuff being. suspected bpd

[hisd1zzylynlyn]

I hate how it feels like my mental health leaks and ruins every little thing-

[vulnerablepoet]

“Do you hate me” ?

“Are you loosing interest in me”?

“Have you found someone better and replaced me”?

“Are you tired of me “?

Please tell me if that’s the case ….

Your silence

Your late replies

The way you’re acting

Only reacting not responding

You’re hanging out with others while constantly telling me “I’m busy “ or assuming that I’m without even asking me

It’s killing me …. I can no longer take it

Shit makes me suicidal

Why don’t you get it?!?!!

JUST LEAVE ME if you no longer want me

But don’t act like you do while constantly making me feel abandoned with your actions .

Im tired .

[glitter-stained]

Psychopathology in The Protector

So, I just realised I write stories about mental illness and do meta about it, but I haven't really talked about what's going on in my stories explicitly, so I figured it might be interesting to talk about what's going on on that front in The Protector (especially since I had gotten an ask about how to write dissociative episode, so I thought it'd be nice to talk more concretely about the link between writing and psychoanalysis meta). So of course, spoiler warning for the whole fic. Also, I wrote the story with all of my psychopatholgy headcanons and meta for the characters, but the meta only focuses on the parts explicitly shown in the story and for which I think there's stuff worth detailing, so if you're wondering "why doesn't Mia have CPTSD", "why doesn't Dick's pathological grief focus on his parents as well", they do, it's just not shown explicitly/enough in the story. With that said, let's get to it!

> So starting easy with Jason, about 60% of the point of the fic was writing about cptsd in the context of csa, so obviously he has CPTSD. In most of the fic, it expresses itself mostly with traumatic nightmares, panic attacks in the context of vivid traumatic flashbacks in which he thought he was back in the traumatic moment (ie waking up from the nightmares, the panic attack in the room with Tim and Steph, or the chapter 6 fight scene with Dick...) and of course that fight against Martian Manhunter where he voluntarily triggers a flashback to his death. Dude. But just because he has CPTSD like in canon doesn't mean it's expressed the same way! Here, the emphasis on the flashbacks and traumatic memories is much more intense (which has less to do with some fundamental change in his character and more to do with a ploy regarding reader empathy and the theme of taboo). However, when it comes to the "complex" part, the biggest change is that in canon, during his time as Robin, Jason grew to trust Bruce and consider himself as Bruce's son. Here, the whole point of the story is that their relationship is much more fragile: while Jason loves Bruce and sees him as his father, he very obviously never grows to fully trust him, and doesn't think of himself as Bruce's son/thinks Bruce regards him as such (as seen by him correcting himself after calling Bruce dad in the flashback in chapter 11). So while Jason's whole crisis is about a virulent devaluation of Bruce, I don't think it's fair to consider that this particular bpd criteria is fulfilled: this is based on false beliefs that are very stable and even logical regarding bruce and his worldview, that have literally lasted the whole 4 years since he met him (5 including the time he spent in a coma/dissociating). However, the identity crisis part is extremely salient, with Jason torn between the Robin and Red Hood identities (to the point of Duke suspects a jekyll and hyde type situation). The story as a whole puts so much emphasis on the concept of roles (hero, villain, victim, guardian, protector, avenger, etc.) in the context of trauma, as etiquettes that can give comfort and reassure our sense of control but fail to depict the true complexity of a situation. The most blatant example of this, imo, is the fight with Dick in chapter 6, where he goes from beating the shit out of Dick to cradling him gently upon realising Dick is having a traumatic flashback, because he immediately switches from "villainous enabling monster" to "victim, must be protected" as the two can't coexist in his mind. Around chapter 11 and through chapter 12, as a consequence of the final confrontation (and how badly he managed to retraumatize himself), Jason's dissociation symptoms go from something very hyperactived (fighting and flailing vividly in flashbacks, having panic attacks) to primarily hypoactivated, with an extremely absent attitude similar to the one in Lost Days (remember how we talked about the "catatonia" actually being a dissociative episode?) Because of the frequence and intensity of those episodes, and because I had a feedback loop in mind when I wrote them, I'd say they would warrant an additional Derealization/Depersonalisation Disorder diagnosis.

> Talking about Dick! Mostly the story focuses on his PTSD in regard to Catalina raping him while in shock after Blockbuster's death. Regarding his PTSD, aside from the flashbacks, our resident acrobat is also touch-averse and has nightmares. Because of his screwed up sleep schedule due to both the vigilant life and nightmares, he also experiences sleep paralysis, which tends to trigger flashbacks to the moment of his rape (mostly due to not being able to move and feeling a weight on top of him); the spiders are a mix of sleep paralysis hallucination and traumatic flashback. With time, this leads to him developing, not really a fully-fledged phobia but a clear, intense discomfort towards spiders in general.

> Bruce, Dick and Tim all have pathological grief. For Bruce and Dick, for the purpose of that story this grief is mainly focused on Jason (in chapter 2, Bruce sees Jason in the glass case and it's implied that he's been seeing him many times; Dick hallucinates Jason in chapter 3, and we're told that this is a setback as it hadn't happened in years). For Tim, it's a little more complicated: because of this AU's compressed timeline, our boy just lost, in rapid succession: his mom, Darla Aquista, Steph and his dad. He's not doing so great. But Tim's pathological grief is at the intersection with his ptsd (see: the mention of his nightmares in chapter 1). The limit between ptsd and pathological grief is already very blurry at times in the classification, but with the conjunction of the two it would be absurd to try and separate the two. And it's in the context of Tim's civilian identity being permanently attached to a kid that died and whose suit is displayed in the cave, so there's this constant stress and pressure of not failing, lest you end up like Jason, which completely haunts Tim with regard to his feelings of powerlessness at saving the people he's lost, hence why he's haunted by a dead Robin (with the caveat that Tim's view of Robin Jason was more positive than in canon, there's some mention of victim-blaming near the end but mostly Tim thought very positively of Jason due to him being Robin and the attachment to the symbol. This has nothing to do with particularities in their psychologies from the trauma or or anything, Tim's just a secondary character and I didn't have the space to focus on that since the story isn't about Tim, it's a topic that would have deserved more space and I didn't want to take space away from the central point of the story.) With Tim, we also see insomnia, fatigue and a perturbation of his usual life rythm as a result of that grief/ptsd. I also gave him food sensitivities, but that has nothing to do with the grief or trauma, it's just one of my hcs for Tim.

> With Cass, we see, again, other possible expressions of PTSD. We see her be haunted by what looks like a hallucination of herself as a little girl holding onto her victim's heart: sometimes traumatic flashbacks can look a lot like hallucinations (and lead to false psychosis diagnosis). We also see avoidance, which is really not something I see often mentioned when talking about ptsd, and yet avoidance of triggers plays a key role in how the disorder works. In chapter 11, Cass is already triggered by the situation as a whole and seeing Jason relieve his murder, faced with her powerlessness, induces emotions too intense, which she has to run away to evacuate in private; in chapter 12, it's mentioned that she avoids Jason for the same reasons. We also see the impact of the stress on her mood and social interactions, with her snapping at Barbara, beating up the punching bag, and all the anger she holds towards herself resurfacing as well as her anger towards Jason (which is more complex but involves a big level of projection.) It's also mentioned that her speech regresses in the months following the kidnappings. That's because in the timeline of this AU, Cass is at a moment where she's learnt how to speak, but it is not automatic yet: it still takes effort and focus for her to do. Because of this, it's much more sensitive to stress, and the exhaustion of being stressed out all the time, which is why she struggles more when recovering from the events of the story. She has little screen-time, but I do think her thought process during that does involve a rigidity and a dichotomy associated with her complex trauma, which is why Jason's general existence challenges her worldview and triggers her so much, in a mirror of Jason's crisis regarding Dick: there are the villains, who do terrible things and need to be punished/sent away, and there are the victims, who need to be protected, and she can't forget what he did (and what he made her think he did) that prove him a villain, and she can't stop her empathy and reading skills that prove he is a victim. Hence the crisis.

> Steph also experiences PTSD; while there's mention (in chapter 3) of the repetition of traumatic events causing CPTSD, the story focuses on the trauma from Black Mask and mostly on the "classic ptsd symptom" side. We have hypervigilance and panic attacks (in chapter 3), which is also why she attacks Tim before having taken her environment into account in chapter 4). We also see her avoiding her triggers with a lot of urgency; running away from the manor in chapter 12 is part of this, of course, but also her refusal to stay in rooms with closed doors in general (see her anger towards Ollie in chapter 9), and getting rid of her bedroom door entirely in chapter 12.

I think that's all for now, but I'll come back to this if other stuff occurs to me, feel free to ask if you have any questions!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I broke up with my partner for mot replying to me enough?

I, (15) and my partner Jam (placeholder, he/they 15 also) have been dating for about a month and a half. Jam has been really excellent at times, except for when he's. Not. I am a very vocal person, and text and send funny images that reminded me of him to Jam often every day. Oftentimes, though, they'll only reply with an emoji, a dry text like "damn" or not reply at all. I suspect myself of having BPD along with ADHD and being autistic, and when he doesn't reply I feel severely rejected and begin spiralling.

A while ago, I reached out to Jam and told them how this made me feel, and how I'd appreciate it if they put more effort into replying or reassured me more that he wasn't ignoring me it being rude on purpose. Jam replied with a huge message about how I was draining for him to talk to mentally, and how he thought if my mental health depended on his replying to my texts, we should take a break. (I never mentioned that my mental health depended on just him. This happens with my friends also.)

I, in turn was obviously a little stunned and asked for time to be alone and process, but a while later he ended up apologizing profusely and asking me to not leave him (which I had no intention of, I was processing what he told me)

After all this, Jam has now been a lot more distant and it feels like they don't want to even talk to me anymore. Some of the stuff that's changed is: they don't say good night or good morning, barely reply to my I love you texts, never compliment me, don't reach out unless I do first and even then it feels as though it's mostly for them to vent.

So, would I be TA if I told him I didn't want this anymore?

(I think it's also worth mentioning there was an event where he had given me permission to infodump about a topic I loved deeply, and wanted him to share in my enthusiasm. When I finished, they seemed disinterested and just kinda replied dryly, which sent me into an upset spiral.)

What are these acronyms?

[wisdom-devotee]

Hi there! I hope this doesn’t come across as rude in any way, shape, or form but I was hoping I could ask why you choose to worship both Lady Athena and Lord Ares? As they have similar domains. Is it because of a personal connection to both? Do they fulfill different roles in your life and your practice? Something else? I’m in a situation I’m finding stressful and I think hearing from someone who works with/worships them both and your reasonings would help me a lot, if you’re willing to share! I also apologize again if any of this is offensive, to you or to them.

Thank you for your time! <3

Not offensive at all! Thank you for the ask

Many deities have overlapping domains. Apollo and Aphrodite also have war domains, among other gods.

It is partly that I feel a connection to both Athena and Ares; Athena is the deity who aligns most with my beliefs, values, goals in life, etc, and She’s been in my life forever, before I started worshipping her. Ares was the first deity to ever reach out to me rather than me specifically deciding to worship him first, so that’s quite special.

But they also do fulfil quite different roles:

Athena helps me with academics mostly. Study skills, grades, essay writing, prevention of procrastination. I call on Her Hygenia epithet for mental health related stuff. Her craft aspects are helpful for creative motivation and inspiration. She inspires me to break the cycle, helps me to articulate things, boosts my self-esteem and also general religious research is usually devoted to Her if it isn’t related to a specific deity. Basically, I use Her craft and wisdom aspects more than Her war ones. I know that the idea of wisdom = academic is not exactly how it was viewed in Ancient Greece and that both that and the creative inspiration could be shown to Apollo instead, but He isn’t the one I felt a personal connection to, and that just goes to show again how much there is overlap in domains.

Ares is emotional regulation. I have (suspected) BPD so He’s helpful to pray to when I’m splitting, and He is quite fatherly towards me (which is a domain that could be Zeus instead, but again, connected with Ares first). I was a very angry child so that’s probably what made him feel closer to me. The emotional regulation with Ares is surprisingly not just anger though, I’ve cried to him about familial issues also. He can be quite motivational too, helps me have more energy.

There is also overlap, both fee very much political protest (Ares being the act itself, Athena being the technicalities and understanding of the thing being protested about) and they both help me with the confidence to stand up for myself.

[pokoinsides]

Yes, I'm gonna try to keep my promise and write the second part of the list of available characters in Traumatic Pasta AU >:0

I'm sorry for making you wait,but mostly I just haven't got any mood to finish it till the weekends.After this post I'm going to try to post at all more stuff,if it will be possible with my life battery<:)

Sooo...

(‼️TW: mentions of serious physical traumas,sexual abuse,child abuse,eating disorders,bullying‼️

🔪🪳 - Jeff the Killer:honestly,after the accident he became a little bit "curly"'ed,so,even in spite of getting his skin as pale as snow,his life literally started from the sheet of endless painful rounds: the poor one had gone nearly bald,his skin was dry and could crack from any wrong movement.Jeff woke up with pain and went to sleep feeling trapped inside of his own body.

After a few months of tormenting his mind with such an excuse of existence,being absolutely helpless without his family's care,Jeffrey got a visitor in form of Slenderman,who suggested him a deal: the poor boy would kill his entire family,and the faceless mf would make his life painless.

Jeff was thinking for a long time about the deal,but,afterall, decided to make a contract with Slender,not feeling like he could bear the pain anymore.

In this AU Jeffrey is in his early twenties and works as proxy for Slenderman.In some way the young man got literally immortal,but only because of Slenderman's will (it works in the way,that Slendyfucker not only keeps his mind under the control ,but also the whole organism,keeping the nerve endings numb and organs from getting purulent and hurt),so to keep himself from all unpleasant feelings of his own skin cracking and bleeding he has to kill people.

In the whole mansion Jeff is the most unstable guy.The dude doesn't control himself and barely knows,where he is and who are the people around him.Sometimes he confuses LJ or older proxies with Slenderman,thinking,that it is his boss,but in the other physical forms.

Mental illnesses:

Canon: CNS depression (found on some wiki page about this fucker :P).As I've understood,Jeff also has had some other mental problems,just not mentioned certainly,because CNS depression is mostly caused by misuse of depressants,which are supposed to calm the central nervous system,but I won't dare to write anything certain(if I'm wrong, don't be shy to correct me :D).

Headcanon: psychosis,PTSD.

⏱️ ⚔️ - Clockwork: the pain in the ass for both LJ and Slenderman.The girl is pretty young - just a little bit younger than Toby,who has led her to the mansion and suggested to stay there.In this AU,she hadn't managed to kill the whole family: her father (rest in piss) stayed alive long enough to call the police.That's the reason,why Natalie is pretty wanted in her town and why she has had to hide in the forest,where she got picked up by Toby.

Except Natalie understanding the boards of reality,she is still too hard to handle by anyone in the mansion due to all the sexual and physical abuse she has had to go through before.The poor one suspects everyone in the fact of wanting to hurt her in any way,is extremely aggressive to the ones,who try to get closer to her,mostly to Toby and Masky,because they're being too clingy to her with their "help and guidance" around the mansion and during the missions.

Mental illnesses:

Canon: there is nothing certain on wiki pages.What about other resources - some users suspect her in having some symptoms of BPD or being a sociopath,but I would rather not to spread false information,because I've found nothing about Clockwork's creator confirming or adding anything about the character's mental state.

Headcanon:depersonalisation,CPTSD(I want to mention emotional dysregulation,because in her current personality it plays a big role,but,as far as I know,it is included in first symptoms of (C)PTSD,so I'll just note it at most,not tearing apart the whole mental disorder on a bunch of its important symptoms).

🏚️📼 - Hoodie(Brian Thomas): the man has given up earlier than Tim under Slenderman's patronage,hoping to take revenge on Alex,if he would sit on his ass calmly and follow his orders.The man lives with the thought of beating all the shit out of Kralie,and he tries from early morning to late afternoon to make Tim think the same and see Slenderman as their only salvation.

Actually,in spite of being pretty close with Timothy,Brian doesn't know about Masky,and truly believes,that sometimes his buddy just turns on his brain and chooses the right path.After the traumas endured by all the events he had been through,Brian started developing OSDD (Other Specified Dissociative Disorder),which created Hoodie as his alter.

Hoodie mostly fronts during the missions and appears to be mute (like,he doesn't talk to anyone,even to Masky,who is considered as a friend from another system and with whom he spends 90% of all the time).

Brian and Hoodie are pretty neutral to each other,because of their will to follow the same goal.To be honest,Hoodie doesn't even care about the body's physical state,so during the time he's fronting,the dude literally does everything,which comes to his mind, including harming the body,and leaves it for Brian to solve.

Mental illnesses:

Canon: I don't know...During my investigation through the internet the only information I've found was the article about some true crime case with the man with same name/surname killing his wife,and that's all.

Headcanon: OSDD (alter - Hoodie),psychosis, lifeguard syndrome.

💻🛍️ - Nina the Killer: a teenage girl,whose age is around 13-14.In this AU she "fangirled" over real serial killers and Jeff himself,whose case got pretty hoaxed in the state, where it had happened and where she lived.

Nina got a hobby like this after a massive bullying in a new school,where she and her little brother Chris were seriously abused.She found some kind of moral in the stuff,where killings were justified,and her idol became Jeffrey because of him killing people, which made his life a living hell.

Nina is extremely cheesy.At all,it would be pretty fair to consider her an edgelord, because of her pathetic tries to joke about disgusting topics and gatekeeping her every interest.

She isn't friendly to other pastas, because of mostly being afraid of them and possible damage they can give her.

Surprisingly,the only one Nina has got along is Natalie,but their friendship is very specific due to the problems with socialisation they both have.

Mental illnesses:

Headcanon: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder),trichophagia (Nina just...eats her hair on a daily basis to go through some stressful events in her daily life?)

🌊🕹️ - BEN Drowned: A really troubled teen.With the help of the faceless bastard,the boy managed to get out of the virtual reality,and from time to time returns there to complete the given missions.

BEN is extremely arrogant due to the fact,that he has managed to make a lot destruction in such an early age.The only Slenderman's ward,who is being brave enough to get into the arguments with him,not even talking about Laughing Jack,whose authority over the whole mansion not taken to his knowledge seriously.

Nobody really wants to have any missions with him,because BEN always takes the role of the commander over the whole team without any reasons, thinking about himself as about the one,who is worth of it.Although,if someone shows backbone in their behaviour in BEN's presence,he quickly shuts up,feeling hatred towards that person to the end of the mission.

Even in spite of all BEN's arrogance,he is still being no less traumatized,than other children/teens in the mansion.His narcissistic behaviour is the coping mechanism,which has been produced by his brain to get through the trauma of being killed and gutted like a fish by the cult.Actually,he gets really nervous and disappointed,if his importance in the squad is not taken seriously,so he tries to make everyone overthink their opinion,even if BEN looks absolutely stupid.

Mental illnesses:

Headcanon: NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder),PTSD.

That's all,I guess.Sleep tight,I guess, because when I'm finishing it it's like 23:01 😭

[intoyourhands--icommendmyspirit]

⚝꩜⚝ My name's Kristopher/Kris/Vicky!

⚝꩜⚝ My pronouns are It/Gut/Fang/Rot/Hx/Shx/He/She

⚝꩜⚝ Ageless deity, not sharing my chronological age, please be normal!

⚝꩜⚝ I don't like being flirted with and don't like suggestive asks/interactions so please respect my boundaries!

⚝꩜⚝ I am an alterhuman!

⟢ I don't really have a DNI, if I don't like you, you get blocked! My only rules on this blog is to be nice and respect my boundaries. I don't have any stance on anything, but I am anti-endo, so keep that in mind! And I support contradicting labels and good faith identities!

⟢I'm a questioning bisexual transmasculine deity, and I heavily prefer to be referred to with non human terms like deity/being/angel

⟢I am extremely mentally ill and will occasionally make posts about it. Not officially diagnosed with anything but suspected BPD, NPD, DID and others!

⟢I am a member in a DID system, so posting/interacts may be spotty since I do not front a lot <3

⟢I do vent sometimes but it's always tagged. I might make a vent sideblog in the future, so if I do if we're mutuals/friends ask me for it!

⟢I aim to make this blog a safe space so be nice to everyone on here!

➤ #⚠︎ angel whispers - textposts

➤ #⚠︎ the angel's bleeding - ventposts

➤ #⚠︎ speaking to the heavens - answered asks!

➤ #⚠︎ broken dome - mental health stuff ^^

[aromanticyaoi]

Pinned post

oops i'm doing it again

brief introduction:

⚡ peer, 21 y.o., any pronouns, native russian speaker who knows english at an advanced and japanese at a lower-intermediate level

⚙️ agender, loveless aroace, aplatonic, voidpunk, somewhat robotkin

📝 you can see my art on my art blog @peerkartosh. you can also try visiting my neocities blog.

under the cut will be a longer introduction with tags, rules, and boundaries. 🔌💻

hey there and welcome to my blog. this is my main, where i post often-unfiltered thoughts and reblog a lot of stuff i find cool.

i often mass draft reblogs. i don't trust the queue because of my dumb paranoia. sorry for mass reblogging your posts out of the blue if you don't like that.

my interests can be guessed from the most popular tags on my blog. generally speaking i like indie games! my favorites include MINDHACK, rain world, shovel knight, hyper light drifter, nuclear throne, and some others. i also admin a MINDHACK fan discord and you can message me if you are interested in joining it.

my personal musings tag is #пир мысли and i often post vents under the same tag. i am very mentally ill (i suspect i might have bpd/ocd/c-ptsd) and this affects the way i speak about myself and others, more specifically i can have drastic mood swings and talk down on myself a lot. if you are uncomfortable with it i suggest blocking the tag.

my tag #void time is a catch-all for queer stuff, most of the time it's aro stuff but sometimes it's also about amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, being voidpunk, transness, or aceness. it is not an aroace tag. the name comes from all of my identities being a lack of something, so 'void'.

i try to tag flashing lights, gore, and certain triggering topics such as suicide. however, i do not tag nsfw language/art.

you can message me here or on discord (my username there is the same as my art blog's url) if you wanna chat, but don't expect us to become besties; i like talking to people sometimes but i'm not good at keeping relationships up. i would very much appreciate it if you didn't consider me a friend just because we are mutuals/chat sometimes either. i don't mind friendship but i prefer it being established with me instead of assumed. ok?

I AM ROMANCE REPULSED!! I DON'T LIKE ROMANCE AND/OR FLUFFY LOVEY DOVEY STUFF!!! I DON'T LIKE SHIPPING EITHER!!! I KNOW I AM NAMED AROMANTICYAOI BUT IT'S AROMANTIC FOR A REASON

i am also sex indifferent and plato ambivalent

also i think it's obvious but i am very aspec and i support other aspec people and if you bring up any aspec discourse i will blow you up with my mind

if you get mad at any of my posts please do not assume the worst about what i said. in general do not assume anything about me unless i stated something directly. that's it 👍👍

[hisd1zzylynlyn]

Why dose every post where in vauge or marketable go viral? I’m sick of the romanisation and the polarisatiazion of being acceptably sick and not acceptably ill. We are all ill. You can’t accept and popularised parts of our illness while demonising others and victim blaming instead of blaming the people who made us like this!

[kasumingo]

People who are like, get medicated, get therapy, get help, as if its the easiest most effective thing ever boggle the mind. Like i know they cannot know unless theyve been in the system for any length of time but theres so much to unpack here. Theres LAYERS

Theres the fact that everyone should be aware of by now, that its often expensive and inaccessible to many as well, but thats entry level shit. It goes deeper.

The fields of psychology and ESPECIALY psychiatry are steeped in stigma and dogma and straight up bad info. Everything is depression until proven otherwise. Gender stigma is very very real with autism and ad(h)d and so is actual genuine oppression that can come with those diagnoses and anything "more serious". God help you if youre diagnosed with or suspect cluster A or B personality disorders or ANY psychotic ones. I dont have firsthand experience but ive heard enough to know that often those with ASPD and schizoaffective/schizophrenic get treated as subhuman. Not to mention how severe antipsychotics are as medication, theres good reasons people often dont take theirs.

But even if youve got one of the "easy" disorders, guess what? "Success" is still not guaranteed. Figuring out medication and dosage can be a long and exhausting process, a lot of them have significant drawbacks and restrictions.

And cognitive behavioral therapy can also have negative effects! Especially if ur misdiagnosed! Or do it while youre still in survival mode! Or have alexythimia like myself! Its not an one size fits all cure.

People are so ready to condescend to the mentally ill and say stuff like "get therapy" as if its the holy grail of mental care without a trace of irony. People lapse treatment and lick their own wounds the best they can for so many reasons, A LOT OF THEM RELATING TO HOW SHIT AND INEFFECTIVE THERAPY CAN BE, and instead of that being the focus the talk about it is so often boiled down to them being lazy or incapable of taking care of themselves.

I know this couldve been its own post but honestly with you posting abt it i feel better giving this here directly. It got kind of ranty but just, people who use "get therapy" as the ultimate gotcha BOIL MY BLOOD.

People think that therapist, psychologists, psychiatrist and similar are these unquestioned authorities that always have your best interest in mind and have the answer for anything.

While the truth is that the psych field is filled with incompetent bigots either entering the field for the power trip or having an incredible biased and misguided point of view at best.

I don't personally have the experience with BPD or ASPD myself either, but it's not hard to imagine how they treat individuals they don't even consider people… that the majority of society don't consider ones either and doesn't care what happens to them.

AND YES GOD IT'S INFURIATING.

Especially since in many cases it doesn't come from genuine care, but as a dismissal and denial that many people ARE broken, weird, strange, peculiar, different but they do NOT need fixing, CAN'T be fixed and certainly don't owe strangers recovery.

Modern attitudes I'm seeing in online spaces are only setting mental health of the societies back years if not decades and leads to mental health of all involved unnecessarily dipping even further, only adding to what's happening in the world as a whole lately.

It's frustrating and I only can hope that my yelling in the void brings someone peace or makes rethinking the attitudes they've been carrying up until this point.

[yurei-yume]

╭──────༺♡༻──────╮

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

╰──────༺♡༻──────╯

TW: Sh, SA, physical abvse, romanticizing/sexualizing mental illness, ED, OD/drugs, Su¡cide attempts, Alcoh0l, INC3ST. (I do NOT condone or support any of these actions/things)

DNI: Transphobes, homophobes, MAGA, Wanderer/Scaramouche haters/shippers, Misogynists/Sexists, Paraphiles/P3dophiles, antishippers.

Call me Yume or Remi ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱

INTP, Scorpio (Oct 30th), Pig (2007)!

I’ll be posting vents or just random things about myself or my day. Just posting my thoughts and stuff :3

I’m new to tumblr too so pls be nice and teach me stuffs… TwT

Mental health/Traits: Suspected BPD (Failed to receive diagnosis due to being under 18), Diagnosed chronic depression, autism/adhd, Early on-set Schizophrenia, Yumejoshi/Yumeshipper/Self shipper (Wanderer Genshin Impact NON SHARING), Kemonomimi (Cat/Dog). Hikikomori, NEET (Not in education, employment, or training).

ABOUT ME:

⟣・౨ৎ・sexuality︰Lesbian/Asexual

⟣・♡・gender ︰Female

⟣・౨ৎ・prns︰it/its she/her

⟣・♡・Likes︰Jellyfish, Lavalamps, bed rotting, Aliens/Outer space, Astrology, deep sea creatures, ball jointed dolls/BJD aesthetic, Kigurumi fursuits, whatsaheart, Jirai kei, cats, soft blankets, pastel colors, figure collecting, gaming, breakcore, Calico Critters, synthwave, shoegaze/heavy shoegaze, Sanrio (Cinnamoroll, Little Twin Stars, Kuromi, Usahana, Kurousa & Shirousa, Marumofubiyori.)

⟣・౨ৎ・dislikes︰Bugs and Isopods. Excessive Gore, Disaster movies, anime gooners, men who don’t know what a realistic woman’s body looks like, Harem anime with boring protagonists, Sawako knock off female protagonists, pitbulls, pugs, Dior Savage cologne, antishippers, loud music.

⟣・♡・Active Fandoms︰Needy streamer overload, Sonic, Persona, Kamisama kiss, Doki Doki Literature Club, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, Horimiya, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, Shadows House, Toilet Bound Hanako-kun, The Apothecary Diaries, Bocchi the Rock, Maebashi Witches.

⟣・౨ৎ・Semi-active Fandoms︰Zenless Zone Zero, Dan da Dan, My dress up darling, Madoka Magica, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Silent Hill 2, Pandora Hearts, The Case Study of Vanitas, Marvel Rivals, Cardcaptor Sakura, Invader Zim, OMORI, The Amazing Digital Circus, UNDERNIGHT IN-BIRTH Exe:Late, The Magical Girl and Evil Lieutenant used to be Archenemies, Laid-back Camp, Freiren: Beyond Journey’s End, Lucky Star, Lycoris Recoil, The Too-Perfect Saint: Tossed Aside by my Fiancé and Sold to Another Kingdom, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, Heaven’s Official Blessing, Invincible.

⟣・♡・Inactive Fandoms︰Vocaloid/Project Sekai, Genshin Impact, Honkai Starrail, Sword Art Online/Gun Gale Online, Is the Order a Rabbit? Miss Kobyashi’s Dragon Maid, Undertale, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Creepypasta, Tattletail, Poppy Playtime, Yandere Simulator, Murder Drones, Mao Mao: Heros of Pure Heart, Owl House, Star vs The Forces of Evil, SPY x FAMILY, Smiling Friends, Demon Slayer, Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Danganronpa.

[psychoticwillgraham]

overdue ass info post about me

i’m Will and im 29, and my gender is nothing that is comprehensible to humanity. very androgynous and obnoxious about it, drag king for 7 years now in a ass backwards conservative tourist trap river town in Missouri. my sexuality is. who the fuck knows honestly. super amateur artist and new Warframe enthusiast.

any pronouns EXCEPT for she/her, but I prefer it/its, but if that’s not accessible to u bc of language or w/e, they or he is just fine. gray aromantic and ace, happily taken by my bf <3

i have an unknown psychotic disorder, but my mental health team just slaps the schizoaffective label on me as well as BPD, autism (not officially dxed on paper, but verbally by both my psych and therapist), PTSD, suspected OCPD, and according to my therapist, a ‘cocktail of features from every personality disorder that makes it impossible to properly diagnose’ me. undiagnosed system too.

standard DNI applies, like no conservatives/right wingers, anything like that.

horny on main and not ashamed of it, constantly posting about how i want to fuck Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham, yknow, my little gay cannibals. proud old man fucker.

my ao3

Ships I’ll write for requests

Hannigram (my main one)

Klaine (Glee, but I’ll only do horror/scifi/supernatural stuff bc nobody else does and I’m sick of the love dovey boring shit)

John Constantine/Will Graham (the one i invented)

Howard Moon/Vince Noir (The Mighty Boosh, only fluffy stuff and no smut)

any crackship between any of these characters

and if u send me a request I’ll try to have it done within a day depending on what time u send it and if I’m busy, but I WILL get around to it, I promise!! also will do anything from rated G to Explicit and nearly every kind of kink except for the following: underage (for klaine I’ll only do from the NYC days), zoo, scat, watersports and incest (EXCEPT in the case of the hannibal extended universe ships ie. all of Hugh’s characters being brothers bc they’re aren’t technically), and whatever else I decide to add to this

STATUS OF CURRENTLY POSTED WIPS

I don't update on a regular schedule due to problems I have with motivation and finishing things. I WILL finish these WIPs eventually, it just might be another year, and I'm trying not to post anymore while these are still unfinished. Here's a list of my current WIPs and a general idea of when they'll be updating:

dark things (eldritch god Hannibal/worshiper Will breeding porn): chapter 1 is posted and will be 3 chapters instead of 2. Chapter 2 is currently halfway done and should be done within a few weeks.

Hell Sweet Home series part 2 (slice of life Hannigram in Hell): first part is up and has been for a while, and part 2 is currently in progress, though there's not much yet. not too focused on this one tbh, so don't expect an update anytime soon. will eventually write more though, just need to get the bigger stuff done first.

hannigram drabbles: just a place to put my tumblr drabbles, will update infrequently depending on when i can get requests done (currently have two with one in progress)

Ascensionism (alien invasion au where Hannibal is an alien and brings about the extinction of humanity and takes Will as his mate): chapter 3 is in progress and so is chapter 4 but there's a huge gap between them so i'm currently finishing chapter 3. chapter 3 should be out by the end of the month.

in the maw (drider Hannibal/incubus Will porn): chapter 3 is in progress, but not very much yet. should be posted next month bc i'm going on vacation for a week from the 31st to August 7th and won't be working on it during then unless i have the time.

hannigram one shots series: all fics that aren't multichaptered go in this series, and they're posted infrequently when i find the time to finish them.

[pluraladvice]

hi. i noticed someone else sent a similar ask but i might as well just throw mine in.. i don't really have anyone to approach about this. no one safe at least. i've been struggling with this for a couple years already.

i experience dissociative disorders, specifically depersonalization, but as far as *i* know, i'm not plural. but i've been suspecting for a while i may experience plurality in some way. i just feel like i'm in a constant state of identity crisis among other stuff i won't get too deep into. but i have no idea if i'm just feeling this way because i depersonalize or what. i'm not about to ask you to diagnose me obviously that'd be ridiculous.

what's i've been goinythru thats making me feel this way is that i never feel permanent. like i never have a clear sense of my identity or who i am at the moment. this even affects my friendships and work life.

i've been looking into p-did for a couple years. but of course dont want to end up being "wrong" and then getting in trouble for faking or anything. what makes it so hard is that i also have h-bpd and other mental illness like psychosis that make it impossible to tell. i guess i just want to know, do you have any advice for figuring things out? or how to "tell"?? i don't know?? i really do want to just take the first step into figuring things out but i have no clue how. even if i do end up not being plural.

and i don't know if validation is what i need, but im not against it. thank you have a great day. love this blog btw. 👍

Never feeling permanent and having a loss of identity is a major factor in most dissociative disorders. And so is depersonalization. I, obviously, cannot tell you one way or another if you are or are not a system. I would suggest finding spaces that make room for questioning plurals and interacting with them, make a safe space for you and just reach out to what feels like headmates. I highly suggest not trying to dig into trauma or anything. That is a very bad and dangerous idea if you are not ready, not in a safe place mentally, physically, or emotionally, or without the proper tools to do so. However, asking headmates their names or favorite colors in a discord server only for you or in a notebook isn't a dangerous act. It's like reaching out to make friends when you were younger, in a sense.

[frothingatthemaw]

i see, i respect the maturity in respecting your partner slash best friend's boundaries in that way :). im not the best conversationalist lol but uh.. i guess im the slc punk anon so i can talk a bit about the movie :D

i first saw it a few years ago (maybe three?) when i was super into the punk subculture, going to shows and making my own clothes and everything, and of course i had heard of it since i was into punk, so i decided to watch it. instant classic, i love movies where it feels like an exclusive peek into someone's vibrant and rich life, and all of the interesting people around them.

my favourite characters are sean, mark & heroin bob. sean's just so endearing... his story in the movie fits a lot of the common themes of the stories i tend to like, honestly i'd love a movie just going in on his life. get some more context to the attempted matricide and the homelessness and whatnot. mark's such a strong character, really awesome writing mixed with an awesome performance! he leaves such an impression. he seems like he would be so much fun to hang out with ... i want to be given a tour of all his expensive useless items i love expensive useless items. heroin bob was my #1 favourite before sean was, i think in part because he is so similar to who i was at the time. i was a straight edge punk with issues with mental health and anger and stuff. apart from the straight edge thing, i think we're more similar these days though lol.

id love to hear about your favourite character(s) and why theyre your favourite :D (i think i could guess but ... you know lol)

thank you :] that means a lot nonny!

honestly i wish i had known matthew lillard sooner, or at least have known of his incredible acting and movies. it’s embarrassing to be a fan and known of him from the fnaf movie. like i feel like a matthew lillard fan poser 😭

i agree with everything about what you’ve said with your favs. i’d love a movie on sean! honestly, the gun scene with mark and stevo and bob was terrifying. i understand stevo’s fear in it badly, it always makes me uncomfortable to watch. i see myself in stevo so much through that scene. mark does seem fun though! and, too, i’ve always loved alt culture, at least the fashion aspect. the most i’ve actually looked into deeper things about subculture is the emo one, but it was really fascinating to see a peek of punk stuff!

bob and stevo’s whole relationship does a number on me. i could go on and on about the tragedy for hours. and especially stevo (who is my favorite, you definitely know that lol), who had to find life after bob’s death. the tragedy that is stevo levy makes me feel impossible to explain things. it makes me feel insane. i also think i relate to him a lot, especially how he dealt with things, because of my suspected bpd. i think stevo having the disorder as well explains a lot. his fear of losing bob, his coward ways of not wanting to confront his feelings (maybe because he feels less important or inadequate of having problems because of where he comes from, yk being a rich boy who took prelaw), his burst of anger onto bob about things because he didn’t address them sooner so he just exploded, the attachment to bob even to begin with (definitely his favorite person, which is shown by his breakdown at his dead body and saying he doesn’t have anymore friends depsite having others in his life), having trouble connecting because he feels his emotions are different to others (bpd and having emotions be 0 or 100, the black and white thinking), and adding upon the black and white thinking, how he went from being so wrapped up in punk stuff to hating it. i think it all explains a lot. but this is just scratching the surface! i love stevo so much and he’ll forever have a place in my heart, my special fucked up boy

and! did you hear that in another movie (fat kid rules the world), in some deleted scenes, matthew plays stevo and he’s a high school counselor instead of becoming a lawyer like at the end of slc punk. i have so many thoughts on this and it’s been plaguing my brain for the last few days. the brainworms have taken over

[necr-0-mantic]

☾ -- pinned !

cedar

he/him, transmasc

15

social anxiety, otherwise undiagnosed (for now), suspected bpd

darling (/submissive yandere)

asks/dms always open!! give me attention please!

i do not have a beloved yet, instead i am directing all of my obsession towards my future lover, my "soulmate" ♡

HUGE WARNING for mental derangement!! i may mention self harm, heavy gore, suicide, and other stuff that i'm too braindead to think of right now;;

this is mostly a place for me to vent but it's also a last ditch effort at finding someone... i'm very very desperate for love, i'm a very submissive person and will mold myself into whatever you want! i have no friends currently and have 0 interaction with anyone but my (tiny) family!!! i am very very very manipulatable please i'll do anything. i like being treated roughly and also gently you can literally do whatever you want to me i'm on my hands and knees

thank you for reading!!! 🙇

pfp by mou_xingchen, banner by murakaruki

[zackbuildit]

Hey! So I saw you reblogging a post from spyret-the-shitposter saying "Fictive and introject describe headmates and the traits they formed with, rather than interests gained as someone grows up".

Do you think it's possible for fictives and introjects to be tied to someone's interests? Imma not diagnosed with anything but I do suspect I have some kind of a dissociative disorder. A lot of parts of "myself" I experience as being fictional characters, usually from shows or games that I'm currently into. They behave like alters though, being pretty much their own person and really only based on someone else and not actually them.

Ik you're not a professional but I wanted to hear your opinion in this anyway! Ofc you don't have to give one and I understand why you wouldn't

Essay in 3,

2,

1

They very much do correlate! Though, less because of the interest, and more because of the focus on the topic and the time spent interacting with it. It makes sense from a psychological standpoint, if a brain is making an introject then it not only needs to somehow get the information resources needed to introject them, but also it needs reason to expect that who or whatever is being introjected is the easiest or most convenient way to get the results it expects for the system as a whole. Think of the process of formation being like the brain filling out a character sheet. Introjection, in this way, is like using knowledge or inspiration from somewhere or someone else as a way to make filling in the gaps of the sheet more easily. But, of course, to fill in the gaps you need information about the source in the first place.

This is why most systems that get introjects are getting an introject from a source they have a lot of knowledge and memories about or with, because it gives the brain a lot more to work with. Plus, with introjecting vs with original formation, the brain can sometimes better predict what effect they'll have on the rest of the system. Forming a new headmate is inherently unpredictable, since once they form, they become almost completely out of control of whatever force in the brain forms them. This is why brains almost always have at least most of the stuff in every headmate be existing knowledge, beliefs, thoughts, or personality traits from before they formed, it makes them less uncertain. Introjection is just the extreme of that "ensuring intended thing happens" property of formation.

Anyway with all that said, there's also something else relevant. We don't know what the brain did to form a headmate, and we don't know how or why it did that. This is the point of the "introject and fictive are descriptions of headmates" thing. It's almost impossible to know whether a brain intentionally made the headmate similar to a character, or planned to make them feel very connected to a source, because we can't ask a brain to find its motivations.

As for why you feel like parts of yourself are literally certain characters, plurality isn't the only possibility! There's also mirroring, which is common for people with autism, BPD, and a few other mental health conditions. It's where someone unconsciously or unintentionally copies and/or adopts certain personality traits from others or from media. Not saying either one is more likely in your case, the only relevance is it's important to keep in mind there's multiple different possibilities, and even if you completely rule out one or two, it doesn't necessarily confirm or deny something else, make sense?