#me: bitch you are not paying me I am paying YOU and that means I am NOT using the goddamn phone

[the-kr8tor]

Cook Hobie and Sous Chef reader because I am GONEEE girl byeee.

The first time you meet is at your interview, he's barely interested as the owner goes on and on and onnnnn. He doesn't believe talk means anything when it comes to cooking, he needs to actually SEE your skills before he lets you into his kitchen. And much to his delight after a trial run you do more than just fine.

It's been a month at your new job as a sous chef and tensions are rising, you help him during the rush, and you fly to the rescue when someone else needs help to make sure everyone can eat on time. You have enough attitude where the servers know not to push your buttons too much, you are a flame and he wishes to be burnt if it only means getting close to you.

Catering is a forsaken task that means a longer day. But suddenly, as people head home, it's only him and you in the kitchen. You both realize it's quiet, too quiet between you two. So he makes the first move and offers you a beer (or a non alcoholic drink for my pookies who can't), and as the night continues you start up a conversation and get closer to one another.

You peel the carrots, and he cuts them into an appropriate size. He starts retelling some of the stories that happened when he was still new to the job. And you laugh, god you laugh and he can't take his eyes off your smile as he hears your voice an- o h. Red seeps from his fingertip as he curses up a storm and wraps his finger in a kitchen cloth to avoid getting it over the food. You immediately drop everything and help him out with his cuts, and he makes a joke about you kissing it better. You do so after having bandaged it up properly so you can continue your prep, kissing the cloth of the bandage with a teasing/snarky remark.

Much later on he hides in the restroom, his heart beating widely as he can only feel like a high school boy getting his first crush all over again. He didn't think this type of small action could pull him so deep, him, Hobie Brown, a master chef who runs his kitchen like its war battalion. He holds up his hand to his heart, eventually heading back out as he finally calms down. But he looks at how unbothered you are by your small task, just peeling away and helping him with prep to make sure everything can get done on time. He promises himself mentally to pay you back, maybe a date would be nice or maybe he could make a new menu item for you, something sweet. Something with honey, fruit, and whisky; sweet, decadent, and strong are all things he sees in you.

-insert grave emoji here, I'm on a computer </3 me phone died

AWJSJSJWNZSBNWOWSB I KNEW YOU'D WRITE SOMETHING LIKE ONE OF THEM GETTING NICKED AND I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HOBIE!! He's so smitten your honour

Imagine if R gets burned during dinner service, nothing too drastic just burned the tip of your finger but it still hurts like a bitch so you yelp and the loud clang of the pan hits the stove like a drum beat and Hobie is in full panic mode at your pained face. But when one of the chefs tells you to suck it up Hobie (think like hell's kitchen) yells at them to fuck off before you could even say a word and you're in front of the sink while he holds your hands under the running water asking if you're okay and your brain just went bye bye for a minute while he soothes you 😍

[sparrowposting]

hfdjkshfdsjklah my home parish is advertising some city-wide catholic women's group thing, and as if the phrase 'dynamic catholic women's group' wasn't bad enough to raise my hackles, they're like 'oh special guest speaker tammy p*terson wife of j*rdan p*eterson' AND mass presided by former archbishop cardinal c*llins.

yall i cannot make this shit up. this is smthn ppl are proudly advertising. and then they demand why i dont want to be even remotely associated with my coreligionists. *mr incredible voice* IM NOT AFFILIATED WITH YOU

[cabbitz]

So how we feeling about not getting pre-sale codes in our email and watching ticket prices jump from affordable to non affordable in about ten seconds?

[duskandcobalt]

me when someone says they don't like elain because she's "boring" and "doesn't do anything"

[cherrystonefemme]

My favorite moments from my lesbian™️ professional life:

1- That time I got to tell a nun that until she was ready to behave more maturely we would not be having a conversation

2- The terrified look on my well-meaning boss's face when I said "Are you aware that one of the signs in the front hall has the word faggot?"

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache

[carcarrot]

how much money will i spend for one (1) pair of pants

[scribbyizback]

ok well now I'm fucking pissed

[bookwyrminspiration]

grr grr grr biting and kicking and clawing i hate that you have to wait for audiobooks because they can only be lent out to one person at a time like with physical books. stupid ridiculous fair author/narrator pay rules. ridiculous i want to listen to warrior cats NOW biting

[networkunsupported]

the moment i learn how to write settings person dialogue its OVER for yall

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

[homosexual-fanfiction]

okay theoretically .. if you were to look at the word count for a chapter.. how many words do you think would make you say "this is too fucking long"

[flippedorbit]

do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?

[bioswear]

I’ll say it once: I think Israel needs to fuck off, Palestine should be free, America needs to stop sticking its dick where it doesn’t belong

[willowfey]

i just had the worst autistic experience at a quick serve restaurant where i was trying to order the “chicken with 2 sides” option, which i was trying to make macaroni and yuca fries.

what the employee SHOULD have said was “yuca fries cannot be chosen for this meal as they are a Specialty Side, and only original sides qualify for this specific meal”. i would have understood perfectly. instead what did she keep repeating to me over and over, getting annoyed when i didn’t understand?

“what it says on the menu and what you’re asking for are two different things”

….. bitch what?????

i damn near cried no matter what i asked she would not explain it to me differently i was ready to give up my order entirely until my mother stepped up to figure it out for me.

catch me making my own food at home for the rest of the WEEK at least

[dykesynthezoid]

Deadly combination of two ppl living together is one person who never wants to make their mental illness symptoms somebody else’s problem, even when they really should be making it somebody else’s problem bc they need help, and the other person is someone who will not stop making their mental illness symptoms everyone else’s problem regardless of the consequences