#me after sitting: in pain
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whoever invented the body randomly being in pain/extremely sore for no reason should light themselves on fire it’s sooo over
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drawings from paleo expedition to dagestan, done right on the trip. sometimes messy when it was cold and rainy, but i won't correct it. i think it's cool to leave it just the way it was done, and not retouch it after. there will be more drawings later, but those will be done from home
#i need to draw for 2 museums at least to then send it to them as a gift cuz people there were so nice???? AAAA#and yeah im definitely doing back#maybe in autumn... who knows#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#and#paleoart#???#in a way it is i guess#also i usually don't share things from my sketchbook. but these drawings hold so many nice memories#of clouds that hide top of the mountains#of sitting on a rock#drawing and seeing a scorpion vibing next to u (tiny friend!)#of leaning on a big cow and almost falling asleep on a field with her after the rain#of... forgetting the pain too#of not wanting to even talk about the wonderful time i've had. because it was only for me to remember#so much happened up in the mountains that i'll never forget#thank u big rocks and soil and grass and apricot trees i love you#...#paleoland#fieldbook_barghest_land
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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it's about...longevity? stability? it's about natsume believing he'll be somewhere long enough to plant flowers and see them bloom. it's about him taking touko seriously when she asks him to tell her what flowers he wants to plant. it's about making something with his own hands, building a future with the fujiwaras. it's about him repairing a rundown home for someone else, restoring it because it's beloved to them, because it's the home of someone they love. it's about him seeing touko's joy and thinking about the youkai saying we'd like to look upon her happy face forever. it's about the box garden making him think of the fujiwaras' garden and his parents' garden, about the flowers being both the memory of flowers that bloomed there before, and the flowers that he and the youkai planted earlier that day. it's about him waking up in both worlds with sensei. it's about touko finding the petal in his hair. it's about him feeling how he falls short and the youkai saying, but you have such gentle hands...
#watch this right after the ephemeral ones to die instantly. i assume. i haven't tried it#i feel like so many of the emotional beats that destroy me in this story come down to impermanence#accepting loss and change. finding the beauty in transience. treating every encounter as something precious‚ knowing it's ephemeral#and this chapter is about...also accepting renewal? allowing oneself to think about the possibility of love lasting#allowing oneself to put down roots. nurturing what is there. building foundations. doing it for and with people#god you know what else you shouldn't watch this after if you don't want to keel over dead probably. the childhood home arc#natsume can now think of the memory of sitting with his father looking at his mother's garden#and associate it with warmth instead of pain. because he's no longer afraid of losing it. because of the trust he has built#because he knows he can build something. the people here have made it safe for him and he has and he is and he will#i am crying so hard i should be collecting my tears for water reclamation purposes#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu meta#my posts
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SHERLOCK | Martin Freeman as John Watson
#inspiration for creating gifs was the wonderful @meandhisjohn#twelve years have passed and this episode is still vivid in my memory as if I watched it yesterday#It’s unbelievable how much pain a person can endure and this episode is a testament to that#the moment john a fierce defender stands ready to strike down any who dare speak ill of sherlock is pure brilliance#the moment they run in handcuffs is beautiful#truly two against the world#and it’s so sweet how john takes up all the space on the couch completely comfortable while sherlock sits patiently beside him#when sherlock saying goodbye to john forever is seared into my soul#It’s a moment that never leaves me a reminder of the depth of their connection and the pain of their separation#martin’s performance in that call is a masterclass in conveying raw emotion#the pain in his eyes speaks volumes a symphony of anguish that lingers long after the call ends#It’s a moment that deserves to be immortalized a testament to the power of his artistry#and the last thing I’ll say is#john’s soul is that of a soldier forged in fire and tempered by hardship yet always clinging to hope#martin freeman#benedict cumberbatch#bbc sherlock#sherlock#john watson#sherlock bbc#mf/serial
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“baby, both arms cradle you now,
both arms cradle you now”
#jenny kirk#lenny summers#blood & injury cw#red dead redemption 2#i have mixed feelings about this one i drew it whilst debating How to draw my interpretation of jen#she looks like Just Some Guy here but i still love the rendering despite this being old#im choosing to post this now after months of it sitting in my gallery because i suggested marstonish on tiktok use it in their edit#and they DELIVERED#so here’s a better look at it for those who wish to see it Not in timelapse form#someone tell me they’re as insane about lenny and jenny as i am please#rdr2#red dead redemption#jenny kirk rdr2#rdr2 fanart#more of them Not in pain coming soon maybe?
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dude why don't we have more public benches throughout towns. I'm fucking disabled if I have to walk the mile back home after work I'm either not gonna make it or I'm gonna end up laying motionless on the floor for the next half hour
#even just one every half a mile.#I Cannot Do This#and I mean it's not that I can't walk I'm perfectly capable of walking.#I just need to be able to sit down after a few minutes#as long as I can do that I could travel for miles#but NO#no benches 4 me :(#it's so sad istg#disabled#physically disabled#disability#chronic pain#chronic illness#chronically ill#mobility aid#mobility issues#benches#public infrastructure
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Can I ask what was your first impression of TGCF and if it turned out wrong or right?
My first impression of TGCF was "this goof continuously ascends to -- and gets kicked out of -- heaven, this is going to be clown town isn't it?"
And honestly I stand by that one, I think I was completely correct**
(**barring the fact that this goof will then go on to experience ever conceivable horror known to man but honestly I mostly expected it after MDZS)
#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#xie lian#hua cheng#hualian#honestly i was pretty spot on with my tonal assumptions for TGCF which is why i didn't include it in the previous post#after getting my shit rocked by MDZS i was feeling a bit more accustomed to mxtx's tendency to mix humour and tragedy#so i expected things to Go Bad sooner or later#that being said i was WILDLY unprepared for book 6 the post-banishment arc nearly k i l l e d me#straight up took me 4 calendar months to read bk6 because i'd read about 3 pages and then need to crawl away and cry for a bit#it intrigues me how with both MDZS and TGCF the backstory stuff is AGONIZING#and there can be some reckoning with that in the present#but as a general rule the present day plot is were the comedy and whimsy and romance lives & the backstory is where PAIN AND SUFFERING live#i'm not sure why i was so startled by SVSSS's vibe since it's fairly similar to the other two#the stuff i saw on my dash led me to think it was mostly humour/fluff though and i was admittedly VERY biased against isekai#very very pleasantly surprised by SVSSS i'm enjoying it alot#i'm amused and humbled by the new followers i've recently collected#i assume it's mostly svsss's fans that know A Storm Is Coming and are sitting back with popcorn to watch me suffer in real time - if so#cheers#my art
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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"Rhaenyra isn't the stepmother, she's the mother who stepped up!"
The HOTD writers themselves are hardly doing anything to support that narrative, so I take this rhetoric with a grain of salt. While I think, in some way, Rhaenyra does care for Baela and Rhaena....if I had to point out a motherly figure for them that could pose as someone stepping in Laena's place, Rhaenyra would not be it.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd critical#rhaenyra targaryen critical#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#this mainly just comes from my frustration with this fandom painting rhae as overly motherly toward baela & rhaena#making it seem like we had so much to go on for her being a good stepmother when it's really the bear minimum#there's more with rhaenys being there for them than with rhae--- both physically & verbally#even with scenes where she's with them: for baela it holds more of political means with her having a dragon and then using her to see corly#like sure she could be concerned about her well-being but it's definitely not on the same level as with her sons#don't even get me started on with rhaena bc that “be a mother to them” line had me 🤬#and her referring to her sons as hers and the pain of sending them away but not adhering to rhaena's emotional needs and feelings of inferi#rity--- like it didn't sit right with me especially when she couldn't even be bothered to hug her#i like to enjoy headcanons about their relationship but the canon material doesn't stray far either#rhaenys raised baela alongside her on driftmark she sought rhaena out when they met after so long#she advocated for rhaena to her husband over joffery--- she's their grandMOTHER that stepped up tbh#tbh i wouldn't really be rocking with my stepmom if she sought after & slept with my dad at my mom & stillborn brother's funeral#barely comforted my sister and i when we were injured in a fight (only her sons)#then got married to said father not long after said funeral...like i'd be pressed tbh!#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#rhaenys targaryen#(also just bc im a little critical of rhae doesn't mean i hate her in comparison to others she's not that bad tbh)
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i do think that despite being the squad's designated nerds, kon and bart struggle to watch lotr together because kon physically CANNOT stop infodumping through any of the movies (and of course they have to watch the extended editions only), but bart's like. you want me to sit in one place and watch one screen for 12 fucking hours. and on top of that you WON'T SHUT UP the ENTIRE TIME? i already can't focus on movies and you TALK THROUGH THE WHOLE THING? im going to fucking bite you--
#rimi talks#i like to hand bart my personal flavor of adhd as in ''it is physically painful to watch a movie--#--without mental preparation. stimulants. and something to fidget with''#in some cases someone talking through a thing can make it easier for me to watch it but in others im like broooo shut up 😭#bc sometimes i just can't get into a story or focus on it if someone keeps interrupting and i have to split my attention!!!#and i think handing that to bart. well it fits. movies make you sit in one place for a longass time and im not even a speedster#meanwhile kon gets neurodivergence brand ''this is one of my hyperfixations/special interests and if i don't tell you everything i know--#--about it ever at every single opportunity i WILL explode and die on the spot''. which. is also me during lotr marathons#not only will my friends know about the shaving cream used for the caradhras scenes.#they will know about the significance of celebrimbor and narvi's friendship when we see the gates of moria#and i WILL be talking balrog lore even after gandalf is already down the pit and we're in lothlórien#(obligatory break to quote ''a balrog of morgoth.'' ''what did you say?'' @ celeborn tho)#kon#bart
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Had such a Day. Idk what's making me approachable to everyone but I need to stop doing it
#when every man in the world either needs help with something or wants me to go somewhere with him#my coworker who i do like but my god today is not the day also came over to my car & started talking to me on lunch break#you see me curled up in period pain like. brooooooo. brooooooooooo#when i'm in my own car in the lot curled into a fetal position i'm coping with some things right.#spaghetti man came to work against doctor's orders just post skin graft for a flesh eating parasite?????#then asked me to drive him home????#i venmoed him a 20 you are not getting in my car with that!!!#call an uber i cannot#mike asked me for my number while i was sitting in my car trying to text kris about a spider they found#some other dude asked me for gas while i was at the cvs trying to get heating pads because. my boss told me the wrong time to come in#so i had time to go to cvs after all but i helped this guy get gas which is fine we all need gas whatever#but when it's like 4 people trying to hold conversations with me about things they want or need in a row#do i look like i have the answers today???? i'm pretty sure i look like i've died#anyway. anyway.
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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a what point should I start getting concerned by the pain on my knee, it's been 8 days.
#it's not WAHHH THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITH WAHHH#But it's getting really annoying like i tried with putting a pillow under it extending my leg several positions several sitting positions#trying to walk more straight(? whatever and it's so far the same it doesn't get worse or anything it just doesn't really go away#personal stuff#rhea's notebook#i have noticed though it gets worse after waking up and then it just even outs after being active for a while but laying down seems to be i#this only makes me headcanon Obi-Wan having pains on the knees and backs since being 20 even harder
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The Silt Verses my absolute beloved: I'm relistening and was so excited to get back to Chapter 17, and the way that most of the episode just sweeps over you with an unexpected degree of kindness. Important to be reminded that kindness — or something like it — is possible, even in this brutal world.
#the silt verses#tsv#the silt verses season 2#pine's silt verses relisten#'the words are kind and i enjoy their closeness to my breath' love 2 have feelings about the way we reach for poetry for the ritualized wor#to soothe#as much as all the other things#and now thinking my little thoughts about prayers and rituals and liturgy and how the language of tsv often allows us to navigate#the horrors in a metaphorical-metaphysical?-way#the way the show uses a kind of mythical cadence in its narration carries us into the space of myth or fairy tale#and lets us sit outside it: this is a story#but the naturalistic dialogue and the immersive soundscapes and the so-real performances force us to be present#writing meta in the tags because its after midnight and i don't have it in me to really write this rn#but I'm eternally stunned by this show#no id#sorry i am in a lot of pain and am going to bed soon!
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