#maybe men dont actually care a lot of the time because it still gives them privilege over women. just maybe

[anarchistgumball]

when an oppressor experiences negative effects of their own oppression, i dont think the answer should be that we actually need to fight for them specifically and make their lives better. maybe if we dealt with the root issue and helped the oppressed, maybe, just maybe, they also wouldnt experience those consequences

[billthedrake]

LITTLE BRO'S HOMECOMING

Joseph Murphy didn't even have to knock on the hotel door. He'd texted Kyle to get the room number and as he strode up to 1139 in the downtown Boston hotel, the door opened right up.

Kyle was dressed in his Marines cammies - either he hadn't had time to change since checking in or else he wanted to be in uniform for the older man. A big smile formed on the 21 year old's face. "Hey," he muttered as he stepped aside to let the beefy cop enter.

"Hey yeuself," Joe hissed in his thick New England accent as he stepped right up to the young Marine and placed his hands around the stud's waist, drawing him in.

Their kiss was hot. A tongue heavy, facing sucking kind of kiss. Officer Murphy didn't do finesse, and it turns out Kyle Smith was A-OK with that. It had been TOO long since they'd been together, or even seen each other. They'd had a conversation before Kyle's deployment about whether they were dating. The cop didn't feel comfortable with that, and Joe hadn't even reached out to the Marine over the last few months. It was only an instant reply that Kyle received when he said he was coming home that made him realize there was still a spark there.

More than a spark. Officer Murphy was pawing at the ridge of hard military cock in the camo pants. And Kyle was feeling up all the cop beef through the man's long-sleeve Pats T-shirt. THIS was the young man's type to a T. Some heft on his bones, thick muscle, a beer belly. It had been the body Kyle had been into since he first started jacking off. Joe reminded him of his middle school wrestling coach - and even, if he was honest, of his own father.

Officer Murphy was even a dyed-in-the-wool working class New Englander like Kyle's father, only more brash even.

Indeed, the booming voice came as he backed off. "How's my fuckin' parn stah doin?" the cop bellowed, fingers tracing the long ridge of Marine meat sticking up in the uniform.

"Holy fuck, I missed you, man," Kyle said with a big grin. Maybe that was too much to say, but he felt it.

"I bet ya did," Joe said as he crouched down, fingers already fumbling with the uniform. "I know how to take care of this bad boy."

The cop's fingers felt good as they undid the trousers. "Are we gonna wait?" Kyle asked. "I mean, we said..."

Already the cop's big mitt was on the young stud's boner, pulling it out and gently stroking it. "You got a couple in ya, Corporal," he growled. "Come on, Jesus, four months and ya gonna fuckin' blue ball me?"

Officer Murphy didn't give Kyle a chance to answer. The question was rhetorical anyway. Because already he was taking the thick, long tool into his mouth.

"Oh fuck... fuck yes," Kyle hissed as he felt the police officer's hot wet mouth go down on him. The cop sucked dick like he kissed. No finesse. But it was amazing, especially after no sex for the last four months.

The Marine didn't realize he was carrying around so much tension in his body, but as Joe blew him, he felt himself relax, his stance widening just a little and his hand placed gently on top of the man's medium-short hair. He'd experienced a Joe Murphy BJ in full Boston Police uniform. THAT had been incredible, but even now he loved looking down on the man's thick-set daddy bod, face getting redder as he bobbed up and down more quickly. Kyle was still in full uniform, for his part, and he suspected that was driving Joe wild.

"It's not gonna take me long," Kyle warned.

The cop spit out his cock. "Dont ya dare, buddy." He wiped the spit off his chin with the back of his hand and leaned back. Kyle loved that view of him, the way it showed off Officer Murphy's broad rounded shoulders and massive chest.

Kyle knew what the man meant. He actually didn't have a lot of experience with other men. He'd met Joe Murphy when he was still 18, still a senior in high school. But the sex was electric between them. Joe was such a deeply sexual man, and the cop's hunger for a younger top, a much younger top, fueled Kyle's own lust.

"On the bed, Officer," he hissed.

Joe broke into a huge grin. Standing up, he started undoing his jeans and kicking off his sneakers.

"Keep that fuckin' unifo'm on buddy," he growled.

Kyle nodded. "That's 'Corporal Smith' to you, Officer."

"All right, Corporal," Joe chuckled. "Don't hold back. Just go for it, OK?"

Kyle was getting lightheaded now, he was so horny. Especially seeing Murphy pull off that T and reveal that beefy daddy bod. His big brother had teased him once when he showed him a picture of his cop lover. "You a chaser, Kyle?" Brandon had laughed. Kyle stood his ground those. The beer belly on such a meaty frame did something for him. He liked having a lot of daddy to hold onto.

That lot of daddy was naked now and crawling onto one of the queen beds on all fours. Kyle got in place.

"Aw yeah, eat my hole, Corporal. Aw, fuck yeah... root around with that tongue buddy. Get up in daddy's ass. Oh, fucking nasty, buddy."

Kyle remembered the first time he rimmed Joe Murphy he was worried the man would get freaked out. But it was one of Kyle's favorite things to watch in porn, so he just went for it. As they say, history was made. He and Joe rarely had sex without some ass eating.

Still, both knew it wasn't going to be a long rim session. Their absence had been too long. Kyle leaned back up on his haunches and gave a light slap to the cop's surprisingly smooth rump. Leaning over, he pumped out a couple of squirts of lube, which he applied to his boner, and then to Joe's hole.

The cop wasn't exactly slutty, but he was wanton in taking taking cock. Spreading his legs and wiggling his ass some as Kyle fingered him. Then, as Joe felt that thick piece of Marine cock bore in, he hissed and did his best to relax.

"Easy, buddy... easy... I'm fuckin' tight... ya gotta open daddy back up for business OK?"

"Yeah," Kyle hissed. He didn't want to cum yet. He knew if he could get through the penetration he'd be good for a bit.

Joe's verbal streak quieted down as Kyle slowly penetrated the older man. Murphy had lied about his age when they first met on the app, but the cop was 50. Squarely middle aged. The young man sometimes wondered why he was wired for older men, men like Murphy. But now that he was boning Joe, he didn't feel the need to question, his heart and mind and cock knew this is what he wanted.

Finally his balls pressed against the man's ass.

"God, yes," the Marine hissed. THIS was what a homecoming should be.

"I can feel your uniform against me, Corporal," Joe said in a surprisingly quiet tone. "So very hot."

Kyle held the man's waist. The skin was hot to the touch. "I dreamed about doing this in the barracks," he hissed. "Even fantasized about banging the Master Sergeant."

That got a chuckle from Joe beneath him. "I bet ya did, buddy. Just as I've had the hots for the new rookie on the force. Fresh faced fucker."

Kyle pulled back and pushed back in. Not fast, not yet. But he could feel the cop's insides open up for him, some.

"Anyone else fucking you, Joe?" he asked, an edge to his voice.

The reply was quiet. "A couple, Kyle," the cop answered. "It gets lonely, you know."

"Yeah," Kyle said, sadly. He wished he was the only one. But they'd never had that conversation. This was probably not the time to have it. "Man, I wish we didn't live so far apart."

The next thrust was hard, real hard. It knocked the wind out of Joe a little, and if Kyle hadn't fucked the cop like this before he would have been concerned.

"Give me a sec," Joe finally hissed.

Kyle slowed his roll and watched as the man reached over for his own squirt of lube.

The Marine didn't need to be told to resume fucking. That's how it was between him and Joe. Perfect synchronization of needs. The minute he saw the man reach down to jerk his cock, Kyle started fucking hard. Jack hammer thrusts in and out of the man's now relaxed hole.

"That's it, stud... horse hung Marine gonna fuck my cop ass..."

"Fuckin' take it, Officer," he hissed. Getting into it.

With other men Kyle had fucked it wasn't like this. It was usually fucking for his own pleasure or for the bottom's. But he and Joe Murphy were on the same wavelength, the older man rapidly jerking while Kyle threw his strength into hard fucking the beefy daddy.

Just the sight of the man's bare back, strong and full, and the love handles and the way Joe's face turned redder when he was getting close to cumming. Kyle felt that light headed feeling again and knew the cum was already traveling up his piss tube, pumping out from his balls.

"Oh FUCK!" he whimpered.

"SHIT!" Joe grunted.

Their orgasm was simultaneous. Kyle's body clenched and held still as his dick continued to unload inside the man. It had actually taken a few times to talk Officer Murphy into barebacking, but now he couldn't imagine sex between the two any other way. This was just sex, and it was just the hormones talking, but Kyle was in love with the man.

He started to pull back, but he saw Joe's hand reach back, as if to stop him. "Don't, Kyle... stay in me for a while longer, OK?"

The Marine nodded and placed his hand softly on Joe's lower back, feeling up the clammy sweaty muscle. He wondered if his dick was going to go soft. It usually did after a cum like that, but being connected with the police officer meant it still felt rock hard.

***

Brandon Smith waited in the hotel bar, sipping his beer. He was always a little nervous waiting for Preston, but he was getting that pit-in-his-stomach now. Maybe this was a bad idea.

But it only took the sight of his sorta boyfriend in the mirror to brighten up. Preston Weldman cut the vision of a real executive, as tall as Brandon, and his figure looking fit in slacks and a sport coat. The gray temples were the icing on the cake, so to speak. Brandon felt an instant chub in his jeans.

"Hope you haven't been waiting long," the business exec said as he sidled up to the hunky 32-year-old. He placed a hand on Brandon's shoulder. Not obvious but the touch felt electric between the two men.

"No," Brandon shook his head. "Anyway, it's good people watching here," he said.

Preston smiled. "Scoping out the business daddies?" he whispered. He knew Brandon's type. It was how they'd met each other on an app when Brandon was back home visiting family. Leaning in more, he growled. "You're looking really good, Sergeant Smith."

Brandon's heart pounded. "SO good to see you, Press." That had been his nickname for the man. Then, his eyes sweeping up and down, something clicked. "You're not wearing your wedding ring?"

Preston shrugged. "You disappointed?" he joked. "The divorce isn't final but it feels like it, you know?"

Brandon nodded and with concern asked, "How you doing?"

"We'll talk about it later, OK? We have the whole weekend, right?"

Brandon smiled. Long distance was tough, and there was military life on top of that. But maybe that's what worked for this divorced hunk. He had his own busy career to deal with, and his kids, too. "Yeah. I have some stuff I wanna talk about too."

"Yeah?" Preston replied. "You wanna talk about it now, kiddo?"

Brandon shook his head. "I think the guys are up in the room waiting for us."

Preston's lust was visible on his face, even if he normally had that WASPy repressed thing going on. "Sure you're OK with this?"

Brandon laughed. "I was gonna ask you the same thing, Press." He stood up and set down some cash to pay for his beer. "It'll be way hot."

"You're bringing out my naughty side for sure." Preston was definitely in a good mood.

Brandon leaned in and whispered. "How do you think I feel? He's my brother." Then he pulled back and gave a wink to the man before grabbing his overnight bag. "Come on, let's go up."

Even on the elevator ride up, the two couldn't keep their eyes off each other. Preston still couldn't believe he'd scored a young man as hot as Brandon Smith. 6'3" ex-football jock, his body honed by years in the US Marine Corps. The 26-year-old was like a porn character come to life. The superstitious, or realist, part of Preston knew this affair was on borrowed time, that Brandon would move on. But he'd sure as hell enjoy the ride.

***

Joe had dozed off but the knock on the hotel room woke him up. He was naked in the damp, disheveled hotel bed. The kid had gone for seconds, all right, and the middle-aged cop felt well and truly fucked. Like, a sleepy, tired and satisfied level of truly fucked.

The man felt bad for telling Kyle about the hookups he'd had. But he didn't want to hold back from the young man. Besides, there had just been two men over the last few month. They hadn't meant a thing and certainly couldn't hold a candle to Kyle fuckin' Smith.

Another knock came. Louder.

"All right," Joe called out. "Coming!"

He jumped out of the bed and sauntered over to the door. He could hear the shower running, and realized Kyle was in there.

Brandon and Preston were surprised to see the door fling open to reveal the full nakedness of a thick-set 50-ish man they'd never met. Lightly furred front, soft dick dangling beneath.

"Come in, fellas," Joe said. "Kyle's in the shower." Unceremoniously he turned and let the men indoors.

It took a second for Joe to pick up on their reaction. "Why be shy, right?" he said in his thick accent. He flashed an impish smile. "I can cover up if it bothers you though."

"Guess you're right," Brandon said. He held out his hand. "I'm Brandon."

Joe took the hand in his own strong mitt and shook it. "Definitely see the family ressemblance."

"Joe," the cop said.

"Preston," the businessman said as he greeted the cop.

"Jesus what the fuck kind of name is Preston?" Joe quipped.

Brandon got angry. Protective and angry. "We can call this off," he said through gritted teeth.

"Call what off?" came Kyle's voice as he stepped out, towel wrapped around his waist.

Preston's eyes noticeably showed excitement. If he had to pick, he'd choose Brandon's body, but Kyle had a shorter, more compact build that was scrlpted with tight, rounded young muscle.

Kyle immediately picked up on the vibe. "Jesus, Joe. Did you shoot off your mouth again?"

The cop looked genuinely contrite. "Sorry fellas. Guess I'm shitty at first impressions. Preston," he said, turning to the other daddy in the group. "I'm sorry man. Really. That was a shitty thing to say."

"All right," he said in a clipped Yankee accent. "I guess we're not here on a date or anything," he joked.

Joe nodded. "Yeah, the Smith brothers are the stars of the weekend, right?"

Brandon looked at Kyle. "You guys already get started?" he asked his brother.

Kyle nodded. "Yeah, couldn't wait, sorry."

Brandon turned to look at his lover. "I wouldn't mind a little one-on-one time with Press first."

"Yeah, babe?" Preston asked. He wasn't sure how this scene would play out. But as much as he wanted to see Kyle in action, he was drawn to Brandon first and foremost.

The hunky marine pulled Preston closer to him, then guided his arms around the man's waist to draw him into a kiss. It was soft and sensual. Brandon Smith was SUCH an amazing kisser, and inspired Preston to give his best in return.

"We can give ya guys some space," Joe spoke up. Amused to see a version of what he and Kyle had just experienced.

"Yah," Brandon almost said. Only Press' hand gripped his arm.

"It's OK if they watch babe," he said. The older man had a playful look on his face. "I kind of want 'em to."

Brandon looked at Preston in amusement. This buttoned-down divorced dad had a way of surprising him. "OK, he said.

Kyle was still in his towel as he sat on the bed, feeling Joe settle in behind him. The cop's mitts felt good feeling up his ripped Marine muscles. If Kyle hadn't just fucked the man, twice, he'd be boning up fast.

"You OK with this, Kyle?" Brandon asked.

Kyle nodded. "Go for it, bro. It'll be hot to see you guys."

That was all the green light it took for Brandon and Preston. It was like it was just them, alone in the room, even as they were also aware of putting on a show. They slowly stripped each other and made out.

About the only thing to break the spell was the cop's outburst when Brandon removed Press's button-down shirt, revealing a DILF-y gym-toned body.

"Holy fucking shit, he's a frickin' magazine model."

The cop's loudmouth approach had rubbed him the wrong way, but now he enjoyed having Preston's amazing body recognized.

The lovers were soon naked and Brandon was reclining them down on the other bed. Kissing softly even as their bodies humped more urgently. They were matched in height, but Brandon had some more muscle on him, and Preston was feeling up every inch with his hands.

Soon the older man was parting his legs, letting Brandon's body find that spot between them. Their kissing grew more impassioned, until Brandon leaned up.

"Fuck you feel so good, Press," he sighed. "I love ya, man."

"Love you, too, Big B." This was the only thing that made Preston self conscious about having an audience. But he knew this was part of sex between him and Brandon. The emotional openness.

"I need to be inside you, Dad," Brandon hissed.

"Please," Preston said. "I need you, Son."

Joe felt Kyle's body tense in his arms. The cop was a pervy enough man that the dad-son play didn't phase him. But he sensed it hit differently for Kyle. This was his brother, talking about "Dad." Joe just held the 21-year-old tight against him and kissed the side of his neck.

"OK?" he whispered.

"Yeah," Kyle whispered back.

Then Joe felt Kyle's hand grip his forearm, pulling it down. Joe thought the kid was rejecting his embrace but instead Kyle guided Joe's hand lower, right to the towel, where there was a ridge of hard dick. The kid was turned on.

"Jesus, it's a like a Lifetime movie," Joe almost said, but restrained himself. Everything was so frickin sensuous between the other couple. Even the lubing of cocks and the fingering of Preston's hole. The man was glas Kyle was into more animalistic fucking. The kid always had been, even at 18.

At last the divorced exec lifted his toned legs, and Brandon gingerly positioned the ankles on his meaty shoulders. The two locked eyes, silently, lovingly.

And Brandon entered his daddy lover.

Preston winced at entry but after a second, his hands were on Brandon's muscle ass, coaxing him to push in further.

"Not gonna last long today, Dad," Brandon hissed. "You feel so fucking good."

"We got all weekend, Son," Press countered. Before Brandon he didn't enjoy bottoming. Hell, the times he fooled around with men he usually preferred getting head. But this Marine had a way of rocking his world, turning it upside down. Of making him want cock like this. "Fuck me. Fuck your father."

Brandon let out a low deep grunt and powered in. Slowly, sensually at first. God he was SO turned on. Being with Press, hearing that roleplay talk. But also know his little bro was watching. "I'm gonna go a little harder, sir," he hissed.

"Do it!" Press urged.

And like that came a serious of slow, rough thrusts.

"Yes!" the exec grunted. Only Brandon could make him love it like this, too. Hard, with a roughness to each inward push of that meaty cock. "Attaboy."

Brandon had a few trigger words and that was one of them. He knew orgasm was coming now. So he humped more excitedly, hard stokes working to get himself off with this perfect man's ass.

"Yeah, Dad," he hissed. "Gonna cum!"

He felt Press's hands caress his sides, encouraging him to give it up.

"UNNGH!" Brandon grunted and unloaded.

"Yes!" Press said excitedly. He loved watching his Big B cum, loved seeing that mix of youthful masculinity and almost childish need. Already he was stroking his dick to get his own nut.

Brandon took a second to come down from the high but when he did he started working his dick in and out of Press's warm hole. Fucking slowly but hard, the way Press liked it.

The older man wasn't a loud cummer, but Brandon knew how to read the signs. Sure enough. the middle-aged man's body clenched and white hot sperm flew out. Preston Weldman came a lot when he orgasmed.

Brandon pulled out and only then was self conscious that his brother and his brother's lover were looking on.

Kyle had a look that was clearly horny and maybe a little embarrassed. "Why don't we give you some space, Bro?" he said quietly.

The older brother rolled off Preston's body. "We freak you out, Kyle? I guess I should have warned you that we do the roleplay thing."

Joe spoke up. "Don't let the kid fool ya, he loved that shit."

"Jesus, Joe," Kyle objected. But the man was right.

Preston leaned up. He felt a strange fondness for Kyle, a dude he'd never met. "Kyle, it took me a while to get into it." He ran his hand up and down Brandon's strong back. "I don't know... your brother's a persuasive man."

"Eight inches is a lot of persuasion," Joe quipped. He'd just witness the other brother's endowment, and Brandon was as hung as Kyle, for sure.

"Joe, what the fuck?" Kyle pestered. But Brandon and Preston were smirking.

"Fuckin' Christ. What the fuck are we for? It's supposed to be a fun weekend, right?" He patted Kyle's chest affectionately and gave a soft, contrite kiss. "Come on, let's go get a pint and we can talk more at the pub." The cop pulled his meaty body back from his younger lovers and stepped off the bed. "Apparently we need to talk about 'ground rules' or some bullshit," he bellowed.

Brandon had to admit the policeman was growing on him.

[heartssatoru]

Hey! I love your HCs so far! If you do smut could you do JJK men wanting to have sex or are horny and how they go about asking you/initiating it? (Gojo, Megumi, Sukuna, and Itadori)

Yes of course! I know a lot of my readers request fluff so if you don't like smut im so sorry😭

Characters: gojo, megumi, sukuna, itadori

Warnings: smut smut smut!! Afab reader

I have a few request im working on, to all the others that requested! :)

Gojo

In public:

Starts off flirty but then becomes needy cause he's extremely horny

At a date

Slips up and tells you a dirty joke by accident. And does that little giggle

It maybe depends, because there's times where he thinks he can hold it but can't

Most of the time he hints it. If you don't get it then he'll say it shamelessly

Doesn't care if its in public or not. He just wants relief.

He kinda does care😭 but doesn't at the same time.

Bathroom, alley way, really whatever. Tries to make sure no ones really there though

Someone spots you two? Oh shit let him finish atleast

Tells you to just relax but it's extremely hard when his cock is pounding into you

If your hiding your moans then he'll make you either way. Cause that's just offensive to him

Will deny your organsm if you hide them too. So lesson learned

Megumi:

At home:

Tries to ignore it. But its too much to even ignore, wouldn't be surprised if you could notice

Prefers to hint because he feels embarrassed. No matter how much you tell him he doesn't need too.

You already know because that's always how he gets when he's horny

Doesn't want to risk being caught. And he always makes that clear.

Always at home no matter what. He can wait, maybe..

Excusing that, he skilled with his fingers, and always uses his fingers to prep you

He doesn't want to cause you pain. Really just pleasure for both of you.

Will be a little hard or deny your organsm if he's having a bad day. But still will let you cum

By the time he's done you guys will be fast asleep, but always makes sure you fall asleep first.

Sukuna

anywhere, literally doesn't care:

Will straight up tell you. Maybe if you don't take so long he'll actually be nice to you.

1% chance of that. But its better then nothing!

Will fuck you anywhere. Unlike gojo, he has nothing to worry about

Doesn't even care if anyone sees. They'll simply see how much of a slut you are for his cock

Said by him of course

Does it for his own pleasure, if he's feeling nice he'll let you cum

Also if you try and touch yourself then thats another reason why he shouldn't.

Abuses your poor cunt, especially with his size

Rough, but knows your limits. Maybe goes aganist them every one in awhile to see your fucked face

Cause it drives him near the edge even more.

Itadori

Feels guilty each time so he always tries to go on without anything

However if he's desperate will beg you to let him fuck you

Makes sure your comfortable and everything. Sweet as hell

But just because of that dont expect to not be teased

Will always let you cum though, unlike the others, besides megumi

Goes gentle, unless you want it hard he can do that. Just doesn't want to hurt you

Asks every once in awhile just to make sure your comfortable and everything

No matter how tired he is, will still try to clean you up afterwards

Gives you the best care. Would feel guilty once again, if he didn't

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok so this is a question that i wish was discussed more in other spicy spaces without getting either too careful or too obviously an expression of people's unrealistic fantasies. what do you think attracts will to mike, both in terms of emotional and physical attraction?

there's lots of discussion about mike's attraction to will because that's thought to be what we need more of in the show, and people are happy to talk about will's physical attributes like his ass. but when will's attraction to mike is discussed, its always in the context of emotion and love and friendship becoming romantic, but never physical. there's not much in the way of will's fantasies or him being allowed to have a purely physical aspect to his love for mike, which is so sad to me because it reflects the thematic castration of will in the show (@therainscene did a great post on this about the lack of posters and sexuality in will's room etc).

i personally think the dnd alter egos give lots of hints about why will is emotionally attracted to mike, but at the same time, physicality and presence is a huge part of medieval/roleplay, so Will MUST have thought about mike's physicality in his fantasies, surely?

i wonder if there's not a lot of spec on this because people find there to be a dissonance between finn/mike's body and what they think mike's character represents in the show to a negative degree? whereas for will, even though his muscle development isnt **exactly** in line with will's character, society considers muscles to be a good thing so the change doesnt upset anyone. (not to say muscular men can't be sensitive, but the duffers probably would have chosen him to remain more delicate if they had a choice)

i personally think that mike's awkwardness due to finn's physicality has always been present and a big part of what makes the show so endearing, esp in s1. its only because there's an expectation for blockbuster scale epic fight scenes now, big music, big action, that people start to think mike needs to be this Baddie. I like the idea of him having a moment, but i dont need him to be wielding a sword like a badass and Looking Cool 24/7. Mike isnt traditionally cool, i need him to stay that a nerd lol.

maybe this is also why i think there would be something so powerful about a byler sex scene, because the more awkward/realistic/nerdier the better? it doesnt need to be traditionally sexy, but it WOULD be sexy just because of the fact that it would be mike and will and them getting together is intrinsically sexy.

i hope this makes sense lol sorry for the essay

EXCELLENT TOPIC! So many good points. You're absolutely correct about all of this - there is a definite line it seems, with more focus given to how Mike views Will, versus what made Will develop feelings and attraction to Mike, beyond the "we're best friends and I want you in my life forever"-ness of it all. I love talking about what Mike loves about Will, but let's hype up the other side of this coin.

This may sound so odd, but I genuinely think sometimes it's forgotten in general spaces that Will is gay? And what that actually means. Like he's a gay guy. Who is attracted to men and ultimately wants to be intimate with men (even if in present time, this want is being internally and externally denied). And Mike is a man (big juicy can of worms re: the gnc debate, save that for another essay, but I think my stance is visible between the lines here) and Will wants him. We all saw how Will looked at Mike in the desert. Dirty, white t-shirt probably transparent in spots from sweat, heaving breath as he did all the work shoveling for his boy bestie. Will doesn't have to lift a finger. Will gets to pretend to move several grains of sand around. Will looks at Mike with lust in his eyes. That is the boy he's grown up with and had been crushing on as a kid, that's the guy he's fallen in love with. And Mike has grown up. Still awkward, but developing into someone that Will not only wants to spend forever with, but wants intimately.

I like to imagine them as kids, maybe around the age they are introduced to us as in s1. What are they, 12? It's been awhile, but I remember being 12. I remember my first crushes, and they happened even earlier. Will has several male friends - each with their own appealing attributes. I think any of the party could be cute to a young, sexually confused nerd. But Will crushes on Mike. His first friend, the face he can imagine perfectly when he closes his eyes, able to draw him from memory because our boy is an artist. Little Will, drawing in sketchbooks from the early years. Why is it so important that he gets the shape of Mike's lips just right? Why are his eyes the best eyes he's ever drawn? Why does he spend so long perfecting a technique to capture the dark swoops of his best friend's hair? He's caught himself staring too long at Mike's mouth on occasion. He's caught himself suppressing a shudder when Mike's arm is so casually thrown around him, holding him close. He smells like a boy. He likes that a lot more than whatever girls douse themselves with. Uh oh.

Mike is not conventionally attractive. Neither is FW, either. Not to say he's bad looking (I find him very very attractive), but honestly - he's different. He's not like the cookie cutter Ken, the action figure, the Hollywood poster boy. He's got unique features and is awkward in his own skin. I don't think girls (and closeted guys) at Mike's school are falling at his feet. "I'm not exactly Mr. Popular." But they still look. As opposed to Jason, the All-American Juxtaposition. Jason - classically and cliche-handsome, the prototype boyfriend for the prototype cheerleader. If Will was at Hawkins High that year, I'm sure he'd give Jason a passing glance. He's an attractive man. Will's heart can belong to one and his eyes can appreciate attractive people in his vicinity. But Mike. Mike. Slightly taller, his protective personality bleeding into his physicality. I can see Will being into the protectiveness as a physical manifestation. Mike can maneuver him, can probably hug him tight and lift him up. He's not some action hero, or a muscled heartthrob but he's not as pathetic as fanon so pretends. I don't think he's gonna be an over powered badass by any means, but he can wield a sword and try and even if he's not that great at it. He's not hesitant. And clearly Will knows this. He painted it. He's into it. Mike, able to lead them into battle. Mike, awkward but endearing and strong. Mike with his big hands and lean muscles and that mouth that Will's eyes are drawn to like magnets and he hopes he's not as guiltily obvious as he feels when he watches his best friend orbit around him.

He may hide his attraction to men, with no posters of them on his walls. Diverting his eyes when he notices an attractive man in public. But he has music and cinema. Albums and magazines and movies. Mike looks more like the men in his favorite bands than the men playing professional sports. Bowie is so much cooler. He's odd, he's different. He's hot. Will likes the unconventional and he likes the familiar things that make him feel good and safe. Mike makes him feel safe. Oh, how he wants Mike to make him feel good.

Will had a crush on his best friend, when he first started being plagued with the realization that boys were cute. Will fell in love and when he re-met his best friend in the airport - his friend has grown up hot. He's pissed off and heartbroken that they haven't reached out to each other more, but he can't keep his eyes off Mike. He's dreamed about him and sketched him from memory so many times before Spring Break - but in the flesh? Everything and more. Will wants him.

[nereidprinc3ss]

so um, you’ve probably have been asked this many times but how do you start writing fanfic without cringing at yourself? i already feel silly for reading it. i noticed you have gained recognition outside of tumblr which i believe to be an achievement but i can’t allow myself to go through that.

i work in the finance sector at a big american firm, i can’t have my coworkers knowing i’m writing fanfic. i already get teased for watching disney animated films (which it’s not that bad) how do you deal with this? ik you’re still at college and ofc, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid but i bet you know what i mean? do you have some advice on this?

⚠️me not shutting the fuck up and getting way too personal below the cut

honestly at first i DID cringe at myself. i cringed so much that after posting my first fic in like november i dont think i posted again til january because i was writing and would just get so humiliated despite being alone and no one knowing who i was or what i was doing LOL but honestly the way i got over that was just to do it more because i truly love writing and why would i let feeling “cringe” stop me from doing something i love and that makes me happy? that would be so heartbreaking, life is hard enough, we deserve to do things we love and are passionate about without judging ourselves so harshly

as for not letting other people know well yeah i just don’t tell my friends or anyone ik in real life that i write fanfic lol, they know i love to write and they know im obsessed with spencer reid but that’s as much as i’ve told them! i know it’s a thing that maybe most people would consider “weird” but as someone who has a crushing fear of intimacy this is kinda my outlet lmfao. and it made me feel really insecure and weird at first but then i realized like… i try to be kind and caring and thoughtful, i have a lot of good qualities and the fact that i write fanfic doesn’t actually detract from any of them. it also helped for me to accept the reason why i write fanfic which is (and we’re abt to get real personal) i’m deeply afraid of intimacy of any kind and always have been so writing fiction abt the stuff i’m too scared to do isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of people who wouldn’t understand it but they don’t have the same experiences as me and i don’t need them to understand it because i know that they never could. like they don’t understand what it’s like to so terrified of being known by another person that you obsess over the hottest guy in your school district for six months bc you want the validation of him liking you back and you do everything in your power to make him like you and then when he actually does reciprocate you immediately start icing him out to the point where he says hi at a party and you ignore him to his face cause you’re so afraid of men😂😂😂😂😂 they don’t get those vibes!!!

anyway basically you just have to remember that you’re doing it for you and it actually doesn’t mean something is WRONG with you if you enjoy writing and the safety and control that fiction offers you. it just means you’re one of billions of people living an entirely unique experience, just like anyone else, and honestly i think it makes you interesting. having hobbies and passions is rlly sexy and cool, regardless of what they are, and you deserve to do stuff you like doing. if anyone else is giving you shit abt it it’s probably because they genuinely don’t understand what it’s like to have interests and that makes me feel bad for them lol

[goatpaste]

watching through p2 of jojos again and it never like, it never stop feeling weird to me how weirdly human araki wrote the pillar man. with so many traits and points make them feel like complex characters, heros of their own story, just weirdly feel sympathetic and human to the point of connection to them.

Like Josephs point in making on meeting santana that 'we can assume he's just bad, this is a fucked up situation to be in maybe so we should give him the benefit of the doubt'

whams WHOle character good god could i put a lot of talk into him

Esidisis behavior and way of acting

Kars enjoyment of animals and plants and for nature in general, a wish to walk in the sun and just kinda a dislike for human people. The way he violently mourns for his fallen family

but none of it matters because you know araki wanted them, even with flaws, to be the main villians. thats all it is. a greatest evil on earth to deal with even if they show human traits.

but it feels so weird, because when im like 'idk i dont think the pillar man did anything wrong, let them do what they want, like sorry joseph but im not rooting for your side' im kinda not kidding. like yes your supposes to assume the worst of the pillar men and their intentions and what they'll do to people if they can walk in the sun. but like, they barely did much when walking around people at night unless they deamed them a threat to themself or something they cared about.

idk i think this comes back around to my feelings that BT really should have been a lil bit longer and fleshed out. its such a shame because while i knoW araki was just wanting to get shit done and move onto his stand stuff, he introduced such a rich cast of characters who if given a bit more time i think could have made such a fucking wonderful and complex narrative... like to the point of the pillar man but to everyone else. Joseph got a strong character introduction only to just kinda get worse and stand still imo. i still like him but i think he could have done a lot more if the story was a bit more fleshed out. Him a caesar actually getting to develop some sort of actual relationship on screen that isnt the two of them fighting and sometimes caesar admires joseph's skills or whatever. JOSEPH AND LISA LISA TRAININGGG, i would have KILLEd to see joseph and lisa lisa do anYthing togeatherrrr... the subtle hints to be dropped of lisa lisa past and her connection to joseph..

idk what point im trying to make actually, im just thinking about how weirdly soft and kind we see the pillar men in moments at time and not just as pure evil being and it feels so weird to remember that were supposes to be rooting against them is all. i feel like we were should have had more insight into their group and lives and feelings and maybe even what they were up to while joseph trained. idk man idk, just kinda thinkin out loud

[slutshamethesquirrels]

i just wanna vent about something that happened yesterday and no one has to read this or care but i just woke up and its still on my mind so

tw: body image issues

so, as we all know, i am fat. I stand about 5'6 as well. so i am not a tiny cutesy lil bunny girl, okay?

now, i love my body. on most days, i think im pretty hot even. i have tattoos and piercings, a mullet, an hourglass shape, big butt, big thighs and a relatively small waist in comparison to the rest of me. I do have a belly OBVIOUSLY but ive even learned to love that after multiple men have fallen over themselves just to get the opportunity to worship it.

but it took me a LONG time to get there. up until age 23 or so, i was always dressed in oversized clothes, hiding everything thing i could, my self esteem was in the toilet. i didn't do my hair or makeup, it didn't matter because in my mind i would always be fat and ugly.

onto the story:

so i work at an art store, we also sell jewelry and clothing and lots of gemstones. its very mountainy, the point of our store is to be able to share the Appalachian culture with others.

we have these gemstone stretch bracelets that are pretty popular, but sometimes the inner band gets worn down when customers come in and play with them too much. it happens.

so some of my first customers the other day were not my usual clientele. they were a younger (20s?) african American couple dressed very in tune with current fashion. (our typical demographic is middle aged white women)

i give em the whole rundown yada yada local art lemmie know if you need me here are our sales and go back to rearranging earrings. they didn't seem interested in talking to me and thats fine i actually prefer the customers who don't like to engage much. they're standing on business just like me; there's being shopping and mine being these fucking earrings that make me wanna die.

so they poke around and i do my job and eventually the girl brings up one of our gemstone bracelets and a ring her up, cut the tag off so she can wear it out and i thought that would be the end of it.

a few minutes later she brings it back to me with one of the inner bands busted and says "i think i broke this, im sorry." i tell her its fine and walk her over to the display so we can pick out a replacement and she points to one and i get it down for her and take the broken one off her wrist and slide the new one on and as im doing this im casually customer servicing "dont worry, this happens sometimes, its not your fault. kids think these are toys so they come in and strech them too far and then the band wears down yada yada blah blah"

and she, so quietly and so sad, goes:

"i think im just too big for them"

and it wasn't until this point that i realized what was happening. i hadn't realized how big this girl was until she said that. she was fat, too but probably had a better bmi than me because she was TALL, maybe six foot? Wide frame.

but it just made me so sad. i assured her that wasn't the case, that smaller people broke these all the time but i was so overwhelmed bc yall this girl was gorgeous.

she dressed nice, her skin was clear (and soft from what i could tell touching her wrist), her hair was slicked back in cute little puff balls and she smiled absolutely intoxicating like there was no reason for her to hate anything about herself. she had pretty chocolate puppy dog eyes and long lashes and full lips and she was so SO pretty like im telling you guys. she wasn't even wearing makeup!! just out here naturally looking like that.

anyway maybe im just not doing well but its the next day and i can't stop thinking about her. i literally woke up in tears over it. of course i told her that wasnt true but i couldve done more. I couldve hugged her and told her how beautiful she was i was just so shocked i dont know.

i hope shes doing okay, i don't think ill ever forget her.

[luciality]

thinking ab nyo ace fam dynamics... amelia has first born son privilege and alice has boymom brainrot. shes naturally a tomboy and while she doesnt see alice as accepting of that at all, alice considers herself very permissive and encouraging of her masculinity. she forces the superficial aspects of femininity on her, yes, but she encourages her studies and athleticism and independence- up until a point of course cant be too independent haha nooo dont leave me bbygrl nooooo dont leave- but she does set up young amelia's life in a way that she was essentially a wealthy young woman in the colonies whose money gave the privilege of not needing to play silly little social games and local politics, essentially above it all, dont give a fuck about the humans darling they are beneath you, and the only men who had any power over her were the actual governers and of course parlement back home in england. But her daily life was privileged to the extreme in that england's money compensated for her being female.

maddie on the other hand uogh maddie bbygrlll she has eldest daughter torment. i think by the time she's in england's hands shes already a demure girly girl. i blame france. little maddie is cautious and yet desperate for attention but too scared to demand it so she does her best to be perfectly obedient and pretty and proper so that england will love her. i think even in modern day alice thinks of maddie as a crybaby, because she was a crybaby as a child and as an adult she's much more restrained but to alice nah shes still a crybaby. growing up as englands good little girl her pretty princess is going to fuck anyone up in the head especially when you're still not even her favorite so yeah maddie makes herself small and accomodating and fulfills whatever role alice needs her to be she shoves down her own feelings so she can be alice's therapist or mommy... average seven year old girl who is parenting her twenty two year old mother.... i think if she had tested boundaries and tried to grow more independent (as a PERSON lol) she maybe would have gotten even more leeway than amelia, but it would have come from a place of yeah do whatever you want kid i dont care... and maddie WANTS her to care so she doesnt push boundaries she has no reason to want to when all she wants is to be the favorite child she wants mommy to love her unconditionally. so she basically ends up stunted emotionally. she never really grows up she still depends on mom a lot... i think alice does see her as an overgrown baby like maddie is always asking for permission unnecessarily she feels like shes infantilizing maddie or that maddie is infantalizing herself. and now that they are both older alice may feel bad for creating this dynamic for them but god is it nice to have someone to call knowing she'll answer regardless of the time and listen to her drunken ranting and crying and being vulnerable to her babygirl the one person she can confide in, confident that it wont be used against her because maddie is so so loyal. and yet she still blames it all a bit on maddie and resents her for being that way. grow up. pull yourself together. why are you asking me. who cares. i dont care. grow up.

amelia and maddie can not reminice about childhood together for very long because when england comes up it is like they are talking about two different people and they start fighting about it.

[asterssunzephyr]

TP&TS!Nature Wives angst, maybe? 👀👀👀

THERES SO MUCH I COULD GIVE YOU OH MY GOD?? They are the main couple after all(..One of the only ones, actually. Looking at Desert Duo & ShadowBeans being split up bc one is dead.. then looks at NW & FH.. hm..)

CW: Alcohol, Bars

Implied gay thoughts about your best friend's best friend

Implied Flower Husbands

Implied Bisexual Ren

Implied Gay Thoughts™️ about tp&ts!Gem from tp&ts!Shelby

-----

"You hurt Jimmy, why are you in my house."

"To talk to you-"

"Talk?! What is there to talk about, Shelby?!"

"A lot! I didnt- I didnt mean to hurt him!"

"Then why did you?!"

"I dont know!"

"Bullshit! Get out of my house. Get out, and dont return."

"But-"

"Out. and give me the key back."

"Sweetheart-"

"Dont. You dont get to call me that anymore, leave."

He stared at her, at the way she still looked so ethereal while pissed at him, but gave the key up with a sigh. They had no right to stay here, not at 2 in the morning when Katherine probably just got back from the heroes base after working with Gem all night.

Okay, she didnt know if that last part was true but from how tense and stressed Katherine looked, Shelby assumed!.. They walked to the door and took one last look at the love of their life, friend, enemy her and left.

That night was spent in the closest bar to Katherines house since she didnt want to go half way across town to the small apartment in Boatem.

"What are you doing this far across town."

They shot their eyes up to the person who slid into the booth across from them. Brown eyes and blonde hair; Jimmy. Why was he in this bar?

"..I wanted to talk to Kat, she didnt wanna hear it. Didnt want to walk all the way back to Boatem at 2 am."

A sip of the liquor in the glass and Shelby finally looked the taller in the eyes.

"I get that," A sip from his own glass, "Scott dragged Gem and I here."

"Gem's here?"

"She is."

Shelby looked for the hint of a lie, but knew better. Jimmy would never lie about Gem's location, not when he cared about her like he does.

"Shelby!"

Another voice, and an arm around her shoulder. Scott, and Gem sliding into the booth on the other side next to Jimmy.

Now, Shelby knew 3 things about themself and their feelings:

1. They're hopelessly in love with Katherine

2. They liked women, and honestly women only

3. Feelings are confusing

One thing he didnt know, however, was to stop staring at Gem who currently looked outright beautiful. Now, she is one to lie quite often, but if shes calling someone beautiful, it's because she means it; well, gods be damned does Shelby mean it.

Apparently, Gem hasn't noticed the staring to they quickly focused on their hands and the drink in it before downing the rest of the glass and calling for another.

See, for a long time, Shelby's known about their feelings for women and how its nothing how Ren felt for women, or men. She's always struggled with feelings, and for a long time coming to terms with being asexual was a lot; dont get the poor guy wrong, hes hopelessly in love with Katherine and knows it, but goddamn does Gem look great.

-

He focused back in on the conversation when his 2nd, 3rd, fourth drink arrived and took a slow sip out of the glass. Just now, had Shelby realized, Katherine was there and glaring daggers from the end of the table. They made eye contact and Shelby knew she was in trouble, apparently so did Scott with how fast he moved to let Katherine take his place next to the short villain friend.

"How many have you had."

"Uh-"

"She's had four."

"You were keeping track?!"

"I have to drive Scott and Gem home, of course I have. Weve been here for two hours, Shelby."

"Two hours?!"

Shelby winced at Katherine basically yelling next to them. Yep, big trouble.

"Thats it, come on."

"Where are we going?"

"My house, so you can sober up and sleep."

"Im not drunk!"

"Do I look like I care?"

"Well- No, but-"

"No. Cmon."

Shelby stumbled out of the booth as Katherine dragged them and he waved bye to the trio who just waved back; Scott with a "knowing" smirk.

-

"Are you fucking stupid?!"

"What?"

"Going to a bar, alone, at two in morning?!"

"Like going to boatem wouldve been any better?"

"Not-.. Not what Im saying."

"I just needed to clear my head, Katherine."

"If you wouldve said something-"

"You wouldnt let me! You were so pissed off at me that you wouldnt let me speak!"

"So were both in the wrong!"

"What have I done?!"

"GO TO A BAR, ALONE."

"AND?"

"Gods be damned youre an idiot."

"I tried to talk to you! You wouldnt let me!"

"Then you shouldve told me to shut up!"

"And risk being punched in the face?! Look, Its happened once before and I dont take too kindly to having a busted lip!"

Katherine rolled her eyes and threw a hoodie, a yellow one, at them and stormed off. Shelby simply took this as a sign to go take a shower before Katherine sends her back outside.

------

They both go to sleep angry that morning:). Gem, and Scott, wake up with hangovers btw LMFAO

[answersfromzestual]

I want phallo so bad. I've dreamt of having both sets of genitals since I learned what genitals were.

But i am so intensely afraid of looking anymore trans than I already do. I can't even confidently wear a packer without fearing someone is going to harass or assault me because I am non binary and even though I try not to look like a "woman" my body is.... so stereotypically "feminine" that I don't know what someone would do if they noticed a bulge in my pants.

Other than the whole "risks of surgery", this I'd a huge reason I'm scared to get phallo. And I'm not sure what to do. Because getting phalloplasty will give me the body I've always dreamed of, but will present me with a new challenge in life that I honestly don't know how to handle as someone who will never pass as someone who "should" have a bulge in their pants...

Okay first, I don't have personal experience in the non binary area. But, I will tell you about when I was not passing and I wore a packer and a binder (idk if you bind or not).

I wore a packer, I always was worried about people feeling it/ touching it. At the time I was not in a trans friendly environment. But I even wore a Stand to Pee packer (STP packer) that allowed me to urinate with my packer. I would avoid bathrooms near my classes most of the time, but use (what I wanted to use) the men's room. Yet in one building I had to use the women's room because I didn't pass. But I was really the only person who would be in the building to use that bathroom. It still stucked, but i was still wearing my packer. I was still called "she/her" while wearing my packer.

It was weird at first, I felt paranoid, but you gain confidence over time. People speak a lot about genitals, but they don't bother to really look. And you can usually buy different sized packers, maybe try a smaller size at first? It is intimidating but there isn't as much bulge as people think, even if you brush by and people touch it (which has happened) they don't know what they touched and whether they did or not they won't say anything. It's just a socially unacceptable thing to bring up, so most people will just move on.

You just be you. Get a packer and try it out, you dont have to wear it everyday if you don't want to. At first try when you're feeling comfortable (at home or to a friends house). You will realize that people actually don't look, or care about genitals as much as you think.

Maybe wearing them with baggy pants at first will help.

I'm not sure if you buy men's pants or women's or both. But men's have space for your genitals that give more space and hide. The zipper makes a bigger buldge to be honest.

If you want to pack I highly suggest men's pants. They have skinny pants and pants that can let's say "imitate" the look of women's jeans but with room for a penis and testicles.

I feel like once you gain confidence wearing a packer you will find it easier to make your decision about phalloplasty.

The nice thing about phalloplasty is you can also pick your own size, many clinics also offer debulking (making your phallis not so thick), and your own size of testicles.

If you are non binary it doesn't matter what is in your pants, people will feel how they will, sadly you can't force them to change if they have negative feelings.

I think being in the trans spectrum we tend to overthink a lot of things, especially revolving around our body parts and genitals.

People dont stare at your crotch, they don't touch it on purpose, someone isn't going to bring up they just touched your genitals, again it's something that we subconsciously find socially unacceptable and awkard to mention and talk about (at least in open company).

Life is like a videogame, if there wasn't any challenges it wouldn't be any fun, or worthwhile.

A new challenge is a new road to pave for those behind you and you to be proud you made.

Also I went to highschool with a cis male who for many people they didn't not know his gender. He looked feminine and talked feminine but had a male name and went by he/him. He was just a gay male. Some people aren't traditionally masculine looking and thats okay. Also there is a condition called Gynecomastia that causes cis men to basically have more chest fat and it seems like they have "breasts".

I think that you should see what life is like wearing a packer, then see how you feel.

I'm sorry if I didn't really help you.

I wish you the best in life, and I believe you will have the body you desire one day.

Stay Golden ✌️ 💙 💜

[zak-writes]

i miss loving someone so much i couldn't breathe.

it's nice to have my lungs clear but i dont like them hollow.

people tell me its okay not to love anyone and i guess it is. there's a whole community there of people who are like me. i see them sometimes, talking about not feeling love and i think, yeah, me too.

but i used to feel like that. i spent five years suffocating at the thought of someone i couldnt touch and then five months wondering if this is really what everyone was talking about. i couldn't feel it. or maybe i could and i just didn't enjoy it.

i think i just like attention. i can get that from anywhere. im not pretty but i can be funny if i try. sometimes i write something that strikes a nerve and its never something i care about.

the things i put effort into seem to fail and the things i give up on succeed. maybe that's why im still here. i quit trying six months ago and no one seems to have noticed. i can float through life and get by fine.

at least she punched walls. at least she threw things. at least she hurt people. who am i? some shadow of a broken little girl, stuffed into a mans body that only feels right when other people acknowledge it.

i start trying to write how i feel down and i get stuck. i dont feel anything about him, three years later. some men really are just a guy. if i think back i cant identify what it was that got us here. he seems to think we're a miracle but i never believed in those.

he doesn't know what to get for my birthday. i asked him to name three of my interests and he named two. i got to seven of his before i got one wrong. he didnt tell me he stopped listening to that podcast. i didnt tell him i hurt myself again.

maybe its just an idea of it. i like the idea of it more than what could actually be. having to put effort into someone else is too far.

most people who feel nothing have a reason. i dont do drugs and i only drink on occasion. im not depressed, i dont think. i get out of bed - eventually - and i go to work and i do my assignments and i talk to my friends.

i dont know what people are talking about when they describe their hobbies. i dont do things for fun. i do them because if i dont make things all the time, things people can see, it was like i was never here.

i get asked a lot what my speciality is. i dont know what they mean. im doing this degree because it was the easy option, but also because i like all of it. its all interesting. how can you choose a favourite part? how do you decide which bit is worth putting the extra effort in?

am i just lazy? am i already a corpse? they say you get your final death when someone speaks your name for the last time. i keep shooting the little girl inside of me but people are still saying her name. i dont want her to die. i say her name in my head all the time. she screams at me. i think thats fair.

i know i love her. if nothing else, i love her. she didnt know any better. she didnt know what she was doing to me. i dont think she could conceive of me existing.

for her there was just then. for me there is the next thing. the job and the house and the children i might have. i could love a child. i love every child i meet.

so many people looked at me and saw something they could hurt. every time i look at a kid i think, how?

i love the house i grew up in. i dont have a bedroom anymore.

i love my siblings. they never call me.

i love my friends. i forget their birthdays.

i forget everything. sometimes i say the names of my dead family and i dont remember what they look like. i want to carve their names into a tree so they cant die. i want to set the world on fire.

you can love nothing and everything at the same time i think. maybe that's the point.

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Bro, I just discorved your "Hands that hurt" fic and deadass read through it the whole night until I noticed it was already day 💀 like man did I srs love the conflict, and tension between Arthur Y/n! Tbh, I'm glad that I got in the right time for you to be writing the fic or rather rewriting it which im also excited for what new you could bring. That reminds that I do have some suggestions and maybe critique so I hope don't come off rude.

1. I would LOVE to see more about Y/N and Arthur's relationship from when they were young, especially with meeting John and the others thought out the years. It doesn't need to be completely the whole past event but perhaps important ones like the whole Mary and Arthur drama, Y/n going through how she feels about Arthur, and even Eliza and Issac event. This would not only would make us to get better eye to how Arthur and Y/n went from X to Y but feel us even more sad for Y/N who wanted to be with Arthur but couldn't. Although I know that would crave more creative for you to bear on how to write these events so dont stress yourself about it if you can't.

2. It would be cool if we could explore more about Y/N, especially with her wants, motive, belief and even more flaws that stand her out. I already love Y/N as she is though, I think the mildly annoying thing I had with her is how passive she is sometimes. MC don't need to be always active but seeing how she can only nod, agree or disagree, and not say anything. Now I know that Y/N is reader insert so I can understand why she is like this, but having her to talk up on others flaws when nobody can't, being a leader when she don't notice, showing us more how she struggle being the only women in man work where she is daily discriminated by other men and high society women. I could go on about that but it would be very long so.

I think that's it for what I can think of but I just want to say that I really love your story and looking forward more in the future hopefully! I clearly care about fanfic writers on wanting to improve to be better since I believe that even a fanfic can change a person's life better! Your fanfic don't need to be that of course, as long you have a good character with good development and everything else then your good!

Anon, you don’t know how happy it is to see that someone is still reading Hands That Hurt. I’m incredibly touched and honestly almost feel like crying lol

I appreciate your feedback and luckily since I was planning on rewriting the entire thing, I will most likely end up changing some of the stuff you talked about. I will end up making a post on the actual story to announce it will be rewritten and with the intended changes I want to make

This was my first actual real attempt at writing a fanfiction that had multiple chapters so there will be a lot of things and mistakes that I wish weren’t in there lol

1. I did end up wanting to do more with them as younger but it just never panned out to being like that, however I do believe now that I’ve had time to sit on it and time to overlook what I’ve written I might try to add small little snippets in there unless it fucks with the pacing

2. The reader, or “Y/n” (this might change) since it follows the main storyline of the game pretty closely wasn’t supposed to technically be the main character, you were supposed to be an onlooker to the story that unfolds in mind which was just a thing I was trying to experiment with however now that you’ve pointed it out I do understand where you’re coming from and will most likely change that as well. I kept the reader mostly a blank slate because it is a reader insert and I didn’t want to end up making it an OC when it’s not supposed to be, so that’s why it mainly feels like you are passive in the story.

I’ve learned more through writing other fics that it’s okay to give a little something more to the reader insert since it is interactive fiction and that’s just how it is.

Anyway! I just wanted to acknowledge your points but thank you so much for letting me know you read the story and enjoyed it. I hope to get into rewriting it (and finishing it) soon

[currently-evil]

Rowan No surname found - Formerly Vigilante Sidestep - Curently Villain Déjà vu

Name: Rowan

Surname: None (Never decided on one, in official things he uses a variety of fake names, to the Rangers he introduced himself (in a bit of panic) as Rowan Rowan. He does get a lot of crap from Ortega for using such an obviously fake name, but it stuck.

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Demisexual

Villain name: DÉJÀ VU (Name is a bit of precaution, It's a safe fail in case somebody found the way he fights or moves familiar. If they confronted him he would heavily suggest the feeling of DÉJÀ VU is one of his powers.)

Vice: Cigarettes

Armour: Telepathy and speed

Armour look: Mysterious

Occupation: Mob boss

Romance: Steel/Ortega/Sidestep - Secret crush Ortega

Stats:

These are his stats from Book 1, when i find the ones from book 2 I will change this

Appearance:

Asian

Middle height

Black eyes

Some make up, mostly foundation and some "natural look" cosmetics, but he also like to use eyeliner and eyeshadow sometimes (he always forgets to remove them and then looks like panda)

Black hair, length about little something under his ears, with fringe, always style in same dramatic K-POP idol style

Many piercings : eyebrow piercing, on his lips snake bites and medusa, two studs in his tongue , industrial in right ear, belly button piercing and some below waist that i didnt figured out yet. Almost all done by himself

Always immaculately clothed usually in some mix of formal clothes and latest fashion

Personality: Ironic and sassy asshole with face almost permanently twisted in irritation and constant sigh: “I hate this so much”

Trivia:

He knows how to make vape tricks, back in Sidestep days he would do them to amuse Anathema

He used to have a really strong distaste towards his own body, feeling like its parasite, something to fight against. He used to thought "This body is all they want, if I could get rid of it, If i could be free of it…" Sometimes he would even self harm as a way to cope. Mostly making piercings, but on bad days he would try to carve tattoos off his body. But he would mostly just neglect himself, not eat enough, not sleep enough, not care about wounds on him.

(Ironically, jumping into Puppet only made this feeling worse.)

After the series of realizations, self discoveries and a few events that forced him to look at himself from another point of view He realized his body is not an enemy but maybe the only ally he can truly trust. He mostly got this feeling under control. It still there of course, under the surface of his mind, coming back sometimes, but Rowan worked out a routine that helps when needed.

In current time He takes great care of himself, have enormous collection of cosmetics worth small fortune. But while he almost obsessively takes care of his body, he greatly neglects mental health. At least until Ortega persuade him to go to therapy. Now he is working hard to get better.

Demisexual but he never really thought about it enough to give himself a label. He always considered thanks to his secrets he would always be alone, so no need to think about. There was even a part of him that considered that because he isn't a true human its logic that he have no interest in sex or reproduction. And then Ortega showed all suave, sexy and so warm. But of course Ortega wasn't into men. Then Heartbreak happened and again he figured love wasn't for him. He didn't even realize when Steel wormed into his heart.

He loves fashion and dressing up. Showing anywhere like its a runway or award ceremony. Absolute Diva.

Hates getting compliments. He accepts only the one regarding his clothes or his fashion sense; all others make him crumble and whiter and cringe. Run away or threaten people to stop.

People think his natural state (sassy eye rolling bitch) is a sign of dislike but it's actually the opposite. When he doesnt like somebody/dont trust them he becomes perfectly emotionless and motionless. Old habit from around his handlers who would severely punish him for any show of emotion or opposition.I don't think he is ready or even mentally stable enough to have pets but if he were, he would have two rats. Firstly bought so RatKing would have friends but then he would get genuinely attached. I think he would be a cat person, but he would never get a cat, too worried it might scare RatKing.

I dont have talent for art but this is the closes i managed to create what i imagine he looks like in picrew (minus the piercings)

Also this one :3

[weebsinstash]

Tbh I have never seen a villainess manga/manhwa where the FL is like Oh youre cheating on me??? Well let me have a good time and get a lover as well, because if you get to have one I do too. Like all those humiliating situations FLs go through with their husband and mistress would be a lot more even if they had their own lover. Like oh you wanna flaunt your mistress to everyone and dance with her at social events? Well here is my lover/mistress right by my side and Imma dance with them and not mind you. The husband is saying the FL is cold and arrogant and cannot show love? Well here is once again her own lover/mistress to prove you wrong because guess what someone was fucking your wife last night and it wasnt you

Honestly there are probably some that exist! From what I've seen, the manhwa community is similar to the manga community in that it follows trends and many things can be published or produced at once, so maybe it's a matter of trying to shift through all the bulk?

I think the thing that's infuriating is most of these dudes are such fucking chumps that they would get jealous, but their reaction would probably be to tell their FL "oh, you're clearly doing this just for my attention, how childish of you" and it's like fine call me bozo the clown because I'm about to get a wacky creampie from your brother/rival

Honestly I wish the story existed where it's like "you know what crown prince? Not only am I leaving you, im leaving you for your father the emperor. I'm your mom now boy, go to your room"

I have been reading so many Villainess/Revenge manhwa and I honestly can't recall any like you're saying. The closest thing I can think of is a scene from "I Want To Become The Emperor So I Need A Divorce" where the husband's lover's uncle who runs a theater company is hosting a play meant to mock the FL, and when her shit husband asks what she thought of the play, and she lied and said it was nice and then he goads her further to start reciting her favorite line, she calls his fucking bluff and walks up to the actor that had played her husband and starts reciting exact lines, but in such a way it seems like she is genuinely flirting with the actor, and she even puts a royal gemstone on his finger to symbolically say "you're as good as the duke" and he gets so fucking mad he basically had the entire theater company ruined

I just want to watch garbage men be ruined, like I am actively seeking out stories where women leave their shit partners and enjoy watching them mald and seethe while living a better life with their new partner. I can't wait for the final season of Remarried Empress, and Father I Dont Want This Marriage, and kt isn't a romance but I think I will DIE if I never see the ending of Actually I Was The Real One because that fucking bitch tried to steal her family! And I also found an extremely similar manywa that's brand new called The Saintess Returns as a Villain and maybe that will be good but it is still too early to tell.

And you know what, I know a good revenge manhwa but it's more revenge in the form of "you neglected me and made me feel like shit so im running away and cutting you out of my life and even when I need support you aren't good enough" and that would be The Time Of The Terminally Ill Extra. It hasn't updated it forever so im afraid it might be dropped but it's about a girl who has been shoved to the side for the sake of her sickly younger sister who she has had to compromise everything for, even entering school late to take care of her, giving her her toys, being trained to never disobey or show she's unhappy because even when she cries she's told "how dare you cry when your sister is in pain?". Well, it turns out the FL is terminally ill, even sicker than her sister, amd she decides to run away and never even tell her family, who initially don't even care she's missing and then proceed to not believe it when they are told their daughter is fatally sick. I might actually start reading the novel because the story has me so invested. The FL has an uncurable illness called Artist's Disease where she can bring to life anything she draws but at the cost of her own life, but her family neglected her so fucking much they never even knew she liked to draw or noticed how extremely gifted she was, which, the extreme talent is a symptom of Artist's Disease because their abilities are "blessings", and if her family had noticed and gotten her diagnosed earlier she wouldn't be dying. But even as it's killing her, she refuses to stop drawing because it's her passion and joy. She grew up so lonely that as a child she would draw fairies and other people to talk to her and be her friends and her art is extremely personal to her that she would literally die than give it up. I really hope this manhwa finishes like I have heard spoilers about because it sounds like everything turns out alright in the end, but not before massive heartbreak 🥺

[butchkaramazov]

A Shade Darker Than Red: Chapter 8

this is a repost because tumblr, being a jerk as always, decided to delete the former post. if you like this one, you could maybe check out the entire series using the masterlist i'll post in a few minutes.

A week passed by. Paro was eerily quiet when she was with me, and I thought of what I had said that day. Had I really, truly ruined all my chances of saving even our friendship?

A million thoughts rushed through my head as I turned restlessly in bed, staring at the ceiling.

The ceiling of our bedroom was painted with blue fluorescent stickers shaped like stars. Papa had done that. I had asked Maa to take them off if they bothered her, but we never did.

Beside me, Maa tossed in her sleep. They say if you think of someone, they can’t fall asleep. Could she hear my thoughts?

I had nothing to distract myself with. No phone, no book—nothing. Just me, my thoughts and the stars on the ceiling.

A sudden, vivid memory flashed in my mind. We were six. A year had passed since my meeting with Paro. We were running around like hooligans in the park while our mothers talked about work, pados-wali aunties and whatnot. I still remember what Paro was wearing: a frilly, white frock with Minnie Mouse sewn onto its sleeves. The sky was red and so was our laughter, until Paro bent down and ripped a flower right off its stem. “For you,” she had said, clumsily tucking the flower behind my ear. When she touched my earlobe, the flower was white. When she let go, it was red.

Another memory. We were nine. She sat with me on the bed while I rambled on about my latest hyperfixation: dragons. She listened to every single detail I had mentioned and, by the end of the afternoon, showed me a drawing of a wyvern.

Twelve. I was reading The Priory of the Orange Tree, sitting on the windowsill. I took a sip from my milk tea, letting out a contented hum. I wasn’t on the windowsill anymore. I was Ead, pressing a kiss to Sabran’s brow. Sabran was someone who looked uncannily similar to Paro.

An annoying ding! from my phone forced me back to reality. I heard Maa’s grunts and snores: the coast was clear. 

I climbed off the bed, taking care not to put extra weight anywhere that would make the mattress creak. I walked towards the desk and picked up the phone.

WhatsApp: You have 3 messages.

It was Paro. I checked the time: 3:49 a.m. Paro was a morning person, what was she doing staying up all night?

Paro<3:

hi renu are you awake?

—00:27

do you wanna hang out on the roof like we used to? 

—02:01

its ok if you dont wanna. go back to sleep you have a big day tmrw. actually, if ur awake rn i’ll kill you

—03:48

Oh, Paro.

I glanced at Maa, slowly increasing the fan’s regulator. Please don’t wake up soon.

I walked out of the room and closed the door. Thank goodness I’d oiled its hinges last week. 

The main door was locked—opening it meant creating a ruckus. “Shit,” I muttered under my breath. No wait, actually not shit. This meant I’d have to take the old way around. 

Jeez, fourteen-year-old me was fun.

I opened the door to the balcony and hoisted myself up on its railing. It was an easy jump. I tumbled onto the grass, praying that a grasshopper wouldn’t find its new home in my ear. The grass was wet and the air smelled of petrichor. 

I stood up, smoothening my pyjamas. Staying out late at night was a risky thing, especially in our neighbourhood. Plenty of TicTac-shaped pills here and there, and men on the prowl. I didn’t give a damn. I was eighteen and probably feeling some feelings I wasn’t supposed to be feeling. (That’s a lot of ‘feeling’s, I know.) What could possibly hurt me?

A lot of things, I realised, as I walked up to Paro’s house. Like that mad dog Rathode had warned me about. The creepy guy who keeps children in his basement (just a speculation, but when Madhu speculated about something, it was most probably right). An overspeeding motorcycle that could crash into me any minute. My own mother, with her pots and pans, once she realised I was gone.

Oh well, the damage was done. I found myself opening the gate on instinct, as if I knew Paro’s house better than I did my own.

I stepped into their garden, careful not to trample on any beetles—and made my way to the window of the woman who lived below Paro’s flat. Madame Fosco, I called her, in everything but her looks.

The tin shade Madame Fosco had installed last year was probably on its deathbed by now. Rust had made its edges creaky, but Fosco was deaf, anyway. I grabbed onto it and hoisted myself up, finding myself staring right at Paro’s face, our faces a millimetre away from each other’s. She screamed.

I screamed.

My foot slipped and I fell off the tin shade, tumbling onto the grass once again. At this point, I would be surprised if a grasshopper hadn’t found its home in my ear.

“For Whitman’s sake, hush,” I whisper-shouted, if that’s a thing. If it wasn’t, it probably is by now.

Paro peered out of the window, her mouth forming a perfect ‘o’. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed. 

I shook my head (in case a grasshopper had organised a nice family dinner in my hair) and climbed onto the tin shaft once again, pulling myself onto Paro’s windowsill.

“Come in,” she whispered, switching the lights on. 

I felt comfortable squatting on her windowsill like a failed Spiderman and grumbled as I walked into her bedroom.

Paro switched her phone’s torchlight off. “I’m gonna kill you.”

“What?” I stared at her retreating figure. “What did I do?”

“Why are you still awake?” she snapped. I followed her to the door.

“Why are you still awake and staring out of your window like Oscar fucking Wilde?” I snapped back.

Paro flipped me off while trying her hardest to pull the gates across the door. Sweat shone on her forehead, her eyes illuminated in the moonlight.

“Hold on, let me help,” I offered, gently grabbing her wrist. Paro grumbled, stepping aside.

I pushed the gate back and pulled it in again, keeping the screw in with my thumb. It glided into the opening on the other side, miraculously not making a single noise.

I turned towards Paro. She was staring at my arms.

“What?” I asked her, incredulously. One moment she said she wanted to kill me, and the next she looked at me like I was something she couldn’t quite wrap her head around.

“N-Nothing,” she gasped. My heart fluttered. Dammit, these butterflies in my stomach had turned into fucking bats at this point.

Paro walked up the stairs while I followed her footsteps in the dark. “Just like the old times, huh?” I heard her say.

I grinned. “Just like the old times.”

Paro opened the door to the roof, the tensed line in her jaw glinting in a sliver of moonlight. God, she was as beautiful as ever.

“Come in,” she said, her words echoing in the marble walls.

I followed her to the railings, leaning against the cool surface. A light breeze rippled through, making her hair fly for a brief second. Dear God, she was poetry herself.

“Where are Auntie and Uncle?” I asked, trying to break the silence.

A light breeze caressed my cheeks. “They won’t be back before tomorrow. Business trip,” Paro explained, edging closer to me.

“Oh.” I was suddenly aware of the pen still tucked behind my ear.

Silence.

“So we’re—we’re all alone, then?” I asked her, hoping she wouldn’t hear the slight quaver in my voice.

Paro nodded. “We are.”

Silence, again.

She leaned against the railing. “You’re going away in three weeks.”

I nodded, not quite knowing what to say.

“I asked you a question.” Her voice was cold and harsh, harsher than I deserved. 

“That was a statement,” I snapped. “And don’t use your fucking CEO voice with me.”

Paro frowned. “I’m not.”

“You are.” I glared at her. “And you know it.”

She stared at me, scrutinising my every feature. “I’m sorry,” she finally said, letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s just been—you’ll be gone—and—”

“I know, it’s okay,” I heard myself murmur, edging closer towards her.

“I—I’ve got that Poe book with me,” she said. “Do you want it now or at the graduation party?”

“Now,” I said, without thinking. “The party will be too loud. And too crowded,” I added as an afterthought.

Paro bit her lip so hard I was scared it would bleed. “Alright,” she nodded. “I’ll get it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I watched her retreat into the shadows, taking the white along with her. The night was a pool of blood, again.

I hummed. Did she know about the history of ‘OK’? Probably not. I’d tell her. Not knowing things I wouldn’t be able to tell her before we drifted apart wasn’t a good idea. At least she’d be able to tell her children that their Renu Auntie had told her about the history of ‘OK’. Maybe she’d sigh and think of me, again. Words were a certain but clumsy way into a person’s mind. 

Papa had told me that. Maybe that’s why I can’t stop thinking of him.

Did Paro know about Jinnah? That Netaji might’ve actually been alive? Did she know that birds came from lizard-hipped dinosaurs? There was so much I had to tell her before I vanished from her mind.

It was pathetic. Scrambling onto every crumb of unrelated information I could find, just to hang onto her thoughts, stay on in her mind for a little while longer.

“I’m back,” Paro said, stepping into the moonlight.

She looked like Aphrodite, the goddess of love born from love itself, in all her glory—clutching a book of Edgar Allan Poe, the letters of which shone in the lamplight or moonlight, that I do not know.

“For you,” she said, handing me the book.

“It’s beautiful,” I gasped as I ran my fingers along the edge of its spine. It was a leatherbound book, The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe written in shiny gold lettering. I opened the first page.

To Renu, it said. Keep me in your mind, always. From, Paro.

I chuckled, flipping through the pages. “Of course I’ll keep you in my mind, Paro,” I laughed. “What a silly thought!”

Paro looked at me, hope faintly glimmering in her eyes. “You will?” Her voice had softened down to a murmur.

I looked at her incredulously. “Well, duh, Paro, I can’t just forget my best friend of thirteen years now, can I?”

Paro’s lower lip trembled. “You promise?”

I smiled. “Always.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

A comfortable silence followed and as we looked at the stars, I knew we were both smiling.

[magnoliamyrrh]

something that really bothers me actually is that while i still care abt "sex workers" ie. the 1% w the privilege of choice, most of them don't actually give a damn abt us, they prepetually talk over us, and some seem to outright despise us

like no, i dont care abt the "right" of the 1% to do what they want when the price being payed is sexual slavery. but i do Care about Them because i Know so many still end up traumatized and exploited. and many have spoken on this. (ex)onlyfans&similar models talking about how even just on camera, in their own homes, theyd be pressured by hundreds or thousands of men to do things they didnt want to do to themselves, to degrade themselves in ways that traumatized them. how even they would have to shoot on days they didnt want to become they needed money, do things they didnt want to bc they needed money. how theyd end up getting so many horrid degrading comments and rape threaths and even stalkers. how so many of them started selling nudes and porn before they even turned 18, some doing it for years before - which is becoming more and more common w the internet, everywhere - this happens very frequently and openly even on tumblr... those girls dont just become "sex workers" the day they turn 18 and keep doing it. how so many of them entered when they were 18-19 and inexperienced and couldn't handle such insane audiences of men. how they had their "content" purchesed and watched by ex's, coworkers, bosses, family members, with little they could do against it. how after they stopped it was very hard to get a job bc they'd keep being turned down when their accounts were found - a vicious cycle pulling them into "sex work" they didnt want to do anymore bc now they had little choice; how many didnt think abt that when everyone told them to start at 18-19 because it would be fun and empowering and great. et cetera. i, of all people, think of trisha paytas whose pissed me off for a million reasons, but who recently started talking abt how shes starting to have more conflicted feelings abt the "sex work" she did, that maybe it didnt do her all well and good. and the whole internet jumped on her venting abt her personal experiences as someone whose done this for years for "shaming sex workers." how even though shes made millions she was still traumatized, she did a lot of it while high off her ass and v not okay, shes someone whose very mentally ill, has a history of csa and abuse, and is very vulnerable, and that millions aside none of this was good for her either

i think abt how many ex dominatrixes ive heard talk abt how it was still traumatizing; speaking in idk theoreticals and stereotypes, what "sex worker" could have more power and control than a dominatrix whose doing it not bc of need for money? except, nope, still traumatizing bc she was still being used, degraded, bought, objectified by men who barely see her as fully human. almost like this is all inherently exploitative. i think abt how even "sex workers" who do "jobs" which don't inherently involve sexual intercourse, such as escorting or pole dancing or etc, many times they still end up having to perform sexual acts, eigher in times of particular economic need, or they were pressured into it, or they ended up at a worse "establishment" who forced them, or still ended up getting sexually assaulted or beaten or threatened or raped often.

the whole industry is such shit that even the 1% of more privileged ones still dont have it good. they still end up traumatized and sexually assaulted. the whole industry is still sexist, pedophilic, racist, dehumanizing, violent and exploitative up to the very top.

i care abt that. i care abt this shit no longer being normalized and existing bc it harms essentially everyone involved - even among the 1% there is a 1% whose lucky to not have had bad experiences. but. so many of them dont care the other way around lol. dont care that the thing theyre participating in when they dont have to is inherently tied up with human sex trafficking and pedophilia etc, that those same websites theyre posting on and making money on are the same one making money off of that shit and fueling sexual slavery. and more than not care frankly, theyre insanely hostile to any sex trafficking victim or (ex)(child)prostitute who says anything against the industry. they dont give a damn abt everyone elses suffering. they pretend that ppl w the privilege of choice like them are a majority and sex trafficking a minority, when in fact it is they who are the minority. they think being OF "sex workers" gives them the right to speak over any (ex)prostitutes, and theyre the ones feeding into this crazy idea that "swerfs" exist and somehow abolitionists clearly want "sex workers" dead... like god damn. i still care but so many of them actually dont give a shit abt anything other than Yea Well But Its Good For Me Individually