#mental health for inmates is important too

[heart-of-copper-dog-training]

My Favorite Day of the Week: Prison Time

As you know, yesterday was our first meeting with the inmates since our kerfuffles needed unkerfuffling. So, let me get ya'll updated.

First, it was SO fun seeing the guys again. We all missed each other so much! I have a mix of good news and bad news, so I'll start with the bad first: we have two dogs who are terminally ill. The last coordinator didn't get them vetted in time to get them treated and now that our rescue coordinator who is amazing has gotten that done, it's been discovered it's too late. So her rescue organization will sponsor them until end of life and make the call when to euthanize, but for now they are staying with their handlers and if one of them makes it long enough, she will go into a hospice adoption with her handler later this year.

One of our purebreds was transferred to a purebred rescue to give him a better chance at adoption, so in his spot we got this new beautiful dog who, honestly, looks like a coyote wearing socks. She's so sweet and might be a service dog candidate with Tadsaw, that remains to be seen.

As for the dogs and handlers, like I said, we were all very excited. We got a new location due to some issues with the old one (prison things, warden went over it) and while it's smaller, it should be fine until the weather cools. We're hoping to get a second room and split into two groups to get more space.

Our two shyest dogs are more open and happy, bonded with their handlers. One of them even made a friend with our third lifer dog, Pie (due to having been in for three years, he's mostly unadoptable as he'd have too much separation anxiety. The rescue is sponsoring him as well but he's expected to live a long happy life with his handler). Which means Pie gets extra exercise (he's a fat boi who is working on it and gradually showing improvement).

Our crazy girl Mauve is doing so well on her leash skills! All the dogs are working leash skills this week and next week, as that is one of if not the most common reason to return a dog. We'll also be using my body language 101 handout as homework next week so we can go over that with the handlers.

We'll be adding back up handlers soon per dog, so that there's never a stranger with them. And as inmates go in and out we'll have more ready to go trained handlers for each batch of dogs.

Our new dog, Molly, is best friends with Mauve and we're not fully convinced they aren't related, due to their location they were found in, their ages, and their appearance. Regardless, they are so sweet and cute together which is great because Mauve needs a friend who can keep up with her energy.

Next week, we start figure 8s, sitting for greeting and a brush up on "down". I'll be with the rescue coordinator because our second trainer has a few things and can't make it but she'll be back when we meet again, hopefully with them having read the body language 101.

I can't stress enough how great it is to walk into a room full of smiling faces and happy dogs (many of whom were super shut down when they entered the program). Our handlers are amazing. I can't believe that in the small time we've known them, they've gone from a bit standoffish and not really friendly to each other to smiling, cracking jokes and teasing one another about this or that with their different dogs. They know they are doing a great thing and some of these dogs come from horrendous situations. I'm so proud of the work they've done, even with our sporadic (and hopefully more consistent now that we've met with the warden and gotten a new coordination with the prison) meetings. The real test will be our next batch of dogs, but this group (who has had far too long due to the issues previously) is going very well. I anticipate they'll all graduate (less our three lifer dogs) and the next group will have its small hiccups, but also thrive.

I'm so honored to be part of something that brings so much joy to everyone. The inmates are happy (even those not in the program are having fun watching the dogs and asking how to get in), the dogs are happy, us trainers are happy, the rescue organization is happy and our coordinator and warden are happy. It's a win win win for everyone.

It's my favorite part of the week and I can't wait to see where it goes.

As always, be kind to yourself, to your dogs, and to others. It's free to be kind.

Here's a picture of Orange Cat (legal name Lionblaze but we call him orange cat lol) looking smug and satisfied for ya'll who are here for the cute animals.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Dangerous Liaisons

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.5k

Warnings: angst, prison!loki

Summary: You do your best to make sure the prisoners of the prison you work at get the utmost care that you can give them. The prison gets a new inmate, one that you see yourself connecting with.

Squares Filled: prison au (2021) for @lokibingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

x

You leave the prisoner’s cell with a heavy sigh. Most of the time, you like your job because that means you’re healing people but not when they try and kill you, too. This American prison is one of the worst in the country because it houses the worst of the worst, the most dangerous individuals known to man. Your brother often tells you that you should quit and work in the hospital he works at, but you actually like it here as weird as it sounds.

Some of the prisoners are a menace that makes you want to quit your job, but there are other prisoners who think of prison as a rehab and try to get better. They’re still the most dangerous men due to the nature of their crimes, but at least they’re trying to become better.

You’re here to nurse anyone back to health because believe it or not, there are a lot of stabbings that happen here. You do your best to take care of the inmates as much as you can without letting the job affect you that much. Mental health is just as important.

You walk back to your station in the middle of the prison where the other nurses are gossiping. You try not to participate in the gossip especially when it comes to the other inmates, but it’s hard not to when you work so closely with one another.

“What are you two whispering about?” you ask.

“Did you hear? We’re getting another inmate.”

“Really? Aren't we at capacity?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Who is it?” you ask.

Neither women know the answer to that. All they know is that he is probably the worst of the worst, and that’s saying something. It doesn’t take long for the new inmate to get here, and you’re looking out the window for him. A herd of guards walks down the hallway with the new inmate stuck in between them. You gasp when you see the prisoner. You know who that is. You’ve seen him destroy New York while you were safe in your house in another state.

Loki’s chains connect his ankle handcuffs and wrist handcuffs, only allowing him enough room to take a small step forward. He has a metal muzzle on his face, covering just his mouth. He can use magic so they thought putting a muzzle on him was best to keep him from using it. He doesn’t look bothered about being here but maybe he’s really good at hiding his true emotions.

Loki looks at the nurse’s station and locks eyes with you. Even though there is a muzzle over his mouth, you can see the smirk on his face. His eyes are a powerful blue that gives his expressions away. A shiver rolls down your spine from how intense his gaze is. You’ve met and been with men who knew how to take your breath away, but never has someone been able to do that just by looking at you.

Plus, it doesn’t help that he’s extremely good-looking.

From what you can see, he has cuts and bruises on his face from what, you’re not sure. The guards take Loki to the most secure prison cell in the place. The place had been under construction for a while, probably getting Loki’s cell ready. The warden walks into the nurse’s station and approaches you.

“Consider him your new patient.”

“What?”

“I don’t want anyone else but you with him. You’re the best nurse I’ve got on staff, but don’t tell the others,” he jokes.

“Oh...kay,” you say slowly.

“Don’t worry about him hurting you. We have taken extra precautions to ensure everyone’s safety. There are guards in place if the chains fail, but they won’t. Tony Stark made them.”

“Do you need me to do it now?”

Preferably within the hour. We don’t want to give him an excuse to be let out.”

You go as soon as you can just so you can get this out of the way. You don’t know Loki, only what he’s done, but you know more than most that your actions don’t define who you are. Look at some of the prisoners here. They know what they did was wrong and are trying to better themselves for it even though they may never be released from prison.

You gasp when you see Loki chained up like some animal. The muzzle is still on his face and a chain is hooked to the chain connecting his arms and legs. That chain is connected to a hook on the floor so he can’t escape. Loki is a magical being that is over a thousand years old (yes, you did research on him). If he wants out of the chains, he’s getting out. Why isn’t he? Why did they let him take him? The other inmates have free roam in their cells but Loki is chained to the ground.

How is that fair?

You walk up to Loki and look into his blazing blue eyes. They’re like oceans. He looks like he’d be the quiet one even without the muzzle on.

“Hi, my name is Y/N. I’ll be your nurse. I’m here to clean you up and make sure those cuts aren’t going to get infected.” He doesn’t say anything, obviously. “I’ll be by every day to make sure your wounds aren’t infected and to check your vitals to make sure you’re not sick.”

You roll over a table and put your first aid kit on it, pulling out the things you need. You use a cotton swab to clean up the blood around the edges of the wounds before dabbing a paper towel on the wounds gently. He doesn’t seem to be in pain and if he is, he doesn't show it.

“Let me tell you a little bit about me so you’re not uncomfortable with me. I started working here about six years ago. It’s not always the best but I love what I do. My brother who is a doctor wants me to work in his hospital but I don’t think I’d ever leave here. When I’m not working here, I like to do ceramics. I have a kiln at home where I make my own bowls and other little sculptures. I don’t need the money but I like to sell them. People seem to like it.”

Loki has a twinkle in his eyes as he listens to you ramble. You do that when you’re nervous, and he really makes you nervous. You continue to ramble as you clean his wounds, finishing in just over an hour later. You leave his cell and return to the nurse’s station in thought. You did minor research on Loki when he attacked New York, and you set a reminder to do some more when you go home tonight. It doesn’t matter what anyone at this prison has done. No one should be locked up like an animal. Your coworkers don’t share the same views as you, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

When you return to work the next day, the first prisoner you see is Loki. There are guards located outside of his cell twenty-four-seven but you don’t think Loki will escape… maybe. You walk to his cell but the guards don’t move from their spot. Each prisoner gets an hour of your time each day with the more severe cases getting an extra one. They like Loki to be last so that you can focus on everyone else and not give him special privileges, but there is no way you’re putting his health risks below others.

“Excuse me.”

“We can’t let you enter.”

“What did you just say?”

“The warden said--”

“I don’t care what the warden says. My job is to take care of prisoners with wounds, and Loki has several cuts not only to his face but upper chest. Cuts that if left untreated will get infected causing him to be sick and possibly die. Even if he didn’t have anything physically wrong with him, you have him locked up like some animal so he isn’t getting exercise. His muscles will start to atrophy. Now, do you want me to report that to the warden or do you want to step aside and let me do my damn job?”

Both guards look at each other before stepping away from the door. You lift your nose up and yank the door open before walking inside. Loki looks up when he sees you and almost smiles at the determination on your face. You roll the same first aid cart over to Loki and remove the bandages to check on his wounds.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. What was I supposed to say to them? It’s not right how they’re treating you.” You grab more cotton swabs and wipe away the leakage that’s expected to come from the wounds. “Anyhow, aren’t Gods supposed to self-heal?” You pause. “That’s what I hear you are. You and Thor. Gods. Norse Gods, actually. Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous. You make me nervous.”

You grab the stitches to stitch two wounds together since they are deep enough to leave a scar if not properly healed.

“I read about you when I got home last night like some stalker fangirl.” Your eyes widen. “Which I’m not, by the way. I just… I saw what you did to New York on TV. I know what you did in Germany.” His eyes grow sad. “Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re as bad as they say you are. We all make mistakes, right?”

Of course, he doesn’t answer. You take your time in stitching up the two wounds before cleaning the rest of them and putting bandages back on them. Next, you check to make sure the restraints aren’t on too tight because you’d hate if you were the one being restrained and it was uncomfortable.

“Are you uncomfortable?” you ask. He shakes his head in response. “Have they brought you any food?” Another shake. “Are you hungry?” This time, he nods. “Okay, I’ll be right back with something to eat. Any preferences?”

Your joke makes the edges of his eyes crinkle. He’s smiling underneath his muzzle. That’s a good sign, you think. You leave and head to the cafeteria to get a tray of food for him. You sneak in one or two extra items just because you’re feeling generous. The door to the kitchen slams open and the warden walks in with fire in his eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“No, what do you think you’re doing? Are you keeping food from Loki? He deserves to eat.”

“A monster like him doesn’t deserve that. Plus, he’s not even human.”

“If he doesn’t eat, he’ll die,” you glare.

The warden shrugs as if that doesn’t bother him. He looks at the tray in your hands before leaving. You roll your eyes and continue filing the tray until you have more than enough for him. The guards don’t give you any trouble when you return back to Loki’s cell. He looks up and sees the food. He has to admit, he is hungry but he doesn’t think he’d accept any food if it didn’t come from you. You two have only known each other for less than two days but he feels a sort of connection with you that he has never made with a human.

You roll the first aid cart over to you and clear off the top before putting the tray there. With both hands free, you reach up and touch the clasp of the muzzle.

“I’m going to take this off now. I don’t think it’s right that they have this on you like some kind of animal.”

You remove the muzzle but Loki still doesn’t say anything. Since his hands are chained, you have to feed him but he doesn’t seem to mind. You take your time and ramble on about the different sculptures you’ve made, momentarily forgetting where you are.

“I’m not gonna put this back on,” you say about the muzzle once Loki has finished everything you brought to him. “Like I said. I don’t think it’s right.” With the muzzle off, you can see the hint of a smile on his face. Loki shifts and you look at the restraints on him. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m going to loosen your restraints just a little. They look tight.” You use the master key and loosen his restraints, allowing him some more room to stand properly and move about. “Is that better?” He nods. “I’ll be back later with more food and to check to see how you’re doing.”

You take the empty tray and leave his cell. You spend more time checking on the other prisoners than you’d like only because two of them got into a stabbing match in the courtyard. After you get done with them, you go back to the nurse’s station to grab some snacks from your lunch box. It’s better than eating that slop in the cafeteria.

You’re the last one left in the nurse’s station since all the others have gone home for the day. You have more patients than the others because most of them request you to fix them. It doesn’t matter what someone did, you’ll treat them the same way you treat everyone else. It’s better for your conscious.

All of a sudden, the lights go out in the station only for bright red lights to replace them. Alarms echo down the hallway, and most of the prisoners become erratic from the sound. Someone has escaped. They only put those alarms out when someone has escaped from their cell. It better not be Jacobson. He has a habit of finding new ways to piss off the warden.

You continue putting food on the tray when you feel a breeze a your back. The door is open. You look up and see a figure standing behind you through the reflection on the window. That’s not Jacobson. For one, he’s a very lanky short man. The man behind you is tall… very tall. You’re frozen in fear because you have no idea who is behind you. If he wanted to, he could kill you without a second thought.

“Hello, darling.” The man steps underneath the red light and you see those piercing blue eyes. You turn to face Loki as he walks closer to you. His voice is much deeper than you thought it’d be… much more raspy. You must have loosened the restraints too much. He reaches out to you and tucks your hair behind your ear. “Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not scared,” you say truthfully.

“Good girl,” he grins. “I wish I could stay but I have somewhere I need to be. Believe me when I say I’ll be back.”

He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek. Just like that, he’s gone. You believe him when he says he’ll be back. Funny thing is, you’re kind of looking forward to it.

x

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[jail-buddies-au]

I like how you randomly appeared on my fy, checked out your art,read some of your AU and was like "yes,a person of quality.Mhm." *cutely follows*.

You are now obliged to share more of this (/nm) because this Au will now be on my mind for at least a month

“A PERSON OF QUALITY” M CRYIIINGGG SJDJKSSJ THANKS

Im actually just a silly person that didn’t like the ending of their hyperfixation so i said “mm no pass me the pencil”

Haven’t been able to draw much but i do have some loose ideas and info

I find interesting that without the last time travel in canon absolutely EVERYTHING would’ve have gone downhill, like normally in the past time travels takemichi did there was always a good change, something good that happened, like kazutora’s survival in Valhalla vs Toman, that even if the future ended up worse, that change was still something valuable.

In Kanto vs Toman this gets completely erased, there’s literally no way out of a bad ending, three people died with absolutely no recompense, because the future staying exactly the same as bonten TL, Mikey being far away from everyone, but with three more dead people.

Takemichi dies and all turn into this in the matter of a week

That’s kind of what dragged me to think about this, am i being redundant??? Also i felt the necessity of exploring more Mikey’s mental health through the manga, which was heavenly implied and tried to give it a little of closure, which was something that i really wanted.

Now, there IS in fact a last time travel in this AU, but unlike canon, they don’t go back to the beginning beginning. Mikey travels back to this exact moment

I think that the time capsule moment was a very nice point to travel to, idk how to write a coherent paragraph so lemme just do it like this:

- Characters who’s death ate important to other characters development remain dead (shinichiro, baji, emma, izana) THAT ALTHOUGH IT HURTS ME SO MUCH, i didn’t like that everyone suddenly revived

- here is when Mikey starts to get actual fucking help LMAO, like while they were burying the time capsule, Mikey already knew what he was end of being, he literally planned a twelve-year-long su!cide at that moment. So i think that for the final TL to get a happy (as much as it can) ending is taking that plan back and actually start a healing journey with everything that has happened am i overthinking too much?

- ANYWAY, imma be fully transparent, i don’t know when exactly Mikey travels back, I know that he’s the time traveler because of michi giving him the power before dying, and Kazutora is the trigger. But idk if make him travel back the day Kazutora gets released from jail or before (still gonna keep him some good years behind bars tho)

NOW I CAN START WITH SILLY STUFF

- Theres a stray cat that lives in the prison called Arepa, all the prisoners know her

- Kazutora is REALLY well behaved in prison, and he has some privileges bc if that of course, Mikey thinks that’s a lie and that he actually sucked off some guard to have said benefits

-on the other side, Mikey is completely unstable, one day he can be rotting inside his sell not giving a fuck about anyone, and the other he can be fighting to death with another inmate

-he has been in solitary confinement more than once

- Kazutora receives letters from chifuyu every now and then, Mikey received a lot from Sanzu and even one from koko but he never answered, he wants to be forgotten just like in Bonten TL

-Chifuyu testified in Mikey’s trial, he also visited him once, that conversation is very well daydreamed in my head kakdjsksjjs

- There’s a good amount of mental health talk in this AU bc of course that Mikey and Kazutora in the same room was a great idea of me, so if you’re sensitive to that be careful 💙

-right now I’m drawing a little comic about Sanzu and Senju but i just have the sketch for now forgive my sins, and there’s actually a lot of panels and convos i have already like completely finished in my head, like when Mikey travels back? That’s COMPLETELY planned already jajdjsjsj im just slow

That’s all I think???? (It’s totally not but if I remember something ill post it or edit this)

Lemme know your thoughts before i consider myself cringe and delete all this text ISJDJDJSJJSJS

[eugenedebs1920]

Balance is a key part of life. From an ecosystem, to one’s health, from a work/life balance, to physically being able to balance. Balance is imperative for good mental health. Can’t just be all hunky dori all the time, pretending everything perfect, but you can’t stay in the dark too long being consumed by gloom and despair.

Balance is how one addresses the financial situations in life, you bring in roughly this much, this costs this much, my spending needs to be in this range. Even balanced substance abuse is how one can do a little something something, but not spend all their money and time on it, and still go to work. It’s ok to have a drink, or a puff here and there, it has to stay in balance with the other aspects of life or it becomes a problem.

Balance can be broke down on a global scale, rain is good, but too much rain is bad. Certain creatures on the lower levels of the food chain are important to feed creatures higher on the food chain, but too many lower level creatures are an infestation.

Balance brings harmony. The ying and the yang of existence. Everything In equipoise brings stability to its surroundings.

The United States basks in a state of asymmetric volatility on nearly every aspect except the split down the middle of political affiliation. There’s no concinnity harmonizing vital elements of society, justice, governance or economics.

The top 10% of earners own 67% of the wealth in this country, and the top 1% earn 31% of the nations wealth. It’s complicated with percentile vs percentile, so let’s break it down to a more conceivable scenario. Let’s say the earners in America is 100 people, and Americans yearly generated income was $100. Off the top $67 goes to ten people, with ninety people still needing their cut of the remaining $33. From the 90%-50% range of earners in our scenario, that’s 40 people, they split between them $30. That leaves us with 50 people who still need compensation for their labor from the 50% mark, to the lowest percentile, to split between them the remaining $3.

To recap. In our 100 person America, with $100 wealth distribution, 1 person gets $31. Nine people split $36, evenly distributed that $4 per person. Then 40 people split $30, which evenly distributed is 75 cents per person. Then 50 people split $3, which evenly distributed is 6 cents per person. There’s nearly 345 million people in the United States so those numbers are obviously massively simplified but you see what I’m getting at.

In our scenario as someone of 50 people receiving $0.06 I’m pissed! Even the next 40 people receiving $0.75 I’m not pumped about it. Take those top 9 earners making $4 each while one guy gets $31! It’s like, what the heck!?

That distribution is the lack of balance, and the very example of disproportion.

Now let’s take a look at incarceration.

The United States has the highest rates of incarceration in the world. While only representing 4% of the world’s population it harbors 25% of the world incarcerated people’s.

Let’s be clear. There are crimes that warrant (no pun intended) severe consequences. There are some crimes that ruin or take lives of the victims upon which they were conducted. Sex crimes, hate crimes, crimes against children, certain assaults, domestic violence, murder, drug related vehicular manslaughter, and some variations of fraud, are life altering or ending and should be judged as such. Yet one in five inmates being incarcerated for drug offenses is absurd.

Let’s be honest. Imprisonment equals profit. In 2023 the cost of incarceration to the American taxpayer was nearly $80 billion. Every state has different costs, and there’s different security levels of prisons, but the U.S. average per inmate is over $39,000 yearly.

Then There’s the nearly 10% of prisons that are “for profit prisons”, meaning they’re owned by private corporations and not only do they receive subsidies from the federal government but they charge up to $24 a phone call, they have unpaid inmate labor, selling the goods or services for profit, and charge exorbitant amounts for over the counter medications such as Tylenol or antihistamines.

The statistics change yearly and the variation of “crimes” is immense. Statistics show that between 44%-65% of incarcerations are drug related. The numbers for violent offenses are similar, 41%-68%. I realize these are more than 100%, and/or in contrast with each other but there’s county jails, local jails, state jails, state prisons, federal prisons, men prisons, female prisons, a significant amount of people in jail who have yet to be sentenced, migrant camps and so on. So finding solid, it’s THIS percent that makes up THAT percentage is nearly impossible. But hey! The price of admission for the article was fair 😉

Overall roughly half the jailed population is for drug offenders. Roughly. Drug use, and most drugs, were not wholly illegal until the 1970’s with Nixon declaring drugs as “public enemy number one”, thus began the war on drugs.

In 1994, Richard Nixon’s Domestic Policy Chief John Ehrlichman, would tell journalist Dan Baum, that the policy was primarily for Nixon’s reelection, saying Nixon had two major obstacles, “the antiwar left, and black people”. He would go on to say in the interview, “We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course, we did.”

The population of Black Americans is a little over 12%, and Caucasian is a touch over 60%.

In 2022 the prison population by race was, 32% black, 31% white, 23% hispanic, 10 % multiracial, 2% Native American/Native Alaskan and 1% Asian.

If 12% of the population is Black American, that’s roughly 42 million Black Americans. Of those 42 million black Americans, 13,440,000 are or will be incarcerated. At 32% of the incarcerated population that breaks down to almost 30% of the Black population as a whole, are, or will end up incarcerated. White people are 60% of the population in America at 210 million. Of those 210 million white people 31% of 210 million is 65,100,000 that equates to 6.5% of whites are incarcerated per capita in comparison to 30% of the 12% out of 350 million. I think... I’m a plumber not a statistician, and that math was friggin painful so we’re just going to leave it at that.

So, even if my math is off a bit, it’s plain to see how the disproportionate incarceration percentage of black people being a smaller portion of the overall population, than the larger populations percentage in comparison to the incarceration rate. 😵‍💫 If that makes sense.

The balance between the two races outweighs one another significantly.

Moving on!….

Let’s take a look at political power in this country. We’re going to make this one a little less mathy. 😅

As of November of 2024, there have been 2,004 people who have served in the United States Senate. There’s been over 11,000 members who served in the United States House of Representatives. There’s has been 45 individuals who’ve had the honor of serving as The President of the United States of America.

Of those 2,004 individuals who have served in the Senate, with the addition of two excellent women of color in the 2024 election, by my count, 14 have been of African descent. With the addition of 3 new female members to the Senate, there has been 63 women who have served this nation as a U.S. Senator.

My brains all mushy from the statistical math from the incarceration segment, so we’re going to stay away from percentages but, it’s obvious the disproportionate amount of white men who have served in the Senate versus women and those of color.

Of the more than 11,000 Americans who have served in the United States House of Representatives, only 167 have been African American. With 6 of those being from either D.C. or U.S. territories. Of the more than 11,000 representatives 385 have been women, with the first trans woman elected to the House in 2024 making it 386.

Lastly, and sadly. Of the 45 people who have served as President of the United States of America, 45 of them were men, with one of those men who served two terms being that of African descent. There has been only 2 major party candidates that were women to run for the highest office in the land. And, in a incredibly messed up and cruel twist of fate, both were “defeated” by one of the most grossly incompetent, misogynistic, sexist, racist, conman, cheat, sexual assailant, fraudster, B-list reality tv personality, piece of garbage f*ck, Donald J. Trump.

When things are in balance, everything sits just precisely where it belongs. Beyond a physical realm, beyond what’s known. Harmony and peace coincide as one in a state of euphoria. Like being weightless on a cloud. Not overly ecstatic, but more than content.

Personally I think I’ve seen this most in nature (particularly with a little psychedelic accompaniment) everything existing in its own realm, doing what it’s intended to, unaware of its importance while simultaneous insignificance. Just being, together as one, perfect wistful bliss.

That is certainly not where we find ourselves today. Both as Americans and humanity. We are seemingly in endless conflict. Conflict with each other, conflict with ideology, conflict of nations, religions, practices. We even find we are in conflict with ourselves.

If we could find that balance, one day the endless turmoil would cease to be. Yet. That seems to be in contrast to human nature.

[antvnger]

((Boy, we're getting all the Blood Brothers feels lately, huh? This one wasn't as angsty as the other, but there's still some moments. Otherwise, this is Scott being relieved his brother/best friend/superhero was alive and back home at last.))

Seven months. For 7 months, Tony Stark was held against his will and God only knew what else. And that scared the absolute hell out of Scott Stark.

For 7 months, Scott worried, ached, fretted, panicked, had nightmares, and tried very very hard not to let himself believe his brother wasn’t coming back. He prayed earnestly for his brother to come back.

4 months into Tony’s kidnapping, Scott was arrested for the VistaCorp heist, and that arrest only made everything in his world so much worse.

Between being thrown in prison, suffering through a trial that tried to rip him and his name apart, being unable to see Cassie, his first visitor in prison being a divorce lawyer, and the fear his brother was dead just gnawed away at his brain and nerves like a hungry canine with a bone. It was all too much.

The 3 months that followed really pulled at Scott’s mental and emotional health. Everything hurt. He needed some kind of ray of light to break through his storm clouds. But it didn’t look like he would get anything of the kind. Until…

Peachy, a tank of a man already serving 6 years of his very long sentence for that’s not important strode through the cafeteria like a man on a mission. 11 days prior Scott had shown the man some kindness and wished him a happy birthday which included a homemade birthday card something Scott did for as many guys in there as he could and ever since then, Peachy has decided this dude was alright.

He had been working his shift doing inventory with a radio playing in the background when the station suddenly blared, “We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin…”

Peachy found Scott making small talk with another inmate Luis hadn’t arrived yet and pushing his food around on his plate. “Scott! Hey Scott!��� Scott looked up at him as he approached quickly. “You gotta come with me. Like now. Something you’ll wanna see.” Scott followed, asking questions and getting no answers. “You just gotta see for yourself.”

He led Scott to a break room where other inmates were watching TV, a treat for them. Peachy snatched the remote and changed the channel, his glare effectively keeping the other inmates from daring to try anything.

Scott gave them an apologetic look and a shrug as Peachy turned on the news. “Look, man.”

Scott turned, and the breath in his lungs was practically knocked out. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His mouth fell open and his eyes grew saucer-wide as he processed what he saw on the screen. “Is…is this real?”

Peachy nodded. “Breaking news, man.”

On the TV, standing behind a podium was that damn creep Stane. Sitting down in front of the podium in a suit with his arm in a sling? “Tony,” Scott choked out quietly as tears slid down his cheeks. He’s alive? He’s back?

“Hey, would it be all right if everyone sat down? Why don't you just sit down?” With his good arm, Tony pulled a cheeseburger out of his jacket pocket and then waved for all the reporters to sit on the floor, which they did. Even Stane sat down. Beside Tony. What a snake. Focus, Scott.

“That way you can see me, and I can…” he managed a shrug as he unwrapped the burger. “A little less formal and…” Tony took a big bite of his burger, and while Scott still looked overwhelmed, he was smiling at that. Seeing Tony do something normal like eating a burger just made it seem more real.

That definitely would have been Scott’s first stop too if he were in Tony’s shoes. Food (tacos) first because sustenance is important. Then he’d go see Cassie and Tony.

Which gave Scott pause. Tony…was at a press conference. Instead of at San Quentin visiting him. You got arrested while he was gone, remember? He probably doesn’t even know yet. But still…

Wouldn’t Tony go looking for him first? 

Maybe the press conference was forced upon him. Maybe this was a conference Tony didn’t want to do first if at all, but Stane made him. Scott could believe that.

Tony looked over to Stane. “Good to see you.”

Stane reached over and laid a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Good to see you.”

“Liar,” Scott muttered under his breath as he angrily wiped tears away from his eyes.

“I never got to say goodbye to Dad,” Tony admitted suddenly, and that made Scott get choked up all over again as he dropped his eyes for a moment. “There's questions I would have asked him. I would have asked how he felt about what this company did. If he was conflicted, if he ever had doubts. If he liked the direction our grandfather was taking the company while he was alive or why he implemented what he did during his short time as head of the company. Or maybe he was every inch the man we all remember from the newsreels, a man well on his way to overshadowing his father if he had had more time.”

He sighed, shoulders drooping a bit before he looked at the camera but not seeing the camera. “I saw young Americans killed by the very weapons I created to defend them and protect them. And I saw that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability.”

Scott blinked in surprise. Shock, really. That…he couldn’t imagine what that was like. He couldn’t imagine how horrific that was to see. How heavy that burden was to bear. It explained a lot of the haunted look in Tony’s eyes the cameras seemed to pick up pretty well.

A few reporters raised their hands and called Tony’s name, and after Tony called one of them by name and was asked what happened, he answered, “I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that the people who know me best are right about me and have been all along. I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. I regret I had to learn the hard way, but at least I learned.” He stood and walked to stand behind the podium.

“And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International,” Scott’s jaw dropped, “until such a time as I can decide what the future of the company will be, what direction it should take, one that I'm comfortable with and is consistent with the highest good for this country as well.”

Scott couldn’t help but shout, “YEAH!” He pumped both fists in the air. “THAT ONE’S FOR YOU, DAD! SUCK IT, GRANDPA HOWARD!”

He was the only one cheering, but that was okay. He was the only one who understood what this meant. And Scott felt so proud of Tony in that moment. He hated his brother had to endure whatever nightmare he endured, but he came back and he’s turning things around. And Scott couldn’t be prouder.

His superhero came home.

Relief washed over him as more tears slid down his cheeks. “Thank you for making sure I saw this, Peachy.”

The man grinned and gave Scott a fist bump. “Hey, man, if I was in your shoes, I’d want to see my bro was okay too. You’re welcome.”

Scott’s mind was reeling from what he just watched. So much so that it took him an hour of processing it all to realize one very important thing:  he was going to have a visitor soon. Of course he would. Tony would come for him.

And for the first time in a long time, Scott Stark felt hopeful. Finally, some good stuff was about to happen to him. Cassie was scheduled to see him next Friday, and Tony would come see him too.

Letters would start coming too; he just knew it. He was willing to wait for those things.

And he waited…and waited…and waited and…nothing.

Little did Scott know Tony’s approach would be barricaded with so much red tape thanks to Stane paying off some sleazy creeps in San Quentin it felt impossible for even a Stark to break through. And any written letters were intercepted by the foiled usurper who was pissed off that the prince he paid trinkets to kill survived the caves of the Middle East.

Scott Stark waited a long time…and it would be even longer until he learned why.

[mrmrswales]

Exclusive: the ‘profoundly powerful’ moments that shaped Duchess of Cambridge’s children’s charity work by Camilla Tominey

It all started with secret visits the public never got to see. Newly married, and with the world’s press chronicling her every move – down to the details of her designer dresses – the Duchess of Cambridge resolved to go "below radar".

Acting as Prince William’s "plus one", rather than a fully fledged solo royal in those early days, the newest addition to the Royal family knew that she wanted to find a cause she could champion as impactfully as Diana, the Princess of Wales’s landmine campaign; it was simply a question of where to find it.

Having already announced her first patronage of Action on Addiction, a charity working with people with drug and alcohol problems, Hope House, a women-only rehabilitation centre in Clapham, south London, seemed as good a place as any to start.

It was October 2011 when the then 29-year-old Duchess paid the first of several, incognito visits in a bid to find out what had sent its clients on a downward spiral of self-destruction.

According to Rebecca Priestley, who accompanied the Duchess on the visit and would go on to spend five years as her private secretary, it played a pivotal role in her decision to put childhood at the heart of her philanthropic endeavours.

Speaking on the record for the first time, Mrs Priestley, who is now an executive coach, recalled:  "I remember going up to Anglesey, where they were living after the wedding, to have a conversation with the Duchess about her royal life."

At that point, she had the philanthropic world at her feet. She could have done anything she wanted in the charitable arena. Typically, she had put a lot of thought into it already. Addiction was an issue she was instinctively thinking about – but she was also genuinely interested in understanding what support was there and what role that played in the bigger picture of mainstream societal issues."

With the Duke having flown to the Falklands for a six–week tour of duty with his RAF search and rescue squadron, Mrs Priestley put a programme together to support the Duchess’s desire to "listen and learn"."A lot of it was behind the scenes, just talking to people and hearing where it was that they needed more help.  The one thing that united all of the women at Hope House was that the derailing had started so early on. They could trace the problems in their adult lives back to childhood."

A subsequent private visit in February 2012 to Clouds House, a treatment centre in East Knoyle in Wiltshire, served as further confirmation that the early years should be a key area of focus. But it was during a later meeting with female inmates at a detox unit at Send Prison in Woking when the penny well and truly dropped.

"It was a profoundly powerful moment,” recalled Mrs Priestley. "You go in there with this preconceived idea that these women have done things wrong, that it was their fault. Then one woman started speaking to the Duchess about her earliest memories of seeing needles on the floor of her home."

She had always thought addiction was a misunderstood issue, but after this, she became concerned that there was a pre-destiny about those affected – an inevitability about it. These women were born into it and there was very little chance of escape."

The experience set in train a sequence of events that will next week culminate in the Duchess, 39, stepping up her ambition in driving awareness and action on the impact that early childhood can have on society at large.

She will launch a new initiative through the couple’s Royal Foundation to further explore the science around early childhood, raise awareness of the issue and foster collaboration and partnerships across relevant groups.

According to Lord Hague, who became chairman of the Royal Foundation last September, the "ambitious" new project will be equal in stature to William’s £50 million Earthshot Prize, launched last year with Sir David Attenborough to find workable solutions to climate change and environmental problems.

"The Duchess truly believes this is one of the great issues of our time," said the former Tory leader. "This is the central plank of her work in the way conservation issues are for the Duke. It’s a hugely significant moment."

While politicians are often in a rush to make a difference during the comparatively short time they have in office, royals are there for life, which perhaps explains why Kate has taken 10 years to get to this point.Having been instrumental in launching the Heads Together campaign with William and Prince Harry in 2016, designed at tackling the stigma and changing the conversation on mental health, it was not until 2018 that she convened a steering group of experts to look at how cross-sector collaboration could bring about lasting change.

In January, she delivered a landmark speech after her Five Big Questions on the Under Fives survey garnered over 500,000 responses.

"People often ask why I care so passionately about the early years," the mother-of-three said.

"Many mistakenly believe that my interest stems from having children of my own. While of course I care hugely about their start in life, this ultimately sells the issue short. If we only expect people to take an interest in the early years when they have children, we are not only too late for them, we are underestimating the huge role others can play in shaping our most formative years, too."

Pointing out that the social cost of late intervention has been estimated to be over £17 billion a year, she added: "The early years are therefore not simply just about how we raise our children. They are in fact about how we raise the next generation of adults. They are about the society we will become."

According to Eamon McCrory, Professor of Developmental Neuroscience and Psychopathology at University College London, the Duchess "has a vision of how she can help transform how we as a society view and invest in the early years for the benefit of society".

Describing her interest in "the role the brain shapes our early experiences and how that sets us on a path to adult life", he explained: "When you look at very young babies and infants, on the surface they don’t appear to be engaging in complex emotions so there's a tendency to underestimate the millions of synapses that are being formed every minute. But science is telling us we have to look under the bonnet.

"There’s no question that for the Duchess, this is a lifetime piece of work. The last five years laid the foundations, now we are entering a more proactive phase.” Described by one source as “thoughtful, professional and determined to do a good job,” there is a sense that Kate has never been in it for the early wins, but the long haul.

As one well-placed insider put it: "She took the job very seriously right from the very beginning. She continues to want to get it right and do her very best - for the institution, for William and the importance of the work she’s doing.

"She doesn't just want to rock up for a picture opportunity, which is why she used to get quite frustrated with all the early focus on what she was wearing. She really cares about this stuff."

Another source said she was "much more fun" than people give her credit for, pointing out how she has grown in confidence having found a cause that she is not only passionate about - but also well informed.

As Lord Hague put it: "She’s been reading the books and had trustees reading the books. People assume her interest in the early years is because she has children – actually it comes from all the adults she’s met." The other key influence has been Kate’s own idyllic childhood.

Brought up in leafy Bucklebury in West Berkshire by her entrepreneur parents Michael and Carole Middleton, pictured below with the royal family, the Duchess has never made any secret of how fortunate she has been to be brought up in a loving and supportive family.

"She always recognised that she benefited from such a great start in life," added Mrs Priestley.

"That’s why sport and the outdoors has always been a key theme for her. She was always asking how those sorts of experiences could be made accessible to others."

For Dame Benny Refson, president of the children’s mental health charity Place2Be, where the Duchess has been patron since 2013, Kate’s grounded upbringing has proved an asset.

“The Duchess listens and people feel heard and valued. It’s nothing to do with privilege. The groups she meets in challenging areas in London don't look at what she's wearing. What makes a difference is that an important person has shown a genuine interest in them. She can relate without passing judgement, which is so important."

Having started out as a reticent public speaker, the Duchess has finally found her voice – and next week she will have a lot more to say.

[writingwithcolor]

Space based story with prison camps: problematic parallels?

Trigger warnings:

Holocaust

Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post and resources)

ivypool2005 asked:

I'm writing a sci-fi novel set on Mars in the 25th century. There are two countries on Mars: Country A, a hereditary dictatorship, and Country B, a democracy occupied by Country A after losing a war. Country A's government is secretly being puppeted by a company that is illegally testing experimental technology on children. On orders from the company, Country A is putting civilian children from Country B in prison camps, where the company can fake their deaths and experiment on them. (1/2)

My novel takes place in one of the prison camps. I am aware that this setting carries associations with various concentration camps in history. Specifically, I'm worried about the experimentation aspect, as I know traumatic medical experimentation occurred during the Holocaust. Is there anything I should avoid? How can I acknowledge the history while still keeping some fantasy/sci-fi distance from real experiences -- or is it a bad idea to try to straddle that fence at all? Thank you! (2/2)

We are far from being the only people to have suffered traumatic medical experiments.. 

--Shira

TW: Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post, and all of the links)

Medical experimentation in history

Perhaps without intending to, you have posed an enormous question. 

I will start by saying that we, the Jewish people, are not the only group to have unethical, immoral, vicious experiments performed on our bodies.  Horrific experimentation has been conducted on Black people, on Indigenous people, on disabled people, on poor people of various backgrounds, on women, on queer people... the legacy of human cruelty is long. Here are some very surface-level sources for you, and anyone else interested to go through. Many, many more can be found.

General Wiki Article on Unethical Human Experimentation

US Specific Article  on Unethical Human Experimentation 

The early history of modern American Gynecology is largely comprised of absolutely inhumane experimentation, mostly on enslaved women (with some notable exceptions among Irish immigrant women)

An Article on Gynecological Experimentation on Enslaved Women

I  also recommend reading Medical Bondage by Deirdre Cooper Owens

The Tuskegee Experiment 

First Nations Children Denied Nutrition

Guatemala Syphilis Experiment

Unit 731

AZT Testing on Zimbabwean Women

Project MKUltra

Conversion Therapy

Medical Experiments on Prison Inmates 

Medical Interventions on Intersex Infants and Children

Again, these are only a few, of a tragic multitude of examples. 

While I don't feel comfortable saying, as a blanket statement, that stories like this should never be fictionalized, it feels important to emphasize the historicity of medical experimentation, and indeed, medical horrors. These things happened, in the real world, throughout history, and across the globe. 

The story of this kind of human experimentation is one of immense cruelty, and the complete denial of the humanity of others. Experimentation was done on unwilling subjects, with no real regard for their wellbeing, their physical pain, the trauma they would incur, the effect it would have on families, or on communities. These are stories, not of random, mythical "subjects," but of human beings. These were Black women, already suffering enslavement, who were medically tortured. These were Indigenous children, who were utterly powerless, denied nutrition, just to see what would happen. These were Black men, lied to about their own health, and sent home to infect their spouses, and denied treatment once it was available. These were Aboriginal Australians, forced to have unnecessary medical procedures, children given brutal gynecological exams, and medications that were untested.. These were inmates in US prisons, under the complete control of the state. These were prisoners of war. These were pregnant people, desperate to save their fetuses, lied to by doctors. These were also Jewish people, imprisoned, and brutalized as part of a systematic attempt to destroy us. 

The story of medical torture, of experimentation without any meaningful consent, of the removal of human dignity, and human rights, is so vast, and so long, there is no way to do it justice. It is a story about human beings, without agency, without rights, it's the story of doctors, scientists, and the inquisitive, looking right through a person, and seeing nothing but parts. This is not some vague plot point, or a curiosity to note in passing, it is a real, terrible thing that happened, and is still happening to actual human beings. I understand the draw, to want to write about the Worst of the Worst, the things that happen when people set aside kindness, and pick up cruelty, but this is not simply a device. This kind of torture cannot be used as authorial shorthand, to show who the real bad guys are. 

On writing this subject - research

If you want to write a fictional story that includes this kind of deep, abiding horror, you need to immerse yourself in it. You need to read about it, not only in secondhand accounts, and not only from people stating facts dispassionately. You need to seek out firsthand accounts, read whatever you can find, watch whatever videos you can find. You need to find works recounting these atrocities by the descendants, and community members of people who suffered. 

Then, when you have done that, you need to spend time reflecting, and actively working to recognize the humanity of the people this happened to, and continues to happen to. 

You have to recognize that getting a stamp of approval from three Jewish people on a single website would never be enough, and seek out multiple sensitivity readers who have personal, familial, or cultural experience with forced experimentation.

If that seems like a lot of work, or overkill, I beg you not to write this story. It's simply too important. 

-- Dierdra

If you study public health and sociology, it is often a given that the intersection of institutional power and marginalized populations produces extreme human rights abuses. This is not to say that such abuse should be treated as an inevitability, but rather to help us understand, as Dierdra says, how often we need to be aware of the risk of treating our fellow humans poorly. Much of modern medical history is the story of the unwilling sacrifices made by people unable to defend themselves from the powers that be. Whether we are talking about the poor residents of public hospitals in France during the 18th century whose bodies were used to advance anatomy and pathology, to vaccine testing in the 19th century, to mental asylum patients in the 20th century who endured isolation, lobotomies, colectomies and thorazine, one can easily see this pattern beyond the Holocaust. 

Even when we shift our focus away from abuse justified by “experimentation”, we have many such incidents of institutionalized state collusion in abuse that have made the news within the last 20 years with depressing regularity. Beyond the examples mentioned above, I offer border migrant detention centers and black sites for America, Xinjiang re-education sites and prisoner organ donation in China, Soviet gulags still in use in Russia, and North Korean forced labor camps (FLCs) for political prisoners as more current examples. I agree with Dierdra that these themes affect many people still alive today who have endured such abuses, and are enduring such abuses. 

More on proper research and resources

Given that you are going to be exploring a topic when the pain is still so fresh, so raw, I think you had better have something meaningful to say. Dierdra’s recommendation to immerse yourself in nonfiction primary sources is essential, but I think you will also want to brush up on many established works of dystopian fiction featuring themes relating to state institutions and the exploitation of vulnerable populations. While doing so, read about the authors and how the circumstances of their environments and time periods influenced their stories’ messages and themes. I further recommend that you do so both slowly and deliberately so you can both properly take in the information while also checking in with your own comfort. 

- Marika

[emilieautumnarchives]

Stark Raving Sane: The First Thing You See When You Wake Up

Archived from EAOnline. Posted July 22, 2022.

This morning.

Dearest Inmates,

I know, I can’t believe it either. A post TWO DAYS in a row? Don’t be too impressed—it’s going to be quite brief. I simply couldn’t let the opportunity to stun myself pass because it doesn’t occur often. (For context, in my previous post, I stated that I would challenge myself to posting every day for a week, knowing full well that I would fail. Well, haha! Don’t get cocky, we’re only two days in, she says to herself…)

All that aside, this is no token post, because it allows me to offer you a little “hack” for a good morning that, for me, has had what I might even call a profound benefit lasting the whole day.

What is the first thing you see when you wake up?

If your answer includes the word “phone,” then this post is for you.

I’ll let you in on my answer: I look at my hand.

There is a *ring on it that I’ve worn for a long time and rarely remove, and I always make sure I’ve got it on when I get into bed because I know that it’s what I need to see when I first wake up.

Why? Well, I’ve called this ring the “Little Inmate,” and she represents a very important reminder for me: I can commit to beginning each new day as an innocent. I can commit to being unsullied by all that has come before, no matter how staining it may have seemed at the time. I can commit to a day free from bitterness, resentment, and regret. I can do these things not only as a tool for my mental health and my subsequent ability to serve the world around me, but also as my ultimate weapon. A “super power” if you will.

Who is this “Little Inmate”? She is an avatar. The embodiment of innocence…of our true nature. In “Asylum-speak,” the Little Inmate, new to the Asylum, does not know the horrors she will soon meet, but she will only be truly conquered if she abandons her innocence in the face of them.

How does one maintain one’s childlike purity in the face of…everything? Your guess is as good as mine, though I do suspect that rituals like my morning ring ceremony help, as does remembering at every possible opportunity that humans are not the whole world, politicians and their decisions are not the whole world, and, most definitely, the internet is not, I repeat, not the whole world. The lanternfish living 4000 meters beneath the surface of the ocean are just as much a representation of “the world” as we are.

In summation, bitterness may play out well in a song, and my music career is nothing if not a testament to that. But it’s not a productive way to live one’s life, and it’s certainly not the best way to start the day.

So, what’s the first thing you see when you wake up? What will it be tomorrow?

*Disclaimer: I recently offered the “Little Inmate” ring over at the Emporium, but that’s not really important to this post so I’m only mentioning it down here in case someone is wondering where she came from.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Hiii!! I really love your tumblr posts and I'm pretty new to the Batfam (meaning I have only read fics and textposts about them, no comics) and I wanted to ask about the year Bruce/Batman gets "lost in time". I know general things of what the kids have been doing–Dick became batman and fired Tim from robin, giving it to Damian, everyone thinking Tim was crazy for believing Bruce was alive, (don't really know what Jason was up to though, was he still murderous towards Tim? Does the pit still affect him? Also I have no idea about Cass and Duke, were they introduced at this point??) Anyways, my real question was why was Bruce lost in time, what villain put him there? And how did he get out? And how long was he "dead"? Was Bruce in another reality or like just asleep the whole time? Oh! And how soon did this happen after Damian got introduced to the family–a couple months?

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I hope you answer and thank you!!

(I’m going to try and cover all my bases here by going into how exactly Bruce “died,” what went down during the Battle For the Cowl, what the Batkids did while Bruce was gone, and how Bruce came back. Hopefully it all makes sense?? We’ll see how it goes lmao.)

Part 1 - What Happened to Bruce:

So there was this event called Final Crisis (which I won’t go completely into since it would make this post a million times longer than it already is), but the bottom line is that Darkseid wants to overthrow reality and release his Anti-Life Equation, which would overthrow the whole planet and turn everyone into slaves. (If you’re interested in knowing more about the storyline, here’s a Reddit thread that explains it WAY better than I could.) 

What I CAN tell you is that during his final confrontation with Darkseid, Bruce is hit by an Omega Beam and turned into a burnt chicken nugget killed. Poor guy.

Final Crisis #6

Clark and Diana bring the body back to the Batcave and break the news to the Batfamily. Batman #687 covers a good portion of the aftermath such as Bruce’s funeral, the Batfamily grieving, and Dick coming to terms with his new responsibility of becoming Batman.

Batman #687

Part 2 - Battle For the Cowl: 

Musical chairs time, fellas! After word gets out that Batman is gone, Gotham erupts into chaos. Dick doesn’t want to take over the mantle, Tim needs Dick to take over the mantle, and Jason says “fuck it” and takes over the mantle himself because somebody around here has to. He becomes this murderous psychopathic Batman and starts taking out criminals with deadly force because someone’s gotta do the job, so it might as well be him.

Batman: Battle For the Cowl #1

(Okay honestly, this series had some pretty bad characterization overall, which sucks since it’s such an important storyline. Jason is portrayed as this violent psychopath, which...okay, he was kind of insane after the Pit and all, but not to this degree. Personally, I choose to owe the bad characterization to Bruce’s death because as much as Jason resents Bruce for all he’s done, he does still love him and losing him would be devastating, which would exacerbate his already fragile mental health. As for Damian, this happens roughly three years after his first appearance, so we can assume it’s been a few months since he first joined the family. He’s still relatively new at this point, so nobody knows how to write him yet. He ends up being depicted as if his main two personality traits are Bratty and Assassin-Child and that’s it. It’s all just a mess.)

Anyway, Tim tells Dick to become Batman and stop Jason’s reign of terror. Dick says no, so Tim follows Jason’s lead by saying “fuck it” and putting on the cowl himself. He goes to confront Jason, which ends in Jason beating the crap out of him (again) and leaving him for dead after Tim declines his offer to become Jason’s Robin. Dick goes to save Tim and ends up fighting Jason. 

Battle For the Cowl #3

Dick wins, Jason disappears, Tim is fine, and Dick finally gets his head out of his ass and becomes Batman. 

Part 3 - What Happens to Each Batkid While Bruce is “Dead”?:

Dick: 

As I said, Dick becomes the new Batman a month after Bruce’s death. He’s got big shoes to fill, and it takes some time for him to get used to his new role. He and Damian end up flipping around the classic Batman and Robin dynamic, with Batman now as the fun counterpart to Robin’s edginess. Dick, Damian, and Alfred relocate to the penthouse above the Wayne Foundation building, operating out of a secret Bat-Bunker in the basement.

Batman #688

Jason: 

After Battle For the Cowl, Jason is still batshit insane and determined to make Dick’s already stressful life even harder by becoming a supervillain with an ugly costume and an even uglier hairstyle. (I know it’s just because the artist sucked, but still. Jason is horrifying to look at during this time.) He mostly just gets on Dick’s nerves by running around Gotham with his new sidekick Scarlet and killing criminals as Batman and Robin wannabes. Eventually, Dick has Jason committed to Arkham Asylum and he hangs out there until Bruce returns.

Batman and Robin (2009) #5

Tim: 

Tim...doesn’t do great after Bruce’s death, mentally. Dick makes Damian Robin, his reasoning being that Robin is more of a sidekick and he sees Tim as his equal. By making Damian Robin, Dick hopes that it will give him the stability he needs to keep him from straying back toward the “bad” side. (It’s the right move ultimately, although his execution was pretty messed up since he didn’t discuss it with Tim beforehand, but he’s allowed to make mistakes. Dick’s father just died and now he’s in charge of picking up the pieces of their broken family. It’s a lot to handle.) 

Long story short, Tim has a breakdown, realizes that Bruce is alive, dons the Red Robin identity, and cuts ties with his family to travel the world in search of proof. It’s a rough time. 

Red Robin #1

Damian: 

Our little guy becomes Robin! So proud of him! As I explained earlier, Dick makes Damian his Robin with the assumption that it will keep him out of trouble, and he’s right on that account. He mentors Damian, teaching him how to channel his violent instincts into something productive, and it works! Slowly but surely, Damian makes the transition from bratty assassin to actual hero!

Batman and Robin (2009) #22

Cass:

Duke sadly was not introduced at this point in time, so he missed out on all the pandemonium. Cass, however, has been Batgirl for years by now, but she got kind of pushed aside by the writers after Bruce’s death. Bruce disappears shortly after adopting Cass, but once he was “dead,” the writers sort of moved Cass around for a while, not quite knowing what to do with her. First she was with the Outsiders. Then they got disbanded and Cass tried forming a new network of heroes to take over for Batman if needed. Then she helped out in said network during Battle for the Cowl, taking care of a newly ravaged Gotham. Then Cass gave the Batgirl mantle to Stephanie Brown after she became disillusioned with the role, thanks to the loss of her father and mentor. Then Cass picked up and moved to Hong Kong to “follow Bruce’s plans” by continuing whatever work he had set up for her there. It was all very vague and confusing, and Cass more or less got swept under the rug during this time. Thanks, writers.

Batgirl (2009) #1

Part 4 - How Bruce Came Back: 

When the Blackest Night storyline happens, the Justice League realizes that the corpse buried under Bruce’s grave is apparently not the real one and that he’s actually alive out there somewhere! How wild is that! This is further proven by Dick after he places Bruce’s body in a Lazarus Pit to revive, which has the same result because it’s very clearly Not Bruce and they should have listened to Tim from the start.

Batman and Robin (2009) #9

Anyway, what actually happened is that the Omega Beams that Darkseid shot at Bruce didn’t kill him, but rather blasted him back through time to the prehistoric era with his memories wiped. The Omega Energy inside of Bruce ends up catapulting him through various time periods, which is all part of Darkseid’s plan. With each time-hop, Bruce builds up more Omega Energy in his body which, when he gets back to his original time period, will be unleashed and destroy everything.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5

It’s been a little under two years since Final Crisis, though in-universe it’s uncertain exactly how long Bruce has been “dead.” We can assume it’s been a year, give or take. The way he comes back is too scientific and complicated for me to understand, so uhhhh the bottom line is that Tim and a few Leaguers save Bruce at the Vanishing Point and the day is saved! Hooray! 

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6

(If you want to read about how it actually goes down, then I seriously recommend reading Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne. It’s only six issues, so it’s a quick read and it explains the situation far better than I ever could.)

Bruce eventually reunites with his family after spying on them for a period of time as Insider to see what has changed in his absence:

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home

After that, things quickly settle back into their new normal. Dick and Damian stay on as Batman and Robin. Bruce goes back to being Batman as well, with him handling Batman Incorporated business and Dick continuing as Gotham’s defender. Tim keeps the Red Robin outfit, Steph stays on as Batgirl, and Cass becomes Black Bat. Jason stays in Arkham for a while before filing an appeal to be moved to a regular prison. He kills 82 inmates in less than a week and gets transferred back to Arkham, which he promptly escapes from. It’s a ride, I tell ya.

Aaaaand that’s about it! I hope this answered all of your questions!

[sassyspookysusieq]

I can't understand how some people can harbor such hatred towards their fellow man , who probably never did anything directly to hurt them. No one wins with violence, no one I tell you and it has got to stop, not tomorrow but today.

10 innocent lives were taken and 3 injured yesterday at a mass shooting in my hometown and I am nothing short of disappointed and heartbroken over it. I didn't even know these people but to me, the community extends to family too. It doesn't matter the color of your skin, your gender or non- binary status, it all breaks down to matters of the heart, politics and government have no importance in love.

The shooter, an 18 year old boy from down state, who planned this carefully, bought the weapon in Pennsylvania and brought over state lines illegally, does not have mental health issues, he has moral issues. They are treating this as domestic terrorism and rightly they should because that is what it is, evil, pure and unadulterated. He stands to get the death penalty for it and is now on suicide watch in holding, which means he thinks he's a martyr and wants to die that way.

What the FBI, the DA and the Judge should do is give him life without the possibility of parole so he can either live with what he has done or see what the other black inmates do to him. Make him see what fear for his life looks like. Racial crimes, just like any other crime does not and never will pay.

Violence begets violence and peace begets peace!! Please, let's put an end to this before our children and grandchildren inherit it.

[tommydarlings]

She's a maniac | t.h

A/N: Finally it's here!!! Like I already said, when you can't read stuff like that, then please don't even try it!!! It could be really 'dangerous' for your mental health! Btw, I do not 'support' any of these serialkiller's! I just really love the topic! I hope you like this one as much as I do, anyway, enjoy! :) ily,liz <3

pairing: serialkiller!reader x Tom holland

warnings: swearing, talking about serialkiller stuff?, talking about murdering, talking about other serialkiller's, nearly sex? brief mention of necrophilia

w/c: 3.9k

Requests: CLOSED

Summary: Tom and his family are watching a live footage of the most dangerous women on earth, it's disgusting what you've did, but does he fall in love with you anyway? Well, yeah.

masterlist || taglist || requests ( in my masterlist)

"Tom, darling can I turn the TV on?" Nikki asked as she sat on Tom's couch. "Yeah, of course mom" he answered before Nikki turned his TV on. Dominic and the twins came out of the kitchen with a big bowl full of popcorn and sat down next to Nikki. "Are you guys coming?" Dominic asked from the living room while he looked at the kitchen. "Yes, we're coming dad!" paddy answers right before he and Tom came into the living room and sat down. "Any movie recommendations?" Sam asked his family. They all shook their head before Harry said, 

"Isn't there any good stuff on the TV" the redhead said quietly. Nikki zapped through the channel until she stopped at one. "What's that?" Tom asked as he looked at the screen that just showed a room with two chairs and one table in it. It kinda looked like a live footage. "Um… what is it called?" paddy asked after a while. They all shrugged while Tom took the remote and spoke up, 

"It's just called 'the most dangerous woman on earth - y/n y/ln" they all looked at each other with confusion written on everyone's faces. "Maybe the title does have nothing to do with the show? serie?, I don't know" Dominic said after a while. Suddenly, a police officer came into the room and spoke up, 

"Test, test, is the camera on?" he said while he looked at the camera in the corner of the room. So it is live. They all though. After a few seconds, the officer nodded and sat down onto one of the chairs. Suddenly someone opened the door and two police officers walked in with a woman in an inmate suit and handcuffs around her wrists. The police officers sat her down in the other chair and left the room. 

"Do you know her?" paddy asked quietly. They all shook their heads and went ahead with staring at the TV without any clue about who this woman was. Who you were. They all watched you with curious eyes. 

"So dear miss y/l/n, could you please explain to me what you have done?" you let a tiny but at the same time wicked laugh before you answered his question, 

"Do you want me to answer that question in detail?" you said. The officer shook his head and told you to go ahead telling him just the most important things about what you have done. "Well, in total I killed six men" you told him with a shrug. "What else have you done miss y/l/n" you smile before you said, 

"I followed them, I seduced them, I killed them, not more" 

"Not more? Well these pictures tell me otherwise" the police officer said before he opened a file and took six pictures out of it. He put them infront of you and you looked at them for a few seconds before the police officer spoke up again. 

"Would give me the honor and explain every single picture to me please?" the men asked teasingly. You shrugged before you accepted it and started to explain. 

"Men number one, Andy Richardson, he was an alcoholic, a stupid little motherfucker, I seduced him and then I hit him a few times with a crowbar on his head before I buried him in the woods" you smiled. "Men number two, Nicholas brown, he was an abusive dad and husband, one of the worst, I slid his throat and let him drown in his blood, just like he deserves it, then I took his body and laid it in his bathtub so it looked like suicide" and so on and on and on, with every single men got the police officers mind just more and more disturbed while he imagined all these things the man had to go trough. 

"Did you had any sexuall activities with the corpses afterwards?" the police officer asked you. You laughed before you leaned forward and answered quietly, 

"I'm honest officer, no, I didn't had any, not with a single man but I had my own little playroom, not the same like Christian Grey, but in my playroom, the men screamed, cried and begged too" and then you leaned even more forward and whispered, 

"Just like in Christian Grey's, and it was so much fun" you whispered with the biggest smirk ever. 

"This girl is sick" Nikki said while she shook her head desperately. "She has to go to a therapist quickly" Harry said after a few seconds of silence. They all agreed except for one person. Tom. He was so whipped. He thought that y/n was gorgeous and just breathtaking. But at the same time he felt extremely bad for thinking of her in that kind of way. She is a fucking serialkiller, she killed six men with her own hands. That is so disturbing and sick. 

Suddenly you stood up and walked around in the small room. "What are you doing miss y/l/n?" the officer asked. You shrugged before you answered. "I'm just walking around, is that a crime?" 

"No, but what you did to these men is a crime" 

"But probably a good one" 

"What exactly do you mean with that miss?" 

"This case is probably the best you ever had, right? You don't have to answer officer, I know that my case is the best that you ever had and that I'm basically your biggest trophy on the shelf. I'm your career break" you smiled widely. "How-how do you know that?" the officer asked while the fear started to rise in him. You laughed quietly, almost like the devil in person. 

"I studied this topic a lot, you know, serialkiller, crimes, murder, I studied all of this for years, so believe me when I tell you that I know much more about every single case and every single crime that was ever committed in the history of serialkiller's than you ever could" you said loudly and proud. He shook his head slowly before you laughed nervously and looked at you,

"I don't think so miss-" but you interrupted him immediately,

"You know officer, I maybe was really bad at school, like reallyyyyy bad, but when you believe that you know more about that topic that I basically live for, then think again mister, do not underestimate the things that I could do and especially the things that I know about the topic of serialkiller's, because I'm pretty sure that we both know by now that I have much more knowledge in that topic than you could even dream of" you told him smugly. The officer was shooked. He was frozen, he couldn't even look at you right now. He was fucking scared-

"I could hang there one day, haha" you said while you laughed and painted at the wall where pictures from other seriakiller were hanging. He looked at you with confusion on his face before he answered, 

"But first of all we have to take a picture of your face-" 

"No, no, no, not a picture of me, my head, my head could hang there one day you know? Haha, that would look so funny, my pale face hanging on the wall while blood is dripping down my throat and my eyes wide open while I stare at you. Ever. Single. Day" you said while you still stared at the wall with an amused smile on your face. 

"O-okay, i-I have a few questions now" he said quietly. "Go on sir" 

"favorite Serialkiller?" 

"Ted bundy" you answered immediately. 

"Why?" he asked while he looked at you. "He was a fucking genius, he was like the second jack the ripper the only problem was that he got caught, he was basically my inspiration and my role model. I loved him" the officer just sighed and went on, 

"A Serialkiller you don't like?" 

"Charles menson, he was a pussy, he just hired people to do the shitty job for him" 

"When and how did Ted bundy got executed?" 

"On January the 24th 1989 by the electric chair, easy" you laughed. 

"What kind of murderer was Jeffrey Dahmer?" 

"A cannibal" you answered smugly. 

"Who was John Wayne gacy?" 

"He was pogo the killer clown" 

"okay, what is necrophilia?" 

"Having sexuell intercours with a corpse" 

"Who is Richard ramirez?" 

"The night Stalker" 

"What is the quickest way to kill somebody?" 

"Either you shot him directly in the head, between his eyes or you slid his throat with a beautiful. sharp. knife" you whispered. 

"Why did you dismember your victims?" 

"Because it's fun, it's calming and even though it's a mess, in my way it's a beautiful and hot mess" 

"So you think that killing and dismember man is a beautiful and hot mess" 

"Torturing" you answered quickly. 

"What?" the officer asked. 

"Torturing. You forget that. You said 'killing and dismember' but I tortured them too, and that was even more fun" you laughed quietly. The police officer nodded while he though about the awful things you have done with your own hands. 

"You are disgusted" you said quickly while you looked him deep in the eyes. "What?" 

"You are disgusted from the things that I have done aren't you?" you asked with a grin. "How-how do you-" 

"Like I said, I know everything, you can't beat me in that topic, bundy was a fucking genius, ramirez was not that bad either, Dahmer was maybe even better than him but I'm, I'm the fucking goddess" you answered with the biggest smirk the police officer ever saw. He was really terrified to death now. He shouldn't be, but he was. "Do you have a family? Do you have kids?" you added. 

"Yes, yes I do have two kids" you hummed quietly before you spoke up, 

"We serialkiller's are your husbands, we're your son's, and your children are gonna be dead by tomorrow" you whispered without any emotion in your face. And that was the moment were everyone realized that you are cold. "I know that Ted bundy said that he is the most cold hearted son of a bitch you've ever met, but believe me when I tell you that I'm more cold hearted than he could ever be" you whispered. 

"I know that there's an age difference, but budy and you would have been the prefect couple" he answered. You laughed loudly. "But when wouldn't have lasted long" he raised his eyebrow. "Why?" 

You slowly leaned forward before you answered, 

"Because I would have chopped his dick off and took his eyes out and then I would slowly and maybe even gently cut his throat until he drowns in his own blood" you said quietly. Everyone was shooked and terrified to death. The police officer and everyone infront of the TV right now. 

"What is your family thinking about you?" this question surprised you. You didn't expected it all. 

"They haven't contacted me yet" you said while you looked at the wall behind him. 

He just nodded and wrote something in your file. 

"This girl is a fucking maniac" Sam said while he stared at the TV with wide eyes. 

"I think I'm gonna throw up" Paddy said quietly. 

"Yeah, sick bitch" Harry agreed with his brother. "I'm not sure if I'm able to sleep alone tonight" paddy said with pure seriousness in his voice. Nikki looked at him and hugged him tightly before she spoke up,

"Don't worry my love, she's never going to come near us, I promise" she told her son while Dominic nodded his head, agreeing with his wife. 

"Tom, are you okay?" Harry asked his big brother. Tom snapped out of his daydreaming zone and answered quickly, 

"Yeah, yeah of course" he said. "It's disturbing, I know, unbelievable that women like her are even allowed to sit in this room, she didn't even deserved that" Sam told his family, but Tom couldn't even focus. He was so stunned by your beauty, what is bullshit because he definitely shouldn't, is he doing it anyway? Is he daydreaming right now how your lips would feel on his lips? How your hands would feel on his biceps or how your hands would feel when he would hold you tight-

"Tom?!" Dominic yelled. "What?!" he yelled back. He quickly apologized before his father said, 

"We're going now, okay?" Tom nodded quickly and gave them all a quick goodbye before he went to bed. Still thinking about her. "Fuuuuck" he whispered to himself while he laid in bed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck it" he said before he grabbed his phone and searched her up on Google. "Holy shit" he whispered as he saw what else she had done to these men."They didn't even discuss half of what she had done in the live footage" he said quietly to himself while he stared at his phone screen, reading all the awful things that you had done to these men. He was terrified but at the same time was he… fine with it? He couldn't give a fuck anymore, he just wanted to go to sleep now, when that's even possible now. He's gonna start filming spiderman 3 soon so he has to wake up early tomorrow. Let's wish him luck. 

---

"Tom!, Hey holland!" Jack yelled from his trailer on set. They were currently back on set, filming Spiderman 3. Tom walked to Jack's trailer and said, 

"Yeah, what's up Jack?" 

"I actually want you meet someone, one of my closest friends, actually she's my best friend" Tom looked at him curiously. "I thought that I was your best friend" he said sarcastically. Jack just laughed before he answered, 

"You are Tommy, but she is my best friend too" Jack said. "And who is she? Do I already know her?" he asked him. Jack scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Well, yes, you probably know her but you never met he personally" 

"Why are you so nervous all of a sudden?" Tom asked Jack with a little laugh. Jack shrugged and answered quickly, 

"I'm not nervous, it's just that I'm a little bit scared" he admitted quietly. Tom looked at him with confusion all over his face. "Why?" 

"Well, she's… special?" jack answered nervously. Tom just nodded with his head before he answered, 

"She can't be that bad jack, c'mon" 

"Okay, but you have to promise me to not freak out and run away" 

"O-okay?" Tom answered but it sounded more like an unsure question. "How about we meet up all together? Like zendaya, Jacob, you and me? At her house?" 

"Yeah, that's fine with me" Tom answered before he got called on set again to gon on with filming. After a few hours of filming, Tom went to Jack, Jacob and zendaya. "So is that okay for you guys?" Jack asked the group. "So, you pick us up at about 2 p.m?" zendaya asked Jack. He nodded quickly before Tom spoke up, 

"As long as she's no Serialkiller or something like that, then it's fine with me" he laughed loudly while Zendaya and Jacob joined him. Jack remained silent. 

Oh, if they would only know… 

---

"When are we here?" Jacob asked from the backseat. Tom sat in the passenger seat while Jacob and zendaya sat in the backseat. "Soon, in about 10 minutes we should be here" Jack answered. They all groaned but then nodded with their heads. 

"What is her name?" zendaya suddenly asked. Jack opened his mouth but he couldn't get a single word out. "Are you okay mate?" Tom asked his best friend. Jack nodded quickly before he answered zendaya's question. "It's uh, uhm… y/n?" he told her but it sounded more like a question. "Are you nervous? It's just a name jack you can chill dude" Jacob told him with a tiny laugh. "Yeah, you're right" Jack said. "Can you just please promise me that you won't run away? Or cry? Or yell at me or at her? Please, I beg you" Jack added. "Again Jack, why should we be scared?" Tom asked him. "I just-I don't know okay? You will see" Jack said quietly. They all looked at each other curiously before they all fixated their eyes on the road again. 

--- 

"Finally" Tom said while he stepped out of the car quickly. "Wow, the house is really pretty" Zendaya said. Jacob nodded with his head slowly before jack spoke up, 

"You ready?" he asked the group. "Yes Jack c'mon" Jacob answered quickly with a laugh. Jack scratched the back of his neck again. Something that he's doing when he's nervous. Jack knocked at the door three times before a women opnend it. 

It was you. Y/n y/l/n. The most dangerous women on earth and one of the biggest serialkiller in history. 

You smiled at Jack before you said, 

"Jacki my darling, finally you're here, who are they?" you asked while you hugged Jack and looked at the three of them. They all remained silent and just stared at you like you were some kind of alien. 

So obviously everyone knows who you are. 

They all obviously knew who you were because of the little footage. That by the way kinda went viral. Since that day, everyone knows and fears you. Especially men. So that's the reason why you are obviously single, who would have thought? 

"Come in, come in, please" you said happily. They all stared at you and then quickly at jack for a moment before they entered your house. "Do you guys want something to drink?" you asked them all while they sat down on your couch. They shook their head slowly before Jacob whispered into Tom's ear, 

"I-isn't that t-the-" 

"Yes it is Jacob and now you better shut up before she may kills us" Tom whispered back at his friend while he stared at your figure standing in the kitchen. "Don't you want to introduce your friends to me jack?" you asked him. He nodded quickly. "That's zendaya, she play's mj in spiderman, that's Jacob, he play's ned, the best friend of Peter Parker, and that is Tom, Peter Parker himself" 

"Nice to meet you all" you told them while you shook their hands. But as you shook Tom's hands, you felt something, something in your stomach. 

Butterflies. 

And he felt it too. 

--- 

Currently you were in the shower, just enjoying how the warm water ghosts over skin. Suddenly the shower curtain opens and a naked Tom steps in. "Well hello handsome" you told your boyfriend. "Hello darling" he told you as he stood behind you and wrapped his hands around your waist. He buried his face in the back of your neck and whispered, 

"I love you darling" 

"I love you too Tommy" you told him while you turned around and gave him a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'm so nervous" you admitted after a few seconds of just staring into each other's eyes. "You don't have to be my love, my family is gonna accept and love you, maybe it's gonna take some time but they will appreciate you I promise" 

"But you told me that you watched my footage Thomas, they heard what I said, they saw the way I acted! They are either going to act like they love me or they are going to be scared of me the entire time!" you told your boyfriend while you laid your head on his wet chest."But I know that you've changed baby, I know it. I know that your a better person now and that you will never do something like that ever again okay?" he said. You picked your head up and looked him deep in the eyes before he grabbed your legs and picked you up and leaned you against the shower wall." I love you so much, thank you" you told him while you put both of your hands on his cheeks. "I love you even more babygirl" he said before you slowly started to make out. 

--- 

Tom knocked on his family's door quickly before his mom opened. "Hey son, how are you my dear!" she asked him while they hugged. "I'm good thanks mom" everyone hugged Tom as he came through the door before Dominic spoke up, 

"So, where is the lucky girl you want us to meet?" he asked with a tiny grin. "Yeah mate, where's she?" Harry added. "She is a little bit shy okay? So please be 'gentle' with her okay?" he told his family. They all nodded before they heard a voice, 

"Tom, can I come?" you asked from the front door. "Did we already met her?" Sam asked. "Yeah, I don't know either, her voice sounds so familiar" Harry added. Tom just laughed nervously before he said, 

"Just please be gentle and kind okay?" they all nodded curiously before Tom told you to come in and there you stood. Infront of your boyfriend's family. They exactly knew who you were and what you did. They were frozen, they were still but at the same time were they terrified. 

"Hey, my n-name I-is y/n, y/n y/l/n" you slowly said while Tom put his arm around your waist. 

"O-oh m-my God" Nikki whispered with fear in her voice. 

"Tom, what, do y-you even k-know who s-she-?" Harry stuttered. 

"Yes, yes I know who she is, she is y/n y/l/n, my lovely girlfriend" he answered proudly with a smile. 

"Thomas are you crazy-" 

Suddenly, paddy went to you and extended his hand in your way, 

"Hello y/n, you're really pretty, my name is paddy" he told you. He knew who you were, but he saw you and knew that you won't be trouble. He believed in you. 

"Hello paddy, the pleasure is all mine" you told him while you shook his hand. 

"Calm down guys, please, she changed okay?" Tom told his family. 

"You don't know that Thomas" Nikki stated quietly while she looked you in the eyes. You honestly felt kinda guilty. "I love him" you suddenly blurted out of nowhere. "What?" Dominic asked you. "I love your son and I'm gonna prove it to you that I'm a good person, I know what I did in the past but like Tom already said, I've changed and I love him so please give me a chance" you asked them. They all looked at you before harry spoke up,

"You know what, yes, I believe in you too just like paddy so" he stepped forward and hugged you quickly before he said,

"Welcome to the family"

You couldn't be happier.

---

"Darling where are you?" Tom yelled from the bedroom. You were just about to go to sleep but you had other plans. "Coming!" Suddenly you came through the bedroom door with a beautiful but at the same time extremely sexy lingerie in red. Tom's favorite color on you.

"Oh lord have mercy with me" Tom mumble quietly to himself while he looked at you but you heard it loud and clear. You giggled quietly before you made your way to Tom and sat down onto his lap. He put both of his on your ass and looked at your breasts. "My eyes are up here Holland" you said. "Sorry, you just look so… tasty" he said before he leaned in and kissed you passionately. After a few kisses, you leaned in to whisper in his ear,

"Fuck me daddy"

He laughed wickedly before he whispered into your ear,

"Oh kitten, I'm going to fucking destroy you, now your going to be the one that is crying begging and screaming"

-`ღ´- ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ -`ღ´-

Taglist:

@goodgirlgonetom @majo240820 @misshale21 @itstaskeen @pure-ghost @justafangirlduh @elizabeth-brown @roseke @onyourgoddamnleft @lovelyxtom @hallecarey1 @zspideyy @elizabeth228

[accusedofsin]

how did Dismas deal with his ah, affliction, when in jail? Not much privacy there.

mun here :} thanks for such an ask!

get ready for a lot of ramblings

short answer: the prison was hellish in this regard as well, and at first was one continuous test of Dismas' ability to hide and constant paranoia about being seen as sexual prey, while later on, he was physically unable to get into a rut and it saved him a lot of trouble at expense of his both physical and mental health

long answer: here is where my understanding of the prison where Dismas was held differs heavily from what RH shows us and why Buffmas, fanservice-friendly as he is, gets only a tired groan out of me: if Dismas was starved enough to eat raw, uncooked rats while they were probably alive, there is no way in hell he'd have such a muscle mass and definition of his muscles. but that's a rant for another day, however, it is partially relevant.

i have to put one very important note forward: based on a weird mishmash of cartoony imagery, narration, anachronisms in DD in general, and stylistic choices, it's very hard to understand what was the idea behind this particular "prison", or even how long Dismas could've been there. so I'll be blunt and admit that I draw my Dismas' experience from forced labor camps and that he had been locked up for a very long time, hence he was fucked up royally by the end of the experience

on top of other issues that he had there in general - including but not limited to severe malnutrition, dehydration, physical exhaustion, and constant cold that led to inflammation that fucked up a lot of his bodily functions - the imprisonment, in general, was a long, grueling, excruciating endurance test to his ability to get off as silently and discreetly as was humanly possible because otherwise, he would've become the sexual prey of other inmates. this was his main test of being motionless, silent, and subtle as he got off, and why now he can get off while being in the fully-manned tavern or during camps in the cursed estate, with surrounding people being none the wiser to what he just did, unless they're close enough to actually feel his subtle movements/the slight hitch of his breathing.

basically, being in prison was brigand 2.0: electric boogaloo for him but cranked up to eleven: he had to keep himself functional, protect his food and himself, and seem bigger and scarier than he actually was, all while hiding his condition to the best of his ability all while being locked up in a tight space with other people with no ability to get away into the woods if he needed to. being completely unhinged and obtaining a reputation of a "crazy rat" somewhat helped, too - Dismas consciously and hastily built a reputation of a total creep and a bloodthirsty thug, hoping that it would keep at least some other prisoners off of his neck. sometimes, being repulsive and doing some crazy shit like staring others down while jerking off helped too - no one could predict what exactly was "wrong with the guy" and what he'd do next. he was seen as "loose in the head", unsavory, and simply disgusting; and while it was degrading, to play into such a role, Dismas would rather be loathed than fucked by all other prisoners

in a somewhat twisted blessing in disguise, his horrific conditions helped him, since his body, twisted as it was towards sex, was physically unable to put him into a rut, especially later on during his imprisonment. Dismas was basically too traumatized and too starved to get an erection and mere motions of jerking off were more than enough to get his condition under control without the climax itself - getting the habit and tricking his brain into thinking that he was sated was more important than sex or masturbation (or lack of it, in this case), simply because he could trick his brain into thinking he was sexually satisfied, while his body was physically unable to ejaculate anyway

things got somewhat better and somewhat worse when he was put into solitary. on one hand, he had all the privacy he could need. on the other hand, it was solitary, where he was locked in for months on end after working hours. and while it relieved his paranoia a bit and helped him somewhat with the "tricking himself into believing he got off and everything was fine", it added a whole plethora of other issues

frankly, once Dismas was out of prison and he felt his first rut, he was happy to feel it, for once - because it meant he was clawing into being marginally *better* than he was in that hellhole, and his body was out of "pure survival mode" if it could switch sexual function back on. the key word here is "marginally" since living in the slums as a fugitive and eating raw rats and maggots is in no way healthy - but it's healthier than being constantly afraid of becoming the prison slut, not having even rats to eat, having no access to any water whatsoever, and being constantly worked to the bone

[hermeticimp]

My Thoughts on The Gods - Part 5

Welcome to Part 5 with our dear Greek god of madness, fertility, religious ecstasy, wine, and theatre - Dionysus!

Loved the 60s through 80s in the States. The devil may care and intense energy during these periods refreshed him after another series of violent, turbulent wars 

Just as passionate about rioting and standing up for what you believe in as Ares. He understands better than anyone the power of a group, no matter who they are. (Just think about all the things the Maenads were able to do when they worked together!...However violent they were XD). 

Just as into music as his brother Apollo. He loves the way you can just lose control when the music gets into you. It’s a level of ecstasy that few things can compare to.

Clubbing every night? Hell yeah! Any time is party time!

Hangs around frat parties and the like, happily keeping the booze overflowing and the energy up. However, that doesn’t mean he’s careless. He keeps an eye out for everyone, making sure they don’t drink too much, overdose, or harm anyone. He has no problem arranging rides for people to get home safely, which some of the other gods like Apollo, Hermes, Hestia, and Demeter assist with (the latter two helping provide shelter for those who are too incapacitated to leave and taking care of them). Apollo and Dionysus also utilize some tricks that help ease hangovers in the morning

Throws parties randomly when he feels things are getting a little too stale. What fun is being bored? 

Can be seen in the quiet faith of a devotee, follower, spiritualist, or religious person

He is the experience of suddenly sensing and feeling the beauty and love of the gods

Visits mental institutions as a means of comforting those within, giving them a quiet peace of mind for a time

Advocates for mental health much like Hel and Apollo. Passionate about reform and destigmatizing having mental disorders

Loves the idea of mental health days. Just because it’s not as easy to see as a physical condition doesn’t mean that someone isn’t being effected

Enjoys going to open mics and poetry recitals with Apollo and The Muses. Applauds and gives compliments, along with constructive criticism, for each person

Loves slam poetry

Enjoys a mix of thought out lyrics and straight party songs with music

Looks out for children with Apollo, Artemis, Hebe, Hermes, Hera, Hestia, and Zeus. He watches over those who are unfortunately dealing with abusive households

Happy to step in when he sees others being bullied or disrespected. Nothing sets him off quicker than treating others inhumanely

Enjoys attending wine festivals and tastings

He is the burn of alcohol down your throat

Watches fondly over those having their first drink, giving advice on how to avoid overwhelming one’s self and getting sick 

Big supporter of programs like Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous. As fun as drinking and (safe, legal) drug use can be, it’s equally important to recognize and respect the intense consequences they can have. He admires the strength of those in recovery

Watches over those working at rehab and methadone clinics. It’s not an easy job, especially when those who need help leave and fall into old patterns. He helps to ease the burden of those checked in and those who work there

He is the dedicated energy of writing a psychological thesis

Celebrates the diversity in sexuality and gender identity that exists today. Considering his own fluid identity, it brings joy to see others able to do the same

Enjoys watching people explore different identities to see what fits them. Nothing wrong with learning, experimenting, and growing with labels over time

He is the kind doctor who gently explains all of one’s options at a fertility clinic

Keeps an eye out for women who are going through late pregnancies and fertility treatments. Understands the toll and fears that come with these situations and helps to allay them 

He is the whisper of a secret between close friends late at night

He is the impish smile of a stranger in a club

Can be found in the bright neons and city sounds during a late night drive

Advocates for the protection of endangered animals along with Demeter, Gaia, and his son Pan

Enjoys farming and survival simulators like Stardew Valley and Minecraft

Thinks games like Kind Words are brilliant! The idea of people coming together to comfort each other anonymously is heartwarming

Spends plenty of time hanging out with his brothers Hermes and Apollo. It’s never a dull moment with these three

Carves out time to explore nature with Demeter, Hera, Hestia, Persephone, Gaia, and Pan

He is the sound of dissonant voices coming together in harmony

Is the quiet contemplation of meditation that leads to sudden insights

The song The Other Side by Bruno Mars feat. Cee-lo Green and B.o.B. comes to mind when thinking about him, Apollo, and Hermes. The three often sing the song together

He is the friend who stays up to comfort and talk down a friend in crisis

Enjoys drama shows due to how over the top they can be

Brings flowers to those performing in their first stage shows, congratulating them on a job well done

He is the feeling of stage fright that morphs into confidence as one practices and leans their parts

ADORES film festivals. Seeing the vast variety, from short films, to documentaries, to full length indie films and the work put into them inspires him

Much like Aphrodite, he reps a variety of pride flags whenever he attends a pride parade

Is the gentle, comforting voice that affirms someone overwhelmed with their dysphoria 

Supports more access to mental facilities to the underprivileged, inmates, and those on the streets

Supports sex workers and keeps an eye out for them along with Aphrodite, Artemis, Athena, and Eros

Attends a variety of productions, from elementary performances to Broadway. Enjoys each and every one of them regardless of how inaccurate or perfect they are

Enjoys playing Devil’s Advocate in Ethics classes

Gets into healthy debates with Apollo and Athena on a variety of subjects

Can be called on when dealing with introspection (along with Apollo… for the umpteenth time XD), especially with shadow work

Likes grapes, grape juice, wine, alcohol, chocolates, big cat imagery, dolphin imagery, devotional dance and song, art, acting, hymns, plays, movies, music, skulls, and ivy

Has connections with death via Zagreus and the Orphic Mysteries

[the-family-fortune]

Earlier today Cali asked me quite possibly the worst thing you CAN ask me

And boy howdy did I have some thoughts. 

idk if ive mentioned it here before or not but I have a lot of feelings about the idea of redemption in psy2. I LIKE the idea that no one is beyond redemption, that people can be good and that we are all, at our core, just hurting. and those are the themes that psychonauts plays with. mental illnesses that are seen as "scary" like the inmates (though the inmates themselves are rarely presented as scary, with maybe the exception of Edgar because he's just. huge.) - bipolar mood swings with inexplicable rage, Edgar's anger issues and sheer strength combined into an intimidating figure, and the stigma of multiple personalities like how Fred acts meek one second and then on the warpath the next when he "switches". All of these oooh scary mental illnesses are literally just people grappling with trauma. Edgar's OCD and the trauma from high school, Fred's... weird genetic memory issues, and Gloria's inner critic and the death of her mother. These things are like, Normal People Problems (sorry fred idk what the fuck is up with u buddy ur on another level all together) and really contextualize the inmates' mental illness in a way that emphasizes the main theme of empathy. 

I intentionally leave Boyd out of this because while the root of his mental illness is schizoaffective paranoia, his ROLE as the Milkman and in fact his entire mindscape is the product of Oleander's hypnosis.

So like, I VIBE WITH THAT, its a really really interesting take on the conversation about mental illness and how these things do not make people inherently bad or scary!!

But I feel like, BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW RIGHT NOW, that the Galochios - or, at the very least, Zalto on his own - fall into a different kind of category.

The Galochios from the start are jealous people. They're jealous of the Aquato's fame and think that they deserve more recognition which in and of itself isn't a bad thing per se - wanting to feel appreciated and recognized and seen is just a basic human desire, I think. But jealousy isnt a mental illness. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we, as rational and empathetic people, must make the conscious choice to deal with in healthy ways. The Galochios don't, and they let that consume them from the start - where they allow themselves to hate the Aquatos for their fame, where they allow themselves to ostracize Marona, where they drive her out of the family and where they attempt to drag her back, it's not the product of mental illness destroying relationships like someone in Edgar's position might experience, but pure pride and jealousy directed towards the Aquato family.

And like from there its just all downhill

And I could argue that from this point things compound to create a mental landscape that maybe isnt the picture of health in the Galochios, because grief can really, really fuck you up, and regardless of how they acted, losing a daughter or a sister when Marona died, could not have been easy.

But I cannot read "the Galochios crowded around the tank to gleefully watch Lazarus's decapitation" and be like "aw they're just hurting 8(" because mental illness is not synonymous with undue cruelty.

Like the Galochios at every turn are presented with A Choice and by god they're determined to make the wrong one. Whether or not this is motivated by grief or jealousy or whatever doesnt matter, because even when you are mentally ill it is still the bare minimum to not gleefully watch someone you dont like get decapitated, u know?

That is, I think, them consumed by jealousy and hate and seeing nothing wrong with it because it benefits them and hurts people they dont like. Thats. that's not mental illness that's just being an asshole

So while I absoLUTEly vibe with Psychonaut's theme of empathy and compassion and understanding that mental illness isnt bad or scary, and that we're all struggling with something, I think that narrative has two sides to it, and the same way that "we're all struggling with something" lends to the idea that we need to extend compassion to others, the Galochios being so stubbornly cruel as to be irredeemable in the narrative of psychonauts two lends to the equally important theme of "but you can not sacrifice yourself for people who do not WANT help"

Because of the nature of the things the Galochios have done (and perhaps, are still doing, as we move into the secrets behind the RoR and Psy2 narrative) I think that it would take a LOT. A LOT. for the writing to pass off a Galochio redemption in a meaningful and complete way, because of the nature of the choices they make. From what I know about them right now, these are not the actions of people who are... hallucinating grandeur or some greater purpose who believe in some hidden agenda like Boyd. From what I can gather and what we already know about the Galochio backstory, this is just the kind of people they are. 

 Now, taking into account Zalto specifically, I can without a doubt see him having some major psychological damage. Like I said earlier, grief can really, really fuck you up, and Zalto experienced more grief than reasonable, all at once, with the tank accident. He was already not the most stable person. ("But Daisy!" I hear you cry, "Augustus lost his entire family in a year and didn't snap like that!" True but look me in the eye and tell me you think he's coped with it in a healthy manner. Augustus experienced unreasonable amounts of grief and as a result his ten year old thinks he wants him dead.)

So if that turns out to be the case, and we see a level where we actually do deal with that grief in a healthy way (which imo would be very interesting to see the trauma of grief treated the same as mental illness - even though we all experience grief at some point, sooooome of us dont quite take it as well as others, whoops!) we could see the baseline path to a Zalto redemption.

But really it all boils down to responsibility for their actions and how they handle their trauma and the fact that eight Aquatos were murdered does not automatically become sympathetic because Zalto was dealing with grief. I personally, would be really interested to see the Galochios as villains end the game as villains and for that stubbornness and unwillingness to accept empathy or help be shown as their downfall, because irl its incredibly unhealthy and self-destructive to refuse help or refuse to SEEK help when you very clearly know that something is hurting you, and that you are in turn hurting others.

I also REALLY don't want them to be given the Oleander treatment.

As much as I love Oleander, I feel like a lot about his character was mismanaged, and he was turned into comedic relief in RoR.

like. A lot of my thoughts on the psy2 narrative as a whole relies heavily on the li-po document of course but the story that we were given IN psy1 vs the story that we are told in the document are so STARKLY different.

"Oleander wants to take over the world because he's angry at tall people from that time from that time his dad killed his bunny, which traumatized him" is NOT the same as "Oleander spent his formative years FIRMLY BELIEVING that his father saw him as a burden because he was small, thought he was nothing better than pig slop, and witnessed the death of an animal that he had a psychic connection to, after which he spent his entire life attempting to make his father proud only to be rejected by every branch of the military. By the time he was finally a Psychonaut and felt he would be able to make his father proud despite his stature, both of his parents died horribly in a meat grinder accident while he was away training." 

 NOT THE SAME HOLY SHIT.

Oleander had so much POTENTIAL but he was kinda shoehorned into a very two-dimensional role. Idk if it was because of budget or time or what, because the production of psy1 was very..... not great. But its absolutely a SHAME to see such a heartbreaking backstory reduced to "short and angry about it"

And it absolutely cheapens his redemption, too.

The fact that Oleander's story was so heavily pruned COMBINED with the fact that - while it's hinted at in game, its honestly INSANELY difficult to put two and two together imo because of how its presented, Ford outright tells us that Oleander's assignment to whispering Rock was the cause of his mental break (the camp sits on a motherload of psitanium. It makes psychics more psychics, and unstable people more unstable.")

that's never once brought into the resolution of Oleander's character arch and the processing of his trauma and how the psychonauts directly contributed to his deteriorating mental state that led him to try and take over the world because they so deeply misunderstand psitanium but decided to build a kids summer camp training facility on top of it

thats like... early experimentation with nuclear materials before we understood the dangers of radiation. Not to stay topical or anything, but its a clearly dangerous substance that the Psychonauts treat very blase.

But to get back on track there, I really hope that if the Galochios DO receive a redemption arc in psy2, which seems likely given the overarching theme of the games themselves even extending to Loboto of all people... I hope they don't butcher it like they did with Oleander's. Given that they've had five years and a LOT more experience with this genre and its storytelling conventions (plus the fact that they're just excellent storytellers to begin with) I have a cautious optimism that whatever happens with the Galochios it will at least be a satisfying conclusion. (For comparison, Oleander's butchered redemption is still kinda held together by the satisfying conclusion of the game, in which Raz actually becomes a Psychonaut so that isnt to say that psy1 didnt have a satisfying conclusion) 

and at this point im sure you're regretting telling me to talk as much as i want because if there's one thing you ought to know about me by now its that i never shut up about the Galochios and honestly I've had a lot of thoughts about them and the themes of Psychonauts and the general structure of storytelling in the Psychonauts games overall.

As for the Galochio family themselves, I'm fascinated to see exactly who survived and what the power structure of the remaining Galochios is. If Zalto makes the final cut, I want VERY badly to know how he treats his family and if his anger has kinda pervaded what was probably a long time ago a relatively tight knit family. I want to see the individuals involved in this, how far they're each willing to go and where that lies in relation to Zalto. Like everyone has their moral limits, and if Zalto is utterly consumed by his goal to either obliterate the Aquatos or resurrect his family (shudder) his tolerance for atrocities may be much higher than that of his family members, which would automatically sow dissonance within the family when one by one people start deciding this is too much, this is too far, we cant keep doing this.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Reunion 3.0 as your prompt.

Messed up forever (AO3) A/N: Spoilers? What spoilers?

-----------------------

Aaron stared at his phone, thumb hovering over the call button like it had so many times before.

He was alone at the scrapyard, thankfully, because was in no mood for Vinny’s questions or the inevitable lecture that would follow from either Cain or Paddy sent by his mum.

He pressed call and held his breath waiting for the other person to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi. This is Aaron Dingle...” Aaron started, not sure how to continue.

“Ah. Robert Sugden’s... partner.”

"Yeah that’s right.” he knew there was a good reason why he’d always liked Robert’s solicitor. “Sorry for calling your direct line... I still had your card.”

“That’s alright. Do you need legal representation?”

“No, no, no, thankfully not. I uh... was hoping to get some information... about Robert.”

“About Robert?”

“Yes. I know he said he didn’t want contact and I did get his letter and everything... I understand why he did it... but I just... I have to know if he’s alright. I mean... this virus... I heard it’s spread to prisons and some outbreaks are really bad and I just... I have to know he’s ok.”

“Oh... uh... well... I uh...”

“I get that it’s against the rules and everything but I just have to know. I’m going crazy thinking he’s caught it and he might be really sick and...”

“I understand. As far as I know he’s alright but... he’s not in prison anymore. He was released a few weeks ago.”

“He what?!”

“New evidence came to light. One of Lee’s other victims came forward and confessed to uhm... ending his life... while he was in hospital. I figured you would have found out... Someone would have told you.”

“No. No they didn’t.” Aaron said, trying not to lose his cool. “I stay as far away from anyone named Posner as I possibly can and I don’t really talk to Victoria anymore either because of that...”

“Right. Well. He was released on time served after the murder charge was dropped.”

Aaron swallowed thickly.

“Alright. And did he say where he was going?”

“Ah yes... I uh... pulled some strings to get him a place in a halfway house in Southampton.”

“A halfway house? Isn’t that for hardened criminals? That’s no place for Robert!”

“It is a place where people who have just gotten out of prison can stay for a while.”

“Yes, I know that.” Aaron snapped. “But Robert isn’t some thug who needs to be told not to have heroin for breakfast.”

“No, he is not. But it is also a place for former inmates who struggle with their mental health to get help with that.”

“His... mental... health... How... how bad did it get for him in there? Was he hurt? Did they find out he’s bi?”

“I really don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Right. Ok...” Aaron started pacing. “Southampton. Ok. Can he have visitors? Can he leave?”

“Yes. He is free to go whenever he pleases.”

“Free to go. Ok. Do you have the address for me?”

“I... I’ve already told you too much.”

“Please. I just need to talk to him. Just once. If he tells me to fuck off and leave him alone, I will do so. And I won’t tell anyone you gave me the info, I swear.”

There was a pause at the other end of the line and for a second thought he’d been hung up on.

“Give me a few minutes to look it up. Can I text this number?”

“Yes, yes, that’s fine. Thank you so much.”

“Alright. For what it’s worth... I hope you can work it out.”

“Thanks. Me too.”

The next few minutes were absolute agony and just as Aaron wanted to call back, the text came through with the address.

I took Aaron approximately 10 minutes to put the address in his phone, figure out the best route to take, send a text to Liv saying he had stuff to do in Southampton and wasn’t sure when he’d be back, and get on the road.

He did his best to stick to the speed limits and not push the Porsche’s engine to its full force, but by the time he reached Southampton, he’d surely raked up a few fines.

Though he couldn’t begin to care right now. There were more important things than speeding tickets.

Thanks to the map on his phone it didn’t take him long to find the right address. Only now that he was finally there, he wasn’t sure what to do.

He sat in the car and watched the house. From the outside there was nothing to suggest that it was any different from any of the other houses in the street.

Suddenly he was overly aware of the fact he was still in his work gear. Hi-vis vest and work boots and everything. He briefly wondered if he should find a B&B and get cleaned up and come back in the morning, but then he saw him.

Hands deep in his jacket pockets, hair a little longer than he usually kept it, and thinner than Aaron liked him... but it was him. Robert. Just walking down the street with another man a little older than him and a girl who couldn’t be much older than Liv.

He hesitated for a second but he could tell the exact moment Robert spotted and recognised the car.

The two people he walked with went inside the house while he stayed behind, just staring at the car.

He was probably imagining things but Aaron swore he met Robert’s eyes.all the way from across the street. He took a deep breath and got out of the car. He was nervous, which was ridiculous because this was Robert. The person who knew him best in the whole world. His husband. His soulmate. His life.

Robert stood frozen in place as Aaron made his way over to him.

“Hey...” Aaron started, hating how awkward he felt. “Long time no see.”

They looked at each other for what seemed like hours, a million emotions playing out across both their faces, until Robert burst out laughing.

“That’s what you’re going with?”

Aaron started laughing too.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know the proper etiquette for my husband got set down for fourteen years, then divorced me and cut all contact, only for him to be released a little under a year later because it turned out he didn’t actually do the thing he got sent down for, and just didn’t tell me.” As he spoke the smile faded from Robert’s face.”And then I found out he was living in Southampton and I drove over four hours just to see him.” 

“I’m... I’m sorry... I... I didn’t think you’d want to see me... After I cut you off like that.”

“That hurt. More than you’ll ever know.” Aaron admitted. “And finding out you were released weeks ago... after harassing your solicitor for information on how you were doing... I just... I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore.”

“I’m sorry...” Robert said again. “I don’t know what else to say...”

“Why didn’t you let me know you were getting out? Does Vic know? Diane?”

Robert shook his head.

“I hurt you all enough... I didn’t want to mess everything up again.”

“Mess everything up? Are you kidding me right now?” Aaron ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Don’t you think I would have been happy? Happy that my husband was innocent and coming home to me? Or that Vic would have liked to have her brother back? That she’d want you to meet your nephew? Or that Seb would like to have his father back? His family?”

“You’re all better off without me. I’m a mess. You deserve someone who loves you the way you deserve... Someone uncomplicated... without a criminal record and more issues than anyone could even begin to understand.”

“When are you going to get it through your thick skull that we love you?! That I love you! I married you! Twice! And I’ll do it a third time if you let me. Because you’re it for me, Robert. I don’t want some guy I went to school with that my mum tries to push onto me, I want you! Only you!”

“I can’t... I’ll only mess everything up again. As usual.”

Robert turned to leave but Aaron grabbed him, spun him around, and kissed him. Only when Robert didn’t kiss back after a few seconds, Aaron pulled away and took a step back.

“Do you not love me anymore?” He asked quietly.

“of course I do. I’ll always love you...”

“But?”

“But I can’t do this to you again. I’m a mess. I’m in here because my head is all over the place. I just... you deserve better.”

“Will you stop saying that?! I can decide for myself what I do and do not deserve.”

“I’m a mess...”

“So am I! Messed up together forever, remember?! When you went away I lost my husband, my best friend, my home. And I got your letter, I understand why you did it... but that’s all in the past now. It’s over. You can come home. We can get you help closer to home. We can work it out!”

“I wish I could...” Robert admitted. “I’ve missed you so much...”

“Then come home with me.” Aaron pleaded, stepping closer again. “Please come home with me. Let’s get our life back.” He took Robert’s hands in his and waited for the other man to look him in the eye. “You’re it for me Robert. I mean it. I love you. Only you. No-one else comes close.”

Robert tried to blink back the tears in his eyes.

“Isn’t that my line?”

Aaron laughed and pulled him in for a hug, both happy and relieved when Robert hugged him back and he felt the familiar press of lips in his neck.

“I love you so much.” Robert said, voice barely above a whisper.

“I love you too.” Aaron replied and pulled back slightly to press a soft kiss to Robert’s lips. “So much.”

Robert gave him a watery smile before leaning in to kiss him properly.

They kissed until both of their mouths were red and kiss swollen. Aaron couldn’t remember a better feeling.

“Come on, let’s go in there and tell them you’re leaving. We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead.”

Robert nodded and started walking towards the house, Aaron’s hand firmly in his.

“But I’m driving. Boy racer.“

[youre-in-the-psycho-circus]

Smile | Joe Mazzello

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Warnings: NONE, though serious fluff, like so much you might actually choke and die 😂 

Word Count: 3,449

Summery: Mental health is very important, so when Joe notices his fiancé has greatly neglected hers, he does anything and everything to put the smile he loves so much back on her face

Masterlist

The mind. What a kind of prison to be locked in, the one where you’re the only inmate, where no matter how loudly you scream nobody hears you. Nobody knows what truly goes on in another person’s head, and we should never really try to understand it. We all function differently, different cogs and mechanisms all winding at differing speeds, pistons firing ever more irregularly than the last. So if at the best of times we barely know what’s going on in our own lives, our own heads, how can we expect to know what’s going on in someone else's? Especially with couples, is it really possible to know your partner so well that you can look at them and just know what they’re thinking, what they’re feeling, what they need?

Walking into the apartment coming home from doing the shopping, Joe could immediately tell how off the energy was. He didn’t even have to see his fiance to know how stressed she was. She had been working so hard lately. (Y/N) was currently working on a huge project at work that had her constant attention in order to meet budgets and timelines. It wasn’t uncommon for the actor to go to bed before her as she burned the midnight oil at the dining room table only to awaken the next morning to find her passed out over it. At first he had tried to make her go to bed when he found her, sometimes carrying her back to the bedroom, but as the deadline grew closer and closer, her fuse grew shorter and shorter. She was quick to anger with how tired and stressed she was. The littlest things would set her off, everything from a dog barking on the street to him breathing too loudly. Joe knew she didn’t mean it, but he desperately wished there was something that he could do to help.

He rounded the corner from the front hallway, expecting to see her sitting at the dinning room table like she always was only to find it completely barren from all her work materials. Joe raised a brow, quickly putting away the shopping before going off in search of the female. She was definitely home, her keys were on the hook where she always put them. The actor circled around the flat, checking every nook and cranny for the female. Eventually he heard (Y/N)’s soft sobs emanating from the bedroom closet. Joe closed his eyes and took a deep breath, so this  was going to be one of those breakdowns. Slowly he walked across the bedroom sitting down on the floor outside of the closet, back up against the wall before knocking on the door softly. “Rough day?” He asked gently.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She croaked from inside the closet.

“But I do.” He sighed softly. “I hate to see you so torn up...please tell me what I can do to help…”

“Please Joe...if you really want to help me...you’ll leave me alone…” She whimpered softly.

The actor knew that she needed to cry out whatever had plagued her mind, and he would be there for her when she was ready to talk. He sighed, letting his eyes close as his head rested against the wall. He just felt like he had to do something to help ease the suffering. Then an idea popped into his head. His eyes quickly snapped open as a smirk appeared on his lips. I’m such a genius sometimes I amaze myself. He thought as he quickly stood, exiting the room before heading back into the front hall where, once again, he pulled on his coat and shoes before grabbing his keys. This called for a trip to Target.

(Y/N) wasn’t sure how long she was in the closet for. It was as though it were a space devoid of time. She could’ve been in there for hours and it would’ve only felt like a few minutes to the female. But even still as time passed she found she had no more tears left to cry. And it must’ve been this shift from utter depression to sadness that Joe sensed because as she was starting to debate coming out she heard another knock on the door. “Knock knock.” Joe called through the door. His voice was gentle as it always was when she was in one of her moods.

The female sighed, gathering up the courage to find her voice that had long since stopped working after their last interaction. “Who...who’s there…?” She answered knowing Joe’s antics.

“You.”

“You who?”

“Hey stop catcalling me.” He chuckled softly at this one of his many terrible jokes. She rolled her eyes a weak smile barely playing on her lips as she slowly reached up, turning the handle of the door, letting it creak open. She looked up to see his sparkling kind chocolate eyes smiling down at her. He crouched down so he was at her level, the soft smile never leaving his lips. “See, there’s a hint of that smile that I love so much.” The actor commended her, reaching out to gently caress her cheek with his thumb. She leaned into his touch, nuzzling her head into it, her smile growing a slight bit more at his touch. “If you’re finally ready to come out of the closet...I won’t judge you.” He chuckled with a cheeky wink.

She rolled her eyes, a small smirk playing at the corners of her lips as he helped her to stand. “You’re just a dork sometimes.”

“A dork with a surprise for you.” Joe winked. “Come on.” He smirked, pulling her out of her hideaway to the bathroom. Immediately she was hit with the scent of rose as he pushed open the door. He had lit a few candles and filled the bath, adding her favourite essential oils and a few rose petals for a good touch. Sitting on the closed toilet seat was a bottle of wine and a single glass and a few of her magazines. “Ta-da….” He cheered weakly, not sure how she’d react. (Y/N) felt the tears well up in her eyes again as she brought a hand to her mouth. Joe had always been a kind and caring boyfriend, but this was something else entirely. “Oh babe, please don’t cry again…” He chuckled softly, reaching up to wipe away a few tears that she didn’t know were falling from her eyes.

“They’re happy tears this time at least…” She whimpered softly, hints of a genuine smile beginning to appear on her face.

“I’ve been taking notes over the years, I hope I got everything right for a relaxing bath for you.” He looked over at everything he had set up. “Oh, shit I forgot two things. Hop into the tub, I’ll be right back.” He smiled, pulling the door closed behind him as he left the bathroom to give her some privacy, not that they needed it, he just wanted to be respectful.

She smiled softly to herself, he was really something else, her fiance. Most guys would try to comfort their girl but leaving her alone when she asked never making any attempt at trying to make her smile again. With Joe, he made it his life’s purpose to get her to smile again whenever she got into a mood like this. He wouldn’t rest or take time for himself until that smile he said he loved so much once again reached up into her (e/c) orbs. She stripped down to her birthday suit, throwing her hair up into a messy bun, before climbing into the bath. She sighed contentedly. It was absolutely perfect, from the temperature, to the amount of essential oils he had put in, to the rose petals floating over top the water. She let out a sigh of slight relief as she rested her head against the edge of the tub. The heat from the water seeped into her skin, warming her bones. There was a soft knock on the door. “Come in.” She called softly. Joe knew very well he didn’t have to knock, but as he had always been with her, he wanted to be the gentleman she deserved.

The door flew opened revealing Joe as he walked in posing eccentrically with a wide smile. “I have returned.” He announced, soliciting a soft chuckle from the female, well a forceful breath through her nose was more like it. “And here we are.” He said, setting down her big fluffy robe on the vanity before placing a box of chocolates on the edge of the tub. “They’re the ones you love so much. Picked them up special for you.” He explained with a smile as he opened the bottle of wine, pouring her a generous glass. “I’m just going to take the bottle with me.” He chuckled. “Take as much time as you need, but this is only part one of five. Once you’re done with the glass and chocolates and feel you’re done pruning…” She smirked softly up at him. “Come on into the bedroom, alright babe?” He asked, kneeling next to the tub handing her the glass before caressing her cheek again.

“You mean you’re not joining me…?” She asked with raised brows.

The actor chuckled looking down at the floortiles before locking eyes with her. “There’s nothing more I love than wet, soapy water, and you naked, but I think this time would be better spent on your own. Besides, I need to set up part two of my five step plan.” She nodded, accepting his anwer. God was he sweet. “That’s my girl.” He tenderly kissed her forehead before pulling his phone from his pocket. He smiled over at her as he put on some relaxing classical music, setting the device next to her robe. “Just to complete the ambiance.” He chuckled heading out of the bathroom.

“Thank you Joey…” She called weakly after him.

He paused in the doorway, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder. “I’ll always be here for you (Y/N).” He smiled before taking his leave.

Much like the closet, the bath had become a place devoid of time for (Y/N). Between the wine, the hot water, the essential oils, the soft glow of the candles, the gentle drone of the music, the magazines full of celebrity gossip, and the endorphins the chocolate was successfully releasing, she was slowly starting to feel more and more like herself. Joe hadn’t been lying when he said he had been taking notes over the years, he knew exactly what she would’ve done for herself if she hadn't let her mental health get this bad. She was too lucky to have a man like Joe Mazzello, and if she was honest, she had no idea what she had done to deserve such a wonderful man. When the wine was sadly drained from her glass, and her toes effectively pruned, the female pulled herself from the waters, letting up the drain stop. She dried herself off before pulling on her big fluffy robe. She sighed happily, wrapping her arms around herself, he truly had thought of everything so far, how could he possibly top this?

(Y/N) quickly blew out the candles, grabbing her fiance’s phone before padding her way out of the bathroom into the bedroom where he patiently waited reading a book. She was clearly a lot more relaxed judging by the half smile on her face. “Well then, someone looks like they’re feeling a bit better.” He smiled softly, putting his bookmark in before setting the book on the nightstand. He rose to his feet crossing the room before kissing her softly. “Lay down on your stomach.” He commanded softly with a smile, undoing the belt on her robe before walking past her to the wardrobe. “And get your arms out of this.” Truth be told, she didn’t know what to expect with the actor. He was still fully dressed after all. She did as he had requested, propping herself on her elbows as he walked over to the dresser, where a target bag sat. He pulled a bottle of rose scented lotion from the bag before crawling onto the bed next to her. “Just relax babe, gonna give you the best damn massage I can manage.” He chuckled gently pushing her back down on the bed.

Now Joe had captivated her before with how good his hands were, but this was something else entirely. It was a kind of magic the way they were able to work each and every knot, no matter out big they were gently from her muscles until they were entirely relaxed. After what felt like only a few minutes to the female but, in reality had been about forty five minutes, he leaned down to whisper in her ear, his breath hot against the skin of her ear as his words danced across her skin. “Judging by your groans, I’m going to assume someone enjoyed the massage.”

“You, my dear, have the hands of a god.” She smiled softly up at him. They were almost at a full smile. They weren’t quite there yet, but he still had three more parts of his five step plan, plenty of time to get it back.

“Well you know what they say about us bass players.” He chuckled as he replaced her robe over her shoulders so she could pull it back on. “Alright, part three will be out in the living room. I’ve laid out my comfy clothes for you since I know how much you like to wear my stuff.” He rose to his feet collecting the Target bag from the dresser before turning back to face her with a soft smile as she sat up. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

She smiled at him as he closed the door. He was too perfect. He had left her a pair of black joggers a grey pullover hoodie. She sighed happily as she pulled on the hoodie. It smelled just like him and warmed her to her core. No matter how bad of a mood she was in, wearing Joe’s clothes always made her feel infinitely better. She walked into the living room, almost a full smile playing on her lips as she plopped down on the sofa next to the actor as he searched through Netflix for a film. “So what are we doing next?”

“Well first I’m going to give you that.” He said, handing her another generous glass of wine, eyes never leaving the screen. She giggled softly accepting the glass as he put on a film. “Then we’re going to put on a feel good movie.” He chuckled pressing play.

She looked to the screen to see a person on a boat in the moonlight trying to figure out what he could’ve possibly put on before Amanda Seyfried’s voice began singing ABBA’s ‘I Have a Dream’. “But I thought you didn’t like Mamma Mia.” (Y/N) looked to the actor with wide eyes.

“I don’t care for it, but I know you like it so I’ll put up with it.” He winked. “So part three…” He continued reaching into the bag before pulling out two charcoal paper masks. “Foaming charcoal masks for both of us.” He smirked. “Figured I’d see what the fuss is all about since you always seem to be raving about these things.”

“You are honestly the best fiance.” She giggled softly as he helped her to put it on. She did the same for him as they both relaxed back into the couch, clinking their glasses together before drinking wine turning their attention the film, her fingers laced in between Joe’s.

It wasn’t long after the masks came off that Joe seemed to be getting more and more into the film. By the time Meryl Streep was giving her thrilling rendition of the titicular song, they were both screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs dancing around the living room. “Mamma Mia, now I really know, my, my I should not have let you go!” They belted as the song came to a close. They collapsed onto the couch out of breath in fits of giggles as Joe’s phone lit up with a notification.

“Ah, that would be part four.” Joe smiled as he stood. “I’ll be right back, babe.” He kissed her cheek before heading out the door. She smiled at him as he exited, a full smile playing on her lips. He may have not known what was going on with her earlier, he may not have been in her head - he had never bothered to ask - but he knew exactly what she needed. Joe was proud to say he knew (Y/N) like the back of his hands. He knew all her nervous ticks and insecurities, and in times like this he wanted to show her just how well he knew her by helping her to feel better. By doing all the things he knew she’d do for herself if she had the mental capacity to do it when she was feeling this low. Soon the actor came back in, hoisting two bags of food from their favourite italian restaurant into the air. “And here we have the be all, end all of food.” He chuckled setting out the spread he had bought for them, each their favourite dish, garlic bread, cannolis, more wine. It was all so perfect.

She collapsed back into the sofa as Mamma Mia came to a close, in a happy carb coma. “Good god, I can die happy now.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t.” He chuckled as he stood walking over to the bluray player popping in a disc.

“Now what are we watching?” She asked, giggling in anticipation as he grabbed them a blanket, coming back over to the couch.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” He smirked, refilling their glasses before handing them both to her as he situated himself on the couch. He spread his legs far enough for her to be able to nestle herself between them as she happily leaned back into his chest. He pulled the fluffy blanket over them as the title screen came up revealing what they were watching: Jurassic Park.

Her jaw all but dropped at the sight of the film title. Joe absolutely HATED watching his own films with her, especially the ones he did as a kid. Something about them just embarrassed him when he knew she was watching them. Of course he knew she adored this film long before they had met, so there was no hiding it from her. Still he always did everything in his power to avoid watching it with her. So the fact that he was willingly putting it on now meant he truly did care. “You’re finally going to watch it with me?” She asked with puppy dog eyes as she looked up at him.

He smiled down at her as he pressed play. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make that smile return to those beautiful (e/c) irises of yours...even if it means reliving my childhood trauma.” He chided soliciting a soft giggle from the female as she handed him his wine glass. His heart melted at the sight of her. Just a few hours earlier, she had looked like it was her against the world, life completely devoid of happiness and hope, and certainly screaming loud enough for nobody to hear. Now? Now she was his happy, wide-eye girl, her dazzling smile finally reaching up to her eyes like it always had and always would as long as he could help it. “He gently caressed her cheek before carding his fingers through her (h/l) (h/c) locks. “There. That’s it. That smile I adore more than life itself.” He cooed gently to her as he tenderly pressed his lips against hers.

She gently kissed back, her lips melding perfectly with his as they always did, a spark of infatuation and love jolting through every fibre of her being making her hair stand on end. When they pulled away she smiled happily, as she - for the first time in what seemed like forever - relaxed against Joe’s chest as they watched what she considered to be the greatest film of all time. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you Joseph Mazzello… but whatever it was... I couldn’t be happier to have you in my life. I love you...”

He chuckled softly pulling her even closer into his embrace. “Good...because not even wild Velociraptors could keep me away from you. I love you too much to let them...”