#me too tho so no judgement
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carpet, carpet, carpet, carpet carpet. Check it out, I’m in meh house, like carpet, like carpet carpet carpet
uhm am i hallucinating and hearing things
#what the sigma fuck#why are you a carpet#please just let me talk to Lafayette on c.ai 😭#why are you like this pookie#you are legitimately insane#me too tho so no judgement
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see i absolutely despise jimmy (and curly) as a character(s) but as a literary freak i can appreciate the way hes used as a story device with his relationship to curly. i could type this more eloquently but currently ive had a glass of champagne and i havent drank in like 6 months so my tolerance is low so forgive my writing but. jimmy cannibalizing curly. yeah.
theres multiple messages here, theres the message that jimmy is doing what curly (assumedly) did to get into his position and, employing another metaphor, taking the "dog eat dog world" saying to heart. and literally. devouring his competition. or maybe curly didnt do that. and thats what jimmy thinks curly did and so he aims to do the same. choose whichever one you like more they're both interesting storywise.
theres the message where jimmy "consumes" curly in some twisted expression of love. devouring curly so that he remains a part of him, an expression that he is the gold star captain and something to aspire to. admiration for something he'll never be and so he chooses to consume him in order to potentially absorb some of his skill or become more like him.
and then there is curly sitting there helplessly being devoured. its something he has no say in, not something that he chose to happen to him, its something hes become swept up in. he becomes devoured by jimmy in the literal sense of cannibalism, but also in the sense that he became so absorbed in his friendship w/jimmy he ignored his wrongdoings and ultimately led to anya's assault as well as the death of the whole crew.
curly and jimmy intertwined so that one is always consumed by the other. curly in a literal sense, jimmy in a more psychological one. i mean like its really quite crazy they did the "im consumed with thoughts about this guy and want to be him so i must literally consume him" thing quite well. when examining mouthwashing's narrative you find new things to admire every time. each little story element has a place in creating a wonderfully complex and heartbreaking story. its very well done and honestly something to aspire to from the perspective of someone who enjoys studying/writing literature.
all of this is to say i think that there should be more art of jimmy covered in blood and engaging in this cannibalism like the stupid little leech he is
#spacie spoinks#only post i will ever make about curly or jimmy btw. i genuinely hate the both of them with a burning passion#i think im just. projecting too hard but i just cant enjoy them. i have tried it doesnt work. and thats okay#my life experiences just affect me too much for that lol#this is all they'll ever get from me lmaoooo#i will enjoy art others make tho#im mostly saying this just so people dont ask me for any curly and jimmy stuff skjfskf you wont get it smiles politely#you can enjoy these characters if you wish no judgement. there is a lot to like about them as you can see by my post#see i can be a hater and introspective at the same time!!!#its not something that can be helped my Literary Analysis brain overrides any hate i feel towards those two#and when i view them as tools in a story they're easier to deal with seeing all the time#anyway enjoy this post. im sure someone has said it better than me but yeah jimmy x curly cannibalism for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love writing!!!!!!!!!! hope i can also do it some day#see but like my reaction is normal the narrative made me hate them b/c it wanted me to#this is why mouthwashing is a good story it made me *feel* something about these characters#even though that feeling is hatred!! and isnt that just so wonderful#characters did bad things and i hate them b/c of it!! wow. storytelling is awesome#none of this is sarcastic. hope it doesnt come off as that#whenever a narrative makes you feel something with this deep of a complexity it is worth celebrating#mouthwashing#okay happy new year goodnight
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omgggg i keep spending too much time on reddit and making myself mad help. ppl are so infuriating
#maybe i should delete but i feel invested now waaa#this is why i havent touched twitter since highschool. i have made a critical mistake with reddit tho#why is everyone so quick to be judgemental/CRUEL about trivial things that dont matter !!!#perhaps hypocritical of me cuz now im mad abt this when it doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things#but the way they talk abt women on there especially enrages me#or just being negative about harmless things tht make people happy idk maybe im too sensitive
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Im on episode four, and Vanitas is surprisingly sinister- I was expecting him to be silly goofy and a little childish- but then he did that thing with Jeanne (or whatever her name is) and I’m just- dude?????? wtf???????
#tbh he reminds me of Dazai#secretly sinister and such#all characters should have a decent silly to sinister ratio#but like- I fear he’s gonna end up being super smart slightly crazy generally goofy kinda character#‘I fear’ like there’s nothing wrong with this type of character#I adore Vanitas so far#I wish he didn’t do that thing with that girl tho#the whole time k was waiting for him to say sile#*sike#like ‘I just wanted to piss off the kid for blah blah blah’#or some shit#idk#but nah I think he’s just got a crush#and he’s not at all normal about it#in front of his husband too!#damn!#in the very second episode I made a joke about Noé being the top#I fear I was mistaken in my judgement#but yeah- I love our little silly dramatic walking lore drop Vanitas#he reminds me of Dazai tho#entirely because I’m very fixated on bsd rn#im afraid that this’ll tear me sssy from bsd tho#I don’t need that rn#I still need to read so many books and write so many figs#fics#agh#this is only a mild detour#I’ll be right back in bsd soon#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas
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Funny how I went insane over this the moment it happened
#funny how I do the same shit#I too show appreciation and affection through head butting my friends softly#he’s so cute how can y’all’s hate him#maybe that’s just me being biased tho#bc I’ve loved him since he debuted on nxt 2.0💀💀#love this freak ass bitch he’s so Babygirl coded#jd mcdonagh#damian priest#the judgement day#wwe#wwe monday night raw
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got visually spoiled on the literally last thing i was still actively missing and working towards in totk but i dont think im gonna like it anyway ...
if it is what i think it is, and what it looks like to be, its just yet another nail in the coffin (or however you say that) as to why the lore sucks in this game even tho it had such good setup and so much potential
#ganondoodles talks#totk spoilers#tagging it as such bc im gonna say my current thoguhts about it here#again its just visually and i havent seen the text to it yet#so please dont say anythign about it#but#im 100% certain its the reward for all shrines which i dont have yet#and first of all it looks dumb as shit#and second of all its supposed to be the ancient hero in the tapestry isnt it#the zonau got their grimy hands on that too dont they#the thing that was such a cool mystery all this time got solved just like that isnt it#nintendo saw us theorizing about gan being the ancient hero and thought oh gods now we cant give him nuance quickly invent some zonau excus#however that makes sense since they were supposedly long gone by the time the first calamity happened#which still happened even with the time fuckery going on since the tapestry still exists and the last guardian remains#tho it doesnt look quite like a zonau but more like some creepy ass unholy mix of a lizard and gerudo#im gonna wait with my final judgement since i havent read the text yet#but it for sure isnt motivating me more to get all the last 50 or so shrines#i regret finishing the underground first so much man#all you get is a you did it sticker#literally#should have done the shrines first so at least i couldnt get spoiled on that still#im guessing its funney reference or whatever#some mysteries are better left unsolved#didnt want to rush and get all shrines in a hurry and isntead explore it on my own since the exploring part and world is what i love#aside from the music#but i guess i gotta do that now#actual shrine hutning stream incoming i guess#:/
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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What about sorcerer Adaine? It'd keep the way her parents treated her consistent because of in that case they'd see her having the easy way of casting instead of studying to be a "proper" caster
this is a great idea!! the only reason why I'm not gonna pick it up is bc I've already locked down sorcerer for kristen haha
#not art#(and also someone brought up artificer!adaine and the hackergirl teen movie genre is too good to pass on)#the point abt adaine's parents's attitude is of interest bc like. the thing is they're grooming aelwyn so adaine's lot is set#even if she got into hudol and aced all her classes they would find something to put her down with. bc that's what she's in the family for#sorcerer!adaine I feel like would have somewhat of a similar arc to warlock!adaine? where its like a villain-skirting hunger-for-power stor#but sorcerer!adaine would be a bit heavier on the isolation. while warlock!adaine would be more on the uh. dependence?#Im just spitballin there really since I set on artificer!adaine I havent really thought That much abt other class swaps lol#I just love artificer!adaine so much bc that whole late-90-early-2k genre is sooo about Double Life etc#dork by daylight but dangerous criminal rebel on the webs#the ultimate nerd power fantasy. by knowing how to type u can change the world and kill people#I think there is a chance she'd multiclass into sorcerer later on tho! I can see that in her arc#theres also something abt like how arcanotech is very uh like. material? in a different way than how wizardry is in fh#adaine was still supplied with wizard materials in freshman year (until she killed her dad I assume) but if she got into artificing#that'd be entirely self-provided. and I like what that means for adaine's situation it'd be Great#she'd be like that death note scene with the drawer if it's awesome#I just realized all of my class swap stuff has the same theme of ''what if I make them Way Worse'' lmao#worse as in different and deep issues. worse also as in more annoying (this is awesome to me)#artificer!adaine would be SO cringe and she DESERVES to be as cringe as she wants to be and nobody's judgement holds any meaning#to her anymore. this is my artificer!adaine propaganda based on that movie starring young scarlet johansson idk I never watched it
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watching people shamelessly admit that they just skip over every only friends scene that isn't firstkhao
#don't get me wrong the eclipse is good but i thought we were watching a movie#like for the plot#not for the memory of another movie#only friends is so good too! i didn't expect it to but it's queer cinema fr like i love queer cinema#''the other characters are boring and uninteresting'' this might be presumptuous of me but that might be bc you skip all their scenes#the amount of people i saw both on here and on twitter say they might drop the whole show when raymew happened was flabbergasting#it's such an interesting story to me! all these life situations and fates and experiences and how they intersect and bring different things#to light#and you're just watching to get to see akk and ayan kiss again?#i was gonna say no judgement but that is exactly what i'm doing i am judging HOWEVER you do you tho like keep it up! if that makes you happ#i'm just surprised at the state of things#only friends#keung talks
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I'm so tired.
Bonus meme under cut:
This is both for him in general (or at least the fanon version dominating fics) and extra for him as Robin specifically tbh. Let him grow up and find an identity outside of being Bruce's emotional support child. It's not like it's actually helping anymore anyways.
#I really minimized the fanon Tim things in there.#Not the least of which including making their age difference wider so Jason can angst over beating up “a kid” despite only being 2 yrs apar#Overemphasizing Tim's “genius” and making Jason stupid & incompetent & everything he does is wrong#Skewed interpretations of the emotional & moral conflict in UTRH/between Jason & Bruce that somehow Tim fixes#Ceo Tim Drake “boohoo Dick wouldn't believe me that Bruce was alive (tho I never actually gave him my evidence abt that)”#WHICH FOR THE RECORD EVEN TIM HAD DOUBTS ABOUT HE JUST HAD TO BELIEVE OR ELSE HE'D FALL APART.#LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF RED ROBIN IS STRUCTURED TO CAST DOUBT ON TIM'S JUDGEMENT THE WHOLE TIME.#ITS NOT LIKE THIS KID DOESNT FAMOUSLY HAVE A HISTORY OF NOT TAKING GRIEF WELL. GESTURES AT THE FAILED SUPERBOY CLONES.#Sidenote I saw a post about ignoring that Tim was a sexist earlier on in his comics & tbh I think youre only allowed to do that if you dont#Woobify him. Like if you want to ignore that but overfocus on every bad thing ppl have done to him then fuck off#Also have you considered that him being sexist but growing out of it is a POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC that could be interesting?#Wally for example had some really bigoted views bcs of how he was raised but grew out of & its why I always loved him#Frankly if you want to talk about Jason doing unforgivable injuries on the younger kids let's go to Battle for the Cowl#But then you'd have to scknowledge bad (worse) things happened to Damian too & Timmy isn't special now wouldn't you?#Look I'm not asking for every goddamned fic to be comics accurate but can we just not commit character assassination so consistently#That it's fucking impossible to find fic that *isnt* like that?#Fuck I don't even understand how people find this version of Tim engaging. It's funny for memes but an actual plot?#Managed to switch my “I think Tim is a little boring (neutral to affectionate)” to “I think Tim makes things boring (derogatory)”
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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#there is a wide margin of interpretation you can take with Armand and I'd like ppl to understand that.#We just quite actually do not have all accurate or full information on him but what we have is enough to prove#he is capable and culpable of all the things he is shown and proven to have done#I think a lot of the writing this season also was intentionally meant to confuse and make you doubt what is happening there. like actually#where do the lies start?#Now are all of them equally valid? Absolutely not. But I'm not like going to judge heavily people who have a different one.#A lot of bad ones (poorly backed) I get where that conclusion gets drawn from and for me it's just kind of fun to theorize those things#People claiming it as the right interpretation are a little like... okay chill out. But I think there can be room for that.#That is unless your ideas somehow vindicate or paint him as somehow also a victim of Louis like wtf are you doing at that point don't defen#him the dude is a massive piece of shit let him be a piece of shit.#It also doesn't make much sense to make him some great mastermind or somehow winning over something he's clearly shown not wanting?#its easier for me to see him as someone who doesn't have very fixed intentions or judgements on anything#his moral compass is self serving even when those morals are aligned to good things or a desire to be good#like he can see something as bad even undesirable and still do it if it serves some larger or more stable benefit to him#with little regard for who gets hurt in the process and with low empathy to see they could be hurt by it#And thats the most consistent thing about him is he falls to whatever is most beneficial w/o regard to others even when regarding them#& those good things r performative even if he's not intending it to be when it aids in exploiting other peoples view of him to an advantage#Or like when he goes about hiding under that persona to meet bad ends intentionally. (These go back and forth)#and something something the purpose of a system is what is does#there's little point in getting into the intentions of Armand when he consistently fails to do what he's claiming be#Idk tho honestly might not post iwtv stuff for a while I'm tired#There's a an amount of interpretation you can take about any other character too just there is so much more speculation there than elsewher
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for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like
#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before#it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this#which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again#for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind#even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that#i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working#towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter#bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world...#no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like#wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them#wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane#to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be#good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙#ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry#pers
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when i move out i need to find a good old vhs tape player so bad
#do most tvs still come with vhs tape jacks. if not ill find an older tv too#u cn find these things at used places all the time but i simpy do not have room for any of that right now#i just need this n a record player n a dvd player and im all set i fucking love physical media grahhhh#found my cloudy w a chance of meatballs 2 (got for bday one year) dvd holder the other day and even tho the dvd is no longer with us#i kept the packadging for memories sake#AND AND AND i cant wait to have enough privacy i can buy whatever books and comics i want without my familys judgement#theyre crazy#but im feeling positive. i Am capable of moving out and living on my own its whats gonna save me#theres a lot of good things 2 come with the scaries of it all too. so i will survive for joy
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bweeeeeeeee
#personal#i am baby bunny mode (not sexual!!!!)#my wife's been playin viddie games w/ her friends so i took over the living room#and have had a muppets double feature (2011 one first and now 2014)#OH HERE SHE COMES#anyway yeah c: i played my own viddie games too#i rented the mario x rabbids kingdom something game from the library and im a little over 50% thru#tho it's getting very very hard#nd it may be quittin time soon for that game d:#(not a judgement statement but just kind of a fact: i am Not the best at video games. i didnt play many until like 3y ago)#i have a really fuzzy oversized blanket hoodie on rn too c:#its tan and a similar shade to my skin and it makes me feel so cutie baby bunny :3
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