#maybe itll be the way it was again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bleaksqueak · 5 months

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Desk is cozy.

Got my rat.

Time for some special interest brain juice.

#hades 2 #i was going to wait to play it #but considering i can’t browse without seeing spoilers #lets just play early access too #no worries i wont post spoilers here either #at most if i post abt it again itll just be to say its good lol #or eventually a little fanart maybe…#i’ll tag if so either way #but i love hades so much im so pumped #cassie says bloop #am I enjoying that my work space with the lights set like this is the same color scheme as the game?#yes #yes I am

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faaun · 1 month

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the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid

#russian is like the surface of a feather like it's light but not exactly “soft” but still very delicate #german is . cute ? i think it's adorable . it has a lot of momentum it makes u wanna talk fast and talk a lot #like it's squishy . sleek surface w a soft inside #thai is like song . it's like interprative dance or maybe a trust-fall . everything follows from the previous thing #it feels like a little fairy flying up and letting itself fall and flying up again and so on (for fun). its so beautiful but also playful #mandarin chinese is like . idk why but it gives me the same vibe the concept of Observation does . like to read and to see and absorb #and then to translate that into smth else . like . imagine a poet people watching or an artist preparing a canvas w practiced hands. thats #the vibe. soft and elegant and musical but like...in a way that feels lived-in. arabic feels wise ? like music or poetry u read #and feel nothing about then years later u stumble on and it applies to everything in ur life. that kind of vibe. like it knows more than u #and itll make sure ur heart and soul grows as big as its lexicon . polish is like snowflakes falling . it has the feeling of complexity and #elegance but it's also so so light and slippery and...maybe not elusive but the feeling of losing a dance partner in a waltz ? like fun and #light but also an underlying elegance and somberness still . turkish is like the feeling when u get a text from ur crush #and your heart tightens and you cant tell if it's really painful or really amazing . it feels like unrequited love . or a caress #or making out with someone when you know its the last time you'll see them. its beautiful in a yearning longing way #korean is like joking around w ur friends and you've stayed up until like almost 5 AM and youre so delirious that everything is funny #and ur speaking kind of lightly and openly and everything you say holds a lot of weight and doesnt matter at all. you laugh at everything #and youre practically talking in inside jokes and watching the sunrise together . one of them hits u on the shoulder lovingly. ur by a fire #yoruba feels like the metatheory of the matatheory . abstraction until it circles back to intuition or maybe #it feels like plotting the route of a comet or maybe like the soft warm whirr of statistics. trying to verbalise beauty somehow #when you know the best thing you can show it is by telling everyone just look!! look at the sky just look!#anyway yh i think i could do this for every language ever tbh

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arsenicflame · 1 month

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i always see birthdays as a second chance at new years resolutions so. heres mine: i want to be a person

i want to go and do things and have fun, i want to leave the house without panic, i want to speak to people, i want to make new friends, i want to make art, to sew, to write (a little), to create, i want to laugh and play and feel fully and truly alive, i want to learn to drive, i want to stop caring what other people think of me, i want to be. i want to do the things i always did want to do, but was too scared to.

we're all gonna die, if we dont start living.

#sorry i am once again being dramatic i just #i want to be so much more than i am #and i think i just. have to try #maybe itll drive me completely into the ground #but i want to feel JOY goddamnit #im already being exhausted by not trying. i have to try #nyxtalks #anyway idk what this looks like in practice #booking my other trips for this year i guess #finally sorting out driving lessons #it all terrifies me to hell. but not changing is no better #one way or another. this time next year i will have spent my birthday with friends. i will.

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 months

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misc lore drop day 17/?

I wanna make it clear that Fernando may come off as very standoffish, and makes it feel like their relationship is one sided. But it's not! Don't worry! I think Fernando is also playing the affection game, but wouldn't admit it. As I've said before, that one duo interview was so influential to me. Like he's playing a completely different mindgame than Seb is, which I think makes their relationship very funny. They both come at things in very different ways and perceive the others actions in very different ways.

For Seb, it's very fun to try and win Fernando over, it's a real challenge. For Fernando, it's very satisfying to have the literal emperor fighting for his attention. He WANTS Seb to want him, he WANTS to play hard to get. I think he starts off yknow actually being standoffish, but absolutely preens when he notices Seb going lengths to get his attention. It gets to the point where he's in Spain, sending goading letters to Seb like, "hope you're not too lonely!" snickering to himself.

But when he does these teasing things, Seb obviously interprets it as "oh he's being affectionate!" not "he's saying I'm more needy than he is!" And when Seb is affectionate back, Fernando thinks "ha! He's so desperate for me!" not "oh he's being so sweet!!" Yes, it's a huge misunderstanding, but they both get what they want out of the interaction so isn't it fine?

#whoops almost forgot to do this 😭#i dont have the specific time set away in my schedule anymore to write these #not that im busy but rather now im completely free #so its gonna be a bit harder to remember to do these 😭#maybe ill save these all up and then you guys can request comics of them after the anniversary????#idk yet ah #dealing with like burn out and insecurities abt lack of interest again unfortunately #so id like to do smth interactive but. ah. who knows if itll work out that way #i like this one today!!!#theyre so silly 😭😭#boy king au #lore a day

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festivalofthe12 · 3 months

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Gotta admit

At this point, I'm actually slightly relieved when there's no FE4 remake announced, just because the Switch is getting old and FE4 is a big goddamn game and so I've always been lowkey worried how they'd handle the map sizes. So it being the flagship new Fire Emblem game for a next generation Nintendo console honestly sounds like the best possible case scenario

#lbh. if it gets released on the switch at this point it's in serious danger of ending up like SoV #not in the sense that SoV is a bad game by ANY means #but. I literally never even heardof its existence until 3h was coming out. and I played Fateswakening.#then AGAIN you could argue SoV was way better than previous remakes bc they knew the console so well by then #and took their timw making it rather than rushing for a deadline #tbh my kinda guess/hope is that the next console is well underway #and FE4 was designed for the Switch initially but has been switched over (heh) to it instead #so all the art/writing will get plenty of time. which is the most important thing for fe4.#and maybe it'll avoid getting bogged down in new gem gimmicks???#OR itll get forced into complying to advertise the new console to great detriment #LOOK this whole thing is copium we all know we'll be waiting for this remake for all time lol #*tempts fate 👀*#fe4 #fire emblem

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bunnykitty13 · 4 months

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long art ramble srry lol

but im so fucking glad all that work i put into recovering from skill regression last year is starting to pay off. i constantly worry that i can never produce the same level of quality i used to before hitting rock bottom health wise. but even comparing my art from a few months ago to now is showing progress. biggest sigh of relief ever

#ill forever be grateful that not one person was cruel to me when my art started to show signs of downgrading. maybe cuz it was obvious #something deeper was going on or at least i have successfully surrounded myself with kind people. either way im truly fortunate #maybe im being too hard on my work from 2021-2023 but really more than anything im glad i was able to start climbing uphill again #cant say itll never happen again but for now its enough for me to start having fun drawing again. its been so long i had #forgotten what i loved about drawing in the first place

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corvidaedream · 6 months

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in my quest to maybe move back to providence after 20 years, im looking at jobs down there and damn i think i might be better off financially pivoting to carpentry/construction work for a while

#messages from the ouija board #the biggest two hurdles there are 1) gender. on multiple levels. but maybe i could get my dad to put in a good word for me w an old contact #bc he seems to know every tradesman in rhode island somehow. a #but like. every manual labor job ive ever had other than assisting my dad. gender has become a Problem. and itll probably be worse now #and then 2) id have to get a vehicle and all the bells and whistles w that #though idk maybe i could ask my coworker marty about how to get into stage carpentry #bc hes trans and seems to be doing well in it #ive always enjoyed manual labor stuff like i love painting i love demo work i loved repairing tombstones i love building shit #but the few times ive actually been hired by people who arent family its been a real struggle to be taken seriously #in one case i got harassed (over being a 'woman') into leaving #and in another it just made the guys on the crew increasingly uncomfortable 'having a girl around' and when the current job wrapped up #i just got ghosted. no telling me where the next job was. no returning my calls. nothing.#and im scared of that happening again. but also. the money seems way better than museum work wrt what im qualified for

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arts-i-enjoy · 7 months

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AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 5 months

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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything

Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds

#like. i went out earlier to get bread #just bread bc we cant afford anything else #got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like #our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off #and it usually wont switch off over weekends #presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway #so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt #then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is #or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing #and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days #we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen #like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in #and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel #and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me #but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness #tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s #like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but #dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon

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anede · 8 months

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ultramarine 🌀

#my art #artists on tumblr #art #illustration #digital art #character design #original character #original art #colorful #blue #ultramarine #abstract art #surreal art #maybe will never draw hands “normally” again #and itll take more time to find a way to break some other rules for good

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weirdbabs · 11 days

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anyway sometimes youre social and out going and love to talk to/interact w people and then one of your best friends kisses on the mouth you when youre seven and you ask her why she did that and she tells you that its just what best friends do! and you say. well. okay but can you not do that? and then she starts telling everyone that youre weird and starts making you an outcast but its okay bc you still have other friends. and then she wants to be your friend again bc she says never found you weird thats just what scarlet said and you accept her back bc youre best friends of course you will. and she asks you who you like and you tell her and she starts flirting w him and pursuing him and youre confused bc you told her you liked him and also youre all 8. and then he leaves the school and she decided your weird again and you enter this cycle where shes nice to you and wants you to stop hanging out w your other friends and then suddenly wants nothing to do with you leaving you to find new people to hang out w, but you go to a private school and theres no new blood added in and eventually nobody wants anything to do w you and then your 12 and shes your friend again and shes telling you all about her new boyfriend and you dont really care about that but youre feigning interest bc you dont want her to think youre weird and when you ask about him a week later she tells you she dumped him and hes dumb and pretty soon after she stops talking to you at all. and then youre 14 and youre starting high school and having to learn how to socialize w other kids again

#and also you have a reoccurring dream where youre put thru all that bullshit again and you keep accepting her back #bc maybe itll be different this time only for it to end the same way. harry du bois final dream hit too close to home when i played #ive always said im an introvert but jens bachelorette party-wedding made me realize oh. no im not i love being around people #i just get HELLA nervous when its new people and so i dont interact bc i dont know what to do #which i maybe shouldve realized years ago when my sister said they could see how excited i was when they visited and how my entire demeanor #changed but. sometimes it takes spending like 4 straight days w your friends for you to realize. wait. i enjoy this

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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...

#sometimes i find the degree to which i cannot concentrate very alarming #like bro i canno read. i have so much to do but i wanna sleep forever #i just have to get up and go somewhere else. normally id go transfer algae or run but im stuck inside and .y fingers r all cold #usually its just in the morning that I get thr high distress so its prob the meds #but yesterday was kinda fucked. ugh.i just need to run around but i cant #i have such a sinister combo of: brain stops me from being able to b productive and if im not productive i am compelled to do horrible #things. mood issues and 0cd is horrible. horrible feedback loop #i just wish i could breathe. itll b fine. eventually itll b summer again and itll b fine #its like someone's squeezing my throat. like im sick but i kno its just that im anxious #i was doing so well the past few days in terms of reading and productivity despite the distress #and im trying to b kind and roll with the punches but its so hard #like i kno i need to relax and not resist bc resistance makes it worse but it's just hard and im worried this is how itll always b #i wish i could go back on lamicta1. i felt way better on low dose of that then i do on low dose of abi1ify. its so hard to stay on this #just bc of how my head works. and like things were complicated with the lamicta1. maybe i wouldnt habe had a reaction if i didnt get a #tatto0 while upping the dose but now im marked as allergic so i prob wont b allowed to try any of thr anti convulsive type antidepressants #ugh. i hate this. its so frustrating #unrelated

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dare-g · 8 months

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We've been watching JoJo for the first time 8 episodes in and idk I feel pretty indifferent about it?

#i know the series are supposed to vary quite a bit from the first so maybe the popularity is more for the later stuff #like just watching the anime alone it seems hard to imagine that this alone could be so big #but in reality i know theres the manga readers to account for #its not even like i hate it i just mostly dont feel much at all atm #i do laugh occasionally less cause actual comedy more so at the nonsense fighting moves coming from nowhere #and ill admit it does have more gore than i thought it would which was a surprise #but like i just think for a fighting anime it lacks in comparison to others #like some fighting anime drag sure but this is like way too fast like theres not enough stuggle jojo just defeats guy after guy so easy #also i think its weaker on establishing character than other animes even fighting ones #like they hammer in dio is evil jojo good but thats like it #but again only 8 episodes in and idk what im in for #its fine enough to put on fir now and maybe itll grow on me im curious enough to keep at it at least

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tommygettingwrittenoff · 1 month

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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun #and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel #and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation #after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free #oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date #nah man. itll be fine #and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi #and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and #buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine #the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies #shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains #and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs #and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes #and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a #panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye #he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and #oh.

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ryuseitai · 3 months

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im so annoyed my earring got fucked up

#the back stadted sinking into my skin of my earlobe eeeek #my sister got it out earlier and i thought i was gonna pass ojt like #vision going black dizzy lightheaded everhtbing #but we switched it oht w the earring i got pierced w and i think #its chilling..#but now itll take even longer for thay one to fully heal #i think its bc i slept on mh aide too much.#also when i took the original earring out on that side it was like Fucked up like the thing wouldnt detach #so i ended up jsut pulling it all the way through. NOT ON PURPPSE rhats just Whay happened as i was tehing to take it out normally #so maybe thats also why tnay happened bc im aure that wasnt.. Good for it #but i put the earring drom the other aide in it now so it wont be stuck in there again #Mannn #Still dont k ow why i literally had fullbody physical symptoms over it being pulled out at first #i asked my sister if it was bleeding a bunch of smtg bc i was like why else am i About to faint #but it wasnt.. my sister said maybe it was a mini panic attack #i was kind of freaming out imagining if it wouldnt have come out #Um a2t sorry ik this is kind of a gross subject.

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seri-tonin · 3 months

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I really don't think we can "just the two of us?" "do we need anymore?" our way out of this one lads

#especially with all the set up were getting thats like #the only hope we have is for the agency to reunite and combine their strength #like whats the point of all that talk if its gonna end up just being sskk again #i love sskk obviously but. theres no way they can actually do this with just the two of them #no matter how gay they are #maybe itll be like. theyre gonna end up as the two main offensive units as usual but have the agency on the scene supporting them #thats my prediction i guess #bsd #seri speaks #bsd 116

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