#just kidding. i know all my friends know how stupid i am. doesnt mean i dont want them to give them even more proof of that

[tortademaracuya]

.

[effervescentdragon]

i dont know how to deal with this pain in my chest that's a constant. i dont't know how to take this much hurt.

i was a child of war, i type out and then i say to myself no, i am a child of war. its a funny story i tell people, how when i was to be born they bombarded our city the whole night. the gas that my dad spared so they could take my mother to the hospital was stolen, siphoned from the car, so what happened was that my mother's water broke in the back of a military vehicle that my dad's friends-colleagues-soldiers drove us all in to the hospital. i was born almost 12 hours later during a night when they bombarded my hometown from every mountain around it. it doesnt really matter; they bombarded us all the time.

my mother is a doctor. she worked in the hospital the whole time during the war and she worked relentlessly. she tells the stories of that time with a detachment that used to be curious to me when i was younger and is now just horrifying. "mom," i said to her years ago, "im learning about porphyrias." - "oh," she says, eyes lighting up, "the first time i encountered a case of porphyria was during the war, when we were shut in the hospital for 5 days because they kept bombarding us and we couldnt go home. one of the doctors not on call when we got stuck came with his daughter, drove to the hospital because his daughter was unconscious and we determined she had porphyria. it was really interesting to see." she doesn't see my horrified gaze. she doesn't know what she sounds like. she still doesn't, to this day. i stopped begging her to go to therapy one day when she looked at me, eyes far away, and said "if i go, where do i start?"

my friend was 5 when the war started. she asked me on saturday "are you always afraid of everything?". i shake my head. she said she wakes up sometimes gripped with fear and has to list out all the things in her life that are alright and asks her husband to hug her and still it doesnt help. she thought she was the only one to feel that way and then she tells me a new phrase she learned. generational trauma. i nod and remember her telling me how a grenade hit their building when she was 8, in the year i was born, and how she still has the burn scar on her leg from the shell.

my high school teacher told me a story once. it was war and she was 15, and it was a friday and they stopped bombarding for three days. the youth gathered at the main square on the date that used to be a celebration of youth. her friend had strict parents, "but whose parents arent strict in a war," she says with a laugh, and they all decided to walk her home before her curfew. a bomb hit the square, civillian target, and killed over 70 people. the youngest was 2. he died because a shrapnel pierced his heart as his mother was clutching him. she didn't notice until it was too late. i know her and her husband. i see them around the town sometimes. my mother worked in the hospital that day, when they brought in the wounded. my father brought them in. "thats what i always remember when my kids say im too strict," my teacher says and laughs. i laugh along. what else am i supposed to do.

the year my sister was born another genocide happened. the world looked away then too, like it does now. when the war in ukraine started my gynecologist tells me about it; about a woman who came in and said "i have 5 children." my gynecologist said "what do you mean five," lookimg at the four surrounding her. the women said "i had to leave my wounded son behind. it was the best chance these other four had to survive, if im with them". she has a placid smile on her face as i look at her in horror. "i learned not to ask stupid questions then," she says, and laughs, and i laugh along because what the fuck am i supposed to do.

i dont know how to take this pain of palestine right now and still i look. i look at the victims, thousands of innocent children and people murdered by israel's carpet bombing. i look at the ethnic cleansing happening in front of my eyes, all our eyes. i look at the world which refuses to call it what it is - an ongoing genocide of a whole population. i dont have the privilege of looking away. i opened my eyes into a war when i took my first breath, and i cannot in good conscience look away. war is in my blood; i am a child of war.

there is no point to this except to say somewhere what hurts me the most right now.

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free. it has to be. anything else is unnaceptable.

[suckinitup]

i wanna think about something soft now and i keep turning back to tide and tidalwave. i think yeah of course he’s slept in other people’s beds before he’s hot and a superhero. people would KILL to jump his bones. but i think that theres something really novel to him about like. the idea of sleeping in someone’s bed just to be near them in like… a romantic way. the trust, the comfort, the wanting to be near your person who also wants to be near you. yea this stuff can also be platonic (hi ghostkicks) but tide i think would really yearn for that fairytale romantic sweetness. he hasnt had that before. related—i dont think tidalwave would be explicit with labelling what they are or what they mean to each other yknow. its something that would sneak up on them. theres sexual attraction, ofc, and that’s what tide chalks everything up to at first. Mark looks at him too long while hes making dinner? its because hes checking him out. Tide’s hand lingers against Mark’s when he passes him a pen? obviously its because of the skin contact. Mark stops tensing every time Tide enters a room? well, okay, thats different. Thats just built up trust. theyre more friends than enemies now. and its obviously just the sexual attraction and residual Villain Alertness that made Tide look at Mark often enough to notice. tide can feel the relationship changing all the time. He isnt stupid. he knows its important when mark drags ashe to the hall of elementals after a storm knocks out the power on their street. he knows it means something when theyre up late at night talking about some threat or the kids or some bullshit and when mark gets up to get coffee he brings tide back a mug. its important how mark takes a sip from each mug before handing tide his, but it’s not important because of safety, anymore—its important because its routine, because its something mark does without thinking even when tide doesnt need that proof of safety. its important because when tide makes dinner mark will mock him for the beef stroganoff or whatever other meal that tide doesnt make as well but mark doesnt seem to think of asking tide to eat from his plate anymore. they wont turn on each other—not like that. Their dynamic is changing, and tide knows its changed when they fight (about the kids or mark’s clone bigotry or WATCH or remnants of overlord’s organization) and though the air crackles and Mark is shouting—tide can see Mark hesitating to genuinely fight him, fists shaking and clenched tight at his side, so tide hesitates too and neither of them throw the first punch.

imagine william fucking around and making the wisps fly through everyone’s hair and is especially fucking around with mark’s and tide keeps laughing. he’d be worried, but he sees the crinkle in mark’s eyes beyond his scowl, laughs harder for it and his heart feels so big and warm. (ashe giggling quietly behind his hands but later that night hes like. “….guys i think my dad has a crush on your dad” because he’d been able to see the softness in that scowl when mark looked at tide)

where am i. right. tide snd mark spending more time together. spending more time in each others spaces. Slow to acclimate into the other’s personal bubble, but making constant, glacial progress until they can sit comfortably next to each other on the couch, practically squished together to make room for the teens who sprawl wildly during movie night. imagine mark starts talking about his wife more. not much, and only to tide, and only in little references (plucking a flower caught on tide’s locs after a battle, quietly noting “she really liked these” before tucking the flower behind tide’s ear). imagine tide, also trying to open up, talking about the lab and his family and. yeah. okay. maybe he Is a little mad about the way he’s treated as a clone. just. something growing between them at such a slowburn pace that william and vyncent have to gag and then bribe dakota (who has suffered ENOUGH from ghostknife) to stop him from shouting “JUST KISS ALREADY” at the top of his lungs.

somethinf something. Imagine a big fight. lasts all day, multiple moving parts, everyone is exhausted. for some reason they cant go back to the hall of elementals—maybe its damaged or something. they go back to marks house, the teens collapse onto the sofa and tide drifts, dizzy, almost dead on his feet into the kitchen to make some coffee. He sits at the table, puts his head on his arms while he waits for the coffee to brew, and is half-conscious enough to register mark coming into the room a few minutes later but Not conscious enough to actually greet him. mark puts one hand on his shoulder. “hey. come on. youre gonna hurt your neck if you sleep like that.” and tide mutters something nonsensical so mark sighs and tugs at him, half-bullying half-pulling tide to his feet. tide stumbles, so mark lets him lean against him as he guides him from the room. they pass the living room and tide sees all the kids passed the fuck out on the couch and something alert and afraid in his brain finally shuts off and he just. he feels safe. and he doesnt think much, but then there’s a warm bed and a soft pillow and he’s so relieved to finally actually sleep.

he wakes up again in the middle of the night pressed against mark’s side, clinging to one of his arms like a koala bear and one of mark’s legs is thrown across his own. theyre close enough to share a pillow—mark’s shoulder practically is tide’s pillow, and mark’s gentle snoring is strangely soothing. unfamiliar, but tide kind of wishes it wasnt. he starts to drift back to sleep but not before he thinks that, maybe, he’s already living in something like a fairytale after all. just one made for a superhero snd a supervillain and their very super children. he smiles and squeezes marks arm a little tighter and goes back to sleep

the next day mark goes and hides in the bathroom for like twenty minutes because god DAMNIT he was so caught up in the thought of tide in his bed fhat he forgot about the MOTHERFUCKING AIR MATTRESS. its deeply embarrassing. ashe will fucking Know. and this isnt a physical pain or a villain thing but it feels like he has to hide it all the same so he starts concocting plans to hide the air mattress or throw it out or tear it to shreds so he can claim he couldnt find it.

tide smiles really sweetly at him over breakfast. and hey, thats weird, and it makes mark’s heart flutter in his chest but he’s been dealing with this stupid crush for a while now he’s just gonna keep on dealing. but then tide asks mark if he can show him something, and mark is confused but like. okay. (he’d almost spat out his coffee because tide had said it so weirdly it almost sounded like a proposition, but then he’d gotten a look at tide’s face (a little shy. Eager. but nothing seductive or indicative of that thought-line) and thought Welp at all the feelings that stirred up before putting them in a little box in his brain. hes too busy to make this thing with tide weird)

anyway tide takes mark to the lake by marks house. lures him into the water. mark is a little baffled but like. Okay. tide makes a bubble for them underwater and they set off, sitting next to each other in this little bubble of air. they talk a little—mark is like woah. powerful. thats hot. hes a little on guard but he cant help but appreciate the way the light flickers over tide, the way it shines in his blue blue eyes. its nice and they talk a little and its one of those intimate moments where its only intimate because they know each other so well. but they finally arrive at a certain point at the bottom of the lake and tide is like. this is where i woke up after the kids threw me in here to protect you. do you remember that. they wanted to put me somewhere that you couldnt reach. and mark is like oh. and theres something to This that is bigger than he was expecting and he’s struggling a little bit and he struggles even more when tide takes his hand (tides hand is warm), lowers their air bubble, and presses the palm of marks hand to the cold (dry) sand. tide says quietly, now youve reached it.

oh. mark says again. and like an idiot, he asks if thats what tide wanted to show him. tide hesitates, then says, even quieter, that no. what he really wanted was to see if mark would let him do this. and he starts to lean in for a kiss.

mark’s fingers curl into the sand and without thinking he puts his hand on tide’s arm. tide stops and mark panics and says, a little breathlessly, “really heroic to proposition a guy when you control all his air.” and tide fucking. panics. rips himself away from mark and goes OH SHIT NO WAIT—

but mark is an asshole and he feels better now that tide is off kilter too, now that theyre on what feels like level footing and he has a bit more control over the situation, and he doesn’t even really feel bad for laughing because when he leans forwards (using his hand on tide’s arm to pull him back) and kisses him, tide clings to him like theyll both drown if he lets go.

they still wouldnt talk about what they are. it doesnt matter, and it would give the teens more ammo to mock them. but they start sleeping in each others’ rooms whenever they go over, and tide gets to have his fairytale romance

[suwbuns]

E-DATERS! | #1 men hater

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written chapter + screenshots below! (not proof read)

beomgyu had never felt this fearful in his life.

of course, he had his honorable mentions. such as when he accidentally sent a kid to the nurses office for pushing him off the swingset in the fourth grade, resulting in his mom taking away his computer for two weeks.

there had also been the time when he overslept and ended up missing his csat, fearing he wouldnt be able get into college. not that it mattered anyways considering he dropped out 3 months into his classes.

and most recently, when he had accidentally made fun of a streamer with almost 4 times the following he had, causing a terrible fan war over twitter with the hashtag #CANCELBEOMGYU trending for an entire week.

but yet none of them, could ever compare to the amount of fear that he had felt at this very moment.

because absolutely nothing could be worse than a plummeting ego and pure embarrassment to be the consequences of his actions, in which you managed to figure him out with not even a week that has passed.

as his body turned cold and his hands clammy at your follow up question, beomgyu mustered all the strength that he had in order to press the mute button on his keyboard, before letting out an ear piercing scream.

“how are we going to fix this?!” he cried out, burrowing his face in his hands.

“dont worry, this is fixable!” heeseung nervously laughed. “i can just make up some lame excuse and—“

“why did you mute?” your voice had interrupted, heeseung giving beomgyu an unsure glance before pressing the unmute button.

"sorry, my dog started to bark really loudly," heeseung replied, giving beomgyu the side eye. "miss me?"

beomgyu's mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared blankly at heeseung who held in his laughter at your stuttering protests.

"your solution is flirting with her?" beomgyu mouthed questionably, his lips molding into a grimace.

“just trust me” heeseung mouthed back, returning his attention back to you to attempt to get your mind off of the previous slip up.

however, beomgyu in fact did not trust him nor had any reason to considering it was him who had gotten in this situation. yet, he leaned against the backrest of his chair nervously knowing that there was nothing he could do. his mouth went dry as he sat thinking about every single possible scenario that could come out of this, hardly any of them with a good ending.

“i need to go to the restroom, ill be back!” you said, allowing beomgyu to sigh in relief. “but dont think that i forgot about how you knew about beomgyu.” following your sentence, the mute icon appeared next to your username, causing beomgyu to leap up in his chair to mute his mic as well.

“okay new plan, how about we gaslight her? we can say that she told me but she just forgot?” beomgyu brought up excitedly.

“do you remember what last happened when you gaslighted a girl? you almost got cancelled—“

“okay nevermind!” beomgyu grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “or how about we just say its a lucky guess? i mean i do have a pretty large following, it wouldnt be that hard to guess that!”

“beomgyu you cant expect her to believe that. your ideas are almost as stupid as the one that we are currently in!” heeseung replied in annoyance, turning his suggestion down almost instantly.

“fine!” beomgyu threw his hands in the air, running his fingers through the strands of his hair in frustration. “why dont we just admit that i am beomgyu, we reveal this whole entire plan, and—“

“you can not be backing out now!”

“well what else can i do?!”

“i dont know, something! youre thought she was easy to get with because shes obsessed with you!”

beomgyu paused for a second, an idea lighting up in his head as he heard the latter of heeseungs sentence. his fingers were working faster than his brain, as it automatically reached for his phone to press on the twitter application to search for your private account.

“you didn't tell me she was that obsessed,” heeseung said, peeking over beomgyus shoulder to take a quick glance at his phone, catching sight of the manifestations of 'marrying beomgyu' on your bio and your header. “you sure this isnt a fan account?”

“no, its definitely her.” beomgyu said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “new plan. we tell her we stalked her account!”

“can you imagine how humiliated she's going to feel?” heeseung replied, his mouth twisting into a frown. "i want to get out of this situation as much as you do, but the last thing i want to do is make her feel like crap for being a fan."

“oh please, it cant be that deep," beomgyu emphasized. "her being exposed would just leave her with embarrassment for at most, a week. but if I'm exposed? i cant let myself suffer like that!"

“man i really do hope that yeonjun kicks your—“

“im back!” you announced, causing heeseung and beomgyu to jump in their seats at the abrupt noise.

“oh hi!” heeseung beamed after unmuting himself, giving beomgyu one final glance before resuming. “also, i know this might be embarrassing, but I found out about beomgyu through your private twitter.”

“what was that?!” beomgyu whispered-yelled, his eyes wide in judgment. “you could have given her a chance to breathe instead of violating her right when she got back!”

"i was just following what you told me to say!" heeseung replied defensively.

"yeah, but not like that!"

as beomgyu and heeseung continued to argue amongst themselves, what they failed to catch was the sound of you leaving the call, snapping the both of them out of their heated conversation.

the two simultaneously glanced at both monitors, eyeing the leave message from the game, as well as the fact that you were no longer present in the call.

“did she just leave?”

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TAGLIST. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxgyu @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs @lovejunz @wccycc @enha-cafe @kaeslily @hiddenboopy @cashew00nut @merendis @reverbtunes @lcvesickgyuzz @dear-dreamie @fragmentationss @chuuinggummy @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @beomsbeanie @shigamiryuk @soobliss @woncheecks @sserafimez @ahnneyong @ghostfacefricker6969 @flrtsbin @beomomb @cathaerin (closed)

A/N. kind of a mid chapter but anyways beomgyu is a red flag smh

AND SORRY IF THERES SM WRITTEN CHAPTERS IM TRYING TO INCORPORATE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA 😭

[pixlokita]

im with you, i hate that it feels like its gregory vs cassie in the fandom rn. theyre KIDS.

i also dont think its gregory in the main(?) ending (there are so many things that make it not make sense for it to be him), and it bothers me so much that people are pouncing on “gregory is evil” - he is a CHILD.

i really hope people dont pester you about drawing them as friends, i personally would love some art from you with them being friends <3 as much as i am a fan of the angst potential of that ending, cassie being tricked by the mimic (grimic? is that actually the canon name..?) one last time to pit her against gregory when really neither side did anything wrong is far moe interesting in concept than “gregorys just evil” could ever be imo.

i personally love feral/menace gregory, but hes not evil - again, hes a kid! and hes been in terrible circumstances! im not sure i could even really be mad if that WAS him in the elevator - a genuinely terrifying threat was released, and he might not be able to trust cassies voice, just like she couldnt trust his. we know cassie was okay, that the mimic wasnt with her (well, aside from the arm), but gregory had no way of knowing any of that.

seemingly, hes with vanessa and freddy. if he risked it and it WAS the mimic and not cassie, he could lose everything and more all over again. i cant imagine being a kid having to make such an awful decision. keep your current family safe, or risk everything in case your best friend somehow made it?

he knows how dangerous the plex is. and i can only imagine how much more dangerous hed expect it to be now. he barely made it out with freddys help, and as far as he knows, cassie doesnt have someone there to help her.

i feel so bad for gregory, both in-game, and in the fandom! he doesnt deserve all this hate.

sorry, that wasnt supposed to be a tangent - my point is im a gregory defender and 100% on your side. i hope no one is a prick about you drawing cassie and gregory as friends. ill personally fight them for u pix i promise

I agree with a lot of what you said tbh and heck dude Gregory is indeed a child, he’s even had to do things he didn’t want to do and got the short end of the stick every time. Cassie is a bean also, like she didn’t deserve to be tricked she didn’t deserve to be traumatized and she didn’t deserve to also get the short end of the stick either. It’s just I just really can’t accept that Gregory would do that to her either and ? If I’m wrong then okay? But like that’s just what I chose to believe and what I chose to draw I don’t get why people have to prove me wrong about it or pull lore nonsense into it to make sure I feel like I’m wrong. I mean =w= even retorting to insults like we’re in kindergarten is just ridiculous?Plus other people being stupid made me give up on interacting with anyone on that particular art piece. I felt like the end of ruin wasn’t satisfying so I drew art to feel better and try to understand it better and people took it personally =w= very mature honestly, they could just make their own art and leave mine alone.

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[basofy]

i havent seen anybody else mention this connection so idk if anyone noticed but i get sad whenever i think about it

FUCK i wrote a whole damn anaylisis but tumblr is super stupid and cant take many tags so heres this

#not a vent this time just analysis #but ive had this in mind for a while and im on so much coffee right now that i wanna ramble

#theres this aspect in their interaction where garth bullies jack over his most sensitive aspect #which is his lack of knowledge and his issues with his age #and like this goes for the whole thing#it was odd to me to see garth being verbally hostile cuz he never was in the original#not even in rando land #and as i see it now he is just using this agaisnt jack to make him feel like he needs his art to feel older #for whatever freaky reasons, ive seen many interpretations of this thing on garth's part #i like the thought that he's a big attention seeker lmao #regardless of intentions this must've had consequences on jack or so i think #so when it comes to jack i think he might be affected not only cuz of the porn #but also must have felt really insulted by this #and like i keep thinking that if jack were to get mad at garth it would be because of this #(and i do actually want to see him get mad at garth ) #cuz i think he wouldnt realize for a while that the porn thing was wrong

#not to mention how the fuck did garth know this would work on jack????? #the MAGS #the convo starts with jack being all sneaky about the magazines #being a kid or teen that DOESNT like to be one and wants to grow up too soon #while also being the only companion that wouldnt poke fun at garth even if just a little LOL #this makes him tragically the perfect target for whatever he was doing #im NOT saying jack asked for it but that it was easy for him to fall for it #and ive been thinking about my friend's theory that garth might've grown up the same way #not exactly by being groomed i mean #theres so many cases of kids and teens that purposefully put themselves in situations that arent for them #which jack was doing as well and what garth did was worsen that #and if this were the case then he would perfectly know that hypersexual teens HAAATE being reminded of their age #i speak from experience (not a good thing) #and honestly i can completely see garth as someone who would say yea i was addicted to porn at the age of 14 and turned out alright (LIES)

#i know i get annoying with this thing #half the fandom found it funny the other half doesnt want to think about it which i understand #but i keep thinking about it cuz i care about both characters and i care about the themes here too

also also leaving this old analysis i did on twitter here too..

it's 5:35 am rn LOL

[charlesnoentertainmentcheese]

casually leaking top secret files: elliots quote book. our little poet.

“my faggot bench!”

“magnussy”

“blast off! 😄 Its party time!!!😃🎉”

“theres not bugs in my bagel i swear”

“im allergic to josh hutcherson”

“I am a minimim”

“Oh worm i accidentally spelled banana”

“ive run off to play musical chairs”

“FUCK NO NO NO NOT MY SCARY SOAGETI PHAZE”

“Also the djungelskog is immune to fire I decided”

“I dont get it”

“Oh. Oh i see.”

“The camera be darriens”

“Hehehehehehheheh”

“hold my hand NOW!!!!”

“I smell potato. Im gonna die”

“Horray”

“NEW STATEMENT. ......of Jonathan sims...... Regarding a spooky book”

“Sonbign”

“wait wjos mr blinkkin”

“TUMMY HUT”

“STOP”

“WUAT

“STOP ADDING THINGS”

“GRRRR”

“ABAHABABAHABABHHABBAHABBAB”

“.....boob.............”

“Shit”

“Fuck”

“Damn”

“C O C K”

“I bite all of my friends [and you]”

“[Runs away] OW MY KNEES”

"i have a corrupt government plan"

“what if he had big naturals but it was just his eyebrows”

“earful? what about buttcheek full?”

“THE 😭😭😭MAGNUS😭😭😭 ARCHIVES😭😭😭”

“for someone who hates being mean to people-you talk a lot of buttcheek.”

“can i just have a peice of cheese? hooray!!”

“i have acquired cheese”

“giggling”

“*dabs*”

“its boobs** carter.”

“Because theyre fucking stupid, elliot.”

“Respond to me you buttcheek”

“you say thats the fattest thing youve ever heard—- have you heard yourself?”

“NOT YEAG”

“wait you need to add the-hold on i have to find it”

“im not gay”

“but men though”

“finish the story first awnwgh”

“WHO SAID THAT”

“I'M NOT A hOmOsExUaL”

“god FORBID”

“i hate gay people so much. i hope they all burn for their sins ooooh my name is elliot and im oh so hateful and i avtuslly said thtid. this isnt other elliot typing this up in hopes he will be cancelled, this is me, Josh Hutcherson saying i hate gay people.”

“Thats upsetting.”

“Rhe beabtles”

“KILL YOURSELF”

“sonbign”

“No bazinga”

“No, bazinga”

“No? bazinga”

“No! Bazinga?”

“no not lmoa”

“Good lord.”

“SOBBIGN”

“do i need to doxx this guys entire friend group.”

“I mean i said fuck it we ball but still”

“Nothing i thought we were just sharing what we were eating and what we were thinking abt”

“I know what im gonna wear… MY KNEE BRACES”

“Also im going to murder the guy that asked you to prom”

“hey dipper, if your show gonna make big money i can show you how to do tax fraud. wink wink.”

“it doesnt matter how it started it matters how its going”

“Mitchell…… ‘who is Migchel’ ‘mitchell…’ Cultist ‘woah’ *ex cultist ‘whyd he stop ☹️’ He got burnt at the stake 🤪 ‘HWTAP’ elliot sometimes i wish i understood the out of pocket shit you say’ :3”

“my plaSTIC NOOOOO”

“Will wood😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭”

“You die”

“OH MY FUCK MY QUEEADESA”

“DONT DROP HIM”

“HE WOULD PROBABLY DROP YOU TOO IF HE HAD LONGER ARMS”

“what if i slide into your bounce house”

“Autismo…Dont you mean… AWESOMEO”

“Wee woo”

“Movie tim…”

“THIS IS NO LAUGHI G BATTER”

“i am going to drink airport water real quick”

“i’m italian and german, im on the wrong side of ww2”

“im gonna bite someone do dododododo”

“mmm… medical help..”

“No like velcro”

“Is there a larry the cucumber in my bag right now, elliot.”

“MARTIN. STOP trying to TOUCH the PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE. just PUT YOUR HANDS in YOUR POCKETS or SOMETHING-“

Its crude oil! “Called it”

“if theres a will — WILL WOOD!”

“larold”

“stop rizzing up larry the cucumber.”

“This is…. larry the cucumber..”

“chiropracting…. OOOOW”

“i’m magnussing!”

“amongd us… what if amongst us?”

“i switch them out every other day” (referring to his collection of knees)

“dareiwn”

“FUCK ITS TOO LONG”

“😭🤣😭😭😭🧅😭so tried”

“His teerth aer nit skft😭😭😭😭😭”

“GOODFNINGET ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”

“HOW DO YOU SAY MISSIPIPI”

“I’m serving cunt and ceaseless watcher”

“oh its my cult!”

“i was met with- BOOM TITTIES!!!”

“its a cult ritual ☝️”

“They crabs FUCK dude”

“Sigh. Faggot.”

“I love hole(s)”

“MISTER WHAT.”

“i wanna punt that kid into the sun. i want to make field goals with him, nevermind, i want to use him as the ball.”

“actually my mommy loves me very much”

“Booyah.”

“I love it when Mitski plays without my consent”

“Gerlad!!”

“Jaws the shart”

“THE REASON I KEEP GOING OFF SPEAKER IS BECAUSE I AM NOT SPEAKING I AN SCREAMING”

“I just perpetually hit the reblog button” (stuttering and on the verge of tears)

“They looked at tma and thought not gay enough”

“he suffers from white.”

“I didn't know your dog could bake”

“im not crying i swear i just have really wet autism eyes”

“What if. I forgot”

“Back in my day we didn't have no anti depressants. We just killed ourselves.”

“MAYcy”

“AAHHHH I KNOW THAT BALD HEAD ANYWHERE”

“THERE ARE COMMUNISTS IN MY FUNHOUSE”

“this is disgusting and i am going to be smearing it on my face”

“thats not charlie thats jesus hate to break it to you”

“im not crying okay? im batman.”

“THATS NOT ME ITS SHAKESPEARE, MODERN DAY SHAKESPEARE: HIS NAME IS WILL WOOD.”

“You look balder than usual.”

“asmr youre being eaten alive”

“THERES A TRAIN GOING ON BY MY HOUSE IM FUCKING TWEAKING I LOVE TRAINS SO MUCH”

“autism be damnked my boy can cook a bbq”

“autism win💀💀👻”

“Jonathermostat”

“let me give andrew the biggest, wettest, autism eyes ever.”

“hey bucko- hey FUCKo”

“yeah. take that POOKIE.”

“i do what i want BIETCH”

“am i so white that white face paint makes no difference “

“GOD. who needs that much food at once!! Slow down!!”

“The trout population will be affected.”

“i need a little baby rat— actually youre my little baby rat”

“balls blast? ohhh”

“the number of miles is i dont care—oh fuck”

“hashtag my tummy really hurts”

“*whispered after a long moment of silence* you should go on township…”

“would you like me to be your waiter.”

“thats a real knee-slapper— OW MY KNEES”

“balls”

hehehehehehehe hi its me elliot

JUDAS NOW

“I dont freeze Im too hot😎😎😎”

“i’d prefer not to have titties, thanks.”

you’ve been exposed @possiblyhenry

[darknoverse]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !

a- whole gush pass? all for little ol' me?????

*grabs papers*

ok soooooo a whole essay about NOS4a2 and why he matters to me sm as a f/o ever

k so, starting off.

what makes him special design wise?

first of all, his whole design is sharp and edgy(literally.lotta edges). each end is pointy and sharp . lotta triangles used in his design. but despite that there's something interesting about how he has a cape (something usually made out of soft fabrics) as a cover, but even so the sharpness REMAINS. something else is how he has like two different eyes, which one of them is a monocle which is slay idk lol. also something else is how he's not like- he doesnt look strong physically at first sight even tho he's trully capable of being so . also fangs; LITERAL energy vampire, it's so cool as a concept.

ok personality wise:

most of the times he's on scene, it's always this very classic "muahahaha evil" kinda deal, he's silly af. geniunely enjoying it . he keeps on making stupid unfunny jokes all the time and he laughs at his own stupid jokes lol. idk i think it's cute and sillly waaaaaaaaaaaaa

BUT! he's capabe of being TRULY TERRIFYING (like half the robotic gore in BLOSC is caused by him lol, also his plan in ROTM was dark af)

it's even more interesting cuz his motivations are simply, yes being in charge as a SECOND need. the FIRST need is mainly to feed on robots. SENTIENT ROBOTS. LIKE HE D O E S WANT TO FEEL THE THRILL OF THE KILL. HE COULD JUST DRAIN from lifeless machines, but he'd rather HUNT and play with his food, if you will.

it's just very interesting.

now, SPECIFICALLY WHY do I like Nos and why is he so important to me?

so in general i was/still am a villain apologist ok? i always loved villains, no matter how evil they were. it sortz felt really comforting. but something about Nos specifically felt very special . possibly the fact that the first episode i watched in general was Revenge of the monsters (aka the climax of his character in everyway) .so basically my first impression was based on seeing him in his best if u know what i mean . like if it was any other episode things would've gone differently but that's not the case as you see. like ROTM is like this whole bigger climax yk? say, if it was another episode there's a high chance zurg could've been my fav character but boy he literally ran like a coward in ROTM so i just didnt care much cuz he wasnt in the ep as much as NOS.

like yea in an alternate reality it could've been Zurg but NUH UH . Nos it is.

also the fact that ROTM is like, as i said, sorta sums up his whole character in a great way . so when I watch that episode i IMMEDIATLY got attached especially when my introduction to the series is this. both his ultimate downfall and like .. the top of his character arc . like, INSTANT attachement.

another thing to note is how like … the whole episodes sorta focused on his turning every Z to an N .

ok here i might start explaining things a bit too personally here but ok it's an essay . ok so the circumstances of me watching the show for the first time were…something.

see i didn't have much friends back then as a kid. even the ones i had were pretty much SO different and can't understand me cuz im that shy, weird kid who goes on info dumping about my interests it might get annoying. but nobody understood those interests except ONE friend. whom just left and idk where he is till now. another thing to add, being the weird kid sorta let people exclude me and/or bully me soooo yeah .

so my putting that into prespective with the whole Ns all over the place thing in that specific episode sort of.. made me relate ya know? feel like it's specifically an episode for me . there was something nice and comforting about it.

the fact that it's the first letter of my name (which at the time was a big deal cuz all my favs didnt specifically put that fact into like, part of the story like Nos if u get me.) like, something about a villain i KNOW has the first same letter in their name as me, being all goofy yet menacing, also a vampire of sort -i am obsessed since day one idk) just felt right.

last part of this might sound silly or stupid but like . another reason WHY i felt this connection to Nos specifically till now :

people i know irl did NOT know what blosc was.

even the few who knew, don't remember it or specifically know who Nos was when i asked them.

so it's like "damn. all this epic character being so obscure and unknown despite everything they did?…sounds like me "

so until i went online and find more blosc mutuals (and till i went to Uni where people know it somewhat and still take show suggestions seriously from me) it just felt like this one character was specificaly made for me . like, this one character nobody knows except me . cuz i'm just as unknown and as unnoticed irl .

conclusion:

and to this day that still stands . Nos is still one of the turning points in my life in general. be it in art , in social life , or in general anyways. still my favourite fictional character of all time . my Top 1 fav and my main comfort character along Antasma and Zira for similar reasons.

thank you for coming to my cringe talk btw and reading all this lol.

[justmeinadaze]

I had a very abusive relationship and after 9 years I was finally able to get away from him at the beginning of the year.

Today is his birthday and I have an urge to text him and I feel so silly because for some reason my brain wants to believe that what he did to me was not serious enough to make the decision to get him out of my life.

I don't know how to tell this to the people around me, if I myself think I am so stupid for that obviously others will think the same.

First of all, thank you for feeling comfortable sharing that with me❤.

Secondly it's never wrong to leave a toxic relationship and I'm so proud of you taking that step. I dont know if this helps but

I was abused through my childhood physically, mentally, and emotionally by a parent and I didnt leave until I was 13. Even I left I still kept her around because in my brain I was like "Shes my mom and shes sick. She cant help it. Other people have been through way worse."

Even though I was out of the house the emotional and mental abuse got worse not just towards me but the people around me. She accused my dad of things he didnt do. When he died she said she thought we'd finally be able to have me now (I was 23 and this was 3 months after he passed). When I lost a friend of mine 5 years ago she said the worst thing you could say to your kid and I knew then had to fully cut ties.

I havent talked to her in these 5 years and I'll tell ya I'm doing so much better. But... that doesnt mean I dont miss her. Sometimes I think about trying again with her but then I remember how far I've come.

The first time I told my friends about my abuse I remember I thought "oh they're going to think it's no big deal." But they were shocked and so encouraging.

If you tell someone what you've been through and they invalidate you and experiences in anyway then, honey, those arent people you want to have in your life.

The road to healing isnt easy but I assure you that you achieved the hardest step that some never reach... you left.

I see you and I'm proud of you❤

I'm sorry if I rambled a bit. PTSD brain skips sometimes.

[cyrusthedragon]

Hi so basically im the anon and since ur just as starved for miraxus as i am, here i go- like, how about a fanfic where mirajane falls first and confesses but laxus doesnt think they can be more than friends, what he doesnt realise is that he has loved her all along. Its when Mirajane decides to move on then he feels bad and eventually comes to conclusion that he loves her and they need to get together :D

So u mean basic ass teen!miraxus fic with mira feeling fuckin' OBSESSED and laxus like 'damn, puppy, good for you, tho, but naah...' and then she's like 'ok he rejected me so i need to stop annoying him ok im gonna do it for him i like annoying him but i don't like ANNOYING him ykwim!!' and then laxus is kinda '...the fuck is that little shit going?... NO ONE'S GONNA STEAL MY HEADPHONES NOW? MIRA-'

Actually, i love it so much. Like. Really. AND!! I HAVE SOMETHING ABT IT.

Teen!Mira: *annoys the shit out of teen!Laxus*

Teen!Laxus: *plays cool but still cold, grumbles, rolls his eyes*

Teen!Mira: *finally confesses love because she can’t stand it anymore*

Teen!Laxus: I'm... Ah... I'm sorry, I can't. You're a child.

Teen!Mira: *backs up to not bother him with her emotions, sincerely doesn’t wanna put pressure on him, kinda ashamed*

Teen!Laxus, when for the third day in a row no one touches him, pokes him, irritates him or plays on his nerves and steals his headphones for *her* pretty similar but still shitty music just because: ???

Teen!Laxus: the fuck

Teen!Laxus: WHERE YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!

Teen!Mira: *literally causing no problems* wh-

Teen!Laxus: *silently grabs her and sits her next to him, puts headphones on her*

Teen!Mira: *blushing & squeaking* EXCUSE ME?

Teen!Laxus: will not. You're stuck with me.

Teen!Mira: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY ME TO SI-

Teen!Laxus: says who?

Teen!Mira: *embarrassed & kinda happy & giving up sounds* you're an asshole, Dreyar.

Teen!Laxus: good to know.

Btw, he's not just greedy, he actually panicked cuz she's his favourite kid among allll the children of The Guild, she's the one matching his crazy energy. No one else can do that, everyone's just too clingy but with that also too dumb (hi, Natsu) or too strict (hi, Erza) or even too nice (he likes Lisanna, Lisanna is good, she's like baby sister, but still), and, except teen!Mirajane, no one's literally as aggressive and explosive as he is, no one understands his music, his lifestyle, his decisions even. Even then, he felt safe with her, cuz he known he will be understood, cus most of the time they have almost same thoughts. So he's.. He's happy with that brat around. He's okay with her. She's okay. He doesn't feel any romantic feelings abt her, she's 13yo, c'mon, but he can enjoy her presence, she's chill but emotional, she's rude but loyal, she's annoying but interesting, she's acting stupid but she's really smart, she plays independent but she LOVES hugging. He can tell she'll be a damn good person. And strong. She is strong. He still wants to protect her (even if he's not showing it, he wants to protect all of them, but her especially), but he can see how much power she actually possess. That's even cooler. One day maybe they can spar. Why not?

Teen!Mira: *looks at him, sitting next to him, headphones on, frowning* 'fuck are you looking at?

Teen!Laxus, instantly frowning in response: you have a problem, demon?

Teen!Mira: *explodes* WHO THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL A DEMON?!

Teen!miraxus: *aggressive 'fight'*

Greedy jealousy teen!Laxus supremasy who's like 🙄🙄 ah that stupid little shit with her stupid music but also HEY she's MY stupid little shit, DONTCHA DARE GO AWAY. Adult!Laxus is not like that, BUT THE TEENAGE MAXIMALIST LAXUS? GOD, YES. He's not aggressive, he won't start a fight just like that, but DAMN bro's really fuckin' greedy.

[klavery]

tell us your klavery hcs about how they started dating^^ (who asked who first, where they go for dates, first kisses/hand holding, etc)

EEEK! I AM SO SORRY!!! this took a while 2 answer cuz i wrote a whole frickin ESSAY! i guess thats what happens when u ask tumblr user klavery 2 talk about klavery, lol.... ANYWAYS,

ok ok omg... firstly i want 2 warn that i clearly take them wayy too seriously and romanticize the fuck out of them and its rly embarrassing bcuz they are stupid but i am just too gone 4 them at this point so 😊👍

SO LIKE!!! avery being aspec + autistic in my minds eye affects pretty much everything abt their relationship 2 romance & dating & stuff... so that & the fact theyre like a dorky awkward nerd to me makes them pretty passive & nervous abt romance stuff, at least at first! avery seems like they could b the suave confident type when it comes 2 romance, which is the kind of person i think their character develops into once they get the hang of it (still a silly dork tho OF COURSE). that being said, in the beginning, avery wasnt usually the one to initiate things often! klara was his first everything... his first crush, his first kiss, everything like that (as opposed to klaras like, 20 exes, lol) so he was kind of inexperienced XP

the development of their relationship is like... at first they HATED each other, they found each other so ANNOYING and INSUFFERABLE, naturally... until a little problem in the form of a 13 year old child showed up at the dojo. apparently this kid was enough of a mutual threat to get the two of them to tolerate each other enough to reluctantly team up... also can i say they r literally like cartoon antagonists to me? they are SO funny and dumb i am SO obsessed... anyways! after the whole main plot of the isle of armor is over, they still kinda almost, try 2 awkwardly ignore each other? tsunderes... they cant admit theyre growing fond of each other xP and after a while, that strategy just doesnt work out :p they continue 2 train at the dojo, and this soon leads 2 them becoming friends! this part is integral 2 me 4 the development of their relationship, they become total besties, they r such galpals........

after some indeterminate amount of time after becoming friends, avery finally falls for her. i headcanon klara was always attracted to him, even when she hated him, lol. they were like two freaks who were perfect partners in crime. they get really close and affectionate, even platonically ❤ ... u can tell how crazy i am over enemies to friends to lovers for them xP

so with ALL THAT in mind.... i think klara would ask first? technically? i mean klara would b the kind of person 2 want someone 2 confess their undying love 4 her, but avery was kindaa weird. i dont think they would have EVER asked her directly tbh.... they were soo confused abt their feelings hehe, abt her but also abt dating in general. klara kinda knew abt the latter, considering avery would have opened up 2 her abt it in my brainspace. i guess knowing this she would just shoot her shot & suggest that they could date! avery is so nervous.... he panics and says he needs time 2 think on it, and when he finally recomposes himself hes all like, Ahem, Klara, I Would Like To Formally Accept Your Ever So Gracious Invitation.. hehehe.... he was so funny.

UM so they try dating!! and i dont rly care if it isnt realistic or believable or whatever at all i just like cute indulgent things.

so what do they do!?! WELL, i think a particular Official artwork could answer that..

(ok but could u IMAGINE my reaction when this was first revealed!? they literally merchandised MY headcanons they merchandised MY SHIP they did it ALL 4 me💞💞💞 this is my own scan too btw! sooo worth it. its soo in character too, klara too busy clout chasing 2 notice her partners abt 2 get his flesh melted off over some curry 😊 and of course, all the lil slowpokes around them❤ quintessential klavery image). but ya! this could possibly b their first date?? i feel like i wanna honor the existence of this wonderful art and say yes.... so aside from pokecamping or just hanging out around the island doing tasks and training and such, OFC they would go shopping, they would go 2 the mall, they would have spa day, avery would take her 2 high end fancy restaurants (bcuz hes upper class and loaded lol), all while being menaces 2 society of course 🥰. OH! wanna know what i think would b cute?? THIS IS SO CRINGE but basically i hc that they have rooms at the dojo 4 the students (so they dont have 2 sleep in tents or go home everyday or whatever...) and i think it would b SO cute if honey and/or mustard helped avery set up a lil candlelit dinner date in his room~ its so silly but so sweet❤

hmm.. honestly i really like the idea of their first kiss being kinda like, lowkey. juxtaposed to the kind of people they are. one might expect some kind of grandiose fairytale type situation... when in fact they were just chillin alone somewhere on the island, and she asked 2 kiss them... and they agreed! it left avery asking themself, what am i doing? how did i get here?? everything had been so different. this definitely wasnt what they would have imagined for themself... but they loved it. averys life was changing in unexpected ways. i guess this was first-love making him a little cuckoo in the head, huh? maybe this event had been a bit grandiose, in its own way.

WOW this post really devolved into me writing fanfiction about how kissing klara caused existential revelations within avery. nice! ok!

anyways!!! we r almost at the end! so!! avery was so touch starved, omg. he wouldnt let just anyone touch him, tho, of course. but if he liked you, well... earlier i said i believed they were pretty close b4 they dated, so if klara were to grab their hand, they wouldnt object, hehe~ (shes the one w the cold hands btw, and a firm grip, too..). things abt avery & physical touch interest me so much honestly, it is so intriguing when a character who could use psychic powers 4 everything would decide not to... especially when it comes 2 affection....

eeeeeaaaaahhh!!! ive gone on too long!! i never talk abt my hcs in detail EVER so like! theres stuff i know i couldve elaborated on more but i didnt wanna go TOO off topic... ofc i could write whole novels about my silleys..... THANK U 4 SENDING THIS!!!! hope it was comprehensible, heheh

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 1

yeah sure why not i'll reblog my thoughts. we'll see how it goes lol. i havent done a live reaction On Tumblr in Years. block #emi plays el dorado if u dont wanna see it

so their last summer....and ofc hikari has already disappeared. tsk

ah class B....are we just gon be a rando class B member that's fine. amemiya backstory! she kinda reminds me of mashiro and tomori lmao just kinda....sorta wrote stories/lyrics n then got urged to make them a real thing. not nearly as shy as them tho

....amemiya and masai and the teacher seem to be narrating from a first year standpoint despite us being shown the 3rd year classroom? lmao masai was a lil fangirl of amemiya's script. cute

huh masai says she wants to be a director but her og interest seems to be set design. which obv they go hand in hand but still

awwwww they fans of each otherrrrr cuuute. they both go 'partner pls? partner?' AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. I never did think about class B's dorm situation lol.

ok yeh it is 1st year baby B's

i mean it wouldnt be starlight if it wasnt gay immediately. shion and kiriko like i Technically knew that but also i tend to mess up who is who. snort

amemiya just goin to 'masai' with 0 honorifics and when masai is taken aback she's like 'AM I MOVING TOO FAST?'

then masai just immediately goes with shion-chan lol

girls girls i already ship u ur killin me

tbf me shipping them has nothing to do with the VN lol. tho i might end up having to actually draw them for once

stop acting like summer is 'right before' the seisho festival its not i Know the stupid festival takes place late feb/early march

THEY HAVE A PET AXOLOTL?? gimme its name. now

masai is not a morning person. tho at least she slept ksjhksjdhf

el dorado is the new national troupe specialty huh....no wonder mahiru/maya/futaba prob wanted to do it

oo i wonder if sakura or her friends will be in this. or at least mentioned

opening time doo doo

YAY WE START WITH MAHIRU she wants salvatore it's her dream role. well. if im in charge mahiru. i agree. u can have it

maya wants alejandro

futaba salvatore. sorry futaba but since u three are the ones goin to the new national troupe whoever is the 3rd most important i'll give to you. or maya.

salvatore: mahiru, futaba, claudine, kaoruko, junna

alejandro: maya, nana, karen

so many people are going to go for claudine salvatore and maya alejandro first huh

kjhsf kaoruko wants salvatore bc as a kid futaba always gushed about the role. wants futaba to praise HER salvatore

damn nana are u that bitter about junna crushing u in your revue skjdhf i THINK this happens after the movie revues.

yeah this def happens after the movie revues since junna's actin diff than her lil showcase for the newbies. so is karen

sjkhf kaoruko wanted judy's role zulfikar. she does like bein the villain

mm so hikari Did go back to the royal academy. i mean i knew she went back to london but that doesnt mean she went back to the school. diff terms after all

i assume we're technically masai + amemiya in this so i am kinda interested in who the other chiefs are gon pick

alejandro salvatore

karen (didnt care til mahiru oops) futaba | (i THINK art?) nana | (lighting) mahiru (music) maya | (props) kaoruko (stage setting) claudine (production) junna (costume)

kjkjxh props chief maya didnt even AUDITION for salvatore but ok yeah wants her as alejandro now

music chief gushing over mahiru :)

truly mahiru has the best appeal

u cannot follow up a vote for mahiru with a vote for KAORUKO kjhjhdf

kaoruko's niceness doesnt often feel Genuine lmao

alrighty now I get to choose

WHY IS MAHIRU V NANA CROSSED OUT. EXCUSE ME. THIS IS WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO DO FIRST. E X C U S E M E

starlight sure knows how to be homophobic to Me Specifically

well now i dont even care so whatever i guess i'll just go down the list.

i am upsetti spaghetti

mahiru angy. same

poor futaba gets the shortest stick tho even when she's a lead role she's not the one she auditioned for.

snort nana sounds in awe that junna's salvatore. maya meanwhile is like 'aijo-san if u dont give it ur all i will kill you'

so kaoruko is lord cavallero. papa. futaba is carmencita-

....how tho. nana's miguel. snort. futaba shoots back with a 'it seems fitting youre an assassin' which is hilarious

claudine is columbus, maya is luigi

that does leave mahiru as isobel but no ones metioned it and now im even grumpier. how dare. evil.

:( no its not that jun jun-

kjhkjfhsf junnna

'stop with the gay drama already i s2g'

YEA CALL HER OUT JUNJUN

skjfhsf gon get revenge for karen beating her TWICE at the auditions. valid. i support u junna

junna: i'm vindictive and stubborn like that karen: aha you really are junna: >:O

well that's enough for now

part 2>>

[julie-schwieters-supremacy]

tw vent

idek. i hate having to get up in the mornings and having to go out and be okay and im hurting inside all the time and im used to bottling it up except im not sure how good i do that and i just have the hurt and the everything stuck inside me and it really makes me want to die everything is the same and i really. dont think theres anything worth staying for anymore. there is nothing i want more than to die and disintegrate into ashes and dust and fly to sunlit forests until the wind sweeps me somewhere else again. im still telling myself, i have a future, what about our childhood dreams, what about moving out, what about giving my kids the childhood they deserve, what about living a better life and getting better for myself, what about being a psychiatrist and helping people, what about living with my friends, what about the things ill never get to do. but i really dont know if thats enough. i dont even know if hes enough to make me stay anymore. where did i go wrong? how did i go from young and naive and loving everyone and everything in my own little world to this? destroying myself with everything i do and constantly wanting to die? life is so underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time and im worried about everyone. like these 2 people are dealing with everything but i just want them to be okay. they dont deserve the hurt and negative feelings and i wish i could take it away or they could at least give it to me because theyre the best thing to ever happen to me and i really love them but theyre dealing with stuff too and i check in and do what i can but i dont think im good enough to be there for them. they have other friends and other closer friends i feel like but sometimes they vent or tell me about their problems and i wish i could make it all better. they deserve the world and i love them so much theyve both been through a lot and i just love these 2 people so so so much they mean so much to me except i dont know how to show it and i dont want them to think im being weird or anything i dont want to talk to someone about it because i feel so stupid when they comment on it and i feel like im being attention seeking and i just hate it and i hate how i even need to vent because why cant i be okay i didnt want this i feel so much hurt sometimes i dont even know why and its so much that it turns physical and into a pain in my chest and i feel like my heart is being clawed out and someone is squeezing my lungs and dicing it up into little pieces and some of them call it love and others are just like that and i feel like a puppet sometimes and i feel really fucking dead sometimes and i cant do anything well or at all and i feel so replaceable sometimes because there could be someone better because i feel like everyone hates me sometimes and i want to be better except i cant because this is the way i am and i really hate it because why cant i be perfect and good and be there for my friends and not mess up the relationships i have and maybe i wouldnt be left out all the time and maybe i would be the friend that walks with the other friends on the sidewalk and maybe i would be the friend that they tell their secrets to and maybe i would be the friend that makes their life at least a little better and maybe i would be the friend they trust with their life and maybe we would have that connection and i want it so badly but whenever i try it just doesnt work and i am so tired im so tired of life i dont know where i went wrong and i just want to go so bad and never come back but whos going to be the one taking everything that he throws at us so my siblings wont have to grow up with the trauma and end up how i did and who would be the one to check in on them because no one else will and who will be the one who teaches my sister that its okay to love and not be okay and who will teach both of my siblings that love is okay and being yourself is okay and who will be the one who is there for him when he needs it and i just sfkghj

[daedalusdavinci]

spell homestuck

GOD. THIS IS SO MUCH LONGER THAN TWO FACE. i typed too much and theres too many qs so under the cut it goes

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or....... i guess comics, these days, but i HATE READING COMICS they juST HAVE MORE COMPELLING FANDOMS. book fandoms are PUNY nad everyone is STUPID. youd think actual literary fandoms would have reading comprehension and understanding of literary critique but no!!!!!!!!!!!!! its literally my eternal fuckign struggle. somehow comic fandoms hit the perfect medium between compelling, readable content and the enthusiasm of cartoon fans without the childishness of cartoon fans

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

this isnt really a thing i do. the only time i associate characters w songs is my own ocs. barbies theme is miltons tower from the what remains of edith finch soundtrack!

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i have also never really been one to project myself into stories. its just not how i consume media. i think sollux and rose already closely resemble the kinds of friends i make, so maybe them?

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

(freddy fazbear vc) vanessa.... ive done things, im not proud of.

i dont even know if i want to answer this question bc its so fucking humiliating LKJSNDLFSDNFSDF the truth is yes. i am solely responsible for. a lot. particularly in the pjo fandom. i created several crackships ground up all on my own way back in 2014 and developed a following for them and i. dont wantto tell you what those ships were. LSKJDFNSLDJNSDFSDDF ive also pioneered many ship tags for other fandoms and i ship a lot of rarepairs and stuff but i dont think im RESPONSIBLE for them?? in that some ppl already were into them/talking abotu them or tht theyre still not popular (augh. to the ones that became popular) but i AM liTERALLY responsible for some crack shit in the pjo fandom and its. it haunts me sometimes. i dont want to talk about it. IF YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID NO YOU DONT

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

this is so vague. my headcanons are shifting and nebulous and aus are my constant companion in everything, but uhhhhhhghhusjkdjnsdg i think. roxy writes the same way dave draws comics. its extremely memey and meta and self aware and largely just for the personal lolz, and were all doing her a disservice by pretending her writing looks like roses, when in reality dirk is probably the one whod make comics the way rose makes books (which is probably why he doesnt make comics). its more of that thing where roxy and dave are the same and rose and dirk are the same ykwim. well YOU dont corvus but im sure someone else does

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

jason takes after bruce in terms of like. adopting entirely too many kids. he broods

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

harvey is a heartwrenching character when written well, with a complicated view of morality, heartbreaking ties to our main hero, and a lot of internal conflict. something about such a hopeful character deadset on making a different in the system becoming a victim of it, and the potential he has as a vehicle for critiquing the law.

percy is my favorite character from pjo bc it was the very first time in my life i ever read a book and saw myself in it. hes aggressive, impulsive, and rebellious, he fidgets and has a hard time standing still, he acts on emotion without always thinking it through, he gets in trouble in school and hands his mom a murder weapon to kill his stepdad, hes just... hes a lot of the things ive always gotten in trouble for, things i couldnt help being, and hes a hero. he means everything to me.

vriska, i will maintain until the day i die, is one of the best homestuck characters- maybe just characters?- ever written. shes dramatic, shes impulsive, shes manipulative and mean and creative, and shes just so messy about it. shes a mean girl in a way that feels real, where her trauma impacts and shapes her as a person, and shes complex, with warring wants, and people she cares about, and dreams, and shes so messy. shes rough and rude and shes doing what SHE wants to, being a version of herself that feels right to HER, rather than some caricature of the hot badass evil lady. shes thirteen!! and she FEELS thirteen. shes a thirteen year old weird girl who is kind of an asshole, and she means literally fucking everything to me. shes a pirate!!!!! shes a swashbuckling badass dressing up in her larping outfit and yelling at her friends on the playground to swab the deck and she is the bestest ever, the end.

i didnt mean for each one of these to be longer than the last but here we are.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

i hate jdedave peace and love it just feels weird as hell to me. dave, for the most part, is hyper respectful of other peoples choices and boundaries but when it comes to jade hes always trying to mke choices for her, to protect her, and it gets to the point where even jade points out how much it bugs her. jades crush on dave also seems to come from a place of misunderstanding to me, admiring a lot of the parts of himself that he exaggerates and pretends to care about as a result of trauma. it always felt like a kid crush that they shouldve grown out of with time. dave also just sort of seems to... go along with whatever romantic relationships people push him into at that age, rolling with whoever flirts with him jsut bc hes trying to maintain the image of a player, so its really hard to take him seriously any time he hits on someone?

that is just my interpretation of it tho

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

well. i havent finished my reread of homestuck, so that feels difficult to comment on just yet, bc im sure ill have a different opinion when i do finish it. no one in dc gets character arc bc theyre all just undone immediately, so thats like. yeah. and in pjo the arcs are pretty weak bc 1) kids books and 2) RICK UNDOES THEM ALL. AUGH. regardless of all of this, i am going to say jason grace. he had a lot of development in like the last two hoo books, or maybe just like.... hints of how he couldve developed? promise? which rick immediately set fire to in toa when he killed him, but fUCKING WHATEVER. UGH.

anyway actually tho eleanor from the good place. bisexual icon. queen. probably one of the best character arcs of all time. the episode w her mom has some of the most powerful fucking dialogue ever and i think about it. all the time. i should rewatch the good place.....

[chaosmushroomsushi]

I hate myself

someone help lol

I wish I could stop doing this shit to myself

I know this sounds more human than most my posts

maybe I should do this more often

just speak to the void like I'd speak to myself

I do think in the poetic lines I write

but it's not every thought

obviously

no one thinks purely in poetry

and my god dude. I am so fucking lonely

and I'm so tired of my trauma

and my chronic pain, can my bones just fucking stop?

I need a break

I need to be loved

unrequited love is the worst

dont ask why this is more tagged than normal when out of everything this is one of the last things I'd want to actually be seen a lot

I'm just talking because I have no one else to talk to

I have two friends I really talk to

and one I've been in love with since I was fucking 12

typing while dyslexic sucks. I've broken auto correct some

I wish I had a partner

but even if I did it wouldn't matter

I'd still torture myself endlessly

because I've never been good enough and I never will be

no one will ever actually choose me

no matter what I do or how hard I try

I will never be what someone wants

or if I am it's just using me until I'm no longer useful

I hate that this might be my most relatable post

and at the same time appreciate that the realness is what will make it that

but I hate we're all so traumatized that we feel people are incapable of loving us

I hate that others understand

but dude seriously how do you learn that you are capable of being loved

that you're actually not worthless and your only point is being used by people for so many different reasons

my content is so fucking inconsistent

is this what it feels like to unmask? even a little?

I feel like it should involve less joint pain lmfao

all I'm doing is laying in bed cuddling a frog stuffed animal with anime playing in the background typing out a shitty post on tumblr

just writing out my thoughts

I miss being held

I say that but I've never actually been held

I've never had someone to lay with and cuddle

I have to slow down my typing so tumblr doesnt lag which is stupid

stupid adhd

the mlm flag is so fucking pretty

I'm supposed to be asleep

I changed what anime was on so I didnt miss stuff so I could sleep

I need so much help

I have so much I need to talk to my therapist about already, it's been two days since my last session

how do I have more in 2 days than in the 2 weeks we couldn't meet

I mean its good but also what the fuck?

I miss him

I miss affection

fuck

I just

need to be held and loved

I hate life

if you read all this

why what mental illness do you have

dont forget food water and meds

any food counts even if you dont keep it down, protein shakes also count for either food or water but you can only choose one

ur still alive and that counts ❤ you did good kid