#maybe this is something that only people with social anxiety or similar can understand so its important to point it out

[hot-take-tournament]

Omg the reblog person is so real for that. I understand that Tumblr doesn't have an algorithm so liking doesn't functionally do anything but I get extremely anxious about reblogging so the guilt trips are really awful for me (and I assume it's the same for others with similar issues.)

Uh- bit of a tangent/rant below. For context I'm an "Audhd-er" (I think that's the term people use, it means I'm autistic and I have ADHD)

I understand most of the time they are over-exaggerating their feelings on the matter. In posts about reblogging stuff from writers and artists it's always kind of a "LIKES DO NOTHING SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH REBLOGS LIKES MEAN NOTHING"

I've always found that a bit odd. As someone with two mutuals (one of whom is rarely online) and 1 normal follower my reblogs really aren't gonna do much so I mostly reblog stuff my mutuals might like and occasionally make my own posts. (Keeping everything else private for the most part) When I get a like it always brings a warm fuzzy feeling because it means someone enjoyed my reblog or post enough to share with me that they liked it.

I've only had one post that breached containment and it was a fun weekend of checking out the blogs of people who liked it! All in all I think maybe people are just unaware of the anxieties that come with being online and the people who experience those anxieties are too anxious to really speak up about it. I mean look at me I'm chilling behind an anon mask rn (I rarely send an off anon ask lol.)

For a website dubbed by its users as the neurodivergent website, some people forget to consider that learning and working within the culture of a social media platform can be extremely stressful for many types of people, let alone an autistic person such as myself (the ADHD doesn't help either). Some of us would prefer to lurk in our private blogs, only coming out of our comfort zone when we feel ok to do so.

All in all, a reminder to reblog is perfectly fine, but please refrain from the guilt-tripping and social obligation type of thing— or at least be aware of it and try not to be offended if one of your mutuals struggles to reblog.

Now this is all my personal perspective, other people will likely have completely different experiences but I wanted to share in case people were confused on why it's an issue for some people. Thanks for reading this whole thing and I hope you have a lovely day <3

I think I get what you're saying -

For a lot of people it genuinely takes a surprising amount of guts to put themselves out there on the internet in any way, even if it's anonymously, and that includes things as simple as reblogging a post.

It's not just Tumblr either. You also see it on Reddit and Twitter, and in online games where people just want to keep to themselves and not interact with strangers. Some people just want to lurk, maybe liking or upvoting, but not commenting or reblogging, because that feels like making yourself more "visible" somehow, in a way simply liking posts doesn't.

It's difficult to put into words, but I feel it's kind of like being in a university lecture with 50+ strangers. Liking is sitting in the back quietly taking notes. Reblogging is like putting your hand up and giving an opinion when the professor asks for one.

It's true that only reblogging actually contributes anything functionally, but there are plenty of people, especially neurodivergent people, who might struggle with that kind of thing, but still want to show some appreciation, or just save it as a bookmark.

So, I think that's partly why that kind of guilt-tripping or threatening reblog bait can be so stressful. Tumblr is a comfort app for a lot of people, who just want to curate their own little private space. Reblog baits are like someone banging on your door, telling you that you're actively doing something wrong by keeping to yourself, and (in the case of "I'll block/unfollow you if you like/read but don't reblog" baits) people will hate you for doing it.

It also implicitly takes away the sense of control you have over your own personal online space. Ideally, you should be able to do whatever you want with your own blog - no one should dictate your own online experience. So, if you just want to reblog things you like or want to share, at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

But reblog baits seem to suggest that you shouldn't have that control, and there are certain things that you have no choice but to put on your blog, and it has to be right now. And I feel that sense of having control suddenly snatched away from you without warning could also be a major source of anxiety for a lot of people who see Tumblr as a source of comfort.

With all that in mind, while I do believe that it's not quite this simple, considering artists and writers, and especially those who rely on commissions, do need exposure from reblogs, I also feel it's difficult to blame people for finding very aggressive reblog baits stressful, especially when you're suddenly blindsided with them.

At least, those are just my initial thoughts based on what you said, but absolutely let me know if you disagree with any of this or feel I misrepresented what you meant <3

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

hii as someone w selective mutism, and after seeing your post regarding yuki being mute, i’ve had this question that wouldn’t leave my head: were kisa and yuki actually selectively mute or was it due to traumatic mutism or something else? maybe i’m just self-projecting, but despite us being mute for different reasons (it is possible to have SM from trauma, though it is rare), i always saw myself in both of them when it came to their muteness (i’m really sad yuki being mute was only touched on in kisa’s ep and then never brought up again) so their characters mean a lot to me. just thought I’d bring this up and ask since there isn’t any discussion surrounding this and from the posts that i’ve seen on here, people just seem to go w kisa having SM (and by extension yuki) and just say that it’s canon. being the projector that i am, i also assumed it was but still never thought it was “accurate” rep but then again, does it have to be? regardless of how it’s shown in the anime/manga, i think we’re all entitled to our own opinions on this, and that no matter what we think caused their mutism, all opinions r valid! i’m just so curious on what your take on this is since no one mentions anything like this in specific.

hello! funny you send me this ask today because i just rewatched the first ep of the reboot last night for the first time in a looooong time and have been thinking about fb all morning! as far as i understand it, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that can definitely be triggered by trauma, and that is how i read yuki and kisa. i'm sure you have a deeper understanding of it than me as someone with that experience, but in my research on this (which admittedly was a few years ago) it seems there is a variety of reasons why children are selectively mute, one of them being abusive environments and a predisposition to anxiety disorders. i would absolutely argue that both yuki and kisa have intense social anxiety, even outside of their mutism; and that yuki, aside from diagnosing him with something, is a perfectionist, and perfectionism often stops people from doing things.

i was also really sad yuki's mutism was only touched upon, so i actually wrote a whole fic about it! i think this is an incredibly interesting aspect of yuki's character. yuki in childhood has no autonomy at all: his life is controlled by his mother, then akito, and akito does not listen to him (or anyone). the other zodiacs ignore him, and he becomes tokenized as the rat instead of viewed as an individual. very often, yuki shrinks into himself as a reaction to this. he already has to keep physical and emotional distance from his peers due to the curse, and his oppressive home environment pushes him to even more extremes. i think so much of yuki's mutism is a maladaptive acceptance that he will never be listened to and that what he feels or thinks does not matter, and so he sinks into a depression where one of his copes is silence. even after this episode, he continues to be softspoken and keeps his cards close to his chest—which is why i love his relationship with kakeru so much, because kakeru coaxes him out of his shell. after meeting kakeru, he begins expressing his opinion more candidly and becomes openly emotional in ways that are supported by kakeru's view of him as a human being. yuki spends so much of his life being objectified as either the rat or the prince (both similar roles where he is being held to an extremely high standard that is only an archetype and robs him of individuality and humanity) and he plays the roles that are assigned to him. it is only when he is shown true love and acceptance through tohru that he can begin to learn who he is outside of those perceived roles, and allows him to express himself as yuki in front of kakeru, who never bought into the prince thing to begin with.

i think the other thing about fruits basket is that it is very tropey, and selective mutism in the way it is portrayed in fb is very much a shojo trope moreso than it is a real portrayal of a disorder. i don't think natsuki takaya is "trauma informed" as we would call it now, as it was written 20 years ago inside of a culture that notoriously does not take mental health seriously. i think yuki and kisa's mutism is very much a narrative choice, so i definitely agree with you re: what you're saying about "accurate" rep. anyway thanks for the ask and your serendipitous timing! thinking about that rat boy <3

[direwombat]

woe, the first wip wednesday of the 2024 be upon us

tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton to share some wippy goodness today. here's some more katc interlude ii from gus' pov. please enjoy this VERY ROUGH draft (with brackets and everything!)

There, sitting in the chair beside Augustine’s bed, is none other than Joseph Seed. 

Augustine nearly doesn’t recognize him at first. Not without the sunglasses. They’re a common source of ridicule among his co-workers -- “What kind of asshole wears piss-colored glasses, anyway?” is a common refrain amongst the townspeople whenever the preacher is spotted outside the island where he built his Church. 

Once, back when Augustine was naive and new to town, he’d made the mistake of coming to Joseph’s defense. “Maybe they’re prescription,” he’d posited, believing it to be harmless speculation. “For migraines or something.” 

He’d never been more quickly ostracized in his life. 

It’d taken weeks to get back into his fellow rangers’ good graces, and even then it was only because Ben had convinced them to give him a second chance. “C’mon, he’s new. Kid didn’t know any better.” 

Augustine learned to keep his mouth shut when it came to Joseph Seed and his family. If it’s taboo to say anything nice about the man, then he’d rather not say anything about him at all. 

Hastily, Augustine lifts himself into a seated position and combs his fingers through his hair, trying to make himself look more presentable. “Mister Seed,” he starts, before realizing he has no idea what the appropriate honorific is. “Uh…Pastor Seed?”

“Father is fine,” he smiles. The corners of those bright blue eyes crinkle warmly. 

“Father Seed,” Augustine corrects, but the way Joseph lips thin like he’s biting back a laugh tells him he still didn’t get it quite right. Anxiety coils tightly in his gut -- Already fucked it up -- but he swallows around the lump in his throat, pushing it down. “I ain’t mean for this to sound  rude or ungrateful, but,” he hesitates a moment, warily eying the man in the doorway. Broad shouldered and donning an army field jacket, the man has a hardened and calculating look in his eyes; one that’s very similar to the look Sybille has whenever he drags her out to meet new people. He’s being sized up. This man is judging his actions, weighing his worth, and the rhythmic beeping on the heart monitor quickens at the idea that he may find Augustine wanting. His attention returns to Joseph’s curious gaze. “What are you doing here?”

“My brother, Jacob,” he motions to the man in the doorway, “told me about what happened to you last night. I wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

Although Augustine’s pulse slows to its normal rhythm, blood rushes to his cheeks. “Oh,” he says dumbly. “I -- uh…” His hands clasp together and he bashfully averts his eyes to stare at his worrying fingers instead. “I’m okay. Been better, but…I’m alright.”

“That’s excellent to hear,” Joseph says gently.  

Augustine nods and a long stretch of unbearably heavy silence settles over them. He chews on the inside of his cheek until the bitter metallic tang of blood bursts on his tongue, wracking his brain for a topic of conversation, but he comes up empty. “I’m sorry,” he says after an awkward cough. “I ain’t much of a conversationalist and I’m…Well, I wasn’t…”

“You were expecting someone else,” Joseph nods. [insert something about the compassion and understanding and warmth in his voice, rather than the anger and hostility augustine anticipates]

A lame, “Yeah,” is all Augustine can muster in response. His fingers fidget nervously in his lap. “You, uh…You ain’t happen to know if my sister’s here, do you? I gave Ben my phone so he could call her, but.. Um…” he trails off again. Whatever drug they’ve been using to sedate him and numb the pain has also stolen the second half of most of his thoughts as well. 

Joseph sighs heavily and his brows knit together. He removes his glasses, neatly folding the arms and tucking them into the breast pocket of his vest. A warm hand comes to rest on top of Augustine’s clasped ones. 

Augustine knows what that gesture means. It’s what Mama did when she sat him down to tell him that she had cancer and what the kind paramedic did when she told him she was sorry for his loss after he’d found both Mama and Daddy dead in the living room. It’s the kind of comforting gesture one gives before delivering bad news or condolences. Yet as Joseph’s long, spindly fingers wrap around his own, the warmth, accompanied by a sympathetic squeeze manages to keep the knot of anxiety in his gut from growing larger. 

“The phone lines have gone down,” Joseph murmurs. “I’m afraid we haven’t been able to get through to her yet.”

Augustine’s eyes go wide. “The phone lines are down?” he repeats. The County is no stranger to strong winds ripping through the valley, but last he checked the forecast hadn’t predicted anything strong enough to knock out the phones. “What happened?”

taglist: @marivenah, @florbelles, @statichvm, @fourlittleseedlings, @wrathfulrook, @harmonyowl, @ivymarquis, @carlosoliveiraa, @cassietrn, @poetikat, @confidentandgood, @strafethesesinners, @trench-rot, @miyabilicious, @simplegenius042, @g0dspeeed, @inafieldofdaisies, @josephslittledeputy, @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @madparadoxum, @voidika, @strangefable, and anyone else wanting to share a piece of their wips!

[animehouse-moe]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

You're all good! This is the first time I've been asked this. I'm usually terrible with favorites so I always feel like I don't pick the "best" in hindsight, but I'll try to be as accurate as possible. These will also be in no particular order since they all occupy such different areas.

(edit: I just realized in my incredible morning brain state that this said male or female, but I only read the female part haha. So this is just the female lineup, I guess).

Iwakura Lain - Serial Experiments Lain

Lain's a character that has, and will always remain enigmatic. Subjectivity and personal experience remain intertwined with works like Serial Experiments Lain, so what each individual takes away from it will change. Personally, what makes me love Lain is her desperation to communicate, to connect with the people around her. To make friends, to do fun things with them, to understand the people that comprise her life. But that desire spirals, she gets absorbed (like so many do) and becomes something else entirely. Fracturing and separating herself, spreading those instances across the internet in a desperate way to connect. For existing prior to essentially all forms of social media, it depicts the struggle and addiction that trouble countless people in freakishly accurate fashion.

Iwakura Mitsumi - Skip and Loafer

Had to put them next to each other on this list haha. Iwakura Mitsumi though. I don't hate the approach of a lot of Shojosei in terms of high school slice of life/romance, but I find much more to love with the more grounded ones than the more fantastical, just a personal preference. Anyways, Mitsumi. She's just the perfect representation of high school life. A dash of confidence, a good bit of deep seated anxiety, lots of stress over school and friends, but a positive and hopeful outlook in spite of her stumbling and struggles that's wonderfully accented by blossoming feelings of love. She just occupies a space that is very rare these days, so of course I love her.

Ryougi Shiki - The Garden of Sinners

Okay, hot take since (spoiler) Saber's not going to be on the list. I just haven "completed" Saber's story if that makes sense. I've read a lot, experienced a lot, but I haven't gotten 100% of it like I have with Shiki. That said, Shiki's story. I mean, as a character they're so damn hard to really capture. After all, there's more than one of them, and their story is told through the experiences of others. Shiki as a character, and The Garden of Sinners as a series, just holds a special place in my heart as Nasu's first real creative work that remains untethered by the requirements of a visual novel. If Nasu's work on the VNs is the base level, then The Garden of Sinners stands a cut above from start to finish.

Hatsuseno Alpha - Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

A robot that is startlingly human, but surprisingly childlike. Alpha was is just the perfect vehicle to experience YKK through. Vast understanding and interest, but meaningful naivete and curiosity. She explores a world peacefully accepting its death, and is able to pull such beautiful moments from it. She doesn't struggle or bemoan the end, but rather takes it in stride and focuses on the beauty of humanity, how it's adapted, what's been lost and what's been created in its stead. It brings it all together under this character that is so deeply passionate about exploring life even under these circumstances, that you can't help but feel an indescribable warmth in her story.

Biwa - Heike Monogatari

Okay, maybe I'm cheating a little bit with Biwa here, but it's just a character that I think is incredibly beautiful. Witnessing the murder of her father, she's taken in by a clan doomed to death, where a man possesses a similar ability to Biwa. Together, she struggles to create the family she never had, all the while forced to come to terms with their deaths. She fights tooth and nail to keep them alive, but her attempts are futile. In the end, she is given her adoptive father's ability and completes what one might call the "cycle". Seeing life and death, the eternal struggle that will never change, she experiences her life, her family, her future and past to its fullest, and commits her life to telling the story of the Heike that she was so fond of. It's a beautiful story centered around Biwa's experiences, and her fear of death and not having a family, truly wonderful stuff. Also Aoi Yuuki kills it as Biwa.

Kusanagi Motoko - Ghost In The Shell

This was baby's first big kid series for me. I'd always watched anime here and there, but mostly things like Bleach/Naruto/DBZ. Ghost in The Shell was the first really big series I'd dip my toes into via those 4 minute YouTube videos at 480p. Kusanagi's nature as the bridge between technology and humanity is endlessly explored and just such a great idea, that through the countless (good) iterations, there's a wealth of her to experience. Undoubtedly an iconic series, and one that's certainly remembered very fondly by me.

Kirigoe Mima - Perfect Blue

Mima's an incredible character driven to the psychological breaking point. Under the scrutiny and pressure of being an idol, the facade begins to crack and what seeps out from the gaps is nothing short of incredible. Satoshi Kon remains a wizard in what he did with his works, and for me, Mima's character in Perfect Blue is the pinnacle of that. An implicit story of the stress and strain placed on idols (and the entertainment industry at large) by those that string them up and sell the souls of these girls, Perfect Blue and Mima remain in a realm of their own in a lot of ways.

Nozomi - Sonny Boy

Well as they say, the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding in this case is Nozomi's name. Translating from Japanese it means "wish" or "desire" in English, and is the personification of Nozomi's role in Sonny Boy. As close to a catalyst as one can be, she spurs on the wishes of the characters around her, providing the foundation for our main character Nagara to grow and develop. In the end, the desires of each individual can be connected to Nozomi, even in her death. She's arguably more central to the plot of Sonny Boy than Nagara, so of course I see her as a deeply special character.

Kamikoshi Sorawo - Otherside Picnic

A somewhat different pick to help round out the list. Sorawo Kamikoshi, and Otherside Picnic at large, are certainly things that I don't think most people would fall in love with. But I did. The vitriol that her character expresses, the toxicity and self hatred and destruction. Her character is a very damaging and "bad" one, but that's what I love about it. There's no grand scheme behind Sorawo's personality, or any ideal that her character chases. She follows the whims and curiosities of her life as she willingly casts herself into the abyss of the Otherside alongside Toriko, and along the way, she learns to slowly grow and improve as a person while maintaining her core personality.

Osaki Nana - Nana

The duality of Nana as a character is just so well done to me. A character with two sides isn't anything special, but I think the way that Yazawa approaches her as a character, and introduces those cracks in her façade and the struggle that they represent is just really, really good. It has me really desperate for Yazawa to return from hiatus and continue on with Nana.

And that's the list. I know I've left off characters like Tohru or other massively popular (and well written) leads and characters from shojosei series, but a lot of what I desire out of a character can't quite be found in a lot of what ends up popular and translated (and what I tend to remember) I feel. If you take a look at the list, for example, you'll find that the majority of my favorites are from older series, as well as ones that feature more "tragic" or "twisted" characters. Personally, I find a flower most beautiful after you've understood how it's wilted and withered before it fights to bloom once more. Endless blooms that grant an eternal summer are undeniably beautiful, but that beauty tends to lack context and in turn can become simplicity. So that's my list, as imperfect and everchanging as it is. If I'm asked once more in a year, it will probably look startlingly different, but that's how these things will go with me.

[bethanydelleman]

Jane Austen Characters and Neurodiversity

Jane Austen wrote characters who feel so real and interesting that scholars have been arguing about them almost since they were written. People identify with many aspects of characters that probably weren’t intended by the author, including reading Emma Woodhouse and Charlotte Lucas (among others) as queer. Headcanons are great and if you see yourself, as a neurodiverse person, in an Austen character, that is awesome. This post is only my opinion and I’m not an expert. It is also impossible to make a diagnosis based on a 200 year old book.

The main reason I don't attribute the behaviour of Jane Austen's characters to anything clinical is because I think Jane Austen was trying to show how wealth and the single-minded pursuit of wealth can twist people. Darcy is in the top 1% (or even the top 1% of the 1%) and even today, those sort of people don't come off as normal even if they are neurotypical. I think most of the characters' behaviour can be accounted for by 1. being extremely wealthy/powerful meaning they are unchallenged in a way that magnifies their faults, 2. the fact that most of these people don’t have jobs and are therefore idle and under-stimulated (even a lot of the ones who have “jobs”), 3. attention seeking behaviour and 4. being surrounded by fawning Yes Men.

There is also the complicated discussion of maybe neurodiversity would explain some behaviour but it does not excuse.

There are only two Austen characters that strike me as having some sort of possible psychiatric illness or neurodivergence: Mr. Woodhouse (Emma) and Anne Steele (Sense and Sensibility).

Anne Steele is the only character who is actually incapable of following social rules. She is about thirty years old, and yet twice in the novel she is kept from making a huge breach of decorum by her younger sister. She is obsessed with Marianne’s clothes/appearance, to the point of asking what the fabric and washing costs. Importantly, Anne is not wealthy or powerful enough to ignore social rules. She is trying to court favour most of the time and yet cannot manage it without Lucy’s help. Also, she is distressed that Lucy will no longer trim her bonnets, which suggests she is incapable of doing it herself. I’m not sure how difficult it is to change ribbons in a bonnet, but it stood out to me as a little odd.

The other is Mr. Woodhouse. He is tricky for me. We are told he’s basically been like this all his life, so it’s not a case of dementia (though that could be making him worse).

The evil of the actual disparity in their ages (and Mr. Woodhouse had not married early) was much increased by his constitution and habits; for having been a valetudinarian all his life, without activity of mind or body, he was a much older man in ways than in years; and though everywhere beloved for the friendliness of his heart and his amiable temper, his talents could not have recommended him at any time. (Ch 1)

Also, his health anxiety can’t only be a manifestation of grief from losing his wife, because again, we are told he’s always been this way and he married late in life. One of the interesting things is that he’s not just worried about his health, he is incapable of imagining that other people are unlike him in their health or even thoughts. That is a failure of theory of mind, a major developmental milestone.

He could have some form of anxiety, probably comorbid with something that accounts for his inability to understand others, but then again, he’s a very rich man that no one ever disagrees with... which makes me think there is a chance he’s just a health conspiracy theorist who’s gone off the deep end. This would fit better into Jane Austen’s overall thesis that wealth screws people up too. (Note: Isabella is very similar to her father. Anxiety disorders can run in families but she does seem to tolerate being challenged better than her father.)

Lastly, despite being so concerned about his health, Mr. Woodhouse is never actually ill during the novel, while other characters do have recorded illnesses. Isabella, who shares her father’s fears, has born five healthy children. So whatever is wrong doesn’t seem to effect them physically very much.

Another Note: I have heard an argument for Fanny Price having ASD based on her inability to stand the noise or eat the food at her home in Portsmouth. I found this compelling, but I think we are meant to understand that the noise is overwhelming and everyone else is just used to it.

Last Note: To reiterate, I am not arguing that anyone’s headcanon is wrong. A headcanon is meant to be something that can’t be proved or disproved by the book. I just personally don’t see enough evidence in the text for most other characters to fit a psychological diagnosis or neurodivergence, especially Darcy. Being the coddled child of overindulgent parents who told him the planet revolved around him because he was so rich and important seems like a pretty good explanation for his behaviour to me! (and is what he says in the book).

[morxty]

Dazai analysis after reading No longer human

English is not my first language and maybe I'm not very good at this, it's my first analysis. :)

In this analysis I compare Dazai with Yozo (the main character of No longer human) to try to deduce the reason for Dazai's behavior.

////

Despite Yozo and Dazai's obvious similarities, such as recurring jokes and gloomy thoughts/outlooks on life, Dazai doesn't seem to exhibit the social anxiety Yozo has, as well as the extreme need to please others.

So I'll use a few things in the book to describe him.

(I am not saying that what I write is the truth, but how I am interpreting it)

On the one hand, he is apparently seen as an extrovert, joker, energetic, shameless, lazy, and obsessed with suicide. While on the other hand he is seen as a cold person without any kind of empathy, moral conscience, manipulative "without feelings", depressive. Being supposedly his true form of being. The only change that can be seen that marked him was the death of Oda, the only person with whom we have seen him have genuine feelings, so he is not a person incapable of feeling. Oda asked Dazai before he died to be "on the side of those who save" so Dazai did, he went to the side of the "good" not necessarily because he wanted to change but because the only person he had connected with he asked, and maybe he held on to this to keep living, but then why does he keep trying to kill himself? I will venture to say that it is simply because he does not find a genuine reason to live, it is not something that has come out of him but an external message.

In my opinion, this is a clear example of Dazai not getting over Oda's death (since he's the only person he ever connected with). It can be seen that for some reason he does not form affective bonds with others unless it is superficial, thus being able to manipulate and replace them. After reading the book, I think this doesn't really mean that Dazai does this out of the simple essence of being a bad person, but because it's what depression combined with trauma does to some people. While we don't know much about his past, just being in a mob at such a young age is a trauma, although it's obvious something happened to him before he was picked up by Mori.

He is a person who has no sense of right or wrong or any kind of morality, allowing him to keep his options open, which gives him more chance in the anime/manga to make "bad" decisions regarding others. If I remember correctly, Yozo (main character of No longer human, on which Dazai is somewhat based) talked about precisely not feeling human, not being able to connect and understand the emotions of others, which led him to live in loneliness and feeling different all his life, I couldn't explain if this is because of depression, or if on the contrary this is a reason why depression develops (not really important here). But I think this fits pretty well with Dazai and why he is this way (in the sense that he betrays everyone regardless of whether they were/are his teammates), because maybe he doesn't feel like he belongs somewhere, so we could essentially describe him as an individualist person.

Regarding Dazai's duality, I don't think any of the two parts he shows are really 100% his complete self, since one is a farce and the other is the crudest form of his depression. He is simply a person who is incapable of understanding others or incapable of feeling connected to anyone because he is traumatized and because he has a tendency, whether consciously or not, to disguise his feelings, which is why he sometimes seems insensitive or incapable of reacting to horrible things. , it could be said that "he doesn't care about anything" at first glance, which is common in depressed people. The only time that something was appreciated regarding his feelings was when he was with Oda in his last moments of life, and frankly, he was seen as a rather lost person; "what should I do?" He asked, that's when Oda told him to be on the side of the good guys. Etc. What I mean by this is that he is capable of having affective ties, I insist a lot on this, I know, but it seems to me that it is something that should be understood.

Dazai is a person without a reason to live who unconsciously clings to some concept; like joining the Port Mafia, Oda, the Agency, or even it can be assumed that also the fact of looking for a person to commit suicide with is.

On the other hand, I think its important to take into account the possible similarities between Yozo and Dazai in terms of toxic behavior towards the people around him. If I understand correctly, Yozo ultimately turned out to be, for whatever reason, a liar and an alcoholic who took advantage of the people around him, being taken in by women in their homes and spending their money. We can't see this in Dazai, but he is seen as a bad partner, since he hands over his tasks to others and doesn't keep his promises, clear proof that he is possibly a rather toxic person.

Did he really change when he left the Port Mafia?

Yes and no. For obvious reasons, the experience in the mafia in full development age as it is from 14 to 18 years old, and the death of the only person who mattered to him is obvious that it would change anyone. He is not a person immune to the things that happen around him.

This is already in the perception of each one but I honestly think that Dazai changed a bit, of course he is still the same person without moral values ​​and etc, that is why he continues doing what he does, because these are behaviors that simply cannot be changed because you decide so, you can simply "repress" or "hide" them, the latter is exactly what he does.

But it is obvious that he has changed when his bandages decreased and he shows himself with a different attitude in front of others. The Port Mafia vs Agency setting is completely different and that would present minimal change to either.

This is already in the perception of each one but I honestly think that Dazai changed a bit, of course he is still the same person without moral values ​​and etc, that is why he continues doing what he does, because these are behaviors that simply cannot be changed because you decide so, you can simply "repress" or "hide" them, the latter is exactly what he does. But it is obvious that he has changed when his bandages decreased and he shows himself with a different attitude in front of others. The Port Mafia vs Agency setting is completely different and that would present minimal change to either.

Although Dazai doesn't seem to have a complacent demeanor like Yozo, he does say things that make him seem kind and then doesn't follow through, like when Chuuya asks him to take him somewhere since he's very weak afterward for using Corruption, Dazai tells him yes, and then leaves him. Or like when he congratulated Akutagawa for getting stronger but didn't apologize for how he treated him, yet he didn't make a bad impression.

He doesn't get over Oda's death;

Oda gave him a reason to be on the Agency, what he is doing is probably just to "finish" that request. If he had accepted Oda's death, Dazai would have committed suicide long ago (his suicide attempts in the middle of the anime being impulsive and recurring acts of his own behavior).

Bandages:

His character designer confirmed that the bandages were drawn to represent Dazai's obsession with suicide. In my case, I prefer to think that it is so, that the bandages are to cover his suicide attempts, but also injuries from the mafia and, (small headcanon) perhaps scars from morphine injections (Yozo injected himself with morphine).

My opinion is that he is a character who avoids suffering at all costs, using both the "good" and "bad" facets to avoid confronting himself and not feel vulnerable. We can see that he seeks to escape at all costs from what he suffers apart from this, with the fact that he drinks too much alcohol. Which in turn could justify his obsession with suicide, since death would mean feeling no more pain.

I feel that Dazai, if we compare him to Yozo, surrounds himself with others and makes changes to avoid himself. Yozo saw no point in eating, and only ate because the others ate and he was there. So perhaps it is more likely that Dazai himself would be incapable of cooking for himself (in one chapter it is seen that he only eats small cans of food), and would do things like change the environment to find something that makes him have desire to live, even if it turns out to be unsuccessful. This leaves us with obvious contradictions such as why he would seek a reason to live if what he wants is to die, because he does not seek death itself, but rather the end of suffering. I would undoubtedly classify him as a character with a very advanced depression, which is what we can see both in the anime and in the author's novels, as well as his addiction to alcohol.

//

I honestly don't really like the type of person he is, but that doesn't really mean he's good or bad in bungo stray dogs or as a character himself. I would really like to see him show his feelings at least once. Although if you ask me, I think he ended up committing suicide at the end of the series.

[sevarix-blogs]

I don’t know why i get so nervous talking to people, i shake and my voice trembles no matter how hard i try to sound confident. I have the stupidest interactions because of this. Any advice

also talking with my family doesn’t help because all i hear is, “oh you’re only saying you have social anxiety to be cool” or “just don’t be nervous” or “that’s a you problem”

ok first of all. that is extremely rude and unreasonable for your family to say that to you. social anxiety is no joke.

i am not an expert at this sort of thing, but maybe start with trying to just talk to yourself to practice getting your voice to sound how you want it to sound. i know that might sound like a silly thing to do, but i think sometimes talking and stuff can be a lot like singing-- your voice needs training to do it well. and if you're alone you can be without the added anxiety of having others hear you.

once you feel comfortable with that, when it comes to talking to others, remember that they are not judging you as you are judging yourself! most people don't care if the person they're talking to has a shaky voice, or stutters, or similar. most people will want to make sure you feel comfortable around them and will try to accommodate you. we tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than we are on others, so i think being kind to yourself through it all is key as well. it's ok if you stumble over your words or have a shaky voice! the other person is just trying to understand you, they likely aren't standing there thinking 'wow this person is lame' or w/e, like i said most ppl will try and accommodate you.

another tip is to just ask the other person questions. listening is easier than talking, so if you can get them to talk a lot about something they like, you can just nod and listen without having to talk much. this can be a good way to start getting to know someone and feel more comfortable with them as well! stuff like 'what kind of hobbies do you have?' or if you're in college maybe something like "what kind of classes are you taking this semester?"

but ultimately you need to be kind to yourself about it! instead of 'what if they think i'm weird' maybe try flipping it to 'what if they think i'm cool?' bc that is more likely, imo.

good luck anon!

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry in advance for treating this like ‘Dear Abby’ but I am in need of some advice from a Queer Adult TM…

So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about ten years now. We’re seventeen right now, so let’s just say we went through allllll the phases together. We realized we were queer together, we had our first fandom experiences together (they were actually the person who introduced me to fanfic, which I’m really grateful for, because ever since it has been an integral part of my life), we were DeviantArt furry artists together circa 2016, it was a lot of embarrassing but also fun times. We are also both… and quite mentally ill and it was nice to have someone to help me through the worst bits (when I didn’t have access to therapy or meds) and how I could help them in return.

Lately (maybe over the past 2 years?) we’ve been drifting apart. I think it has a lot to do with the fact we don’t have many common interests anymore (they stopped caring about mine, and stopped sharing theirs with me), but we still do a lot together. They’re my coworker, a member of my ttrpg group, etc. etc.. Due to social anxiety they were my only friend for many years but now I have a few more, so I don’t mind not being as close to them (and I dislike putting the burden of me being reliant/clingy on them). However, they’ve recently been making it harder and harder for me to keep that friendship.

They smoke weed, get shitty stick and pokes, binge energy drinks and shoplift. I don’t have any moral issue with any of those things, but it’s concerning to me because I know they are not in the the right headspace to make those decisions about substances (and the rest). We have both struggled with mental illness, self-harm, and eating disorders. Part of the reason I drifted away from them is because they have no filter and “vent” about their problems to the point where it is very triggering to me (especially in terms of sh and ed). I don’t mind lending an ear but I also have boundaries that I put in place for myself… But yeah, even though they have access to treatment it seems not to be working, or there’s something hindering it. It really hurts to see them in such a bad place because we started out in similar places in regards to our mental health and now that I’m in a better place, they’re not.

I genuinely love and care about this person, but it’s so hard to help them when they shut down every form of help I + the rest of our mutual friends can offer. They’re very manipulative, I would like to think without meaning to, to the point where they twist my words around (for example, recently they did something extremely inappropriate and when I told them I was concerned for their well-being, they said they were sorry for making me “uncomfortable”). They’re also one of those people that plays oppression Olympics, and insists their parents are homophobic and tried to send them to conversion therapy— I know their parents very well, they are literal leftists who have pride flags in their front yard, campaign for politicians that support queer and trans rights, and attend one of the only completely gay-friendly and supporting churches in the area. But the way they talk about them causes other people to dislike them and think they’re homophobic, which they have noticed. I think it’s cruel to them, and also symptomatic of a larger problem that my friend has— they don’t seem to understand that their actions and words have consequences for other people.

I guess what I wanted to ask was: is it worth cutting this person off? I have a feeling that we were naturally grow even farther apart as we go to university, because our values are very different… They’re an anti, I’m not, they have a very surface-level views of politics and believe everything they read in Instagram infographics, I don’t. I don’t consider myself very mature, but they look very immature next to me. Besides, being around them often ends up negatively impacting me as well. However, I worry that cutting them off will makes things worse for them. I don’t want to see them get even more hurt. My confrontations haven’t been doing anything, but maybe they’ll come to their senses eventually.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation, but I’d appreciate any advice from anyone willing to offer it.

--

Since you're about to go off to college, I'd let the friendship naturally fade.

It's not your job to save this person, and I do think you need to get away from them since they don't seem to be making an effort. But since you're naturally drifting away anyway, I don't think having a big, dramatic friend breakup will help anything.

On another note, everyone should have a moral objection to shoplifting. Not only is it dishonest and a sign that something is fucking wrong with you to shoplift, but shoplifters directly hurt retail peons who will get their pay cut as a result of store losses.

People who do this aren't sticking it to the man. They're parasites who hurt other nobodies.

The fact that a lot of teens (American teens?) think this disgraceful behavior is normal enrages me.

[7ndipity]

Hiiii! Happy new year love! 💞 I hope your shipping game isn't over. So let me introduce myself. 🫶🏻

Sun - taurus

Moon - Pisces

Rising - Sagittarius

I tend to be very introverted, however if I meet someone who's also very introverted, I kind of take the lead and become very extroverted, especially in situations where someone has to take action about a certain thing.

I like to think I'm open-minded, trying to understand everyone's perspective no matter what. I only respect and appreciate people who respect me too!

I overthink a lot and I get pretty self-conscious about myself. Im also very stubborn. I wouldn't say I'm very ambitious considering that I get demoralized easily and I need someone to support me especially emotionally. As much as I try to keep calm, I lose my temper very easily, but I'll quickly get over it if I get a few minutes to spend alone and really process the situation. I get overwhelmed a lot and I'm in constant stress. I have severe trust and abandonment issues.

English is not my first language and I'm a polyglot. I speak my mother language (I don't want to say what language it is), English, French, German, mandarin, Italian, basic Latin (I had to learn it in school 😔) and I'm currently learning Korean. My major at uni is history and I'm living in the balkans. (Maybe the last part wasn't necessary 💀)

I love history and foreign languages and cultures, I also love writing, drawing, fashion and reading!

Since I was 14, I do many fashion sketches.

My love languages (that I like to give to my s/o) is drawing them, physical affection and words of affirmation.

I also would love to receive praise and physical affection but if my s/o isn't okay with that then it's alright. I can live without it as I've been doing until now.

I like to read non-fiction, history, thriller and fiction literature and you can ask me anything about history and I will tell everything you like I'm some voice narrator on a documentary 😭

I watch mostly just documentaries and thriller dramas.

So as I've said at first, I'm introverted, but if I'm comfortable I quickly am very loud and social, however my social battery dies fast so I will at some point become suddenly silent. I also have adhd and anxiety. I used to suffer from depression since I was a little kid. I've got plenty trauma 😊 and I'm very scared of the dark and insects, like spiders for example.

I don't like dancing and singing, mainly because I'm bad at those 💀 and I also don't like painting.

Usually I'm the therapist friend and I never share anything about my personal life to my friends, I keep my problems to myself.

I love cats and skincare and I listen to music constantly ever since I was a baby.

I'm not very fond of petnames that couples use. However if someone calls me "love" or "darling" I will simply die

I can get quite possessive and jealous, but I don't usually show that to my partner or do anything about it at all. Mostly because I know it's a toxic trait so I keep it to myself as I don't want to potentially hurt or make my s/o feel bad.

I'm very loyal and loving. When people yell, don't let me speak or interrupt me while I'm speaking I get either very pissed or i simply just cry 🫠 I can get very triggered when someone yells at me

When I'm hurt, affected or upset about something that someone did to me, I will isolate myself and not tell them what's wrong until it's too late.

I dont like people telling me what to do.

I'm sorry if this was very chaotic written and not organized at all, I just wrote whatever came to my mind about myself (watch me forget to mention some important details about myself 🤦🏻‍♀️) but yeah, basically this is me. 🫶🏻

I would ship you with Yoongi and Hobi!

You and Yoongi have super similar personalities imo, so I feel like you would understand each other really well! Like even the way you described sounding like a docu narrator reminded me of how Army joke that Yoongi’s a walking encyclopedia on so many topics!😭(also Pisces are really great matches for earth signs like Taurus)

Yoongi and Hobi both have very supportive, reassuring energies, and tend to be the therapist friends as well, so I think they would be good at helping you open up and making you feel safe. I also feel like they would lowkey be a bit protective over you.🥺

I also kinda feel that you and Hobi would be a pretty good match! You have several similarities, and he also has this ability of bringing out the best in people and making them feel really comfortable, so I feel like he would be your ultimate hype man!😊

Hope this was okay💜

[running-in-the-dark]

social interaction is so weird. I don't understand it.

at my birthday party yesterday, I just sort of sat there. and watched and listened. and occasionally responded to something someone said. my brother and my friend did most of the talking. it's easy for them, they just know what to say and/or they don't care how they seem to others. they just talked to everyone the whole time.

I don't know, it just feels pointless. I want to like it, I really do, but when there's more than maybe 2 or 3 people (maybe 4, depending who it is) I just feel like an animal trapped in a cage. it feels really bad. it's not fun, it's just stressful. even when I like everyone there and everything is completely fine.

and when everyone leaves I'm just so relieved. I always want to talk to people more, I miss the times when I saw my friends more often, but when I do see them I just want to leave. like, I don't know what to do about it. I did all the things my therapist told me when I was in therapy but it changed nothing. it doesn't feel like I have social anxiety (though yeah okay that too - but it's better now with meds), it's like they're speaking a different language that's sort of similar but I can't quite understand it. I really want to and I try to pretend I do but I can't and it sucks.

like, my therapist would always tell me I can do it, there's no reason to be afraid of social situations because I'm really good at them actually. but no, I was good at therapy because it was a short period of time, I knew the rules and what was expected of me, I knew the only other person there, and I just. lied all the time about everything so she wouldn't be angry with me. I was so afraid she'd think I'm just wrong that I still had to pretend I'm normal.

[crushng]

back on my meta bs but something about gin being born from a time loop begot his monstrous behavior and disconnect from reality? (aka a rumination from 1am last night)

when gin started to hurt people he did it because it was the only thing left to do. he knew people intimately who had no idea who he was. he had no socially acceptable way available to him thru which to make connections. there was no way that he as a (neurodivergent) stranger was ever going to be able to be charming enough to get the emotional interactions he was after. (something that i would argue humans need to survive)

so to him the only avenue that was open to him was to crack each person open in violent and emotionally destructive ways. he wanted to be able to understand people, to interact with deep fears and passions and see who they truly were.

so he used fear and violence and torture as leverage to get at the soft gooey emotions he wanted. and it was safer this way too. he couldn’t be rejected on the basis of who he was this way. he was being rejected because of the actions he felt forced to take, absolving him of responsibility and even of social anxiety to a degree

he wasn’t exchanging his own vulnerability here either. he was the one in power. he could control the narrative. he could more or less control the outcome. it was safer for him to destroy than it would have been for him to risk rejection and shame by being overly familiar with someone who might find him creepy or weird or annoying

and this way he could learn about people in the course of one loop, and skip across to a redux of the same or a very similar timeline and use the knowledge he’d gained from taking this person completely apart to insert himself into their lives with more charm and grace and a higher degree of success. he could be wanted this way. maybe even known. perhaps even loved.

but the methods he’d been using for so long were just so much easier than exploiting that information in a slow and methodical way. he doesn’t have the patience for a plodding narrative. he wants the action and the romance and the fun right off the bat. he pushes the bounds of every relationship he forms until they shatter. it’s easier to fly into a murderous rage when the consequences of murder are nonexistent

he’ll just be kinder next time. he’ll be gentler. they deserve the love and the kindness, he’s just on his way to deliver it.

and that doesn’t work when you insert it into real life. or into a space where someone remembers and consequences matter.

gin’s forever going to be mismatched to his environment and dysfunctional and disconnected because who he has become no longer fits within the bounds of a single reality, he won’t survive it. he has grown to fit a new shape, a grotesque figure all misshapen and disgusting and full of calluses. he can’t engage in intimacy without destruction because he has never known how to do anything else. born and raised into a time loop, consequence free, no weight to morality, every decision therefore exclusively self serving because any kind of payoff that could be paid forward would just be destroyed in the end. literally the nihilism

can you imagine knowing someone inside and out and never being able to get close enough to touch. and if you break that rule you have only two paths. you can stop early and lose all your progress and end up with nothing. or you can follow the rabbit hole all the way down until you can find and take what it is you want. you can be satisfied.

and what’s the logic in being parched forever to the benefit of literally no one. why would he ever choose not to satisfy his own desires when over and over it’s shown to him that nothing can be to anyone else’s benefit ever. it all goes up on smoke.

you’re a normal person in a world that rips normal away from you. there’s no more normal. there’s nothing left but your bleeding heart

man like. the readjustment period of someone coming out of that space and time

murder used to be the only viable option (or at least that’s what he concluded) and now everything has immediate consequences

is it possible to be kind after that? how do you learn to love again when your version of love has always been terror?

[dabisqueen]

Do you mind if I rant a bit here? I just want to get this off my chest.

After sorting out my thoughts I have come to realize I’m trans. But I still feel very trapped, unable to truly express myself because of certain people in my life. when I messed up I was always asked “why are you so stupid?” “Are you dumb?” “You have no common sense?” Etc And those words have become my inner voices scoldings, making me anxious and shy in public yet everyone around me told me “social anxiety is something you just find cool, stop playing around.” The truth is, I’m not playing, but they don’t care do they?

When I was diagnosed with a medical problem, my opinion didn’t matter, I was constantly ignored, anything I wanted to say, they never heard. I was just someone who was there.

when I styled my hair the way I wanted, giving me a bit more confidence, making me feel like the REAL me, my family demanded my hair to go back to the way they wanted. It suddenly made me feel guilty which felt wrong, yet could they have a point? By trying to be happy, am I hurting someone else?

What would they think if I ever came out to them about who I really am? Am I killing the person they knew and loved? Am I disappointing them?

am I being over dramatic by writing this?

Oh nonny, this is a safe place for you and you can rant all you want.

First of all, I am so proud of you for sorting your thoughts and realizing that you are trans. I know its not easy sometimes to come out. Not everyone understands what you go through.

I can only say that you are loved and appreciated the way you are. This is a safe place for you to be who you are. I know many mooties on here who are in a similar situation like you.

If I may suggest - please reach out online to other folks who understand you. Regarding the ones who are close to you in real life and don't understand? Wait maybe for a time when you are independent of them and then come out. Cause then they can't pressure you into feeling any other way.

And remember:

Don't ever feel guilty for styling your hair the way you want.

Don't ever feel guilty for dressing the way you do.

Don't ever feel guilty for who you are.

You are not dumb... You are beautiful the way you are. Always remember that. Don't ever let anyone else dictate who you have to be or how you have to look or behave.

If you ever need to vent again, feel free to send me an ask. Or dm me.

💙😘

[selectivechaos]

everytime i try to talk with a school therapist about my social anxiety, they just say that i just need to talk more socialize more and all my anxiety will go away... they never understand a single thing

- 🪦💤

and totally unrelated, theres this two classmates that make me fucking uncomfortable till i want to puke

hey 🪦💤 anon,

yeah, socialising more isn’t a cure-all for social anxiety. it’s not like you have a few conversations and start to feel better. it’s not like social anxiety is just a term for when someone hasn’t socialised in a while and needs to get used to it again, brush up on their social skills. 

social anxiety is fear. real fear. it’s not something that arises from lack of experience. yeah, positive social interactions can teach your brain that the Bad Consequences (judgement, humiliation) aren’t always going to happen. and that can lessen fear. 

but the world isn’t all positive interactions. and a few negative ones can worsen the fear. really, a person needs a support system, coping strategies, they need to have tools for communication, and they need to know that they’re worth something. 

‘socialise more’ without any accompanying advice, is a throwaway that won’t alleviate the anxieties. 

have never heard of a ‘school therapist’ before. where i was, we had counsellors. seems similar but am not sure. but from experience, think i got lucky. 

my school counsellor didn’t force me to speak to her. spent a lot of time sitting in silence. she told me it wasn’t my fault that i was so anxious; told me i was very strong because dealt with such high levels of anxiety all the fucking time. encouraged me to build support system, but didn’t push it. she taught me techniques of harm reduction and anxiety management. 

don’t know what your situation is, if school therapist isn’t helping with anxiety, maybe you could ask them to help with a referral to another therapist. if they truly want to help you, they won’t take offence at this and will provide resources. they can help fill in forms and chase them up if waiting lists are long. 

also, i think the ‘socialise more’ kind of advice might not be on the level of help you need. 

i learned the hard way that there are levels of support that’s given to people. this varies place to place. but i think the principle is the same: many many people seek support for their mental health and most of them don’t need support for mental disorders. they need help for relationship issues, or maybe they’ve been feeling overwhelmed or stressed lately, but not disorders. 

 so the cheapest way to train professionals to help that many people, is to offer only basic and brief training. where i am, this is the difference between low and high intensity cbt. 

‘socialise more’ might be the basic life advice that’s needed by someone who’s feeling a bit nervous in a new place for the first time. but for someone who’s struggling with an anxiety Disorder, it’s not the right help. 

also those classmates sound like assholes, go ahead and puke on them. 🌹🌹🌹

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: Stalking, social anxiety, social media pressure.

Seeking advice and suggestions about what to do.

To give some background info, social media wasn't huge while I was in high school. FB was really the only big site people around me used, but I didn't have too many friends during high school and I just wasn't that interested in it. Then, I got IG, which I really enjoyed for about 1 year. But thanks to IG I did run into some stalking situations and had a nervous breakdown, and even though I was an adult by the time I had it, my mom was upset and felt like it was something I did behind her back (she never explicitly said "No social media" but just assumed I'd never get IG because of me never being into it before).

It took me a long time to stop being anxious about social media but fast-forward to this year and now my current friends are using it, so I joined in, but I'm not really using it "with" them even though I've added them, it's not mutual.

When I added one of my friends they told me in advance that she doesn't always see people show up in her feed, which I understand, but I still thought she would've added me back after I told her my username?

I also have some friends who I added a long time ago but who never added me back, maybe because they didn't know me well enough back then, but I see them interacting with everyone else?

And then finally I have a friend who seems kind of similar to me (generally doesn't seem like a huge social media person but still likes some of the cute pictures and memes that end up on there; she's also my closest friend out of my current group). But I remember her getting stuck on the sign-up page (you know, the "Are you a human?" drag and drop tests), got annoyed, and gave up on trying to join since she said it was too hard for her to figure out. So I get where she was coming from but at the same time I felt a little upset because I think having her on there with me could've given me a confidence boost and maybe if our other friends saw me interacting with her, they'd add me back and include me in stuff, too.

I feel like it's kind of a silly thing to even think about. I'm not hugely into social media and at the end of the day I feel like my friends are my friends because we still do other activities together and get along. But I still get a sense of being on the outside looking in when I see them making inside jokes to each other and tagging each other in cute friendship memes and stuff. Plus because of my bad experiences with social media before, it actually did take me a lot of effort to finally pull out myself out of the severe anxiety and trauma I felt towards it and give it another shot.

I don't want to be one of those pushy people who's like "Hey, you need to add me!" especially since I have tried to like... "gently nudge" people into adding me before, and they haven't shown an interest back. I don't want to be "annoying" about it but it does make me feel left out sometimes, and then I blame myself for not knowing how to act on these sites, and what comes off as normal vs. annoying.

Hi anon,

I’m so sorry to hear of your social media experiences, especially in regards to stalking, and I’m so glad you’re safe.

Social media can be such a tricky thing - on multiple levels, and I can definitely relate to needing to learn how to navigate it a bit as an adult (since I come from a similar background in that it wasn’t huge while I was in high school either) - especially when it came to digital boundaries, including but not limited to, deciding who gets access to me, my privacy, and how we define “friendships.”

On one hand, social media allows us to be more connected than ever, with people we very likely might never have met in any other way (international friendships, niche interests, online groups, etc).  On the other hand, many people feel more alone than ever, and I truly believe in some instances it has to do with needing to ask ourselves, and be willing to share, what we want out of social media - and then explore a bit to see who else might share the same goals.

For example: 

How do you define the word friend?  Acquaintance?  Mutual?

Is there a certain amount of interaction you’re looking for?  Weekly?  Monthly?  

Do you have various levels of what you would consider intimate, vs casual?  Say, do you like the idea of sharing your birthday online, and getting multiple messages that day?  Would you prefer a digital card DM’d to you?  

Do you have any special interests, where you could join some online groups?  Sometimes finding that common interest can help get the conversations flowing and get to know people a bit easier as you dive deeper into exploring friendships.

These might seem like simple questions, but depending on someone’s boundaries and privacy they might have very different ideas than you on what they’re comfortable with.  And just like you should have the freedom and space to share what your hopes are as you explore these new relationships, so should they with you - maybe you’ll find overlaps, maybe you’ll realize it’s not the best fit, but that doesn’t mean it’s an automatic red flag, or says anything about you or the other person.

I do hear you on that fear of perception, of wanting to be cautious about how you try to engage, but I feel like you could do everything “right” and still be viewed as “annoying” by someone.  I feel it might be more about how you communicate your wants and needs early on so both parties can feel secure moving forward as they build a foundation of friendship.  And if you have these conversations, and you realize it’s not the relationship for you?  Then worst case scenario, you spare yourselves a bit of a heartache down the line, and make room for people who do share your similar interests.

Regardless of what you learn, and decide for yourself as you explore online friendships more, I hope you cultivate relationships in safe and mutual spaces, that add some joy and laughter to your day.

- Mod Kat

[astertimberwolf]

If there's something I've learnt in life, it's that hurt people... Hurt people.

Maybe they've never felt what true, heartfelt, unconditional love is like.

Maybe nobody taught them to show empathy and be kind, despite their personal issues overwhelming them...

Whichever the case may be, I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes excessively so... to my own detriment.

I'm a creature of strong, intense emotions. I sometimes still act on impulse and do stupid things when I panic or when anxiety overwhelms me... But I do not take my anger, sadness or resentment out on anyone else. No matter how much I've been through, have suffered- or am currently suffering. I made it my personal goal to try to cause the least amount of damage / suffering to people. Especially when they're not in a good mental state... I wish other people could pick up on this too.

Maybe I'm too empathetic and optimistically delusional for my own good. Maybe I should view the world and people in a much more cut and dry, cynical way... But I don't want to. I'm tired of living like that- of eliminating people's humanity, feelings, complexity and worth by oversimplifying them or the problem, deflecting blame- or assigning labels to people as if they were something static that will never change.

The world is full of colours. The world is filled with people suffering, all with their own unique struggles / hell-shaped frames of mind. I want to help people heal. I want to alleviate their- OUR collective suffering, but people who still think in extremes of black and white- who only rely on their anger and negative emotions... They are not going to understand. They are going to aplify their own suffering and everyone else's, with very little regard towards the consequences to their actions. It's a sign of immaturity, deeper issues... And probably negative reinforcement. Social and environmental exposure condition people to be like that.

It takes true courage to break out of that vicious cycle of indifference, brutality and negligence... To grow as an individual and put an end to the cycle of violence- the cycle of abuse people are stuck in.

I overcame my own trauma... By empathizing with the guy that r*ped me. By understanding what led him to do what he did. It doesn't mean I forgave him. It doesn't mean that my rage towards him wouldn't be there if I were to ever meet him again... But I understood- I saw through him- and I let all the memories flood back and fire up the excruciating pain, disgust, helplessness and terror that I had ran away from for so many years... And then I was free. As light as a feather. The invisible weight finally off my shoulders... Gone. I had healed.

...

Empathy can go a really long way. It's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of maturity- of understanding. Being able to think beyond yourself and your own ego. A gift to see things for what they truly are.

...

My autism doesn't allow me to predict everything- or read social situations correctly. It makes me mess up more than I would be willing to admit. It has led to trauma being formed around social interactions. Trauma that I re-live on an emotional level due to CPTSD whenever similar situations develop that take me back to what I felt in the past situation that the present one is resembling.

I'm not the brightest, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed by far... But I don't share my feelings online to garner "attention". I simply choose to perpetuate my own karma... So that people who cannot fathom being around me because of my past block and leave me, while those who remain and read what I write as a cautionary tale, might be dissuaded from making the same mistakes I did. I can be a living bad example so that someone else can learn.

This concept seems to escape a lot of younger generations' minds. Why? Maybe they didn't have the socialization they needed as a kid... and all they were ever exposed to was all the noise, hysteria and gut reactions people have on the internet. Nothing that ever effectively taught them how to adapt in life... And led them to develop social anxiety, anti-social traits, feelings of inadequacy and yearning for attention themselves, mistaking it for love- or worse yet: a way to feel accepted and feed their own ego / self-esteem.

All of this to say that- no... Nothing I ever said, did, posted or reblogged was ever done out of some twisted need for attention. This is just my way to exist in this chaotic-ass world.

I think, I overthink. I share, I overshare. I rant, I vent, I seek things that make me feel something, because I too have been hurt as a child. I too- did not have the support that I needed, when I needed it. I too- share the burden, the suffering that comes with life.

The only difference between me and a lot of other people out there, is that I have once felt unconditional love. I know what it looks like, feels like- and what it entails, as well as what it doesn't... And I lost it all way too soon.

The reason I am in love with Ruby Rose, a fictional character from the show RWBY? It's because she has all the hallmark traits of the person I lost so many years ago. She is brave, altruistic, empathetic, protective, understanding and caring... And most importantly, despite all the grief and weight she carries on her shoulders, she still finds the time to be there for other people, to be a good friend, a good leader- a sunshine of optimism and the glue that holds everyone together and makes them a family. Without Ruby, Weiss and Blake would have never gotten along. Yang and Blake would have likely never reconciled- because Weiss wouldn't have learnt that kindness, empathy and understanding from her that was needed to approach the situation with tact and slowly coax Yang into talking to Blake again.

Be more like Ruby. Learn to see others, understand them- feel them, instead of neglecting everything to try to save- or safeguard your own ego.

There is more to life than suffering.

[blackbooklog]

Psychopaths Offer Up Their Perspectives

" Being one of this ilk, a few things...

Firstly, being born this way, the best way to explain is- imagine being born unable to taste. You see others enjoy foods around you, raving about the best pizza or the best ice cream. Now, eventually you make a choice. Either out yourself as different or wrong, or pretend to like what others do, to blend in and be normal. Then one day, you eat a chili pepper and you...taste it. Come to find out, you can taste ‘hot’ spicy foods. Of course, you’d want to spice up everything...but dumping Frank’s hot on ice cream would make you look a little strange, so you learn to pick your times to ‘taste’, and decide to what intensity you want to experience this sensation.

Now to be born without a properly functioning empathy or emotional system... it’s a bit similar. You see people loving, caring about others, being concerned. You see people crying about funerals, or a happy wedding. Maybe being scared at a haunted house attraction, or being overjoyed at winning money, or being at an amusement park. Being born this way...you don’t really ‘taste’ these feelings. So the choice is to pretend, to blend...or put yourself as some movie monster by simply not being affected by anything.

Now, where the aforementioned hot/spice being the example, for folk like me all that’s really felt (albeit in a different way) are feelings such as ‘anger’, ‘thrill’, or even some odd form of perverse ‘joy’ (generally awarded from either pranks, manipulations, or in some way ‘tweaking’ things to your whim and the resulting satisfaction)

Only having these emotions, one is left with choosing how much of life one wants to ‘taste’.

That said, i actively choose to emulate emotions or care or be ‘good’ with people because I want to. Have I ‘tasted’ life? Oh yeah...very much so in the past. But I have come to choose to blend and try being a human for the sake of those trying to have me in their lives. Plus they get the perks of being with someone that doesn’t panic, can deal with dangers coldly and logically.... and I make a great non judgmental shoulder to cry on, since a moral compass is also optional:)

Hope this helps! Didn’t plan to post...honestly was just listening to videos about this, as a sort of self-check to make sure I’m not outwardly exhibiting traits mentioned:) " - [Redacted]

"I'm psycopath in almost all clinic aspects. I noted it. I was clinically told it. And it's not the end of my world, adding that I'm not criminal (I hate this media-fantasy).

Being honest, it was liberating. It helped me to understand better the differences I have, and how to see it socially, in special with my family. We can see we aren't demential, but there is something wrong.

I have facility to see (and deal with) bad intentions on people action and arguments.. beyond any narrative. People say that I even speak to their soul, due to the deepness and empathyless.

No fear; no sad feelings (I laugh even with burn animals and I don't cry for death); no anxiety; no shame; no depression; no mercy; addicted to adrenalin and risky situations; "feline look" (charming); narrow focus and cold mind on situations of danger or pressure; no hesitation.

... and thare are other not so positive traits (alter ego is real.. I uses to burn, play and speak with dead animals when I was a kid... I almost died several times... I definetly don't value words, pain and emotions as society expect).

I also feel satisfied when I dream burning people alive. I've already watched a man burn (in a car accident that I was involved). The only 'regret' I feel is that I didn't kill him before his ending (he died). He was innocent.. me too. But he died in very disturbing ciscumstances.

It helped me when I found some bad guys too.. speacially dangerous psychos, death threats etc.

It's not easy to assume my nature.. I'll never deny how far it lead me through this continuous empty mental storm." - [Redacted]

" If anyone finds this offensive or grandios, please understand i am saying it how it is. This is just the tip of the iceberg and im not looking to write a thesis on this subject or my personality. This is for a bit of insight. I should probably make a diary or something as this is a complex matter. How to i compress my entire self into one youtube post 😆 this may be a bit vague because impulse. I also like to watch these videos to see how clued up the makers are. It makes me feel good that entire videos are made all about me. There is a pride in watching them.

With people i care about, they get the lifetime of figuring out how to pretend to be human. With people i am neutral with or dislike, they get the obviously different person they can never figure out, and they hate that they can't put me into their box in their mind. They will only see the human side if they see me interacting with life long friends and family. I am very bland and in conversation i do reply with a similar better experience, but these are real life experiences. I have been quite lucky with life where many others haven't. I am also extremely knowledgeable. I analyse people before i interact with them best. If people can't relate with similar or better experiences then they become automatically inferior to me in respect, especially if they think im replying to say something better. If you are not familiar then i am not interested and you are inferior. That's just the way it is and it is very subtle. You wont even notice it at first. It will grate on you with time. I treat people exactly how they treat me. The average person accepts this, the narcissists hate it and the psychopaths become my respected friends. A mutual respect/hate relationship forms that is entirely fake when i get to know another psychopath. We can never figure eachother out and it's like we are the only people in that social instance that can see eachother. The banter is always good though that inevitably gets forced on others. You wll not realise that you will work with at least 2 psychopaths at any given time. They could be anyone.

When it comes to dealing with social interactions, i have to think what would be most appropriate. I switch to different learnt modes depending on the situation. If i were to function on autopilot, i would be very cynical and dismissive unless it's about me. I have to try to be human, as it were. Sometimes i wonder if i am actually different or are there just more exceptional people in the world.

My best friend I knew since i was 6 years old who had dispraxia iirc, helped me to be human and i help him in how to deal with situations. We were like bro's and gree up together. We went through everything together and we were equals in many ways. He died in 2017 and i have lost my only true outlet to being human and the only person who ever truly understood me.

My personality is built more upon morals, integrity and compatibility therein. Personal preference means absolutely nothing to me. The only person who truly makes me feel human to the point i could cry is my Daughter. I do anything for her and i would kill for her.

With relationships the most functional has been the most sexual. That is the main driving force behind relationships for me. Everything i do is basically to fit my sexual needs. If my sexual needs are not met then i will try to sabotage the relationship to move onto the next. I do not premeditate this. It comes naturally and chronically. I am not violent though. I only need to be myself to put the other person off me and they see me for the emotionally bland person i am that is hidden in plain sight behind a thin veil of learnt behaviours. Emotions and feelings are very shallow to me and i am very cold when it suits me, and very human when it benefits me. I know this is wrong my societal standards, but i dont care. I have learnt to keep someone happy as i get what i want. I do not actually care about their happiness. Feelings are like a brief taste followed by nothing. It lasts about a second before i go back into my mode or whichever situation i am acting in, just to get it finished and for whoever im speaking to to shut up because they are worth nothing to me usually. The only way i can describe it is that i think i know how it feels for a second, but then it fades and is gone. I have an idea of how things feel and have learnt to act like i am "normal".

With regards to situations where i may be anxious, angry, sad etc, the feeling i get is how my body reacts. It is uncomfortable. I do not feel the actual emotions. Situations that are highly emotional scare me because i will be uncomfortable and i do not react the same way. In these situations, the veil comes off and i am there in plain sight for anyone to see. I would pass off a funerals because it's awkward and uncomfortable to me. I did go to my bros funeral though and carried the casket. That was a matter of integrity and morals than anything else. I long for him to this day and he was far more exceptional than the average person. If someone tells me their problems then i will choose the path of least resistance and conjure up some shallow rubbbish to shut it down. With people i love, i will try to help them out of a sense of duty, but i do not actually care in the same way an average person would. I also spend about 15 mins a day smiling in the mirror and observing which is best for when. I am extremely charming.

One thing the woman in the video says that is not entirely true is the lying. Everyone lies. Personally i will tell white lies to avoid conversation simply because i do not wish to speak to that person or at that time. Some of the nicest people i have ever met have lived entire lies and they are not psychopaths.

It's also worth noting that everyone exhibits narcissistic, psychopathic and sociopathic traits at varying times, the difference is that with someone who actually has a "disorder" will exhibit these traits chronically.

There are a lot of positive things about me but on the deep deep level, behind the veil, i just dont care about anyone but myself. I wish i did, but i don't. Emotions are a weakness that i am glad i do not suffer from and my personality as i have gotten older is a strength.

Oh and another example - i would only help someone with physical force against another person purely so i can enact misery and suffering upon the perpetrator. I do not actually care about helping, just a good excuse to cause misery and suffering on someone who is bad. On the surface level i would be deemed some sort of heroe and nooone would even know.

In American psycho, patrick bateman is a good example of how once a person passes a psychopaths thresholds in morals, they are no longer human. Patrick Bateman is a psychopath who wants for nothing, so he see's absolutely no personal gain in being nice. He is the most extreme example, but its true. I feel an affinity with these characters in films more than the good guys usually.

After writing all this, i know there will be people who get angry. All i can say is that i do not feel bad at all for the way i am. I am the way i am, take it or leave it. The only thing i feel after writing this is the possibility of feeling unaccepted, and purely because i dont like the way it makes my body feels. If anyone reading this has been a victim of a psychopath, know that we still have a sense of self, i am not that person who hurt you.

I hope this has been somewhat insightful." - [Redacted]