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allzelemonz · 4 years ago

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Warning Shot: Crosshair X Gender Neutral Reader

The Bad Batch was on yet another mission, one that called for a particularly precise set of skills. Crosshair sat atop a hill as his brothers caused enough chaos below for no one to notice him. He had his sights on the target, a Seppie commander. As he brought his finger to the trigger a gleam of light caught his eye. Before he could see what it was a blaster bolt hit just a few inches from his arm. A warning shot.

Crosshair got up slowly, keeping his rifle’s barrel pointed down. He tried to get a look at the other sniper, but was only met with another shot, inches from his foot. It urged him off the peak. He spoke into his comm to inform Hunter of the situation and made his way down the hill.

The Sep got away.

Crosshair sat with his brothers at a campground, all of them trying to come up with a plan to get the commander. In the end Hunter came up with a standard plan, counting on Crosshair to be expecting another sniper this time.

It would have worked too, if you didn’t practically live in trees and on mountains and rooftops. The toothpick of a clone was in your sights once again. You’d picked a spot a long time ago, anticipating what the clones would do. You knew where your employer, the Separatist Commander, would be. It wasn’t hard to guess where the clone sniper would set up.

You made absolutely sure that the sun wouldn’t reflect off of you again, because this time your shot wasn’t going to be a warning. You had your finger on the trigger and began to squeeze.

“I take another look at your target.” A sly voice advised as you felt a gun pressed against your head.

You peered through the scope again and saw nothing out of the ordinary. Until the clone fell over. It was a decoy, a fake drawing that was mistakable at a distance. They’d tricked you.

“Why don’t you put down the blaster and come with me.” He ordered.

You let the rifle fall from your grip and got to your feet, hands in the air.

“Turn around.”

You did as he said. You faced the clone, now wondering even more how that decoy had tricked you.

“Walk.” He gestured with the blaster.

You glared at him with a hatred only someone being deprived of their money would know. The clone directed you to the bottom of the hill where he radioed his colleagues. You waited patiently, watching him in the corner of your eye. His rifle just needed to be pointed away from you for a moment.

You jumped at the chance. He’d let his rifle pint downward and you tackled him to the ground. He grunted as he hit the snowy forest floor and couldn’t react in time as you lunged at the blaster he’d dropped. You turned to shoot, but he grabbed at the weapon and kept it pointed away.

He threw a punch and you felt the throbbing pain in your jaw for a moment before the adrenaline rushed and you were able to kick him off. His grip on the rifle was better than yours, so he took the rifle with him.

You rushed to the clone, helmet now knocked off, and wrestled the rifle away. You only managed to toss it aside. You focused on the clone, trying to get a hit on him. His training was worth it because he kept blocking you punches. Eventually he managed to flip your positions, pinning you to the ground with no hope of escape.

The clone gripped your wrists on either side of your head and held your bottom half down with his own weight.

“You can let me go and I won’t bother you again.” You bargained. “I was just looking to get paid.”

“You’ll be arrested as an enemy to the Republic.” He spat.

“I’ll do anything, jail isn’t in my plans.” You pleaded.

The clone stared down at you for a moment before releasing your wrists. He sat up, still holding you down given the position.

“My team may benefit from two sharpshooters on our next assignment.”

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that!” You agreed.

Anything to get out of jail time. Pretty boys in prison do not do well. The clone stood and retrieved his weapon. You stood timidly, hoping he wouldn’t change his mind and shoot you.

“This way.” He led you further into the trees.

You followed close behind and pondered if the other clones on his team were as abnormal as him. You’d met clones before, but this one was very different. He was a bit taller, a hell of a lot skinnier, and much more… snake like?

You approached a group of clones, or maybe not? They were all different, not exactly the definition of clones. One of them was a hulking behemoth of a guy, another was missing an arm. These couldn’t be clones.

They were, in fact, clones. Wrecker had super strength, Tech had enhanced intelligence, Hunter had above average senses, Crosshair had impeccable sharpshooting ability, and Echo acquired a number of cybernetic enhancements. But, still, clones. You found it odd, but a job was a job and jail was jail.

Hunter, the apparent leader, briefed you on the mission. An assault of a Republic refugee camp was being coordinated for next week. That left you a few standard rotations to spend with the group that called themselves The Bad Batch.

Most of that time was spent trying to outshoot Crosshair. He had you beat on natural ability, but you had the experience. Sitting in front of the target resulted in a victory for Crosshair, but an unpredictable practice round gave you the one up. There was one thing Crosshair would never be able to beat you at, holding a position. Camping a spot.

You held your spot until it was physically impossible, Crosshair was more mobile. Which meant that he had to get used to a new spot, while you had the advantage of already knowing all the angles.

Needless to say, your victories frustrated him. He was not used to being outshot. This particular training session was not going well for him. As usual, there were makeshift targets set up in the trees and Tech had programmed droids to walk around. You had taken out over half of the droids and a fourth of the targets. Crosshair had already lost. He had gotten frustrated a long time ago, and frustration did not do well for aim. He heard the rustling of leaves and looked over to see the tall clone jumping down from his perch in a tree. You gathered your things together and followed after him.

“You alright?” You called out.

He was a few yards ahead of you, walking uphill. He stopped in his tracks, clearly annoyed. You took a step back in precaution.

“Go away.” He spoke in a hiss.

You were going to do just that, but something made you stay. You walked a bit closer and rested a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off and turned to face you. His eyebrows were knitted together in anger and he looked ready to rip you in half.

“Look, Crosshair, I get it.” You raised your hands in surrender. “You’re having a bad day is all. It happens.”

“Every training session with you is impossible.” He seethed.

“Okay, so it’s me.” You nodded. “What can I do to help?”

“Go away.”

“That’s not gonna solve anything.”

Crosshair growled and took steps towards you. You matched his pace and backed away. You were stopped by a tree, and before you could move around it, Crosshair had a fistfull of your collar. You were pinned to the tree with a very angry clone trooper looking down at you.

“I’m sure we can work together, it’ll just take more time.” You reasoned. “We can-”

Crosshair had pressed his lips against yours. His hands moved to cup each side of your face and you felt the tenseness in him dissaperate. You hesitated for a moment before pulling him closer by the waist and kissing back eagerly.

“You’re distracting.” Crosshair mumbled against your lips after a separation.

“Sorry?” You guessed at an appropriate response.

Crosshair smirked and kissed you again, pushing you back against the tree. His hands moved up to your hair, grasping at what he could. You kept him close, a hand pushing him into you on the back of his neck. Your other hand began to trail downward, but a snapping stick made you both separate. With blasters poised you faced the source of the noise only to find Wrecker.

“Hey, guys!” He greeted. “Uh, Hunter sent me to find you because, uh, you’ve been gone for a long time.” He added a smile to the end of the statement as if there was something to be happy about.

Crosshair sighed and put his weapon away. He pushed past Wrecker and walked towards the camp. You and Wrecker stood there for a moment. You wondered if he’d seen anything.

“Hey, uh, Wrecker, can you guess why our training took so long?”

“Probably because you keep wiping the floor with Crosshair!” He answered excitedly.

“Exactly!” You encouraged.

Wrecker seemed very proud of himself as he turned around and went back towards camp. You let out a sigh of relief, getting caught making out with a clone would not be good for you right now. Crosshair probably wouldn’t be in good graces with the concept either.

#star wars #star wars clone wars #star wars clone wars x reader #the bad batch #the bad batch x reader #the bad batch x male reader #bad batch #crosshair #crosshair x reader #crosshair x male reader #crosshair x female reader #crosshair x gender neutral reader #x reader #x male reader #x female reader

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dietraumerei · 4 years ago

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Whumptober 2020 - 13, Falling

Okay! So today’s is...a little weird, so I’ll try to explain. I quickly got the idea that I wanted to write something SF, set in a space station, and on the heels of that, Aziraphale would get hurt falling, dared to do something by Crowley, comfort follows, etc. I pretty quickly got a first and last scene and was going to write them, and expand on it later.

Then I wrote some infodump text and that was already pretty long. I have written...a lot for this challenge, and kind of didn’t need another behemoth? (I’m literally typing this with my hand in a brace cos I’ve been writing so much, so something to kind of...tone it down...was a good thing!) So I figured I’d write a summary of a lot of what I knew would happen, and call it a day.

So that’s what this fic is, but also this isn’t what this fic is. I really want to take this setting and world and write something where Crowley falls in love with Aziraphale, but it won’t be the fic that’s summarized. First and foremost, because the thought of writing them as teenagers gives me hives. I am sure they are lovely teenagers, but I really, really love their middle-aged energy, and it’s absolutely going to be a story about two middle-aged people finding love and going to bed by 10pm every night and having that delicious ‘don’t give a fuck’ energy of a certain age. Crowley will still be intersex, Aziraphale will still be agender, and beyond that...*shrug*. Maybe the accident in this story will be part of one of their backstories, or what it results in will get split between them; I don’t know. I love writing disability rep, but I’m worried I’m starting to edge into making ‘is disabled’ a given character’s only trait. (Well, that might be a result of Whumptober; I’ll probably feel better about being able to tackle it later.)

So, yeah! Please enjoy this story, and know that there’ll be something like it someday, but not exactly it :)

From Bartell's Basic Encyclopedia:

Angel

A humanoid race, one of the founding members of the Sunt Omnes collective. Originating from the northern hemisphere of the planet Deus, they have spread across the galaxy, and have a particular skill in producing innovative new station designs. […] They are all born sexless, but generally settle into one of two sexes, male or female, as they go through puberty. It is not particularly unusual for angels to retain an agender identity. Although this was taboo in the past, social mores have shifted recently to accept it. […] Angels are stereotyped as proud, deeply formal, reserved, and value goodness as the highest virtue. […] Physiologically, their median height is in the 85th percentile for all bipedal humanoids, present a range of skin and hair colours, and low body fat percentage is common and highly valued. They have small wings, mostly in white or grey, that when folded, fall to the waist. Although useless for flight, they aid in balance and movement, and an intricate, highly-skilled form of dance features wing use far beyond what most angels can do.

Demon

A humanoid race, and the most recent to join the Sunt Omnes collective. Originating from the southern hemisphere of the planet Deus, they have all but abandoned their home planet, preferring to live in ecologies better suited to their biology. […] Demons have three sexes, represented roughly equally among the population: male, female and intersex. Intersex individuals have a wide range of sexual characteristics. Gender identity is fluid and experimentation is encouraged. […] Demons are stereotyped as clever tricksters, deeply artistic, and creative. They value survival at any cost, perhaps as a result of their diasporic history. […] Physiologically, their median height falls in the 80th percentile for all bipedal humanoids, and present in a range of body types, skin and hair colours. They are also notable for having vestigial scales, usually on their feet and along their spine, but some individuals may have different scale patterns. A few rare individuals are born completely covered in scales. Although they require additional medical care, they generally go on to live full lives. Demons have small wings that, when folded, fall to the thighs or the backs of the knees. When children, they're able to fly short distances, though generally they grow out of this, and use wings only for balance. Wing-grooming is a major aspect of friendships and love relationships, and decoration of their dark wings is an important form of personal expression.

From Ixchel's History of Station Lambda

...following the entry of Demons into the SU collective, tensions between the two races cooled. Aiding in this was a general movement away from Deus to other planets (for a minority of individuals) or space stations. Lambda was built specifically to house angels and demons, and this historic step was reflected in its design. A vast torus, it encircles a spherical engine that powers the rest of the station, from anti-grav and oxygen recycling down to carefully-controlled weather conditions in recreational and growing regions. A complete closed system, the shape of the torus was chosen for reasons similar to the story of King Arthur's Round Table – in this circular space, no one would be on top. Quarters are mixed, and are easily adapted to the preference of angels or demons. The second generation to be born on Lambda is thriving, with few to no reports of fighting between angels and demons. Intermarriage is rare, but grows more common each year, and cultural exchange is also growing more common. It has been hypothesized that this has contributed to the greater angelic acceptance of agender individuals.

Summary:

Crowley and Aziraphale are about 17, just about done with formal schooling and about to enter an apprenticeship; Crowley to work the gardens on the station, and Aziraphale to the archives. They know each other, and maybe Crowley has a tiny bit of a pash on the pretty angel, and maybe the angel is a little bit drawn to Crowley.

Crowley is intersex and uses the pronouns zie and hir. Aziraphale is femme-presenting, agender, and uses the pronouns she/her. They are both pretty unconcerned with sexuality as a whole.

It's common for teenagers to hang out at the gravity chutes that connect the living-space torus with the power source. The top of the connecting bridge has columns were gravity is weak or nonexistent, and play is possible. However, there are also exhaust fans, so playing there can be dangerous and is officially discouraged.

Crowley is good at doing tricks and playing about in the gravity chutes, and dares Aziraphale to do the same; she's a bit of a goody-goody, and Crowley wants to break that shell.

Aziraphale surprises hir by agreeing, and jumps down, having rather a lot of fun. She tumbles wrong, though, and half-falls out of the chute, plummeting to the ground. To make it worse, there's a discharge of heat, and she's very badly injured – shattered leg, broken arm, serious concussion, extensive burns, especially to one of her wings. Crowley's able to get down safely and rescues her and gets her to medical care.

Zie's not allowed to know exactly how Aziraphale is doing, other than she's in critical condition. Zie checks in regularly – critical, critical, in surgery, critical. Days later, she's downgraded to serious but stable condition, and she's awake, and Crowley can visit.

With arms full of roses, zie goes to visit, and learns more about Aziraphale's condition. They had to amputate her wing, and it's unclear if she'll make a full recovery, but they were able to save her leg and apply skin grafts to her burns. She's out of danger and will live, though, and Crowley just about doesn't have a breakdown right there.

Zie goes in and finds Gabriel, Aziraphale's brother, being nasty to her, and tells him off before he goes off in a huff. Aziraphale is a little bemused (and a lot heavily drugged), but loves the flowers and seems calmer and happier with Crowley there.

A friendship quickly grows between them, just as quickly turning into romance as Aziraphale gets better. They fall in love, and as soon as they're old enough (18), apply to move out and get their own home, together. It's a little hard still – Aziraphale may take years to fully recover, if she ever does, and she's got to finish her last year of schooling while Crowley goes into hir apprenticeship program. But there's good things too, dates and kissing and loving each other, the little victories as Aziraphale's leg heals enough for her to walk, the bigger victories as they both leave households where they're not really wanted, and get to live with someone who loves them. They're handling heavy things – Crowley is guilty that Aziraphale got hurt because of hir dare, Aziraphale is deeply annoyed by this because she decided to play in the gravity chute, and anyway Crowley saved her life. But they're also cute and in love and dorky and silly. There is a lot of teasing and goofing off, and Aziraphale being a pillow princess.

The final(?) scene is a date in the gardens where Crowley works, a picnic where Aziraphale can settle against an apple tree and eat plenty of goodies and Crowley can treat her and spoil her, the two of them cuddling in a garden. Not perfect, but so happy and so in love.

#whumptober2020 #good omens #ineffable spouses #my fic

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captainmeowvelwrites · 4 years ago

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You Times Two (Ch.1)

Pairing: Marinette/Ladybug | Adrien/Chat Noir Words: 4080 Summary: Ladybug knew this was necessary. She was the Guardian. He had the Cat Miraculous. But when his suit evaporated in a glow of pale green, she sure hadn’t expected him to have something far more precious: her heart. Cross-posted: AO3 and FFN

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | ...

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Chapter One

A Parisian night is many things.

Still isn't one of them.

Nor is silent.

And forget about dark.

At least, not from Ladybug's point of view. Air whistled past her eardrums, muffling the animated chatter from nearby eateries as she swept off steel lampposts, over puffing chimneys, across bustling streets.

With a graceful flip, her feet pecked the pavement just shy of the Pont d'Iena, the bridge that bowed before the Eiffel Tower. A nearby tween prodded her blonde friend, propelling an excited finger in Ladybug's direction. She sent them a smile and a merry salute, then launched off the pavement and onto the nearest lamppost.

The Seine River was languid as always, vivid city lights painting a blurry masterpiece upon its surface. Her reflection joined the canvas, a flurry of red as she zipped over the velvety water.

Just as she reached the Eiffel Tower, an array of lights burst to life upon its iron shell, sparkling like her living room at Christmas. At its peak, beacons shot streams of pale blue out into the night.

She pursed her lips, squinting up at the iron behemoth. It must've just hit nine o'clock, given the light display happened on the hour. She flicked up the screen on her yoyo. According to her Kitty Tracker, he hadn't moved. An uneventful patrol, it seemed.

Luck was usually in her favour, but she wasn't so sure this time around.

Chewing on her lip, she hurled her yoyo toward a nearby beam and began the familiar ascent. After a few leaps and swings, she was perfectly poised upon the russet brown fence that wrapped around the summit of the Eiffel Tower. The expansive view of Paris made it an ideal patrol point.

Chat Noir was perched upon that very same fence, gazing out at the shimmering sea of lights below. His cat ears perked up the second she appeared and in an instant, a smile split his lips. His torso twisted as he faced her from the waist up. "Why hello, Ladybug!" He threw his legs over the railing and onto the ground, his tail swaying behind him. The evening breeze tousled his hair as he bowed. "And here I was thinking the Eiffel Tower couldn't shine any brighter." He peered up at her from through his blond bangs, a glint in his eyes.

With a roll of her own eyes, she dropped from the fence. "Silly kitty," she giggled, shaking her head. "You didn't need to stand up just for me."

That only earned a wider grin from her partner, but she chose not to comment. Instead, she crossed her arms, propped them atop the railing and surveyed the city below. "Anything to report?"

With a sigh, Chat leaned against the same railing, mirroring her posture. "Other than a whole lotta nothing?"

She nestled her chin in her palm. "A quiet night, huh?"

"Very." He drummed his claws against the railing, the dull clink of metal meeting her ears. "Usually, I'd be itching for something to do, but after everything that happened last week…"

She hummed in agreement. "A little peace and quiet is a welcomed relief, that's for sure."

Silence washed over them. The whistles of the wind, the whirr of evening traffic, the occasional car horn; it all seemed louder in that moment of quiet.

Ladybug had grown accustomed to intermissions of silence here and there, spritzed amid banter and chit-chat on the evening patrols they sometimes shared. Usually, it wasn't awkward in the slightest.

In fact, it was calming.

But tonight was different, for there was a reason she'd interrupted his solo patrol.

She knew it. He knew it. And they were both eager for her to elaborate.

If only she could find the right words. Or rather, re-find them.

Like a dreaded school speech, she'd rehearsed this moment with Tikki all week. At least twenty times if her ever-patient kwami hadn't been teasing about keeping count.

It seemed silly, really.

Chat was her partner. She knew he'd bear no ill will over her decision. He rarely did. And on those odd occasions that she did upset him, he always bounced right back that very same day. So why was this so hard?

"Hey, LB?"

Her eyes shot his way, fingers digging into her palms.

"While we're on the topic of last week, there's… something I've been meaning to tell you." His voice was oddly soft, a tone he reserved for his rarely-seen serious moments.

Were those times all that rare lately? Sure, he still cracked puns and sent cheeky remarks her way, but he'd toned the flirting down tenfold. Goodness, he hadn't called her M'Lady in over a week—she almost missed it, a thought she would never give voice.

Chat's hand settled atop her fist, and her fingers relaxed beneath the comforting weight. She didn't miss the pair of green eyes that were now set on her, or the way thought hazed their depths.

He was gathering his words, she realised.

So she let him.

She turned to the sprawling metropolis ahead, glittering like a jewel that ought to be treasured and this time, she let herself enjoy the view, rather than survey it.

Maybe half a minute ticked by before Chat spoke up, his eyes fixed on the vast cityscape. "I know being Ladybug is hard work. You're under a lot of pressure every single day and there's almost no one you can talk to about it." Then he looked at her, his face softening. "And now that you're the Guardian too… well, I can't even imagine how much pressure you must be under." A smile formed on his lips. It was small and delicate, woven from solace rather than joy; it warmed her, calmed her, made her feel a little less alone in all of this. Just like the slightest squeeze he gave her hand, still beneath his own. "I guess all I want to say is that I'm here for you, always."

Tears throbbed behind her eyes as she tackled a wide-eyed Chat, and soon felt the comforting weight of his arms around her too. "I know you are," she whispered into his shoulder, voice breaking. "Thank you, Chat Noir."

Another silence drifted over them and this time, it was warm and calming and just like she remembered. Her arms around him, and his around her, might've had a part to play—not that they'd admit that aloud.

To her surprise, Chat was the one to end the embrace, complete with a strained cough into his right fist. Yup, something was definitely up with him lately.

Her arms twisted behind her back, while the front of her foot pressed back and forth into the ground, as though that'd smudge away her theories on why he's been so withdrawn.

A veil washed over his masked face, any traces of unease now replaced by a cheeky smirk. Cue the puns in three, two, one— "So, what brings mew here on this fine Parisian evening? At the tail end of my patrol, might I add." His back was against the railing, his palms pressing upon its iron top for support. "Something on your mind, LB? Or did you just miss this pawsome kitty?"

"Actually," she drawled, toying with one of her pigtails, "there is something."

Just like that, laughter faded from his eyes. "Oh?"

To Ladybug, the ground was suddenly very interesting. "I've been meaning to talk to you about it all week, but I just… I guess I don't know how to say it?"

"Well, sometimes there is no right way to say something." He placed his hands atop her shoulders, his soft smile making its way to his eyes. "Sometimes you just have to come out and say it."

"It's just that"—she glanced away for one thought-gathering moment—"I don't want to upset you."

"I can never stay mad at you, Ladybug." He winked. "You should know that by now."

A sigh slid from her lips, dispersing just a fraction of her nerves.

Well, here goes.

"This past week, I've thought a lot about my new responsibilities. I've been trying to figure out what kind of Guardian I need to be." She refocused her gaze on his own, and for a moment she felt like her suit had scattered from her skin, exposing the bumbling girl beneath. "Basically, there's one thing I know for sure. I need to keep tabs on the whereabouts of every Miraculous."

His eyes widened, so briefly she'd have missed it if she'd blinked.

"Are you saying that…"

She shied away from his gaze, rubbing her left bicep with her right hand. It took way longer than it should've to manage a measly nod. "I… need to know who you are."

"R-Really?" He shot upright, eyes twinkling, an ear-to-ear grin blooming on his face. "That – That's great!"

But his face fell when he took in her posture; the way her shoulders hunched, her stare rising no higher than his feet.

That's when he realised the reason for her concern: this would be a one-sided thing.

"Oh."

She turned away from that face – that deflated look she knew was coming – and brought a quaking hand to her chest. "I'm… I'm sorry, Chat. I don't have a choice."

His hand was on her shoulder, light as a leaf, and he carefully turned her to face him. "But you're the Guardian." He was smiling, but she was sure she'd caught his lips twitch. "Don't you kinda… y'know… make the rules? What if something happens to you?" He gripped both of her shoulders now, as though afraid she'd float away unless he held her down. "If no one knows who you are…"

She shook her head. "If I reveal my identity to you, there's no taking that back." Any certainty she'd had seemed to have thrown itself over the railing the second she'd seen that dang look on Chat's face. "I… I need more time. I need to be sure it's the right thing to do." She didn't even know who she was trying to convince at this point.

He eased a sigh through his nose, smiling gently. "I understand, Ladybug." This time, it was him who pulled her in for a hug, brief as it was. "You know I'll always support whatever decision you make." He held a hand up to his mouth and cleared his throat, half-hiding a smirk; she braced herself for what followed. "So"—he leaned well within her personal bubble, only for her to place a finger on his nose to push him right back out of it—"I should probably warn you, there's a very real chance you'll fall for my unrivalled charm and devilishly good looks."

Her smirk in that moment mirrored his own. "I doubt that'll happen, but thanks for the warning."

The spark in his eyes only proved he wasn't done. "Hey, we're a long way up,"—he shrugged with fake indifference—"and last I heard, ladybugs don't always land on their feet."

She held her nose high. "Well, Kitty"—laughter lined her voice—"I don't know what documentaries you've been watching, but I can assure you that this ladybug always lands on her feet!"

He leaned in close. "Remind me of how we met again?"

"Just drop the clown costume, Kitty Noir," she said, flicking his bell.

"As M—err, the lady commands."

When he glanced at his feet, pink pinching his cheeks, Ladybug wasn't sure if his stutter or the anticipation was to blame. In any case, he seemed to recover quickly.

Straightening to his full height, Chat exhaled a slow, shaky breath as his eyes scanned the summit of the tower, ensuring they were alone. "Okay," he said, more to himself than to her. "Here goes…"

Ladybug showed him a smile of reassurance. Inside, however, her heart thumped hard and fast, each beat echoing in her eardrums. He was her partner. Knowing who he was wouldn't change that. And off the top of her head, she couldn't even think of a guy she'd be disappointed to find behind the mask. At least, not from the list of guys who were actually kind enough to be—

"Claws in."

When his suit evaporated in a glow of pale green, she hadn't expected it to take her every coherent thought along with it. Her eye twitched. Or had that been her lip? At this point, she was almost convinced her everything was spasming.

If one compared her brain to a single thing in that moment, it would be the dreaded, ear-shredding sound of a struggling dial up connection. Or maybe a nuclear explosion, detonating in her brain, its shockwaves rattling around in her skull, turning its contents to complete and utter mush.

"Adrien Agreste," he announced with a bow, his lightly tanned hand flicking out with polished flare. Adrien peered up at her with those gorgeous green eyes, that stunning smile, his… his beautiful everything.

Returning to full height, his thick, silver ring – his Miraculous – caught the light of a few nearby wall lamps as he extended a hand. "Pleased to officially meet you, Ladybug." He nodded toward a black creature with round, bright green eyes, who'd nestled lazily across his shoulder, stretching like a lithe cat. "You've already met my kwami, Plagg."

At those words, Ladybug snapped out of her stupor, only to stumble straight into a string of stutters.

"… A… A… Adrien?"

She could've sworn she heard Plagg mutter something suspiciously akin to, "Here we go."

If her ears really hadn't been failing her, Adrien must've been ignoring the comment. All he had to say was, "Yup, that's me-ow!" before he glanced at his outstretched hand, then back to her, and his brows creased.

"You're… You're… You're Chat Noir…"

It was a statement, not a question—and it slapped her hard across her rapidly reddening face.

The line between his brows deepened as he gave his outstretched hand a lingering look, then dropped it to his side. His eyes sunk down and to his left. "Is… that okay?" A few seconds later, he dared to recapture her gaze, a ghost of a smile on his full lips. She could've sworn a hint of pink had crept across his cheeks.

Ladybug shot ramrod straight. "No! I mean yes! I mean – you're perfect. Uhh – This is perfect. Us together is perfect – as partners… who lime kite—crime fight!" She dropped her head and groaned, sure he could no longer tell where her cheeks ended and her mask began.

"So, uhh…" He bit his lip, his hand sliding behind his head to rub his neck. "From your reaction, does that mean we maybe… know each other?" His eyes gazed into hers, outshining every single light in the city around them.

"Know… each other?" The phrase floated from her lips, a direct contrast to the shrill squeaks of her next words. "What?! No!" Her hands slapped her cheeks as some sort of giggle-groan hybrid squeezed up her throat. "I just… I just snow – uhh – know you from the – err – modelling! I… I mean… the… you! You're a famous model, right?" Another giggle. "Your – Your face is all over Paris! I'd be crazy not to know you." Her chest tightened. "As – As a famous person, that is. Not as a real-life friend. I… I mean, not that you aren't my friend because you're Chat Noir and he's—you are totally one of my bestest friends and – and, technically we have met as Ladrien – erm – Adrien and Bug Lady—Ladybug!"

Adrien blinked twice. "So," he drawled, tilting his head, "we don't know each other then?"

"Yes!" In that moment, the white of her eyes completely encased her blue irises. "I mean no!" She gripped her scalp. "I mean – Yes, we don't know each other in real life!" Her arms slapped firmly to her sides as she glanced left and right, avoiding his gaze. "Err – Not that I could tell you if we did, but, well… I mean, that doesn't matter because I've totally never met you before as a pavilion—civilian!" She gripped her yoyo, desperate to busy her quaking hands. "And like I said, even if we glad—had, I could tell you – I mean, I couldn't tell you, but that doesn't matter because we never have—" She threw her hands in the air for added emphasis, only to regret it within a millisecond.

Out of the corner of her eye, something small and red went flying over the handrailing. And she was sure she'd glimpsed Adrien's and Plagg's green eyes follow the item when it had slipped from her hand and made its descent toward the ground far below.

Her eyes crept down to her hip, praying her clumsiness could spare her even a sliver of mercy tonight.

Alas, no such luck.

She looked up at Adrien and Plagg, revealing a pained grin. Maybe she was just seeing things, courtesy of her near-hyperventilation, and maybe – oh please, maybe – the thing Adrien and Plagg had been staring at had been nothing more than a pigeon.

"Ladybug, why don't I carry you down there to grab your—"

"NO!"

His eyes flew wide as she leaped back so swiftly she might've just broken the barrier of sound.

"I… I mean, no spank you!" Her life flashed before her eyes. "No thank you," she wheezed, clenching her eyes shut as though that would help force the words through her lips. "But – But I'll just – uhh – walk… down… the stairs. Because there's nothing spicer—nicer than a late-night troll—stroll down the Eiffel Tower." She swung her arm out in front of her and said, "Am I right?"

By the look on Adrien's face, it was clear her word vomit had his brain spinning with endless questions, but he must've realised asking them all now was a lost cause. That didn't stop him from asking her at least a couple, both currently relevant.

"But what if someone finds your yoyo before you do?" He rubbed his chin, watching her. "Could something bad come out of that?"

"Oh, that?" She waved a dismissive hand. "Pfft! Noooo! It'll be fiiiine! Even if shum run – fun lum – someone does find my toto before me, all I've gotta say is spots o—" A squeal shot from her mouth and she half-expected her suit to scatter in a flash of blinding pink. A single, frantic onceover assured her that that wasn’t the case, and she heaved a sigh. "Err – What I meant to say was… I'll just de-France – de-transform and I'll drab my yoyo back next chime!"

"Are… you sure you're okay?" He took a carefully placed step forward, reaching for her shoulder. "You seem—"

"I'M FINE!" Ladybug practically screamed, lunging out of his reach. His face dropped along with his shoulders and guilt twisted her stomach in knots. "Uhh… What I mean is… I'm just tired is all – uhh – but… but not too tired for a depressing—refreshing walk down Paris' tallest building!" She straightened, like something had captured her interest. "And—oh. I think I just – uhh – heard my earrings creep!" She tapped her right ear twice. "So I'd better – y'know – go." With a cough into her still-trembling fist, she shuffled toward the stairwell, past an elevator that – to her dismay – was not for public use. "Gue-Guess we'll chat later, Chadrien – Adrien!"

"Sure, I'll…"

Ladybug was already halfway to the stairs.

"… see you… at… patrol tomorrow…"

Only once she was on the stairs and out of earshot did Adrien glance at his kwami. "Plagg, did she seem a little… off to you?"

Plagg zipped off his shoulder to float in front of his face. "A little?" He snorted, waving a dismissive paw. "Now where's my cheese? I'm starving!"

Adrien shot him a look. "Really, Plagg? Ladybug just found out my secret identity and all you have to say is that you're hungry?"

"Starving, not hungry," Plagg pointed out, crossing his arms. "There's a difference, you know—" His green eyes lit up at the generously portioned, cream-coloured morsel now between Adrien's thumb and index finger, partly encased by a thick layer of rind.

Adrien flung it in the air and watched the way Plagg dove for his dinner, like some kind of wild animal. When it came to cheese that description really wasn't far off, if Adrien was honest.

The sound of desperate chewing was muffled by the myriad of thoughts that raced through his mind. He trudged toward the railing, opting for a more poignant view than a maze of iron bars. This time, when he leaned against the railing with criss-crossed arms, it was cool against his now-bare skin, and he shivered.

"You know," he said after a time, "I feel like she reminded me of someone." He tapped his chin, pursing his lips. "But I just can't figure out who."

If Plagg hadn't been floating, he might've just jumped. "Uhh, yeah," he stammered, whirling around Adrien to plop down on the railing. "She reminds you of Ladybug. Duh!"

Adrien shot Plagg a sideways glance, arching a brow. "Didn't you just say she seemed more than a little off?"

"That was before I savoured the deliciously potent delicacy that is Pont l'Eveque." He pressed his paws together, sighing wistfully as he stared out into the night. "I wasn't myself then," he whined, throwing his paws out in front of him for added emphasis. "And I make no sense when I'm hungry."

Adrien flashed a wry smile. "Don't you mean starving?"

Plagg shot his nose in the air. "The cheese is still digesting!" He scoffed. "Smart aleck."

Adrien rolled his eyes, chuckling.

"Seriously, though." Plagg hovered directly before his chosen. "I'm sure she's just tired – like she said!"

Adrien smiled weakly, and stared out at the concrete jungle that bustled below, where small cars weaved through lamppost-lined streets, their headlights illuminating the many pedestrians that dotted the sidewalks like ants. "Yeah," he eventually breathed. "Maybe you're right, Plagg."

---

Ladybug zipped down the narrow stairwell, two shaky steps at a time. The safety barrier that surrounded her, a criss-cross of metal wires, rattled at her fingertips, and the metal stairs clanked beneath her every stride, ringing out into the Parisian night.

"I'm calm," she chanted like a mantra, one she'd started maybe three hundred steps ago. "I'm calm. I'm calm. I'm completely calm. Irrevocably calm. Undeniably calm." Her tense body told another tale. "Like, if calm and composed could have a baby, I would be that baby." She balled her fists out before her, holding her chin up high. "I've got this. Yeah."

A thousand steps later and she was convinced she'd thrown the last of her luck over the ledge along with her yoyo. The elevator at the summit of the tower was for private use. And now the public elevator that joined the two observation decks to the ground was, of course, out of order. While that meant the Eiffel Tower was quieter than normal for a Thursday night, it also meant she had to continue the rest of her trek by stairs.

So naturally, she was now stuck behind a very slow – and very curious – tour group. They kept stealing backward glances at her, before whispering in their neighbour's ear. Something about a "fake in a cheap costume", she thought one person had said.

Any other night – literally any other – and she would've been all smiles and rainbows and unicorns.

Tonight?

Not a chance.

The only thing on her agenda right now was to get home stat. It was the only safe place for her imminent mental breakdown. And at this rate, she feared her frenzied thoughts would fire from her lips like a violent shockwave before she even reached the ground.

"Wow!" the tour guide – Francois, if she'd heard correctly – exclaimed with no preamble. "Look over there, folks!" He brandished a large hand, speckled with age-spots, at something past the wired barrier. "There goes one of Paris' superheroes, Chat Noir." The entire group skidded to an agonising halt, their gasps of awe and murmurs of excitement floating through the air. "We see him and the real Ladybug almost every day. The Eiffel Tower seems to be a favourite patrol spot of theirs—no doubt because of the marvellous view!"

A groan squeezed up Ladybug's throat as she slapped her forehead, and proceeded to drag that same hand down her steadily flushing face.

"I am. Completely. Calm."

#ml fic #miraculous ladybug #you times two #adrinette #marichat #ladynoir #ladrien

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phoenotopia · 5 years ago

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2019 December Update

The game is officially playable from beginning to end!

That battle has concluded...

Soon begins the war! But first, a brief reprieve for the holidays.

And I must throw in the usual caveats. We're still playtesting, we're still polishing, we still gotta get age ratings, more red tape, etc etc. And most importantly, we need to figure out the launch strategy. Think Megaman, charging his shot for 5 and a half years... We're not allowed to miss at this point. It has to HIT.

Luckily, we're in a relatively stable position where we don't have to rush the game out immediately. It's not LAUNCH or STARVE - it's... take some time to aim a little. We don't want to launch in the shadow of a bigger behemoth game, and we don't want to launch completely unknown either. We have to build up the game's media presence, which has been neglected so far. I know it's annoying to have to continue to wait... but please bear with us a little longer!

Here's what we've been doing for the past couple months.

---------- THE SCRIPT ----------

The script sits at over 80,000 words. I didn't realize the significance until a teammate told me that that's actually as long as a novel! I looked it up, and sure enough, it's a little longer than the first Harry Potter. But unlike Harry Potter, hardly any of these words are wasted on, pffft, narration. It's all juicy dialogue!

(Some of the game's golden nuggets of dialogue)

There was actually a lot of mundanity getting to the end. Pirate, acting as my editor, caught tons of errors and inconsistencies. One of the most recurring issues had to do with capitalization. I like to capitalize things, often inconsistently. Some common questions that arose:

Why is this text highlighted yellow, and this one highlighted blue?

Why is this monster name capitalized, but this monster not?

Why is this item capitalized, and this one not?

... and so on!

All very mundane issues, but all very necessary to tackle. And there was a TON of 'em. (em vs 'em was another thing we had to make consistent). I actually did some research to see what capitalization rules Zelda had. From what I could tell, when it comes to animals and monsters in the Zelda universe:

All monsters are capitalized

All regular animals are not capitalized

The Cuccos are special, and ARE capitalized

(a collage of Zelda pictures I assembled to study)

In the Zelda universe, all regular items are lowercase, but highlighted blue when mentioned in a quest context (e.g. "butter", "hylian wheat"). Items can be uppercase, if they are special named items (e.g. "Sheikah Slate"). We adopted similar rules as Zelda in some cases, and deviated in others. For instance, in the Phoenotopia universe, there isn't a clear distinction between animals and monsters - that fish monster is really just an animal that happens to be the alpha predator in its natural habitat. So most entities are lowercase, but "big deal" entities can be uppercase.

(we made a formal document to consult whenever a question regarding capitalization arises)

---------- A SAMPLING of QUEST AND CHARACTERS ----------

A lot of new quests have arisen in our great writing effort extending over the past several months. And with it, new characters, big and small. I'll tease a sampling of some of them here (warning: some light spoilers ahead):

My favorite new quest is undoubtedly our game's new "Trading Quest". This one takes inspiration from the Zelda series - the trading quest similarly has you roaming the world and its towns in search of needy people who desire a particular item. Deliver them the item they desire, and get a new item. Do this 10 times, and the ultimate weapon awaits you at the end.

I tried some things to vary up the formula. Some NPCs don't reveal what they need right away - steps have to be taken to get them there. It's also possible to go down the wrong route in the sequence, and have to double-back. We try to keep it interesting.

---------- LOOT PLACEMENTS & GAME BALANCING ----------

A great effort was also spent towards balancing the game this past 2 months. Because even one good healing item, easily obtained, can throw the game's whole difficulty off-kilter. And this same principle applies to other areas, like the money economy and player powerup options. Altogether, they form a very delicate ecosystem for enjoyment.

One of the recent things I did for this game was put down exactly where each heart ruby, energy gem, and moonstone could be found. And this was actually a rather involved process because you have a limited number of rewards to distribute (you wouldn't want the final max HP count to be a weird number like 297). Put too many rewards in the beginning, and the late dungeons would have no rewards to offer. Put too much in the end, and the inverse happens.

I found myself going back into earlier areas and plundering their rewards to fill the later areas. And then to ensure a relatively even spread of rewards within each area themselves, I drew crude maps of the dungeons & their reward spots, so that they could be studied from a bird's eye perspective.

But it was still not enough. With NPC quests and towns also taking up their own allotment of the rewards, I found myself running low on things to distribute. So I went back to the books and upped the number of rewards across the board. Before there were 44 Heart Rubies to collect - there are now 55. Before each Heart Ruby boosted your max HP by 5, but now each one now boosts your max HP by 4, so your final max HP count would still end up the same. It's kinda similar to what happened with Twilight Princess, where they broke with tradition and made 5 heart containers required to gain a new heart instead of the usual 4. Overall, the final tally for treasure to find is:

55 heart pieces

30 energy gems

108 moon stones

Who's crazy enough to collect them all?

---------- BADGES / ACHIEVEMENTS ----------

As one of the game's finishing touches, there's a menu for BADGES - they're this game's version of achievements. This is an ongoing task that we hope to stamp out this December. A few favorites of mine from the original flash game will return ("Pillow Connoisseur" is among them).

(The menu looks like this before any badges are earned)

I allocated slots for just 33 badges, so we're selecting the badges very carefully. We got rid of most of the fluffy ones that appeared in the flash game - we wanted to reduce the number of badges that you would earn automatically for just playing the game (so no more "1st boss", "2nd boss", "3rd boss" achievements). We're aiming for a healthy mix of easily earned badges, hard earned badges, collectathon badges, secret fun badges, and so on.

The badges have another twist - they bear miniaturized portraits of characters from the game! In the initial brainstorm mockup phase, I wasn't really fond of the badge designs. You got a medal of a heart because you collected some hearts, and you got the medal of a moonstone for collecting moonstones, etc. It just seemed so... expected.

(various badge mockups)

How could we engage the players on a more fun and deep level? The idea came - what if we attached pictures of the people you meet on your journey? And these people's stories and character would have a connection with the achievement? That could keep the player guessing which character would come attached with an achievement, or even reveal a hidden detail about the character you didn't know.

---------- MUSIC ----------

Will has just one more task to do. And that's to recut the song for the trailer. One of our other goals for this December is to make a really good trailer... again. There's actually 2 other trailers we cut and never made public for reasons. Maybe I'll talk about them one day in the post-mortem.

Since this may be the last conventional update, we wondered with which song to best leave the audience. And we decided that the most suitable song is "Sanctuary". It's a song that the player will often encounter often when they happen upon a quiet resting place in the world.

There's a little story behind this song. Two and a half years ago, I linked Will the Earthbound song, "Buzz buzz's prophecy", and told him, make a song like that!

In response, Will made "Sanctuary".

Give it a listen HERE. What do you think? Did Will hit close to the greats?

---------- FAN ART ----------

Three fan arts have come in the last couple months. I display them here proudly:

Another submission by Cody G! Gale looking shy as she flashes the V sign for the camera. I like how Cody G's art is continually evolving. Note the additional detail on her eye, and how her hair is drawn extra fluffy. Very nice!

Shafiyahh is another consistent contributor, and made one in the spirit of Halloween. I really like their costumes! Gale as an angel, and Lisa as a demon, fittingly captures their relationship, since Gale is the responsible one and Lisa is the troublemaker. So cute!

A contribution from a new artist, Negativus Core! Wow, Gale looks so bada-- here! We often forget about Gale's tough side due to the cutesy graphics. This is probably how her enemies see her. And the gummy (slime) is a cute touch!

---------- FINAL NOTES ----------

Similar to last year, this will be the last update for a while. If things run too slow, I'll post a status update come end of February 2020.

It's possible, and this is a BIG IF, that something notable happens sooner than expected - like we're going to a con or we have reason to drop the trailer sooner than later. If so, this blog will update earlier than expected. BIG IF. Otherwise, it's end of February till next you hear of us.

The game's development has reached a new uncharted territory. We're going to take the time and figure out exactly what our next steps are. In addition, we'll still be doing some playtesting and script polishing. And we'll be taking a break too. It is the holiday season, things move kind of slow around this time of year. We'll enjoy the company of our family and friends.

Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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theorynexus · 5 years ago

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68 will be my second post, this morning. I wonder if it will start section 8 of the Meat Epilogue.

Oh darn it. I forgot to make a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy/Meaning of Life reference on Meat 42. At least we’re back to a 43, and things might therefore be luckier. Maybe. (I am very silly when it comes to superstitions regarding numbers, sometimes, even though I don’t really believe them.)

MY TIMING SENSES WERE TINGLING!!!

Hmm. Well, strategy meetings and investigations are important. (Also: I am again reminded of the dreadful likelihood that Terezi went with Dirk, which continues to be a disturbing thought.)

Hmm. For some reason, I have the impression that he does indeed have a vague idea where he’s going, but he may not actually know where/how to find it, yet. That seems pretty likely. Thus, Roxy would be partially correct. (On that note: Interesting that Jake didn’t actually come with. I thought for sure he’d have snuck aboard at the last moment, or something, as a stow-away.)

Eh, I’d say it goes a little beyond “prove a point,” but it’s also probably incomprehensible to you, right now. I guess we’ll all have to be patient before we can more thoroughly sort through his insanity in that regard. As for Jane... I don’t know. It might be more trouble than it’s worth to contact her. The fact that Dirk has her as a seemingly important part of his plans suggest that it could essentially be springing a trap on yourself. I wonder how she’ll react to finding out that Dirk’s been mind controlling people and that that probably invalidates the actual results of her election, in the sense that it dramatically undermined the democratic process. (That is a really complicated issue that is somewhat entangled with real life politics, though, so I don’t want to get into a deep and proper discussion of what determines electoral legitimacy on a philosophical or political level here.)

It is a very interesting choice on Alt!Calliope’s call to focus on incestuous questions and Dave being awkward, rather than to follow tat important call.

Dirk is so twisted at this point that I’d almost not put it past him, but at the same time, why, Dave, do you have to assume that the motivations are sexual in nature? (I mean, honestly, it could be the fact that Dirk was trying to force him to have sex with Karkat that gave him the impression that Dirk was [and he is, but maybe not to that extent] way too carnally-minded and motivated.) Honestly, Dirk’s head is way too concerned with philosophical matters, and if anything he’s probably going to make a clone of himself to have sex with or something stupid like that, if he REALLY has to engage in some sort of tension-releasing copulation that isn’t masturbatory in the way that having sex with someone you’ve brainwashed and twisted into being your personal object of amusement is. Therefore, I juuust can’t quite see Dirk having sex with Rose/her new robot body. (Gosh, I hate that I feel compelled to address this.)

I honestly quite agree with Karkat, and now understand a little bit more about why our focus strayed where it did--- though it would have been nice to receive some sort of narration to indicate that. And yes, it’s sad that Kanaya’s being put on hold, I guess. A little bit. (Not really. I understand politicians in places of power can get quite busy, and it may not even be Jane’s decision to have her on hold... though if it is, I can most certainly affirm that that is quite rude.)

I mean... to be fair, Karkat, it’s rooted in biology. Humans not having a Mother Grub means that the don’t have a natural means to reduce the genetic load that would be caused by related populations interbreeding and therefore dangerously duplicating genes. Thus, it is not actually arbitrary, which I am sure you would know if you had spent a bit more time acting like the “geneticist” your troll handle suggests you happen to be (yes, I know it means to refer to his ectobiological frog wrangling/recombination; even so, the point stands).

I take it that Karkat’s dejection about the election has kept him a bit preoccupied and out of the loop, lately.

This is horrible (Karkat’s part, I mean). Roxy’s new new outfit sounds like something I would be very interested in seeing fan art of. A pink-looking slightly more effeminate Dave look sounds aesthetically striking (and I’m not even a fan of pink). But yeah, good on her for not giving up in frustration for people confusing them, I guess. ***shrug***

And we return to this awkward and slightly funny subject. Considering it was not resolved last time, I guess that’s reasonable. (Some day, maybe I’ll write a post analyzing Roxy’s trans-iness and/or how they/he seems to have been affected by those around he/them in his/their path to figuring it all out. This sort of issue is always a bit difficult to properly tackle without raising some people’s hackles, so to speak, though, so I am not sure if I’ll end up doing it. Regardless, it’ll have to be quite some time in the future, should I do so, after I’m at least done reading both sides of the epilogues. I’m sure Roxy’s interactions with John will have some important light to shed on the matter.) It’s sortof nice that Dave and Roxy can joke about this without it becoming too uncomfortable (apparently) for either of them.

... Is revealing this something they’ve discussed before now? I mean, doing this in front of friends and family could be sortof... bad for things between them, if Karkat’s still trying to figure out how he feels about it and whether he wants to press on vs throttle back? I mean, just calling each other boyfriends is not something either of them were comfortable with, and just because Dave is now doesn’t mean Karkat necessarily will be. I dunno. I feel conflicted on the matter, despite the fact that it is on the border of being cute.

Yeah, see, this is what I meant: Awwwwkwaaard.

Yeah, it definitely did serve as a good distraction, at the very least. ~~~ Jane either not knowing or not being willing to tell (we’ll have to wait for a perspective shift to her to be certain) is no surprise.

Gah. FINALLY. If Roxy weren’t such a Void-y ball of fun, everyone would have known this for some time, by now. (Also: This is another reason why I am quite certain that Dirk was responsible for at least the way that John died. He didn’t want him to be a threat to him. [I wonder, though: will Candy John potentially pose that problem, in the future, given the fact that he will likely be able to traverse the two different timelines, should he become aware of them? Heck, this could be the reason why one had to die in the first place. Or one reason.])

This is what you get when you A S S U M E. Also, Terezi would really be useful due to her Seer powers in particular.

Well. That is a useful compromise. Good on you for finally figuring something out to bridge the gap between your morals and Dirk’s amorality. (Also, that presents interesting potential conflict in the future, insofar as there might be a point where Calliope has to decide whether to allow them to take Jade with or not.)

Has little Timmy fallen down a well? O: <

This is funny because it’s like that one time where Jade was sleeping and Dave couldn’t get in touch with her. That time his weird fursona came up. Tightest butt in the jungle, or some stupid nonsense like that.

Dave is smarter than Dirk would give him credit for, calling him the dumbest of the Stralondes, by the way.

Not only do they need one of his ships, but it is quite reasonable to assume that they might be able to entice him to follow with them to where Dirk is going. This is a potentially dangerous gambit, like bringing Gamzee along anywhere, but I think it could pay off in the end. I think that, as I suggested earlier, Jake’s probably going to be the one to end up killing Dirk, in spite of all the underestimation that and horrific invective that had been directed his way. In all honesty, this would really seem to be the direction that Jake’s been being pushed in all along, considering all the failed opportunities to interject him into a place of importance in the story.

Considering his level of devotion and love for Dirk, now, he very strongly reminds me of that one old clown story that AH wrote... the one where the clown was never able to pull himself away from the service of his abusive, evil master. I bring that up specifically to suggest that Jake WILL succeed, however. I believe that, counter to the example that I just cited, and contrary to all of the deterministic forces that Homestuck has seen in play, the power of Hope will be what is necessary to do the impossible. A Page has a long, pain-filled story arc, but when it finally blossoms into the great behemoth that its seed of potential suggested it was from the very beginning, amazing things can happen. A Page of Hope is perhaps one of the most potent Classpect-endowed figures that Paradox Space could conjure up. I have come now to see that this turn on Dirk’s part was probably planned from the beginning, as was the fact that Dirk’s abandonment of him was likely meant to be the catalyst for the eventual realization of Jake’s full potential. Obviously, this will not likely happen in the near future, much to our short-term misfortune. Dirk, if you ever see this, know your folly: Jake English is just the force you would need to break free of the shackles of the reality you live in--- if only you believed in the him that believes in you. Instead, your Rage will consume you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this dramatic comedy.

Honestly... this is great. From a writing stand-point, this is excellent. The decision to have Dirk drag Terezi along brings more significant stakes to things and drama for the future, especially with the fact that we DO know that he can be brought back to life, now, despite Dirk’s statement to the contrary. Despite all of my pathos earlier, the way this story (the story of Homestuck) is ending is actually getting me excited and washing away the scars that came from the darkest hour of the path previous. I really like the mechanic of Dirk having reality warping powers and Alt!Calliope being able to counter them, but only in close proximity. With the speed of his ship being a factor, especially, this sets up for some really interesting potential action in the further development of the story, as well. That Hussie was able to so masterfully navigate these emotional waters and string me along to this point was brilliant too. In sum: WOW, GUYS, I’M PUMPED!!! ... But... while this would actually serve as an excellent, fully complete and enticing epilogue in and of itself, the fact remains... there is yet more. Not only in the Postscript, but in Candy. This throws many spanners into the works, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about all that! If this weren’t Andrew Hussie we were talking about, I would be incredibly afraid that what is to come would throw everything off and make the eventual follow-up in Homestuck^2 (which I know he’s at least directing, though he’s not quite as involved in the story as he was in Homestuck, apparently?!) potentially quite messy and of a much lesser quality than I might expect. Given this IS Andrew Hussie we are talking about, however, I actually am quite confident that eventually, it will work out splendidly, and raise his literary accomplishments to even greater heights. Though... I am filled with a bit of trepidation. That “eventually” will be so far in the future. ***laughs awkwardly*** ... Buuuuutttt there’s still more left, even on this page, so I had better get to that. ...

It is very interesting that she’s been enveloped in that blanket of space so thickly and constantly that she’s come to find it comforting. That said: How is it possible for her to withdraw and still let narration continue, supposedly without source or accountability, as she states? Is this meant to suggest that the passive forces of Paradox Space will naturally fill in the gap if there is no one manning the ship, so to speak? This feels a bit unlikely, considering the lack of content for years of the characters’ lives, and Dirk’s suggestion that “God had abandoned them,” or however the heck he put it. This is all veerrry curious, indeed. (I do like her commentary on narration. A lot.) ~~~ Woooooo!!!~ It’s really nice to finish this at-- Dangit, time, why do you have to keep ticking into the future?! Well, even though it’s not 3:14, anymore, it’s still very nice to finish the Meat Epilogue on 02/02/2020. :’)

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happymetalgirl · 4 years ago

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May 2020

Umbra Vitae - Shadow of Life

Converge frontman Jacob Bannon is so impressively artistically prolific, sometimes to his own detriment, that I am hardly surprised by the arrival of and results of Shadow of Life, a more death metal-oriented project that still has Converge’s DNA all over it. Still teeming with wild hardcore energy, Shadow of Life is really not all too different in approach from any of Converge’s most direct work, Bannon pulling from a different elemental this time. The project’s brevity works in its favor, but despite being so short, it feels quickly exhausted of its creativity. Converge is made great largely by the dynamic of the band’s direct metalcore aggression and the variety of curveballs they throw in, but Umbra Vitae reduces that to the raw aggression that sure hits hard, but becomes easy to predict after not too long.

6/10

Havok - V

So it’s not as good as Conformicide, but Havok still deliver the goods on their unfortunately unimaginatively named fifth LP. The band’s Megadeth-esque brand of politicallly charged thrash shredding certainly comes at a particularly apt time and the riffs they deliver indeed sound inspired and the performances ripe with frustrating at the various systems that got us to this seminal moment in history. David Sanchez’ piercing, throat-grating screams are as fierce and fiery as ever and impressive in how quickly he’s able to rattle some of his lines off, and the rest of the band remain tight and cohesive across the album’s eleven experience-crafted thrash tunes. Compositionally I feel like there aren’t as many individual high points within songs that made so many tracks on Conformicide such ferocious bangers, but the band certainly still show themselves to be a good few leagues above average when it comes to writing potent thrash. Where I wish the album went harder was the lyrics. Granted this came out right at the beginning of May, before the killing of George Floyd, and was probably recorded and written before if not early on in the pandemic, but it still feels like it could have gone for more than just the usual targets. I appreciate the band’s tackling of the crisis of credibility of modern media on “Post-Truth Era”, their explicit condemnation of the United States’ unhinged military bullying overseas on “Merchants of Death”, and their acknowledgement of the bias/lies of retelling of history by the powerful and how the lies get bigger over time, but I wish the band were this precise and cutting most of the time on this album because so much of its lyricism is super vague, sometimes in a kind of non-comittal way. The song “Fear Campaign” points out the various ingredients in a fascistic rise to authoritarianism happening right now, but it never moves beyond the usual thrash tropes of distrust of government and corporate media. Meanwhile songs like “Don’t Do It” speak just a bit too generally of social despair to pack much of a lyrical punch, while the lyrics to the track “Phantom Force”, whole not particularly offensive, just repetitive paranoid gibberish. It’s not directly related to the music, but it doesn’t help that the band, who have built their identity so heavily on musical political commentary have been rather quiet in the wake of George Floyd’s death and the sharp heightening of the volatility of the political climate. You could argue it shouldn’t impact their music, but it does suggest that they’re intentionally trying to maintain a level of ambiguity in their railing against the system that will allow anyone to read their own ideology into certain crevices, an approach to artistic sociopolitical critique that isn’t really right for this time. Despite that criticism, I still quite enjoy this album for its continuation of the hypercharged thrash the band has been doing so well.

8/10

Green Carnation - Leaves of Yesteryear

Joining the ranks of recently reawakened bands, Green Carnation returns from their fourteen-year slumber with a five-track slab of their trusty slightly gothic/doomy prog and for the most part it goes pretty well. The band’s performances are solid and it sounds like they never even left. The album likes to sway between melancholic (but not entirely hopeless) forms of gothic sorrow and slower classic heavy metal forms of inspiring melody much like Khemmis, Spirit Adrift, or even Pallbearer. I’d say the opening title track is the example most rife with sweet guitar melody that hits this spot well, and while the rest of the album isn’t a drastic drop in quality, the band definitely hit with their best shot first, and overall make a pretty worthwhile comeback.

6/10

Vader - Solitude in Madness

The Polish death metal icons are on their twelfth album now and at this point for them it’s just a matter of proving to themselves that they’re worthy of their status as aforementioned icons of the genre. At this point their solid and consistent discography speaks for itself and justifies the band’s similarly consistent approach. While never being one for overly lengthy projects, Vader’s twelfth is one of their shortest projects to date, not even breaking the half-hour mark, but making great use of its brief runtime nonetheless with vibrant, pummeling performances and just enough compositional dynamic to bring out the quality in everyone’s performances. Sure it’s kind of predictably direct, but that has been Vader’s MO for decades and it continues to deliver ripe, juicy organic death metal, so I’m fine with them not changing their style up with how well they can consistently conjure a half hour or so of sufficiently exciting and potent death metal. What they decline in stylistic evolution they continue to make up for in raw, experienced, and expressive performances, and Solitude in Madness is just another example of it.

7/10

Chaos over Cosmos - II

Dazzling with proggy guitar technicality again on this quick response to last year’s EP, Chaos over Cosmos take another diversion on the vocal front, with the vocals on this album being both much less present and more predominantly unclean. The third track “One Hundred” is probably the standout cut of the four tracks here, layering on the synths and the whispered passages between space-traversing guitar leads. I still think the band could work on making the production a little more crisp and the compositions maybe a little more frequently injected with flair, but I definitely think they’re on the right foot going forward.

6/10

Witchcraft - Black Metal

Going the route of Thou on Inconsolable, Swedish doom occultists Witchcraft bust out an entirely acoustic album quite fit in its ultra depressing tone for these ultra depressing (or enraging) times. Taking such a minimalist approach does pose a bit of a gamble for any band used to a more bulky instrumental arsenal on the make-up-less appeal of the performances at the core of their ethos. Thou absolutely nailed it, and I’d say that Witchcraft are pretty successful here as well, for just how committed to potent acoustic depression Black Metal is. It’s a bit heavy handed at some moments, but for the most part it’s a well-measured half hour of candid sorrow at a rather fitting time for it.

7/10

Tortuga - Deities

I feel like at this point, I’ll give any band points for playing stoner doom and only half sounding like a Black Sabbath rip-off, and Tortuga definitely earn those points. This album actually released on the first day of the new year, but I didn’t hear about it until now, and I figure it’s worth propping up. Deities is the Polish outfit’s sophomore full-length after their eponymous debut in 2017 (which I also missed of course), and it is definitely a breath of fresh air for the genre it represents. Relying not on monotonous Iommi-imitation to carry otherwise thin compositions, Tortuga follow their own uniquely ambient approach to the genre that focuses more on building a dense atmosphere and mood with the thick, hazy guitars and rumbling bass lines than on numbed, bong-worshipping psychedelia. We get a few of the other staple elements of the genre: wild effects-pedal psychedelia, lyrics about mythical Lovecraftian monsters, and audio samples of old-timey Christian fundamentalist preachers fear-mingering about drugs; but none of it sounds contrived or unoriginal. Deities sounds like if Dopethrone-era Electric Wizard had a little more atmospheric dynamic and less on-the-nose Sabbath worship. Granted the vocals on Deities aren’t as fuzzed the fuck out and the bulk of the album is not dedicated to pissed-off, drugged-out, gargantuan heaviness, but it sure is a solid album in the path it walks for itself.

8/10

...and Oceans - Cosmic World Mother

Despite checking all the productional and stylistic boxes for a modern death metal record, Cosmic World Mother offers not very much in the way of anything compositionally or aesthetically unique or exciting. It feels almost like it’s just embodiment of the Emperor/Behemoth-inspired wing of the genre as a hive mind just on autopilot. The band crank out a few brief highlight motifs here and there, the occasional epic pairing of synthetic strings and tremolo-picked guitars, but most of the album is (while competent, no doubt) pretty one-note and predictable in a way that really only becons repeated listens to make sure you’re really sure you’re not missing anything from the homogeneous blend of songs together you remember from your last attempt to stay attentive through it.

6/10

ACxDC - Satan Is King

After a long road to their debut album back in 2014, grindcore stalwarts ACxDC finally follow up with a worthy sophomore effort this year, during which time Full of Hell have happily risen to the occasion on at least two stellar modern grindcore full-length (as loaded of a term as that is for grindcore) releases. But the L.A. quartet is back and quite fired up in the midst of the sociopolitical turmoil that we’ve all been submerged in. While more traditional in its instrumentation, not as laced with industrial noise elements as Full of Hell’s music tends to be, ACxDC captures a similarly powerviolence-adjacent thrashing intensity and the band do not take their foot off the gas at all throughout the 23-minute affair. The guitars blare with a shout all their own and chug with the kind of mechanically smashing crunch found in modern death metal, the drums and the bass lines are never over-the-top in terms of speed or technicality with the band opting more often for synchronized hardcore punches than grinding through blast beats, which probably puts this album deeper into powerviolence territory than I initially let on. And Sergio Amalfitano’s vocals shift from intense death howls and growls to fast-paced blackened hardcore shrieking with respectable fruidity, probably not as erratically as Dylan from Full of Hell, but certainly quite capably. I’ve been turning to a lot of intensely aggressive and violent metal in these infuriating times, particularly grindcore, and Satan Is King has been a solid addition to that alongside the new WVRM and Caustic Wound albums.

8/10

Old Man Gloom - Seminar VIII: Light of Meaning

The prequel to the band’s previously released full-length this year (Seminar IX: Darkness of Being) finds them in an even more esoteric vein than what they were in back in March. Oscillating between Sumac-esque sludge (which Aaron Turner’s vocals make those parts of the album featuring them all the more uncannily similar to) with subtle experimental flair and more modern-Mastodon/Isis-esque sludgy post-metal to full-on noise music experimentation, the band’s “eighth” “seminar” at the very least makes for a dynamic and interesting listen. Some of the band’s exhibitions in certain styles don’t really do much convincing for their branching off into those directions; some of the noise passages feel kind of like waiting at a traffic meter for a more invigorating portion of the album to kick in, as do some of the less-imaginative sludgy sections. But for what the collective do with their array of experiences, influences, and artistic instincts they come through with more hits than misses, I’d say. The longest track on the album, “Final Defeat” is impressively cohesive in its amalgamation of so many sonic elements. though the subsequent and similarly lengthy “Calling You Home” is an example of the other side of that coin, dragging and uneventful. It’s worth at least a cursory listen for its eccentricity alone, it may vibe with you even more than me, if not, at least it’s an interesting meeting of various creative minds in the post-metal sphere.

7/10

Xibalba - Años en Infierno

Offering an especially weighty slab of sludgy/doomy death metal with some tasteful streaks of hardcore and sludge metal mixed in to the dense swirl, Xibalba bring slow-churning, bulky death metal to the conversation of the various injustices and catastrophes of this year, and the band’s hardcore energy and knack for pummeling rhythms in that vein are exactly the kind of pissed off that such an album as Años en Infierno needs. And that hardcore compositional approach and/or mindset means that Años en Infierno is no homogeneously sluggish record; Xibalba pick up the tempo for rapid-fire hits of deathly hardcore punches and slow down to wind up for devastating finishing blows all with magnificent smoothness. Whether trudging through thick, filthy riff sludge like a massive beast stomping its way through a knee-deep muddy battlefield on slow burners like “La Injusticia” and the doom-laden “El Abismo, Pt. 1” or like that same muscular hulk sprinting on dry land on songs like “Santa Muerte” and “En la Oscuridad”, Xibalba are an organic, brutish force in all the ways I like my death metal and hardcore to be, at the same time.

8/10

Behemoth - A Forest

Named after the cover of The Cure’s “A Forest”, Behemoth’s EP-sized mark on 2020 is ultimately a mild one. Intended clearly to show a more eccentric side of the band with the theatrically tortured guest vocals from Niklas Kvarforth of Shining, the band’s cover of the titular track is really not all that wild for a band who came up from raw shitty black metal roots and traversed their way through blackened death metal to the biblical glory of The Satanist; the band have already shown their vast capacity for branching out from and expanding death metal and black metal, and this cover of The Cure happens to be just a more clumsy, rather than illuminating, display of that ambition. It’s not a terrible cover or a poor representation of Behemoth’s ambition, but I don’t think it’s quite the grand statement the band is making it out to be. The same can be said of the redundant inclusion of the live cut of the cover song. As for the other two tracks on here, “Shadows ov Ea Cast upon Golgotha” (which kind of drags and meanders with no real direction) and the more fast-paced “Evoe” (which is at least a lot more fastinstrumentally vibrant), both are solid enough cuts that sound very well like they could have come from the I Loved You at Your Darkest sessions, though not surprisingly notably below par for that course, much less the high bar of The Satanist, which ultimately makes this kind of a benign addiction to Behemoth’s catalogue.

6/10

Helfró - Helfró

This actually came out in April, but I’m late as it is so what the hell, hailing from the small, but mythic black metal scene of Iceland, Reykyavík’s Helfró make quite the standout statement with their self-titled debut record here. At a modest thirty-seven minutes, Helfró is a stinging and searing, but also impressively aggressively balanced display of black metal and blackened death venom. The guitar riffs are sharp and cutting when they need to be and also quite full-bodied while able to keep up with the high-flying tempo set by the double-bass-blast-beat drumming to capture the delirious hysteria of . The band takes their attack from the icy piercing of mountaintop blizzards of speed and distorted dissonance to fiery rumbles of hellishly low guitars and demonic bellows of damnation, and all with such control and gracefullness; I am all for it! This is a hell of a debut record and I will certainly be looking for more from Helfró to come.

8/10

Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

After being completely put off by the band’s self-titled album a couple years ago, I have not returned to Asking Alexandria at all since then, until now with Like a House on Fire. Honestly, I was kind of expecting some sort of response from the band after such a light and messy album to prove to people like me that they can excel with heavy music still, and I mean the only way to go was up after the catastrophe that was the band’s self-titled album, right? Well I was wrong in the kind of response the band came through with; doubling down instead on their departure from metalcore, Asking Alexandria go all in on pop rock and arena rock in a way that I suppose constitutes a mild improvement, but not a justification for their doubling down. The band bit off way more than they could stylistically chew as they clumsily try to chameleon their way into several styles of pop rock. The class consciousness anthem “They Don’t Want What We Want (And They Don’t Care)” and the alternative metal power ballad “In My Blood” offer a brief glimmer of hope for some vital, conscious arena rock for the album, but the shitty motifs and writing decisions don’t take long to follow. With its gratingly annoying vocal riff, “Down to Hell” sounds like a rejected 2000’s Shinedown song (or a 2010’s Shinedown song). “I Don’t Need You” is a glam rock ballad brough to the 21st century with a knock-off-Halsey feature before “Take Some Time” comes through with more annoying vocal wooing. If not outright awful, Like a House on Fire is most often just aggravatingly wash-rinse-repeat boring and banking on current pop rock trends that Asking Alexandria don’t even have a great handle on. Danny Warsnop’s clean vocals and uncomfortable attempts at coming across sultry are especially hard to listen to, as are the completely out of place and unmeshed EDM elements that pop in and out of various tracks. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Bring Me the Horizon’s last album’s blatant pop campaigning, but holy shit at least they were competent and showed they could handle the variety of styles they implemented. Asking Alexandria are clearly trying a similar angle here but they’re not capable of mimicking Shinedown and Imagine Dragons better than either of those bands, and that’s saying something.

2/10

Revenge - Strike.Smother.Dehumanize

Coming up among all the great new grindcore I’ve been finding these past few months, Revenge bring a distinct blackened edge to the brutish force of grindcore and powerviolence. While a pretty effectively churning grind of manic drumming, chaotic bass lines, and jagged guitar galloping, Strike.Smother.Dehumanize is one of the more homogeneous grindcore records I’ve heard this year, spiced up mostly by the artificially low-rumbling toilet bowl growls (that do lose their novelty before the album’s finish) and the consistent individual flair brought by each members’ performances. But compositionally, the band doesn’t really abide by much more than the usual grindcore mantra of constant intensity, but at that it sure is successful.

7/10

Bleed from Within - Fracture

The fifth album from Glasgow’s Bleed from Within brings such a pedestrian and unambitious of a forty-two-minute offering of melodic metalcore as seemingly possible. It’s just like the definition of a baseline, C-grade performance with passable performances of predictable resortings to of metalcore’s most trodden out tropes; like I saw the opening track’s title, “The End of All We Know”, and I knew exactly how that chorus was gonna go before I even heard it. For its few sick breakdowns like those on “Pathfinder” and “Utopia”, there’s just so much more filler generic metalcore (and some completely unsatisfying breakdowns too) to get through. I’ll give Ali Richardson credit for coming through with some impressive double-bass syncopation that sometimes breaks from the metalcore mold to give the music som brief flashes of being more than ignorable metalcore, and I’ll acknowledge the considerable gusto of Scott Kennedy’s vocal performance across the album as its most consistent positive feature, but it’s not enough to make me eager to return to Fracture as a whole or even throw any tracks into my workout playlist.

5/10

Okkultokrati - La Ilden Lyse

In their prolific first decade or so of action, Okkultokrati have done a decent job injecting grimy hardcore crust punk and a head-turning variety of other styles into the kvlt black metal of their Oslo hometown. After nearly four years of crafting since their most aesthetically ambitious effort to date, Raspberry Dawn, La Ilden Lyse is a bit of a regressive and stylistically reductive letdown after its lush and fascinating predecessor. The production of the black metal elements is much cleaner now, but the trade-off isn’t worth it, especially given that the fuzzier production of the previous albums kind of partially contributed to the unique aesthetic the band cultivated. I don’t know what the point was of going more traditional/typical this time around, but the band certainly aren’t making a stronger case for themselves by blending in MORE with their contemporaries. I hope this is just a one-off and the band get back to making more interesting black metal again soon.

5/10

Alestorm - Curse of the Crystal Coconut

I said in my review of Alestorm’s previous album that I am continuously amazed at how the pirate metal masters are able to keep finding material in their super specific vein, especially with how fresh 2017’s No Grave But the Sea sounded while returning to the more “traditional” sound that characterized the band’s debut album. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Curse of the Crystal Coconut finds the band playing around with their sound a bit in a similar way to what they did on Sunset on the Golden Age, and I would say this year’s effort to grow their sound went a good bit better than it did on that aforementioned preceding album. The band are as irreverent in their wacky sea shanty storytelling as ever (and I wouldn’t have it any other way), though they bring a few “futuristic” (for pirates’ times) elements to the table here, which a folk metal purist could certainly argue are blasphemously out of place on a record about pirate life, but if you’re a purist like that I doubt you’re listening to a sixth Alestorm LP to begin with. I actually think the band did well to make these new elements a part constructive to the overall campy aesthetic of their sound. Opening the canon hatches is “Treasure Chest Party Quest” with a hedonistic schlock rock mission statement that sounds like if Kansas were a bunch of Viner douchebags, but moving into the melodic shanty “Fannybaws” right out of the gate reaffirms the band’s folk metal chops. But it’s the introduction of hip hop elements on “Tortuga” that shows Alestorm is here to sail pirate metal to the farthest corners of the seven seas as they can; the band’s foray into trap territory under the influence of this lighthearted and loveable ambition with Captain Yarrface on this track is honestly impressive. And the band’s experimentation doesn’t end there, with “Zombies Ate My Pirate Ship” also featuring the unexpectedly beautiful vocal feature from Patty Gurdy. All these modern music elements made me ponder the possibility of a modern, internet-pirate-themed Alestorm record; perhaps someday... Beyond just the introduction of electronic elements, the thrashy folk bangers like “Chomp Chomp” and “Pirate’s Scorn” are welcome shots of liquor to jolt the album into pirate eager mode while melodic folk metalcore bangers like he nonsensically gorgeous “Zombies Are My Pirate Ship” are surprisingly invigorating. The quick metaphoric jab at the band’s imitators (or detractors) on “Shit Boat (No Fans)” is a good bit of fighting pirate spirit breaking the fourth wall creatively. There’s also the ridiculously overly epic sequel to the fast-chanting nonsense track, “Wooden Leg”, from Sunset on the Golden Age, whose conclusion is so beautifully stupid *chef’s kiss*. Honestly, I needed this album so badly this year, and I’m glad Alestorm came through with such a fun expansion pack of pirate metal tunes.

8/10

Sorcerer - Lamenting of the Innocent

I don’t know what happened. I loved this album the first time I heard it, but my enjoyment with every subsequent listen since then has been significantly diminished. Perhaps I was just appreciative of the dose of classic heavy metal with tasteful modern production updates to liven up my repertoire of new albums to listen to. As grand, nostalgic, and even 2000’s-Maiden-esque as Sorcerer’s sixth album is, I can’t help but feel at least somewhat distracted by how heavily derivative it is of the NWOBHM, even as it takes some cues from Candlemass and Dream Theater to elevate its grandiosity through proggy, epic doom metal. Now all those influences do combine into a generally effective and exciting aesthetic, and I do think the core sound the band have tapped into is potent and worth chasing, as evidenced by songs like “Institoris” and “Dance with the Devil”, but that sound at its best doesn’t show up in full enough on this album. Lamenting of the Innocent is hampered so heavily by its length and the proportion of that length that is comprised of filler balladry like “Deliverance” or the just slightly too dragged out “Where Spirits Die” and unnecessary repetition that draws out even the better parts of the album like the title track. For all this nit-picking, I feel like I should at least emphasize that I do still quite like this album for its solid performances, especially Anders Engberg’s tactful operatic vocals and the distinctly NWOBHM-style duel-guitar soloing from Kristian Niemann and Peter Hallgren. I do hope that Sorcerer do continue to distill their sound down to its best elements because I could see them being a shining beacon for the continued reverence for the era of heavy metal they so heavily emulate.

7/10

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captainnickjohn-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Hold My Beer. I Need a Career.

Forgive me, I'm a sucker for stupid rhymes.

I normally really don't enjoy bringing attention to myself, but for my first blog post, I wanted to, well....bring attention to myself.

Specifically, I wanted to write about my interest in beer. You might be wondering, "yea, who isn't interest in a beer right now?", or just straight up, "how is that even an interest?"

Well, over the last couple years I've spent time reading books, watching videos, visiting places, speaking with experts, all about beer. It’s something I've appreciated learning more about and I wanted to discuss how this interest has brought me to where I am today. This is an exercise in reflection for me. For you, there are some insights about me as well as some decent photos of beer!

I'll be examining how my beer interest came about and how I threw myself into it. I'll also talk about how I hoped to take this interest and turn it into something of a career. Finally, some thoughts about where my head is now and how my goals may have altered, but not eliminated something that I really enjoy.

Also just FYI, it's been really f**king hot outside. Let this post be a reminder to cool off with a delicious, cold pint. *insert wink face*

Beer Beginnings

It was September of 2016, I was a line cook at Jack Astor’s and I just got moved up to becoming a server. Moving from a line cook position to serving was a lot to take in all at once: learning the steps of good service, carrying three full plates at a time (took a lot of trial and error, and hungry irritated guests), and learning all of the different specialty drinks and beers.

At that time, Jack Astor's had over 20 draught taps and already I was wondering, "how on Earth am I going to remember all of these?" As luck would have it, the restaurant decided to add an additional 20 taps to their repertoire, which made me double down with, "Seriously, how on EARTH am I going to remember all of these??"

Memorizing the names of all the beers was one thing, but retaining every beer's style, flavour profile, aroma, and attitude (I’m kidding, that's not a thing) were daunting to me. My solution: I had to learn about beer!

Back then, I was only drinking classics like Canadian or Budweiser; if it were hot enough I'd even go for a Kronenbourg Blanc or a Shock Top, but for me, that was a bit of a rarity. Hell, I honestly didn't even know that beer was broken up into two categories: ales and lagers, maybe YOU didn't even know that!

So to tackle this problem of mine, I took the time to watch several beer videos and look at beer infographics. Once I felt I knew about enough about the foundations of beer, I went back to the Astor's 40+ draught beer menu and guess what - it took WAY less time than I'd thought to remember all of the beers!

My work was done; I knew all 40+ beer taps and their styles, and I could even somewhat comfortably talk about the beers’ tastes to guests (with a pinch of BS). However, the more I spoke about beer at work and after reflecting on the beer learning I had done, I had the realization that I genuinely LOVED learning about beer. That whole process for me was actually kind of a blast.

While writing this part I've thought about a time before this where I had a blissful learning experience, and I completely blanked. That was very telling to me. So, I figured I should commit myself to learn more about beer.

To get started, I ordered the mother of all beer books from Amazon, "The Oxford Companion to Beer." Given the size and scale of it, I prefer to call it The Holy Beerble:

P.S. I am aware I don't keep a very neat workspace, coffee stains and all.

Over 800 pages of diligent research on almost every single thing about beer that you could imagine. Beer countries? No problem. Beer styles? Yup. Beer history? Child's play. That one famous beer guy who did that one famous beer thing? It’s in there. This encyclopedia was amazing. The sheer amount of research done to create this is absolutely astounding. Even today, I will read through it and continue to make notes. I even ordered a couple more books on beer:

This was fun for me. I didn't mind taking the time to learn more about something I ACTUALLY liked.

Committing to the 'Craft'

Work at Astor’s was slowing down going into the winter of 2017. By then, I would casually read beer articles online or look through some of my beer books. Beer is a fun subject to learn about and share with others. That said, I felt that it was time I should try making my own beer! I knew a solid amount about the beer-making process already i.e. the mash, the boil, fermentation, bottling, etc., and I felt I should apply what I know to make something of my own. Maybe I could impress friends and family, save money on buying beer from the LCBO or The Beer Store, and it would add another layer to this new hobby of mine.

I figured a brewing kit would be my next subsequent Christmas gift to myself, so what I did was start simple: a 1-gallon starter kit, 10 empty beer bottles, bottle caps, bottle capper, other miscellaneous brewing equipment, and some 2-row barley and Cascade hops.

Homebrewing and commercial brewing are different behemoths, and I knew more about the commercial brewing process. That wasn't really going to help me here because I didn't have 50+ hectolitre tank to brew beer in, so I had to watch a few YouTube instructional home brewing videos to get in the right mindset.

I was eager to brew my first batch: a SMaSH (Single Malt and Single Hop) pale ale. A super simple recipe to start with that would ideally lead to a nice tasting beer. For those who don't know, brewing beer require ALOT of both patience and (ugh) cleaning. Literally, I spent over half of my time brewing just cleaning all of the equipment again and again. Any sort of impurity, big or small, is enough to completely ruin a batch of beer. I already respected brewing as an art form, but I learned more about how difficult it really is to make delicious beer that adheres to a certain style. After a 6-hour brew day plus a few weeks of fermentation, this was the result:

Aesthetically, it's a nice looking SMaSH beer, right?! But the taste....let's just say the taste did not match the look. This was a very important lesson in detecting off-flavours in a beer. There was plenty of them.

I didn't get discouraged; I crafted a chocolate maple porter that tasted pretty solid as well as a decent red ale. Despite my improvements with small batches of beer, I really had a difficult time seeing myself get too serious about it. For one thing, I didn’t always have enough room to fit 10-12 bottles of beer in my fridge. Imagine I start making 5-gallon batches that can yield over 50 bottles of beer, where the hell would I put all that? And if I ruined the batch? That’s a hell of a lot of waste. So, I decided I’d stick with learning and not doing.

YouTube videos and books are great and all, but it's helpful to have a more hands-on learning experience. Enter Prud'homme - a Canadian beer education program with 4 levels of certifications, the top one being "Level 4 - Beer Sommelier."

Prud'homme Level 1 was a lot of fun, and while I knew the lion's share of introductory beer knowledge, the class gave me, even more, to think about. It was a group of 10 in my class (including myself), and each class we were given different styles of beer to try. Up until then, I never really kept any actual notes of the beers I've had, but in class, we would dissect a beer's taste, mouthfeel, finish, colour, clarity, and additional info.

The longer I was in the class, the more I realized that I preferred talking about a beer's characteristics over brewing the beer myself. I'd bought and read all these beer books, I've experimented with brewing, and now I've worked towards my Level 1 Beer Enthusiast certification; clearly, there's something here for me to dive into. I'd been out of school for over a year by that point, and here was this interest of mine that I'd spent time on.

I thought to myself that I should take this more seriously and try to shape this newfound passion of mine into the beginnings of a career.

The Pursuit of Hoppiness

That nugget of internal thinking actually helped influence my decision to apply for a postgraduate degree. Before this, I'd been glancing at different school programs in London, Waterloo, Toronto, etc., but it was mostly looking at programs that might complement my Criminology degree i.e. social work.

If I'd taken this strongly to learning about beer, how can I apply that interest and start a career? I did some thinking over a couple of weeks and ultimately, I decided that getting into marketing could be an excellent opportunity to pursue my interest. Not to mention that marketing is a very versatile degree that would open a lot of doors for me.

I liked the idea of being able to help out the little guy (small-scale craft/micro-brewers) over becoming a cog in the wheel of the bigger beer corporations. Ultimately, I found my way to the George Brown College Digital Media Marketing program web page. It checked off a lot of points on my program criteria list: 1-year in length, a good distance from London, learning all about digital tools used in the workplace, and a semester of work experience!

Getting Forked

Now that I'd made a decision to pursue marketing that could lead to a gig marketing beer, I figured I should find some REAL work experience of being in a brewery.

First and foremost was trying to get a job at Forked River Brewing Company. By then I had met and developed a solid rapport with a few of their staff, and eventually, it led to me landing a job there!

In mid-March, I was hired to help in different areas around the brewery. Sometimes the bosses needed me to work retail or within the brewery, it really depended on the demand of that week. My main goal was to get a very clear idea of how a brewery operates and about their approach to marketing.

On the retail side, I would talk with customers about the beer, sharing with them all of the traits of the beers. There were also other run-of-the-mill retail tasks like handling the cash register, stocking the shelves, or just making sure that people don't steal any beer.

During my time in the brewery itself, I would mostly help the brewmasters with canning (so. many. f***ing cans.) and filling up kegs, but I was also given a chance to help with the actual brewing. I'd go in twice a week early in the morning and work for about 5-6 hours. What I enjoyed the most was the very relaxed atmosphere compared to my time at Astor's. Both were fun, but for entirely different reasons.

I was even given a chance to work a couple of beer festivals around London and in Sarnia. Those days were the most fun because I could speak about the beers with confidence and encourage festival-goers to try our stuff. Overall, I had a great time over at Forked River and I am grateful to have had that opportunity.

George Brown Ale

Before I knew it, September came along and I was starting my program at George Brown. It felt weird to be back in school but I was excited to be taking this step towards a new career. In order to keep my mind fresh on everything beer, I got a job as a bartender at Biermarkt Don Mills; they've got 150+ beers including draught and bottles. Weekends were my game, closing bar Friday through Sunday (goooood times). They were kind enough to give me another beer book that doubled as an employee handbook:

This new program was looking to be a great fit. It's worth noting though that I had spent a lot of my internship search on breweries or beer distribution companies. I wasn't having much luck with that until the next best thing came along - My Wine Canada, a wine/spirits marketing and sales company right down the street from my school building.

Was it beer? Nope. But it's the next best thing.

And also, wine's pretty great! The role itself was "Digital Marketing Manager", very expensive-sounding, right?

What enticed me about it was this internship would give me as close a perspective of what it's like to handle the marketing for beer as I could get. I was setting up social media content calendars, editing and creating photo content, writing wine blogs, drafting weekly emails, and coming up with catchy and funny captions.

Seeing the Bigger Pitcher

The funny thing is, after spending four months with My Wine Canada, I wasn't as certain about wanting to find a marketing job related to beer. Oddly enough, I spent so much time obsessing about finding a job just like it, that I forgot to really sink my teeth into marketing. I was surprised to find that I really liked learning about marketing. Made me reflect (again) on what I was doing.

In my final semester, I've wondered about whether or not my priorities were as straight as they should have been. For most of this program, I've been so narrowly focused on finding a marketing job involving craft beer that I may have completely missed other great opportunities. I don't want that to happen going forward, so I'm taking that into account and keeping an open mind without losing sight of why I got into this program in the first place. Beer is a hobby that's going to stick around in my life and because of it, I have gotten involved in great things and introduced me to some amazing people, and I wouldn't trade that away.

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niksethi · 6 years ago

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#1000wordsofsummer Day 3

I didn’t write yesterday, so I guess I’m shooting for 2000 words today. That will be a struggle since I literally have zero idea about what I should talk about today. But since the amount of words is so damn large, it’s totally worth it for me to spend some time just sharing my stream of consciousness.

I feel like whatever I’m doing or wherever I am, I’m constantly appraising the value of that activity or that place. As in, every movie I see or book I read, I think about how I’d rate it in a 1-5 scale. Every city I visit I try to place in my internal rankings of all of the cities that I’ve visited. It’s a weird thing that sometimes improves the quality of my experiences and sometimes degrades it, as I lose the plot in favor of trying to find some sort of specific combination of things that will give me clarity about how good or bad something is. When I was last watching a movie, Upgrade, in my head I would start at a value based on what I’d heard about the number and move it up and down throughout the movie based on how I felt about the different aspects of the mise en scene. At some point, I started to feel like I was becoming like the unfeeling robotic AI that was a key character in the movie.

I’ve been applying this same methodology to my time in NYC. There’s a lot to appreciate in NYC and a lot that’s not so great. Each moment I enjoy or hate contributes to my overall corpus of information that I’ll use to decide the BIG question I want to answer by the end of the summer - do I want to live here for some of my life? Every time that question really appears in my head, I have to remind myself of what my mentor Henrik told me, “the city will always be there, and it will always be easy to visit, too.” Although my question is fairly important, I mustn’t feel like the city will be inaccessible if I don’t decide to move here. One of the biggest cities in the world is only a single flight away from most major cities in the world. All that being said, I’m really starting to warm up to NYC as a whole. A few months ago, I was completely convinced that this city isn’t for me. As a shy introvert who enjoys quiet and avoiding crowds of people, what could I find in the most energetic city? How would I find the necessary solitude and time for reflection that I know I need just to keep my head above water?

It didn’t take long for me to start feeling the effects of the frantic energy that permeates the concrete jungle. Since day one, I’ve had to be very careful about my caffeine consumption, since my base anxiety levels have risen dramatically, making each cup of coffee a gamble that could either lead to being energized or to shakes and anxiety attacks. (As I write this, I sip on a cup of cold brew that keeps me teetering on that fine line between the two possibilities.) Yet, I feel like I’ve been fortunate to find spaces that help me recharge and escape the chaotic energy. Parks are ubiquitous in the city and it’s easy to just wander into any one in particular and just watch all of the good boys and good girls run around the dog park. I think what’s helped me the most to adapt to living in the city is giving myself permission to be alone. Despite the fact that there are so many people in the city, it’s incredibly easy to fall into this deep level of despair from loneliness. Initially, I was afraid of falling into this state, so I would spend all of my free time with people. It was enjoyable but also draining, and I would wake up each morning with so little energy. It turns out that I’m still extremely introverted and I really can’t handle that much social interaction. Since I’ve let myself spend more time with myself, I’ve been much happier. There are moments when I feel lonely, but I don’t really have a problem with that every now and then. I’ve also been lucky to meet some great people who make the time I do spend with people meaningful and enjoyable. I’ve had a lot of friends in my life who I would spend time with but it would feel like I was just a way to pass some time, rather than a friend or someone important to them. The energy people put into their social interactions can really change the dynamic of a hang out completely, and I wasn’t even aware how much it mattered until now.

On a less philosophical and “out there” level, NYC has so much to offer to me. I hate driving and I love the subway and how it can take me anywhere. I love the inherent strangeness of the average person and how people watching can be more interesting than watching a movie or reading a book. I love the great diversity of dogs that I see throughout the city. I love the kindness of immigrant business owners who seem so comfortable with their own culture and so eager to share it. I love seeing different cultures express on every street, be it tourists or people who live here, enthusiastically chatting in their own language (as I write this I see a group of beautiful French people greet each other with kisses, catching up in a way I can’t understand). I love that finding a good meal is easy. I love dodging cars to get where I want to go and I love glaring at tourists who walk too slow or stop in the middle of the sidewalk. More than anything else, I love how accessible the city feels. It’s empowering when a city has everything in the world and all of it is just a train ride away. I feel as if I can do and start anything if I really want to since everything I could possibly need is so nearby. Like basically everything else in the entire world, the way to approach living in the city is through balance. I have to be continuously intentional in order to keep myself from losing myself to the hustle and bustle of everything that’s going on but also make sure that I maintain space for myself to breathe and relax when necessary.

This next part is kinda off-topic but it relates to doing stuff as a part of the hustle and bustle

On Friday, BuzzFeed Design invited the brand designer Mackey Saturday to come speak about his design work, as a part of our internal design speaker series Design Club. He was a great speaker who told the story of his career and how he worked to create iconic brand identities like the Oculus logo and the Instagram wordmark. His skill in creating beautiful and lasting visuals was really inspiring for me, someone who has always struggled to create visually interesting design work. Since my skills as a designer have mainly been on the problem-identification and research side, I was struck by the huge gap between his skills and mine. Coming into this summer, I knew I wanted to develop my skills as quickly as possible. I was unsure whether or not I wanted to focus on my “strengths” in the discovery phase of the design process or develop my “weaknesses” in visual design. When I spoke to our (now former) VP of Design Cap, he told me “I think you’re kinda early to be working on balancing things. If i were you I’d be working on as many different things as I can and stretching my skills as much as possible.” That brought me back to Earth and reminded me that I don’t really know as much as I thought.

Going forward, I want to focus on finding projects that will help me do that. To kick off, I’m thinking about exploring a branding project of some sort in order to really stretch my visual identity skills. Maybe I’ll do multiple or freelance or something. I really have no idea. Maybe I’ll tackle my personal branding project that I’ve been thinking about forever. It’s so weird and difficult to design for yourself since you don’t have a fresh set of eyes when you’re presenting to the client. It’s your own eyes the whole time! The big thing is that I want to be able to at least slightly do something related to design that manifests in the real world. I’ve made logos and designs that have been printed on t-shirts and hats before, but I don’t know if I was really designing for those purposes or fully accomplishing what I was aiming for. The bigger thing is that I don’t really like any of those designs (except for the art matters logo, that’s still beautiful other than the type).

One thing that I’ve noticed is that it’s really hard for me to get started on any visual projects. I think it might just be because I’m out of practice. Writing has been continuously easy for me since I’ve been consistently writing something once a week for nearly a year now and I’m not really falling out of my habit. With visual work, whether it’s illustration or interface design, I’m not doing it all the time so starting a project in that area just seems like an impossible task. I need to take the first step towards doing it so it will keep getting easier and easier, but until then maybe I’ll start just writing out my ideas before I get there. When I was scanning through the old design case studies on our company Basecamp (a wiki of sorts I guess), I noticed that some of the designers would create their initial prototype as a story or something written out. By forcing themselves to convert their ideas into words, they were able to iterate on the design without having to draw or mock anything up, which would be a relief for me while I languish in the difficulty of starting these visual projects.

Another idea relating to this that I’ve been pondering is finding external interests. Although I love design, I’ve always wanted to be more involved in filmmaking, animation, and music. I could very easily spend a lot of my time exploring these things and working on projects to advance my skills, but I’m leaning against doing that. The giant behemoth of the full-time job search looms over everything that I do, and not focusing on my career more than my interests stresses me out. But who knows? Every design interview seems to tell me to have external interests outside of design to become a better designer. There are just so many paths I can take, so many ways to spend my time and probably so many ways that I could make myself happy. I can’t possibly know what will be best for me. The only path that’s certain is the one that I decide to take and focus on. I want to escape my state of stasis that I’ve developed while trying to choose between the many potential options. I’ve been trying to adopt the mindset that the best decision is the decision made quickly and firmly. This is better than indecision since you can change later if things go wrong, or you have more time and energy to contribute to fixing things if the decision was the wrong one.

I’m roughly at 2000 words and I’m frankly exhausted, but I’m happy that I was able to do it!

#1000wordsofsummer #writing

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skelehawk · 7 years ago

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Sunlight

How long had he been stuck here?

Sans didn’t know. He had been trapped in the Underground for years, only to be captured once more by human forces the moment he was freed. He had but a single goal in mind: find Papyrus, and get him to safety.

This piece, taking place in the Underfell universe, was written for the angst category of @undertailfanficcontest! Cutting it down to size took a bit of doing, but it’s finally at the perfectly reasonable length of 5,999 words. Fun times. Enjoy!

Content warnings: splashes of violence; some characters die; authority is authoritative; sans is a potty mouth; this is an angsty angst fic

Edit: My apologies to anyone who reblogged this before the read more link was inserted. It should be much more manageable now!

————-

It had been midnight when the barrier combusted.

The great explosion of magic brought forth by the raw power of seven human souls had rung through every nook and cranny of the Underground, from the dreary cesspits of the Capital’s bars to the eerily still halls of the Ruins. There wasn’t a single monster who hadn’t heard the highly pitched sound. If it had been quieter, it could even have been akin to the striking of a bell.

As it was, the deafening noise shook the Underground like an earthquake.

Such a noise was not going to go unnoticed by those who lived beyond the barrier.

So when a fifteen-foot tall king of monsters led his people out into the radiant light of the moon, they were not as alone as they had expected to be. The sky, dotted by stars and planets and galaxies, was soon crowded with great hunks of metal that buzzed like enormous flies and drowned out the soft celestial glow with harsh, blinding floodlights of their own. This did not sit well with the ex-inhabitants of a sparsely-lit cave.

None of the monsters could quite put their finger on why the idea of violence suddenly seemed so daunting. They had trained for a millenia on each other, culling the weak and ensuring that the strong survived to lead the assault on the human front, taking back what had been stolen from them so long ago. The lot of them were nothing but ruthless killers by now.

…Right?

Nonetheless, the crowd of a few hundred monsters stopped in their tracks the moment that the human forces turned their focus to these alien creatures. The flying metal machines circled in a manner similar to vultures over roadkill; the air was silent save for the dull churning of their motors and uncomfortable murmurs from the beasts echoing across the mountainside.

The stillness lasted for maybe a half hour. A calm before a storm.

It was then that a lone straggler drifted down from the steel flock to land in front of the soul-gorged monster king. Five humans emerged from the belly of the aircraft. All but one wore thick black garments from head to toe. The more dapperly dressed fifth human stepped forward and extended his hands toward the robed behemoth.

They were empty.

It was a stark contrast to the black-clad quartet behind him, who stood stoically with massive, shiny devices clutched between their gloved hands.

To their obvious surprise, the beast before them opened his maw and spit forth words in a human tongue.

A minute sprig of tension uncoiled between the two factions. Contact had been established. No one was dead. Yet.

The monsters began to back away from their leader at his behest, allowing him space to speak with the human ambassador with as much privacy as his booming voice would allow. It was in their best interest to respect the wishes of the benevolent tyrant who had lorded over their lives for so many bygone centuries.

As such, not a single living monster would know the exact phrase that ended the peaceful relations.

The king, who would soon fall, was left to contemplate his final sentiments entirely alone:

“If seven had to die, so be it. I did only what was best for my people.”

————–

“My brother, my brother, tell me where he is, I know you know where he is, ya fleshheaded bastards!”

Two pairs of hands pushed his flailing limbs to the ground while a third pulled some sort of thick mesh around his mouth and set it in place with a metallic click. His captors had learned early on that his sharp teeth weren’t just for show. Unfortunately, with his magic completely shot, that also meant that his sole defense mechanism had been ripped away from him without a second thought. It felt to be a rather… compromising position.

Sans didn’t know whether he appreciated or hated the fact that he could talk through the mesh. Sure, he was fully able to express his frustration as loudly and graphically as he wished. It was cathartic, to say the least.

It also meant that he got to see for himself just how little his squabbling really mattered in the grand scheme of things. He could count the times that anyone had shown even a facial reaction to his fervent complaints on a single hand.

That was how he was coming to view many things in his life: a mix of tentative appreciation and hatred at the same time.

The tiny room where he slept was spartan and lonely, a constant reminder of the fact that his brother wasn’t there to yell at his shitty puns or tell him to get off of his ass and tackle sentry duty. It was a grim contrast to everything that his life had once been. But at the same time, the room was safe. It was a constant; it was predictable. The humans would leave him to his business, as simple and dull as it may be, and never stepped foot within its confines so long as he complied when they wanted him to leave.

…which admittedly was rare.

Not the leaving part, no; that special event occurred at least once every time the blaringly bright overhead lights flickered to life. (So, a day? Maybe?) The rare facet of these confrontations was his compliance with orders. The humans who posed as his twisted caretakers certainly incentivized the submission well enough - he was promised actual food instead of the pills that he was given daily, containing just enough magic to keep him alive - he simply couldn’t stomach the idea of admitting he was beaten. (Like he had so many times before…)

All of these factors had led him to the position he was in right now. Writhing around on the floor with disgusting, oily human hands clamped around his humeri, just below where the sleeves of his baggy, sterile, short-sleeved shirt cut off-

“Skeleton.” The soft voice was enough of a shock that Sans ceased his frenzied squirming and jerked his head toward the source of the sound. The speaker, though too far behind his back to be seen from his awkward positioning, loosened their grip on his right arm just enough that it no longer cut into his bone and removed one of their hands entirely. It would have been a perfect opportunity to wriggle free… but in the end, he would accomplish nothing.

He let himself lay limp.

What he wasn’t expecting was for the feeling of the hand to return, this time on his skull, on the portion of his temporal bone located just behind his jaw. Tension seeped out of his body as a few fingers carefully pet the oddly specific location. He shuddered.

It almost felt like…

Like…

The duo sat, clutching one another, Sans shivering uncontrollably in his brother’s arms. He had just witnessed his sibling, his entire world, come face to face with death. If he hadn’t come home within a time frame of five seconds, Papyrus would have been nothing more than a pile of dust on the decaying carpet. If his attack had missed, if he hadn’t hit the massive canine across the eyes, if he hadn’t sent him running…

“Sans, I am okay. You are okay.”

Papyrus brought his hand to the side of Sans’ skull and ran his phalanges along the bone in careful, comforting circles. Sans let out a shaky sigh.

They fell to sleep in each other’s arms that night.

“Papyrus.”

There was only one way that this human could have known the motion that would snap him out of a panic.

“What did you do to him?” He croaked the question out in a whimper, utterly despising how much influence a simple touch had over his entire being. (Pathetic.) A chuckle from the human assured him that his self-evaluation was correct.

“Hush, skeleton.” They continued the feather-light ministrations while the other two humans looked on. “Your brother has been closed off to us, but opened up as soon as your care came into the picture.”

Sans felt a sinking feeling engulf his soul.

“He told us only that light pressure to the side of your skull over an extended period of time could keep you from hurting yourself. I suppose he wasn’t lying, for once.”

Betrayal. The notion rang through his mind; raw, plain, and simple.

Papyrus had given into these bastards?

“You’re smart, buddy,” the voice went on. Sans let out a halfhearted growl at the overly friendly designation. “And you know that we can achieve our goals together. Administration is willing to let you visit Papyrus if you begin to show even minimal cooperation with their reformation efforts.”

With a defeated sigh, Sans snapped his drooling mouth shut and attempted to draw his head away from the human’s incessant carressing. “Okay, okay, I’ll bite. Just fuck off with the petting thing. You’re a buncha creeps.”

There was, predictably, no response to his verbal jab as the humans on either side of him tucked their hands under the meeting points of his clavicles and humeri and lifted him to his feet. The ease at which the massive creatures could hoist his frame into the air was… disconcerting at best. (Why was he so goddamned small?)

He was shunted out of his room’s door and briskly escorted down the hallway, once again cursing his minute stature as the hands on his shoulders pushed him along at a pace too fast for his legs to keep up with. The scrabbling of his bare phalanges on the concrete floor echoed down the otherwise quiet, whitewashed corridor. (No way in hell was he wearing the bizarre laceless shoes they’d given him. If he was going to wear proper shoes instead of slippers, they’d better be able to appear consistently untied, dammit.)

The jaunt came to an abrupt halt when the party reached an open door labeled “Conference Room 5” in neat black script. He felt the presence of the human who had been petting him continue on down the hall as he was led through the doorway.

A telltale click indicated that the room’s single exit had been shut behind him.

Sans was all too familiar with this nondescript space, and if asked, could describe it in perfect detail with his sockets tightly shut. It was a sizable rectangle with the building’s typical white walls and ceiling. Instead of the accompanying tile floor, however, Conference Room 5 had a seaweed-colored carpet that was soft under his feet. Four cheaply upholstered chairs were nailed in a “Y” pattern to the floor. Three of these chairs - the middle of which Sans was being seated in now - faced a “mirror.” (It was obviously one-way glass. He still didn’t understand why the humans had initially tried to hide it from him.)

While his escorts took their seats at the two uppermost points of the “Y,” Sans stared blankly at the occupant of the bottommost chair.

Doctor… something. Sans had intentionally forgotten her name. She was his interrogato- er, helper. He’d spent his time in this room completely silently, staring at a wall while Doc asked him questions and occasionally reminded him that he was “safe now.”

Apparently, in order to see Papyrus, his selective muteness would have to be put on hold.

Doc caught his gaze with a wave as he listlessly glanced around the room.

“Good morning, skeleton. I heard you might be ready to talk with me today?”

God, her voice was so sickeningly sweet. Sans took a moment to roll his eyelights before grudgingly nodding in her general direction. (It’s just for Papyrus’ sake, just play along, just-)

“Hun, I’m going to need to hear your voice at some point. I appreciate your effort, I really do, but we’ll need to communicate in order to deconstruct the cycle of violence that you were exposed to while living underground.” She placed her index finger to her lips in thought. “Let’s begin with your name. Can you do that for me?”

Silence reigned for an uncomfortably long time while Sans wrestled with his conscience. (Could they use his name against him? Well, of course they could, but would they?)

Doc seemed about ready to speak again, coax him one more time, when he finally quashed his wary nature.

“Sans.” He whispered suddenly, a growl running through his throat.

“What?” Doc looked astonished that he’d actually complied.

“Sans.”

She heard him that time, as indicated by her careful nod. “Well then, Sans, share with me what you are comfortable with, and we can work from there.” The sides of her lips curled upward into a soft smile.

Sans narrowed his sockets, eyelights brimming with suspicion. (What did these creatures want from him? Which words should he avoid? Which words would place him in a better position?)

He eventually decided upon a topic that was straightforward enough.

“Well Doc, you already know something about me; something that ya successfully used to your advantage.” He watched her expression morph into something resembling… concern?.. before continuing. “Maybe you’re looking to learn about my bro, huh?”

He carefully observed her facial features to locate any tells of excitement or malice at his statement. He found none, save for a slight tilt of her head likely indicative of her willingness to listen.

Sans didn’t know whether he was more relieved or let down by the lack of confirmation of his hunch.

“Welp, if you are, then that sucks for you. Lemme ask you this instead: have you ever tried running a hotdog stand?”

——————-

“BROTHER?”

Sans leaned back onto his dingy pillow and wove his fingers together behind his head. Might as well get comfy for the day’s routine existentialist chat. He called out in a voice just loud enough to reach the top bunk: “Yeah, boss?”

A groan.

“Ugh, SANS! I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME BY THAT RIDICULOUS MONIKER THREE WEEKS AGO.” His voice softened. “Brother, that is what unnerves me. I try to keep all of the numbers in my head, but they slip. What if I count a day twice? What if our feeding schedule was changed a while back? How do I know it has truly been three weeks since our agreement and not three months?”

Sans inwardly flinched, but kept his voice steady. “Y’gotta trust your intuition, bro. ‘Sides, you were the most organized monster in the whole damn Underground. If anyone can keep track of something as mundane as a mental calendar, it’s you.”

A weak laugh escaped Papyrus’ maw. Sans heard shifting from the bunk above him and a heavy thud as Papyrus slid from his mattress to the floor.

“SCOOT.”

(It was difficult to resist the usual “Sure thing, Boss.”)

Sans kept his arms folded behind his head and lazily dragged his legs to his chest. He had an image to maintain, after all. Papyrus simply shot him a withering glance before taking a seat at the end of Sans’s bed. Several minutes passed in amicable silence before Papyrus spoke once more in the soft, gentle tone that was so alien to hear in his voice.

“Sans, I feel scared.”

With those four little words, Sans shot up from his pillow, exhaustion completely forgotten. “Papyrus, what-?”

“My human told me that I was here to become a better monster. That once I had escaped my violent nature, I would be released.”

Sans nodded slowly, unable to see where this was coming from. He had been given the same talk by Doc many times before.

“Such a trivial matter should come easily to the Great and Terrible Papyrus, yes?” A spark ignited in Papyrus’ eyelights as he quipped his preferred title. It flickered for a moment, then died as he was pulled back into the present. “I’ve been trying, Sans, I’ve been trying so hard to prove my worth to these outlandish humans! They would be imbecilic to miss just how far the Great Papyrus has come!” He let out a dejected huff and turned to Sans. “I’ve even been able to quell my penchant for lashing out when exposed to unexpected noises.”

Sans sank back into his pillow in a flash of understanding, suddenly realizing where Papyrus was steering his train of thought. “They want something more from us, Sans. Something other than the simple taming of our impulses. I don’t know what it is yet, but I fear it will not turn out well for us monsters.”

The little skeleton felt a shiver run through his bones. He’d never trusted the fleshy beasts himself, but he’d tried with all of his pathetic might to keep Papyrus as distanced from his cynical mindset as possible. Papyrus deserved happiness, for once in his life. He deserved to live in some semblance of safety, without worrying about his broken older brother, without constantly having to look over his shoulder to avoid a painful dusting. Even if that sense of security was rooted in lies.

Sans did the only thing he could think of in that moment to comfort his little brother: extend his arms and offer him a hug.

Papyrus obliged.

The two sat like that, curled in each other’s arms and souls glowing softly in unison for what seemed like an eternity. The only indication that time itself hadn’t stopped were their occasional whispers; quiet, hopeful little things that only they would know.

“Y’know, Papy, I’ve heard that humans on the outside have entire restaurants dedicated to the art of fine pasta craftsmanship.”

“Nyeheh, maybe I’ll grant them the privilege of witnessing true, monster-style cooking!”

“What would we do with all of that spaghetti afterwards?”

“Have an elegant, gourmet picnic consisting entirely of my artistry! Obviously.”

“Bet you’d attract quite the crowd, all clamberin’ for some of that pasta.”

“That’s why we’d have it in a field! One with grass. And one where we can see the sun.”

“That’s a bright idea.”

“I know! Oh, Sans, I am so excited to see the sun! I’ll look so majestic and powerful when bathed in its gassy, fiery rays!”

“Yeah, you will, Pap.”

(Aren’t his dreams so beautiful?)

——————-

“As you may have realized, the amount of magic contained in the meal provided to you earlier today was slightly larger than your daily magic output rate.”

Sans glanced at the gangly human to his left and acknowledged their statement with a curt nod. While he wasn’t about to let them know, he most certainly had noticed what he’d assumed was a slip-up on their part. After being fed just enough magic to keep him alive for months on end, the excess spark of energy pulsing through his soul was expressed in his every movement. His steps had a gentle, lighthearted bounce to them. He slouched a little bit less. The pinpricks of lights within his otherwise empty sockets glowed ever so slightly brighter, allowing him to witness vibrant colors in a world that had looked washed-out and dull for an unbearably long time. (He hadn’t seen colors this intense since he’d channeled every last grain of power into his brother’s soul on that fateful first night on the surface, eons ago. Papyrus’ skull had been hit multiple times and he was so close to dusting; his skull was caked with chalky white dust and his crimson soul was cradled in glimmering tendrils of Sans’ veridian healing magic-)

He put an end to that line of thinking as his mask began to slip. Thankfully, none of the humans present decided to comment, instead keeping to their work.

The one standing directly in front of him, between Sans and the one-way glass, was arranging several unfamiliar devices on a folding table. Each was placed in a seemingly predetermined location and secured with a liquid adhesive. Some had lights, others gauges, and a few had numbers. All were made of the same reflective metal.

Sans knew data collection instruments when he saw them.

A tightening coil of revulsion wove its way down his spine.

Fortunately, the gangly human must have sensed his discomfort, and put an end to Sans’ confusion. “It has been determined that, because of your cooperative behavior, we would begin the next phase of your rehabilitation.” The human bent his knees in order to be at eye-level with Sans. It took all of the short skeleton’s willpower to not blow a fuse then and there. “We are putting a lot of trust in you, Sans. Please demonstrate that this trust was not misplaced.”

As the fleshy creature straightened his legs again, Sans was left to shiver at the bizarre contrast between the gentle tone of voice and steely, clinical gaze. The occupants of this room all looked at him with the same detached, unempathetic interest that reminded him so profoundly of the way a scientist might look at a drugged rat.

“Anyway, your powers are tied to your biological structure and to your soul, and as such, are inseparable from your being.” The words conveyed the disconcerting implication that an attempt had been made to strip a more volatile monster of its magic. Sans wasn’t about to contemplate the outcome of said attempt. “We believe that finding constructive outlets for your magic is a crucial step toward reintroduction to society.”

Sans nodded, trying his hardest to keep his smile lax.

(Something was wrong. If the sheer quantity of bodies in the room were needed for security’s sake, then where was Doc and where were the scary, muscular humans who had pinned him to the floor so many times during his first month trapped in the facility? No, the creatures present were clearly related to the data collection devices. But why were either necessary?)

The whirling torrent of thoughts coursing through his mind were almost painful in their relentless assault, but he had to keep them in. He had to play the part of the compliant, trustful drone. He needed his magic back.

“Through your own words and others’ testimony, we have determined that you possess both projectile and gravitational magic. Is this correct?” (Shit.) The human stared at Sans while he ran through dozens of possible responses in his head. In the end, he decided upon the answer that would raise the fewest questions.

“Yup.”

The look of disassociated interest intensified. “Excellent.” A single hand strayed to the back of Sans’ head, and applied just enough pressure to indicate that he should move towards the table. (Don’t freak out don’t freak out just obey be good obEY OBEY-)

Sans took three careful steps forward and gingerly placed his phalanges on the edge.

“As you can see, a plank of wood has been placed in the center of the table.” An entirely unnecessary wave of the hand accompanied the statement, as if Sans wouldn’t understand which object was being referred to. “While you don’t have much extra magic today, we estimated that you should have enough to pierce the plank. Get a sense for using your powers after so long without them, you know.”

(No, he didn’t know. Magic came to monsters as easily as eating. It was just as stupid to imply that he would have forgotten how to use basic attack magic as it would be to imply that a starving beast would forget how to devour a corpse. …Not that these crazy fuckwits would understand that.)

He had to play it cool. Gather some information, maybe. He glanced back at the table and honed in on the metal instruments. “Oh, uhh, yeah, of course.” A pause. “You wanting me to do anythin’ with the other stuff? The shiny bits? Stab them through with another bone or just punch ‘em with my bare fists or somethin’?”

The gangly mouthpiece of the group raised an eyebrow, probably confused as to why the board hadn’t already been eviscerated. “No. Pay them no mind.” His tone was somewhere in between chiding and irritated.

(Could he push a little harder without seeming too suspicious?)

“Isn’t it a little dangerous to have all of these sharp objects around a magical field? I mean, what if they got knocked off and hit someone in the phalan- foot?” Two humans across from Sans exchanged glances, while the talkative one adopted a face of unadulterated exasperation.

“They’re stable and attached to the surface. They have been requested to enhance your safety. Now, the wood?”

(Safety. Code word for “shut up, we aren’t going to tell you.”)

Sans made sure to hide his sigh as he focused on targeting the plank. A familiar heat rushed into his left socket and arm. His soul pulsed wildly as it fed magic into his body; his emotions burned brightly and free, screaming to take physical form. He allowed his anger at the humans, for killing his king, for imprisoning him, for crushing his brother’s dreams to be directed at the simple board.

CrRRK!

A thin, spindly bone bore through the wood. Sure, it wasn’t a very impressive attack, but it was all that he could manage considering his incredibly low magic reserves.

At least the humans seemed delighted. A few had even allowed their impassive masks to break, revealing surprisingly innocent expressions of wonder. (Maybe, in another life, the entire population of the room could have enjoyed a picnic together. Eaten some spaghetti, laughed over some puns… heh, what a joke.)

————–

Papyrus was miraculously asleep, and Sans had been able to convince Doc that he was feeling horrifically ill and needed to join his brother in the comforting nothingness of unconsciousness.

Today would have been another “Applied Magic” day. The sessions were getting more frequent, and he was getting larger portions of food more often. This also meant that he had been able to squirrel away food almost every day.

His stash, located in a hole that he had carefully sliced into the side of his thin mattress, now contained enough food to account for two meals. Maybe it was a bit of an overkill, but he had to make sure that he could shortcut at a moment’s notice. Today, he would be doing some snooping. He was going to find out what all of this rehabilitative nonsense was really about.

(If nonviolence was all they wanted, Papyrus would have been out months ago. In a more perfect world, he never would have raised arms another creature in his life.)

With one final look back at Papyrus (remember who all of this is for), Sans gathered his concentration and prayed that no one was using the hallway outside of Conference Room 5. Now, he just had to imagine that his room’s door was open, and that instead of leading to its typical destination, it led to Conference Room 5’s destination. He closed his sockets, took a step forward…

And when he opened them again, he was alone in a bleach-white hallway.

He turned around, and came face to face with cleanly stenciled text:

Conference Room 5

(Thank heavens.)

Now, if he were a human, where would he store data outputs? (Well, either a storage closet, or a lab. Duh.) But where exactly would that lab be?

…

Time for some good ol’ fashioned trial and error.

With as much haste as he dared, Sans scrambled through hallway after hallway, peeking around every corner and fixating on every passing soul. (He paused for a moment just outside of a door concealing a soul that called out to him, and had the uncanny urge to drop his mission then and there and bust out a knock-knock joke. With a pang of remorse, he pulled himself away from it and continued down the twisting halls.) Once, he even had to dive into a wall and shortcut around the corner, just barely avoiding detection by a man in a sweater vest.

The close call turned out to be a blessing in disguise. His shortcut spat him out in front of a heavy white door with just the label he was looking for: Filing Room.

Resisting a dance of joy, he grabbed the sleek handle and twisted it slowly, as if the speed at which he opened the door would determine whether or not a human was lying in wait. (Please let the room be empty please let the room be empty-)

By a second stroke of luck, the door revealed nothing but a darkened room full of shelves, piled high with folders, papers, and glass vessels of all kinds. Sans stepped onto the carpeted floor and closed the door behind him. The room was now pitch black. All it took was a bit of fumbling around on the wall to find a light switch, thank fuck, to brighten it up like a Gryftmas tree. The search could now commence.

It wasn’t long before Sans learned that if there was one thing dedicated humans excelled at, it was organization. Despite the cluttered appearance of the shelves, they were alphabetized perfectly. It was more than he could say for his own lab notes. He absentmindedly ran his hand across a stray folder’s label: Cannibalism.

(Nope.)

He ran several shelves down and checked another folder: Snowdrake, Composition. He didn’t stop to take in the fact that the folder was propped up by two jars of grey powder. He had to stay focused.

Two shelves in the opposite direction revealed a more promising Manticore, Behaviors. His goal was almost in reach. One shelf to the left was full of folders and collections of paper labeled Magic. Bingo. Now, if only he could figure out what he was looking for, exactly. Skimming the labels might help him narrow his search a bit…

Magic, Theory. Magic, Typology. Magic, Usage. Magic, Weaponization. Magic- (Wait.)

With a shaking hand, he pulled the Magic, Weaponization file from its place on the shelf. Several papers fell from the folder to the floor.

He picked one up and began reading.

“…and if the explosion at Mt. Ebott was any indication, this power can be converted into a highly concentrated, destructive form. Interrogation upon various subjects has revealed that consumption of a human soul by a monster can lead to a metamorphosis of sorts, creating a monster as massive as Asgore Dreemurr. With the right training, a monster such as this could be a valuable offensive asset to the armed forces…”

(No. Oh, no. Papyrus, no-)

Crrrreeeeek.

Sans froze, paper still in hand. Someone was behind him. Someone had just entered the room.

“M-monster? Put that down, and don’t move!”

Sans didn’t spare a second to see who was talking. He had to get back to his brother. Now.

He made a dive for the wall, closed his eyes, and…

“OOF!”

…crashed into something very boney. “SANS? WHERE- Where were you? And why are you using magic?”

Without even meeting Papyrus’ gaze, Sans threw himself toward his mattress and tore open the side. Enchanted food - a few apples, half of an astoundingly intact sandwich, a bag of chisps, and several packets of mustard that he’d earned for exemplary behavior - tumbled to the floor. He launched an apple toward Papyrus, who caught it with relative ease. Sans himself sliced open the bag of potato chisps with a canine tooth and shoved a handful into his mouth.

“Mnfph. Regain as much magic as ya can, Paps. We’re - crunch - bustin’ outta this joint. We got two minutes before I’m makin’ a run for it.”

Papyrus seemed to be visibly fighting his instinct to chastise Sans for his manners. In the end, he settled for digging into the apple before kneeling with his back to his brother on the floor. “Eh-hm. THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS MUST OBJECT TO YOU ‘MAKING A RUN FOR IT,’ RUNT. DUE TO MY SUPERIOR SPEED, I WILL HANDLE THE RUNNING. YOU WILL HANDLE THE DECIMATION OF ANYTHING THAT STANDS IN OUR WAY.” He looked over his scapula and shot Sans a withering glance. “THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU PUT YOUR ARMS OVER MY CLAVICLES AND I SUPPORT YOUR FEMURS WITH MY HANDS.”

With one last crunch of a chisp, Sans obliged, and pressed himself up against his brother’s back. The close proximity of the duo’s souls eased Sans’ worries ever so slightly. His grin felt a little bit less forced as Papyrus rose to his feet.

(Now, where might an exit be? Well, he was always taken left to visit Doc and the winding hallways had been left as well… Right, then. It was the best guess he had.)

“Bro? Close your sockets, and walk into the door. We’re taking a shortcut. When we emerge, start running, no matter who or what is out there. Got it?”

A shimmering burst of confidence from Papyrus’ soul told Sans all he needed to know. He felt his brother take a careful step forward…

Take a deep, albeit unnecessary breath…

…and take off flying. Sans flicked his sockets open and readjusted his eyelights to better take in the bright surroundings. Doors whizzed past the two at incredible speeds. (Whoa. He’d forgotten just how quickly one could run with the aid of longer legs.)

His soul nearly stopped beating when he heard voices carrying down the hallway.

“We’ll need to check cell twenty-five. Davies claimed that a skeleton monster was loose near the storage rooms.”

“And you believed the old kook? Lord knows she’s halfway to a psychotic breakdown with the shit she’s done here.”

Papyrus sprinted around a corner only to come face to face with a trio of chattering humans. For a moment, no one moved a muscle.

Then, everything leapt into motion all at once. Two of the humans barreled toward the skeletons while the third pulled a small, grey box from their belt and frantically shouted something into it. Sans, on the other hand, wordlessly tapped the side of his brother’s skull and pointed to the wall. Trust flowed freely between the two as Papyrus pressed his sockets shut and ran towards the concrete without a second thought. Reality began to shift.

Once it had straightened itself out again, the skeletons were behind the group of humans. From then on, the two moved as one, Papyrus blindly running forward and Sans casting shortcuts to put precious distance between them and their pursuers.

Both had nearly collapsed in exhaustion by the time they reached their goal.

Two windowed doors stood stoically, displaying green on the other side. Somehow, it barely seemed real. Months had passed in wait of this moment, and the days of the facility were very nearly behind them.

Papyrus, as if in a trance, placed a hand on the handle and pushed. It didn’t budge.

That was okay, though. Sans still had another shortcut in him. A single snap of his fingers, and the two were on the other side of the doors.

There were no words for the sight that greeted them. To most, it would seem perfectly ordinary. Green grass bordered a parking lot filled with vehicles of all shapes and sizes. A wing of the building rose up on their right, red bricks faded and mossy yet still perfectly intact. A few dandelions bloomed in the field beyond. All was still.

All was peaceful.

No sight, however, could compare to the magnificent colors that painted the sky. Directly above the duo’s heads, blue became a soft purple where fluffy clouds rested in the sky. Closer to the horizon, the purple became pink, then red, and then orange. And at the center of it all was the sun.

It was brilliant in its majesty. Radiant, powerful, and all-consuming.

Papyrus was the first to break the awestruck silence.

“Sans? It’s so… so beautifu-”

BANG!

Suddenly, Sans found himself falling at full speed toward the ground.

His landing was cushioned by a pile of… ash? It was soft, and warm, and welcoming. As he moved his legs to right himself, it was stirred into the air, and clung to him as it settled back down. (Where did-?)

“Papyrus?”

BANG!

#hawk's writing #fanfic contest #undertale #underfell #sans #papyrus #cw: violence #cw: death

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adrenalineguide · 7 years ago

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Volkswagen Atlas and Toyota 4Runner TRD Pro

Text and Photos by Michael Hozjan

Volkswagen Atlas: Getting it right

I wasn’t supposed to like the Atlas. It’s big, square and the furthest departure from what we’re used to from Volkswagen in the company’s history. They call it a seven-passenger. Hell, in the sixties my buddy’s parents stuffed more people into a Beetle. I’d hate to see how many kids and adults they’d fit into the Atlas!

Like I said I wasn’t supposed to like the Atlas and I don’t. I love it. Volkswagen has gone out and broken all the rules and given us a behemoth (it’s nearly 200 inches long) that’s as easy to drive as a compact sedan, is as smooth as a limo and then turns around and is as agile as a sporty sedan.

The Atlas doesn’t replace any outgoing model as we were led to believe. It’s an all-new model geared for the big gulp, super-size me, generation. Unlike other mid-size SUVs like the Ford Explorer and Honda Pilot whose greenhouses feel claustrophobic despite their seven and eight passenger cargo ability, the Atlas feels airy. No matter which of the three rows of seats you choose, foot, leg and elbowroom is abundant. Slide the second row all the way back and your passengers can actually cross their legs (shades of 1950 Cadillacs)! Likewise getting into the third row seat, usually a backbreaking chore left for the rug rats, is a cinch even for adults thanks to the folding and sliding second row seat, which can be articulated with one hand. Incidentally the third row is an option and VW also has second row captain’s chairs on the options list (standard on the Execline).

While we await the arrival of Volkswagen’s new minivan, the Atlas can serve as both a people and cargo mover thanks to a whopping 97 cubic feet of space with the second and third row seats folded. Even with all the seats up there’s still an impressive 21 cubic feet behind the third row. Both rear row seats split to offer a slew of seating/cargo carrying capabilities. Need more space; the Atlas has a 5,000 lb towing capacity (V6 model).

Oh and did I say the Atlas’ interior is quiet. Very quiet. That is until you turn up the sound on the sat radio through the intuitive touch screen of the infotainment system and light up the Fender speakers peppered throughout the truck. Honda, Fiat, Alfa and a slew of other manufacturers should take note of the VW’s user-friendly (read uncomplicated), instinctively placed infotainement controls.

The Atlas is available in front-wheel-drive and VW’s 4Motion all-wheel-drive. You get a choice of two engine options; a 2.0L turbo charged four that develops 235 horses and 258 lb.ft. of torque or the 276 horsepower 3.6L V-6 that produces that delivers 266 lb.ft. of torque. Both connect to an 8-speed automatic tranny with Tiptronic.

Ever been frustrated where to stow your blind? VW has the answer.

Duh!

Oh come on!

A friend of mine who worked at a local VW dealer once told me how a fellow mechanic would use the term Mickey Mouse to describe a non-useful item on a car or an item with no design sense what so ever. The term stuck. The fake twin exhaust tips (above) are the first time I’ve used it on a VW product. Yes that’s the real exhaust pipe under the fake one!

Prices start at $35,690 for the 2.0L powered Trendline, which is almost in par with the lid trim line price of the smaller Tiguan. Next up the ladder is the Comfortline at $39,690 with such amenities as adaptive cruise control, heated front seats and washer nozzles, pedestrian detection and sat radio added. My Highline starts at $48,990 and nets you the V6 plus a power tailgate, heated tushies for the rear seat passengers, panoramic sunroof and ventilated front seats. The good news is it’s still priced under the entry level Toureg! Then there’s the top of the line Execline which starts at $52,540 which adds 20” wheels, 12 fender speakers, a digital cockpit, park and lane assist…

Our Kurkuma Yellow Metallic Atlas drew a lot of attention and one or two even liked the color!

Price as tested: $51,524

Toyota 4Runner TRD Pro: Old school cool

“I can’t believe they’re still making this dinosaur!” exclaimed Eric Descarries, my co scribe, here at Adrenaline Auto Guides.

“Yup, and I’m glad they do.” Came my response.

Obviously we have different visions of what an SUV should be. Eric is of the new school, unibody construction. I on the other hand, still lean more towards the old body-on-frame construction. Maybe it’s the hot rodder or the off-roader in me.

Oh I know I’ll have lots of letters about how unibodied cars have crumple zones to keep their occupants safer than their body-on-frame counterparts and how unibodied cars have withstood the test of time when it comes to rust.

It all depends on what your definition of a SPORT-UTILITY vehicle is, and over the years the term seems to have lost it’s meaning. Today most SUVs are little more than overgrown station wagons with all wheel drive. That’s precisely why we have nonsensical terms like crossover. To me a sport-utility meant you could haul all your gear deep into the woods or across the desert in relative comfort protected from the elements, unlike a 4x4 pickup where your gear would be exposed. The sport portion was more towards hunting, fishing, crossing deep ruts and deeper mud holes, making it to the lot where you hoped to one day build your cabin. And utility meant the truck would be able to haul your construction materials/gear up with you. It didn’t mean how many rug rats you can haul to the baseball diamond – which is what it seems like today’s so called SUVs are all about, even our beloved VW Atlas falls into that category.

The early Jeep Wagoneers, Ford Broncos and Chevrolet Jimmys are a prime example of what I’m talking about. Oh and off-roading doesn’t mean going through the 8 inch trench the construction crew dug up on your street. I’ve taken sports cars through deeper holes.

What makes the Toyota 4Runner the last true sport-utility? To begin with I’ll echo my previous statement, it’s a rugged, utilitarian that will just about go anywhere. While most SUVs, crossovers and the like are built on car-based chassis, the 4Runner still gets its DNA from a pickup.

From a performance aspect, all 4Runners, regardless of which of the five trim packages you opt for are powered by a 4.0 liter, 270 hp, V6 that pumps out 278 lb-ft of torque mated to a five-speed automatic transmission. My Toyota Racing Development Pro (there’s also a TRD Off Road) came with 4-wheel crawl control, TRD Bilstein high-performance shocks with remote reservoirs, TRD-tuned front springs, 17” black aluminum wheels with 31.5" Nitto Terra Grappler all-terrain tires. A locking rear differential, Multi-Terrain Select system and Downhill Assist Control all work in conjunction to get you in and out of the toughest trails. The four-wheel-drive system is of the part-time variety and can be engaged with a manually operated transfer case. Hey these systems, like the 5-speed automatic are bulletproof and have proven themselves over the years. Adding some macho visual appeal while protecting your ride from rocks and logs is a heavy-duty aluminum skid plate mounted up front.

Oh and yes the TRD did get plenty of admiring stares and thumbs up.

As capable as the 4Runner is in the rough, on the road the Toyota doles out a smooth, comfortable ride despite the noisy off-road tires. If there’s a downside to the 4Runner it’s the truck’s off-road traits translate into more sway than usual when doing quick lane changes. The five-speed automatic may be great for tackling the Rubicon but on the highway the truck could also use an extra gear. Let’s not forget the 4Runner hasn’t had a major upgrade in years.

My sunroof-equipped tester’s interior was more truck-like than car-like with large buttons that can easily be manipulated even with gloves. Fit and finish is Toyota quality. Red stitching on the black leatherette seating is a nice touch and rear seat passengers get a provision to tilt their seat backs for added comfort. There is a third row option on the other trim lines. The tester offered an impressive 47 cu.ft. of cargo space behind the second row seats – that’s one of the largest trunks in the midsize SUV category. But what truly sold me on the 4Runner is the opening rear window, a feature that has disappeared off the SUV/crossover/station wagon landscape and something that all of my friends with SUVs have wished for.

The tall off-road tires and ride height make ingress and egress a challenge, but isn’t as bad as the first generation. Showing the truck’s age is the lack of techno gadgetry such as blind-spot monitoring and lane departure warning. You’ll have to old school it and pay attention to the road! However, Vehicle Stability Control, Active Traction Control and trailer sway control are all part of the base vehicle, which starts at $44,800. The TRD Pro package adds another $7395 to the tag. The Toyota can tow 5,000 lbs, only the Grand Cherokee and Dodge Durango can tow more, 7,400 lbs.

If your looking for a large station wagon with all-wheel drive and car like ride, look elsewhere, this Toyota is not for you, But if you want a rugged, tough workhorse that will carry you, your buds and your gear over any kind of terrain, your choices are very limited and none has the opening rear window on the hatch. Add Toyota’s high resale value and the choice gets narrower.

At the end of my tenure with the 4Runner I must admit it was hard to surrender it. Like the Jeep Wrangler, it may not be the greenest vehicle, I managed to squeeze out 12.5L/100kms of the good stuff, but the feel of the truck is so unique and yes it’s smoother than the Wrangler.

Price as tested: $54, 083.47

#toyota #4runner #jeep #vw #atlas #wagoneer #wrangler #suv

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unsung-heroesofmobius · 7 years ago

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Impossible Odds

“What do we have here? A bunch of cuddly creatures from the forest and a crippled child’s toy. This is pathetic. Hopefully you’ll put up more of a fight than you look as I tear off your heads.”

“And you’re supposed to be a threat? You just look like an overroided up human with a bunch of weapons like the blonde idiot here. You don’t scare me.” Shadow rushed at the behemoth of metal, leaping and delivering a kick, which bounced off the armour. “What?”

“That’s cute.” Durge punched the experiment in the face as he was returning to the ground. Shadow would be blown back into a tree, hitting it with significant force and breaking the trunk.

“SHADOW! What in chaos’ name are we dealing with here?” Rouge asked, turning to the shaken hedgehog who was staring at this spectre from the past.

Jerard had to process for a few moments before snapping to reality, still trembling. “I-it’s....He’s a bounty hunter from my galaxy. He’s a juggernaut that tore through some of the most powerful beings in the galaxy. The only way we managed to kill him was shooting him into the sun.”

“BLAST IT INTO OBLIVION. I LIKE THIS PLAN!”

“Hang on, big guy. There’s more to this than that, isn’t there?”

Jerard nodded slowly. “Think your ebony asshole friend with an actual desire to kill. He’ll heal almost any wound.”

“I hear you all talking about me while I’m right here. Don’t you know that’s rude?” He brings his fist down at them, forcing them to disperse as Durge made a crater with the impact. “I’m going to keep pushing until one of you actually tries to attack. Go on. Make it interesting.”

Jerard crashed onto the ground with a thud while the others landed with more grace and control. Rouge tried to get a good look at the alien to see if she could find any weak points. “Rob? Can you jam any of his joints?” She suggested. The archer aimed a second metal bow at one of the joints, getting the arrow wedged in between the armour plates.

Durge’s response was merely to flex, snapping the arrow between his armour. “Now you see, that makes me mad. You two are going to die first, and I’ll make the others watch.”

Rob’s eyes went wide at that. “So, madam. Any other bright ideas?”

“Strategic Retreat?”

“I CAN TAKE HIM.” Omega commented as he assaulted the beast with what remained of his active weaponry, unloading bullets, missiles, mortars, and bombs into Durge. The other two mobians had to retreat a distance away to avoid the shrapnel. “THERE. OBLIVION.”

When the dust cloud cleared, the alien figure still stood, just charred and scorched here and there from the ballistics and explosions.

“ALRIGHT, DROID! IF THAT’S HOW YOU WANT IT, I’LL TURN YOU INTO SCRAP!” Durge rushed at Omega, tackling through him and pushing him over just like Shadow. He grabbed the E-100′s arm and ripped it from it’s owner. “Now for the Rest of your metal ass, you upstart clanker!”

“I’LL BITE YER LEGS OFF!!”

A black homing attack would catch the bounty hunter off-guard as Shadow had come to and started getting physical with the alien again.

“You caught me off-guard once, but that won’t happen again. I will protect this planet from scum like you and that fugitive.”

“Your spine should have been broken from that attack. You’re more durable than I thought. I might actually get some enjoyment out of pummelling you into the dirt.”

The spy and the archer hurry over to the mercenary that was still sitting there in fear, staring at the metal beast that’s been unleashed.

“Sir Jerard. We need your experience and guidance. You are the only one who knows of this foe. You can defeat him.”

“As much as Shadow might hate it, Rob is right. If this....thing, is something you’re familiar with, then you HAVE to know some kind a weakness. A chink in the armour? Maybe EMPs? You’re a mercenary. Do you have any poisons of anything?”

Jerard shook his head slowly. “He’ll just regenerate and recover, and he’ll keep fighting until there’s no one left on the planet. There’s nothing in my arsenal even back in the day that could effectively stop him.”

Rob shook the blonde hedgehog. “Have you not been listening? I’ve been trying to tell you, this isn’t the beast you knew. This is an illusion born from your fears and sustained by magic. Whatever it used to be is dead, and will be dead forever. You must conquer your FEAR here and now if we are supposed to survive this. Think back to your friends, here on Mobius. You told me you made some. What would they think if you let this creature roam free and destroy everything as you say? Who’s to say it won’t chase them and go after others?”

“If it is part of your culture to fight, hunt, and win wars, then fight! Beat back this fear and take this monster down.” Rob let go of Jerard and stood up. “Because if you cannot, then I will fight and die here protecting my people.” He grabbed an arrow from his quiver and turned, heading into the fight between Durge and Shadow who were clashing and destroying the forest around them.

Rouge looked at Jerard, who still had a face of terror, but it seemed to be softening a bit as he processed Rob’s words. She groaned. “If that’s not enough motivation, then just think about kicking Tower’s ass. That sure got you itching to fight G.U.N.’s best team. I’m sure it’ll get you to fight this thing.”

She placed her hand on her face and pinched the bridge of her muzzle. “I can’t believe I’m actually going in to fight.” She leapt into the air and started her own assault on the nearly invincible foe they now faced, and Jerard was left to his own thoughts...

#Drabble #IC #v; Pre-SGW #Jerard Kal #Self-Discovery Event

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ebenpink · 6 years ago

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Can Keto and Cardio Mix? https://ift.tt/2GQcsA9

We get lots of questions about how a ketogenic diet works in the context of exercise: Is it possible to maintain one’s fitness (strength, endurance, performance) and also drop one’s carb intake to ketogenic levels? Is it advisable? Will it help me lose weight faster?

Mark already addressed some of these topics, but it’s clear that many people still feel uncertain about how to pair a keto diet with their current workout routine.

Rather than write a single behemoth post, I’m going to tackle this in two parts. For today, let me talk keto and cardio, specifically how keto works for the average fitness enthusiast who thinks more in terms of general exercise. In a couple weeks I’ll follow up with a post on keto for runners and other endurance types who tend to focus on training programs and racing.

So, keto and cardio… This is for people who like to attend group fitness classes, or go out for jogs or spins on the bike, or do a mix of low heart rate exercise with occasional bouts of HIIT. (This is a problem with the term “cardio”—it can mean so many things.)

You probably already know Mark’s stance on cardio: avoid chronic cardio exercise patterns. The Primal Blueprint approach to exercise comprises lots of everyday movement, lifting heavy things, and occasionally going all out. If you simply must do cardio, most of these sessions should be conducted at an aerobic heart rate not higher than 180-age, as detailed in the Primal Endurance book. So, with the caveat that cardio exercise in the traditional sense of slogging away on an elliptical machine or treadmill doesn’t jibe with the Primal Blueprint approach, let’s get to some frequently asked questions.

Will My Workouts Suffer When I Go Keto?

This is a common concern because some people do report that they feel sluggish when they first go keto. And yes, you might feel like your performance in the gym (cardio, strength, HIIT—all of it) takes a hit in the first few weeks of keto. Rest assured that this is a temporary dip as your body becomes efficient at using fat and ketones for energy in the absence of incoming carbs (glucose). It’s a learning process for your body, so to speak.

The more glycolytic your workouts, the more you are going to notice this. Prolonged, difficult workouts that fall into the category of chronic cardio or “black hole” sessions are especially likely to suffer.

To help mitigate temporary performance decrements during the transition to keto:

Dial back the intensity and/or frequency of your workouts for a few weeks. Trade some of your more intense cardio (and strength) sessions for walks, yoga or Pilates, or other gentle forms of movement.

Mind your electrolytes. If you are feeling weak or lightheaded, if you get a headache, or you just feel “off,” this is likely due to electrolyte imbalance. Try adding ¼ – ½ teaspoon of salt to a glass of water with lemon juice and see if that helps. You want to make sure you are getting 4.5 grams of sodium, 300-400 mg of magnesium, and 1-2 grams of potassium each day on top of your normal food.

While your body is making the switch, give it plenty of fuel. Consume extra fat and eat plenty of calories. If fat loss is a goal, you can adjust your macros and calories as needed once you are feeling in the groove with keto.

Tough it out. Don’t cave and add carbs in the first few weeks (see the next point). Know that this is temporary, and you should be back to normal within three to six weeks.

Do I Need To Add Back Carbs To Fuel My Workouts?

During the first few weeks of starting keto, you should not add back carbs. It is important to create a low-glucose, low-insulin environment to promote ketogenesis and the adaptations that accompany a ketogenic state. If your workouts are too hard right now, the correct answer is to change your workouts, not to increase your carbs.

After you have done a dedicated period of a minimum three weeks of strict keto—six or more is even better—you should be feeling better during your workouts if you are not engaging in prolonged, chronic cardio activities. (It might take longer to adapt to longer endurance training, as we will discuss in the next installment.) At this point you have some options:

One, you can continue in strict ketosis (less than 50 grams of carb per day) as long as you are feeling good.

Two, you can start experimenting with eating carbs strategically before your workouts. This is known as a targeted keto approach. There are various ways of implementing this, but the basic formula is that you would ingest 25-30 grams of glucose or dextrose (not fructose) about half an hour before high-intensity workouts to replenish muscle glycogen.

There are a few caveats here. First, most sources of glucose/dextrose are not Primal (think hard candy, gels). Probably the closest is pure maple syrup, but that also delivers a hit of fructose. If you are a Primal purist, you will have to decide if this is a compromise you want to make. Second, people tend to overestimate the degree to which they are actually low on glycogen and how much it matters. It is a common misconception that once you go keto you have “no glycogen.” While muscle glycogen stores are reduced, your tanks are probably still at least 50% full, and perhaps on par with non-ketogenic folks if you have been keto for a long time. Furthermore, the average low-to-medium intensity cardio session isn’t truly depleting glycogen. Remember, the point of becoming fat- and keto-adapted is that you burn predominantly fat and ketones at these lower intensities, sparing glycogen. You have to go hard and/or long to really burn through your muscle glycogen stores. Thus, you should target pre-workout carbs only before truly high-intensity sessions.

Instead of adding simple carbs before workouts, another option if you feel like you need more carbs is to add back nutrient-dense carbs after workouts, when insulin sensitivity is increased. This might make sense if you feel like your ability to recover between workouts is lagging, or you want to recover quickly because you have back-to-back hard sessions planned. In either case—adding carbs before or after exercise—the amount you add should be proportional to the difficulty (intensity) of the workout. You don’t need to carb up for your yin yoga class, for example.

Lastly, if you are feeling underpowered during exercise, instead of adding back carbs you can experiment with adding more protein and/or fat. Some people report good success with “protein ups” timed around heavier workout days.

Will Adding Keto to My Cardio Routine Help Me Lose Weight?

Maybe. It’s a common refrain that “abs are built in the kitchen,” meaning that your food plays a bigger role in fat loss than does your exercise. This isn’t to say exercise is unimportant; it does matter. A caloric deficit is necessary to lose body fat, and exercise is one way to create a caloric deficit. However, this can also backfire if your exercise routine leaves you hungrier, so you unintentionally overeat calories due to increased hunger and cravings. Ketones have known appetite suppressing effects, so a ketogenic diet might help counteract any increased hunger that comes with exercise.

That said, I think the root of this question is the fact that ketosis is a fat-burning state, and so the logic goes that if you are metabolizing fat for energy, you will automatically shrink your body fat stores. Moreover, if you add keto and cardio together, especially if you are exercising in the so-called “fat-burning zone,” you will lose more fat than either alone. Right? Not necessarily. The fat you burn can come from your adipose tissue or from your plate. If you are eating an excess of fat calories relative to your daily caloric needs, you still won’t lose body fat.

We know that for body recomposition, the best bang for your buck comes from a combo of resistance training and HIIT. Cardio exercise still has many benefits for physical and mental health, and of course a lot of people simply enjoy their cardio; but you shouldn’t be putting all your eggs in the cardio basket if fat loss is your goal. All else being equal, though, it certainly can’t hurt to upregulate your body’s ability to use fat for energy.

Summary Recommendations:

When first starting out with keto, follow the recommendations laid out in The Keto Reset Diet, and be strict for at least three weeks.

If you are struggling in your cardio workouts during this period, don’t add back carbs! Dial back your workouts, add calories (via fat or protein), or both.

Once you believe you are keto-adapted, then you can start to experiment with targeted carbs and/or carb ups if you so choose.

No matter your diet, avoid chronic cardio exercise patterns that increase stress and your body’s demand for glucose.

Check out this post for additional tips for exercising while keto.

Thanks, everyone. Questions, comments? Share them below, and have a good week.

References:

Koeslag T, Noakes T, Sloan A. Post-exercise ketosis. J Physiol 1980;301;79-90.

Malhotra A, Noakes T, Phinney S. It is time to bust the myth of physical inactivity and obesity: you cannot outrun a bad diet. Br J Sports Med 2015;49:967-968. Matoulek M, Svobodova S, Vetrovska R, Stranska Z, Svacina S. Post-exercise changes of beta hydroxybutyrate as a predictor of weight changes. Physiol Res. 2014;63 Suppl 2:S321-5.

Newman JC, Verdin E. ?-hydroxybutyrate: much more than a metabolite. Diabetes Res Clin Pract. 2014;106(2):173-81.

Sleiman SF, Henry J, Al-Haddad R, et al. Exercise promotes the expression of brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) through the action of the ketone body ?-hydroxybutyrate. Elife. 2016;5:e15092.

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fantasticalscholar-blog · 7 years ago

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Making Monsters

Hello everyone! Been a little while, hasn’t it? Hope you’re having a wonderful day; today’s topic? Monster creation!

It only makes sense that, in a world populated with powerful paragons of justice and heroism (maybe...?), it only makes sense there should be just as dastardly demons and ferocious foes to do battle against these PC’s!

When it comes time to creating a monster, the process is fairly similar to creating a PC, aside from the fact you’re going to notice a few things;

Monsters have a LOT more HP and MP: Don’t freak out if this is the case (which it probably will be). It may seem like a foe with well over 1,000 HP will be incredibly difficult, if not impossible to take down; but remember that the party will have just as incredible weaponry and abilities to whittle that down.

Monsters use the same stats as a PC: So there are no unique stats to monsters, and they have levels just like a player does. Anything from Destiny, to AVD, to Force; all are things Monsters can have.

Monsters don’t really use ‘weapons’: To calculate how much damage a monster will do at base, take a look at pg. 626 in the PDF! I’ll explain more about that in a bit!

Monsters don’t wear ‘armor’: Again, like damage, there is a different way to go about formulating PARM and MARM; you can find this information on Pg. 259.

You’ll see that the ‘Monster Manual’ in the back is fairly small: No worries. It really is a nice, easy process to make custom monsters, and Square Enix has PLENTY of material from their own games for you to get inspired from. And at the end of this post, I’ll share my google slides presentation that already has a fairly full roster of baddies for your viewing (and using!) pleasure!

So then! With all of that out of the way, let’s tackle Monsters!

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Above is an image of how I typically organize Monsters on my google slides, as well as the base slides I would use for making a monster! Though you of course can format the look however you’d like!

So now that you can see an example, let’s walk through the process.

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Monster Player Relations and Monster 'AI’

Really, a minor thing, but very important; different Mosnters in your worlds will have very different personalities. Some are flighty, some are moody, some are just downright bloodthirsty. Dust provided several classifications for these monsters to describe their Attitudes towards players. I personally use a lot of Hostile monsters for most of my battles, but other settings may allow for more dynamics with Monster aggression.

I won’t describe the attitudes since Dust does a good job about it on page 254, but I will quickly discuss my approach to Monster AI.

For the most part, a creature’s intelligence should determine how they fight; more feral monstrous foes will attack without prejudice, while more cunning foes may look for something in particular. Here are my personal categories:

Feral: Monsters like this don’t care who they attack. So long as they’re in range and they’re in battle, they’re on the menu! However, they and any other allies with a similar AI may be more likely to target foes who have dealt more damage to them.

Commanded: Monsters with this AI have a direct order from some higher power than them; they will follow this order to the very end. This may change mid battle, and if the creature is a coward or hot head, they may stray from their original plan.

Bully: With this AI, monsters will react accordingly to the flow of battle. If an ally is struggling and is low on HP, any enemy with this AI will quickly gang up on the PC. Otherwise, they will act very similarly to the Feral AI.

Cautious: A Cautious creature will typically not attack until they themselves are assaulted. Whether or not this is because they are a passive creature and have no qualms with the party, or the fact they wish to analyze the party first, this is a potential build for more sentient creatures.

Grudge: A monster with a Grudge AI will most likely seek out to only harm one particular Party Member. Probably goes without saying, but they will do anything in their power to take down this PC. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Support: A Support AI will seek first to heal their allies before attacking the party. Selfish or particularly intelligent Support AI’s will first ensure their safety, and then aid their ally. They will likely also be among the first monsters to flee.

Tactician: Monsters with a bit more wit than the average Goblin, they will and take advantage of the party. If they leave the Support Character exposed, or if a fighter continues to use the same technique again and again, these Monsters will learn from the past, and use that to their advantage.

Learned: Similar to Grudge AI’s, a Learned monster may not necessarily know everything, but they are very good at guessing what the Party is like. Typically reserved for omnipotent beings or incredibly wise sages, these Monsters tend to have a bit more insight to the party's capabilities, and right off the bat will usually abuse their shortcomings.

Maybe these AI’s go without saying, and they certainly don’t need to be written down all the time; however, I do think having a general idea of how a Monster fights in battle is important when creating said Monster.

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Monster Types

There are 12 types of monsters described in the FFD6 PDF, which are the following:

Aerial - Most monsters or foes capable of becoming airborne.

Examples: Giant Roc, Sniper Drone, Blimp Frog, Wind Elemental, Pyre Bat

Associated Abilities:

Flight - Grants immunity to Earth elemental attacks, and a +4 AVD against short ranged weapons.

Note: I would argue that there are Aerial enemies that do not need the ability flight. Though seemingly counter-intuitive, I would think of creatures like Angry Penguins, or other flightless birds.

Inhale - Through means of either powerful lungs, magic, wind, etc., the monster may force a character (or even party) to move closer to it with a successful check.

Swarm - The monster is not one, but many entitites. They take only half damage from single target attacks and abilities. But if it targets a group, the entire swarm will be in danger.

Suggested Weaknesses: Thunder, Ice

Amorph - Creatures without form, though usually have been known to create pseudopods and pseudo-orifices.

Examples: Ochre Jelly, Flan, Failed Experiment, Spiteful Breeze, Giant Amoeba.

Associated Abilities:

Unusual Defense - Grants either a resistance to either physical or magical attacks, and in exchange, receives 200% damage from the opposite.

Improved Defenses - Increases a monster’s PARM or MARM stat by 50%.

Multiple Parts - The creature is treated as having a ‘main body’ target, and up to two other parts. Allows an additional standard action with each additional part.

Suggested Weaknesses: Earth, Thunder

Aquan - Ferocious creatures that lie beneath and dwell within the oceans, rivers, and lakes of the world.

Examples: Orange Kraken, Dire Shark, Mermaid, Piranha School, Forgotten Diver

Associated Abilities:

Submerge - Allows the creature to ‘leave the battlefield’ for as long as they would like, allowing them to avoid local or group actions that would normally affect the monster.

Large - Seemingly specific for Aquan monsters, it should also be noted that the fathomless depths allow for humongous, and unimaginable creatures... Creates immunity to knock back.

Specific Habitat - Grants either Avoid or Accuracy bonuses to the creature so long as they remain in their favored biome.

Suggested Weaknesses: Thunder, Ice

Arcana - Creatures whose very existence can be attributed to magical influence. Very good at using magic too...

Examples: Lich, Bomb, Cait Sith, Will-O-Whisp, Crazed Cultist

Associated Abilities:

Magical Counterattack - When hit with a spell, there is a 25% chance the monster may cast a spell it knows if it has enough MP.

Elemental Immunity - An upgrade to elemental resistances, this prevents monster from taking any damage from a particular element.

Flawless Spell - Allows the monster to cast one of its known spells as an instant action once per battle.

Suggested Weaknesses: Consider creating weaknesses in accordance to the magic the Arcana monster wields (a user of the Blizzara spell may have a weakness to fire.)

Beast - Four legged, Bi-pedal, or no legs at all; they come in many shapes. So long as it’s not human, and very likely, feral fauna.

Examples: Behemoth, Dire Bear, Mad Pony, Coeurl, Werewolf

Associated Abilities:

Call for Help - The Monster cries out or signals for help, and within the next turn, more of the same kind of monster will appear.

Counter Attack - After being hit by a physical attack, monsters with this ability have a 25% chance they may automatically perform a physical attack against their offender immediately preceding damage.

Specific Habitat - See above in Aquan

Suggested Weaknesses: Fire, Ice

Construct - An artificial monster that has been either programmed or gained enough sentience to attack nearly anyone who approaches it.

Examples: Steel Golem, Corrupted Android, Mecha-Armor, Haunted House, Evil Toaster.

Associated Abilities:

Regeneration: Through innate magic or taking the time to repair itself, these monsters recover HP equal to their level at the start of every turn.

Vehicle: This ability allows the monster to serve as a mount for a smaller creature. No benefits to the Vehicle monster, but it provides its PARM and MARM score to the creature riding, who also gains a +4 AVD score.

Controlled Defense: Though it is necessary to also have the ability Unusual Dense, a monster with this ability may shift back and forth between resisting physical or magical attacks as an instant action.

Species Specific: It is suggested that Construct Monsters have an immunity to the status ailments Fear, Poison, and Zombie.

Suggested Weaknesses: Thunder, Water

Dragon - Fierce. reptilian-like, and usually lovers of treasure. Fantastical and deadly, many come in Aerial, Aquatic, or Land varieties.

Examples: Bahamut, Knucker, Basilisk, Jormungand, Drake Whelp

Associated Abilities:

Flight or Submerge - See above in Aerial and Aquan

Final Attack - Upon the monster’s HP hitting 0, the creature may perform one pre-determined attack or spell as an instant action. If the action requires MP, they must have enough in reserve.

Fearsome - Whenever a PC attempts to attack a monster with this ability, they must perform a successful Force or Finesse check against the creature, or be struck with Fear until the start of their next turn. May only be taken by Notorious Monsters and Bosses.

Suggested Weaknesses: Varies, though Ice isn’t a bad choice.

Fiend - Generally found in the more evil varieties, Fiends have been known to wield dark magicks and host incredible power.

Examples: Devil Lord, Imp, Incubus, Eldritch Horror, Hellspawn

Associated Abilities:

Undying - Unless reduced to 0 HP under certain conditions, this creature can and will eventually resurrect itself some time after combat has concluded.

Fearsome - See above in Dragon

Impervious - An ability only found in Bosses, this grants the monster immunity to every status effect unless the GM states specific exceptions.

Species Specific: All fiends have a Weakness to Holy, and either a resistance or immunity to Shadow.

Suggested Weaknesses: Holy, and potentially Fire.

Humanoid - Typically creatures that are bipedal and have sentience. They typically tend to live or travel in communities too.

Examples: Gilgamesh, Shock Trooper, Orc, Hill Giant, Hag

Associated Abilities:

Item Use - The creature is able to use a consumable item as a standard action. The PDF says it has to be a recovery item, but I personally feel the item only need be classified as consumable.

Job Ability - The monster is able to choose one Job Ability from any PC Job, and use it once per battle. Restrictions do apply.

Call Minions - The monster summons two different kinds of monsters onto the field, each of them at least two levels lower than their commander.

Suggested Weaknesses: Most humanoids have a weakness to Shadow, and Fire, Ice, or Thunder are nice additions.

Insect - The creepy, crawly monsters of the world. They needn’t actually be an Insect, so to say; just normally something that is an arthropod and would make Tumblr users shiver.

Examples: Purple Worm, Cannibal Beetles, Wasp Swarm, Giant Scorpion, Vampire Butterfly

Associated Abilities:

Swarm - See above in Aerial

Large - See above in Aquan

Multiweapon - Using a literal additional weapon, stinger, claw, or something along these lines, these monsters may re-roll one die with every attack like a dual wielding character.

Suggested Weaknesses: Ice, Wind, Fire, Thunder

Plant - Particularly nasty flora that just so happen to be very lethal and dangerous to your health. Best hope these aren’t in your garden...

Examples: Malboro, Venus Flytrap, Cacutar, Ent, Mandrake

Associated Abilities:

Status Touch - After landing a normal attack, a monster with this ability has a 25% chance to inflict a negative status condition with a successful resistance roll.

Specific Habitat - See above in Aquan

Multiple Parts - See above in Amorph

Suggested Weaknesses: Fire, Ice

Undead - Animated and now cursed with undeath, these monsters come in as many varieties as there are living creatures.

Examples: Death Knight, Ghoul, Huge Zombie, Vampire, Kelpies

Associated Abilities:

Undying - See above in Fiend

Status Touch - See above in Plant

Job Ability - Primarily reserved for the more sentient varieties of Undead. See above in Humanoid

Species Specific: All Undead monsters automatically have the Auto-Zombie status, and have an immunity to Poison.

Suggested Weaknesses: Holy, Fire, Wind

Pretty hefty lookin’ list, huh? Well, I would like to bring us to this next point; monsters are wonderfully flexible. They don’t have to perfectly fit into any of these categories, they may have several categories they fit into, or maybe you might want to make your own! All of these are perfectly fine! In fact, making a monster act out of the ordinary for it’s usual classification probably will make for a memorable battle!

If you want more information on specific monster types, go ahead and look at pages 256-257 in the PDF!

Now that you know about a handful of the types of monsters, let’s look at Monster Difficulty.

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Monster Building

There are four tiers that you use when creating Monsters: Normal, Notorious, Boss, and End Boss monsters.

Normal Monsters: Run of the mill, basic creatures you can normally throw at a party as they run around the world you’ve created. It is suggested that these are the most numerous monsters to be encountered.

For Distributing Stats:

A Normal monster has a base of 24 Attribute Points to distribute among PWR, RES, DEX, and MND, and an additional point for every level they have (i.e. a level 3 monster would have 27 points.)

A Normal Monster’s HP is calculated as follows: The Bonus HP granted by their type plus their RES score. Multiply that by the monster’s level.

Let’s look at the Bugbear as an example. He is a Humanoid monster, so he has a base of 40 HP, his RES score is 12, so it totals out to 52 HP (40+12=52). We multiply that by 3 and get his HP total: 156 HP (52x3=156).

A Normal Monster’s MP is calculated as follows: The Bonus HP granted by their type plus their MND score. Multiply that by the monster’s level.

Again, the Bugbear! He has a base of 5 MP and a MND of 1. Add that together and we get 6 (5+1=6). Multiply 6 by his level, 3, and you get 18 MP in total (6x3=18).

A Normal Monster’s ACC and AVD points are calculated by first using the Monster’s Type bonus, and then add half of the monster’s level to each of these scores.

The Bugbear’s base ACC is 2 and his base AVD is 6. Since he is level 3, we divide this by 2, round down since we get 1.5, and we are back to 1. Thus, his total ACC is going to be 3 and his total AVD is 7.

A Normal Monster’s Force and Finesse are calculated just like a PC’s; take their PWR+RES, and divide by 4 to determine Force, and their DEX+MND divided by 4 to find Finesse.

Let’s look at the Bug Bear’s Force and Finesse: he has a PWR score of 10 and a RES score of 12 (10+12=22). Add these together and we get 22, and then by dividing it, we get 5.5 (22/4=5.5). Round this down, and you get 5 as the Bugbear’s Force. For Finesse, the Bugbear’s DEX is 3, and his MND 1. Add these together and you get 4 (3+1=4), and then divide that by 4 (4/4=1). Thus, his Finesse is 1. : P

A Normal Monster’s Armor is determined by their level. There is a chart found on page 259 that describes how many Armor Points a monster receives that is dependent on their level. With all of the points available, you are able to distribute the points into either the Monster’s Physical Armor (PARM) or Magical Armor (MARM) stats.

As a level 3 monster, the Bugbear naturally has 8 Armor Points. I decided that because he is mainly a physical fighter, I put all of his Armor Points into his PARM stat (8), and nothing into his MARM Stat.

I would normally advise that a monster’s armor points be more evenly distributed, especially depending on the party. This way, everyone will have a chance to feel like their dealing damage. Alternatively, having monster with imbalanced armor points does make for players to have to figure out some strategy...

Finally, a GM needs to ensure and double check that the monster’s they create have affinities to certain elements. In total, there are 9 ‘recognized’ elements in FFD6. They can also be dished out as Physical Damage or Magical Damage:

Earth

Fire

Ice

Lightning/Thunder

Water

Wind

Holy

Shadow

Neutral

A Monster that is Weak to an element or attack receives X2 damage.

A Monster that is Vulnerable to an element or attack receives X1.5 damage.

A Monster that is Resistant to an element or attack receives X0.5 damage

A Monstter that can Absorb an element or attack restores X1.0 HP or MP that would be equivalent to the damage they would have received.

Any given Monster must have:

2 Vulnerabilities or 1 Weakness

2 Resistances or 1 Immunity

It is to my personal tastes that a Monster’s natural resistances, immunities, or vulnerabilities do not need to count in this case, and frankly the monster abilities Elemental Immunity or Elemental Absorption are just icing on the cake. They are not necessary to grant an Absorbance or Immunity.

Monsters can also have status immunities or resistances too! There are no hard set rules in the book, so I would suggest just using good judgement. for your monsters.

This is the basic process I go through when creating monsters! You do the exact same thing for Notorious Monsters, Bosses, and Final Bosses! Here are where things are different for them:

Notorious Monsters: Typically, these are monsters that pack a little bit more punch. They are typically a unique creature, and have a distinct personality. Think of them like side-mission bosses, or a curve ball monster. I personally tend to throw one in every session, or every other session if I’m using a Boss.

AP: Start with 35 Attribute Points PLUS their Level. (The Bugbear would get 38 in total, since it is level 3).

HP: After calculating the Bugbear to have 156 HP, you would then double this number because he is a Notorious Monster, he now having 312 HP.

MP: There is no difference when calculating MP for Notorious Monsters.

ACC & AVD: Notorious Monsters gain an additional +1 to both of these scores.

Force & Finesse: There is no difference when calculating Force or Finesse for Notorious Monsters.

Boss Monsters: Typically a more prominent monster that either commands great power, land, or is just an overall problem for the world. They are very mighty, and shouldn’t really appear all that often. Normally good to serve as a sort of ‘chapter’ closing battle.

AP: Start with 45 Attribute Points PLUS their Level. (The Bugbear would get 48 in total, since it is level 3).

HP: After calculating the Bugbear to have 156 HP, you would then multiply this number by 4 because he is a Boss, he now having 624 HP.

MP: After calculating that the Bugbear has 18 MP, you would then double this number because he is a Boss, the Bugbear now having 36 MP.

ACC & AVD: Bosses gain an additional +2 to both of these scores.

Force & Finesse: Bosses gain an additional +2 to both of these scores.

Special : Bosses are immune to Transform and Charm, and normally instant death attacks.They also possess the Break Damage Limit, allowing them to deal more than 999 damage in a single attack.

End Boss Monsters: The Big Kahuna. The Femme Fatal. The guy with long flowing hair that has way too many ‘true forms’. The weird character you had no idea (COUGHCOUGH) that was going be the root of all of your problems. Often the final monster a party should face, End Bosses are incredibly powerful, and in my opinion, should be reserved only for the Final Battle. That’s not to say that this monster doesn’t appear at an earlier time, but perhaps they are merely a Boss at that point.

AP: Start with 60 Attribute Points PLUS their Level. (The Bugbear would get 63 in total, since it is level 3).

HP: After calculating the Bugbear to have 156 HP, you would then multiply this number by 5 because he is an End Boss, he now having 780 HP.

MP: After calculating that the Bugbear has 18 MP, you would then triple this number because he is an End Boss, the Bugbear now having 54 MP.

ACC & AVD: End Bosses gain an additional +2 to both of these scores.

Force & Finesse: End Bosses gain an additional +2 to both of these scores.

Special : End Bosses are immune to Transform and Charm, and normally instant death attacks.They also possess the Break Damage Limit, allowing them to deal more than 999 damage in a single attack.

Further, End Bosses and even Normal Bosses occasionally have extra forms or additional stages to their battles in Final Fantasy games. To translate this into FFD6, it is advised you have weaker forms of the Boss prepared ahead of time that the players fight sequentially. If you do this, make sure to provide destiny and other rewards after the previous battle concludes, and then you can bring on the now incredibly powerful and potentially over sexy villain/villainess.

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Monster Abilities

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet.

There are Biological and Combat Monster Abilities.

Biological Abilities focus more so on passive abilities a Monster may have, while Combat Abilities have more active effects. Both have and can be affected by the Status Ailment, Seal, if deemed appropriate.

Any Monster at any difficulty may only have as many of these abilities as equivalent to half their level rounding down. So our Bugbear is only able to have 1 ability, since 3/2 is 1.5, rounding down is 1, so I’ve given him Improved Defenses.

But, so say the Bugbear was Level 7, he would instead have 3 abilities he could draw from.

The PDF mentions that monsters may have abilities that they’re stuck with that go towards this count, but I say that’s up to your decision. I know that I, on several occasions, have ignored that rule.

For the complete list of Monster Abilities, go ahead and look at pages 260-262.

Building Monster Attacks

HURRAY! We’ve reached the part where we finally get to design the techniques and attacks that a Monster uses to wipe that cocky/stoic/unenthused look off the PC’s face!

Firstly, all Monsters have Basic Attack. The PDF describes it as the monster not using any weapons or anything fancy, but I would take that with a grain of salt myself.

For a basic attack, look at the chart on page 262: it will let you know how much damage a creature should be dealing normally. And do note that, unless you take the ability Swift Strike, a monster will always use their PWR attribute to calculate damage.

Let’s look at the Bugbear’s basic attack. I gave it flavor text to be Goblin Punch, but it’s just meant to deal damage. Since he’s level 3, the attack will deal PWR X 2 +2d6 Physical Damage.

Now then; the fun stuff.

For the rest of your attacks for you heinous henchman, continue to reference your basic attack, because now you get to modify it a bit.

These Secondary Attacks are what make battles interesting. You an equate them to being things like the Malboro’s Bad Breath move, or the Tonberry’s Chef’s Knife attack.

To build these attacks, look at your Monster’s Finesse stat; since Secondary Attacks require ... We’ll call them ‘Technique Points (TP)’... Each point of Finesse that your Monster grants one technique point (1TP) they have to spend when making an attack.

Since certain additional effects like Instant Death or making the attack range to be Local can be pricey, you may often have to also take ‘refunds’ for TP, like making the action slow, or that the secondary attack deals no damage.

I won’t go through every effect, but we can break down the Bugbear’s secondary Attacks:

Bugbear Smash: So naturally, my Bugbear has a Finesse of 1; this means he only starts out with 1 TP to build attacks. LAME. So! If I want him to do anything really cool, I’m going to have to get some refund points. So for Bugbear Smash, I want to scare my players by having the attack deal an additional damage step (So instead of dealing the normal PWRx2+2d6, the Bugbear would deal PWRx3+2d6 damage). However, that costs 2 TP, and I only have one to spend. So as I may be able to afford to make this move, I will have the attack have a -2 ACC, meaning that whenever I have the Bugbear use Bugbear Smash, he subtracts 2 from his attack roll. The -2 ACC refund gives me +1 TP, so now I have 2 TP to spend in total. Perfect! Now, I’ll go ahead and add the additional Damage step, which costs 2TP, so I now have Bugbear Smash.

Prepare to Strike: In the case that you don’t see an effect that you don’t like, sometimes you just have to improvise. Just use good judgement, and depending on what all you want the attack to do, base it off of currently listed effects. For this one, I had the Bugbear wait a turn, similar to taking a slow action, thus ‘granting’ him 3 TP to spend. I wanted it to be like a counterattack, which I figured would cost that many points if not less, so... Yeah. Sorry not as much of an explanation on this move, but it just goes to show that it’s okay to finagle. Here and there.

So that’s the Bugbear’s secondary attacks! It should be noted that you may create several, if not as many secondary attacks as you would like for any monster. I’ve seen no limit on how many you can create; the only thing holding you back is how much TP you can use to start with every secondary attack.

But don’t worry; with each new Secondary attack, you may again use your base TP that is derived from your monster’s Finesse.

And now a quick insert on spells!

Monsters can cast magic just like players, and don’t really have restrictions on what kind of magic they can use (I don’t feel that way anywho). A lot of the time as well, Monster’s Secondary Attacks can consume MP just like magic, so a lot of this is up to your discretion. If you want a guide, I would suggest the following

Monsters that are Levels 1-3 should and can normally be casting Novice Spells; Levels 4-6 are good for casting intermediate spells; 7-9 should be the time for Expert spells; 10-12, Superior Spells. And as you can guess, 13-15 is prime time for Ancient spells.

Again, though; spell mechanics for monsters is pretty flexible. I say do what you think makes sense for your monsters.

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Death and Death Blows

This can probably be discussed in a separate post as well, but I do believe it prudent to discuss the matter of PC death via combat.

If you’ve read through the PDF some, particularly the sections regarding Destiny and Recovery & Death (Starting at Pages 110 and 161 respectively) you’ll see that there’s a bit of a hitch in FFD6; unlike other tabletop RPG’s, there is no Resurrection spell to bring back a deceased party member (unless they can Cheat Death).

So just when can a character die? Well, Monsters are some of the biggest perpetrators. There is one exception to this: A Normal Monster is unable to kill a PC. So why bother at all to include them in this list? Well, IF an entire party is knocked out while fighting Normal Monsters, that still means consequences. This can vary between GM’s, but the PDF states that a full party wipe against Normal Monsters means the PC’s lose All accumulated EXP they were saving up for the next level. I would also personally throw in some lost Gil and Items, but again GM’s discretion. However, the party will probably be unconscious for some time, and awaken in a nearby city. Not very dignifying.

Otherwise? Notorious Monsters, Bosses, and most certainly End Bosses can kill players. And if the entire party is knocked out while fighting one of these bad boys, you can be sure that is Game Over for everyone.

Here’s how I typically go about slaughtering a party member.

Firstly, any of the above monsters can only aim to kill a player that is unconscious (meaning they have 0 HP).

Said PC should be within Short Range of the Monster. I’m sure there are exceptions, but for the most part in battle, this is another parameter that should be met.

Now it’s the monster’s turn, and you have two different possibilities:

If the creature in question is a Notrious Monster, all the Player’s turns will resolve, and when it is the creature’s turn, it must perform a Slow Action in order to attempt to kill the PC. If the character is still unconscious by the time it’s the Monster’s turn again, the Notorious Monster may perform a Death Blow.

If the monster is a Boss or End Boss, then the Death Blow may be performed as a Standard Action. Not a whole lot of time to try to save your friends!

So it’s too late now; the Monster is making their way to deliver a Death Blow. At this point, to my knowledge, the PC and Monster must both roll a Force or Finesse Check, GM’s choice.

If the PC wins, they don’t get off easy. The character is not yet dead, but will most likely be left with a serious physical wound or other kind of memento for when they wake up.

If the Monster wins, that’s that. The Player is dead, and unless they can Cheat Death, that is the end of their Legacy.

I would advise, if this is the result, allow the Player one last cinematic moment with their character. Nothing mechanically changes, but if they have enough Destiny for Blaze of Glory or Cheat Death, this is their opportunity to perform such shenanigans.

From this point onward, battle resumes as normal as the rest of the Party is probably in tears or all the more determined to now slay the foe that stands before them. HURRAY

Oh, and it should go without saying: if the entire party is knocked out while fighting a Notorious Monster, Boss, or End Boss, it is fully within the GM’s power to declare all characters dead, bar Cheat Death, and that be the conclusion of their Saga. Kinda sad, but there are just some things a Phoenix Down can’t help (open at your own risk).

So, yeah; Death Blows.

As mentioned, they require a Force or Finesse Check to determine a character’s fate, but what about if a Healthy Party member throws themselves in the way of a Fatal Blow?

That’s up to the GM’s discretion, especially if said character’s already been knocked out a handful of times themselves. Me personally? I’ve normally had fairly healthy party members protect each other, and I, in that case, normally have the defending player:

Drop immediately to 0 HP immediately

And they gain a permanent wound.

As for monster and NPC deaths, these should be dependent on the design of the world. Maybe in some places, PC’s can easily kill anything, and they don’t really stray from that. Or perhaps the players insist they only knock creatures unconscious upon battle’s conclusion. Whatever the case, you can read up on ALL of this a bit more on this on Page 162 in the PDF.

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Limit Breaks and Destiny

Remember how I mentioned Monsters can have Destiny too?

Well, as a matter of fact, Monsters can do a lot of stuff with that Destiny if the GM is clever. Of course, for one point of destiny, they are able to add an additional die onto a roll. Or perhaps if they have 7 Destiny, a Boss or Notorious Monster may cheat death themselves!

Regardless, here is a quick chart of what Monsters can use Destiny for, since it varies ever so slightly from players:

Add an additional die onto a roll - 1 Point of Destiny

Summon an Esper - Destiny Point cost varies

Limit Break - 3 Points of Destiny

In order to do this, a Monster must be AT LEAST level 5 to create a 10 Point limit break. For more information, look below and at page 265

A Monster may, without interrupting a player’s turn, take an additional turn, whether that be in between any combatant’s turns, or at the start of battle - 1 Point of Destiny

Regenerate a destroyed extra part - 1 Point of Destiny, Slow Action.

Cheat Death - 7 Points of Destiny

Now Monster Limit Breaks I’ll quickly describe; they’re just like a PC’s. Three destiny points is the cost to unleash one, and the Monster must be at 25% or less HP. But aside from that, the Limit Breaks are built just the same, and are an excellent way to make your PC party wet their pants in fear.

A Monster has the potential to build up to one Limit Break, but these are the milestones at which a Monster May build a particular them:

At Levels 5-9, a Notorious Monster or Boss will always have at least 1 Destiny Point, and can construct a 10 Point Limit Break.

At levels 10+, a Notorious Monster or Boss will always have at least 2 Destiny Points, and construct a 20 Point Limit Break

Finally, any and all End Bosses, regardless of their level, will have 3 Destiny Points, and may construct a 30 Point Limit Break.

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Drops and Rewards

Won’t talk too much about this as it’ll probably vary between all GM’s, but here’s the thing; there are a few reasons for killing monsters, and it’s the treasure and experience most players are looking for. So a quick guide:

Gil - The currency of almost all Final Fantasy games. Always a good fall back for dishing out good stuff. Normally held by sentient or Monsters that hoard.

Consumables - Potions, Spells in a Bottle,Phoenix all that stuff; really good to give to players if they’re lacking a good support character, and normally held by sentient creatures or magical monsters that exude this stuff.

Components - The book makes a really big deal about how rare Components are, but honestly? I don’t think they’re that game breaking. Most natural monsters can have this stuff, and it should be the to GM’s discretion what tier of component is dropped so Players can fiddle around with the things and make cool stuff. I mean, come on! Why waste a perfectly good, fresh Behemoth horn?

Equipment - Not normally found on ‘natural’ enemies, but again, that’s up to you. Maybe it’s a hunk of Beetle chases that can make for good armor. Or a person finds a fallen Unicorn and uses their horn as a dagger.

Destiny - Destiny is only ever a guarantee reward for heroic acts, or defeating a boss, or End Boss. Occasionally, it may be appropriate to award Destiny for defeating a particularly troublesome Notorious Monster, or if it was a dire situation with Normal Monsters (i.e. saving an entire town from a flood of Water Elementals).

EXP - The fickle and amazing EXP! Expressed not in hundreds, yet in mere single points in FFD6, I have my own system for leveling up, but in the vanilla game, a character will level up with every 5 points of EXP collected. As for how often combat should relinquish EXP, I am a firm believer that a GM gives EXP to the party for defeating monsters around their level and with the battle having been one with some difficulty. Normal battles will only ever award 1 EXP, but Notorious Monsters, Bosses, and End Bosses can award up to 3 EXP, if not more.

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Well now; that was quite a MONSTROUS post, wasn’t, it? (Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck please not the face).

Bad puns aside, I think this should hopefully give you readers a good start and understanding behind monsters!

Now, I have one parting gift to bestow unto you before I leave you be; my own personal Monster List Slides.

It’s takes a long time to come up with a whole Zoo of monsters, so I would like to share this collection I’ve created so far so you can have a decent Bestiary to start with!

I will note that, as you look through, some abbreviations I may have missed will be there, as I’ve had this Slideshow ever since I’ve started FFD6, and have probably missed stuff. Further, the campaign I’m currently running does have Materia in use, and is a very prominent drop. Components are as well, and they are not always labeled. Also! Notorious Monsters are Underlined and Bosses are Bolded.

Though many things can be discussed to much further lengths, for now, I hope that you can find this to be helpful! Enjoy!

All the Best,

~Ryan

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I welcome you: To the Bestiary

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Credit to the Final Fantasy Wikia for the image of the Tonberry at the top!

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