#medical issue cw

[ttngummybear]

I had an issue with my throat about a week ago that I had to go to the doctor for (it's tmi, but I'll put it under a readmore if anyone wants to know), and it made it physically very difficult to eat. It's still been hard as I've recovered.

I'm almost all the way back at being able to eat normally again, and my appetite is going fucking NUTS. I want to eat everything. I WILL eat everything.

Becoming unable to eat really makes you appreciate food. Once I'm back to 100%, I wanna bake a giant sweet potato and load it up with toppings. Nobody will be able to stop me.

The actual issue I was having:

I started to have this thing where I'd chew my food, and then when I'd try to swallow, I would stop myself involuntarily. It's like the muscles in the back of my throat would refuse to do their job. I became terrified of choking. It got worse and worse over a few days, and I finally called the doctor.

(IT GETS REAL GROSS FROM HERE!)

The night before my appointment, I looked in the back of my throat in the mirror and I had a giant fucking tonsil stone.

Before then, I thought it might have been psychosomatic, but... No. I literally had an irritating thing stuck in my throat that was causing both physical and mental issues with eating.

The doctors at the clinic were absolutely shocked by it. It was pretty unusual.

The process of getting it out SUCKED ass, but I've been getting better every day since. I should be back to 100% soon.

[tyrianluda]

(dracula flow voice) the bugs are back.

(part 1) (part 2)

[theriverbeyond]

DANGER WARNING and other poems better left unsaid (2024) ft. early morning hotel views and my travel sized sharps container

[transjudas]

“I found for me, being creative and writing songs or writing short stories or creating something or poetry or something like that – if it came out good, if I enjoyed it, I could kind of ride that creative high for at least a day or two. And I felt normal again,” he says. “I would have to force myself to do something productive, and then it made me forget about myself.”  (x, x)

[frillyfacefins]

I really want to know which parts of his skin are actually unburned…

This pic here makes me think most of the damage is in his face and the front of his body, since his exposed mid-back does not seem to be burned?

Also the back of his head doesn‘t seem to be badly burned either, but that is pretty much constantly covered by his hat bc of the horn situation

Also, on the topic of his horns… When I was writing Ozzie‘s Toy, I looked up various kinds of horns to get a feeling for how the broken-off part would feel (or if they even could have feeling) and I ended up using the example of goats and cows, which means his cornual nerve was exposed and burned during that (no way his horns are that long and the nerve doesn‘t at least go halfway through), which…

I can‘t really imagine that pain, but even in animals this is absolute torture if it‘s done without anaesthesia

There‘s also a good chance that he has some feeling in it, and with the location of the cornual nerve, there‘s a good chance he might have recurring headaches too:

So the hat might not just be because he doesn‘t want other people than Ozzie to see, but changes in temperature, random things touching them and gusts of air might be painful as well…

Sorry for the long post but I do think about these things a lot when I write fics about him and I thought maybe this might be interesting to other people too 🙈

[sleepyfan-blog]

Sabotage Most Foul

Author’s note: This was written for the July challenge by @au-roulette. Crossposted on AO3 here. This is for the fill Coffee Shop!

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @whorety-k @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @i-am-a-dragon34

Word count: 5,762

Warnings: sabotage, blackmail, mentioned medical issues, mentioned self-image issues, nonconsensual sedation, mentioned capital punishment, banishment

Summary: When it’s reported that all of the recaf machines on the fourth deck of Maccrage’s Honor have all stopped working at once, it is suspected that they have been sabotaged. Zalthes, Battle brother of the second company of Ultramarines, has been set to the task of investigating who did it and to bring them before the Primarch and captains for justice.

"Good, you're here Zalthes." Captain Alcaeus stated, gesturing for the younger Ultramarine to come into his office. The second company captain looked bleary-eyed and seemed to be having a small amount of difficulties focusing.

Alarm shot through Zalthes as he stepped in, silently assessing his superior officer "Yes sir..." He did not catch the distinctive earthy scent of the other's morning caf, nor did he see the usual mug he almost always had either in hand or on his desk at the start of his shifts. "The message calling me here was marked urgent?"

"Yes. Twenty minutes ago it was reported that all of the recaf machines on the fourth deck are broken. At the same time. There is concern that this is a deliberate sabotage attempt. All nine of the serfs who work with the recaf machines have been brought into separate meeting rooms and are being monitored. I am charging you with the task of finding out if any of them were responsible for the damage done to the recaf machines and to bring them to justice. If you are unable to do so..." The captain winced a little, shaking his head "Given the mood that our Gene-sire is in, it's likely that he'll have all nine of them publicly servitorized."

Zalthes winced internally at that. Primarch Guilliman tended to avoid using servitorization as a public punishment due to the fears and anxieties that such punishments caused among the mortals who lived and worked upon Maccrage's Honor. But the fact that this was a potential sabotage attempt was deeply concerning. While the recaf machines weren't necessarily critical to the functioning of the ship, the fact that they had done this so brazenly meant that the saboteurs - or whoever had sent the saboteur or saboteurs were preparing to go after more critical pieces of equipment, should their agents be able to successfully evade notice and capture. "Yes sir. Have the on-board saboteur protocols been enacted?" 

They were a series of security protocols that everyone on board was to follow, should a saboteur be found or suspected to have infiltrated aboard the ship. It included but was not limited to heightened security around critical areas of the ship the use of coded phrases when entering and leaving certain areas of the ship, and an increased vigilance when it came to off-duty hours activities of all aboard the affected vessel - and if the vessel was traveling in a fleet, the entire Ultramarine fleet, as it could be assumed that where there was one saboteur there could be more. It was part of the standard training that all of those who worked and lived aboard Ultramarine vessels received once they were assigned to a specific ship. 

"It has. May you find the snake hiding in the grass quickly." Alcaeus answered, dismissing him with a flick of one hand, staring down blearily at the top dataslate on his desk. He had several huge stacks of dataslates neatly stacked on his desk. "I have just transmitted to you which conference rooms that the serfs are being held in. I suggest that you speak to each of them individually before reviewing the evidence that has been collected at the scene and by the cameras, to avoid any bias."

"Yes sir!" Zalthes answered, saluting his captain before turning on his heel and heading off to the nearest conference room. 

~

It did not take Zalthes long to arrive at one of the conference rooms where one of the possible suspects was being held. He nodded politely to the two mortals who had been posted on the outside of the door as guards and called out "Good morning, gentlemen. I have business inside to attend to." As he spoke, he signed the correct entrance gestures, and waited for the two of them to respond in kind.

Both of the guards nodded, signing the correct responses as they answered out loud "Good morning, my lord."

As was correct, the guard on the right pressed the button for the door to open and Zalthes walked into the room to find a half-asleep serf sitting on one of the chairs. They were wearing off-duty garments typical of their ranking and were slumped forwards in the seat that they had taken, arms folded on the table in front of them, face down and resting against their folded arms. Their breathing was light and even, though they'd jerked a little in response to the sound of the door opening, head shifting so that they could peer up at him through their thick and curly dark hair.

It seemed to take the serf several seconds to process that they were almost napping in front of an Ultramarine. Zalthes could tell the exact moment that they'd processed it from the sudden tensing of their body and the near-silent swearing as they hurriedly sat up properly, pushing their hair out of their face "My lord angel! My apologies for being asleep while you entered. I typically work third shift and had been woken up and brought here from my bunk and it's been difficult for me to try and fully awaken while waiting for... I wasn't told why I was brought here, as a matter of fact."

Zalthes hummed in acknowledgement, carefully looking the serf over carefully as he state "I am here to ascertain your whereabouts for the past couple of hours. A small but important issue has come up in the place where you work, and I have been chosen to figure out who is responsible."

"I've been sleeping for the past three hours sir. Before that I spent an hour eating my late-meal ration with my wife and spouse, did some tidying up of our shared room and helped our children with their assigned work, my lord. My wife and spouse can attest to the fact that we were all resting together... Err, do you need earlier than that?" The dark, curly-haired serf asked, blinking tiredly up at him. 

"I will need to speak with your spouses about your whereabouts in order to verify your words." Zalthes answers. But he could detect no hints of deception from the other. Their heartbeat and breathing were steady, their body posture showed their confusion and exhaustion, but no unaccounted for tension or distress. 

"Yes sir. If you want I can call them? They went back to sleep after I was called in, s' far as I know, sir." They offer, equal parts baffled and willing to do whatever was required of them. 

"Do so now." Zalthes orders them.

~

As he had suspected, both of Zm Tay'lish's partners had been able to confirm that zey had been where zey had said that zey had been. Footage from the connecting hallways also proved that Tay'lish had arrived home when zey had said zey had, and had not left until the Auxilla guards had come to fetch them, hours later. 

Zalthes internally marked them as unlikely to be the saboteur, and continued to where the second serf was being held. After speaking with them, he continued to talk with each of the Recaf dispensing serfs, steadily whittling down his list of potential suspects based on their reactions as well as the video evidence of who was where, when. He had narrowed down his initial list of suspects from nine to two - possibly three, as one of the serfs he had spoken to was unusually nervous, despite having a good alibi that he had been nowhere near the recaf machines in the window of time it was most likely that the recaf machines had been sabotaged. It was possible that one, two or all three of them were in on it, which was why he was going to press each of them on their accounting of what they had been doing.

He was going in to speak with the first of his suspects was a serf by the name of Remy. He had oculocutaneous albinism and was strikingly pale as a result of that. "My lord?" He called out as Zalthes entered the room again, looking wan and uncertain.

"I have found some discrepancies between what you said happened, and what actually happened according to both the ships' logs of the area and the internal cameras. You stated that you left the fourth deck recaf station at the end of your shift.This was not entirely correct, as you left ten minutes before the end of your shift, moving at a speed that was very nearly a run through the serf's corridors until you went out of sight of the cameras. Care to explain why you left early and where you were going?" Zalthes asked, staring at the baseline human, waiting for a response.

Remy swallowed and shifted uncertainly in their chair, briefly looking up at him before looking away again "Must I go into specifics?"

"Yes. You are suspected of sabotage. You either tell me what you were doing, or I bring you before the Primarch and you give Him an account of what you were doing then." Zalthes answered bluntly, allowing his eyes to narrow slightly at the mortal, waiting for their response.

Remy visibly wilted at that, hunching in on themself and swallowing. They wrap their arms around their midsection and rock back and forth a little, their heart beating rapidly as the scent of fear and shame stung his nose "I... I had a medical issue come up, just at the end of my shift. In addition to being an albino, I have a really bad intestinal issues that flareup from time to time that require medical treatment to prevent it from getting worse. I felt the flareup start at the end of my shift and had to rush off before I... I made a horrible mess all over the floor over the recaf distribution area's floor." red flooded their pale, nearly translucent cheeks and they ducked their head in shame. "If you doubt my words, I was tended to by Apothecary Listerius. He can corroborate that I was in treatment for over an hour."

Zalthes allowed the stern but neutral expression on his face to soften into something more compassionate, and his voice to gentle "Thank you for telling me the truth. Had you told me this the first time we spoke, you would have been able to leave sooner. I will vox with Apothecary Listerius to corroborate your story."

"Yes sir. I just... Its' difficult for me to speak of this... This condition of mine." Remy explained, calming down, though still unable to look at him directly in the eyes. 

Zalthes voxxed the Brother Apothecary and sent a written recounting of Serf Remy's most recent treatments, making to mark the request as an urgent one. He got an answering ping less than a minute later, and read over the summary of treatment, which included the time and date, as well as an overview of what had been done and how long the treatments took. "Brother Listerius has corroborated your story. Before I allow you to leave, I will ask you again; did you notice anything strange or unusual during your shift? Were any of the machines acting oddly before you left?"

"I... Uhm... Not really? I mean. I did notice that one of the Lord Angels was frequently visiting the recaf station. Like once every half an hour and requested another cup, but I thought that he was merely getting recaf for some of his fellow Lord Angels who may have already used up their allotment of recaf before resupply is in. That happens quite often, actually. He didn't have any specific markings or heraldry as to which of the companies he belonged to, so I assumed that he had been recently promoted from scout to full battle brother. The machines were working as intended before I left." Remy answered, frowning a little in thought. 

"Did this battle brother identify himself?" Zalthes asked, frowning a little at that. 

"I don't know, I usually work in the back, making the pastries and sandwiches that are on offer as well. My... The sight of me can be... Off-putting for many." Remy admits, shame burning their cheeks once again. "Rowan was on ident-check for first-shift."

The Ultramarine nodded "Thank you for your cooperation. I will speak with her about that. You are dismissed."

"Thank you, my lord." Remy sighs, sagging a little in the seat they were in before getting up and leaving.

Zalthes left a moment or two later, asking one of the auxilla to fetch recaf serf Rowan as he went to go speak with his second suspect. 

~

Averich fidgeted a little under Zalthes' scrutiny, but he waited to be directly addressed by the Lord Angel who was observing him. 

Zalthes cleared his throat and stated "You were the one to report that all of the recaf machines on the fourth floor were broken, correct?"

"Yes sir. As far as I know, I was the first one of the three of us who work the middle shift to arrive. None of the serfs who work the first shift were there, which was a little odd, but since Remy's the one who usually works until the close of the first shift, I wasn't terribly surprised. They've got a stomach thing that flares up sometimes that they need to take care of and-" Averich abruptly stopped speaking, shifting a little in his seat "But that's not what you're interested in, right sir? You want to know about the recaf machines. I wish I could tell you more about them, but I... I'm still in training on how to properly use those machines and learning on the different kinds of recaf that can be made, my lord. Twenty minutes before the end of first shift they're supposed to turn the recaf machines off, to allow them time to cool down and reset, since they're usually in use pretty much all the time... Sometimes the machine spirits within them get grumpy if they weren't shut down properly, or if you're off-key when singing the hymn of awakening as they're turned on, sir. It took me about half an hour to figure out that something was wrong with the machines, rather than anything I had done - or not done - in order to get them on and in proper working order. When I realized all of them were broken, I called it in."

"... I see. There are ways to discover whether or not you are newly assigned to working at the recaf station. If I find that you are hiding something or misleading me in any way..." Zalthes hummed, keeping his face a pleasantly neutral expression appearing on his face "Given the fact that there are concerns that this may have been done deliberately, the judging of any act of sabotage on Maccrage's Honor and sentencing is done by the highest ranking officer of the Imperium on the vessel. Which would be the Lord Primarch himself. Is there anything else that you'd like to tell me about your accounting of your actions during the start of your shift? Apart from the damaged recaf machines, did you notice anything out of order, something misplaced, any oddities whatsoever?" The babbling from the serf was a definite sign of anxiety, as was the fidgeting with his hands, but it didn't necessarily indicate that he was guitly of anything. Particularly if it was true that he had been recently assigned to a position where he would have regular contact with astartes and higher-ranked baseline human warriors as well. 

Averich fidgets a little again, a frown of concentration appearing on the serf's face. He closed his eyes, muttering to himself, a very similar recounting of what he had been doing since the moment he had woken up in his assigned cot. "Oh! I had been sent a message by Kai, saying that she was going to be late to shift. She didn't say why. I think I told you that last time? But it's not that I was trying to hide that if I hadn't. I just didn't remember until now, my lord..."

"Did you keep the message on your vox?" Zalthes asked. If he had deleted the message, it would be a relatively simple thing to retrieve the message, if it existed. 

"Yes? It's not like I had a reason to delete it, my lord. Would you like to check for yourself? They took everything out of my pockets when they brought me in here, lord, but one of the guards should have my vox, sir." Averich answers, seemingly earnest. 

"Very well. I will." Zalthes answers "Stay in this room for now. Your story will be checked for veracity as much as can be determined." With that he left the room to acquire the serf's vox. 

Sure enough, there was a message from someone who was at least using Serf Kai's vox stating that they would be late to their shift. Which was interesting, given what Kai had already said... Time to speak with Kai again.

~

Kai was, like the other serfs, nervous. Similar to Averich, they were fidgety. Unlike the others, there were discrepancies in the first story that they had told Zalthes and the video evidence and the eye-witness accounts of when other serfs saw them out and about the ship before and after the time-window where the sabotage had to have happened to the recaf machines. While Zalthes was keenly aware of the fact that eyewitness testimony was unreliable to the point where it was inadmissible as the only evidence for certain kinds of crime within the realm of Ultramar (though eyewitness testimony could and had damned the allegedly guilty in other areas of the Imperium). Zalthes watched as they shifted from side to side a little in their seat. 

Unlike the other serfs, Kai alternated between giving him a little too much eye contact while they had spoken to the first time, interspersed with long periods of no eye contact whatsoever. This particular serf was also hunched over, arms crossed defensively over their chest as Zalthes walked into the room again. He was holding Kai's vox in one hand and walked around the meeting room table that had been between himself and the serf. He did not stop moving until he sat down in the chair next to the serf. He very carefully set down the baseline-sized communicator on the table between himself and the serf. 

As before, his helmet was off, and he wasn't in his armor, but rather a deliberately semi-casual toga that he had changed into in order to seem more approachable and slightly less threatening during the interrogations. "Do you recognize this vox communicator?" He asked, starting off easy, gently.

"Yes sir. It's mine." Kai answered immediately, having glanced at it briefly.

"And, apart from when it was on the charging stand in your room, and when the guards outside the door took everything from your pockets, it's been on your person since you woke up for your shift today, correct?" Zalthes asked, curious as to whether or not the other was going to challenge that statement, or stand by what they had said before.

"That's correct sir." Kai answered, nodding a little. 

"Please state for the record, when your second shifts start." Zalthes encouraged, giving them a little smile of encouragement, and to hopefully get them to relax. 

"Fourteen hundred thirty, sir. We're supposed to arrive a half hour before the recaf station re-opens in order to get any cleaning or last-minute set up completed." Kai answers, again that answer was correct.

"And where were you at fourteen hundred thirty hours today?" Zalthes asked.

"I... was in bed, sir. I slept through my alarms and was just starting to wake up. I realized that I was going to be running late, so I texted Remy and Alexius that I was going to be late. I then shoved a ration bar down my throat and got dressed as fast as I could. It was about fourteen fifty when I reached the re-caf spot and found out that it was closed down, due to the investigation, sir. Or at least, about then, sir. I didn't check my chronometer for the exact time, sir." Kai answered, voice shaking just a little as they look at their vox as they speak.

"Fascinating. You do realize that lying to me, as the lead investigator on this case is a crime in and of itself, correct? And with the damage done to all of the recaf machines, this has been labeled a sabotage case. The Primarch takes a very dim view to saboteurs and traitors. Particularly ones who lie as badly as you do." Zalthes presses, leaning in closer to the mortal, grabbing their chin between his thumb and forefinger "You either tell me the truth, or I bring you before the Lord of Ultramar."

"Wh-What? I-I'm... I'm n-not-" The serf feebly started to lie.

Zalthes clicks his tongue, shaking his head a little as he tightens his grip ever so slightly on the serf's jaw. Not enough to bruise, but enough to catch their attention and to still their lying tongue "Alexius' and Remy's vox communicator were both checked for messages from you during that time period. Neither one of them received anything. A vox message from this communicator was, however, sent to Averich, the trainee, stating that you would be late... Twenty-minutes before you claim to have been awake this morning. We also have video evidence of you leaving the serf quarters fifteen minutes before your alleged wake up time. Again, I ask you for the truth. Tell me what you were doing, truly. There is absolution in confession, even though I am not a Chaplain."

"I... I... What does it matter? I am damned either way!" Kai wails, starting to sob into his hand, tears warm and wet and freely flowing down their face. 

"What do you mean by that?" Zalthes pressed, tasting the beginnings of victory. But he needed a full confession. He needed the why, not just the who. 

"I... Last time we were planetside for... For leave, I got... I got drunk with a bunch of other serfs. we were... We were talking with some of the locals, who were curious about what it was that we do. So we started talking about what it's like to serve the Angels of the imperium. M-Most of what we said was what we were supposed to, but they kept buying us more and more drinks and..." Kai looked guilty and haunted "I apparently said some things that I really shouldn't have. I don't remember saying anything like that but I was... I was approached by a very strikingly handsome, teal-eyed stranger in the morning, while I was stumbling around trying to recover from my hangover. He had recordings of me saying... Less than flattering things about my masters, and pointed out that such things could... Could get me killed or worse if it was spread around. All he said he wanted was passage to the next solar system that Maccrage's Honor was headed to, but he said that he didn't have the credits to pay for passage... He talked me into smuggling him into the serf's' quarters. That was... That was two weeks ago."

Zalthes' grip on Kai tightened, but he very deliberately did not otherwise outwardly react, despite the explosive growl threatening to escape his chest and the many, many things he'd like to say about that. But if he interrupted them, they might lose the temerity to speak, and confess everything that they had done.

Tears continued to flow freely down Kai's cheeks as they took in a deep breath and continued their confession "Apart from teasing my fellow serfs by pretending to be them somehow, and enjoying scaring the shit out of me by appearing suddenly and in unexpected locations, he didn't ask for anything else... Until two days ago. He wanted me to break the recaf machines. To see how the, and I quote Mighty Ultramarines react to not having access to their precious recaf... I didn't... It wasn't like it's that important, or so I told myself... and he threatened to turn in the recordings he had of drunk-me saying shitty things about Lord Angels if I didn't... So I spiked Remy's lunch with something I knew would set off their medical issue on a day that Rowan and Sasha both take off before the ends of their shifts because they've got to pick up their little ones from daycare. I also knew that the newbie was going to be starting the second shift and I hoped that they would assume that he accidentally fucked up the machines, rather than it... Being done... Deliberately..."

"... I see. Can you give me as exact a description of this interloper as you can, as well as where you know him to hang out? I will tell you this, you are in serious trouble. You should have informed your superior officer that someone was attempting to blackmail you, rather than buckling to his pressure. Reporting that and the description of who was pressuring you would have gone a long way in repairing your reputation that drunken foolishness may have undone... But this?" Zalthes shook his head a little. He's not sure what is going to happen to this serf, as the decision was ultimately Lord Guilliman's... But he doubted that they would be afforded much mercy. They'd shown that they could be blackmailed into disobeying safety protocols for in an attempt protect themself... and in so doing, damning themself to far more intense punishment and possible retraining. 

"He... He seems to be some kind of shapeshifter. He first approached me as a taller than average man with tanned skin, bald except for his dark eyebrows, and teal blue eyes. His voice was almost... Hypnotic as he spoke to me, and that still holds true. I... I know that I've badly fucked up and I surrender myself to judgment. He was in the recaf area during the first shift, dressed as an Ultramarine, my lord. I don't know how he got ahold of the armor..." Kai explained, tears still streaming down his face.

Teal eyes. Tall. Tanned skin. Motherless, snake-tongued bastards! "I believe I know who you were approached by, and while you will be punished for this, your obedience to him was not entirely unwarranted, as he too, is a Marine, though not one of Ultramar." Zalthes explained before putting on his helmet and sending a message directly to captain Alcaeus [The person behind the sabotage is likely to be an Alpha Legionnaire, sir. He blackmailed one of the recaf serfs into sabotaging the machines. I have the recaf serf's full confession recorded sir. What do you want me to do do?]

Zalthes kept holding the weeping serf, as the seconds stretched into one minute. Then two. The Ultramarine was starting to get concerned when his vox crackled to life... With the sound of his Gene-sire.

"Bring the serf to my office, Zalthes, along with their recorded confession. I have informed Chief Librarian Tilayious to begin scanning for the serpent trying to nest here. We will flush him out of hiding soon enough. There are only so many places he can hide." Lord Guilliman ordered him.

He snapped to attention on instinct, letting go of the serf, just barely stopping himself from saluting the superior officer who was not in the room and would not be able to see it. It took him a couple of seconds to find his tongue, not used to being directly spoken to by his primarch. It was an incredible honor; despite the unfortunate circumstances this has happened in. "Yes sir. I will be there with both within five minutes sir." With that he stood up smoothly, scooping up the serf and their vox, tucking the device in one of his pockets and tucked the serf over one shoulder, immediately setting off to his Primarch's office at a quick but not visibly hurried looking pace. 

~

It did not take long for Zalthes to arrive at his gene-sire's office with the evidence he had collected and the still-weeping serf in tow. The two Ultramarines who were guarding Father's door looked him over and he gave the correct code phrase - and they did the same - before letting him in. 

"Come in, and set the serf down Zalthes." The Lord of Ultramar instructed him.

"Yes sire." The young Ultramarine answered, promptly if carefully setting down the weeping serf onto their feet...

Only to watch as the serf crumpled on their joints, throwing themself prostrate before the Primarch, sobbing endless apologies for their fuck ups and pleas for mercy. 

Zalthes was silently taken aback at how terrified and morose the serf had become and took a small half-step away from the weeping baseline human, uncertain as to how to respond. He was, however, watching them carefully, should they attempt to suddenly do something foolish - like lunge for a chair and try to harm his gene-sire. Not that they seemed the type (nor would they be able to life the astartes and primarch-sized furniture unless they were heavily strength-augmented) to do so. 

"I did not ask you to speak." Father spoke, voice calm and face showing a devastating amount of disappointment. Zalthes could feel his soul shiver and his hearts quake, and he wasn't the one to have fucked up to the extent to have put such a look on the Lord Primarch's face. 

Zalthes couldn't blame the serf for the terrified-miserable squeak that left them at the expression and tone Lord Guilliman was using. He was pretty sure if his Lord Father looked at him like that, he'd drop dead on the spot in shame. 

The serf immediately ceased their babbling, though they stayed pressing themself belly-down onto the cold, hard metal floor of the ship. 

"Now, Zalthes, give me a report about everything you have found in the course of your investigation." Father ordered him, the expression on his face ever so slightly warmer.

Zalthes snapped to attention and nodded, promptly explaining everything he had found - and how he had sought to reconcile the discrepancies he had found, leading him to getting the confession out of the still-trembling serf before the two of them. "-that was when I informed Captain Alceaus of our stowaway sire." 

"You have done well, Zalthes. I commend you for your diligence and swift action. As for you... How many years have you served aboard this ship, serf... Kai, is it?" Father asked, blue eyes turning icy cold once again as he beheld the baseline mortal.

"Fif-fifteen years sir. I was born on Maccrage's Honor, and was raised in the communal creche. Once I was old enough to start working, they put me to work, m-my lord. This is the only home I've ever known." Kai explained, still trembling all over.

"A pity, then. That you would betray your home due to a moment's foolishness. You will be leaving Maccrage's Honor permanently, once we reach the next port. There will be a black mark on your record as a serf, though you will be allowed to take all of your personal belongings and the wages you have earned. Should you be found within Ultramar space you will be further prosecuted as a traitor and a saboteur. Do you understand?" Primarch Guilliman stated, looking down upon the serf "Until then, you will be held in the brig, as you cannot be trusted to complete your duties without potentially causing harm. If you resist arrest or attempt to escape into the serfs section of the ship, you will be found and killed."

"I... I understand, my lord. I will not resist arrest." The serf agreed miserably.

"Zalthes, take this serf to the brig and have them properly processed as a traitor to Ultramar." The Primarch ordered him.

He saluted his lord father before picking up the serf and twisting their arms behind their back, holding their wrists together in one hand. "Your will be done, my lord." Before he marched them off to holding, having to drag them when they stumbled over their feet. They had started openly weeping as soon as they left the Primarch's office, and started mumbling all sorts of nonsense, but Zalthes tuned them out. After all, they had committed the crimes, even under duress. There were certain things that one did not do, and ship-sabotage was one of them. They had their life because they had been blackmailed by a snake-tongued Astartes, of that Zalthes was fairly sure. 

The mortal did not protest when they were dragged into one of the isolation cells, nor did they protest being strip-searched for anything that could be used to get them out of the cell. Once they were safely behind bars, Zalthes bid a fond farewell to the Brothers on guard duty and headed off to tend to his usual duties, pressing up against a wall as Chief Librarian Tilayious and two terminator-armored veteran brothers dragged in a still-thrashing and cursing teal and silver painted astartes. 

"Let me go! I am performing the duties that my Primarch gave to me, you have no right to detain me!" The hydra howled, still struggling in their grip.

"You had part of our ship sabotaged, you piece of shit. I don't care if that's what your primarch told you to do, that's a fucked up thing to do. If your Primarch wants you back, he can negotiate with ours for your worthless hide. Until then you're going in the brig and you're staying there." The head librarian huffed, the blue fire of warp-craft binding the alpha legionnaire in place. 

"FUCK! YOU!" he spat, not noticing the apothecary silently making his way up behind him as he was jabbed in the jugular with a sedative. His head lolled forwards as it took effect, the fight being forcibly taken out of him. "You'll... pay... for this... All of you."

"Yeah, yeah. Bastard. We'll see about that. Strip his armor and weapons off of him. Alpha Legionnaires are difficult to keep hold of, even stark naked and chained to a wall, which he's going to be." the chief librarian ordered, sighing a little as he eased up on the psychic grip he held on the now sleeping Alpha Legionnaire. 

Zalthes made his way back to his squad lead, telling him that he had completed the task that Captain Alceaus had asked of him, before returning to his normal duties. 

[a-totally-reasonable-username]

Reading hospital discharge notes is always so fascinating :/

My newest one is from an endoscopy and the summarizing notes are all like "everything is okay! You have stomach issues bc you take too many pain meds! But everything is looking totally normal!"

But knowing what the medical mumbo jumbo in the diagnostics part means paints a very different picture... "That is inflamed and also this part and yeah basically everything is inflamed and your connective tissue is hardened and also the parts making up the lining of your stomach are stuck together and this part is also inflamed"

[snarp]

Local hospital system is so fucked that apparently over the past 9 months it's become common for surgeons to handle their own scheduling. They are giving out their cell numbers and making their own phone calls.

[generic-sandbox-member]

misuse of medical terms as jokes drives me spare like ik some of it is out of ignorance not malicious intent but pls u can't go non verbal its a label for if u can speak at all ever. u can have a verbal shutdown but u either are non verbal all the time or ur verbal even if sometimes u cant speak. same for misuse of intrusive thoughts etc.

[kaesaaurelia]

Today it came to my attention that our intern was under the misapprehension that because she doesn't work 8 hours a day she's not allowed to have lunch. I went to our office manager and made sure this was not true but since then I've been trying to figure out a professional way to say "if anyone tells you you're not allowed a lunch break at work as a matter of course you should 1. make absolutely sure you heard that right and give them a chance to take it back and then 2. burn the company down literally or figuratively as you prefer."

[variousbones]

If I could eat healthier and exercise more, I fucking would

An autistic rant about health/wellness advice

I am so sick and fucking tired of these health experts telling me to just exercise and eat healthier. I know. I am aware. Don’t you think that if it was accessible to me that I would fucking do it? I am not the poor ignorant lamb desperately in need of a wise shepherd to lead me to greener, safer pastures. I know Americans are eating ourselves to death. I know the food I eat is processed. I know I don’t exercise enough. I fucking know.

In fact I know all about macro and micro nutrients and what a balanced meal looks like and complete proteins versus incomplete and the important of eating organic because it has the most nutrients and on and on and on.

And I know that movement is essential to live. I even know multiple different ways to structure workouts for different outcomes. Muscle gain, cardio training, targeting specific muscle groups, warm ups and cool downs. I know ways to incorporate movement into my day that aren’t just going to the gym. I know there are all kinds of classes for every kind of workout or activity I can imagine. I know all of it.

My problem is not ignorance and I’m so fucking sick of so much of the current popular health rhetoric acting like we’re all just too stupid to understand. Yes, information suppression about food and exercise is a huge problem.

And also.

Can we stop acting like these are individual choices?

I cannot Girlboss my way out of this shit.

I have sensory issues, dietary restrictions, specific textural and taste needs, a highly dopamine-driven brain, and poor executive functioning without medication or other extreme intervention.

I cannot simply just start eating grilled chicken salads and chia pudding. I eat what I eat because it’s accessible to me. Because I can get it down my throat without gagging or crying. Because it’s the only consistently appetizing thing. Because it’s safe and predictable.

I’m tired of this nihilistic, individualist ass approach. I’m tired of every health expert telling me that I’m killing myself with what I eat. I might as well just beat them to the punch and off myself now because apparently non-dairy milk is too processed too but I’m fucking lactose intolerant and cannot stand the taste/smell of dairy.

Like what is the fucking point of living if the only way that’s successful for me right now with my disabilities is apparently super evil and bad? What is the fucking point of trying if most of the “good foods” are repulsive to me?

We are in eating disorder territory.

I am so tired of this black and white all or nothing rhetoric. You know what’s worse than eating processed food? Not eating at all! Or eating very little and then purging because of the guilt you feel about the horrible evil bad food you DID manage to choke down!

I know most of these books and workshops and Ted talks aren’t written with disability in mind and you’re supposed to take the information with a grain of salt but 1) autistic black and white thinking makes that extremely hard to do in practice 2) the language used plus adhd rejection sensitive dysphoria makes it so I feel like I’M wrong and bad and evil for living like this and 3) it’s just so tiring to never be considered in health spaces and for all these gurus to make broad sweeping statements that isolate and shame disabled people

Just like every other part of the disabled experience I have just about fucking had it with people telling me things, assuming I’m not disabled or assuming that I can automatically filter it through my disability brain to understand how it applies to me. Give me information for better health that is accessible to me!!! Without shaming me for things I cannot fucking control because I have all these developmental disorders!!! And OBVIOUSLY this is exponentially more difficult for people with chronic physical illnesses and higher support needs who have even more restrictions than me. If you have a feeding tube, I really doubt that grass-fed free range meat is accessible for you. There’s just a certain point where constant “awareness” about an issue just becomes harmful because I can do fuck all about it. Yes I have a certain amount of agency and power but girl it’s a disability for a reason and I can’t just personal choice feminism my way out of it. Every time I see this health stuff I’m reminded of my limitations and how egregiously unhealthy I am and how I’m gonna end up in an early grave and all this and that and how I just have to CHOOSE to live healthier. As if I have all that many choices here. I am already grabbing life by the horns but this metaphorical bull wants me dead.

[fates-theysband]

turns out doctor visits are less fraught when you’re not desperately depending on said doctor to believe you in order to keep your home

[turtletaubwrites]

Saw the cute lab tech I freaked out a couple of weeks ago. (Only needed 3 tubes out today, lol)

He was very sweet, genuinely asking about how I was doing, cracking soft jokes while he drained my life force. But there was this exchange that I was too wonky from fasting to react to how I normally would:

Cute lab tech: *giving eyes that seemed quite flirty compared to the last time I saw him* "Did I draw from you before?" Me: *needs foods* "Yeah, not as much as last time." Cute lab tech: *leaning SUPER close to my ear all of a sudden while he ties up my wrist and starts tapping for a vein* "I thought you were a teenager. You look VERY young." Me: *CRINGING* "Thaaanks..."

I almost said "thanks, it's the disorder" out loud, but my tummy was rumbling, and he did seem genuinely sweet. (People with hEDS often look young for their age)

This boy looked 10 years younger than me. (ex bartender, I'm pretty good at guessing below 25 even though I'm not great at other age estimates)

He wasn't flirty the first time when he thought I was a TEENAGER, but now he read my chart and got flirty after he saw that I'm a whole ass 33 year old adult 😅

Looking younger always pissed me off, and I realized years ago that I would be more grateful for it the older I got.

But I'm sorry, that shit is still annoying sometimes.

Like yes, I will gladly accept some attention from a cutie while I enjoy getting my blood drawn too much. But teenager???? This baby faced cutie thinks I look like a fucking teenager? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Lol, I am tired

[aurorashard]

So my allergy results came back and I'm not allergic to peanuts/walnuts/pecans. That's good.

However! I won the fucking genetic lottery again and have a rare allergy to egg yolks! The poor nurse who called to tell me hah. I was just sitting there on the phone trying to process this and bless her, I just said "well fuck me running... Shoot sorry. This is a lot." She was nice about it but god. I don't. Don't even know where to start. I'll have a good cry, call the dietitian they recommended and then I guess get a box and start going through the cupboards.

[mxestro]

Apologies for continuing silence (those of you still wanting to interact, lol) I'm in the process of packing. My wife and I are relocating back to her home state due to a parent having been diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. We're currently in the middle of packing, getting our cards ready for the 2,300 mile trip. Please know that I AM intending to return to this blog. I'm also on my reserve laptop, as my desktop officially died back in the last part of January.

Just, between this, working over forty hours at my job per week. (I'm also losing this job, and looking from WFH- so if anyone has any leads, please let me know.)- and also doing grad school, I'm perpetually exhausted.

Thank you for staying here, and thank you for checking on me.

-regards

Jazzmun.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Source: Hot, Throbbing Dykes To Watch Out For - By Alison Bechdel