#me thinking: how apeshit can she /really/ go.....

[ckret2]

Chapter 82 of you can really tell the writer got a new art program this week and went apeshit with it instead of doing anything productive: the Mystery Shack is in terrible peril from the government and only one thing can save them:

Teaching Bill Cipher how to flirt with humans!!

####

The Stans explained the plan to Dipper and Mabel as briefly as possible—that Bill had to save them all by flirting with the head fed—and that was about as far as they got before Mabel started squealing. They wished her good luck with Bill, wished him good luck with Mabel, and beat a hasty retreat, with Dipper tagging along after Ford on the pretense of helping figure out how to get the flash drive out of Gompers.

"This is perfect!" Mabel slammed the door closed—and Bill had the sneaking suspicion she'd trapped him on purpose—then grabbed both his hands to drag him further into the room. "I can see it now! He'll fall in love with you, and then he'll realize that living in a small logging town is so much more emotionally fulfilling than his high-pressure fast-paced big city government job, and he'll see what a special, magical place Gravity Falls is and he won't wanna do anything that could change it, and Washington will call him like, 'Your report is late! Have you forgotten your mission?' And he'll go 'I have a new mission now: my WIFE!' And—"

"Hold on!" Bill pulled his hands back. "I think you skipped the part where you married me off to a government agent."

"No I didn't! Because he says that and everyone gasps and then he gets down on his knee in front of you and pulls out a ring and—"

"In your dreams, star girl." He dropped onto Mabel's bed and crossed his legs. "Think a little less cheesy Christmas romcom, and more noir spy movie with a double-crossing femme fatale."

Mabel measured that up against her limited spy movie knowledge, and asked dubiously, "You're gonna drop him in a tank of sharks?"

"Hey, if you have one...!" Bill laughed. "But, no. The plan is just for me to keep him distracted long enough for the nerd squad to get the flash drive, wipe any sensitive data, and leave it somewhere that'll make the agents think the goat dumped it naturally."

Mabel considered that. She inhaled deeply. "Okay," she said. "But. What if it's one of those movies where the evil girl spy has a change of heart because of the good guy's charm and you do fall in love."

"Do you remember who we're talking about?" Bill asked. "Fine! If we fall in love, you can be the ring bearer, best maid, and officiant—but don't start stapling together a white dress just yet."

Mabel completely skipped past his main point. She whispered, "You'd let me make your wedding dress?"

"I'd turn down every fashion designer in Milan, Paris, New York, and London combined."

Her eyes widened. "I've gotta start drawing wedding dresses." She rummaged around the floor for an unused piece of paper and the nearest crayon and/or marker box.

"Draw me as a triangle," Bill said automatically. "So there, you're caught up on the plan!" He slowly slid off Mabel's bed toward the door. "So if you'd let me out so I can prepare..."

"Ohh no. Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford brought you to me to learn how to flirt, and I'm going to teach you how to flirt."

He groaned, but plopped back down on Mabel's bed. "I don't need to be taught how to flirt! I'm a pro! While your universe was still gearing up for a Big Bang, I was fending off marriage proposals from lovelorn generation ships and sentient oceans."

"You're not seducing ships and oceans." Mabel had already flopped onto the floor and drawn a triangle with an eye, and was trying to figure out how to put a dress on it. "You're seducing a man."

"Which is even easier! You people barely last a century, you're desperate! Humans fling themselves at me left and right!"

"Then you'll have no trouble passing my love quiz."

Bill automatically frowned. There was a part of him that still tensed up at the word "quiz" even if he did know more about romance than the entire human race combined. "What, like the one you put the guys through on your dating show?"

"Yes, but with all new questions! So you can't just copy all of Soos's answers to get a perfect score!"

"Psh! Like I need to copy anyone's answers," said Bill, who had never taken a quiz in his life without copying someone else's answers and had been planning to do just that. "All right, hit me."

"Question one! Uh..." She tapped a crayon to her chin as she thought. "What's the best gift to give on a first date? Jewelry, chocolate, a wedding ring, or flowers?"

"Ooh, we're starting with bribery, huh?" When in doubt, the right answer was usually C; but "jewelry" and "wedding ring" seemed kinda redundant. Well—cheating had never failed him before, why stop now? "None of the above! I've got a better answer than all of them!"

Mabel lowered her crayon to give him a skeptical look. "Oh yeah? What?"

"Sneak into their dreams the night before, find out their heart's desire, and surprise 'em with that," Bill said. "That's not even a romantic move. It'll let you win over a human in any context! Birthday parties, baby showers, job interviews, criminal trials, hostage negotiations..."

"What if you don't know their heart's desire?"

"Then you're not me."

She set down her crayon, laced her hands under her chin, and said, "Okay, then. If you were trying to win me over, what's my dream birthday gift?"

"Replacing your bedroom with a bouncy castle with inflatable furniture."

"Ha! No it's n..." She trailed off. "Wait. Ohmigosh."

"Told ya."

"I've been dreaming too small," Mabel whispered. She shoved aside her first drawing and started drawing her fantasy bedroom.

Bill picked up one of Mabel's dolls—a floppy tiger—and started talking to it like he was lecturing it. Forget this whole "taking a quiz" thing; he was much more comfortable in the roll of the teacher than the student. "And if it's a blind date and I can't stalk 'em beforehand, nobody's ever disappointed by a solid gold brick," he told the doll.  "It's both practical and pretty, and it appeals to humans' natural greed without making them feel sleazy about accepting a wad of hundreds from their date."

"What's Agent Powers's heart's desire?"

Heck. He didn't actually know. He'd ducked in on the guy's life a handful of times, but he'd never needed to pay that close attention to him. What did boring people like? "A really nice leather wallet," Bill said.

"Okay, you're off to a strong start," Mabel said. "Question two: what's the ideal location for a first date?"

"What are my options?"

"Fooey to the options! I wanna hear your thoughts."

"Then that's easy: anywhere they can't escape from until they love you," Bill said. "Even better if you can serenade 'em."

Mabel nodded in approval. "Perfect answer, full points! Every Inkwell princess movie and vampire novel on the market agrees! Question three: best first date outfit?"

"Sexy."

"Okay—yeah," Mabel said, "But specifically, what does that look like?"

"Tallest hat you can find," Bill said.

Mabel waited. Bill didn't say anything else. Mabel said, "What about the rest of the outfit?"

"Bow tie. Outfit complete."

"That's just what you wear."

"And it's always sexy!" Bill insisted.

"Maybe in Flatworld, but this is earth! If you go out dressed in nothing but a hat and a bow tie, you'll be having your date in the back of a police car!"

"Fine," Bill huffed. "Fifty pairs of gloves—and the more of them you have hands to fill, the better! A dress made out of blank checks! Two snakes! A fur coat made out of live kittens!" Bill shook the stuffed doll emphatically with each point. "Good enough?!"

Mabel squinted thoughtfully at him. "The kitten coat has potential."

"Damn me with faint praise, why don't you."

"What about more traditional romantic outfits? Like... a red velvet suit with a leopard print shirt? Or short shorts that say 'too hot' on the butt?" Mabel asked. "Or a t-shirt with your date's face on it in a heart! That shows your date 'I'm here to focus on you!'"

"What if my date's face is ugly, did you think about that?" Bill asked, mainly to cover up the fact that he was chagrined he hadn't thought of the velvet suit himself. "Forget about fashion. Next question!"

"Okay, how would you prepare yourself for the perfect date? Aside from finding a tall hat and stalking your date's dreams."

"Hygiene's the most important thing," Bill said. "Humans are very attuned to pheromones. It's one of your base instincts."

A look of relief cross Mabel's face. "Yes! Good start. So we're talking a shower, or...?"

"Oh yeah, if you're going on a date in this country, you've gotta scrub that skin raw. There is no smell Americans hate more than the natural smell of other human beings." 

Mabel nodded enthusiastically. "Right!"

"And once you've gotten rid of your real scent you've got to make sure you smell appealing. And that means making sure you smell the most! Cover up any competing suitors' scents with your own!"

Mabel made an uncertain hum. "Okaaay, sooo... what would you call an appropriate fragrance for a first date?"

He wasn't sure he liked the sound of the hum. "First date? You've got to make a strong impression, and set the mood for romance," he told the doll, so he didn't have to watch Mabel pass judgment. "So, I'm thinking... decaying salmon, deer pee, and ambergris."

Mabel was silent for an uncomfortably long time. Bill glanced at her. She immediately pulled her sweater up to hide her mouth. Voice strained with suppressed laughter, she said, "You don't think, maybe... floral scents...?"

Who did she think she was laughing at! He directed his attention back to Mabel's doll. The tiger didn't judge him. The tiger thought all his ideas were brilliant. "Is this guy looking for a garden or a girlfriend? I know ninety percent of the soaps and shampoos on the market are designed to make you smell like a fruit salad on the beach, but you humans don't know the first thing about what activates your own monkey-brained reproductive urges! Trust me: decaying salmon, deer pee, and ambergris! They reek of raw sex appeal!"

"What's ambergris?"

"It's a staple fragrance in the perfume industry! Some of the most popular scents in Hollywood have ambergris base notes!"

"Okay," Mabel said, "but what is it?"

"Okay so," Bill said, "when a sperm whale gets so constipated it kills 'em, the rest of its body rots off while the turd floats to the surface, and after it's bobbed around baking in the sun for a few decades—"

Mabel lay a hand on Bill's knee and gently said, "No." 

"Hey, I'm not the one who invented ambergris, that's your species's idea!"

"Bill, I'm sorry. But you've got the best and worst romance ideas with no in between, and you don't know the difference," Mabel said. "But I promise you're in good hands! I'm the best matchmaker in Gravity Falls! I helped hook up Soos and Melody, Robbie and Tambry, Waddles and Gompers, the Hand Witch and that hunky hiker guy..."

He threw Mabel's doll down on the bed, slumped back against the wall, crossed his arms, and sulked. Then he muttered, "But I've got the best ideas?"

"Oh yeah. You're like an untrained romance prodigy! You just need a liiittle help filtering out the diamonds from the coal."

He grunted. Then he grudgingly admitted, "Getting Waddles and Gompers together is pretty impressive. They have complete opposite political opinions."

"See? I'll have you date ready in no time!"

Bill heaved a frustrated sigh. "Fine. But I'd better at least get a killer makeover out of this."

"Definitely! I'm getting an expert on the case!" She pulled out her phone to send a text. Plus, whatever you're wearing tomorrow? I'm bedazzling the crap out of it."

"Good!"

"But first," Mabel said, "Let's talk about your technique."

####

"Lesson one of Mabel's Guide to Flirting With Humans: pick-up lines! First impressions are super important!"

"Pick-up lines are easy," Bill said. "I know a million of them!"

"That's great! Then this should be easy." Mabel pointed at the picture of Creggy G in the middle of her Sev'ral Timez poster, whom she'd designated as their attractive human for Bill's flirting practice. "Try one out." 

Bill sized up Creggy calculatingly, and said, "You know, your eyeballs are so beautiful."

"Yes!" Mabel cheered. "It's romantic! I love it!"

"—and they'd look even better in my mouth."

Mabel stared at Bill.

"What?" Bill asked. "Too forward? Should I save that for the second date?"

The flirting lesson quickly switched track from teaching Bill how to use a pick-up lines, to teaching Bill what pick-up lines not to use.

And from there, the conversation drifted to a list of subjects Bill wasn't allowed to discuss with the federal agent, which necessitated relocating to the living room so Mabel could set up an easel pad and record all the banned topics. Partway through, Stan drifted in and started throwing in his two cents.

The list of banned flirtation topics included: eyeballs; cannibalism; squid kings; dragonfly mating habits; mandibles; the time and method of living people's future deaths; the cold and lonely heat death of the universe ("Why?! It's a perfect excuse to suggest cuddling for warmth!"); fun get-to-know-you questions like "would you rather kill your mother or your father" or "which conspiracy theories would you most hate to be true"; which conspiracy theories were true; the agent's embarrassing middle school secrets that Bill shouldn't have known about but did; the agent's bald spot; cancer flavors; pending global disasters...

Bill flung his hands in the air. "So what does that leave to talk about?!"

"Anything else," Stan snapped.

"The Chuquicamata open pit copper mine."

"Anything normal."

Bill gave him a look akin to that of a vegetarian who'd just been asked to discuss his favorite cuts of beef. "Have you metme?"

"Try topics that get him in the right mindset for romance," Mabel said. "Like, 'what do you want your future wife's favorite color to be?' Or 'you look like dad material!'"

Bill nodded slowly. "So we're aggressively leading him on. I can work with that. I've never been a fan of subtlety."

"And call him charming," Stan said. "Guys love hearing they're charming. Oh, and tell him his jokes are funny."

"What if he doesn't tell jokes."

"All guys tell jokes when they're flirting! If he's not telling jokes, you're doing something wrong."

"It's true," Mabel said. "Watch any high school romance!" Bill gave them both a dubious look.

Stan glanced up as Ford and Dipper walked by the doorway with Gompers. "Tell 'im, Ford."

"What?"

"All men tell jokes when we're flirting! It's probably in our DNA or something."

Dipper thought about that, and nodded. "I tell jokes when I'm flirting."

Mabel shouted, "You try to tell jokes when you're flirting! Heyooo!"

"Hey."

Ford grimaced. "Usually when I'm flirting, I forget every joke I've ever heard and start asking as many questions as I can think of."

Bill said, "That's because you only flirt with things you want to add to your bestiary!"

"The point still stands." 

Dipper had leaned into the room to read the banned topic list. "Why are conspiracy theories off-limits? He came to Gravity Falls in the first place because he was looking for a paranormal conspiracy."

"Dipper's right," Ford said, "he'd probably be interested in the topic."

Bill flung his hands in the air. "Thank you! That's what I was saying!"

Stan shook his head, "Too close to discussing politics. What if they believe in different conspiracies!"

"Plus, watch this," Mabel said. "Hey Bill, what do you think about Flat Earth theory."

Bill groaned. "I was drunk, those statements were taken out of context, and I can't be held responsible if some idiot with a boat misinterpreted me."

Mabel looked at Ford and Dipper.

Dipper grimaced. "Got it."

Ford nodded. "Conspiracy theories are off-limits."

"This is why you're all single," Bill said.

####

Stan said, "And if you're gonna lie about your job—"

"Which you always should," Bill cut in.

"Obviously! But make sure it's not something too easy to verify. Like, you can't claim to be the governor, what if your date actually voted and knows who the governor is?"

"That's a good point! Margaret was not impressed."

"You're telling me! My suit smelled like broccoli cheese soup for weeks!"

"You shoulda suggested she get the house salad."

"Yeah, I—" Stan cut off. "Wait. How do you know about Margaret? That was twenty years ago!"

Dipper and Ford were in the kitchen, looking for every ingredient they could find that might coax Gompers to release the flash drive the old-fashioned way and listening to the discussion in the living room. Gompers nibbled at a dish towel, oblivious to the fate awaiting him.

Mabel trotted in and patted him as she passed. "Hey, you! You're giving us major trouble, you rascal!"

He bleated at her.

Mabel pushed up to the open fridge next to Dipper, and when he stepped aside to make more room for her, she stepped into his personal space again and leaned into him with her shoulder. "Why are you in the way, bro, jeez!"

"You're in the way!" He leaned against her in turn. "What are you doing in here? Aren't you supposed to be training Bill?"

"Grunkle Stan's taking the lead right now," Mabel said. "My talent is helping people find true love! But his talent is suckering someone into liking you for a day. So I think he's better suited to the task at hand."

"Oh, yeah." Dipper chuckled wryly. "His advice will get you a first date, but not a second date."

Ford muttered, "His technique hasn't changed since high school, I see."

Dipper found the bottle of prune juice he'd been looking for, pulled it out, and stepped back. Mabel yelped when her counterweight disappeared and stumbled sideways into the fridge door.

As Dipper emptied the juice into a mixing bowl, he said, "I'm not sure about this plan. Even with both you and Stan helping. I know Bill's good at tricking people, but... he's so annoying. And not in a lovable way."

"Don't undersell him!" Mabel said. She'd retrieved a pitcher of Mabel Juice and was dumping a full bottle of sprinkles into it—hardcore romance training required high stamina. "He has the potential to be a dreamboat!"

Ford muttered, "He's a manipulative, murderous monster." He was searching through all the cans they'd moved to the kitchen counter for beans.

"Those don't have to be mutually exclusive," Mabel insisted. "Serial killers get girlfriends. Sometimes after they're arrested!"

"I'mmm not seeing a dreamboat," Dipper said. "More like a shipwreck. I mean, when you were trying to come up with a list of romantic date foods, he suggested blood licked off your date's teeth."

"And he was right!" Mabel said. "Vampires, bro-bro!"

"Okay, but I don't think he was talking about teeth that were still attached to his date's skull!"

"He didn't say they weren't attached," said Mabel, with flagging conviction that suggested she hadn't considered that and was realizing Dipper was probably right.

"And five minutes ago you and Stan told him he should pretend to be a princess, and he told you he'd be great at that because he started an Internet dating service that matches up lonely widows with overseas con artists pretending to be deposed princes."

"Well," Mabel said sheepishly.

"And then he tried to talk you two into investing in a pyramid scheme to fund his dating service."

"But we didn't invest!" Mabel said.

"Only because you looked it up on your phone and discovered he'd made it up!"

"I mean, until then, it sounded romantic!" Mabel flung her hands out in a wide shrug. (Something about the gesture looked strange to Ford.) "Finding a second chance at love with a mysterious foreign criminal with a glamorous false identity? That'd be great if it was real!"

"Mabel, it's a scam," Dipper said exasperatedly.

"And do scam artists not deserve love, too?!" Mabel pounded a fist on the table emphatically. "What about Grunkle Stan! He deserves love! A rich overseas widow would be perfect for him!"

"That's not— The point is, Bill's not romantic!" Dipper said. "This plan isn't going to work!"

Ford set half a dozen bean cans next to Dipper's mixing bowl. "He doesn't need to be romantic," he said. "He only needs to be charismatic. And for all his flaws, he's certainly that." Planets will orbit stars and black holes just the same—and not even realize the difference. "He doesn't have to actually win Agent Powers's heart. He only has to keep his attention for a few hours. By the time Bill stops dazzling Powers long enough for him to see the red flags, we'll have the flash drive." He nodded toward Gompers. "If we get it before the agents return with a warrant, we might not even need Bill to distract him."

Dipper sighed. "Then let's hope Gompers likes prunes."

"Come on! Show a little faith!" Mabel said.

Ford muttered, "The last time I put my faith in Bill..." Dipper gestured emphatically at Ford in agreement.

"Not in Bill! In me! Mark my words, Grunkle Ford—I'll get this Cinderella ready to meet his Prince Charming if I have to summon every mouse in Gravity Falls to help sew his ballgown!"

"Please don't summon the wildlife again," Dipper groaned. "The last time you did that, huge spiders kept appearing in our room for a week."

Mabel's pocket vibrated; she pulled out her phone and gasped. She chugged down the rest of her juice in three sickly sweet gulps and bolted from the room. "Biiill! Your personal style consultant texted back!"

"My who?"

She dragged him out of the living room by the wrist. "Come on!"

Ford watched them run up the stairs, then started searching through their cereal boxes for the high fiber one. Tentatively, he asked, "Mabel doesn't actually think we're trying to get Bill and the agent together, does she?" The Prince Charming comment was concerning.

"I don't know," Dipper sighed. "A few days ago she started talking about trying to get Bill a love life? Maybe she sees this as a practice round."

"Really? Why, did he say he wants to date people?" If he wanted to get out of the shack to emotionally prey on the locals one-on-one without supervision...

"I don't think she's even told him yet. It's part of her project to... reintegrate him into society? She probably thinks the power of love can rehabilitate him." Dipper sighed. "She's setting herself up for disappointment. He's been conning people into thinking he's a good guy for billions of years, right? If being loved could fix him, he'd be an angel by now."

"Instead, he's just gotten better at pretending to be an angel," Ford said ruefully. "I'm inclined to agree with you." He found the cereal he'd been looking for and set it on the table by Dipper. "But then... we let him live, didn't we? Because we all hope we're wrong. I suppose that doesn't make us that different from Mabel."

Dipper shook his head emphatically. "Not me." He dumped one of the cans of beans into the prune juice a little harder than necessary. "I let him live for two reasons: because of Mabel, and because of that prophecy. And he doesn't have to change to fulfill some prophecy to save us—when it comes, he might just be trying to save his own stupid butt, too."

"I suppose so." Right—of course, even if he'd agreed to spare Bill, Dipper still didn't have any real hope for him beyond his usefulness.

Over the past month, Ford hadn't seen anything more sympathetic out of Bill than Dipper had. He wondered at himself for even being willing to consider Bill might change. When had Ford changed enough to consider it? Or was he just more susceptible to Bill's same old tricks?

"You don't remember the whole prophecy yet, do you?" Ford asked. "What if this is what it was about? Saving our family from the government because he's the only person the lead agent finds attractive enough to distract him?"

Dipper pulled a face. "I hope not," he said. "After everything he put us through? He owes us a fight to the death with an interdimensional eldritch god."

"Now that's a sight I'd pay to see."

####

MABEL: Heyyy Paz, can I ask for a small favor. I have a friend that needs a MAJOR MAKEOVER!! 😿 Like the FULL PRINCESS TRANSFORMATION treatment!! Can you help him?

PACIFICA: Can't, I'm suuuper busy today. I have the lunch shift AND grooming day at the ranch.

PACIFICA: Plus, why would I help some total rando? 😒

MABEL: Because it's my friend with the beautiful golden hair.

PACIFICA: asldkfggh

PACIFICA: OK fine come by the ranch after work

PACIFICA: and send me a picture of his skin next to a white paper so I can grab some foundations to try out.

####

Bill took a piece of paper and a marker, wrote "Make me beautiful!" and dotted the I and the exclamation point with hearts, flopped the least sunburned part of his arm next to the paper for Mabel to take a picture, and leaned away to keep his face out of it.

As Mabel snapped a couple pictures, she said, "Okay, before we visit Pacifica, I have to warn you. She can be a liiittle bit mean when it comes to fashion. So don't get mad at her, okay? It's how she shows she cares!"

"No it's not," Bill said.

"No, it's not," Mabel conceded. "But it doesn't mean she doesn't care. That's just... how she relates to other people! By insulting their fashion, style, and body. And family. And finances."

"Don't worry, star girl. I can take it."

"But I mean, she might be really, really, super mean about your looks," Mabel said. "And you cannot curse her or threaten to turn her bones into flutes or do anything Bill-ish like that. Promise me."

"Hey, bone flutes! That sounds like a fun arts and crafts project, right?"

"Bill!"

"Re-lax, it'll be fine," Bill said. "She's just your garden-variety pageant girl with an overly-critical mom who tried to relive her glory years through her daughter! I can handle a teenage ex-beauty queen. I'm an expert on those types."

Skeptically, Mabel said, "Really?" She was slowly coming to realize that, in Bill's opinion, he was the expert on everything.

"Oh yeah. I spent years eyelid deep in the pageant scene."

"You did?" she said, surprised. "How come? Did you try to trick a beauty pageant into building your portal or something like that?"

Bill stared at Mabel.

####

Outside the flat hospital, it was a beautiful, peaceful morning. The air was clear, the unseen sun was shining brightly from some unknown dimension, and some 2D equivalent to a bird was chirping in some 2D equivalent to a tree.

And then the hospital doors crashed open with such force that passing shapes momentarily suspected that someone had set off a bomb.

"—don't give me that look, if you'd hustled your hypotenuse and had your birthday yesterday, we wouldn't be in such a rush! You're just lucky you came out so cute, or—" An exhausted, dull pinkish triangle charged out the doors with a very tiny, squishy yellow triangle in her trembling arm. She turned to shout behind her—"Hurry up! There's only two hours until the Best Baby Pageant and he is not going to miss it!"

—and was followed closely by a horrified blue triangle carrying a hat in one hand and a cane in the other. "But Scalene, the doctors still have to do those tests to check for—"

"They can test him later! If he's got some horrible birth defect, he'll still have it after he's won a trophy!" Without slowing, Scalene turned and held the baby out toward the other triangle. The squishy new shape gawked at him in mild befuddlement. "Look at this kid, Euclid! Most newborn brats look like cranky raisins, but he's less than an hour old and he's already bright-eyed and smooth-sided! He was born with the face of a pageant winner—"

Not looking where she was going, she ran into a tree. The bird flew off in a panic, Scalene lost her balance, and she nearly dropped the baby. Euclid caught him, caught her, and held her steady while she leaned dizzily against the tree. "Lene. You should be on bedrest right now. Maybe we should just, you know, take a moment to process..."

"Process what! We have our little angle. Am I supposed to sit in a hospital bed staring at the afterbirth?!"

While Euclid stared at her in shock, she snatched the child back, pushed him away, and wobbled back upright. "What kind of a lazy mother would I be if I was sleeping instead of making my child a winner! You want him to start off life on the right foot, don't you?"

Defeated, Euclid said, "All right. I'll take care of the... the paperwork. At least bring your cane."

"I don't need it. I'm fine."

"Fine?! You just..." He gestured at her, gestured at the brand-spanking-new baby, gestured at her again, then flung his hands up in defeat. "If you drop our baby, I'm divorcing you."

She sighed huffily. "You're so dramatic." But she snatched the cane out of his hand anyway and stormed away, declaring loudly enough that shapes on the other side of the street turned to stare: "If the mayor doesn't declare my Billy the greatest baby in the whole godforsaken world, I'm grabbing the biggest trophy in the room and bashing his eye in!"

####

Bill shrugged at Mabel. "Sure," he said. "Something like that."

####

Gompers stared down at the bowl set on the floor in front of him.

It contained black beans, broccoli, coffee grounds, fiber-enriched whole-grain cereal, oatmeal, and an avocado and half a sweet potato mashed together into an orange-green mush, all stewing in a prune juice soup.

Gompers looked up.

Dipper and Ford were crouched across from him, watching expectantly. 

Gompers bleated balefully at them.

"Go on!" Ford nudged the bowl closer. "It's good for you."

Gompers knew a lie when he heard one. He turned his nose up at the mix.

"I don't get it," Dipper said. "He eats everything. What's wrong with this stuff?"

"I haven't a clue."

"Maybe it's the broccoli?" 

Ford gave him a quizzical look. "Why broccoli?"

Dipper shrugged. "I don't like broccoli, I don't know why he would."

"Hmm." Mystified, Ford propped his chin in his hand and stared into Gompers's eyes. Gompers stared back. Gompers stared into his soul. Gompers didn't blink.

Ford was dragged from this session of nonconsensual soul-searching by the sound of footsteps and Mabel's voice drifting down the stairs: "Listen, you know I love your sense of fashion! All I'm saying is everyone loves kittens, but snakes? That's a pretty niche fashion market! You're not gonna get a lot of takers."

"No, hey, hear me out," Bill said. "I listened to your professional matchmaker advice, now you've got to listen to my professional heartbreaker advice. You'll thank me for this one day! This is my number one romance tip: if you wanna impress a date, strap cobras to your arms and call yourself 'Johnny Cobra-Arms.' It works every time. Guaranteed."

(Dipper snorted.)

"Whaaat? No way," Mabel said. "Seriously, what?"

"It's true! I workshopped this! I've experimented across parallel timelines! It works."

"Quit messing with me, Bill."

"You think I would ever mislead you? No. Picture this." As the pair turned the corner on the stairs, Bill was spreading his hands in front of himself as though gesturing to the scene he wanted Mabel to imagine. "You see a guy, maybe a year older than you, kinda cute but nothing to write home about, maybe a 6/10. Got him in your mind's eye?"

A look of intense concentration crossed Mabel's face as she engaged her Imagination. "Yeah?"

"Okay, now imagine he—" Bill reached the bottom of the stairs and looked around. "Where are my shoes." He raised his voice, "Who moved my fisshoes! I left them right— oh, there they are." He disappeared into the living room. "Imagine your 6/10 has two big snakes wrapped around his arms. And he catches your eye from across the club, comes up to you, and says..." Bill's voice dropped to a pitch that was nearly in the range of an average adult human male, "'Hey. Name's Johnny Cobra-Arms. What's yours?'"

Mabel thought about it. Her eyes slowly widened in amazement. "Oh my god, it would totally work on me."

Bill re-emerged into the entryway, fish shoes donned. "See?" 

"It made him hot! What the heck, how did that happen!"

"See?! It works every time!" He shouted toward the kitchen, "Hey, we're leaving for Alpaca's! I'm taking the car!"

"No you're not," Ford said.

Bill spread his hands in a shrug. "Worth a shot!" He grabbed his umbrella and the magic friendship bracelets from the coat rack and waited for Mabel to open the door. "See, it's the best possible first impression. It shows he's got a sense of humor, he's quirky, he's a little bit dangerous, he's got a great sense of fashion, he's a world traveler, he's good with animals..." The door swung shut behind them. 

The way Bill had shrugged stuck in Ford's mind. 

In his true form, Bill didn't have shoulders. His arms extended out of his sides like the trunks of saplings extending from the surface of flood waters, and they glided around his perimeter in a way that defied conventional physical biology. No joints. 

When he shrugged in his human body, sometimes he'd bob his shoulders up and down in a deliberate mimicry of how humans performed the gesture; and lately, as Bill got used to moving his new body, Ford had seen him sluggishly raise a shoulder when he was too exhausted to gesture more expressively. But most of the time, he shrugged like he still didn't have shoulders. He'd spread his arms, bend his elbows, usually forming a W shape but sometimes when he was particularly emphatic forming a shape like football goalposts, and if he really wanted to make his meaning clear he'd twitch his upturned palms up the way a human would twitch their shoulders.

He did it all the time. He'd done it just now. The gesture was so natural on Bill that Ford had never realized how unnaturalit was on a human—until he'd seen Mabel make the exact same gesture earlier.

She was copying Bill's body language. He wondered if she knew.

He'd have to keep an eye on that.

"Hope Agent Powers is into snakes," Dipper muttered.

Ford laughed—then wondered whether someone pulling the Johnny Cobra-Arms trick would've worked on him. If by now nothing had made him take an interest in a basic, garden-variety human being, he doubted anything could... but, admittedly, he'd at least consider hanging out with Johnny. He sounded like an intriguing character. "If that's the worst thing Bill subjects him to, he'll be getting off light."

With a twinge of guilt, Ford realized just how true that was. Ford was no stranger to having to turn down the volume on his conscience for the greater good—and there were few greater goods than protecting his family—but...

He might not know Powers, but he did know that, whether Bill succeeded in seducing him or not, the man didn't deserve what he was about to be subjected to.

####

(Now that this chapter's finally out, may there be no further delays for a good long while, ugh.

Here's your "what was changed in the wake of TBOB" update: obviously, since we got five whole pages on Bill's beliefs about romance, a lot of that got incorporated into this chapter—the first and last scenes were basically written entirely in response to TBOB.

The scene with Scalene & Euclid, obviously, got their names & descriptions from TBOB & TINAWDC (and yeah, yeah, i'm eventually gonna go back to earlier chapters and edit out Bill's mom being a line so it matches up with canon), and it's obvious what the "best baby pageant" is a reference to (so you can guess whether Bill won)—but Bill being a pageant kid due to his mom was already part of the plans long before TBOB, so I just stuck a couple canon details into the story I was already writing. We were already gonna get into Bill's childhood this chapter & next (as you'll see next week).

Beyond that, most of the chapter was already in its present form before TBOB—up to & including Bill having a list of topics he thinks are acceptable for dates that no rational human would agree with—and all TBOB added was a couple tiny details (like... "mandibles".)

The fact that the list of things that were influenced by TBOB is so much longer than usual is part of the reason this chapter's two whole weeks late lmao.

Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed, happy new year, and I'm looking forward to (finally) hearing your thoughts on the first fresh chapter of 2025!

[lulushults]

why does no one talk about the real implications of natsu becoming end?

people go on and on and on about how nalu isnt real because natsu’s ‘too stupid to understand love’, but…r u guys not seeing whats literally right before ur eyes? let me explain :)

natsu was told by zeref himself, and then shown a direct demonstration, of the fact that zeref and natsu are directly connected, meaning if zeref dies, natsu dies.

then we get natsu finding presumably dead lucy, and going apeshit and becoming hell bent on killing zeref before being interrupted by gray.

so? what ya’ll think natsu just thought well lucys dead, lets go finish the task at hand and kill zeref yipee!

natsu was told if zeref dies, HE dies. and immediately after finding lucy ‘dead’, he loses literally every thought in his head except for his drive to kill zeref.

u wanna know why? because lucy has had such a dramatic effect on natsu’s life, personality and happiness that the thought of living without lucy drove him straight too a main source that he can rely on to end his life. in that moment he forgot about everyone he was leaving behind, happy included, and wanted to join lucy in ‘death’.

mr go happy natsu that everyone thinks has exactly 0 thoughts inside his head and goes out of his way to hide his feelings, immediately decided the next step and only step of action after discovering lucy was to end his own life because he couldnt bare to not have her in his. natsu relys on lucy as a main source of safety and comfort, sure he never directly says it out loud but he shows this through the way he acts with her. the way he goes out of his way to be in his apartment with her constantly. the way he feels he needs to protect her. the way he gets so aggrivated when another man flirts with her, because to him shes HIS lucy and he just cannot allow another man to steal her away from him. not to mention he also outright said lucy’s scent makes him feel comfortable.

i’ve always believed that natsu and lucy are connected in more ways than one. they’re eachother best friends. they’re so clearly in love. and they are eachother safety blankets. they both rely on eachother for stability and comfort whether directly or indirectly, the small glances when natsu notices shes upset, lucy always wanting to look out for him and immediately becoming worried whenever they’re apart despite knowing he can take care of himself. and i also wholeheartedly agree that if one of them were to die, the other would not be able to live anymore. if natsu were to die, lucy would drown in the feeling of loneliness despite being surrounded by the guild. without natsu, who does she really have left? hes so implemented into her daily routine that she couldn’t continue her everyday life because everything would feel so out of the ordinary and just…wrong. waking up without his heat next to her. walking to the guild with him. eating with him. going on jobs with him. and then falling asleep and feeling him sneak into her bed while she pretends to be asleep all the while slowly inching closer to him because shes enjoys his company.

and as we literally saw first hand in the final season, natsu does not under any circumstances want to live without her either. who would splurge on his expensive eating habits on jobs? who’s apartment would he break into? who’s bed would he sneak into? who’s fridge would he secretly break into every day to steal food? natsu has never cared about love, or relationships, or starting a family or even getting married. until he met her. and now shes so naturally integrated into his life that he just can’t imagine how he would go about putting a smile on his face without her there to make it so easy for him.

[agent-troi]

mulder and scully’s season 6 dynamic is interesting because in some ways they’re more joined at the hip than ever before. this season has the highest concentration of shippy episodes, including an explicit love confession, getting mistaken for a married couple three times (not including the time they pretended to be married on purpose for a case), a baseball date, scully going feral when mulder gets lost in the bermuda triangle, mulder begging scully to investigate x-files with him even when it’s not their job anymore, mulder tagging along in the background the whole time scully gets sent on an x-file without him, their secret handshake in the hospital afterwards. “agent scully is already in love.”

the only times they really don’t get along are when diana actually appears in the episode (side note: diana only gets mentioned once in the episodes in which she doesn’t appear, a fact which intrigues me to no end. it’s like when she’s not there she doesn’t even exist, and in fact i have actually forgotten she existed while watching some of these episodes lol).

i think their schism in the beginning is partly due to mulder being petulant because scully couldn’t/wouldn’t back him up at the opr hearing after he put himself way out there earnestly insisting with his whole chest she was about to present proof of alien life. it’s not that he suddenly doesn’t trust her anymore, he just feels (somewhat irrationally) like he was let down, and this occurring simultaneously with the reappearance of someone else who not only listens to him but appears more inclined to believe him (which almost never happens) naturally led him to act out, but in the very next episode (drive) they’re a team again, using his intuition combined with her science to figure out what’s going on with crump. the fact that they couldn’t save him wasn’t their fault, and is almost incidental to what this episode really illustrates, which is not only how well they work together, but that they still can work together, and the past five years between them haven’t been erased just because diana’s back in town.

another thing: every time scully gets injured/goes to the hospital, mulder goes absolutely apeshit and starts accosting doctors and demanding answers. when diana got shot, his reaction was to hang out with scully and wait for secondhand info on her condition. we don’t even know if he ever went to visit her. when he finds out she’s taking over the x-files, he’s hurt and accuses her of stabbing him in the back. also in terms of endearment, we find out he’s going through spender’s trash to find x-files that he shredded so he (and scully) can investigate them, but if he really wanted to he could just talk to diana and ask her to slide him some cases when no one’s looking. the fact that he doesn’t shows that he doesn’t necessarily trust her blindly (or at least that he doesn’t want to get involved with her again).

i’m kind of rambling and not really sure where i was going with this, except i think people sometimes overestimate the impact diana had on their relationship. i think she was definitely a catalyst for them to examine some of their feelings more closely, but she was never gonna drive a permanent wedge between them. the closest she came was in one son, and even then they manage to pull back from the brink of destruction. scully asks for mulder’s trust, and he gives it by going to look for proof that diana really has betrayed him. if it had been the other way around, if diana had accused scully of working for the syndicate, he would have dismissed the idea immediately and never even bothered to consider it (actually hold on that’s a great fic idea, maybe diana overplays her hand and mulder catches on a lot sooner to what she’s doing).

[eternalera]

hate when people deny that eve was done dirty in s3. cause she literally was. like i get the "oh but she needs to support mark!" argument and i get that. i love her for that so fucking much. shes understanding to him and shes caring. but compared to the other seasons theres like absolutely nothing to her in this one besides being marks anchor which absolutely sucked. i love eve, i love her character, shes so fun to write and draw and i love her backstory. everything about her is so cool but to just reduce her to marks superhero girlfriend this season is just... it doesnt sit right with me. i think some people say that its better in the comics and that her and mark had a lot more banter when this stuff was taking place which once again... makes me HATE how they wrote her.

she can have her character development, her moments, and STILL be marks supportive girlfriend and everything. ive seen it done SO. MANY. TIMES. so to see invincible fuck it up (a show that has phenomenal writing) just makes it stand out even more.

tsubaki in your lie in april is arimas friend but she pushes him and the story develops her along with him and doesnt just give her that role. some with kaori who is also arima's friend (that he has a crush on) and she supports him but they give her personality while doing it. they make her fiery and expressive. eiji in banana fish is supportive to ash (who has went through a LOT) and he grows with him. he's not just there and honestly they had about as much time in that one season as invincible had in s3 (which is wild when you think about it).

you can have a character support another AND develop them while doing it. its really not all that hard. of course invincible had other things to focus on but they really couldnt give eve one thing besides standing up to her parents? she has her conquest fight and that was AMAZING. her deciding to go get mark gave me chills. then shit happened and then it went from her saving mark to oh watch mark go apeshit because eve (the character who THIS season did nothing but establish as his girlfriend) died. which is reasonable but it feels like such a betrayal cause in seasons 1 and 2 she was so good.

it might just be me though. like i wouldnt put it past lol. anyways lemme know what you guys think

[purplecatghostposts]

TELL US ABOUT YOUR FELIX RAREPAIRS BELOVED!!! IF YOU WANT TO!! <33

OKAY OKAY SO. To me, one of the core things when considering if a relationship with Félix would work is A: Would they be cool about the senti-thing and could they potentially make Félix feel safe enough to tell them about the senti-thing in the first place? And B: Do I think their relationship could be mutually beneficial? And as it turns out, you could argue yes to both for like, at least half of the Miracuclass.

For ME, making silly little rare pairs is looking at two characters and being like, “Okay but what if. What if they met in some way or helped each other out in some way or what if you got them to see the best in each other. What if.” And that is so so fun. Naturally because I love Félix, I think about this in the context of him the most.

So, because of this, my list of Félix Rare Pairs (and I’m gonna need y’all to not look at me like I’m crazy because I knowww) are:

- Félix/Nino (Started out as ��They both care about Adrien and hate Gabriel’ and I just think if Nino ever found about the senti-thing he would be like, “Ohhh that’s so fucked up, parents should NOT be controlling their kids like that” and Félix would definitely like that. And I dunno maybe they kiss about it. Plus I would love the idea of Nino not being fooled whenever they swapped places because he knows Adrien/both of them too well.)

- Félix/Alya (Alya is very clever and always trying to solve the next great mystery and I like the idea of them working together. With both of their respective knowledge combined, they could kick ass and take names. Plus I think she could take charge and get him to chill out when he needs to and he could help her get the resources she needs to really kick off her reporter career and be VERY protective over her. And maybe get information for her through unlawful means.)

- Félix/Alya/Nino (For all of the above reasons but also… The idea of Alya and Nino having to explain to Adrien and Marinette that they’re both kinda seeing Félix on the regular is just. An extremely funny image to me.)

- Félix/Sabrina (Okay this is a weird one I know BUT. Both Dog Miraculous Holders. I think Sabrina should get to go apeshit and Félix could encourage this. Also she’s very loyal and I think Félix would be quietly baffled that she goes through all this trouble for him. Also also Sabrina is like, canonically VERY smart and uses a lot of her skills for Chloé so I think if Félix saw how skilled and versatile she is as a person, he’d respect her a lot. Also also also. Chloé would be so weirded out by their relationship and that image is funny to me.)

- Félix/Nathaniel/Marc (I’m definitely not the first one in this because I’ve seen it around so I’m probably repeating some stuff here but. Queer theater kids. Nathaniel and Marc have a lot of skills but are under confident in them so Félix keeps pushing them to see their own worth. A somewhat “They asked for NO pickles” dynamic but also, Nathaniel and Marc could bring out that softer side in Félix that we already see in Feligami. Two birds and a goat in love, what will they do? I dunno it’s just fun to think about!)

- Félix/Mylène/Ivan (A hugeee part of this is that Mylène and Ivan are activists and would absolutely advocate for Senti-Rights. Beyond that, they’re both very sweet and protective people that I think would be good for Félix. In return, he can help them in gaining the right connections in the world and help in fundraisers and such. The image of this ship is just really funny to me? Two very normal people and their mutual boyfriend who threatens corrupt politicians that they adore? Am I making any sense?)

- Félix/Luka/Kagami (This is one I WILL write about and I really need to finish one of my one shots of but just. It’s so good to me. Guy who knows too much meets the other two people who know too much and can be honest around them. They’re all bisexual. Established poly couple Feligami both looking at this guy, then realizing they’ve caught feelings for this guy, then trying to gauge if Luka feels the same way. Luka thinking it won’t work out but confessing anyways. They snatch him up IMMEDIATELY. Luka, who has only known slow burns, now caught in their whirlwind fast burn of a romance and is (pleasantly) overwhelmed. Do you see my vision??)

And yeah. Also it’s important to note that I also love taking any of these ships and also having either poly couple Feligami or Queerplatonic Feligami also going on in the background. Because that’s also fun.

In conclusion: I’m having fun playing with my touys, thank you for the ask <333

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

Below is why I think these bots would be fun to see;

-Knockout would become a famous model and Breakdown would be his bodyguard. I just think it would be funny to see Knockout caught up in a rogue attack and go absolutely apeshit on some poor goon that accidentally stained his 5 000 dollar designer jacket. Breakdown has to pull him of the poor man like "Babe, babe, it's ok, we'll get you a new jacket. How about a nice new suit too? That sound good?" Meanwhile the goon is fucking traumatized.

-Wreck Gar sees that Gotham is covered in trash and makes it his own personal mission to collect all of it and create his own trash kingdom. Gotham's streets have never been cleaner.

-I just want to see Kup train the batfam. And act old with Alfred. Perhaps save one of the vigilantes after they get captured, using nothing but his holoform, a bottle of liquor, a stun gun and guerilla tactics.

-You look me in the eyes and tell me Tarantulas wouldn't fit right in in Gotham. His freaky ass belongs there. He would sneak into Arkham to observe the patients, just for fun. Maybe terrorize them a little. "Doctor, the spider talks to me!" "Sure pal, of course it does. Did you take your medicine today?"

-Thundercracker becomes a best selling author in Gotham by writing about his experiences in the war (everyone thinks its just a very detailed fictional world). Jason gets absolutely hooked on the series and meets him one day while Thundercracker is out walking Buster. Jason promptly nerds out.

-Just full on pandemonium with the Scavengers. Krok tries to organize them so they can find a way back home but these idiots keep going on side quests. They were supposed to steal some Wayne tech? Sorry, Misfire got caught up in a riddle contest with the Riddler and Spinister is having a BBQ with Solomon Grundy.

-Airachnid becomes a serial killer/hitman in Gotham and quickly earns a reputation as a brutal and efficient killer. Not really that funny but a lot of potential for drama. She sets her eyes on her newest hit; Bruce Wayne.

-Swindle is fucking living life in Gotham, selling repurposed cybertronian tech to rogues. Not even necessarily weapons, just random pieces of regular cybertronian tools, like bottle cap openers that get repurposed into actual weapons by the criminals. Well, now he's on the batfam's watch list and has go into hiding.

-Ok, listen, First Aid is a freak. A well meaning freak but a freak nonetheless. So when he finds a vigilante bleeding out in an alleyway, of course he's gonna help them! But not before taking a picture of their wound and sampling their blood. Not for nefarious purposes! He just thinks it's interesting. But now the batfam tries he's going to try and clone them.

-All the rogues and vigilantes of Gotham band together to stop Shockwave. He's just trying to make his way home but his experiments and casual disregard for human life makes him such a threat that even sworn enemies have to put their differences aside if they want to survive.

-Predaking befriends Cass and she doesn't tell the batfam cause this is her alien friend and they've already got their own (Batman&Superman, Nightwing&Starfire, Red Hood&Bizarro, Red Robin&Super Boy, Robin&the other Super Boy etc.). Of course Robin eventually finds out and he's so mad cause that's a robot/alien/dragon! She can't just keep him to herself! That's so selfish of her! Meanwhile, Predaking is like "Where the fuck am I?"

[dailynoodlezz24]

I've drawn Marcille with the idea of her being a deer/elk as a chimera, that's also based off of her dungeon lord outfit, but then a goat appealed to me and it makes a LOT more sense. An animal often sacrificed, but could also be the one who is sacrificed to. In a way Marcille used herself as a goat reviving Falin, and yada yada-- I think this is going somewhere. Mithrun would go apeshit, no doubt. But I love doomed yuri, love it a bunch, so a pheonix is such an interesting choice because I already have a sad little intricate plot in my head with it in mind

A really old and really silly sketch, but I found bells on the types of animals who are known to be quiet are a fitting design

The goat one is quite literally the deer draft but with meaner horns and coined pupils. Both were based off of her dungeon lord outfit since: fluffy. But bruh?? I don't have creativity stores-- all depleted. Gone. Ate it all the night I came home with wrapping paper and a sword gilded sword(with sword prints ON the prints)

Now I got a WHOLE doc just for this one; see that flying serpent right in the corner? Took the multi wings and tail frizzle(it doesn't have that, but I didn't want to add a pair of pings on a tail) right from it. I had THOUGHTS and IDEAS

basic idea: she's got a LOT of new stuff only to be hindered by it because her body is NOT built to do the things it does. Her human half is still as flammable as it can get, which would be "compensated" by Phoenixes defining trait: resurrection Plays WELL with how destructive Marcille is, both to herself and foes And here are weeks OLD doodles that have marinated in my brain juice

[drenched-in-sunlight]

Hey, so I remembered in one of your earlier post you said something along the lines of souls women only really falling into the helpless victim or serious sword lady trop. And how Ema was a great subversion of it, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on

I’m making a souls-like and trying to avoid the pitfalls where I can

Btw, I love your art so much I would love to support you but I am broke

sorry i let this reply marinate in the docs for months (along with a lot of other replies like im having a catalogue of Fromsoft replies that read like thesis at this point *crying* my job is not letting me sit down and edit them) but here it is.

firstly, thank you for your message, kind encouragement already means a lot to me, so don’t worry about not being able to support me or anything ! After all I’m not putting out any new books or fan merch haha.

Here is a whole rant about Ema but somehow my grievances with how they handle Malenia's story in comparison to Messmer also pops up.

Regarding your question about Ema, I love her because of how complete her story feels and how her personal motivation and personality are written as coherently as the male characters.

She’s a war orphan who did her best to survive, learned the sword from the best swordman but with the only purpose is to kill demons. Ema saw firsthand how violence and meaningless killing did to people, so her aim can be seen as trying to offer those lost souls a mercy death, so they don’t have to suffer as a mindless demon for eternity (as in shura ending).

Yet, she's actually more interested in being a doctor & saving life and it’s not something expected of her because she’s a woman or whatnot, she chose that.

(+ she's skilled enough with the blade that it shows in her mannerism to the point Wolf, who had never seen her hold a sword, knows that she's good with one).

she was ready to kill Scuptor - someone akin to a parental figure to her, should he succumb to grief and hatred. because she loved him. not to mention she saw Tomoe - someone in a way is also her mentor, tried to take her own life, while her childhood friend Gennichiro slowly went apeshit. like that girl witnessed so many insane stuffs & they spur her to be strong & steadfast in her ideal to protect her loved ones, even when it means to lay them to rest by her own hands.

her dialogue in Shura ending "maybe i should have killed you long ago" feels like being punched in the guts to me, because she knew Wolf turning out that way meant that somewhere along the way, all of them had failed him, had ignored the signs that all the killings he was tasked to carry out was taking a toll on him. And so she took upon herself the responsibility to offer him a mercy death, even as it broke her heart.

It’s the passionate drive and decisions made as her own person, not out of blind devotion to another character, and how much we know of that because the game let us find more about her, that makes her stands out from the epic sword lady category, while the violence and steely resolve she was capable of makes her stands out from the helpless maiden one.

-kinda lose the plot here with Elden Ring rant jumping out-

This is one of the main points I have about the difference between Messmer and Malenia, how even though their stories parallel each other, I think Messmer has the better writing and gets a more complete story. He’s super devote to Marika, but in his own way, not what Marika wants of him. Evidently with how he still fights the Tarnished because he deems us unworthy, despite knowing Marika sanctioned us for Lordship.

We see a lot of sides to him outside of just a filial son, his rage and sorrow and love and a moment of stubborn selfishness that results in him willingly become a curse that clings to Marika than to let go. We see his relationship with other characters and even though his love for Marika outweighs all else, it doesn’t negate completely others that exist outside of it.

And precisely because of that, it’s more heartbreaking to see despite all these connections he has with other people, he yearns to be reunited with his Mother above all else. That kind of devotion is more hard hitting to me than the writing for the Empyrean twins.

Like, Malenia…. outside of Finnlay (whose description says more about herself than shedding any new light on Malenia) and the mentor that we actually don’t even know much about yet, what are other personal connection she has outside of Miq? I could argue the Marika’s Soreseal in the Haligtree was meant for her and that she still loved her Mother in some kind of way all I want, but at the end of the day that’s a headcahon I have to theorize from item placement, and not many ppl will notice that. We don’t know for sure what Malenia thinks of anyone else but her twin and it drives me up the wall.

Another comparison I want to bring up is DS2 Lucatiel.

I fr think even Lucatiel gets a better story arc than Malenia, despite also largely being shaped by her relationship with her brother.

Loss frightens me no end. Loss of memory, loss of self. If I were told that by killing you, I would be freed of this curse… Then I would draw my sword without hesitation. I don't want to die, I want to exist. I would sacrifice anything, anything at all for this. It shames me, but it is the truth. Sometimes, I feel obsessed… with this insignificant thing called "self". But even so, I am compelled to preserve it. Am I wrong to feel so? Surely you'd do the same, in my shoes?

She is trying to find her brother, but at the same time wrestling with her own troubles and limitations. We get to know a lot of her own motivation and her fear. I mean one could argue that it's because she's an NPC while Malenia is a boss, but the same thing could also be said for Messmer like I explained above.

-back to Ema-

As the extra sauce, I love that Ema boss music has such layers to it. the theme of her - someone clinging to her humanity to the very end because she has ppl love & support her, also acts as an elegy for Wolf's lost of humanity, of him not being able to escape the abuse trauma he grew up in. its opening instrument also appears in Demon of Hatred's OST. Her presence and theme affects other characters’ life, and we get to see her marks on a personal level in the story’s overarching narrative.

Which is the same as how Marika’s presence is everywhere in the Elden Ring OST, that little soft piano. A little in Radagon’s theme, in Shaman’s Village, in the final DLC boss ost where the female vocals starts belting out “Hail, Marika the Eternal”, in a boss arena where she had walked through to scavenge the remains of her fallen family and ascended to an existence she knew would kill her all the same, but she would do it again every single time. Walking down that hell with her eyes wide open.

When a character that could get me to write paragraphs about like that… man you know how much the writing cooks.

[socra-time]

Socra’s Naruto liveblog, Ep. 61-70

Ep 61:

-I genuinely could not be less impressed by Kabuto as a villain

-lmao I like that Kiba is fully a Naruto fan now

-yeah I have no idea what the FUCK Naruto is gonna do to win this match because Neji is clobbering him like there’s no tomorrow

-ah yes, Naruto just “willpower”s his way through Neji’s supermove

-okay so I don’t agree with Neji trying to kill Hinata but I really wouldn’t mind if he killed Hinata's dad

-yeah uh FUCK the Hyuga clan and FUCK Hinata’s dad

-so obviously Neji’s story taking up such a big chunk of the episode makes sense narratively but within the context of the show itself, he’s just monologuing to Naruto for like 10 minutes lol

-wow Neji’s father’s death was some fucked-up shit

Ep 62:

-ohohoho really feeling the irony of this fight

-okay Hinata definitely doesn’t have a happy relationship with her dad, but Naruto saying she’s probably suffering as much as Neji is uh… incorrect

-Neji honey I’m so sorry, if you were fighting literally any of the less-important characters you would’ve won this fight

-Naruto is going APESHIT

-but also yes so true Naruto, please change the Hyuga clan and also beat up Hinata’s dad after becoming Hokage

-DAMN Naruto coming through with the uppercut

-between this fight and Naruto’s fight with Kiba, I’m really not sure how intelligent I’m supposed to think Naruto is because he’s supposed to be kinda stupid but he also is good at deceiving his enemies in fights????

-honestly for some reason I don’t feel super good about Naruto’s victory and I’m trying to figure out why. I think it’s because I’m not a fan of the “insane superpower MC has because they’re the Chosen One” trope that came into play with the Nine Tails chakra. Also I feel bad for Neji… but I guess in a philosophical sense he needed to lose this one to disprove his whole “fate” thing

Ep 63:

-awwww Naruto getting appreciation from the crowd was nice

-why didn’t Hinata’s dad give Neji the letter earlier???????

-nah it’s still FUCK the Hyuga clan

-also I still don’t like Hinata’s dad. I don’t care that he apologized to Neji and that Neji’s dad chose to die; he still talks about Hinata like she’s worthless and he just kinda let Neji suffer after his father’s death for almost a decade. Also he doesn’t seem to have done anything about how fucked-up his clan is

-god, knowing that Neji dies is making this episode HEARTBREAKING

-I know Kankuro withdraws for strategic reasons but also if I were him I would’ve withdrawn anyways because I am NOT fighting motherfucking Shino

Ep 64:

-the implication that Temari was just gonna clobber Shikamaru with her fan like a baseball bat if he hadn’t dodged her attack is pretty funny

-Shikamaru I like you but also I am side-eyeing you very hard right now. Gonna need Temari to beat the sexism out of you

-I love Ino she’s so silly

-why didn’t Temari just blast Shikamaru while he was thinking

-also why didn’t she just knock Shikamaru’s parachute out of the sky

-anyways good for Shikamaru but also I’m gonna need him to learn how to not be sexist

Ep 65:

-I don’t think I like Asuma’s voice

-I missed Lee so much, I’m glad he’s (kinda) back on his feet

-I love how some of the spectators are fully just betting on 12 year olds beating each other up

-also why is Naruto just allowed to be down on the field

-I don’t like Sasuke’s new outfit. Leave the onesies to Gai and Lee, Sasuke.

-Lee is really selling himself short, my poor son:(

-aaand Gaara’s kill count increases once again

Ep 66:

-time for the ultimate edgelord-off

-I feel bad for Sakura, Kakashi’s kinda been neglecting her

-I fear Lee is better than me because if Sasuke just copied the techniques I worked for literal years to develop I would be PISSED

-noooo Kiba you were so close to figuring it out-

-god the sharingan is so broken

-Gaara used “Harden”! It was super effective!

Ep 67:

-oh boy shit’s gonna go down this episode

-well damn Sasuke can lightningbend now I guess

-okay so Kakashi says he taught Sasuke the chidori because “he’s like me”. The question is how? Just because he’s really good at fighting and has a lot of chakra? Like yeah they both have the sharingan but that doesn’t seem to be related to the chidori????

-Gai and Kakashi need to stop throwing shade at each other and kiss already

-sometimes the animators draw Sasuke’s side bangs really thick and long and it looks so weird

-geez so I know I said it was off-putting to see Gaara look shaken when Lee took his weights off but hearing him screaming is a whole other level

-the sound design seriously popped off this episode

-aaaaaand shit’s going down

Ep 68:

-goddammit I think I finally have to admit that I was wrong about the Hokage being sus

-geez Gaara is really going through it

-anyways I totally called the Kazekage being Orochimaru in disguise. It took me a couple episodes but I figured it out. Also what happened to the real Kazekage?????

-god Orochimaru’s theme goes so hard

-I love how Kakashi tells Sakura to wake up Naruto and Shikamaru but doesn’t say anything about Choji or Ino

Ep 69:

-I kinda love Pakkun

-yes go Shino, go get your screentime

-I have seen WAY too much of Orochimaru’s tongue already

-so Orochimaru can just casually do necromancy???????????????????????

-so I’m guessing the third person Orochimaru summoned would have been the Fourth Hokage then

Ep 70:

-the animation of everyone jumping through the trees is so funny

-why didn’t the squad just have Naruto send out a bunch of clones to throw their pursuers off their trail

-I like the derpy-looking face on the back of Pakkun’s vest

-oh shit Asuma to the rescue! It’s nice to see one of the other senseis kicking some ass

-(for a moment I was excited at the potential for seeing Kurenai also kick some ass but then I remembered that she’s a woman and therefore is not allowed)

[maybeafrog-blog]

This is an apothecary diaries blog now

New hyperfixation unlocked! Unfortunately this show does not have decades of content to consume (lookin at you Turtles) and I don't wanna read the light novel until the rest of season 2 is out so now I'm out here just. thinking.

Anyway, thinking about how Jinshi would have been what, 15??? when he got his job as being Resident Sexy Eunuch? was that the emperor's intention from the beginning? since he's abandoning the responsibilities of his status is he being saddled with responsibilities he has to handle with his beauty, his only other asset, as far as Jinshi is concerned? Like, eugh.

This whole scene and situation rly gets me. Did Gaoshun and Suiren have to explain this sort of risk to him at some point? How much is learned from uncomfortable situations? He's such an interesting foil to Maomao-- She's at greater risk, given her class and build, but has the freedom to take measures against it with her appearance and attitude. Jinshi effectively has a responsibility to put himself in harm's way. He has to commit fully to his image when performing as Jinshi, regardless of who he's engaging with.

^^ For example-- we know that this is pretty much a lie. It would be a problem if he ate it, from the softshell turtle scene in season 2. I mean, he is familiar with alcohol, but he's also attempting to cultivate his image as indulgent, sensual, etc. Here it's directed at Maomao, so it's not like it's working the way he intends, but he has successfully given her an impression that he's Actively Pursuing Sexual Relationships, to the point where he's willing to push past boundaries of consent and so on.

Like, it doesn't seem to BOTHER him, exactly. He's GOOD at it. It's in pursuit of a goal. But he gets attached to Maomao SO fast, and pushes way past her boundaries in order to interact with someone who he doesn't really have to worry about pushing HIS boundaries. Maomao's own mask (her role as servant, which is thin but stops her from doing a LOT) drops the fastest when she's Visibly Disgusted, it's the fastest he can get an honest reaction out of anybody. Over time he realizes that he can also get her to drop the mask by essentially giving her permission to go apeshit (Crystal Pavilion Canon Event), or by giving her access and freedom to work with drugs and poisons. It's a bit more complicated than his usual manipulation tactics, but more rewarding, given Maomao's Abundant Usefulness when motivated and also the opportunity for honesty.

I think that this probably leads to him going as far as he does in the frog scene. He's trying so hard to be honest with Maomao and she is INSISTING on keeping the masks on. I think like, yea, he's in love with this freak, he wants her to know that, but also at this point Maomao would normally crack and give him the Glare of Disgust, but this is so much more honest, and it's really the fakeness that disgusts her, plus there's the power dynamic and the fact that they're stuck in a cave and so on. Her honest reaction is to be conflicted, and all he's accomplished is overstepping. He gives her the ox bezoar, gets the honest Maomao he was looking for, and doesn't get to tell her everything.

Anyway, take this all with many grains of salt, I am very anime only still and also usually wrong about stuff. Just vaguely eh towards black and white (gross or romantic) takes on Jinshi when he's way more nuanced than either of those.

[badgalsasuke]

The problem with ships like SS or NH is that since they became canon any positive interactions will be read as romantic, even if they are clearly written as friendly (sometimes its just bare minimum politeness "he said hello to her" "he said thank you"). The proof they present to you when arguing are just random moments between a girl and a boy. Its ridiculous. Naruto's ending validate those people's heteronormativity.

It doesnt only happen in Naruto's fandom by the way and its tiring because I can't enjoy a scene between a female character and a male character without people predicting that they might end up together. Mind you, those same people call others crazy for thinking a very strong friendship between 2 boys or 2 girls could lead to romance.

Absolutely! Heteronormativity truly messes up people's media literacy and how they engage with the text presented.

Fandoms love to go "she was a girl he was a boy can I make it any more obvious?" everytime a female character and a male character they like interact no matter how shallow the interaction actually is.

There's this NH "underrated moment" (as shippers like to call it) that's just like the bare minimum politeness you described that somehow makes het!shippers go crazy

Like... okay? bare minimum-type of interaction.

Keep in mind this is one of the only six interactions Naruto and Hinata have in the entire manga, like this is what people tell you is true romance.

Imagine how absolute apeshit SS & NH shippers would go if moments like

"I know your heart and you know mine"

"If being wise means giving up on [___] then I rather be a fool my whole life"

"The more I watched you [...] it started weighing on my mind [...] and for whatever reason I'd feel warm and fuzzy"

"if you ask me to tell you what it really means I don't really understand it either just seeing you take on stuff and get all messed up hurts, it hurts so much I just can't leave you alone"

happened between Sasuke and Sakura or Naruto and Hinata, everybody would be saying Naruto is one of the most romantic shonen ever. But they happened between Sasuke and Naruto so it's just two bros being bros.

Two men or two women could be baring their souls to each other wearing their hearts on their sleeve and het!shippers will tell you they're just besties! siblings! platonic souls even!

But a man and a woman go "hey how are you?" "fine, thanks" and suddenly that's ultimate romance and if you don't see it you hate women (for some reason?).

[professorspork]

Punctum Project, Installment 35

(what the heck is the Punctum Project? read me!)

February 1, 2015 - Broadway Lilli Cooper (s/b), Kara Lindsay, Jerad Bortz (u/s) Catherine Charlebois (Nessa)

okay this one has a real one but then also a funny one

.... and also a bonus Thing I Noticed (which in my defense is related to the real one)

WHATEVER IT'S MY PROJECT WHATEVER

The Real One:

"Elphaba, please! Don't leave me!"

How Come:

gaah shit like this is why Catherine is an S-Tier Nessa

most Nessas kind of let the whole "walking is new to me" thing fall by the wayside the further we get into this scene, because they've got larger dramatic concerns. the good ones, though, try to keep it top of mind, because they know it is in fact still The Largest Dramatic Concern -- and they'll shuffle, maybe, to show that they're not comfortable with the movement

and then you've got Catherine who just TUMBLES TO THE FLOOR because she clenches her fists like she's gripping her wheels and then moves hands-first because that's how she's always moved which throws her off-balance (or at least, simulates doing that as much as she can while still falling safely)

SHE'S SO GOOD SHE'S SO FUCKIN GOOD

The Funny One:

[Glinda awkwardly uses her hands to try and protect the Wizard from Fiyero]

How Come:

For like the whole 45 seconds of this scene that lead up to this moment after Fiyero enters my wife and I were lowkey dragging Jerad for his very poor gun safety discipline, he was just waving that thang around willy nilly

(seriously look at how he gesticulates even in this SIR DON'T ONE-HAND IT LIKE THAT)

so then for Kara to be like IT'S FINE I'LL JUST CATCH THE BULLETS IN MY HANDS IF IT COMES TO IT was. the height of silliness and also very validating for us

and now I think of it every time I reach this scene, which is GENUINELY one of my markers for a worthy punctum

BONUS

"Bright? She's phosphorescent!" | "Don't come any closer!"

This is the first show where I really caught the rhyme of Nessa catching Elphaba to stop her from going apeshit in act 1 and then Elphie doing the same to her in act 2

you guys

this show is good.

[toomanyideasandfandoms]

It's okay, silly! Tbh I forgot Neuvi existed but hey it's fine-

Anyway! I wonder what Arlecchino would think of Fontaine (and specifically Neuvi and Furina) taking care of the creator post-failed execution and helping them heal! Maybe Father could bring a couple of the younger children to kinda soothe (and also emotionally manipulate a bit but it's okay-) the creator with like the innocence as if saying "Look at how they love you! You'll stay with them right? :)"

I'm so sorry i'm having a Furina/Arle/Noelle brain rot rn- (Just thinking about the angst potential in these three in both sagau and otherwise ahhh)

Anyways have a good day!

🍌anon

Oh good!

Omg wait Arlecchino...tbh I think she is probably why most deaths within Fontaine happened now thinking about it.

Because while I know most like to have the Fataui be the good ones that can see the truth in their aus...tbh it doesn't make much sense to me. Mainly because while they want to fight against the Heavily Principles, they still are influenced by them because of their laws. So Tsaritsa would definitely order all members to kill any imposters on sight. So they would actually help the hunt.

But if we're talking during the healing phase then Arle definitely would be contributing by potentially letting them let steam out via fighting. Of course she would keep a close eye to make sure they don't get hurt, even wouldn't hesitate to harshly take their weapon away if sensing even a hint of a possible self infliction of harm. But anyway, she definitely gives me vibes of "aren't you tired of being nice, don't you wanna go apeshit?" for some reason.

Also yes she definitely uses the children to manipulate the creator (post healing, so all good again if we ignore that fact that they're not hostage in Fontaine) to keep their attention away from others. Or even use the fact that the creator is physically attracted to her to her advantage (like me, she can step on me any day-*SLAP*).

Though if I think about it a bit, her reaction to finding out what was actually happening would probably make her seem more stoic then usual. I mean she would be devastated don't get me wrong, but I get a sense that she would move past it quickly for the sake of getting plan healing the creator set in motion as quick as possible. Like her, Neuvillette, and Furina are like the three masterminds over this. Though that's not gonna stop her from asking the creator for forgiveness (but after they heal, when they're sound of mind again).

I can't really say more? Mainly because I'm admittedly not caught up with the game at all dhekehfj I haven't played in months and idk if I will any time soon (though the fact that Arle coming soon AND Sethos being shown is tempting me). But I still love the characters and the, which is why I made the au both for my own creativity and become I like putting the characters I love in various situations.

[dark-elf-writes]

It's midnight but I had this thought regarding TransMac Percy:

I keep picturing Poseidon gushing about his kids to Amphitrite. She's fairly chill about her husband's kids, right? So I like to think that Poseidon gets to tell her everything he's seen/heard about Baby Percy since he can't brag to the other gods without risking Zeus going apeshit (like his brother didn't break the oath himself). Maybe it gets a bit annoying but in the sense of "you've told me this story 5 times already".

So the second he learns that Percy is a boy? He instantly switches pronouns. His strong princess is a strong prince. Wild, free, powerful, ect.

Also I pictured Amphitrite sending Percy a super soft seal plushie but that's not connected to the TransMac part. Just a cute little image of Sally finding tiny Percy hugging the stuffing out of a seal doll (literally) he found by the beach.

Poseidon loves his kids

Loves them in the all consuming way that gods love.

His love is in every crash of the surf. In every scream of wild horses. In every sea creature that ever was or will be. All of them carry the name of his children and the depth of Poseidon’s affection.

Amphitrite knows how much Poseidon loves his children better than anyone knows that one name in particular keeps coming up more than others. She wants to be upset that it’s not her child’s name but… it’s difficult to dredge that emotion up in the face of Poseidon’s joy.

Then one day he comes to her with eyes wide and yanks her into their rooms with an urgency she rarely sees.

“I have a son!”

(She could mention that he does have multiple, but she rather thinks that is not the point that Poseidon is trying to make.)

“Sally’s child! He’s a boy! Isn’t that wonderful! A prince!”

It is almost an exact repeat of what he told her when the child was born only then he had been booming about a princess. So really all she can do is offer what she had then. A sharp toothed smile to match his own and warm words to spur him forward.

“That is wonderful, my love. What is his name?”

Poseidon’s joy fills the water around them. Fills the entire breadth of the ocean. Of every ocean.

“He hasn’t decided yet, but I’m sure whatever he decides will be perfect!”

She is sure it will be too.

(Jaksjdjdjdj her loving percy is always wonderful but the seal plush has me screaming.)

[tree-obsession]

hopes/theories/predictions for each of the chrysos heirs' + cyrene's personalities

not at all accurate, and i haven't seen any story leaks yet(although i saw the coreflame ones, so beware)! this was written a few days before 3.0 came out and is just for fun! only the chrysos heirs i know the names and faces of... sorry hysilens fans, i have no idea for her :(. cyrene is included because a) i love her and elysia and b) she's gonna be relevant, even if idk if she'll be a chrysos heir

a few coreflame spoiler under the cut, but no other story leaks! a bunch of people have already predicted the coreflames anyway lol

aglaea- im very excited for her story-wise, a couple people have already said she probably has some hidden side to her, and she may even become an antagonist of sorts in the second part! i personally love that she's the oldest(maybe? or just most experienced) heir and the one to unite them all. she's our first playable so she'll def be super important. i really wanna know what her golden apple thingy is all about too... but aside from that she's ETHEREAL. i need to know everything about her she's so gorgeous. she can commit a little murder as a treat i think she would deserve it. idk why i just get that feeling. she's so calm and elegant and stoic like i think she should go just a little apeshit for the hell of it.

tribbie- im really curious- did she split into three or are they born triplets who all carry the coreflame? how does all that work? why does she have two city affiliations in her drip? im not the most interested in her, per se, but she's got a lot of questions too. i hope she's playable as three characters because i wanna see those animations!!

anaxa- honestly i have the most questions + speculations about him. like what happened to his dull eye(s)? why does he have an eyepatch? why's he called "the Foolish"? how are he and hyacine related? why are his eyes the same colors as March's(and from a planet where she'll be very story relevant? i'm very biased at him cause su's my favorite male character in hi3 and anaxagoras was one of my fav greek philosophers. i already said this in a different post but su's variants are all batshit insane so he's gonna be. interesting! also the timeloop theory and him maybe being aware of it?? that got me really interested. but his name is the bit really bothering me- why name his after the guy who a) invented the concept of nous, an aeon we know is involved in amphoreus b) didn't believe gods were responsible for bits of the world like everyone else did(which is gonna come up in amphoreus just you wait) and c) was right about basically everything several hundred years before anyone had the tech to back it up?? like that's still insane to me. also how are we getting his coreflame if cerces is dead like come on what's going on there?? i wanna shake him around in a box im excited for him!

hyacine- lots of theories saying she might also be from the grove of epiphany, and she and anaxa were sitting in the same tree in golden epic trailer! i think her design's super cute, and she'll be important if her titan is actually aquila like people have theorized. she'll probs be a healer? i wonder what the inspiration behind her name is too... she doesn't seem to have flower motifs, even, but if she's from the grove that makes a bit more sense. i'd initially thought she was from aidonia, a city in the mountains(near the sky) plus the place aquila might be from(judging from ancient hymns, but that could be my misinterpretation). im so pulling for her. i also really hope she and anaxa have a big brother-little sister relationship like ppl on twitter have said, bc they looked so happy together in that one frame of nameless faces and im weak for found family.

mydei- uhhh a lot of people have said gap moe?? idk if that's a theory or leaks- personally i think it would be super funny. im a little worried about him, cause the words in his drip marketing were... super ominous, like why does he have to die a thousand deaths? he's a prince, which makes me wonder how nobility works in amphoreus + when castrum kremnos was destroyed, but that's a different conversation. i like the little braids in his design- good nod to greek culture! he's also got a throne in the nameless faces trailer which is kinda interesting and probably foreshadowing

cipher - par! do! fe! lis! i LOVE trickery characters so i'll probs pull her unless i have zero funds. her model looks so different from the initial art but i do still love the vibes so i'm not that put off. she already has her coreflame! but that one scene in nameless faces where she's surrounded by flames... no death flags im begging. elysian realm was bad enough for sure. let them be happy!! i have high hopes for her personality- i hope they don't lean too much into the "catty"(hah) bit and focus on her backstory, whatever that may be!

castorice- afgausdfyg her ANIMATION?! must pull! she's so gorgeous and she has a butterfly motif and she's related to DEATH in a GREEK MYTHOLOGY WORLD and she has a MASSIVE SCYTHE im going absolutely insane. also dull eyes syndrome for the win! she's gonna make me cry. side note her dragon's super cool looking too. i hope she becomes a major companion for tb (it seems so from the remembrance tb keeping up with star rail!). she's. im gonna enjoy her part of the quest so much oh god. im shaking in excitement. also while i dont like the same dress on every single hsr girl hers actually looks pretty good. if they put butterflies and dragons into all her animations i might actually pull eidolons, which so far i've only done for ruan mei. that's the power of a death goddess tho!! im so excited for her.

phainon- kevin... smiling... looking like a puppy... oh god my h e a r t. if he's like a happy lil puppy like he was before the Traumas + dr mei's death in hi3 i'll throw myself through a wall. hoyo please let him be happy this one time let all the flamechasers have a happy end im begging. they deserve it. im begging for all the people who theorize he will have to hold the world on his shoulders to be wrong about just this one thing because my heart WILL give out just a bit.

cyrene- ELYSIA ELYSIA!!! oh god she's so tiny!! she's got the same lil giggle and attitude about happy stories im gonna ghksufgukygfk jhf. but anyway. we know nothing about her yet, but i like the theories that she's somehow on the "outside" of amphoreus looking in + the ones saying mem is her fursona. she's adorable and i really, really hope she's playable. so much. you know her animations would go so hard you know it hoyo loves elysia too much for anything else.

one last thing i just wanted to say that i already said on twt: i think in the golden epic trailer, the first one, the order in which the chrysos heirs were introduced is the order aglaea recruited them in! i have no real evidence, other than that it would kinda make sense and having tribbie second makes sense because... messenger who can recruit heirs! but idk, just a random thought.

aaand that's all! again, these are all speculations + hopes nothing i say here will necessarily be canon :)

[ponyosmom35]

friendly debates

Simon Ghost Riley x reader

Liability series chapter 9!

summary: debating with Soap at the dinner table makes even Ghost laugh.

warnings: none, super fluffy

Liability masterlist:

https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share

“Dogs are superior by a longshot. They have more personality when it comes to their breed, and not every dog is the same. Some are really friendly and kind, and others will maul you to death. Cats are just... Cats” Soap explains, watching her eyes widen in response to him. The pair had been arguing about this for ten minutes when Gaz had mentioned his partner wanting to get a pet. Which he now regretted bringing up. 

“are you shitting me Johnny? what are you even saying! all dogs are the exact same, they love you, they follow you around, they need you. Cats each have distinct personalities, never met two similar in my life!”

“That's where you're wrong. Dogs all have different personalities Cats are the exact same. They all act like little shits, they look at you, meow, and then claw up your stuff and destroy it. Plus, dogs aren't dicks like cats are.”

“All of the dogs I had growing up were the same, they're lovable don't get me wrong! But they chose their person and they love them, you don't have to work for it. With a cat you've got to earn their respect and their love, it's something you have to work for, meaning its more worthwhile to own a cat” she defends

“They make you earn their trust and affection because they are the true assholes. Dogs are way better than cats”

Kyle makes eye contact with Price and Ghost as they enter the room, he runs over and grabs them “you guys gotta hear this” 

“sometimes they are assholes, I'll admit it. But that's personality baby! I swear one day I'm gonna have like five cats” she says, trying to keep her cool as Price and Ghost sit down next to them. She glances at Ghost sitting across from her and qucikly looks back to Johnny.

“I hate cats. I swear if you get a cat I'm gonna go apeshit on you”

“are you asking me to chose between you and the cats?”

“Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking”

“cats every time” she answers without hesitation, causing the table to erupt in laughter. All but one, smiling at her antics. 

“Damn. You're brutal” Kyle comments 

“don't fuck with me about cats suds! I warned you when you brought it up” She says pointing at Soap. Price laughs at her choice of nickname. 

“I'm telling ya, some of these cats are just the absolute bane of my existence. Especially when you have your hands full and they jump up on top of you and just dig their claws into you. It's torture”

“I'm sorry is the sergeant mactavish really comparing a cat to literal torture?” She asks as she giggles “you’re admtting that you’re afraid of little kitty cats? All you’ve done is give me ideas” 

“You wouldn't dare..., no. Anything but those cats, I beg of you”

“too late you've already gone too far” she shrugs 

“Noooooooooo! Have mercy, you devil!”

“funny” she responds, picking up a strand of her ginger hair. The men around her laugh loudly.

“Okay enough about cats, how about this, is soup cereal?” Gaz asks egging them on.

“Soup? I think it's more like a savory form of cereal” Soap nods, answering simply. 

“what the fuck did you just say? are you insane?” she asks

“It's literally a bowl, of liquid, and you eat it. That's just savory cereal”

“Johnny I am seriously questioning your sanity right now” she says seriously 

“You're questioning my sanity for calling soup a savory cereal? It is literally savory cereal.”

“okay repeat yourself one more time”

“Soup. Is. Savory. Cereal.” he says, earning a laugh from Ghost himself. 

“you're psychotic! soup is hot, cereal isn't”

“Soup can be hot, but it doesn't have to be. Do you think cold soup doesn't exist?”

“name literally one” she demands 

“Cold tomato soup.”

“Johnny tomato soup isn't cold” Price interjects “I've drank cold canned tomato soup” Soap shrugs 

“Thats disgusting” she cringes 

“Soup is savory cereal, LT what do you say? Back me up on this” Soap says wrapping an arm around Ghost’s shoulder. 

“You out of your right fuckin mind if you think soup is cereal” Ghost states causing the entire table to erupt in laughter. She smiles to herself as Soap continues to defend himself, clearly seeing out numebred he was. She makes eye contact with Ghost once again, accidently as their legs brush against eachtoher. She utters an apology and holds her hands to her cheeks, resting on them as she attmpets to hide her blushing face. 

Simon sits back with his arms crossed as he pretends to listen to the ridiclous claims the sergeant was making. He couldn’t help but look at her, he watched as she argued so passioantly about the simple topics. She was funny, a side he hadn’t seen from her before. She was charming, and sarcastic and quick witted. He’d always wondered why his teammates seemed to love her so much, now he understood the appeal. She was interesting, and she could hold her own. Still feeling bad about his behavior last week, he decides that he would apoligize. She didn’t deserve it.

chapter 10:

https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/734021889324974080/ghost-to-the-rescue?source=share