#mayo fucking sucks

[mayonneise]

interesting monologue unforunately it's too self aware for this guy

[thatguywhofedme]

❤️🐷 Never enough 🐷❤️

You know when you asked me how fat I wanted you when we first met ? I thought you were joking

You knew exactly what I was into the moment you saw me watching you stuff that greedy mouth of yours like the good piggy you already were , already a hefty 330 lbs, all belly like I love with a massive double chin, taking food by the fistful, barely chewing as you swallowed it all, not caring about who could be looking until we locked eyes

You were curious at first, it wasn't the usual look of curiosity or disgust you were used to, you saw me looking with a big smile on my face, until I got up, went to your table and asked if I could sit with you, you were shy at first, it wasn't everyday you were approached by someone who seemed to be interested in you while having food crumbs and stains all over you

From the moment I sat down I was completely honest with you, I told you how much I love your fat body and enjoy seeing you stuff yourself

You were as red as a beet, meeting someone into you who wasn't miles away behind a screen, complimenting you shamelessly in front of everyone never happened to you and before you could reply, I took one of your many greasy cheeseburgers, dipped it in your extra mayo and put it in front of you, ready to get fed, without a second thought you took it in between your greedy lips, almost putting the entire thing in your mouth while I was busy caressing your fat face, cleaning it little by little as I sucked ketchup from my finger, looking at you with envy like you've never seen before

You knew I was going to make you eat like there's no tomorrow each and every day, stuffing you like it's your last meal on death row with nothing to lose

And that's exactly what you were looking for

As the months went by and we got to know more from one another, we told each other what we were into and no surprise there, we were both into feedism and extreme weight gain

During that time your body went through some drastic changes

Your stretch marks got even brighter, your belly got even heavier, wider and most importantly, lower as it almost reached your knees as they slapped against the bottom of it while you barely waddle a couple of steps before needing your walker and oxygen, your face got so fat you couldn't really look down, what was the point anyway with me taking care of you like the prized piggy you are

We celebrated 500 lbs with a three tiered cake on all fours, or at least as best you can with all this fat making it impossible for you to move much as I took you from behind, grabbing your rolls for support as I made you hungrier with each orgasm, always wanting more with each fucking

One night I decided to try some darker themes when it came to having some fun and see where it goes, telling you I want you immobile, unable to do anything except getting fed and fucked all day long while I take care of you with some sponge baths, funnel feed you pure lard and feeding you sticks of butter dipped in sugar by the dozen, clogging those arteries while making you wheeze like crazy with each breath even with your oxygen to the max and giving you as much as it can, knowing full well there's more greasy food than air getting into this extremely obese body of yours

It certainly clicked for you as you came seconds after I said all those things and I knew I had the perfect piggy to fatten up beyond any limits we could think of

It wasn't long after before you needed a bariatric bed with me as your fulltime caretaker, feeder and lover

You were scared at first, not knowing if you could adjust to your new lifestyle, but with me making you feel like you're on top of the world, making you cum over and over again as the tube above you is slowly pumping your gut full of grease and lard to incredible sizes, which by now has grown so incredibly fat, it goes further than your feet and is almost nearing the end of the bed

We both look at the heart monitor often ever since your second heart attack, not because we worry about it, God no !!!

More so from morbid curiosity, wondering when it will be your last time clutching your chest, knowing full well it'll be a massive turn on for the both of us

So to answer your question, there's no answer for me to provide

We both know you can never be fat enough and we need to keep on making you fatter for as long as we can, no matter what happens, that body needs more lard and it needs it now

It's not because you're over 700 lbs that I'm going to take it easy on you, on the contrary, you know i'll fatten you up even faster with no end I'm sight

I can't wait for that heart monitor to stop beeping, knowing we both accomplished our goal and made you the greatest death piggy to ever live

[herarcadewasteland]

Trouble

A/N: This the small piece for the Wooyoung Bullet Point thing i made a little while back! I finally got it done and now you get it~

~~~~~~~~~~~

Pairing: Wooyoung x Reader ft. San

Warnings: meandom!wooyoung, slapping (thigh and face), degradation, unprotected sex (wrap it up), creampie technically, protected sex (good job), big dick!woosan, restraints, slightly sub!sannie, exhibitionism.

The goal, for once, was not to piss off Wooyoung. Quite the opposite. All you wanted was a little bit of attention from him instead of having it all focused on the damn soccer game that Jongho had put on. It had started off slow that he had no idea it was even happening. Seeing you a little more slung over San than usual, your close relationship was nothing new to him because he was around the man so much himself. A few deliberate hand placements on the muscles of his arm when he made a dumb joke. It was harmless. At least to you. 

As soon as Wooyoung picked up on it, he was on his own plan. You wanted to be a brat and pretend to be more interested in his best friend than him? Your boyfriend? He could play at that game too. He ignored your attempts for his attention, your attitude growing bolder as you noticed Wooyoung not even sparing you a glance, a haughty smirk on his lips as he laughed with Jongho and Yeosang. Your actions towards San got more blatant, a blush covering the boys cheeks as you leaned against him, pressing your tits into his arm. Laughing louder at his jokes, swiping a drop of mayo from his lips when it spills out of the slider. Wooyoung was glancing your way more now, your eyes meeting a few times as his progressively held more danger. 

You knew you were in for it now but you were so far into your plan, you couldn't just back out of it and admit defeat. So you went in harder. Bumping your arm a little too hard into San to spill your drink all over his white shirt, your eyes going wide as you gasped and grabbed for napkins to dab at his shirt while you ran your hands across his broad chest. San muttered something under his breath and shook you off with a sheepish smile, telling you he could borrow a shirt from one of the boys as he scurried away. 

You huffed lightly, calling out another apology and turning to look at your boyfriend. His eyebrow was raised, hands folded neatly on his knee as he watched you. The look in his eye was past danger now. You were royally fucked. That didn’t stop you from continuing your antics the next week when you and your boyfriend invited San out to the mall for a day of shopping.

It had started slowly as it had the previous week. Small brushes of your hand against San’s ass, brushing your tits against him blatantly when Wooyoung was looking into a window display. Little did you know, Wooyoung knew what you were doing. He saw you in that same window display reflection brushing against his best friend. He saw it all and took note of it all, a smirk resting on his pretty lips while you flirted with San to get under his skin. 

He couldn’t say it wasn’t working, but it wasn’t working as well as you had hoped. You picked up on that fact slowly, building your tactics to make San flustered and your boyfriend mad. Your opportunity came in two forms. One of ketchup clinging desperately to San’s lower lip. You peeked a glance at Wooyoung, seeing him focused on his own hamburger, you took the chance.

“Ahh Sannie you made a mess!”, you cooed, seeing Wooyoung snap his head to you just as you reached across the table to swipe the offending condiment from his plush lip. 

Sitting back casually, you made eye contact with Wooyoung, his eyes holding a promise. You giggled at him and watched his eyes narrow, your finger quickly raising to your lips to suck the ketchup off of it. A throat clearing interrupted you, your eyes trailing over to the man across from you. Scanning the blush on Sans cheeks, you smiled happily, Wooyoung's hand finding a place on your thigh to squeeze it harshly. Your smile dropped enough for it to be casual, the hand on your thigh relaxing but staying in place as conversation picked up about one store or another. 

Your next opportunity came when you saw someone with the coolest jacket you had ever seen, your eyes lingering on them as they walked long enough for Wooyoung to take notice and follow your line of sight. He scoffed silently, tugging at your jacket to point at a window display with the shiniest dresses you had seen to date. With your attention successfully diverted, Wooyoungs’ hand on your lower back leads you into a separate store. Your thoughts were running wild with how to rile up your boyfriend even further when you realized, scanning through cute cardigans, that your tactics weren’t working properly. You would have to think harder.

You came up blank, your day at the mall going by peacefully until you tripped over your own feet while you were distracted by a window display. Your little trip up sent you face first into Sans solid chest, Wooyoung staring you down darkly as your hands pressed to Sans biceps to push yourself away. 

“I am so sorry Sannie! I don’t know how that happened!”, you sounded panicked, Wooyoungs’ eyes narrowing further.

San waved off your concerns easily, his hands patting your shoulders to console you as Wooyoung stared quietly. You turned to him shortly after, shaking your head, eyes holding a promise it wasn’t purposeful. Wooyoung wasn’t having it, his hand wrapping around yours as he pulls you closer to him.

“Let’s head home. We don’t need to be tripping over anything else.”, he chuckled, patting your head with his free hand.

You and San agreed, weaving through the people to get back out into the parking lot. Finding the car was slightly difficult, the distant beeping of the lock guiding the three of you in different directions until you found it, shouting for the boys as they found each other on the other side of the lot. You laughed at them while they jogged to the car, your face red as they huffed at you. Piling into the car, you started the drive back to the apartment, music blasting through the speakers as you all sang along, San’s dance movements small and precise in the small space. It sent you into a whole new round of laughter when he tried to do a kick jump in his seat. His head smacking the roof of the car with a thunk followed by the combined laughter of Wooyoung and yourself. The pout that graced Sans' pretty lips made you both coo, a blush coating his cheeks as he crossed his arms and stared out the window. 

The drive finished smoothly with some more karaoke after San was done his playful sulking, Wooyoung’s pokes to his side drawing him from it with giggles. Any giggles left you when you met your boyfriends eyes through the rear view mirror, the danger hiding in them setting your body on edge as you huffed a half laugh at something that San said, climbing out of the car with the two bags Wooyoung let you carry. You unlocked the front door quickly, Wooyoung urging you to go faster. Laughing, you opened the door and stepped aside, ushering the boys in. You closed the door behind you once they made it in in one piece. 

“Bags in the kitchen!”, you called after them, their footsteps fading slightly as they made their way to the kitchen.

Following them into the room, you landed a smack on Wooyoung’s ass as he bent over to look for a drink for San. His startled shout made you laugh with San, high-fiving him as you passed him to open a cupboard for a bag of chips to share. San stood awkwardly as you both moved around him, Wooyoung handing you a bowl for the chips after he pulled out the last case of beer he kept for when San was over at your place. 

“What did we decide on again?”, you turned to the boys once you were done emptying the bag into the bowl.

“Uhhh-“, San turned to Wooyoung who was opening three beers.

“Uh…”, he paused, tilting his head as he looked back at you and San, “I think it was The Avengers?”

You and San mirrored an “Ohhhh!” as you remembered the movie choice. Migrating to the living room, you observed the spots left on the couch until Wooyoung was tugging you down onto his lap. You scoffed lightly at his possessive action, San eyeing up the two of you slightly before he shrugged and focused on the screen. The movie went by without fault, snacks being passed around, cuddling into Wooyoung as he rested his chin on your shoulder… it was going so well… until you declared a bathroom break was needed and stood up from Wooyoung’s lap. You stretched with your arms above your head, a large yawn escaping you before you could stop, the boys focused on the exposed skin of your stomach.

One set of eyes leaving to watch the other’s unmoving gaze until he stood, Wooyoung placing a kiss on your head as he ushered you to the kitchen. San followed along blindly, clutching the empty bowl in his hands to drop it in the sink. Silence took over the room until you cleared your throat to interrupt your boyfriends one-sided staring contest with his best friend, slipping past them both when you were suddenly falling into San’s chest for the second time that day, your eyes widening as you pushed away from him quickly, his concern going unnoticed as you faced your boyfriend.

The smirk on his slightly chapped lips and the tsk that left them told you all you needed to know. You shook your head at him slightly and finished your journey to the washroom, doing your business quickly before nearly sprinting out of the door into a solid object. Staring up at Wooyoung, you shook your head again, hands on his chest as he watched you.

“I can’t believe you pushed me into him! It was an accident earlier! I promise-”

“Don’t think I don’t know your little games, pretty girl. I know exactly what you’re trying to get from me.”, he paused to whisper in your ear, sending chills down your spine, “All you had to do was ask.”

You don’t even get the chance to respond before he’s grasping your wrist and dragging you to your shared bedroom, a shout to San to come up in a few minutes following your stumbling steps. An affirmative, though hesitant, response from the boy hit your ears just as Wooyoung shoved you through the door. 

“Wooyo-”

“Wrong.”

“Woo-”

“Try again.”

“Wooyoung I swear to god-”

“Not bad but that was your last chance.”, his hands pushed between your shoulders til you tumbled onto the bed, his hands around your hips flipping you onto your back, “Address me properly or so help me…”

He leaned over you, eyes dark and piercing your soul as you whimpered under his gaze, “You’ll regret ever calling me anything other than Sir.”

You nodded quickly, small apologies tumbling from your lips as he disappeared into the closet, coming out with a locked box that was no longer locked. You realized at this moment you shouldn’t have even tried pleading your case. He wasn’t going to believe you anyways, and trying to bargain worsened your punishment. Seconds later, your hands cuffed to the headboard, Wooyoung back in the closet, San walked through the door. 

“What did you-”, he paused in the doorway, his eyes scanning your prone form and then the room for your boyfriend. 

Not finding him, the man looks at you in confusion, “Y/N? What-?”

You shushed him and beckoned him forwards, eyes desperate until Wooyoung appeared again with a happy look at seeing San. 

“Oh good! You made it just in time!”, the sound of fabric tearing made you wince as San gasped, turning away from your suddenly naked body, “Now now, Sannie. You were just looking at her skin so intently!”

He took measured steps to his best friend, grasping his chin and turning him in your direction as you squirmed against the sheets, “Now take. a. good. look.”

You whimpered at the heat of their gazes on your exposed skin, eyes begging with San until a stern look from Wooyoung had you intently focused on the blankets beneath you. 

“No, no. None of that. You don’t get to look at him. You did that enough today don’t you think? All over him just for my attention.”, he left San’s side to reach into his pocket, pulling out a handful of condoms that sealed your fate for the night, “That didn’t work like you wanted though, huh? Poor dumb little slut doesn’t get what she wants. How disappointing…”

He took a moment to set the condoms beside you mockingly, unbuckling his belt with precise motions that built tension in your core as you watched him, “For you.”

Everything happened in a blur after that. Wooyoungs’ belt being tied around your head, San being positioned in the desk chair at the end of the bed, Wooyoung stripping completely with a smirk on his face as he watches San squirm with his legs crossed. You whimpered around the belt as Wooyoung hovered above you, running his cock along your folds until you moaned with each brush of the head against your sensitive clit. You soon forgot about San with the pleasure clouding your mind, Wooyoung’s breathy groans in your ear ruining any thought of brattiness you had for the moment. Your mind cleared completely as he thrusted into you with one motion, each vein on his cock leaving you whining as you felt them drag against the wet walls of your cunt. Your moans only grew in volume as Wooyoung thrusted into you faster, deeper, reaching depths of you that you felt like only he could. His moans spurred you on to meet his thrusts until his hands slammed down on your hips to keep you still with a low grunt in your ear.

“I would suggest not moving, baby.”

You whined but nodded, drool dripping from around his belt between your teeth, soaking the material and leaving a trail on your skin that Wooyoung gathered with his fingers to bring down to your clit, rubbing the sensitive bundle of nerves in fast circles. Your pussy clenching around him sending him to new heights with his best friend watching. You whined even louder, moans cutting off your breaths until you pleaded with Wooyoung through the belt, his raised eyebrow shooting a spark of arousal straight to your clit. The moan you let slip at that point was pornographic, San’s small grunts just reaching your ears as you tugged on the restraints keeping you from touching your boyfriend in the way you wanted. 

“What’s that, pet? You wanna say something?”

You nodded quickly, moving your hips slightly to get him to move faster as he tugged the belt from between your lips.

“Please!”, you panted for breath now that you could take proper ones, “Sannie! Untie-”

The sound registered before the feeling, the stinging of your cheek coinciding with the sound that echoed through the room. 

“What did you just say?”, Wooyoung stopped his thrusts abruptly, “Did my cocksleeve just call out for another man as I was fucking it? Nooo no, I must be mistaken.”

You inhaled sharply as you realized what you said, your lips parting as you started to stutter over your apology. Another slap cut you off, your head facing the wall with the force of it as you clenched around him. 

“I would suggest you repeat yourself right now, love. I don’t want to have to ask twice.”

“I-...I’m-... Sannie-”, you cut yourself off when Wooyoung raised his eyebrow, “I mean… I wasn’t-”

“Spit. It. Out.”, he accentuated each word with a thrust that had you grasping at the restraints around your wrists.

“Sannie! Untie me!”, you gasped out.

The silence in the room was suffocating as Wooyoung pulled out of you quickly, not giving you time to savor the sensations of him in your for the last moments.You whimpered at the emptiness in your core, clenching around nothing as you watched Wooyoung stand, his expression blank. 

“San. Come here.”

San moved quickly, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste to follow his best friend's orders. 

“Do you think my little slut deserves to be untied? Just so she can touch me?”, Wooyoung ran his hand along San’s broad chest as he stuttered for an answer, “She called for you, didn’t you hear? She wants your help.”

He pushes him towards the bed, “So help her.”

You share a slightly confused glance with San, watching Wooyoung stare the two of you down until he snapped his finger, making you jump slightly.

“Move faster. She clearly wants your help, Sannie~”

San nodded slowly and reached up to undo your restraints until Wooyoung's hands covered his, “No. Not like that.”

You and San shared properly confused glances now, eyes darting between each other and your boyfriend as he laughed mockingly, “Two dumb little pets. How fun!”

Wooyoung nearly dragged San onto the bed, ripping his clothes as he had yours, making you both gasp as he pushed him down onto you. The only indication of something happening was the slight brush of Wooyoung’s hand across your clit after the crinkling of the condom wrapper ceased. You and San whined in unison as suddenly he was pushing into you, your boyfriend's pretty hand on his hip telling you San wasn’t even in control of the situation. 

“You do know how to fuck, right?”, Wooyoung laughed as San frowned at the jab, his hips suddenly moving into yours much faster and with much more force behind them, “There we go. I knew you could fuck her right~”

You moaned at each thrust, hands grasping at air as Wooyoung laughed at you, landing a slap on your thigh as San fucked you with everything in him. His cock stretched you more than Wooyoungs’ did but you didn’t dare say anything to compliment the man in that moment, instead moaning loudly as you held eye contact with your lover. The smirk on his face and the hand stroking over his cock as he watched you be pounded into the mattress made you whimper, eyes rolling back as you felt San twitch inside you just enough to brush over that special spot. 

“Aweeee.”, Wooyoung cooed at your reaction, “Keep doing that Sannie. She loves it, look at her! Can barely even keep her whore mouth shut.”

“Maybe you should fill it then.”, San spoke up for the first time, shocking both of you until you nodded happily and opened your mouth for Wooyoung to slide into, moans escaping you still. 

“Good boy, Sannie. I knew you would have some great ideas somewhere in there!”, Wooyoung crawled up to kneel by your open mouth, giving you a small moment to savor his taste until he was thrusting into your mouth like he was fucking your pussy. 

San moaned out a small thank you that made Wooyoung laugh until he saw your expression change, San’s moans turning to a higher pitch as you tightened around him with your impending orgasm. 

“Is the poor baby gonna cum around my friends cock? Hm?”, he pulled out from your mouth, leaving your tongue chasing it pathetically as he laughed and leaned down to brush some hair behind your ear, “You don’t get to cum.”

San stopped at those words, pulling his own cock from you with a strangled moan. You whined at the loss of attention, Wooyoung’s look turning dark once more as he sat beside San between your spread legs. 

“You really thought you were going to cum after those little stunts you pulled today? Think again.”, he turned to San, pulling him into a kiss as he pulled the condom from his twitching cock.

You watched silently with pleading eyes as Wooyoung wrapped his hands around himself and San, tugging on their cocks quickly with just enough pressure that made San whine. His eyes met yours, both of you looking fucked out, and he tumbled over the edge, his cum landing in thick ropes over your abused pussy and Wooyoungs’ hand. Your boyfriend moaned at the sight, pushing his cock back into you just as he came, the warmth spreading through your body as you closed your eyes. 

“Gooood fucking girl. Taking my cum like a champ.”, you huffed out a playful breath at his choice of words, your pussy aching for release you knew would never come. 

The feeling of Wooyoung’s lips brushing over your ear startled you, your eyes snapping open to make eye contact with San as the boy flushed prettily at your attention, “Maybe next time, throw yourself on Hongjoong.”

[conkreetmonkey]

Splatoon 3 is wild because imagine if you were living in Japan due to a recent economic and cultural boom, and suddenly a space shuttle with a mutant house-sized T-rex riding it suddenly burst from the center of Mt. Fuji and disappeared into space without explanation, and all you ever find out about what the fuck that was about is that Zuckerburg mysteriously disappeared the same day and was never seen again, but still "officially" ran Meta through an open secret Queen-Elizabeth-being-in-good-health gaslighting campaign, and everybody kind of suspected he may have been connected but never figured out anything conclusive.

Also the T-rex is now orbiting the earth in the fetal position like the guy from Jojo, and there are rumors of a substance that, if touched, turns you into a half-dinosaur monster. Nobody understands any of this but Meta employees just keep going to work and pretending Zuck still exists. The same 12 prerecorded voicelines constantly squak from the PA system.

Oddly, the statue in front of Meta HQ of a T-rex eating a human changes overnight into one of a giant human eating a tiny T-rex. Nobody noticed the switch, despite the statue being in a constantly bustling area. It happened shortly after the shuttle incident.

Jack Black's tiny clone, Lil' Jack, now wears a headset at all times and has been acting really shady since the incident. Also they're both hyperintelligent, immortal velociraptors found in an ancient cryogenic chamber who spend their days judging college football and eating the legally harvested flesh of hillbillies. Lil' Jack is probably plotting to kill Big Jack, but Big Jack doesn't seem to care, growing fat and lazy, sleeping on public benches in a bed of throw pillows. Also, he's very open about the fact that, as a velociraptor, humans look delicious, but he hasn't actually eaten anybody aside from the aforementioned hillbillies because he's civil.

Everyone is just expected to move on with their lives after this. This is normal to you.

The local art school was recently attacked by giant sea serpents, which were actually hideously bioengineered hillbillies, fulfilling a biblical doomsday prophecy, and they were driven back by Meta's army of minimum wage, part time child soldiers armed with warcrimey jury-rigged weaponry. The sea serpents had giant frying pans grafted into their mouths, which launched primitive tactical nukes made by filling garbage bags with their explosive phlegm. They still exist, and occasionally defend their comrades, but spend most of their time in the deep sea.

The local homeless emo twink everyone's attracted to is a closet millionaire who sells bootleg clothing in exchange for live rats, which he messily devours behind closed doors. He's also 8 feet tall and British and only has one eye.

North Korean refugees now flood the western world, after a greasy 14 year old hipster, under the guidance of Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift, beat Kim Jong Un in a mech battle, and the EDM remix of the Japanese national anthem they performed caused like half the soldiers to immediately realize North Korea sucks ass and defect. One of these individuals, 7 foot tall hypergenius, becomes a newscaster alongside a nepo baby rapper with dwarfism who likes to eat entire jars of mayo, and also they're a popular band. Also also, they may or may not be gay. Almost the entire population is gay, so this isn't a huge deal.

The new local newscasters are a famous Japanese lion tamer, an Indian girl with a bloodline trait allowing her to control snakes, and a Brazillian man the size of a smart car who exclusively communicates via grunts.

Gods, souls and zombies are objectively real, and you're effectively immortal because real-life respawning was invented a while ago. It works like a Keurig, but with mucus instead of coffee. Submersion in water kills you.

A good deal of the population is a hivemind. They pretend to be individuals for no reason.

Almost all men are now femboys.

Despite all this, you still have to go to work at 9 tomorrow.

[themainspoon]

It has been literal months but I can't stop thinking about that time my Aunt served us "Coleslaw with dressing on the side" at a family function. That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever been served, that's literally a bowl of shredded cabbage with a side of lukewarm mayo. What the fuck are we doing here? You were literally a fucking dietician how do you suck at food this fucking bad? It was literally your entire job! For years! Even thinking about it now it pisses me off. That can't be a real shitty dish I got served, that's the punchline to a joke about white people food, you can't actually make something that fucking insane. BUT LO AND BEHOLD, YOU DID. I'll tell you who wants coleslaw without dressing, literally fucking nobody ever at any point in history. Humiliating for all of us. My final fucking words on my deathbed are probably going to be about how much your shitty, shitty "coleslaw" pissed me off. Get fucking real.

[coff-in]

You know that last post about Andy being a reluctant sex maniac? It occurs to me if he really could just bust that hard on a daily basis, he'd probably like to experiment a little with it (maybe in a way that won't put someone in a hospital though). Say maybe you're stuck without food so he makes a, say, special bowl of clam chowder- extra thick and salty, just for you. (No you can't ask how he made it. It's a secret. Shut up. No don't share it with Ashley she can get something on her own.)

Then, by some miracle, you actually like it enough that you might try it again later, and he feels like just hearing that feedback gave his body the express command to refill right the fuck back up with enough for another few batches. Then, if he gets the food needed (probably from a more resourceful [reader] scrounging up some more ingredients) he starts putting it in other things he makes when nobody else is looking- the mayonnaise in your sandwich, the glazing of some rolls, the batter for some pancakes, a special protein shake- you think he's really on a roll with learning new recipes and getting some passion for the culinary arts during these rough days, but at the heart of it he's really just gotten addicted to the thought of filling you up with his jizz.

Somehow I think Ashley would do something similar- though she probably wouldn't be as good at hiding it or being too subtle. If it wouldn't be putting her cum into random things you and Andy had to eat, it'd be her bargaining a random neighbor off to a devil so she can lactate at will, then insisting on pouring you all a nice glass of milk for breakfast each day. And if she ever actually gets to know about Andrew and sees he's also doing funny shit with what you've been serving, she'd egg him on to go further and combine their "resources" to see what they can get away with, and ask for discreet lessons in cooking so she can feed you her own tainted dishes. And you'd be so, so incapable of just turning the two down, because as far as you know, hey, they made it for you! Poor, immature Ashley learned to make something nice from her sweet big brother just to make you happy! You wouldn't turn down a helping of special-made, sugar-glazed, extra-protein pancakes just because they taste a little off sometimes, would you?

notes from coff-in: reluctant sex maniac andrew my beloved <3 you guys don't understand the emotion i felt waking up at 6 o'clock in the morning and seeing that in my inbox. went through several stages of disgusted, amused, and horny. andrew must be tired slinging that huge log between his legs, having everyone tease him about that thick outline in his pants or the round bulge... he could hide it in me if he wants to

[gender neutral] reader-insert, NSFW

if [reader] was like me they'd eat anything edible without question. andrew hands them fucking extra creamy clam chowder and [reader]'s like "aw hell yeah, thanks :)" like NOO??? where tf did he get EXTRA CREAMY CLAM CHOWDER??? and why can't ashley eat any??? wouldn't question anything, just thankful to be eating something while stick in quarantine

the "mayo" sandwich is so funny for that fan service/horny potential because maybe andrew adds too much and when [reader] takes a bite, the mayo just squirts out the sandwich from the other end. they scoop it up with their fingers and then suck it, running their tongue over their fingers going "mmmh! it's kinda salty but it's tastes good!" andrew's watching [reader] eat with wide eyes and feels another batch weighing heavy in his balls, waiting to enter [reader]

i like to think that in this scenario that [reader] is good friends with andrew and ashley. yeah sometimes [reader]'s eyes wander towards andrew's uncomfortably, unreasonably big and needy endowments (never letting that go) but they still like andrew for the cynical english nerd that he is and ashley for the annoying and teasing girl that she is. i think that's how ashley came to think "yeah... i wanna feed them my fluids"

she'd be so teasing about it, hinting that it's "made with love" and it's a "family recipe" while they drink coffer made with her breast milk (maybe it's a breast milk tea for [reader] if they don't like coffee). it's a crazy thought seeing ashley standing over a dead body in the middle of a pentagram talking to a demonic entity "i want to be able to lactate" crazy...

andrew and ashley sneak around the kitchen so they could have their "cooking lessons" while [reader] is sleeping. i think [reader] would try to make them something in return, an honest and genuine attempt at a meal to say thank you to them "i know it's not as good as your food but i really appreciate you guys and the food you've been making me" it touches andrew and ashley's hearts

they get off to the idea of [reader] taking the "special ingredients" straight from the source :3

----

coff-in

[me10n-10rde]

I have been keeping a book of quotes for like the last 2 years, here are some of my favorites and what marauder i think would say them

I’m not writing the actual context for each bc that would take forever but if you ask and i remember I’ll tell you

money isnt that beautiful well except for andrew jackson he was a fucking looker

- sirius

Sucking assholes is for both genders asshole

- barty to evan pre getting together

there are sections of landfills that are buckets of lost dick

- James upon finding out what muggle circumcision is

a deer is really just a gay moose because it looks like a moose but gay

- Peter seeing james’s animagus (lowkey what caused james to insist upon being called a stag)

i hope the rest of his life is like he’s sitting on a spiky dildo i hope it hurts the whole way in and out

- someone to snape

the nebulus theys are coming for us

- sirius

if these were glittery i could be a stripper

- sirius wearing heels for the first time

i know your sandwiches taste like sandpaper and dick

- remus finding out someone doesn’t put mayo on their sandwiches

what if they pieced together circumcisions and made a Frankenstein but it’s frankendick?

- sirius finding out about circumcision

apparently i like masochisim because there’s no other reasonable explanation for doing this

- regulus doing anything he doesn’t like

let me tell you what you did in 1436 you cunt

- regulus

James (me): i could die, is that worth the risk of you losing your best friend (only daughter)? Sirius (dad): yes, 100% absolutely

- james being annoying and not wanting to do since random menial task

dont call me a diet orphan, fucker

- remus after one of the others calls him that (lovingly, irl person thought this was funny)

can you stop dying for like 30 seconds, it’s killing my vibe

- Sirius

Okay that concludes the 2023 quotes i could assign to marauders, might add more later

[dyeher]

includes| miya osamu x fem! reader x miya atsumu— smut (840 words)

content| Cream Pie, Praising, Degradation, Double Penetration, Their dicks do be touching (i,e do not read this if you are not comfortable with themes that may reflect hard incest).

notes| welcome back old ass content.

you’re spread open on the dining table of your apartment, left leg over osamu’s shoulder, right leg held open by atsumu. you want to say this situation started out purely by accident but, you’d be lying. getting fucked by the miya twins has been a fantasy of yours since you first met them. of course, you were never brave enough to actually say anything about it but, atsumu has never been very good at hiding his attraction to you and well from the way osamu usually glared at his brother’s forwardness you’d assumed he was equally attracted to you.

it never helped that they’d sometimes team up to tease you whenever they could. this turned out to be your downfall, and it was during a teasing session that they’d learned of your desire to be fucked by them both. you didn’t even say anything out loud, but it was your silence after osamu had jokingly pointed it out that you never complained about their tag team teasing, that it was almost like you wanted it.

it’s how you ended up here. the thick vein along the side of osamu’s cock dragging against your gummy walls whenever he was inside you, and the mushroomed head of atsumu’s cock bumping into the entrance of your cervix. it was…everything you’d imagined and more. you figured they’d be competitive at least but, they weren’t, they worked like a well-oiled machine to make you into a crying mess before they even begun to fuck you.

by the time you realized they were taking turns fucking into your slicked-up cunt, you were three orgasms in.

“she’s so fuckin’ tight,” atsumu hisses, “the tightest little slut, fuck.”

“she’s such a good girl,” osamu coos, “god, look how well her pussy’s taking my cock.”

the mixture of atsumu’s degrading words and osamu’s praise let you dizzy, had your cunt clenching around air when osamu pulled out in time for atsumu to guide his cock in. the process repeats itself until you’re full-on crying, sobbing for one of them to stay put, to fuck you properly.

“we’re both getting in there, princess,” osamu assures you, the meaning behind his words don’t register until atsumu chuckles.

“bet her pussy can do it,” he pushes against your legs until your knee is pressed against your side ono the bed and osamu mirror’s his actions. you realize a little too late what that means but your cunt clenches at the thought of them sharing you like that, filling you like that. osamu slaps his cock against your pussy before lining himself up.

“if ya can’t take it, just tell us to stop,” he says, “and we will.” you nod and he eases himself back into you, fucking your walls slowly, teasingly, coaxing your slick out, drawing breathless thank yous from your parted lips. he leans down to kiss you, it’s slow and gentle, but firm, grounding, he tastes like spicy shrimp and mayo, the kind he makes at Onigiri Miya, it’s delicious, per usual.

he pulls back and you prop yourself up on your elbows to watch atsumu squeeze the head of his cock next to osamu. the sensation is new, and your body reacts immediately, squeezing and sucking at them.

“ah shit, “atsumu curses, he leans his head against his brother’s shoulder when he bottoms out.

osamu stares at your face, your eyes are rolled back, and your breath are coming rapidly, “ya okay pretty girl? want us to continue?” he doesn’t try to hide the strained quality of his voice.

you can feel them, atsumu’s deeper than osamu but the stretch, oh God, the stretch was maddening. you barely nod before they begin to move, atsumu pulling out and osamu grinding against your walls.

“fuck, ya feel s’good,” osamu moans, “so fuckin’ tight.”

“yer cunts fucking stretched,” atsumu smacks at one of your breasts, and chuckles when all you can do is moan. “this really the first time ya did this?” atsumu knows you can’t answer, as they both speed up.

osamu wipes at the tears that begin to trickle down your cheeks and coos about how pretty you are, while atsumu grunts about how much of a slut you are for being able to fit both of them in you. it takes them less time than you expected to have you creaming around them, especially with atsumu’s fingers shoved into your mouth and osamu’s fingers toying at your clit.

they cum soon after, filling your cunt together, pulling out with an embarrassing pop. astumu prods at your entrance experimentally and they make identical sounds of surprise when he easily fits four of his fingers inside of you.

they step back to watch the way your hole gapes at them, leaking their cum down between your ass cheeks and onto the dining table. it dawns on you in the recess of your mind that, they’ve probably done this before. you chuckle at the realization that despite their short-comings and teasing nature with each other, the miya twins like to share.

[slicedmayonnaise]

I'm tired of the whole "precious innocent baby who doesn't know what sex is" Kieran ideology.

THIS MAN FUCKS.

Man managed to pull Mary Beth AND Bill in the short amount of time that he was with the VDL gang, and y'all gonna say he's inexperienced?

I just KNOW this man left behind a TRAIL of broken hearts everywhere he went.

I REPEAT: THIS MAN FUCKS. YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND

"But Mayo, his dick is small"

HE HAS A TONGUE. WHY DO YOU THINK HIS BEARD IS SHAPED THE WAY IT IS? HE GOTTA KEEP HIS LIPS OPEN FOR PUSSY EATING AND DICK SUCKING

He's also very skilled with his hands

[celiamae99]

JJ Maybank x Reader

Pt 2!

Warnings: mentions of self harm, reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, therapy, sexual assault, Rafe being a dick

Mature readers ONLY. 18+. I will check profiles periodically and will block minors bc this post is MA!

You sat in the therapists office, hating that you were here. You had been going weekly because Sarah made you. She drove you to and from appointments, making sure you would go to the appointment.

Your therapist was nice enough. She knew how hard life was for you and she gave you grounding tools to help with your anxiety, which was now more manageable. She helped with the depression and managing thoughts. You created a routine you stuck to religiously. You were doing better. You weren’t suicidal anymore.

Once you left, you got back into Sarah’s car.

“So,” she prompted. “How was it.”

“It was fine. We talked about a new breathing exercise. And we talked about what to do when I see JJ again.”

“Did she tell you not to slam the door in his face?”

“I opened it back up!” You defended. “I didn’t think it was him and I wasn’t ready to see him. I did apologize.” You told her guilty. In all fairness, it did shock you to see JJ on the other side of the door.

She gave you a look and you turned the music on. Taylor Swift was playing, per usual, and you let the music hit your soul.

“Who could ever leave me darling? Who could stay?” You harmonized with the music until Sarah pulled up in front of the auto body shop where JJ worked. “What are we doing here?” You asked, mildly panicking. You didn’t want to see JJ. You guys hadn’t spoken in days.

“His bike is broke and if I don’t pick him up he’ll go home and Luke is out of prison.” She told you and you groaned, annoyed that there was no way out. JJ would not be going home for any reason you decided but that did not mean you wanted to see him.

“Hey,” JJ said getting into the car. “I need food.”

“We can go to The Cut.” Sarah said, driving off. “We can get take out and watch movies tonight.”

“I can’t,” you said quickly, trying to think of an excuse.

“And why the fuck not?” Sarah demanded. She wanted you and JJ to get back together and there was no rhyme or reason why you couldn’t go and she knew that.

“Because, I have to…” you thought quickly. “Study for History.”

“We don’t have a history test until next week.” JJ deadpanned. Well, shit.

“You’re coming and that’s final.” You rolled your eyes, sinking into your seat and turning up Sarah’s music so you wouldn’t have to talk.

“I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the pray.” You sang quietly.

Once you guys got to The Cut, you ordered your food. As you were about to tell Kiara’s dad what you wanted, JJ spoke up. “She wants a bacon cheeseburger, no onion, extra mayo.” You and Sarah stared at him. “Fries for the side.” JJ gave you an award winning smile that made you a little dizzy.

As the food was being prepared, you were startled when the bell dinged, signaling somebody coming in. It was Rafe, Kelce, and Topper. You sucked in a breath and instinctively moved closer to JJ.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here, boys?” Rafe smiled wickedly and you gulped.

“What do you want?” Sarah snapped at her brother angrily.

“What do I want?” He asked stepping towards you. “I think we all know exactly what I want.” You shrank back.

“Fuck off Rafe, nobody wants you here.” Sarah told her brother.

You were no stranger to Rafe and his antics. He had been flirting with you ever since you and JJ started your separation. Tried desperately to get into your pants. Touched you every chance he got.

JJ clenched his fist. This wasn’t good. JJ had a temper and you knew he would get the shit beaten out of him if Rafe said something about you.

“Come on, princess. You’re not with you’re little progue anymore. Why don’t you come on over and I’ll show you a damn good time.”

You were frozen in place but managed to say, “No.”

Rafe sneered at you. JJ got ready to punch him but you grabbed his wrist.

“It’s not worth it JJ,” you told him. “Please, let’s just go.”

JJ stormed out of the restaurant and you followed him to Sarah’s car, she stayed to yell at her brother and get the food.

“Don’t,” he said before you could say anything. “Just don’t, Y/N. Okay? You’re going to say you’re not worth it and it’s not true, okay? You’re worth it and no matter what terms we’re on, I’m going to fight for you.”

You stared at him, mouth agape.

“So I may not have fought him this time but I can promise you, if he lays a finger on you, I’ll kill him.”

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Instead of a low key night, you guys decided to go to a keger. Which in retrospect, you should’ve known it would be bad.

You were in pretty deep, dancing with some girls from school when a body pressed harshly against yours. You turned around fast and saw you were face to face with Rafe. You tried to move away, but his grip on your arm was too tight. He dragged to you over to a empty area.

“Let me go,” you cried trying to tug your arm out of his reach. “Rafe! Let go!”

“No can do princess.” He said breathing heavily on your neck and you cringed, hating this more than anything you’d ever experienced. You shoved harshly at him but he wouldn’t budge. “I’ve wanted you for a long time.” He ran his free hand along your back side, and you cried out again. “And now,” he said gripping you tightly, “I’m going to have you.”

Before things could go further, Rafe was shoved out of your way. You gripped your arm to your chest. You breathed in and out, rapidly; you tried to catch your breath. “JJ!” You screamed at him. “JJ stop!”

John B, Sarah, Kiara, and Pope all ran over at the sound of your yells. Topper and Kelce came too. Pope and John B dragged JJ off Rafe and Topper and Kelce helped get Rafe on his feet.

“That little slut wanted it. You left her and now she’s open for grabs.” Rafe spewed running his thoughts together unintentionally. “She wanted it, alright?” You we’re crying, clutching on to Sarah.

“Let me at him!” JJ bellowed. “I’m going to kill him! I’m going to fucking kill him for touching my girl! John B, let me GO!”

Once the Kooks left JJ stumbled towards you.

He grabbed your hips gently and pulled him to you. You searched his eyes before wiggling out of his grip and running towards your house. You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t handle any of this. All the people, all the emotions. You couldn’t. So you did what you did best, and ran. You were done fighting.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

You slid down the wall of your bedroom, tears escaping you. You wanted JJ but you knew he didn’t want you. He just didn’t want Rafe to want you. And Rafe, oh God, Rafe had… you looked at your wrist and held it to you.

You felt JJ slide down next to you. “I should’ve killed him.” JJ said bitterly, kicking the floor.

“I don’t want you in jail.” You whispered.

“I know we’re complicated right now Y/N, but I promise you that he won’t touch you again.” He vowed to you. You glanced at his hand, which the skin was broken open and bleeding. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he reached over and tucked hair behind your ear.

“I know,” you said softly, gripping his good hand and squeezing softly. “Now, let’s clean up your hand.”

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Once you guys had settled down, your thoughts started racing again. What was going to happen? You admitted that you loved each other, but did that mean he wanted to get back together? Yes, you were ready but that didn’t mean he was. It also didn’t mean he was ready to take on your baggage. He had his own life, own problems, he didn’t hear you adding in to his plate. Before you could spiral further, JJ started talking.

“I meant it when I said love you.” He whispered, rolling over on the bed so his face was hidden in your neck. “I’ll always love you. I always have.”

“I meant it when I said I love you.” You told him back. “You’re my favorite person JJ.”

“I took time, I found myself, and I’m still working on me but I’m better.” He said honestly. Hoping that this would be the last time he had to beg for you.

“I have too. I’m still in weekly therapy.” You whispered softly. “That might have to happen for a while.” You said guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Therapy is not something to be sorry about. Ever.”

“You don’t need my baggage on top of what you have JJ. I’m a mess. I always have been and I probably always will be.”

You closed your eyes, screwing them shut. You didn’t want to see JJ’s reaction. JJ kissed up your neck softly before pulling away and looking at you.

“I’m ready if you are.” He said looking deep into your eyes once you opened them. “But I’m also willing to fight for us. And I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to. I don’t care about your baggage. It’s the least of my problems. I always want to take care of you. And I always will.”

“I can’t do a break again.” You told him seriously. “It wasn’t right for us to break the way we did and I’m stilling hurting from that.” Your voice cracking. “I know you wanted what was best for us, but it wasn’t what was best for me. We work through our problems JJ. We always have and we always will.”

“We can work out our problems together.” He promised. “As long as you stay in therapy as long as you need. And you are honest with me when shit hits the fan.”

“And as long as you tell me when you’re dad is back and when you’re spiraling.”

“Deal.” He promised.

“Pinky promise?” You raised your eyebrows at him and held out your pinky.

“Pinky promise.” He said wrapping his pinky around yours.

[akwolfgrl]

Heart-shaped onigri part one

Sanji had a lot of experience making onigiri. It was an easy handheld snack for the shittysowrds men. It was his job as the chef to make sure the muscle head had enough food to keep his muscles. The marimo was either napping or lifting insane weights. When he was lifting, snacks were eaten, one handed unless sanji wanted to come out to Luffy, licking the mess off the deck.

Sanji placed the warm rice into his damp palm and scooped tuna and spicy mayo, filling into the middle before layering more rice on top. He began to shape and mold the onigiri with his hands.

He placed a small sheet of nori on the bottom of the onigiri and placed it on the plate before snapping on gloves. He had left a few raw crabs in a spicy marinade, Sanji squeezed the shell, watching the meat ooze out of the red coated shell. He sucked the rest out as a quick quality check. He could taste the sweetness of the crabs, the spicy marinade, and the rich nuttiness of the toasted sesame oil he drizzled on top. Sanji quickly finished emptying the rest of the crabs before forming the sconed onigiri heart.

The last filling was egg and beef with onions. Sanji cured the yolks. In soy sauce for three hours before he cooked the thinly sliced beef with equally thin onions in a mix of soy, mirin, sake, and a pinch of sugar. He didn't know if the man had a preference for seafood like he did. Maybe this was a way of getting the other man to open up a bit.

Sanji placed the last ongri down on the plate. Before he could sprinkle a few black sesame seeds on top.

Sanji could feel his face redden as he thought about the broody surgeon. Sanji never went out of his way for men, yet he was making their guest his favorite food. Sanji could be using this time to make the ladies something special. Instead, he had decided to make Law three different onigiri. The tattooed warlord wouldn't be on board for long, Sanji knew that even if they ended up together, it wouldn't last. The man was a captain of his own ship, and Sanji wouldn't leave his crew.

“Oi shit-cook booze!” Zoro rudely slammed the door to the galley open, demanding his vice.

“Fuck off, shitty swordsman, you can wait five fucking minutes!” Sanji yelled back, and glared at the green-haired man who had barged into his domain. “I'm busy!”

Zoro looked at the plate on the counter. “Yah busy making a fool of yourself! Do you really think you'll have any better luck with a man? Damn ero-cook at it again! What's next gonna nose bleed all over him? That man is dangerous and will be an enemy after this alliance is over with! Or have you forgotten about Punk Hazard?”

Sanji saw red. He knew that Zoro had a point. “Shut up!” but he wasn't ready to admit anything.

Zoro gave him a feral grin that spelled trouble. ”Make me curlybrow.”

Sanji kicked the bastard out of the galley door chasing after him. Zoro had drawn his swords as they fought.

[chuckle-clips]

Ted: Is there any sort of engineers code that would prevent you by moral code or law to create a—

[William and Charlie exclaim]

William: That went high. 

Ted: Why are you doing this— 

Charlie: Damn, you got range on that. 

Ted: Schlatt, both of the things that have happened in this studio— What are you doing? Stop. Don’t. Don’t. You’re gonna lose some serious points with me if you do that, sir. 

Charlie: You gotta stop. You have to— We’re— This is why they’re props. 

Ted: I’m not— I’m not fucking around. I’m not fucking around. 

Schlatt: Imma lose some points? 

Ted: You’re gonna lose some serious points with me, Schlatt. 

Charlie: It’s everywhere, man. St— Oh my god. You wouldn’t. 

Ted: Dude. 

William: Do it. 

Ted: You’re being like a baby right now. Like, you’re literally like— you’re like slamming on the table—

Charlie: Do it. If you do it, do it into the mic. 

Ted: You’re slamming on the table, you’re squeezing sauce bottles…

Charlie: Like they hear you suckle the teat of the— of the ketchup bottle. 

Schlatt: Talk— Talk more about mise-en-scéne for a second, Ted. 

Ted: Okay. Alright, I know what happens, so—

Charlie: Oh, fuck me. 

William: Well no, don’t suck on it, you gotta like shoot it in your mouth. 

Charlie: Oh, fuck me. Oh, genuinely screw this. 

Ted: I’m asking— I’m asking Schl— I'm asking William about something right now, and Schlatt decided a little bit too much time had gone out without it being about him and he had to start squeezing bottles and stuff and slamming on the table like a baby. 

Charlie: Absolutely fucking unbelievable. 

[Schlatt, Ted, and William laugh]

Schlatt: You got it, bro. I got you, no, I got— 

Ted: Oh, Charlie. Oh. It’s probably just oil. 

Charlie: What? No, it’s mayo. 

Ted: Like yknow it like— you know how mustard separates. 

William: But it was just poured into it. 

Charlie: No, it’s mustard. 

Ted: Yeah, I guess that’s true. 

[euijoosorangeslice]

OKAY but imagine…

Heated make out session with Euijoo, but you stop out of nowhere just to tease him, but next time he’s even hungrier, so he ends up fucking you dumb for teasing him like that

Tension

warnings: euijoo turns quick from sub to dom, dry humping, creampie, edging, voyeurism, man handling, hair pulling, a lot fluffy bc its euijoo and i love him!

It was early morning, the sun rising through your window. You and Euijoo were on a vacation from work, taking the weekend to be alone and away from the group. You turned to your boyfriend, still asleep under the covers. He had worked so hard in the past week, you were so glad to have such a determined boyfriend. Kissing his forehead lightly, you stood up and walked into the hotel kitchen.

You thought it would be nice to make him food, so you made some sandwiches, with egg, vegetable, ham, ketchup, mayo, cheese and on toasted bread. You made some rice, putting it in a side bowl and using one of the hotel plates to make the food look even more appetizing. Pouring orange juice into two glasses, you put your meals onto the table. You were wearing one of his tees, and some underwear under.

Starting to wash the dishes you made, you felt a warm pair of arms wrap around your waist. "Good afternoon, darling. You made me breakfast," he mumbled, "I didn't expect all this." He kissed your neck, laying his head on your shoulder. "You wash, I'll dry?" He suggested, letting you finish up with the dishes.

"No, it's fine. You just go wash your hands." Euijoo sighed, walking to the bathroom. Sometimes, you two would argue about who helps around the house, because neither of you want to let the other one lift a finger. You dried off the dishes, placing them back in the cabinets. Euijoo came back from the bathroom, you hugging him tightly. "Come on, let's eat." You both sat down, eating your sandwiches in peace. You loved how Euijoo looked at you with so much love in his eyes.

You guys finished your breakfast, heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth. Euijoo still wrapped an arm around your waist, smiling at you subtly. You guys went to go watch TV, you cuddled under Euijoo's arm watching some shitty predictable k-drama. You kissed his cheek, making him turn his head towards you and kiss you on your lips. He quickly pulled you by your waist onto his lap, deepening the kiss.

Shoving his tongue down your throat, you realized that Euijoo wasn't feeling as innocent as you thought he would be. You sucked on his tongue, pushing your heat against his half-hard cock. He groaned into your mouth, pushing his hips up towards your core. Slowly grinding against his cock, you could tell by the way he was panting and whining into your mouth that he was close.

Out of nowhere, you pulled your mouth away from his, smirking teasingly. "I'm sorta tired. I think I'm going to head back to bed. Besides, we have a long day ahead of us. I planned something special for us later." Euijoo pouted, playing with his fingers and wincing at his throbbing dick. "B-but baby-" "Juju, you can cuddle with me if you want. Just no funny business, okay?"

You stood up, walking back over to the bedroom. Euijoo could've sworn he was hallucinated. You never had done this to him before, leaving him feeling neglected. Either way, he followed you to the bed and laid down with you. He wrapped his arm around your waist, slightly pushing his erection against your ass. That usually gets you, right? Usually at least enough for a blowjob?

But you ignored his advances, genuinely going back to sleep and taking a nap. Euijoo whined, getting out of bed and going to the bathroom to jerk himself off, daydreaming about your body to get off.

-----

You woke up to your boyfriend fixing his button up in the mirror, taking the opportunity to shower and get dressed. You wore a navy tight dress that stopped at your knees, Euijoo matching with his pants. "Ready, Juju?" You asked, watching him adjust his belt. He only gave you a look, grabbing you by your wrist and taking you outside to the car.

He practically tossed you into the passenger seat, putting the directions into the console. "I p-planned a dinner date for us. Aren't you excited?" Euijoo smirked, shutting the car door. "Very. Just wait to see what i have planned when we get back." His face showed slight annoyance, which made you worry, but it also got you a little wet.

When you two arrived at the restaurant, you went to your reserved table. Euijoo knew that you prefer to sit across from him, so you two sat in the nicely decorated place. You two ordered some wine, drinking cream sherry. Euijoo suggested it because he had 'enjoyed the taste', but the waiter said it had a high alcohol percentage.

He ordered you very expensive beef, watching you enjoy your meal. "Tastes good right?" Euijoo smiled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Yeah. Really good." You couldn't even look at him because you were shoving vegetables down your throat. He ate his own meal quickly, you two ordering dessert and eating some chocolate cake. "Euijoo, this place is really nice! I wish we could go here more often." "I'm glad your enjoying it.'

When you two left the restaurant, Euijoo seemed to be in a rush to get home. He was practically speeding down to road back to the hotel. You walked back into your hotel room, Euijoo shutting the door and pushing you up against it. "I'm gonna make you remember who's in charge." he whispered into your ear, biting it slightly to make you moan. Picking you up bridal style and taking you to the bedroom, making out the entire way there. He dropped you onto the bed, unbuckling his belt as you took off your dress and panties.

He sucked on his fingers, shoving two of them inside of you. "Juju~ fuck that feels so good." Your walls quickly clenched around his fingers, watching as Euijoo bit his lip. He immediately took his fingers out, hastily replacing them with his cock. "W-wait Euijoo!" He shoved in all the way, making you moan loudly as he reached your cervix. "See, you took it. Now shut up and take my cock."

Euijoo gripped your shoulders, thrusting roughly into you. "F-fuck Juju! You feel so good." You tangled your hands into his wavy hair, Euijoo moaning at the pleasure from your tight tugs. "God, fuck. I wish I could show everyone right now. How good your taking my cock." His hips sped up, your moans staggering.

He picked you up, pushing you against the open hotel window and fucking you roughly. Your sweaty skin on your back stuck to the window, Euijoo using it as support to speed up the pace. "I hope those people outside can see how much of a whore you are, hm? You much you love getting you hole stuffed all the way full." Speeding up the pace, you couldn't help but unravel onto his cock. Squirting onto his length, you both were shocked in the moment.

Euijoo's eyes went wide, but he was extremely turned on. He came inside of you extremely quick. "Woah. You...uh. I've never seen you do that before," he barely spoke above a whisper, still in shock. Gently placing you onto the bed, he filled up the bathtub with bubbles. Lowering you into the tub, he climbed in with you, you two sitting in comfortable silence.

"Sorry about...all of that. I guess I got a little carried away," Euijoo apologized, making you softly smile. "I liked it," you spoke, kissing his cheek. "Can we finish that k-drama now?"

[loulooser]

Here’s some things about me!

My name is Lou online

I’m a MINOR. A MINOR. STOP BEING WEIRD TO ME.

I’m agender

My favourite colour is green

I really like music, drawing little guys, cooking, talking, trans people, watching movies, making friends, wearing clothes, playing games, Spider-Man, being gay etc

I really DISLIKE disruption to routine, super loud people, drum and bass, hypocrites, knowing I’ll die some day, being lonely, socks (no fr I hate hate HATE socks so much), doomed siblings trope (for fucks sake give me a break), John Walker, etc etc

My favourite band is twenty one pilots I am normal about them I SWEAR anyways going on six/seven years of fanhood (since 2018)

I’m a huge Marvel nerd

My top five marvel characters in no particular order:

Phillip J. Coulson (actually my all time fav), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Loki Laufeyson, Spider-Man (not including spider verse people, that’s a different tier list, butAndrew is the best of the three spider men)

Some of my fav books/series: Gone (Micheal Grant), Itch (Simon Mayo), all of Alice Oseman’s stuff, AGGGTM (Holly Jackson), The Angel Of The Crows (Katherine Addison), all of Darren Shan’s stuff, Skullduggery Pleasant, Ketchup Clouds (Annabelle Pitcher) etc etc also I really like comics (spidey and also Kate bishop’s specifically) (I’m not rich enough to read loads)

My favourite movie is fantastic mr fox

I really like Diggers (the machines)

Favourite animal is rabbits I want one so bad I will name him Peter

My favourite show is Agents Of Shield

I cry a lot (at everything, it sucks and I hate it)

I love love love Les Mis. Watched it in London in October 2024 and I will never recover. Stewart Clarke the Javert that you are <3

I would like to own two cats and my own small apartment one day, a cheetah esc print kitty called Jason (Statham) and a black cat called Liho. Both are references and if you get either PLEASE send me an ask saying so ily

I have what can be described as misophonia, but even if I’m not diagnosed please for the love of god don’t make any noises around me I DO bite.

Big fan of fictional old men from the 1800s. Shoutout to them.

I like Nintendo a lot!! Zelda and Animal Crossing my beloved. The 2DS is my favourite console ever (not the stupid 2DSXL)

I really like musicals!! Some honourable mentions: Les Mis, Hamilton, EPIC, Wicked, Six, Heathers (some of it, haven’t seen the whole thing yet), In The Heights, Rogers the musical (SHHH SHH ITS FUNNY), School Of Rock, Hadestown.

I’m a nerd about many things

Im gonna be a software engineer one day

Please send me asks!! My dms are always open for rants or a chat

Navigation:

TAGS FOR POSTS:

#**the reblogger - reblogs

#**the religious text - original posts

#**musical Lou - lyrics/yapping about music

#**lou being gay - me talking about my partner :3 (not active, we broke up actually)

#**lavish bros - tøp posts

#**my FRIENDS - me and my friends

#**marvellous tomfoolery - marvel

#**the wet cat musical - les mis posts

#**silly magic show - arcane

#**epic - epic the musical

#**gay hedgehogs - sonic fandom

#**agents of nothing - agents of shield (beware)

#**hermits - hermitcraft, life series OR anything to do with any member of hermitcraft

#**misc fandom - fandoms I’m in BUT I don’t post about enough to get their own tags

TAGS FOR PEOPLE:

- #shreypilled sheepmaxxer -> @shreysheep

- #dizzy my beloved -> @1nv1s1bl3-r41ndr0p5

- #the11thpeanut -> @nimbvx1015

- #snail enthusiast -> @rorys-bullshit-dot-com

- #heebling my beeb rn -> @heeblybeebly

- #L being cool -> @quakeismyhero

- #conversing with angels -> @the-angel-academic

- #the nanner -> @bananapudding752

- #baller -> @booberrybawls

- #fetti party -> @toms-pink-confetti39x

- #goob -> @eats-hummus-cutely

(Note - any posts about a certain character will be tagged as {character} and ships will be {ship} (e.g. {Coulson} or {Fitzsimmons})

COOL POSTS:

Disproving TERFs with biology

Wizard maze.

Shoe lacing patterns that help pains

Reaction templates

Cool art links

Lou’s collection of writing tips/posts

My cat:

Her name is April and she is very cute.

[the-restau-rants]

I guess I drew the short straw last night, because it was my turn to get LM. LM is a customer that I have been dealing with for about ten years now; I used to see him and wait on him at other restaurants, and he has since migrated to the one I currently work at.

Let me say, if you know me, I am not an inarticulate man. I have a large vocabulary. I know how to express myself, and can be quite eloquent when the need arises. And then let me also say, I lack the words to express to you exactly how much this guy fucking

SUCKS

as a person.

This is a man with four warning flags on his profile in our reservation system. For those of you in the industry, I want you to think about the most picky, demanding, rude, entitled customer you have ever needed to wait on in your career. This guy is worse. This is someone who thinks that it's his name on the front door, any restaurant he goes to.

From the moment he stepped in, the shit started. He gets extremely belligerent with the host staff. He is rude to the management. He demands that only one bartender on staff make his drink, because nobody else makes it right. The drink in question? A martini glass full of cold vodka, with an orange slice. That's it. But only one person does it correctly.

And he thinks he's an absolute riot. He thinks that he's the funniest person that you've ever met, and that everyone wants to be his friend. If he can see you and hear you, he takes that as explicit permission from you that he can join your conversation. He gets up from his table during the meal and just wanders around the restaurant, visiting with other tables, most of whom do not know him.

Like last night, I had two tables left toward the end of the night: LM and his party (his wife, his sister, and his brother-in-law, who I posit are about the only people who can stand to talk to him for more than fifteen seconds at a time), and a table of six nearby. So I'm bringing dessert to my table of six, and LM starts waving to get my attention, and saying, "Excuse me! I need you!" And I had to just be like, "I am helping this table right here, and I will be right with you." But no, he needed me now. Because, you see, he didn't care that I was quite visibly and actively helping another table; he wanted attention, so obviously that took priority. What did he need? He wanted to know what was available for dessert.

So I am bringing the other table their dessert, because it was someone's birthday. LM sees the candle, and he stands up and walks over, and starts loudly singing "Happy Birthday" to this table of complete strangers. He looks at the table afterward, sees that there are six people at a table which is set for seven, and he simply invites himself to sit down in the empty chair at the table and start having out with them. There is one man and five women at the table, and he starts going on about how lucky the one guy is, because it's just him and five women. He then proceeds to call the one guy (who is Hispanic) "Cinco de Mayo". Eventually, we manage to get LM out the door, and I have to apologize to my other table; he does this to everyone, you see.

LM absolutely loves me, though. I'm his favorite person to have wait on him. Now, he doesn't show this in his behavior, or in how much he tips. But I don't mind all that much that I'm his favorite. Because, so long as I follow it with a laugh, I can look him dead in the eyes and tell him how much I hate him, and he thinks that I'm joking. As an example:

LM: How long have I known you? Me: About ten years. And every one of those years has felt like an absolute eternity. LM: Oh, you. You're such a kidder.

So, why don't we just ban this guy? We've banned people for significantly less. Because he is one of our old GM's "people" (translate as: This guy has a net worth of more than five figures, therefore our old GM would have happily cut off a finger to suck this guy's dick, because he thought that his worth as a human being was determined by how many rich people knew him on a first name basis).

[lapdogchase]

my day today

6am wake up. The Fear. phone in bed time, shower, breakfast. still scared

9am-11am. homework in library until too scared. took anxiety meds.

12pm-1pm. anxiety gets worse. cancel plans with friend bc too scared.

1pm-3pm. severe headache. still scared

3pm-4pm. class. severe anxiety.

4pm-5pm. dinner. severe anxiety. too much mayo on my sandwich

5pm. going back to my dorm. get in the elevator. wearing mask as per usual. Two guys in there. im on my phone ignoring them as one does. one guy starts fake coughing and talking abt how he’s sorry he’s just “so sick” and it’s probably “the freshman flu”. his friend is like “idk what you’re talking about” and he’s like “i’ve been so sick all day bro i think it's the frat flu" and his friend's like "man what are you doing." (in his defense i feel like the friend was a bit offput by this guy being a cunt for no reason but didnt know what to do about it, which, like, it sucks but i get it). Elevator stops at the 3rd floor (im 4th, 3rd and 4th buttons were pressed) and this guy starts talking about how he was at "this frat party and it was crazy were you there. everyone was throwing up and stuff it was like alpha beta delta gamma-" ("that's not even a real frat" - the friend) and as hes doing this he's standing in the elevator door holding it open and now that the door is open and he's not physically in the elevator i feel okay acknowledging him so i look up from my phone and go. "Come on man." and even his friend seems mildly unimpressed and he's like "im just telling a story" and i'm like. "ok? you can text him." And he was like "i dont have a phone" but he left and his friend said something but i was not listening bc i was too busy vividly imagining various scenarios where i commit suicide as revenge for this whole ordeal. Anyway i'm making the executive decision to do drugs in my room alone tonight once i'm finished complaining abt this on all my social media accounts. Also i didn't think of it in time but the thing i've come up with to say when people are fucking stupid abt my mask is to get teary eyed (easy bc i cry when im mad or scared) and tell them my sister has leukemia and i just got back from visiting her. so.