#mean they fuckign support it

[mariverses]

also this is random but i've been playing games and oh my god you people. if a game has problematic content it does not make the creator and everything surrounding it terrible? as long as it's not portrayed in a good light and it's depicted for what it truly is. you can critique the way that it's portrayed but sending the fucking hounds after the creators is not the way to go???? it does not mean that they support it immediately jesus

[boygirlctommy]

man i want to make an animatic about my ocs so bad

[serenuum]

having SO many mike warren thoughts i want to share but THEYRE ALL IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE AND ITS TOO ENERGY CONSUMING TO ACTUALLY TRANSLATE ANY OF THEm like what the FCUKK

anyway its once again going insane over special agent mike warren hours happy going insane over special agent mike warren hours to everyone who celebrates < 3333

[stillfruit]

it's so difficult to articulate the feelings i get when i see my friends engaging in healthy and good behaviors like asking for emotional support and taking the time they need to arrive because i just can't and i know i'm wrong for it but it still feels incredibly isolating

[wowitsverycool]

every time i see a post thats complaining about like a well-intentioned-but-annoying-and-sorta-harmful person in a screenshot with their name cut out i get like an irrational fear that it was me somehow. like even if i have no recollection of the topic at all. like what if i said a dumb thing and stopped thinking about it and now i and everyone else hate me now. like my cheeks actually start to flush and i start sweating even though the chances of me actually having written it are VERY low. i just get so worried for no goddamn reason. it gets to the point where i convince myself that YES, i did indeed write it and i should feel very bad and stupid for doing so. im normal about the idea of making mistakes im so normal about it

[starlightdreaming]

Lucifer Morningstar x Reader! Ch. 3!

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel!

Content Warning: more… angst. with some comfort..(?) idk starve lol. blood and vulgar words. SUPER LONG CHAPTER TOO WOO! (nonproof read too)

Synopsis: after going through severe depression, you mentally and physically shut down.

Further note: THANK YOU FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPORTING MY SERIES (Lululuna) IT MAKES ME SO FUCKIGN HAPPY AAHAHAHHDVENE (this is also my favorite chapter I’ve been waiting to write HEHEHHE) ENJOY READING AS IVE ENJOYED WRITING IT - ✨Lolo💫

Chapters!: Chapter 1 ✧ Chapter 2 ✧ Chapter 3 (you are here) •<•)b ✧ Chapter 4 ✧ Chapter 5

THIS CHAPTERS SONG IS uhhHhahwueh

(optional but recommended!)

｡･:*:･ﾟLululuna･ﾟ:｡*:･｡

After sending Lucifer away, you were silent during the whole aftermath ordeal.

You stared at the ground for a long while, sitting in the middle of the court room, ignoring and blocking everyone that was talking or looking at you. In a room so loud, in your mind, it was deathly silent.

Sera went to you, tapping your shoulder softly, “come along now, Y/n,” She says, softly, “Let’s get you home, alright?” She offers, standing up, waiting for you to collect yourself and get up as well.

the carpet was drenched with a puddle of tears, you felt like a part of you was gone forever… and you weren’t ever going to get it back. You dry your tears, using your sleeves to wipe them off your face before getting up and taking Sera’s hand into your own, she held your hand softly, teleporting you to the front of your home.

“Take all the time you need.” Sera says, understanding how much pain you were going through, you have told her everything after all in your years of working with her after you and Lucifer fell apart. She teleported away as you stood at your front door for a moment, staring at the door before unlocking it and pushing it open with no effort at all, your home was dark from how late it was,

The sun was gone, put away to rest, and the moon was present, subtle and set.

You walked into your home, stars barely dimming any light in the dark home, you closed your door behind you, leaning on it with a sigh, your exhausted eyes felt puffy from all the tears you had shed after seeing Lucifer for the last time, the way he looked at you as he fell, bore into your mind, it’s been haunting you since.

‘maybe it was a mistake?’ you thought as you conversed in your head for the nth time that day, your mind was haunting you endlessly with years of torment after Lucifer left you behind, your heart and mind were always arguing with one another, your heart always begged to talk things out even if the pain was unbearable but your mind was more of in control with your body, trying to keep your heart safe, trying to keep you safe from any more suffering. you just didn’t know what to do.

Tears fell from your eyes again that night, wishing to be held and comforted by someone who would understand the same pains as you, and that someone was no one.

Down at your door you sat, hugging your knees as you cried out your pain, the exact same spot when you cried yourself to sleep on your last birthday, the last birthday you shared with Lucifer. It wasn’t a good memory to remember but… it was a memory that was telling you, ‘here we are, once again.’ and that was enough to make you cry harder as you hugged yourself with the silence screams that no one could ever see or hear…once.. again.

✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧

Day in, day out.

As time passed, you were slowly recovering from the losses of your childhood friend.

Day in, day out.

As time passed, you focused on your work behind the scenes, Emily bringing joy to those around Halo city, welcoming winners and Heaven born angels all around. With more Earth born angels arriving in Heaven, the population of the people grew, meaning more expansions of the city and more expansions of the city, meant you had to work much, much longer.

Day in, day out.

You were falling behind on your creations, being the only ‘angel’ that could make stars, Sera would often have to come and talk to you and your issues of the star makings. You and Sera both tried to get other angels to make the same stars as you, sentient and beautiful, but it was only ever botched and dull when anyone else tried to make them, leaving you at a loss. You often had to stay up in late night hours, until the sun came back up, barely ever giving you the chance to go back home and rest. After one problem, another came along, you began to feel confined behind those four walls.

Day in, day out.

Your life was just stuck in the same room, rarely ever getting out, star after star, it began to be repetitive and passionless, everything was the same.

Day in, day out.

Sera would often visit you, telling you to keep making an nth amount of stars today or tomorrow, sooner or later, she would just leave notes and piles of paperwork her employers would send to you, leaving you in the dust, life became frail and dulling, you were just a machine at that point, neglected and forgotten as you kept making sentient stars constantly.

Day in, day out.

Nothing’s new. Days, weeks, months, years, nothing was changing as you drowned more in more into a bleak and miserable office, you felt more and more empty, you would wake up and sleep, you lost track of time at this point, your office was just a mess of star dust and stars, the windows were black from the dust staining the windows making them unobtrusive, you sat on the floor in the center, feeling stuck and hopeless. Surrounded by the only thing that brought you comfort, now becoming the only thing you were ever useful for.

Day in, day out.

How long has passed? You didn’t care anymore. All you wanted was to escape and be free from this basked room of misery and self loathing, your stars became gloopy and sticky, they were melting in this room like you were.

Day in, day out.

You couldn’t bare another minute in the same room, your arms were stained black from stars that melted on you from time to time, the stars were barely ever successfully made anymore, you just couldn’t continue anymore.

Day in, day out.

Long and forgotten you were, nothing new and changing, just you in a black room, full of dust and gloopy stars. You laid there meaninglessly, your eyes lifeless and you completely numb, tired and exhausted.

Day in, day out.

Nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new, nothing’s new.

Day in, day out.

After days of laying there, eating your own stars as survival, refusing to allow anyone into your room, Sera finally showed up for once after eons or centuries? you don’t even know anymore. She wasn’t as loving or caring as she used to be, it was to be expected since you lost sight of you as a sister and more of a machine. When she ordered you to get up and do something, you refused to respond as you continued to lay there, seeing as doing anything anymore was futile.

She commanded you again and she received no result, When she picked you up from the ground, she saw how lifeless you really were, she teleported you to a hospital, getting you attention from the doctors as quick as possible, they checked you, you were alive, obviously, but mentally, you died out long ago.

✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧

✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧

The nurses cleaned and fed you, you were barely responsive but it was progress to them if you ever reacted.

You laid in that hospital bed, day in, day out.

One day, Emily came to visit you, you didn’t bother until she used her powers on you. As the joy bringer of the people, she managed to give you a glimpse of happiness again and that was enough to bring color back into your eyes and look at her.

A nurse watching, left to contact a doctor. Emily smiled at you as she channeled her energy to you, hugging you and asking you questions to see if you would respond, it took awhile but you managed to wry a smile and tell her, “hi..” a croak in your voice from how raspy your throat felt, she tilted her head with a comforting smile, “hi,” she said, “how are you feeling?” she asks genuinely, her hand over your yours as she channeled more of her angelic energy, soothing you physically and mentally, “I’m alright.” you responded with a croaky voice, “yeah?” she asks, “yeah.” you respond.

A doctor showed up to give you a thorough check up, the nurse following and thanking Emily as she lightly laughed off the nurses praises. Your eyes were still dull but they had color now, the bags under your eyes were visible from the years lack of resting, black circles covered your eyes but seeing you be able to smile was just enough for the doctor to say you were responsive now. The doctor and nurse left the room to get you your meal or checking on other patients, leaving you and Emily once again.

Emily would talk to you, making small conversations, tell you about her day and sharing her energy with you again to make you more at ease, she even told you how Sera refused to let her see you cause you were always too busy for visitors, that was true but it was also the reason you were here in the first place. When visiting time was over she promised to come back to visit you tomorrow, you smiled at that, waving bye as she left.

Now it was you, yourself, and the white room and for once, you decided to stand up and look outside the window, the stars shined and dimmed brightly that night, the stars were the only thing making your eyes shine that night, their light reflecting off your eyes irises.

with the day done and in, you rested peacefully in that hospital bed, letting the day out.

Emily visited everyday to see you, still seeing you as a sister and telling you her life stories, she even managed to make you laugh at one point, it was a big laugh but it was genuine and thats what matters to her. At one point, you managed to ramble off about stars and the ideas you had for them, you got to show her how you made them, you tried to show her as well when she requested to guide her to make one, obviously it didn’t work but she smiled whenever she got to be given the chance to, she gave you the botched star that was lavender blue, it was small with imperfections but for the first time in the longest time, someone had given you something and you never were letting it go.

You used a little bit of your stardust to make it stick in your hair, making sure it stays there, no matter what. Emily smiled when she saw it in your hair, seeing how much it matters to you. You and Emily both spent the entire day talking and creating, sharing and conversing, it was so comforting and warm, her light was guiding you out of that dark abyss you had made for yourself and eventually- you were out the hospital.

You went back to that same office room but this time, you cleaned it, you made more stars, the neglected ones being perfected and revived, sentient and chiming. With your office cleaned you decided to get a meeting with Sera personally. It took a few days but it was accepted and eventually you were in her office, she looked at you authoritatively, not seeing you as she had once, who knows long ago.

“What is it, Y/n?” She says, sitting at her desk as you walked up to her desk and took a seat in the chair at the opposite end. “I quit.” You spoke, unhesitant, “What?” She says, rather surprised, “I quit,” you smiled, crossing your arms, “at making stars for you and the people.” you finished, watching her reaction change, “and what makes you think you can?” She says with a slightly aggressive tone, glaring at you slightly, “I am my own person, I want a new job,” You say, sitting back in your chair, “then- will I make more stars for you.” You say, your her fingers intertwined and resting on your lap, legs crossed.

She stood up, her figure towering over you from over the table, “You refused to continue your work, end up in a hospital for who knows what and now you’re asking for a new job?” She asked, feeling rather insulted like you can laze around and do whatever you want, “Yes, that’s exactly what.” You smiled, unbothered, Emily made you feel this way, like a new person, she was therapy itself in a way.

“And you think you can handle a different job? even when you couldn’t even handle your own?” She glares, you leaned forward into your chair, “got bored with the stars thing, without a doubt I can do something else.” You say looking at her smugly, making her harden her glare at you. maybe Emily gave you too much of her energy.

“Fine then.” She says, turning around, looking away from you and out the window, she snapped her fingers and a man appeared next to you, “Woah- wait, what the fuck?” He says, looking around the room, looking at Sera, then at you, “You will be working with Adam from now on,” She says, turning back to you, you and Adam staring at each other awkwardly, before he began to wiggle his eyebrows at you with a flirty smirk, “Adam, you are to train and teach Y/n, show and tell her what she will be doing.” Sera orders, you had your knees up in the chair leaning away from Adam, due to him gawking at you before he looked away to Sera, “Wait now? Don’t you think it’s too soon for any recruits?” He questions, pointing a thumb at you.

“She wanted a new job since she failed to do her own,” Sera explains to Adam as you rolled your eyes from her statement, “since she says she can handle a new one, I’m giving her this one.” Sera finishes, sitting down back in her chair, “But we were just about to start? she wont even have time to prepare?” Adam responds, scratching his horn confused from this sudden meeting, “Then I suggest you get started,” Sera commands, going back to skimming through papers, “Dismissed.” She says, as you and Adam turn to each other confused.

You both left together, him leading and you following silently and awkwardly, your confidence long and left you after Adam appeared. “So what’s your name again? Already forgot.” He says looking at you, bending down slightly for you to meet face to face, you backed away from his action, “err, Y/n.” you respond, looking away for a moment before looking back at him, “Well nice to meet you, names Adam, first man, best man.” He smiles, reaching his hand out for you to take, you hesitated before shaking his hand, wrying a smile, “pleasure.” You speak, only giving him that response.

You both exited the building before flying, going to who knows where, “soo, before we get started, should probably ask what you do before you jump in the big ordeal, what do you do and how can you benefit us?” He asks, you flying alongside him, “I can do stellar manipulation, cosmic manipulation and stellar healing but im terrible at it,” You rambled, pointing a finger up after listing off your abilities, “What I can do best is making sentient stars do my bidding, like the stars that are all over Halo city? I made those.” You smiled, “Woah! wait, you made all those things come alive? that’s fucking sick!” He says complimenting you, “So you must be a big deal huh?” He smirks, “Ehh, I guess?” You shrug slightly with a smile.

“Ohoh, if you can control those stars, then you’re perfect for this job.” He smirks as he lands, you landed behind him as you looked around at everyone, them all wearing the same suits, you were confused now, just what even is this job?

“Sir? where did you go?” a female voice asked, “Sera teleported me outta nowhere for me to bring someone along with us,” he explains pointing to you, you walk up to her, “greetings, I’m Y/n.” you smile and waved, “Lute, Adam’s Lieutenant.” She says as she straightens her posture, giving you a short and slim response. “Attention ladies! we have a sudden and new guest! this is uhh,” he pauses before leaning toward you, “fucks your name again?” he asks as you deadpanned, how does someone forget a name so fast? “Y/n.” You respond, “Y/n!” He says, “Seraphim of the stars or something.” He says, trying to make you sound like big talk, “She will be joining us today, she isn’t prepared but thats okay, she will just be an audience for today at most, so everyone prepare yourselves,” Adam says as they pull out spears, making your confusion more piqued, “and let’s this fucking show on a roll!” he shouts, a portal opening, him flying off with his lieutenant.

You were caught off guard from them suddenly flying off, you followed, a little behind but you caught up quickly to Adam, (being a seraphim and all) staying behind him and Lute, when you went through the portal, you paused in the air, confused on where in the world were you? everything was red, the sky, the ground, it wasn’t long before you started hearing screaming in the distance, the angel army was flying and attacking, monster like creatures, “What the fuck is this?” You say in shock, “Oh shit, you curse too? fucking sweet!” Adam says, showing up next to you, watching the angels slaughter the creatures, “where am I?!” You ask with a shaky voice, concern and worry filling your voice, “You’re in hell, bitch!” He says, summoning an angelic guitar made of pure gold, strumming it.

“WHAT?” You say absolutely baffled from his answer, you quickly turned to look down at the destroyed city, those little things running around and screaming, pleading for their lives as they get brutally slaughtered, “why are we killing them?! they did nothing!” You say in a terrified voice, looking back at Adam, “calm down bitch, fuck,“ He says, making you glare at him instantly, “they’re sinners! We give them divine judgment!” He smirks, flying down and killing a sinner without hesitation, “Stop it!” You tell at him, your angelic form appearing from how terrified you were to discover that your divine people were slaughtering innocent souls that have done nothing but accept their damnation, “No, you stop it!” He says, flying back up to you, making you fly back when he got too close, “Sera ordered you to follow my lead, you are under my command!” He yells back, an explosion happening behind him, a city building tumbling, you stared in guilt, you didn’t even do anything to them and yet all you could feel was pure sympathy and sorrow for those souls who didn’t deserve the judgment they were receiving.

“Now, you’re going down there and helping us kill these fuckers or you can sit and watch.” Adam orders, you didn’t have any words to respond with as you looked down at the sinners, there was a young lady who was carrying a child away from the chaos, you couldn’t help but watch, you were too stunned to process anything, Adam flew off mumbling something under his breath, definitely cursing at you but you didn’t even care at that moment.

An angel chasing quickly behind the two sinners, the angels spear charging towards the two, before you can even give a second thought, you summoned a star quickly, tossing it at the angel, hitting them down before they could hurt the two, you gasped, surprised from your own actions, you hurt an angel, the angels you’re supposed to care for and protect! you watched the angel shrug it off like nothing before flying away to a different direction, giving the sinners the chance to run, why was Heaving allowing slaughter? doesn’t this go against the very foundations of Heaven? why didn’t you know about this was ever happening? and how long has it been happening? Sera assigned you here, so it’s obvious she knows! why would she allow this- wait.. does the father of Heaven know?

You quickly flew down to the city to find Adam, to find answers, but all you saw was bloodshed and destruction, spears left behind and angels flying around like they were proud of themselves, it gave you a gut wrenching feeling, “please spare me! don’t kill me!” A voice called out, you turned to see a sinner running for their life, your eyes widen when you see an angel walking up to the sinner, a manic laugh following behind them, you ran toward the sinner and the angel, you stood between them both, stopping the angel in her tracks, “I command you to stop!” you say aggressively.

The angel taken back by your sudden actions and outburst, “What are you doing? move it.” the angel said, trying to shove you away but you pushed back and it made the angel push you completely to the ground, moved to the side, you didn’t have any attributes to physical fighting and it showed, you fell to the ground, looking up quickly to see the angel about to attack, without a second thought, you summons another star, a rather big one and made it push her aggressively, you made the star make the angel collide with a building, knocking the angel out, you gasped, not meaning to go that far but you turned to the sinner and ran to their aid, “are you okay??” you ask the terrified man before you, he looked at you in awe, you angelic features making the man stunned and mesmerized, “yes… thank yo- gh-“ the man choked, a spear through his throat, his blood splattered onto your clothes, hands and face, you closed your eyes for a moment from the sudden liquid of blood covering your face.

You opened your eyes and your eyes widened when you saw Adam and Lute in front of you, the sinner headless and long gone of life, “Fuck do you think you’re doing?” Adam said, yelling at you, you looked down and stared at the red, staining your hands, your breath hitched, you were trying to save a soul and it died immediately in front of you, before your very eyes, from feeling sympathy and sorrow, you clutched your hands tightly, a fit of rage riling up inside you, “ADAM! THIS STOPS NOW!” You shout, your angelic appearance in full as you flew into the air, cosmic dust following your form, your wings emitted cosmic dust, along with your hands, star dust following suit.

You glared at Adam, Lute glaring back at you, sensing you were about to become a threat, she immediately charged at you before swinging at you, you immediately summoned a star as a shield, side eyeing her, you made the star push her down, away from you, another star attacking her swiftly and powerfully, knocking her out too, Adam watched it happen so quickly, “What the fuck was that? what did you do to Lute?!” He says, going after you next, he was much slower but he managed to fight off your stars as he kept swinging at you, you being the faster flying, dodged easily, they may have been more experienced than you but they were so damn sloppy with their attacks. not to mention as a seraphim, you are much more stronger.

You flew higher into the air, a radiant aura forming around you, “This massacre ends now, Adam.” you say in a monotone voice, focusing on your power as you began to summon multiple stars, making all sentient at once, you were using a lot of stamina for this but you were willing to do this if it meant stopping this meaningless wrath of judgment.

You had made stars fall, multiple stars stuck onto Adam as he tried to fight them off but you made the goopy ones specifically for him, eventually he was invulnerable to move, the stars sticky and drippy, making it hard for him to struggle, you glared at Adam silently as he began to curse you out, you made a big star float flatly, carrying Lute back into the portal along with Adam as the stars took his guitar and carried it with him separately, your other stars retrieved the other angels in this army, dragging them all back forcefully to the portal, you made the other spare stars fly up to the skies and make it rain stardust in the skies, the dust was full of healing properties, making sure the sinners that survived could heal physical injuries, you hoped it was enough for them since you weren’t very experienced with the healing attributes you had, feeling your stamina drained, you flew back to the portal, closing it as you flew to the grounds of Heavens cloud, panting heavily, you had never used that much of your abilities like that before, all at once in fact.

You looked up to see Adam pissed off at, struggling to break free from goopy stars you still had on him, you laughed lightly at this, that shits kinda funny.

You splat onto the cloud, face first, regaining your stamina for a bit, meanwhile the whole army Adam had was conversing in confusing, they tried to help Adam get out of the goop but that only made the. stuck with him, you turned to lay on your back, wings following and looked up to the sky, for once, you felt rather proud of yourself for being able to full something like that but now it was the worse part to come, after recollecting your energy, you got up and flew off, dragging Adam with you, the stars of goop following as he muffled our screams.

When you returned to Sera’s office, you busted down the door with any respect, “Sera!” you shouted angrily, “We need to take about this job offer.” you grumbled, slamming your hands down her desk, the goop of stars putting Adam down as he deadpanned at you and Sera. Sera’s eyes widened from your sudden outburst and the blood covering your body, “I assume you couldn’t handle it?” Sera asked, after recollecting herself, “Handle it? I more than handled it, I dragged a whole fucking army back into Heaven!” You screamed, Sera glared as she stood up, “That was not your job, your job was to follow Adams orders!” she spoke back sternly, “This job and his orders are hypocritical to what we believe in! this is conflicting to the foundation of Heaven!” You argued back as Adam watched, Sera stared at you before sighing, “Can we speak alone about this?” she requests, eyeing Adam, signaling you to let him leave, “fine.” you scowl at her in detestation, you snap your fingers and the goop evaporated, also summoning his guitar to give back to him, “Christ, you’re a crazy bitch, you know that?” He says insultingly, he spoke as soon he got his guitar but you ignored him as the ordered the with a swift of your finger, the stars dragged him out the room and shut the door, all while you stared at Sera with displeasure.

“Why would you let winners and heaven born give divine judgment to sinners? What was your plan? What the fuck even is this job??” You began, hostility filling your voice. “The sinners were uprising, they were getting more and more bigger in population!” Sera responds, beginning her explanation, “and?” you asked unconvinced, “They were getting stronger, of they become to powerful, they may even reach the Heavens! they would take over and spread evil all over our realm.” She continues as you scoff, “and why would you think that? you doubting your fathers abilities to keep that under control?” you point out as she looks away, making you ponder, “does he even know you’re allowing your people to slaughter souls?” You ask.

She glared at you as she sat up in her seat, “He doesn’t and won’t know.” she says calmly and authoritatively, “seriously?! you’re doing this behind his back?!” You say, raising your voice in shock and anger, “unbelievable!” You say as you step beck from her desk, turning to leave her office, “and where do you think you’re going?” She asks, “where am I going? i’m going to tell all of Heaven on what the fuck you’re doing thats what!” you shout back, opening the door to leave but it shits immediately, Sera now in front of you, “you’re not going anywhere.” she says darkly, her figure towering over you as eyes appeared over her body, her angelic form showing.

You stepped back, looking at her staring daggers at her as she stepped closer to you, “and what makes you think I can’t?” you taunt, as she stood tall in front of you, “you will be silenced.” She says as pulls out an angelic spear of her own, knowing that she was threatening your life now, “What will Emily think when she finds you slaughtered her own sister?” You ask, putting up a facade of bravery, trying not show that she was getting to you, “Emily is not your sister.” Sera says aggressively and threateningly with pure hostility in her voice, seeing as that got to her it made you smug, “We’ll see when she finds out about how you allow her people kill the innocent.” You smirk with a shit-eating grin, knowing that no matter what she did, it wouldn’t turn out well for her.

It in-fact: did not turn out well for you, “We’ll see, when you’re gone for good.” She says as she swiftly moved you too quickly for you to react, her angelic spear carving your back, a mass amount of pain following as you screamed, you fell forward as she pushed you down as she stabbed her spear through her wing, making you wince in pain, adrenaline fueling your body from the shock that she actually took this path of violence. You tried to get up but she stepped on your back, pushing you back down, you look up at her in fear, her cold dead eyes staring into yours, “long before you know it, Emily will forget you even exist.” She says, swinging at your back again as you scream from agony, golden blood now mixing into the dried blood that covered you, you were shaking from terror and pain, she picked you up from your neck, as you struggled in her grasp, “stop- it!-“ you begged, trying to breathe, trying to kick her off you as golden blood dripped onto the ground in her office, she didn’t respond as she opened a portal, you turned to look, the familiar red skies before your very eyes, you turn to Sera desperately, “Don’t do this!-“ you gasped, struggling more in desperation, “You can’t!” You say, trying to pull her grasp off you, you were losing air and the stamina in your body.

“But I will.” She says with no solace or pity in her voice, she threw you into the portal with a second thought, closing it quickly, you gasped for air, adrenaline fueling your body as you regained oxygen to breathe but that was the least of your worries now, you were falling and your wings were to injured to fly, you were panicking as you tried to use your wings to fly but the pain was to unbearable, you saw your stars in the sky from earlier, protecting the sinners, thats it! thats your only ticket, you immediately tried to summon stars but it was a struggle to do so from how much power you already used from earlier, you had to overexert your abilities again, you mustered all the strength you had left within you, your angelic form showing as a bright colorful aura gleamed around you, you summoned stars but it was so hard to focus with adrenaline and panic that was fueling your body, you manage to make some stars but they were falling with you, some staying in place in the air for you to land on but you would quickly bounce off them from impact, you couldn’t focus at all, the sky rained stars that you had tried to quickly make but failed to use, it was too late as you crashed into the ground, a crater formed around you.

Your whole body hurt, it hurt more than anything you felt before, you weakly tried to sit up, you look at something glowing on the ground, you look to see a lavender blue star, the imperfect perfect star Emily had gifted you fell out of your hair, you winced in pain as your reached for the star, grabbed it and holding it to your chest as you laid back onto the ground, completely lost of any stamina and energy left to give.

Golden blood began to surround and puddle around you, the adrenaline and pain was the only thing keeping you awake right now, you laid there weakly, looking at the now red skies, you couldn’t do anything but only to try and breathe, trying to stay away, you were alone and no one in hell was going to go and try to save you. You were helpless, alone, once again. You couldn’t help but cry, scream in pain, why was this always happening to you? Why couldn’t you just find happiness? Why couldn’t the universe- help its only and dearest child? Your screams were so loud but they always heard im deaf ears, why did fate choose you to suffer this path? you screamed until you couldn’t anymore, you stared at the red sky as you waited for your in pending death. While looking at the sky, you see the stars shift toward you, raining their star dust onto you, the dust leaving soft touches on your skin, they felt like cool kisses, soothing your pain, you smiled weakly at your creations, your eyes feeling heavy as they tried closing, you fighting to keep them open but you eventually lost that battle.

eventually, everything went to black.

✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧

TAGLISTT WEEEE:

@ag-cookiebat800 @meow-meowo @kyo-kyo1 @darling-may-i @pink-apples001

[syscultureis]

/vent very sorry feel free not to post just ahhhhh

"endos arnt doing anything wrong just dont pay attention to them" "just stay neutral" "real systems have their trauma to worry about" "fake systems cause no harm to real people with DID" MOTHERFUCKER I CANT EVEN FUCKING BE IN MY OWN FUCKIGN COMMUNITY BECUASE OF MISINFORMATION, TOXIC POSITIVITY, ANTI HEALING, AND FUCKERS TRYING TO STEAL MY PERSONAL TRUAMA HISTORY SO THEY CAN FEEL SPECIAL AT BEST AND AT WORST ARE MAKING PEOPLE WHO *DONT HAVE DID* THINK THEY FOR SURE HAVE IT OR ARE PRESSURING YOUNG SYSTEMS TO COME OUT AND SPILL THEIR TRAUMA ONLINE OR MAKING REAL SYSTEMS WORSE BY PUSHING THEM INTO DELUSIONS AND TRAUMA OLYPICS! THEY ACTIVLY MAKE IT HARDER TO BE TAKEN SERIOSULY! DID FUCKING ANYONE SEE THAT VIDEO OF A DOCTOR FROM MECLEEN OUTRIGHT CLAIMING THERE WAS A PANDEMIC OF FAKERS FAKING DID ON TICTOK AND DOCTORS NEED TO WATCH OUT FOR IT! YOU ARE MAKING OUR LIVES ACTIVLY HARDER! YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT EASIER TO GET DIGNOSED AND TAKEN SERIOUSLY! YOU ARE EVEN STARTING TO SPREAD MISINFO TO FUCKING THERAPISTS! THIS SHIT IS HARMFUL AND NO IT IS NOT "harmless to """"real"""" systems" FUCK OFF!

I'll say it a lot on here that I would rather support a faker than a fakeclaimer, but it's also important to acknowledge that doesn't mean I want to support fakers

Fakers do harm our community, and I don't like them at all

It's so frustrating that because of so much misinformation online now, therapists are often told "if your patient says they think they have DID, or know anything about their own disorder, they're faking"

But almost no therapists are trained to pick up on signs on their own, which makes getting diagnosed nearly impossible for people that actually need help

[avesmonster]

let's talk about KEPLER i have a theory that he got the eccentric half of his personality from jacobi. because he acts totally different depending on who he's talking to. first of all:

the way cutter says this implies that kepler never jokes around with them. he's like "YOU'VE got to be kidding cause that's nothing like kepler at all" even though we've all heard kepler tell that fuckign pig joke and also just about everything else he says in s3

and we know he's scared of cutter (this is when the sol manifests out of nothign)

and that he's ALWAYS been scared of cutter. throwback to kansas

so it makes sense he wouldn't be all silly goofy around Scary Man Number One (he also doesn't seem to be very unafraid of pryce. not even rachel is unafraid of pryce but that's a different topic). so he's only silly when he's COMFORTABLE...... and that said i'll circle back around to this later

first thing with jacobi i wanna point out is that he was the one who taught kepler questions only. which seems to be the best thing that has ever happened to kepler why is he so enthused about this game

and then at the end of no complaints

this really makes it sound like jacobi pranks kepler all the time but it's totally unthinkable that Kepler would ever prank him back. Jacobi is so astonished by this (and idk what the Duck Thing was but. whatever it is it apparently wasn't a prank)

anyway it would make sense that jacobi plays around at work a lot because. his profile literally says he does

and kepler seems to highly value this trait of jacobi's. first by enjoying his sarcasm and then when he tells eiffel that jacobi is a smart man for telling eiffel to lighten up

and all the way up to dirty work, kepler is his usual silly and irritating self. even when he's taken captive and down a hand, he keeps joking around. and playing twenty questions with people. and overall being a smug little jackass

until... dirty work happens. and something shifts in kepler. something MAJOR because once jacobi turns on him, his whole demeanor and brain chemistry changes in under 24 hours

he's completely serious after this. he has a few bantery lines but otherwise, he's all business, and he's SCARED, and he's not interested in joking around with anyone anymore. he's stuck pretending to be on cutter's side and that means he has to act NORMAL--apparently his "normal" doesn't include being a silly little man

and like,, he honest to god didn't think jacobi was upset with him. which is a whole other thing i could talk about but for the purposes of this argument, it really is the Exact Moment that he realizes he lost jacobi's support that his personality makes the shift. when he still THOUGHT jacobi was on his side, even after getting his ass kicked by everyone on the station and bob, after being completely humiliated he STILL acts smug and unserious. like i cannot overstate the shift that happens in this man during dirty work i really can't

so going back to kansas. which is the only scene we have of him before he met jacobi. he was very rigid, nervous, and angry. and that's ALL he was. also

he's just a man who wants to be taken seriously. apparently

which,, the life he built came at a pretty ridiculously steep cost. so yeah, i guess he WOULD want to be taken seriously. it's not like he has anything else

he's an empty shell. he's a manipulator, too--he knows how imitate people around him to make them comfortable. He emulates Cutter to the point of making his job his whole personality. It's not out of the question that he would pick up some personality traits from jacobi, the man who's been glued to his side for six years. especially when he's around jacobi and he's having fun. jacobi likes having fun!! so kepler can do that too!! he can imitate people and be just like a real boy!!

going back to no complaints once more, kepler is all business that whole time. other than when he gets really excited about questions only. and of course when it was revealed it was all a prank--even then he didn't do any kind of big reveal, he just?? "Yes I Pranked You" RIGID. happy though :) and that was only one year into knowing each other. he likes the games jacobi taught him and he liked playing that prank and he liked planning a,, frankly EXCESSIVE first anniversary party with his subordinate but i digress, he's still kinda flat in no complaints but it seems like he's having a bit of a shift?? he's having fun with jacobi. he doesn't have fun with anyone else--not really, not when jacobi isn't somewhere in the same building and on his side

and since jacobi has a whole philosophy about "work shouldn't be separate from play," it's implied that he plays pranks on kepler, and implied that he's always getting into trouble--idk, to me it really feels like kepler absorbed some of jacobi's personality over the years. for funsies <3

thanks for coming to my kepler talk he's all i ever think about

[br1ghtestlight]

random thought but i love eugene mirman's gene sounds ESPECIALLY when gene is sleeping. they're so good & cute

louise tina bob and linda looking @ gene literally exactly like this when he forgets how his song goes at breakfast LMAOO

love that tina and louise seem to actually pay attention to what songs gene is writing and what they're about despite the fact that there are SO MANY. supportive family <3

gene's dream.... bro that was god speaking to you. like for real wtf

also im only a minute in and there are SO MANY good screenshots already he's such a cutie i love him so much!!!! <3 gene episodes my beloved

"Now I'm going to change into last night's pajamas, AKA my only pajamas, and brush my teeth with Tina's toothbrush because that's what I accidentally did last night."

"Wait, what?"

gene and tina are so silly?? 😭

me and gene share many similarities including waking up in the middle of the night every two hours for no fucking reason. like THATS relatable

MR AMBROSE APPEARANCE LETS FUCKING GOOO‼️‼️ why does his voice sound slightly sped up is he okay. does he have a new voice actor?? he sounds slightly off not like in a bad way its just strange

THERE WAS A NEW VOICE ACTOR BCUZ BILLY EICHNER WASNT CREDITED maybe bcuz its such a small appearance but thats very weird. i feel like mickey fans in season 12 episode 6 when loren did that horrible mickey impression 😭😭 also whoever did his voice in this episode wasnt credited so it was somebody from the main cast doing an impression of him. will try to figure out who. sorry episode review cancelled i need to figure out who the hell voiced mr ambrose in this episode

based on the fact that u cant obviously tell who it is i dont think its eugene mirman and probably not h jon benjiman?? dan mintz can only do one voice so its not him either. probably either john roberts larry murphy or a random crew member who they didnt bother to credit

(most likely billy eischner just wasn't avaliable to voice mr ambrose due to his movie career etc so i dont blame them but it was noticeable enough to ME that i needed to figure it out. not even a bad impression honestly the average fan wouldnt notice)

"What do you lucid dream about?"

"I do revenge stuff on people who were mean to me in high school, some fantasy and science fiction, some adult stuff I can't tell you about."

this is literally the gayest thing mr ambrose has ever said omg FHFMDDJKSKS i cant believe this drama club ass nerd was bullied in high school who could have guessed. not me thats for sure

(now somebody has to write a fanfic about mr ambrose having Adult Stuff dreams about mr frond. i want this on my desk by 3pm tomorrow)

love mr ambrose and his gay ass curly hair..... mr ambrose my beloved <33 kisses u

i dont have anything to say im just strangely invested in gene's lucid dreaming plot at this point. Love all his silly little dreams and its incredible he never seems to have any nightmares or anything!!

this is reminding me of the movie where gene had a dream and he was scared that he wasn't good at music and that people weren't going to like his performance and the aliens came down to told him to stop 😭😭💔 his insecurity that he might not be that good a musician literally makes me cry. he's so sweet and kindhearted my babyy boy

CAN I SKIP SCHOOL AND GO BACK TO SLEEP LMAO

"Even successful musicians went to sixth grade, Gene."

"That's a MYTH!!"

weirdly mr ambrose started sounding completely normal at some point like did his voice actor come back and just wasn't credited?? or whoever did this impression was REALLY good jfc

mr ambrose HATES these fuckign kids bro

HES SO UNHINGED LMAO 😭😭

NOT THE STARING AGAIN. why are they literally just this image every single time gene plays music in this episode im gonna cry

love this specific frame of gene running his hand through his hair

awww bob is such a good dad

sidenote but this subplot with tina and louise is so stupid it actually made me laugh LMAO the fucking girl cricket. thr female cricket. like what if he's gay huh what then

"or if she's not his type she also makes a great best friend. she's a good listener" THANK YOU louise for acknowledging the cricket might be gay. she's an ally 🙏

AWW GENE WRITING HIS SONG <3 eugene mirman isnt a Good singer (not hating he literally says that all the time. they have to record each line seperately bcuz he cant sing on key) so its hard to tell when they're trying to make gene's songs seem good or not but this is really sweet. u can tell he just loves music so much

why is gene's song kinda making me emotional..... like this show is usually 50/50 on if it actually wants to take gene's songwriting ability seriously but in this episode its so clear how much he LOVES music and songwriting and how talented he is at it. he has trouble with focus and commitment sometimes but thats never an issue when it comes to his music and he'd happily spend an entire afternoon writing a song from start to finish (even skipping out on dinner) because he was so hyperfocused. love how much respect they give gene in this episode tbh

deeply appreciate the "larry murphy as teddy" credit despite teddy not having one single line in this entire episode. Literally just a legacy credit at this point

I LOVED THIS EPISODE 😭😭💕 i dont think it'll be as widely popular as some other episodes this season but as a gene fan and an artist this episode really resonated with me. the ending sequence was actually really beautiful (gives me the same vibes as "your heart's not broken its only growing" tbh) and i loved gene's song and all the different costumes they put him in for his dreams!! tina and louise's subplot was really cute too. very enjoyable episode if you're a gene fan or just a casual viewer who wishes he got more focus. he's SO SWEET and so passionate <3

[goodmode]

i love console homebrew and am impressed continually by what the communities around it seem to churn out like magic. like it is honestly so impressive and they just do all this for free yknow like. incredible

but god fuckign DAMN the discord servers are 100% hostile as fuck. like jesus crhist. a guy will ask a question and if it happens to have already been asked 1 time 2 years ago buried in the logs somewhere they will ban a bitch and say something really mean and sarcastic about it. it's been true of every "support" discord ive looked at. no fucking mercy man. genuinely scared to say anything

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut

Relena Peacecraft

She made the mistake of having a crush on the serial killer/child soldier lead character, and also wearing pink. Like, she's one of the OG characters to have a "-bashing" tag on FFN and then AO3. The other half of the yaoi pair was a boy with a butt-length braid, a fake American name, and a priest outfit. Poor Ms Peacecraft never stood a chance.

Relena is a very competent and accomplished character with her own plot lines and goals in a series full of complicated political and military upheavals. The main characters are 5 teenage boys who pilot Gundams, and each boy has at least one potential female love interest counterpart (all of whom are interesting characters in their own right). Relena is the counterpart to the main pilot, Heero. Her importance to Heero and the story is substantial enough that yaoi shippers often feel the need to kill her off specifically, while other female characters get to play the roll of supportive fujoshi friend to the yaoi ships instead. The hate for Relena was truly vitriolic in the height of the yaoi fandom in the mid 90s/early 00s, so much so that the memories of her tortures live on in my memory to this day…

she suffers the indignity of being an implied LI in the most fujobait season of gundam ever and for that she had to die (in fanfiction) just look at any 1x2x1 fic on any platform, be it ffn or private website or anywhere, she gets vilainized to hell and back, if relena does not win this fuckign poll i'm goign to jump off a bridge she was villainised SO FUCKING HARD have you ever tried looking for any 1x2 fic that doesn't have relena bashing. it's impossible. she deserves a hefty victim's compensation from Big Yaoi is all i'm saying.

Ada Wong

A mysterious and capable agent of a shadowy bioterrorism organization, she has a romance with government agent Leon S Kennedy spanning multiple games and movies. No one knows her true loyalties, but Leon trusts her. But, who cares! Leon and Chris argued once and that means they must be in love. Ada has also been convicted of fandom high crimes of lying to the fandom's babygirl and doing morally grey things while not being a man. 

lots of explicit romantic chemistry with leon kennedy but large parts of the fandom treat her like a heartless monster who only hurts him and uses him for her goals so that they can pair him with a guy (its hard to be a girlboss)

She has a will-they-won't-they relationship with Leon in Resident Evil 2, 4, and 6. But since m/m ships like Chris/Leon and Luis/Leon are really popular, she's usually written out of fan content completely or, in rare cases, she's seen as a "mean lesbian" or antagonist to Leon's potential yaoi moment. I love her so much she doesn't deserve it :(

[evansbby]

also by the way guys! i totally forgot but february last year was when i posted my first cevans fic on here! which means it’s been one year since i officially started this blog! and here we are, almost 9k followers later! for those of you who stuck around for fics about toxic men, spider!Ari, mike-waxowski!Chris, bald!Chris, me being salty as fuck in the tags, me sometimes being a literal critical bitter ass hater of the guy this blog is about, my Ari Levinson obsession, my rants, my totally rational hate for Andy Barber, my polls, my role-playing as psychopath poyt!Steve and feeling his misogyny flow throw my veins, FEDEX!ARI, Amazon!Curtis, UPS!Lloyd, my Chris ick era (still ongoing), my suspicious contempt for Frank Adler, my staunch belief that nomad!Steve is overrated, my sporadic gifmaker era that comes and goes, all my gorgeous anons, my soft!daddy Ari era beginning (still ongoing) and so much more…

If you stuck with me through ALL of that (or some of it, or even if you didn’t lmao) THANK YOU. Didn’t mean to make this come out all cheesy but yeah! I have been so fortunate that I’ve received such a good reception in this fandom for my fics, like I’m so fortunate to have never once had to worry about interaction for my fics bc yall literally just…are so amazing and supportive and enthusiastic about my writing and that’s what has made this blog grow so much! I’ve never experienced love and appreciation for my work like this in any other fandom! I’ve also met some really cool and chill people who are just amazing and I won’t tag you bc I’m too shy to tag people I’m sorry akdjsjjsak BUT!!! y’all know who you are!

ANYWAYS this is so fuckign cheesy and cringe fksjsjsj BUT!!! It’s been one year since I started this blog and I’m surprised and happy that I’m still here! Thank you sm!! (<- not me acting like I’ve won an award sjsjsjsja FUK bye 🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️)💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[forcebookish]

Rank the ofs characters from favorite to least favorite

Ps love your blog 😊

HMMMMMMMM, i'm going to stick with the main boys and cheum because i either have next to no opinion about the rest of the cast (yo, plug, dan, gap, etc.) or you already know i fucking hate them (atom, boeing); i like april well enough, but she didn't get much screentime - i think more of her than the other supporting/guest roles, but her position as cheum's girlfriend kind of just made her likable and that was it.

all that being said, i think these are going to be obvious, if controversial, but get ready for a lot of words regardless. hopefully no one finds this through the search function 😅

1. top

MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely love everything about him. i think he was actually the only character who never went out of his way to hurt someone, was only ever mean to or fought with people who started (and deserved) it, and even tried to be friendly with people who treated him like garbage. he was always sweet with mew, only ever yelled to defend himself (and even with mew, just barely raised his voice), and truly was never the asshole the other characters, the fandom, or even top himself made him out to be. even the stuff that was actually true that the fandom hated him for was hot lol can't account for taste *flips hair* and he was so loving!!! i don't know why people didn't get that!!! plus the way he wraps himself around someone when he kisses? 👌👌👌👌 despite his limited screentime (🤬🤬🤬🤬), he still had the best character development and backstory.

2. mew

not a surprise that everyone (except boston lol) loved him. i didn't always like his choices and i think the writers dropped the ball on him hard with some very bizarre character inconsistencies but barring most of episode 10 and 12, he's like top said: cute, sexy, and interesting. like. so sexy. soooooo soos ossoso so sos fuckign sexy oh my god. he wasn't naive or bland, he had so much more going on, and i loved how playful and competitive he was. i don't have a lot to say about mew tbh i just love him haha

3. nick

WHAT A FREAK OH MY GOD. i think he fell victim to more drama contrivances than i would have preferred (the audio being edited, him never confronting sand about stealing it or telling mew who stole it, dan disappearing from his life, his whole storyline completely forgotten). really, the only bad dude of the bunch who i loved because he was so... fascinating. and again, didn't really do anything just to hurt anyone; there was no malice in his actions, he just was... a freak lol but it was weird how much it felt like the drama didn't really care about him?? for example, i HATED his ending. while rejecting boston was the right thing to do, what happened after that!??!???? did he move out?? did he go to america? did he keep working at dan's office??? what happened to him!!???!??? justice for nick!!!!!

4. cheum

i really like how serious she is most of the time but that she also has a goofy side. however, it didn't make any sense that she went from feeling for top and relying on him to going back to calling him an asshole. it would have been way more interesting (and lbr, realistic!!!) if they became friends again. plus her just instantly forgiving atom for lying about boston just because he was a babygay??? come on. other than that, i think she had some pretty consistent characterization and growth: she was probably the only one who really cared about their friendships, and to a fault (wanting to help mew, being frustrated with ray overlooking her, dropping top without trying to understand him, and giving boston a second chance just because she felt guilty and wanted everyone to get along again), which was an interesting trait/direction. plus, her wanting to kiss ray was so real and iconic.

5. boston

yes, he's higher on the list than i ever would have expected. i still hate him: there's the sexual assault and coercion, creepy creeping, talking shit about or screwing over his "friends," only apologizing when it was demanded of him (and even then, half-assed), and only ever caring about himself. but! at least he did it in an interesting and not annoying way. i was never bored or annoyed when he was on screen; as much as i hated him, i did kinda wanna see what he was going to do. it was even almost fun to hate him! i think they could have done more with him (his subplot with atom was pretty pointless - his fucking top should have been enough for him to end up friendless lmao), like his dad's verbal abuse/not being out to him or his parents' divorce, and had been more honest about what everyone actually saw in him. he was an asshole to the point where it was unclear why anyone liked him lol but i do like that he got what he wanted in the end, and in the worst possible of circumstances! i wouldn't say he got his true comeuppance, but it was a cool end to his arc.

6. sand

oooh, sand and ray fought hard for who i hated more lmao but in the end, there were at least a few things i liked about sand: smashing his phone to steal the sex tape (seriousSLY WHA TWAS THAT OMG IT WAS AMAZING fucking lunatic), making plum wine, and his relationship with his mom. then why isn't he higher than boston? while boston has pretty much no positive attributes as a person, the things i hate about sand as a character outweigh those few things i like about him. the way he lets ray walk all over him no matter what, can't forgive top for boeing when boeing was obviously a fucking dickhead, doesn't apologize to top for ruining his life, pretends to give a shit about mew when he just wanted to blow up top's life and get back at ray in the process, and somehow being kinda... boring? the aforementioned stuff i liked was certainly interesting, but most of the time he just kind of... followed along with ray; there wasn't that much more to his arc, it was just a cycle of abuse. plus, the fandom claimed that mew thought he was better than everyone, but sand actually thought he was better than everyone, and never acknowledged that anything he did was bad. everything was justified to him. and he clearly is addicted to alcohol too like why did he just keep drinking with ray when he knew ray was an addict!!! come on, dude!!

7. ray

like boston, why do people like this guy!!???!????? characters and viewers alike! every single thing about him is annoying. in the first episode, i thought he was just quick to anger and therefore actually had the potential for being my favorite character, but he's just a whiny little bitch. the way he talks, the way he treats his friends and especially sand, the way he BARELY EVER apologizes for the worst of what he does (apologizing for not telling mew and cheum about being hospitalized but not about yelling at them and exposing their secrets; apologizing for calling mew dumb but not SCREAMING AT HIM FOR NOT FUCKING HIM????????????!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!???!???????!???) (i think the one time he did was only when he kissed mew and that was just because mew was going to cut him out of his life, i don't believe for a second it was because he actually felt bad about it), how he always brings up his dead mom as if that's an excuse to treat everyone like shit, and the way he gets away with everything. fucking everything. he should have gone to jail! twice! he spends the whole series denying the fact that he has a problem and then goes to, what, a week of rehab and just is perfectly fine? that shit with boeing was so out of line and yet sand was the one who had to apologize for it?? what the fuck??? acted all high and mighty at top despite CHEATING ON MEW?? AND NOT BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE TRICKED HIM HE REALLY DROVE TWO HOURS TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE AND THEN FACED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR IT SERIOUSLY FUCK THIS GUY. i really truly cannot think of a single thing i like about him lmao completely insufferable. hated nearly every moment he was on screen. i probably would have liked the series 38402390483024 times more if he weren't in it. AND I HATE THAT I WROTE THE MOST ABOUT HIM OUT OF EVERYONE

moreover:

in general, it's actually kind of a bummer that the writers felt like they needed to include sandray at all. they were the only characters in the main cast who were wholly made up and not based on anyone irl and it made them the weakest links. i'm going to sound like a hypocrite because it pisses me off when people say this about topmew, but i think the series would have been improved without sandray.

that's not me hating on firstkhao!!!! i wish they had shined in their own series, because their talents were wasted in this one and their fanbase overcompensated for it in nasty ways. i have a hard time believing that they would have been so popular if they weren't played by firstkhao.

if the writers had incorporated some elements of ray's character (his crush on mew, bringing up his family life as an excuse for bad behavior, the way that the other characters actually like him for some reason) into boston, it would have made for a better character and the whole series would have come out a lot cleaner. his motives for fucking over top and mew would have been clearer and the tension with nick more complicated - nick could have been the one to expose topboston. the shit with boeing could have still happened, but just with The Bar Singer, and more time could have been spent on it to flesh it out. they didn't need to have the boyfriends, friends with benefits, fuck buddies theme - it would have worked just as well with just boyfriends and friends with benefits. nickboston's relationship went from fuck buddies to friends with benefits in two episodes anyway. and aprilcheum and plugyo could have had more screentime!!!

WOOF! the tenses in this were a mess, sorry. i wanted to include screencaps too, but i didn't want to gather them soz. anyway, this was fun to go through, anon! when i really look at it, the characters who went through the least amount of character development were the ones i hated the most, hmm 🤔 thanks for asking and loving my blog! 🥰

[gayspock]

lolz

the complainergaain. i just think its hilairoussometimes how people say that the only optionever is to go get help when its not there insistingthat its jsut something to fuckign tap into. when its literally not there. like what do you fuckingthink. when you dont have anyone to turn to. when youre completely alone in life. and when the systems beyond screwedup and so so so fucking inaccessible and incompetent it willfuck you up so much more as it has done hafter so many attempts. like my godi know thats the only fuckign "option" after so long of failing to ever fucking help myself OR gethelp. i know that. i.e there is no fucking way out!!!! because every fucking avenue is closedoff and a fucking doomspiral into worse bullshit and fucking hoepless and yep yep yep and thats why i know im fuckign killing myself inthe end. etc. etc etc etc. congrats. i fucking feel crazy. does anyone feel fuckingcrazy when youre just fuckign sat there fucking overwhelemdagain because its so fucking pointless and its not worth fighting for but god god god soemtimesman you just ufcking wish it didnt have to be, having mentalfucking breakdowns thinking about how this is the lot you get and its never anything else, and you jsut wish something mattered or workedbut it neverdoes andwhats it like to feel some lvoe thats sincere to not feel so fucking small as everyone jsut ufcking stares at you and judges you forgiving up liektheres anyhting else you can do and going mental nuts fucking trying to find ways out all of them dpeending on support systes and means you do not have and more ufcking hellish fucking spirals being told you need to try the therapy again go through that process again

like yeah yeah fuckingsure go on the waiting list go endureit the fucking months to get through to someonewho doesnt listen again, for your limited run of CBT sessions following worksheets photocopied to hell that uyovbe begged them not to fucking go throguh with you please jsut try something else please fucking please i dont feel humanand like some fucking dickhead who got the one in the million or has the money for private or who isnt on the fucking nhs refusing to understand how it works here "because its free :) youre just turning it down" and well lookat that anyway the limited number of sessions have been cut short Again because its ineffecdtive youre too difficult youre too fucking complicated youre a lost cause oops i cant say that too much of a headcasewhats that um we'll refer you to the.... the three year wait person and you go there and you wait threeyears and its worseits so much worse by now you go there . and the same thing happens again except its harde rhtis time its worse because no fuckign no the way people treat it like its nothing like the wait times arent ufcking agonising like yuo dont just fucking degrade in the in the interim and to thwepoint where what does it fucking matter and even if i tried to goback its starting from the bottom again and i dont knowwhat to do when you cant even fucking communicate properly im sincerely concernedtheres something wrong with me in that way like for real but i dont know what todo about itbecause i cant even talk straight so theyjust fucking blank me "its meant to suck its meant to be bad at first" how many moretimes of that and why does noone fucking believe me when i promise you and i can fucking PROMISE you its not suckingin the way of oh this is a difficultthing to endure to fucking fdealwith at first its s this is sucking in the fucking way thatfeels im just so so utteruly fucking worthless and unheard and have no voice tyype of fucking sucking triyng to fuckign explainthings to people but . having so manyfucking problemswith sut fucking getting words out i feel like such a fucking fialure sometimes i dont know how im ever meant to getanywhere withthem every timei tried to talk imsutered everything p that i could it would just be ignoredplease do this fucking exercise please name every fucking thing you can hear and asee now fucking get out of my office how many times ive done this so many times it deosnt help iM SORRRYYYYY and then peopleget mad at you why doens ti twrok i dont know!! i font fucking know man i wish it fucking worked do you ever feel nuts fucking forcingyourself to dothings overt and over again slwoly fucking going insane realising youre just doing things repeatedly to make otherpeople happy youre getitng worse but it never matters it never matters to people what matters is youmake them feel good and you just want to die you jsut want to die so so fucking badly you wish it meant somethingyou wish . your actual fuckingrepsonses meant somethingbut people jsut dont care theydont care and youre so fucking alone and go god god

and god thats the other one . dotn i know medication isnt going to work on it. insert litany of reasonshere. but every time i think maybe i'll pursue that again fucking try it again nonetheless ebcause im insanely fucking desperate to justhave some fucking relief on it for two fducking seconds but knowing damn well what its fucking likein this country never ever fucking again im not going through all ofthat alone againand because maybe ifthere was someonethere it wouldnt be so abd but theres not and i dont know how totalk to the doctors even when i try reallyfucking hard i jsut feel like im strongarmed into everything evenwhen i try to tell them its really bad and i jsut fucking panic and the last guy who jsut kept getting so fucking angry at me or the fucking bitch i dont remember what number she was that ust kept upping it and upping it when it did nothing pelase its not fucking HELPING!!!!! OHHHH fine go UP AGAIN SHUT UP AND DIE MAYBE and when youre fucking lying there at night and youre still alone as ever and youre ahving nightmares that are starting to rot through your fucking skull remember this is your fucking fault for not doing good enough again and again and again and i feel like im goingcrfazyoh uyouremeant to struggle through it youre meant to fucking feel like youre gooing to kill yourself its meant to be bad do you peopleever fucking hear yourselves sometimes i dontknow i dontknow myself any more because i thinkmy fucking brain is caivng in or has caved in and thepoitn is how. how is any of it meant to work whatsoever. when theres so many fundamental problems thatSTOP it from ever being effective htat you cant deal with that youcant breadown that theresnothing . tof ucking handleOH MY GOD WHOS GOING TO TELL ME THIS TIME THAT IM NOT TRIYNG HARD ENOUGH WHOS GOING TO TELL ME THIS TIME THAT I GIVE UP AND IM A STUPID BRAT WHOS NOT LISTENIN G TELL ME GODDDD MAYBE ^_^?

[simcardiac-arrested]

thoughts on something borrowed (2011) ^_^

okay hi im 6 hours late because im busy as a whale but see i Liked this movie is the thing. it was horrible it was so bad but i was watching it at 9pm and i was so fascinated by how bad it was that i even Liked it a little bit. like i said it was like a car crash. absolutely terrible but i couldnt bring myself to look away. okay so get this there's these two best friends rachel and darcy and the second one is about to get married. The thing is that they are first of all the trope where it's like loser nerd girl who's never socially achieved anything & blonde slaygirl who's annoying and self centered but also weirdly cares in her own way and also fucks everyone. Ok. so darcy is about to get married to this guy dex and she and him go to a party to celebrate rachel's 30th birthday. and then rachel and dex are left alone and he does some shit and she goes this is why i had a crush on you in law school ... and then they MAKE OUT? AND FUCK? LIKE JUS T SUDDENLY JUST LIKE THAT LIEK HUHHHH? HELLO? it's like ok i get you're drunk but seriousy how can you do this to your best friend when she's getting married in a few days. But whatever. AND THE WORST THING IS DEX IS THE MOST WHITE BREAD BORING ASS GUY LIKE THERE IS NOTHINGGGGGG ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES DOING ANY OF THIS WORTH IT he';s literally just. there. and then basically they continue doing fuckall for 2 hours and all rachel does is get mad that dex is still with darcy (?? what is he supposed to do he's supposed to get married to her) and she tries to make him jealous constantly and it's so dumb. ESH you are all horrible people. which is to say darcy spends the whole time slaying and being a self absorbed cunt like always but then in the second half of the movie we also find out she's been cheating on dex??? WITH THE GUY WHO SHE THOUGHT RACHEL WAS WITH ????? and then it turns out she got PREGNANT from him????? SO THEY BOTH CALL OFF THE WEDDING?????????? but then darcy realizes rachel has been fucking dex and she gets SO mad she's like I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU even though 2 seconds ago she was like lol yea it's fine no more wedding i don't think it was working out. and im pregnant from another dude anyways lol haha WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FUCKED DEX? anyways. if you even care rachel had a best friend who was helping her through all of this and supporting her and he was always trying to push her to do what he wants. and they gave like 0 romantic vibes EVER but then out of the blue at the end of the movie he goes Well i like you. and rachel is like oh lol well sorry im too into thjis white dude who is too much of a pussy to do anythiung ever regarding our relationship. and her bestie is like ok. AND I WAS SO BAFFLED BY THIS ROMANTIC REVEAL BUT AT THIS POINT ? THEY SHOULDVE GOTTEN TOGETHER BECAUSE THAT DUDE PUT SO MUCH MORE EFFORT IN THAN DEX EVER DID ADN HE WAS ALSO LESS BORING AND ACTUALLY HAD A PERSONALITY. ok. and then the movie ends and rachel and dex are together and it's like yayyy!!! BUT WHO FUCKIGN CARES THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO BORING AND STUPID . LITERALLY ESH YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE DONT LET ANYBODY ELSE GET INVOLVED INM YOUR RELATIONSHIP. great movie it was making my face contort with expressions previously unknown to human biology

[perilegs]

yeah i love happy transgender characters but sometimes i personally crave the catharsis of seeing some transgender suffering similar to what i have felt and this post is going to be me rambling (and by rambling i mean spamming screenshots) about the house in fata morgana and discussing vague spoilers bc i have to get at least some of these worms out of my brain before i can sleep. this will be very long and make 0 sense so i dont expect anyone to read it all but if you do im sorry and i love you. also theres going to b transphobia and dysphoria and being super edgy and broody

first of all this man gets outed to the love of his life as transgender and

being rejected for it and ive had my fair share of being outed and my god. rereading makes me feel like gnawing my arm off. are you seeing this.

and. ok not not to be mr mommy issues on main here but this guy doesn't have a great relationship with his mom. im referring to him as this guy bc his name is kind of a spoiler probably i think so bear with me. anyways. his mother has and will always see him as her beautiful little girl. this guy is just trying to live his life and. my god. my ramble is going to be nothing but screenshots but like im currently so unwell about the frequency this game resonated with my soul with

i know this will seem like the most boring edgy and gloomy transgender guy who suffers too much to a lot of people but you have to understand that i love suffering and have a difficult relationship with myself and some around me. i am being so fuckign cringe and exposing my ass a bit too much here over something that seems mediocre to a lot of people but the way this is all written just. makes me feel a lot. lets look at this guy's childhood

this guy transforming from a girl into a man and looking into the mirror and saying "This... is me..." people looking into a mirror and seeing themselves is a trope that will never get old. to me.

meeting his less than supportive family after transitioning:

this is just going to be screenshots im a bit unwell about. there's one part im especially unwell about but it's too big of a spoiler to get into but a spoiler free way of saying it is this guy's mother caused like the biggest dysphoria moment of the century to him and spent several lines describing every single one of his feminine features. that's insane. i cant believe they wrote it. i mean yeah this is a game full of tragedy but! ouch!

this next one isnt about transgenderism but thinking about it too hard makes me. mghmghgnf,hd.

moving on to more things that make me feel a lot of things

more mommy issues

anyways.