#i tend to just spew stuff and hope someone gets me

[frothingatthemaw]

i see, i respect the maturity in respecting your partner slash best friend's boundaries in that way :). im not the best conversationalist lol but uh.. i guess im the slc punk anon so i can talk a bit about the movie :D

i first saw it a few years ago (maybe three?) when i was super into the punk subculture, going to shows and making my own clothes and everything, and of course i had heard of it since i was into punk, so i decided to watch it. instant classic, i love movies where it feels like an exclusive peek into someone's vibrant and rich life, and all of the interesting people around them.

my favourite characters are sean, mark & heroin bob. sean's just so endearing... his story in the movie fits a lot of the common themes of the stories i tend to like, honestly i'd love a movie just going in on his life. get some more context to the attempted matricide and the homelessness and whatnot. mark's such a strong character, really awesome writing mixed with an awesome performance! he leaves such an impression. he seems like he would be so much fun to hang out with ... i want to be given a tour of all his expensive useless items i love expensive useless items. heroin bob was my #1 favourite before sean was, i think in part because he is so similar to who i was at the time. i was a straight edge punk with issues with mental health and anger and stuff. apart from the straight edge thing, i think we're more similar these days though lol.

id love to hear about your favourite character(s) and why theyre your favourite :D (i think i could guess but ... you know lol)

thank you :] that means a lot nonny!

honestly i wish i had known matthew lillard sooner, or at least have known of his incredible acting and movies. it’s embarrassing to be a fan and known of him from the fnaf movie. like i feel like a matthew lillard fan poser 😭

i agree with everything about what you’ve said with your favs. i’d love a movie on sean! honestly, the gun scene with mark and stevo and bob was terrifying. i understand stevo’s fear in it badly, it always makes me uncomfortable to watch. i see myself in stevo so much through that scene. mark does seem fun though! and, too, i’ve always loved alt culture, at least the fashion aspect. the most i’ve actually looked into deeper things about subculture is the emo one, but it was really fascinating to see a peek of punk stuff!

bob and stevo’s whole relationship does a number on me. i could go on and on about the tragedy for hours. and especially stevo (who is my favorite, you definitely know that lol), who had to find life after bob’s death. the tragedy that is stevo levy makes me feel impossible to explain things. it makes me feel insane. i also think i relate to him a lot, especially how he dealt with things, because of my suspected bpd. i think stevo having the disorder as well explains a lot. his fear of losing bob, his coward ways of not wanting to confront his feelings (maybe because he feels less important or inadequate of having problems because of where he comes from, yk being a rich boy who took prelaw), his burst of anger onto bob about things because he didn’t address them sooner so he just exploded, the attachment to bob even to begin with (definitely his favorite person, which is shown by his breakdown at his dead body and saying he doesn’t have anymore friends depsite having others in his life), having trouble connecting because he feels his emotions are different to others (bpd and having emotions be 0 or 100, the black and white thinking), and adding upon the black and white thinking, how he went from being so wrapped up in punk stuff to hating it. i think it all explains a lot. but this is just scratching the surface! i love stevo so much and he’ll forever have a place in my heart, my special fucked up boy

and! did you hear that in another movie (fat kid rules the world), in some deleted scenes, matthew plays stevo and he’s a high school counselor instead of becoming a lawyer like at the end of slc punk. i have so many thoughts on this and it’s been plaguing my brain for the last few days. the brainworms have taken over

[poohsources]

hi, pooh, is everything alright with you? i hope it's a yes! so, i'm sorry if you already answered something like this, but i just started to follow you right now (because i found your blog really interesting), saw this post of yours and was thinking: do you have tips about "losing our musing while roleplaying"? i see a lot of friends losing their muses, sometimes i do lose mine (which is sad, because we do have affection towards our chars), and i think some tips would help a lot and you seem to have the good ones. i would really appreciate if you could share them with us! the biggest thank you already and have a good, good day!

p.s: if i didn't made myself clear, sorry, english is not my first language ):

hi there! well, i'm sick again but other than that i'm fine, thanks. no worries, if questions are asked multiple times i tend to link them to the original answer. but it's one thing i haven't talked about yet, so you're good.

unfortunately, there is no definitive answer that will definitely help but there are some things i've either done myself or have heard about that are supposed to work, so i've compiled a list of all the tips that would help when you've lost your muse.

look at your muses' source material. this mostly applies to canon muses, but depending on the kind of oc, it might work for them as well. the idea behind it is to potentially watch a few episodes ( maybe ones that heavily feature or develop your character ) of the show your muse is from if you're writing a tv show character; reread the book / certain passages if you have a book muse, or just generally interact in any kind of way with the source material. even if you're canon divergent it might help ignite your muse again when you "see them in action" so to speak.

listening to music. if you're into music, you can probably make a playlist for your character including songs that either remind you of them or are something you think your character would listen to in their own free time. now whenever you're listening to that playlist it can help you inspire your muse.

read fanfics. if you're like me and spend an ungodly amount of time reading fanfics, it's something that can help you get inspiration for your muse. again that mostly only applies to canon muses but seeing the way others write your muse and the different scenarios they can be thrown into, might help with your own muse ( and especially plot ideas / au ideas ) that you can talk about either on the dash, to a friend or someone you'd think could be a great writing partner.

create your own stuff outside of rp for your muse. it kinda ties in into the playlist tip, but there are other ways to "channel" your muse outside of rp. do you enjoy drawing? draw your muse. do you like making mood / aesthetic boards? make one for your muse. there are so many different things you can do for your muse outside of roleplaying / writing that can help you get your muse back. even if it's just by doing other stuff.

talk to your friends. if you have friends or certain writing partners you talk to a lot, it can help to just talk to them about your muse(s). you don't even have to spew plot ideas or discuss things that have to do with roleplay but maybe just some casual talk about specific topics ( or if it's a canon muse, you could talk about their source material and what you like / dislike ).

dream up scenarios. if you're someone with an imaginative mind, one thing that can help is dream up certain scenarios that involve your muse. perhaps certain things that could happen to them and how they'd react, or interactions with other people or just random day-to-day stuff ― just put yourself in their shoes and think about them. ( potentially you'll even have some great plot or verse ideas this way. )

last, but not least, take a step back from roleplaying your muse. i know that this is probably the one people will dislike the most but sometimes the best thing you can do when you've lost your muse is to take a step back from it. if you're forcing yourself to write because you think it's what you're supposed to do, it's pretty much bound to frustrate you and therefore make you lose your muse. we all love our characters and the things we've created for them, but sometimes we have to let go. of course it doesn't have to be a permanent thing, maybe someday you'll get your muse for that character back and make a return to it, but sometimes you'll realize that you can't get your muse back and that is okay.

occasionally, people connect to characters that speak to them during specific times of their life and if these change, it can change the muse for that character because you don't feel as connected to them anymore. you can still cherish that time and love that character but as i said above, if you're forcing yourself to do anything, it's bound to be bad.

anyway, i hope these tips will help! :)

[cuddlytogas]

GOOD OMENS 2 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!! spewed out right after binging last night and then added to today. I'm mostly gonna ramble about structure rather than content, but the last few bits get quite spoilery

before that, though, one other thought: I DO hope the power of fandom now will mean that we'll get an influx of people listening to Cabin Pressure and JFSP and Double Acts and all that good stuff!!! John Finnemore is such an incredible writer and comedian, and I know the "following fandom brain into a rabbithole of someone's previous work" is a lot more common for actors than writers, but. one can dream!!!!!!! knowing Finnemore was a co-writer was what reassured me that the new season wasn't going to be an unnecessary sequel, he's so fucking good, and in conclusion ---

okay onto the s2 thoughts

obviously I'm, like. insane now. like I'm gonna shatter into a million pieces and also be sick. I have LOST my MIND. and it WAS good!!!

but also

I thought the pacing wasn't nearly as good as s1? obvs s1 had the ticking clock element, which is hard to recreate without just having another ticking clock, but especially some of the flashbacks tended to linger a smidge too long, and you could tell some of them were written by other writers - the "minisodes" thing I think didn't HELP. obviously I don't think this was a MAJOR problem, and I'll want a rewatch when i feel less Fully Insane to judge properly, but even ending aside, I feel like it didn't have quite the same structural/pacing qualities that made s1 so watchable

I thought the extension of the preexisting 1941 flashback felt... a bit hack-y? (it also went on too long tbh.) the reason those worked so well in s1 was because they were these little snippets, extending it (again, especially to the length that they did) was a little... hm. not, like, a cardinal sin, and it might just be a taste thing, but. again, the "minisodes written by other writers" thing didn't help.

and I'm REALLY sad it was released all at once!! with all the mystery elements, I would've loved a week to week format - even two episodes a week - to really digest all the clues, to sit and speculate and process each reveal/development! I just read that Neil Gaiman wanted that too, so it's extra hurtful. it would've been such a satisfying way to consume the show, but alas, Binge Culture must prevail, I guess :\

finally... I might be genuinely disappointed by the ending? I mean, the religious trauma is Strong With This One, and it'll depend on what they do with s3 (I'm not even going to humour the idea of no s3), but just... okay, real spoilers from here

it felt like Aziraphale really backslided?? like, wasn't the whole point of s1 the learning of "heaven and hell are both a bit shit and we're on our own side"? I understand why the final choice was compelling, both to him and the audience, but even across the season - and especially taking both seasons' flashbacks into account - he really sort of pinged back and forth between learning the lesson and going right back into denial about it, in a way that started to feel less like a character flaw and more like a cheat to keep the drama going. obvs his final choice was DEVASTATING, but also I couldn't stop thinking that Aziraphale... knows better??? not just "he should know better, how heartbreaking", but haven't we SEEN that he KNOWS BETTER?? it felt... inconsistent? again, as a writing choice rather than a character thing

like, I've slept on this thought now and calmed down a little about it, obviously I'm a bit biased by how also extremely painful that whole last scene was to watch, but - thing it, it's not even the decision itself that sits so formally wrong with me! the "I could fix things if I were in power" self-delusion is a very believable and narratively compelling (READ: HEARTBREAKING) move, as is him believing "if Crowley were an angel and I fixed everything then we could be safe and together and everything would be fine"!

but specifically the "but heaven are the good guys" - that gets me! like, after everything?? you really still believe that?? I thought it was obvious you learnt your lesson?? something something, "how can someone so smart be SO stupid?" - except we already did that bit in s1!! ahhh I dunno, it just rings a bit too much of the kind of undoing character development and recycling drama that I reeaaaally don't like :\

like, just. the pure disbelief in crowley's face - "tell me you said no" - like, yeah. and not just in a character sympathy way, but - come on, Aziraphale!! we've been through this so many times now!!!

again, this will also all rest on how it's handled in s3. and I have some faith! s2 actually bringing up crowley's "I was there when you tried to destroy Aziraphale, I saw your face when you told him to shut up and die" was revelatory, I loved that they actually made reference to it. and the writers are good! this isn't going to be a wwdits situation, I think we're safe in that. but s2 definitely had a few more plotty/pacing flaws, and that's just SUCH a huge betrayal - that whole ending was so massive - I have a lot of gay fear about how it'll all be resolved.

or, I dunno. maybe I'm just still too sad to think straight.

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

[djxiao]

ngl this is probably me being overly sensitive but i genuinely hate how like... casual ppl were about the q shirt shit. like its a fucking cult and its ruined my relationship w my family (which tbh good riddance ig, but it still sucks to watch someone get sucked down a rabbit hole no matter what logic you try to counter them with) and watching some ppl joke abt it or find it funny just kinda hurt considering how much hate ppl who believe in that stupid conspiracy tend to spew... i'm glad people are taking the other stuff seriously, but it def feels like ppl either aren't informed abt how bad tht stupid conspiracy cult is or they just don't care.

the q shirt was disturbing and shouldn’t be joked about either. also i know im not who you’re referring to since i didn’t joke about it when she wore it but i want clarify what i meant earlier by ‘plausible deniability.’ what i was trying to say by that is it wasn’t her personal item that she bought for herself and was put on her by a stylist, which she has little control over. of course if she had realized what it meant she could have put up a fight and refused to wear it. but q is much less likely for a non-americans to be able to immediately recognize unless they’re well versed in current us politics and conspiracy groups. i have some serious questions for the stylist but i do believe chaeyoung didn’t realize what she was wearing in this case. jype should have still addressed the fuck up and promised to do more research in the future. and i hope your family members find their way out. losing family like that is terrible

[brandnewhuman]

hey--i was wondering if you could do a slasher matchup (also i love your work it's so good and the matchups are so fun!!)

- i am 5' 4" and kinda scrawny (i play sports so my arms and shoulders are pretty toned) and i have been told i look like tweek from SP cause my hair is choppy and a total mess and i have pretty severe eye bags/dark circles that i'm relatively self conscious abt,, i also have a scar on my lip from an accident as a kid (it looks a bit like a cleft lip cause it healed bad and the stitches re-opened a few times) and honestly im really self conscious abt that so i tend to avoid looking at peoples faces and hope they don't look at mine

- i grew up in a farming town but somehow im still scared of horses (they are too big and have dead eyes-) and am very jumpy around loud noises--which leads to me clinging to people a lot and 8 times outta 10 i drag them to the ground with me (i trip on everything-air even i am a total klutz and my elbows/knees/knuckles are scared up because of it lol) and usually yelp as i'm falling

- i have an extensive horror movie collection, all dvd's, and spend a lot of my time taking pictures and videos of others cause i forget things a lot and that helps, even though i am nOt photogenic and have a hard time showing my face in pictures cause of my scar and eyes and stuff (i generally don't think i'm very attractive lol) i like having people i trust take pictures of me like for the further and stuff like that

- i am very affectionate, and love physical contact with the people i love-im don't have a high sex drive at all (plus im demi) but i get weird random bursts of libido and get rlly focused on that -i don't have a good verbal filter either and tend to just spew things out without realizing it, i listen to lots of classic rock and 80's--90's metal

- i am fiercely loyal, almost obsessive, and will do anything without a second thought if someone i trust/love asks me to do something--i didn't have a great family growing up so when i deem someone family i am like a guard dog (even though im more like an aggressive terrier or something lol) and (idk if this is over sharing but– –) i get physically aggressive when that idea is challenged or if someone pisses me off when im having a bad day or something like that

- i kind of have a staring problem--not in a judging way but i'll just space out thinking about someone while staring and not notice

uhh anyway that's the end, i love all your world and hope you're having a wonderful day/night, thanks!!

I paired you up with...

♡ Thomas Hewitt ♡

Okay so first of all IM SORRY IT HAS TAKEN SO LONG AND IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY STUFF BROSKI. It may sound stupid but i appreciate so much when people tell me if im doing a good work with stuff ecc it motivates me so much you have no idea

Moving onto the matchup tho YOU ARE LITERALLY THIS MAN SOULMATE. PLEASE ITS ALMOST RIDICULOUS HOW FUCKING PERFECT YOU ARE FOR EACH OTHER.

We all know how self conscious Tommy is so he would be like the least judgemental person ever in regards to your appearance, if anything he's hyping you up like crazy cause in his eyes you're genuinely the most handsome/pretty/beautiful/gorgeous person ever. He understand you can feel insecure and he would always try to make you feel better without invalidate your feelings cause sometimes it happens to him too that luda tries to tell him he's pretty ecc and doesn't understands that he still feels bad and can't really help it. He would be so sweet about it, even trying to take off his mask from time to time to make you feel like you don't have to be perfect cause he really does love you for who you are.

FARM LOVERS WHO FARM TOGETHER,STAY TOGETHER. Everytime i think of thomas there's the vine "COUNTRY BOYYYY I LOVE YOUUUUU AUGH" playing in my head loudly. This man actually loves everything that has to do with farming and animals, he 100% has a little garden where he plants everything he can and would love for the two of you to take care of it together. I feel like horses don't like him too much, i don't know why but i feel like its true so you won't have to worry about that. OMG IMAGINE HIM TRYING TO GROW YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWERS SO HE CAN BRING THEM TO YOU EVERY MORNING

Okay so about the loud noises, that sucks right? But think about this, you get to cling to this beefy sweet boy and get comforted by him everytime. Surprisingly he hates loud noises too, specially yelling so for your mental peace and his own he always tries to get done with victims as fast as possible. He menacingly glares at hoyt everytime he gets too loud so dont worry about that either. If you do get scared for whatever reason he's always there to help you and wont let go of you until he's sure you're all alright. Besides if you jump on him he can take it without falling cause he's a big boi so do not worry!

Please for the love of God update this boy about films and stuff cause he desperately needs to catch up with all that stuff. He wants to understand you better and if you like something he wants to know about it to have something you both can bond over. I think he would be a little bit sitffy about you taking pics of him ecc cause we all know what he did to his old pictures but with time and patience im sure he will do it just to make you happy. Your happiness means more than his own comfort to him

This man is 100% down for cuddles whenever wherever. This man wont never pass on the opportunity of bear hug you or just holding hands. His favourite part of the day is taking naps together, or sipping iced tea on the poarch with you close. He literally lives for affection cause everyone is always so harsh with him he craves some gentleness and softness, he doesn't want to always be tough and rough so yeah go ahead, make him melt with all that good ol romancing bro

He loves, no scratch that, HE ADORES YOUR LOYALTY. He always has this fear of being betrayed or being taken advantage of so to see you're always on his side it gives him a sense of peace and safety he hasn't felt for years. You will become his safe place like fr, he will do for you anything too so the energy you give will always be matched by him.

I hope you liked it bro, once again I'm sorry for taking to long!!

Song recommendations for this match up!!

[stormblessed95]

Does it make me a solo if I don't put all of their solo songs into my playlist? I see all over twitter that I'm not a true fan if I don't stream but for example with hobis album I listened to it and watched lolla but didn't add the songs to my playlist because it's just not something I really like listening to. I also didn't finish all 7 members vlogs because I found it hard to focus I guess? I like all member but I definitely like some less and sometimes they might say or do something that would push my buttons but then I kind of feel bad because people say you can't be a true fan if you think anything negative about any of them but then I see tweets with thousands of likes shading jimin or jungkook and I just don't get it. To clarify I don't go spewing hate or anything just when something annoys me I might ask myself "why did they do/say x?" but it doesn't make me dislike them.

Having a bias doesn't make you a solo and preferring your biases content/music doesn't make you a solo. Finding the other members annoying/thinking negatively of them verges on that solo behavior though. But that's the only part of your message that raised my eyebrows.

As for the solo songs into Playlists, no. That doesn't make you a solo for not adding them. You already said you supported the songs as they came out. If you added every single BTS song to your Playlist, the Playlist would be over 20 hours long. And that's not even an exaggeration. They legitimately have over 300 songs in their discography, including solos. That's ALOT. And Playlists are there to narrow down music to certain moods/themes or for whatever you feel like listening to. Not necessarily for entire discographys.

For me, I make streaming Playlists whenever something new drops. Either a single, or a new album, such as Jack in The Box. I create a streaming Playlist of songs I feel like fit the mood of that song as well as mostly just other BTS songs I love. I also usually then tend to add the other most recent releases from the other members/the group to that Playlist as well to give them more streams. Such as my JITB streaming Playlist included Left and Right and With You as Jikooks most recent releases, as well as Yours by Jin.... etc etc. Ill also then usually look up which songs of BTS are close to streaming goals and add those as well. And then after a week or so, the streaming Playlist gets retired and the songs get added to my general BTS Playlist, which contains my favorite BTS songs and I keep updated with the newest releases from them to continue to give them my streams, but if the song isn't a favorite, it will be rotated out of the Playlist eventually. And if nee goals come out for certain solo songs like for their bdays and stuff, those songs get added back into my streaming Playlist rotations. Otherwise I then generally add the songs I like/love to playlists that the songs fit into once the "streaming period" is over. Such as my cleaning Playlist, my workout Playlist, my goes for a long drive Playlist, my needs a cry Playlist, my Queer vibes Playlist, my falls asleep to playlist, reminds me of books Playlist etc etc etc.... but not every solo song will be one of the songs I love and will make it to a Playlist. Not every single bts song will either. There isn't a BTS song out there that I don't really like honestly, but I have my songs I like more than others and that get more streams on my playlists. As long as you are supporting them as artists and you are giving them the initial stream and support, it's not solo behavior to not fall in love with every single song.

Hope that makes sense. A solo is basically someone who only supports one member above any and all others. So if you were only going to support Jungkooks music and collabs and content etc and not ever listen to or watch or engage with or help stream or anything the music/content for the other members. Or would even put down and shade the other members to promote your bias since you think he is the best and therefore better than everyone else. That would be a solo stan and not okay.

[rainbowsky]

Hi, rainbow! I'm so overwhelmed I just need to share this wt someone.

I've recently started working at new location wt new teammates. Coincidentally among my new colleagues, there is an xfx and an mtjj.

I know the mtjj is one bcos both of us are using beddybear tumbler & that's how we start talking. At first I was very excited to meet another dad's fan. We had great time talking about BAH & SDC5 until the weibo movie night & she start talking about audi endorsement. This lead to the xfx cutting in (this is how I get to know she's an xfx) & they start very aggressively comparing about spokesperson vs ambassador. Both of them were spewing words usually spoken by antis.

When they tried to include me, I just said I'm still very new to C-ent & I actually like both so "no comment". And now both of them hate me & passive-aggressively making my work harder (I need them to complete their tasks b4 i can do mine😣) but i don't know how to explain the problem to my manager. Like this is so embarrassing, I never thought people will let fandom stuff like this affect their job.

I really hope it's only a short phase & they'll start doing their jobs properly in few days.

Lesson learned: never talk about who you stan wt people you meet irl😔😔😔

Hi Anon, this sounds like a really frustrating situation. 😔

Disclaimer: I am autistic and in work settings I tend to be extremely task-focused as opposed to relationship-focused. That will definitely color my approach to a situation like this, and it might not be what comes naturally to most neurotypical people.

It was unclear whether you were looking for advice, but since you wrote me I'm going to assume you were interested in my thoughts on the issue. I do have some thoughts...

First and foremost, I cannot recommend enough that you document everything for your own protection, even if it doesn’t seem like a very serious situation.

Document this situation and keep a record of everything, complete with dates and times. Include everything that seems potentially relevant:

Your initial discussion with the solos and everything that you can recall being said.

The details of all your subsequent interactions with these colleagues.

The details of any work schedule/project/product you feel might have been impacted by the conflict, being as specific as possible about how you feel it was impacted - what you were expecting from these colleagues and what happened instead. Include dates and times.

The details of any interactions you have with management or other employees regarding this situation.

Documentation is such an important strategy as an employee, and yet no one will ever tell you this. There are so many good reasons to document your day-to-day work experiences, and so many ways in which doing so can save your ass down the road. It’s a really good habit to get into, and can be a major contributing factor in your future work success.

And it doesn’t need to be some big huge deal, either. Just have a notebook at home, and every day when you get home from work write a few lines summarizing the key things that happened. Projects you finished, interactions you found notable, extra time or effort you put in, mistakes you made, people who messed up and how it was handled - whatever you feel is worth keeping a record of. And make sure you always include an accurate record of how many hours you worked, and on what.

THIS IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. You might choose to bring some of what you’ve written down forward occasionally in situations where it would be appropriate to do so, but this is your own private record.

It sounds like a huge pain in the ass, but trust me it’s fast and easy, and quickly becomes a regular habit.

It’s helpful in so many ways, not just during times of conflict. For example, if you had a yearly work review with your manager you could go back through your work journal and make quick notes of things you accomplished that you want to bring to their attention. Even something as simple as wanting to remember some of the key events from the past can be greatly helped by keeping a daily record of work-related events and interactions.

And I recommend documenting ALL interactions and events pertaining to people from your workplace, not just ones that happen there. If you go out for drinks after work, make a note of who was there, where you went, how many drinks you had, when you went home and how, etc. If the boss calls you after work to ask about something, note it down. If you work on a project for a few hours on the weekend, make sure you write that down too. If you stop by the office on your day off to grab something, mention that too. You get the idea.

The main thing that comes out of documenting things is that it makes you much more aware on a day-to-day basis, of what’s happening at work. This makes you much more able to anticipate challenges, and much more prepared to deal with them as they arise. It also makes you much more savvy about the workplace, which will make you overall more competent. It will put you in the mindset of being conscious and conscientious.

Best of all, no one will ever be able to gaslight you again, because you’ll be able to refer back to your notes on what actually happened, and when.

As for the situation you’re currently dealing with, my advice can be summed up in just a few words: focus on the work.

It doesn't matter who is a fan of who, or whether you like each other, or what everyone thinks of each other. You're all there to do a job, and if something is breaking down in the chain of progress, it should be addressed as a bottleneck and not as an interpersonal squabble.

It also doesn't matter why they're messing with you, it matters that they're messing with you. They aren't performing their jobs correctly.

The situation you described above comes across as very subtextual (implied but not explicitly stated). They gave you signals that you took to mean they dislike you. They 'appear' to be sabotaging your work in some way. No one is talking about it openly.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing in this case. These are people who hold really strong, likely very immovable views. Fandom is intense and very emotional. Talking about the 'conflict' is likely to only make matters worse.

If you go to your manager and say, “These women are fandom rivals and this fan rivalry is affecting the workplace,” your manager will think you’re all a bunch of idiots. But if you were to instead say, “I’ve noticed lately that the widgets I need haven’t been coming to me in a timely manner,” then you come across as someone who is conscientious about the workflow.

You also give the two colleagues a chance to save face, by not outing them as petty little bitches.

Here’s a thought process you might find helpful:

Define what the core issue is; how things should go if they’re being done properly, and where things are falling apart. Be honest with yourself about your own role in things.

Think about what ‘fixing it’ would look like - what would need to happen and who would need to take those actions?

Reflect on what might incentivize the people involved to do the right thing or might give them the sense that there’s ‘something in it for them’ to do the right thing.

Ask yourself if the problem is big enough and the solution is obtainable enough to make taking action worthwhile.

Honestly consider whether you can achieve that without involving management. If you can avoid bringing management in, so much the better.

Always focus on solutions rather than on problems. It doesn’t matter how or why things got broken, what matters is fixing it. I talked about this a while back in reference to GG’s scandal statement. When people focus on problems it leads to disempowerment, blame and conflict. When people focus on solutions it leads to empowerment, growth and change.

Also, one incredibly important note that I have let bite me in the ass a lot in the past: people at work are not your friends. Don’t mistake them as such. They are work colleagues, and professional distance is essential.

Equally important: HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND AND ALLY, not in any workplace. They are there to protect the interests of the company, and will throw you under the bus if need be to do so. They will report your conversations to your superiors, etc. and should generally be seen as wolves in sheep's clothing.

Anyway, hope any of this was helpful.

In any case, I agree - total lesson learned, probably for everyone reading this as well. It certainly was a good reminder to me to keep my mouth shut until I know where people stand. In situations where the stakes are so high like in a work environment, it’s not worth it to risk conflict for something as inconsequential as fandom rivalries.

[ashesandhackles]

Harry And Personal Conflict: A Meta On Evolving Dynamic With Ron and Hermione

One of my last metas on Harry was how his abuse at the Dursleys informed who he is as a person and a lot of his main personality traits. This time, I want to explore Harry's relationship with conflict, mostly in regard to his best friends - Ron and Hermione.

First things first, because of his abusive upbringing where he is constantly in conflict with his caregivers, conflict is seen as Bad Thing when we first meet him as a 11 year old. And it informs how he reacts to both Ron and Hermione at first. He instantly relates to Ron because Ron is an underdog - a boy who feels neglected and passed over in his large and boisterous family. Harry shares his own experience of neglect with Ron and they both bond instantly.

His initial impression of Hermione is that she has a "bossy sort of voice" . The bossiness is an important characterstic to his impression of her - she reminds him of an authority figure and he does not particularly take to her as easily as he does Ron. Before the troll incident, he is frequently annoyed by her interventions because "he can't believe anyone would be so interfering". It's her vulnerability and the fact that she may be in danger that makes Harry, and by extension Ron, go after her. And she pays it back in full with a demonstration of loyalty to them in front of people she wants to impress: teachers. This sets the tone of his friendship with Ron and Hermione.

There is sense of easiness to his friendship with Ron, especially in earlier books that he doesn't quite share with Hermione. This is a bit gendered as well, of course. His relationship with Hermione evolves as Ron's own equation with two of them changes, more specifically Ron's cognisance of his romantic feelings for Hermione. So how does this inform his relationship with personal conflict?

Let's look at it Book wise.

Book 1-4: Since Harry tends to see All Conflict As Bad, when Hermione becomes his friend, he tends to ignore traits of her that he particularly doesn't take to. Specifically her argumentativeness - which he usually leaves Ron to deal with. For example, look at when Hermione drags him off to the kitchens in GOF. When he realises what this is about, he nudges Ron, and Ron does the protesting: "Hermione, you are trying to rope us into that spew stuff again!".

Often, you can say he is amused by Ron's more ..let's say colourful.. reactions to Hermione being overbearing. So when Ron and him are not speaking and Hermione gets a Quidditch term wrong, it causes him "a pang to imagine Ron's expression of he could have heard Hermione talking about Wonky Faints". It's that deeply ingrained into the dynamic.

While Ron acts buffer and protects Harry from stepping into a potential conflict ("skip the lecture", "don't nag" he tells her), Harry's world view remains quite the same. Part of Harry's growing up is integrating conflicting points of view and gaining nuance. For example, he can't understand why someone like Snape, who seems to hate him so much, can also save his life at the end of Philosopher's Stone. This is his first venture into trying to integrate two conflicting things about a person into nuance. Dumbledore gives him a very easily digestible story, one that appeals to his ideal of his father and Harry is sated.

Again, Harry's world view is tested when he finds out that he relates with Tom Riddle - for their "strange likenesses". He doth protest too much at Dumbledore's office: "I don't think I am like him! I am Gryffindor!". And Dumbledore offers him a wisdom nugget: "It's our choices which define who we are" (paraphrasing). Harry is uncomfortable that he empathises with Tom Riddle, his parents' murderer, at this point in the story.

In the first four books, his only proper personal conflict has been with Ron.

It is depressing to think about in these terms - but Ron is Harry's first experience of unconditional love (we can even put Hagrid here, but he is not the one who spends most time with Harry). And when Ron and him fight, Harry is so hurt by the prospect that he proceeds to abandon Ron before Ron abandons him. (the whole chucking a "Potter stinks" badge at him and making a jab about having a scar is what he wants, or the fight in DH where he yells "then leave! Pretend you have gotten over your spattergoit and have your mummy feed you up"). It's an interesting defense mechanism and he feels "corrosive hatred" towards Ron during these times because Ron and him aren't supposed to be like this. Ron is a certainty in his life. It's also why when Ron comes back, Harry either doesn't need him to apologise (as in GOF) or quickly forgives him in DH - although I do think Harry thinks the locket bit was punishment enough. But even without the whole locket, I think Harry has trouble holding Ron accountable in general beyond few slaps on the wrist - especially if Ron and he are on good terms.

5th Book: This is the transition point for Golden Trio friendship. Harry has come back from an immensely traumatising night at the graveyard and his PTSD isolates him from his best friends. This is also the point where Ron, especially after GOF, is aware of his romantic feelings for Hermione ("the perfume is unusual Ron", Hermione tells him in this book). So in this book, we often see Ron and Hermione on one side, with Harry on the other.

Ron is unwilling (quite like Harry in that respect) to engage him in a direct conflict, but he is also unwilling to shield him from Hermione's nagging in this book. This is why, OOTP is the book where you see Harry ignore or avoid Hermione and lie to her more than usual to avoid conflict. For example, he tells her that Snape thinks he can carry on Occlumency once he got the basics - that is categorically not what happened. Or the entire day he spends ignoring Hermione's warnings about breaking into Umbridge's office. (The description here is comical - about Hermione vehemently hissing so much that Seamus Finnigan is checking his cauldron for leaks. ) If he cannot lie to her or avoid her, at the end of the rope, he will treat her to display of his frightening temper.

Interestingly, OOTP is also the book that his world view goes through a tremendous upheaval: mainly, his ideal of his father and having empathy for Snape. It is unnerving for Harry to see Snape being the "boy who cried in the corner" when his father shouts at a cowering woman. Similarly unnerving is that his intense empathy for him - "he knew exactly what Snape felt when his father taunted him and judging by what he had seen, his father was every bit as arrogant as Snape always told him".

While he is placated that his father grew out of it, this memory of his father being a bully is something he cannot bear to watch again in DH. Few chapters later, he grins at Ron "sweeping his hair" back to make it look more windswept, just like his father - suggesting that Harry is beginning to integrate two conflicting things he knew about his father: from the people who loved him vs the people he was cruel to.

6th Book onwards: It's interesting to me that his better appreciation for Hermione comes after OOTP (one, because she is the one who challenged the whole Ministry plan and she followed him into a trap knowing it was one anyway) but also the timing of it is in line with Harry having a more nuanced understanding of his father. He struggled to hold conflicting information about him into one cohesive person - the boy who was a bully vs the man who joins Order of Phoenix to fight a war he could very well have sat out. The pedestal crashing helped Harry gain nuance (he thinks of his father and mother with pride in HBP - of them walking into an arena with head held high). HBP also sets up his deeper understanding with Snape in DH. There is lovely meta by about this by thedreamersmusing. Read it here. HBP is also the book he feels "sorry" for Voldemort and also feels "reluctant admiration" for him - both of things he is less defensive about.

And this nuance informs his relationship with conflicts - especially the kind he has with Hermione. He is more confrontational with her and does not lie or sneak around her as much as he did in OOTP in the Half Blood Prince. ("Finished? Or do you want to see if it does back flips?" He asks her when she takes the book from him to check if it's jinxed. Or the "I hope you enjoy yourself" he calls out irritably when she declares intention to find out who HBP is. And "do you want to rub it in Hermione? How do you think I feel now?" He tells her when she says she was right about HBP).

The fact that he is willing to be confrontational with her is a big step in his character - a step up from his unregulated outbursts in OOTP, which is a function of him not knowing how to put his anger across in normal ways. He is also more willing to stand up for her in front of Ron too - "You could say sorry" he tells Ron bluntly. This is in contrast to his more quiet standing up for her in POA: "Can't you give her a break?" Harry asked him quietly. In POA, he lets the subject drop after Ron flatly refuses. Here, he presses on more : "What did you have to imitate her for?" "She laughed at moustache!" "So did I, it's the stupidest thing I have ever seen".

His relationship with Ron is an interesting contrast to his relationship with Hermione, which functionally teaches a very important lesson for an abused child who thought all conflicts are bad: That his friendship with her is challenging, and frustrating, filled with conflicts but their love for each other isn't disputed. It's a very important thing for brain development in general - to hold conflicting information in one space. The defense mechanism abused children do to avoid this is called splitting.

So, Ron allows Harry to be the age he is: a teenager and it's foundation for his further development, and Hermione teaches him how to be an adult, and therefore, spurs his growth. (In esoteric terms, if you look at Ron and Hermione as proxy parents - Ron is the Mother archetype, the one who offers unconditional love. Hermione is the Father archetype - one who demands best of him, and guides him).

Additional reading: Harry, Prongs and Prince - Harry's Inner Struggles For Forging An Identity. By u/metametatron4

Harry Identifies, and Reluctantly Admires Snape Even Before The Prince's Tale by thedreamersmusing

[lightsovermonaco]

Speed and Stress: Part 2

Masterlist

Thank you to @acollectionofficsandshit for betaing, your comments on this one were unhinged gold 

Word Count: 3.1k

Recommended Vibes: “Perfect Day” by Tundra Beats

Part 1

Your brother was late. Not that anyone was surprised.

“Got the time mixed up,” he says as you climb into his absurdly tall truck. Living in Texas for three years had turned him into somewhat of a country boy, though not enough that he forgot his upbringing. He was still a blue blooded Los Angeles boy, just with a love for trucks and longhorn cattle.

“At least I wasn’t waiting for an hour this time,” you say and sling your bag to the backseat. Deciding to get right to the good stuff, you clasp  your hands together. “So! I have some news.”

Hunter grins at you. “You finally found a job?”

You roll your eyes and shoot him a pointed look. “No, dipshit. Better than that. I got us paddock passes for the whole weekend.”

“WHAT?” He jerks the wheel, horns honking at you as other drivers swerve. You grab the dash to steady yourself, laughing at his outburst. “Do you know how hard it was for me to get general admission tickets? How the hell did you get paddock passes?”

“May have met someone pretty high up at McLaren in Los Angeles,” you say, examining your nails.

“Like, Zak Brown? You met Zak Brown?” Hunter was such a fan boy, you had to laugh. His love for McLaren ran so deep he practically bled blue and orange. The only reason you watched the sport was because of him shoving it down your throat for years, but damn if you weren't glad for it.

“Daniel Ricciardo.”

Hunter choked on air but managed to stay in his lane this time. “And you waited until now to tell me?”

“I didn’t know it was him when I met him! He was on a motorcycle and I stopped to help film a tiktok and then-”

“Of course you’d stop,” he mutters, shaking his head. “You’re a sucker for bikes.”

“Yeah well, lucky that I am, cause all I had to do was flirt to get us those passes.”

Your intention had never been to take advantage of Daniel. It was more the opposite in fact; you were just living in the moment and capitalizing on the once in a lifetime opportunity to flirt with your celebrity crush. You had to admit, it turned out better than you'd ever thought it would.

“I can’t believe you seduced Daniel freakin’ Ricciardo,” he says, shaking his head. “You astound me.”

“I didn’t seduce him!” You protest.

"Sorry my bad. You charmed him. That sound better?"

You roll your eyes. "Whatever. I damn near had a heart attack when I figured out it was him but he was kind enough to let me brush it off."

"Well, thank god for your two-wheeled obsession because without it, we would be watching the prix from the nosebleeds."

You laugh and shake your head. Hunter tended to have a poor filter when he was excited and tended to spew whatever was on his mind. "Just watch your tongue this weekend, alright? I'd rather embarrass myself than have you do it for me."

Hunter gives a mock salute. "Yes ma'am."

**********

You'd stuffed five different outfits in your bag in preparation for the grand prix weekend. In theory, it shouldn't be hard to decide what to wear. But Friday morning you changed clothes so many times you lost count. No matter what combination you tried you weren't satisfied.

Finally, you give up and settle on a McLaren polo and denim shorts. Simple and comfortable, but form fitting enough to catch Daniel's eye should you run into him.

You knew you shouldn't, but you pull out your phone to text him anyway.

Thanks again for the tickets. Let me know if you've got any free time so I can properly thank you!

You hit send before your brain has the chance to overanalyze the message. You check your phone obsessively the entire drive to the circuit, only half expecting a response. You tuck your phone in your pocket when you get to the gates, determined not to let it get to you. Daniel warned you he would be busy, and you knew that responding to you was likely on the low end of his list of priorities.

Hunter gets you to the circuit a half hour before they let fans in and you have to listen to him ramble about driver stats the entire time. Normally you don't mind; guessing who's most likely to win each Sunday is something of a competition in your household. But today, you couldn't focus enough to put any thought into your prediction, instead just blurting Daniel's name.

"You're only saying that cause he's into you," Hunter says, grinning savagely. "He struggles in Austin and you know it."

"So? He's in a McLaren this year. You saw his pace in Bahrain, and that was with a damaged floor! He'll podium for sure." You cross your arms and return his grin. "Besides, he's motivated."

"Oh, is he?"

"I told him I'd buy the winner of the United States grand prix a drink. Up to him whether it's him or Verstappen."

"Oh my god you have a date with Daniel Ricciardo?"

"Dude, chill out. It's not set in stone. Honestly, he's probably forgotten that I exist."

"Has he texted you?"

You glance down at your phone and are greeted with an empty inbox. "No. Not after the initial time so I could have his number." You shrug and pick an invisible piece of lint from your arm. "But he said he'd be too busy anyway."

"Guess we'll see once we get to will call, huh? If he's forgotten about you."

"Yeah." An odd feeling rolls through you. It feels a bit like nerves mixed with hope, but you stamp down on it. You were here to enjoy yourself. The trip of a lifetime had been handed to you on a golden platter and you were wont to let something as trivial as nervousness ruin it.

Bells chime as you step into the blissfully cool will call office. A blonde woman with a bit too much blush dusted on her cheeks greets you with a smile. 

"What can I do for you?"

"Picking up some tickets that were left for me by a driver?" You try, unsure of the proper procedure. "I don't have a paper or anything."

She waves a hand in the air as if she expected as much. "All I need is your identification. They should be under the name."

"Oh uh, of course." You motion for Hunter to hand over your wallet and show the woman your driver's license.

"Great. Wait here and I'll grab those for you."

You drum your fingers on the desk while waiting for her to return. After what feels like ages she re-emerges empty handed.

"I'm not seeing anything here with your name on it," she says, her plastic smile at odds with her sincerity. "I'm afraid your tickets aren't valid until Sunday."

"Can you double check? Daniel said they'd be here-"

"So sorry. There's no record of anyone dropping tickets off for you."

You blink, holding your tongue in the face of her blunt response. "Okay. I guess ill try and get it sorted out."

Hunter breaks the tension. "Can't you call him?"

"I can't just call him, I'm sure he's busy."

"Either that or we don't get in. Just do it, he gave you his number and specifically told you to let him know if there were any problems, didn't he?"

Yes he had, but that didn't mean you wanted to disturb him. He was probably knees deep in some sort of race weekend press conference or drivers meeting and heaven forbid you interrupt.  But it was either that or you slink home disappointed and empty handed.

"Fine," you grumble, pulling out your phone with deliberate slowness. Hunter crosses his arms and tips his head to the side, a smile playing on his lips.

"Well?"

"It's dialing, you good for nothing busybody-"

"I was wondering how long it would take you to call," Daniel answers, voice radiating sunshine.

You cut right to the chase, not giving yourself a single second to evaluate how your heart skips. "Look, I don't wanna distract you on a race weekend but I'm at will call and they're telling me they can't find any passes left for me."

"Let me guess," he starts, raising his voice to be heard over the pneumatic tools in the background, "You're dealing with Jenny?"

Your eyes fall to the name on the woman's lanyard. She shifts under your gaze like she knew exactly who you were on the phone with. "Yep. Spot on."

"Kinda figured she would be a problem. She's got a huge crush on me and does this every time."

You fight back the strange sensation his offhand comment brings to the surface. "Oh, really?"

"I'll be right there. Give me ten minutes or so."

"Oh you don't have to-"

"Hey, no big deal. I gotta go that way anyway."

"Uh, okay. See you soon?"

"Yup. On my way."

You hang up and stare down at the phone, stunned.

"Well?" Hunter asks.

"I guess he's coming here to sort it out himself."

He blinks rapidly and shakes his head. "Hold on. Are you telling me that I get to meet Daniel? Like right now?"

"Can you relax?" You laugh lightly. "Honestly you're gonna freak him out."

"Uh, yeah sure. No big deal, just meeting one of my favorite drivers in the minus five minutes and I'm completely unprepared. It's fine."

If you roll your eyes any harder they'd pop out of your head. "Relax. He's laid back, but I don't want you to freak out and embarrass us both."

"Excuse me," Jenny breaks in, her distaste clear. "Please move aside if you're not picking up passes."

"Er, yeah. Sorry." You shuffle awkwardly off to the side to wait. Cheesy elevator music plays and Jenny shoots you glares until the door squeaks open and the human incarnation of the sun steps inside. Your breathing stutters when the Australian shoots you a wink and a grin before sauntering up to the counter.

"Why hello there Jen," he says, and she giggles coyly. 

"Hi Daniel." She lays a hand on his forearm, the touch light and flirty. "What can I help you with?"

Daniel leans into her, whispering conspiratorially. Whatever he says has her bold smile faltering, replaced by a mask of professional cheer. Daniel shoots you another wink as the woman retreats to a back room, returning moments later with your supposedly missing passes.

"Thank you," Daniel says sweetly, taking them from her and turning to you. "I think these are yours."

"Thanks." You take the passes and hand one off to your awestruck brother. You nudge him and he comes to his senses in time to shake the hand Daniel sticks out.

"You must be the brother," he says. "I see you're a fan."

Dressed head to toe in McLaren colors, there was no other conclusion for Daniel to draw. For once your brother is the one stunned into silence so you answer for him, "Yeah, only a little. He was crushed when you left Red Bull cause Max is his other favorite driver and now he has to split his loyalties between teams."

Dan's laugh snaps Hunter out of his trance. "I know you're busy but do you think you can sign something for me?"

"Of course. How about this?" Daniel snatches the hat from Hunter's head and produces a sharpie from his pocket, signing the brim with practiced efficiency. 

"He'll be texting the group chat about that as soon as you're gone," you tell Daniel who laughs along with you.

Heat rises to your cheeks as Daniel's assessing gaze sweeps you from head to toe. "McLaren orange looks good on you."

Channeling his easy confidence you flash him a grin. "Not as good as it looks on you."

He smooths the hem of his soft shell jacket, smile turning bashful. "Anyway. I gotta run. See you Sunday after I win!"

Your eyes follow him as he jogs back through the paddock until he's swallowed by the crowd. You sigh, shifting your weight from foot to foot. God, he was gorgeous. And he had such a big heart. It was a shame someone hadn't snatched him up yet, but then again, that meant you still had a shot, even if it was a slim one.

"So where exactly do these get us?" Hunter toys with the lanyard now placed around his neck. "It doesn't say."

"I'm guessing the McLaren lounge," you say and point to the logo on the passes. "Above the garage."

"That's the perfect vantage point for practice."

And it was the perfect view- before getting in the car Daniel walked out into the pit, suited up in his cobalt racesuit and minty helmet and glanced up. You weren't sure if he saw you or not when you waved but he gave a little salute nonetheless.

Hunter was practically glued to the bank of floor to ceiling windows for the entirety of free practice, immersing himself in the experience. You found yourself glancing at the timing tables every lap, silently hoping to see the RIC tag move up. By the end of the second session he had been fourth fastest, a few tenths behind both Mercedes and the Red Bull of Verstappen. 

By the time you make it back to Hunter's house, you're both exhausted from a full day of running up and down the paddock. The pair of you had been determined to soak up every second of it, sneaking into whatever offices you could and stealing bites off the buffets and cups of coffee. 

Saturday’s free practice and qualifying session pass in a blur of color. Daniel drags his McLaren up the ranks to qualify fourth, his best starting position so far this season. He had a decent shot at the podium- Bottas should be easy pickings and if Verstappen and Hamilton made any mistakes, Daniel might even have a shot at the win.

The excitement in the air is palpable as you both flash your badges and head back up the now familiar path to the McLaren lounge. An hour before lights out, the v6 engines rumble to life below. You venture out onto the balcony, watching and waiting for a glimpse of Daniel.

The Aussie does you one better by walking out, race suit on and helmet in hand. He chats animatedly with Michael before stopping and craning his neck upwards. Michael nudges him with his elbow but Dan ignores him, answering your tiny wave with a wink. He mimes taking a drink and you roll your eyes.

Dan throws his head back and laughs, audible over the cacophony below. He gives you one final salute before Michael drags him back into the garage.

Ten minutes later cars begin streaming out on track, Daniel taking the fourth grid place as his mechanics once again swarm him. Tire blankets are secured, keeping them warm and pliable ahead of the formation lap. Thirty seconds before the boys are released, they're peeled back off as everyone scrambles off the pavement. Verstappen leads them away down the 3.4 mile track for the formation lap. Dan does a few small power slides before taking his place on the second row.

One by one, the red lights illuminate and disappear quicker than your blink. Daniel gets away clean while Bottas stumbles out of the gate, leaving himself wide open for Daniel's overtake on his right side. Cheers erupt around you, your brother going so far as to lift you off your feet.

Maybe Dan had a shot at winning after all.

A nail-biting 38 laps pass without a change in the order of the top three. Finally, a mistake in Max's pit stop sees him return to track third, just behind Daniel. The McLaren driver puts up the fight of his life, late braking at every corner and defending his position for all he was worth. Lewis was twenty seconds ahead- he wouldn't be winning but he could defend his second place spot.

Lewis Hamilton, race winner for the seventh time at the Circuit of the Americas!

Daniel Ricciardo crosses the line second, Max Verstappen takes home that last podium step for Red Bull. An astonishing fifty six laps here today in Austin!

The box erupts around you, a roar of cheers making it impossible to hear what else Crofty and Brundle were saying. But it didn't matter as Daniel raises his fist when he swings back into parc ferme, jumping out to be congratulated by his team. It was his first podium for the papaya team and you can tell it means the world to them.

"Looks like you're taking Lewis out for a drink," your brother teases. "Told you he wouldn't win."

"He almost won," you counter. "But hey, I'm not above asking Lewis on a date. Could you imagine? I mean, he would never agree, but still. It would be a hell of a date."

If you crane your neck from the balcony, you can just barely see the podium. Everyone goes quiet for the anthems and erupts again when the champagne is sprayed. The McLaren team chant for a shoey, which Daniel obliges. He sits to unlace his mint green boot and pours champagne into it, drinking from the boot before passing it to Max who joins in on the fun. 

Just as quickly as it began, the celebrations ebb. Daniel is the first to leave the podium which seems odd, given that the PR department surely wants his first big win for the team to be well documented.

Your phone buzzes a second layer. You fish it out of your pocket, a Cheshire grin splitting your face.

"Shouldn't you be busy celebrating?"

"I am," Dan starts, sounding breathless. You can barely hear him over the sound of the crowds chants behind him. "But I want to celebrate with you. I know I didn't win, but how about you let me buy you a drink instead?"

You barely hear anything beyond his first sentence. I want to celebrate with you. Were you dreaming? There was no way this was real.

"Um, I'm sorry, you want to celebrate by going out with me instead of your team?"

"If you'll let me. Hey- just text me okay? I can barely hear you over everyone screaming my name. It may be going to my head."

You laugh, drawing the attention of the vip's nearest you. You give an apologetic smile and move further from the crowd. "I'll text you an address. See you later, second place."

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part Three)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff, some fluffy angst too so it’s not really angst is it lmao

Word count: 1,988

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Previous | Next | Second Chance Masterlist

“Oh,” the girl beside you seemed surprised that your eyes opened, squinting against the light, “you’re awake. How do you feel?”

You only groaned in reply. You definitely didn’t feel as awful as you recalled, but you still didn’t feel good.

“We’ve cleaned the remaining wolfsbane from your system, so you should make a full recovery,” the girl told you, her voice soft and soothing.

She definitely didn’t look like she was from here. She had brown skin, round eyes, and long black hair that she kept clipped back away from her face. Had you seen her before when you were dying? No, you couldn’t tell. Your memories from then were too foggy.

Wait, you were dying. How were you alive?

You opened your mouth to speak, but your eyes finally adjusted enough where you could see the person laying on a cot behind the girl. His eyes were closed, and you couldn’t tell if he was passed out or sleeping, but you just felt very strongly toward him. Much stronger than you’d felt about anybody ever. He was absolutely beautiful, and all you wanted to do was walk the couple feet of space between your cot and his to stroke his hair and cheek.

You didn’t know why you felt so strongly about a stranger, but you also weren’t questioning it. You were a curious person, yes, but you tended to just roll with the punches.

The girl noticed your gaze had drifted behind her, and she chuckled, “Would you like to be closer? It’s better for mates to heal if they’re as close as possible, and he needs all the healing he can get.”

Mates? That wasn’t something you’d heard about before, but you could probably guess what it implied. Either way, your head was nodding before your brain could really think much about it.

The girl stood and moved her stool out of the way before wheeling your cot closer to his until they were pressed together. Your face was almost right next to his now, and you observed every single detail of him. You didn’t even know his name or anything about him, but your heart and your instincts already told you you’d do anything for him.

“They’re cute,” Minjee commented once she entered the room as her partner continued to stand by the doorway and watch the two of you.

Prajya hummed in reply, her hand finding Minjee’s, “I don’t think the girl knows anything about herself. I told her he’s her mate and she seemed a little clueless.”

“Well, she is young,” Minjee noted. “Maybe nobody’s told her about creatures like her.”

Prajya nodded slowly before turning her head to look at her partner, “Did things with the other wolf go well?”

Minjee nodded, “Perfect, actually. Sura’s just finishing a few minor things and getting him settled into a bed to recover. His brother and the girls are still waiting in the living room.”

“I should go see if they need anything,” Prajya decided, pressing a quick kiss to Minjee’s cheek before she left.

Minjee turned back to the two of you after her girlfriend had left, but saw that you weren’t awake anymore. Your eyes were closed, one of your hands resting on Joshua’s as he slept. Minjee smiled to herself, thinking both of you looked like you were doing better already.

-

Josh still wasn’t awake. Even Hansol had woken up before his older brother did. Wonwoo had already brought Soomin and Suvi back to the house, and Joshua still wasn’t awake. It worried Hansol that he was asleep for so long, but Minjee assured him it was just because he had exerted his power too much.

“Is he going to get it back...?” Hansol wondered, his yellow eyes warily watching Joshua sleep beside you.

“Yes, with time,” Minjee replied with a warm smile. “You really have nothing to worry about, Hansol. Besides, he has his mate with him, so the healing will be faster.”

“Yeah, if he isn’t stubborn about it,” he muttered to himself, the human girl unable to make out what he said.

That was something else that was worrying Hansol. Joshua already had a mate and lost her. Would he really be so open about a new mate? Even if he did use the remaining energy he had in him just to save you, he did that on pure instinct. It didn’t necessarily mean things would go smoothly when he’d wake up.

“Who is she, anyway?” Kyung wondered, nodding her head in your direction. 

You were still sleeping beside him, your hand still in his. Neither of you had even moved, either, but Minjee also promised that was nothing to worry about.

“I’m not sure of her name,” Minjee sighed, “but my partners and I found her when we were out checking traps one night. My mate, Sura, knows where some of the werewolf hunters place traps regularly. He likes to patrol them and see if anyone was caught so we can help. We found her in one of them. Sura said she might be a werecoyote.”

“Werecoyote?” Hansol repeated.

The doctor nodded, “Yes. He noticed she doesn’t smell quite like werewolf, but she’s definitely something.”

The two mated wolves could admit they noticed the same thing but kept to themselves about it. They thought maybe it was just because of the wolfsbane.

The pair looked between the two of you. While Joshua seemed peaceful now, both Hansol and Kyung weren’t sure how he’d react when he woke up. They could practically already see the sour look on his face before grumbling something about not wanting a new mate. They hoped maybe they’d be wrong, but…

“What do you think she’ll do if he denies her?” Kyung wondered to her mate, unsure if you’d be as patient and understanding as Hansol. They didn’t know anything about you.

Hansol let out a quiet sigh, “I don’t know, but they’ll both just...eventually...” he didn’t even want to say it, but after a beat of silence, he quietly said, “die.”

-

“Werecoyotes are creatures I’ve never encountered,” Soomin hummed thoughtfully as she flipped through Beom’s book of creatures.

Once Wonwoo had returned home with her and Suvi, the youngest excitedly began talking about how Joshua had imprinted and saved his new mate. Meanwhile, the rest of the pack seemed shocked and almost horrified. They knew how Joshua was, and they knew he wouldn’t want another mate. What happened with Lilly messed him up pretty badly, but it also made him afraid of himself for a long time. He’d be too scared to be with someone else.

While Suvi was explaining what happened and the pack began spewing questions, Soomin was already looking through Beom’s stuff to find some answers.

“I think Beom had told me a story or two of werecoyotes, though,” Soomin continued.

“I met a few,” Yeji chimed in. “They didn’t really seem too different from you guys.”

“They’re not -- not really, other than some minor stuff,” Soomin said after finally reaching the page she was looking for. She scanned it over, using her finger to guide her eyes. “Overall, they’re essentially the same, just a little weaker -- smaller, not as strong, but they are a little quicker because of their smaller size. It makes them more agile.”

“Anyone can outrun that old man,” Jeonghan scoffed.

“Who’s the oldest, anyway?” Suvi asked.

“Nobody really knows anymore, but we just assume it’s Josh,” Jun shrugged. “Years start to blend together after a while.”

“Speaking of not knowing things,” Danbi spoke up as she looked around the packed living room, “where’s Soonyoung?”

“It’s nighttime, so he’s in town,” Jihoon sighed.

“I thought we were still being careful?”

“Since when does Soonyoung follow rules?” Seungcheol asked with a quirked brow.

Soomin cleared her throat to grab the pack’s attention and bring them back to the bigger matter at hand: you. Once they were paying attention again, she continued, “Werecoyotes have the same heightened senses, the same weaknesses, and the same instincts as werewolves. However, because they’re smaller and weaker, they recover slower and are more likely to die from things like silver bullets.”

“So Joshua’s new mate is essentially a hyperactive accident-prone child?” Wonwoo snorted.

Soomin frowned, finally looking up from the book to look at her mate, “That’s mean. And she may very well act mature. Just because they’re faster than werewolves doesn’t make them hyper.”

“You said werecoyotes are just werewolves, basically,” Jeonghan shrugged. “You’ve seen our pack.”

Seungcheol nodded, “Seokmin specifically.”

“Hey,” the young wolf whined.

“Let’s not judge her just yet,” Soomin sighed.

Jihoon raised his eyebrows, “You didn’t even meet her?”

“She was passed out,” Suvi was the one to explain. “Her and Joshua were sleeping beside each other when we left.”

“I wish I could be there when they wake up,” Seungkwan chuckled. “I’m sure that’ll be a mess.”

-

It wasn’t until the sun was about to peak over the horizon that Josh finally groaned and rubbed his eyes with one hand. The other felt warm with a light weight in it that kept him from moving it.

Wait…

The older wolf’s eyes opened before slowly looking to his left hand. He saw another hand in his and his eyes followed the arm up to the owner. He recognized your face. Not only did he remember what had happened as soon as he saw you, but he was bombarded with your face in his dreams -- well, more like nightmares. All he dreamt about was you and Lilly.

He wanted to snatch his hand away. He wanted to growl at you and wake you up and tell you to keep your hands to yourself. He wanted to yell at you to not touch him.

But he was too exhausted to do anything but lay there and glare at you with golden eyes.

“Oh, good,” a voice made him turn his head, “you’re finally awake.”

Joshua was briefly introduced to Prajya during his first check-up. She was a nice girl, but she had a little...bite to her. Josh liked her from the get go.

“See you’ve noticed your little friend,” Prajya chuckled. “You don’t seem too fond of her, though.”

His face scrunched up in almost disgust, “What is that?”

Prajya let out a snort at his reaction to his mate.

In your sleep, your nose wiggled a few times before you reached up to scratch it. Joshua rolled his eyes feeling his heart swell at how cute you seemed. He wanted his instincts to fuck off.

“I think you already know,” she replied in amusement.

“Who is she?” he asked.

The foreign girl just shrugged, “Beats me. We didn’t get a name from her or where she came from or anything.”

Unable to resist the curiosity, he slowly wondered, “...What happened to her?”

“Caught in a net that had barbs laced with wolfsbane,” she sighed as she leaned back against a wall and studied your face. “We were sure she was going to die until you showed up and--”

“Don’t,” he said sharply before dropping his tone to be only grumpy rather than angry, “mention it.”

Prajya just shrugged, “If you didn’t want it mentioned, you shouldn’t have done it. Kyung was right, you are a grumpy old man.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. Of course Kyung was gossiping with her old friends about him. The new alpha was a piece of work.

But she wasn’t really wrong, and even he knew that.

Prajya was silent as she watched Joshua watch you. It was clear that even though he openly showed his distaste for his new mate, his instincts were strong and hard to ignore. Even through the disgust and annoyance on his face, Prajya could see the love and adoration clear in his eyes.

The grumpy, old werewolf, and the young, carefree werecoyote. This would be interesting to see.

[nightshadedawn]

Writing prompts!!

Select one of the prompts and a ship and I'll write 300 words for it! I'll keep this open for a week!

Prompts are broken up into categories and further numbered within those categories to help everyone quickly find prompts, so please either give me the category and number of prompt or the prompt itself.

Fuck

"Fuck you." "You know what, [name], I've been trying but you haven't been cooperating." "What."

"I don't hate you." "You bought an entire fucking island to avoid me so we wouldn't be roommates our second year of college." "It obviously didn't work out well because we still ended up in Art History together."

"I'm fucked, I'm screwed. I'm gonna faaaaiillll."

"Well, fuck me and leave me to bleed."

"You're crazy." "Yeah, I'm fucking insane!"

"I have fucking questions!"

"You sir- are fucking hilarious."

"I love you but you're a fucking idiot."

"Love- fuck off."

"I'm cute as all fuck, but I'm an asshole if you piss me off."

"Insomnia's a real fucker, you know?"

"Fuck it- just- breathe! Breathe, damnit!"

"You and your bisexual ass can get the fuck out of here."

"Let's fuck the world over, 'cause that's all we're good for."

"Fuck it. We're not done yet."

"Occasionally I tell people to go fuck themselves just to mess with their puny lives."

"I didn't want anyone else. Fuck it, I just wanted YOU."

"You're a fucking bisexual disaster. Don't at me, brah."

"I'm just a sad, mostly human being that doesn't know what they're doing with their life." "Only mostly?" "Granny honestly got it on so who knows what the fuck Mom is."

"I don't mind if you call me a freak, just don't say it to my face. That's really rather rude." "You're a fucking idiot." "Yes, I've been told."

"I'm DONE! I'm done acting happy, I'm done pretending to be okay, I'm DONE playing this game. I am so. Fucking. DONE. With shits like you! Don't ever come near me again."

"The only reason I kept fighting was because of the people I cared about! And you took them all away from me! I'm not done fighting yet! I'm not done fucking fighting until your body is rotting in the fucking ground!"

"Giving a fuck what other people think about you is like giving them control of your life."

"Please don't pretend to give a fuck about me. I know better now."

"They said I can't." "Well, fuck 'em." "What?" "You're not weak. It's your life. Fuck 'em. Do what you want."

"I trust you about as far as I can throw you. Which is to say I don't. I can't. I'm weak as all fuck."

"I'm as cute as a cucumber. Wait, fuck, that's a kiwi."

Shit

"When you're a sarcastic piece of shit but people keep falling in love with you anyway."

"My sister is a huge piece of shit." "Awe, that's not nice. What'd the shit ever do to you?"

"Shit aside, this isn't the worst plan put into motion."

"Literally no one cares about that shit."

"I'm not a bitch, I'm an asshole. Guys still want to screw me even if all I spew is shit."

"Congratulations! You're in deep shit."

"You've shown great aptitude for bullshitting."

"Shit... I don't... I don't know why I'm crying... Just please don't leave me alone..." "Never."

"I'm one of those people that people regularly tell me not to do stupid shit and I do it anyway."

"I've lived my life watching through windows. I'm ready to go break shit now."

"I promise, I'm okay."

"You expect me to believe that bullshit!?"

"I'm just getting a little tired of having to deal with this shit!"

"Hey, I'm kinda feeling like shit tonight. You think you could... come cuddle me?"

"I don't see myself as someone who breaks promises, spills secrets, or tells lies. I'm not a great person like that statement would suggest. I just don't talk to people enough, and when I do, I don't give enough of a shit to care."

Asshole

"'Cause sometimes, people are just assholes no one else cares about."

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to-" "Now why don't I believe you?" "Because I'm an arrogant prick and an asshole." "At least you're aware of your short comings."

"No, I'm not getting high off lemonade. What are you drinking, bitch?"

"If you're not sucking cock for the fun of it, I don't know what you're doing with your life."

"Ten out of ten. Would bang again." "Please stop." "Love you, babe."

Forget

"I haven't quite forgiven you for that." "No, I don't expect you did."

"The most unforgettable stories are also the most unbelievable, don't you know?"

"I don't need you to hold me like it's okay to forget. I need you to hold me like it's okay to remember, to hold on, and then to let go."

"Sometimes people forget... I'm not normal."

"The world is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing place. That's why it doesn't matter if in thirty years, no one remembers us."

"I want you to remember what it felt like to fight against me."

"Do you remember what it was like when we were young and alright?"

"Do you remember what I promised? That we'd always be together. I don't break promises. Not to anyone, but never to you. As long as you'll have me, I'll be right here. So please, let me stay."

"I want you to remember this feeling; it will follow you all your life."

"Why don't you remember ANYTHING I said!?"

Pain

"Don't you ever wish we could ever be something different? Like, I don't know. Something less hellish?" "I don't know. Sometimes I welcome the pain."

"I just get so restless, and I can't stop moving, and when I have to sit down and focus... it's really hard because I just want to be up. It's genuinely painful when it strikes in the middle of class or something."

"Pain is what made me human."

"You don't understand all the pain we went through to get where we are now."

"I will break, I will burn, but I will not let you hurt me."

"Listen to me and this broken heart of mine."

"It's not your fault you've been hurt before."

"I don't enjoy hurting people." "Could'a fooled me."

"Does it hurt?" "Always."

“It’s not me you have to worry about killing you if you hurt our daughter, it’s my wife.” “Oh, honey, you know me so well.”

"I knew from the beginning I'd never be able to hurt you."

"I shouldn't care. Caring only hurts."

"Sometimes when people get hurt, they shut themselves away. They push away people and the things that hurt them. But I think it's more interesting when they fight back. Revenge is a bitter tale, but it's a more interesting story told."

"I don't want to fall in love. Falling means you get hurt. I want to grow. I want to grow to love someone, see them at their smallest and grow into their mightiest. I want to grow to love, because when something grows, it never stops growing."

"My head feels heavy and my heart just hurts."

"Don't stress the small stuff. It only makes your brain hurt."

"In the end, we were made of blood that could be spilt and bones that could be broken."

"'Broken,' he'd promised. And 'broken' he'd become."

Death

"I have been scared of many things. Surprisingly, my death has never been one of them."

"They're both very strong willed, bull headed, "death to all those who defy me" kind of people."

"Even the bravest close their eyes when facing Death."

"Death seems like the best option right now." "No. No, it does not."

"Touch my phone and you accept Death as your new best friend."

"You tend to just find death everywhere you go. Isn't that a problem?"

"Death is not a good look on you, honey."

"I've got about a hundred years worth of death on my hands and isn't that great?"

"Death comes to all those who wait for it."

"Murder, death, and mayhem are my favorite things to write about."

"You are an angel of death by association. This is your duty."

"I hope you've got some kind of special armor under that dress, 'cause with the way you're surrounded, if you don't, you're gonna die."

"We're gonna die." "That's the plan."

"How many times must she die before you're satisfied?!"

"This time, I'm not letting you die for me."

"Someone's gonna die tonight, but it ain't gonna be me."

"Fine. I'll let you die. I'll just have to bring you back to life."

"But why'd you have to die?"

"If I die, it's officially Your Fault."

"Welp. time to die again,"

"No! No! You don't get to die! You don't get to die and leave me alone!"

"Don't ask me that! Don't do that!" "Why?" "Because everyone knows that when you talk about the future right before a big battle, you're gonna die!"

"When it comes down to it, I want you to make sure I die."

"How did you save them?" "Easy- I died."

"I would live and die for you, but I'd never kill."

"We are not gods. But I shall die like one anyway."

"There was a time when I swear I was just waiting to die."

"I'd rather destroy myself than let her die for me."

"The truth is- I'm just tired of watching you die."

"I've died so many times, and I'm still falling for you."

"I am so done with children." "You have nine." "And I would die for each and every one of them."

"It's a miracle in itself that you haven't died yet."

"The explosion killed thousands. How are you alive?"

"You bother me." "I can't imagine why." "Surely it has nothing to do with the fact you've killed hundreds of people including my family. That couldn't possibly be it."

"I trust you, but the question is, do you trust me?" "I trust you not to get yourself killed." "I think you might be asking a little too much."

"How are you going to tell your sister you killed her best friend?" "I'm not." "That's no way to start a relationship."

"You are legit trying to kill me." "Oh darling, if I really wanted to kill you, I wouldn't be trying. You'd be dead already."

"I'm pretty sure I killed someone. But then again, I could be wrong."

"I'm going to kill someone." "Oh dear god, please be me."

"Ohhhhh, my sister's gonna kill me for this one."

"One time my sister tried to tell me I wasn't right. Valid, I wasn't. But I still tried to kill her anyway."

"Do what you will. But don't come crying to me if it kills you."

"Oh god, just kill me now." "As you wish."

"The next time somebody tries to kill, me, I'm gonna scream." "I should hope so?"

"This child threatened to kill me." "She threatened to burn the entire city to the ground. I don't see what your point is."

"We are all dead and it’s your fault!"

"Oh look. The sun is shining, nobody is dead- today's gonna be a good day."

"I swore I wouldn't do it again. But here I am. Wishing all of them dead."

"I guess being dead wasn't good enough for you. You wanted to erase me from history too."

"Who even knows if we'll be alive tomorrow?"

"What story did they tell you?" "That'd I'd never make it out alive."

"And if I refuse?" "Well, *chuckle* don't suppose you'll get out of this alive."

"You just need to survive."

"The world is a cruel, unfair place. But it's the one we live in, so we gotta do what we can to survive."

"You've done your best to destroy me, but I survived all along."

"I survive because there is nothing else I could do."

"The world didn't want me. But I survived anyway."

"I think I'm more surprised that you're telling me this than the fact that you survived it."

"We exist in this time and place. This isn't the end."

"You hide it in the corners of your mind like it doesn't exist."

"Once upon a time, there was a girl. A regular, ordinary type of girl. The kind of girl... that no longer exists."

"In any other world, we would not exist."

"Hell exists in ways you don't expect it to."

"I exist in your eyes, but not in your life."

"You weren't supposed to exist."

"I suppose that magic exists. In some way or another."

"Time is inconsequential. Unreal. It doesn't exist. All that exists is the here and now."

"The world only exists the way we want it to."

"The world need not know you exist. More importantly, the world need not know you exist as you do."

"Who's dying this time?"

"I've existed long enough to know this is a very bad idea."

"We only sort of exis

"There's something beautiful in the way you look at the world like nothing else exists."

"We exist to be tempered into impossible weapons."

"I am aware of worlds and things that should not exist."

"The difference you have to learn about the past and future is that the future gives us a reason to keep living... the past only exists to hold us back."

"You are the bane of my existence." "I'm the bane of existence in general."

"How many times have I thought about dying? Too many."

My entire life you've made me cry. All you're doing now is making me cry again.

"My room's a mess. Kinda like my life. But nobody's complaining about that."

"My life was wonderful. But it was better without you in it."

When life gives ya lemons, we find someone who has vodka and makes martinis.

"She's living her life in monochrome."

"There are some things in life that just get you down. And then there's her."

"I've been wrong all my life. This is just another instance, isn't it?

"Home is not a place. It's a feeling. Feeling of contentment, life, respect, safety. That is home."

"I live off of two things: spite and validation. I live to spite those who say I can't, but I need validation from those who say I can."

"Please don't live for tomorrow. Live for today."

"My favorite kind of people are the ones who live for themselves, and not for anyone else."

I knew we'd live forever.

"There's not enough time on Earth to see everything. We could go back a billion years and live every moment up to now, and even then we wouldn't see everything." "Nah. But with you, I'd like to try. I feel like I could do anything with you by my side."

[maxinaptak]

(AoT/SNK) Reluctant Hero: Levi X Abused!Reader

You looked around nervously and pulled your sweater sleeve down farther as you walked into the school building. You didn’t want anyone to see the new bruises on your arms, let alone on your neck. You hoped the turtleneck sweater would hide them. You knew the sweater looked suspicious since it was late spring, borderline early summer, and the temperatures called for lighter clothing, but you really had no choice. You tugged the neck up higher and scurried off to your locker, hoping everyone would ignore you like they normally did.

“Hey ________, what’s with the sweater,” your best friend Max asked, scaring you near shitless, “Isn’t it a little warm?”

“Ah…,” you muttered, panicking slightly, trying to come up with an excuse, “I’m not warm at all! You know me, I’m a fucking ice cube, I’m cold all the time!”

You cringed internally, knowing it sounded like a terrible excuse, but you prayed to whatever god there was out there that she bought it. You breathed a silent sigh of relief when she laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She said, smiling.

You grabbed your books and shoved them into your backpack. You slung it over your shoulder and winced in pain as it hit a particularly nasty bruise on your back.

Max looked at you concerned and asked, “Hey, are you ok?”

You quickly nodded your head and said, “Yeah, I’m fine! I just hurt my back last night trying to move my couch.”

“Why were you moving your couch?” She asked, confused.

You racked your brain for any lie possible and quickly spewed, “I was trying to clean under it.”

She seemed to buy it and you breathed another quiet sigh of relief. You finally bid your friend goodbye and hurried to your first hour class, pre-calculus. You immediately sat in your seat and took your book and notebook out, getting prepared for class. Class began and you wrote down everything your teacher did exactly as she did, but you still didn’t understand it. When you finished the notes, she began to hand back your last test. You got nervous, knowing that you didn’t do very well. When she placed it on your desk, it was upside down, and she gave you a sad look. She continued on down the rows and you sighed, flipping the test over, groaning quietly at the red “f” at the top. Next to it, also written in red letters, was a note that said, ‘See me at the end of class please – Mrs. Palmer’. You sighed again and looked up, only to have your (e/c) eyes lock with steely grey irises.

‘Shit!’ You thought, blushing lightly and looking away from him.

His name was Levi Ackerman, a fellow senior at Shiganshina High, and he was a student aid for Mrs. Palmer first hour. You’d known Levi since you were in fourth grade when he had moved from France to Shiganshina. You were never friends, but he had been in both your fourth and fifth grade classes and several classes after that in middle and high school. You’d learned a little bit about the boy by watching him from afar, but you had never talked to him more than just a passing encounter during class about an assignment. You’d heard from other people that he was a very unpleasant person, but from the few brief encounters you had with him he didn’t seem that bad.

“Alright, that’s all for today,” Mrs. Palmer said, snapping you out of your thoughts, “Either review your test or start on your homework.”

You chewed your lip as you rose from your seat, beginning to walk towards Mrs. Palmer’s desk. You eventually came to a stop before her desk and played with the end of your sweater, dreading what she was going to say.

“________, do you know that you’re failing?” She asked quietly so that only you could hear her.

You swallowed and nodded almost guiltily.

“Why is that?” She continued.

“I just don’t understand the stuff…,” you muttered, looking down, “I write down the notes exactly how you write them, but I just don’t understand how to do it….”

She frowned and said, “That’s what I thought. Would it help if you had a tutor?”

You thought for a moment and nodded. Your teacher nodded as well and motioned someone behind you over. When that someone stopped beside her, you looked at them and resisted the urge to gasp. It was Levi.

“From now on I’m going to have Levi tutor you,” she said, gesturing to the short male with her hand, “He’s amazingly good at math and he’s tutored many students before so I’m sure he can help you.”

You nodded and looked at him shyly.

“Do you have a lunch or a free hour?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Um, both, actually…,” you said, voice shaky, “I have lunch fourth hour and IA eighth hour.”

“Alright,” he sighed, nodding, “I’ve got lunch fourth hour and I student aid for Mrs. Palmer again eighth hour for pre-calc so were meeting both those times, got it?”

You quickly nodded.

“I’ll find you at lunch, so just sit where you normally do.” He said, picking his bag up from the floor.

You nodded again. The bell rang and he nodded at you before walking past you and leaving the room. You quickly gathered your things and made your way to your AP psychology class. You took your seat next to your best friend and stared off into space.

“Hey,” Max said, snapping her fingers in front of your face, startling you, “Earth to ________! What’s up with you today?”

“Well, I wasn’t feeling the greatest this morning, but then last hour I found out that I’m going to be getting tutored twice a day by Levi Ackerman.” You said, shaking your head.

“Wait, you’re getting tutored by Mr. Forever-Pissed-Off-With-A-Stick-Up-His-Ass?!” Max asked, surprised.

“Oh come on,” you said, rolling your eyes, “He’s not that bad.”

“You’ve never seen him mad then.” Max said, shuddering.

You shook your head and tried to pay attention to your psych teacher.

You grabbed you lunch and sat down at your normal table, across from Max.

“Why are you over there?” She asked.

“Cause I’ve gotta get tutored.” You answered, pulling your book and notebook out, getting ready for number hell.

A minute later, a book and a tray were placed beside yours and a body settled onto the bench next to you.

“Alright brat, you ready for this?” Levi asked, cracking his knuckles.

You flinched at the sound and began to shake.

“U-uh, excuse me…!” You said, jumping up and running from the table, heading towards the bathroom.

Levi watched ________ run off with confused grey eyes. The girl looked terrified. He turned his perplexed orbs to her best friend, hoping she could shed some light on the situation.

“Is she alright?” He asked.

Max sighed and said, “She does that sometimes. She’ll randomly cringe and suddenly run off, most times to the bathroom. I feel like it’s got something to do with hearing or seeing something but I can’t figure it out.”

The girl looked worried about her friend and Levi wanted to figured it out as well. He wondered if it was something he had done or said. He frowned and looked in the direction that ________ had run off and saw that she was coming back.

You quickly pulled yourself together and left the bathroom. You headed back to the table, an embarrassed blush coming to your cheeks as you saw Levi looking at you.

“Sorry,” You said quietly, pulling on your sleeves, “I get these little nauseous spells and I tend to run away when they happen… you know, just in case….”

You hoped the lie sounded believable, because if they didn’t buy it you were in big trouble. Luckily they both nodded and Levi dove right into the tutoring lesson. Mrs. Palmer had given him all the things that you’d need to go over and he luckily started at the beginning. You didn’t get to go through much, but what you did get through you finally understood.

“Alright, so eighth hour, just go to Mrs. Palmer’s room and we’ll pick up where we left off, alright?” Levi said, packing his things up.

You nodded and did the same, shoving you book in your bag. You slung it over your shoulder and flinched again as it came in contact with the same bruise from that morning. What you didn’t know was that it didn’t go unnoticed by both Levi and Max, who shared a worried look.

Eighth hour you headed to Mrs. Palmer’s room, your pre-calc book in hand. It was an odd feeling but you accepted it. When you reached the room, you were relieved to see that Levi was already there.

“Back here,” he said, leading you to a table in the back of the room, “We’ll be going over things back here while she teaches and she’ll probably drop in and check up on us at some point knowing her.”

You giggled slightly, knowing he was right. You sat down and began studying again. Levi really was a good tutor because you were picking the material up really fast now. Soon the bell rang, signaling that you were released from prison. You both let out a breath and began to slowly pack up your stuff.

“Thank you for tutoring me…,” you said softly, causing Levi to pause in his movements, “I know Mrs. Palmer probably asked you to do it, but still, it’s really helping me already so… thanks….”

“Actually,” he said, beginning to put his stuff away again, “I offered to do it.”

“What?!” You said, looking at him in surprise.

“She was grading tests and she started talking about how she was sad about a student not doing well and she started ranting to me, as she often does, and after she was finished, I offered to tutor you.” He said, looking at you.

You blushed lightly and looked back down at your stuff, shoving the last thing in your bag.

“Well, thank you….” You said.

He nodded and you both stood. You excited the classroom and parted ways with a quick goodbye. You stopped by your locker to drop off a few things before leaving the school. You groaned loudly when you reached the door and saw the light sprinkle turn into a downpour. You sighed and were about to accept your fate when a voice sounded from behind you.

“Are you walking home ________?”

You turned around with a start and saw Levi standing there, backpack over one shoulder, umbrella in one hand, and car keys in the other.

You looked back out the door for a second before returning your gaze to the male and answering.

“I have to,” you said, your shoulders slumping slightly, “I don’t have a car….”

He frowned and shook his head.

“I’m not letting you walk home in this kind of weather,” he said, walking up to you, “I may be an asshole, but I'm not that much of an asshole.”

You opened your mouth to argue but a clap of thunder sounded, cutting you off. You flinched at the loud sound and began to shake. You nodded your head, agreeing to letting him drive you home. He walked to the doors, you right behind him, and opened one. He opened the umbrella and stepped outside. He grabbed your backpack and pulled you out and under the umbrella with him, keeping his arm around your shoulders. He led you through the parking lot to his truck and unlocked the doors. He opened the passenger side door and helped you into the truck before closing the door and getting in himself. He tossed the wet umbrella into the backseat and started the truck.

“Where do you live?” He asked.

You swallowed hard and told him where you lived. He looked at you with a strange look in his eyes but began driving anyway. You looked down at your hands shyly. You didn’t want him to know you lived in the really nice neighborhood. When he pulled up to your house, you blushed more. It was really big.

“Um…,” you muttered, looking at him shyly, “Thanks for driving me home Levi….”

“Yeah, anytime.” He said, a strange look in his eyes.

You grabbed your bag and quickly jumped out of the truck, running into your house. You watched through the window as he pulled away and sighed. You trudged up the stairs to your room. You entered the barely furnished room and set your bag down on the floor. You locked your door and sat on your bed, bringing your knees to your chest. You reached over to your bedside table and picked up the framed picture that was set there. You looked at it and felt tears roll down your face. It was a picture of your family from when you were little. Your mother was holding you and your two older brothers were standing beside her, hugging you two, their heads on her shoulders. Your father wasn’t in the picture since he was the one who took it, but it was all for the best since you hated the man. You hated him because he didn’t even want you. He had never wanted you. He’d only wanted sons. The only reason you were born was because your mother wanted you. She loved you with all her heart and you shared the same adoration. But then she was taken from you when you were six. She had been hit crossing the street while she was out shopping one day and died before the paramedics even arrived.

“I miss you mom….” You whispered, letting more tears flow.

Your phone rang and you sniffled, wiping your eyes. You grabbed your (f/c) phone and looked at the caller ID. You saw that it was your older brother Mason and smiled slightly.

“Hi Mason.” You said, voice still shaky.

“________,” he said, sounding concerned, “What’s wrong? You sound off.”

“Nothing. I'm fine, really. I was just looking at the picture of me, you, Joshua, and mom and got a little sad, that’s all.” You said, smiling to yourself.

“Ok, well as long as that’s all that it is. Don’t be afraid to tell me if there is something though. Cause I’ll cut a bitch, and you know it.” He said.

You giggled and said, “Yeah, I know.”

He chuckled and said, “So how’ve you been little one?”

“Holding on.”

“School kicking your ass?”

“Yeah….” You trailed off a bit.

Your brother laughed and asked a few more questions before ending the call. It was hard having twin older brothers who were ten years older than you. You had a great relationship with them but they didn’t know what was happening with your father.

“________!”

Speaking of your father….

You flinched at the yell you heard and knew you’d be getting a few new bruises.

It’d been two weeks since Levi started tutoring you and since you got a few pretty new bruises on your back, arms, and neck from him. It was beginning to get too warm for long sleeve sweaters, so you were wearing a tank top under and light hoodie, trying to hide as much of the bruising as possible. Levi also started driving you home every day, insisting that you shouldn’t have to walk if he could drive you. When you got into the truck, you dropped your phone, so you leaned over to grab it. You weren’t careful when you leaned though, and Levi got an eyeful of bruising on your neck and chest.

“Shit ________,” he said, staring at you, wide eyed, “What happened to you?!”

You looked at him confused before realizing what had happened. You blushed and pulled you hoodie around you tighter, trying to cover the bruising. You began to shake, fear coursing through your veins at what was to come.

“________, did someone hurt you?” Levi asked softly, startling you.

You’d never heard Levi use that tone of voice before. It almost sounded like he was talking to a frightened small animal. Which, in some respects, was what he was doing, but still. You swallowed hard and stared at him, (e/c) locked with steel. You contemplated telling him or not. No one knew what was going on, not even Max.

“________...,” Levi’s soft voice brought your full attention back to him, “Please, tell me what’s going on….”

You broke. Tears began to form in your eyes and chocked sobs began to escape your throat against your will. Levi quickly, but gently, pulled you against him and let you sob into his chest. After some time had passed, you finally calmed down enough to speak.

“My father….” You whispered, voice hoarse.

“What?!” Levi uttered, shocked.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and rested your head against his chest before elaborating.

“My father has been abusing me since I was six,” you said, sniffling, “It wasn’t as bad when I was little because my brothers were still at home so he couldn’t really do much, but then they went to college when I was eight. That’s when it started to get bad.”

“Why would he do this to you?” Levi asked.

You smiled bitter sweetly and said, “He never wanted me. He only wanted sons, but my mother wanted me. But she died when I was six, so I lost my only real protection. Then when my brothers left, I was left completely defenseless.”

Levi was quiet and you looked up at him. His jaw was clenched and he looked angry.

“Levi…?” You said quietly, putting your hand on his chest.

He looked down at you and said, “When would your dad be home?”

You were confused but answered him anyway.

“He won’t be home until later… why?” You said.

“Because you’re going to go grab a bag of your stuff, and then you’re coming to live with me,” he said, his arms tightening around you, “No arguments. I'm not going to let that bastard hurt you anymore.”

You stared at him with wide (e/c) irises and he suddenly began to blur. You burred your face in his chest and began to cry again.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered into your (h/c) hair, “I promise….”

“Thank you…!” You cried, nuzzling into his chest.

You sat there for a little while longer before heading to your house. You threw what little belongings you had into a bag and left with Levi. He drove you to his apartment and he settled you into the spare room he had.

“Why do you live alone?” You asked, looking at him as you sat on the couch.

“My parents decided that they wanted to go back to France, but I didn’t want to leave,” he said, bring one knee up to his chest, “I was already eighteen at the time so they decided to get me an apartment so I could finish out high school and figure out what I want to do with my life.”

You looked at him and thought he looked a bit sad. You smiled faintly and leaned your head on his shoulder. He rested his on top of yours and you just sat there in a comfortable silence until you both decided it was time to turn in for the night.

“If you need me for what ever reason, just come in,” he said, leaning on the doorframe to his room, “Chances are, I might still be awake. I don’t sleep very well most nights so it won’t be any trouble.”

You nodded and smiled at him before going into your own room. You changed into your pajamas and crawled into bed. You closed your eyes and were able to fall asleep fairly quickly.

Your eyes shot open and you sat up in bad, your breathing ragged. You took a shaky deep breath and closed your eyes, only to gasp and quickly open them. All you saw was his face when you closed your eyes. You took another deep breath before getting out of bed and heading across the hall. You quietly opened the door and slipped inside, closing it behind you as quietly as possible.

“________?” Levi asked, sitting up slightly.

It looked like he had been awake, so you didn’t feel that bad about coming to him. You walked over to his bed and sat on the edge. He sat up all the way and put a hand on your shoulder. As soon as he did, you lunged at him and buried you face in his neck, your body shaking from the fear.

“Nightmare?” He asked softly, stroking your slightly messy hair.

You nodded and shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable. He pulled you down to lay beside him and cuddled your shaking body against his, trying to take your fear away. No matter what he did however, your body wouldn’t stop trembling. So he gently took your chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted your face upwards to face him.

“I told you that I would protect you didn’t I?” He whispered, slowly leaning closer.

When you didn’t pull away, he closed the distance between your lips and kissed you. You kissed him back after the initial shock wore off. He pulled back after a few seconds and rested his forehead against yours.

“That felt good….” He muttered, a breathy chuckle leaving his lips, tickling yours.

“Yeah….” You breathed your agreement.

“Be my girl?” He asked quietly.

You smiled and kissed him again.

“I don’t think it’s even a question….” You said, kissing him again.

He chuckled and nipped your lip, kissing you deeper this time. He was defiantly not letting anything or anyone hurt you now.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Joshua ____(l/n)____?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“I’ll explain in a minute. First let me get your brother on the line as well.”

“Hello?”

“Mason ____(l/n)____?”

“Yes?”

“Ok, good. Now that I have you both, my name is Levi Ackerman. I'm your sister’s boyfriend. We recently got together, she hasn’t been hiding it from you. But that’s beside the point. The reason I called you both is because I need your help. ________ is currently living with me because your father has been abusing her. I have pictures of the bruises he left even.”

“He what?!”

“That bastard! I knew something was wrong when I’d call and she’d be crying!”

“Like I said, I need your help. I know it’s short notice, but if you could make it out here within the next few days, I want to get him where he belongs.”

“I’ll be on the next flight there.”

“I’m in the car in an hour.”

“See you soon.”

You heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it.

“Joshua, Mason?!” You exclaimed, extremely confused.

They both enveloped you in a hug together, confusing you even further.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, hugging them back.

“I called them.” Levi said from behind you.

“What?” You were now completely confused.

“We’re putting that basted where he belongs,” Mason said, clearly upset, “Why did you never tell us?!”

Your eyes widened and you turned to Levi.

“You told them?!” You asked.

He nodded and said, “I need their help to put him where he belongs to make sure you’re truly safe.”

You sighed and sat down on the couch. You listened to them plan and scheme about how to get your father arrested. You rolled your eyes and finally spoke up.

“How about we just go file a report with the police,” you said, looking at them, “We’ve got plenty of pictures of the bruises and I’ve got some scars I can show them.”

They looked at each other and seemed to agree. So they took you down to the station and you did just that. And they arrested your father. You wouldn’t have to deal with him for a very, very long time.

It’s been a few months since all the excitement of getting your father arrested. You and Levi graduated along with your friends. And speaking of your friends, you and Levi set up Max and one of Levi’s friends Mike, so they were having their own summer adventure. But as for you and Levi, you were traveling around Europe together for the summer. And in the fall, you’d both be starting at a university in France.

“Oi, brat, why are you staring out the window?” Levi asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You looked at him and smiled. You went over to him and startled his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Because I had some stuff on my mind,” you said, kissing his neck, “But, I think I know something else that’s on my mind now.”

Levi smirked and flipped you over so he was hovering over you.

“Great idea.” He said, nipping at your neck, trailing his tongue lower.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled.

“I love you ________....” Levi murmured against your chest, placing a kiss to your heart.

“I love you too Levi….”

[clumsyclifford]

bella i am eliciting so much impulse control rn and and and. i just. i had to come tell someone this story so here i am . to tell it to u. i hope u strap in for the ride.

ok so let’s go back to like. 2016? maybe? i was still writing r5 fanfic on wattpad. i was 13-14. i would have people dm me complimenting my fics all the time, and bc we tended to be the same age and share interests, that would often lead to conversations beyond just my writing. one such person was this girl named sydni.

she complimented my fics, i did the usual omg thanks i appreciate it. conversation progressed. we would just talk about r5 or misc stuff we were doing. at the time i was also getting very deep into the patd fandom and had started writing ryden fanfic (we all have our demons). by this point her and i had been getting along and talking for a few weeks. we shared interests, and we even found out we were born on the exact same day of the same year which we thought was cool. being the exact same age. so it continued as casual conversation with a newly formed online acquaintance.

now is how the ryden fic writing becomes relevant. she asks what im doing one day. im like. writing? and she’s like oh what r u writing. im like some gay ass fanfic pal. ryden. and she’s like. well i have something to tell u and u have to promise not to get mad bc ive lost so many friends over it. im like okay what is it!! thinking its about to be something deeply personal or like her coming out or something.

she’s like. well u writing gay fanfic is gross and a sin. im like ?????????? what. little 13 year old me did not know she was a closeted bisexual at the time, but she WAS going through that pre-realization phase of FIERCE ALLYSHIP where she was a shooter4thelgbt. anyways we argue. im like Girl shut the hell up with your bullshit single bible verse defense and just accept all people for who they are. she argues that she isn’t a homophobe, she just disagrees with gay people’s “lifestyle.” i tell her she is literally just a homophobe there is no sugarcoating it. things progress. i become progressively less civil and pretty much tell her to just get over herself. 

at some point she starts telling me this story that she thinks will like. be in her defense?? of her brother riding the bus with a trans boy. who he would constantly deadname and use she/her pronouns for despite the boy telling him to stop and telling him to use he/him pronouns. and finally the boy got so fed up with her brother endlessly harassing him that he screamed at her brother. and of course HE was the one that got suspended. so of course she’s telling this story, dead-naming and misgendering all throughout. and is acting like her brother was in the right.

so she gets done telling it. and im like Um your brother literally harassed a trans kid and he had every right to yell at your brother when he finally got fed up. cue another grossly transphobic spiel with me resending every message of hers back to her with the pronouns corrected. me losing my shit and calling her homophobic and transphobic and saying her brother deserved to be more than just yelled at. she spews at me about god created 2 genders blah blah blah. 

at this point i ignore her. we stop dming after i basically just call her gross and then post a public callout about her being homophobic and transphobic on my wattpad message board Aw. time goes on. then i see one day her talking about being mad that one of the members of r5 posted something in support of the lgbt+ community. it was at this point i decided to have some fun. i asked for her kik and was like i just want to have a civil conversation :(

she agreed. i then added her to a group chat with all of my queer online friends at the time. there were probably like 15 of us and they all agreed when i told them the situation. this group chat then like collectively dismantled every one of her arguments and called her homophobic. she gets pissed and leaves. i get vague’d about this.

i move on. i have not spoken to or thought about her in years. tonight my best friend and i are nostalgically scrolling our wattpad dms since its the first place we ever talked and its now been like 7 years since we first talked. she remembers sydni and is like oh what’s her wattpad these days. i joke that i have hope for her now that shes an adult and can unlearn bigoted beliefs (something i said to her at 13. to unlearn all the gross beliefs taught to her by her parents and be her own person), and say i should dm her to ask if she’s still homophobic.

so i find her wattpad. click her profile. see she now runs a 5sos account?? im like oh ew. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. and then i see she has her twitter username in her bio. so out of curiosity i decide to scroll her twitter.

for starters, i am shocked to see she has like 3K FOLLOWERS?? running a 5sos stan account. and then i was like hmmm i wonder if she’s ever POSTED here about being homophobic. i mean, she was pretty open in posting about her bigotry on wattpad. but i mean hey! because like, its been 6 years! we’re both like baby adults now! maybe she’s grown and learned! maybe she like moved out and went to college and realized she was in the wrong! maybe it was like internalized the whole time or something! in my head, i was so hoping i could give her the benefit of the doubt. i would have been happy to see she had changed.

the first thing i see is a rt thats like “harry styles isn’t a queerbaiter, you people just don’t know how to let him have a private life and mind your own business” which like. i agree! real people can’t queerbait so true! pushing celebrities on their sexualities when it clearly makes them uncomfortable and trying to forcibly out them is gross! but knowing her past i was like This feels icky. This screams of her whole past idea of disagreeing with the “gay lifestyle” and essentially thinking queer people should keep being queer to themselves. so then i went further and. well. i was greatly disappointed. i searched her twitter with the word “gay.” in march 2021 she was arguing with someone about how she’s allowed to disagree with gay people’s “lifestyle” because the bible says being gay is a sin. 

i had so much hope for her bella. i truly hoped she would learn and grow. i have too much faith in people </3 um moral of the story is my impulse control is dwindling. i will be logging off of twitter so i don’t dm her from my lurking account and start problems. i have years of receipts and now screenshots of the tweets from just last year when she was 18. i could ruin this girl to her 3k followers. But I Wont. today i use impulse control. today i choose Peace and Love.

in conclusion. don’t follow twitter user @/mcclesyy because well i really don’t care to not name drop. she needs to stay away from 5sos 👹 maybe she’d calm down if she wrote some muke or something 🙄 /j

bella i am losing my fucking mind this was the most insane rollercoaster i've ever been on

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - “Inflated Egos” (Rated G)

Summary: When Kurt takes one of his students to compete in their first competition after landing their Axel, Kurt is confronted with the conundrum of choosing good sportsmanship or doing anything you can to win...

And Sebastian and Blaine are of no help whatsoever. (2080 words)

Part 69 of Outside Edge

Read on AO3. 

“I wanna add the Axel!”

"I know you do, Kevin. It's exciting to land your Axel. But we can't add it to your routine last minute."

"Why not!? I know the perfect place for it!"

Kurt sighs, steering his precocious pupil down the corridor that leads to the ice, rehashing this conversation they've had close to a hundred times over the past three hours.

“You can't add the Axel because you're competing at a level that doesn't include Axel."

"But this isn't a technical competition!" Kevin argues, the words tumbling around his mouth as if they don't belong. "I'm skating spotlight artistic! I can have an Axel in my program. They just won't score it!"

"Wow. You have such a firm grasp of the rules and qualifiers for a ten-year-old. Almost as if someone fed them to you... " Kurt shoots his boyfriend a dirty look. Sebastian shrugs, but he doesn't look the least bit guilty.

"It might be considered bad sportsmanship, and that could lower your score,” Blaine adds, inching in on Kurt's side of the argument. He has nothing against Kevin adding the jump. It would add pizzazz to his program. But judging at the ISI level can be ambiguous, to put it nicely. Not like in higher levels where it's required to put real-time scores on a readily available screen throughout the performance for transparency. If a judge doesn't like your music or your costume or your coach or you in general for whatever reason, a skater can lose fractions of a point. 

And those add up.

Most ISI judges coach competitors, and they tend to favor skaters in their own skating clubs. Scratches magically disappear if a coach happens to know the performer, knows that they've done better in the past, and cuts them some slack. 

It happens more often than the casual onlooker may think.

Kevin is a talented up-and-comer who hasn't ruffled anyone's feathers (that Blaine knows of), so he doesn't see how one little Axel could sully his reputation. And Kevin is correct - it's not technically against the rules for his event class. 

It's just frowned upon.

But if Blaine joins the Kevin-Sebastian tag team, that would be three against one, and that wouldn't be fair to Kurt. Kurt is looking out for his skater like any good coach would. Bad scoring won't tank a judge, but bad sportsmanship can kill a skater's career before it starts.

“I know the kids at the rink love this event, but I've never competed in spotlight artistic," Kurt admits. "Only technical. So I don’t really know what to expect.”

"I didn't either," Blaine chimes in. "My coach was adamant that it was a waste of time for serious skaters."

“I did a few," Sebastian says, "when I was part of Elite."

Kurt peeks over at his boyfriend, lips twisted behind his mask in an amused grin. "Why? That doesn't seem like Elite's cup of tea."

"Because coach wanted our names on the board for every event possible - technical, spotlight, shoot-the-duck, spirals... "

"What sort of routines did you do?"

"Nothing too impressive. Not like my technical programs. I was a big Avengers fan, so I stuck with that. I was Thor one year. Had a Mjölnir with lightning coming out of it and everything."

"Oh, please tell me there's a video of this somewhere!" Blaine begs, clasping his hands together in front of his chest. "I would pay good money to see it!" 

"You can't afford it," Sebastian says, blowing him off without a glance. "You had to have a prop for spotlight, but coach always said it was about the skating, like every other event. Or it was." He raises an eyebrow at a tractor prop covered in LED lights, quietly questioning, "What the hell song is that for?" as it drives by. "Something tells me that may have changed a tad.”

“Ya think?” Blaine chuckles, pointing to three skaters dressed in inflatable T-Rex costumes pulling an animatronic Indominus Rex the size of a VW bus behind them.

Kevin gasping diverts their attention to a podium covered in holographic wrap, a giant "diamond" mounted on top spinning slowly, throwing colored beams across the floor, pushed by a young lady dressed as a one-eyed spy. "These props are awesome!" he says, his own small prop clutched in his right fist.

"Maybe next time, we can wrap you up in Christmas lights and glue drones to your shoulders to make you fly," Sebastian suggests. "Eh, Kevin?"

"Can we?" Kevin asks, bouncing on his blockers, excited at the prospect of taking his hand-made Elvis costume to the next level.

"No! Kevin doesn't need any bells or whistles," Kurt declares, unsure what Christmas lights and drones have to do with Elvis. "His routine is about his skating. Props are just gravy. We don't need more. One is enough."

"Yeah. Right. Okay," Sebastian and Kevin grump. Even Blaine looks disappointed. 

So when Kurt hears a chuckle, his ears prick up, and his head turns.

Everyone he sees around them seems focused on their warmups. No one is paying attention to them. But off to his right, he spots a brown-haired woman, her smiling green eyes darting their way, then back to the ice. When she looks back and notices Kurt watching her, she knows she's been caught and waves their way.

"I'm sorry," she says, trundling over. "I didn't mean to overhear, but I was wonderin'... are you fellas new?"

It's not often that Kurt walks into a rink in Ohio and isn't immediately recognized. But unlike Sebastian, he enjoys the anonymity.

"Let's just say I am," Kurt says. "What am I missing?"

"A lot." She laughs again so hard, she snorts. "I'm sorry. Saying it's about the skating is admirable. That's what it should be about. But it's not. Not in this category. It's about the props. The bigger the prop, the better. You have to use every advantage you have if you want your skater to come close to winning a medal."

"Not everybody thinks that way," Kurt argues.

"Oh no? Do you see that boy over there in the gold crown?" She motions with her head past the crowd to where a boy slightly older than Kevin, dressed in pale blue and gold brocade, warms up. "That's Michael. He's skating as Tommen from Game of Thrones. His dragon prop is programmed to roll around the ice on its own. It even breathes fire! And at the end, he's going to jump out a tower window."

"Wow," Sebastian says when he catches sight of said tower. It has to be made of styrofoam. The skaters are responsible for getting their props on and off the ice by themselves. There is no way this kid would be able to push his tower around unless it was constructed out of foam. But it looks like stone. It stands at least six feet tall with a platform roughly three feet up and outfitted with a cushion for Michael to land on, painted to look like a cloud that will blend in with the ice. "Kurt, you're super dramatic and stuff. This sounds right up your alley! How about we sign you up for the next go-'round? You can do an excerpt from Wicked. Or Phantom of the Opera! We just need to find you a cape, a mask, and about seven dozen candles! Whaddya say?"

"I say it depends on which testicle you want to lose," Kurt mutters, hoping the bubbly stage-mom dressed in head-to-toe flair doesn't hear.

"Look, it may not be my place to say," she starts. "You are his coach and all, but... uh... " Her eyelids narrow. "What event is your skater in?"

"Thirty-seven," Kurt says.

She sighs, looks strangely relieved. "Okay. My Maggie's in twenty-three."

Kurt's brow furrows. Then he rolls his eyes, realizing she asked to make sure Kurt's skater wouldn't be competing against her daughter after she imparts this valuable nugget of information.

"If you want some advice, let him add the Axel. His prop is a little... well, it's a little... " She glances down at the object Kevin is strangling in his grip, searching for a polite word to describe it "... puny. He'll need a little oomph. Ooo!" She yelps so suddenly, all four boys jump. "I almost forgot! I have a boom box in my trailer from Maggie's last spotlight! It's got a detachable disco ball and flashing strobe lights! It would go great with his costume!"

"Is it big?" Sebastian asks, infuriating Kurt by getting caught up in this woman's prop propaganda. 

"It's the size of an Irish Wolfhound!" 

"And they're big," Blaine concurs, sharing a nod with Kevin, then Sebastian.

"Oh, I couldn't put you out..." Kurt tries, but she shakes her head, refusing to let him turn down her offer.

"Nonsense! I'm parked right outside the loading doors! It'll take five minutes to get!"

"It couldn't hurt," Blaine says, having the good sense to move away after.

Kurt can't reach him, but he fixes him with a glare that could melt glass.

"You can't honestly believe the skating doesn't matter?" he says, not directed at any one person.

"Of course, I believe the skating matters," Maggie's mom says. "But in this event, you have to have some sort of edge. Especially when you're up against stuff like that." She points past them, her eyes traveling up, way up, and Kurt's heart sinks into his stomach before he even turns around.

”Jesus Christmas,” Sebastian moans, staring at the monstrosity traveling their way - the biggest, gaudiest, parade-style float he has ever seen indoors, decorated to look like a six-year-old girl's dream: the base wrapped in tons of fluffy pink tuille intertwined with hundreds of white twinkle lights, crystal baubles and gold balls hanging from fishing line so they look like they're suspended in air, no less than three machines spewing bubbles straight up, a hidden fog machine obscuring the view slightly with pink mist, and in the center, a whole family of inflatable rainbow unicorns on an elevated platform, each one rotating independently, all surrounding a cocoon of pink satin pillows where a skater sits, carried onto the ice by this cotton candy throne. “I’m not even skating, and I’m suffering from some serious prop envy.”

Kurt stares at the thing as it passes by, its smug passenger waving at them like they're peasants waiting for crumbs of stale bread, until the image is burned into his retinas. He looks at Kevin and his pathetic prop - a lime-green inflatable guitar his mother bought for five dollars at the last county fair. There's something wrong with it. It keeps deflating at the neck. Kurt brought a hand pump with him, one he uses to put air in his yoga ball. One of Kurt's jobs as Kevin's coach is to fortify the thing before Kevin takes to the ice. He tosses it about three seconds in to his routine anyway. 

Because it's not the star of the show. 

Kevin is.

Kevin could probably skate circles around half these kids, but if what Maggie's mom says is true, he doesn't have a chance simply because they didn't think to look for anything larger for him to hold than this defective pool toy. Kurt finds it horrible that Kevin has lost before he even begins because his prop is less in-your-face than everyone else’s.

Excuse him for thinking that a skating competition would be judged on skating!

Kurt isn't necessarily proud of his next few decisions since they play into the "anything to win" mentality. But later, Sebastian will convince him he wasn't elevating Kevin so he could win. It was leveling the playing field so he had a chance.

And Kurt can live with that.

"Sebastian? Blaine?"

"Yeah, babe?"

Blaine debates calling Kurt babe, too, if for no other reason than to rankle Sebastian, but now might not be the best time. "Yeah?"

"Could you please escort this kind woman to her trailer and retrieve the enormous boom box she has graciously offered to lend us?"

"On it," Blaine replies.

"Yessir." Sebastian gives Kurt a playful salute, then hurries away, led by the now effervescent woman who couldn't be more thrilled than if they were outfitting her daughter. 

“And Kevin?”

“Yeah, coach?”

Kurt puts his hands on Kevin's shoulders and gives him a reassuring squeeze as they watch that grotesque, bubble-spitting giant take the ice. “Add the Axel.”

[heliosthegriffin]

The Burdens of Lordship

Jaune decided he needed to go get out for a night, and by himself.

It had been a long couple of months at Beacon, hard, difficult, and nowhere near-easy for a fake like himself.

But, he had made it so far with Pyrrha and his teams help.

He be dead without them, hells, he’d be dead without Ruby too.

But, with all these new teams coming in today... It felt so damn suffocating, even more than usual. Like they could see through him, see that he didn’t belong here.

So, it brought him here, getting dressed for a knight on the town, heh, he’d made a Yang.

A nice pair of cream slacks, a royal blue dress shirt, a black vest on top of it lined with faux-gold buttons, a pair of nice brown loafers, and fine leather belt to bring the suit together. Contrarily to Yang and Weiss’s opinion, he did know how to dress himself, being raised by his parents plus seven overbearing sisters taught him enough, it’s just, since he came to Beacon he’s actually had the freedom to wear what he wanted.

Tonight though? He want to look better than he felt. So, he brushed his a hair enough to look presentable, and went out into the dorm.

“Well, how did I dooooo-” Jaune didn’t get to finish as Nora barreled pasted into the bathroom, knocking him to the side.

Pyrrha stifled a laugh and Ren gave the barest hint of a apolegtic smile.

Jaune steadied himself, giving a laugh at his own expense. He couldn’t blame Nora for having to go to the bathroom, could he?

“Well, how do I look?” Jaune asked his partner and his friend.

Pyrrha gave him a friendly smile and nodded approvingly. “Quite lovely, Jaune. You look dashing.”

“Ah, thanks Pyr.” Jaune said with a slight blush, it always felt nice to be complimented.

Ren looked on more skeptically, with a hand on his chin. “Turn around.”

Jaune did as asked.

“Ok, do some stretches.”

Jaune complied with his team-mates wishes, surely he would notice if he missed something. 

“Alright, you look passable. Here,” Ren approached Jaune squirted a few drops of cologne, and helped straighten out his outfit. “And now you look, as Pyrrha put it, quite dashing.” Ren said with a light smile.

“Thanks, Ren.” Jaune said another light blush on his cheeks. “Well, I guess I should be going then.”

“Wait,” Ren said putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re forgetting something.” He looked over to Pyrrha and she handed the boys Crocea Mors.

Jaune looked on incredulous. “Why would I need Crocea Mors?”

Ren shook his head. “You’re a huntsman, you must look the part at all times. Plus...”

Jaune frowned, knowing where he was leading. “It’ll make me less likely to be mugged or something.” 

Jaune knew he was a still noodly, and looked kinda weak. But he was working really hard on that!

Jaune still took his blade without complaint, admittedly he has gotten so used to wearing it, he started feeling off when not wearing it.

Pyrrha rubbed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like that Jaune, it’s not we’re concerned about you getting hurt, far from it, the odds of someone attacking you and them being huntsman trained are one in some hundred. We’re actually more concerned that someone might mug you and...”

Ren chimed in, “Well, you’re not Nora strong, but you’re being trained and have Aura, and that’s more than enough to hospitalize someone without one or both.”

Jaune grimaced at the idea. While he didn’t fancy himself strong or powerful, it as kinda hard to deny he hadn’t been making progress, last week he had managed to take off the head of one of the old drones that General Ironwood had donated to the academy. A regular human probably require much, much less effort.

So he nodded. “I see your point. Better to deter them, before they make a attempt.”

“Also, Ruby would be peeved if you didn’t start taking this.” Then Pyrrha pushed a black hand-canon into his hand. She then looked him in the eyes. “I’d also be rather put out, considering I paid for it.” A sly grin in her eyes.

Jaune sighed and equipped the gun to his waist opposite of Crocea Mors. Ever since he had started training with Pyrrha seriously, she had quite insistent about covering his ranged issues. So his devious partner, had behind his back teamed up with his best friend and local gun-nut, Ruby Rose, to make him a custom-hand canon.

Her evils truly knew no bounds. They had even come up with a name for it the devils! Noctis Mors.

Ruby had been a cruel task-master in teaching him the in’s and outs of shooting Noctis Mors, she had made him assemble and reassemble her until his hands bled gun oil. Suffice to say, while Noctis Mors felt a little strange on his hip, he was getting used to it.

“Thank you, Pyrrha.” He said, and pulled her into a hug, which she reciprocated.

“Better to have it and not need it, then to needed and not have it.”

Jaune smiled and shook his head, his friends were too good to him.

“Tell Nora, I said bye.”

Ren nodded his head. “You should leave before she loads you up with some grenades.”

Jaune shivered at the thought, he might be coming around to using Noctis Mors, but he doubted he’d ever get used to high-caliber explosives, He’d leave that to his crazy ginger bomber.

“Well, bye guys, I’ll see you later tonight.” Jaune said to his friend and Partner.

“Bye, Jaune.”

“Try not to eat to unhealthily!”

“I make no such promises!” Jaune said with a laugh, slipping out of the dorm.

Jaune made his way down the hallways of the dorm toward to the stairs that led outside. Where he encounters a quartet of familiar faces.

Jaune gave a friendly wave to Team RWBY as he walked towards them.

“Jaune!” Ruby said speeding over. “What are you up too? You’re not trying to ask Weiss out again are you?”

Jaune gave a eye-roll. “No, just heading out for the night. Just thought, I be a good friend and say hi.” Jaune said with stress on the word friend.

Ruby gave a laugh. “Sure, you are.”

The rest of her team caught up. Weiss in particular looked at him with suspicion,

“So, VB, whats the occasion for looking so sharp, you got a hot date tonight?” Yang asked giving him a approving nod.

“Hah, no, not tonight. I, uh, just gotta to get out for a night. You know? I just feel so trapped lately, and I want to not really think about things for a night.”

Ruby gave him a sympathetic nod.

While surprisingly Blake, the one he probably never interacted with, looked at him with a surprising level of empathy. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I hope you find what you’re looking for tonight.”

“Yeah me, too.”

Weiss then choose to cut in. “So, you don’t know what you’re looking for then?” Giving him a sharp look.

Jaune almost buckled under her gave, but straighten his back. “Uh, no, but, It’s not like I’m just idling around in Vale all nigh, I’ve got a couple places to hit up, but it’s not like I’m keeping to strict schedule, I either get to them or I don’t, I’m just trying to de-stress is all.”

Weiss huffed in disapproval, but said nothing in return. The Ice Queens love of schedules and appointments was approaching that of legend.

Yang then slung an arm around his shoulders, though she had to lean up to so. “Well, VB, that sounds fun and all, but Team RWBY as places to be and butts to kick, so go have your fun.” 

Jaune untangled himself. “That’s the plan, you guys go stop crime or whatever trouble you’ll get up to.”

“We don’t always do that!”

Jaune raised a suspicious brow at that.

“We don’t!”

“Sure.” Then Jaune turned and walked away, feeling as though he had won that conversation.

As he was leaving, he heard Weiss call out. “Arc.” Jaune turned to looked at her. “Try to not make a fool out of yourself, tonight.” The barest hint of what may one day be a smile on her face.

“That’s not on the list, but I’ll add it in anyway.” He said turning around, not bothering to try to find sort of conversation with her. He knew where they stood relationship wise, and if it could improve over time, that sounds good, if not, well all he could hope is keeping thing civil.

-------

Jaune made sure to pop something for his motion-sickness before he bordered the bullhead, so the flight down wasn’t as terrible as it could be, it was still awful, but at least he wasn’t spewing his guts everywhere.

His stomach feeling wobbly made he strike eating off the list for now, so he choose his first destination, and walked through one of Vales, many, many parks. Admiring the well-tended plant-life and occasionally waving at anybody who waved at him.

After his stomach settled, he decided to walk towards the closest bookstore, and just browsed till he founded something interesting. He had less-time with keeping up with comic and whatever came out of Mistral, since coming to Beacon. Still he left the store with couple interesting comics and even a couple books on stuff relating to huntsman actives.

Finally his stomach had decided to let him know, he could refill it. He ended up at a nice steak house, and somehow managed to get to a table in under a hour.

Jaune set at a table looking over a menu, he had already decided on what steak he want, now it was just onto sides.

A waitress then made herself known. “Hello, hello, what can I get you today?”

Jaune recited his order. 

“Right, well have it out as soon as possible. Also, from the rest of us here, we’d like to think you for your service.”

Jaune’s face crunched in confusion.

“Huntsmen are a invaluable part of our society, and as such, we’d like you to know that your meal is on the house tonight, if you require anything else, please just call.”

Then his waitress left, somehow managing to make Jaune feel appreciated and also like a complete piece of shit.

----

The meal was delicious, and Jaune had made sure to leave a nice tip anyway before leaving.

Did his dad get free meals like that? Did all huntsmen just get their bill wavered?

Jaune paused for a moment and sat on a bench, thinking.

He stares out into the evening light and all the people out there, living there lives, good or bad, they were still people weren’t they? They were probably didn’t even think about how to they need to get stronger, or how to kill the next grimm they face, were they?

They shouldn’t have to either? Should they, since that was his job kinda. Jaune thought for a second, he might not be a real huntsman, or even a real huntsman in training, but whats to stop him from faking it till he made it for real? What does it matter if the arms that carrys the sword has trained for two years or two months, if it can cut, it can serve.

If people were going to honor him as a huntsman, he was going to honor them by acting like one.

There wasn’t a smile on his face, but there wasn’t a frown either.

He didn’t have time to idle anymore, he needed to get back and work off this meal.

‘KAAAA-BOOOOM!!!’ A sound like none Jaune had heard before tore the air into pieces, it was so loud that it put any sound he heard before into a whimper. It was like the crack of thunder on a scale inconceivable, like lightning striking turned up to twelve.

His hearing was protected by Aura, and it was still ringing.

He turned his head towards the source of the sound, towards Beacon, and towards Patch, towards were he say the source of several more sources of the sound, and a terrible, but wondrous site.

Of what looked like one of those things Weiss summoned before, but bigger, on a scale that could cover entire city blocks! 

A pillar of sheer white light stuck Beacon, and in a moment of realization, what must be Signal on Patch.

A light so bright and terrible, Jaune felt it burn against his aura, and could see the fires start around the Emerald Forest. He carefully took his hand off his ear, the sound pound like a hammer into his head, and he could see the bones through his skin. He slapped his hand back across his head.

The pillars kept of their thunderous booming for several minutes, as Jaune covered his ears, watching in utter horror.

It felt almost like a the air was slapping against his bones, and sound was hitting against his bones, rattling and shaking them.

The ground as shaking too he realized.

Silence and darkness.

The pillars suddenly disappeared, and a vacuum of sound was left over.

The city was now dark and silent, as day left night along, as the lights in the city did not turn on, as the only light was that of the fires, there was no sound at first... Then the screams started.

AN: I can’t believe everyone, but, Jaune just got fucking Isekai’d.