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gadgetsrevv · 5 years ago

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Sergio Ramos: What we learned from his new documentary

Ramos with wife Pilar Rubio and their three children Sergio Jr, Marco and Alejandro

“In soccer, there are no brothers.”

Sergio Ramos’ mother recalls what her famous son said after breaking his elder brother – and now agent – Rene’s nose in a friendly a number of years ago.

No anecdote better encapsulates the winning mentality of a footballer who is both loved and loathed.

It is one of many revelations from an Amazon documentary about the Real Madrid and Spain captain, which attempts to show his other sides – the family man, the musician and even the world champion horse trainer.

“That image doesn’t always reflect who I really am,” the 33-year-old says at the start of El Corazon de Sergio Ramos (Sergio Ramos’ heart). “I have never shared my private live with anyone.”

This is what we learned about Ramos – warning, spoilers ahead.

‘The worst season ever’

“When we opened the doors to Prime Video to make this documentary series, we didn’t imagine that it would be the worst season,” Ramos told Esquire.

Filmed over the course of the 2018-19 season, Real, who had won four Champions League titles in five years, finished third in La Liga, were knocked out of the European Cup by Ajax and had three managers.

Early in episode two, before Real are beaten 5-1 at the Nou Camp by Barcelona to signal the end of manager Julen Lopetegui’s reign, Ramos says: “We’ve never experienced anything like this since I’ve been here.

“We can’t go out with these results, we can’t even take our kids to the park.”

He also addresses deliberately picking up a yellow card during Real’s Champions League tie at Ajax, which led to a two-game ban by Uefa and him missing the subsequent 4-1 defeat in the return leg as they crashed out of Europe.

“It was the one small dark moment in the game,” he says.

Raheem Sterling also gets a mention in one episode after Spain lose 3-2 to England in the Nations League and Ramos is accused of stamping on the Manchester City forward.

“It’s nothing, the guy knows that. I didn’t even touch him, yet he claims I stepped on him,” adds Ramos. “With everything that’s happened that is the last thing I needed.”

His father ‘almost killed him’ over his first tattoo

Ramos’ tattooed back

“I honestly couldn’t tell you how many tattoos I have today,” Ramos says.

His body is covered in ink, including images of the Champions League and World Cup trophies etched on his calf muscles.

But his first ever tattoo, he reveals, was a small elf with a football which was inked on his back when he was 14 or 15 years old. “My father nearly killed me,” he says.

That tattoo is no longer visible – he has since covered it up with a wolf.

He’s a world champion horse breeder and guitar player

Aside from football, Ramos’ other passions in life are horses and music.

He is a horse breeder, owning the Yeguada SR4 stables in Seville. His favourite stallion, Yucatan de Ramos, which he describes as the “apple of my eye”, has been crowned world champion.

Ramos also loves flamenco music and is a keen singer and guitar player, saying that music is a “way of freeing myself”.

When told by wife Pilar that he sings well, he replies: “I sing with conviction, but I don’t sing well.”

In one episode called ‘Music’, we see Ramos play his guitar live on the Spanish show El Hormiguero.

He has a bromance with Vazquez

Vazquez and Ramos

Spanish winger Lucas Vazquez and Croatia midfielder Luka Modric are the only other Real players to feature in the documentary.

Vazquez and Ramos have special handshakes the pair started creating “when we first had aspirations of winning the Champions League”.

The pair bet on who will score the most goals, which Ramos would have won with his 11 compared Vazquez’s five.

And they love to wind up Ballon d’Or winner Modric.

As Vazquez and Ramos talk about their prospects of winning the Copa del Rey, Modric can be seen speaking on a video call next to them.

“Modric is on the phone all day,” says Ramos. “We give him a hard time, plus he starts talking Croatian very loudly, so we give him an even harder time.”

He practices Panenka penalties… a lot

Many of Ramos’ 108 goals for club and country have come from the penalty spot and he favours the ‘Panenka’ style chip down the middle of the goal.

Ramos is shown practising the technique long after training has finished.

He says he started using it as he scored in Spain’s penalty shootout win against Portugal in the Euro 2012 semi-finals, just months after he missed a penalty against Bayern Munich in the 2012 Champions League semi-final.

“We have all copied someone and in this case it was Panenka, often the easiest thing to do is the hardest,” he adds.

He’s a family man but his isn’t his child’s favourite player

His three children Sergio Jr, Marco and Alejandro and wife Pilar are clearly the most important things in Ramos’ life.

We see Ramos play football with his kids in the garden, give them advice and lament being away from his family.

He also reveals that, before he met TV presenter Pilar, he “dreamt of her for three nights in a row”, adding: “I thought she was a bit out of my league, but she eventually came around.”

And in the Ramos household, the defender is not his son’s favourite player, with Sergio Jr choosing Modric instead.

While he may have broken his brother’s nose when they were younger, Rene is Ramos’ closest confidant.

And going through his vast football shirt collection, which includes those worn by David Beckham, Frank Lampard, Andres Iniesta, Lionel Messi and Roberto Carlos, he holds up a “legendary” one with Rene’s name on the back, from his playing days in a third division side.

Sergio Ramos and brother and agent Rene

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#Gossip Sergio Ramos: What we learned from his new documentary

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sevarix-blogs · 4 months ago

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Now my siblings are accusing me of “texting my boyfriend” as being why I’m so defensive of my phone. I don’t even have a boyfriend lol.

they also keep saying, “why are you so private to your own family?” They always hang up on me leaving me feeling stupid and wrong.

-password anon

i think that will pass. all you can do is calmly tell them they're wrong, and if they keep insisting then that's on them. if they wanna be wrong so bad then let them look silly being wrong.

right now you challenged their control over you so they are trying to make you feel bad about it, but i think in time it will pass. i don't think it's a case of you being too private but instead a case of them being too nosy and controlling.

i hope they forget about it soon and move onto something else... they need to show you more respect! I'm sorry you're dealing with this anon...

#asks #var attempts to give advice

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techcrunchappcom · 4 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/dear-annie-woman-is-shattered-by-recent-loss-of-husband-news-sports-jobs/

Dear Annie: Woman is shattered by recent loss of husband | News, Sports, Jobs

Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: Last month, I lost the man of my dreams, my husband. It hurts so bad without him. I don’t know what to do. I miss him terribly. He was my everything for years now. He was my heart and soul. My heart is broken into a million pieces. I have talked with counselors; some help, others don’t. We still had so many plans for the future. It just hurts. I want him back but I can’t have that. I want to cry and at the same time want to laugh and smile for all the good times we had. I feel so lost and empty without him. I feel like I lost a part of me that day. Is there any advice you can give me? — Grieving Wife

Dear Grieving Wife: I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. As therapist and grief advocate Megan Devine writes in her book “It’s OK that You’re Not OK”: “There is a quiet, a stillness, that pervades everything in early grief. Loss stuns us into a place beyond language.” There are no words to adequately address your pain, but here is my meager attempt.

You’ve suffered a devastating blow. It feels like you lost a part of yourself that day because you did. I won’t attempt to offer you solutions, because your grief is not a problem; it’s the natural reaction to this traumatic, life-altering event. I say all this not to make you feel worse but to make you feel heard. All of your feelings — from desperation, to anger, to numbness, to the whole-body heartache that thrums beneath it all — are valid.

That doesn’t mean you’re condemned to a lifetime of suffering, or that you need to endure this alone. I commend you for reaching out to others for support over the past few weeks, and I encourage you to keep doing so. Continue trying out counselors until you find one you like. Eventually, you might even consider joining a grief support group. While the pandemic may make it difficult to meet in person, there are online grief-support communities, such as Grieving.com and GriefInCommon.com.

Lastly, keep holding onto those good memories like a raft. No one can ever take them away.

Dear Annie: I am 32 and living at my childhood home with my mother. I was once away at college and had several mediocre jobs in a few different cities. However, my inability to find a job that paid well enough to sustain my independence resulted in me moving home with my mother a few years ago. I was laid off in May due to COVID-19, but my employment there was rocky anyway.

I look back on certain failures, and I’m incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. I am desperate to take responsibility for my life and become an adult, but the fear and my inadequacy are overwhelming. I am having difficulty coping. Am I destined to struggle for the rest of my life? — Man-Child

Dear Man: It breaks my heart to hear how you talk to yourself. I can tell from your letter that you’re a thoughtful, emotionally intelligent person. But all the reassurances in the world won’t mean a thing if your depression and anxiety keep getting the last word. So, first and foremost, you must prioritize your mental health, through therapy and any other necessary treatment. And if you feel like you might hurt yourself or just would like someone to talk to, you can call 800-273-8255 any time.

Additionally, taking part in something bigger than oneself is a spiritual salve. I strongly encourage you to volunteer somewhere, whether virtually or in person. You can find opportunities at volunteermatch.org. You have a lot to offer the world. We need you.

Editor’s note: Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Today’s breaking news and more in your inbox

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#annie #husband #recent #shattered #woman #Sports

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vestedbeauty · 4 years ago

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No Midlife Crisis Here - Christie's Secret

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/midlife-crisis/

No Midlife Crisis Here - Christie's Secret

How One Woman Averted a Midlife Crisis by Learning to Put Herself on the List, Too

She had boundless energy and this super-contagious smile. She was smart, always looked cute, and was kind to everyone she met. Oh, and she was on the pom-pom squad and looked so adorable that I kind of wanted to hate her.

Let me clarify. When I met Christie, we were in high school. We’d both moved to Aurora, Colorado within the past couple of years. I had no idea the move was a major shock to her. (She’d moved from Hawaii. The massive snow dumps were the least of the changes she had to adjust to in her new home.) All I saw was this perfect and popular girl. (I was, um… not.)

We reconnected recently, and I’ve got to tell you… She’s even more beautiful now. It’s not because of her beauty, friendliness, and infectious energy – although five minutes of talking with her confirmed those traits are all absolutely intact more than 30 years later.

Now, there’s a whole new layer of beauty. They say our beauty in youth is a lucky draw from the gene pool. But our beauty as we age is due to the choices we make and the person we decide to become.

It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Christie Kaleo Mattson. She learned one of the most important secrets for creating a fulfilling, fun life at any age.

You Want a Midlife Crisis? Because That’s a Great Way to Get One

Christie’s always been a giver. She cares for others 24/7.

She runs the daily operations for a business caring for seniors. Her employees love working with her to care for seniors in their homes. She’s designed her business to provide maximum freedom for her team. Some go to yoga, taking shifts that work around what feeds their souls. Christie honors their commitment to self-care.

Christie’s mom lives with her. For many families, intergenerational living is the norm. But for many of us, the idea of combining generations under one roof seems like too daunting a challenge to even attempt. While there have been adjustments and challenges in this arrangement, she’s really glad to have these bonus years with her mom so near.

Christie is also part of the Sandwich Generation, caring for her mom while also raising a teenage son. Her husband’s work often takes him away on outdoor adventures, so she mostly handles everything on the homefront herself.

Oh, and she’s started another business with her best friend, LuckyTwo Boutique. Together, they sell handmade jewelry and refashioned wearable art.

If you’re exhausted already, you’re paying attention.

We Often Give Until It Hurts

There’s something inside many of us that drives us to take care of everyone who crosses our path. We’ll bake those cupcakes for our child’s school, play chauffeur to take a loved one to an appointment, then work late into the night to make up for the time we take to help others.

Our list of responsibilities and to-do’s can grow so long we can’t see the end of it.

But it’s too easy to leave one important priority off of that endless list: ourselves.

You’ve probably known women who devote all their time to caring for others until they reach the point they’re running on fumes. You might even be one of those women facing burnout.

Psychology Today says that burnout is a state of chronic stress that leads to:

Physical and emotional exhaustion

Cynicism and detachment

Feelings of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment

For a woman who’s spent her entire life showing boundless energy, friendliness, and a drive to achieve, it’s like burnout strips them of their essence. They no longer recognize themselves in the mirror, and they grow to hate how they show up in the world.

When Christie’s tank began running empty, she knew she needed to replenish her reserves, and fast. There was too much at stake to just keep running, running, running without putting herself on her list of priorities.

Self-Care for the Midlife Woman

Christie’s made some small and big changes in her life – changes that elevated her levels of happiness in dramatic ways. Actually, what caught my attention and nudged me to interview her for Vested Beauty was this post on Facebook:

I’ll Have What She’s Having

You can see why I had to talk with her, right?

Here’s what I discovered during our conversation about how Christie was learning to take care of herself first rather than… never.

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Feeding Her Creative Soul

Christie says, “It’s important to embrace whatever your passion is. My passion, since I was a child, is being creative. I lost it along the way, getting married… doing the house thing… having a family…. always working full-time-plus hours. I’ve brought art and creativity back into my life and truly love what it does for my attitude and well being. My mind is filled with creations and designs that I try to find time to make a reality. In due time. I can get lost in creating. I’m now painting and refashioning one of a kind apparel and selling it online!”

Self-Care for the Body

Christie had been dealing with hip and joint pain. Maybe you know the feeling, too? You go to roll out of bed and need to take a moment because it just hurts. Her best friend was dealing with it, too – tingling and numb hands and the start of some mobility issues. Together, they started taking a liquid collagen product to try to regain their joint health. Within just weeks, Christie found she was able to get out of bed without hip pain. Her skin, hair, and nails also improved – even after years of dying had left her hair brittle. (She’s not ready to go gray yet. Her son is 16 and says he doesn’t want her to look like his grandmother!)

Owning Herself

Christie says she’s a work in progress (aren’t we all!). “There will always be something to learn and improve to help reach complete fulfillment… is that possible? =)”

One piece of that work is learning to make her voice heard. She says, “I’ve put my feelings aside for too long. Our voices do matter. I’m a pleaser, give endlessly, and always have been. I’ve put others’ needs before mine for as long as I can remember. My son is older now. He needs me less and less, so I can pay attention to me now and put my passions, health and happiness first. It’s never been a priority for me until now.

As a mom, wife, daughter, and full-time worker, there’s always someone who needs a piece of you. You know what I’m talking about. I’m really just figuring out how to juggle it all and fulfill my needs but still being present for my family and friends.

“If there were five of me, everyone would be happy! I’m learning now that the happier I am, the happier those around me are.”

Best Advice for Ending a Midlife Crisis?

I always like to ask the women I interview what advice they’d give to younger women – or to themselves a couple of decades ago. Here’s what Christie says:

Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Don’t be swayed by everyone’s opinion of how you should be and what you should do.

There was really nothing holding me back but me.

Sometimes you need a detour but always get back on track. Nothing more important than your overall happiness and well being. The rest will follow along on your positive path.

Be proud of who you are, embrace your talents, and don’t let life pass you by. Don’t just exist. It’s not about money, it’s about happiness. It’s about being satisfied inside and out.

Christie’s surrounded herself with a small tribe of friends and family who love her and challenge her to be her best self. You can choose who’s in your tribe.

As a young woman, Christie once had a boss who nicknamed her “Disneyland” because she has a fun way about her that people love to be around. Even Disney has a dark side, though – and as many women know first-hand, the fun runs out when you’re running on fumes. Nobody’s going to wave a magic wand or sprinkle fairy dust on us to bring the spark back. It’s up to us to do what we need to bring life back into our lives.

In the end, our quality of life is what we make of it. Put yourself on the list.

You can find out more about Christie and see her wearable art at LuckyTwo Boutique on Instagram and Etsy.

#Christie Kaleo Mattson #Liquid Collagen #LuckyTwo Boutique

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suzanneshannon · 4 years ago

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Advice for Complex CSS Illustrations

If you were to ask me what question I hear most about front-end development, I’d say it’s“How do I get better at CSS?” And that question usually comes up to some CSS illustration I made, which is something I love to do over on CodePen.

To many, CSS is this mythical beast that can’t be tamed. This tweet from Chris made me chuckle because, although ironic, there’s a lot of truth to it. That said, what if I told you that you were only a few properties and techniques away from creating anything you wanted? The truth is that you are indeed that close.

I’ve been wanting to compose an article like this for some time, but it’s a hard topic to cover because there are so many possibilities and so many techniques that there’s often more than one way to accomplish the same thing. The same is true with CSS illustrations. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. We’re all using the same canvas. There are simply so many different tools to get those pixels on the page.

While there is no “one size fits all” approach to CSS illustration, what I can offer is a set of techniques that might help you on your journey.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Time and practice

CSS illustration takes lots of time and practice. The more accurate you want to be and the more complicated the illustration, the longer it’s going to take. The time-consuming part isn’t usually deciding on which properties to use and how, but the tinkering of getting things to look right. Be prepared to get very familiar with the styles inspector in your browser dev tools! I also recommend trying out VisBug if you haven’t.

Two fantastic CSS artists are Ben Evans and Diana Smith. Both have recently talked about time consumption when referring to CSS illustration.

Diana’st PureCSS Gaze took her two long weekends to complete. She talks about some of her techniques here and here. “If you have the time, patience and drive, it is certainly possible,” she says.

I posted a meme-like picture about a cup and Ben’s response summed things up perfectly:

I was tempted to create this in CSS when I first saw the tweet but then thought my reply would take about a month.

It takes time!

CSS Illustration pic.twitter.com/vqpQLKTte5

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) May 10, 2020

Tracing is perfectly acceptable

We often have an idea of what it is that we want to illustrate. This article isn’t about design, after all.; it’s about taking an image and rendering it with the DOM and CSS. I’m pretty sure this technique has been around since the dawn of time. But, it’s one I’ve been sharing the last few months.

Find or create an image of what it is you want to illustrate.

Pull it into your HTML with an <img> tag.

Position it in a way that it will sit underneath your illustration.

Reduce the image opacity so that it’s still visible but not too overpowering.

Trace it with the DOM.

To my surprise, this technique isn’t common knowledge. But it’s invaluable for creating accurate CSS illustrations.

See this trick in action here:

Here’s a timelapse of creating that CSS @eggheadio 😎 Tweaked the shadows with clip-path after 🛠️ 💻 https://t.co/XhDRspwwFg via @CodePen #webdev #coding #CSS #animation #webdesign #design #creative #100DaysOfCode #HTML #Timelapse https://t.co/ZQ1hyzcoSA pic.twitter.com/iPf7ksYCGX

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) May 1, 2020

And try it out here:

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Pay attention to responsiveness

If there are two takeaway techniques to take from this article, let it be the “Tracing” one above and this next one.

There are some fantastic examples of CSS illustration out there. But the one unfortunate thing about some of them is that they aren’t styled — or even viewable — on small screens. We live in an age where first impressions with tech are important. Consider the example of a keyboard illustrated with CSS. Someone comes across your work, opens it up on their smartphone, and they’re greeted with only half the illustration or a small section of it. They probably missed the coolest parts of the demo!

Here’s my trick: leverage viewport units for your illustrations and create your own scaled unit.

For sizing and positioning, you either have the option of using a scaled unit or percentage. This is particularly useful when you need to use a box shadow because the property accepts viewport units but not percentages.

Consider the CSS egghead.io logo I created above. I found the image I wanted to use and popped it in the DOM with an img tag.

img { height: 50vmin; left: 50%; opacity: 0.25; position: fixed; top: 50%; transform: translate(-50%, -50%); }

The height, 50vmin, is the desired size of the CSS illustration. The reduced opacity allows us to “trace” the illustration clearly as we progress.

Then, we create our scaled unit.

/** * image dimensions are 742 x 769 * width is 742 * height is 769 * my desired size is 50vmin */ :root { --size: 50; --unit: calc((var(--size) / 769) * 1vmin); }

With the image dimensions in place, we can create a uniform unit that’s going to scale with our image. We know the height is the largest unit, so we use that as a base to create a fractional unit.

We get something like this:

--unit: 0.06501950585vmin;

That looks awkward but, trust me, it’s fine. We can use this to size our illustration’s container using calc().

.egg { height: calc(769 * var(--unit)); position: relative; width: calc(742 * var(--unit)); z-index: 2; }

If we use either percentages or our new --unit custom property to style elements within the container of our CSS illustration, we will get responsive CSS illustrations… and all it took was a few lines of math using CSS variables!

Resize this demo and you’ll see that everything stay in proportion always using 50vmin as the sizing constraint.

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Measure twice, cut once

Another tip is to measure things. Heck, you van even grab a tape measure if you’re working with a physical object!

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This may look a little funky but I measured this scene. It’s the TV combo unit I have in my lounge. Those measurements equate to centimeters. I used those to get a responsive unit based on the actual height of the TV. We can give that number — and all others — a name that makes it easy to remember what it’s for, thanks to custom properties.

:root { --light-switch: 15; --light-switch-border: 10; --light-switch-top: 15; --light-switch-bottom: 25; --tv-bezel: 15; --tv-unit-bezel: 4; --desired-height: 25vmin; --one-cm: calc(var(--desired-height) / var(--tv-height)); --tv-width: 158.1; --tv-height: 89.4; --unit-height: 42; --unit-width: 180; --unit-top: 78.7; --tv-bottom: 114.3; --scaled-tv-width: calc(var(--tv-width) * var(--one-cm)); --scaled-tv-height: calc(var(--tv-height) * var(--one-cm)); --scaled-unit-width: calc(var(--unit-width) * var(--one-cm)); --scaled-unit-height: calc(var(--unit-height) * var(--one-cm)); }

As soon as we calculate a variable, we can use it everywhere. I know my TV is 158.1cm wide and 89.4cm tall. I checked the manual. But in my CSS illustration, it will always scale to 25vmin.

Use absolute positioning on all the things

This one will save you a few keystrokes. More often than not, you’ll be looking to absolutely position elements. Save yourself and put this rule somewhere.

/* Your class name may vary */ .css-illustration *, .css-illustration *:after, .css-illustration *:before, .css-illustration:after, .css-illustration:before { box-sizing: border-box; position: absolute; }

Your keyboard will thank you!

Positioning is a tricky concept in CSS. You can read up on it in the CSS Almanac for more information on how to use it.

Or, have a play with this little positioning playground:

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Stick to an approach

This is by far the hardest thing to do. How do you approach a CSS illustration? Where do you even start? Should you start with the outermost part and work your way in? That doesn’t work so well.

Odds are that you’ll try some approaches and find a better way to go about it. You’ll certainly do a little back-and-forth but, the more you practice, the better you’ll get at spotting patterns and developing an approach that works best for you.

I tend to relate my approach to how you’d go about creating a vector image where illustrations are made up of layers. Split it up and sketch it on paper if you need to. But, start from the bottom and work your way up. This tends to mean larger shapes first, and finer details later. You can always tinker with the stacking index when you need to move elements around.

Maintain a solid structure for your styles

That leads us to the structure. Try to avoid a flat DOM structure for your illustration. Keeping things atomic makes it easier to move parts of your illustration. It will also makes it much easier to show and hide parts of the illustration or even animate them later. Consider the CSS Snorlax demo. The arms, feet, head, etc. are separate elements. That made animating the arm a lot easier than if I had tried to keep things together since I could simply apply the animation to the .snorlax__arm-left class.

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Here’s a timelapse shot of me creating the demo:

Attempted to put together a timelapse of the CSS Snorlax we built last night 😅 Amusing watching it back! 💻 https://t.co/vbVYmFUN5V via @CodePen#webdev #coding #HTML #CSS #webdesign #100DaysOfCode #creative #design #animation pic.twitter.com/0mJtLPRQfP

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) April 28, 2020

Handling awkward shapes

There’s a pretty good article right here on CSS-Tricks for creating shapes with CSS. But what about more “awkward” shapes, like a long curve or even an outer curve? In these scenarios, we need to think outside the box. Properties such as overflow, border-radius, and clip-path are big helpers.

Consider this CSS Jigglypuff demo. Toggle the checkbox.

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That’s the key for creating curved shapes! We have an element much larger than the body with a border-radius applied. We then apply overflow: hidden to the body to cut that part off.

How might we create an outer curve? This one’s a little tricky. But a trick I like to use is a transparent element with a thick border. Then apply a border-radius and clip the excess, if required.

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If you hit the toggle, it reveals the element we are using to go across that corner. Another trick might be to overlay a circle that matches the background color. This is fine until we need to change the background color. It’s OK if you have a variable or something in place for that color. But, it could make things a little harder to maintain.

clip-path is your friend

You might have noticed a couple of interesting CSS properties in that last demo, including clip-path. You’ll most likely need clip-path if you want to create complex CSS shapes. It’s especially handy for cutting off bits of elements when hiding parent box overflow doesn’t do.

Here’s a little demo I built some time ago that showcases different clip-path possibilities.

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There’s also this demo that takes ideas from the “Shapes of CSS” article and re-created with clip-path.

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border-radius is your other friend

You’re going to need border-radius to create curves. One uncommon trick is to use a “double” syntax. This allows you to create a horizontal and vertical radius for each corner.

Play with this demo to really appreciate the power of border-radius. I advocate using percentages across the board in order keep things responsive.

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Shading techniques

You’ve got all the shapes, everything is nicely laid out, and all the right colors are in place… but something still looks off. Odds are that it’s a lack of shading.

Shading adds depth and create a realistic feel. Consider this ecreation of a Gal Shir illustration. Gal is fantastic at using shades and gradients to make beautiful illustrations. I thought it would be fun to do a recreate it and include a switch that toggles the shading to see just what a difference it makes.

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Shading effects are often created with a box-shadow and background-image combination.

The key thing with these properties is that we can stack them in a comma-separated list. For example, the cauldron in the demo has a list of gradients that are being used across the body.

.cauldron { background: radial-gradient(25% 25% at 25% 55%, var(--rim-color), transparent), radial-gradient(100% 100% at -2% 50%, transparent, transparent 92%, var(--cauldron-color)), radial-gradient(100% 100% at -5% 50%, transparent, transparent 80%, var(--darkness)), linear-gradient(310deg, var(--inner-rim-color) 25%, transparent), var(--cauldron-color); }

Note that radial-gradient() and a linear-gradient() are being used here and not always with perfectly round numeric values. Again, those numbers are just fine. In fact, you’ll spend a lot of time tweaking and tinkering with things in the style inspector.

It’s generally the same working with box-shadow. However, with that, we can also use the inset value to create tricky borders and additional depth.

.cauldron__opening { box-shadow: 0 0px calc(var(--size) * 0.05px) calc(var(--size) * 0.005px) var(--rim-color) inset, 0 calc(var(--size) * 0.025px) 0 calc(var(--size) * 0.025px) var(--inner-rim-color) inset, 0 10px 20px 0px var(--darkness), 0 10px 20px -10px var(--inner-rim-color); }

There are certainly times where it will make more sense to go with filter: drop-shadow() instead to get the effect you want.

Lynn Fisher’s a.singlediv.com is a brilliant example of these properties in action. Have a poke around on that site and inspect some of the illustrations for great ways to use box-shadow and background-image in illustrations.

box-shadow is so powerful that you could create your entire illustration with it. I once joked about creating a CSS illustration of a dollar.

In CSS right? 😅#webdev #CSS #animation #webdesign #coding #100DaysOfCode #HTML https://t.co/VmyeySsK83

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) April 22, 2020

I used a generator to create the illustration with a single div. But Alvaro Montoro took it a little further and wrote a generator that does it with box-shadow instead.

Preprocessors are super helpful

While they aren’t required, using preprocessors can help keep your code neat and tidy. For example, Pug makes writing HTML faster, especially when it comes to using loops for dealing with a bunch of repeating elements. From there, we can scope CSS custom properties in a way that we only need to define styles once, then overwrite them where needed.

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Here’s another example that demonstrates a DRY structure. The flowers are constructed with the same markup, but each has its own index class that is used to apply scoped CSS properties.

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The first flower has these properties:

.flower--1 { --hue: 190; --x: 0; --y: 0; --size: 125; --r: 0; }

It’s the first one, so all the others are based off it. Notice how the second flower is off to the right and up slightly. All that takes is assigning different values to the same custom properties:

.flower--2 { --hue: 320; --x: 140; --y: -75; --size: 75; --r: 40; }

Animated responsive CSS Leif features in the latest CodePen Spark! ✨ For those who don’t know Animal Crossing, Leif is a green-thumbed Sloth who visits your island 🌻 Here’s a timelapse! 📹 💻 https://t.co/tkHX4nWXp7 via @CodePen pic.twitter.com/naJIrsSlYM

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) May 19, 2020

That’s it!

Go forth, use these tips, come up with your own, share them, and share your CSS masterpieces! And hey, if you have your own advice, please share that too! This is definitely the sort of thing that is learned through lots of trial and error — what works for me may look different from what works for you and we can learn from those different approaches

The post Advice for Complex CSS Illustrations appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

Advice for Complex CSS Illustrations published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

0 notes

recruitmentdubai · 4 years ago

Text

Advice for Complex CSS Illustrations

While there is no “one size fits all” approach to CSS illustration, what I can offer is a set of techniques that might help you on your journey.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Time and practice

Two fantastic CSS artists are Ben Evans and Diana Smith. Both have recently talked about time consumption when referring to CSS illustration.

I posted a meme-like picture about a cup and Ben’s response summed things up perfectly:

I was tempted to create this in CSS when I first saw the tweet but then thought my reply would take about a month.

It takes time!

CSS Illustration pic.twitter.com/vqpQLKTte5

— Jhey 🛠 (@jh3yy) May 10, 2020

Tracing is perfectly acceptable

Find or create an image of what it is you want to illustrate.

Pull it into your HTML with an <img> tag.

Position it in a way that it will sit underneath your illustration.

Reduce the image opacity so that it’s still visible but not too overpowering.

Trace it with the DOM.

To my surprise, this technique isn’t common knowledge. But it’s invaluable for creating accurate CSS illustrations.

See this trick in action here:

Here’s a timelapse of creating that CSS @eggheadio

Tweaked the shadows with clip-path after

https://t.co/XhDRspwwFg via @CodePen #webdev #coding #CSS #animation #webdesign #design #creative #100DaysOfCode #HTML #Timelapse https://t.co/ZQ1hyzcoSA pic.twitter.com/iPf7ksYCGX

— Jhey

(@jh3yy) May 1, 2020

And try it out here:

CodePen Embed Fallback

Pay attention to responsiveness

If there are two takeaway techniques to take from this article, let it be the “Tracing” one above and this next one.

Here’s my trick: leverage viewport units for your illustrations and create your own scaled unit.

Consider the CSS egghead.io logo I created above. I found the image I wanted to use and popped it in the DOM with an img tag.

img { height: 50vmin; left: 50%; opacity: 0.25; position: fixed; top: 50%; transform: translate(-50%, -50%); }

The height, 50vmin, is the desired size of the CSS illustration. The reduced opacity allows us to “trace” the illustration clearly as we progress.

Then, we create our scaled unit.

/** * image dimensions are 742 x 769 * width is 742 * height is 769 * my desired size is 50vmin */ :root { --size: 50; --unit: calc((var(--size) / 769) * 1vmin); }

With the image dimensions in place, we can create a uniform unit that’s going to scale with our image. We know the height is the largest unit, so we use that as a base to create a fractional unit.

We get something like this:

--unit: 0.06501950585vmin;

That looks awkward but, trust me, it’s fine. We can use this to size our illustration’s container using calc().

.egg { height: calc(769 * var(--unit)); position: relative; width: calc(742 * var(--unit)); z-index: 2; }

Resize this demo and you’ll see that everything stay in proportion always using 50vmin as the sizing constraint.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Measure twice, cut once

Another tip is to measure things. Heck, you van even grab a tape measure if you’re working with a physical object!

CodePen Embed Fallback

As soon as we calculate a variable, we can use it everywhere. I know my TV is 158.1cm wide and 89.4cm tall. I checked the manual. But in my CSS illustration, it will always scale to 25vmin.

Use absolute positioning on all the things

This one will save you a few keystrokes. More often than not, you’ll be looking to absolutely position elements. Save yourself and put this rule somewhere.

Your keyboard will thank you!

Positioning is a tricky concept in CSS. You can read up on it in the CSS Almanac for more information on how to use it.

Or, have a play with this little positioning playground:

CodePen Embed Fallback

Stick to an approach

This is by far the hardest thing to do. How do you approach a CSS illustration? Where do you even start? Should you start with the outermost part and work your way in? That doesn’t work so well.

Maintain a solid structure for your styles

CodePen Embed Fallback

Here’s a timelapse shot of me creating the demo:

Attempted to put together a timelapse of the CSS Snorlax we built last night

Amusing watching it back!

https://t.co/vbVYmFUN5V via @CodePen#webdev #coding #HTML #CSS #webdesign #100DaysOfCode #creative #design #animation pic.twitter.com/0mJtLPRQfP

— Jhey

(@jh3yy) April 28, 2020

Handling awkward shapes

Consider this CSS Jigglypuff demo. Toggle the checkbox.

CodePen Embed Fallback

That’s the key for creating curved shapes! We have an element much larger than the body with a border-radius applied. We then apply overflow: hidden to the body to cut that part off.

How might we create an outer curve? This one’s a little tricky. But a trick I like to use is a transparent element with a thick border. Then apply a border-radius and clip the excess, if required.

CodePen Embed Fallback

clip-path is your friend

Here’s a little demo I built some time ago that showcases different clip-path possibilities.

CodePen Embed Fallback

There’s also this demo that takes ideas from the “Shapes of CSS” article and re-created with clip-path.

CodePen Embed Fallback

border-radius is your other friend

You’re going to need border-radius to create curves. One uncommon trick is to use a “double” syntax. This allows you to create a horizontal and vertical radius for each corner.

Play with this demo to really appreciate the power of border-radius. I advocate using percentages across the board in order keep things responsive.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Shading techniques

You’ve got all the shapes, everything is nicely laid out, and all the right colors are in place… but something still looks off. Odds are that it’s a lack of shading.

CodePen Embed Fallback

Shading effects are often created with a box-shadow and background-image combination.

The key thing with these properties is that we can stack them in a comma-separated list. For example, the cauldron in the demo has a list of gradients that are being used across the body.

It’s generally the same working with box-shadow. However, with that, we can also use the inset value to create tricky borders and additional depth.

There are certainly times where it will make more sense to go with filter: drop-shadow() instead to get the effect you want.

box-shadow is so powerful that you could create your entire illustration with it. I once joked about creating a CSS illustration of a dollar.

In CSS right?

#webdev #CSS #animation #webdesign #coding #100DaysOfCode #HTML https://t.co/VmyeySsK83

— Jhey

(@jh3yy) April 22, 2020

I used a generator to create the illustration with a single div. But Alvaro Montoro took it a little further and wrote a generator that does it with box-shadow instead.

Preprocessors are super helpful

CodePen Embed Fallback

Here’s another example that demonstrates a DRY structure. The flowers are constructed with the same markup, but each has its own index class that is used to apply scoped CSS properties.

CodePen Embed Fallback

The first flower has these properties:

.flower--1 { --hue: 190; --x: 0; --y: 0; --size: 125; --r: 0; }

It’s the first one, so all the others are based off it. Notice how the second flower is off to the right and up slightly. All that takes is assigning different values to the same custom properties:

.flower--2 { --hue: 320; --x: 140; --y: -75; --size: 75; --r: 40; }

Animated responsive CSS Leif features in the latest CodePen Spark!

For those who don’t know Animal Crossing, Leif is a green-thumbed Sloth who visits your island

Here’s a timelapse!

https://t.co/tkHX4nWXp7 via @CodePen pic.twitter.com/naJIrsSlYM

— Jhey

(@jh3yy) May 19, 2020

That’s it!

The post Advice for Complex CSS Illustrations appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

source https://css-tricks.com/advice-for-complex-css-illustrations/

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3fyrAzv via IFTTT

#web developer #web development #website developer

0 notes

herokita · 4 years ago

Link

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0 notes

paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 · 2 years ago

Note

@spider-jaysart @momma-alghul

It just keeps getting better XD

(Cracks knuckles) I have some more in mind if you please…..

- One time when Chris got sick with a Kryptonian flu, Jake stood by his bedside, basically being a nurse to him. During which, Jake attempt replicating his Father’s chicken soup recipe (one that’s passed down generations from his Grandmother Mary’s side) with…adequate results in taste but disastrous for the kitchen. Jon and Jake took nearly to minutes, even with super speed to tidy it up. Also included in Jake being a nurse for Chris were marathons of their favorite TV shows, video game contests, drawing sessions, and other stuff Chris can do without compromising his bed rest. By the next morning, Chris’ fever finally broke as Jake was laying his head on his friend like a pillow, both of them peacefully asleep

- Their go to theme songs for their team would be The Beatles’ “Two Of Us” and Queen’s “You’re My Beat Friend”

- When they’re both in high school and both start crushing on specific girls (For Chris it is a contemporary version of Thara Ak-Var, in this AU New Krypton exists and is a far more peaceful neighboring planet with Earth than in canon; Jake meanwhile, it’s with a girl named Meredith, I Headcanon her as being the woman he married and had a son with at the epilogue of Nightwing New Order), they both give each other dating advice and tips, with varying degrees of success and equally degrees of embarrassment for them.

- They are both experts at comforting each other when the other has a nightmare. For Chris, his nightmares involve rejection from his adoptive family and the harsh and cruel treatment from his birth father General Zod. For Jake, at first, they were simple fears of losing his loved ones and being unable to do anything to help. After a brutal encounter with Victor Zsasz and his ….very wicked scheme involving Bludhaven’s street orphans, he became a recurring figure for Jake’s nightmares. For both, nothing like comfort hugs, talks and even some lighthearted playful roughhousing won’t fix.

Starburst Duo (Chris Kent and Jake Grayson) Friendship Headcanons?

@paladin-of-nerd-fandom65

Jake and Chris love making stickers together sometimes whenever they visit eachothers house. They always decorate the Starburst headquarters walls with them when they finish making them. They also made a sticker of the Starburst duo title logo. They love to stick that one anywhere outside while out on patrol. (Just like how Miles does with his stickers in the Spider verse movie when he's outside)

They always have thumb wars for the last slice of pizza. Jake always wins, though Chris is learning to get better at it.

Chris really loves eating pretzels, and because of this, Jake always makes sure to have a bag of them in the kitchen at his house so that he can enjoy them whenever he comes over to visit

Jake introduced Chris to the Beatles songs. They are now Chris' favorite band. He just loves listening to their songs all the time, especially while he's outside just hanging out or while he's out on patrol.

They both went to an Ariana Grande concert one time and enjoyed the heck out of it. They even wore shirts with the lyrics from their favorite song "Thank u next" while also wearing glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets for the dark. They took a lot of photos that day, they even got a selfie together with Ariana and got an autograph from her as well.

They both one time tried to heat up homemade pizza with their powers (Chris with his heat vision and Jake with his Starbolts) in the Grayson apartment to see if it would bake faster, since they were both really hungry and were really craving pizza at that moment. This resulted in them both creating a wreck in the kitchen. Once Dick and Kory both came back home from a mission, they made sure that the young two cleaned everything up in the kitchen. Jake and Chris both learned from this mess and never tried to bake anything with their powers in the house again

Chris has a small hobby for planting things sometimes in the Kent farm. Sometimes when Jake comes over to visit, he'll try to teach him how to plant some of the things there like flowers or vegetables and fruits.

Thanks for the ask, Buddy!😃 Hope you like them!

#jake grayson #chris kent #starburst duo #sfw

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sevarix-blogs · 6 months ago

Note

I'm afraid of getting my luggage stolen at the airport, got any advice?

This may also sound dumb but I have not flown in several years and have no idea what to do after getting off the plane....

while i think it's unlikely that you'll get your luggage stolen, i think one thing to help ease your worries is to make your suitcase extremely recognizable. like get one in an uncommon color and put lots of stickers on it. that way you can recognize it immediately!

after you get off the plane, you follow the signs in the airport for where to go. if you are arriving in a different country they'll have you go through customs to get your passport checked and stamped. then you make your way to the luggage area to pick up your bag! (that is if you have checked luggage). there will always be signs that point you in the right direction once you get off the plane. and if you are lost you can always ask staff for directions!

wishing you luck with your travels! 🫡

#var attempts to give advice

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dreamin-of-somewhere-else · 7 years ago

Text

I’ll Be Right Behind

Hello fam :) This is going to be the last fic in a while, because I’m going off on vacation for about three weeks or something. which means that I can’t write, so I’m trying to compensate a little by making this fic a longer one, and then I’m also gonna queue a lot of pictures and stuff. I’m thinking about reblogging some of my favorite fics I’ve written too. Anyways, here we go :)

Characters: Winchester sister!reader, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Bobby Singer, a few others mentioned briefly.

Words: 7000+ Only since there won’t be as much to read for a little while :)

Warnings: Angst, injury, blood, character death, throwing up. Nothing too graphic though. Oh, and Dean’s being a douche (because of grief).

A/N: This is set in the beginning of season 2, but it’s non-canon, so things might change from what happened in the show. Also, the reader is Sam’s twin sister. Also, since this is so long, I’m sure a few errors slipped in and so on, so sorry about that!

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”(Y/N)? Are you awake?”

Somewhere far away you heard shuffling. It felt like your head was under water, and for a moment you couldn’t tell what was up and down — and much less where the hell you were and what the hell happened.

”Oh, thank god.” Sam voice made it’s way into your fuzzy head once again. It was thick and unsteady and wavering and it sounded like he was about to cry.

Your eyes shot open. Hearing your twin brother sound like that could bring you back to reality, consciousness, in a split second. Was he hurt?

Turns out it was the opposite, or at least seemed to be. Because the sight you were greeted with was a white, bare hospital room. Your hands were clutching the white, crisp covers of the bed, as if you were desperately trying to hang on. Dread filled you up from within and you groaned. You hate hospitals.

But you didn’t spend much time inspecting the sterile and boring room, there was something more important at hand. So you peeled your eyes away and looked up at Sam, who was hovering besides your bed, looking down at you with soulful, worried eyes. Those hazel orbs never could keep a secret from you. Something was wrong. Very wrong. And it wasn’t you, because even though you felt like you went three rounds with a grizzly bear — sore, bruised, tired and quite dizzy — you’ve, sadly, had worse.

You opened your mouth, but at first nothing would come out. Just a pathetic wheeze, and you almost felt completely defeated, to be honest. Sam was hurting, something was definitely wrong, and you couldn’t even ask about it.

You blinked hard, trying to focus your gaze. Meanwhile, you felt a hand gently brush away some stray strands of hair from your face. Calmness washed over you, and you breathed in slowly and deeply. You weren’t ready to know what happened, you didn’t want to. You were afraid it would change everything, and even though your life wasn’t perfect — whose was? — you didn’t want it to change. It was you, Sam, Dean and Dad and you had issues but at least you were together again. You had a chance at fixing things. But first you needed to know. Sam shouldn’t carry this pain alone. That’s what you did, you always shared your pain between the two of you.

”Wha-what h-happened?” Your voice was hoarse, but at least you got the words out with the newfound strength.

Sam looked down at his hands that now fiddled with the covers of your hospital bed. ”It’s… it’s Dad and Dean.”

Your breathing hitched, eyes round as you looked at Sam. They were dead. They had to be dead. You furrowed your eyebrows as everything started to come back to you. How The Yellow Eyed Demon possessed your dad, how he asked Sam to shoot him. How Dean begged Sam not to, and how the only thing you could get out of your mouth was ’no, wait! Slow down,’ as if that would help. How Dean almost bled out. How the demon got away. How you and Sam had to get your injured father and the seemingly dying Dean into the car, and to a hospital.

What happened next?

”Did we crash?” You asked, voice choked, as you tried to look Sam in the eyes.

He nodded, barely visible. If possible, you felt even dizzier.

”It’s really bad.” His voice broke at ’bad’.

You let your gaze drop to your hands.

”How are you feeling?” Sam then asked, changing subject slightly.

”Fine, considering.” You looked up at him again, an attempt at a smile ghosting across your lips. To reassure him that he didn’t have to worry about you too. ”A little sore, but good.”

”So happy to hear that, (Y/N),” he said, relief clear on his tone, although it still sounded like he was about to cry.

It got quiet for a moment during which Sam just kind of toyed with a lock of your hair.

”It’s going to be okay.” You whispered, breaking the silence, although you didn’t really believe it yourself.

That’s when Sam nodded once again, but now with a determination that almost made you a bit uneasy.

”Yeah, I’m gonna fix this,” he declared.

”I’ll help,” you offered quickly, with expectation in your eyes.

”That’s okay.” He had already started to move away from your bed and to the door of your hospital room. ”Focus on getting better instead.”

”Sam!” You called, but he was already out the door.

Four hours had passed when you stumbled out of your hospital room, looking around yourself for some sort of clue as to where you could find the rest of your family. You had signed yourself out AMA, against medical advice. Your doctor had strongly objected, since they hadn’t have the time to check everything, run all tests necessary. What they didn’t get that what was even more necessary was you being there for your family — which you couldn’t be if you were stuck in that damned hospital bed.

You had gotten all your stuff back as well, so you brought your phone up and tried calling Sam. You pressed the phone to your ear and anxiously listened to the monotone signals passing, as your eyes darted from room to room on both sides of the corridor, hoping you’d see either Dean or John. You were lucky when it came to finding one of them, unlucky when it came to the call, because Sam never answered it and it went to his mailbox; ”Hey, it’s Sam—”

Absentmindedly, you cut your brother’s voice off by hanging up, because now you had your other brother in your field of vision. He looked barely alive, and it felt like someone fisted your heart, jabbing it hard as your stomach twisted. Slowly, you walked into his room, eyes wide as you took in his appearance. He was pale, skin almost translucent, white as the covers beneath him. His freckles were barely visible and he had dark shadows underneath his closed eyes. If it wasn’t for the monitor, giving off a steady beeping, you wouldn’t be so sure his heart was beating. You reached his bedside and you almost felt like you couldn’t breath. He looked so small and so vulnerable and so lifeless and just… weak. Nothing like the big brother you had grown up with, the one who always was full of life, joking, smiling, flirting, chatting and protected you and Sam fiercely.

Your mouth felt dry as you took his hand, wincing at how cold and limp it felt. You hated how Sam and to face this all alone, suddenly feeling guilty.

”Dean,” you began, but your voice wouldn’t cooperate, and it came out as something in between a whisper and a wheeze. You cleared your throat. ”Please, please, hang in there.”

He didn’t move one bit. No reaction at all, which was to be expected, but it still brought tears to your eyes.

”We need you here, big bro. Okay? And, just… j-just don’t go. It’s not your time.”

You ran a hand across his cheek, before you let go of his hand. You needed to check on your father as well, and then you needed to find Sam. You knew you twin like the back of your hand, and him missing like this was never a good sign.

You were just about to leave the room, when you heard Dean loudly gasp. You whipped around, heart almost jumping out of your chest, to see Dean choking on the tube he had down his mouth.

”HELP!” You screamed in panic, seeing him dry heaving like that sent shivers through your body. ”I need help in here!”

Twenty minutes later, you felt a hand on your shoulder, and looked up to see Sam who was panting slightly as if he’d hurried here.

”Hey Sammy,” you said happily and smiled as you snaked your arms around his upper body, pressing your cheek against his chest.

Absentmindedly, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pressing you into his side in a hug, all while he watched the doctors working on hooking Dean off all the machines.

”What’s happening here? Is he okay?” Sam questioned.

”Seems like it.” You practically beamed, feeling the weight of anxiety and worry lift off your shoulders, melting away. Like you finally could breath again.

”Sam, (Y/N)?”

You and Sam both looked over your shoulders to see your dad. He was leaning against the doorframe to Dean’s room, but looked fine as well.

”Hey, Dad,” you began, feeling even more relief envelop you, and you welcomed it. This was a miracle. ”How are you feeling?”

”Good.” He nodded once and walked up to stand besides you and Sam. He even smiled and patted you each on your shoulders.

Some nurses left the room and the lingering doctor stepped forward.

”Your vitals are good, Mr. Winchester.” He stated, staring bewilderedly at the papers on the clipboard in his hand, as if to see if he really read that right. Because, the young man before him was dying just earlier this day. ”There’s no sign of any trauma at all.”

Dean looked just as stunned as the doctor. Then, confusion crossed his features, but in the end, relief and happiness won and a grin spread across his face. He looked over at you, Sam and John and suddenly he looked like a little kid again. You smiled back at him. All of you knew deep down there was something wrong, although you all wanted to believe it was just a miracle. Because, they’re supposed to exist, right? They do happen, right?

That’s when Sam cleared his throat. ”Guys, I’m gonna go and buy a coffee.”

You rose an eyebrow at first, but then you remembered that your brother probably hadn’t slept for 24 hours.

”I’ll be right back. I’m so happy to see you guys okay.” He reached forward, wrapping his hand around Dean’s forearm, giving it a squeeze. Then, he patted your dad on his shoulder, and lastly, he gave you another side hug, which you gratefully returned.

Then he turned around, leaving you behind. You noticed how his pace quickened up as he got further away and rounded the corner, disappearing into the corridor.

In the corner of your eye, you could see Dad stepping forward to talk to Dean, but you couldn’t quite ignore the thoughts that formed in your head. Something wasn’t right. Well, besides the obvious.

Wearing a frown on your face, anxiety getting ahold of your chest, you walked outside of the hospital room. And there, on the floor, you saw him. You were pretty sure your heart stopped. You felt as your head was swimming, you felt dizzy and you had to close your eyes for just a moment. Everything seemed still — until it jumpstarted again with a painful lurch that made you feel nauseous and tugged you straight into reality again.

”SAM!” You screamed with all of your lungs as you felt the world coming tumbling down around you.

You started running towards your twin and you barely made it over to him before your knees gave in on you. On the floor, you desperately scrambled closer, with the only thing on your mind being ’Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.’ Your eyes stared at his closed ones, and the rest of his still face.

You just kept screaming as your hands clutched the fabric of his jacket, shaking him, but his head just lulled from side to side. Hot, salty tears cascaded down your cheeks as you heard several pairs of footfalls running down the corridor. Within the second, a pair of arms wrapped around you, pulling you away from Sam, and although you fought to stay with him, the arms won. Your heart ached so much you thought it would give in, and you’d die right there and then. Meanwhile you just kept whispering ’No, Sammy…’ to yourself.

The room you’d been staying in at Bobby’s was light and warm when you started gaining consciousness. Sunlight shone through the window, casting long, faded rectangles of gold. Some of the light landed on your bed, warming up your back that was turned against the source. It even filtered through your closed eyelids, and it lit up all those little dust particles gliding slowly through the air, surprisingly beautifully. Distantly, you heard the muffled chirps of birds from outside. It was probably in the late morning, but you didn’t know exactly. You felt calmness envelop you, almost washing out the pain you felt in your upper stomach, that had developed the last few days, and the nausea. Almost.

But that calmness wasn’t a result of your serene surroundings. Instead, the presence you felt close to you was to thank for that.

Slowly, you peeled your eyes open. Awareness crept back to you, but not fully. You were still in that half awake, half asleep state, and you were thankful for that. Waking up these past days had been hard.

”Hey, you.” His voice was gentle, smooth, lighthearted. It was low and soft and warm and untroubled. And you loved it and had missed it so agonizingly much you’d almost fallen apart, even though it’s only been a few days.

”Hey, Sam.” Your words were sluggish and your voice throaty from being asleep for so long, and, well, now you were barely awake.

You slowly blinked, eyelids feeling heavy and eyes tired. You tried to focus on his face that was bathing in golden sunlight that brought out the coppery tones in his wavy, shaggy, tousled hair and the honey shades in his orbs.

You could ask him what he did and why. But, you weren’t going to. You already had a pretty good idea why — because, family — and as to what, you didn’t know if you were awake enough to understand how it all went down.

”I miss you,” you murmured instead, although it was only the tip of the iceberg. ’I can barely function without you because we were as close as layers of paint and we understood each other so well and you were my other half and I just don’t know what to do when you’re not here to guide me,’ might have been more fitting.

”I miss you too,” he responded wistfully, offering you a small smile. Then, his eyes landed on the hoodie you were wearing, his smile widening just a little. ”That’s mine.”

”That’s the point,” you countered. The hoodie smelled like Sam, and Sam was home and with it on you could almost pretend that nothing had happened. Expect something had happened, and this being Sam’s favorite hoodie, he’d most likely wear it if he was still alive.

You closed your eyes for a moment, shuffling a little in bed to try and get more comfortable, but the pain just wouldn’t budge. You opened your eyes again and glanced over at the bottle of pills on the bedside table behind Sam — he was laying on the bed besides you, the only difference was that he was on top of the covers, and you under.

You decided that you didn’t have the energy or determination to try and reach the pills.

”You don’t look that well.” His voice brought your attention to him, and you caught his gaze wandering across your features.

Sam reached up a hand and moved a piece of your hair to place it behind your ear, much like he had done in the hospital, the second to last time you saw him alive. Then, he placed the back of his large hand against your forehead.

”Seems like you have a fever.” Sam frowned, eyebrows furrowed, suddenly sounding worried. ”How are you feeling?”

”Not too great.” You whispered in response, truthfully. There’s no point in lying to Sam, he could always see right through you. You probably should explain that this was something that had formed since after the crash, after going home from the hospital, but you had a feeling he already had gathered that.

”I’m sorry, if I would’ve known, I’d fixed you up as well. Have you talked to Dean or Dad about it though?” He questioned, concerned eyes trying to meet yours, but your exhausted ones slipped closed once again, as you let out a light sigh.

”Not yet.” When you saw how he didn’t seem to like that answer, growing even more uneasy. ”They’re hurting too.”

Sam nodded thoughtfully before speaking up. ”Promise that you’ll talk to them anyway. It’s important for your health. Okay, (Y/N)?”

You wanted to ask ’what about your health?’ but you were too tired for that conversation. Instead, you slowly nodded as well, giving out a barely audible ’mhm’.

”Promise,” you mumbled, almost drifting off to sleep.

You’d been doing that an awful lot lately; sleeping. You’d just been so feeling so tired and it was your preferred way of spending your time from now on; it numbed you from your physical pain and emotional hell, numbed the loneliness and the grief. Even with the nightmares, it still beat being awake, which was saying one thing.

”Get some rest and get better,” Sam told you, and you felt how he placed a kiss on top of your head. ”Oh, and (Y/N)? Take care of Dean and Dad for me, would you?”

”Of course, Sammy.” You weren’t even sure you said that out loud before everything just kind of faded away into darkness.

The next time you woke up, you were alone. No signs of anyone ever being in the room besides you. The room seemed a whole lot colder and darker as well. You rolled over to your back and looked over at the window, only to see that the sun outside had been covered with heavy clouds.

You sighed and slowly forced yourself out of bed, fully awake this time — the fuzzy haze created by exhaustion and fever, gone. You kind of missed it, because everything seemed to ache, worst of all, your stomach. Another wave of nausea hit you and you had to stop for a moment until it stilled. Walking over to the bedside table, to the bottle of painkillers, you then dry swallowed a few pills — probably more than you should have, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care all that much. You just wanted the pain to stop.

Besides the bottle of pills laid an old photo that your eyes lingered on. It was the one you looked at, and cried to, last night. It pictured, you, Dean and Sam. Dean was ten, freckled faced, and hair a little longer than now — still messy and spiky though. He wore a beaming grin on his face and his green eyes were bright as he had his arms gently wrapped around his younger siblings, one twin on each side. You and Sam were 6 years old and barely reached midway up Dean’s upper arm, huddled close to your older brother. Sam was giggling, his dimples very much present and he just sort of looked like a happy puppy. You were looking over at Sam from Dean’s other side, adoration in your eyes as you laughed too. When Sam was happy, you were happy too.

You shook your head, dragging your eyes away. It hurt too much.

Then you left the room, to walk downstairs and look for your, now, only brother, your father and Bobby. Your joints ached when you moved and you wondered if you’d aged 40 years or something in the last couple of days. You didn’t know if the car crash or losing Sam was the more probable reason for that, although, you guessed the latter.

Things had been bad between you, Dean and John ever since it happened. You all just kind of isolated yourselves from the others, avoiding everyone, tending to solitude. You had a feeling that this wasn’t the best way to go; a shrink probably would have ripped his hair out if he saw what was happening.

In fact, you wanted to stop it. You wanted to talk, no matter how much easier it was to just hide from and be angry at the world. Because, you knew that was what Dean and your dad needed. You needed to get them to open up, but now it just seemed like neither wanted anything to do with you. And you just felt so alone.

John had stopped talking. He was a brooding mess, drinking so much alcohol you were afraid his liver would give up and check out any moment. Your father searched for silence and loneliness instead of people and comfort, and you had tried talking to him, but couldn’t get through. Also, he scared you — when his dark eyes turned to you, you could almost feel shivers running through your body. Shivers not caused by pain or fever or sickness. You had always had respect for the man, knowing that he could be tough, but this freaked you out in a whole other way.

When it came to your big brother; Dean was angry. Angrier than you’d ever seen him. Angry at the world, angry at Dad, angry at Sam, angry at you. He, too, started drinking much more than he ever had before, taking after his dad in that sense. Whenever you approached him, he pushed you away immediately, and it frustrated you. He even yelled at you a few times, like you were some punchbag he could verbally direct his anger at.

You could understand they were hurting; you wanted to help them for god’s sake! But, neither of them would just let you. You couldn’t be there for them, like you promised you would, if they wouldn’t let you get close.

And besides, they weren’t the only ones hurting. You’d lost your twin brother, dammit. There, that was a pain even they couldn’t relate to, couldn’t say they’d gone through that too.

The first one you spotted once reaching the bottom floor — and, hell, that was hard; you were panting from the effort — was John. He was sitting in one of the couches in Bobby’s living room, whisky bottle in hand, staring out into nothingness, lost in his thoughts. You winced at the sight.

Staggering closer, you acknowledged your presence. ”Dad?”

Your father never tore his eyes away from whatever they were latched onto. In fact, he didn’t seem to notice you at all.

”Dad?” You tried again, slowly moving closer, clutching your stomach in pain, but surely pushing on.

”Not now, (Y/N),” he finally responded, and you stopped dead in your tracks.

”But—”

”Leave me alone,” he interrupted. His voice was low, but there was a warning tone imbedded in it.

’Promise that you’ll talk to them anyway. It’s important.’

You had promised after all. Now, you didn’t know if that Sam had been real or not — probably not, although you couldn’t know for sure in this world, your brain reminded you — but you had promised. And either way, you were starting to get a little scared. This pain, this nausea that had been following you around and that wouldn’t let go, could be something dangerous. It was time to act, and rather sooner than later.

”Dad, I just—”

”No. Leave me alone. That’s an order,” he declared, raising his voice a little. That’s it, end of discussion.

”Yes, sir.” You mumbled disappointedly, before turning around, trying to keep the groan of discomfort inside.

You then carried yourself through the rest of the house, slowly. Despite sleeping so much, you didn’t have much energy, probably because you hadn’t really eaten anything in over 36 hours, maybe more. Your past self wouldn’t have understood how you could go that long without food, since food was one of your passions in life, to be honest. But you just felt sick all the time and couldn’t even bring yourself to think about a sandwich, or soup, or scrambled eggs or anything else like that.

Thankfully no one had noticed that you weren’t eating, which was another testament to how bad things had become between you.

Suddenly, a muffled crash broke your thought train. It came from outside the house, somewhere in Bobby’s salvage yard. You instantly picked up your pace marginally, the best you could, with the front door in sight.

Once outside, you were forced to squint because of the brightness — despite being cloudy, it was still very light. Scanning Bobby’s yard with your gaze, you searched for the source of the sound. It didn’t take you long to spot Dean, doing something you’d never thought you’d see — bashing the Impala. You needed to stop this, as fast as possible. That car was the closest thing you had to a home besides from Bobby’s house behind you.

Your head was spinning and you felt even more sick, but you surprised yourself by getting to Dean and the Impala faster than expected. You almost tripped when you came to a stop though, your field of vision blackening out for just a moment until you blinked the darkness away. When your surroundings stopped rotating, and the ground stopped moving underneath you, you took Dean in.

His clothes were dirty, stained with motor oil and dusty from the gravel underneath your feet. His palms were a bit scraped and he was sweaty, short hair spikier than usual. He either hadn’t noticed you yet, or didn’t bother to pay you any attention. You guessed for the last option.

”Dean, what are you doing?” You asked, but your still raspy voice was drowned out by Dean swinging at the Impala once again with the crowbar in his hands.

You tried moving into his field of view, but he just turned around, delivering another blow.

”Dean!” You exclaimed, using the few seconds of silence after the noise of iron against car plating.

”What!?” He suddenly spun around, yelling back with annoyance dripping off his words. ”What do you want?”

Your eyes were round, but soon you sighed. ”Dean, you need—”

”If you’re going to say ’talk’ I don’t wanna hear it.” Your big brother harshly cut you off. ”What I need is to be left alone.”

He wanted to be left alone too. Surprise, surprise.

What were you expecting?

”I can help.” You tried, voice small in contrast to his angry one.

Simultaneously, another rush of pain ran through your body, making you shiver, as if to remind you that you could use a little help as well. And, damn, the pain really was getting worse.

”No, you can’t,” he disagreed, his cold, green eyes boring into yours. ”Because, Sam didn’t die for you. You don’t know how it feels to have your little brother give up his damned life for you! He did, for me. You don’t know this pain, and you won’t either.”

That hurt, you weren’t going to lie. What he said snaked its way into your chest, seemingly piecing your heart. You wanted to scream ’I’m in pain too! Can’t you see?’ but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to open your mouth.

The throbbing pain made its presence acknowledged once again, and you wrapped your arms around your stomach, moaning.

”Dean, please. I need—”

”Maybe you could try taking care of it yourself, for once.” He was quick to shut you down, and for a second you just kind of wanted to lie down in the gravel and give up, succumb to everything; the pain and the darkness and the grief. ”I’ve been here for you and Sam, all my life. Even when you left me for college. Maybe you could just give me a break, huh?”

You swallowed thickly, and nodded. Fine then. You turned around, without a word, and began making your way back inside on weak legs. You’d gotten halfway, when a truck pulled up to the house. It was Bobby’s truck, and Bobby himself stepped outside in a matter of a few moments.

”Hey, (Y/N)!” He called as he walked up to you. ”How ya feelin’? You don’t look too peachy.”

You instantly straightened up, subtly letting the arms around your waist drop. ”Tired, but I’ll be fine.”

’You wish’ a voice inside your head spoke up, and you felt the defeat getting a tighter hold around you. In that moment, you couldn’t really put your finger on why you didn’t just tell Bobby. You trusted him, and you knew that you really should speak up. But maybe, just maybe, there was a part of you that wanted Dean or Dad to help you. That you’d be a family again, and that you would support, help and care for each other again. Most of all you wished that Sam would be here too but that wasn’t happening. You bit your lip to suppress a sob when you felt your eyes sting. You forced the tears away.

”Have you eaten anything today then, girl?” Bobby then questioned. So, someone had noticed, and knowing that you actually felt a little better.

”Yeah, I ate like half an hour ago,” you lied, and the years of going undercover and playing bait made you an excellent liar — something you didn’t know if it was for the better or the worse. But, there was no way you could eat anything right now, you felt too nauseous and your stomach ached.

”Good.” Bobby nodded, and looked at you a little expectantly, as if to say ’you first, idgit’. You just shook your head slightly, and smiled, pretending that you weren’t planning to go inside.

Bobby left, and you sighed, running a hand over your face. Then you stumbled over to the stairs of Bobby’s porch and slowly sat down, much like a 90 year old would do. You rested your gaze at nothing in particular, and let yourself get lost in your own thoughts, the ones about your life and Sam. So lost that the pain faded away as your sense of time did. What you saw was the clouds clearing up and the sun moving across the sky, gradually taking a orangey, golden color.

What brought you back, was Dean walking past you up the stairs, startling you. You must’ve really been out of it, since you hadn’t seen him approaching. Hopefully, you glanced up at him, but he just looked away.

Your shoulders dropped for a moment, but then you realized you had a bigger problem. How are you going to get up? The merely thought of pushing yourself up from your sitting position made you light-headed.

”Dean,” you tried tiredly, looking over your shoulder, catching him just before he disappeared indoors.

You already knew that you weren’t going to receive the answer you wanted, but then you thought, maybe just maybe. You did sound pathetically weak and sad, not intentionally, so maybe it would work?

”What?!” Dean snapped, already annoyed, obviously not in the mood to talk.

You looked back forwards, you didn’t want him to see that you were tearing up. How did things get this bad?

A week ago, you’d seen light in the end of the tunnel. It had looked like you would finally catch and kill The Yellow Eyed Demon. Then you had fantasized how you could quit hunting and get yourselves normal, safe lives. Free to do whatever your heart desired. You had already known that you shouldn’t have done so, let yourself dream away like that, but the thought of a life where you didn’t have to worry about your family’s health and safety was just amazing.

Instead, here you were. Dean seemed to hate you, no matter how much you wanted to be best of friends again, like you used to before all this crap that had happened the last few days. No matter how much you loved him.

Your father seemed to have completely checked out from everything. All your life he had been this man you could look to for help, because he always knew what to do. There wasn’t a trace of that man anymore. He was a shell of the person he used to be.

And you, you felt as you were dying. Both physically and on the inside — if you weren’t already dead.

You were actually starting to fear for your life — though, right now, this life wasn’t much to cherish. This injury you had — ’internal bleeding’, the voice in your head told you. ’Something the doctors didn’t have time to detect. Something that’s been getting worse with each day that has passed.’ — could actually kill you. It was serious.

”Fine, forget it.” You muttered, without looking at Dean.

What you didn’t see was that Dean lingered behind your back, watching your movements cautiously, something tingling his big brother instincts.

You gripped ahold of the railing of the stairs and braced yourself, slowly breathing in — and out. And then you just went for it, using all of your barely existing strength to try and pull yourself up. Only it didn’t work so well, and you only got halfway before you went sailing down again. Luckily, strong arms caught you before your face could connect with the gravel beneath you.

”(Y/N), what the hell?” Dean barked, worry lacing his voice for the first time since before the car crash. His eyes widened when he saw how pale you grew in a matter of seconds. ”What’s wrong?”

”’M sorry,” you mumbled feeling dizzy and sick and just horrible. This haze of pain wrapped around you, and Dean’s voice seemed further and further away.

”Don’t apologize,” he objected out of old habit. But you and Sam had always apologized too much, for things that weren’t your fault.

When your eyes started closing, he shook you lightly, still holding you in his embrace. ”Hey, hey! Stay with me.”

When you gave out a moan of pain as your face scrunched up in agony, he felt shivers run up his spine. It only got worse when you started to weakly squirm in his arms, tilting your head to the side, so you could empty your stomach. Dean’s heart jumped to his throat when he saw that it wasn’t what was left of your lunch — did you eat lunch? — but blood.

”Bobby! Dad!” Dean cried as you started coughing, blood trailing down the side of your mouth and down your neck.

Dean carefully laid you down on the ground, and meanwhile your coughs got weaker and weaker. Quickly he rolled up your — Sam’s — hoodie, and the purplish bruising that decorated your upper stomach almost made him throw up as well. He felt dizzy — no, no, no, no, no — and didn’t even hear Bobby’s boots against the porch as the older hunter ran towards what was left of the children that he saw as the closest thing he had to kids of his own.

”Dammit,” Bobby cursed when he saw your stomach, and Dean almost wished he hadn’t heard the tremble on Bobby’s voice when he did. ”JOHN!”

As John staggered towards the door upon hearing the calls and finally reacting, Dean had his full attention directed at you, his little sister. His, now, only sibling. The one left for him to protect. The one he seemed to had failed in ways he couldn’t even—

”(Y/N), please,” Dean begged, green eyes alight with pure fear and glossy with unshed tears. ”P-pretty please, don’t die on me. Please-please-please-please…”

He placed his hands on your cheeks and tried to meet your gaze, but your eyes just kept fluttering close, to open again when Dean let out another cry. He felt as he was trying to hold onto you with tightly clenched fists, but your life was sand and just continued on seeping away through the cracks between his fingers.

”I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry…” Dean kept going on and on, desperately patting your hair, and you just grew paler and paler, weaker and weaker.

Simultaneously, John had made it outside, and Bobby had handed him the keys to his truck, the one that he had later moved since you and him met here, in front of the house. John, who seemed to be in shock, was ordered to move the truck closer — so you wouldn’t have to moved so far. The dark haired hunter nodded and left.

Then Bobby kneeled besides Dean and you, grabbing ahold of Dean’s shoulders, forcing the younger man to look at him.

”Dean.” His tone was resolute and serious, only to make sure to get the Winchester boy’s attention.

”I-I failed her, Bobby.” The first tears spilled over and rolled down his freckled cheeks, leaving glistening trails. Bobby’s heart clenched in a way it only did when a Winchester kid was involved. ”I’m a horrible b-brother.”

”Son, listen to me.” Bobby tightened his hold. ”I, (Y/N), need you to pull yourself together. We’re going to get her to a hospital, and for us to do that, you’re going to have to carry her to the car. Ya old man’s on his way here with it, okay?”

Dean nodded, before he returned to brushing your hair away from your face. You were barely awake at this point, but the act still felt comforting.

A truck pulled up besides them, and John jumped out of the driver’s seat, tossing the keys to Bobby, who was in a better state to drive. Meanwhile, Dean snaked one arm under your knees and the other around your back, lifting you as gently as he could.

The car ride seemed endless. Since you collapsed by the foot of the stairs, the sun had set, but neither of the men could tell exactly when. This meant that Bobby couldn’t see what was happening when he glanced through the rearview mirror at the backseat, but he could paint himself a pretty good picture with Dean’s constant whimpering and your deafening silence.

Your older brother was cradling you towards his chest as the car made its way to the nearest hospital, the miles slowly ticking off. Using his t-shirt, he had wiped off most of the blood around your mouth although there was still a red stain latching onto your smooth skin. When you fully lost consciousness, eyes rolling back into your head, and your body going completely limp, he let out a sob.

”I-I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole,” he whispered, before running another hand through your hair. ”I’ll make it up to you, I promise. W-we’ll get through this together, okay?”

He didn’t know whether he was talking to your unhearing ears, or if he was trying to reassure himself. A little bit of both, probably.

When Bobby pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, Dean’s tears had dried, and so had the few ones you shed too for that matter.

Within the minute, Bobby and Dean — with you in his arms, head lolling from side to side — were running into the hospital, followed by John.

”HELP! We need help! Please!”

Upon seeing the four, nurses close by sprung to action, and more gathered. Before Dean could understand what was happening, someone ripped you away from his embrace, placed you on a gurney and wheeled you away.

Dean stopped and blinked for a second, feeling air and emptiness cool down the area where your body had been touching his chest.

It was when he heard, and finally could comprehend what the nurses and doctors were saying, he started moving again; it was something about cardiac arrest, and Dean just felt how everything started spinning again.

Still, he pushed forward, and started running behind the fast hospital workers, that were running too. He followed them into an empty hospital room, were they began the process of restarting your heart. And there he stood, watching with wide, scared eyes, until someone noticed him led him outside. From then, he didn’t have to wait long until a somber nurse walked up to him.

”I’m sorry, Mister, we did everything we could. It was too late to help her.” She said, eyes sincerely sad and voice soft as if it would cushion the pain her words brought with them.

Dean began slowly shaking his head, barely noticing the nurse leaving. He blinked hard, trying to get his imploding world to focus. He stumbled, almost losing balance. He felt sick to his stomach, and his chest started to ache so much he thought he’d suffer from cardiac arrest too. Could you actually die from a broken heart?

He had just lost both of his younger siblings. The two kids he swore to protect. His two best friends. His two companions in life. His two reasons to stay in this shitty world.

A week ago everything had been fine, and Dean was actually happy. Now, he had nothing left. His life was shattered to bits and pieces and when he stared down at his feet he almost expected the shards to be scattered around them.

That when he saw the other pair of boots next to his, and he looked up to see his father, standing much too close for liking. John was staring with round eyes at his lifeless daughter through the window to the room. His twins, both dead and gone.

John caught Dean looking at him — no, scratch that — glaring. Before he knew it, Dean delivered a hard shove, and John stumbled backwards a couple of steps before regaining his balance. ”You should have seen it too!” His son exclaimed, eyes manic as he stared at him. Desperate. ”It’s our fault.” Dean’s voice broke at the last part he added, making it into a whisper.

He quickly pulled himself together though, charging again.

”If you never started hunting that damned demon, (Y/N) and Sam wouldn’t be dead!” He was screaming now. ”You said it was all that mattered. But, look at us now, Dad! What do we have left?”

John looked up to finally meet his remaining boy’s eyes. Dean saw how his dad’s were shining with tears, and how he slowly nodded, accepting Dean’s accusations.

”I know.”

That’s when Dean couldn’t do it anymore. Keep it together. Instead, his face scrunched up into on of grief and defeat and heartbreak and despair. When John opened his arms, Dean couldn’t stop himself from hugging his father.

Dean rested his forehead against the older man’s shoulder, bending his neck and then he just let his tears flow.

From a few feet’s distance, Bobby watched, with tears rolling down his face as well. Another beautiful life lost.

Years later, Dean stood in front of the two headstones, shifting uneasily on his feet, shoving his fists further into the pockets of his jackets. He had done this before, but it was always just as hard to start.

”Hey guys,” he began, his eyes wandering over the letters engraved in the stone.

Sam Winchester, May 2,1983 - July 19, 2006

(Y/N) Winchester, May 2, 1983 - July 23, 2006

”Happy birthday, kiddos.” Dean smiled although his voice quivered, signaling that he was close to crying. ’I wish you lived to see it.’

And then the sky opened up. Suiting, he couldn’t help to think. Even the heavens above was mourning. And the rain blended in and hid his tears, just like his smile hid the pain. But that didn’t mean they weren’t there. Maybe, it meant that they were more present than ever.

”I miss you.” He said, and it was the truth. Not a day went by without him missing you and Sam like crazy.

Not a day went by without him thinking about that year you spent together after he picked you up at college. The year you went on that road trip, the real deal — differing from your childhood because now you were on your own. The graves before him marked the end of the road, but there was no doubt in Dean’s mind that the year was the best of his life. He was just sorry that it ended the way it did. Sorry in a way he couldn’t even put into words.

It was so lonely and quiet in the car nowadays.

’They died only days from each other’, Dean then acknowledged as if he didn’t already know that. He remembered how you two always joked that you wouldn’t survive without the other, and, well, the dates on the headstones testified to that. It was so sad Dean wanted to rip his heart out, but there was still something wistfully and tragically beautiful about it.

After your deaths, Dean was completely out of it. Lost, to the point that Bobby thought he’d lose Dean too. But, quicker than expected, he pulled himself together, because he had something he needed to do, a mission. One last act as a big brother. And that, that was to find out exactly what Sam had done — well, it was more like confirming his suspicions because he was pretty sure his baby brother sold his soul — and then get him out of hell. Because Sam didn’t deserve that, especially since the reason he was there was Dean himself. After a couple of months hard work and dedication, he completed his task — Dean was still surprised, to this day, he managed to do that, but then again, he needed the distraction, and it wasn’t like there was anything else for him to focus on, nothing else to do. He was completely alone.

So now Sam was in Heaven with you, and Dean could breath out, knowing that you were well up there. He had this friend, an angel — you and Sam would’ve never believed him, but it was true — that told him all about the place, even showed him bits and pieces. Dean could relax.

Dean hadn’t managed to bring you back to life. But, now, when he knew about the afterlife, he wasn’t so sure that was the right thing to do. He was comfortable in the fact that he was the only Winchester sibling that was suffering. So, he gradually slowed down, until he stopped searching for a way all together.

Now, he could only hope that you would be there, waiting for him, when it was his turn. And, that you would forgive him.

Okay, so I just wanted to say that I know nothing about these types of health issues, I’m not a doctor and I also personally like to stay away from that stuff as much as possible because blood and such making me quite (really squeamish). So yeah, this development might be very unlikely, I don’t know. I just kinda took inspiration from other fics I’ve read where internal bleeding occurred. Also, the story itself might have some plot holes, especially the epilogue since things wouldn’t have played out the way it did if Sam wasn’t there, but I decided to ignore that just for the sake of the story. Hopefully you don’t mind too much. One last thing as well; the death date on Sam’s headstone was taken from Supernatural wiki, I looked up the date John Winchester died.

Reviews are love <3 (I might not be able to answer to comments though, but asks works)

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