#chuckle clips

[chuckle-clips]

Schlatt: Would you say the Lord’s name in vain?

Michael: God no.

[All gasp]

Charlie: Michael! Jesus Christ—

[All gasp]

[Ted and Michael laugh]

Schlatt: I mean, holy shit guys—

[All exclaim]

Schlatt: Ted, be careful.

Charlie: Ted.

Ted: Now wait just a goddamn—

[Thunder rumbles]

[All scream]

Charlie: It’s his light.

Schlatt: Holy fuck!

Charlie: It’s come to take us.

Ted: For our audio listers, love you to death, Boruff just made lightning strike in the studio.

Charlie: Boruff just called God into the studio.

Schlatt: It’s rapture.

[canisguts]

greenie

pairings: platonic ted x gender neutral reader, platonic schlatt x gender neutral reader

pronouns used: they/them

summary: schlatt + ted helping you through a green-out (separate drabbles)

trigger warnings: vomiting, greening out, marijuana

w.c: 1,018

ted nivison

you knew you were going to green out; you hadn’t smoked in weeks. but you still overdid yourself, smoking a joint and a half with your close friend, ted nivison. 

he knew almost immediately when your voice trailed off that you were gonna green. so, like the good friend he was, he got up from his seat and went to the kitchen to fetch you some snacks and aplenty of water before coming back out to the living room. 

“here,” he pressed the bottle of water against your cheek until you grabbed it from him, “drink up.” setting the snacks on the table in front of you, he brought a hand to the crown of your spine and massaged gently. 

you hummed a ‘thank you’, taking slow gulps of water as he continued to alleviate your anxiety. 

after a few moments, you tried to munch on some crackers. but, to your misfortune, your mind rejected it, believing that if you ate anything you’d get sick immediately. though, with a bit of encouragement from ted, you took a small bite and chased it down with water. 

it wasn’t too long after that you were hunched over the toilet, ted kneeling next to you with a hand on your shoulder, squeezing gently as a way to comfort you. you hadn’t thrown up yet; you were mostly just dry heaving. but it still freaked you the fuck out. 

“teddy...?” your voice was dry and ragged. you could’ve sworn you tasted your snack from last week in your saliva. ted squeezed your shoulder again, moving his other hand up and down your spine. 

“’m right here, dude. i've got you.” 

you took a deep, shaky breath, reaching for the bottled water on the bathroom sink and taking a drink. “god, i feel like i'm gonna die.” you propped your elbow on the toilet seat, leaning against your palm for support. “can you, um... can you turn on--” 

before you could finish your sentence, ted was already pulling out his phone to go to your spotify account. you laughed dryly when you heard ‘call this # now’ by the garden play from the speakerphone. 

“you know me so well.” you hummed. ted chuckled. 

“i’d hope so, you’re my best friend.” 

your heart melted at hearing that. “you’re my best friend, too.” 

you threw up almost immediately after that, heaving your guts out while ted pulled your hair away from your face while simultaneously rubbing your back as a form of comfort. 

“there you go, dude, there you go.” 

you couldn’t handle the smell; it was wafting up into your nostrils and making you want to throw up more. “fuck, this sucks.” 

ted pulled out some kleenex from its box, wiping the gunk-filled saliva off of your chin. 

“i know, i know. you're doing great though, dude, just try to relax.” he motioned to the bottle water; you nodded, and he grabbed it, twisting the cap off and putting it to your lips. you reached your hand up, but he shook his head. 

“i got it, just... open your mouth.” 

you do so, ted pouring some water in slowly. you cringed at the taste of the acidic spit mixing with the water and washing down your throat. 

“that’s fuckin’ rancid, jesus fuck.” 

ted chuckled softly brushing your cheek with the pad of his thumb gently. “you feel a little better though, don’t you?” 

you glanced at him from the corner of your eye. “yeah.” 

after a few more minutes of hunching over the toilet in case you threw up again, you were in bed with ted, scrolling through netflix to find something to watch. you leaned against ted, resting your head on his shoulder with a contented hum. he smiled, wrapping an arm around you and clicking on one of your favorite shows. 

“teddy?” you whispered; he hummed in response. “thank you.” 

ted smiled and gave your shoulder a squeeze. 

“anytime.” 

jschlatt

"fuck...” 

you're hunched over the toilet, dry heaving your guts out. you didn’t understand why you were so close to greening; you didn’t even get that high.  

or, at least that’s what you thought. in reality, you’d gotten pretty fucked up, and the little voice in the back of your conscience knew it; you were just in denial. 

a knock wrapped against the bathroom door, and you didn’t even need to guess who was on the other side before it opened. 

“hey, greenie, food and water.” schlatt said, setting the snacks down on the sink counter before handing you the bottled water. “drink up.” 

you reached out and grabbed it, thankful that he’d already unscrewed the cap as you drank. schlatt, big arms crossed over his chest, can’t help but chuckle. 

“jesus christ, you’re fucked.” 

you groaned, flipping him the bird. “get fucked.” 

“hey, don’t gimme that. you're the one that went ham on the weed.” 

“i didn’t smoke that much!” 

schlatt laughed in disbelief. “not that much? you had three and a half joints, dumbass!” 

you broke out into a small fit of dry laughter, still hunched over the toilet. 

“it’s not usually this bad.” you defended, taking another swig of water. 

schlatt huffed. “coulda fooled me.”  

after a few more minutes of him distracting you, you finally had your ‘cleansing barf’, schlatt having to pull your hair into a half-done bun as you hacked up whatever snacks you’d eaten earlier. 

you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as the vomiting subsided. schlatt patted your shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze before speaking, 

“think you can move?” 

“nuh-uh.” you mumbled. 

“well, you’re gonna have to.” 

after a few moments of back and forth, he finally got you into bed, head in his lap as he scrolled through youtube, trying to find some random video to play. his hand patted your head, playing with your hair as he finally chose a video. you hummed, eyes puffy and half-lidded. 

“mm, schlatt?” you muttered; he hummed in response. “thank you.” 

you couldn’t see his face from where you were laying, but you knew there was a small smile pulling at his lips. 

“yeah, don’t mention it.”

———

a/n: i hope you enjoyed! uh, i realize i never got that birthday schlatt fic out like i said i was going to, and i dunno if it's tooooo late for one or not, but i might do like a birthday-reader fic or something with him + maybe ted to make up for it.

[ispyspookymansion]

we used to say shrimp heaven now. Do you remember that? and we used to laughhhhh

[camijhk]

drew schart

[mintyeggs]

indifference towards raphael "narcissist" baldursgate is super effective.

....but the swirly helps too

[royalarchivist]

Slimecicle: Seriously, dude? Yo soy bueno, I'm all good! [Reading the game text] "Start walking in a different direction–" Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go on a fckin' hike.

Slimecicle: I'm going to have a very nice walk, and maybe I'll find a cool little stream! Because I'm a streamer.

[imaybeabear]

Above all, serve God, love well, and commit to the Bit

[spouons]

audio listeners...

[alliddeart]

Jambo Jam 🫙✨

I'm having jschlatt brainrot and I had an epiphany.

He has a cat that has jam in its name, so might as well make use of that. :p

[jula483]

for the rhink shippers

[chuckle-clips]

Ted: I think that in every universe but this one, Schlatt’s a furry. Like, that’s like the same thing.

Schlatt: Well…

Ted: Oh?

Tucker: I could actually see that. It’d be cat based though.

Schlatt: No, it would not be cat based, no no. Definitely not.

Ted: He’d be a big goat man. He’d be a big goat man.

Schlatt: Furries are… yeah, I mean, no one— there’s no cat furries, that’s weird.

Ted: He already has a fursona, he’s a goat man.

Schlatt: Yep. It’s true.

Ted: He likes to eat cans.

[bookishnewt]

Over the course of the campaign Gideon's life has become a clown car for all those he's slain. Enough characters made the whole table will be voicing them.

Actually I think there's currently five clowns so we're already there.

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

In goofy David Tennant/Michael Sheen Loud news, my husband stumbled upon an edit with David Tennant and Michael Sheen about how they’re In Love ® and he’s been solidly on the ‘Yeah, they’re prob fuckin’ train because of me & he was like, “I don’t get it, they’re not physically compatible at all, one is really skinny and the other is cherubic—“ and I was like bruh you literally described the one who plays an angel on TV as cherubic 💀 💀 💀 certifyibly Good ™️ casting big rare W to Neil Gaiman

[camijhk]

[halojalex]

remember when