#maybe i should just make it a book and keep it to myself

[yncoreee]

10 STEPS TO GETTING A GIRL. Hanni x reader

February 1st, 2025

Dear Diary,

I'm literally dying of boredom in class right now. I've been secretly scrolling through TikTok under my desk (don't tell the teacher), and I stumbled upon this hilarious video of a girl trying to get her crush's attention. She said she was going to "show off her charms" to see if it would work. And, surprisingly, it did!

I watched the video like three times, and I couldn't help but think, "Why not me?" I mean, I've had a crush on y/n for ages, and I've been too scared to even talk to her. But today, I decided to take a chance.(•̀ᴗ•́)و

As luck would have it, y/n was sitting right beside me in class. I "accidentally" dropped my pen on the floor next to her, and I stood up to go pick it up. I gave her my best "innocent-like eyes" look and brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. I was trying to channel my inner “soft girl" vibes.

But, um, let's just say it didn't quite go as planned.~(>_<~)

As I looked up at y/n, I expected her to, I don't know, melt into a puddle of love or something. But instead, she just gave me this blank, questioning look. Like, she had no idea what I was even doing.

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment, and I quickly apologized and stood up to return to my seat. As I sat down, I couldn't help but curse myself for making things so awkward. I mean, who tries to flirt with someone in the middle of class?

I glanced over at y/n, who was now staring intently at the teacher. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. Was she confused? Amused? Repulsed?

Ugh, I don't know why I even tried. I'm just going to stick to my usual self from now on. No more trying to be someone I'm not.

But, as I looked at y/n again, I couldn't help but feel this tiny spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't notice my awkwardness. Maybe she'll even talk to me someday.

A girl can dream, right?( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

I'm going to bed now, diary. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Goodnight!

P.S. I'm renaming this operation "10 Steps to Getting a Girl (Without Making a Total Fool of Myself)".

February 2nd, 2025

Dear Diary,

Today was the day I decided to try out my hair flip move. I practiced it in front of the mirror for hours, perfecting the technique. I mean, who doesn't love a good hair flip, right?٩(ᐛ)و

As I walked down the hallway, I spotted y/n leaning against her locker, looking adorable as usual. I took a deep breath, flipped my hair, and gave her my brightest smile.

But, of course, things didn't quite go as planned. As I flipped my hair, I lost my balance and stumbled into the locker next to y/n. I mean, it was like the universe was conspiring against me.

Y/n looked at me with this confused expression, (o_O) like she was trying to figure out what I was doing. I just laughed it off and played it cool, like I meant to do that.

"Hey, what's up?" I said, trying to sound casual.

Y/n just shrugged and said, "Not much. Just waiting for my tutor."

I nodded and stood there for a few awkward moments, trying to think of something else to say. But before I could come up with anything, y/n's tutor showed up, and they walked off together.

I watched them go, feeling a bit deflated. I guess my hair flip move needs a bit more work.

But I'm not giving up! I'll keep trying until I get it right.(>ᴗ•)

Until next time, diary...

P.S. I think I need to work on my balance.

February 4th, 2023

Dear Diary,

Today was the day I decided to do a good deed for y/n. I figured, what's the best way to get someone's attention? By being kind and thoughtful, of course!

I spent hours thinking about what I could do for y/n. Should I carry her books? Buy her lunch? Help her with her homework? The possibilities were endless!

Finally, I decided on the perfect plan. I would buy y/n's favorite lunch and surprise her with it during class. I mean, who doesn't love a good surprise?

I arrived at school early, eager to put my plan into action. I bought y/n's favorite lunch - a turkey sandwich and a bag of chips - and carefully placed it in a bag.

As I walked into class, I spotted y/n sitting at her desk, looking adorable as usual. I took a deep breath, walked over to her desk, and proudly presented her with the lunch.

"Hey, I bought you lunch!" I said, trying to sound casual.

Y/n looked up at me, surprised, and said, "Oh, thanks..."

But before she could even take the lunch from me, disaster struck. As I was handing her the bag, I tripped on my own feet and spilled the entire contents of the bag all over y/n's shirt. (」°ロ°)」

I mean, it was like the universe was conspiring against me. Again.

Y/n looked down at her shirt, now covered in turkey and chips, and let out a deep groan. "Seriously?" she said, her voice laced with frustration.

I was mortified. I immediately apologized and tried to help her clean up the mess. "Oh no, I'm so sorry! Let me help you clean that up!" I exclaimed, grabbing a handful of napkins from the desk.

But y/n stopped me with a sigh. "Don't worry about it. It's okay."

She stood up, her shirt stained and dirty, and began to walk away. I felt a pang of disappointment and embarrassment. I had really messed things up this time.

"Wait, y/n! Let me at least help you clean up!" I called out after her, but she just shook her head and kept walking.(╥_╥)

I watched her go, feeling like a total failure. Why did I always have to be so clumsy around her? Why couldn't I just be normal for once?

As I sat back down at my desk, I couldn't help but wonder if I had just blown my chances with y/n. Had I scared her off for good?

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. Why did I always have to make things so complicated?(ﾒ﹏ﾒ)

Until next time, diary...

TAGLIST 🏷️ @sixflame438 @saysirhc @trovao-penguins @drvirgus @glassypze @idkwhatim-doinghere101 @wintersgff @somedaydream @yxlis @artrizzler19 @haerinkisser @gtfoiydlyj @stareaa @sseulforgii @yjiminswallet

[unofficial-underfell]

The existential funk bit is so real

Like I may only be 19 but my brain genuinely still thinks of myself as a highschool junior when I'm a first semester junior in college.

Every day I agree more with Alphaville when he said "Some are the melody, some are the beat. Sooner or later they all will be gone, why don't they stay young."

Nothing quite like realizing time is passing. Maybe we should both take a leaf out of Ferris Bueller's book...

This turned into far more of a rant/vent than I intended sorry about that

Don't worry, you're just being real. And yeah, it really does feel like that. You'd think there'd be more of a shift, more of a "One day I'll be an adult and my mindset will shift into that" But in reality it's just a slow progression of you taking responsibility of more and more of the things that keep you alive while also figuring out why exactly you're alive in the first place. And pretty soon you realize you know how to take care of yourself, and it's just a matter of figuring out what to do in between the things you need to do to take care of yourself

Learning how to finish tasks and manage the things in your life that have meaning to you, while you're a soul figuring out how exactly the lump of fat and nerves in your brain operates best, and you have more memories and you make more memories and those memories stretch on and get forgotten and get remembered and get distorted and they make the entirety of who you are. Wild There's my rant back it might not make much sense but yeah that's the existential fuckor I've been grappling with lately

[vulpixelates]

i have been brainstorming the main cast/ROs for the IF that i've been vaguely working on and i really want the butch knight/folk hero character to be demisexual and have her arc be more about romance than sex but keep dreading this project making it to the outside world and having to see people constantly sexualizing her bc she's a big masc dyke and no one knows how to be normal around any character like that in any fandom i've been a part of except like 5 other lesbians aoifjeofiajweofiajf

[grimmweepers]

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ 𝓻𝔂𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶

there was an ache in my heart when i awoke in a strange, beautiful world that wasn’t my own. even as months turned to years, i still missed the familiar skies, the voice of loved ones and the home i had left behind. i wrote letters that went nowhere and whispered silent prayers that reached no one. it was like i was plucked from my own reality and placed in a world where i didn’t quite belong.

yet, as much as i longed for home, i was determined to learn in this new life. sumeru became my sanctuary and the akademiya, my solace. i learned their languages, customs, and secrets while sharing stories of the stars, landmarks, and beauty of my own world. the scholars listened, fascinated by the similarities and differences, but none more than al-haitham—a student assigned to guide me through this foreign land. he was a quiet presence. thoughtful and curious. he did not pity me.

and over time, he went from guide to peer to something more. over time, i wasn’t just seeking knowledge but also him. but what was the point? what was the point of falling for him if one day, i could just disappear—vanish back to my world, leaving him and teyvat behind? this could slip away at any moment. this might be as fleeting as a dream.

despite all reason, i still found myself loving him deeply. in a world that wasn’t my own, he had become my home.

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬: very slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers

𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐒: 22.10.22 | playlist | genshinverse ryu | home for christmas (fic) | moodboards

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐒: modern au | akademiya days | season of love | minecraft |

[starbuck]

various thoughts:

i would like to have a significant other

i would like to develop my personality a bit more before meeting a significant other

i should wait until after top surgery before even considering seeing anyone bc i’m gonna be much happier and more confident after that

i want to know my local area better

i NEED more pretentious local friends who are willing to experience new things with me in my local area

i need to read and watch and listen to and DO more and i have the time to do it now, so i need to make it happen

[running-in-the-dark]

there's no rage like the rage I feel when I'm working on a painting and it looks like shit.

[swaghaver69]

i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)

[mars-ipan]

kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”

[phagodyke]

aouuugh my uterus......

[orcelito]

God, this is fucking crazy

So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.

Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?

I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.

I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.

It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.

So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha

[seaofreverie]

The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people

[kitchenadefoxtrot]

I am listening to the Dramatized Adaptation of Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros, and I feel like the popularity of radio show podcasts has done wonders for bringing back the popularity of full cast dramatic audiobook productions.

And since I'm partially reading this book to have a thing to talk to my sister about and growing frustrated by it being... of rather basic prose? Like. It's hard to talk books with her because I'm much more passionate about like... quality. And like. I write and create and participate in fandom culture, and that sort of stuff and she like, is cool just... passively consuming a book and not really asking any questions of it beyond maybe "what happens next?"

Where as I am capable of like... suspending my disbelief for like... "but the trade agreements!!!" Or "this climate shouldn't have potatoes if they don't have their equivalent of colonies" or whatever... Samwise Gamgee needs his potatoes and leaf, goddammit. But like. I am gonna question character motivations and planning and like... if you are gonna try and sell me on like. A country's military prowess or a character's strategic genius.... I will be thinking about them as a threat and expect them to exhibit those skills and feel frustrated if I am either let down or like... underwhelmed???

I'd don't know if I'm wording it right, but that sort of thing is it's own sort of Chekhov's Gun. Like... you know it's there, you expect to see it pay off in some way. Either it means something or it was a lie, and that lie can be its own payoff. But... hmm. It's too early to condemn, I just feel odd.

Though, also, if some of this was inspired by some of Tamora Pierce's earlier Tortal books, I wouldn't be surprised but like aging them all up to be adults so they can be sexy does make them all acting like children seem really awkward??? But Kel and Alanna both wanted to be there and had to fight through various biases and difficulties to be there, but whatever. I don't know enough about the series to actually comment on it, and I wouldn't begrudge her if she did take inspiration. Anything with fantasy influences that I create would have Pierce inspiration in it. Just like it would have Tolkien inspiration. Pierce was one of my core fantasy influences. When I think of fantasy, I think of her writing. So honestly, it might all be more of a commentary on me that i see these tropes and think of Kel and Alanna.

Honestly, the scene with the main character and her sister was just a lot like Kel and her brother at the beginning of First Test, but like. I'm sure there are plenty "your older sibling who has been to Knight School braces you for what to expect at Knight School" scenes in fantasy books. I just have a limited experience... it does work better with Kel being 10 or 11... But like... the genre was different.

[gregmarriage]

i have never been to a new year’s party, and i have never had a new year’s kiss. this year is no different x

[neverendingford]

.

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I’m usually not one for shaving my legs but something about having to tape your ankle (ie having to remove said tape later) can be quite motivating…

[13eyond13]

.