#men and feminism

[uncle-fruity]

I think part of the issue is that when I say that men have issues that also need to be talked about, I am talking about the full system of oppression and the role the patriarchy plays within that system of oppression, and how those things impact men & boys for better or worse.

When I say that men & boys need a place within feminism to focus on their issues from a feminist perspective, I am saying so because understanding the full picture is vital to defeating the Patriarchy, not because I think men need to be centered in every conversation. Even if we went to the extreme point of view that men aren't suffering in any way from our current system, we would need to listen to the experiences of men & boys and include their needs when we work to reform the structure of our society. Any failure to consider half the population while building a safer, fairer, more compassionate society is not just a minor fuck up, but rather a massive oversight that *will* lead to the failure of that goal.

The reason I am so adamant about not dehumanizing *any* group of people for *any* reason *ever* is because that becomes a very dangerous tool for the actual oppressors who cannot let us form unified communities against them. The more we know about each other, the more we care about each other, the more we see each other as humans -- the more the oppressors struggle to keep us fighting amongst ourselves and not fighting them. This was one of the major motivators behind the assassination of Fred Hampton, who did incredible work in bringing gay liberation and civil rights groups together, and made each of those movements stronger for it. One reason the internet is such an effective tool for radicalization is that it already has a layer of dehumanization built in, in that it's easy to forget you're speaking to another real human, especially when emotions are running high. So it is critical that we are vigilant about our own ability to dehumanize people (especially on the internet), our personal biases that can provide targets for that dehumanizing, and then work against those tendencies even when they only manifest in small ways (for example, as a joke).

This is not a pissing contest to me. I'm not concerned with being The Most Oppressed Ever, and I am not interested in diluting or misrepresenting the pain and systemic issues of any other group of people. I want everyone to have their say, to speak for themselves and to be believed that they are experts about their own experiences & lives. If anything, I believe in radical inclusion, and only draw the line at bad faith, hateful rhetoric meant to further the exclusion and abuse of other people. And even then, I think people who are hateful and hurting and trying to blame it on other people still need a place to talk through those emotions -- just, in a different, more targeted & personalized conversation. The broader social justice movement is not the appropriate place to publicly work through hate & anger & bigotry on a personal level.

All in all, we are ALL part of this system whether you like it or not. Everyone who exists is impacted in one way or another by the systems we have in place. And if we want to be serious about working against abusive systems, we need to start by listening and speaking in good faith, and by rejecting abusive patterns within our communities.

[men-being-traitors]

A group of teenage boys and girls detain a man who was torturing his wife in public, and bring him to the police

"I was hitting my woman, not yours": in Saint Petersburg, a migrant cut his wife with a knife in the street - he was caught by teenagers and handed over to policemen.

A company of young people heard a woman's cries — the teenagers rushed to help. They ran up and saw that a non-Russian man was sitting on top of a woman, hitting her with his fist and knife. Once he saw them, he began to run, said Konstantin, who was there. The woman, who was covered in blood, couldn't stop screaming from pain and fear. The girls tried to calm her down and called an ambulance.

In the meantime, the boys chased the man and caught him — when they asked why he was torturing his wife, he said that "it was his wife, not their". He said it was his family business, and they had no say in it. According to him, in his culture if a husband wants to punish his wife this way, it is acceptable. The man was then arrested by the police officers.

His wife, as Konstantin told, was hospitalized in a serious condition — the man inflicted knife wounds in her stomach, chest and back.

-----

My thoughts: that was a very good example of proactive action, taken both by men and women. Instead of ignoring this poor woman's cries for help, saying that "it is their business", saying that maybe she provoked him, maybe it was really her fault - they saw the situation for what it was, and made an effort to stop it.

They could choose to ignore it and further benefit from the fear that would instill in their women friends. Their women friends would be reminded that they too can be violated at any point, and this fear would take their energy, setting them back. They would feel lonely and afraid, becoming more vulnerable and susceptible to further male violence, vulnerable to other men feeding on them. But the boys willingly chose to not side with the man, and stopped the violence. Well done.

---

the source (in russian)

[tofumarinado]

"feeling unsafe at night is something no man could ever understand"

black men beg to differ

brown men beg to differ

aapi men beg to differ

autistic men beg to differ

gay men beg to differ

trans men beg to differ

[heterorealism]

[men-being-traitors]

Lundy Bancroft is an A+ traitor ❤️

Wrote a book that so many women found helpful and continues his work. Well done

“And I have talked to some genuinely mistreated men, and that was, indeed, how they reacted; they come up to me and say things like, “I really get what you’re talking about, because I actually had a pretty similar experience.” So I get immediately suspicious of a man who stands up angrily, and starts growling, “Why aren’t you talking about this happening to men?? This happened to me!!” This style of guy doesn’t express any caring about what is happening to women. Nor does he express any gratitude towards the women and men who are working to assist abused women and to stop abusers. There’s no sign that he feels any sense of common ground with abused women. So I don’t buy his story. I think what he’s really mad about is that we won’t shut up about what so many men are doing to women.”

“Twenty years or so ago, we started to hear that it was important to talk more about male victims. The argument was that it would give our movement against domestic violence more appeal, because men would realize that it can happen to them too. We’d broaden our reach. It’s been a tremendous mistake.”

“The domestic violence movement has de-genderized itself. The programs are now called “domestic violence programs,” not “abused women’s programs” as they were known before. We talk about abusers and victims as “he or she,” ignoring statistics that show that it’s overwhelmingly male-on-female. When we talk about the issue, we try to make sure we aren’t hurting men’s feelings with too much truth-telling. Has this broadened and strengthened our movement? No, not a bit. The domestic violence movement is far weaker than it was twenty years ago, not stronger. Many, many of the gains that we made are now being stripped away, more every year. (Women’s rights in general are being stripped away in our times, as you have most likely noticed.)”

“Don’t be apologetic about making women your agenda. Don’t apologize for putting women’s needs and rights front and center. When someone tells you that you should be talking about male victims too, I encourage you to respond, “There are hundreds of issues in this world that need to be addressed. Are you saying that I can’t address what happens to women unless I also address every other wrong that happens in the world? Why isn’t it okay to make women my focus?””

Excerpts from: Lundy Bancroft. Men’s Angry Messages to Me Part 2. November 14, unknown.

[shonayee]

Men masturbate to shit that would be considered an actual fucking crime in literally any other context outside of porn and then act like that has no influence whatsoever on how they view and interact with women.

[men-being-traitors]

Men being traitors: an example from media

Summary: it is a fight scene from the movie "Nobody." In this scene, a girl on the bus is harassed by a group of men. The main character (who is not that weak as he seems) mutters "she will get home safe" and then absolutely destroys them in a fight.

I like this movie and I recommend watching it if you like action comedy. Beware that it is very graphic.

The betrayals in this scene: first of all, the scene itself is very satisfying to watch:)

Then, the movie is directed by two men - Iliya Naishuller and Derek Kolstad. But they chose to create this scene and add it to the movie, which is nice:) Now the world's cinema has one more scene where men face consequences of their shitty behavior.

I must say that the movie also has misogynistic scenes as well. How disappointing. Still, there is this scene, and it is a good example of how media can employ scenes of men betraying other men and putting them in their place, protecting women. Good media is as important for promoting this message as personal example.

[men-being-traitors]

💔

19-year-old celebrity chef Mehrshad Shahidi also called Iran's Jamie Oliver was beaten to death by security forces amid anti-hijab protests in the country.

"Our son lost his life as a result of receiving baton blows to his head after his arrest, but we have been under pressure by the regime to say that he has died of a heart attack", a relative of Mehrshad told Iran International TV. His family also said that officials had pushed them to say to the public that Mehrshad Shahidi died of a heart attack.

[everythingmcu]

“THANK YOU RYAN REYNOLDS” WE ALL SHOUT IN UNISON

[von2dutch]

[phantomrose96]

The realest part of the Barbie Movie was when Barbie was like "okay but what if this hurts his feelings? what if this makes him sad? :(" after Ken stole her house, stole her car, and stole her agency, because as a woman you still have to second guess everything you do on the assessment of whether it might hurt a man's feelings.

And then that apprehension was proven right one million times over by the entire Conservative Internet Manosphere pissing and shitting and screaming themselves hoarse over Barbie daring to hurt a man's feelings.

[men-being-traitors]

💔💔💔

[radykalny-feminizm]

I love to see the general public finally waking tf up

Guess what group has been talking about all these things for years and was demonized, shamed and threatend for it 🤔

[hamoodmood]

[aalexan]

seeing women come out as nonbinary and then start just dressing a certain way. and I just want to tell them that you can not shave and have short hair and not wear makeup and wear androgynous clothes and still be a woman. and the fact that people are trying to sell you the idea that you can’t look that way and still be a woman is misogynistic

[heterorealism]

Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy