#mcmasters guide to homicide

[andreai04]

“So if sensible people can kill themselves because life no longer seems worth living, then I suppose a sensible person might kill someone who makes other people’s lives unlivable, or who endangers the existence of others.”

[bookbasho]

This is how I am supposed to spend Halloween as a 30 year old right?

Also, my first ever post!

[hiemaldesirae]

picked up this book called 'murder your employee: the mcmasters guide to homicide vol 1' from my local bookstore and . Hmmm. am i hearing murder academy radiostatic au... (<- delusional)

quick rundown of the books setting (time period vaguely 1950s, before 1962 at the latest) is that there's this murder academy (i say that but its closer to a uni than a boarding school which is typically what i think of when i read academy) open to applicants of all ages to train their students to murder. the admissions fee is an extremely high price, but regular people can enter in via sponsorships (like scholarships, sort of, but its more like a specific rich person sponsoring the candidate). the students don't operate on a regular year by year schedule because 1) no one knows where the school is and thus cannot always tell even what season it is much less the month 2) students are informed of their graduation basically the day of, when the faculty decides theyre ready to leave and complete their thesis project (AKA the murder). anyway its a very fun book and so of course i had to be insane about its premise

For what it was worth, Alastor hadn't meant at all to end up studying at the Hazbin Institution for Homicide Practitioners.

Which, in fairness, was just a fancier way of saying that he hadn't meant to get caught.

It had been a situation entirely out of his control. For whatever reason, that night, the swamp had been especially difficult to navigate- even alone, much less with a bloodied and battered body slung over his shoulder, he's quite certain it would have been a struggle to work his way around the place. And while that had never been a problem the few dozen or so times he'd made the trek before (granted, they were without the actual body in his hands, but it didn't make much of a difference when he'd been carrying heavy sacks of sand to offset the weight), there was an unfortunate caveat in his plan.

He hadn't banked on being seen and followed by a truly infuriating pair of 'detectives' (though surely whatever idea they'd held of a detective was truly and fully siphoned from one of those insipid moving pictures his dear Mimzy was ever so obsessed with), and he hadn't expected to be offered a spot as a student at this... interesting facility.

The smiley man sitting in front of him nods emphatically as Alastor finishes his little cajoling speech. The nametag on his black and red suitjacket reads Dean Morningstar, and a half-poured cup of brandy sits on the side of his table. Alastor eyes the alcohol with interest, if only because looking anywhere else in the room might make him lose composure and attack the bothersome man sitting across from him.

"So, then... Mr. Hartfelt, is it true that your next target was to be your father?"

Alastor narrows his eyes at the dean. The room's atmosphere seems to drop as he holds his gaze, both of them wearing smiles that convey vastly different emotions. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're referring to."

Of course, such a lousy comeback isn't tantamount to a proper argument (unless you're the type who enjoys messing with people, which Alastor is in all moments except this one) and the dean smiles when he realizes Alastor's slip up.

"See, you have an extremely generous patron backing you on your goal... not only to take down your father, who, by the way, seems to owe you quite a lot, considering your less than stellar upbringing and childhood, so good luck with that one, but also in relation to the other bodies that have been found half-submerged in the swamp." The little devil smiles merrily. "Sorry about that one, by the way. But we had to be sure you were a good candidate for our very highly revered course list. I mean... your sponsor is paying a lot of money to see you succeed, so... we had to be pretty thorough. Again, sorry, but it's just standard protocol."

Alastor clenches his jaw, feeling his eye twitch. He'd more or less tuned out whatever else Dean Morningstar had said after he admitted to resurfacing the already weeks old bodies in the swamp- Alastor's very first targets- as a means of... assessing him, apparently. "So you're the reason the bodies have started turning up in the bayou...?"

"Not entirely," Dean Morningstar shrugs, providing no further context. "In any case, this is sort-of a caught with pants down situation, I think. You don't have many options, Mr. Hartfelt. Either you stay as a student, or we let the truth out- and let your mother know first, before getting rid of you."

He grins sunnily at Alastor. "What will it be, young man?"

So, that was that.

Following that conversation (blackmailing session) Alastor finds himself being the unwitting recipient of a campus guide by the dean himself, who, despite his short stature and seemingly accomodating personality, had already managed to make himself an enemy in the form of one (1) incredibly vexed young radio host slash serial killer in the making.

"...And that's the Music Hall, where my vice-dean and most beloved wife holds her concerts and lectures on Murder, as a Fine Arts- you may notice the ingenious references there to one Mr. Thomas De Quincey, the famed opium eater of the 1800s London..." Alastor turns a blind eye to the dean as the man just kept on talking, choosing instead to focus on the surroundings instead of the urge to strangle the annoyance beside him.

The trip to the Hazbin Institution for Homicide Practitioners- a mouthful and an incredibly unnecessary one at that- had been less a trip to a school and more like a kidnapping, in which Alastor had been more or less blackmailed into going with the two detectives who'd found him in the bayou that day and then drugged to high hell from some sort of tampered liquor, then promptly deposited in front of the school gates and almost fed broken glass twice before nearly being poisoned and then having to sit through another blackmailing session with the Dean (the guy who'd tried to poison him in the first place). So... all in all, a rather unpleasant experience on his end.

Still, the scenery almost made up for it.

The campus was almost the size of his town back home, and towering gothic buildings from before his time populated the grounds. Signs in different languages were littered around the campus grounds, and exotic foliage grew in just the right places to make the patchwork of cobbled streets and oddly vintage buildings look uniform.

"Oh, Vox! How are you this afternoon?"

Alastor's attention is drawn back to the dean as the man greets a young man dressed in formal evening attire, complete with a pocket square boutonniere and sleek black gloves. The man in question has short-ish black hair, tied back into a small ponytail with a deep blue ribbon, and two striking eyes: one a glassy larimar blue and the other the deep brown of axinite gems. Alastor finds himself regarding the other while he and the dean make simple conversation. Something about him strikes him as familiar, though he can't quite put a finger on it exactly. "Going to the Music Hall, I presume?"

"That would be correct, Sir," Vox inclines his head respectfully. "Professor Leviathan asked us to dress for the occasion, since we would be doing another ballroom class."

"Ballroom class?" Alastor raises an eyebrow, and the man startles, seemingly not having noticed he was there. Rather inept for an assassin-to-be, Alastor frowns. Were these really the sorts of students they were training? Pretty-faced civilians knowing nothing of killing, who dressed up in evening gather for afternoon classes?

"A-ah, yes..." Vox looks off to the side, seemingly nervous. His cheeks redden slightly, like a child caught in the act of stealing candy. "Uh. You're new here, right? I haven't seen you around before..."

"He is," Dean Morningstar confirms, beaming. "Just arrived this morning, with a very generous sponsor backing him. In fact, he's going to be rooming at Pride House because of the sponsor!"

"Oh, is that so?"

Vox's easy confidence seems to come back to him as he turns to Alastor, seemingly mollified by the Dean's interference. Something inside of Alastor wants to see the man nervous again, if only because the uneasy approach of the man with the gemstone eyes reminded him of the shaky-footed does he would fake out during hunts. "Well, in that case, we might be roommates. It's nice to meet you, Mister...?"

"Hartfelt. Alastor Hartfelt," Dean Morningstar says before Alastor can introduce himself, smiling even when Alastor directs a glare at the man. "He's quite the upstart, I'll have you know- Hell, I think he may have set more fires on his first day here than you did!"

Vox chuckles awkwardly, a reaction that has Alastor's eyebrows raising with curiosity. "Well, I'd sure hope not. I really wouldn't want to cause Professor Leviathan any more trouble than we already have. He deserves a bit of a break from troublemakers like us, I'd say."

While Alastor is... okay, not really all that sure what exactly Dean Morningstar was referring to with 'fires started'- in his case, they were all non literal, considering his first arrival here had ended with him on the wrong end of a shotgun (its irony was not lost to him now, three hours later and standing in the middle of what looked to be a town square plucked straight out of Vienna's bustling populace despite the fact that they were in a location completely unknown to the rest of the world)... but whatever this man had done... it intrigued him, especially given Vox's reaction to it.

"Anyway..." Vox smiles once more, inclining his head in a bow. "I really do have to get going now. If I don't, I'm afraid I may be late, and Professor Asmodeus always picks on the latecomers to answer questions first."

"Ah, we won't keep you any longer, then," Dean Morningstar agrees genially. "Have a good afternoon, Mister Vanhal!"

"You too, Dean Morningstar, Mister Hartfelt," Vox bows once more, before turning off and heading in the direction of the Music Hall. Alastor regards the other man's retreating silhouette carefully.

"Is there something you want to say, young man?" Dean Morningstar snaps him out of his reverie, covering the faint smirk on his face with a gloved hand.

While Alastor wishes he could simply meet the other with simple derision, there is a question he had been meaning to ask. "What was the evening get up for?"

Dean Morningstar shrugs, but there's a glint of something Alastor doesn't quite like in his eyes. "Why don't you go and ask Vox yourself, if you're so interested?"

"...I'm surprised your staff haven't tried to murder you yet," Alastor responds shortly. He's much too tired and frustrated to entertain the man, and- well, frankly put, his mind is a little distracted at the moment at the thought of the man with the mismatched eyes.

Dean Morningstar laughs. "They're certainly welcome to try, as are you. After all, you're now a student of the Hazbin Instution for Homicide Practitioners- and we pride ourselves on our hands-on, engaging curriculum. Hopefully, your sponsor finds what they're looking for by sending you here."

"Hopefully," Alastor agrees. After all, there's nothing else to say: from here on out, it seems to be do or die.

Student Report written with input and conference from Dean Lucifer Morningstar

Student: Alastor Hartfelt, 29 years old, Sponsor

Sponsor: [REDACTED]

To the esteemed and generous sponsor of one Mister Alastor Hartfelt,

Enclosed is a report of your charge's first day at our esteemed institution. Please dispose of this report as soon as you are finished reading it for privacy insurances. We at the Hazbin Institution for Homicide Practitioners thank you for your interest and your patronage.

Sincerely, Dean Lucifer Morningstar.

[desdasiwrites]

– Rupert Holmes, Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide

[caribeandthebooks]

Caribe's Mystery/Thriller/Horror Fiction TBR - Part 1

[nats-reads-reviews]

October 2024 Reads & Reviews 📚 🎃

Best Hex Ever by Nadia El-Fassi - 5/5⭐️ I absolutely loved this book! I'm a big fan of magical realism romances and this one hit the nail on the head for me. It was cozy, it had depth and great character development, and the spice was hella spicy! I'll definitely be reading the second book to this series when it comes out.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson - 2.5/5⭐️ This book was okay, and I was a little let down, since it's such a popular horror book. But, realistically, not all classics live up to modern day standards of story-telling. I found the dialogue between the characters having too much tongue in cheek humor for what was supposed to be a scary, eerie story. I'm glad I read it though because I can see how this story sets up the modern-day haunted house story and the way vulnerable characters are prone to be effected to hauntings more.

The Pumpkin Spice Cafe by Laurie Gilmore- 3/5⭐️ I didn't know what to expect with this one since it's been so viral and maybe I over-estimated the book because of that and should have known better lol. Even with that being said, it was still a super cute, cozy fall romance that has a good level of spice. If you want an easy, entertaining and no-frills seasonal romance, I'd recommend this one.

Man Made Monsters by Andrea L. Rogers - 3.5/5⭐️ This was a really neat book. If I had to summarize it, I would say it's, "Young Adult Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark with Native American Characters and Themes", which is pretty cool! There was a bunch of short stories and each one had some pretty cool illustrations. I loved that all the stories had characters that were related spanning from the late 1800's to modern times and onward. The inclusion of the family tree was pretty awesome, as well. Very neat and unique read!

The Boyfriend by Freida McFadden - 5/5⭐️ Damn! This was probably one of the my favorite McFadden books so far. I really didn't see the plot twist at the end of this book coming. This was a quick, easy and entertaining read that I'd recommend to any fan of psychological thrillers. I enjoyed the variety of crazy people in this book - they all had their own motives and intents behind their actions for doing wrong and it makes you think a bit about the reasons people turn to murder.

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw - 2.5/5⭐️ This was such a strange book! I read it for a book club and I think a more realistic, horror style storytelling of The Little Mermaid is super cool. However, it seemed to me that the author used the most complex, and uncommon words to her writing that made it utterly pretentious and difficult to read. The ending was good but I felt the timeline of the story telling was very off and some of the story came after the acknowledgements page which was bizarre to me.

Murder Your Employer: McMaster’s Guide to Homicide - 3/5⭐️ I really didn't know what to expect of this book but it was very unique and highly detailed, as well as filled with dark humor. I enjoyed the story and the premise of a school to teach people how to "delete" people the world would be better off without. However, it just wasn't my cup of tea. It was very quirky which I loved but it just wasn't for me.

The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst - 3.5/5⭐️This book is the definition of "cottagecore". It was really cute and cozy, however, it was definitely slow for the first half of the book. The second half was a lot more fast-paced, and I loved the ending. I just wish the pace was more evenly spaced out. Still very much an enjoyable, feel-good book.

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair - 3/5⭐️ I loved a more magical realism take on Greek mythology and the gods being like celebrities within the world of mortals. This was a story about Persephone and Hades relationship. The spice was super good, like very good! The story wasn't anything groundbreaking good but I love an easier fantasy read without it coming with the need of as much lore to the world they live in.

[libraryofbaxobab]

June 23, 2023:

Silly is the best word I can use. Puns, rhymes, and other wordplay pepper the dialogue, and the cheery academic tone flouts an otherwise dark subject.

Fun like a heist movie, the second half is pure payoff and it feels good

8.5/10

#WhatsKenyaReading

[returquoise]

I know it's probably just my aroace showing but a character just being obsessed with another character - with clear indications of finding them attractive, while they've maybe exchanged five words if even that - is really fucking weird and always feels like a poorly established plot point.

I'm constantly in a state of "seems fake but okay."

[bookishpixiereads]

Did anyone else find “Murder Your Employer: The McMaster’s Guide to Homicide” by Rupert Holmes a bit transphobic-adjacent?

I felt a little icky when I finished reading it this morning.

[halloweenrules]

Books to Read in Autumn

Book Recs for the autumn lovers

Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide

by Rupert Holmes

Mystery, Action, Thriller, Suspense

Enola Holmes and the Case of the Missing Marquess

by Nancy Springer

Mystery, Adventure, Female Lead

An Affair of Poisons

by Addie Thorley

Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Romance, Historical Fantasy, Magic

New Moon

by Stephenie Meyer

Romance, Werewolves, Fantasy, YA Fiction, Vampires

Magic Lessons

by Alice Hoffman

Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Magic, Witches, Romance

[libertyreads]

Book Review #38 of 2023--

Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide by Rupert Holmes. Rating: 3.5 stars.

Read from April 2nd to 5th.

When I picked this one up in a small bookshop in Toronto I really didn’t want to purchase it. Why? It was the first bookstore my husband and I had stopped at while on our trip to Canada and it was the first book I picked up there. But reading the sarcastic and satirical foreword sold me instantly. This fictitious guide on how to commit (and get away with) murder was a lot of things I enjoy both as a reader and in my life in general: It was funny, didn’t take itself too seriously, explored the darker parts of being human, and was well plotted.

But, and it’s going to be so weird to say this, I don’t think this book really went there when it comes to its darker elements. “But, Liberty, it says right in the synopsis that it’s a school where they teach people how to commit murder.” And you’re right. Yet the second these characters step away from the school and into the real world we lose a lot of the humor, irreverence, and satire as well as the darker aspects of the story. We even watch as these characters attempt to complete their thesis (murder) in order to graduate McMasters and I feel this way. I also struggled with the writing style. We switch into and out of a student’s  diary as well as into and out of the main narrator’s perspective so it feels choppy at times. It also feels like something written by a General Fiction writer so it doesn’t go into the typical tropes the way I would expect from a Mystery author. And it’s so hard to categorize because it’s not really Dark Academia and I don’t actually think it fits in Mystery. Calling it a Comedy would add more levity than what’s actually in the book. It’s just a struggle here. It started out like a textbook and was really dry at the beginning. Yet it is definitely not a textbook.

Overall, I think it was a little slow but worth my time. I don’t know who the hell to recommend this to though. It’s a bit like John Marrs in that way, just not quite as good. Clear as mud? Good.

[deckerspainting]

im so weak for books with pretty covers. literally the only reason i bought 'murder your employer'. saw it in a bookstore, wandered around for a bit, then went back to grab it bc it wouldnt leave my mind

[bargainsleuthbooks]

Murder Your Employer: the McMasters Guide to Homicide by #RupertHolmes #Audiobook #NeilPatrickHarris and #SimonVance #NewBooks

#MurderYourEmployer #TheMcMastersGuidetoHomicide is hopefully the start to a magical mystery series by #EdgarAward winner #RupertHolmes. An added bonus is the #audiobook narrated by #SimonVance #NeilPatrickHarris #BookReview #newbooks #february2023books

Who hasn’t wondered for a split second what the world would be like if a person who is the object of your affliction ceased to exist? But then you’ve probably never heard of The McMasters Conservatory, dedicated to the consummate execution of the homicidal arts. To gain admission, a student must have an ethical reason for erasing someone who deeply deserves a fate no worse (nor better) than…

[desdasiwrites]

– Rupert Holmes, Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide

[writingfanficsfan]

I love books with art in them

Murder your Employer (The McMasters guide to homicide) by Rupert Holmes.

DELETION Our preferred term for “murder” [vulg.], although some younger staff have lately adopted “omission” as less austere. Note that while “to delete” is our verb of choice, we do not use “to omit” as an alternative.

[beatricebidelaire]

reading this book called. murder your employer: the mcmasters guide to homicide. immediate snicketverse vibes