#maybe it can reach its true audience here

[veggiesforpresident]

armand: i'm the quiet you've been longing for *blender whirring noises*

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 44

Part 1 Part 43

Eddie ushers Jonathan and Will into the trailer in front of him. Steve’s standing behind him, close enough that he can feel the body heat. Eddie closes his eyes, savoring the heat for one moment before following the brother’s in, Steve right behind him.

He hears the schnick! of the lock clicking home and wonders if either of them will ever break the habit of locking every door they walk through. 

Will has led Jonathan into the living room, settling familiarly onto the couch while Jonathan dawdles, eyes darting back and forth before he sits down next to his brother, at the edge of the cushion.

“What do we owe the pleasure?” Eddie asks, dropping his handful of Steve’s belongings carefully onto the coffee table as Steve does the same.

Jonathan eyes the pile, flicking his gaze up to Steve with a pitying look that Steve luckily doesn’t catch. Steve’s gone into the kitchen to pour out cups of coke like a consummate host. Like this is already his home.

“I wanted to see you,” Will says quietly, looking down at his knees.

“Aww, Baby Byers, we missed you too!” Eddie says, knowing it’s true. He can feel the kids' absence like a lost limb.

“Actually,” Jonathan says, sitting up straighter and looking between the three like he’s trying to solve a complex math problem that Eddie’s never even heard of. “He said something weird on the way here.”

Steve hands out cups. Will sips his while Jonathan drinks his down in three big gulps. “What?” Steve asks, not looking at Jonathan at all. He settles on the coffee table in front of Will, plopping his feet familiarly between the brothers and nudging Will’s hip with his toes. 

“I don’t know,” Will says, still looking down. “I can…feel you?” 

“He knew when you guys were pulling up,” Jonathan interjects. He plunks his empty glass on the coffee table beside Steve. Eddie wonders if he should refill it, but doesn’t.

“Right here?” Steve asks, rubbing his sternum. Eddie does the same, feeling the very minor fish-hook tug that comes with them all being in the same room.

Will nods. 

“You know, I could feel Steve, in the Upside-Down,” Eddie says, walking over to Wayne’s chair and plopping down. “Hopper wouldn’t listen, but I knew you weren’t in your house before we even got there.”

That same bitter curl unfurls in his sternum, at being the most knowledgeable person in the room, and being talked over like he had nothing to offer. By Nancy, by Hopper, by Mama Byers. 

“You did?” Steve asks, voice small. He reaches up to his throat, the same way he always does when he’s thinking of those last days alone. Like that thing is still making its home in his throat.

“Yeah, Stevie,” Eddie replies, the rest of the room dropping away as he looks at Steve in profile. He’s all sharp angles – jaw and nose and chin – but there’s still a softness in his cheeks. Eddie wants to pinch them. Wants too many things that he’s not allowed to say. “I’ll always find you.”

He can see the way his adam's apple bobs with the force of his swallow. Steve looks over at him, eyes glimmering in the low light of the trailer. The dark circles under his eyes are dark, the stitches on his forehead stark and macabre. Eddie wants to stretch his hand across the room, trail his fingers along Steve’s stumbled cheeks, feel the proof of his life through the warmth of his blood. 

“It’s not just me?” WIll asks, and Eddie’s sucked back into his body, remembers the audience and the circumstances of living in Nowhere Indiana. 

“No,” Steve says, always ready to reassure. “It’s not just you.”

They stew in the silence. Jonathan uncharacteristically breaks it. “What does this mean?”

“Fuck if I know!” Eddie says, flopping sideways in Wayne’s chair, head lolling uncomfortably off the side as he looks at the other three from his new upside-down vantage point.  “Maybe we’ve got superpowers.”

“Like El!” Will says excitedly, practically bouncing in his seat. Jonathan looks like the thought of his little brother having superpowers has taken years off his life. Eddie can’t help the sputtering laugh that comes out of his mouth, even as Jonathan glares at him.

“We can be a crime fighting trio,” Eddie says, putting his hand on his hip, and raising his fist in the air, messed-up pinky sticking out at a weird ankle, in an approximation of the stereotypical Superman pose. 

Steve, still rubbing his throat, eyes unfocused as he seems to stare at something the rest of them can’t see, says, “Maybe we brought something back with us.”

Well, isn’t that a cheery thought. “Maybe it’s something good?” Eddie says, as if anything good has ever crawled out of that place. As if Steve and Eddie and Will didn’t crawl out of that place stripped down like turpentine on paint. Colors leeched and bleeding down. 

“Yeah,” Will says, eyes wide, like he’s watching the Demogorgon break down the trailer door. Like the devil himself has got its hooks in him. “Maybe it’s something good.”

Part 45

Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @1-8oo-wtfbro @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso

[batboyblog]

Interesting thing to consider regarding our situation from Magdi Jacobs. She’s been fairly levelheaded so far about all this. The Pandemic really did change us all and how we perceive things.

The constant stressful vigilance we all needed during the pandemic is still in effect from that era, and that’s why there’s such a disconnect between what we see and feel as true:

https://x.com/magi_jay/status/1812531377184653581?s=46&t=9ilK5pqP73XDblTtTbb4Qg

I don't disagree with her, and I know for a fact she also agrees with what I have to say here:

Covid is part of it, maybe it is its own thing, maybe it super charged something that had been happening in slow-mo before

but I think algorithmic social media is breaking all our brains and Covid locked SO many of us inside with it for a year and a half or so where our only "human" contact was through social media and that was NOT helpful

There's lots of studies about social media and anxiety and depression, we know algorithms intentionally put stories/posts that upset you into your feed, we know that social media causes negative polarization.

speaking just of my own experience on twitter over the last two weeks it really challenges your sense of reality, twitter very quickly forms a group think about a current event and it becomes overwhelming, also it destroys any sense of time and prospective, so nothing is allowed to just be bad it has to be THE WORST THING EVER! and from the debate and now Trump's fist pump after getting shot at everything is NOW! the election is not 4 months away with all the events that will take over the news, people are voting just this second and only based on this news story rn! AAHHHH!!! !

by its short form nature twitter makes it feel as if people are having a conversation with you, but your ability to reply and question their statements is limited and I think that makes for extreme anxiety if the group think challenges your understanding of events/reality. So Joe Biden had a bad debate night, sounded bad, looked bad, he was a sick, jet lagged, overworked, old man and looked and sounded like all of that. Oh well, but the group think quickly shifted to "this is the worst thing ever, he clearly has dementia!" and you were bombarded by that over and over, in more and more shrill and condescending tones. And it became very stress inducing because people were seeing something you didn't see and insisting "don't believe your eyes and ears! believe my hot takes!" and you felt like you were losing your mind.

This is one current event but this happens on social media all the time, twitter is bad, TikTok is worse.

I also think for "younger" (under 40?) people raised on reality TV, and more so instagram, Facebook, now TikTok picture and video based social media there's a, life as reality TV show quality, an unspoken performance and need to make our lives seem perfect for an unseen (and not real) audience, and also to be seen as having the right views, but living in quick sand where liking or using anything could become a problem at any point and having to keep up endlessly. I also think this is intensely anxiety producing and also just debilitating, I don't think you can DO anything good in the world with that mindset

final thought: I've said for awhile I think why you see so many people declaring the economy is bad, regularly saying its historically, Great Depression levels bad, when it is in fact really good, as near to full employment as we've ever had lots of great economic indicators is left over Covid trauma.

We all went through a scary, sad, upsetting time in our lives. But because we ALL did if nothing happened to you particularly, you didn't get hospitalized, don't have long Covid, no one you're close with died and you couldn't be there for them, it might feel like "nothing" happened. So people are reaching for a "logical" reason for that edgy, sad, nervous, upset, unhappy feeling they can't get rid of. Normally that comes from economic anxiety, fear of not having enough money, or losing a job etc. So many people are reporting that they think the national economy is terrible while saying they think they themselves are doing well, that their local or state economy (that they see an interact with) is doing good, while the nation is doing bad, somehow. People are spending like they're doing well as well, never had it so good, never felt so bad.

I suspect its because we're all still dealing with Covid feelings, and thanks to social media, the death of common spaces, political radicalization, we never really came together and drew a line under Covid, it just kinda sputtered out and we slowly went back to our lives like nothing happened.

[melminli]

𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿 - 𝟬𝟭

pairing: neuvilette x fem. reader

summery - fontaine was known for being the nation of the element hydro as well as the nation of justice. however, the people were known for their love of gossip. though, sometimes rumors turn out to be true, don't they?

word count: 1.5k

content: lawyer reader, lots of fluff, crack, romance, akward reader + neuvilette

series masterlist

Fontaine. The nation under the supervision of the Hydro Archon as well as the element Hydro itself. With its many waterfalls, wide seas, and many bodies of water, its aquatic space is widely embellished. Of course, this is not a big surprise, and yet the brilliant landscape never ceases to amaze new and old visitors and residents alike.

"Mademoiselle Rivière, please excuse me for disturbing you during your break, but the reports you requested have finally arrived," a soft female voice woke you up.

You slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Even when you just wanted to lean back on the couch in your office for a while, you couldn't seem to get any rest. You had to get to work when it was calling, and it always did. A healthy work-life balance was something unknown to you. "Don't worry, Marie, thank you for your work." You mumbled sleepily and reached for the file your assistant had brought you.

As you went through the pages, she looked at you a little worried. Even after all the years she had known you and worked under you, she couldn't stop frowning at your workaholic lifestyle. "Have you pulled an all-nighter again? How many days have you been here? You haven't forgotten to eat again, have you?"

Your eyes were fixed on the paper so that you could decipher the information inside as quickly as possible. "I'm fine, don't worry, really. I just don't have any time to waste since I have to be at the Opera Epiclese the day after tomorrow, and the defense isn't going to build itself."

Marie just sighed and made a mental note to order something to eat as soon as she left the room. "I'll get you something to drink. Who knows when you last got any time to do that." She said hopelessly and interrupted you before you could interject. "And I'll get water and nothing else!"

You didn't dare to say anything else to that. So, no coffee for me then. Maybe it's better this way. It would be a bit embarrassing to dehydrate in Fontaine. You leaned back in your chair and looked out of the window for a while, just watching the water surrounding the city for a bit. "Maybe I really should take a break. It's been a long time since I've been to the beach..." You continued to think, "...or even just the shore for a bit."

You sighed once and stretched a little to clear your head and get back to work. After all, you still had some preparation to do since Fontaine was not only the land of the element Hydro but also the land of justice. You were confronted with this not only as a citizen of this nation but, above all, as a lawyer. The best in town.

The case you were currently working on was about the unjust firing of your client from the Fonta development team. You had gathered the necessary evidence and testimonies, which was the lesser of two evils. The thing you still weren't really sure about yet...was how you wanted to present your case.

This was the Opera Epiclese we were talking about. Of course, everything was decided by the presentation. Getting the audience on your side was a must because only when you've kept them satisfied with a spectacle can you achieve great success. Simply bringing the truth to light was not enough in this country. Justice and reputation were very closely linked, and in order to keep your face, you not only had to be right, you also had to entertain. This made it possible for the result to have an effect. For making a change in the right direction, which people would remember.

You hated the system. Some days more and some days less since the need to entertain usually meant gossip, which in turn diminished the seriousness needed in court. As a lawyer, you were, of course, part of this, but you know the saying, hate the game and not the player. You did your best to bring justice, and your morals were not related to recognition or anything else. That's all that mattered for now.

Now that I've been thinking about Fonta so much, I feel like drinking it. Maybe Marie will let me have a bottle since there's no caffeine in it.

Quite a while later...

"I'm completely exhausted..." You sighed and could hardly wait to sleep in your own bed again. As much as you love Palais Mermonia, you really should spend less time there and your office. The world always felt so small when you spent so much time in the same four walls, and then as soon as you stepped out of them, the world suddenly seemed bigger than ever.

Though you missed your home, you didn't want to go from one room to the other. That's probably why your feet almost automatically carried you in the direction of Vasari Passage. You loved walking past the many stores and greeted the owners and various other people on your stroll. Your destination, however, was in the middle of the plaza because one of your favorite things to do in the city, was to sit near the fountain and simply watch the endlessly spinning mechanisms of the sphere.

Lost in thought, the scream of a certain nickname confused you greatly at first. "If it isn't the Ice Queen of Court herself! Today must be my lucky day!"

You turned to the voice only to see a certain reporter. She really won't stop calling me that, will she? I noticed that some other people started to do it, too. The cryo vision dangling off your outfit made it sound a bit cliché in your opinion. "Ah, it's you, Mademoiselle Charlotte. I didn't expect to find you here at this hour." You admitted.

She had a big smile on her face. "Well, I did! Rumor has it that you're usually here in the evening, so I sometimes come by when I have time, hoping for a little chat with the most famous lawyer in Fontain." She said without any shame and already had her pen and paper ready. "We never get to see you except in court, and getting appointments is super difficult. So, I thought I'd give this a try."

You couldn't help but smile slightly in disbelief at her efforts. "I see. So you switched to stalking after you ran out of your more professional resources."

"Guilty!" She exclaimed, and you raised an eyebrow at the circumstances. When Charlotte realized the context of the situation, she quickly corrected herself. "I mean, I'm just kidding! Please don't get me wrong, I would never resort to foul means for my work, really!" She suddenly clarified very nervously.

You reassured her. "I'm always up for a bit of humor, and I would also say that we're not complete strangers, so it's not a problem." You assured her. "But I would advise you to be a little more careful with the way you get people excited about your work. You might scare off some of the gentler people."

Stars formed in her eyes as you offered her your advice. I'm not a stranger in her eyes? That almost makes us friends then! "As you'd expect, the best lawyer always knows exactly what to say! Very impressive, I'll take note of that." She said in a good mood. "To get to the point, I was wondering if you could give me some news about your next court case!"

An apologetic expression came over your face. "I fear I can't, Mademoiselle Charlotte. I don't share any information regarding my ongoing cases. Keeping statements concerning my clients strictly to myself is very important to me." You replied and could see from her expression that she wasn't too disappointed. She had probably already anticipated this answer from you.

"What a shame, but of course, understandable." She expressed with a cheerful spirit. "Then perhaps you could comment on the new rumors about you?" She asked you intently as she leaned a little closer to you, finally revealing the true reason for her interest.

More rumors? You were aware of how talkative the people of Fontaine were, but you didn't realize that they were the same when it came to you. "What kind of rumor would you like me to address?" You asked a little curiously yourself.

"Well, the rumors about a secret romance with you and our Iudex, Monsieur Neuvilette, of course!"

You were rarely completely blown away by anything, but this? That was the first time you ever heard anything like that. It sounded even more absurd than the thought alone. People - people are talking about me and Monsieur Neuvilette...?

To Be Continued...

[kosmicdream]

Please don’t think of me as a male artist.

..is what i used to feel, for many years, even when I finally came out as trans. In a way, its one of the factors that kept me from pursuing HRT (which im so glad i finally did.) After only one year, my feeling on this hasn’t evaporated completely but i suppose I kind of don’t care anymore about how I am interpreted, as a person/artist, ect.. It isn’t something i can be in control of anyway, which upsets me less than it used to.

Sometimes in the past, the way i write characters has often been analyzed by the gender I am, or appear to be - that my male characters were written like how a woman writes men (too emotional/vulnerable, ect) , or how my female characters are written thoughtlessly- like how a man would. (too horny, stupid, violent, ect.) Its not a new way to analyze a story but I can’t say that it doesn’t annoy me. It could still be true that my characters/writing could fall into sexist/problematic archetypes, but gendering my work based on the way my characters act always reminds me of the “you draw like a girl/boy” comments, which used to be more frequent when i was a teen.. But the idea that boys = angular, good at cars! Or something and girls are, i dunno, gonna draw sexy anime men or something. Even as a teenager, i hated this idea that my art was “girl art.” Truthfully, i always viewed my art and myself as an artist as genderfluid, maybe even a type of drag performance, where i can explore any gender and not be limited by my body, it was my escape from that. Which naturally, it became my place to explore gender presentation and eventually helped me “crack my egg” of realizing i was a trans man.

I do think its important to reflect or regard my work as the art made by a trans man, or transmasculine person. I feel more and more just like “just a dude” these days. I am also a gay man. I think those things are important to my work. I think that the analysis of my work in regards to my identity as a person is important to reflect on. I also think the steps I took to get there were important, that transformation and my continued exploration of my older selves and more “label-less” self in the art i make. That’s a private space for me, that I happen to share with the world too. I feel the audience is part of my work too, I welcome it even. I have become part of the audience too and I look at my work as if I’m also a stranger. The older my work gets, the more of it I can study, the more I can see plainly how I got here and also it feels so confusing how it did. I try to study my art to help me find where I want to go to next, a map to guide me. 

In some ways, I feel more lost than I did before, where all my instinct was pushing me was just to grow and explore as much as possible. Now, I don’t have that same type of energy that I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different. There’s a sense of duty and commitment and a sense of dread of the time it takes to do what I feel compelled to do on this step of my journey. I am trying to focus more on the things I used to think I was incapable of before and I’m trying to remember the things I used to think were so effortless. I can tell my art is sharper but it feels almost like a mimicry of my older selves - at least when I revisit old work to continue its journey past where its been frozen in time. Comics take a long time, after all, it's normal that after a few years - a story might be yours, but it feels like it belongs to the past of you too, maybe more than it does in the present. I like the commitment I have to my comics though, its not a burden to me. The feeling is strange anyway. 

I tend to think that 1-3 years of a project being made, those are the honeymoon years of the relationship. But you hit a wall in 4-5 years and sometimes you’re in denial about it, you try to keep the dreams and feeling alive as you drag it forward, and sometimes the project really reaches its end around 8-10 years and it becomes a type of empty promise to return to it. Not that this is true for every artist, every project, ect. But I think its a natural lifespan for comics that I’ve observed, and it's because it is uncomfortable to face morality and the morality of our own art. Art is this escape, and when it becomes a job - or an uncomfortable mirror into these things about ourselves, about our failures and promises we couldn’t manage to make, the pressures of the audience, the boredom of the task if you have already told yourself the story a thousand times and you have no longer a desire to continue it, ect - its a normal and natural feeling to want to drop it off a cliff. Blow it up, start over fresh - I know the feeling! Its happened many times. But its kind of temporary? Then, it cycles back to nostalgia - and the desire to create and recreate and reform the past to something tangible again.. uh

Sorry, sorry.. I am getting far from the point I started with. Not that any of this makes too much sense, I feel like writing it anyway. It bothers me that the fantasy of art to me, is the ability to dissolve yourself and stop existing, you are the creator creating. You don’t need to be confined by, really anything. It is in “your control” now, and you surrender your own control by falling into the art and letting it “lead you” places. This is a very seductive process and while it might temporarily be fulfilling (even when done for a lifetime) cannot really.. What.. completely fill the void of whatever you’re chasing down there? Its nice though. At least, when I think about when i first started drawing comics, it was to draw Vash the Stampede (from the original 98 anime series, i hate the new one. We’re not talking about there here) coming out of my television after a thunderstorm and he had to just live in my house now. It was the closest thing I could do to actually manifesting that as reality, of making this amazing anime husband come to life to just like live with me now and be my boyfriend. In a lot of ways I don’t see my pursuit of writing ocs, specifically male ones, really much different from this same desire of like “i can just make my perfect boyfriend!” born out of the loneliness I felt in my heart, and the fear that there is no boyfriend out there for me so i need to frankenstein my own - and this boyfriend will be poifect in every way. Or like, crafting the perfect “relationship” in replace the lack of one, or just the fantasy of watching very abstract extremes come to life in various puppets i crafted, beating the shit out of each other for entertainment. But to subject all these.. Abstract Internal conflicts as simply like a “boy author thing” or “girl author thing” is like.. Tiring. Are we really not past that? (Of course not.) 

Like there’s some hidden truth to the way someone might write/draw, the way that “makes sense” in retrospect once the identity of the author is analyzed and discovered.. How can you make sense of the self, let alone the other .. and In a way that’s permanent? And gendered? Does art now have an inherent sex characteristic? But I cannot deny that I do want my art to look and feel like part of who I am, what I have chosen to sexually identify as - a transgender, a man, a faggot. I DO identify as a sexual deviant, but that is hilarious because I have been single for so long at this point I can’t even remember in a tangible way what that felt like and I question if I ever felt it or experienced it “for realsies” because of the experiences I have had or havent didn’t feel very fulfilling or romantic, despite that being something I desire so much - and so I feel like a failure. And to create art just based on the fantasy of desire rather than the lived reality, can it even really display what that would actually be like. So its embarrassing, right? 

I have worked on my art a lot and I have often thought, or come to the conclusion (true or not) that my singleness is the result of my pursuit and dedication to art - which is the pursuit of self isolation and protection from harm. From influence, from acknowledging that life can exist and someday end. And when you work on projects for years and years, the pride/shame dichotomy only gets more.. Weird. It gets weird, guys! It always was weird, but.. I just think about so many my heroes, my art inspirations, working decades on their art.. I follow in their footsteps too and it feels scarier and lonelier than I expected it to be. And the more and more I realized that as a reality, as my 20s faded away, the more I kept walking. I wasn’t gonna stop now, even if I could, I don’t want to and its not hard to do other things too. I have a slower pace than I used to (thank god) and gets slower but I’m still moving. 

I don’t post or write my little art journals as much as I used to. Mostly cause I don’t really have anything good to say and it kinda feels embarrassing to post them too LOL. But.. whatever!! Its been a weird four months of me being off work and I’m about to go back to being a normal working person again.. But its like, its weird to tell people about your art when they ask about what you do. Its like “oh yeah, i draw webcomics” and they wont get it, you’ll say - “yeah its 8,000 pages long” and they’ll say, “thats a lot!” and it is. They’re very nice about it, but there’s a lack of satisfaction there with what that means. I don’t expect it, that’d be dumb as hell. Its nice to take a break from it too, to discover other sides of myself I never let shine because i stayed indoors for a decade, but its a weird feeling too. Like, what will it mean in the end? I don’t really know. 

I don’t think I need “success” to feel like this was worth it, its not like a trophy is gonna come in the mail for the good workTM I’ve done - there is no closure to the work I make even when a story finishes. I have to keep going regardless of that, and its strange to know it won’t ever feel done. But I am so thirsty for that temporary itch to be scratched, it keeps me working every day for the “maybe” of what that might feel like. Kinda silly, really. Is it my “male” pride that demands recognition? Would respect be given more freely if I had “remained” to be perceived as a woman, for subverting the expectations for what a woman can/can’t write? (lol) Is my value as a person determined by that sort of thing in my art? I don’t think of my pride as gendered, but I know its there and I know because of who I say I am, my pride will be gendered by others. I think when I was a woman, that pissed me off more than now because.. Well.. I wasn’t even living as the way i wanted to. I still don’t really live as the way I want to, the way I want to be perceived, but even being on HRT for a little more than 1 year, without much else lifestyle changes, I feel a little more at peace not mattering what others will take away from me or what i write about. I have a lot of my own expectations for myself and what i write about and that concerns me far more. 

I don’t really know how else to end this, I’m going to eat chocolate now. Oh, to answer your question (?) if you might have this one: can I think of you as a male artist, kosmic? sure. I am one after all.

[chamerionwrites]

Semi-relatedly and conversely there is this phenomenon in fiction I always want to talk about, but hesitate to talk about because I fear coming across as prescriptive, when I don’t think there’s any One True And Correct Answer here so much as just. A pattern worth talking about.

Which is that it is pretty common for narrative depictions of certain kinds of violence - I’m thinking of torture, specifically - to either subtextually evoke or very textually represent sexual violence as a kind of shorthand for violence in general. (I’m not only or even primarily talking about fandom here - but I do think it’s worth pointing out as an aside that even if that connection isn’t explicit in the text, fandom can frequently be relied on to make it explicit.) And on the one hand this is reasonably true to life, in that where you find torture you more often than not also find rape. On the other hand, this can sometimes feel quite troubling within the context of a media environment that is often cavalier AT BEST about depicting torture - like creators and/or audiences need the sexual violence part tacked on in order to take it seriously. On yet another hand, within that context of torture all too often being framed as heroic, maybe there’s some value in pointing out that if someone is down for one sort of dehumanizing boundary-crossing abuse of power they’re not unlikely to be down for another sort. On another hand the metaphor sort of writes itself, and the engine of narrative runs on symbol and theme and metaphor, so maybe it’s not surprising that stories about power and violence and violation reach for very visceral and recognizable examples of The Things They’re About. On another hand it sometimes feels really suggestive of who is writing stories that sexual violence is treated is like the visceral and recognizable (and relatable to the assumed audience?) example while state violence (again, these things are far from mutually exclusive) is so often treated like an abstraction. On another hand it’s kind of wild that sexual violence in its own right is so often downplayed and tiptoed around and relegated to subtext in narratives, but then gets used as a kind of shorthand almost to the exclusion of any other narrative representation of torture.

Anyway that’s a lot of hands, and like I said I’m raising a question more than arguing a point here, and I’m not even saying I want to see a ton of people talking about it (ngl I cringe at the thought of the wildly insensitive and dogmatic social media takes this subject could generate), but idk. I do find it slightly surprising that I’ve practically never heard it even brought up.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/737444069998051328/its-weird-how-obsessed-people-who-have-said-they

Anon as an artist who draws both f/f and m/m the simple answer is that femslash fandom has an earned reputation of being content policing harassing jerks and this is coming from a lesbian. I prefer m/m because the community isn’t respectability politics-ing at me. I can sexualize men without consequence but even as a LESBIAN I am attacked for expressing my own sexuality by sexualizing female characters.

Maybe femslash fandom needs to shun harassers instead of uplifting their ideals or handwaving the behavior as rare instances. They aren’t rare. Not if what you make isn’t wholesome and PG-13 at the most.

And when there are no creators after the rude leading comments, accusations, or outright harassment you’re surprised people avoid f/f shipping? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy but sure blame it on misogyny.

--

Well, in the fanfic/art context I do think we can also blame it on the broad forces of misogyny that lead to the media that literal hundreds of millions of people watch being predominantly about men or maybe one lone woman with no female associates.

People like to endlessly point to outliers or to big media that doesn't have a big fandom, but the reality is that there is a broad correlation between audience size and fandom activity, and there is also a broad correlation between audience size and godlike advertising budgets controlled by shitty, sexist industries with massive amounts of entrenched misogyny and a belief that Chick Stuff Doesn't Sell. The MCUs of the world don't get around to their movies where women actually get to do things till a million films in when everyone's sick of them, if then. Meanwhile, the fandomy media that focuses on multiple women is more likely to be TV with a mid-size reach or books with quite a small reach comparatively. It may not hold true of every fandom, but it's true in aggregate.

I just wish fans would stop blaming other fans' individual tastes or making it about m/m, as if plenty of people aren't off enjoying f/m while ignoring f/f.

99% of questions like "Why is this discourse here?" can be answered by "Someone talked shit, and this is the inevitable consequence."

--

The judgy double standards for anything seen as more pure or diverse or whatever is epic, but I have come to think that a lot of the problem is just that smaller communities have a harder time repelling any given flavor of bully. Het circles are full of dramatic idiots with bad takes too, but there are enough places to go hide from them that people just carry on.

Morality policing really is the death of creativity and fun.

[imoenhatesthis]

Lily Orchard and Imoen: Is the Mod Popular?

So unfortunately, Lily Orchard talks about the Imoen Romance mod in her 'Addressing Allegations' video (starting at 39:31, ending at 41:13) in regards to Courtney, whose made allegations against Lily you can hear for yourself here. Please heed the trigger warnings in both videos, though I won't be going in-depth here.

In this video, Lily describes that Gorion's Ward and Imoen are "the best of friends whose closeness borders on romantic at times...", (40:13) who discover being siblings in BGII. That isn't true but whatever, I'm not here to talk about the game itself. After going through her other sister OCs, she ends by going, "[I] talked about one of the most infamous and positively received mods for one of the most popular RPGs ever made," (41:05) end quote, so clearly this doesn't have anything to do with the real life allegations.

Two issues: One is that this is a deflection that does not address Courtney's allegations at all, or why she would find the fascination with those characters suspect. But the second is that this idea that the mod is popular and well-loved is just not true, and I'm going to spend time arguing against. If anything, how decidedly unpopular it is says that Lily is the one actively seeking out this content.

So why didn't Lily show proof about the mod's popularity in her debunking video? Maybe include a positive review? Well...

There was once a forum dedicated to the mod, populated only by people who'd want to play this kind of thing. So, if Lily is remembering this forum, that information is going to be skewed one way with any negative reviews chased out. It's long gone now, so I can't pull numbers. Instead, I'll be using general forum spaces that are probably the most popular with general BG fans, Beamdog and Reddit.

On the official EE mod release thread on the Beamdog forum... the total combination of posts from the author/coder and players only total 30 pages, with posts as recent as this month. 25 posts a page equals 750 posts altogether from across 10 years, though the most recent page is just 1 post, so 726. If we're SUPER charitable and say that's about 700 people playing and posting there throughout 10 years, not including mod authors, that's a minuscule audience. Especially when the original BGII game sold about 2 million copies, as well as Steam estimated selling about a million copies of the Steam release of the Enhanced Edition. Let's say the old deleted forum had about 1 thousand, maybe 2 thousand members, let's say there may be 10,000 downloads of the mod--that's still such a small percentage as to not matter. Definitely not enough to call it popular in the community.

Googling for lists of the best mods for BGII will bring up mods for the UI, general tweaks, difficulty, visuals, and portraits/voices. Especially portraits, people really like portrait mods. Sometimes the BG1 NPC Project is mentioned (which has it's own controversies, it's just probably the most talked about of any of these), but all of these will come long before a mention of NPC mods. So, NPC mods, especially romantic ones, are a niche of a niche.

On a few forums where I do see someone recommend the Imoen Romance as a "required mod"... most of the time they get a negative response.

(Source)

(Source)

Just straight Googling Imoen Romance mod or mod reviews will bring up forums with pages in the single digits, with general discussion devoted to "Is this incest?" questions. It's impossible to go onto any forum post about the romance without at least one person weirded out by it's existence. So, there's at least a variety of opinions on the mod, it's not overwhelmingly positive.

But fine, that's general forums. What about BG mod reviewers? ONCE AGAIN, never ever reach out to these people.

Lily uses the Smoldering Mod Bar's review of Saerilith Romance to condemn that specific mod for its bad writing and taboo themes. It sure would be something if the mod reviewer also had a negative view on Imoen Romance...Oh wait:

(Source)

Okay, well, let's look at positive reviews instead. Lily has also quoted a Beamdog forum review to defend her views on the mod:

(Source)

Why didn't Lily link to the review in question? It would prove to everyone people love her favorite mod just as much as she does, right? Well, I can link it below:

(Source; scored on a 5/5 scale)

Oh, that's not quite as positive as she'd have you believe. Still liked it, but not quite to the level Lily does.

Here's another Beamdog mod reviewer making similar negative points, despite overall loving the mod:

(Source) Even reviewers who champion the mod as great can point out "Wow, this talks about incest quite a lot in a way it didn't even have to." And about it's other flaws too, things Lily never does.

I'm not saying NO ONE thinks the mod is good or that no one has ever mentioned it. I included positive reviews for a reason.

The issue is lying about how popular and well-liked the mod is in order to paint her sister as a crazy obsessed stalker whose just overreading into things. Especially saying this in a video about those allegations, and especially after saying the Gorion's Ward and Imoen are "romantic at times" all in the same breath. Putting ANY lie in this specific video is a serious stain on the credibility of Lily, thus it's important to call it out.

[talesfromthenorsesmouth]

It was 7.30pm, on 6 July 1972...

“Starman” is David Bowie’s Christmas carol. It offers a promise of deliverance, that the human race has been redeemed by greater powers, with a chorus built for a crowd to sing it... 'Starman' entry on Pushing Ahead of the Dame

Handwritten Starman lyrics

“Starman” seems like a revision of “Space Oddity”—“Space Oddity” had placed a frail human figure against the unfathomable expanse of space and cast him loose to drift into the unknown. It was submission to the void, the human race reaching its limits. In “Starman” the unknown is domesticated: the alien comes to visit us, in our homes, whispering through our radios, speaking softly, promising release. The stoicism of “Planet earth is blue/and there’s nothing I can do” is replaced by “he’s told us not to blow it/’cos he knows it’s all worthwhile.” ... “Starman” is also a pop song about pop music…it’s how pop music can instantly create secret societies, break up the tedium of your life, liberate you from your parents. Starman' entry on Pushing Ahead of the Dame

The essential moment comes when Bowie starts to sing the first chorus and Ronson tentatively approaches the mike. Bowie notices him and sweeps his arm over Ronson’s shoulder, pulls him to the mike. It’s a sweet moment of inclusion, the alien embracing the rocker, and, by proxy, all of the nation’s misfits. “Starman” left community in its wake; its promise came true. Starman' entry on Pushing Ahead of the Dame

"I immediately put on some of my older sister’s make-up. I loved how odd it made me look, and the fact that it upset people. You put on eyeliner and people started screaming at you. How strange, and how marvellous.” -Robert Smith, The Cure

”I was hooked. The Top Of The Pops performance changed lives. In 1972, I’d get girls on the bus saying to me, ‘Eh la, have you got lippy on?’ Until he turned up it was a nightmare. All my other mates at school would say, ‘Did you see that bloke on Top Of The Pops?’ He’s a right faggot, him!’ And I remember thinking, ‘You pillocks’, as they’d all be buying their Elton John albums, and Yessongs and all that crap. It made me feel cooler.” -Ian McCulloch, Echo and the Bunnymen

"The way Bowie pointed that finger, smilingly draped an arm around Mick Ronson, and looked beyond the camera to engage the audience sitting at home, stickily hemmed in by disapproving members of their immediate family, seemed of a piece with the new Ziggy Stardust persona we’d been reading about. It felt like an arrival long delayed." David Hepworth, The Guardian

“I just couldn’t believe how striking he was. That ambiguous sexuality was so bold and futuristic that it made the traditional male/female role-play thing seem so out-dated. Bowie was the catalyst who’d brought a lot of us, the so-called Bromley Contingent, together. And out of that really small group of people a lot happened.” Siouxsie Sioux, Siouxsie and the Banshees

Starman page from Bowie: Stardust, Rayguns and Moonage Daydreams by Michael Allred

"I remember the first time Bowie appeared on TV ... Suddenly, here comes a guy dressed as a gay alien from outer space, singing gay alien songs from outer space .... I remember TOTP was family viewing, and I remember watching it with my Mum and Dad. "Oh, shouldn’t be allowed". And there was one bit in the chorus when Bowie puts his arm round Ronson’s neck and they sing together? My Dad was like "Poofter" ... My mother’s intense disapproval made me think ‘Well, there must be something GREAT going on here"...

(maybe people who celebrate song's birthdays are cringe but fuck that post and happy birthday to the broadcast of this song)

[pochapal]

Umineko Liveblog: Thoughts/Theories [Episode 1 Chapter 14 Edition]

Umineko Chapter 14’s thesis statement was “let’s take these patterns and conventions we’re establishing and blow them all up with gleeful abandon”. Less than an hour from the Second Twilight, we’re forced to bear witness to twilights four and five, and not necessarily in that order. The Witch Narrative is off the rails. The most important character in Umineko to me died, and Beatrice may actually well and truly be real for once. Whatever’s going on here is one hell of a mess.

So let’s try and untangle whatever the hell went down here. The Chapter 14 writeup tour includes the following stops: the hot mess formerly known as the Witch Narrative, Kinzo finally being totally super dead for real, the world’s nastiest most evil twink death in human history (Kanon), identity and furniture and roulettes, Beatrice the Golden Witch’s understated grand entrance into the story, the 19th person conundrum (part 7123748296), and some downright funky stuff happening beneath the story’s surface.

Let’s get this going.

To start, we need to talk about the Witch Narrative. So far, the Witch Narrative has been the term I’ve given to a very clearly established phenomenon and set of actions. When there are characters who have some kind of vested interest in encouraging you to view Rokkenjima as a supernatural incident rather than a crime, then that’s the Witch Narrative. The person painting the magic circles is perpetuating the Witch Narrative. Characters such as Eva and Hideyoshi talking about how frightful and demonic things are is also the Witch Narrative. If you’re thinking “maybe this is Beatrice after all��� or if things are aligning a little too well with the worst interpretation of the epitaph riddle, then that is without a shadow of a doubt the Witch Narrative.

So what happened? Kanon being gouged in the chest and also killed mere minutes after the discovery of the torn-apart pair who are close is not right. Skipping to twilight five (for the trolls) straight after number two is not good Witch Narrative etiquette. The sequence of murders and horrors is crucial to authenticating this slaughter as folded within the ritual to revive the Golden Witch and/or reach the Golden Land. Everything so far has dictated that in order for the witch to revive and none to be left alive certain steps must be carried out in a certain order. If this performance is thrown out of sequence for its audience, the song goes funky. Suddenly you’re aware you’re watching people playing pretend on a stage and this world you’re buying into is only ephemeral. If the sequence of deaths doesn’t matter, then this isn’t an occult ritual at all. It is in fact a disguised butchering.

Showing your hand like this this early makes things very difficult for those peddling this narrative. Deaths happening out of sequence takes this from a supernatural force happening beyond everyone’s control to something that could easily done by a human desperate to make everybody believe. If my theories about how this performance is happening ring true, then it becomes infinitely harder for Genji to make any further moves with the simultaneous blow of his most useful pawn kicking it early and the order of events getting all scrambled. How can the stomach, leg, and knee get gouged in a way that still works in service for this narrative now?

Given what I’m thinking, Genji is likely moving on his own now. Kumasawa and maybe Nanjo are complicit in the spreading of the story, but they are almost certainly unable to be as useful to any kind of scheme as Kanon was. They are older, less mobile, less physically able. Kumasawa can scream about magic circles all she likes, but does she have the strength to move and mutilate corpses? Very unlikely. The options to carry things out have been severely limited to an almost unsalvageable degree. Every crime so far has been a type of locked room that works via tricks that could only be carried out by two active parties. Being on your own can only get you so far.

Which leads you to an immediate conclusion: Kanon dying in the basement boiler room was not part of the plan. Or, not part of the Witch Narrative at least. His death marks a point where this scheme has totally gone off the rails, and Genji’s script has been rendered worthless. The presentation of the death is obfuscated, but the truth beneath it is that something went deeply wrong that shouldn’t have.

This is a bold claim I’m making, but I also think I have enough proof in the story to substantiate it. I think, going by everything, the next incident following the deaths of Eva and Hideyoshi was to involve the basement in one form or another. I also think that this was being prepared in parallel with the Second Twilight – Genji and Nanjo leave the kitchen at the same time as Kanon and Kumasawa, but the two men don’t reach the scene until after Kanon has already unlocked the room and Eva and Hideyoshi have been found dead with the stakes in their skulls. Enough time to, say, take a trip down to the basement and set some dominoes in motion.

As to what I think was part of the Witch Narrative, I think everything was on track right up until the moment Kanon set foot in the basement. The foul smell filling the hallway was almost certainly set in motion by Genji and/or Nanjo (perhaps by turning on the boiler while Eva and Hideyoshi were being found in order to time it to make the smell the strongest at the perfect time – this may also have precluded moving Kinzo’s body there depending on where he was before now). Kanon acting bizarrely freaked out was part of the plan. As was Kumasawa screaming about hearing a noise, and the two of them breaking off from the group to rush ahead to investigate. Everything falls apart when Kanon sets foot in the basement and Beatrice shows up and he dies.

So what was the intended plan in the basement involving Kinzo? I think, if I were to hazard a guess based off of pre-existing patterns, the boiler room in the basement was going to be used as another locked room, this time featuring Kinzo. I think this would have been a play in two acts. The first act would have Kanon and Kumasawa chase the noise to the basement and “find” the head’s ring on the ground. The family would search the boiler room and find the back door exit locked up, and no sign of Kinzo anywhere in sight (there would be efforts taken to keep anyone from investigating the boiler). The ring alone on the ground in an empty room would stand in for the Third Twilight – Kinzo is without his headship and authority, so it must therefore fall to everyone to praise Beatrice’s noble name in his stead. Dissatisfied and creeped out, everyone leaves the basement – the back door is locked from the inside, and the front door locked with a key placed in Natsuhi’s possession.

From here, this would likely have led to another discussion chapter about how the ring got there. The setup of the scene would be enough that Battler would question whether or not a nineteenth person placed the ring there, or if Kinzo himself actually dropped it there as part of some other ploy. The servants would be questioned and swear up and down there was nobody else in the basement when they entered. The sound would be discussed, as would the impossibility that anybody known to be alive could make that noise. The conversation would then turn to Kinzo as the likely suspect and Natsuhi, who’s been complicit in covering up Kinzo’s death for some time already, would start sweating as this truth grows closer to being uncovered. It’s up in the air as to whether or not the servants would help or hinder Natsuhi here, but I think it’s likely Battler would have started to think on Eva’s words from earlier. More fuel on the Natsuhi culprit fire that she can’t fight because she can’t admit to knowing what he knows. Maria would then cackle and say to everyone that this is obviously Beatrice manipulating things with her magic, and boom, scene.

Something would then happen in the next chapter to turn attention back to the boiler room. Perhaps the smell grows stronger. Perhaps the conversation about Kinzo grows to a fever pitch. Perhaps a servant fakes hearing another noise from the basement. Whatever the case, we would return to the boiler room a second time. There would be a point made of showing Natsuhi pulling out the only key to the boiler room and everyone stepping inside to find Kinzo’s body on the floor, burned up with an icepick stake in his forehead. The inner lock for the back door would still be set. Genji and Nanjo would confirm the body’s identity via the polydactyly. Somehow, Kinzo’s dead body appeared in the middle of a perfectly locked room.

Likely there would then be discussions of who could have killed Kinzo, given that at the time of his “death” everyone was yet again together (minus Kanon/Genji slipping in and out of the parlor to get food and drinks). The assumption would be that Kinzo was alive in there all along, and then killed himself for some reason – contradicted by the fact that if he launched himself into the boiler, how did he drag himself back out into the middle of the floor? The mystery would stump Battler, because the only major solution would be to assume a nineteenth person was also already hiding in the locked basement, and killed Kinzo and displayed the corpse, but Battler would chessboard himself out of leaning on that option. Out of options and stumped, we would stay at another stalemate where there’s no proof that Beatrice exists, but no way that the surviving humans could have set up this scene (there are of course ways, such as a back door that wasn’t really locked or a second key/master key with which to return to the boiler room and set things up, but nobody will think of them). The horrors would escalate. The Witch Narrative would persist. And so on. And so on.

This scenario, believable as it is, never came to happen. Instead we got what we got, and we need to figure out why. Why did Kinzo show up like this? Why did Kanon die, despite all known logic and reasoning stating that the contrary would be ideal? Why are things speeding up at such an exponential rate? I think we can get a good shape of what was supposed to be with Kinzo, but understanding what happened with Kanon is almost certainly the linchpin driving this deviation from the Witch Narrative.

So, let’s review: Kanon and Kumasawa head to the basement after “hearing a noise” that nobody could have possibly made. Kanon speeds off ahead of Kumasawa and encounters… something in the boiler room. He has a conversation with this something and comes to a revelation about his status as a human being, and then he gets gouged in the chest and killed. The presentation is straightforward: Kanon sees butterflies in the boiler room, he identifies it as Beatrice, he stands in defiance of her, and dies as a result. Except, of course, that it really isn’t that simple at all.

The tonal shift is introduced through the phrase “a fantastical scene”. Fantasy has been a phrase thrown about a few times in the story so far by characters in reference to very specific things, people, and concepts. The siblings call Kinzo’s story of the gold ingots “fantasy”. Beatrice is “fantasy”. The occult symbols around Rokkenjima are “fantasy”. Maria’s behaviour is “fantasy”. Straight away, we can draw parallels between the use of the word “fantasy” and the term “existence”. To be fantasy is to “exist”, is to be something that is propped up by narrative and belief irrespective of the material reality.

In that case, what does it mean for a scene to be fantasy? In a story about storytelling and about fantasy and about “existence”, there is surely nothing accidental about the prose describing a series of events as “a fantastical scene”. Two things are immediately happening here. The first is that we are stepping into the framework of fantasy, of belief without proof and immateriality fuelled more by ghosts than flesh. The second is that we are entering into a self-conscious scene capable of describing itself as such. This is a narrative unit that knows what it is, a story told by a teller with an agenda.

I think to explain what’s happening here, it’s worth circling all the way back to some of the metafictional stuff I was entertaining back before people started dying. More specifically, the notion that there are narrators with agendas involved in the construction and presentation of Umineko. This is most passively seen in the less-reliable third person scenes where we can be shown metaphor and falsehood to convey a deeper emotional truth – Kinzo has most likely been dead all along, and yet he has also made numerous appearances in his study over the weekend of the family conference. However, the “fantasy” of these moments is never explicitly highlighted. These scenes are a type of “fantasy”, but not a fantasy that you need to be told is the case. You can understand Natsuhi and Genji’s hearts and feelings towards Kinzo regardless of whether or not you think the family head is alive or dead.

Here, though, to be directly told you are witnessing a fantasy is tipping the scales. The arbitrator of this fantasy, of whatever might be going on in the narrative beyond the framing confines of Rokkenjima, is much more actively and directly introducing the concept to Kanon’s final moments. On their own, they would be in the same vein as whatever was happening with the Kinzo scenes if a little more heavy handed and obtuse, but we are not left to puzzle out whether or not we can trust what we are seeing. We are told outright this is fantasy. We are forced to acknowledge from the outset that there is something untrustworthy and unreliable about this chunk of the story.

Why?

I think that this is glaring evidence of some kind of discrepancy between the narrator(s) and the actors in Umineko. Something happens in the boiler room which the narrative feels the need to paint over with a depiction of swarms of butterflies and cackling murderwitches – the need to plaster fantasy over this scene matters more than upholding the story’s rule that Beatrice remains a possibility in shadow. Just as I argued that the Witch Narrative went off the rails here, I think the same thing applies to the Umineko Narrative as well. If there’s a metafictional “game” going on here, then Kanon in the boiler room knocked that off kilter, too. The zero on the roulette threatened to ruin not only “Beatrice”, but also Beatrice and also the fabric of the text itself. Whatever Kanon did or almost did rattled a lot of people all at once.

But what is this thing, actually? What we’re shown is Kanon having enough of being bound to the whims of Kinzo and Beatrice and their bastardised excuse for “magic”, and him deciding as a result to abandon his position and furniture and ruin the demon’s roulette in motion. In real terms, this is hard to parse as meaningful outside of its fantasy context. Kinzo, as we know, is not the one setting the roulette in motion in the way we’re led to believe. Beatrice is a dubiously-extant entity represented by so many different people wearing her name instead of a concrete person. Magic is anything belonging to the realm of metaphor or anything that happens on a non-material level. And the Demon’s Roulette is the catch-all term for the epitaph ritual, the Witch Narrative, and maybe also the layers of abuse going on on Rokkenjima.

The only term that has a direct material representation is “furniture”. Luckily, this is probably the most important part of Kanon’s moment of defiance, so it is extremely fortuitous that we can more easily define furniture in a way that makes sense in order to more deeply understand what’s actually going on here.

To recap, “furniture” is the label applied to servants on Rokkenjima within Kinzo’s inner circle. Three servants in the story use this label – Shannon, Kanon, and Genji. From Shannon’s backstory that we got in chapter 8 during the proposal, it is very likely that “furniture” is a term foisted upon the teenage orphan servants that come and go on Rokkenjima as a kind of degrading, abusive brand. We see this most keenly through Shannon, who submits to Battler’s sexual harassment because she is furniture and thus lacks the will to deny anything. These vulnerable abused kids are forced into a new name and a new role where they are little more than living objects for people more powerful than them to use and abuse as they see fit. To be furniture is to be totally under the thumb of Kinzo’s abuse, serving those needs even when it goes against all morality and all that you are.

Genji’s positioning with the label is less clear, given that he was, at some point at least, on more equal footing with Kinzo. It is likely that Genji adopted the “furniture” label for himself as a kind of expression of his feelings – he is nothing more than an extension of Kinzo’s will, and all he does is in service of his master. He does not have a life outside of servitude. However, the difference here is that Genji willingly stepped into the label versus Shannon and Kanon who had it forced upon them. To an outside perspective, this creates an unfair impression of equality between the three of them, when Genji absolutely has more material autonomy and personal rights than either Shannon or Kanon. Genji feels bad about Kinzo and about how all he can be to the man is his butler. Shannon and Kanon are cruelly abused and dehumanised every second of their lives. It is a false equivalency. The only commonality here is that to be “furniture” is to occupy an undesirable position within hierarchy.

Under this light, Kanon’s declaration that he is no longer furniture can immediately be read as Kanon deciding in that moment to cease existing as an object to be used by people with more power than him – power “exists”, and in a closed environment ruled by fantasy, power can be denied with more ease than would normally be available. Kanon decides he is no longer an extension of another’s will, but instead his own person. He decides this because Shannon is dead, and the least he can do is take revenge against the systems that killed her.

That said, such an explanation is deceptively simple. If denying your status as furniture comes when you cease to adhere to the whims of power, the boiler room scene carries with it the implication that this is the very first time Kanon has done anything of his own will. Kanon has been deeply involved with the Witch Narrative thus far, and if this scene is to be trusted then this is an admission that he has had zero autonomy in the prior events. Or, to expand this further, Kanon is not where he wishes to be and is only now realising this desire. He steps out of his role as a pawn in the augmented fiction around him, and Beatrice kills him for it.

You can view this as happening on multiple layers, each one perfectly able to feed into the “fantasy” hanging over everything. On the level of the Witch Narrative, this is Kanon partaking in an act of defiance and getting killed for it. On a more abstract level, this is Kanon threatening to ruin Umineko and being taken out of the story as a result. To be killed by Beatrice so explicitly comes with much deeper ramifications given the state of Beatrice's presence in the story thus far. If a ghost-myth-metaphor appears in the flesh to kill you and turn you into a prop for the next part of the story, what does that mean?

It was not enough for Kanon to just die. He had to be gouged and killed and transformed into the victim of the next twilight – you can easily make the argument that under the terms of the story being turned into a gouged/killed victim is yet another, more severe form, of being rendered furniture. With the Ushiromiya siblings, this concept can easily exist as a form of poetic irony – these powerful abusive individuals are all left as butchered pieces of furniture to be used and deployed however Beatrice sees fit. You are never as powerless as you are when you're a mangled corpse being manipulated by your own killer.

Except Kanon was already furniture – in his own words, even, this is a servitude that applies to Beatrice as much as it does Kinzo. The reversal of fortune works less well on Kanon; his death is an act of rebellion that is transformed into a reinforcement of his inescapable position. He tries to become human and fails at the first hurdle, and thus goes from being furniture to once again being furniture.

I think this situation is worth examining through the lens of the dichotomy of self framework to yield more information. To recap, almost everybody in Umineko struggles with the gap between who they want to be and who they're forced to be. This is a near-universal constant, seen with Natsuhi as much as it is with Shannon. Everyone desperately desires to be somebody else, and hardly anybody can reach this dream.

Kanon is a curious wrinkle in this pattern in several regards. Up until now, as a servant Kanon has been markedly less furniture-like than Shannon. At every turn he has been prickly and begrudging and making no secret of his own feelings to himself, unlike Shannon who leaned so far into the mask she ended up cutting herself off from herself. With Shannon, Sayo almost certainly feels more complicated and unpleasant emotions, but this is completely partitioned off from her servant self. With Kanon, there is an emotional authenticity to his character, but unlike Shannon, Kanon's “Sayo” is nowhere to be seen.

Kanon is not trying to become his desirable self. He is attempting to transform his undesirable self. Where Shannon/Sayo was looking for an exit from being furniture through George, Kanon's actions promise no such escape. He never discards his furniture name, only the label. Kanon does not multiply himself. Kanon reduces himself into a singular concentrated point within the story.

To Beatrice, an entity that thrives on multiplicity and iterative selfhood, an individual who not only defies her rule of power but also eschews his own identity complex in the face of self-actualisation would be something to be loathed. In Chapter 14, Kanon stands for everything Beatrice is not: painfully human, and painfully material.

By rejecting the status of furniture, by holding true to the only name he’s gone by in the story, Kanon is fraying the edges of the hard rules of the fiction governing Umineko. Everyone in this story is duplicitously in tension between their perceived and ideal selves. This tension allows for a rife breeding ground for secrets and uncertainty. This grey area turns everyone on Rokkenjima from human beings into murder mystery characters. This nebulous state of being is the genesis for “existence”. This is how Beatrice asserts dominion.

Kanon chooses a position that is neither, essentially queering the witch-human dichotomy. He is not Kanon the performer in Beatrice’s narrative of magic and murder, but nor is he Kanon the servant in Kinzo’s narrative of power and abuse. His moment of empowerment coming as it does throws all this off the rails, just as this sequence of events throws the epitaph ritual off the rails.

Kanon, in real terms, deals a potentially fatal blow to the Witch Narrative through his “zero on the roulette” gambit, and Beatrice’s only recourse is to clumsily plaster over this act of rebellion with fantasy before any Detective-oriented observer can bear witness to what could be this entire pantomime’s undoing.

However, what happens in the boiler room is not a simple act of metafictional housekeeping. There is a strong and prevalent sense that whatever Beatrice does, she does it spitefully. Shortly before Kanon’s death, there is a bizarrely=presented exchange between himself and the witch, curious for myriad reasons.

Two things which immediately stand about the moment in question are firstly that this serves as our introduction (allegedly) to Beatrice’s presence in the story, and that it tips us off to the fact that there may be an element of hypocrisy to the impartiality of the so-called indiscriminate murderwitch. Kanon’s reward for his defiance is subjecting the Golden Witch Beatrice to the mortifying ordeal of being known, and so we owe it to him to see what we see when the curtain is tugged at even just a little bit.

The immediate thing which jumps out is that Beatrice addresses Kanon not with annoyance, but with loathing. There is something personal and vindictive about the retribution she inflicts upon him. It’s not enough to simply kill him with the stake and set up another Twilight; there is a mockery and a derision. Before Kanon is killed by Beatrice, Kanon is made aware of how much Beatrice hates him. The why in the moment is mostly clear - Kanon threatens to undermine Beatrice’s narrative, which applies simultaneously to all Beatrices and all narratives in play - but we are told in as many words that this rage is specific and personal.

Earlier, we have a comment from Kanon that he refuses to be led astray “again” by either Beatrice or Kinzo which is. Interesting and revealing wording to say the least. Especially when we try to consider who the person behind Beatrice may be in this scene.

If, somehow, we had confirmation that the Beatrice in the boiler room was a metaphor for Genji, then this exchange would make more sense. Kanon the begrudging accomplice making one act of rebellion too many, and Genji’s facade of professionalism slipping to show a hint of what may be true emotions below the surface. Except Genji is not in the basement with Kanon very much on purpose, so whatever materially happened to Kanon did not directly involve Genji, the most likely living target for these emotions.

It’s not even worth pretending Kinzo is alive enough in this moment to not only hear Kanon’s words, but also respond. Even in my initial hypothetical “narrative-compliant Third and Fourth Twilights” outline, for any of it to work Kinzo has to be dead at this moment. And more than that, Kanon specifically makes sure to distinguish between Kinzo and Beatrice in his speech. He has not only been led astray by Kinzo, but also by Beatrice. In this interaction, to Kanon, Kinzo and Beatrice are separate entities.

So the question becomes, as it has been from literally the start: who is Beatrice?

I don’t think it’s possible to answer this question in the direct sense of “what is the identity of the person behind the witch that killed Kanon”, but I think we can explore “what this figure we are calling Beatrice like as an individual?”. The Detective’s truth on the matter remains obscured to the point where any guesses at this point would be meaningless, but the Romantic’s truth remains a valid option. We don’t need to unmask Beatrice to get a sense of her character.

What we know about Beatrice in this chapter is thus: she appears via a cloud of butterflies, she is associated with the fantastical, and she makes the active choice to kill Kanon and wrap his death into another Twilight. From this, we can extrapolate a few things: this Beatrice operates at least in part in adherence to her own mythos, even if she doesn’t necessarily strictly uphold the Witch Narratives in the terms that the culprits have set out. She is not in total alignment with whatever scheme is going on with the Witch Narrative, and she has on some level a personal, spiteful disdain towards Kanon.

When Beatrice kills Kanon, she puts him down as the “furniture” he is. When he attempts his self-actualisation, there is a moment where the narrative insight we get into Beatrice condemns him as foolish and futile and vulgar. It is not simply annoying that Kanon is stepping out of his role. It actively repulses Beatrice on some level. From what we get of Beatrice, there is the impression that Kanon’s decision deeply violates some kind of taboo to the point where Beatrice’s mode of operation leaves the fantastical and dips into the visceral, even if only momentarily.

So what we can claim to learn is that there is something irreparably offensive to Beatrice about people stepping out of the confines of their pre-ordained roles, which is something incredibly interesting to consider. She holds a deep loathing towards Kanon for daring to defy his fate, more so than someone like Genji would if this were a mere case of Kanon messing up the Witch Narrative. Beatrice takes Kanon’s transgression personally, not in the sense that this is a specific attack on her, but in the sense that it upsets her sensibilities more than anything else could.

So why would that be? What about some small little servant choosing to throw off his symbol of abuse and oppression is so offensive to a mighty witch such as Beatrice? She’s centuries old, an accomplished alchemist, and brimming with supernatural power. According to all we know of the Beatrice mythos, she should be able to toss Kanon aside with a snap of her fingers. But there is a mockery towards him, a taunting and a toying coming from a personal degree of loathing.

I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Kanon got under Beatrice’s skin, but it’s something close. She takes something out on him for his transgression towards her - in his speech, Kanon marks out both Kinzo and Beatrice as individuals he is defying, and that has to be important. It’s clear to see why a furniture servant abandoning the degradation would upset fascist abuser supreme Kinzo, but what about this would be so upsetting to Beatrice? Why would she care at all?

I have some idea, but to elaborate on that I first need to talk about one other curious feature of Beatrice’s presentation in this chapter. She has as tangible a presence as you can get in this chapter, except for one detail: in her “conversation” with Kanon, Beatrice never actually speaks. Her “dialogue” is relayed through the narration and through Kanon’s own responses, but Beatrice herself remains voiceless.

The immediate effect of this is that Beatrice remains in obscurity even as she shuffles around the spotlight. We know in this chapter that she gets mad at Kanon and kills him, but we don’t get anything concrete about Beatrice. No face, no voice. In other words, Beatrice is not given an active presence in the story. She is relayed to us second-hand, even though she plays a crucial role in the events in the boiler room.

There is something to this beyond the benefits to the mystery narrative that keeping Beatrice obscured entails. Of course this presentation keeps us guessing about several elements of Beatrice’s existence - we can’t say either way what Beatrice’s physical form looks like or what it could mean. Revealing Beatrice definitively as either a human or a witch would run counter to Umineko’s narrative worse than anything Kanon could ever dream of.

However, that does not necessarily mean that the only way Beatrice could have appeared in this chapter was in this way. It’s not enough that she’s a hidden presence. She’s also a passive one. She performs no direct action. She never directly tells us anything. Beatrice is kept in check by the narrative as a spectral entity. The only “active” thing we see of Beatrice happens to be her own feelings towards Kanon’s desperate stance.

Beatrice is held in fantasy and only fantasy. The one exception to this is still little more than a gesture at Romantic examination. Beatrice has no tangible, material, Detective’s presence to her. Even in death, Kanon’s murder is not described as someone plunging the stake into him. The stake appears and he is impaled by it - passive voice for emphasis. The only “active” step taken in the death sequence is when Kanon pulls the stake out of his chest. Nothing is directly manipulated by Beatrice’s hands.

Technically, we can’t actually say Beatrice does anything in this chapter. This is something that in truth ties into the broader presentation of Beatrice as a figure in Umineko. Going by the stories told by the servants about Beatrice beyond the Witch Narrative, there is a common thread in all these tales: Beatrice shows up and then something happens. Even in Shannon’s story of the injured servant, her tale is not “Beatrice pushed the servant down the stairs”. It is “a servant disrespected Beatrice and then fell down the stairs”.

There is a very understated and very curious denial of agency seen with Beatrice, on reflection. All she’s really allowed to do is sit there as a cloud of butterflies and be an emblem for misfortune happening that is later accredited to her. I’ve referred to Beatrice as a murderwitch throughout this liveblog, but what’s interesting is that while this reputation is there, we aren’t ever shown more than the reputation itself.

The excuse so far has been that the literal witch Beatrice has been unable to do anything on account of needing to be resurrected in order to return to the material plane first. But even that narrative is something contradicted to the point where it can’t be trusted. Kinzo’s scenes make it clear this is all an attempt to summon Beatrice from a place nobody can normally reach, yet he is also convinced in some scenes that Beatrice is already there, watching him with amusement from the sidelines.

This could be explained away with the whole “Beatrice lacks a physical form and thus she isn’t really there” line of reasoning, except that in chapter 14 she appears to quite literally orchestrate Kanon’s death, and prior to that she allegedly had the means of injuring a servant who disrespected her. How can Beatrice cause harm to servants and yet also be so far removed from the physical world that a violent occult ritual is needed to ensure her presence?

Beatrice is not there, and yet Beatrice is there. In other words, Beatrice “exists”. It’s not just that Beatrice “exists” but that the act of being Beatrice is to inherently inhabit a position of “existence”. Beatrice is a passive entity, strictly defined by indirect non-involvement.

In other words, from a certain angle, Beatrice The Golden Witch is just as restrictive a role as “furniture”. To be Beatrice is to be unseen, voiceless, inactive. No matter how much you may feel or hate or rage you are not given the cathartic release of wrapping your hands around someone’s throat. For all her loathing of Kanon, the only tool at Beatrice’s disposal is to continue to perpetuate her own myth-narrative, merely folding Kanon into the pattern. And at this stage, the Witch Narrative is more akin to a process than a personal action. There is something very distanced and abstracted about killing for the Twilights; it is about continuing to engage with the horror-mystery and not about yourself and your own feelings.

Even through the metaphorical allegories of Beatrice this mode is seen. Genji is bound to the role of Beatrice, defined as his tragic and terrible devotion to Kinzo. Genji couldn’t have escaped this fate if he’d tried. Kanon is coerced into upholding the Witch Narrative through his position as furniture, thus conflating both states of being into one and the same thing. Even further back, whoever is behind the story of the alchemist that gave Kinzo the gold is reduced to a portrait of a white woman in the mansion’s hallway, stripped of everything but a confining ideal. To be Beatrice is to be contained by other people’s demands and expectations.

When it’s laid out like this, it is no surprise that Beatrice reacts to Kanon’s rebellion with outrage. This choice is the one thing she can never do because her whole existence as Beatrice is predicated on that not being an option. Beatrice, no matter the form she takes, is trapped in her role. To cease being trapped by the role of Beatrice is also to lose the power granted by being Beatrice. She is the demon’s roulette. Anyone who risks becoming something more than their assigned category is anathema to her entire nature.

Kanon rebels against Kinzo’s will where Beatrice never could. No wonder she kills him for it.

But, of course, now we need to think about how Beatrice actually managed to kill Kanon in the first place. And to do that we need to revisit the next most obvious from the start question: how many people are on Rokkenjima?

The 19th person issue is one that at times feels too blatant to give more than a cursory amount of attention to: there are nineteen people “existing” on Rokkenjima because Beatrice is an immaterially real shared identity construct. There only being eighteen physical bodies is irrelevant to this count - the number of “people” increases further if you start thinking about people’s multiplicitous selves as their own entities. Witch Maria and Human Maria, adultsona George and kidsona George, Shannon and Sayo, Natsuhi and Ushiromiya Natsuhi, et cetera. Beatrice being an additional facet of the peddlers of the Witch Narrative is merely this mechanism brought to an extreme point.

Except, cutting past all the fantasy and obfuscation, Kanon does still in fact get killed in the boiler room. At the time of this murder, either eight or nine people are already dead by this point. And of the eight other survivors, seven of them very conspicuously are not in a position to murder him at all.

So this dilemma boils down to a singular issue: either Kumasawa killed Kanon, or a nineteenth individual did. The story goes to great lengths to ensure that this is the setup we’re working with here. Where Eva and Hideyoshi were allegedly killed in a way only a witch could have done, Kanon could have only been logistically killed by a witch and nobody else.

There is of course a third angle here, and that’s that Kanon killed himself. It’s technically an option on the table, but one I am not sure has much, if any, basis. The entire scene hinges around Kanon choosing to act out in defiance in a space devoid of observers. There is nobody save for the reader for Kanon to convince of the authenticity of his words and motives. For this premise to work, it would almost certainly necessitate a level of metatextual awareness from Kanon that we have not seen at all.

Kanon acts and reacts to a threat in the room. Kanon makes it clear that his goal is to take this person down with him if he can’t save himself. Everything points to there being a second person in the room with Kanon capable of inflicting harm on him. A person that would, then, hypothetically, flee out of the back door and into the night before being found.

At this point in the story, even Battler is fairly on board with there being a 19th person moving around on the island. After all, nobody among the group of survivors could have been responsible for killing Kanon, save for maybe the incredibly frail Kumasawa. The options are pared down to Kumasawa, suicide, or a 19th person. This person’s identity is unknown, but the fact of their existence is, on the surface of things, pretty undeniable.

This, however, feels like a trap. The existence of a 19th person is part and parcel of the Witch Narrative. To readily agree that there is a 19th person on the island is to buy into the same immaterial theatre spawning the magic circles and the demonic stakes and letters speaking of alchemy. You either accept all of it, or you accept none of it. It’s already been established that the occult artifacts at the murder scene are little more than decoration placed by somebody doctoring the bodies. If this fact is true, then the existence of a nineteenth person must therefore be false.

But if Kanon was murdered by somebody, that somebody was not among the eight survivors. Thus the contradiction making this yet another “impossible” mystery. The only two points of data we have are totally irreconcilable.

Save for one read on the situation: Kanon was killed by somebody outside of the group of survivors, and this individual is also not a 19th person. There is exactly one way in which this can be true, and that’s to consider the possibility that the person that killed Kanon is among those presumed dead.

This is something that’s not impossible. The obvious objection is that for a person who we think is dead not being dead is that that would invalidate the epitaph murder ritual, but we’ve already established that the sequence of events only has value as far as convincing the survivors of something inescapably occult. If twilights can happen out of order, then there’s no reason why we need to assume that a victim has to actually be dead. It’s all about the affect.

If this were true, it would allow somebody outside of the group to move around and kill without disrupting the premise of the eighteen on Rokkenjima. This would mean that Kanon’s killer is one of the victims of either the first or second twilights.

From the outset, both pools of suspects are problematic. Eva and Hideyoshi, even if they weren’t dead somehow, were both physically in the guest room at the time of the murder - there’d be no way for either of them to sneak by the others down into the basement to kill Kanon. The six on the first twilight, beyond being mangled past recognition, are stuck within a locked room to which only Natsuhi has the key.

I still think that if we’re to entertain this possibility, the culprit must be one of those assumed to be inside the garden storehouse. Which means we’ll need to interrogate the function and construction of this reverse locked room.

It’s an established fact that the shed is locked from the outside. It is also an established fact that there is only one key, and this key is held by Natsuhi who has not had a single meaningful opportunity to sneak off and unlock the storehouse.

The only way to interrogate this setup without contradicting the physical facts of the story is through a Detective/Romantic examination of chapter 10’s narration. What we know are the above datapoints. Everything else is extrapolation and assumption, especially if we abide by the non-Battler POV = Romantic obfuscation logic.

So, extending that line of thinking leads us to distrust anything that can’t be immediately verified by the scenes in the parlor. The most crucial fact, and the one that the argument I am making hinges on, is that everybody that was killed still being in the storehouse when it was locked up cannot be trusted with absolute certainty. The only people on the scene during the locking of the storehouse were those involved in the Witch Narrative to some degree, and Natsuhi, who by her own admission could not stomach to look upon the scene for longer than necessary.

Who is to say that, during this period of uncertainty and unreliable perspective, somebody playing dead inside the storehouse slipped out while Natsuhi was looking away in disgust? This would facilitate the existence of an individual who is not part of the group of survivors, yet who also does not contravene the 18 person premise.

There are holes in this, of course. It’s a huge leap to assume that Natsuhi somehow missed a whole person getting up and leaving the storehouse, and there are numerous questions as to how the narrative-peddling servants would permit someone to roam free who would then later betray the occult illusion and murder Kanon. But the basis of this theory is not impossible, so perhaps there are ways to work around this.

We already know Natsuhi’s perspective is highly unreliable, as proven earlier in that exact chapter. She so desperately wants to hide the fact of Kinzo’s death that she starts to buy her own lies, having imagined hallucination conversations in a most likely empty study to verify her own beliefs. If brain ghost grandpa can “exist” through Natsuhi, then it is much less of a stretch for her to willingly or unknowingly let something like this slip. Maybe she was in her own head. Maybe she tuned it out in an act of extreme denial. Either way, it is theoretically possible for Natsuhi to overlook something that big.

As to the servants permitting this, the obvious answer is that this person was allowed to let go as a contingency by Genji in the event of a Witch Narrative stalemate. An additional body roaming around that the audience of this theatre has already written off would be a huge boon in authenticating his own crimes. This person killing Kanon, then, would not necessarily be the end of the world for Genji - as per maybe-Kinzo’s words regurgitated through a hallucinatory phantom, total annihilation is as valid an option on the table as any other outcome. A roulette can land on many outcomes, and an “impossible” killer taking Kanon out transforms this individual into Beatrice in the consciousness of the survivors, furthering the plan either way.

Given that, the question then becomes: which of the dead six could theoretically do this? Who here would pretend to be dead, skulk around the island for a time, and then end up killing Kanon?

I think there are a few suspects we can eliminate off the bat. Krauss and Shannon, the half-face corpses, most likely don’t fit here. As individuals, it does not track with who they are to imagine them acting this way - going by my theory, this would place Krauss as someone who played possum to survive his own assassination attempt backfiring on him. There is absolutely no way that someone like that wouldn’t have immediately come out of the shadows to expose Eva and Hideyoshi; Krauss didn’t even have it in him to keep his embezzlement bragging on the downlow. As for Shannon, the victim in this situation is Kanon. There is absolutely not a single scenario in which Shannon would kill Kanon for any possible reason - he is probably the only person in her life towards whom she feels unconditional love and trust. We’ll never know for a fact how Shannon/Sayo felt towards Kanon’s desperation to save her, but even in the most emotionally complicated interpretation, it still makes no sense for Kanon to be killed by her in retaliation, and it makes no sense for Kanon to have done anything he did in the intervening twilights had Shannon actually survived somehow.

More than that, I have always thought that Krauss and Shannon’s faces being half-destroyed is as close to cast iron proof as you can get that they are definitely, totally, for real dead, for the simple fact that a mystery story’s base assumption is that anybody with injuries that buck the trend are suspicious. Instead, I think this is more likely a case of a tree hiding itself in a forest.

Which turns our attention to the three failsiblings and Gohda. It’s not Gohda, because narratively it makes sense for Gohda to be as much of a victim of circumstance as Shannon in the end despite his bullying of her - middle manager and minimum wage worker alike are insects before the CEO. His abuse of a shred of worthless power cannot save him, therefore he must be dead. Rosa, likewise, would not work narrative-wise to survive. She had a complete character trajectory highlighting the revolving wheel of abuse within the introductory chapters. Her character was never destined for anything more than being doomed by the systems she never managed to do more than perpetuate - surviving the First Twilight would give her licence to try to escape the cycle, which would undermine the whole point of everything that came before.

So we’re left now with two candidates: Rudolf and Kyrie. Both of whom are understated characters with ulterior motives that were never fully elaborated on before they met their ends. Kyrie’s conversations with Battler hinted at the existence of a strategist’s mind with a scheme of her own separate from the gambit Eva strongarmed everyone into going along with. Rudolf, meanwhile, has the lone dangling thread of his “tonight I think I will be killed” comment, the sole thing that, as of this point in the story, we have no clue as to what he could have really meant by that. All we can glean is that the “murder” comment was most likely not a literal portent, but a fear of his that whatever secret he carried would see many people turn against him - either way, there is a Big Thing with Rudolf that never got elaborated on at any point ever.

For this reason, and a couple more, I am inclined to think that if there is a person playing dead, then that person is Rudolf. It would give us room to explore this abandoned plot thread, and it would create a full circle parallel with the comments earlier in the story about how much Rudolf acts like Kinzo - the dead father pretending to be alive, the alive son pretending to be dead. And more than any of that, more than any narrative or thematic reason for this working, is the fact that there is something associated with Rudolf that has otherwise only come up with the discussion of dead bodies.

I am, of course, talking about makeup.

There is a point made of highlighting that Rudolf wears makeup in the earlier chapters as a means of highlighting his superficiality and vanity. He is the pervert covered in glamour. He is, quite literally, bringing a false face to the family conference. Rudolf’s face, his true self and his secrets, have been concealed from the start. Makeup as an image is tied to Rudolf and used as a reinforcement of the fact that this man is not to be trusted.

The word “makeup” is also used in exactly one other context: the mutilated bodies. First we are told that all this gore has ruined the immaculate makeup on Rudolf’s face, and then further down the line we are treated to the description of blood described as "makeup” plastering the corpses. It’s a very curious word to throw into Battler’s panicked monologue, incongruent enough to stick in your mind more than most details.

Given that, it is not much of a stretch to assume we are seeing the literal masquerading as the figurative - this is the whole MO of the Witch Narrative, after all. In a sea of real blood and guts, who would notice that one person in the group was instead pained with makeup? We already know that there is an artificial substance in abundance on Rokkenjima that can be used to mimic the appearance of blood - if it can be painted on doors to create the illusion of a magic circle, then surely it can also be painted on a human face to create the illusion of a corpse.

So in this scenario, Rudolf sits pretty and painted in a sea of bodies, and slips out at the last possible moment. He then hangs around somewhere unseen for a while, before being the one to murder Kanon.

On several levels, this makes sense - whatever schemes Rudolf and/or Kyrie had cooking were derailed by the Witch Narrative, and as someone firmly cemented in the Ushiromiya hierarchy his first instinct would be to take it out on Kanon. This would serve as an explanation for the loathing and disgust conveyed by Beatrice in the boiler room scene, but it does still leave several elements unanswered.

If we assume the Beatrice stuff to be a fantastical plastering over a mundane killing, then we need to ask why Kanon would think and say the things he does if the person before him was Rudolf. Rudolf is emblematic of several kinds of power and abuse, but he is not directly a literal or metaphorical figurehead for Kanon’s oppression. Rudolf is most Kinzo-like when his face is full of makeup - it is an insincere mask with no substance to it. Rudolf is someone Kanon only sees once a year. It makes no sense for Rudolf to be someone Kanon feels the need to take a stand against like this. Rudolf doesn’t really have it in him to be a satisfying Beatrice.

Unless, of course, something changed during the time the surviving Rudolf was off-screen. There are eight whole hours he is unaccounted for. Enough time, perhaps, for someone dedicated enough to solve the epitaph and learn of whatever grim truths lie alongside the gold vault? Perhaps something that relates to his final unspoken secret? There’s still a lot of ground to cover in that area. There’s every possibility the answer lies there, that somewhere down the line we’ll find out how someone could so easily embody a Beatrice position.

That said, this is not the only option for explaining things. Beyond the idea of bodies not being dead and blood makeup and failsons turning into witches, there is something else very weird that goes on in this chapter that absolutely needs looking at, and might even take us to a stranger place than that.

Structurally, chapter 14 is strange. It is a chapter with several oddities - the appearance of the otherwise ephemeral and totally unseen Beatrice, and it is a chapter without a defined timestamp. Every other chapter in Umineko tells us when it happens and goes out of its way to make sure it doesn’t tip its hand too soon with the Beatrice enigma. So for Kanon’s death chapter to feature a lack of time and an abundance of butterflies and other witch-related happenings is more than a little suspect.

Namely because this is not even the first time this has happened in this story. There is one other chapter in the story which deprives us of a timestamp and shows us a golden butterfly, and that’s chapter 9. Which is also, curiously and alarmingly, Shannon’s final chapter.

I spent a lot of time going over chapter 9, highlighting the strangeness of its structure and what that could mean. My conclusion at the time was that we were witnessing something doctored and unreal - to borrow terminology I’ve learned since, my conclusion was that chapter 9 was a “fantastical scene”. I also spoke about how Shannon and Kanon have the curious quirk of being the only ones to ever actually see with their own eyes evidence of Beatrice’s existence, a fact which continues to hold true even in chapter 14.

Now, you could argue that this “disruption” is evidence of the metatextual ripple effect Beatrice’s manifestation is having on Umineko’s reality, but even that wouldn’t be a satisfying answer, because there is also one other time Shannon and Kanon have had structurally identical scenes, and that example was completely devoid of any hints of Beatrice or magic.

Way back at the start of the story, Shannon and Kanon have basically the same introduction scene: they awkwardly present themselves before the family, they fumble their duties and drop something, one adult berates them while another adult berates the first for being too harsh on them, Battler makes the same comparison to a waitress dropping a fork for both of them, and then they have a debrief scene afterwards that hints at deeper, more complicated feelings towards the situation.

Shannon and Kanon enter the story using the same narrative beats with a slightly different retexture. Shannon and Kanon also leave the story using the same narrative shape with a slightly different retexture.

Both walk off on their own going directly against their assigned duties - Shannon heads to the mansion instead of the guesthouse, and Kanon runs off on his own instead of sticking with Kumasawa. Both have a conflict between their “furniture” and real selves - Shannon calms the Sayo inside her to prevent causing a scene, and Kanon attempts to cast aside his furniture role in order to directly cause a scene. Both witness glowing butterflies on their own in a dark corner, and both are heavily implied to have been directly murdered by Beatrice more than any other person in the story. The only difference is that for Kanon, we see it happen, and I can’t help but wonder that had chapter 9 been a full length chapter that we wouldn’t have seen something very similar unfold with Shannon.

This is yet another heap of stuff to add to the pile of “weird parallels and symmetries between Shannon and Kanon” that keeps growing throughout the story. This still isn’t even really touching the bizarre relationship they have to Beatrice and all the ways that that’s played out - both having the ghost story in common, both occupying an odd proximity to the role of “Beatrice”, Shannon as vessel and Kanon as performer. There is a lot of this kind of stuff swirling around the two of them, and I think it really comes to a head with Kanon’s death.

After all, one way of reading this chapter is that both Shannon and Kanon end up suffering the exact same destiny. Neither escapes being furniture, and Beatrice kills them for it. Shannon buried Sayo where she shouldn’t have, and Kanon’s casting aside of being furniture came too little too late. Different textures, but the same shape. This, combined with the fact that both are notorious Witch Narrative spinners in their own ways, paints a very bizarre picture full of question marks with no clear answer.

Nobody else in Umineko shares this level of direct parallel, so it has to mean something deeply significant that Shannon and Kanon are entwined like this. I don’t have the answer yet, but I do think that this is not the end of it. I think that as soon as the metafiction stuff really comes into focus that all of this will become extremely relevant. These two are wrapped around Umineko’s core story structure in a way nobody else is, narratively weird in a way that is only otherwise seen with entities that “exist” in the story. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but there very much is something going on that cannot and should not be ignored.

And one final thing, one final deranged detail that’s worth pointing out that threatens to possibly undermine several thousand words of this very writeup, is that the word “makeup” appears in the description of Kanon’s death. He lies there, hole in his chest, blood makeup dribbling down his body. I previously asserted that this was indicative of a surviving Rudolf taking up the mantle of being a threatening individual acting outside the group, but Kanon also has this word applied to him. A hint towards his killer, or something else?

If Kanon’s death is tainted with the word “makeup”, this means we should suspect something about it. Perhaps it is merely drawing attention to the fact that the stake to the chest is just decoration and affect - to get really tinfoil with it, Kanon managed to pull the stake from his chest before collapsing. If everything is fantastical, perhaps so too is the assertion that the stake was ever in his chest in the first place - perhaps for whatever reason his assailant did not have the time/means to set this up exactly like an epitaph murder. Or perhaps something more is going on. After all, Kanon leaves the chapter mortally wounded, but he is not actually confirmed dead. There’s wriggle room here for something else to happen.

Maybe, just maybe, what we saw here was merely another farce. Kanon taking the chance to fake his death and take himself out of the story while he still can - killing “Kanon” the furniture so the human beneath the mask can survive. Notions of Beatrice and a 19th person and an impossible murder as theatrics to cover up the fact that the tragedy at the heart of the scene is without substance. If so, the question would be whether or not this was intended by The Plan or if this is indeed Kanon acting out on his own. Has Kanon gone behind the scenes to be Genji’s “ghost” because there is no miraculously-surviving Rudolf? Are there two people in this position now? Is there any true substance to any of these theories at all?

I don’t know. I think the truth lies somewhere among all this noise, but I do think it’s starting to come into focus.

[liminal-storage]

Interlude: Rage in a Page

Prompt: Hackneyed

Characters: Kuni Muinvel, with mentions of Keldrin @roses-and-grimoires, Talia @zoetic-tome, Latika'a @latikaa-renaz, Silvaineaux @houserosaire, Inwa @blisteringstar, and Lyrin'a @hiraethwyl

Content Warnings: None.

"'While I must admit that the author of Occult Fan's primary articles does have a very distinct sense of voice, this writer finds that the subject matter is one which audiences are sure to tire of in good time.' He says this as if he himself isn't writing about the same topics!"

Latika'a's voice fell like a blow upon her ears. The dramatic reading set her to wincing, tail flicking in mild agitation. Really, it was her own fault for bringing in her mail and leaving it within his reach. The copy of a rival occult magazine sat taunting her with its glossy cover until Latika'a snatched it up.

Kuni tried to focus on her drink, picking through a small stack of letters with feigned interest. She watched Keldrin stalk across the room in a pair of ridiculously tall, ridiculously shiny heeled boots to lean around Lati's shoulder. He wanted in on the dramatic reading too.

"'Horoscopes and recipes are all well and good, but any reader of a more refined taste can recognize that the trite, repetitive verbiage Miss Umbral uses is a sign of a greater problem afflicting authors.' Oooh, he called your writing 'trite.' That's just cold."

Suddenly, the table beneath Kuni's hands bore a few more scratch marks. Latika'a continued with his turn to read.

"'Allowing writers of a feminine persuasion into the space was perhaps the greatest mistake a publishing house could have ma---' Oh that's wildly sexist."

"Enough," Kuni hissed, standing up to snatch the magazine away. "I suppose I should thank this guy. Having fanmail and hate mail in equal measure is a true sign of success."

That was to say nothing about one particularly long fan letter she'd received which had described in vividly explicit detail what said fan would do to her if they ever met in private. Kuni had borrowed a lighter from Talia and immediately turned those papers into a small pile of flaky black particles.

"Mm, that's true!" Lati chimed.

"Sure, but in the next paragraph I saw him going into a spiel about how even the recipes included in each issue are shit..." Keldrin said this with a smug grin, clearly amused at this whole thing. Kuni suspected he was trying to stir the pot even more.

"Oh, really? And does the magazine happen to mention anything about where the author lives?"

"As a matter of fact it does! Why? You're not thinking of doing anything drastic, now are you?" Keldrin sounded like that was exactly what he expected her to do, and that he expected to be allowed to watch.

"No, no! Perish the thought. I just thought maybe I'd send a gift to such a loyal reader..."

Over at the bar, Lyrin'a watched in silence, pulling a face. Over the course of the conversation, the tea he'd started out with 'magically' came to contain more liquor than tea. Kuni could almost see the pleading in his expression, along with the resignation of knowing nothing he could say or do would stop her from her mischief.

Silvaineaux shook his head ever so slightly, pouring more whiskey into his own glass before topping off Lyrin'a's tea. The liquid's surface rippled dangerously, surface tension alone keeping it from spilling. The knight didn't have to say a single word. She could tell what he was thinking, already mentally absolving himself of responsibility for any legal action that might come as a result of the others' shenanigans.

And Inwa? He'd long since given up on trying to insert any sense of logic or reason into the conversation. He lay like a starfish upon the pile of cushions near the fishtank, staring up at the ceiling and questioning every decision in his life that had led him to Priarch's doorstep.

"What kind of gift?" Lati had come to stand beside Kuni, his plush tail curling around her.

"I'm thinking...glitter bomb."

Here, Kuni's gaze snapped towards Talia. The redhead had not participated in the dramatic reading session, and in fact had seemed busy with typing away in her tomestone during most of the affair. Feeling Kuni's gaze upon her though, Talia peered up at her.

"Mm. Sure, I could make that happen for you. I can install a camera in the package too. Something remote so the footage uploads directly to my systems."

"And this is why you're one of my favorites~" Kuni grinned.

"Hey! What about me?" Lati pouted.

"I feel so unloved," Keldrin joked.

"Oh, shut it. You know I adore you both. So what color should we send? Do either of you happen to know of a brand that makes particularly fine glitter? I want to make sure our gift leaves a...lasting impact, so to speak..."

[mrs-johansson]

Escape from LA - Lisa Manobal x Fem!Depp!Reader

Part 4:

A few articles were written about Blackpink coming to see my shows in LA and how Lisa and I had dinner but nothing serious.

A couple of weeks went by as the tour kept going, visiting cities all around the US. I loved every minute of being on stage finally and seeing my fans sing the new songs.

Lisa and I talked every day. With the time difference, it was a little difficult to keep our conversation going but we managed most of the time. I did a little digging because I wanted to know who she was involved with, who this said boyfriend was, and dude… She could do so much better. Yeah, he was awfully rich and influential in France but damn.

I started writing some songs in my free time, being inspired by a lot of things lately and it’s always relaxing to me when I can write.

It was already the end of March when the tour reached New York. And since I’ll have 15 shows in Madison Square Garden, we’ll be here for a while.

“So when are you leaving New York?” Lisa asked over the phone as I walked around the arena. “On the 15th. I have two off days,” I said. “Two? Isn’t that way too few?” “I’ll be fine. How was the show yesterday?” I asked as I sat down at the back of the arena staring right at the already built stage. “It was so fun. Such a good vibe from everyone, I loved it. I can’t wait for you to see it,” Lisa’s excited voice made me smile from ear to ear. “Ah me too, I'm already looking for dates when I can just run off to a show.” “Summer is still so far, you sure you won't have any free days sooner?” “I don’t think so but I’ll check again later. When’s your next show by the way?” I asked. “8th of April. Tokyo, I haven’t been there in so long.” “It seems like I’ll only reach Asia in years, but it’s just a couple of months.” “Yeah, your tour is so long, I don’t know how you do it.” “I will lay in bed for a whole year after this tour ends,” I said and Lisa chuckled which made me smile. She has such a good aura all the time, it’s so energizing.

We talked for a little while then I had to go to rehearsal so we hung up. I got my mic and the dancers arrived soon too. Went through the whole show with everyone, checking the speakers and mics and instruments then I got into hair and makeup before finally sitting down to have an early dinner.

***

“Okay, your favorite part of the show… Reading signs. These get crazier with every day so let’s see…” I walked around the stage looking at different signs that people were trying to rise higher and higher. I spotted the first interesting one before lifting the mic to my mouth and pointing at the girl who held the sign. “Hello there, do you mind me reading your sign out loud?” I asked and she said go for it. “Alright your sign says, I’ve bought a ticket to all of your MSG shows hoping you’ll sing ‘I’m yours’ at one of them,” I said and the crowd cheered loudly which made me laugh. “But that’s unreleased and old,” I said to her and everyone around her screamed that it’s a good song. “Maybe we’ll do that song, who knows?” I spread my arm out before moving to another part of the stage looking for more signs. Then I saw one and the word Blackpink grabbed my attention quickly. “Collab with Blackpink?” I read it out and the audience literally erupted. I let my head hang as I laughed. “Guys, I literally just met them. But wouldn’t that be cool? They are so nice,” I said with a smile. “Okay okay, one more then we’ll continue the singing,” I spoke into the microphone and searched for the last sign. When I found the one I went down to one of my knees to get a better look. “With this one, don’t be weird,” I looked at the whole crowd then back at the sign and its owner. “Hi, what’s your name?” I pointed at the girl. “Hannah,” she screamed and I was surprised how loud she was. “Hi Hannah, you have a very interesting sign there,” I said and she laughed. “But it’s true!” She said. “Well, can I read it?” I asked and she nodded enthusiastically. “So the sign has… a picture of me and an Englishman…” I said and the audience screamed. I chuckled, holding my head not knowing how crazy it would make the crowd. “Saying… I’m a child of divorce,” I said but the last word muffled into a laugh. “But we’re friends guys, there’s no trouble for you all,” I stood up and spread my arm, trying to make it into a joke. “Okay now, should we sing some more?” I asked and the crowd cheered. The music started in seconds and the show went on.

“Thanks, guys, great job,” I walked through backstage as I got rid of my mic and walked back to my dressing room to get changed. My phone rang as soon as I opened the door and saw the picture of my best friend on the screen. “Hey dude, what’s up?” I put the call on speaker. “I just wanted to tell you I just landed in the city, we can go out to dinner,” spoke Hailee from the other side of the call. “Sure thing, I’ll change and I’m ready. Where are you?” I picked some clothes and started to change while I waited for Hailee’s answer. “I’m on the way to the venue, I’ll be there in like 10 minutes,” she said. “Okay, tell the driver to come into the venue, I’ll let them know you’re coming.” “Cool, see you.”

Soon Hailee arrived and after I spoke to a couple of people, I made my way to the car. “What’s uuuup?” I opened the car door and Hailee looked up from her phone and smiled. “Hey, bro!” We hugged and I got in the car and we got on the road to the restaurant.

“How was the show?” Asked Haiz. “Really fun. It’s crazy that there’s 14 more here, I could basically move in,” I said then a text popped up on my phone.

Lisa💋

“What’s that?” Asked Hailee from across me and I just closed my phone shaking my head. “No one,” I shrugged and she raised her eyebrow. “Who are you texting with?” She asked, leaning a bit forward. “Just my sister,” I put my phone in my lap, trying to move it further from her. “I know you, who is it?” She asked more aggressively and she reached for my phone. “Nobody!” I took hold of my phone and held it far from Hailee so she couldn’t reach it. “Dude, just tell me!” She grabbed my arm and took my phone. “Okay! I’ll tell you if you give my phone back,” I said and she stopped for a second. “Tell me and I’ll give it back,” she said, holding the phone protectively. “You know Blackpink,” I started and Haiz nodded. “They came to the shows in LA since Lily is friends with Jennie and the girls came along and stuff-“ “Which one of them?” Hailee interrupted my speech and got to the main thing. “It’s Lisa. We kinda had a moment and we’ve been talking since,” I explained and she had a growing smile on her face. “Ooh, that’s juicy. Why didn’t you tell me?” She handed my phone back. “Well she kinda has a boyfriend but it’s also PR so it’s tricky but also not. But she’s so fun… and hot and sweet,” I leaned my head back to the seat. “And what kind of moment did you have?” She asked with a smirk. “We kissed. Then had a very short make-out sess. Dude, it was so good. It was hot and exciting and also sweet, I haven’t felt that in a long time. She gave me adrenaline and we met for two days,” I explained and Hailee smiled. “So what’s up with this boyfriend? Is he famous?” She asked and I searched him up on Google and gave her the phone. “Oh… yeah he is uhm… he has some money,” she cleared her throat and handed the phone back. “Is he competition though?” Hailee raised an eyebrow. “She said they tried dating but it didn’t work out but I’m not sure about that,” I said. “Well, what did she text?” Asked Hailee and I went to my messages and then read her text out loud. “‘I just got your gift! Thank you so much, I love it!’ With lots of heart emojis.” “Ooh, what did you send her?” “Yellow roses, those are her favorite.” “That’s cute.”

We soon arrived at the restaurant and we had a great dinner and caught up on recent events. The paparazzi were there once again even though we tried to keep it low-key.

***

As the shows passed by, I started to feel really comfortable on stage in New York and I had lots of fun. The fans didn’t lose their energy even at the fifth and sixth show which was so good to see. I was enjoying every minute and it felt so electric to be there that I never wanted to stop.

When the 10th show rolled around I started to feel a little tired so I was happy to have an off day tomorrow.

Lisa and the girls will have another show tomorrow in Tokyo before they have a two-week break and as I know she’s going to Paris for a little then they go to Vegas to prepare for Coachella. She said she would try to come but won’t promise anything. Not gonna lie I was hoping she would show up even just for a day.

I was back on stage in just a blink of an eye. My off day just flew away as I slept kind of the whole day.

“So we have 4 more shows left to go here in New York. How was it so far?” I walked along the stage, trying to see more of everyone. The crowd cheered loudly, and I just couldn’t contain my smile. “Aw, it’s so nice to hear this. You know when we started I was a little afraid of how my stamina would be but so far you guys give me so much energy and I am so thankful that you keep coming to the shows. I’m forever grateful for your love,” I spoke into the mic and I slightly bowed as the audience expressed their love. “This will be my longest-running tour and I honestly can’t wait to see more of you all around the world. I’m excited for what’s yet to come and I love how dedicated you guys are, coming to multiple shows and camping outside the arenas. I will thank you for this for the rest of my life and more!” I spoke so honestly because today I felt extra special because of the fans and the amazing things they do for me. “And now… for the next bit, we’re gonna slow things down…” I walked back to the mic stand at the main part of the stage. “This is Pretty Boy.”

***

“Hey pretty girl,” I picked up Lisa’s call. It was late at night by the time she called. I was just sitting on the balcony having some wine and writing a little.

Lisa chuckled over the phone and I instantly smiled as I heard. “Hey 아름다운(beautiful),” she said and I stopped for a second. “Ooh, what does that mean?” I asked, clearly still not picking up on Korean. “It means beautiful,” said Lisa, and I felt heat fill my cheeks and I just chuckled. “You really need to teach me some basic Korean, I need to know what you are all talking about when you put me on speaker. Every time you do that I just hear yelling,” I said and Lisa laughed. “I will teach you, but you’ll have to prepare yourself, it’s hard.” “You speak 6 languages and I speak two. If it’s hard for you I will pass out by just learning.” “Nooo, you’ll be great at it,” she encouraged. “Hopefully. How’s Paris by the way?” I asked, then sipped my wine. “I haven’t done anything yet. I’ve been in the hotel since yesterday.” “And any plans while you’re there? Or just relaxing?” “No plans just hanging around. How was your day off? Did you sleep enough?” Asked Lisa. “Yeah, basically slept all day. It was so nice, I barely got out of bed,” I said. “You need to have breaks more often or do something for your health, your schedule is terrible,” Lisa spoke and I smiled at how cute it was that she looked after me. “I know, but I’m doing great. I sleep, eat, and train so I can keep up with the shows, no need to worry.” “Yeah yeah. The girls have been missing you,” said Lisa, and I smiled. “Aw I miss them too, can’t wait to see all of you,” I said and there was silence for a couple of seconds. “I miss you, it’s been boring here,” Lisa’s now softer tone reached my ear. “I miss you too… Can’t wait to kiss you,” I said a little shy and nervous about her reaction. “Ugh don’t tempt me to just get on a plane and fly there,” Lisa groaned and I chuckled. “Would it be so bad?” I smirked as I moved my things inside. “No, but at least we will be in the same country in a couple of days,” she said. “Yeah, just a couple hours away then, that's an improvement. How’s Coachella coming together?” I asked while I got under the cover of my bed. Only left one light on by the bed and just laid there, listening to Lisa talk. She was telling me all about their prep for Coachella and how exciting it was for them but the only thing I could focus on was how husky her voice sounded and how I wish we were in the same place. “Did you fall asleep?” The question brought me back to focus. “No, I’m here. I just… nothing. I hope I’ll make it in time for the show, I’m just way too excited to see you perform. Although I will probably blend in with the fans because I’ll be screaming every song and jumping around,” I smiled knowing that something like that would happen but maybe I exaggerated a little. “I will notice you, I’m sure.” My smile grew even more and I think I blushed even. This back-and-forth flirting was fun not gonna lie.

[genericpuff]

I've come to the stunning realization-

-that Lore Olympus is basically to the webtoons industry what Youtube Kids is to Youtube.

And I'm not talking about the general "Youtube Kids" label, I'm talking about those videos - Elsagate, Johny Johny, Cocomelon, Mickey Mouse tattooing Spongebob or whatever other weird example you can think of - which are explicitly designed to game the algorithm, turn views into money, and most of all, gain and keep the attention of the one demographic that won't question what they're consuming - children.

!!!!THIS POST HAS FAST PASS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I mean, this is undoubtedly just a tinfoil hat theory, but think about it:

Bright oversaturated colors that are attention-grabbing.

Meme faces and 'lol rAnDoM' humor even when it doesn't suit the situation at all.

Art that's all around ugly and cheap on a technical level but still stands out due to its color design and prioritized advertising.

Vapid surface level scene-to-scene writing that doesn't connect or have any meaning in any coherent way.

One-dimensional projection characters who are easy to manipulate and sway for audience sympathy or anger even if those opinions change on a dime based on actions in the moment.

Cliffhangers that are less like true cliffhangers and more like clickbait. Episodes nowadays tend to be filled with drawn out plotlines, vague hints that can be applied to just about any school of thought, and non-sequitur memes to fill the time until they can hook the reader with another cliffhanger to keep them coming back next week.

Coin prices have gone up but episode length, substance, and quality have noticeably gone down. Even if they reach the same panel count they usually have, dialogue is minimal and pacing is brutally inconsistent to the point that plot progression is often non-existent.

Banner ads that run constantly, often in the first or second (or both) slots, with push notifications and pop-up ads also becoming more frequent whether you're subscribed to the comic or not.

And underneath ALL of that, we've got blatant objectifying and sexualization of female characters regardless of context, misogyny that claims to be progressive, racist undertones, borderline fetish content that constantly toes the Terms of Services line, normalization of problematic/toxic relationship dynamics, a creator who's more interested in 'getting back' at critics than writing an actual story, and underlying messaging both from the characters' and the creator's behavior that encourage witch-hunting, rejection of accountability, and blind devotion.

All this is essentially why I've given up consuming LO entirely, beyond just on a critical level as of late. There was a time long ago when I stuck around in the hopes it was going to get better, that maybe it was just going through a "rough patch" as some stories do. After that I stuck around because I wanted to see how it could possibly pull off its ending. And then after that, I simply stuck around for the laughs and community banter. But now I don't even find it funny anymore, the punchline of how bad it is has gotten incredibly old. And at this rate, as much as we'd like to believe it's going to end in its third season as it's been mentioned in the past, we also were told it was going to end between 100-200 episodes prior to that - the way it's going, I can't even stick around "for the ending" because LO is going to be around for as long as WT tries to milk it, despite it no longer having a heartbeat.

As much as I've loved talking shit about this comic and it's undoubtedly the main reason so many of you followed me here in the first place, I'm not going to lock myself in some kind of purgatory hell just to be proven what I already know is going to happen - either the comic continues on forever, doomed to be a lifeless mascot for the zombie corporation that is WT, or RS eats shit while trying to stick the landing with a plane that has no functional parts.

There's a quote from Caddicarus that I couldn't help but think of as I typed this up, from his nearly-decade-old review of Dalmations 3 (oh god, it's nearly been a decade since that video came out what the actual fuck-)

"And this is where I officially lost all fucking care. I realized it wasn't going to end anytime soon. It's one of those rare instances where the novelty of how awful everything is actually gets really tiresome and unfunny." - Caddicarus

[mdhwrites]

Do you think the Owl House writes good romance queer or otherwise?

NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT... but also SLIGHTLY yes.

Like a lot of TOH's writing, its romance writing suffers the same problem: Great concepts and initial presentation but a lack of ideas, focus or proper follow through means that it is kneecapped once the easy, flashy parts of writing the romances is over. The problem is that this is further compounded by the fact that this is EASILY the field in which TOH is the most willing to use cheap tropes so as to allow for simplicity of storytelling which conflicts with the rest of the storytelling. All of this makes the writing of the romances in TOH a PROBLEM.

Let's start, obviously, with Lumity. They are literally a Hallmark couple. That is not exaggeration or a metaphor. One of them is a plucky, small town person who believes in emotions and the present and that all that really matters is that the joy of things is kept alive. Meanwhile, the other is a big city slicker who was raised to care about pathetic things like financial security, her future and making sure that they're still going to have a roof over their head in the future. Over the course of their journey, the city slicker will realize that everything they believed is bullshit, that having ambition is terrible and have pretty much all of their personality traits scrubbed away so they can see things the way the small town person does and then the movie ends.

But... the show didn't end with Lumity getting together and the fact that this was using Hallmark's model gets REALLY obvious. The model requires that the serious one entirely abandon their desire, personalities and commonly their friends and family even, sometimes even their romantic partners. It's an extreme way to show character development and devotion. A show of how much they care for the other lead which is usually meant to be some amount of audience surrogate. That's not good for a character though, as desires/connections often form much of a basis for a character's motivations, and so suddenly the show is scrambling to give Amity a supporting cast to interact with and desires beyond Luz. However, because Luz is her only desire, again following this model, she always abandons those characters and desires to go back to Luz. Luz is still her true core focus in Reaching Out. She doesn't mention Alador in For the Future. This devotion honestly gets so bad over time as to become DISTRESSING because it is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Your partner should not be the only thing you appear to actually care about in this world.

Even if you don't want to accuse them of being a Hallmark model, they aren't anything new and some of their tropes are simply not good. A lot of works will have the quirky, silly guy get with the serious one in the cast. It's a classic pairing but one that's usually handled pretty awkwardly since it usually includes some amount of what comes down to harassment from the quirky member of the cast. Literally sexual harassment if you got with Inuyasha's pairing of Miroku and Sango. This is often because the quirky one sees the other as a challenge or the like and wants bragging points for being able to crack their shell. But of course, TOH would never include something like that. Luz is a good girl and would never declare something like, I dunno, "Maybe I can befriend her like Azura did her rival?"

Yes. That is an actual quote from the show. From Lost in Language where eventually Amity sees Luz's quirky nature as charming rather than trouble and the two finally get cohesion due to Luz's efforts to save Amity's life, which is actually not abnormal for any couple in an adventure show to have be when their attraction starts, let alone this sort of pairing. Again: The show does nothing new here... But why should that matter? I LIKE Hallmark movies after all despite their flaws. They can be fun and charming, even as they make incredibly questionable choices.

Well, part of the problem is that the tone and ego of TOH doesn't match with storytelling that revels in cheats like Hallmark does. Understanding Willow is just one of MANY examples of the show claiming it won't use narrative shortcuts, especially in relationships between people. You know, only a couple episodes before it uses the shortcut from Hallmark of Amity throwing away connections consequence free in Winging it Like Witches. Then, four episodes after that, doing it again in Escaping Expulsion. TOH claims to be more maturely paced than that though. That these are real characters with long term arcs and that they are people, not props. But... The Hallmark model uses mostly pretty cheap props. It needs to for its life as a popcorn movie and for how simple its stories are. Just as an example: Murder might be farther than most antagonists in Hallmark movies but rampant greed and not caring about others to a cartoonish level? Yeah, that's there in those and it's there in Alador and Odalia. These two approaches are simply incompatible and I do not blame anyone, myself included, who thought the show was claiming that there would be more to Amity's character than simple obstructions that had to be moved away and biopsied out of her for the sake of being a love interest.

Now, real quick tangential shout out: My favorite Hallmark style movie, even if it technically isn't one since it's not by Hallmark, is Last Christmas. Yes the one based on the song. It's not perfect but it's a lot more unique in my opinion than most and like... If I can say it still fits the Hallmark style, perfection was already left at the door. Charm and fun though? There in spades.

But, getting back on track, Lumity isn't the only romance in the show.

Raeda, like Lumity, presents a strong, classic romance pairing to begin with as well. The wild outlaw and the more rule abiding loyalist but with the neat twist that age has actually brought them to being much closer in viewpoints. As such, it's more the girl who fits in and so knows how to be a rebel and the nice person who is trying to branch out and push boundaries now. They balance each other well but their conflict is immediately understood. The care is also easy to understand, let alone once you know that the curse and the lies tore them apart.

But... Then S2B begins. Now see, with their backstory, you'd actually expect Raine to have some issues with Eda. Some potential trust problems and the like but... Nope. Their entire being is dedicated to the woman who lied to them and then ran from them rather than being honest with them. Like mentor like student I guess. However, Raine doesn't seem to care. Their relationship is 100% fully mended by the end of Eda's Requiem and everything Raine does, he does for Eda effectively despite there not actually being any reason given by them besides personal desire. Maybe they just don't want Eda possibly dying and abandoning her kids? Don't know because it's entirely left to interpretation.

Worse yet, Them's the Breaks goes even farther and makes it so that Raine is just a clone of Eda. A wild child who wants to break the rules and tell everyone to stuff it. They're just, you know, smarter about it than Eda. Not even that they need a push but just that they're better at hiding it. Neither this nor the devotion makes them interesting and like Amity for Lumity, their character vanishes and the romance at best becomes boring.

And finally Huntlow which... From a romance perspective it's nothing. It's not even to say that it doesn't exist but it's almost literally what a tacked on Romantic D PLOT would be. A couple cute looks, a handful of small exchanges and now they're soulmates. That's really it. Huntlow takes up an exceptionally small amount of time of the story and the time it takes up isn't used serving it explicitly but more to erase any memory of the fact that Hunter is a trained murderer who is VERY willing to execute people who get in his way. Stranger Tides proved that after all.

They're inoffensive but even with that said, they're not good. Hunter loses all of his edge while Willow is so forceful as to almost come across as a bully at times during Sport in a Storm (remember, she literally won't take no for an answer and kidnaps him when he won't listen to her). This does make him look weaker and smaller but it doesn't make either one interesting. In fact, it just reinforces how this isn't a romance built off mutual like and chemistry. It's there because... It's just there. I guess Willow is nice to him once but so is Luz and Amity and he never starts being attracted to them. It's Willow pretty much because she's the one available to date and nothing else.

It's weak and it's nothing I care about, built on two of the most inconsistent characters in the entire show. They're genuinely the easiest for me to imagine genuinely being happy together and being just a nice couple, instead of one being in charge over the other, but that's because they're boring. I imagine Hunter as Ned Flanders as an adult just to drive home the point.

So yeah, I'm confidant to say these aren't good romances. Meanwhile, the characters bend for the sake of the romances instead of the romance being properly based on their dynamics, critical elements to characters are discarded for the ease of them getting together and while we might get some cute moments, they have no depth or oomph to them and are only good when dealing with the wonders of a relationship and not its difficulties which are often the far more compelling parts of a relationship. If you want to know how it handles the difficulties of romance... *stares at how Luz spends the second half of the series lying to her girlfriend despite making a promise to be more open at the end of Falls and Follies* Yeah, it's really fucking shitty. If you compare the conversation Amity and Luz have at the end of Covention compared to their conversation before the Grom Tree in Reaching Out, it becomes REALLY clear just how far both of them have fallen, as well as their chemistry. I have quite literally spent multiple blogs talking about how Reaching Out is the death of Lumity for me, a SUPREME Lumity shipper if the probably close to a million words based on them between original and fan works isn't enough to prove it, and I don't feel like going hard on it here.

But hey, it wasn't ever meant to be a romance. Dana said so herself. It just, you know, takes up literally a third of the show. That's not hyberbole. Amity takes up seven episodes of S1. She takes up six of S2 while Raeda, which ends up being pointless because everything they do doesn't matter, takes up two episodes of S2, and that's if you don't include Falls and Follies as either a Raeda or Lumity episode which it could be claimed for both. Huntlow is a part of Hunter's arc at the expense of having it be TEN EPISODES since he interacted with Luz when Hollow Mind comes up and SHE is the one there for his character's big turn.

For a genre that the show supposedly wasn't about, it sure is prioritized over ANYTHING else. Amity and Luz literally have more plot lines together than Eda and Luz. You know, the two who are pitched as the twin main characters. Mentor and student. The two who will beat Belos together arguably. Yes, King is there but if you think Luz spends too little time with Eda, just imagine what that ends up looking like if you look too closely at Luz and King's time spent together.

And that is an element of romance writing. How does the romance serve the plot and theme. How can you make it important. Amity, Raine and Willow are all non-important to the story, especially when compared to their partners. None of them ever help push the plot forward minus Raine and again, their contribution ends up being pointless. Willow at least arguably enacts some character growth on Hunter but Hunter isn't actually that important to the story, just his relationship with Belos and his backstory. As for Amity? It literally was a meme that nothing important could happen with her around and she has literally no impact on Luz's character ever. If she did, Luz might not have LIED TO HER FOR HALF THE SERIES.

Their contributions to the finale highlight this all too well. They're just effectively background characters. Not even interacting with their partners but just doing what everyone else is doing. Their connections don't matter. Their lessons don't. They don't matter to this story.

Which you know what? Even in a Hallmark movie, the serious lead's turn to becoming bland usually coincides in them, having been persuaded by their love for the quirky other lead, to swoop in and save the day. The effect that love and connection and what not wins out. The relationship is at least part of why there is a happy ending.

When your romance is more pointless, and at best just as charming as, a HALLMARK ROMANCE, I think I can pretty firmly say you aren't good at romance.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[earthpleasures]

RUNNING UP THAT HILL !

Lucy Gray Baird x fem!reader

Summary: On the faithful day of Reaping Ceremony, you finally became aware of what you've been lacking in your life. Lucy Gray Baird's love. Your one and only childhood friend. You were ready to throw yourself in front of starved wolves for her sake, and you decided to prove it.

Warnings: ANGST / swearing

Word Count: 2.2k

A/n: me trying to write something happy, result:

"and if I only could

i'd make a deal with God

and I'd get Him to swap our places"

- running up that hill by kate bush.

Streets of District 12 was filthy as ever as Y/n and Lucy Gray dragged their feet to The Hub. Tomorrow was the day Reaping was going to happen. Neither of the girls felt any excitement over fourth of july, just like rest of whole twelve districts that were about sacrifice their children to Capitol's psychopathy.

“Lucy Gray, you're unusually quite today.” Y/n spoke as she fixed the fruit basket pressed against her side. They were planning to ask Hub if they would let Covey do one last show before reaping, and then make their way to flea market. Maybe they could exchange a piece of clothing for a few strawberries Y/n farmed.

Lucy Gray's face lit up with a smile, Y/n could never differentiate if these smiles were true or not.

“I was thinking of this night's show. I have a song I wish to sing.” That thought made other girl smile. She always loved the infamous Songbird’s voice and songs.

She ate one of the strawberries from the brown basket. “Oh well, I will wait for your song with all ears. However, how do you plan to sing it? You haven't teach us anything about its melody.” Lucy Gray chuckled at her friend's worried tone.

“No worries, love. I've wrote it over one of our songs’ melody. I think tonight's lyrics fit to it better anyway.”

“I… if you say so.”

She could never disobey or say something against her songbird’s statements. And finally Hub became visible from the distance. Old walls were ready to crumble on its residents but all two girls saw was a roof to gain a few coins.

Lucy Gray held the door open for her since she was clinging into the basket, making sure no strawberries fell out. She nodded her head to her to thank her. Inside was stinking as usual. Smell of mold, poverty and cheap gin. It wasn't like Y/n lived in a clean or new home. However she could never prevent the nausea from rising in her throat every time they entered this place.

Disease and death traveled through the whole Panem without knowing any borders, she didn't have a reason to act wary against The Hub.

Besides the disgusting smell, the place was almost empty. Most of the audience were peacekeepers and they seemed nowhere to be found at this time of day. They were on ‘duty’. More like haunting the poor folk of 12. Y/n thought of it.

Conversations were always made by Lucy Gray, no one could resist the sweet way of the words spilling from her lips. “Hi! How have you been, Ben?” She spring on her heels while talking, her alluring personality ready to charm its flies.

Bartender's tense shoulders relaxed when her image entered his vision. “Hi, Lucy Gray. I assume you are here to ask if Covey can perform tonight.” Lucy Gray nodded slowly, she jumped to sit on a chair, her legs swung around since they couldn't reach to sub board of the wooden chair.

“Always a smart one. Yes, I was going to ask if we can perform one last time before Reaping.” Ben sighed while rubbing the dirty cloth to an old striated glass. “I guess you can do it, tomorrow ain’ the brightest day for us after all.” She added a hint of sorrow to her smile.

“But we must make the most of the lifes we have, mustn't we?” He nodded to approve her statement. “As much as we can in this shitty district.”

After some chit-chat talk, they left Hub with the guarantee of a few coins to throw in their pockets that night. Y/n watched Lucy Gray's happy expression, the way she spinned around herself, her colorful dress’ long skirt flying around. She loved to admire anything Songbird did.

Flea market wasn't too crowded either. Mourn of unknown loses was already hunting people of District 12. Two or three stalls of clothing seemed to be present. A woman from last week was absent. Poor lady, perhaps she died because God knows what kind of disease or she fell in hands of a peacekeeper.

Y/n intertwined her fingers with Lucy Gray's, moving as close as possible was safer in a place like this. To be honest, staying together was the best choice in all places of 12.

A man with a women's clothing stall caught her eyes. His face was tired and sick, probably had the flu. “Look, maybe we can exchange these strawberries with a pair of shoes. Maude Ivory was sad about Peacekeepers tearing her sandals.” Lucy Gray nodded and followed her lead.

Y/n harshly put the basket in front of the man, leaving a tough first impression was important if they wanted to have a fair exchange.

“Ah, famous doves of Covey. What do you have for me?” She could smell of starvation from his breath even at this distance. All she needed to do was to push him a bit.

“A basket of fresh, clean strawberries.” She arched her eyebrow in a daring manner. “Do you really think a basket of fruit can buy clothes?” Man raised his chin. He was stubborn, but could never be as much as Y/n.

“Okay, listen the deal old man. You give us these shoes.” She pointed to an old, worn pair of shoes. “And I leave all of these tasty things at your stall. ‘kay? And if you don't, I can go to another stall.” He looked at the basket then at her face. His mouth was salivating for a taste of anything, and giving away the shoes seemed to be a good option.

“Take the shoes.”

Y/n took a deep breath as relief filled her veins. She emptied the whole basket to an old bag man owned and placed the shoes inside it. Exchange was fair, he wasn't going to die from starvation and Maude Ivory was going to get a pair of wearable shoes.

“Don’t you think you've been hard on him?” Lucy Gray mumbled while her index finger lovingly caressed the fabric of the shoe. They would fit the little girl just fine. “Being nice doesn't grant us any living in District 12.” Y/n shrugged and dismissed her question.

All members of Covey were exhausted from last night’ performance, which led them to hardly wake up for Reaping. Their house was already hot from weather outside, shattering walls were making it worse by letting the fresh sunlight in.

Y/n, as always, was first to wake up. Even on an effing day like this. A few more hours of sleep wasn't even a choice given the fact Peacekeepers would drag them out to watch Reaping or, to be reaped.

She groaned with ache coursing through her bones, makeshift bed cracked under her weight. Slipping her shoes to her feet, she looked around to check other Covey members. None seemed to have a peaceful slumber, Lucy Gray was sweating, Maude Ivory was panting heavily, Barb Azure's eyebrows were furrowed. The expected disaster made everyone uneasy inside.

She took off her pajamas, her hands extending to the shirt and skirt she wore yesterday. “Why don't you wear something colorful, love?” Her head practically snapped to the direction the voice came from. Lucy Gray's eyes were closed, yet a subtle smile sat on her sweaty features.

“Good morning.” Y/n murmured as she stood up from her bed. She considered her options. The most fancy thing she owned outside of a few stage clothes was a faded purple dress with flower-covered frills on its skirts. Her hand hesitated when it reached the folded fabric. She got this at the insistence of Lucy Gray and Barb Azure for three coins in the flea market last year. For special days.

What could be more special than the day she would be presumably sent to death in her life?

Accompanied by an ache in her heart for dirting the dress with memories of such a melancholic day, she pulled it over her head, messing up her already disheveled hair more. Stained mirror was reflecting a seventeen year old girl's ruined beauty, face worn by living difficulties.

Two lean arms sneaked around her waist, securing her against the girl behind her. Lucy Gray pressed her chin to her shoulder, observing their imagines from mirror. “You're beautiful.” She whispered, as if possibility of anyone else stealing her compliment to Y/n scared her.

“So are you.” She whispered back, unconsciously closing her eyes and leaning to her touch. Silence was comforting, almost like an inaudible lullaby singing to two awake girls’ ears. “I have a dreadful feeling about this day inside me, something is gnawing at me.” Lucy Gray chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind the ear of the girl in front of her.

“Now don't make such a long face, be positive. Death isn't an end, remember?” At her light words, Y/n turned around with her arms still wrapped around her waist. She cupped her face, looking at her beautiful brown eyes. Maybe they could swallow her, so she would never leave her.

“No, Lu. You don't get it. Something bad is about to happen. I feel it, you know I always feel it.” Lucy Gray's eyes widened at her hurried sentences. The worst case in a Reaping day would be reaped as their district's tribute. Everyday was a survival struggle in District 12, but being thrown to arena? Now that would be a different story.

With their fingers locked to each other, Y/n dragged her after herself to the little place where they grew strawberries to exchange or sell. “I know that you have no will to trust anyone after Billy Taupe, but just… just hear me out.” Brunette furrowed her eyebrows, she wasn't stupid, guessing where the conversation was about to go wasn't hard. But did it matter at this point?

“I am listening, Y/n.”

“What are you two doing there?” Maude Ivory's childish voice interrupted her before she can speak. And that killed her last piece of courage to confess her feelings for Lucy Gray.

“Nothing, honey. We were just chatting.” She quickly smiled and turned her attention to little girl, she was wearing the pair of shoes they got for her yesterday. “Are they comfortable?” Little girl stared down at her shoes. “Yeap. They're so easy to wear! Thank you.”

Her lips pulled themselves into a forced smile. The girl was as naive as a child in districts could be. Perhaps it was because rest of the Covey sought their best to raise their youngest as pure as possible.

People were gathering in front of the stage one by one. Between age 12-18, kids were separated to groups. Covey made their way to their groups. As always, Reaping day was hot and everyone was sweating under cruel sun and stress.

First to go was female tribute. For male tribute, she wasn't worried at all. Clerk Clementine was old enough to be excluded from Reaping.

But what about us?

“Lucy Gray Baird!”

She could swear her heart missed a beat, maybe a few beats, when she heard the name. Out of instinct her eyes found Lucy Gray. It looked like she was ready to put on a show one last time.

Lucy Gray began to walk towards the stage.

“I volunteer!”

A desperate voice erupted from between waiting kids. Y/n threw herself in front of Lucy Gray, eyes filled with terror and tears. “I volunteer as tribute!” Brunette extended to hold her hand with shock. “Love, what the hell are you doing?” Girl in front of her turned to look at her with guilt.

Before any word being shared, a peacekeeper caught Y/n's arm, dragging the girl to stage. Lucy Gray tried to run, only to be thrown to ground by another peacekeeper. Even while walking to death, they couldn't take their eyes from each other.

“No, no, no. I am chosen. You chose me! Give her back!” Maude Ivory wrapped her arms around her as Barb Azure pressed her head to her chest so she couldn't see Y/n.

She stepped on the stage in front of pitying eyes. After all, what kind of moron would throw herself into a lion's den for whatever reason?

Mayor looked at her with grand disgust, as if girl interrupted something she wasn’t supposed to. “District 12's female tribute, Y/n L/n.”

She didn't even bother to listen who was chosen as male tribute. Whoever it was, he was going to walk to death with twenty two other tributes.

Whole time she watched the rest of the Covey. They all looked disheveled with one of them being sent to Games.

She didn't even get to confess to her, kiss her, embrace her one last time. Like all District 12 kids before her, she was going to turn into a drop of blood to write Capitol's pages of history. She remembered the hide and seek game the played when they were children.

“You can't catch me, Lucy Gray!”

She kept her head high, this wasn't a display of pitiful love. That was a worthy sacrifice to keep her darling alive. Everything was worth it to Lucy Gray.

“You can't catch me anymore, Lucy Gray.”

She whispered, knowing Lucy Gray won't ever hear her again.

©2024 earthpleasures do not repost, copy, translate, modify

[elephantlovemedleys]

i can honestly go on, and on about how much i love the one day i’ll fly away sequence and how it is both hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

it gives insight to satine's feelings, about what she wants and how she hopes to find a way to make it all come true for her despite the life she's lived. a few scenes earlier while she's getting ready and dressed up to (supposedly) meet the duke with marie's help, we see satine tell her this:

and she proceeds to look at the bird locked in the cage when she exclaims that one day she would "fly away, fly away from here!" and she's filled with hope and excitement that one way or another it would eventually happen.

by the time we get to the actual part where the song is heavily focused and featured (which in my case is like her equivalent of part of your world, an 'I Want!' anthem) we see how through and through satine sings what she feels: i follow the night / can't stand the light -> this may pertain to being a 'creature of the underworld', since at the start of the film the moulin rouge was described as a 'kingdom of night time pleasures' and the imagery of her being in the shadows that i think symbolises her place in life as a dancer/courtesan/entertainer but truly wants to fulfill her dream as an actress before she takes her steps and we get to fully see her in the light right when we get 'when will i begin to live again'

an interesting note is when she sings the 'leave all this to yesterday' line, it pans right through the chains of the elephant zooming into the windmill and christian's garret. we see christian and satine seemingly glance back and forth at each other (?) from afar throughout this scene, which is fairly more obvious once we get to 'what would your love do for me / when will love be through with me?' like she was singing to him, we can see that she's also looking at him there though perhaps I guess she was just thinking out loud and not completely directly asking him these thoughts, and instead wondering to herself if she should let him into her life and what he could bring to it, and maybe he can be part of her dream to 'fly away.'

once she reaches the top of the elephant, it feels like a relief when she belts out 'one day I'll fly away!' for satine and the audience watching. you feel her need and want to leave this place for something better, and to chase what she was always dreaming of and it shows how constraining it was for her to have just been there for years and years, she screams to the world how she wants to fly away and be free and allow herself to follow her heart.

later on towards the latter part of the movie, we get a reprise of this song right after the moment zidler finally tells her that she was dying. just when she was on the very brink of actually getting away from the rouge and planning to go forth to run away with christian, and it's filled with grief and agony, satine knowing that she was sick and that sooner or later her illness was going to take its last toll on her, and to make things worse is when zidler makes her have to go convince christian that she didn't love him (to prevent him from being killed by the duke) the very last shot we see of the reprise 'today's the day when dreaming ends' shows us satine looking at the bird in a cage, just like what she did previously but this time, knowing that the dream to 'fly, fly away!' one that was so close to happening, had been abrupt.