#also it’s low-key exciting that it’s been a year Damn

[evansbby]

also by the way guys! i totally forgot but february last year was when i posted my first cevans fic on here! which means it’s been one year since i officially started this blog! and here we are, almost 9k followers later! for those of you who stuck around for fics about toxic men, spider!Ari, mike-waxowski!Chris, bald!Chris, me being salty as fuck in the tags, me sometimes being a literal critical bitter ass hater of the guy this blog is about, my Ari Levinson obsession, my rants, my totally rational hate for Andy Barber, my polls, my role-playing as psychopath poyt!Steve and feeling his misogyny flow throw my veins, FEDEX!ARI, Amazon!Curtis, UPS!Lloyd, my Chris ick era (still ongoing), my suspicious contempt for Frank Adler, my staunch belief that nomad!Steve is overrated, my sporadic gifmaker era that comes and goes, all my gorgeous anons, my soft!daddy Ari era beginning (still ongoing) and so much more…

If you stuck with me through ALL of that (or some of it, or even if you didn’t lmao) THANK YOU. Didn’t mean to make this come out all cheesy but yeah! I have been so fortunate that I’ve received such a good reception in this fandom for my fics, like I’m so fortunate to have never once had to worry about interaction for my fics bc yall literally just…are so amazing and supportive and enthusiastic about my writing and that’s what has made this blog grow so much! I’ve never experienced love and appreciation for my work like this in any other fandom! I’ve also met some really cool and chill people who are just amazing and I won’t tag you bc I’m too shy to tag people I’m sorry akdjsjjsak BUT!!! y’all know who you are!

ANYWAYS this is so fuckign cheesy and cringe fksjsjsj BUT!!! It’s been one year since I started this blog and I’m surprised and happy that I’m still here! Thank you sm!! (<- not me acting like I’ve won an award sjsjsjsja FUK bye 🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️🚶🏻‍♂️)💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[btsgotjams27]

naked | jjk

You're selfish when it comes to him. He wants more, but you won't let him.

✨ title: naked | ✨ pairing: jungkook x noona f!reader

✨ word count: 3.3k | ✨ rating: R / minors dni

✨ genre/au: smut, light fluff (if you squint) | age gap, fwb

✨ warnings: reader is seven years older, language, mentions of alcohol, softdom!reader(?), sub!jk(?), slightly needy jk, kissing, touching, masturbation (m), oral (m receiving), orgasm delay, unprotected sex, jk is a sweetheart, mentions of a pet dying, reader is complete denial over her feelings

✨ a/n: inspired by this song 🥲🥲🥲 and i have no idea if i wrote sub!jk well(?) i normally write him dom, so forgive me if the smut sucks lmfao. also, tagging @jikooknoona @pamzn enjoy bbys.

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] ✨ check out jealous.

Feelings are messy and too much to handle, especially when it comes to Jeon Jungkook. So it was always easier when you were naked—baring your bodies instead of your souls.

Jungkook always wanted more, but you could never give it to him. Maybe you'd been hurt too many times before, and you'll be damned if you got caught up in feelings with a man seven years younger.

It all started with a drunken night out. You'd been drowning in your sorrows when you ran into Jungkook, barely recognizing him due to the alcohol coursing through your veins. He was sweet and nice, even offering to drive you home and tuck you into bed, and that's when things started to get hazy. You weren't sure who made the first move, but it didn't matter then. You only knew one thing: you wanted him.

It was exciting to be with Jungkook. He was always eager to please and would try anything to prove that he was good enough. You found his enthusiasm endearing, but it wasn't because his skills in bed were lacking; you just disliked that he wanted to linger and talk about your feelings.

"What?" When Jungkook noticed you staring, he raised his brow. You'd already showered and gotten ready for bed, but Jungkook was still naked beneath your covers. "I'm going to leave. I swear."

You hummed, knowing he'd take his sweet time because he hated being kicked out. Even when he was halfway out the door, he'd whine and pout.

Jungkook perked up, the duvet covering his lower half. "Are you going to give me back my shirt or what?"

You slipped into his t-shirt and knew you had to return it so he could leave, but it was just so warm, comfy, and low-key smelled like him. "Mm. I think I look better in it, don't you agree?" You approached him with a cheeky grin on your face.

He chuckled and hung his head, shifting to the bed's edge as you slotted between his legs. He couldn't help but reconnect his hands with your body, pulling you closer to him, his hands wandering fairly close to the underside of your cheeks, causing your core to clench around nothing. "I kinda need this if you want me to leave," he explained, twirling the shirt's hem around his finger.

You're not going to lie. You had moments of weakness when you fantasized about waking up to him, having your limbs entangled with his, and having him whenever you wanted. But it was out of the question—toying with that idea was too dangerous. You were not going to become attached.

You drape your arms around his neck before straddling yourself on his lap. "If you want it, you have to take it," you said, leaning down, ghosting his lips.

He knew you enjoyed playing games, but he didn't like it when you played with his heart.

"Yeah?" he asked, one of his hands gently traveling up to your waist and the other slowly tinkering with the bottom of the shirt, but he didn't dare to take it off yet. "I guess I'll have to spend the night. I can't possibly leave here naked," he teased, laying back on your bed, his naked body on full display, with his elbows propped up. He was waiting to see what you would do next.

You had to give it to him. He was becoming bolder in his attempts to have all of you, and he already had most of you, except for the one thing he desired, your heart. You leaned forward, kissing his cheek. Thoughts were racing through your mind, telling you to stop it before it went any further and before he'd become so tired that he would spend the night.

But your mind was at odds with your pussy, and she was resuming control. You kissed the beauty mark beneath his bottom lip—you loved marking every freckle on his body. Then you kissed along his jawline, your lips enclosing the mark on his neck, drawing your body closer to his, your bare pussy rolling against his soft cock. He'd only been in your mouth not thirty minutes ago, so he wasn't fully erect, but you figured you could warm his cock in your mouth or pussy for as long as he needed before round two.

You laced your fingers through his hair, flashing a smirk as you pushed him down on the bed and removed the shirt over your head.

He raised his brows in confusion. "I thought you wanted me to leave?"

"Do you not want to stay?" You shot back. Your words were coming out faster than you could think. At the end of this, you'd kick him out, but you couldn't help teasing him.

Jungkook looked at you, trying to figure out what game you were playing. He'd stay forever if he could, but you clarified your intentions when you started this friends-with-benefits arrangement. You were drained from work and needed a way to unwind, and Jungkook was sick of the dating scene. This was supposed to be simple—just mind-blowing sex with no feelings involved. That is until Jungkook began texting you throughout the day to see how you were doing.

So he wasn't sure whether to leave or stay because it was a lose-lose situation. He'd be heartbroken, regardless.

You started rolling your hips against his length, urging an answer from him. He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath before letting out an exasperated sigh. He couldn't resist you even if he wanted to. "You know I want to stay."

You grinned when you looked down at your pussy sitting prettily on his cock, which began to come erect again. "Can you lay against the headboard for me?" He did as you asked, like the good boy he is. You watched him sit and wait for your instructions. God—you just wanted to ruin him completely. "Now, touch yourself for me," you commanded, sitting on your knees, feet tucked under you.

Jungkook's tongue darted out, licking his lips and then flipping his lip ring back and forth. Okay, he thought, he'll play your game. His tattooed hand was now wrapped around his cock, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Mm—does my baby like it when I watch him?" You purred, dark eyes raving at his tattooed hand.

With heavy eyes, Jungkook nodded yes before he lolled his head back, continuing to stroke himself, his thumb spreading a bead of pre-cum around his head, his other hand playing with his balls.

You bit down on your bottom lip, eager to see how far he'd go for you. The moans leaving his mouth were like music to your ears. A shudder went down your spine and into your pussy, just watching him touch himself. You didn't think this would turn you on so much.

Leaning forward, your chest flushed against the bed, you propped yourself up, hand underneath your chin, kicking your feet as you watched Jungkook. His brows furrowed, mouth slack, chest heaving, and faint whispers of curses leaving that pretty little mouth of his.

"Keep going, baby," you cooed, peering up at him. "Can you tell me when you're gonna cum?" It didn't look like it would take long until he was going to reach his climax.

He acknowledged what you wanted through hooded eyes and a shaky breath. This position was too familiar to him. He'd stay up late nights just thinking about you, jerking himself off, wondering how your hands and mouth would feel around him, and now that his fantasies were coming true, he didn't want them to stop.

His cock twitched in his hand, the reddened tip ready to explode. Jungkook panted, squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to cum so quickly.

"Is my pretty boy going to cum?" you asked, licking your lips before biting, sporting a sinful grin.

"'M gonna cum soon," he said, out of breath.

"Already?" You chuckled. "Stop."

Jungkook grinned, and his eyes fluttered open. His hand halted all movement on his cock. "Huh?"

"Go." You stared down at his angry, reddened cock, and he began stroking again. He hissed and moaned, biting down on his bottom lip. You would be the death of him, he thought.

You pushed yourself up into a kneeling position, crawling towards him. Jungkook looked absolutely breathtaking–his chest all toned and chiseled, tattooed arm flexing while gripping his fat cock.

With legs on either side of him, you wanted nothing more than to ride him like he was a bull and you were the wrangler. But not just yet. You wanted to torture him a bit more. Your finger lightly grazed over his happy trail, causing him to shiver underneath your touch. The ache between your thighs was apparent, but you couldn't let him know how weak you were for him too.

"I just want you to fuck me already—please, baby, please," he pleaded as he opened his eyes.

You wrapped your arms around him, bringing your pussy closer. "Mm, not yet, baby." You could see beads of sweat forming along his hairline, and you just knew how much he was itching to come. When you rolled your hips against the base of his cock, he groaned, leaning forward into the crook of your neck. You could feel his wet mouth against you, teeth faintly grazing against your skin, wanting to bite down. His knuckles rubbed against your stomach as he stroked his throbbing cock desperately leaking pre-cum.

"Do you think you deserve my pussy again?" you whispered against the shell of his ear before kissing it. You were a menace—you knew it, he knew it, but you wanted to see how badly he wanted you.

He gulped. He would be inside of you 24/7 if he could. He pulled back, lips ghosting yours, but you wouldn't let him have a kiss. You could tell he was desperate, trying to relieve any tension with a kiss or touch from you, and you sitting on top of him wasn't helping.

You smiled, letting your soaked cunt slide along the base of his shaft. "You didn't answer my question." You nipped your nose against his, then lightly traced his lips with your warm tongue. His hands automatically gripped your waist, giving it a good squeeze. "You're drooling, baby," you teased, pretending to wipe the corner of his mouth. "You really don't deserve it, do you?"

"Yes—" he managed to squeak out. "Yes, please, Noona."

Your fingers made their way to your pussy, spreading your lips, pushing against his cock, eliciting a whine from the both of you. The torture was becoming too much for you, and you just wanted to ride him all night. "I'm sorry, baby. I couldn't hear how much you want me," you teased him.

He stopped stroking himself and peered up at you. "I want all of you. Every. Single. Part. Of. You," he emphasized. His hands tugged you closer, pressing you flush against his cock. He kissed your chest, causing you to arch forward into him. Abruptly, you pulled away from him, back into a kneeling position. His eyes widened at the sudden change.

You sat in front of him, both hands rubbing and stroking his cock. He squeezed his eyes shut again for fear of coming any second now that it was you touching him. You lowered yourself, facing the angry, reddened cock, muttering 'pretty' before taking him in your mouth, your tongue swirling around the tip, then trailing the vein along the underside of his length to the base and back up.

"Fuck—Noona," Jungkook panted, peering down at you. "I won't last long if you keep going like this. Wanna be inside you."

He was right. Your pussy craved him, filling you to the brim, pushing you over the edge into bliss. Jungkook was the only one who could always do the job right, and no one else was like him.

Your mouth lingered on his tip, moving back and forth on the ridge before popping off, causing him to groan in anguish at the loss of your mouth. He opened his eyes briefly, still hooded from the ecstasy of your tongue and warm mouth. His fingers ran through your hair, drawing you closer to him, your lips slick and swollen. You faced him and scanned his eyes, nose, and mouth. His tongue darted back and forth to play with his lip ring.

"God—you're so fucking sexy and hot and everything I could ever want," he said with a slight chuckle, flashing a grin.

"You know how to make a girl blush in the middle of sex."

"You? Blushing? I must be doing something right." He leaned for a kiss, but you denied him again, making him pout.

You waved your finger. "You know my rules, Kook."

He hummed, waiting for your next move, and honestly, he never knew what you'd do to him. Either way, he was excited to be with you for a little longer.

You turned around, your ass facing him. He bit down harshly on his bottom lip, trying not to make a sound because he loved you in this position. His tattooed hand traveled from the small of your back and across every dip where your spine sunk in, reaching the nape of your neck. He knew how much you loved being in control, so he never questioned it, but one day, he'd love to see how much you'd crumble under his touch.

You looked over your shoulder, catching Jungkook's gaze as he raved over your backside, eyes now fixated on his erect cock slotted between your cheeks. You reached behind, your manicured hand wrapped around his shaft, gently stroking and slapping it against your ass.

Light moans could be heard from his lips as you continued. "Use your words, Kook," you demanded.

"Please–" His voice became strangled, and the visuals and stimulation became too much for him. "Noona, I want to be inside of you."

"Want?"

"Need–need you, please."

You turned away from him. "Since you asked so nicely." You hovered over his cock, guiding his tip to your entrance, letting it dip in and out, coating it with your arousal, making the both of you hiss at the slight touch. It took everything in Jungkook not to thrust up in one swift motion. But fuck—you would do everything in your power to ruin him.

Then you slowly sank down, letting his girth stretch every inch of you. The sight of seeing his cock disappearing into your pussy was enough to make him blow his load, but he wanted to savor every minute that he could. "Nngh–you're always so tight." Even he had to take a moment to breathe.

You started rolling your hips back and forth languidly, sensually, for a few moments, eliciting whimpers and moans from the two of you. Your arms between his legs, propping you up, your walls clenching around his length, your juices causing lewd sounds when you’d hit the base of him.

Jungkook’s face grew warm, blood rushing to his cock, sweat beading down his temple, his abs tightening–the tension inside had been building for too long. He tried taking deep breaths and even thinking about mud to keep himself from coming so quickly. But when you started changing the pace to a more frantic, desperate rhythm, and your ass bounced like there was no tomorrow–he knew it’d be over for him soon.

“Baby—please, please let me cum,” Jungkook pleaded, hoping he could convince you since you loved to torture him.

You thought about saying no, you did, but maybe you should stop before he doesn’t wanna come back to you. “How ‘bout I let you cum on my tits?” you asked, looking over your shoulder, and he nodded eagerly.

You hopped off of him to lay on the bed. Jungkook stroked himself as he crawled to you. Your hands tugged him closer before you squeezed your breasts together, encouraging him to slot his cock in between. He gazed down at you, looking all fucked out, hair a mess, thought this was the prettiest he’d ever seen you, wished he could wake up to this every day. He began to buck forward, his cock sliding between your breasts.

“You’re so beautiful–I think I could love you.”

You bit down on your lip, shying away from his words. You were sure he was only saying that because the two of you were naked.

"You're only saying that because your dick is in front of my face."

He beamed a huge grin and shook his head, leaning down, arms propped next to you. He was still slotted between your tits. "It's true. If only you'll let me."

"Just hurry up and come already," you urged before smacking his pert ass and wrapping your hand around his shaft to help him out.

He hissed at your touch. He much preferred your hand over his own. Jungkook's hips jerked frantically, chasing the second climax of tonight. He sucked in a sharp breath, the coiling tension ready to explode when your other hand began playing with his tight balls. “Ah–fuck, fuck fuck, fuck,” he muttered over and over, as his seed painted white across your chest, neck, and chin. He groaned noisily, collapsing on top of you. "Noona, you drive me so fucking insane."

You snickered, patting his shoulder. "Who? Me?"

Jungkook kissed your cheek before crawling off you in search of his shirt. He wiped himself before walking off to the bathroom to get a towel for you, helping you clean off the mess he made. He sat next to you on the edge of the bed. "What about you? I can still make you feel good."

You rolled your eyes and stood, slotting yourself between his legs. Your hand gently removed a piece of hair that had gotten stuck to his temple. "Don't worry about me, Kook."

He was never one to leave you hanging, but he figured he had overstayed his welcome. "Guess I'm still going home half-naked," he chuckled, holding up his shirt, covered in his cum.

"Guess so."

"I know you don't care for it, but uh, Happy Valentine’s Day," he said as he handed you something.

"Jungkook, what is this?" You lifted the small box wrapped in a purple bow.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

You narrowed your eyes. You could see the smirk he was trying to hide while slipping his boots on. You gently shook it, trying to figure out what it could possibly be. You lifted the top cover off, and in it sat a circular pendant.

"You bought me a gift."

"Congratulations, Sherlock. You solved the mystery."

You clicked your tongue. "Shut up, you little shit."

"There’s another surprise inside the necklace."

You knitted your eyebrows in confusion, and it was obvious to Jungkook that you didn’t understand what he meant. He walked back to you, taking the necklace out from the box. He told you to turn toward the light to look inside the circle pendant. At first, you couldn’t see anything. You even tried shifting the pendant around until you saw white and black fur and realized it was a photo of your fluffy best friend, Pepper, who passed away not long ago. You clenched your jaw, trying to hold back tears. Now you feel bad for treating Jungkook in the way that you have been. This was really a sweet gesture, and he didn’t have to do this. "Thanks, Jungkook. This means a lot."

"It’s nothing, really. I thought you’d enjoy having Pepper with you wherever you go."

You flashed a thin smile, trying to remember when you had told him about Pepper. Maybe it was one of those drunken nights the two of you had spent together.

"Do you wanna stay?"

Jungkook’s eyes perked up. "Really?"

You chuckled. "No–" He pursed his lips in annoyance. "But keep doing this like this, and I might let you."

want more of the naked!couple? check out jealous.

[jack-kellys]

For the bad things happen bingo: Jack + bridal carry?

oh well hey there stranger. it was very much my instinct to have jack be carried but im actually so strong and didn't (quite) cave. also i made this a treat for u

available bingo squares here, ao3 series here! there r also some details in my ao3 tags/notes that make a few things about jack more objective.

Jack doesn’t like his new job, but he’s used to being good at things–adapting to things, maybe–that he doesn’t quite enjoy. 

Selling papers hadn’t been his life’s goal or anything, but he needed people to look out for him and a roof so he got damn good at it all. Same goes for these ridiculous cartoons for Pulitzer: Jack keeps his head down, his trap shut, and his pencil busy. By now he’s learned that making a bunch of very similar drafts is the way to go, so the old men upstairs can mull and hum and mutter about which reads the best when they all read the damn same. 

What is great about this newer gig is Katherine. Without it he’s not sure he’d see nearly as much of her as he’d like, and there’s so many doors to nothing and cramped little hiding places for them to giggle and tease and kiss in when they take a break from work. And since Jack isn’t technically granted any breaks, all Katherine needs to do is talk down to his boss with a cold glare and the whole matter is solved. And more importantly, they can go back to locking lips. The best days are when Davey comes by before the evening edition comes out after school, and the three of them share a cigarette. Katherine’s started to look at Davey the way Jack knows he has been for a while now, and he’s not sure what it means, but it makes butterflies reawaken in his stomach again. 

What’s not great about the gig is observing Katherine’s work life. 

Since the strike, she’s not needing to type up just one article anymore- by now it’s three, and when the Sun’s offices close for the day she ventures over to the World because she has a key and uses the typewriters there. Her father never stops her. And Jack sees her, because, you know, his rules for himself could also be stricter, but he’s used to that schedule. Up at dawn and asleep after he collapses has been his life, never hers. Jack watches her try to adjust- she’s always shooting him an upbeat smile, usually excited to be writing–and writing and writing and writing–when it’s something that interests her, but Jack doesn’t think he’ll get used to seeing circles under her amber eyes anytime soon. 

It’s November now, late in it, the time of year where there’s already a dent in supplies at the lodge that makes Jack sweat since it’s harder to steal in the winter. Jack’s at his drawing desk early this morning, wanting to have some time between when he gets out and the evening edition to try and hit up a few shops for medicines they’re running low on. Blink’s got a nasty cough right now, and the boy’s trying to puff out his chest about it, but Jack knows the truth. 

He heads up the stairs for a quick smoke break after a few hours, and catches Katherine coming in the front door from the cold in a hurry.

“Hey,” he says, greeting her just inside the main door. “You’re here early, what’s the deal at the-”

Jack observes her, and Katherine must read his mind. She sighs, shaking her head. 

“Jack, I’m okay. Rough morning,” she excuses. There’s no way a rough morning can excuse the redness surrounding her nose, the bags underneath her eyes so obvious they nearly look purple, which pops against how pale her skin looks. “And it’s cold out, too, so-”

“You catch Blink’s cold?” he asks. A middle ground, since whatever is going on with her looks worse than a cough. 

“Maybe,” Katherine agrees, which means she’s got to be feeling worse than a cold. “I’ll take it easier today if it makes you feel better.”

“It’ll make you feel better.”

Jack glances down, feeling her fingers against his own. Katherine threads her hand into his, before lifting up, dawn-pink lips pressing a small, cold kiss to his dark knuckles. 

“Go draw, Mr. Kelly,” she says to him, taking her hand away. “I’ll see you at three.”

Three is too long, and Jack can feel the time ticking by in the back of his mind, each hour making his palms itch worse. It’s not easy for him to get up and away–and especially into other parts of the huge building–without Katherine, so if she doesn’t make sure to come down and visit him he can’t really go up and see her. 

He practically rockets into motion the moment the clock strikes three, shuffling his drafts into his portfolio and shoving it into his desk, tugging his coat on, hiking his bag over his shoulder, then stands-

-up too fast. He wobbles, gripping the back of his chair and blinking his sudden spinning vision straight. Jack takes a breath, and finally exits the room, glaring at his boots. He hates whenever Mush’s hypothesis is proven a little right- Jack’s got something weird with his blood, wrong with the iron in his body. It gets him jumpy in the winter, gets him worried about everyone and the cold. 

Glancing around the hall, he sneaks up the stairs to where Katherine prefers to work- Bryan Denton’s office, who’s been out on assignments after shifting from the Sun for two months now and taught Kath a lot of what she knows. Jack knocks, before pushing open the door. 

“Oh, Kathy,” he sighs, smiling slightly. Her head’s tucked on the typewriter’s keys as if it were a pillow, arms rested under her chin as her chest rises and falls evenly. Jack’s sort of glad she fell asleep- doing all this work for hours on end in her condition hadn’t been Katherine’s best idea. 

Jack crosses over to her, drawing a hand through her hair. He pauses.

The ends of her wavy fringe his sweaty, he notices. Jack swipes his hand over her forehead.

Hot- burning hot. And her hands are cold when one of his own closes around them.

“Kath. Katherine,” Jack says, and says again. He shakes her shoulder gently. “Katherine, come on. Wake up, sweetheart.”

Slowly, her eyes flutter open with a small moan. Katherine’s eyebrows scrunch, confused- probably wondering why the first thing she’s seeing is an ‘f’ key. 

“Did I…? Jack?” she mumbles, lifting her head. Her face turns to his, and she pouts, blinking sluggishly. “Oh, I didn’t go down to you, did I. I’m sorry.” 

“That’s alright,” he reassures, two hands on her shoulders now. “Day’s over, yeah? Lemme get you- I’m gonna take you to the lodge for now. So you can rest some more.” 

She shakes her head, expression pinched.

“Not necessary,” she insists, carefully standing up. “Everyone falls asleep at their desk, right? Right. One time- one…”

She sways suddenly, but catches herself just as Jack’s muscles go taut. 

“One time.. thing,” she manages. She takes a step, and her dull eyes flutter, and Jack’s taut muscles send him surging forward as she falls sideways, only six inches or so from the side of her head slamming into the wall. Jack catches her, thank god, her form crashing heavily into his outreached arms. He hefts her up shakily, her temple finding his shoulder to rest on while his arms curl around her back and under her knees. 

“Kath?” he tries. “Katherine. Katherine.” 

She doesn’t wake, expression lax save for the strained twitch of her brow. 

“Fuck,” he hisses, because he’s alone, with his unconscious partner, in an office that isn’t his and in a building that doesn’t like letting him inside. And Kath’s not waking up. Jack’s heart starts to pound louder, it feels like- sounds like.

Stairs. Stairs. He needs the stairs. 

Jack rushes to them, doing his best not to jostle Kath as he starts downward. He needs to mind his footsteps- Katherine is practically his height, and her dress could easily cause both of them to go sprawling. 

He makes it down, trying not to breathe too hard, and shoves with his back out the front door.

“Jack? -Kath?”

Jack’s head swings to the right, and Davey’s there. 

“What happened?” the boy rushes out, striding over to Jack. “I was waiting for you two, they wouldn’t let me- is she alright? What-”

Jack lets Davey touch her forehead, watches him recoil and his eyebrows shoot up, before he traces her cheek gently.

“She’s sick. Came in and worked a whole day anyway,” Jack mutters. The November breeze makes Katherine shiver suddenly, but she still doesn’t wake, only looks more pained. Jack bites his lip.

“Hold her for a moment?” he asks Davey.

“What?” Davey splutters, eyes going huge. “Jack I can’t- I dunno if-”

Jack sets her in the taller boy’s arms anyway, and quickly sheds his coat. “Knew you were strong enough, Dee.”

“Whatever,” Davey mutters, narrowing his eyes at Jack, who sets his coat over Katherine. “Jack, you need that.”

“I ain’t sick,” he says, and carefully takes her back into his grasp.

“You’ll get sick. Or, you’ll-”

Jack starts walking. He’s fine. His nose is already chilled to the bone, but he’ll manage. He hears Davey quickly keep up, and they walk in strained silence for a while.

“You know, it’s my textbook on anatomy I had Mush borrow,” Davey murmurs. “And I read a good amount of it.”

“Good for you,” Jack mutters, though his body tenses up more than it already is as another gust of wind blows through. 

“It ain’t good for you to be out and cold like this,” Davey continues, and Jack keeps his gaze pointedly forward. “You’re already losing color and it’s only been ten minutes-”

“Dave,” Jack interjects, gazing down at Katherine. His coat’s helped, maybe, but she still shivers and burns and shakes in his arms and he wishes he could somehow grip her even closer. “I’m worried about her, alright? Lemme- just lemme hold her.”

Davey goes quiet for a moment. Before too long, Jack feels the boy’s arm come around his waist, rubbing his back, warming him.

“Okay,” Davey says softly. “Okay, Jack.”

They make it to the lodge, and the front door of it is all Jack can focus on. He lets Davey open it, and he heads in with her, going up the stairs, away from the colder first floor. He sets her in Racer’s lower bunk, since that’s always a safe bet. Pulls the covers up. 

Now what. 

There’re other things he should do, he knows that, but his brain can’t seem to connect the dots, the red string of his thought process being held limply with no direction. 

The hand on his back returns, and his name’s being said.

“-ck, you should get some rest too,” Davey’s saying. “You listening?”

“Always,” is Jack’s smart reply. “Yeah, I- well, I gotta run down to Mush first if he’s around, let ‘im know what’s going on.”

“Well, I can do that,” Davey brushes off. Then, he takes Jack’s hands, finding his wrists and cupping his palms around them. “You need to warm up, and rest, Jack, you just carried Katherine for a mile.”

“Yeah but I-” Jack shakes his head slightly. His shoulders hike as he fights a sudden shiver, slipping out of Davey’s hands as the red string finally lands around a thought. “I gotta grab some extra blankets, too.” 

“Jack-”

He stands up, gripping the bottom of the top bunk to steady himself, blinking a few times. Fine. He’s fine. He’s going- he was going to get… something. 

The red string suddenly slips away, and his head aches, his chest clenches, and he’s really, really cold. His vision flits between darkness and wood bunks as his eyelids flutter. Stronger arms than he thought he knew slip under his own right as he feels he’s about to sink, though, and his face lands against a warm chest. He yawns, lightheaded, brain feeling separate from the rest of his body.

“Breathe,” Davey’s saying, urgently. “Jack. Jackie, can you hear me? Just breathe, in slowly, out slowly.” 

Jack’s trying to focus, but he’s not totally sure why he can’t, and his knees want to buckle. Davey’s strong, holding him up like this. Jack doesn’t feel like he’s holding anything. 

He feels his eyes close, which makes the breathing easier but the focusing harder. Davey’s holding him close, safe. He’s tracing the side of Jack’s head soothingly with a finger in the space between his braids, and Jack lets himself yawn again, though this time his brain feels less like it’s suffocating than it did a minute ago. 

“You gonna let me find Mush?” Davey says softly, but Jack can picture the ‘I was right’ smirk that’s probably residing on the boy’s pink lips. Jack simply nods into his chest. He lets Davey sit him on the bunk, still leaned into the other until he feels Davey shift him- trying to lay him down. Jack thinks he falls asleep before the boy even can- he remembers Davey’s chest as his resting spot, not the pillow beside Katherine. 

He wakes groggily a couple hours later, his suspenders and dress shirt missing. His shoes are off, too, and there’s wavy, auburn hair tickling his nose and someone’s back he’s tucked into. Just barely, he raises his head, opening his eyes just enough. 

Katherine’s awake, thank god, attire loosened. Jack’s arm is rested over her hip, but she’s petting someone’s hair, looking down at someone the way she looks at Jack. His head raises higher.

Davey’s fast asleep sitting half on the floor, face pillowed by his arm on the bunk mattress and hair being delicately combed through by Katherine’s fingers. Suddenly she pauses, and glances behind her. Jack meets her gaze, and she looks exhausted, but she gives him a tired smile. Jack tries to return it despite the fog going through his brain. 

“Go back to sleep, Jackie,” she whispers, so gently it nearly convinces his eyes to shut then and there. “You’re off duty, alright?” 

“How long’s he been asleep?” he asks her anyway. He leans over her a little, arm slipping away from her waist to find Davey’s cheek to caress. 

“Maybe an hour,” she provides. “Adorable, hm?”

Jack hums his agreement, but feels his head bob downward, despite his desire to ask Katherine how she feels. Jack wraps himself closer around her middle, nuzzling his face between her shoulder blades. The hand that isn’t resting against Davey’s cheek finds Jack’s hand over her stomach, their fingers threading together. All three connected, like one snaking string. He smiles to himself. 

“Sleep, Jack,” Kath says again over her shoulder. He listens. 

[drakeanddice]

Mausritter this week was light on adventuresome hijinks, truth be told. The Waywatchers have been away from their home in Fox Cross for a full week (rigorous timekeeping being a key pillar of Old School play, y’know) and the dangers and treasures of the world had them bending their feet back to their beginnings.

Dragging all the treasure their little mouse backs could carry, they spent the first hour of game night hiking from the southern extremity of The Patch to the very north, reminiscing about the things they missed most about home. Birch, being not just Team Dad but a consummate family mouse, told stories about his wife and nine children. Fennel reminisced about Grampus, the de facto lynchpin of Fox Cross’ Guild of Messengers, a gruff and vaguely put-upon iconoclast of the Patch’s erstwhile postal system. Bindi, thinking always with her stomach, wondered about the first marzipan of the season (made by Marni, Birch’s wife in their family shop) and how Chester, the retired sewer-guide who runs the Waystone Tavern was getting on.

And they all were excited to get their weekly stipend from Horatio, the town Aldermouse. Granted they were carrying more treasure than they could strictly carry, but it would be nice to have some pips in their pocket that they hadn’t had to drag out of the danger and darkness of the world beyond Fox Cross’ walls. Plus, they had plans for the spoils of their adventuring, already.

Mausritter leans into the old adventure game mechanic of treasure being experience; 1 Pip (the coin of the realm) equals 1 XP. But it does a neat thing where every 10 Pips invested in a community or spent charitably grants an additional XP. This cleverly encourages the PCs to—if you’ll excuse the terrible pun—buy in to the characters and factions that exist back in civilization, far away from the dangerous wilds. And so, financing improvements and business expansions and defenses and helping to fund the further goals of their communities is a way to advance their characters and overall shape the ongoing narrative of the world.

That’s good tech.

Anyhow, this episode was all about building a supporting cast that the players are excited to come and check in on again and again. So, Birch’s enormous family got screen time. Grampus the angry retired mail mouse got some screen time. Chester the anvuncular innkeeper got some screen time. Horatio, the harried bureaucrat Aldermouse got a little screen time.

But we also got:

-Thorne, the warhawk of a smith who was in the Regiments lo those many years ago and thinks that direct action against the problems brewing in the south is the only way to get things sorted, damned be the costs.

-Sweetgum, the local representative of the Dairybell Company who believes anything can be solved with careful application of Pips. Also, as long as problems are far away, they aren’t her problems.

-Berthold, the head of the Almondiers, the mice who tend the almond grove just north of town on the edge of the spooky Estate. He’s made of ghost stories and local legends.

-Lucretia, a caravan leader built more like a hamster than a mouse. She wears an enormous ruff and travels with a small band of adventurer mercenary-mice. She desperately wants to add the Waywatchers to her retinue.

-The Papas, five unconvincingly-disguised least weasels who run the Foxcross Ferry. They sneak in a low-country brogue and hide themselves under oilskin cloaks and nor’easters, but the fact that they were once part of a gang and are in hiding until they deem it safe to retrieve their ill-gotten gold is an open secret. One is on duty at all times. The others are engaged in a game of cards that has been going on for years. They are Tall Papa, Kind Papa, One-Eye Papa, Split Papa, and Wet Papa.

All in all, a cozy session with a goldmine of characterization and hinting at plots that could be coming down the pipeline. Next week, we’re taking the first pigeon out of town and back down to Swamp Farm to consult with the Speaker-for-Ghosts. Hopefully we’ll meet Tam down there and we’ll be back to adventure.

Sometimes a breather and a little bit of downtime is exactly what you need to get the pot back to boiling.

[pruneunfair]

"My feelings on" part 4: into the light once again and how it only takes a few gross tropes to taint what could've been a perfect piece of work.

I remember seeing the trailer for it so many times back in 2018 but I never got to read all of it since Tappytoons has a 30 ad policy just to get enough to buy on chapter. It's really good, wholesome families, sibling dynamics, a smart villain, and a magic system so the fantasy aspect wont be abandoned for cheap fanservice.

The protagonist used to be known as Alisa, 4th princess of Edenverre and was mistreated by family and servants with the exception of her younger sister, the golden child Marianne who is later revealed to be the mastermind behind the false accusations of poisoning Marianne Alisa faces. She is executed by her own family and comes back as the princess of the enemy empire Elmire, now known as Aisha she swears to one day get justice on her sister.

The revenge plot may be overrated but Into the light does it well enough that I could look past it. The politics and world building are fantastic and the element spirits low-key reminded me of gacha studio or genshin impact characters, and characters like Ashley and Mina aren't enemies for Aisha to defeat, they are people who make mistakes and are allowed to grow.

My favorite part of course is the villainess Marianne, she geninuely scares the hell out of me with her uncanny valley vibe she emits, there's always something so off about her and she reminds be almost of a monster who would star in the conjuring. Marianne has the ability to brainwash others and while I can't tell which, she either steals Alisas body or she causes an illusion affect to alter her and Alisas forms to the family of Edenverre (Really confusing but i like it) and while Marianne doesn't have as much screen time as I wished I enjoyed her while I could, because into the light treats Marianne with respect as an antagonist.

Marianne barely showing up may not even be a bad thing entirely, because while revenge is part of it, the story is built more on healing from your trauma and surrounding yourself with positive influences so it's reasonable that most chapters would center around Aishas powers and her family.

My only small gripe is a petty one but I'm pretty sure the author is an only child 😭. I'm not saying that Aisha and Ysis should be full on murdering eachother but their so unbelievably protective of eachothers feelings to the point of Ysis disliking the idea of any man wanting to marry his sister in the future, ive even seen some fans get concerned that it was going into a brothe-sister thing (especially when he was included as an option for men for Aisha to be attracted to ick)

As someone who has lived with 3 siblings, the excitement for a new baby sibling dies after 3 weeks at most. But hey, they do got a large palace, maybe Ysis just had the luxury of not needing to listen to his baby sister cry at night. I also don't understand why Ysis would immediately believe that Aisha was a reincarnated soul that could remember her past. Like I know he loves her but if my sister started to tell me she was the executed princess in a past life I'd be more concerned.

I wish I could say that was the only thing I didn't like.. unfortunately as much as I love into the light once again, it doesn't stay great for very long. That was my only small gripe because I have a lot of large problems with the love interests

Aisha is 14 and turns 15 at some point but for most of the series, she's a young teen and all her love interests are leaps and bounds older then her. Starting with the big one, Luminas, a 2000 year old king of light who meets Aisha WHEN SHES STILL A BABY!

"Damn, too early, ill give it 13 more years."

Not even the second male lead is safe, Veon is the youngest of the male leads and he's basically watched Aisha grow up since he was Ysis's friend. I can't remember his exact age but I know he is at least 20 which is just... that doesn't make it any better!. There's also apparently some dude named Arsen who's also at least 25 years old and one of Alisas childhood friends, I've heard people say he's another love interest but I haven't seen anything confirmed myself so I'll just hope my 2nd favorite character isn't going to be going after minors.

I'm starring to think the author has an age-gap fetish at this point.

Quick thing I wanted to bring up, a lot of the comments on this chapter have been uncomfortable not just with the age gap and pedophilic weirdness but also this dress. It doesn't look bad but it's built like a maternity dress and for some reason she looks pregnant in a lot of shots which just.. I'm gonna hope we're all just overthinking that one because the last thing this manhwa needs is implications that Aisha will get pregnant young.

While there is a lot of people who are rightfully uncomfortable with the 2000 year age gap, there is also a lot of people justifying it. "He treats Aisha well though!" "It was normal in that time!" "Your just being too soft! Let Aisha be happy!!"

Let me bring up some real history for minute.

This is Isabella of Valois during her wedding with Richard II, she is the youngest bride currently known about in the medieval era

Isabella was only 6 years old when she married her 29 year old husband.

This is Margaret Beaufort.

She was 12 when she got married to her 24 year old husband and 13 years old when she gave birth to Henry VII

And probably one of the more well known examples, Catherine Howard.

She could have been as young as 15 and as old as 17 when she married Henry VIII who was 49.

Now did these examples make your skin crawl? Did they make you feel disgusted? Well they should, just because it was normal in that era, doesn't mean it's all of a sudden fine. There isn't even the cheap excuse that Aisha is technically over 20 given her mental age since Alisa died at 14 and Aisha is very clearly still mentally a young teenager.

Luminas and Veon are definitely nowhere near the personalities of men like Henry VIII but that also doesn't make it okay either. Especially when Veon basically watched Aisha grow up and she's his friends little sister! and Luminas knew her since she was an infant. Would it be that hard for Aisha to at least be a young adult and not a 14 year old. Because it really feels like Luminas is waiting for her to be legal since he already tells her she's his ideal woman when she's still a 14 year old.

Conclusion: Into the light once again is a beautiful story about healing from your trauma and the writting and the characters are just amazing. But it all feels like it's backpeddled when it's so heavily romanticizing or just straight up ignoring the fact that Aisha is basically a grooming victim, the relationship is practically covered in glitter to make it look better, "Sure Luminas is 2000 years old and Aisha isn't even an adult but at least he's so nice to her and he teachers her how to summon spirits! He'll always protect her!" Because while Luminas will (hopefully) never hurt her. Real groomers absolutely will. It pushes the message that as long as the man who is old enough to be your dad is sweet to you and protects you, then it's fine if he has feelings for you. Intentional or not. A story about healing from trauma supporting relationship where ones a child and ones a god with a mature mental age to boot is kind of like when movie producers fucked up the original meaning of Lolita.

Coming up on the next "My feelings on":

[soul-wanderer]

It's been a little over four years since Criminal Minds ended and almost two years since it has been revived.

It's also been well over twelve years (but really more) since I first watched an episode of Criminal Minds and the tag fills seventy pages on my blog, probably making it the most dominant fandom on it.

Which means for well over a decade, this show had my entire fucking heart. Still does, to some extent, actually, and probably always will have.

But also: I barely remember how the show originally ended, mostly because that last season felt so out of character for everything that had come before. I think a part of me just gave up when it ended. I wouldn't call it closure, per se, but a kind of bleakness that made me accept the end for what it was - an ending that understandably did not manage to tie up the loose ends they had started creating years and years ago.

There had always been some kind of hope, up until then, that something would change, but that ultimately did not happen, so it felt better to leave this universe behind entirely. This show had its highs and lows, one of the lows being the absolute and utter lack of representation and low-key queerbaiting through more seasons than I care to count, emphasized by the fact that they had originally considered making Emily's character queer, only to drop that thought again for one reason or another.

It all got so damn tiring by the end of it. Especially when, at the last minute, when there was nothing left to lose anyway, they had JJ confess her love for Reid - a relationship that had been so clearly developed and coded as friends/siblings right from the start, but somehow that felt like the safe option to the writers/producers, and while upsetting, it did make it easier to leave this show behind.

So, when news of the revival got out, I was not excited, I was not thrilled. I was cautious at best, but mostly aware that getting my hopes up would probably be pointless.

And it was. To this day I have not watched a single episode of the new seasons, and quite frankly, I am okay with that, because of all the wrongs they could have righted, they went about them in a way that left me feeling utterly indifferent to it all.

To make it clear: this is not about personal preferences in pairings, though it would be silly to say that it does not matter at all, but about how they chose to go about representation/diversity, which feels a little like "too little, too late", and "let's go with the safe option instead" and honestly, if I wanted that, I would have a myriad of other shows to choose from (9-1-1, wink wink nudge nudge).

All this to say: It's okay to enjoy the revival, it's okay to be happy about the developments/changes they've made.

It's just not for me anymore. I spent too many years, hopeful, waiting, and eventually grew out of this show. At least out of how it is now.

And that is okay, too. I would be lying if I said that I did not feel a random, subtle ache some days when I think of it all, of how I do not get to enjoy this any longer, but altogether, it's okay. Okay in a way that says "I cherish what has been and what came out of it, outside of the show" and "this will always have a special place in my heart, but it has been time to move on for a long time now".

Last but not least: the beauty of fandom is, that it can exist outside of and apart from the main media and that is something I will forever be grateful for, especially when it comes to this specific fandom❤️

[writerwhowritesao3]

I'm sooooo close to finishing the final chapter of What Is And What Should Never Be!!

It's a long chapter. It's also heavy on trauma.

Hope people are excited to get, like, super bummed out lmaoo

Excerpt:

Jim sighed and wiped the rain off his face with his sleeve. He radioed in to the station that his last call of the night was completed and that he was clocking out. Powell had the night shift that night. Thank Christ, too, because Jim was fucking done.

Wayne Munson had called the station about an hour or so ago, reporting a domestic disturbance in the trailer next to his. Again. Said that his neighbors, Buddy and Mildred Wilcox, were screaming at each other and that he had heard several loud thuds and crashes. Again. 

By the time Jim got to the Forest Hills Trailer Park, the Wilcox's fight had mostly died down. He had taken their statements separately. Under the vinyl awning right outside the front door, Buddy, with the collar of his shirt ripped halfway off, had waved off the whole thing, saying that yeah, he and his wife argued sometimes, just like everyone else, but it was hardly anything to involve the cops in. In the kitchen, Mildred, her hair a mess, her makeup smudged, and her lip bloodied, had rolled her glassy eyes, mixed a generous shot of vodka into a cup of Sprite, and gave Jim a similar line. 

She declined to press charges. Again.

Jim shoved the key into the ignition. As soon as the windshield wipers swiped away the rain, he saw Wayne Munson's shithead nephew sprawled out on the couch on the covered porch of their trailer. The kid locked eyes with him, smirked, and gave a sarcastic two-finger salute before lighting up what Jim was choosing to believe was a cigarette.

Jim ignored him and started to drive off. He didn't want to give the kid a warning. Again.

He drove carefully, keeping the radio playing at a low volume. He was exhausted. He just wanted to get home, have a beer, and hang out with his daughter. He and El had a new nightly routine where they would read one of her books together, taking turns reading pages out loud. Her reading had been steadily improving. So had her communication skills. Jim wondered if maybe she would be able to actually attend school in a few years. Maybe earn a high school diploma so she could have some kind of life and job prospects when she grew up. 

The sky was dark and there were only a few street lamps, and Jim was so lost in his thoughts about El and what kind of future was in reach for her that he almost didn't see the person walking along the side of the road, maybe a dozen yards away from him.

What the hell?

Jim slowed his car as he got closer to whoever was foolish enough to be walking around in this rain in the middle of the night in a poorly lit area. He was officially off-duty, but damn, he was still a human being.

His jaw dropped when he saw that it was Billy Hargrove. The kid was hunched over with his arms crossed tightly against his body. He didn't have an umbrella. He wasn't even wearing a raincoat; just jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. 

What the fuck?

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.181 thoughts

[Up High! Down Low!]

(Contents: Unluck analysis, Andy/Victor comparison, minor Reverse Round Table predictions)

Andy was not kidding, he didn't even need thirty seconds to absolutely job Sick! Good thing too, cus he was really coming down to the wire for that Unluck

Speaking of, before I get into any actual analysis or commentary, I'd just like to say that there is absolutely no way that ANYONE present survived that comet

If the meteor was enough to destroy the entire hospital, a comet that overtakes it in size by an order of magnitude would 100% do worse damage just by passing by. The sheer gravity of that event would likely cause at least minor seismic activity, and there's no way that the comet was just swinging by, it had to land somewhere, and at that size, they're definitely going to be feeling it!

But! Suspension of disbelief. The point of that moment is not to raise the tension of how much danger Fuuko has inadvertently put everyone in, but to release that tension with a sick as hell demonstration of raw power! And THAT definitely did the trick! With a single high-five, Fuuko has managed to surpass every single stroke of Unluck she's ever caused, AND shown that she has enough control to make sure that other people don't get caught up in it so long as she is the one deliberately triggering it

The key takeaway here is just how much meaning was packed into that one brief moment of contact - 200 years of longing, wanting nothing more than to embrace each other and reconnect, but knowing that they both still have a duty that needs to be fulfilled first. Everything they want to say, everything they want to do, all of those feelings condensed into the most mundane, short-lived interaction possible, and it blows everything else out of the water. Fuuko didn't even look at Andy the entire time he was fighting, that's how much she understands that the mission is more important than her feelings, but I bet that only upped the pressure in her heart

I don't imagine that a high-five will carry that much weight in the future once the two have been back together for a significant amount of time, but damn, what the hell's gonna happen when they bang?? Is the sun gonna implode into a black hole??? (Actually, that might be how they beat Sun...)

Back to Andy himself though, the really cool thing about this fight to me isn't just seeing Andy in action again, but the more subtle contrast that this fight has to Victor's introduction. When Victor was introduced, only Juiz really knew who he was, and everyone else had, at best, heard stories and rumors about him if anything at all. Now, only Fuuko knows who Andy is, and her current Union has only heard whispers of him, with Gina being the only one to recognize him on sight because she had seen him in Fuuko's memories

Quick aside, actually, I adore that look that Gina has when she sees Fuuko too focused on saving Leila to pay attention to Andy - how excited she was to see him, that excitement turning to quiet shock that Fuuko isn't reacting how she would expect, and then finally the soft, understanding smile that sees how much trust these two have in each other. Easily my favorite moment in this chapter, such great character acting (also Gina's looking at both of them enough for the other, we stan a bi queen)

ANYWAY! When Victor appears, he assesses how far along the Union has come and determines the gist of everyone's abilities pretty quickly, but while he does have the upper hand, he doesn't manage to overtake anyone before Fuuko, the weakest member of the group by a wide margin, manages to take him out. He doesn't have a firm grasp of the people he's fighting, and in fact isn't even really looking at them, he's just casually trying to swat them away instead of seriously trying to take them down, which he absolutely could have done with a Dead Line or similarly wide-reaching technique. He never saw the members of the Union other than Juiz, he saw chesspieces meant to help Juiz defeat God, and never felt anything for them getting taken out so long as Juiz was unharmed

Andy, on the other hand, comes in knowing exactly who everyone present is and how their abilities can synergize with his. Holding Chikara still with his eyes wide open, burying Sick and holding him in place both above and below with Undraw and Unchange, then crushing him with Unbreakable, all of it shows a deep understanding how this power system works and how much stronger it becomes when everyone works together

Victor sent his clones to take on the Union, knowing that his weaker counterparts would be enough to beat them, while Andy sent his clone to team up with the Union, knowing that his weaker counterpart would be supplemented by them. As two men who lived in isolation, one found more ways to push others away by refusing to engage with them while the other found ways to bring himself closer to them by specifically planning for their involvement

And of course, speaking of parallels, we end our chapter with Fuuko descending to the flip side of the world, entering the roundtable room of the ten Master Rules, looking down at them with her windswept hair just as she did with the Union of our world nearly 200 chapters ago. The reversal of that image is certain to become an iconic moment for the series going forward, it's definitely one of my favorites to be sure

I won't go into much speculation now about the Master Rules, as I'm sure we're going to learn most if not everything we need to next week, so I'll just be patient. If nothing else, though, I did find someone speculating on twitter that VI, the one in the military-like uniform, may have been present both at Ruin's human-sacrificing cult meeting and at Creed's awakening of Undecrease, potentially being the cloaked man and the man sitting in the shadows in the helicopter respectively. I'm not sure I necessarily believe it, I think that the former was just Ruin at least, but I am interested to know if perhaps the Master Rules are the arbiters of when a Negator is chosen to receive their Rule

I've seen a lot of discussion about who folks think each of the Rules are, with everyone agreeing that I is Death and III is Sex, but everything else is pretty up in the air. I think the only one I thought of on my own was that VII may be Luck and VI may be War, but I'm not sure if those necessarily make for Master Rule material. Hopefully Tozuka doesn't just tease us with their designs and then not tell us what their Rules are until weeks or even months down the line, but even if he does, I've come to trust Tozuka more than most authors, so I'll know that the secrets are to make the reveals more exciting down the line

[supercool-here]

Therapy sessions at uni, second session

Oh damn, we´re so back at it. I actually had my second session last thursday. It was great. I really appreciate my therapist. You don´t know the power of having good people around you until you have them and see their influence in your life. He is a professional, and I am thankful he is always gentle and tells me I´m doing good when I am. It means a lot to me. This time I was able to initiate most of the talk, and I told him the stuff I learned over the few days I didn´t see him, like how I am the one limiting myself so much, how I am insecure and etc. My next session is not until late april, but I´m excited to bring him good news; he gave me many exercises to practice talking and being more confident expressing myself.

I´ve been having a hard time though. There are things I haven´t talked about in therapy. This weekend I´ve been in a really bad mood almost everyday, either I start comparing myself with others and that brings me down, or I don´t get something I want and I feel frustrated, or for example yesterday my mom told me "you are twenty years old you can act accordingly" and that made me feel so angry and frustrated because I often feel like my family treats me like a child, and I recognize I comply to that but one thing that has been on my mind for years now is that I want to be capable of all the things an adult woman is capable of and I´ve imagined myself telling them about this so many times but I´ve never done it. I was so frustrated in all these situations, and I kept thinking "I have to express myself, I can´t bottle up my feelings" but there are things I don´t want to talk about with anyone, let alone my family. Because I understand it must be frustrating for them also seeing that I am in a bad mood and not knowing the reason and asking me about it and me just shrugging. But I can´t just tell them in the middle of a party "well I feel really ugly and I look at all these girls here and I feel like a cockroach and I really wish I was home in my pajamas watching tv instead of here feeling ridiculous and disgusting". Plus what would that do for anyone? For me maybe I´d at least have the feelings out of my system but I am not expecting them to give a good response to that, I would love it if all they could say was "sorry, it´ll be fine", but my mom would roll her eyes, even tho she has insecurities too, except she is good at sweeping them under the rug and expects me to do the same but I can´t; my dad wouldn´t say anything, which is a break; my sister would give me some patronizing speech; my other sister would echo her. And it would be very overwhelming. (the only pro is that they would get to know what is on my mind, which is good because I do want them to know me and I want to open myself to them) So I try to calm myself down but I can´t and I can only breath freely again once we´re out of the salon going into the car. I can´t tell them "behaving as a 20 year old girl is the thing I want the most in this world but do you ever help me with that? No. But nevermind, I don´t need you to help me with that, after all I am a twenty year old girl so if you really mean it, I will start acting as such. I´ll have more initiative. I´ll want things and try to get them. I´ll go places. I´ll say things. I´ll meet people. And I won´t ask for your permission, I will only ask if you´d like to join" I really wish I could say those things, but it low-key sounds more like a tantrum and that is exactly what children do. Funny.

Today I tried being brave and good to myself. I made a mid-size mistake. I panicked. I hate making mistakes because it hurts my pride (which is the only armor I´ve had in my life, tho it turns out, it hurts you more than it protects you) and it makes me feel miserable and it is one of the thousands of things that make me spiral and hate myself and ultimately want to die (or vanish into a void and come out as a different person). So my very coward instinctive response to oopsies is crying, and either denying or hiding my mistake. So the thing is that on the way home I told myself I will change this. My worth and confidence will no longer be rooted in pride. I won´t be scared of making mistakes nor, what´s even more terrifying, facing the consequences. Often times, consequences to mistakes involve someone else´s feelings. In this occasion, it was my mom´s, whom I knew would forgive me and laugh it off, and my dad´s, whom I knew would be mad, and could express it in many different ways that can really twist my guts and make me feel horrible (even tho that is absolutely not his intention, he just doesn´t know bottling up his emotions doesn´t mean he is completely hiding them). The second I am always very scared of. That is the reason why I hate telling my dad things. I never know how he´ll react. I dread it. But that is cowardly. And I told myself I will be brave, I will do this. So instead of hiding the truth from my dad until he somehow found out, I resolved I would tell him upfront, and if he did something that made me feel shit I would forgive him, and if he was brutally mad I would stand up for myself. The problem is that this resolution took me about 40 minutes (all the way home from the hospital where I made my oopsie) and when I told him he was indeed mad, not just because of the mistake itself, but because I had waited so long to tell him. I am trying to forgive myself, because after all I am not used to being brave, that is not my instinct, it took me 40 minutes to calm down, let the stream of tears go away, and come to a good decision. I am hoping in the future being brave will come to my mind much sooner than the panic and the tears and the fear, and I will own up to my mistakes much faster. But today, this is all I could achieve. I am feeling very guilty. And my mind tortured me in fifty different ways before I could calm down (such as the thoughts "they will never trust you again with serious things" "this is why they treat you like a child" "your sister never makes mistakes like this one, and if she does she knows how to solve them" "x person you envy so much would never make a mistake like this because she is all the things you are not" "you shouldn´t have come with dad, you weren´t of any help, you just gave him trouble") But I am glad I tried. I try to feel good for having been brave (braver than usual, certainly not braver than most) but the feeling is not stronger than the guilt. Yet, it is there, and that is enough for now.

Things I want to mention in the next session:

I hate making mistakes and owning up to them, BUT I fought it!

I compare myself a lot (I will not mention the mild eating disorder I had as a teenager unless the therapist asks)

What can I do with the unpleasant feelings I cannot express? I know I recognize what trigger them. I don´t want to bottle them up (not like I could anyway) but I want to be in a good mood for the sake of the people around me (often my family) and also for my own sake because life is too short to live it at the expense of my feelings and bad times and hard times. I want to choose happiness

My thoughts tend to spiral. A lot. In a bad direction

I have envy issues. Ugly issues. I don´t want to envy every person I´ve loved because it is destroying me.

Things to try:

All the exercises the therapist has given me

Maybe looking for self-regulation techniques?

MORE oopsies and MORE owning up to them (facing the consequences)

Definitely gentle self talk.

[vampire-sugar]

Ignore my last posts bruh tbh my fault for interacting. So I’m reading The Queen of the Damned and Part I and Part II were a bit lack luster…. But I just finished reading the first two chapters of Part III and we are sooo back!! These were some of my thoughts reading.

(Spoilers ahead!!)

1. Lestat: In the Arms of the Goddess

The story has finally begun!!!! Lestat drinks from Akasha and gains some cool new powers like flight and teleportation, we love to see it.

Lestat’s back at his old chateau and is forced to remember his past… any time Lestat thinks about the wolves gets to me… “My only moment of glory, and what had it got me? The admiration of an accursed bloodsucker who chose to make me his heir.”

And when Akasha shows him the weapons he used to kill those wolves and asks him to use his new skills to kill for her, he wonders “Wasn’t the same thing happening now? Loved for what I’d been in those early thoughtless mortal years.”

Reminding him of the monastery, and 200 year old Lestat of course remembering it still so clearly “God I didn’t want to think of those times. But some things can never be forgotten.”

Akasha reminding him how he had knelt on the floor of the chapel and begged God to make him good (shoot meeee) and then telling him “You wanted to be a saint when you knelt in that chapel, now you shall be a god with me”. Fire.

And also “I am your true Mother, the Mother who will never abandon you,” OK Gabrielle shade….

Really enjoyed this chapter.

2. Marius: Coming Together

Vampire conference chapter!! So turns out Akasha smoked all the vampires in the world except for the ones in the conference room. Interesting. I wonder if Azim is also smoked he seemed important in the Pandora chapter.

Love all the vampires interacting with one another. We got a lot of backstory for most of the new ones but not for everyone present which makes me wonder whether they will be killed off soon or whether a Santino or Eric chapter will be in this book’s future. I know I complained ab all the previous lore chapters but im low key intrigued who are these ppl lol (I know Santino is Armand’s old coven master, but what’s Eric’s deal?).

There’s a part where Marius is looking around the conference at all the hot vampires and wonders “Was nobody ugly ever given immortality?” I laughed out loud.

I also love Gabrielle going “If I waste this bitch, to use the vernacular, do I waste the rest of us too?”Ooh ok Gabrielle! I really want to see her and Akasha interact.

I’m excited to get the full story of the twins! So far what I’m getting is that Akasha blames the twins and their culture of interacting w spirits for the creation of vampires? And that’s why she and Enkil sent the soldiers to their village and put the twins through hell? I feel like the dreams started bc the Queen had awoken and Makare sensed this so sent out the dreams to warn the other vamps of the Queen’s intentions. Idk excited to find out though.

[sapphire-weapon]

Ada anon, yes, you're making a lot more sense than I am! In full truth, I'm biased and I'm happy to admit that. I've lived through my own horrendous sexist treatment and the OG arc and the way many fans of the ship hype it up just... gets under my skin. It reminds me so much of a forced "romance", the woman not being viewed as her own person, despite teasing so much excitement and a cool story arc. I'll be cringe and admit here that I find her OG portrayal and how she's treated in fandom spaces a bit triggering. It hits too close to home, and I think that for a very long time I just wanted to project onto this character and watch her "break free" from Aeon and go live her life. She always had this hyge story just on the edge of being told. We see her wnormous potential and independence. How crucial she is to the deeper roots of the plot, but it always only came back to Sexy Leon Accessory and little/nothing more. It hurt to see. That's ridiculous, but it's honest, lol.

Maybe it's an ott reaction and I'm open to hearing that, but you do make a much calmer and logical point, lol. Regardless, I'm excited for what both Separate Ways and other potential remakes (cough cough reboots) might do with the storyline. Not just in terms with redoing Ada and retconning Aeon, but Chris, Wesker, Sheva, Claire!! The future will tell.

Honestly, I find that fandom's attitude towards/portrayal of Ada makes the writing decisions around her seem way worse than they actually are. That's not to say that the writing around her isn't still bad -- it's fucking awful -- but fandom cranks it up to eleven.

Fandom treats Aeon like it's the single most important thing in either Ada or Leon's stories, but it's... not, really.

Leon is a complete afterthought for Ada in both Damnation and RE6.

As much as I dog on Damnation, it's by far the title where I enjoy their dynamic the most. Ada is not there for Leon; Ada is there to work, and Leon just happens to also be there. There's no master plan or grand scheme that she's prepared to rope him in to some dumb bullshit like RE4. He's literally just... there. She doesn't need his help when she gets captured, he doesn't need her help when the bullets start flying. They don't need each other. They are both existing independently and happen to run into each other.

That, I think, is what Capcom always wanted their relationship to be, but Damnation is the only title that actually pulls it off.

And RE6, like... tried to do it, too? While attempting to make it more emotional? But it just sort of came off as Leon spiraling off into a total meltdown that damn near culminates with him breaking from reality all together.

Deadass, I half-expected Ada to have a moment in RE6 where she just turned to Leon and went "This is not about you." She didn't, but she should have. RE6 is Leon sticking his ass into Ada's affairs uninvited, and Ada more or less just being like "okay you can help, I guess, but this really isn't any of your fucking business."

Fandom are the ones over here shouting shit like EVERYTHING ADA DOES IS ALWAYS FOR LEON like dude what the fuck

a. how do you not see that that's not a good thing? and

b. that's not even true???

Like, Ada's writing is still bad and garbage and sexist and racist, but fandom just makes it so much fucking worse.

I think that there's room within the canon material to have an honest, nuanced conversation about Ada's other relationships (Wesker and Simmons), but no one ever cares to talk about that, because Aeon fandom poisoned every single piece of discourse about her.

There is a reason why I have been low-key shipping Ada and Wesker for years. But no one wants to have that conversation. Because people look at Ada, and all they see is Leon. 60% of the reason for that is the writing, for sure, but 40% of it is because of the way Aeon fandom has treated the ship and the character for twenty five fucking years.

[ausetkmt]

The 2023 BET Awards began Sunday night with a bevy of rappers and artists set to honor the 50th anniversary of hip-hop.

Coco Jones, Doechii and GloRilla have been nominated for awards and are set to perform. Iconic rap groups and emcees including MC Lyte, Big Daddy Kane, Kid ’n Play, Master P, Remy Ma, Yo-Yo and the 69 Boyz will take the stage, too.

On Friday, BET announced Busta Rhymes as the recipient of the lifetime achievement award. Patti LaBelle told Rolling Stone she will perform a tribute to the late Tina Turner at the ceremony. Turner died in May; she was 83.

Though there will not be a host, DJs will cue performers and celebrities to take the stage throughout the ceremony. TV and film writers, including those who might normally work on the BET Awards, are currently on strike over pay and working conditions.

In May, the MTV Movie & TV Awards aired a pre-taped show without a host due to the writers strike. The Tony Awards, hosted by Ariana DeBose, was also unscripted.

The 2023 BET Awards Pre-Show Gets Off To A Rocky Start

The 2023 BET Awards is having some absolutely horrific sound issues at its pre-show special. It sounds like a static-y mess as performers hop on the stage before the awards ceremony begins at 8 p.m. ET. JW Velly, the artist behind the viral TikTok song “Pretty Girls Walk,” performed to a crowd outside the Microsoft Center seemingly without a hitch to the audience, who cheered her on. But at home, several HuffPost reporters – who were watching through livestreams and on the BET Network itself — were struggling to understand anything. Unclear what exactly is happening — but at one point the sound completely went out.

AP

D-Nice Is A Rapper? How Late Are We?

D-Nice raps? Where I been at lol. A little hip-hop history for me. I just knew him as a DJ. Dope to know he had a whole rap career in the '80s. — Taryn

Getty Images

MC Lyte Steps From Backstage To Center Stage

THE VOICE IS ON THE MIC! MC Lyte has been the voice of the BET Awards for years, so it’s so good to see her onstage doing the damn thing. — Taryn

Yes, she’s always behind the scenes doing her thing so it’s great to see her take the stage. — Erin

Makes my heart so happy. Haven’t seen her o- screen since her “Half and Half” days on UPN! — Ruth

What’s wild is that she has a whole TV show! “Partners in Crime” on the streaming service allBlk. — Erin

The BET Awards Red Carpet Looks … I Am Closing My Eyes

In the words of the late, great André Leon Talley, it’s a famine of beauty. I did not anticipate struggling this much to assemble the 2023 BET Awards best-dressed list. — Ruth

Patti LaBelle Forgets Lyrics During Tina Turner Tribute

I was so excited when it was announced that Patti LaBelle was doing the tribute to Tina Turner. Well, it quickly took a turn for the worse when I could hear the background singer over her. And then she was stumbling over her words. My word. I’m surprised she took it in stride without that teleprompter. They shoulda had Angela Bassett get up there for all this. — Erin

“I’m trying, y’all!” —Patti LaBelle trying her damnedest to tribute Tina Turner.

This felt like when she sang at the 1996 White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony and was looking for her background singers. Because of how much I love that video, I was low-key getting my life. But then I remembered this was supposed to be THE Tina Turner tribute because it was Patti LaBelle signing it and on BET.

They did Tina dirty and I don’t like that. I know there have been sound issues all night, but damn! It’s almost as if there were no sound checks at all with all these blatant hiccups. Ms. Turner, I am so sorry. You deserved better. — Taryn

Christ on Earth. What is going ON?! Exactly that, Taryn! I couldn’t tell if the audio was tripping again, or if a background singer was doing too much. But I’m in disbelief. It makes me wonder if she was a last-minute selection for the tribute, or like you said, Taryn, there was maybe one rehearsal. And the way Patti just exited the stage and said, “Bye, y’all!” I need a meme or GIF of that. — Ruth

Getty Images

R.I.P. Biz Markie

I’m LOVING this tribute to Biz. Singing along with the TV and everything. I can tell BET is about to do hip-hop right with this tribute. — Taryn

I have a fun memory at a party deejayed by Biz Markie. He was the DJ at The Root's inaugural ball for President Barack Obama. My mom and I had a ball that night. — Erin

It Is Culture's Biggest Night On BET

The BET Awards begin at 8 p.m. ET, and HuffPost reporters and editors will be watching to keep you updated on all the biggest moments of the night. Stay tuned to see who stuns on the red carpet, who takes home an award and whose performances set the stage ablaze.

The night is set to include an epic tribute to the rappers and artists who made hip-hop culture what it is today to celebrate hip-hop's 50th anniversary.

[void-dust-muffin]

called out by @egg-exe to list my favorite character from 10 different fandoms.

I. Do not remember names. And I refuse to look anything up. we'll see how this goes.

1) Kal'Tsit from arknights. I've been low key obsessing over the game for a while now, and Kal is definitely one of the coolest characters. Storied past, cold demeanor belying genuine care and kindness for everyone under her, Mon3tr, the team that made her did a good job and she really just exemplifies the strength of the game in general. But I can talk to the moon and back about how stupid good the writing for arknights is, especially considering it's a gacha mobile game, so ill move on

2) Neopolitan from rwby. I fell in love with rwby's setting all the way back when I first watched it. Its unique mix of fantasy and technopunk drew me in and its character concepts have kept me there ever since. Neo probably the most. A mute character being the wisecracking villain's muscle and making her shorter than literally the rest of the cast? Peak. If only they made a character to go with the cool moves.

3) Princess Zelda in Breath of the Wild. Sweetheart's trying her best and facing frustration at every turn. Somebody hug her I'm begging you. (it's me, the sweetheart is her but also me)

4) Jafar Fire Emblem 7. Played the game years ago, loved his character design and his class(crits go brrrrr), but his story is the real selling point. The way he interacts with Nino is so sweet and I have such a soft spot for both of them(technically illegal two faves from one fandom oops).

I had the next one and then I lost it uhhhhh not the one I had but we'll go with

5) I was going to say a different character from portal but then I remembered the boy: Space Core.

6) Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist. Her relationship with the major is so heartfelt and the writer did them so well. If you've never watched it go and do that cuz it's just so well put together.

7) Padparadsha from Houseki no Kuni. God that manga is a train wreck. Phos you walking disaster. I love it. Anywho, pad is an interesting character in an already very interesting cast of characters. Their entire existence, teetering between waking and immobility is an exploration of how much of the gem is required for them to function. how much them can be removed before they just. cease.

8) Waymond from Everything Everywhere All At Once. First off, if you haven't watched the movie, go see it. Second, damn I didn't think anyone would actually read this far. Waymond is such a wholesome man he changes the way the woman going through the infinite possibilities of the multiverse thinks. He finds joy in everything he does and shares it with everyone around him. Not because he's ignorant of the struggles of life, because with happiness they become easier. And the man that played him is just as sweet. At the Oscar's when it was announced as best picture he went up on stage too and was hugging everyone. I would die for him.

9) Finn from the star wars sequel trilogy. As bad as they were, when the force awakens came out I remember seeing it and being excited to see what they would do with a stormtrooper main character. And then they didn't do anything, wasting all of his potential. But if there's one thing I learned from rwby, it's that someone else was just as disappointed and wrote a fanfiction exploring what canon didn't.

And now time for the niche reach.

10) Maven from the web novel Save the Demon King. Maven is the eponymous demon king, a near mythical figure in setting and the last demon alive. He is such a fun character in a fun setting that is very well written. I refuse to say more except for go read it. It's free on tapas and very good.

Honorable Mention:

I did think of Hades the game as a possible fandom but everyone in it is too good. I can't choose. the short list is half the hub area characters and at least three of the gods on top of that

fuckin hell theres an hour down the drain. gotta keep the chain going so uhhhhh @krindenium you're the only other human that I know on this site.

[biblicallyaccuratevirgo]

I know you were convinced I was low-key in love with you but LMAO in my 20s, I had a five minute crush on EVERYBODY. I guess that's just my Libra Rising bullshit but sorry, you're not my type. Realized you weren't when I had to start guarding what I said to you because I realized you'd crumble under ANY kind of criticism

Speaking of Libra Rising - lmmaaoooooo you are so bad at Astrology oh my god. You really think each sign is associated with a house which is why you're probably baffled over what's going on right now. You thought that, what? I'd be chill and calm down to save face? To make money? BITCH WHAT MONEY? You think it's worth it to me to play nice at this point? Really 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Do you even know how much money it would take me to back off at this point? We're talking 6 figs at this point because I'm having waaaaayy too much fun finally telling you what I think.

I also know you probably thought I was some big fan of yours because I liked some tweets but do you know how many tweets I like in a day? Here. This is probably from like 15 minutes of scrolling alone lmfao https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VuZg0Q13wWatetxzJscHdXDtHGkTA4sQ/view?usp=drivesdk did you really think you were that important to me? Do you know how much shit is on my mind on the regular? Do you really think you deserve that much of my attention?

Speaking of not on my mind. You were not my number 1 pick for Dirty Magic LMAO. I had someone completely different in mind but I settled for you because you were a friend and figured you seemed so damn excited that I might as well. Then 2 years passed of your incompetence and I was out almost 2K and a fuck ton of patience just for you to hand me a bunch of scribbles and try to sell it to me like they were masterpieces lmaaoo

Speaking of. Why the fuck did you struggle so damn hard with Savannah? And why the fuck did you struggle so damn hard with giving Mia the sneakers I gave you references for? What was so damn hard to grasp?

Did you realize that Hiveworks was literally looking to sue you for harassment when you left? And you really thought you were gonna win against them at court? I had to literally call in a favor because of all the work I did for them to get them to NOT drag you through the mud LMAO and you thought you were a badass with your chest puffed up like everyone was scared of you. How cute.

Which. Also speaking of. Do you know how many people were actively talking shit about you when we first started talking? Do you know how often I had to defend you to get people to chill? I should have let them drag your ass too LMAO maybe I never would have been raped and abused!

Oh let's double back to Dirty Magic. You know why I did the designs myself? Because trying to get you to understand the objective was wasting my time. It was easier to just draw the designs FOR you for you to follow then waste time trying to get you to understand what was going on. And somehow... Even with the references... You still failed 🤔

Talking with you half the time was just exhausting. You take everything in life so damn seriously. Everyone's always out to get you. Do you remember how pressed you were about the Judy fall out? Literally wailing about how she's gonna murder you? Like literally track you down and murder you? Are you unwell? What's going on in there? I still can't tell if you were being serious or not

Which by the way, god DAMN the only reason why I was willing to get involved with that Judy fallout was because I thought stepping in would end things and then it'd be DONE. I didn't expect that shit to be drawn out for that long. You can't let shit go even if your life depended on it and I can't imagine that's good for your mental health (or physical health for that matter)

You. Are. So. Damn. Sensitive. I felt like if I wanted to share anything with you, I had to do a pre-screening even if it was a joke. Like everything triggers you, everything freaks you out, everything makes you panic. Every. Single. Thing. And you made it my job to babysit you. WHEN DO I GET MY CHECK?

I'm still waiting to see what you meant by you "NEED TO BE RIGHT" during our fall out. Like I literally said that I needed to be supported and that was your clap back. What did I do to get under your skin? Why were you always so defensive? Do I intimidate you? LMAO?

God. You're so damn messy. It's a wonder you managed to get this far professionally. You really do rely on fallouts to get ahead don't you? That way you can keep playing the victim and leach off of everyone around you? I'd be impressed if it, you know, didn't lead me to getting raped and abused LMAO

Which - by the way - I can't believe you genuinely thought I was going to read that bullshit apology. Do you - once again - not realize how little of a priority you are to me? And always have been? It's like every single god damn time I tried to move on with my life, you had a new crisis that I needed to deal with. Why the fuck was I being treated like I was your handler the entire time? Cause once again, if i was working that hard to be your care taker then I'm wondering when the fuck do I get paid ???????

You keep talking about how you hate art so damn much yet you refuse to quit. In fact it's like you keep doubling down on being miserable. Ooooooh, wait I forgot how you said you don't think you can ever be happy. I guess that means you want everyone else to join you - even if they end up homeless LMAAOOO

Ugh god your art. That's probably the one thing I respected about you but now I keep looking at it and then looking at mine and then looking at yours and I'm like 'Wow. How the fuck did I circle around you ten times over in terms of creativity and skill while also juggling so much?' like what's your excuse? I'm genuinely curious

Also God damn do you really think realising a bunch of storyboards is going to work? Do you realize that storyboards are meant to be used internally? Their job is to help the animators have a clear idea of what they're supposed to be animating. Like... How are you gonna do this? Are you making an animatic? Cause I saw your timing and it's a bit struggly-duggly and I'm not helping you at all with that LMAO

Oh - just so you know I dropped Little Foolery because y'all were making me lose money more than make money. Like literally I saw how Song of the Bullrider did, tracked the performance and realized y'all were a waste of an investment :)

Also it was cute of you to think you could give me business advice when you don't do shit but complain all day and make other people do the work for you 😭 when was the last time you even had a job that didn't involve bossing people around and making things more complicated for them ?????

And lastly I... Just don't like you. In fact I don't think I ever did. I tried reeeeaally hard to like you and when I say like you, I mean as a person and human being. But watching how you were going through your life being ride or die for Alex and busting your ass so damn hard for something that - when you die - will likely mean absolutely nothing was part of what made me start snapping out of shit. Watching how miserable and hapless you are made me realize I wanted so much more out of life. It's unfortunate that right after that discovery, we had the fall out and then you stabbed me in the back over and over and over again so I couldn't get work and LIVE MY LIFE how I wanted and instead dealt with abuse after abuse after abuse but that realization is also the one thing that has me feeling at peace right now. Because you know what? I still put my best foot forward. I still was and am willing to see where life takes me. I'm not willing to break myself for something that I don't even know matters past how I FEEL about it. It's why I do comics as a hobby and I'm not trying to crucify anyone to make anything happen. Because I actually had a long needed reality check because of you. I saw my future. I saw what I could become. I saw how empty and devoid of humanity was waiting for me if I kept going in the direction I was in. I saw endless desperation and despair. Constant fear and paranoia. No faith. No light. No joy. Nothing. I just saw darkness, misery and a desperate attempt to add meaning to a life that - at the end of the day - only has meaning if I go to my grave in peace. That's it. And that's my goal. It's not to be famous. It's not to be some big star. It's to make sure that the moment when I draw my last breath, I can say that regardless of what I went through, I still did the best damn job that I could. That I lived my life to the fullest and to the best of my abilities. That I wasn't too afraid to see what's over the horizon and to push myself past the restriction of my own expectations. That I was willing and daring enough to both love and be loved, that I had the courage to be the person that I can always be proud of and to know with full confidence that I lived my life in joy. THIS is the kind of shit that's on my mind, Jayd. Not you and your bullshit and to be honest, it offends me to great lengths that you felt this entitled to my time and energy.

And there. Now you know the truth. Now you know everything I've been keeping from you because I knew your ego was too fragile to handle it.

If you really think that money is going to keep me satisfied at this point, you're really god damn wrong and you're also way too easy to keep on a short leash.

Have a good one ✌️

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Sep 6

One more day here visiting my dad and then onto the next place. It's been a lovely time: worked on so many projects, got a lot done, spent some great quality time with him and the extended family.

2 stepsisters are also here right now and damn they both lost weight one is a lot skinnier than she used to be and goes to the gym all the time and I'm low-key triggered to be doing better with exercise and eating and everything. I'm also skinnier than I was a couple months ago and it's fine and next time I come back here maybe I'll be at my gw? Like I was looking in the mirror this morning and my stomach is basically flat, my shorts are falling off of me again, my hipbones are sticking out without posing at weird angles, my knees/thïgh gåp is noticeable again. One more month maybe two and I'll be there, especially considering I'll be working again in a couple weeks and walking a lot and rooming with a skinny girl who I don't know very well so I probably won't be eating more than the bare minimum.

Life is good!! So glad I got to hang out with my cousins this week especially since I might be missing thanksgiving this year.

Next week, going camping with D again (I wonder if he'll notice that I've lost more weight since I saw him a couple weeks ago) - funny how a big motivator for me this time around is the idea of people noticing and commenting on weight loss. It's nice to be so close to my goal, I haven't been this skinny in a while and it feels good, it's super motivating to actually see progress and I think I'm gonna achieve it and maintain it this time - winter is usually my downfall but with the way my work schedule is lining up I think I'll be busy throughout the winter, hopefully avoid the depression spiral this year, we'll see how it works out!

Feeling excited for this next chapter and the next round of work gigs - a couple weeks in Texas and then a couple months in Florida, who knows after that. I love my life and this weird journey that I'm on :)

[kissesfromcherie]

Rant + Update on Life

Welp, my school is on strike classes have been cancelled for the last 3 weeks. I’m fine with that as I love being in the house, but we’re resuming to classes this next upcoming week, though the strike is now where near over. There are a couple of different opinions but I want to return since this is my first year and I don’t want to fail.

My depression has been on and off. Still annoying as hell because my room is a MESS but I literally can’t get out of bed. Why is it so hard to do literally anything. I want to make some money because money’s tight in the household right due to inflation, but the fact that inflation exists makes me even more depressed, that, as well as everything else going on in the world; all the wars, all the conflict, all the disagreement, as if it’s hard to have conversations like ADULTS. There’s so much negativity and it’s draining, even when it’s not directly happening to me.

And lastly, family members are still dying. My godfather as well as my grandfather on my father’s side have passed away. I didn’t know my grandfather very well but my godfather was an great man with a great attitude and great skin (lol but fr). I miss him dearly and may he rest in peace.

Also, my sister is fucking pregnant. Damn her for making me an aunt at only 20, but I’m low-key excited for it.

Also also, my mother miscarried. Unfortunately, I don’t care but I can’t say that to anyone. I truly feel terrible for my mother and her boyfriend though.