#me and francis we both got anxiety

[gayinacan]

Reading the later part of The Secret History. I’m about to crawl into the book and give Francis my prozac.

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #10

Some speculation and feelings now that I've slept after a binge up to "Trial or Hair-or" and took a break, before I start anything else.

I'm not sure when I can next watch episodes, so please don't reply with spoilers.

Background Characters

I was really worried about Whispers Fred. I only read a small glimpse of the story bible / concept art page a year+ ago- I was pretty sure I remembered Winn and Whispers Fred, though I would not have been able to recite their names.

After recognizing them, I was expecting them to be glued to Hazel's hip. I thought I'd find Whispers Fred and his ASMR shtick really annoying, but he's actually totally fine and doesn't bother me at all.

I'm relieved, because "Writers trying to be cool and they think kids want ASMR, and also I'm pretty sure a kid trying to look this stuff up could easily go down an online route they probably shouldn't be going down at their age" has been my mental vision for the direction this show is going for the past, like, 15 months and I thought I'd have issues with him.

I really like him now because you can tell Hazel's classmates all have their own depth and running gags, which is a great improvement on most of Timmy's classmates.

I can definitely look back and name the shticks for Chester, A.J., Trixie, Chloe, Kevin, Elmer, Sanjay, and Francis. We knew them- You could write a 'fic with them in it and no one would question the lack of other characters, because that's a great cast.

-> But yeah, we didn't really know much about personalities or what they do, and many of those characters I listed faded away in later seasons. I like how we're starting off strong. It makes it feel very planned. We know Whispers Fred has a podcast, even. Impressive.

Throwing this out here because it's still hilarious, but there are at least two kids in Timmy's class who are confirmed godkids - He sees them at Cupid's party - but they were both mysteriously absent when Doombringer came in as a sub to start fairy hunting and it cracks me up.

And that was all the depth we got to them, because it was never played up (and let's be real, they were thrown into Cupid's party from the character stockpile folder).

I like how Hazel is befriending people in her class. Some of them aren't fully fleshed out yet, but they don't need to be. We're getting enough that if I wanted to write a 'fic, I could way more easily play with the personalities of Hazel's classmates than Timmy's, and I love that.

[cnt'd below cut - Very long post, including things I wouldn't truly call negativity, but my vibe is discussing the things I like and the things that aren't working for me personally.

This post leans into things that aren't working since previous posts have been about what is working. Heads up for discussions of child abuse and nostalgic comparisons to the OG show. Proceed at own discretion

Reminder, I'm only up to "Trial or Hair-or" at time of posting this]

Would I Be Watching This If It Wasn't Claiming to be FOP?

The show is very enjoyable; let's start with that. I like Hazel. I like Cosmo and Wanda. I like the set-ups and the kids.

I like watching the show, but... It doesn't feel like FOP, in the sense that I'm not seeing the things that draw me to the original show (Like... the child abuse? Or Crocker? Or the risk of losing your fairies? Or Timmy's struggle to keep his secrets from Vicky, his parents, and his friends?)

Hazel's made a vague mention that she has to keep fairies a secret, but we have no proof Cosmo and Wanda would leave her. No memory wipes either.

Maybe it's just me, but FOP without child abuse is... a WILD concept to me. lol. Dev seems to have issues and I suspect he's being set up for a future plot that delves into them, but it's still funny that our main character is, like... chillin'. No self-hatred? No dissociative issues or anxiety attacks? No sneaking around? Are you sure you're in the right show?

Okay, I guess Dev is bullying her, but he's not been nearly as bad as Francis, who caused physical harm. Heck, Tootie caused Timmy more stress than Dev's causing Hazel. Trixie literally treated Timmy worse than Dev is treating Hazel- she was launching him across the room when he spoke to her.

I'm liking the show, and I see potential in this world where I could set a 'fic... but what would that 'fic even be about? This place is fluffy; Hazel's not struggling much and there's not a lot of meat here for me to dig into.

I'm not seeing stakes, and I'm kinda "hm" about it.

And I'm kinda worried I'm watching a watered-down show that's been made more palpable to an audience looking for found family fluff. Which is fine! ... It's just that I'm here for Fairly OddParents vibes. Where's my child abuse?

I'm nostalgic. I miss my boy who kept a scrapbook with pictures of him in therapy. I miss the jokes that the court once got involved and appointed the family a child psychologist. I miss how he broke down in front of Trixie, wailing that he'll always love her no matter what his therapist says. He had a lot going on that we never saw onscreen, only the implications, and I love him <3

This was the boy who literally froze time for 50 years and told no one; he was messed up and they were not afraid to paint him that way.

I'm the target audience for "people who like seeing tiny details from the OG show brought back," but I'm not the target audience for fluff or sweet and innocent characters, so if that's what we get, I don't think I'll get giddy about it.

And I'll be 100% okay with that because I enjoy watching the show anyway even if it's different, and I'm just super grateful we've got something nice for the series after so many years of a difficult slide.

I write my 'fics and I've made worldbuilding posts for 8 and a half years, but I rarely main-tag anything, and I have unique blog tags for each character so they're harder for people to stumble on, because I was trying to lie low and avoid fandom negativity I kept seeing when I ventured into the tags. So... as much as I'm nostalgic and as much as I have my fingers crossed for the things I want to see, I'm super grateful this show is very enjoyable and seems to be bringing a wave of positivity and new viewers into the fandom.

Let's be clear- I'm REALLY enjoying watching this show, but I'm waiting to see if it adds stuff that fits my interests, that's what this post is.

Threats to Cosmo and Wanda's safety?

I want to start by saying I appreciate how Crocker isn't Hazel's teacher and her dad is not obsessively trying to catch her fairies. Danny's parents trying to catch ghosts worked perfectly fine in his show, but I'm glad this one is a different direction. It's nice to mix things up and not fall into a previous formula.

It's hilarious that her dad is like, seriously doing his paranormal job and it doesn't even affect Hazel, Cosmo, or Wanda yet (where I've watched up to). That's hilarious.

I'm hoping that it's going to come back, because I haven't seen a strong sense that it will. Hazel's dad has speculated there's a ghost in his house a little, but he's not investigated at all and we've not seen any tension regarding this. I hope we're setting up a big plot with confrontation, but there's not enough there yet to make me believe we are, so I hesitate to trust the pay-off is there.

Unclear how Cosmo and Wanda meet Hazel in the morning. Do they stroll over? I assume not- Her parents would think that's weird. They're not in animal form because they're neighbors, so are they poofing over? Do they wake her up like they used to wake Timmy?

Thus far, we've not seen signs that Cosmo and Wanda could be in danger. Jorgen's made an attempt to take them away, which was their fault for claiming a godkid they had no right to take tbh. I don't mind taking a break from Crocker's obsessions, but I do miss the tension he brought us. I miss the danger. I miss the angst implications- This show is pretty fluffy so far, and I can appreciate it, but that's not "FOP vibes" for me.

Jorgen implied Cosmo would get hurt when he fell off a tower, but otherwise we've not seen signs that Fairies can be hurt or killed. And I don't know if that's even a thing that carried over in this universe, so I have to treat it as 0 risk of death.

It would be 100% reasonable for Hazel's dad to shake C and W's hands and ask to interview them, which is fine - It's a new vibe than Crocker, Doombringer, and Leadly and we could probably use that - but I think I'd be disappointed if that was the payoff for emotional investment of implied danger.

C and W haven't expressed any fear in Hazel's dad since Episode 1. I really liked Episode 1 - a lot of thought went into it - but the rest of the episodes seem like they're using Episode 1 as a diving board, but not circling back to what we established there. Which is actually super frustrating right now.

You hooked me! ... So, where's the stuff you hooked me with?

We're no longer getting C and W fumbling around the human world, we're no longer getting miserable Hazel, we haven't had any awkward neighbor interactions between C and W and the parents, and we're no longer getting the threats to C and W's safety. I feel a little cheated and I hope we see more threats later.

Please give me an awkward dinner party with the neighbors. Give me one of the parents coming over to borrow sugar and C and W have to poof away from Hazel and rush back home to maintain their facade.

Give me neighbors wanting to come to a party at C and W's and they have to protect everyone from accidentally wandering into Fairy World or using dangerous Fairy equipment. Give me C and W getting put in charge of a neighborhood event they don't know anything about. Give me Hazel's parents asking if C and W can babysit and they're so paranoid that they call constantly to check in while C and W try to act like everything is normal and they're not running around doing magical things.

I feel like we've given personality to the schoolkids, which is fine... but I'd love to see personality for the neighbors. To me, living in the same building as fairies who don't know how to be human is a fantastic plot set-up, and they're doing nothing with it.

In other words, I'm glad Hazel is delved-into as a character, but I feel like we've not seen anything about what's going on with Cosmo and Wanda.

-> Hazel's in her school arc right now, but maybe we'll have a summer break arc?

Here's my thought on that. Bluey does a really good job of balancing what's going on with the kids and what's going on with the adults. Yes, the show focuses more on the kids, but it's always clear what the adults are doing, like Bandit trying to talk to his friends while Bluey complains about him taking too long, and Bandit feeling sad when his friends leave so he can take care of Bluey.

Early in the series, we see the kids playing in the park ("Shadowlands") while Chilli and her friends talk about TV shows they like in the background. There's a constant sense in that series that Bandit and Chilli have interactions with other people- Heck, we even get an episode of Bandit struggling to make a new friend (and struggling with Bingo getting in the way of that).

I'm not getting that here. C and W do have personality, but do they have friends? Or coworkers? Or stakes? I didn't see a lot of depth to their brief interaction with Jorgen, nor does Cookie seem to be someone they know in any way.

For this show to win me over, I need them to interact with their neighbors and environment in a way they're not currently doing. Right now, they're just giving Hazel magic... but I'm starting to think they could be sexy magic lamps. I don't remember struggling with these feelings in the OG show, although back then I binged like 4 seasons before making any posts.

- It is not to their favor that they can easily spend an episode in object form and just chill. We used to have Crocker trying to sniff them out even in object form, and I kind of miss that. And yeah, they're retired, but I hope we get to see more character depth and relationship involvement in the future. - In the early season, we had background conversations like Wanda trying to lure Cosmo to the doctor, Wanda explaining to Cosmo that their "special alone time" wasn't meeting her needs and she wants more snuggles, or Cosmo being a pushover when Wanda's dad came around, or Cosmo sneaking his mom into their guest room, or Wanda blatantly telling Cosmo that she still thinks Juandissimo is intriguing. I miss the up and down of that dynamic. It's nice to see them fluffy, but... they're kind of flat. I liked the mail scene and how Wanda hugged Cosmo after he rescued Hazel in Episode 1, but again... it feels like most of their characterization happened in Episode 1. I have my fingers crossed we'll get some of that in the future, like Cosmo and Wanda cheering each other on when they learn things about the human world, or Cosmo sacrificing himself to save her from the Pixie takeover, or showing that when he stands up for his family, he's extremely powerful. tl;dr - I hope we get Cosmo standing up for Wanda. I'm glad they love each other, but I'm not seeing a lot to interest me in their ship. I'm more interested in Hazel's parents, tbh. They've got stuff going on in their "breadwinner therapist vs. paranormal investigator" vibe. And they play with Hazel and hold hands in the background. They're cute, and I want more of that for C and W. - Actually, Timmy used to get called out by his classmates for being "That weird kid who talks to inanimate objects." There don't seem to be any risks for Hazel yet. - If you were to ask me what the biggest threats are to this godparent relationship, I'd say it's either Cosmo and Wanda overstepping past Jorgen and upsetting him, or Hazel's dad finding out. But I'm not sure we're going to push those plots further, which saddens me. Holding out hope, though. - That is actually hilarious I don't see Dev as a threat to her right now, since that was Remy's whole thing. Good for him? Like, he's mildly annoying her in the background, but he's not a true danger at this time. - Jasmine has implied she's sus about Hazel, but it's been brushed off twice without her investigating. I don't think we're delving into it more, which is a shame. I want Jasmine to be weirded out.

Episode 1? Absolutely not lamps- Cosmo and Wanda were involved, they had depth, and there was tension. And the other episodes are fun, but their personalities have taken a backseat.

You can tell there was a ton of thought put into how Cosmo and Wanda interact with the human world in Episode 1. That seems to have gone away now, and they're even in reboots of their old outfits instead of their human disguises, so... it's nostalgic, but I kind of wanted to see how they'd changed over time. If you're going to give them new outfits, why not use them?

If C and W were, presumably, aging while on their time travel vacation that lasted 10k years and they look the same, what on earth was Jorgen doing that makes him look so aged after just a handful of years? I'm unclear where we are in the timeline.

We've had some nice Cosmo-Wanda-Hazel moments (like the seahorse and princess game where they were playing together), but I'm thinking the "Cosmo and Wanda nitpicking at each other" problem has been solved by taking away their conversations with each other- they're really just here to talk to Hazel.

That's fine, I guess. I just want to see more of them interacting with each other. Because I miss them.

It reminds me of when I critiqued Sparky vs. Chloe, because I felt Chloe fit really well in the dynamic while Sparky was interacting with Timmy, but not really Cosmo or Wanda. Chloe was a great balance of changing the entire dynamic (so was Poof).

I feel like this will probably change in the future when we're not pushing the "Gotta show Hazel is a well-rounded character and focus on her above everyone" direction, but since I'm liveblogging, I need to cite where I am and what I'm looking forward to.

I'm not seeing enough fairy biology going on. I like what Cosmo gave us regarding stretchy skin, but... what is life like for these people? Do they have to avoid touching humans?

Do Cosmo and Wanda pay rent? Do they pay taxes? Do they know their neighbors? Do they see other kids and get nostalgic for their past godkids? (I have to assume yes, since they took in Hazel).

-> I like the implication in "A Dinosaur in Dimmsdale" that Cosmo and Wanda have been around long enough to be familiar with the special event held at that time. I'd like more of that, but also deeper. And maybe that's asking a little much since the show is for kids and of course it's focusing on the kid... Idk, maybe I'm reading into this too much.

I like how Cosmo has twice struggled to hide his crown. That's a step in the right direction, but unfortunately I can't remember if his second time was also in the first episode.

That first episode was beautiful- everything I wanted. But the others don't meet the expectations and story hooks that lured me in.

I think what I'm trying to say is that my vision of Cosmo and Wanda in New Wish relies heavily on what I got from the OG series. I don't think I've seen much in New Wish to give them enough personality to stand their own.

I'd really like to see Juandissimo or Mama Cosma shake things up. I think by this point in the OG series(?), we'd seen them split in "Dog Day Afternoon" and "Apartnership." We knew Wanda wanted to be an author, we knew Wanda had friends in town, we knew Cosmo was a mama's boy, and we knew they were goofballs who were rarely apart and would totally crash into things when they were looking at the other.

We also knew Cosmo and Wanda had issues with being mistreated ("A Wish Too Far"). They were also goofballs who struggled to pass as human ("Transparents") and joke around ("Tiny Timmy"), and they'd make their own assumptions even if they weren't what Timmy expected (Stealing an alien prince in "Spaced Out" instead of making their own monster). Cosmo even pretended he was about to explode in "Same Game" to joke with Wanda, so she didn't believe him when he was actually close to exploding.

AGAIN... I am not far into New Wish. On one hand, it's great that Hazel's not mistreating Cosmo and Wanda, so we don't need an episode like "A Wish Too Far." I think we'll be getting more depth later in the series, but I'm liveblogging my thoughts so we can see if my opinions change.

-> I don't feel like we've learned enough about Da Rules. They were a big deal in the OG series and I'm very unclear on what Hazel does or doesn't know. I'm unclear which of the Big Rules are still in play. In the OG Season 1, Cosmo and Wanda had to grant wishes when Timmy talked in his sleep. I'd like a bit more of those rules showing up here.

-> Unclear to me if Cosmo and Wanda stay in Hazel's room at night.

I just still think they're a little "sexy lamp" for me and I want this to change. As annoying as they were (affectionate), I'd love to see Mama Cosma, Big Daddy, Blonda, Schnozmo, or Juandissimo mix things up. Because Cosmo and Wanda both have drastically different reactions to each of those people.

Maybe that's what's missing for me, because I've been writing 'fics where they ARE interacting with these people, so I'm used to seeing them have to juggle other people? In which case, that's unfair for me to judge, lol.

Blonda only had 2 episodes I think, and one of them was a cameo where she wasn't interacting with Wanda. It'd be super interesting to see her return and play a role as large as Mama Cosma's or something. I miss her too.

I am REALLY looking forward to seeing more of how Antony plays into Hazel's life. It's incredibly obvious that she cares for him (even sleeping in a bunk bed and wearing his hand-me-down shirts), so that's fantastic.

tl;dr - Cosmo and Wanda are just kind of there (imo). I'm pretty sure the episodes after the first would be basically the same if Hazel had no fairies, but was a witch who could use magic on herself.

I'm not seeing anything that makes me say "Yes, this definitely needed to be a show about godparents and not just any show about kids with magic." Give me a reason why we couldn't have a show about Hazel being a witch, having spy gadgets or tech, or having a genie. I want Fairy World! I want misery!!

Fairy World and Jorgen

I'm putting my faith in the idea that we'll return to Fairy World. I can't imagine that we wouldn't, but I have to say, our first glimpse of it didn't look too magical or dramatic.

I like how the OG series sets Timmy up as believing Fairy World is glittery and magical, so Cosmo and Wanda must goof off all day. In reality, Fairy World is big on rules and discipline. I think we take Jorgen for granted as a character since he's been around for 20+ years. It's easy to forget how funny it is that we have a big, buff, military-attitude fairy bossing people around a glittery magical world. That's hilarious!

Think of how "Old Black Magic" gives us a street made of playing cards or how "Odd Squad" gives us purple grass and cars without wheels. Some of their streets float and twist around each other. Their world should look "exciting and unfathomable to the human mind." We haven't seen the Rainbow Bridge either, really.

I have no drive to revisit Fairy World after "Department of Magical Violations," which was the 2nd episode. It didn't look magical or fun. You can tell Jorgen still has his characterization (Being strict but also liking to party), but... he wasn't contrasted against the magic of fluffy Fairy World. Without the contrast, he's just a guy.

I hope we see him again and he gets another chance to show his depth, because even though I went in knowing full-well who he is, I felt like we weren't given enough. I don't even remember seeing his giant staff.

-> He debuted in short episodes in the OG series, so it's not an issue of not being double length. I just think he wasn't utilized as well in such little time.

Give me the guy who used to turn Cosmo into a monkey during drills. Give me the guy who uses a jet pack because he cut his wings off. You don't even get to see his back in his debut, so it's totally possible new viewers might think he still has wings 😔

-> That might seem like a silly thing to be disappointed in, but after the effort that went into showing us details like Hazel's house number or how Cosmo and Wanda crawl across the floor, I feel like Jorgen didn't get the same fully in-depth treatment. He should be someone we're totally hyped to see, but he's... there.

-> Even in Season 0, we were introduced to Jorgen in a way that subverted expectations: the big, scary fairy who was such a contrast with the idea of a friendly godparent was intimidating his godkid (making him wish to live)... AND he's dating the Tooth Fairy. I just haven't had expectations subverted yet in this show and it makes me kind of sad, because that's Jorgen's biggest "selling point." He's funny in contrasting environments.

Maybe he just needs the right person to bounce off, like Binky.

I will say, I think there's nothing wrong with Jorgen not playing all his goofy cards in front of a stranger. He has a job to do and he's good at his job. But I miss him. I miss the doofus who cried for weeks when the Tooth Fairy broke up with him because she didn't like how he tried to forcibly remove Timmy's buck teeth for a wedding present.

I miss the guy who cried when he lost his job, and tried so hard at the other jobs Timmy set up for him, but he was bad at them because all he knew was to set expectations so he kept spoiling movies while selling tickets... and putting people in the hospital with his muscles.

I miss the guy who found out he was standing "in the same room as his cousin," looked at Cosmo, and then went full steam ahead into "Please let it be my invisible cousin Leonard!"

I miss the guy who used to throw pixies at his dartboard or chase them out of their own building because "He's the only one allowed to cause pain to fairies." I miss the guy who put grenades and barbed wire on pizza and gave it to a child. I miss the guy who works in his nana's cafe and covers his niece's shifts at the pet store. I wonder if he still does game nights with Mama Cosma.

I miss the guy whose idea of a good house pet disguise was a rhino in a fishbowl. I miss Jorgen. I love him, and I really hope we get to see more of his funky, goofy side, because he's such a great character.

I've only seen one episode with him, so I'm probably judging too harshly. I just think he has one of the strongest characterizations that's easy to work with because he's hilarious against a glittery Fairy World backdrop, so I miss him and I don't think the DMV was the best showcase episode for him. I'm nostalgic :(

The abuse & trauma?

I really like how the OG show plays with abuse. Yes, Timmy is an abused kid. We know this. It's made very, very clear without it being too scary for a little kid. The OG show is full of things that appeal to me as a kid (slapstick humor) and as an adult (Watching what Timmy's going through and the clever ways the show plays with the abuse angle without being too scary).

- I'm not seeing why Hazel is miserable? Which is okay, because as I said in a previous post, Cosmo and Wanda came out of retirement and befriended her of their own choice (defying instruction), so they're in a gray area with the usual gameplay rules. - I'm just unable to detect if the "godparents lose their fairies when they're no longer classified as miserable" rule is still a thing in this universe. Or "Hazel will lose her fairies when she grows up or reveals them." It's okay if those rules are gone- I'd just like to know so I can adjust my perception of what the stakes are. - Hazel avoided revealing magic to Jasmine in "Fearless," but it wasn't explicitly stated if she was told the rules or if she's just trying not to scare Jasmine with magic.

I'm a little confused that the writers for this show seem to have toned down the abuse and trauma, yet upped some present-day horror. Like, I legit would not suggest a friend watch "Fearless" or "28 Puddings Later" without a warning.

- Those were some VERY scary spiders for a kids' cartoon, especially compared with the goofy spiders from the OG canon. We had onscreen trypophobia (I think? - Not sure if there were enough holes in the cheese, but there were holes) and I used to have a friend who would've struggled with that part of the episode. And I get that swiss cheese is going to have holes- I'm just a little surprised we didn't go the route of making Jasmine a relatable character for someone with trypophobia and instead she faced all her fears as if they were nothing...? Or is that relatable- I'm not sure. I mean, it's a cartoon, so... idk what I expected. I know I wouldn't love being forced into a bloody environment, and a friend violating that after I told them no would possibly be a deal-breaker (and has been, actually, since I've had ex-friends ever since I was a kid stop caring about my boundaries and try to show me blood and/or purposely try to upset me with blood when they lost interest in me as a friend). But also, Jasmine is 10 and if she wants to try facing her fears, she can. I don't have issues with that. - "28 Puddings Later" had red lighting on the bodies and faces in a way that was a little much for my hemophobia, and I think I'm not going to be watching that episode again unless I do some prep. I was trying not to look for most of it.

It's... weird? Usually the Hartman shows go fine for me, although "T.U.F.F. Puppy" has like 2 episodes that jump my hemophobia, but they were... not drawn-out like this. Those were legitimately spooky things to watch (Saying this as an adult who wasn't genuinely scared, but was analyzing the execution and comparing it to other cartoons I watch). I think that's a great thing that sets the tone of the show... but that's not the tone I really want?

It's totally fine for New Wish to be its own thing, but it's not the FOP that drew me in years ago.

- I want more psychology- and trauma-themed underlying jokes, like Cosmo panicking when Timmy's parents babysat Poof because "Those two have no idea how to raise a child!" followed by panning over to Timmy. - I want more bits like Timmy standing up to Imaginary Gary and saying "When I was 8, I learned what a real monster was like" and introducing Gary to Vicky. I want to be asking "Kid, are you okay? Hey, what was that??" and gushing over implications. -> I've seen the tiniest taste with Dev so far, but not enough to catch my interest this early on. I'm hoping that goes somewhere, but if I'm struggling to see the depth in Cosmo and Wanda, I don't have the highest hopes. Like, childhood trauma was a huge thing in the old show (I would argue it's the main theme), and every time those glimpses of Timmy's genuine struggles came up, I lost my mind. I'm not seeing that with Hazel. I like this show for the magic, sure, but I really liked this show for the underlying trauma themes that made you want to explore character backstories with a 'fic. And I'm sure there are plenty of people who want to explore Hazel's relationship with her brother with a 'fic, and Dev seems to have stuff going on, but Hazel doesn't do for me what Timmy and Chloe did. I discussed Timmy above, so let's talk about Chloe. Chloe had serious mental health struggles. She had multiple dissociative spirals. She committed fraud. She broke into Timmy's house to steal from his dad's toy collection because she was jealous. She lied to authority figures for literally no reason except to make herself look better (Not even to cover up magic- She just straight-up lied). When she was upset, she would pull all-nighters and plot revenge (And that was like, her 3rd episode). She lived in denial even when things went wrong. She also wouldn't stand up for herself sometimes, so Catman pushed her around. She also stole from Kevin Crocker while he was passed out (lol), went on power trips, bribed people (including Crocker) to like her, sold out her friends for extra credit, backstabbed Timmy by turning him into a monster who couldn't speak so he couldn't unwish the wish, and it was very clear why she needed godparents. This child mostly raised herself on Fair Bears cartoons for 50 years of the frozen timestream. She has parents who are rarely home, and when they are, they completely violate her boundaries. Timmy literally has to stand up to them for her at one point because she's spiraling into her second dissociative episode since her parents came back to Dimmsdale- she was strugglin'. Chloe's canon is that without Cosmo and Wanda, she would've led a gang (giving us one of my favorite lines in the series, "I can't believe you found 6 kids with eyepatches"). She couldn't handle watching kids for 1 day without screaming at them, calling them "monster children with evil in their hearts," and making them so miserable, all 3 kids got assigned godparents. At the end of the series, she nails Crocker's bed to the ceiling. She's... a lot. On some level, I enjoy that Hazel is not suffering abuse right now. Hazel is very likable, but I feel like the show is going for a different vibe than what I'm looking for in an FOP show. I miss the trauma undertones. That's why I like this show and why it's deeper for me than many cartoons. This is a show that's been a massive part of my life for 8.5 years, so... I miss those hooks that draw me in. I hope we get something like that for Hazel (or Dev?), but I'm not seeing anything that would draw me into this show if it weren't advertised as a continuation of a show I already really liked. It reads like a show I would put down and walk away from. Well, things did draw me in, but... I don't see them being carried through.

And going back to "Fearless" and "28 Puddings Later," I get it, about the spook factor. It IS pudding. I get the joke we're making here, with how funny it is to think of it as a zombie apocalypse. I'm totally onboard- It's not them, it's me. You just can't make my brain settle down, because it sees what it sees and I have to deal with that.

This feels like FOP without all the things I like about FOP.

I'm just... Where's the kids' show I liked to fawn over because it was fluffy and slapstick on the surface, but secretly playing with trauma underneath? I enjoy the ride New Wish is taking me on, but I think I'm only watching this show because of its FOP connection. If this were some non-reboot (just a brand new Nick show about a kid with some kind of magic), it would be kind of "meh" to me so far. I don't think new viewers or kids would be bothered at all, but I miss the OG.

New Wish kind of gives me Star vs. The Forces of Evil vibes. I enjoyed that show's first season, so I don't say that as a bad thing- I just mean "Star had her own wand and didn't need godparents." Except Star got to explore the responsibility and danger of having a wand and Hazel's not giving me that either.

I like how we've gotten callbacks to the OG series. I get excited by the references and I'm very grateful we finally have a reboot that's taking the show seriously and with love. I hope we can lay it to rest when New Wish is over so it ends with a pleasant memory for people.

I like it, but it's not one of those hidden gems I've stumbled on in the past that I've gotten hooked on (Ex: I randomly stumbled across the Carmen Sandiego 2019 reboot, All Hail King Julien, and Kick Buttowski, and every single one of those blew me out of the water as a hidden gem I fell in love with). But... I feel like I'm watching New Wish more to avoid the risk of someone spoiling it for me (and because I want to see allusions to past episodes) than because I'm truly captivated by it, which is a shame.

I love it as a reboot, but I don't think I'd watch it as some standalone show that just dropped. And that's probably fine, because it's not trying to be a standalone- it's trying to be a nostalgic reboot with a fresher take, and that's totally okay.

- But consider... Send the toddlers back to Lightning Walrus Hell while Foop begs to be spared and frantically tries to claw his way out of the vortex after Poof's been vaporized, then rewrite time so they never existed. THOSE were stakes, and THAT was the messed-up stuff I love. lol. - (Do not actually do this- new things are good and if Poof and Foop had to relieve their own childhood trauma regarding the Hocus Poconos, I would die. Also, that was the Season 8 finale and New Wish is only in its first season with chill episodes, so it would be wild to expect that much drama straight out of the gates. Also, it takes time to establish things before we can have that kind of drama. I'm willing to be patient.)

I will say, I do think we're matching some early-series vibes. We had episodes in the early days where Timmy bonded with his friends, and I really like that Hazel's taking her time to meet new friends (something we didn't get to see with him until Mark Chang's Season 2, 3, and 4 appearances). I think that's going 100% fine. I like what I like, but I'm getting increasingly anxious about the things I miss.

I do feel nostalgic for Remy. I miss Juandissimo and Mama Cosma and Vicky and Mark. Nothing wrong with not pushing them in if Cosmo and Wanda have moved past that life drama, but I still want someone or something to cause tension. Shake things up.

-> They don't have to appear personally, but I miss The Vibes.

I will say, I love that Hazel hasn't had a love plot yet. We have no clingy fans like Tootie (or that newspaper girl from "Fairly Odder"), and Hazel's not in love with someone who hates her. I won't be mad if we get a romance plot, but I hope it's something fresh (and not one person pining after the other despite being told that person's not into them, which I find uncomfortable especially in a kids' show if said show plays it as cute or "kids will be kids" without going into how frustrating it is to be the person who wants to set boundaries).

-> Please let me live vicariously through a main character who's not dealing with "Just give them a chance!! :) They really like you! They may seem creepy, but they're probably nice!" vibes.

It's also really nice that no one's immediately attracted to the new kid when she's only been here a few weeks or months. It's nice that she's building friendships. If a relationship blossoms over time, that's fine, but I'm glad no one is currently in love with her and pining for dates (as in, straight out of the gates).

-> I genuinely cannot figure out who they're setting Dev up to be, so if he's a future love interest, I hope he does some serious work on himself. He's got issues and he's mean, and Hazel also seems to think he's mean, so based on my current understanding of his character vibes, it'd be weird if she conveniently forgot how mean he is and developed a crush on him. I need to see more facets of him.

But it's very funny that he follows people and tries to make bigger and better things. That's exactly what a bratty 10-year-old Dimmadome would do. And honestly... I think I can see him developing a crush on her over time. Like... I genuinely do think that would make sense for his character based on what little I know about him right now.

I think Dev is super jealous of how Hazel just arrived and is gathering friends- which I really like, because we're seeing how it takes Hazel some time to make each new friend, and Dev has the same amount of time and opportunity, and is choosing to be a jerk.

It really showcases this idea that Hazel is making an effort to learn to be nice (and even needs to learn not to try changing people to be what her brother was to her). She's working hard on herself and she's trying to make friends. She didn't show up and have people fawn over her immediately. She's here, she's nice, and she's working to understand friendship and boundaries.

And Dev, who is used to things coming easy to him or just buying what he wants, HATES that.

I think jealousy is fueling Dev right now, but Hazel IS a nice person. I can totally envision him growing more fond of her someday and letting down walls. I can tell he's important to the writers, but I'm wary he's being set up as a future love interest and I don't currently know anything about him that would justify Hazel being attracted to him because all I've seen so far is him being grumpy and her glaring at him.

-> Also, I'm getting the feeling that Dev doesn't have a healthy understanding of relationships, family life, or boundaries, and I would be afraid for Hazel.

I think I forgot to say it, but everyone's phones had a D logo implying they're a Dimmadome product, which I like.

I feel like Dev needs some healthy relationship modeling from Cosmo and Wanda (or Hazel's parents). I'll be curious to see if we go in that direction.

Where are we in the timeline?

I love that this is a show about Hazel. I'm really enjoying this- I think I'm glad we're not getting a "children of the main cast" cliche (and we didn't get a total reboot where we redo Timmy's childhood and pretend the OG series didn't happen). This is very funny for me.

Since Dale was older than Timmy, I'm getting the vibe that we're a few years before Tommy and Tammy get their godparents. So... are they gonna show up, or is Timmy gonna be single with no kids if he ever appears, which I'm betting he will eventually. Or do I have my timeline wrong?

"Channel Chasers" future is canon in my Cloudlands AU, and this is generally the accepted future for the series. Keep in mind that's the angle I'm talking from here.

Assuming CC is canon, it's confirmed Timmy has his kids really young (20 years after he buries the time capsule at age 10, his kids dig it up and they seem to be close to his age, so somewhere between, like... 7 and 10), so Timmy would've been 20 to 23.

It's not unreasonable for Dale to have his kids at a much older age, so I will totally accept Hazel being either older or younger than Tammy and Tommy; it doesn't matter to me (although if they're retconned out of existence by having Timmy show up as a childless man combined with clearer timeframe confirmation, I'll be surprised).

I also want to be clear upfront that my canon for Timmy's future in Cloudlands AU is that he has his kids with Molly ("Wishing Well"). They later split, leaving him open to marry either Trixie or Timmy (but it's ambiguous in my 'fics so the reader can decide). That way, I get to enjoy Molly, Tommy and Tammy get to be in a rough patch when Cosmo and Wanda show up, Timmy's struggling emotionally but he's not a terrible dad long-term, and fans of Trixie or Tootie can have the endgame because I don't mind. tl;dr - Timmy has been shipped with Tootie in some other spin-off media, like the "Fairly Odd Summer" trilogy. I don't treat that trilogy as canon in my 'fics, but we know from "Channel Chasers" that it's implied Timmy has Tommy with a black-haired person or Tommy's adopted, and the latter seems unlikely since both kids look so much like him. So if New Wish has Timmy show up and heavily implies he's with either Trixie or Tootie, that's totally fine within Cloudlands AU canon. But he does flirt with Molly in my 'fics and they are so cute and making her Kevin's step-sister was one of the best ideas I've ever had because it makes family vacations fantastic, so get wrecked <3

But I feel like they're really baiting us with Timmy stuff (Showing several adults that look like Timmy, but confirming behind the scenes "That's not Timmy," putting him on posters, using him as a school mascot, etc.) It's very in-character for this universe since even in the OG series, Timmy's likeness was sometimes used by other characters, but... I'm a little nervous.

Cosmo and Wanda didn't seem to look back on their time with Timmy as fondly as I would've expected. I'm glad we're getting a fun cartoon with a new person, but I hope we're not going a "nudge, nudge, Timmy was a horrible person and fans are dumb for looking at him fondly or wanting him around" angle.

-> That kid was 10, working through childhood trauma, and struggled a lot in life. That's literally the point, and expecting him to be as well-adjusted as Hazel would be asking a lot of him- Their backstories and home lives are very, very different.

I'm getting the sense that we're making allusions to the old show (even obscure ones that surprised me, like a Flappy Bob cameo, super specific Fairy interior design details, or "Terrible Twosome" throwback). The writers have done a good job of picking out the parts they liked and using them as their canon, but I get the feeling we're not going to have references to Sparky, Chloe, Roy, or Viv.

Which is fine, because I understand they were late in the series and a lot of people didn't receive them well (Me included). I just hope they're not treated like they're dumb or something to be erased from history, y'know?

I have absolutely no issues with them not showing up. I do expect a Timmy cameo someday, but it would not bother me at all if we didn't see Chloe. But like, I don't want them written out of the canon IF we specifically look back at the canon. If for some reason we recapped every godkid Timmy had interacted with and we were mysteriously missing Chloe, I'd give you a really weird look, slkfdj.

-> If our canon is that Roy and Viv didn't happen, I'm fine with that because it's a spin-off. But Chloe was mainline canon and this show has already made clear it's grabbing canon from across the whole series (including seasons as late as 9) and not just focusing on the early seasons, so... I'll just have some questions if we write her out of existence, lol.

New personalities? Anti-Fairies?

Where I'm at in my binge, there have been no Anti-Fairies. I'm expecting them to show up because it seems likely we'd get a Friday the 13th episode. I feel like the Anti-Fairies have regularly been the most popular characters of the series in the fandom and they played a big role in later seasons, so I'm sure that writers who have done so much research that they've found details I consider obscure to the average viewer are gonna give us Anti-Fairies. I can't imagine they wouldn't.

And I'm NERVOUS, lol.

So, one thing that I've always thought is that Anti-Fairies were planned to be one-off characters. After their Season 2 debut, they don't appear until Season 5. My personal thought is that Anti-Wanda got slapped with a "cheap and easy" personality without a lot of thought behind it; compare her recolored design with Anti-Cosmo's fully detailed fleshed-out design. I'm super curious to see if she'll get rebooted to be a better parallel of Wanda.

I've played her in my 'fics as being grubby to parallel Wanda's mob upbringing. I still write her with what from the outside may seem like lower intelligence, though in my 'fics I specifically have her being raised in an Anti-Fairy zoo enclosure until her young adulthood, and grew up fluent in her people's native language. It's not that she's stupid, really... She just grew up with limited contact with the outside world, so converting her thoughts for a bustling society is a struggle. I try not to make her a statement of intelligence, though she can be self-deprecating when she compares herself to others.

Like, I can literally see this going either way. I would be totally in favor of giving Anti-Wanda a reboot, because I love her very dearly and tbh I kind of prefer her over Anti-Cosmo... but I will always support taking a second look at the "idiot Southerner with a drawl" stereotype. If she gets freshened up so she's not played as so dumb, or still dumb but less Southern, I'd be fine with that. It's... not a great trope.

Nerd alert incoming - Yes, it's mostly me rambling about how much I love the Pixies & Gary and Betty because I want my feelings written down before any chance of them showing up.

-> Once upon a time, I would not have dreamed my faves might show up, but now that we've gotten a Flappy Bob cameo, I have to prepare for anything.

Okay... so. It's Anti-Cosmo whose potential reboot personality concerns me most, and for purely selfish reasons 😂. In my personal opinion, fanon Anti-Cosmo is surprisingly different from canon Anti-Cosmo. I'm pretty sure they're going to reboot him as a sexy evil villain, because that's what the majority of people think he is. Even though he's a total dork and rebooting him as a suave, confident smooth-talker feels incorrect to me.

Riddle's unpopular opinion: The personality I've seen many people portray Anti-Cosmo with in fan content feels closer to the personality the Head Pixie has than it feels to Anti-Cosmo. If H.P. were younger with the exact same personality he has in the OG show, people would give him the "sexy bad boy" treatment they give Anti-Cosmo. They just don't because he's old </3

Yes, H.P. is ALSO a goofball. He likes cosplay, breakdancing, and he's often either at a rave or bemoaning that he's not at a rave. He only has a few episodes and his love for raves and clubbing comes up in at least 3 of them. But he's the one doing the classic "evil villain" stuff like signing contracts, pulling puppet strings, torturing people with shock collars, and finding loopholes.

H.P. sets up long-term plans. He's calculating, meticulous, and he's one of the sassiest and most confident characters in the entire series. Happy Peppy Gary and Betty literally have a direct phone line to Sanderson, presumably under H.P.'s influence since he's the boss.

Like, that is explicitly canon and it's my favorite background detail in the show. The Pixies thought ahead and gave them a phone. Gary and Betty were in on the plan and knew about magic. At bare minimum they knew they were working for people called Pixies.

Sidebar: Even in their episodes before the Musical, it's implied Gary and Betty know more about magic than the average human. They had laser-eyed unicorn mobiles that formed cages. They somehow got from Florida (implied by Gary's use of the word "gator" and confirmed by this episode's script) to California (Dimmsdale's confirmed state) before end of workday, implying they returned through non-human means. -> Also in their debut episode, they literally went to outer space with Mark, were chill about it, and offered him snacks; idk what to tell you. They're my everything. H.P. seems to have meticulously set up a lot of things and it's so funny to me. -> Also this is very non-canon in the finalized series, but in the OG script of the Musical, it's implied Gary and Betty took the Pixies hostage, and also they seem to be friends with Imaginary Gary. They're heavily implied to sing his villain song with him (where he blatantly reveals he's Imaginary Gary), and it's HILARIOUS. Can you even imagine? He was their boss in that version of the script. I can't deal. That's so funny; he's like 5. Was he even paying them or did they just think he was fun? I just need all the lovely new followers I've gained since I started posting about New Wish to understand how not normal I am about the Learnatorium crew. If you've ever wondered why I write about them so much... I just think they're neat! <3 -> Btw for anyone wondering, you can find some early-season scripts on Fred Seigbert's Scribd. It's painfully difficult to navigate, so I suggest Scribd's search bar instead of his profile. For easier reading, I keep screenshots of the things I find most interesting on my blog, tagged #original script. I figure if you've read this far, you might be into quirky FOP lore, so run... be free. I think I've read them all, so all the funny moments are on my blog. There are some lovely gems in there... There's a deleted scene from "Totally Spaced Out" where Gary and Betty tried to ditch their jobs and flee to Mexico, a deleted scene of Mark and Vicky lovingly holding hands in the nursing home while he's in squid form, and a deleted scene from "Oddlympics" of Jorgen, Anti-Cosmo, and H.P. dressing up as cowboys and in dresses. Juandissimo has early lore about his fear of Cosmo. There's a storyboard for "Anti-Poof" in there somewhere.

Anyway, the point is, I enjoy H.P. a lot. Listen, I've been a huge fan of this guy for 8 years; I love him to death. He's very sassy. He purposely messes with Jorgen's head and Jorgen loses his temper over it. He jumps through hoops to do things right, he wields loopholes to do things wrong, and he tortures people because, in his own words, "It's hilarious."

-> In my mind, HE is the manipulative schemer that Anti-Cosmo often gets remembered as. Where's my sexy bad boy H.P. fanart? Surely it was someone's job to show me that /jk

And there is nothing wrong with portraying A.C. as a sexy bad boy. They can both be sexy bad boys. I'm explaining how I read him in my incredibly specific take, but others might not read him this way. A.C. does a good job of pretending to be a sexy bad boy, but I personally enjoy when he's also portrayed as a dork and I want to talk about that because it's my post.

So, honestly... I think Anti-Cosmo is scared of Jorgen. He never challenges people directly, instead using disguises or hiding behind social events like the "Oddlympics." He lets H.P. take charge in his own castle. He can barely discipline his own son (and when he does, Foop ignores him). A.C. throws temper tantrums on the ground, kicking and shrieking and breaking stuff when things don't go his way. And I LOVE him for it.

But he's not a suave bad boy in my mind, lol. I mean, he tries, and sometimes he pulls it off, but he's definitely not sweet or charming. He's a tantrum-throwing baby who yells at his wife <3 and only holds her hand during "When Nerds Collide" if you pause in time to catch it.

You know how I said Jorgen is a twist on expectations? Anti-Cosmo's whole thing is that people think he's cool and smart, but it's a façade. In his debut episode, Timmy outsmarted him very easily. It doesn't surprise me at all that Anti-Cosmo took a step back in later seasons and Foop became our main Anti-Fairy. Because it's totally in-character for Foop to go looking for trouble, and it's totally in-character for A.C. to... not do that.

A.C. is an introvert who needs a reason to leave the house. Foop likes running around, causing trouble. It's great. You can see so much of Anti-Wanda in Foop and it's funny to me.

I like how A.C. sometimes wanders off and forgets what he's doing. I mean, that's how Timmy defeated him in "When Nerds Collide"- His friends coaxed him into meandering off on his own. He charges headfirst into things despite consequences. He throws things, including his wand. He runs away from confrontation. He jumps on tables. He makes paper airplanes. His wife mocks him for having dorky X-ray goggles he bought from the back of a comic book. He's a goofball.

Again, they are both goofballs- A.C. and H.P. Every villain is a goofball: Norm spends his time out of his lamp eating ice cream and getting his dry cleaning handled, H.P. likes to party, A.C. can't sit still, Sanderson prioritizes music above villainy, Crocker is more silly than spooky, Foop is a baby who needs naps and playtime, and Kevin ping-pongs between self-deprecation and giddy overconfidence.

Anti-Cosmo does come across as a bad boy sometimes. I'll be very surprised if we don't see Anti-Cosmo's return since he's a popular character and I think people are into his British bad boy vibe, but like...

Since it's my speculation post, I just really need to say that if they change his personality so he's now super charming and sassy with no signs of the temper, dorkiness, or cowardice that's always lurked in him, I'll be sad... because I like my tantrum-throwing baby who shakes his wife up and down when he's stressed. And this man was not the sharpest tack when it came to sass, sdfklj.

I totally suspect New Wish will reboot him as a total sexy, suave villain because honestly, that's probably the way he's remembered. Which is okay, but if he does return, I will miss my silly comics-loving geek who can't stand up to a newborn, writes notes with brightly colored pens he changes every sentence, and jumps on tables during fancy dinners. He's so goofy. I hate him (/affectionate).

-> And if we bring back Anti-Fairies, but throw the Pixies aside because "Eh, they're boring," it will be a crying shame. I will accept it, but you will find me standing with a confused look on my face as I swing my hands to gesture between Anti-Cosmo and H.P.

-> There's nothing wrong with bringing back A.C. and not H.P.! The Anti-Fairies are beloved and stick in people's memories well, I'm sure. But also, H.P. is my favorite in the whole series. He's incredibly sassy, manipulative, meticulous, and hilarious.

Where else can I find an old man who drops the line "The only thing you'll be eating is my dust!" before jumping on a scooter and blasting off with a shout of "Later, dude!" Or the old man who gets distracted because he'd rather be at a rave. Or elbows Timmy in the side with a smug smile and asks if his pizza tasted better than "Jorgen's slice of pure rabbit droppings."

This is the man who danced and sang "Go me, go me, it's my birthday." It's heavily implied the main reason he's a villain is because he's too obsessive compulsive to watch the world fall apart around him. That's hilarious. He literally took over the world and the first thing he did was go home and get drunk. He's a fantastic character and I should say it.

-> I'm not gonna be mad if we get an Anti-Cosmo reboot and kick the Pixies into the sun. I'll just be /pensive emoji about it. Also, I rambled about this mainly because I've gained a surprising amount of new followers recently, and if you're new here... I just think you deserve a warning about what you're getting into with my blog. I love him so much.

In conclusion... IF we get the Pixies and H.P.'s been reduced to a dull and boring stereotype who lost his snark and love for parties, I'll be devastated and I'd rather have them not show up :')

... Also if H.P. is dead and Sanderson is now in charge because it's "the future," my head will be in my hands. If that happens, you can unfollow me right then because it's all I'll talk about /lh. I want my super sassy bossman, please and thank you.

I would miss the old H.P., but I would also be grateful for any Pixie scraps I'm given because they're my favorites. I cannot believe we got a Flappy Bob cameo in New Wish. Definitely not on my bingo board.

Well... There we go! My thoughts so far. I'm looking forward to seeing where the show goes, and I hope we get to see more of the things I want. These are very early thoughts!

Again, please don't spoil anything since I'm only up to "Trial or Hair-or," and please no grumpiness in my replies or inbox.

These are personal liveblog opinions from a long-time fan who's been avoiding spoilers since New Wish was hinted over a year ago. My opinions may change later if the show goes a new direction. I AM enjoying the show, but I also wanted to share what I like about the OG and what I'd like to see in New Wish's future.

Thanks!

[slaybestieslay946]

i was just reading some 1 star reviews of the secret history (because i was curious lmao) and it got me thinking about some of the points people raised so heres my two cents that have probably been repeated to death already but who cares.

First of all, I think it’s interesting just how many people took issue with the characters being ‘snobby and one dimensional’ when that is precisely the point. In the first ‘book’ or section, Richard specifically tells us how he views these people with a sort of admiration or ‘gloss’ that stops him from seeing any and all flaws they may have.

He idolises them from the very moment they’re introduced, going on long ramblings about they’re beauty and intellect and the like. He doesn’t notice things like Charles’ abusive tendencies or Henry’s manipulation or Francis’ constant anxieties because he doesn't view them as human, and instead as godlike.

This of course is his fatal flaw, his ‘morbid longing for the picturesque’ that he describes in the first chapter. He is willing to overlook these flaws and instead focus only on the aesthetic of their lives and interactions. He is even willing to go to extreme lengths to preserve this idealism, such a participate in the murder of Bunny when he in fact should’ve had no part in it.

Therefore I think it’s illogical to suggest that the members of the greek class had no personality and development, when that is in fact untrue and precisely the point. They remain, in Richard’s memory, almost like beautiful statues, that have no real depth and substance.

Even when he discovers the truth about them, he still struggles to reconcile this knowledge with his desire to preserve their aesthetic beauty.

This leads me on to another point I often see raised in critical reviews of this book, in which people refer to Donna Tartt as being the one to admire these qualities, rather than the character of Richard.

It is something I often see in spaces online, in which people struggle to discern and distinguish between the opinions of the author and the opinions of the protagonist (more like narrator in Richards case).

I believe it has something to do with an obsession with moral purity in online spaces, where people struggle to understand the nuance that, while Richard is the main character, we are not necessarily supposed to agree with his beliefs, and he is not some kind of self insert for the author herself.

Instead he is written as a critique of elitism and obsession with aesthetics. From the beginning he idolises these people who do not deserve that kind of praise and worship. He is desperate to win their love and approval, but remains an outsider until the very end, no matter what he deludes himself into believing.

Tartt is warning us against the dangers of putting other people upon a pedestal, a sort of unconquerable moral high ground, as Richard did with the Greek class, and as the Greek class did with Julian.

In the end both of these relationships crumble, because they are entirely founded upon fantasy, in particular aesthetic fantasy.

feel free to disagree with me, these are just my inital understandings as ive still not completed my second read of this book and there may be some things i havent considered. if you have anything to add, please let me know!

[bluexbrry]

His breath hitched, enchanted by how your gown moved along side you gracefully. Your long, snowy cape following you yet gently waving in the air as you take slow steps towards him. His knees gently bucking and heart banging against the doors of his heart. His bought back to earth by his best man, Ranpo, who swung his arm around Poe's shoulder whispering in his ear how he's a lucky man. Poe's already rosy cheeks turned darker as you got closer and closer to the altal. You passed your white lilly bouquet to yosano as you took your loves hands in yours. The only thing separating you guys' touch is the white gloves you both had on. As you look into his grey eye, you were pretty sure you saw a gently twinkle as your e/c met his. You smiled gently at him as the officiator gently coughed to get your guys attention. Both of you guys freezing up and turning to them with a chuckle escaping both of you as the officiator began. After your vows it was his turn, you couldn't belive that he was gonna talk in front of other people loudly. He turned his face back at you and tucked your soft H/C lock behind your ear. "Y/N, ever since we met on that night by the bridge in yokohama, I've been certain there was no one else meant for me. The way you smiled at me as you gave me my morning coffee. The way you listened to my plans about how I'm going to overtake Ranpo next time I see him. The way you swayed your hips as we danced in the middle of the fresh morning rains before falling ill and getting told off by Francis. The way you would stroke my hair after I've had yet another anxiety attack or just had a bad day. Ever since that I just knew I had to kneel down on one knee and make you officially mine. Call me selfish but I wish to never see you with another. So from today onwards my last name is now yours to share, and for us to share new memories with it. Thank you for giving a man like me a chance." He slipped the rose gold band on your finger as he gave you a gently peck on your hand. Everything blurred out for you both until you heard the you may kiss the bride and the bells jingling. He gently cupped you face with his left hand as he brought your lips to meet his halfway there, everything and everyone completely disappearing leaving you two to your own thoughts as you sealed away the love you shared.

[oneunexpected]

This, I think, is my best chapter-by-chapter playlist so far, especially in the last eight or so songs. It's for Marks of Secret, and I hope you all enjoy! Listen along here.

1 - Symphony no. 5, mvt II by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - This is a looooong chapter. It mostly establishes where Gregor’s family is at after the events of Curse of the Warmbloods. I didn’t really have a song in mind for it, and I still don’t. Maybe one day I’ll come back and change this, but for now it’s the second movement from Tchaikovsky’s second movement, because it’s got a little sadness, a little contentedness, a random jumpscare (like the Bane), and this chapter has all of that.

2 - Paranoid Android by Radiohead - The Bane is moody and unstable and so is this song! When Thom Yorke sings, “When I am king, you will be first against the wall,” I think about the Bane and Ripred. Another line I like is “Ambition makes you look pretty ugly / Kicking, screaming Gucci little piggy.” Pearlpelt’s our Gucci little piggy, deluded on all the things Twirltongue’s promised him.

3 - No Surprises by Radiohead - Back to back Radiohead! I struggled with this choice because this chapter covers a lot and has three pretty distinct tonal shifts. I related the line “A job that slowly kills you” to Gregor’s increasing anxieties about his role as the Warrior, both in regards to Ripred’s request he help him kill the Bane, and the specter of the next prophecy, which he asks Nerissa about. The song’s lyrical content is pretty dark, but the tune is sorta peaceful, so I hope this song doesn’t take you out of the chapter’s happier moments.

4 - Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac - I wanted a song about some sort of dark temptress for Twitchtip. I don’t know many. It was either this or Jolene, and Jolene doesn’t seem quite as shadowy as Rhiannon does, so here we are.

5 - May I Have This Dance by Francis and the Lights ft. Chance the Rapper - This song is so sweet, and so is this chapter. It’s about setting down any burdens you carry to just enjoy someone’s company.

6 - Cover Me by Björk - “This is really dangerous / Cover me” are good lines for the first time Luxa really ever asks anything of Gregor. I chose this version over the album version because I like the arrangement more, but you’re welcome to check out the other version, or the remix, which is longer.

7 - You’ve Been Flirting Again by Björk - Luxa and Gregor fight a ton in this book, and I could have chosen this song for any one of those times, but process of elimination sort of led me here. The last verse in particular, “How you reacted was right” followed by “Give her some time, give her some space,” fit well in this chapter. You can almost hear Ares telling Gregor that in the dialogue.

8 - Reptilia by The Strokes - While I chose it mostly just because it sounds like a fitting song for a combat scene, I like the repeating prechorus lines, “Please don’t slow me down if I’m going too fast / You’re in a strange part of our town.” Seemed like good lines for Gregor’s out of control raging here. Lyrically, there’s plenty here to imply the narrator is sort of struggling with himself, and that his partner (or whoever he’s addressing in the song) is losing patience with him, which fit close enough with the aftermath of what Gregor does here.

9 - Just a Game by Birdie - My obligatory Hunger Games soundtrack song for this book. Chose this song for the date subterfuge — Gregor doesn’t know how much of his quick lie reflects how he really feels.

10 - Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap - “All those years / They were here first.” You might know this song from the Lonely Island/SNL digital short “Dear Sister,” one of the greatest gifts to the internet, or from its sample in Jason Derulo’s 2009 classic “Whatcha Say.” Mysterious, creepy, heartbroken, it’s everything I wanted for the picnic bunch investigating the Fount.

11 - Earth by Sleeping at Last - This is probably a little on the nose, since this is a song that uses an earthquake as an extended metaphor, but I think lyrically it works with Luxa really well here. She’s got her tough walls, but like the narrator saying, “Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house / but I put it out of my mind / long enough to call it courage / to live without a lifeline,” this is the chapter where she learns she has to rely on the people in her life, namely her cousins. She needs Hazard the same way Gregor needs Boots. But she needs Howard, too, because as tough as she is, sometimes she needs someone to take care of her sometimes.

12 - Your Best American Girl by Mitski - Gregor and Luxa talk about the date subterfuge, and they both sort of mutually imply that if they weren’t (very literally) living opposite lives, they’d be interested in one another. This song captures that sort of cultural divide and yearning in spite of it.

13 - Shout by Tears for Fears - I’m jumping the shark. I had no clue what to use here. I went with this to try to represent Howard as a moral compass. I got nothing.

14 - Running to Stand Still by U2 - Consider this my return to form, because this was a song I knew I wanted to use from the beginning. This song is about a woman in a lot of turmoil deciding that she’s “gotta do something about where we’re going,” and, well, this chapter is about that, too. On a personal note, this song has been one of my favorites since I was a child, and I really hope you enjoy it. The last verse is so haunting: “She is raging, she is raging / And the storm blows up in her eyes / She will suffer the needle chill / She’s running to stand still.” Luxa’s decision is going to have horrific consequences. But in her eyes, it’s what’s necessary to finally be still.

15 - Joan of Arc by Arcade Fire - Luxa is the Joan of Arc in question here, the Regalian’s “muse,” as the song puts it. Gregor’s upset with Luxa, and he questions his place in the upcoming war, which I thought fit well with “I’m the one with the heavy heart / ‘Cause I’ll follow you.”

16 - The Ruler and the Killer by Kid Cudi - Thank you once again to the Hunger Games for delivering me a song about themes Suzanne used in both series. This is a great song for the version of the Bane we see in this chapter, who is a compelling orator rallying his troops to do something unspeakably evil — even though we don’t know the extent of his atrocity yet. “When I talk, you should listen / All of you belong to me / Come on, we should get it going / Now what I want is specific, hey hey.”

17 - Butchered Tongue by Hozier - How kind of Hozier to release this song last week! We learn a little more about the extent of the Regalians’ colonizing behavior here, and since that’s done largely through discussing the different languages in the Underland (and how not knowing English can be a death sentence for other creatures, as it nearly was for the Scorpions), I thought this song was a good fit. Also, it sounds cool.

18 - Ribs by Lorde - I chose this song for the moment Luxa and Gregor have here, when they’re just enjoying one another’s company, feeling very far from the war waiting for them. Gregor reminds himself soon he’ll leave her land forever, but it’s no comfort. Lorde laughs with a favorite friend “‘til her ribs get tough,” but like Gregor, she knows “that will never be enough” to sustain their relationship in the face of lost innocence and the passage of time.

19 - Redbone by Childish Gambino - Since this song is about paranoia in a relationship and the sense of being surveilled (or even stalked), I chose it for the discussion about the rats that attacked Gregor under the palace, and Luxa and Howard’s anger at Ripred and Gregor for not taking the gnawers’ omnipresent threat.

20 - The Night We Met by Lord Huron - This is Gregor and Luxa’s biiiig fight, the one that clues in Ripred to Gregor’s attraction to Luxa. I chose this song for Gregor’s haymaker, the suggestion that Luxa and Gregor could forget that they ever met each other, mirrored in the repeating line, “Take me back to the night we met.” I also like the lyrics, “I am not the only traveler / Who has not repaid his debt.” When he’s cooling down from the fight, Gregor thinks about how much he and Luxa owe each other, how interconnected their lives have become and that reminds me of those lines.

21 - Never Tear Us Apart by INXS - I think this is a good song about the relationship bonds have and their devotion to one another. I particularly like it for Ares and Gregor, especially because the chorus reminds me of the circumstances of their bonding. “I was standing / You were there / Two worlds collided / And they could never tear us apart.” This chapter is one of the most important moments for Ares and Gregor’s relationship. Ares has to give his trust up completely to Gregor to “let him fly for a change,” as Gregor says, and I think Gregor’s behavior is so touching, whether for his insistence that he be the one to bring Ares in, or the way he rambles reassurances to keep Ares calm. Ares begging Gregor not to leave him is like a punch to the stomach every time I read it. I wanted this chapter’s song to reflect how unshakable their relationship has become.

22 - O Children by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - I won’t try to analyze this song too much because I’d be here too long, but I encourage you guys to go read the lyrics to it, because I think they’re all impactful. One of the verses that led to my selection was “Poor old Jim’s white as a ghost / He’s found the answer we lost / We’re all weeping now, weeping because / There ain’t nothing we can do to protect you.” I see Cartesian as Jim, finally getting the horrific proof of what he always suspected — the gnawers are trying to kill all of the nibblers.

23 - Mothers of the Disappeared by U2 - This song was written about the Madres de Plaza de Mayo, the mothers of the activists and political dissidents forcibly disappeared — that is to say, kidnapped, tortured and murdered — by the United States-backed Argentine military junta that ruled from 1976 to 1983. I encourage you all to read about the Madres, because they were remarkable, and if you’re American, I think this is a historical event you need to know about. I think it is up there among the worst things this country has ever been responsible for. But I digress. I chose this song for its lyrics, a very poetic depiction of witnessing political violence, and the beautiful expression of grief in the music. The last two verses are haunting: “Night hangs like a prisoner [God, what a line] / Stretched over black and blue / Hear their heartbeats / We hear their heartbeats / In the trees, are sons stand naked / Through the walls, our daughters cry / See their tears / In the rainfall.” The picnic squad are the only witnesses of what’s happened, the only ones left to “hear their heartbeats,” and it sets the course for the rest of the series — and really, each one of their lives.

24 - The Unforgettable Fire by U2 - On the nose, but I chose this song to use the volcano itself as the unforgettable fire in question. “Walk on by, walk on through / Walk ‘til you run / And don’t look back / For here / I am” reminded me of Gregor when he’s trying to find the rest of his party or a way out of the ash or… anything, really, to save him from his situation. I don’t know what I’d interpret the “I” to be in that situation. The nibblers? The volcano? His despair? It all seemed to fit.

25 - Fly On by Coldplay - When Pandora dies, Luxa tells Howard that she’ll “fly with him always,” which is what reminded me of this song. The song goes, “Fly on, right through / Maybe one day I’ll fly next to you,” which to me fit well with Howard teaching Hazard how to carry the memory of his loved ones.

26 - Orphans by Coldplay - I don’t know why it seems like any time I use the same artist more than once for one book, I use them back-to-back, but I love this song for this book. Get ready for some serious lyrical dissonance. It’s a happy-sounding song, but it’s about how war tears lives apart. I chose it for the refrain, “I guess we’ll be raised on our own, then / ‘Cause I wanna be with you ‘til the world ends / I wanna be with you ‘til the whole world ends,” which reminds me of Gregor and Luxa at the end of this chapter. The idea of kids who sort of have to raise themselves fits well for both of them, too.

27 - Trouble in Town by Coldplay - Okay, I know three in a row is a little ridiculous. I mostly liked the way this song sounded for Gregor and Ares speeding back to Regalia to warn the city about the impending attack, and because it’s from the same album as “Orphans,” it was already on the brain.

[edvinception]

The podcast with Edvin

I loved the podcast. I was expecting it to be longer since I had heard it would be so that disappointed. However what we got I thoroughly enjoyed.

Edvin and the host Josh had such a nice and natural conversation. They felt really comfortable with eachother and you can tell they were both really passionate about it.

I've never heard of Josh before but his podcast seems so nice and the podcast conscept is great.

Edvin is such a passionate person and it's obvious how much he loves to talk about acting and working to create stories and characters. I love to hear him talk about it.

I loved to hear him talk about his process with Wilhelm. Especially with his anxiety since that's so palpable in everything Wilhelm does. Like Edvin said it's part of who Wille is..

I also love that they made a conscious decision to showcase it differently this time. Because we saw it happen and we knew about it but to hear Edvin discuss it made me so happy. And it seems like it made him happy to talk about it too. It one of the things I like about him the most, his passion and drive.

He's put so much thought into Wilhelm and I will never get tired to hear him talk about it. We need more. We deserve more and so does he. I know he is proud of himself and he should be. But I also hope he knows how good he is and that it makes him feel less nervous and anxious about his performance.

I also love what he said about being the person you needed when you were younger. It such a good motto and it makes me happy that he's trying to make set a good and comfortable experience for younger actors to make sure these kids can fall in love with acting like he did.

I hope we get more interviews like this in the near future.

And I'll also be tuning in for Omar's tomorrow. I can't wait to hear him talk more about his work and coming back to the role of Simon.

I will not adress Francis the mullet. Edvin doesn't know what he's talking about

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 4th September

Here come the girls! The 1950s are still pretty male-dominated as far as chart-toppers go, but the female artists who are popping up at the moment are pretty awesome. Case in point, both of our artists today, with at least two songs that are actually doing a surprisingly similar (and very cool) thing.

Stupid Cupid - Connie Francis (double A-side, peaked at Number 1)

I really liked Connie Francis last time she appeared, on Who's Crying Now, and I'm pleased to report that I still like her a lot. This song has a lot of the same fun and attitude, but is just that little bit happier, that little bit rowdier. Whereas Connie, last time, was catty and angry at a man who wronged her, this time she's in love, and blaming Cupid for the fool it's made of her. It's a fun, silly concept, and she plays it with maximum charm and cheekiness: Stupid Cupid, stop pickin' on me!

Her voice, throughout, is brash, with this cute little squeak on the word Cupid. Dainty this performance is not! And there's a sense of amusement to it, a sort of giggle - for all that Connie's blaming Cupid, she's still having a lot of fun. At the end of the day, this is just a well made rock and roll romp, complete with jaunty hand claps, a silly repeated twang sound on the guitar, and a bunch of dramatic piano glissandos (glissandi?)

So yeah, Connie's clearly got it bad, but she's having a lot of fun complaining about it. The stakes aren't ever that high - possibly because she's clearly a schoolgirl, still, with lines about how I can't do my homework and I can't think straight / I meet him every morning 'bout half past eight, or about how I'm acting like a lovesick fool / You even got me carrying his books to school. D'awww. This is teen girl pop, in the same mould as Buddy and the Everlys teen boy pop, deliberately low-stakes, cute and innocent, providing a sort of safe space for teen girls to have a giggle about the boys they have a crush on, and how silly they feel around them. It's good stuff, especially later on, with Connie's coy, knowing little line about how she kissed him, and since then the thing that bothers me is that I like it fine. There's a wink to it, a sort of acknowledgement that Connie's maybe not all that bothered about being in love. It feels very much like talking to your friends about your crush, kind of enjoying the "woe is me" theatrics of it all.

Anyway, all that to say, this is a top-notch teen pop song, to me. Interestingly, Connie was 19 when she recorded it, so barely a teen any more, and the songwriters were apparenty worried she'd resent being given such a seemingly childish song. She didn't, and the rest was history. The songwriters, notably, were Neil Sedaka and Howie Greenfield, who will almost certainly re-appear a bunch as we head into the 1960s, as employees at the so-called Brill Building, where a bunch of New York songwriters were busy synthesising R&B and rock and roll with good, solid, interesting lyric-writing, focussing mostly on teenage anxieties and concerns. So, uh, keep an eye on this space.

Carolina Moon - Connie Francis (double A-side, 1)

Well, this is a come-down from Stupid Cupid and it's goofy, teenage energy. I know part of the the point of a double A-side is to get that contrast and show off an artist's range, but sometimes there's such thing as too much of a contrast, and I think this song suffers from that, at least for me. Who knows, maybe people really loved this, back in 1958. But to me, it's just slow and kind of old-fashioned-sounding, compared to the other side of the record.

To be fair to the song, it probably wasn't meant to appeal to the same audience as Stupid Cupid. If that song was supposed to be one for the teens, this is a more mature, adult ballad, all about loneliness, and singing to the moon about it. Hence lots of lyrics asking Carolina moon, keep shining / Shining on the one who waits for me. It's not exactly clear if this is a lover that Connie's separated from, or it's more of a "I've not met you yet, but I'm tired of being here without you" song, but either way, there is a sense of wistful longing that's tangible and that Connie does get across successfully.

It's not a Connie Francis original, but was instead written in 1924 and first recorded in 1928 by country crooner Gene Autry. So this is a resurrection of a song that probably a bunch of people knew from years back, and that would probably have appealed to a mix of ages. And it does feel like a sort of return to of old-school traditional pop and even country sounds, complete with lush strings, a harmonica and those more choral backing singers you used to get all the time, repeating lines like shine on, shine on, shine on tonight in the background, to give a bit of texture to it all. There's a bluesy few bits of guitar and a faint piano line in the background that maybe hints at 1950s rock and roll, but mostly, this is the sort of thing you could imagine charting all the way back in 1952.

So yes, the vibe I get here is mostly "pretty but a bit stodgy". It's fine and well made, but it's also just slow and kind of a drag - I much prefer Stupid Cupid. This isn't an outright objectionable listen, but it's not going to be my pick, you know?

Fever - Peggy Lee (peaked at Number 4)

If you know any Peggy Lee song, you probably know this one. First recorded by R&B singer Little Willie John, Peggy absolutely makes it hers here. I think the first time I heard this song, it just about blew my mind, how cool it was. It's slinky and it's sexy, the musical equivalent of a tiger stalking round its enclosure, all controlled, caged power and ferocity.

Beacuse this song holds back. Peggy's never belting, never trying to overpower the song. Instead, we get a song that's sparse, empty, dark. It starts with this quiet, low bassline, an echoing bass drum boom, almost like a heartbeat, some sporadic clattering noises from the other drums, and finger claps. It immediately creates this ominous, heavy atmosphere, a sort of tense, slightly jazzy ambience that Peggy just slides into, with a delivery that's sultry and sexy: Never know how much I love you / Never know how much I care / When you put your arms around me / I get a fever that's so hard to bear.

The central metaphor here's one of love as a fever, something burning and hot and vaguely sweaty. There's an almost uncomfortable physicality to it all, with lines about how she gets fever when you hold me tight / Fever in the mornin' / Fever all through the night. Hot stuff, but all classily implicit and understated, and we continue to get this sort of cool, distanced stuff, all about how fever isn't such a new thing / Fever started long ago, with reference to Romeo and Juliet and John Smith and Pocahontas and how the "fever" of love's been a thing since the world began.

I particularly love the bit here where Peggy quotes Romeo as he sings about how Thou givest fever / When we kisseth / Fever with thy flaming youth / Fever / I'm on fire / Fever, yea, I burn, forsooth. I just think it's neat when you get a line like that that feels like it could be a legit Shakespeare line, and also gets the word "forsooth" into a chart hit in a semi-plausible way. In any other song this would feel so weird, but it works so well, with the long sibilant "th" sound in "forsooth" making a sort of hissing, sizzling sound that only underscores the fever imagery.

And then we get Peggy's conclusion, as she sings about how chicks were made to give you fever / Be it Fahrenheit or centigrade, describing it as fever till you sizzle, / But what a lovely way to burn. This is the grown-up version of Connie's I like it fine line, a sort of seizing and owning of Peggy's sexuality, a coy, knowing admission that she doesn't object to being in love all that much, for all that she complains about how it's driving her mad, burning her up etc.

And we just fade out on a repeat of that crucial what a lovely way to burn line, which gives us perhaps one of my favourite moments of the song, aside from the "forsooth" part, as Peggy's voice on the very final word of the very final line goes all throaty, coming out in a sort of groan. It's just the tiniest glimpse of the passion and longing she's been so carefully describing and holding back in the rest of the song, a little growl from the caged tiger. I know it's a fleeting moment, but I'm just obsessed with it. So good!

Man, this week was good. I didn't care as much for Carolina Moon, but both of the other songs were excellent, both of them well-made and cleverly-written, with this sort of empowered, confident attitude. They're both theoretically songs about the helplessness of being in love, but sun in such a way that you can't help but feel that Connie and Peggy are every bit in charge of the situation, owning their desires and even revelling in them. More songs like this, please!

Favourite song of the bunch: Fever

[justineps]

One thing I decided to completely change about myself is the fact that I will speak the truth, or at least what I believe to be is my truth, even if it pushes people away or causes them to look at me in a negative manner. I really started to feel better once I just blurted out what was genuinely on my mind. The first few times I let this happen, a heavy wave of anxiety surged throughout my entire body, and I remember my body temperature drastically increased. I didn’t receive positive reactions due to this though, but I felt so .. light and did not feel bad whatsoever once I cooled down. I don’t have much, or at all, to lose anymore, and I’ll never speak my truth with any intentions of hurting someone. After all, it is someone’s choice to be affected by it or actually think about what I had to say, albeit it not being the best way to probably convey it, which I know I still need to work on. But I want to be a person to tell someone what I feel like they dont want to hear, but actually should, rather than the clouded white lies that will do nothing for them other than feed their mind with responses that will more than likely come to bite them in the ass harder when that time will inevitably arise again. And in the end, others can view me as rude or mean, but for once, I know if someone will take the time to listen and think about what is said, rather than how it was said (I really need to continue to work on expressing my thoughts the way I hope to without stuttering or not making sense), then I’m confident that they’d feel I only did so because I cared. I thought about this as well, the caring part and just staying quiet, but nothing good for me will ever come my way if I never authentically change how I am towards others. I realized I ended up alone because I had put on so many masks all my life, that even I probably wouldn’t have known whether to help myself if I had asked.

The only thing that bothers me is that.. will any of this even matter? Where do I honestly move forward towards (sounds weird)? I haven’t felt the feeling of “home” in the longest time, but have come to terms that it definitely is not a place or the things that surround myself under a roof. In no way am I trying to sound like a negative doodoohead, but I’d like to believe that I’m at the point where l want to share whats left of my spirit, heart, and mind to be associated with anything or anyone that can reciprocate any excitement in both growth and love towards one another. I don’t see myself adopting a child in the future anymore, and my naive dream of having a small family of my own is starting to seem .. well, nothing but just a younger Justin’s dream.

P.S. I’m glad I got to connect with Francis a few times earlier this year and jokingly told him I hated him for being able to experience my dream only a few weeks after the night we shared what we ultimately desired in life, and spent hours talking about our fears, bucket list, and goals before our time comes close to an end. I told him I felt like I got close, but blew it as always, and he suggested what he always had from day one, to leave this place. I actually responded back with how I felt even if I were to leave and.. well, eh that’s just actual guy life talk at that point lol.

It’s been four years since I’ve genuinely been happy it was my birthday, and I surprisingly still have so many photos of everything. White Claws and a 3 gram “Galaxy: Blasters of the Universe- Cognac Honey” hahaha. I would probably hibernate or act like a total fool if I were to even have those this year, it’s been 2 years since I even had a good blunt and alcohol in my system. Lol I cant help but smile right now. Thanks for the memories. I wonder when it’ll be til another memory tops that night lol. Im alone, but I feel warm at this exact moment, so this is where I’ll end my digital journal entry. (i need to buy myself a nice writing pen/pencil lol!)

[guangchuans]

ok yeah. i was right in my thinking. putting this under the cut bc idk how long my musings will get (yes it got long this 1.2k words)

advice, both album and the song itself, and the mv even, was a sort of the last hurrah before enlistment for sure. every idol i think experiences anxiety tied to the enlistment period bc aside from personal worries (which i don’t want to try and analyse, i think we as the public already got to know too much, with the information of taemin’s worsening anxiety and depression symptoms), but most importantly it makes them be away from their livelihoods for an extended period of time like never before. the anonymity it forces on you i imagine is both freeing and very odd, to suddenly be so detached from the very intense and in the public eye life you are used to.

advice is very fast, including fastest of taemin’s verses on the album. advice the Song breaks the fourth wall, addressing the treatment taemin faced his whole life. it poses almost a threat, push me more, see where that gets you. it sets a new bar, both with while by that point the mixed dancers and gender-neutral choreo in general became a taemin staple, it come back stronger, with longer hair, with exposed skin in ways that isn’t most typical for… idols with his build. other songs on the album are all quintessentially taemin too, which i know feels maybe redundant to say, but it will become important when we move to guilty.

light is to me almost like this feeling, like into the rhythm. it’s a fun rhythm, it’s a song that makes you dance. it’s taemin in the club. it’s taemin’s clear vocals. if i could tell you is Excellent to me for one simple reason; doing a duet song with one of SM’s top female vocalists and keeping up with her is immensely impressive and makes me proud to see him go from debuting as a Dancer only to growing up as a full fledged artist. strings i talked about so much already but it’s just wonderful. it’s such a sexual song, but sexual in this typical taemin way, of placing the lyrical subject as the one that pleasure is placed upon. it’s sensual, it’s enticing, it asks the listener to engage with it (and as taemin once said, strings is best listened to while alone in bed at night. franci said jack that thing to my song. go on [sorry for the detour let us go back]). with sad kids i have an odd relationship, because i used to not like it much, but i grew to appreciate it, for the lyrics and while it kind of leans too strong into mainstream pop to me, the clear vocals make up for it. it’s a bittersweet and slow finale to an album that is the last statement, and one that leaves you tender hearted.

and now… guilty. oh guilty. i think a detour here is needed, to tie back why i mentioned the private aspect of taemin’s life here. ever since he came back in april, at the risk of parasocial behaviour, seeing him grow back into himself, the performer he was absolutely Born to be, has been an honour. to see him get bold in the public again, to see him get silly, to see him get serious too. he is so well spoken these days, and there is such an aura of emotional maturity to some of the things he says (sorry, only some). with how often he has been mentioning the fact that he was an actual child when debuting, it really makes me think that during his enlistment, he must’ve gotten a harsh reality check on what his life has been up until that point.

i keep coming back to the teen vogue interview often, the fact that the interview’s title includes the quote “i’ve learned how to live a life” is saddening enough, but this part is so important imo too.

source

this is… i do need to be objective about this, i know that’s more reasonable, so i shan’t say too much. but these words, and the real evidence of this mindset in him too, made him to be even a better performer than he used to be.

guilty, as an album, and as a title track, is not taemin’s best, but that doesn’t say much, given how high he set the bar with his whole career. and while it isn’t the best, it remains quintessentially taemin still, and is, in my opinion, a perfect reintroduction of taemin the idol back to the scene. it shows him at the most contemporary, with a 808 trap beat, with a club dance beat, with a slow ballad, and with a heartfelt bittersweet song too.

guilty’s concept is highly fascinating too, but i won’t dwell on it too long, this thing is way too… long already. it is such perfectly captured perverse portrayal of sexuality and power imbalance and the violence of institutions one can face. it is complex, there is not one set reading, and it keeps growing in interpretations with each new stage of it. i love it conceptually, but not so much musically.

i feel like for Taemin, The Vocalist, the vocals get lost in it almost. the spelling out chorus is also not the most attractive to me, simply. the rizzness is infuriating to me, because i really want to dislike it, the lyrics sold me. it’s so taemin, to choose a song about a very modern and trendy concept, and twist it into something about societal expectations. she loves me she loves me not is the dance beat to me, she’s cute, she doesn’t do much to me personally, but i’m able to recognise the appeal. not over you paints such a dreamy picture with his soft delivery and even softer lyrics, it makes me fall in love with singing all over again. night away and blue are twin songs to me, both deeply comforting, both focusing on the softer quality of taemin’s voice, being perfect closing songs to this… manifesto in a way, too, that was the guilty mini album.

and now i want to compare these two works a bit. as i said, i see advice as the last hurrah. as a fast, angry, bitter cry to the world before all i know is taken away from me, and guilty, i see as a sudden HELLO, as a reminder the king is back, as a new statement, different to the one from advice. advice told us, push me, talk all you want, i won’t break, i’m above this. guilty tells us i no longer care, i know myself best, i will walk this line, and i will be the one who will put a stop to this when I want it to.

they are both exceptional works, because they come from an exceptional artist. each very different, but each fitting perfectly in the narrative taemin has set of himself as an idol, as someone even more than an idol. i’m aware i’m not very objective about any of this, and i wish i will learn to be more of that, but for now, i want to close up this analysis with this.

taemin is one of the few artists whose music i can confidently say speaks to me like no other. i am eternally grateful he continues to provide us with top quality work, and i hope in the new year, he grows even more sure of himself and confident in being unapologetically honest and genuine in what he does and who he is. if anyone read this before leave me an 🍎 please :*

im doing an experiment listening to advice album and guilty album back to back. will be back with conclusions

[fizzyxcustard]

A New Dawn.

Masterlist of fan fiction

Part one of this fic can be found here

Fandom: Hannibal

Pairings: Francis Dolarhyde x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Sexual references, mild smut, anxiety/depression mention, negative memories, domestic abuse (physical, verbal, mental, emotional)

Summary: After Francis has brutally murdered your boyfriend, John, who has been abusing you, you and Francis run away together to help him hide. Is his love for you becoming a requited feeling?

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in.  

The motel room was musty, dark and barely cleaned. It had been your home now for two days since you had fled with Francis from your home, leaving the brutally murdered body of your boyfriend, John, behind. News reports had begun to circulate on all the main channels, asking for any information on John's murder to be given up to the authorities.

"We can't stay here forever, Francis," you told him. He sat next to you on the bed and sighed. "We need to keep moving. Maybe fly somewhere..."

"I need to get money," Francis told you, his tone stern, but giving a simplicity to his words. "Then we can go. The police will want to question you first."

Terror hit you and you froze. "I know. I'm suspect number one. After all, I lived with him, and now I've disappeared."

The question still remained in your mind: why had you left with Francis? Why didn't you turn him in? Leaving with the murderer of your boyfriend had made your life a lot more complicated now, and given the authorities a reason to suspect you as the killer. But part of you was thankful for what Francis had done. Life with John had become an unbearable hell.

Your thoughts turned into words, and as you spoke them, Francis listened.

"John was cheating on me, but he constantly denied it and told me that it was all in my head. A few months into our relationship, he started drinking at the weekend with his friends, getting completely hammered. Then he would come home and drag me out of bed, wanting to fight. I started taking anxiety and depression medication because of him, and I knew that I'd never be free of him. The house was mine, left by my parents, but he made sure he was added on to all the documents as co-owner. There was no way he was going to leave me alone once he'd got his feet under the table."

"I could never let him get away with that..." Francis mumbled.

"I know," you replied, wiping a tear from your cheek. "That was why I couldn't leave you to face the police. You saved me from that life, and even if I do go to prison, wrongfully accused, I won't have to go through any of that again. I'd by far rather sit and rot in prison then I have to go back to that life with John."

"Why have you always been so kind to me?" Francis asked, his voice breaking so slightly. He looked at you, his steel blue eyes shining so bright through the dingy atmosphere of the room.

The longer you looked at Francis and the more you felt yourself become enthralled by him. He was handsome, but didn't see it in himself. All he saw was the scar between his top lip and nose, which served as a reminder of the deformity he was born with. Francis always tried to hide his face or talk as little as possible. It seemed as if you had never been able to look upon his face fully, only from a side or in dark rooms. "Everyone deserves kindness," you replied. You took his hand in yours and held it.

Francis turned his upper body towards you. You reached up and cupped his cheek, watching him close his eyes in response. He whispered your name and kissed the palm of your hand softly. You then brushed your thumb across his scar and watched him wince in that moment.

"It's okay," you told him. "Trust me."

The air had grown so close and thick in your tensions. And acting on that tension, you did the most instinctive thing you could have done in those moments. You kissed.

Both of you became caught up in the moment, your tongues meshing. Heat was rising high, until you began to remove Francis' shirt, and that seemed to spur him on. He became more dominant in his actions, but not like John. Francis didn't want to possess, he wanted to pleasure.

Beneath his gaze and you writhed, feeling Francis kiss down you. You allowed him to take you.

***

It was the middle of the night and you opened your eyes, focusing on the shadows on the ceiling. Francis was still asleep with his back to you, and through the darkened room you could still make out the colours of the ink on his back.

You got out of bed and pulled on your underwear and jeans. What had happened between you both? It confused you. Were you really falling for him? He'd killed a man. But, he done it for you. That was what had caused this invisible force to develop between you both, where you now wanted him.

As you had made love only hours earlier, his body had overpowered you, but in a way that aroused you to the very core. It was not a possessive dominance, but rather a dominance of protection and love, wanting nothing more than to pleasure you and treasure you. Sex with John was always quick, to the point, focusing on him. Sometimes he would hit you, and you pretended to enjoy it, scared that he would hurt you even more later for defying him. With Francis and there had been an innocence in his actions, mixed with instinct. It felt like he was in tune with what you wanted and what you needed.

***

Francis woke a couple of hours later to find you gone. Your side of the bed was empty, and as he dashed to the bathroom, you weren't in there.

In a flurry of emotions, Francis got dressed and raced out of the room. The door slammed shut behind him and his eyes surveyed the area. Left to right his gaze swept. Until he noticed a figure strolling along the pavement in the left hand direction, hands in pockets. He smiled to himself in relief, recognising you immediately. The sun was rising in the distance, forming a gold halo around your head.

You approached Francis and wound your arm around his waist, feeling him draw up against you. He lowered his head toward you and sighed.

"Good morning," you whispered. Then the two of you kissed, feeling the growing heat of the sun envelope you both.

***

Follow Forever tag list: @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @xxbyimm @linasofia @middleearthpixie @meganlpie @msjava1972 @sketch-and-write-lover @knitastically @guardianofrivendell @lilacpulse @asgardianhobbit98 @spidergirla5 @rachel1959 @enchantzz

Richard Armitage tag list: @eunoiaastralwings @cryptichobbit

[juletheghoul]

Oblivious Epilogue I (Before)

I've been thinking about our two idiot love babies since I finished the main story and the question that continuously came up was - how would Francis & Spills handle the events of TF?

So here we are, chock full of more angst and babies and lots of emotions for these two.

I've gotten so many lovely messages and comments on this series and I genuinely hope you all love this.

Likes & reblogs are appreciated

Frankie Morales x F!Reader (Spills)

Pairing: Frankie x F!Reader (Spills)

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Angst, Pregnancy 18+ (NO MINORS) P in V sex, blink and you'll miss the pregnancy / lactation kink

Masterlist Series Masterlist Playlist

--------

Age: 31

[Francis❤️]: Hey honey, I’m on my way home now, what did you want me to grab?

[you]: Ooooh a burger! And fries. AND ICECREAM. 🥰

[Francis❤️]: lol, alright anything else?

[you]: Nope, just you big boy. Wouldn’t be mad about you bringing chocolate either - see you soon.❤️

-

“What’s wrong?” His brow was pinched at the expression on your face, his hand automatically coming up to rest on your shoulder.

“I - I’m going to-” You couldn’t finish speaking. You shot up and ran straight for your bathroom, heaving the contents of your stomach into the toilet noisily. He didn’t knock - he barged in immediately, bending down to rub your back soothingly as the tears slipped out.

“I know honey, it’s okay you’re going to be fine.” He was holding your hair back as everything you’d eaten came up. Throwing up always gave you anxiety, made you feel horrible and scared.

“Ughhh. That was fucking disgusting.” You sagged into him and he reached up while holding onto you, soaking a rag in cool water to press it to your brow. You took it from his hands to wipe at your mouth. You really needed to rinse and brush your teeth but the nausea was still there and you clung to him.

“You okay?” He tried to tuck you in close but you held him back.

“Not so close, I stink.” You made a face but he rolled his eyes and pulled you closer.

“I don’t care.” He craned up a bit and rinsed the rag quickly, pressing it to the back of your neck. “Are you feeling a little better?” He was speaking against your temple.

“Yes, not sure what happened, the smell of the food hit me like a truck.” You pulled away to brush your teeth and while you did he put the food away, making sure it was done by the time you came out of the bathroom.

You were fine the rest of the night and didn’t think about it until a couple of days later, when the smell of popcorn triggered you again.

“But you love popcorn?” He was standing at the door as you rinse your mouth.

“I don’t know what's wrong with me.” You were a little afraid this time, hoping you weren’t coming down with anything too serious.

“If it happens again, we’re going to the hospital.” You could tell he was trying to keep calm, but he was worried.

---

You were opening up the bathroom cupboard to grab some cleaning supplies when a box of tampons fell out. A thought occurred to you then.

When the hell was my last period? Ha! Imagine I’m pregnant?

You laughed out loud at first, but very quickly it died. You started doing some mental math and you definitely hadn't gotten it this month.

Did I get it last month?

You usually took birth control.

When I remember to.

Neither one of you were super careful about pulling out, he liked coming inside and you liked it when he did too. Would explain a lot. Suddenly you got overwhelmed, hot tears springing forth like someone had turned on a faucet. What if you were pregnant? You brought your hand to your belly unconsciously, imagining a mini you or a mini Francis. The tears kept coming, and they were hopeful.

-

“Spills? I got it babe.” He was cradling the pharmacy bag, how fitting you thought and after you followed the instructions, you both waited.

“So two lines means pregnant right?” He was studying the box as you both leaned against the tub. His chest was a sturdy wall behind you, his thighs caging you in. Both of you were sweating, nervous and hopeful.

“Yep, two lines means pregnant.” You were nervously wiping your hands onto your sweatpants as you watched the timer on your phone. “I’m nervous, Francis.” You turned slightly to rest your head on his chest. You focused on his breathing, letting it ground you.

“I’m nervous too, but I’m excited.” He put down the box and wrapped his arm around the top of your chest. “I know we haven’t really planned anything out except being together but I want kids, and I know you want kids - now’s as good a time as any.” He kissed the top of your head and nodded softly, not trusting your own voice. “Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together.”

The alarm made you both jump and laugh nervously, and you reached up with shaking hands to check, keeping the results hidden until you could look him in the eye.

“Ready?” You asked him, a slight tremble in your voice and he smiled back.

“Ready.” He held your hand and when you saw the results, you both cried happily.

-------------------

Seven Months Pregnant:

“Francis - I’m good I swear.” You were rolling your eyes as he almost carried you out of the truck.

“Yes yes I know, just let me dote on you okay?” He was trying to grab everything from the back when you placed your hand on his arm.

“Fine, you can dote all you want but I’m okay to carry the beach bag. Hand it over.” You had your arm outstretched and as much as he wanted to say no your expression made him think twice. He placed it on your shoulder reluctantly and you set out to find a good spot in the sand.

He watched you rub sunscreen onto your belly with a little smile on his face. The sun was in your face and you scrunched it up, fighting the glare from the crystal clear water. The sound of people was faint, the sound of seabirds even fainter as they flew high above.

“May I?” he grabbed it from you, pulled your legs across his lap, knowing you couldn’t reach them. You leaned back onto your elbows as he went to work, massaging your calves and your thighs, taking the time to massage your feet. You were hurting now from the weight of the baby since you were entering your third trimester and he always did anything he could to make it easier on you. It was so relaxing, his hands, the warm sand underneath your towel.

“Any excuse to feel me up huh?” You smiled as you melted, you could have sworn his hands had healing powers.

“That’s right. Any excuse to have my hands on you honey.” He got up to sit behind you, making sure your shoulders and your back were protected. The back of your neck, your lower back. Every part of you he could touch -in public- got his attention.

“Even though I can barely see my toes and my ankles are swollen? You still want me, Francis?” Your words were playful, but he could hear the real fear underneath them and his hands stilled slightly.

“Even more, if we weren’t in public right now my hands would be on your tits.” He said it low in your ear, pure honey.

“You’re just saying that.” You rested against him and kissed his cheek, a big smile on your face.

“Baby, you want me to show you? Right here? Just have to push your bottoms down a little and I can fuck you right-” You shoved his face away laughing. His words heating your blood despite the laughter. “I’m serious, you’re absolutely beautiful. I have never been more turned on by you than I am right now. Seeing your body change, making space for the baby, making food for the baby. It's made me discover things about myself that I didn’t know.” He was rubbing at your belly lovingly, feeling the baby kick against his big palm.

“I am into it. I am into this and when we get home I’ll show you how into it I am.” He kissed your neck, lingering slightly to whisper more praises into your ear.

Later on when you were both in the water you couldn’t help but fall back into your same routine.

“I love you Francis.” You were smiling, looking up at him as he held you in the water. Feeling weightless despite how heavy with child you were.

“I love you more Spills.” You held onto him, feeling at peace and happy.

------------------------------

Age: 34

“Bath time!” You said it happily, and she responded just as you thought. She squealed and clapped her hands. She was a little fish, your daughter. Francis smiled at her, giving her one of the funny faces she loved as you got her out of the high chair.

“I’ll clean up down here while you give her a bath.” He was already wringing out a rag to wipe down the fruit smeared on the high chair.

“You’re the best.” You kissed him before heading upstairs.

Luna sat in the little bath chair, the water only came up to her little tummy and she splashed as you washed her little curls. Big brown doe eyes taking in the colourful toys floating around her. Baby babbles filled the air along with the sound of the ocean coming in through the little window.

It was a relaxing ritual for the both of you, you got to unwind and focus on getting her clean and she got to bond with you. The lavender scented baby shampoo worked it’s magic and soon she was yawning. She fought it though, she was like you in so many things. Her attitude, her smile, but she was a carbon copy of her dad. It made you laugh to see his hands in miniature form, the both of you coming together to form her.

“Alright let’s get dry and then we can go and watch tv with daddy until bedtime!” You said it excitedly, giving her the smile adults always give to toddlers.

You continued your little ritual, drying her down and moisturizing her skin. You dressed her in soft pyjamas and headed down. You were happy and grateful to find the kitchen spotless, Francis already sitting on the couch -waiting for the two of you. Luna reached out to him, giving him grabby hands for the next part of the nightly ritual.

You bathed her and got her comfy and cozy for bed, but she always cuddled with her dad on the couch. Her head resting on his chest.

“Come here my little moon.” He smiled big for her, what a suck. It made you melt, every single time. “Someone is super cozy.” He rested his cheek against her curls and inhaled the smell of the shampoo. He tucked you into his side and you were all happy to just relax.

She was asleep an hour later and he quietly got up and took her upstairs to her room.

He came back down with the baby monitor fifteen minutes later and you were struck by how handsome he was.

“Knocked out, she’s done for the night.” He laughed as he put the monitor on the coffee table facing you. He was surprised a bit as you pulled him down onto you. You’d both been so busy these last few days that you’d usually both pass out right after Luna went to bed.

You didn’t give him a chance to protest though, pressing your mouth to his as he took a breath to speak and he quickly responded. Smiling slightly into the kiss when your tongue came out to find his, your hands found their way to his back - down to slide under his sweats; under his boxers.

His hands followed suit and dipped under your shirt to palm your breast, his kisses moving to your jaw, your neck - biting softly at your shoulder.

“You want it here?-” He pulled your shirt up quickly, his hot mouth quickly engulfing your nipple and you sighed quietly. “-want me to fuck you right here baby?” He bit it softly and you nodded.

“My dirty girl, wants my cock right here on the couch.” He surged forward and claimed your mouth again and you moaned into it. “Can’t even wait to get into bed hmm?” He was getting more and more worked up and you felt him hardening against your core and all of a sudden you were aching for him.

“Yes, I want you - I’m so empty.” You bit at his lip and he groaned, lifting quickly to pull your leggings down roughly. You were both ravenous for each other and within a few minutes he was sinking into you. The stretch of him carving out a space for himself within your body was bliss.

“You always feel so good.” Your words were breathless and he responded by snapping his hips faster. It was quick, both of you so keyed up for each other - you knew he wouldn’t last and you reached down to glide against your clit. With a few masterful strokes you were clenching painfully around him and he was following soon after.

You laid there, breathless, sweat beading on your brow and on his lower back.

“Jesus, haven’t cum that quick since I was a teenager.” He laughed, kissing you before pulling out with a hiss. You laughed and pulled him back to you, tucking him into the crook of your neck.

“It was good, we needed that.” You kissed his forehead and he practically purred.

---

1.5 Months later

The smell of popcorn was making you gag.

“Francis, I think I need you to run to the pharmacy.” You yelled it as you made your way to the bathroom.

“Okay honey, I’ll go when you come out.” He yelled back.

When you came back he had put the popcorn away and Luna was in her playpen, preoccupied with her toys. He smiled at you, keys in hand.

A few hours later, the two of you were laughing and crying, staring at the positive pregnancy test.

Here we go again.

---

Eight Months Pregnant

The baby was stomping on your bladder every half hour.

“Again?” Francis was watching as you waddled to the bathroom.

“This baby doesn’t want me to have peace!” You called back as you closed the door. When you came back out he was on the phone, he mouthed Pope at you when he saw you enter. You noticed Luna drifting off in the high chair. Lunch forgotten as it got closer and closer to her usual naptime so you walked over to get her upstairs.

“Pope, let me call you back, I have to put Luna to bed.” He was coming over to stop you from lifting her, he barely let you do anything but you stopped him. Urging him to continue.

“It’s okay- talk to him I’ll be fine. I’m going to lay down after I put her to bed.” You shooed him away and he reluctantly continued talking. You carefully took the table-top off the highchair and he told you he’d clean it, scooping her and carrying her as best you could up the stairs.

You wiped her hands and her face clean when she was in bed, picking the lumps of carrot out of her hair - how she managed to get the food everywhere but her mouth was beyond you.

You’re definitely getting a bath later, and I have to remember to change these sheets.

You hissed slightly when the baby kicked again, rubbing your belly to soothe it before making your way over to your bed. The body pillow calling your name as you rubbed some cream onto your belly - it usually soothed the child inside.

You were drifting off when you felt Francis slide in behind, pressing kisses to your neck and shoulders. His hand automatically went to your lower back and you moaned at the relief.

“Back giving you a lot of trouble today?” His voice was soft in your ear as he continued and you nodded.

“How’s Pope doing?” You asked him as he lifted your shirt slightly to reach more of your back.

“He’s okay, says he needs my help for something.” You heard the hesitancy in his voice and you turned your head slightly, a little worried at his tone.

“Is he okay?” You did your best to turn to face him fully and you could see his brow was pinched, his expression matching his voice.

“Yes, he’s fine it’s just - he said there’s an opportunity he’s stumbled into. A chance for us to make a lot of money.” He wasn’t looking you in the eye and you lifted his head to face you.

“What kind of opportunity?” You didn’t have the greatest feeling about this, but you had to hear him out before you reacted.

“Well, he didn’t really say much, just that he needed a pilot and that he wouldn’t have anyone else. I’m not entirely sure what it is, honey but the boys are in town and we’re going to grab a beer tonight to see what’s going on.” You could tell he knew more than he was saying, but you didn’t push it. He’d tell you when he was ready - he always did.

---

She was asleep when he got back. He’d listened intently to Pope, almost laughing at him at first but the more he spoke the more he considered it. It was easier to come to terms with it while away from her, away from his daughter.

He stopped at Luna’s door on his way to bed and he thought about what this could mean for them. Imagined the school he could send her to if this worked out and he managed to get his hands on the kind of money Pope was promising. He knew they weren’t struggling or anything, they had enough money in the bank to cover the mortgage for a few months in case he had to find a new job, to cover the shortage of her maternity leave pay.

He watched her sleeping, her brow pinched. Even in sleep his son was giving her a hard time. This pregnancy was much rougher on her than the first and he couldn’t help but feel guilty. This money would help with this too, would help them pay off the house and they could both take enough time off to enjoy their children. He could help his parents retire, help Spills’ parents - his whole extended family could be comfortable thanks to him.

He watched her breathing, as much as this could fix - it would mean leaving her for a few days. It was hard to imagine it, with how uncomfortable she was, especially now that the due date was coming up quickly. His little boy would be here within a month, could he really justify leaving them even for a little bit? He thought about it for a long time, all of the implications running through his mind as the ocean lulled the love of his life deeper and deeper into sleep.

---

It was so hard to wake up, you could hear Luna crying in her room but your eyelids were so heavy. Francis was already rolling out of bed, telling you to stay, to keep sleeping and you did. You mumbled an I love you as your eyes closed but you couldn’t fall back asleep, your son was tap-dancing on your organs again and it was time to get up.

Your daughter was in her highchair, eggs and fruit all over her face and you couldn't help but smile.

“He’s kicking your ass huh?” Francis was smiling, handing you a cup of coffee as you waddled over to your place at the table. You nodded and he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“How did your night go? I didn’t hear you get in.” You remembered then.

“Went well, the boys say hello - we have to talk about what Pope said -” He turned off the stove, sitting at his place with Luna between you. “-not sure how you’ll feel about it.” He seemed nervous. This wasn’t like him, he was usually confident - the bad feeling reared it’s ugly head again.

“What is it?” You placed your hand on top of his. “You can tell me.” You tried to be reassuring.

“Well, strictly speaking - it’s dangerous. I won’t lie to you. I would have to go with the boys to South America for a couple of days, help with something and the pay would be… substantial.” He was rubbing the top of your hand with his thumb as he spoke, you expected more information but he didn’t give you any.

“I’m a little lost, he wants you to go to South America, where exactly?” This was only the first question you had.

“I’m not exactly sure, I would fly into Colombia and then fly across a couple of borders.”

“Okay, what exactly is this opportunity? Why exactly are you flying over these borders? This sounds sketchy as hell Francis.” Maybe if you had all of the information the bad feeling would go away. He was quiet for a little while and you could tell he didn’t want to go into it.

“Honey, I’m going to ask you to trust me on this. It would be a couple of days, I would say four max. I would be careful, the boys and I would protect each other and at the end of it, we’d be set for life. I can’t tell you more than that. I know that right now you’re probably thinking that this is insane and that it sounds irresponsible. You’re probably thinking this is selfish and that I should be focusing on the baby coming soon but I just think we would benefit from this so much. We could have enough money to pay off the house, send the kids to school - for our parents to retire.”

He’s already decided

The thought was a little jarring, ever since the start of your relationship, decisions had been made together. He hadn’t given you an exact amount of money he’d be making, or details about what exactly he’d be doing. He was telling you to trust him, he was telling you that he was going to leave for a few days while you were eight months pregnant with your second child; pregnant and alone with a toddler.

“Francis, are we discussing this? Or are you telling me you’re going?” The baby brain made it hard to know these days, your son took so much out of you.

“I’m not telling you, I’m not putting my foot down or anything, I'm just willing to go. I’m willing to risk this because the rewards outweigh it. I know the timing is horrible, but Pope assures me it’ll be quick. Two day, four max.” He was staring at you intently, almost willing you to skip the worry and focus on life after.

“Francis, I trust you. I trust you with my life, with our children’s lives - with everything I have but do we really need this right now? We’re okay, obviously a huge payout would be nice but I wouldn’t risk you for it.” You used neutral tone, this wasn’t something you wanted to escalate into a fight.

“I know that, I’m asking you to give me a few days.” He held both your hands in his, his gaze intense. You knew this look, it didn’t matter what you said to him now - his mind was made up.

“Don’t you have to buy a ticket to Colombia? I would imagine that isn’t cheap.” You let him hold your hands.

“Yes, it’s a bit expensive but once I get the payout it won’t matter.” You watched him, his eyes bright with possibility, the gears in his mind turning around and around.

“Francisco-” You saw his eyes focus on you, the use of his full name snapping him out of his thoughts. “-I know you’re thinking this would help, and that this is a good idea but I really think you should consider telling Pope to find another pilot. Luna and I need you here-” you guided his hands to your belly, to your son. “-we need you here.”

His eyes followed his hands, they watched as you used his hands to cradle your belly. He looked over to Luna, babbling happily as she threw her fruit across the room. You could see the turmoil on his face as he considered what you said.

“Four days honey, just give me four days - we can ask your mom to come stay here while I’m away.” He was pulling you close, pressing kisses to your hands and then your neck. “This is going to be so good for us Spills I promise.” He was in your ear, speaking soft words and willing you to agree. Luna was sick of your attention being on each other and not her, she was screaming for attention.

“I haven’t agreed, Francis, we’ll discuss this later.” You pulled away from him and turned towards your daughter, putting a big smile as you tried to coax her to eat a little more. He sighed behind you.

---

He had been quiet the whole day, in his head.

He expected her to disagree, he expected to have to explain how big this opportunity was for the three of you, soon to be four. It didn’t go as planned and now this might turn into a fight. He tried to help, but stayed out of her way throughout the day, keeping Luna busy so she could be off her feet. Feeding her, taking her to the beach for a few hours, bathing her.

By the time Luna was asleep, Spills was sitting on the bed facing the window; holding a towel to her hair. She’d been quiet too.

He made his way over to her and kneeled at her feet, the moon was shining on her face through the window and he was - not for the first time - struck by how beautiful she was, how lucky he was that he had this life with her. His hands automatically rested on her belly, feeling his son practically jumping around just underneath her skin.

I’m doing this for you honey, for us.

He felt her fingers running through his hair and he leaned into it, nothing could soothe him like this. He had to let her know how much she meant to him.

---

You tried to see things from his way, you tried all day. Tried to put it all into context, he was so good to you, did so much in order to keep you happy and all he was asking for was what? Four days, a plane ticket and a chance, but it wasn’t just these things was it? It was true that you had blind faith in him, always had. There was no one in the world you trusted more than Francis but this whole thing just left a bad taste in your mouth.

He had taken the towel from you and was drying you off, helping you with your nighttime routine now that you were almost ready to pop. He had taken the cream from your hands and silently got to work. First your feet, he pulled a genuine moan out of you with the simple act of rubbing at your tired, swollen feet. You sat there in your robe as he moved steadily up your legs and it was difficult to keep any coherent thoughts in your head. His hands and the cocoa butter scented cream on your skin.

Your breasts were so tender, and now that you were getting closer and closer to your due date they were heavy with milk. It annoyed you to note that you were leaking.

He saw the wet stains growing on your robe, and the- no doubt- anguished look on your face.

He silently undid the belt of your robe and pulled it apart slowly, biting his lip at the wet drip at your nipples and you clenched at the look on his face. His eyes had darkened and you knew what he wanted. You opened your legs, pulling him into the space you made for him and for now at least - there would be peace between you.

“You are so beautiful, so full of life - absolutely gorgeous.” He was taking his shirt off as he spoke and you helped with his jeans. Once he was naked he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed roughly, the tenderness was gone as he hooked his arms under your thighs - spreading your open to him. Your pussy flooded for him, the pregnancy and his desire for you making your arousal drip out of you.

“God, look how fucking wet you get for me baby.” His cock was hard and it was rubbing against your folds as he held you open, you reached down the best you could and notched it at your entrance. He fucked into you, both of you gasping at the tight clench of your cunt around him. Your tits leaked as he drove into you, his arms keeping your legs open wide. You could feel your slick seeping out of you and down your ass.

“God Francis, I need - I need..” You reached out to him, trying to pull him down to drink from you and he moaned out loud at the realization - his mouth finding its way to the place he wanted to be the most.

“I got you baby, I got you.” His mouth was hot on your breast.

The first pull was too much and you came almost violently, your milk in his mouth and your slick dripping down his balls. He was relentless though, and he didn’t stop, he sped up, moving to the other breast. Dropping one leg to press his thumb onto your clit and you had to bite your lip so as not to scream. You clutched at him, his cock a battering ram as he painted your insides with himself. He pulled away from your breast with a groan, licking the drops that remained off your nipple.

You laid there, boneless and dripping in your combined fluids as he pulled out with a hiss. His instinct was always to surround you, to protect you and the baby. The lust cleared from his eyes and the softness came out to the forefront, kisses on your neck and on your chest. Strong arms pulling you towards his chest. You could feel the cool sweat on his body and you couldn’t be bothered to care.

You laid there together, tangled up with his big hand on your belly for a long time. Quiet.

“You’re going to go no matter what I say aren’t you?” You knew it then, this sex had been good - dirty and fast - but it was his way of overwhelming you; of making you forget.

“I need you to trust me.” He kissed your shoulder and you could have cried. “Just a few days honey please. I’m doing this for us.” You wanted to pull away, upset that he couldn’t see beyond the reward but you couldn’t. Even your skin craved him.

“When?” The word came out sad and his grip on you seemed to tighten.

“I leave in two days.” At least he sounded ashamed. “I promise you Spills, I promise this will be good for us. I love you.”

He was never going to listen to me.

The thought hurt more than you thought it would, he’d already decided before he ever told you.

“I love you too.”

You pulled away.

----

Tag list: @frannyzooey @foli-vora @danniburgh @sambucky21 @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @softdindjxrin @wheresarizona @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @lori-tovar @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @dihra-vesa @gaiuswrites @stevie75 @sweet-creature98 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @goldielocks2004 @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @bellaorisa @hellovanessax @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @librariantothejedi @studythoreauly @missswriter @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @giizhkens-cedar @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @anaaaispunk @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @tuskens-mando

Some tags don't work no matter what I do!

[sarahjkl82-blog]

Sarah! I have a request <3 A meet-cute with Frankie in a supermarket <3 That's it, that's the request

For you @bison-writes

Warning: language and tooth rotting fluff ❤️❤️❤️

Tag list from AI: Tag list of glory (as ever, please ask to be put on or dropped from the list): @astroboots @silverwolf319 @sirowsky @leonieb @disgruntledspacedad @bison-writes @the-ginger-hedge-witch @danniburgh @sugarontherims @green-socks @tardisfangurl @mouthymandalorian @mrsparknuts @zukoyonce @agirllovespancakes @yespolkadotkitty @lunaserenade @theravenreads @lv7867

No more being a vampire with the rest of the undead and their missing shadows, patrolling supermarket aisles with aching knees and thoughts of murdering Karen from HR for stealing their last Diet Coke from the shared fridge at work. Nope. Not you. No siree. You are currently at the barrier of a Foo Fighters gig - close enough to be blessed by the sweat of the god that is Dave Grohl. Gliding on the back of your trolley handles, singing along tunelessly to Everlong as you reach for another bag of Italian bistro salad that’ll more than likely go brown in the depths of your salad drawer - but hey, it’s good to pretend you can make grown up choices, right? Maybe for being such a sensible adult, you could treat yourself to a little something with more sugar than sense?

*****

Frankie is tired. So very, very tired.

There are days the tiredness inside comes in both forms, seeping through both the physical and mental - where his body needs to rest yet his mind needs it desperately to move, to help burn the anxiety right out - extinguishing it like a candle flame. Without physical exercise to get his blood pumping or mental exertion to keep him sharp, his mind will keep him up all night long, not allowing him any rest. He once thought his old man weak for falling into alcohol like he did, but, Frankie now gets it. Three years sober from the little twists of white powder - mostly thanks to the large, searching brown eyes of his little girl.

With her arrival imminent from her mom’s tomorrow, he needed to ensure that he had something to offer her with a little more nutritional value than endless bowls of Captain Crunch. He was there with a fixed list of ingredients. Breakfast would be eggs, milk and flour for airy pancakes that he layers with a mountain of blueberries and endless syrup. Lunches needed to be something that could be packed with snackable bits ready for building dens in the forest together but dinners would be taken care of via whatever diner he hit on the way home from their adventures - praying she didn’t fall asleep before he got something solid in her tummy.

As he winds his way through the aisles, he ticks off items from his hastily scribbled list. Hmmm. Dinner. Shit. He hasn’t thought of anything to feed himself tonight so he stands there in front of the half-emptied fridge stacked with microwaveable meals for one, wondering which would fill the emptiness inside him tonight. One hand rubs his bleary eyes - trying to get them to focus on something - as the other rubs out a knot in his lower back when a swoosh of wind whips behind him making him snap his head in the direction of your rapidly disappearing presence.

God, when was the last time he scooted on the back of a trolley?

Having left him with a pang of jealousy that he’d only grabbed a basket, he turns back to the food. Previously being utterly uninspired by the corporation’s offerings until your momentary presence, he spots a battered package towards the back of the fridge - hidden behind some fluorescently coloured Mac n Cheese. Hauling out a pack of Singapore noodles, a small smile twitches at the corner of his mouth. You - the supermarket witch, gliding down aisles as if on a broomstick - have blessed him with something he feels a pique of excitement about eating.

That is until tomorrow when he has a reason to cook again when his amor de vida will come to fill his heart with her giggles and cuddles.

*****

The Foos have now turned into the Pixies, with Black Francis and Kim Deal forcing you to bob your head and sway by the loo rolls, instead of moshing in between the fruit juice and milk. Grabbing all the essentials on your way through the shop, out of the corner of your eye, you catch the warmly illuminated display of bakery goods. Ooooh! You’ve been such a good girl with your sensible salads and proteins - you totally deserve something sugary to celebrate reaching the end of your first week teaching at a new school.

Not finding it too hard to convince yourself of how much you definitely need a treat, you kick off from the floor, press your tummy against the handles, gliding back through the supermarket as if you had wings. Just as you close in on the cabinet filled with sticky deliciousness, a tall, broad expanse of a man steps out in front of your trolley, causing you to slam on the emergency brake that is your sneakered foot.

“Holy shit! I am so sorry- I need to grow the fuck up and stop pretending I’m five! Are you ok?” hoiking the headphones from your ears, you question the poor almost victim of your cart as the tinny beats spew forth.

“That was impressive braking,” the man lifts his baseball cap to attempt to flatten the dark, unruly curls by dragging his fingers through the fluffy mess, “Not hurt - and a lot of adults could learn from pretending to be a bit more kid-like.”

“Braking by the baking - shit, I’m sorry, that was terrible,” you inwardly sigh at your awful dad joke as you drink in the details of the deep dimple in his right cheek that has revealed itself as his shoulders and soft tummy shake with laughter at your comment, “I’m sorry- it’s been a week of thirty 5 year olds all demanding me at once so I’m a little excited at the prospect of eating something entirely formed from sugar and fat!”

“Hah! You must be exhausted,” the stranger continues as he fiddles with the edges of his brushed cotton plaid shirt, “I just have one three year old half the week and that is pretty full on. What are you thinking of choosing?”

“Not sure - what would you choose?”

“Can’t go wrong with a doughnut,” he says, furrowing his brow and pouting his lips at the selection on offer.

Sucking in a short breath through your teeth, you nod your head in agreement, “Good thinking, Batman! Mmm, raspberry jam doughnut, it is.”

“Oh you’ve gone down in my estimations.”

“What?” You squeak through the giggles, “I go down in your estimations due to my doughnut preferences rather than the fact I almost ran you over?”

“Yeah,” he shakes his head teasingly, “Always go for the custard filling, never the jelly! I am sorry but ...kinda feel we should part ways now…”

“Ah, that’s a shame - I was just about to buy you an apology doughnut for stealing one of your nine lives this evening,” you bat back at him, your eyebrows arched up by your hairline.

“Apology doughnut? Ah - should be more of those in the world,” the handsome man gravely ponders the concept before concluding, “Well, I may have a solution to this disagreement- how about you get two jelly and I buy two custard and then we can compare over a coffee?”

“Deal. What’s your name, custard doughnut man?”

“Francisco Morales - Frankie,” he offers with his hand shyly outstretched.

“Ok, Frankie - let’s go get that coffee and I can prove just how wrong you are,” you grin with a wink - completely ignoring his palm to place a kiss on his flushed cheek before spinning on your heels to head to the checkout, “I might even let you have a spin on my trolley but watch out for sneak attacks from handsome men, who jump out in front of you.”

[sarahworm]

I find Louisa a fun character to think about because the way her character connects to her referenced work is less literal/obvious than some of the other Americans. Which is probably inevitable, given what kind of story Little Women is - but it's interesting how Asagiri went about it. slapping a readmore here because this got long.

One character detail that I noticed recently is at the start of the Fitzgerald Rising arc, when Louisa is looking for him in the slums - she starts that chapter with a narration/voice over where she's writing a letter to her parents. That, I think, is a deliberate echo of one of the epistolary sections of Little Women, which is when Jo is writing to her family from New York City. What really makes this a clear reference for me is that both characters are at somewhat of a low point (for Louisa the collapse of the Guild/Francis' disappearance, and for Jo it's a need to get away for a bit to deal with anxieties around Laurie and Beth).

It's noteworthy to me that this is one of the more specific Little Women references we get with Louisa, because it connects to the part of that book that is most about Jo as a writer (and as an adult trying to be a writer, rather than as a teenager - I think it's easily the most discussion of her writing after the timeskip). That's appropriate for BSD, of course, but also regarding what @kaurwreck said about Louisa and Little Women's themes of companionship, sincerity, and fulfillment: the New York chapters feature Jo trying to figure out who she is, who she wants to be, and how that ties in with writing she is/isn't doing - and calibrating that against the people she's socializing with (and Bhear in particular, of course).

Jo March writes alone in a literal sense, she likes a private space - but honestly, a lot of Jo's writing in the book has very much to do with other people! Two bits from early in the book that I always adored as a kid (probably because I did quite literally both of these exact same things, lol) are the mock newsletter for the literary society that all four of the girls participate in, and the play she writes that they put on.

And, I know Jo's ending is a Whole Thing that people have dealt with and discoursed about in various different ways (see: the 2019 movie). Jo, of course, doesn't end up a professional writer, but there are two pieces where her writing comes back up near the end of the story. One is that she is reunited with Bhaer through a poem she published that is about her sisters and how the four of them grew up; another is at the very end, when they are reflecting on the castles in the air they made when they were younger, and Jo says:

"The life I wanted then seems selfish, lonely, and cold to me now. I haven't given up the hope that I may write a good book yet, but I can wait, and I'm sure it will be all the better for such experiences and illustrations as these."

I like to think that Jo does write a novel someday, but ultimately that's beside the point. The point is that she recognizes now that if she does, it'll be rooted in and because of the people and community around her.

ANYWAY BACK TO BSD

In the grounding she gives Francis and how frank she is able to be with him, both in terms of reminding him of his abilities and being open about what she needs from him to succeed in using her own, Louisa is more self-assured and more self-actualized than Jo is in the New York chapters that that arc of the manga/anime directly references. It's not, like, a direct retelling of Little Women by any stretch, but it is a reflection on the themes of that story and, particularly, where Jo grew to be over the course of it. Which makes sense with how the American characters tend to represent their most famous literary characters & the themes that those characters exhibit rather than the irl authors.

I recently attended a conference on Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own and ever since I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much more fitting to bsd Alcott's ability the essay is, to the point I've started suspecting Alcott's true identity is actually Virginia Woolf.

[wienerbarnes]

Are You Growing?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Cheek to Cheek) Word Count: 1,886 Warnings: mentions to alzheimers A/N: idk about yall but im loving posting about the earlier times w bucky n reader

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

You sit on Bucky’s couch, Alpine curled up in your lap, purring softly with closed eyes as you lightly scratch behind her ears.

Bucky’s sitting on the floor in front of you, in the place of where his coffee table used to be, which is now pushed into the corner for the time being. He rereads the instructions to put together his new bookshelf for the eleventh time now, still not understanding where exactly to put each screw.

You were no help to him, your first suggestion was to toss out the instructions and build to his heart’s desires; whatever felt right.

The last thing he needs, though, is for his bookshelf to collapse in the middle night and scare the shit out of him, so he tries his luck with the instructions.

He’s grateful for the ring of his cellphone, perhaps a break for a phone call will somehow make the instructions easier to read.

His stomach drops when he sees the caller ID as Rebecca’s retirement place. He pushes down his nausea and answers the phone.

“Hello? Is Rebecca okay?” He answers, quickly standing and moving to another room, not missing when your eyes look up at the sound of his sister’s name.

Is Rebecca okay? Did she hurt herself? Did she hurt one of the nurses? Is she dead?

“Hi, Bucky. Yes, Rebecca’s okay,” The receptionist Bucky’s gotten to know well responds, causing him to let out a sigh of relief, “She’s asking for you, is all. She’s… not eating. She didn’t touch her breakfast or lunch, she just keeps asking when you’re coming. I know you don’t normally come until tomorrow, but I promised her I’d call you.” She finishes explaining.

“Uhm… okay, okay. Tell her I got hung up at work and that I’ll be over as soon as I can.” He tells her, sparing a glance into the other room to see you peeking at the instructions on the ground.

“You’re amazing Bucky, thank you.” She responds, and all he does is hum through his anxiety before hanging up, returning to the living room where you sit.

You look up at him as if to ask if he is okay and he only stares back for a few seconds, thinking, before deciding, “Put your shoes on, we gotta go somewhere.” He tells you, voice still a little shaky from the scare of that phone call.

You don’t question it, recognizing that it’s probably not the time, and move to go grab your shoes by the door. Bucky silently pushes out air through his mouth, an attempt to calm himself down and get the nausea to go away. Rebecca’s okay, he reminds himself, she’s having a bad day, but she’s okay.

You’re worried at how quiet Bucky is and with how fast he speeds on his bike down a route you don’t really recognize. Finally, though, you see the sign in the distance, St. Francis Alzheimer’s Hospital, and you understand.

He parks the bike out front and turns it off, not yet moving, and you take off his helmet you’re wearing to get a better look at him. You say his name when you notice tears have gathered in his eyes; you’ve never seen him cry before.

“Sorry,” He wipes his eyes, “This shit is just so… exhausting. Everytime the phone rings, everytime I come here, I don’t know what I’m going to get, if she is okay.” He vents before letting out a long sigh.

You don’t know how to respond, choosing to rub his back as he composes himself. Bucky’s always been a tough rock; always knowing what to say, what to do, always knowing how to take care of everyone and how to solve everyone’s problems. You’ve never seen him so tired, so nervous before, and you see the toll doing this has taken on him.

Before you can say anything, he stands, “Let’s go.” He holds out a hand to help you off the bike and rests the helmet on the seat, knowing no one’s going to take it.

You follow quietly behind him as he enters and greets the receptionist, walking past the desk and down the hall. You feel out of place, not only here, in the retirement place Bucky’s sister lives at, but in public. You’ve barely left the apartment while you’ve been in hiding; you think this is the most amount of people you’ve been around in months.

Bucky approaches a door and knocks quietly before entering, “Hey, troublemaker,” He calls out, voice no longer strained or shaky as it’s been for the half hour, as though he flipped a switch to make himself normal again.

“Bucky!” You hear an excitement-filled elderly voice call out.

You enter to see her sitting on the bed, arms reaching out for Bucky to embrace him in a hug.

“Sorry, I’m late, I got caught up at the gym.” He tells her, hugging her back.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were at work, I just wanted to talk to you about the carnival, it’s coming this weekend.” You notice Bucky’s jaw clench for a second before loosening.

“It is, isn’t it. I’ll get Steve and we’ll all go together, I know how much you love the rides there.”

You linger by the door still, observing the interaction. How Bucky plays along so perfectly and so composed. You tense when you notice that Rebecca’s eyes have found you.

Bucky follows her gaze and snaps his head to you, “Becca, this is a friend of mine.”

You walk over and hold your hand out, giving your name, and she reaches out and accepts it, giving you a gentle smile, “A friend, huh?”

“Bec -”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s really great to finally meet you.” You tell her.

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you, too, I haven’t met one of Bucky’s friends in a while,”

“Rebecca -”

“Who was that floozy you brought home once, the one that Mama hated?” She teases Bucky, who now stands with arms crossed looking at you take a seat in the chair next to Rebecca’s bed.

“That was Madeline.”

“Madeline! My goodness, she didn’t last very long at all -”

“How about we talk about something other than my love life? Are you hungry, Bec?”

“A little bit.” She responds, and Bucky feels relief flood through his body. He nods and leaves the room to go fetch her lunch from one of the nurses.

“I love these flowers on your shirt.” Rebecca compliments, snapping your eyes away from the door Bucky exited out of and back to hers. They’re the same blue as Bucky’s.

You glance down at your shirt, one you thrifted with lilac’s all over them.

“Thank you, they’re, uh, lilacs. They symbolize growth. Like, change from ignorance to knowledge, innocence to wisdom, and all that.” You tell her.

She hums, “And are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Growing?”

You pause to think about it. Have you grown? Changed?

“Yes. I think so.” You respond.

“Well, then I’m happy for you.” She says sincerely.

You feel a knot swell in your throat at the validation, being greatly reminded of Bucky in that moment, and it’s then that he returns with a tray of food, a bowl of fruit, and a glass of juice.

Bucky places the tray on the small table that can swing over her bed, cutting the food on the plate for her small pieces, before moving to the fruit and juice, taking both lids off for her.

You watch as he takes gentle care in moving the tray closer to her, piling small pieces of food onto a spoon before feeding it to her.

She clears about half the plate before saying she’s full, which is more than enough for Bucky to be satisfied; it’s better than this morning.

Whatever problem there seemed to be this morning that caused Bucky to come over here in a rush is gone. To you, it was like his presence was the only thing she needed to feel better; it’s like there wasn’t anything wrong in the first place.

Soon enough, the two of you leave, with a promise from Bucky that he’ll see her tomorrow on Thursday and they’ll go to the carnival this weekend.

You don’t mention anything else about the visit to Bucky the entire way home, and choose to help him on the floor of his living room for the rest of the evening instead.

Thursday and Friday pass, and Bucky goes to Steve’s on Saturday.

“Remember that girl I told you about? The one I’ve sort of become friends with? That I’ve been looking out for?” Bucky stirs sugar into his coffee, his sweet tooth showing up more frequently since he’s been hanging out with you.

“I remember.” Steve says, sitting down next to him at his table with his own cup of coffee. Steve’s is decaf, though.

“I, uh… I took her to meet Rebecca.” Bucky doesn’t meet his eyes, waiting to see what his reaction will be.

“Oh?” Steve responds, setting his mug down and resting his aged hands on the table, paying all attention to Bucky now.

“There was a situation on Wednesday, Becca wasn’t eating and she was at my apartment -”

“At your apartment?”

“So, I just took her with me -”

“You haven’t even taken Sam to meet Rebecca.” Steve tells him, making Bucky stop.

He pauses for a moment before continuing, “When I saw Bec on Thursday, she remembered her.”

Steve’s head tilts, processing his words.

Bucky continues, “I went to go see Bec on Thursday, and she asked me about her, apparently they talked about some flowers and she wanted me to bring her some so she can see them in person. Asked when I was going to bring her to see her again.” He finishes explaining.

“Wow.” Is all Steve says.

“Rebecca… doesn’t remember anything. I mean she remembers me and you, but she barely remembers anything she and I talk about when I visit, barely remembers her kids. But she remembered talking about lilacs with this girl she’d never met before!” Bucky says, still in disbelief.

“...Must be something special about her.”

“Oh, don’t you start now, too.”

“Just saying. Maybe you should bring her here sometime.”

“Nah, I didn’t even plan to take her to see Becca. That was a risk all by itself, taking her out in public like that.” Bucky glances up to see Steve smirking at him with that stupid wrinkled mouth of his.

“Stop looking at me like that, would you, punk?!”

Steve chuckles, “She sounds like a sweet girl.”

“She’s my friend, Steve.”

“I didn’t say she wasn’t.”

“But you’re implying -”

“Implying what? What are you thinking?”

Bucky huffs and rolls his eyes, Steve twisting his words around, and he realizes he won’t escape this conversation without teasing.

“Whatever. She’s just a friend. If that. We just hang out sometimes, I help her do things that I had trouble with when I got out of HYDRA. I’m just around to help her.”

“Sure, pal. That’s nice of you.”

Bucky sighs, standing to go refill his coffee, and Steve smiles to himself, glad that Bucky’s met someone like you, and glad to see where it’ll inevitably lead, even if the two of you don’t see it yet.

[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (12)

(Are you guys getting tagged for these??? I’ve been putting all of the names on here, but it doesn’t look right.. anyway, sorry if the tag doesn’t work. I tried!!! Anyone else who wants to get tagged or asked but isn’t getting tagged, please contact me and let me know!!!)

Ch. 1 / Ch. 11 / Ch. 13 (ao3) (Journal Entries- a mini series connected to this fic)

Chapter 12: Quiet Conflictions of the Heart

Felix tapped his pencil against his textbook, staring blankly at the words that he wasn’t reading. The minutes ticked by on the grandfather clock that sat across the room next to the stairs, informing him of exactly how much time he was wasting by sitting there, and moonlight poured through the wide windows in front of him, signifying the beginnings of the evening. The fact that he started this assignment during the day and still had hardly anything done should have been frustrating, but Felix’s mind was too far lost in other thoughts for him to care.

As soon as Rosemary found out about his direct involvement with the akuma,  they sent him, along with Marinette and the others, home for the day with light homework assignments and instructions to “take it easy”. The procedure was meant to help them regain composure and process the traumatizing events, but it only gave Felix more time to think. 

And think. 

And overthink. About him hitting the ground with Marinette, about her pulling them behind the fence only to run right out again, about her shocked and panicked expression upon being picked up by the akuma. 

About her flailing body falling from the sky.

Felix set his pencil down and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a sigh. That scream still rang in his mind even hours later, sharp and blood-curdling, like a constant echo of a bad dream. He couldn’t help wondering what might have happened had Chat Noir not arrived on time, how she might have felt hitting the pavement, or if she would have survived at all. The very thought left him gripping his textbook and forcing a deep breath to relax. It hadn’t happened, after all. She was fine. Everything was fine..

And yet, no matter how many times he tried to push the gruesome images out of his mind, they continued to worm their way back in, fueled by how tame Allegra, Claude, and Allan’s reactions had been towards Marinette’s incredible risk of self. The girl almost died multiple times over the course of a single hour, and the only thing those idiots did was hug her and tell her that her actions were justified. Who cares if they were justified! Justification does not equate to rationality, and doing something for a good cause doesn’t always mean that it’s the right- or wise! -thing to do. 

Normally, he could brush it off and ignore it. The experience had been daunting, of course, but he could accept it knowing that Marinette had learned her lesson, realized how stupid her decision was, and vowed not to do it again. The problem came with the little fact that Marinette hadn’t learned her lesson. Oh, she’d apologized and admitted that her actions weren’t properly thought through, but it was clear that she didn’t intend on waiting for the heroes any time soon. He couldn’t quite explain how he knew- maybe it was how calm she looked when she returned, as though everything had been in her control the entire time, or how she only smiled when he asked her not to do it again instead of fervently agreeing to his request -but he knew. Her entire demeanor gave way to her belief that her sacrifice had been both necessary and acceptable, and it disturbed him to think of how far she might be willing to go under that belief. What if she challenged another akuma that wasn’t nearly as polite or rational?  What if she was alone next time this happened and didn’t have Allegra or Claude or himself to help her when things inevitably got out of hand? Why was she so willing to throw away her own life without a second thought?

“Felix?”

Felix flinched, his eyes snapping upwards. His mother stood next to the couch with a frown, which was odd. He hadn’t heard any footsteps approaching. How long had she been standing there?

Bridgette shot him a concerned look as she sat down next to him. “Are you alright, sweetheart? You’ve been on that same page for half an hour now.”

It’s been longer than that. He thought to himself, plucking up his pencil and closing his textbook. There was no point in leaving it open if he wasn’t going to read it. 

“It’s nothing.” He muttered. “History homework just tends to be monotonous after a while.”

Bridgette narrowed her eyes at him, though her tone remained gentle as she said, “Oh, come now. You don’t expect me to believe that. We both know that you would sit and read every history book available if you had the time. What’s wrong?”

A small, bittersweet smile tugged at the corner of his lips. She could always read him well. Too well at times. 

“Is it about the akuma attack?”

Felix felt himself stiffen, and he silently chided himself for it. That would be all she needed from him to know the answer. 

It’s not that he wanted to hide his distress from her. He was simply unsure of whether he wanted to talk about it or not. The threat was over now, meaning all of this worrying was somewhat unreasonable, and Felix didn’t want to express irrational thoughts to his mother only for them to fade away by morning. It would just make this a bigger problem than it probably was.

Then again, watching your classmate casually wave off their jumping headfirst into an akuma and almost dying was a decently sized problem.

Bridgette lightly touched his shoulder. “Felix, honey, if it’s bothering you, then you need to talk about it. You can’t let things like this weigh on your mind unattended. It doesn’t have to be with me, but communicate with someone, please.”

The amount of earnestness in her voice caused him to avert his gaze, and he began tapping his finger on the arm of the couch. Her wording could almost be considered amusing, as he had no one else to talk to aside from her and Father. Allegra, Claude, and Allan clearly didn’t care as much about the subject as he did- not to mention, he’d rather spend his days putting up ad posters for Adrien Agreste than confide in them about anything personal -and Marinette was the cause of the problem. Besides hovering around those four, Felix was a common shut-in who proudly (and happily) hid himself away in the penthouse with his books and, on pleasant occasions, Mother’s tea.

Nevertheless, he knew that Bridgette was right. He needed to get these tangled ponderings off of his chest, but to do that, he’d have to unravel them first. Where should he start? The attack seemed as though it had happened within five minutes, yet it also seemed to drag on for hours. Time is a shaky illusion when your entire body is buzzing with adrenaline.

“I just don’t understand,” He said slowly, beginning with the thoughts at the forefront of his mind, “how they can all act like nothing happened. Marinette risked her life for no reason, and they all want to treat it as though it’s an everyday occurrence.”

“Who risked their life?”

Felix and Bridgette turned towards the stairs, where Felix’s father was now standing. The man’s eyebrows knitted together as he continued his descent, similar to how Bridgette’s expression had been a moment earlier, and in a few, long strides, he was standing in front of them. 

“Oh, Francis.” Bridgette greeted with a smile. “I thought you were still working.”

“I was,” Francis replied, leaning down to give her a light peck on the lips, “but I came down to get a drink. What’s all this about someone risking their life?”

“Apparently, Marinette did during the akuma attack today.”

A disapproving hum came from him as he settled on the couch next to Bridgette. “Isn’t that the girl from school that he’s always talking about?”

Felix bristled. “I don’t always talk about her.”

A soft chuckle fell from his mother’s lips. “You do talk about her more often than anyone else, though.”

“Can we get back to the point?”

“Of course.” Francis said, lazily wrapping an arm around his wife. She leaned back against him naturally. “Start from the beginning. How did you get caught up in this akuma business in the first place?” 

Felix sighed, letting his irritation quiet down before thinking back on the attack. Where were they when it happened again?

“I believe we were exiting the café.” He said. “Claude was telling some story as we walked to our cars, so we didn’t notice the akuma flying towards us until she was landing in this gust of wind that knocked us over.”

A ghost pain trailed up his back at the memory of skidding across the pavement. He didn’t get a chance to see it during the battle, but the prickling sting of the injury told him that his shoulders and back had been scraped up immensely, especially during the second blast. If the miraculous cure hadn’t healed him, he probably wouldn’t hadn’t been able to sit up straight now. 

“As you can imagine, we were all terrified, since we’d never seen anything like this in person before, but Marinette wasn’t. She grabbed all of us and helped us hide behind a fence within the first few seconds of falling. It was like she hadn’t been phased by it at all.”

“Perhaps she’s simply more level-headed during a crisis.” His father suggested.

“I’d assume so,” Felix replied, “but it’s strange considering she’s usually someone who would jump at their own shadow.”

“True, but people with anxiety can still flourish in a stressful environment.” Bridgette remarked.

Felix tilted his head in a nod. He supposed that was true.

“The akuma said she wasn’t going to hurt anyone, only the buildings to get the heroes’ attention.” He continued. “But Marinette didn’t like the thought of that, saying the people in the buildings might get hurt or killed. So she decided to counter the claim by running out to the akuma to lure them away.”

“That’s very noble of her.” Francis commented.

Felix tisked. How many times has he heard that now? 

“Noble and stupid. She was a powerless bystander running straight into danger. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that?”

“Sometimes you have to try to do what’s right even though you might not be able to succeed,” Bridgette said softly, “but I can understand why you would be distraught about her actions. You didn’t want to see her get hurt, and that’s not a bad thing. It proves you care.”

Felix’s gaze flicked to the ground. Admitting his recent attachment to Marinette hadn’t sounded irksome before. She was a kind and compassionate person who hadn’t failed yet in giving him a sense of satisfaction after each of their conversations. Anyone with half a brain would gravitate towards her presence. After everything that’s happened today, however, a part of him was starting to resent that sentiment. Why did he have to care for the one person who would openly throw themselves to the wolves without prompting?

“What happened next?” His mother prompted, tugging him from his thoughts.

Felix drew in a breath and continued again. “She told the akuma that she could lead them to the bigger, corporate buildings, since that was apparently what they wanted. I didn’t understand it at the time, because wouldn’t that bring more death? But looking back on it now, it was probably a ploy to stall time. I doubt she actually intended on leading the akuma anywhere.”

It was quick thinking, considering they’d all gotten attacked seconds earlier, but it hadn’t been quick enough to account for the consequences. 

“The akuma accepted the offer and used more wind to carry Marinette into the air with them.” Felix paused, Allegra’s horrified cry resurfacing in his mind. “It was.. nerve wracking. We didn’t know what was going to happen or what the akuma was going to do to her later on.”

Bridgette reached forward and rubbed his upper arm, giving her silent support, and Felix leaned into her touch as thanks.

“I ran after them. I’m not really sure how, but I did.” He said, gazing absently towards the windows again. His reflection stared back at him, along with the glittering stars and illuminated city behind it. How many alleyways did he run through? Five? Seven? He knew he couldn’t see the cafe by the time he stopped, nor could he hear Allegra and the others calling. 

“I followed them for a few blocks,” He resumed, deeming the exact number of alleyways unimportant. It was what came next that shook him to his core. “I thought I had lost them at one point, but then I caught a glimpse of Marinette in the air again. She looked like she was talking with the akuma again, but I couldn’t hear what was being said. Then..”

Felix briefly closed his eyes, once again trying to push the image of Marinette’s flailing body out of his mind. 

It didn’t work.

“..Then she fell.” His voice was quieter than he expected, but he kept going anyway. “I’m not sure what happened. All I saw was this silver pole that came out of nowhere and hit the akuma, and suddenly, Marinette was falling from the sky and screaming.”

And screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming. He had to stand there and watch her fall, knowing full well that he couldn’t do a thing to save her. The feeling of helplessness that overtook him in that moment had been overbearing. 

A classmate passing away was not something he hadn’t experienced before- accidents happened every year, and sometimes, those accidents involved Rosemary students- but he’d never witnessed their deaths personally. It was something you heard about over the morning announcements or from your teacher at the beginning of class, not something you stood there and watched in a daze, and he’d certainly never lost someone that he-- someone that was so-

“I heard later that Chat Noir saved her mid-air.” He added, if only to help his parents’ nerves. The anxiety crawling across their expressions was evident. “I wasn’t aware of that until after I went to look for her, though.”

Until after he scoured the dismantled streets and ever-increasing debris for signs of her. Until after he lifted boulder upon boulder by adrenaline alone and being torn about whether he’d want to see her under one or not. Until after he called her name till his voice was hoarse and searched relentlessly for some kind of clue, like a shoe or a purse or even blood.

Gosh, he looked for blood! Felix was out there, in the middle of a terrorist attack, looking for the lifeless corpse or the splattered blood of his classmate, and everyone wanted to act like that was fine simply because she came back alright. How could any of them be considered alright after that?

“She could have died.” He stated for the millionth time it felt like. She probably will die if she keeps doing this. “But no one seems to care. They all brush it off because she’s safe now, instead of worrying about the fact that she purposely decided not to be safe beforehand.”

Bridgette let out a breath and pulled Felix into a hug.

“I’m so sorry that you had to endure that.” She whispered, her voice full of emotion. It reminded him of Marinette’s apology back at the cafe. The way she carefully held his hand, the warmth of her palm against his- it told him, in that moment, that she truly was there and that she truly was safe again. That confirmation had admittedly been one of the things to keep him from unraveling towards the end of the fight. 

Felix felt the slender fingers of his father ruffle through his hair. “You went through something that no one should have to go through, but you also made it out alive. And so did everyone else. Remember that.”

Bridgette’s cheek brushed against Felix’s forehead as she nodded. “I know it’s scary, and you have a right to acknowledge it in your own way, but don’t let yourself get carried away with the ‘what if’s and ‘what should have been’s'. You’ll never be satisfied with them.”

Felix heaved a heavy sigh and allowed his eyes to drift shut. After a full day of almost dying, almost watching someone else die, and worrying about both of those subjects for hours on end, he was officially exhausted. Felix couldn’t remember the last time he’d put so much energy into a single event.

Maybe it was best to just let it go..

~~~~~~

By the time Marinette arrived home from Rosemary, her parents were beside themselves with worry. Apparently, they saw her on the news while they were working and spent the last hour and a half trying to reach her. Marinette had been either running around as Ladybug or talking with Allegra on the phone so she hadn’t noticed her phone ringing.

They doted on her and hovered around her for a good twenty minutes, with Marinette insisting that she was fine and apologizing the entire time.

“Chat Noir saved me before I could really get hurt.” She assured, plastering on a bright smile. “And the miraculous cure healed any scratches that I might have gotten. See?-” she held her arms up and did a small twirl “-I really am fine. But I’ll try to keep my ringtone on from now on.”

Her parents’ worried looks didn’t change.

“We were hoping that transferring schools would keep you away from akumas.” Her papa lamented. “How do you keep getting caught up in these fights?”

“I don’t know, Papa.” She replied honestly. Maybe some of her partner’s bad luck had rubbed off on her. “I was hoping I wouldn’t run into any more akumas too.”

Sabine sighed and gently rubbed her daughters back. “Well, as long as you’re alright.. Would you like to see the package that came for you?”

Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “A package? For me?”

Tom nodded, a small smile returning to his features. “From a Mr. Claude Herolds. We put it upstairs in the living room.”

“Tried to.” Sabine corrected under her breath.

Marinette tilted her head slightly. A package from Claude? But what could he be giving her that he couldn’t give in perso-

“My fabrics!” She gasped, immediately shooting for the stairs. Her parents chuckled behind her, but she hardly heard them in her excitement. The fabrics finally came! How many were there going to be? What kind of fabrics? He hadn’t really specified when he talked about buying them, though she gave him as detailed of a list as she could. Oh, please, be the good ones-

Marinette threw the front door to their apartment open, coming to a dead stop as soon as she entered. The mere sight of their living room had her jaw dropping to the floor. 

Claude had indeed sent her a package of fabrics, but her parents happened to leave out exactly how much fabric he had sent. There were rolls upon rolls lining the couch and the floor, hiding in the corners of the room, sitting on the coffee table and the dining room table- it was too much to count. She was quite certain that she couldn’t see the floor!

Just- Just fabrics.

Fabrics everywhere.

Marinette turned to her parents, who had since caught up to her. They shared eager smiles as they waited for her reaction, and she quickly found herself smiling as well. In fact, she found herself down right laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Who needs this much fabric for three suits? How did Maman and Papa manage to bring it up in the first place? What did the deliverer think as he loaded this up into his truck to take to one person? How was she going to fit it all into her room?

Nevertheless, despite the insanity of the situation, she couldn’t help being ecstatic. This was more fabric than she could have ever dreamed of having, and it was all of the highest quality. So, with the help of her parents and her steely resolve, Marinette got to work on carrying the “package” up to her room in the attic. 

It took a while, as one would expect. They had to stop several times for Marinette to rearrange her room simply so she wouldn’t be completely swimming in fabric by the time they got everything up there. They also had to make sure she could reach her trapdoor to get out of her room, her stairs to get to her bed, and her desk to work with the fabrics in general. This resulted in her creating a sort of obstacle course with the few solid things in her room that she could stand on without the fear of breaking something. 

“I can’t even believe it, Tikki.” She said to her kwami once her parents went back down to the bakery. “Look at all of this! How am I even going to use it all? This is crazy!”

Despite her words of disbelief, she had the widest grin on her face, so wide that it was starting to hurt. Claude had told her that once she was done with his suit, she could keep any of the leftover supplies, since he supposedly had no use for it. She assumed it was his own little way of paying for the outfit, even though she’d told him that she would make it for free. 

Tikki zipped around the room, giggling as she inspected the different types of fabric. “You could make him ten different suits with all of this!”

Marinette laughed. “Tikki, I could probably make him thirty five different suits and still have some leftover.” 

She walked over to the piles of fabric in front of her and plucked up the first one that caught her eye. It was a deep blue silk that sheened under her bedroom lights, and she smiled at the mesmerizing display. Marinette had used silk before, but nothing like this. This was the type of silk that she imagined royalty to have, something smooth and soft and slick as butter. It was incredible, and she couldn’t wait to start working with it.

Marinette picked out a few more fabrics, the finest of the bunch, and brought them over to her desk to compare the colors and theorize how they might look together. If Claude was going to give her the best of the best, she was certainly going to return the favor by giving him the most regal and enchanting suit she could muster. Not to mention, this was an amazing, probably once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Fabric of this quality was something she could never get on her own without saving months and months of allowance, and that was only to buy one roll. The fact that she had piles upon piles of this fabric at her disposal now was a miracle in and of itself. She couldn’t waste a piece of it.

She rolled the blue silk out across her desk to begin measuring, but just as she pulled out her sketchbook for extra notes and other things, her phone buzzed next to her, informing her that she’d received a text.

DancingQueen: Hey guys! Mom said that February eighth would work well for the sleepover if you’re all free! I think it’d be a great way to celebrate winter break.

A soft, delighted gasp passed her lips after reading Allegra’s text on the group chat. With the whole akuma battle and receiving Claude’s fabrics, she’d completely forgotten about the sleepover that they talked about earlier.

She quickly switched the calendar app to check her schedule, and her smile widened at the sight of an empty time slot. She appeared to be free that day.

Marinette found herself beginning to wiggle with joy on her rolling chair as she switched back to the messaging app. This was going to be her first sleepover with her new friends! It would also be the first time going to one of their houses! What was Allegra’s house going to look like? Would it be a mansion like Gabriel Agreste’s? She hoped it didn’t have high walls. 

Another text drew her thoughts back to her phone, where a message from Claude had just appeared.

TheBetterShakespeare: works for me! What time are we gonna come over?

DancingQueen: I was thinking right after school like usual

TrebleChild: Sounds good to me :)

Marinette perked up when Allan joined the conversation. That meant most of them were going to be there! All they needed now was Felix.

She began typing.

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: February eighth works great for me too! I’ll probably stop by the house for my clothes and stuff first though lol

DancingQueen: Of course! I can send a car by to pick you up if you want?

TheBetterShakespeare: Woohoo! Mari’s coming! All we need now is Felix

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Oh, you don’t have to! I don’t mind walking

DancingQueen: Are you sure? The walking distance is pretty far, and I totally don’t mind sending a car! (no pressure though. If you wanna walk that’s also fine!)

Marinette pulled her lip between her teeth in thought. Whatever the walking distance, she could probably just swing over as Ladybug within a few minutes. That way, she didn’t have to bother Allegra. If she got there too fast as Marinette, though, they might be suspicious.. Well, not suspicious, but curious because getting there faster than her legs could possibly carry her would be odd.

Ugh, just take the car. She told herself. It’ll be easier than carrying your luggage around while swinging through the air anyway.

TrebleChild: You think Felix is going to respond on here?

Marinette glanced down at Allan’s text and frowned. That was a good question. 

After the akuma, Felix seemed to shut down. He hardly uttered a word to anyone, even after they were sent home early from school. She supposed he tended to be quiet in the first place, but it just felt different. It was as though he were in some trance, lost in the distant corners of his mind. He wouldn’t even talk to her all that much. Not that she was someone special to him or anything. They just.. They normally exchanged more comments to each other than they did on the way out of the school. Either way, she’d be surprised if he actually texted them back that night.

TheBetterShakespeare: Oh he’s going to have to respond when I’m done

Claude’s reply caused Marinette to suck in a breath and cringe. Oh, what was he going to do to poor Felix now?

Allan and Allegra appeared to have the same thought, as they quickly texted back.

DancingQueen: Oh dear

Marshmallow Man: Uh oh

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Claude, maybe you shouldn’t bother Felix. He already doesn’t like the group

TheBetterShakespeare: LET’S

TheBetterShakespeare: FLUSH

TheBetterShakespeare: HIM

TheBetterShakespeare: OUT

DancingQueen: Claude, please-

TheBetterShakespeare: I’M

TheBetterShakespeare: NOT

TheBetterShakespeare: STOPPING

Marshmallow Man: Dude

TheBetterShakespeare: UNTIL

TheBetterShakespeare: FELIX

TheBetterShakespeare: DECIDES

TheBetterShakespeare: TO

TheBetterShakespeare: SHOW

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: What do you want?!

TheBetterShakespeare: HIMSELF

TheBetterShakespeare: Oh hey Felix!

Although she felt extremely bad for the blond, Marinette had to purse her lips to avoid laughing. She could practically hear the growl in his voice, and the image of Felix’s signature glare flashed through her mind. He had to be so annoyed right now.

TrebleChild: I’m surprised you didn’t just delete the app again

Rolling-Eye-Emoji:You know, that’s a marvelous idea.

The BetterShakespeare: NOOOOO ALLAN SHUT UP

DancingQueen: lol we were wondering if you were free February eighth, Felix.

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Free for what?

TheBetterShakespeare: Can’t you just tell us if ur free or not?

TrebleChild: for the sleepover at Allegra’s house

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: We’re still doing that?

TheBetterShakespeare: Absolutely!

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: If you’re up for it!

TheBetterShakespeare: Mari that statement was way too nice for Felix

TheBetterShakespeare: You gotta drag him kicking and screaming or he’ll never do anything!

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Why don’t you take a guess as to why?

TheBetterShakespeare: because you don’t know how to have fun and it’s our job to teach you

TrebleChild: Claude, you’re never going to get him to the sleepover that way

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Claude, you couldn’t teach a cat how to climb a tree, and I know how to have fun just fine.

Marinette snorted towards Felix’s reply. She often wondered how he managed to perfect his sarcasm and cutting remarks to a fault. Did he read a book on it somehow or was it just practice?

TheBetterShakespeare: RUDE

DancingQueen: lol Felix, are you free on the eighth or not?

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: ..I’d have to check my schedule.

TheBetterShakespeare: Don’t laugh at him Allegra!

DancingQueen: Hey, if it’s funny it’s funny lol

DancingQueen: Do that please, Felix

TheBetterShakespeare: Betrayal!! I can’t believe I was naive enough to trust you!

DancingQueen: Oh whatever. It’s not like you haven’t laugh at me before

Marinette chuckled as she continued to set up the silk fabric. She almost worried about using her sewing machine for it in case it ripped, but hand sewing it wasn’t an option either. That would take way too long, and she wanted to finish this for Claude as soon as possible. (without cutting corners of course)

“Oh!” She gasped, straightening in her chair. She hadn’t told Claude about the fabrics arriving yet! He’d probably want to know that.

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Hey Claude, I almost forgot to tell you but your fabric arrived today!

TheBetterShakespeare: Really?!

Marinette smiled and stood up from her rolling chair to take a picture of the room. She then sent the picture to the group with an added message:

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: I could barely fit it all in my room!

The responses were immediate.

TrebleChild: WOAH

DancingQueen: CLAUDE

TrebleChild: you sent that much?!

TheBetterShakespeare: …

TheBetterShakespeare: I may have gotten carry away

Marinette giggled and shook her head.

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: PLEASE feel free to get carried away anytime you like, I’ve literally never been happier

DancingQueen: lol

TrebleChild: lol

TheBetterShakespeare: Will do! 😉

Marinette smiled and set her phone down again, before rolling her chair over to the other fabrics to pick another one out. Her phone buzzed as she rolled back, notifying her of the new additions to the group chat. 

Rolling-Eye-Emoji: Mother said that the eighth of February would work fine.

Marinette let out a squeal. They were all going! This was going to be the best sleepover ever!

TheBetterShakespeare: Aw yisss group sleepover!!

TrebleChild : awesome, so we’re meeting right after school?

DancingQueen: Yep! Except for Mari who needs to go get her clothes. Did you want me to send you a car Mari?

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: If you don’t mind :)

DancingQueen: Nope! I’ll make sure to tell you when it’s on its way.

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: Thanks 😁

DancingQueen: Of course! See you guys at school tomorrow!

TheBetterShakespeare: See you Al!

TrebleChild: Bye A

Our-Cinnamon-Roll: See you tomorrow!

Marinette set her phone down and let out another squeal of excitement as she kicked her legs back and forth. 

Her first group sleepover with everyone!

How do you make time go faster?

Tag List:  @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce @i-need-blog-ideas @thewheezingbubbledragon @crazylittlemunchkin @unabashedbookworm @moonystars14 @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @2confused-2doanything  @magnificentcrapposts  @moonnette @nickristus-dreamer @vixen-uchiha @casual-darkness @luxmorningstarr @jjmjjktth @kaithehero @itsme1598 @theymakeupfairies @xjaccyx @miraculous-ninja @miraculouspenta @swiftie-miraculer13 @justafanwarrior @all-mights-asscheeks @ira-sairain @lookatthestars1 @dahjokester

[until-another-one-comes]

This is long overdue and no one asked for this but. The Big Nate Show review yaaayyyy

Okay so at this point its pretty obvious that the show is NOTHING like the awful shorts. Most people's reaction are positive and fans and non fans of the comic series like the show so far. Here's me hoping there will be more fans coming in thanks to the show and they'll check out the comic and novel if they can :D

So on to my review:

SPOILER ALERT TO SOME OF THE EPISODE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Like most people, I like the show! It's funny, the characters are great and their interaction and chemistry with each other is clear to the viewers, the plot is fun and its overall enjoyable.

One of the highlights of the show for me is surprisingly most of the adults. Characters like Mr Galvin, Principal Nichols, and Marty are just really hilarious and with the first two- their interaction and shenanigans is just a lot of fun to watch. Never expected that from the show. And Marty is just better in the show IMO cuz his love and care for Nate and Ellen is shown more and its both played for laughs and is very sweet.

I like how the show gives us other sides to some of the other characters besides Nate. For example in the wilderness episode, we get to see Dee Dee dealing with anxiety at going camping and her way of dealing with it (which involved her acting out different characters to cope with the situation). I'm not satisfied with how the end of the episode went (more on that) but I LOVE the interactions Dee Dee had with the other characters, especially Gina! The show gives us a chance to see these two characters interact, and it was nice seeing them being friendly with each other! Whereas in the og series most of the time Gina appears to be Nate's antagonist.

And in another episode, we get to see a wlw married couple on screen and the way Dee Dee reacted to them give hints that she might be LGBTQ+ herself! Its great seeing representation in this series which is something we never got to see in Big Nate.

In that same episode we also see Randy joining theatre, and again, its great to see a character who otherwise is just used to be an antagonist doing something else than what their role in the story is. It makes the characters- and the world the story is set in- more alive and realistic.

Francis also got his time to shine, mainly in the Time Disruptor episode where he tutors- and develops a crush on- a girl from Jefferson, their school's main rival. This of course creates tension between him and Nate, and the episode did this really well. Unfortunately we still don't get much spotlight on Teddy, but that can change in the future episodes we haven't seen yet.

This is more of the modern comic criticism, but the main trio's friendship is much better in the show IMO. In the strips over the past couple of years, Nate, Francis and Teddy's friendship feels somewhat lackluster. They're supposed to be best friends, but lately it feels unbalanced. Its just Nate doing stuff on his own and Francis and Teddy occasionally pops in to make some remark before disappearing. Their role in the story now feels more like minor characters than the main one that they're supposed to be. But the show actually shows them being friends, doing stuff together and getting into shenanigans as well as still being supportive. Its so refreshing and plenty of fans have voiced out that they love the trio's dynamic especially since the comics are now lacking in it.

The humor is also a plus. The show's tone is vastly different from the comic and novel, in the sense that its targeted towards younger audience and is less snarky and witty. But that doesn't mean it's not funny, quite the opposite. It has a lot of slapstick, which also appear a lot in the OG series, well-timed jokes and still some snark and wit from the characters.

So thats my review for now. Part 2 will focus more on criticisms