#maybe im a little insane idk
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strawberrymilkyumyum · 9 months ago
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as much as ive liked how katara doesn't have to be as much of a mother towards aang (so far from what ive seen) i also feel like it doesn't do her character justice. like part of her character is that it is unfair that she has to be the mother of the group. she needs to be the reliable responsible one and its so so unfair to her. she's angry (another thing that the live action didnt really do) and she clearly has resentments towards the rest of the group for treating her like this. part of why her mother's death affected her is because she never really got the chance to mourn because she had to fill that role immediately.
so yeah, i like that they're not putting all the emotional shit on her (again from what ive seen) but i also feel like that takes away from her and her spark (which is also something that inspires hope in people)
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bumblydumbly · 4 months ago
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
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heartorbit · 10 months ago
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always by your side
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3-aem · 5 months ago
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thinking about touch starved touch sensitive gojo again. Absolutely desperate for even the most grazing touches from getou and yet overwhelmed by it all.
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gayspock · 2 years ago
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i love it when a tv show has lows that are so low you're so ashamed to ever show it to anyone ever but then highs that melt your brain a bit, like, "good fucking god, this is genuinely such an astounding piece of craftmanship... my perception of the medium, and perhaps of myself, has been challenged/changed in 40 minutes" but you cant even express that to ppl without feeling like youre fucking deranged bc my god the lows .....
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foundfamily-connoisseur · 11 days ago
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PUNCH OUT HCS CUZ I DONT GOT TIME TO DRAW THEM BUT THEY WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Something something the voices
This is so long I'm sorry
No I'm serious I started derailing I think
LITTLE MAC
Mexican-American! His ma is Mexican and immigrated to The Bronx, where she met Mac's dad (who we have nothing on lol, he dipped before Mac was born).
His ma? Oh yeah, she died :( He doesn't know how, just that he came home one day (latchkey kid) and saw the cops surrounding the apartment. Placed him in an orphanage but got into fights a lot and deemed him a 'problem child' (literally just an autistic kid grieving the loss of his mom)
As said, Lil Mac is autistic! For the most nonverbal and thus uses ASL, but also speaks English and Spanish from time to time(English from Doc, Spanish from his mother and childhood friends who helped him keep up). Spanish is his preferred language tho.
Narcolepsy haver. It usually doesn't interfere much with his actual boxing matches since he's learned to feel when they're coming and deal with them accordingly. Took him and Doc a while to figure out that he had it since they just chalked it up to his prior malnutrition(which also impacted his growth, capping him at a whole 4'9)
Affectionate(?): must be initiated by him. He's very much for hugging and holding hands but if someone else does it first he's like :/. Only people he's ok with is Doc Louis so far.
Trans: transman who figured himself out pretty early when he only played soccer with the boys out in the mud. His mom cut his hair super short as a 'punishment' for always getting dirt in his braids but jokes on her he loved it. Doc has been helping him with hormone blockers, and with the prize money saving up for surgery 🙏 you can do it maccie boy!!! No one else in the ring knows and he'd rather keep it that way thank you (both out of nerves but also why do they need to know 🤨 what are they the fbi???)
Fashion sense: if you try to get this boy in anything but a tank/shirt and shorts he will explode. This man rocks flip flops and sneakers for days and it's all that's in his wardrobe (maybe another hoodie or two). A lot of them are rather worn but he hates the idea of "wasting" money so he uses em till they're literally impossible to wear.
Very spiritual: believes in el Mal Ojo aka Evil Eye and such. (Mostly from his mother and the women on the block that took him in from time to time). If he thinks your vibes are off, he will do an egg cleanse and swears that they work (they do i can attest to that chat).
GLASS JOE
EDS HAVER!!!!! (Ie Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome). This man has glass bones and paper
he don't care he will fight till he's dead! That and boxing actually does rlly help him with his joint pains. He finds it kinda funny when ppl worry about him like "sorry guys i gotta lie down real quick i think my ribs went criss cross". He prefers to get around on wheel chair but can get by with crutches(to which he just lays on the bed forever afterward)
Cat dad!!!!: less him having an actual pet cat than him just tending to whatever feline that crosses his path. May or may not have some scratches on his hands don't worry about it.
Actually really good friends with Mac: (we're going to pretend that they aren't literally thousands of miles away shut up). One of the few to make an actual effort to learn ASL rather than pick it up slowly or have Doc translate. In turn, Mac has gone about learning bits and pieces of French, enough so that both can communicate in their respective language and the other can (mostly) understand them.
This man is such a critic like what do you mean the food lacked a certain "je ne sais quoi" or the movie "insisted upon itself". He really wants to be nice but if it has any touch of French, he is going to murder it because it isn't French enough or actually accurate.
Had an ex fiance to which they broke off for reasons he'd rather not elaborate.
VON KAISER
Tics: he has em. They worsen under stress, but occur randomly or if overstimulated
Served in the military before being discharged. He doesn't like talking about and his tics start acting up if the topic is brought up.
Widower: wife died fairly early into their marriage and he was absolutely distraught. They both always talked about having kids, and a part of him still wants that, but it won't be the same without his Engelchen.
Career: he had wanted to be an engineer, but after serving in the military couldn't bring himself to go into it. That, and being a boxing teacher let's him tend to kids, even if it means getting socked in the stomach. He always acts like a strict instructor, both from his own experience in the military and because he wants to keep the kids at arms length. Also his wife being a kindergarten teacher had nothing to do with it nooooo
Close friends with Hondo and Glass Joe. Bear Hugger is a friendly fella but his loud and boarish disposition gets him riled up. Gets along well with Little Mac and if Doc isn't present for whatever reason, he's good at helping Mac calm down if he starts getting overstimulated and vice versa.
He also totally doesn't have Lil Mac be a pseudo son to him and think about his kis could've been potentially his age who said that.
Emotional support animal: German shepherd called Hugo. That's his baby right there
Disco Kid
That man's a fruit your honor!!!! No but fr tho he's a queer man living his best life.
Also a drag queen! (Name pending). Doesn't really care for how others perceive him and goes with the flow really.
Definitely fought with his dad a lot when he was younger, but as he grew his father came around and now they have a pretty solid relationship.
He's a total mommas boy tho he will literally die for her. He also has a little sister who he plays dolls with. (And yes she asks him to say it in his girl voice iykyk)
Gets along with pretty much everyone besides Mr. Sandman really (Aran Ryan is an interesting case. You heard it from the grape vine but they have an on and off relationship).
An art major for sureeeee. Idk what kind but im sensing something
Really good with machinery though. Usually just so he can fix up his car and stereos.
KING HIPPO
He is for sure not human. I always draw him more beastly but he's probably closer to whales/hippos than actual people.
Like hippos, all that's fat is really just pure muscle. No cuz google up a hippo and remove their skin them bitches are SHREDDED!!!
Naturally very affectionate, although he prefers his pals in the minor circuit (and Lil Mac. Yes this is Little Mac supremacy everyone will be his friend).
Absolutely loves cocktails. They come with fruit how can he not. Funnily enough he despises apples though.
Has multiple wives: a primary wife and secondary wives. Has kids with most of them and naturally, the first born son will take his place when the time comes. (He does love all his kids and wives equally tho so don't worry about them).
Surpringly eloquent" while he can't exactly form human speech, his writing is impeccable, both in letter and in word choice. No one knows how he does it with those claws and big ass hands.
PISTON HONDA
This man has so much manga it's insane. This mf probably has a whole room dedicated to his collection. Yes most of them are Shojo and yes he has a lot of Sailor Moon merch and memorabilia. (although he does also enjoy other such Mangas like JJBA and Inuyasha. I'd say he's embarrassed about it but bro was reading Sailor Moon out in the open so id say he's at least fine with reading it publicly.
Has gotten some of the other boxers to read some of his recs and watch some animes with him (he will force you to watch Madoka Magica and Revolutionary Girl Utena. It's only a matter of time.) It's also how he got into other shows like Candy Candy (by Mac), The Golden Girls(by Disco Kid. He likes his oldies what can he say), and pretty much any and every telenovela ever created (Wow wonder who it could be).
Has a pet Shiba Inu that he loves to bits but DAMN does she test his patience sometimes. And he has a lot of it.
Also began learning ASL when he caught wind of Glass Joe doing it, although he practically forced Lil Mac to learn Japanese because damn it, sometimes the dub doesn't do the show justice!!!
Has two older sisters!!! He's the baby of the family lol and it don't matter if he can pick em both up they'll still pinch his cheeks and tease him.
BEAR HUGGER
Trans: a transgender man who's loud and proud. Never bothered with top surgery he ain't cutting off his girls!!! He could pick up the vibe™️ with Little Mac but he's not the type to try and force the conversation. He'll let Mac come to him on his own time, and if not then that's fine too.
Loads of animals: similar situation to Glass Joe, although now it applies to all animals. Bro is a Disney princess. He sticks his arms out and birds fly to perch on them. Can seemingly hold an actual conversation with animals and no one knows if he's losing it or if they are.
Family: an only child, but with loads of cousins who fill in that sibling role. He's actually really good with kids and takes care of his nieces and nephews from time to time. He has thought about being a dad from time to time (he'd really like to have a girl) but always decides against it.
Affectionate: to the highest degree. That man is always asking if ya need a hug and it ain't just a threat for a grapple/ear clap. He and King Hippo get along swimmingly as a result (if only they didn't die if they went to each other's respective home country 😔)
Prosthethic: ya cant tell cuz of his clothes, but he has a prosthetic leg! (Stops a bit below the knee). If he ever takes it off for whatever reason, he always goes "aw man, guess I'm on my last leg" and the crowd goes mild. Thinks it's the funniest shit ever tho and he won't stop making the joke (Little Mac made it worse by giving an actual chuckle. Mac you've doomed us all with your horrible sense in jokes. I blame Doc)
GREAT TIGER
Loves cats: absolutely adores them. This man has a cat onesie I can feel it in my bones. He hangs out with Glass Joe solely for the cat (also the baguettes).
Gossip: he has a horrible habit of gossiping that he's tried to curb but astaghfirullah sometimes he's gotta talk about Don's receding hairline😔 Mac isn't helping him pinche chismoso!!!
Doesn't like going to parties involving alcohol with the WVBA because almost always he's forced into designated driver. Usually he just teleports away because he's not dealing with that yall are calling an uber!!!!
Actively avoids searching up ingredients in things he eats (like gummies) because if he doesn't know it's not Haram.
Sneakerhead: very proud of his collection. Also really into rap music (we don't talk about his career...that never happened chat) and you will hear it blasting from his car.
Sister!!! Stealing this from a fic but he has a younger sister who works internationally. If she's there with him she serves as his translator.
Magic: not limited to clones or what's seen in the game, but it's his preferred type of magic. He can also transform things and people into other things/creatures. He accidentally made Mac into a rabbit and everyone had a field day with that one.
DON FLAMENCO
Chismoso: this man will shit talk anything and anyone. If you talked with him chances are you're part of a gossiping ring with the older ladies who work nearby. I think they're talking about how you're a puta but idk
Former womanizer: this man banged anything that had a beating heart and a pretty body. It wasn't until he met Carmen that he knew what love really was. Once they got together UGHHHH this man was a fucking loser for his Carmen. Took years to win her over but it was all worth it for his amor.
They talk about kids sometimes, but this mf childish that he sees it as having to share his beloved fiance. (They for sure have kids later down the line tho. Give them a minute damn!)
Beef: tbh he doesn't really get along with anyone; he just dislikes them all to varying degrees. He and Mac hate each other on the principle of one being Hispanic/Latino and the other being a Spaniard. Do NOT leave them alone for any reason. Last time they both argued about the spanish word for 'straw' and sent each other to the hospital where they argued some more.
Telenovelas are his life force. If you interrupt his showing of La Rose de Guadalupe, he will literally kill you.
Got Aran Ryan into it by accident: he was watching Teresa in the living room when Ryan was crossing to go to the kitchen for a bite. An hour later he's sat on the couch hand in heads. They both watch it together now.
Great cook: he makes a means paella and he knows it. Always makes it to show off 'Spain Superiority'. Little Mac hates his guts but he's not gonna turn down a free paella.
ARAN RYAN
People joke and say he has brain damage which is why he's so crazy, but he actually does have CTE so 💀
Family: aside from his general knack for recklessness, having a piece of shit mom and an even worse dad (who of course had to die in a freak accident at work) does not exactly leave you the most sound. He has loads of sisters and brothers, being the second oldest of the bunch (with one older sister of which the hate is mutual). It's a big factor to why he doesn't want kids; he's spent a big chunk of his life working to raise them.
Boxing: to him it was both an outlet for his eventually anger issues and a means to raise money in the same punch. It did lead to fucking him up physically, as after a particularly nasty bout with Mr. Sandman, an eye got knocked out of place so he's working with only 50%.
Very jittery: you can never catch this man staying still. Even in his sleep he either tosses or twitches a leg or arm. Trying to make him stay still just makes it worse.
Repressed Bi it's not even funny. His excuse for his on and off relationship with Disco Kid is "well he's basically a lady!" He'll come to terms with it eventually, but that's one hell of a long road.
Superstitious: biggest thing for him is luck. he breaks a lot of shit but mirrors are not one of them!
Low-key misogynistic: "my sister punches harder than ye, boy!" Like damn your sister must be knocking ppls jaws clean off the freak. If he ever finds out that Lil Mac is trans it's just gonna be him like "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT" cuz now he's gonna get canceled on Twitter dot com by Super Macho Man😔😔😔
SODA POPINSKI
Married!!! Has a tiny little wife that he loves to bits. She will scold him and he's just all :]]]] wife...I luv her sm... he's a total wifeman
They've been trying for a kid (bro you can't just say that...gross). Naturally this man wants a shit load of them god help that woman.
A major reason to why he's been making efforts to curb his drinking habits! Of course he still hits the bottle every so often, but he's for sure gotten better than his first time in the ring.
Cooking skills: surpringly decent believe it or not! Anything with meat he's killer with and he always makes ridiculously large portions. (Yes it's because he wants to make something nice for his lady let me make a wife guy!!!!)
Really likes Beyonce. Major fan actually he goes to so many of her shows.
Horrible with social cues. This man does not understand when he's being too overbearing (to the detriment of his friendship with many alas😔 especially Von Kaiser and Little Mac). Tries to apologize by offering them a soda like 🥺🥤
Speaking of Little Mac, he once tripped over him (6'7 vs 4'9...oh dear). Flash forward to them in the hospital. They both swear to never speak of this again (also Soda gets him authentic mexican cola so like...we're all good here).
BALD BULL
Anger issues galore: got his father's temperament(don't we all???) And in addition to being bullied a lot as a kid, he hasn't really found the best way to manage. Usually he just goes out to a secluded field or heads out to the sauna, but the press has done little favors to his mental sanity.
Cat magnet: not of his own volition. They are drawn to him like flies to honey. He doesn't really mind them and are a nice way to de-stress.
Music taste: while he usually listens to classical music and instrumentals, he loves himself some girlie pop music. You pull out his ear buds and just catch "Girls just wanna have funnnnn" Before he punches you into the sun
Cattle farm: Inherited from his family, he loves all his cows to bits. They are his pride and joy. He has Glass Joe come over sometimes for some cheese and wine.
Isn't particularly close to any of the boxers beyond Glass Joe and Soda Popinski. He spends some time with Lil Mac, usually just to go out and get some ice cream or something. He likes the kids company cuz he isn't as energetic or demanding in the same regard a lot of teens are.
SUPER MACHO MAN
He for sure has a purse dog named princess. It's a white pomeranian with a pink bow i just known it.
Was a child actor! His family got him into the world early, staring as the sweetheart of whatever show or movie he was in. In his later teens, he was the heart throb before he left the scene as an adult to focus on boxing. His parents were at first disappointed, but after seeing the money roll in? They had no problems after that.
Romance: as expected, nothing permanent. He usually just has loads of flings or one time hook ups that never amount to anything, and he doesn't bother looking for anything "real".
Probably has a kid out there somewhere but if he does, he's denying it till his dying breath.
Similarly to Don, he doesn't really get along with anyone. For him it's just a matter of his own superficial nature. He absolutely detests Mac, but is the only one to know ASL fluently due to a former childhood friend. He doesn't use it beyond wanting to be bitchy in secret.
I know he's super tan but I'm not allowing him to be white. He's a lil something...will figure that out later.
MR SANDMAN
Yeah ngl I don't got a lot for him. I don't think i have anything actually. Huh
He mains Kirby in smash.
He used to have a lisp when he was younger
Yknow how some parents will have kids super far apart? Yeah his parents did that what do you mean he was 22 and he got a new baby sister. What the freak.
He absolutely hates Macs guts but also can't take him seriously on account that he's 4'9. Whose child is this. Literally, when he first entered the ring, he asked whose kid was this and that children weren't allowed in the ring. Lo and behind this was the schmuck that knocked the lights out of 12 other fully grown men, and he was coming for your ass next.
BONUS
DOC LOUIS
Took Mac in when he was around 9, formally adopted him as soon as he could. Heard of a ruckus for a missing child some minutes away and when he came back with Little Mac, he thought he found his parents. Then he got the situation explained to him about how he didn't actually have anyone, everyone just agreed to look out for him. There he officially took him in as his son.
Put the kid back in school after learning he hasn't been in since his mom died. He's considerably behind for his age, but has taken great strides to catch up. He's now just a year behind.
Definitely a major learning curve when it came to raising a child, much less one who barely spoke english(if he spoke at all) and prone to outbursts. It's been years since then and he can't imagine a world without that kid.
Had a wife but they divorced after he found out she had an affair. Sent him on a downwards spiral but he managed to pick himself back up. Having a kid to raise really helps him out.
Close to his sister, but that's about it. She's who gave him pointers on how to raise a kid, as they were about the same age. He doesn't think hes have done as well if it wasn't for her.
Former coach of Bald Bull, but parted ways after arguments on what exactly that wanted to do moving forward. They're amicable now, though.
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hayaku14 · 1 year ago
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OBSESSED with the idea of KID coming into the Kudou mansion seeking refuge (either he got heavily injured or his idenity is compromised) but instead is met with Okiya Subaru, Kudou Yukiko, and Kudou Yusaku. (Conan is also there coincidentally because lady luck hasn't totally abandoned him yet, apparently, but Kaito is sort of distracted by the amount of non-conans in the house to appreciate it.)
one day (before akai moves in) conan drags kid's injured ass back into the kudou mansion to patch him up (and also to demand answers about the snipers in the heist)
kid refuses to tell more about the snipers and conan doesn't pry but keeps an offer of help open
it becomes an unspoken agreement that kid would go to conan if something out of his hand happens in relation to said snipers
by 'go to conan' conan meant go to him, the person, as in wherever location he was at. kid, on the other hand, thought he should come back to the kudou mansion.
months pass, subaru, yusaku, and yukiko come to occupy the kudou household.
kid, injured or identity compromised, sees the lights are on and assumes conan is inside. which well...he ISN'T WRONG (LOL)
kid goes in through the window of conan's room which startles conan who was there to pick something up in his room.
"What are you doing here?!" Conan scream-whispers in a panic.
KID stiffens and stares at him with something like betrayal in his eyes. "Oh, I see I'm not welcome here."
"No! No wait that's not what I meant. It's just, this is NOT the best time."
Someone knocks on the door and the two of them jump. KID's eyes widen in realization as Conan quickly drags and pushes him into a closet. "Don't make a sound." KID does a zipping motion across his lips and makes a show of throwing an imaginary key. Conan rolls his eyes at him before closing the door.
anyways, it was akai who went up to check on conan cause the 4 of them were in the middle of a discussion and conan was suspiciously taking too long.
whether kid gets caught by akai and the kudou fam or not, i have no idea, but either way I WANT IT.
although tbh i feel like akai and yusaku would sense someone else is inside and yusaku would know exactly who it is LOL
then again, whether kid is heavily injured, has his identity compromised, or both, is a big factor on how events will unfold. (and i love exploring each one so my brain is rotting pls someone send help)
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a-whole-lot-of-things · 3 months ago
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i love dead boy detectives to death, and hope with all my being that we can Somehow pull off getting it back (through netflix or otherwise)
but honestly if we cant? if we get stuck at where we are now forever? i honestly think ill miss the potential s2 soundtrack the most
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mongooseundertheporch · 3 months ago
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[why,,,,,,,, does everybody refer to Chilton's cane as a pity cane,,,,,]
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the-deadlock-south · 6 months ago
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we lost the game but i won in looking cracked in front of strangers so did we (i) really lose (yes)
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ryssbelle · 9 months ago
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Me core
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froschli96 · 3 months ago
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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piggiebonez · 2 years ago
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these two dont really have anything in common but i still think them hanging out is kinda funny
z*adrs dni. skeleton RIGHT BEHIND YOU
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toasty-owl-arts · 4 days ago
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honse thoughts
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gangles-toybox · 9 months ago
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I hate when mfs say enemies to lovers ships are proships. Like imo Trophy x Knife isn't. Sure it's a bit toxic with blackmail but I don't think that's nearly enough for it to be proship esp since Trophy got eliminated early and we could have seen them develop a better realtionship(like how I've heard Nickel and Balloon did) yk what I mean? It's just the Tomtord debate all over again
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shinobufied · 2 years ago
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one thing I dislike about the take that Dutch has ~always been that way~ and just kinda acted sane (as far as that works) for +20 years is that it paints Hosea as a complete fool.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think Hosea is completely untouchable, out of this world, a god amongst humans but he isn't stupid. As far as we are concerned he is a master at seeing through people, he reads them and tricks them like no other.
He's very smart and observant, often the one to take a step back and think things through thrice before investing into them and somehow you want to tell me he looked at loud, boisterous, energetic (supposedly manipulative) Dutch at the very beginning and thought "my god this guy is full of shit"?
Now, we don't really have any insight on how they really were before Blackwater or even years back when they took in Arthur but I truly and utterly believe that Dutch was making a real effort to do good, from the bottom of his heart, that he really tried to be better and ultimately failed. (and yeah, surely partly bc it stroked his ego but nonetheless)
Like, the first time we see, or rather hear that Dutch may be a little silly is in Colter, right after Blackwater when it was revelaed that he killed an innocent woman. This was also the very first severe stress situation we have "seen" Dutch in. He got lead on, maybe even set up after what sounded like a long period of luck and success and now him and everyone tagging along is in danger and everything has gone to shit.
The one that then seemed increasingly concerned and insisted on knowing what happened was Hosea. My thoughts are that Hosea knew that Dutch tended to act rash in stressful situations and that there was something nagging on his conscious, telling him that something went horribly wrong. Because he knew Dutch.
Dutch on the other hand started to grow desperate. He didn't just lose a ton of money and got the law after them all once again, but he also lost 3 members of the gang. 3 people to who he promised freedom and a good life gone just like that + he also started to feel the others losing hope and maybe he was confronted with the idea that maybe what he was doing wasn't as good and great as he has thought throughout all these years.
So he grows defensiv and even reckless because no, it can't be, him facing the fact that his time was not only over but he probably wasted all these years was a tad too painful, both for his ego but also for his being.
As time goes on he keeps slipping more and more since everything he does just seems to blow up right back into his face. The more he tries to fix the more to shit it goes and the desperation just seems to grow and grow.
So he clings to every little thing that keeps on making him believe that his cause is still good, that he's still doing right so he comes up with nonesense plans like Tahiti.
But most importantly, his probably biggest reminder still was Hosea. As long as Hosea was still there, still by his side it would be alright. Yeah, Hosea nags him all the time and they bicker and fight all the time, but he's still there, so that means he still believes in Dutch. With Hosea he could do it.
And then Hosea dies.
And the failure at the bank is so much worse than all the ones before because this time it wasn't Dutch that set things up, or Micah, or anyone else but it was Hosea. The very person that grounded him, that he clung to desperately to show him that his efforts are not in vain.
The disaster at the bank didn't only cost him Hosea, his life long partner, the person he trusted the most, but also the trust from the rest of the gang. John was already doubting him for some time now and now the others started to, too.
And maybe, maybe him doing all this what he thought of good these past years, saving and taking in people, wasn't the best for them at all. Maybe he doomed them more than anything.
But no, Micah is still at his side. And Bill. And Javier.
Well, if there's some people still believing in him then there has to be some truth to it, no?
Maybe Micah is right, maybe John is the rat. Or Abigail. Or Arthur.
Maybe all the others are just ungrateful. Maybe he gave them all and the moment he slips and fails they just leave?
Hosea woulnd't have. Hosea stayed with him.
Micah stayed with him.
And as he was on that mountain, looking at the boy he raised as his own, barely able to breath and all beaten up, telling him "I gave you all I had", that was the first time the realization of him not being as great, as good, as he hoped to be, as he tried to be, fully hit him and now he couldn't do anything but accept it. No denying it anymore, no deluding it. Just the cold truth.
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