#maybe it doesnt matter and im reading into this too much
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Could someone help me figure out why the old Diviner appears in the search party of the future that Dal disrupts. Shouldn't he be young too, like the flashbacks in season 1? This is strange to me if it's supposed to be 1:1 until the launch goes wrong. It doesn't seem like a mistake to have the old Diviner here.
#perhaps a surprise tool that will hinder us later? (s3)???#Is this actually Ilthuran on some kind of mission of his own to make sure things happen correctly#cos he was YOUNG in season 1 flash...err backs to this time frame where he and the Order sent ships through the wormhole#if it's parallel then why is his age different#maybe it doesnt matter and im reading into this too much#the other guard has weirdly similar hair tendrils to the young diviner why show that when they've all been covered.#They do reuse models but it seems so focused on two of them here at once#its probably nothing but im trying to figure this timeline thing out lol and they still had to launch ships through at some point..#anyway lmao no one could answer me#startrek prodigy spoilers#startrek prodigy#02x04#star trek prodigy#star trek prodigy spoilers
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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not to mention the entire antaam fleet like 😭 that was the PERFECT moment to show off what the lords could do!!! The antaam fucked over rivain, theyve been a thorn in the whole nations side for a long time now, they would not pass up a chance for payback via full scale naval warfare so that the veilguard can do what they need to!! Sure dreadnoughts are dangerous but at this point they probably have tricks up their sleeve, thats one of the few things they have!
also wouldn't it be personal because does solas not try to blow up kont-aar because he's trying to 5d chess tevinter and the qunari into destroying each other. like. i know technically this would not be incredible widespread news because the attack was stopped, but i don't think the wonderful citizens of kont-aar would have missed the tsunami that nearly hit them and the shockwave that actually hit them. rumors go around. and i assume irian/vadis tell varric. who i think would tell isabela. who would tell the group she leads. who would care because ofc, they LIVE IN RIVAIN, and now know that solas and his followers thinks they can trade rivaini lives* to further his plans.
*while i also think there's probably a divide between kont-aar and the rest of the nation, it's one that the rivaini love to jump across and back over. an interesting comparison to be made here with most of rivain having similar sentiments towards dairsmuid and the chantry. like this is the country specifically mentioned to have a lot of citizens who follow the qun/are non-andrastian + it being MUCH more multicultural and accepting than other nations. any attack on rivain, even if it's a qunari settlement, would fan a lot of flames that solas cannot put out so the idea of trying to him taking multiple steps back because he didn't realise how intensely the qun/rivaini/lords would react is very fun for me. it would have been soo interesting for rivain to be a hub for efforts against solas because of how it's not influenced by andrastianism, how he (or his agents) specifically fucked them over, and (maddeningly for solas) also part of this resistance has spirits who willingly guide them against him. this could have even been a plot device where the door goes both ways and solas finds out rook's plans because he manages to eavesdrop through a seer or something.
and on the spirits. all the stuff where the mourn watch regularly communicates with spirits could have been done with rivain as well, and with different takes on being 'friendly' with spirits. iirc there's a spirit in the hall of valor which is so interesting but it's literally just there for flavour text. THERE'S A SPIRIT IN THE HALL OF VALOR THAT DOES NOTHING BESIDES LIKE. SAY HI. ??? bioware i would have liked to see more spirits and seers and the matriarchal pantheists you have talked about please. and also the idea of the peaceful qunari settlement being pushed to protect the country they are part of and what that means for them as qunari vs. rivaini. taash's storyline could have contributed to this . so A LOT less about choosing a side, more about how kont-aar has developed, changed, how rivain has influenced it and what it means to be qunari. not the qunari agents and fighters that we have seen, but their 'civillian' way of life in kont-aar.
complete waste not seeing any of established lore reflected in the lords of fortune or rivain because i stupidly actually thought we were going to see some kind of settlement and be introduced to a very different cultural norms.. in my beautiful mind i like to think taash is a little taken aback by how badly mages/elves/etc are treated. like they understood it was different outside of rivain (they would have been young when the dairsmuid circle annulment happened right? so they don't 'remember' it themself, they likely heard others talking about it when they're old enough to understand) but until they actually saw what was happening first hand, they had a weird dissonance about it. but what we got was a deserted beach, ties to another faction (wardens are fine!! they are great !!!! the fourth blight is interesting!!!! yet they are not the faction with a lack of info about them!!!!!) and also the hall of valor that exists as flavor text with nothing meaningful behind it besides a pub used in a few cutscenes and a minigame.
#it's just hard to discuss the qunari in general when it is so obviously written to be quote unquote bad#and theyre like. in veilguard. really just reduced to being an invading force. which they were before. but there's literally nothing else#not a single character that explains more about the qun or how it operates + the game presenting choices about taash#that obviously lean towards favoring rivain. god knows why. its not like we know enough about it to choose it#even a quick peek into a rivaini lifestyle would have been helpful. all we know are from lorebooks !!!!#its actually like. 'qun would have made taash into a weapon/they are actively invading treviso/theyre working w ghil+el/shathaan' etc#and then on rivain's side the points are just 'umm. well the lords are super nice. and love freedom... and its also NOT qunari!'#there ARE reasons to pick rivain just none of them are in the fuck ass game. no one who doesnt read the books would know this shit#does anyone know why the antaam are acting outside of their orders. i dont rmb if this was explained or if its supposed to be like#a very severe response to solas and defying orders to 'deal' with a threat?#but god. kont-aar as it exists is so interesting. maybe elements of like .#'the main qun ignore the changes in kont-aar/rivain because it's such an important part of their trade' situation. idk#i just cant see a lot of the extremely rigid qun followings actually meshing with this extremely 'accepting' culture that is in rivain#eg. rivaini seers allowing possessions vs. sareebas#but its said that the rivaini pantheists actually have lots in common with the teachings of the qun (?)#and again. its peaceful. most of the issues that are mentioned in games/etc are to do with the ORLESIAN chantry causing issues in rivain#so it just. makes me think. maybe things have changed and there's a blind eye to whatever happens in kont-aar#or if there are more hostilities or issues caused by their differing beliefs then it would be good to fucking like. hear about it#plus the qun in general is just. worldbuilding standpoint is like. what. im not a guy who knows too much about this part of da lore so#i had to fact check a few things while writing this response and some of the answers were like#just so unbelievable that im choosing to do whatever i want#anyways. sorry. got out of hand. let me know if anything i said isnt true#its entirely possible. my knowledge of rivain is patchwork but this is probably to do with the fact there's not a lot. yeah#god. i have to stop talking now. thank u anon for agreeing w me. sorry u asked me about the lords and i took it as an excuse#to air out my issues w rivain. because tyche was partially built up around that and then none of it even mattered#veilguard spoilers#answered#rivain
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Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?
I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice
#its just bygging me bc i know rationally they dont matter i knoe they dont#but i still feel it in my bones that im not good enough because my work doesnt circulate on platforms#i paint for fun and then i post and i get these feelings and theyre so goddamn annoying#i know to just keep posting anyway and try to enjoy the ride but my Depression Brain is such an asshole#i wish it would be quiet#i never used to feel this way either until likes and reposts/reblogs became so integral to social media#on top of needing commissions to get by while looking for work and attending school soon#idk maybe this is just a vent and ik no one can Fix it that simply#i guess im just speaking 2 the void rn and maybe others feel the same#*bugging#and i really am so grateful just to know anyone likes it or comments on it and reading feedback really really means so much#but i feel like unless im pumping out specific fandom stuff that doesnt really happen#but the negative thoughts and feelings can b rly strong sometimes and im just tired#im sure this is a depression thing too#hoping i can get into therapy thru school but it depends on finances as everything else in this world does 🫠#ill keep going tho#and please if you are someone who does comment or reblog and say something about the work please do not ever stop#it means so much to me and others im positive it does#i see you and i appreciate you so so much#thank you and thank you to anyone who reads or comments some ideas
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ill be quite frank, fic is not something you are owed. fandom is a community and if you are constantly treating your artists/writers like shit they will stop. they get nothing from this other than community feedback (comments. im talking about comments here) and thats it. and if you make stuff remember: unless youre getting paid, they dont owe you shit!!!!!
#sophie speaks#that lore.fm thing is kinda#driving me crazy#the comments on tiktok... its like these people geniunely have never read a single fucking legal document#like bro the terms and service!!! dude theyre right there!!!! its not just like a weird captcha or something!!!!!!!!!!!#ai is geniunely such a plague to humanities creators#which should be everyone btw i dont care if you think youre bad i dont care if it embarrasses you you should know what its like to create#doesnt matter if only you ever see any of it you should do it#maybe im too much of a sap but i believe in cave paintings and song and dance and stories and a million other things#there is something innately better you can do than a robot can and that is have a soul. use it!
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struggling again with extreme artblock and general demotivation (as in nothing seems fun or appealing and you sit around staring at nothing doing nothing bc apparently no matter what i do whether drawing or not drawing i end up like this now)
i started to watch skitties totk video (again) and wrote a big post about how much i hate how the gorons are treated there but saved it as a draft like i have been doing with several rants now in order to not spam people with it over and over
but it does end up feeling like talking to a wall and just kinda .. increasing this looming feeling of extreme loneliness i have been fighting with for .... since i left school really..
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i know i know this is my own doing#i never go out and have enormous trouble keeping in contact with people or answering messages#i never ever mean it mean#it feels like my battery is never above 10% charged no matter what i do#and answering messages often takes too much#which just makes this whole problem worse#its like a spiral making everything worse and idk how to fight it#maybe meds would help me#but if i have trouble even answering an ask i cant try to start the process of getting diagnosed with whatever hundreds of things-#-that are wrong with me#also being afraid of being put under surveillance or something for it doesnt help either#also fearing wrong meds doing wrong things bc i am weird#also afraid of not taking any meds bc that can reduce your lifespan if you are weird like me or something#which ........................... adds dread and guilt and doesnt help either#sometimes i wonder how i am evn still alive#the only reasons why are probably -luck- and being too much of a coward to end it all back when i was at the worst point of my life#bc i am not strong or resilient and getting through the worst .. so far .. hasnt made me stronger- just weaker and more pathetic#idk why im rambling all this in the tags- it must be exhausting to read .. i know it is#ill just go back to staring at a wall
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then
But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic
So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ive got a pretty solid grasp on wolfwood I Think but also#i think i wanna do some more research into him before i write hin#im gonna need to read more of the manga Anyways.#i need to study his mannerisms and speech patterns and the ways he interacts with the world#because i have a good idea of it already but a lot of my concept of him does exist in fanon#because it's been A Bit since ive actually read the manga.#and i never want to base my writing off of fanon. never ever ever. that's fatal writing error number One.#i pride myself on my rock solid characterizations. for side characters it doesnt matter as much#but the 2nd person in the main pairing? ostensibly the 2nd most important character to the fic?#yeah im not gonna fuckin base him off of what i have in my mind from however much fanfiction.#it's like the difference between accuracy and precision. by following fanon characterizations#someone might be able to be Precise about his characterization. in that they write him consistently and according to common perception.#but fanon very often exists Just to the left of what canon actually is. so it may be precise but not accurate#at least with regard to canon characterizations.#i want my characterization to be both precise And accurate. i want people to read my fic and go 'yeah thats trimax wolfwood'#with vash i do sprinkle in a few of my favorite things from the other versions too. same with the girls.#and maybe i'll do that a bit with wolfwood. but also hes so very different between the 3 iterations#that he might as well be different characters in all of them.#this is first and foremost a trimax fic. so i WILL have trimax wolfwood in it.#i may look up general guides for writing him if theyre around. but tbh i will rely more on my own research probably.#i have my own system for writing anyways. the sliding scales of different qualities that guides my general word choices for dialog#ive explained it before. dont really wanna get into it again.#i need to solidify in my mind where ww exists on the axes of intelligence politeness kindness and formality#among others. while also paying attention for any kind of repeat words or phrases that he likes to use#that i can pepper in to make it Sound Like Him.#thats the key to how i do general dialog lol. it's of course guided by who they are as a person#but word choice is done through the general perception of them along a set of axes. this is how it goes for All my writing.#im. rambling. whoops. anyways im excited for wolfwood. Soon...
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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anyways tired of this mean spirited ass website
#maybe im the only trans person who actually hates being reminded of my anatomy idk#its fine if a trans girl says 'you just want a penis!!' but if i say the same thing but w vagina im sure i'd get a million ppl yelling at m#hmmst.#i kinna just think we let ppl slide by w that shit toward transmascs too much. everyone else can be transphobic#towards us directly or even indirectly but if i inched anywhere near the same shit yall say suddenly its an issue#its the same shit w the fucking theyfab shit. doesnt matter if it negatively effects transmascs to some ppl at all apparently#but if i start goin around calling people femmab we'd prolly have issues huh?#can we explain this? are we just doing the whole reversing gender roles to feel woke and Not transphobic#bc its not any better just saying trans girls are the uwu ones who need to be protected and you cant make them cry instead of having that#thrust upon us- ya dont just get to reverse them and act like you're Doing something#anyways you dont get to protect trans girls from any perceived harm and then leave trans guys in the dust sorry idc#fuck off and die ig idk. or be better.#and no- obligatory: im not saying trans women oppress trans men.#if me critiquing your actions = me saying you're 'oppressing me' every time then you're#probably an insufferable person to be around anyways. but assuming good faith from some of the ppl possibly reading this#and whom i wish would assume good faith on my part as well- i do think we let trans women get away w shit that if trans men#did the same shit in reverse everyone would get in a pissy fit about it#and i dont think the solution is to let us do it too i think the solution is some of yall need to check yourselves and internalize the whol#'would you like it if someone said that to you' shit and changing things where it applies like. would you like it if i said to you that#'you just want a vagina'? probably the fuck not! so maybe fuckin check yourself and you wont lose transmasc friends.
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#idk why i thought it would be different this time#im an absolute idiot. im too fucking stupid to comprend all this shit#'maybe my professors will know how to help me' they never tell me shit. they havent helped me at all. i feel so stupid every correction#no matter how much i read or what i watch its like i cant understand anything#i used to love programming!!! i used to actually know what i was doing!!!!! when did i become so stupid!!!!#should i aak for help from someone else? probably! but i dont want them to know how much of an idiot i am#just kidding. i know all my friends know how stupid i am. doesnt mean i dont want them to give them even more proof of that#nor bother them either tbh. why should they have to waste time because im a fucking idiot?#im. such a disappointment#i dont want to do this anymore#every monday is just me going to that stupid class and see how dumb i am compared to everyone else. so pathetic#how did i even manage to pass all my classes? how do i only have my thesis left?#part of me wants to abandon everything but what would i do then? look for a job?#im an idiot and a horrible artist where the hell would i get a job? not like finishing my thesis would change that but. yknow#im so scared. for real how did it end up like this?#everyday i feel more stupid. i remember less. my body hurts a little more each day for reasons unknown#i dont understand how others have any expectation of me#i cant talk to others because everytime i have tried to express any worry i instantly get a joke or mock in reply#im so tired of everything#haunted.txt
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apparently I'm literally a textbook schizoid lol
#shit i was venting about earlier today was nearly verbatim in the research i was reading#wild#maybe i just read too much#so maybe ive just incorporated these thought patterns into my psyche as a way to explain and “justify” the things i think and do#.... pretty sure it doesnt matter either way because its fucked me over and the beliefs are dug in deep#i just wonder if i like. induced it in myself by reading about it so much while i was developing#like. i first read about it when i was 12-13ish?#and my research has only gotten deeper over the years#it still doesnt matter but it would be so stupid if im like this because i researched too hard and my brain latched on#i mean. ofc the trauma is the reason it developed at all but thats true of most disorders i have
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#gif#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#i keep wanting to (once again) make a post abt how like. im Not tryna be parasocial or creepy or. whatever. re: one joe keery#n i know by making this post talking abt the post i keep wanting to make im still kinda making that post but Shaddup ☝️ i just wanna get it#out my brain. but like the main reason i dont is bc 1: ive made that post. kinda. in some way. im Sure. and 2: who tf even cares LMAOOO lik#i truly dont think anyone here cares like tht n i have a solid. 200 followers on this site n maybe like 10 are actually active n its My Blo#literally im such a nobody ik it doesnt really matter. but also im like. 'what if thats what makes it seem Weird tho. like some loner stalk#'*stalker girl or whatever.' but THEN its like if i keep tryna INSIST IM NOT!!! it feels like. 'the lady doth protest too much 👀' and AGAIN#I KNOW ITS NOT THAT DEEP!!!! I KNOW no one here cares. like No One is payin tht kinda attention to my blog#i think its just bc its a crush on a celeb n ive never really been that kinda person so idk how to Deal. esp in this day n age where there#ARE creepy superfans out there tht exist ykwim??? like yeah ive had 'celebrity crushes' but thts always been like 'ugh x is so attractive!'#n never really like a 'i wish i could date x.' or an 'id date x if they asked'. does tht make any sense??#basically i think im realizing im (i was??) more demiromantic than i thought i am (was???) bc ny crushes have like 90% of the time been on#ppl i Know to some level. like acquaintances at Minimum and typically actual friends. which i thought (still kinda think?? correct me if im#(wrong) is normal/typical?? bc i thought demiro was a deeper kinda connection before getting romantic feelings?? all that is to say:#i dont usually crush on ppl i dont know so this kinda crush (and on a celeb!! laameee) is weird to me n again: idk how to act 🧍🏽♀️#so anyways thats why i keep wanting to make tht post n then not making the post n why i decided to make This post explaining my thoughts#on the post that i Didnt Make#anyways if u actually read all this ur a real one fr and thank u for hearing me out i just wanted to get tht out fr#feel free to dm me any thoughts/opinions/corrections/concerns/whatever idk. this shits always rattling in my brain sooo ya#edit: damn... i rly wrote a fkn essay in these tags... anyways--
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hhhhhhhhhhhh
#failed a test a huge amount#waiting for resylts to come back but knowing theyre gonna also be a fail#failing 4/5 classes im taking rn#dedicating almost all my time to classes but i still have to do the internship bullshit my dads having me do#i get that its a great opportunity for me and that he needs it done but i literally dont even have time for my hw or studying for tests#and i cant quit cause i already tried and it doesnt matter and i live here and im failing my classes and i dont even want to take these#classes i dont even really eant to be an engineer i hate that im failung these classes#i dont even need to take one of them to graduate my dad wanted me to take it cause he said so and its not required and it adds to the pile#of shit i dont eant to do but am forced to do but am failing at even though im putting literally as much time as i can into it#and i feel like i never have time to draw or read and yet im still a failure#i hate hate hate hate tvat im putting all this effort in and still failing#i am not a good test taker abd its annoying and frustratign when im tutoring my classmates with hw and they get better twst scores than me#and im failing class HAVE I MENTIONED IM FAILLING NEARLY ALL MY CLASSES#I HATE THIS#i knew id fail too ive always had this problem and i told them that i wouldnt have time if i took this many classes and you know what hesaid#???? that id be FINE and that in GROWN UP and maybe if i didnt have his BULLSHIT internship id be fine and maybe if i wasnt asked to tutor#so many people id be able to focus on my own hw and maybe if i was better at sleep and better at doing things instead of scrolling tumblr or#staring at literally nothing#i hate everything#i dont knkw how to fix this
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#thinking.... thinking....... thinking........#abt being a streamer LOL watching ppl stream rlly made me want to do it#what r the chances i meet someone that actually knows abt that stuff#like. in my major or completely random#without feeling ashamed lol like i'd never tell anyone except the 5k followers on a website abt it (all of u)#no but like. i'd need like a gamer pc which i dont have and i'd have to save for (another thing to save for)#aside from the set up like mic and headphones#also . one thing i wouldnt be able to handle well is no one watching me. so hm#but anyways. this is just a wish for now. i hope it doesnt stay as one but. it is#until i figure everything out. i hope i do one day. i rlly want to do it#anyways. enough abt what i desire i feel like i've said too mucg that makes me feel NAKED#the rest of the things will stay between me and god (probably twt w the circle thing or my priv bcs i dont want ppl reading it)#(maybe my journal. who knows bcs that has to do w another thing which is age and feeling like im running out of time)#(no u know what. i'll add one more thing)#there havent been too many things i've wanted to do so much in my life that i actually imagine myself doing but this is one of those things#and like. i rlly hope i get the chance to do it no matter what#my biggest doubt is that im turning 24 this year and lots of ppl who make streams started young so i feel Insecure but thats other problem#i hate hate hate this thought that ur 20s r the prime of ur life and that u must do everything when u're 20 bcs im in my 20s and i feel l#like im running out of time w the amount of things i want to do but im barely 23. im BARELY 23 and feel like im running out of time like#thats fucking INSANE imagine feeling like ur life is ending bcs u're 23 and u're not rlly at a place where u imagined urself to be#but as i said thats an entire other problem. feeling like im running out of time when im just 23.... ugh#ANYWAYS. i feel naked now i hope no one rlly read my tags LOL#jo.txt
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hi!! I wanted to ask for Jacob black and fem reader:) like Bellas's honeymoon but with Jacob and fem reader! I wanted to read about this and love your work! (If you can't get to this, I understand. but if you get to it, please tag me!
HELLO OMG IM SOSOSOSO SORRY I FORGET TO CHECK MY ASKS😭😭 ALSO TY ILY 
Jacob Black x Fem! Reader
Sfw
So when you get there this mfs hungry
He burns a lot of energy throughout the day and needs a lot of food to be functional
Yk how body builders eat tons and tons of food, thats kinda how he is
Im assuming you mean its in the same place too so when you go out onto the town he has a eye on you all the time
Matter of fact he barely lets go of you in general
His hands are always around you or holding your hand 🥲
No he doesnt shift, he will not shift for you
He doesnt like doing it in the house cause he could break something and he doesnt like doing it outside cause people could see him😔✊
He would totally lay in bed with you all day or just lounge in the beach all day
Hes a good swimmer, the whole pack is actually so if you want to swim with him he has no complaints☺️
Nsfw
He def wants it every night
Fiend for that pussy😭
Like edward the room would probably be destroyed but no as much, hes large but he has around the same strength as a bodybuilder
The only time he has exceptional power is when hes shifted
So the most it would be messed up is the sheets and maybe the headboard from his grip
He likes to see your face and bending you in positions
Mating press he definitely likes, he likes hiting that angle and being able to see your face contort
His hips pistoned into yours a loud whine being dragged from your lips as you neared yet another orgasm, you lost count after the 2nd but you knew it had been awhile. Gripping his hair as your legs shook with pleasure, eliciting a loud moan and a growl from him, you felt him bite down on your shoulder as he plunged into you deeper. His seed flowing into you, filling you to the brim and staying inside to ensure that soon you’d be pregnant. You just hoped you’d be able to walk tomorrow.
Be prepared to sweat a lot, hes a heater and when your both grinding against each other it gets hot and sticky
So many rounds😭
He has the stamina of a horse, this man can go for so many rounds its painful how many orgasms he’d pull from you💀
He likes it when you pull his hair, egging him on as he bucks into you
#jacob black#smut#the twilight saga#twilight saga#twilight#jacob black x reader#need his dick so fucking far up inside that my bellybutton would start to worry
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